The Road to OH Canada!!!!!!

[Brandon(damageinc)]

Open Scene

(Speeding down the Interstate 5 going North, we find Dorian Vade behind the wheel of a Big White Ford Econoline Van, 1980 in fact and in his passenger seat is his close friend and tag team partner Xaiver Stone. )

(Vade and Stone have just crossed the border from Oregon into Washington State. They are in route to Vancouver, British Columbia to pick up the remaining stuff Stone hopes he has left at his now Ex- girlfriends house there n town. Both men are very very sore from working an indy show the night before in Portland, Oregon which is Vades hometown.)

2:00 PM Saturday March 13, 2010

On an overcast Rainy day in Washington State

Stone- "You know I am pretty sure they will probably go out of business without us, y'know......I'm just getting sick of being)ripped off...it pisses me off when I can't even get a case of beer after payout to wash down these vicodins....I don't know"

Vade- "They gave me a good PO, I dont know about you?.....you gotta save your money bro, thats the only reason why we are even gonna make it to Canada is because I save money, X....Saving thats what its called......not spend it all on liquor and whores"

Stone- "I beg to differ my friend, I have never ever spent and paid money for sex you are mistaken"

Vade- "Don't get me started on this soapbox, You ever take a girl out to dinner?, uh uh better yet , You even buy a girl a drink?"

Stone- "Well yeah But...."

Vade- "Alright well any time you ever paid for anything for anyone you ever slept with, Then you paid for sex"

Stone- "Thats all different, I'm getting real tired of your little half-cocked theories, your the one who has 2 illegitimate kids"

Vade- "Don't talk about my babies like that man, I can't help I was a total stud at 13 years old, Just Happened, but you , you were like unbaked bread till you were 17 and started listening to me"

Stone- "Yeah, yeah, yeah............Actually I made a couple bad ass mix-tapes for the trip bro"

Vade- "who the hell makes mix-tapes anymore you fruitcake?"

Stone- "Who the hell has a tape deck in their rape van?, its TWO THOUSAND AND TEN D!!!!"

Vade- "Don't call the D MACHINE a rape van okay?.....Just put the damn tape in I hope it gets eaten"

Stone- "Here we go D!"


(The sound of Ini Kamoze- "here comes the hotstepper" Starts playing)

Stone- "Hit it!!..naaaaa na na na naaaaa na na na naaaaa na na naaaaa na na naaaa na na na naaaa...............Here comes the hotstepper....im the lyrical gangsta......na na na na na na na....Still love me like That!!!"

(Vade looks over at Stone in a hilarty disgust as he reaches down and pushes fast forward on the tape deck.....Stone looks over at him like he just destroyed his favorite childhood toy)

Vade- "You're kidding me right?"

Stone- "Its the Hotstepper yo!"

Vade- "I hope it gets better after that"

Stone- "Its an amazing mix, here hit play"

(The tape clicks back on and the sound of the sound of Metallica's "Enter Sandman" starts playing)

Vade- "See this isn't bad, a little overplayed but not bad. How do you go from that crap to Metallica?"

(Stone just sits back with a smile on his face mildly looking out the window at the view of the freeway wilderness)

Stone- "Say your prayers little one, Dont forget my son to include everyone....Tuck you in warm within keep you free from sin, till the sandman he come...ah...sleep with one eye open..."

(Vade reaches down and turns the tape deck down just a notch and looks over at Stone)

Vade- "Hey X.....Who sings this song?"

Stone- " you know who sings this song.....Metallica dummy!"

Vade- " Yeah...Lets keep it that way Okay?"

Stone- " You can be such a A**Hole sometimes D"

Vade- "I got an idea, how bout we just put the radio on okay?, instead of Xaiver Stone Rock Band over here okay?"

Stone- "Yea sure Chief what ever you say"

( Vade reaches down and turns the deck onto the radio and the preset station is an old classic rock station and its playing the song " Why Can't This be Love?" by Van Halen)

Vade- "See this is a classic right here"

Stone- "Give me a break...break me off a piece of that geek gack bar, This is terrible"

Vade- "Are you kidding me?, I thought you liked Van Halen I mean your intro was "Runnin With The Devil" for crying out loud!"

Stone- "I love Van Halen!!!., But this is Van Hagar!!! and Sammy Hagar is a piece of garbage and if I ever get to meet him I am gonna beat the living SH*T out of him"

Vade- "Hey....calm down cowboy!!, Why all this hostility against Sammy Hagar?...He was just as good as David Lee Roth if not better"

Stone- "he is human trash and he sucks!!"

Vade- "Sounds like you have some kind of a personal grudge against Sammy Hagar for some reason?"

Stone- "You don't know the half of it and if you did you wouldn't believe me"

Vade- "Well we got all the time in the world, let me hear it"

Stone- "No that's Okay its way too personal and emotional"

Vade- "Weirdo.....eooooo"

(by this time the song "Abracadabra" by Steve Miller is playing on the radio)

Stone- "Here we go Steve Miller kicks Arse!!!"

(Vade changes the station to a Christian Rock station and the song "Flood" by Jars of Clay is playing)

Vade- "This song is alright"

Stone- "This song sucks"

(Stone reaches down and changes the station to the Modern Rock Station and the song " Break" by Three days Grace is playing)

Stone- "Here we go Buddy! WHOOO!!!"

Vade- " Oh Hell No....talk about garbage"

(Vade switches the station yet again and this time it lands on the pop station and the song "Lucky" by Britney Spears is playing)

Vade- "hahaha...how lame"

Stone- "Heh...Britney Spears...definite weak sauce heh.."

Vade- "well if you wanna change it go ahead I don't think there are any more stations"

Stone- "yea its probably only gonna get worse from here"

Vade- "Yeah"

(Jump thirty seconds later and we re-join Vade and Stone weepy and teary, singing in a very loud unison)

Vade and Stone- "Shes a Lucky...shes a star...but she cry, cry cry with a lonely heart................."

(Fade out)

(TO BE Continued)