MONDAY. NIGHT. FIGHTS.

12/05/2005

And we are back in the NAIT Athletic Center in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, where five hundred strong have jampacked the gym for another edition of NAPW Monday Night Fights! The fans have brought out the signs and t-shirts to support their favorites (of course there's the wrestling geeks who are supporting the bad guys) and cheer like it's going out of style! The camera switches to Bill Hewson & Jack "Attack" Jones at the announce position on the far side of the gym, both swivelling back in their chairs to talk to the camera.

BILL HEWSON: We are live and in color! EDMONTON...it's Monday Night Fights for New Alberta Pro e-Wrestling! And these fans are rowdy and ready for action! And who wouldn't be after the events of Black Thursday just a few days ago? The Plague's career is over! We have a new provincial champion! And JC Cook has been put out of wrestling possibly for good by Misery!

JACK JONES: It was one helluva show, Bill Hewson, and the real question is exactly where it goes from here. D!'s made a challenge to Lobo for a non-title match, but nobody's entirely sure who the number one contender is!

Linkin Park blasts from the PA --- it's Crusher! He stands at the entrance, smiles at the fans, then TEARS his shirt right off of his chest and stomps to the ring. "Points of Authority" fades out, "Behind these Eyes" comes up! The lights tinge sickly green as a fog machine kicks into overtime at the entrance... coming through the fog are three fearsome men, Mirage, Bio and Kar!

BILL HEWSON: Drop some science on us, "Jack Attack"!

JACK JONES: It's like this... both Crusher AND his opponent haven't had ANY success in regular competition! The Battle Royale's ONE thing, but when it comes to winning by pinfall or submission, well... both guys have got to want it tonight!

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is for ONE fall! Making his way to the ring and weighing in at two-hundred and seventy-four pounds, from RIVERSIDE, CALIFORNIA... THE! CRUSHER! And his OPPONENT, being accompanied to the ring by BIO and KAR, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at two-hundred and sixty-five pounds... MIIIIIRAAAGE!

Kill the green light, fog, and 3 Doors Down. First things first! NAPW Referee Dick Kiebiech steps out to ringside --- and gets Kar and Bio steppin'! They're OUT of here! BACK to the locker room! And Misery's students are going NUTS over the ref's decision! They slink back up the ramp, rather than risk costing their master the match, but Mirage's chances have just dropped... Mirage knows it, and CRUSHER knows it! The massive Crusher rushes Mirage while he's arguing with the referee, and WE RING THE BELL as a quick boot to the gut gets Mirage's attention. European Uppercut straightens Mirage UP... Boot to the gut bends Mirage DOWN. European Uppercut straightens Mirage UP... Boot to the gut bends Mirage DOWN. Crusher raises the elbow, treats the ladies to THE GUN SHOW, then plants a big beefy one on Mirage's neck, sending him down to his knees. The crowd starts up with "MIR-AGE SUCKS! MIR-AGE SUCKS!", which gets a laugh from the Crusher, who picks him up and gets his head under Mirage's arm. Going UP... Vertical Suplex! Mirage hits the mat like a sack full of mail. Crusher goes to the well again and drops a BIG elbow from standing . . . hooks the leg . . . One, JUST ONE!

JACK JONES: Crusher, Crusher, Crusher. Body by God, Brains by Dog. You need more offense to put a guy down!

BILL HEWSON: Hey, quit picking on Crusher, partner. He's still earning his stripes in the ring, but he's got enough raw power to blow Mirage away!

Crusher scoops up the dazed Mirage, shifts the weight--SCOOP SLAM! Mirage is arching his back off of the mat--Crusher's power moves are starting to hurt him badly! Crusher goes to pick him up again, but Mirage quickly rolls out of the ring, instead. Kiebiech starts the ten-count at ONE!, doubtless reminding Mirage he won't get to rest forever out at ringside. But WHAT'S THIS? Crusher slides out--he doesn't want to wait NINE SECONDS to get it on! He's got Mirage by the mask, he's going to MASH him into the guard rail--WAIT! Mirage hits the brakes with his hands, and instead mashes CRUSHER into the rail! WHAP! Crusher's dazed, but Mirage has re-gained the initiative, and a LARIAT! knocks Crusher to the ringside floor. Kiebiech yells SIX! and Mirage bundles the recovering Crusher back into the ring. Both men are back, with Mirage laying THE BOOTS to Crusher's chest. Crusher struggles to get to his feet, where Misery's already planned his next move--skirts behind him, locks around the waist--ATOMIC DROP! Crusher's stuck walking on wobbly knees--Mirage hits the ropes--FACEPLANT BULLDOG on Crusher! Misery rolls him over and pins--ONE... and ONLY ONE! Looks like Crusher's not easy to beat, either! The crowd's chanting Crusher's name, and Mirage is right PISSED about it. He's going for Crusher's neck--HEY! ILLEGAL CHOKE HAPPENING! And give Dick Kiebiech his due, he's right on top of things! He gives Mirage a five-count to break the hold--ONE! TWO! FOOOOORE! as Crusher tosses Mirage off of him like he was a paperweight!

BILL HEWSON: Hey, how strong IS this guy?

JACK JONES: I'll be damned. Bench-pressing IS good for something.

