ACTION!02/28/2007
Two men, each weighing three-hundred and fifteen pounds. Tie-up to start and neither man can overpower the other. They continue to fight for the advantage in the lock up, turning around in the corner and back out to the center of the ring. Finally, they break. Jack hits the ropes and tries to run down "The Angry American" but barely budges him. Jack slaps his chest and says come on then bye! Matthew is off the ropes with a shoulderblock of his own, Jack barely moves. They're up in each other's faces now, two big bulls --- and they fire! Jack with a right hand, the southpaw Matthew Kurtis unloading with the big left! They're just exchanging blows in the middle of the ring without blocking! And in this war of attrition, Matthew Kurtis gets the advantage... Yakuza Kick sends Newfy Jack over the top rope! Jack confers with his cod Charlie. Yes, he is actually talking to it. Matthew Kurtis flicks a glance as his valet/girlfriend Lyndsey Valentine, then yells at Jack to get back in. Jack "breaks" with Charlie and rolls back in. Matt is all over him, irish whip --- Jack reverses, sending Matt into the ropes. He rebounds off and it's a high baaaaack body drop that sends three-fifteen pounds crashing into the canvas. Jack hits the ropes as Matthew gets up, pummeling his man with a Newfy Lariat! And that one sends Matthew Kurtis over the top rope. Newfy Jack follows suit and it's a brawl on the outside between two bar-room brawlers. Kurtis and Jack around ringside unloading big blows to one another, Jack with an Irish Whip into the ring steps, Kurtis reverses and Jack hits the steps, knocking them damn well over. Matthew goes back after Jack, who fires at him, and before you know it both men have been counted out of the ring! This match is a draw according to the referee. Jack decides to fight another day and grabs Charlie and heads out. Matthew gets in the ring, obviously unhappy he didn't win, but his music plays anyways and he poses with Lyndsey for the fans.
"NOW you listen to me! Just because Joseph Winchell isn't in charge of this place anymore, it doesn't mean you've gotten rid of me! No no, in fact Frank, it's time that we got things set up. You see Rex Caliber... that "great" new owner... I've come around! He wants to turn NAPW around, and the best place to start is with the piss-poor ring announcing. So I am announcing that from now on, ME --- LEX VAIN --- WILL BE DOING IT ALL! What are you gonna do about it Frankie? Huh?" Lyndsey and Matthew stop at the top of the aisle and watch the in-ring, while having what looks to be a serious conversion. They stare daggers at the ring as Lex keeps yapping on and then starts to intimidate Frank. At the top of the ramp Matthew shrugs as Lyndsey nods, and then they start to march down to the ring. Lyndsey looks pissed. As they reach ringside Lyndsey gets a mic and they climb in the ring. Lex gulps but starts talking to Matt. "Hey hold on, this doesn't involve you --- But it's Lyndsey who answers him! LYNDSEY: Lex, shut up for a second and I'll tell you what I'm doing here. LEX VAIN: Hey man, control your girl! MATTHEW: Let me tell you something, son. Lyndsey's not mine to control, and if I were you I'd be worrying about her and not me cause you seemed to have really ticked her off. LYNDSEY: Damn straight he's pissed me off. And before you ask why Lexie let me tell you. First off, your stupid little column gets on my nerves. I mean anyone who cheats and fans don't like you hype them like it's the second coming. And if that wasn't enough, then you make yourself out to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. You talk about how talented and tough you're supposed to be and you prove it by jumping NAPW's ring announcer. Well that's very brave of you tough guy. No offense Frank, sugar. LEX VAIN: So what? That's what I get paid to do! LYNDSEY: Well I get paid to WRESTLE... and I think it's high time somebody shut you up. And since Matthew has other things to deal with, I think that someone is me pal. Lex starts to laugh. But Lyndsey ain't smilin'. LYNDSEY: Hey laughing boy, I ain't kidding.You should know I've already been in a Battle Royale here and I even eliminated Gunderson. I've been a Woman's Champion before and I've tagged with Matt against both men and mixed tag teams before. So what do you say, Lexie? Do you want to put your money where your mouth is? You and me next week, I mean all you have to lose is your "Vainity." LEX VAIN: Well now little fillie, I couldn't wrestle you next week. I mean, I'm a man and you're a woman (gulps at the look Lyndsey shoots him.) NAPW doesn't need a battle of the sexes, they just need more Vainity... Besides Lyndsey, you don't even have proper wrestling gear, I mean you're barefoot! I know that's the way