Ahhh, 2009. A new year, a new series of shows, and a new commissioner in NAPW. A guy could get used to this.NAPW Commissioner Donovan Astros. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Not as good as, say, NAPW World Champion, but I'll take what I can get right now. Over the next few weeks, you're going to see a lot of changes in NAPW, changes which are designed to give Mr. Winchell and the wrestlers of NAPW the utmost opportunity to make New Alberta Pro Wrestling a household name not just in Edmonton and Calgary, but across western Canada and the northwestern United States as well.
One of the ways I'm going to accomplish this is by making the in-ring product as marketable as possible. Over the past few months, NAPW has really spun away from any sense of normalcy and decorum. It's really turned into a northern version of REBEL Pro Wrestling, our 'sister' fed in the Carolinas. And while that sort of chaos, violence, and disregard for the rules and tenets of professional wrestling might be popular down south, it's not the sort of thing that appeals on a broad scale. If NAPW and Mr. Winchell wanted that sort of environment here in Edmonton, Rex Caliber would still be in charge.
Which leads me to the comments of a couple of wrestlers that have been made since the announcement of my hiring... a couple of wrestlers that seem to want to challenge my authority and my vision for New Alberta Pro Wrestling moving forward. While anyone who ever watched me wrestle knows I appreciate a good challenge, I was hoping to get at least once show done, in the books, and into the editing studio for DVD before the rats started climbing out of the woodwork.
I start with you, Demo-Man. Your decision to try and upstage the announcement of my hiring was... amusing. And then there was your 'State of the Demolition' address... which wasn't so amusing. I hate to bring you out of your fantasy world and back to reality land with everyone else since life seems so fun inside that screwed up head of yours, but here's what's going to happen. You are going to bring the Heritage title belt to the Ogden Legion Hall in Calgary on January 20th. You are going to hand the belt to the referee assigned the match. He or she is going to hand the belt to me. I will be at ringside for the duration of the match and after a result is rendered I will personally hand the belt to the man who is champion. If you can pin Jake Phoenix, make him submit, or knock him out inside the ring, then I will be more than happy to call you the new NAPW Heritage Champion and give you your title belt. But any other result, Demo-Man...
Any other result, and Jake Phoenix is leaving with his title belt. I won't have to pry it from your "kung fu grip". That's just the way it's going to be. Now, as for the other person that's got a bit of an issue with me...
Casino! Buddy! I never would have thought you'd feel that way with all the time we spent on the road together. You remember, when I upstaged you at the first NAPW/REBEL Supershow and got the pinfall in our eight-man tag against REBEL's finest... and Chad Kurtis? Or how about that time when we won the tag titles even though you might be the last person on Earth I'd ever team with? And then Jake Phoenix got jealous and Tombstoned me a couple times? Or how about that time we were supposed to wrestle each other and you didn't show up and I got to play "Tired of Waiting" by the Kinks and we laughed and laughed... those were good times! I thought we had something, Chris. A gentleman's understanding, except I'm no gentleman and neither are you.
I'll be honest, Chris, I'm supposed to be impartial in this job, but I'm really rooting for you and Evan Cartwright to get back your tag titles on January 27th in the Polish Hall in Edmonton. You know, the match where, if Ravager and Kenny Krenshov get themselves disqualified or counted out, you and Cartwright walk out as champions? Of course, I'm doing the same thing to Krusty Kid Paul in his title match on the 27th against the new REBEL World Champion, "Sick" Billy Kryenik. Frankly, Chris, I'm rooting for you because, as of today, you've attacked and injured zero commissioners of NAPW. The sheet on the Faces of Death isn't so clean.
Chris, Evan, take your frustration out on the Gaines Brothers if you think you're the top dogs around here. I'm not stupid. Faces of Death vs. Casino 'n' Cartwright is going to make NAPW money. People are going to pay to see that match, whether by coming down to the Polish Hall or buying the show on DVD. That match happens, and everyone makes money and people go nuts and talk about an early Match of the Year candidate only if the four of you... Chris Casino, Evan Cartwright, Ravager, KRENSHOV... only if the four of you can figure out some way to turn all that anger, all that hatred and disdain for me and each other, into something good for business.
The four of you figure it out. I'll be at the Ogden Legion Hall on January 20 watching, taking notes, and making sure my first night on the job goes smoothly. Dan Ryan vs. Ravager, first time ever. The match not even TEAM could make, one of the five best wrestlers on the independent circuit vs. what some people call one of the five best wrestlers of this generation! Bruce Richards and D!, two of the original NAPW stars going at it, one on one, for the first time ever! Every match on the show is a never before seen attraction. It's going to be a great year for NAPW.
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If you have questions for Commissioner Donovan Astros, you can email them to astros@astrocide.com. Questions may get published and answered in a future posting.
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