Crusher runs over to Mirage, eager to to do a little tap-dance on his face, but Mirage springs up-GRABS THE THROAT! I do believe--CHOKESLAM! Mirage got in a chokeslam at the LAST second! And the crowd BOOS him for ruining their fun. Mirage just LAUGHS them off and drags Crusher into the corner, sitting him against the bottom turnbuckle pad. Mirage trots to the opposite corner, strikes a victorious pose... Mirage runs at Crusher --- WAITWAITWAITCRUSHER'SUP SPEEEEEEEAR! SPEEEEEAR! SPEAR VERSUS SPEAR! WHAT DID WE JUST SEE? THEY BOTH SPEARED EACH OTHER AT THE SAME TIME! But only CRUSHER'S standing! And he's BELLOWING!

JACK JONES: But the REAL question is, can he CAPITALIZE?

Crusher hoists Mirage up and lifts him up behind his head, falls BACK--SAMOAN DROP! Mirage grunts, so he hoists him up, looks like another vertical suplex--no, he DROPS him! JACKHAMMER! And now Mirage is SCREAMING! Crusher turns to the crowd and screams---

CRUSHER: KILL . . . OR BE CRUSHED!

--and lifts him up... another Jackhammer? NO! He's HOLDING HIM! It's a stalling vertical suplex, letting all of the blood rush to Mirage's head before he drops him, what STRENGTH --- WAIT A MINUTE, what's this? Kar and Bio are back on the ramp, and Kiebiech's warning them to GET OUT! HEY --- who just hopped the guard rail? It's the Nameless minion! And he's got some kind of lead pipe! Slides into the ring, and Crusher's too distracted --- THACK! Lead pipe to the back of Crusher's knee, the big man collapses! And he drops Mirage right on TOP of him! Nameless drops out of the ref's sight, just as he turns around, Crusher's in so much PAIN, NOT LIKE THIS!!! ONE! TWO! THREE! And Mirage picks himself up like he's won some damned Hell in a Cell and celebrates!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... MIRRRAAAAAGE!

BILL HEWSON: That's not fair! Why doesn't Mirage fight fair fights?

JACK JONES: Hey, you take on Mirage, you always get the package deal! Blame Crusher for not preparing better!

BILL HEWSON: Well, Mirage, Nameless, Bio and Kar are all celebrating on the way to the back, and Crusher's trying to walk out on a knee that COULD be seriously injured. It's NOT my idea of a good time, and we have to go to commercial. See you in a few minutes, folks.

NAPW fades in not on the NAIT arena, but on Rex Caliber. He's at his home in Parts Unknown, NC.

REX CALIBER: Hello, my name is Rex Caliber and I have an addiction. I'm addicted to winning. Thursday gave me a fix that I needed. But my withdrawals are coming back. So next week I'll be in Alberta. I'll be looking to scratch my itch. Now Immortal don't get scared. Menstrual don't start cramping up. I don't want anymore wrestlers quitting because I'm here. Death went and killed himself after seeing me. The Viking is trying out for a Mascot job in Minnesota. DJ Wigger will be on Jerry Springer this week. Episode is about dressing up as transvestite, Eminem impersonators. Don Maritino and The Dragon are both still hiding under the ring at the Butterdome. Everyone must realize that I didn't mean to scare people like that. I apologize fans for your loss, I know everyone loves talentless trash. But I have watched me wrestle and the thought of a guy like me in town, would be scary. Now I know that I'm wearing a bullseye on my ripped chest. But soon the NAPW fans will see my chiseled waistline, hidden. Because, I'll be wearing the NAPW Television Belt. Anyone who gets in my way will experience TOTAL ANNIHILATION!

The video ends, and the fade picks up at the ringside. The fans in the building suddely picking up the chant of "Rex! Rex! Rex!".

BILL HEWSON: The winner of the battle royale certain a confident man... I wonder what he would think of the fans reacting to him here tonight?

JACK JONES: You got me. I can't believe these people actually figured out how to cheer for a TRULY talented man, which Rex Caliber is! Somebody spike the water in here?

BILL HEWSON: That said, Rex Caliber is out of the province today competing for the WMW promotion, but he is scheduled to be in action next Monday night! For now, we have a tag match to attend to!

"Killing In The Name Of" blasts out, and out walk The Decapitators. They look excited to be out there, but less jubilant as usual after D-X cheated them out of the tag team titles at Black Thursday. The Decaps hit the ring and both turnbuckles to the roar of the fans, and then... "A Girl Named Tex" by Trocadero takes up the beat. To a chorus of boos, the team of Storm - Tempest & Thunder - makes their entrance. They hit the ring and pose arrogantly on the turnbuckles. Frank Warburton gets set to make the announcements... when those loveable young kids in KISS and their "Flaming Youth" come on the PA! And with their manager/cheerleader at the forefront, The Dudes - Cameron Scott and Michael K. Johnston - are coming to ringside, and what's this? They've got lawn chairs in their hands! They really are slackers, The Dudes! The Decapitators actually seem to get a kick out of this, but Storm sure look offended!

JACK JONES: What the...have they even showered? What the hell is with their clothes? What the --- what is WITH the lawn chairs?

BILL HEWSON: Not often you're left tongue-tied, Jack Jones. The Dudes are out here to have a good time and check out the competition in the tag team division! But let's go to Frank for the introductions!

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Edmonton Alberta... at a total combined weight of three-hundred and seventy-three pounds... Axe & Diamond...The Decapitators! And their opponents, at a total combined weight of five-hundred pounds... Thunder! Tempest! The team of STORM!

It's Thunder & Axe starting this one off. Tie-up, Axe takes control with a sideheadlock! The shooter, Thunder, trying to twist his way out of that, into a hammerlock. Wrenching on that arm of Axe's, but here Axe counters himself into a reverse waistlock! And he's trying to take down Thunder with those amateur wrestling skills of his! We've got a wrestling match on the canvas, and Thunder is seeing the worst of it. Both men break apart and spring to their feet, the crowd applauding. Thunder swears and smacks the top ropes, both men circling and getting ready for another go. Tie-up, Thunder with a thumb to the eye! Back suplex puts Axe down, and now, no, not a pinfall, Thunder just pounding away at Axe's face! Referee calling for the break, and Thunder's in the referee's face! Quick tag to Tempest, and now the big three-hundred pounder gets in the ring. Thunder boots Axe in the gut once more for good measure, and now Tempest is in control! He sends Axe to the ropes, big back body drop coming up --- But Axe saw it comin'! Guillotine Drop takes the big man down, and here comes Diamond! Axe holds Tempest down for a SPRINGBOARD senton on the big man! Cover gets one, two, only two! Diamond hits the ropes right away OH MY. Big boot by Tempest, and that levelled Diamond! Tempest methodically pulls Diamond back up, and this is a complete mismatch in size! Diamond at four-foot eleven, one-hundred fifty-three pounds...Tempest is twice his mass and almost two feet taller! Tempest sends Diamond across the ring like a rag doll! Axe reaching over for a tag, but Tempest, the silent powerhouse, yanks Diamond away from the Decapitator corner easily! He wraps both giant mitts around Diamond's throat and lifts him high in the air, he's choking the life out of him! Referee starts a count, but Tempest turns around and SLAMS Diamond to the canvas!

BILL HEWSON: This is not where Diamond needs to be! He needs to make a tag, and immediately, or this one's going to be over!

Tempest casually steps on the chest of Diamond, all three hundred pounds, and tags in Thunder with a long reach. Thunder goes to the top rope as Tempest reaches down and hauls Diamond up. FLYING CLOTHESLINE! From the top! Cover one, two, th---Diamond somehow gets the shoulder up! And Thunder, with a cocky look on his face, waiting for Diamond to get up, he's calling for the Blackout! Ghetto Blaster - Diamond ducks! Thunder flops onto the canvas, and Diamond makes the rush! Here comes Axe! Axe takes out Thunder! Bodyslam! Big leg drop! He's a houseafire, here comes Tempest! Axe ducks the clothesline! He's got him by the waist! GERMAN SUPLEX on the near seven footer! Tempest hits canvas and rolls to the outside! The Dudes, on the outside in their lawn chairs, are cheering on the Decapitators! And --- they've got popcorn? Axe has Thunder... OH MY!

BILL HEWSON: What a spinebuster! Thunder just got planted! And I do believe that Axe is calling for the Decapitation! Diamond is going to the top rope WAIT A SEC! IT'S D-X! D-X FROM BEHIND ON THE DUDES! The Beast and Stylin' Kyle just clocked both Cameron Scott and Mike Johnston from behind!

JACK JONES: They are the tag team champions, Bill Hewson, they can do whatever they want!

Stylin' Kyle and The Beast attacking The Dudes! And D-X rolls both men into the ring, where Axe & Diamond are setting Thunder up for the Decapitation! And oh my, Stylin' Kyle just superkicked Axe in the face! Oh my, The Beast just knocked Diamond off the top rope to the floor below! Coach Jago is on the outside, his whistle shrieking! The Beast stomping on Thunder, and Stylin' Kyle has Cameron Scott OH MY! Cameron Scott just exploded with a football tackle on Stylin' Kyle! Kyle goes through the ropes and Cameron Scott following! The referee has no choice but to throw this match out! It's a double-disqualification! Axe and The Beast going at it, Thunder wants a piece! All three men tumble to the outside! Tempest, the big man, is into this as well OH MY GOSH! DIAMOND IS ON THE TOP! DIAMONDSAULT TO THE CROWD BELOW! EVERYBODY spills, but that doesn't stop the fight! The first to the feet just keep it going! Here comes security to try to take that out, but there's more wrestlers than security!

BILL HEWSON: This is completely out of hand! Here comes security to try to break this up, but that's eight man who don't want to be anything! D-X clearly trying to send a message to the rest of the tag division!

JACK JONES: Yeah ---- 'we're the champions, and we're staying the champions!'

BILL HEWSON: We've got to go to commercial, and hopefully we can have this sorted out when we get back! Don't go away!

BILL HEWSON: For those of you just joining us, we have just seen the tag team division in the NAPW break loose! We got the mess sorted out during the break, but certainly there is no love lost between any of the four teams we just saw go at it, Jack Jones.

JACK JONES: Well when you're a champion, Bill Hewson, especially a couple of champions like The Beast & Stylin' Kyle, you've got to stay three steps ahead of your competition. And making sure all of these new tag teams recognize who holds the gold...that's just part of the plan.

BILL HEWSON: Well certainly the competition in the tag team division just got a lot stiffer - Now hold on here, what's HE doing here?

The camera zooms out to reveal a new man has stepped into the scene. Forty-something, wearing a classy suit jacket, tie and slacks, with dark - slightly graying - curly hair and sunglasses. Jack Jones stands up with a huge grin, shaking the man's hand vigorously.

JACK JONES: Bill Hewson, show some respect. You are looking at one of the greatest competitors in western wrestling history, not to mention one of my oldest friends. Terry Brandon, how are you?

TERRY BRANDON: I'm doing good, Jack Attack, in fact I don't know if I've felt this good since that night you and I closed down the bar at 6 am back 89 downtown Vancouver! That's how good I feel right now! And you, Billy Bob ---

BILL HEWSON: Actually, it's just Bill ---

TERRY BRANDON: It's not important! I'm sure you're all wondering why I'm out here, but I want to announce that I have been in talks with Commissioner Bobby Winchell, that old Wahoo, and I'm here tonight to announce that that I am bringing in one of the most outstanding talents I've ever seen in this business! NAPW thinks they've got the high-flyers, well this man makes the rest of those bozos look like hockey players on a basketball court!

BILL HEWSON: Some mighty big claims you're making, Terry -

JACK JONES: Hey, only his friends can call him Terry. You address Terry as Mr. Brandon, Bill.

BILL HEWSON: Well I'm sure Mr. Brandon can speak for himself -

TERRY BRANDON: Only my friends get to call me Terry, William Shatner! Now if you would let me finish, then I want to bring out to you right now, the hottest wrestler in North America today...

And with that, the classic tones of Frank Sinatra pour like velvet from the PA. "Luck Be A Lady Tonight" plays, and through the curtains struts a confident - some would say cocky - young man in a tailor-made three piece suit, long hair tied back in a pony tail. He strolls over to the announce area as Terry Brandon raises his hands up in praise towards the man, grinning hugely.

TERRY BRANDON: I want to introduce to you, Jack, and you too, whatever your name is... I want all these peons in the arena to stand on their feet for the future of the NAPW... CHRIS CASINO.

CHRIS CASINO: (shaking hands with Terry Brandon) Thanks for the intro Mr. Brandon, as always you're the epitome of class my friend. After a month of watching what passes for wrestling here in the NAPW I just knew in my heart that I had to come to Canada and show all of you fans what a true superstar looks like. It's not some jerk in a Halloween mask or a guy with a one letter name. You know...What's his face? Z? Q? Bah whatever he sucks. Same goes for 99% of the NAPW roster. I mean honestly...How good can you guys be? You're Canadian! The biggest accomplishment that came from this place is that bacon I like on my pizza. I'm the most in demand wrestler on this planet kids. I'm 25 and I've sold out more arenas, won more titles and soiled more chicks than the entire NAPW roster combined. I'm the very FUTURE of not only this failing company but of wrestling itself. So feel free to kiss my boots you dirty Canadians.

TERRY BRANDON: What'd I tell you? What did I tell you? Class! Style! Ability! Talent! Would you look at the way this suit --- custom made, I might add --- barely conceals a helluva body! Don't listen to these people here, Chris, they're Albertans! Hahaha, Jack Attack, I said he was one helluva talent, and do I ever lie?

JACK JONES: Not since you told your wife "I Do" back in 89, Terry Brandon! Chris Casino, it's been a privilege and an honor!

CHRIS CASINO: (smiles) See this guy knows the story. He knows that without me, this place would close faster than a Chevy Chase movie on opening weekend. Hell, just adding my name to your pathetic roster guarantees this dive a huge spike in ratings. As I stand here let me make one thing apparent to NAPW. Chris Casino has come for gold. The guys you got holding titles now? Useless. They can't fill the arenas like me. The guy that drove me to the arena tonight probably has more talent than your World Champ. And by the way...What the Hell is a Provincial title anyway? If you wear that belt does it mean you get low auto insurance? I'd name the guys that hold the belts...But all you Canadians look alike. So I'll just toss this out there and let you think about it. I don't care who you are or how bad you think you are...Chris Casino is here to kick some ass and win some championships. Anyway you roll the dice...Chris Casino is the real deal!

BILL HEWSON: Yeah, a real privilege. When we come back, it's a battle of the high-flyers as Technique will take on the mysterious Minstrel! Don't go away!

And the camera fades out on Chris Casino & Terry Brandon looking all-the-world the center of attention, Jack Jones thorougly impressed, and Bill Hewson exasperated beyond all belief.

NAPW Monday Night Fights returns, and it's time for that hip-hop all the kids are listening to. Tupac and his "Ambition Az A Ridah" bring the bling, kids and kittens, and it's TECHNIQUE heading to the ring, slapping hands and getting cheers! He hops in, flipping over the top rope before throwing his bandana to the crowd. Technique runs the ropes, and then his music hits out. The lights flicker for a moment, and then Finch's "A Man Alone" hits out. With green and red long tights and the greek tragedy mask, the mysterious Minstrel strolls out. He cackles maniacally on his way to the ring, clearly creeping out the capacity crowd. He slides into the ring and then pops up, seemingly in another world...

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from A-Town... weighing in at two-hundred pounds...TECHNIQUE! And his opponent, from parts unknown... at a weight of two-hundred and twenty one pounds...MINSTREL!

BILL HEWSON: And of course, at Black Thursday last week, it was Minstrel eliminating Technique with a savage suplex to the outside, injuring the man's neck! I'm not sure that Technique has medical clearance to compete here tonight!

JACK JONES: Well, it's one of two things: The kid either has a lot of guts, or a lack of brains to get in the ring with a bad neck against this twisted Minstrel!

It's a battle of the high-flyers, but we don't have anything technical right now! Technique is just unloading on Minstrel, clearly furious about being dropped on his neck at Black Thursday! The Ridah is pounding on Minstrel, right into the ropes, the referee wants a break --- Technique sends Minstrel out with an irish whip! Dropkick right in the mush sends Minstrel to the mat. The follow-up --- rolling senton splash! That hits, one, two, Minstrel kicks out and rolls outside the ring! Minstrel's Tragedy Mask still grinning wildly, but Minstrel himself seems to need a second to recollect himself outside the ring... he's not going to get that second! TECHNIQUE! Launches himself over the top rope down to the concrete below! Minstrel gets wiped out, and Technique yelling "Who's laughing now, huh, freak?" He looks out to the fans, who cheer him on, and whips Minstrel into the barricade! Minstrel rolls back into the ring, trying to get away here, and Technique gets on the ring apron and SLINGSHOTS himself onto Minstrel with a plancha! Technique grabs a leg, ONE, TWO, almost got him!

JACK JONES: I gotta give the kid credit! Bad neck or no, he's taking the fight right to Minstrel!

BILL HEWSON: Technique continuing the offense here, Minstrel sent right into the turnbuckle! TECHNIQUE---oh my! Minstrel side-stepped the splash! There's a neckbreaker! Minstrel's going to work on that injured neck of Technique's!

You are SOOO right, Bill Hewson, because Minstrel is giggling madly at Technique, holding his neck in pain after that counter-neckbreaker. Minstrel hits the ropes as Technique begins rising...catching him with a spinning heel kick to the back of the head and neck as soon as he's up! And now Minstrel drives the elbow into Technique's neck, again, and again, and again! Arms out, he swirls in the ring and crowd lets him know how they feel about him! Which is to say, they don't like him! Technique is up, Minstrel with a snap-mare to take him down...Technique in a sitting position... Minstrel with a running flip over top of Technique, SNAPPING the neck down! Shades of Mr. Perfect! And Technique, Technique is in a world of hurt here, that already injured neck the target for Minstrel to sadistically work over. Oh my, dropkick to the back of the head from Minstrel now! There's a cover! One, two, Technique gets a shoulder up!

JACK JONES: That was a mistake, kid, you shoulda stayed down and saved your neck!

Minstrel pulls Technique up, and almost casually DROPS him with the Inverted DDT! ONE, TWO, TH---Technique somehow finding the strength to kick out. He's holding his neck though, clearly in intense pain! He shouldn't even be competing here tonight! Clearly enjoying himself is Minstrel. And there's another neckbreaker! Technique is face-down on the canvas, holding his neck...and what's Minstrel doing here? Minstrel just stepped through the ropes, he's on the ring apron...SLINGHOST LEG DROP! RIGHT across the back of Technique's neck! That's gotta be all! ONE! TWO! TH---THE KID GETS THE SHOULDER UP! Minstrel slaps the mat in frustration, but then...he points above his head, mimicking a light bulb. Apparently he's got an idea. Minstrel pulls a struggling Technique up, hits a knee lift to subdue the man. Irish Whip sends Technique to the ropes, rebound, LOW BRIDGE! Minstrel pulled the top rope down on as Technique came back! Technique goes all the way out to the floor! The referee starting the count, but Minstrel...Minstrel just knocked the timekeeper off of his seat! He's got the chair! Technique is somehow pulling himself up by the ring apron, but he's about to get his block knocked off! The referee is yelling at Minstrel to put it down, but the warning is not heeded! MINSTREL SWINGS --- Technique ducks! Minstrel NAILS the ringpost! He's stunned! Technique from behind with a dropkick sends Minstrel into the ringpost! And now, Technique trying to ignore the pain, but he clobbers Minstrel and rolls him back into the ring! Technique climbing to the top rope! He's going up top, pointing to the sky... FROG SPLASH! THE COVER! ONE! TWO! TH---NO! Minstrel kicked out! Technique with a look of agony mingled with despair on his face, frustration and pain! He picks Minstrel up and sends him into the turnbuckle, wait, that's reversed to the opposite direction! Oh my! Technique just collided with the referee! Technique looking at the ref, trying to help him up --- never turn your back on Minstrel! Minstrel...kicks Technique in the butt? The heck? Minstrel scuttles out of the ring, and Technique has had enough with this man! Minstrel taunting the fans on the outside...TECHNIQUE GRABS HIM BY THE HAIR! Technique leaning through the middle rope with a handful of hair OH NO! CHAIRSHOT TO THE FACE! Minstrel had that chair in his hands, and he just clobbered Technique with it! Technique is down and out, Minstrel...to the top rope! Is it? It is! THE KILLING JOKE CONNECTS! The referee is coherent, he didn't see the chairshot though! ONE! TWO! THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner...MIINNNNSTRELLL!

BILL HEWSON: And what a cheap victory there, but...oh hey come on now! That's enough! Minstrel just grabbed that steel chair and came back in the ring! He's already beaten the man!

JACK JONES: I don't like the looks of this, Bill Hewson! If I measure Minstrel correctly, he's going to try to injure that neck more than it already is!

BILL HEWSON: Look at that man, stalking Technique --- Technique can barely stand! LOOK OUT! WAIT! IT'S THE IMMORTAL! Technique's tag team partner just hit the ringside area! He yanked the chair out of Minstrel's hands! SWING AND---a miss! Minstrel dodges and gets out of the ring in a hurry!

JACK JONES: Not that I'm an Immortal fan or anything, but the big jerk had good timing there. A couple more minutes and he wouldn't have a tag team partner left!

BILL HEWSON: Don't go anywhere, because when we come back...it's the NAPW Champion! D! is here on Monday Night Fights!

Fade out on Immortal helping his partner up, yelling down the aisle at a giggling Minstrel...

Four of the sweetest words for NAPW fans---"RIIIIIGHT... before my EYES!" --- gets them standing and it's the NAPW Champion, D!, coming out of the entrance, title on shoulder and microphone in hand!

BILL HEWSON: If he can't wrestle on Monday Night Fight, then he's gonna TALK! It's the State of the NAPW Address, and it's all about our federation, post-Black Thursday!

JACK JONES: And as soon as fans stop chanting that One Letter, Said Real Loud, we might even get to hear it!

D! hits the ring, dramatically points the stick to his mouth, and waits for the crowd to subside.

D!: Damn! Is this a full house?

The crowd roars.

Hey, Wahoo! We need a bigger house! Lil' Nappy's growing so fast, and he keeps bringing ALL OF HIS FRIENDS!

The crowd roars again.

(Smiles.) Wow. NAPW opened its doors a little more than a month ago . . . and boy, you all sure know the month I've had. Beat a world-class veteran, won the title, sent to the emergency room, kept the title, nearly dropped off a roof, pushed off a balcony, kept the title. But I'm not here to talk about me--oh, no. I'm here to talk about all of them . . .

Points to the back.

All of you . . .

Points to the crowd, which elicits a pop.

And all of this.

He holds the NAPW title up.

So let's all imagine a scenario--what if your Tag Team Champs were The Calgary Connection? What if Moose Miller held the Provincial Title? Hell, what if you came to the arena today and got this speech from Dragon . . . or Viking? (Shivers.) That's five great athletes, and I can say that because I watch every match NAPW puts on. And trust me, if you were backstage five weeks ago, THEY were the heavy favourites to carry this company! And where are they now? Did they stick around? (Pause.) Okay, Moose is still around, but the dude's still hung over from Grey Cup, so let's give him the time he needs, okay? Anyways. Here's the thing: nobody but NOBODY predicted we would have had THIS NAPW. But here we are. And it's because myself, D-X, Ravager, yes, Static, and OH YES Plague, we didn't listen to what the "know-it-alls" knew and proved ourselves to be that damned good.

So what does this hold for the future? It means that every face you've seen in this ring tonight, every face you'll see on Action! tomorrow, every face you'll see compete next week, ALL OF THEM. Every NAPW superstar working now has what it takes to be CHAMPION. And this is is the crap that was driving Plague insane. This is what he LEFT the company over.

The crowd starts booing.

Don't boo. You should be happy. Listen, I still remember what brought me to the dance: I'm young, I'm hungry, and I said "Me, too". Well, that's the new NAPW, baby! So I'm--

An "NAPW" chant starts, then dies.

Too many letters?

So I'm giving back. On Thursday, it's Lobo, and if he beats me in our non-title match, then Commissioner Winchell will have no choice but to make him the new NAPW Title #1 Contender. But it doesn't stop at Lobo! No! Think of all the young NAPW bucks who've had great matches! Rex Caliber! Bruce "The Beast" Richards! The Immortal! Static! Misery! (Pause.) Ravager.

The crowd erupts into a "RAV! A! GER!" chant, which surprises D! a little.

Sure, you love him. You never have to talk to him. So who else deserves to be top dog? Who's gonna rise to the top? I say WE FIND OUT. I'm gonna be calling out as many people as possible until we can find a new #1 Contender. Because you NAPW fans deserve the best. I've said it before, I'll say it again: You would exist without us, but we wouldn't exist without you.

The crowd cheers.

I promised myself I'd address two people: PLAGUE. You fought me for a solid, goddamned month. You pulled out all the stops. You brought me to new levels of pain--really. I'm not just saying that. Hell, you took this rookie and you schooled him. You taught me just what competitive means between these ropes. I won the belt from you. But you made me Champion. So maybe it was the new NAPW, maybe it was your creaky old age, maybe it was me or maybe it was your STUPID-looking goatee. Whatever your reasons, you quit, and hopefully you're back in the Big Apple telling people there's no antidote, vaccine or quarantine that can stop All-State Insurance. So here's a little something for me and everyone else to remember you by . . . your wicked-stiff Spinebuster. Hell, if you won't use it, I will. Consider it cycled into my inventory, Move of D!oom . . . number six. That way, when I pound some dude into the mat, we can all grow teary-eyed and think . . . "That Guy Who Was Champion For One Week".

Now LOBO! Your marching orders are pretty simple . . . get the pin or make me tap on Thursday Night Action! in front of five hundred ravenous fans. And I'm not going to make it easy for you, peanut. You've always come SO close to beating Static and Ravager . . . are you gonna make it different this time? Are you gonna Beat the Champ? Seriously! If you're gonna get winded beating up a couple of posters, then you don't stand a chance in Hell.

I called the match, genius. ME. You've done NOTHING to intimidate me, and my track record in the ring's a LOT better than yours. So you've got (checks his watch) 72 hours to get the momentum turned around. Do what'cha gotta do, because that #1 contender spot is something you've gotta give up a piece of yourself for. Know what I mean?

Timekeeper waving means I've gone over. Everybody, sit back, get ready, because it's Misery! and Ravager! in a family-on-a-pole match . . . only I get the family. You think it's easy being me?

Cue The Snitches as D! hops out of the ring, then walks backwards up the ramp, holding the NAPW Title high and proud.

BILL HEWSON: Welcome back wrestling fans. We are getting set for the main event, a match for the Provincial Title ...and we have just been informed that both competitors in the match have requested it be NO DISQUALIFICATION and NO COUNT-OUT!

JACK JONES: They're both crazy, that's all I've got. Ravager? Misery? They don't care about hurting people, much less each other!

BILL HEWSON: Well, it's been a helluva week. Since the match has been signed, Misery has made repeated threats to Ravager's family ---

JACK JONES: Ravager. Professional hitman. Father & Husband. Wait, what?

BILL HEWSON: --- and in fact, Ravager's family has made their way to the ring during the break! The Provincial Champion's wife, son and daughter taking those three empty seats right in front!

JACK JONES: I guess Ravager wants to keep them where he can see them during the match, but I don't know if I'd want my family anywhere NEAR a sicko like Misery!

Speaking of the devil. Nine Inch Nails bring the entrance music for Misery. "PAIN." And the big man, masked and looking every inch as though he really does live in a garbage dump, swings through the curtains to possibly the biggest round of boos all evening. He takes his time going to the ring, and then pauses when he spies Ravager's wife and kids. Wife puts her arms around her kids, and Misery rubbing his hands in ancticipation RAVAGER FROM BEHIND! RAVAGER isn't waiting for this one to officially begin, he's got a family to think about!

BILL HEWSON: Ravager isn't going to give Misery a chance in hell to get near his family! This isn't going to be a wrestling match, it's not going to be a technical classic, this is going to be one thing: A FIGHT between a sadistic monster and a defensive father!

JACK JONES: Yeah, put the kids to bed mum and dad, because this one isn't for the young or faint of heart!

Ravager has the NAPW Provincial Title Belt still around his waist, but he whips it off and BASHES Misery in the face with it! Misery stumbles towards the guardrail, which is apparently perfect for Ravager! Oh my gosh! He's literally whipping Misery with the Provincial Title belt! Reg Park would be horrified! Ravager tosses the belt aside (it's picked up quickly by the ring page) and drops a double-axe handle into Misery! The Provincial Champion is all business and all violence in this no disqualification contest! Ravager now has Misery, he's going to send him flying into the steel ring steps --- Reversed by Misery...INTO A SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE! Oh my GOD, what a huge impact by the monster Misery! And now Misery just laying in the HEAVY boots to Ravager's side and ribs, and Misery --- he wears steel toe work boots! He's not kicking with just wrestling boots! Ravager in trouble here, and Misery...Misery has him by the back of the tights. BEALE TOSS...RIGHT into the STEEL. Ravager hits with the upper part of his thighs and goes flying over the steps, landing with his legs under the guardrail in the crowd. Misery looks to the crowd and soaks in the boos. Like at Black Thursday, the man seems to FEED on the displeasure of the crowd. It's intoxicating to him like the cheapest rotgut whiskey. Liquor banter aside, Misery kicks Ravager in the head again, that's just not going to be good. He picks Ravager up... SUPLEX! On the outside!

BILL HEWSON: And that might have been all right there, but we're not in the ring! This isn't falls count anywhere! He has to pin the man IN THE RING.

JACK JONES: I don't think Misery's interested in a pinfall right about now. He looks pretty darn interested in Ravager's wife and kids, though! Sick bastard!

Misery, yes, is again leering at Ravager's family, stalking towards them... Ravager with an adrenaline rush comes from behind! Oh my, Misery turned around and caught him with a big forearm! Another forearm and now Misery scoops Ravager up! OH MY! Rammed back-first into the steel ring post! Misery still has Ravager in his arms, and now...slammed on top of the timekeeper's table! What's going on here? Oh my God! Misery is standing on the table, he's got Ravager! OH MY GOD! DOUBLE ARM DDT! Ravager is motionless on top of the table, Misery having rolled off. It's a shock that table didn't break, but now what's Misery doing? He's got the microphone from Frank Warburton! And he's wrapping the cable around Ravager's throat! Ravager desperately gets his thumbs between the cord and his neck, but that's not going to save him entirely! Misery is literally on top of Ravager, knee in the back as he PULLS and PULLS on that microphone cord! The referee has no power to disqualify Misery, but he could call the match! And he'd better be thinking about it! Misery finally letting go of the cable, Ravager slumping off the table gasping for breath, angry red welts on his neck! Misery casually standing over Ravager, pulling the man up --- Ravager fires back! Ravager fighting for not just his life, but that of his family! Misery with a hard shot to the back stops that, and...he's calling for it! Ravager hoisted up, and it's MISERY LOVES COMPANY...No! Ravager kicking his feet, he manages to slide off of Misery's back! Misery turns around, eats a HUGE shot to the gut...DDT! On the concrete floor! And Ravager may have turned the tide with that move! Ravager now pulls Misery up! Smashes the man's face into the time keepers table, again and again! Ravager has the RING BELL...WHAM! Misery! Ravager! Both spilling over the timekeeper's table onto the concrete!

JACK JONES: Geez, that table is getting more action tonight than... something...huh. I've got nothing.

BILL HEWSON: ...Okay. Ravager's getting into the ring, for the first time in the match! And he wants Misery, who's still picking himself up in the floatsam & jetsam of the timekeeper's area!

Ravager is yelling for Misery to get into the ring, the crowd breaking out into the same chant that shocked D! earlier "RAV-A-GER, RAV-A-GER!" Misery spits on the concrete and half-stumbles, half-rolls into the ring. Ravager is right there to meet him, stomping away! Ravager hooks him up! THE NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! ONE! TWO! Misery kicks out! The first pinning attempt of the match, as both men are already beaten down! But Misery --- like him or hate him --- has shown the ability to take tremendous punishment! Side russian leg sweep puts Misery down, cover only gets two again! Ravager says that's enough, and...he's going to try the Muscle Buster! Misery outweight him for forty pounds, Ravager is fired up, he wants to put Misery away! Hold on, Misery with a cheap shot! Irish whip sends Ravager into the ropes...clothesline is ducked! Ravager rebounds and...OH MY GOSH. BIG BOOT takes Ravager down to the canvas and HARD. Misery drops an elbow and...ONE! TWO! KICK OUT! Misery hauls Ravager up... running powerslam! ONE! TWO! Kick-out! Ravager kicking out! Both men having exchanged pinning attempts, both men unsuccessful at this venture, even after all the punishment they've doled out to one another! Misery lays in the heavy boots to Ravager's head again. Pick-up, Misery blasting Ravager with stiff forearm shots. Ravager is on the ropes, dazed --- Misery with a head of steam! Running clothesline and BOTH men tumble over the top rope to the canvas below!

BILL HEWSON: Ravager taking the worst of that...and wait a minute, Misery is right in front of Ravager's family! Oh my gosh! I don't like that look in his eyes!

Misery leering at Ravager's wife and children... oh my gosh! He just reached out to grab Rav's wife by the hair! Ravager trying to get up, still, but he hit the concrete hard! Misery pulling the wife towards him...WHAT THE? HOLD ON! Ravager's kids just whipped out PEPPER SPRAY! And they're spraying Misery right in the face! Misery blinded, roaring in pain, holding his eyes...and now what? RAVAGER'S WIFE HAS A TASER IN HER HANDS! And she jams it right in Misery's heart! Misery just got shocked...oh my God! Ravager is up, from behind --- DRAGON SUPLEX ON THE OUTSIDE! Misery is DEAD! Ravager, though, winking at his family, rolls Misery into the ring! Front face-lock is hooked! Misery hoisted WAY UP in the air...BRAINBUSTER! Ravager covers! ONE! TWO! THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner...and STILL Provincial Champion! RAAAAAAVAGER!

Ravager yells at Frank to toss him the microphone, who obliges. He looks down at the barely moving, half-blinded Misery and smiles coldly.

RAVAGER: (standing over Misery) Hey big guy. Guess what. You and your followers only discovered what I CHOSE for you to discover. I knew you guys were following me a long time ago. I recognized the threat you'd pose. And how do you deal with a threat? Misdirection is one way. I'd like you to meet some people. Miss Anne Downey, soon to be appreaing off Broadway in Twelth Night. (wife bows) And as well, Mark and Catherine Rosewood, soon to be part of the touring company of Cats. (kids bow)

BILL HEWSON: Oh my gosh! These people aren't Ravager's family at all? What in the world?

JACK JONES: Like I told you, what kind of hitman has a wife and kids?

RAVAGER: (continues)See Misery, you spent all your time chasing actors, when you really should have been developing a gameplan to defeat me. And now... you've got NOTHING!

Ravager throws the microphone down, grabs the Provincial Title from the referee and holds it high! He's beaten, bruised, but tonight, he has retained the Provincial Championship and beaten Misery at his own game! EMTs are coming down to check on Misery... and Ravager is standing tall!

BILL HEWSON: What a night this has been! Do NOT miss NAPW Action, where it will be the NAPW Champion D! in action against Lobo! Good night everybody!

Lights down.