things are out in the ozarks with the rest of the hillbillies... Whoa! Lyndsey tries to jump Lex, only for Matt to hold her back. "Hold on hon, wait til it's time!" "Let me go, I'm gonna kill that slimy---" It's getting intense in the ring when Xecutioners hit and out comes Rex Caliber to a big pop. REX CALIBER: Lex, you're still bein' paid? Well I'll tell you what, if you're being paid, then I can book you in a match. But I dunno, it ain't a fair match. I mean if it was five on one, then Lyndsey might break a sweat. So I'm going to leave this... to the FANS. Calgary! Do you want to see Lex Vain "wrestle" - and I use the term loosely - next week against this fine femme fatale? Or do you, you know, not want to see the match. The crowd chants "MAKE THE MATCH! MAKE THE MATCH!" Rex Caliber yells out "DONE!" and turns around as Lex's jaw drops. Lyndsey cracks her knuckles and smiles far, far too sweetly. LYNDSEY: Well see that wasn't so tough now, was it Lex? I guess we'll see each other next week. I just hope you won't be too embarrased when Frank over here tells you that you just got beat by a girl. See you in the ring, honey. Lyndsey and Matthew head out of the ring, leaving a shellshocked Lex Vain in their wake. Frank Warburton can't quite hide the tiny smile breaking through his professional facade. Lyndsey looks not as angry as before but looks fired up and Matthew is shaking as head and chuckling softly as they go to the back.
Brian Bruno looks absolutely HUGE, he may have put on anywhere from ten to fifteen pounds of pure muscle since we last saw him. And he looks as intense as ever to boot. He rushes Carter before the bell and blasts him with a lariat, sending the former Pure Honor Champion to the mat with authority. Carter applies a drop toehold from a downed position, tripping Bruno up and bringing him down to the ground with him. Carter quickly gets up using the ropes for help, but is hit as soon he reaches his feet with a monster right hand from Bruno. Carter spins around and stumbles back, leaving a big opening for Bruno to scoop him up and PLASTER him with a high impact Samoan Drop. Bruno jumps back up to his feet, and picks Carter up for some more punishment - no! Carter with a roundhouse kick brushes Bruno back. A strong front kick to the gut has him reeling now, and here's Dez Carter with a flurry! Palm thrust! Roundho-OH MY GOD! Forearm to the throat drops Carter like a bad habit! He's clutching at his throat, he may be injured. But Bruno doesn't give a damn! He scoops him up, BRUNO BOMBER! That's gotta be it. But...he doesn't cover? Oh no, Brian's got a sinister look in his eyes. "Not yet", he says. He pries Carter off the mat and punishes him even further with a devastating sitout side powerslam, also known as the Island Driver. This is just too damn much, what's Bruno trying to prove here? Again he shakes his head no, and the fans are beginning to boo. Bruno whips him hard into the turnbuckle, and as Carter stumbles back towards the center of the ring, Bruno bounces off the ropes and WHOA! A vicious football-like hit knocks Carter out of his boots and sends him flipping through the air! Bruno stands over him and flexes, and covers him with one foot. One, two, three, and Bruno with a dominant win. What's this? He seems to be showing some sportsmanship, helping Carter up off the mat - So he can put his lights out for good with a skull-crushing uppercut. The boos reign down as Brian Bruno exits the ring and makes his way to the back. Hey, a change in attitude is fine, but this is ridiculous!
A battle of two talented technicians of the NAPW. David Banks enters the ring to some very loud anti-Banks chants. Marcus Chamberlain, the Boston native, is chomping at the bit. Dick Kiebiech rings the bell as the Action match is underway. The match starts out with David Banks and Marcus Chamberlain tying up, elbow-collar style. David gets Chamberlain in a headlock and quickly lets go, turning to get behind Marcus. A German Suplex with no bridge folds up the two hundred and twenty-four pound Marcus Chamberlain. David gloats and paint brushes with slaps on Chamberlain, like a bully on the playground. Marcus shoots on the legs of Banks. He gets Banks down and tries to lock in the Texas Cloverleaf, a move pioneered by Dory Funk Jr and made famous by Dean Malenko. He has Banks locked in it but Banks is near the ropes and gets the move stopped by referee Dick Kiebiech. Marcus lets Banks get away from the ropes and goes in for another attempt. Banks kicks him off. Marcus crashes to the mat, but with his great athleticism is on his feet in a split second. David Banks is just as good and is up too. Banks a step quicker and catches a charging Banks with a stupendous Belly to Belly suplex. That suplex would make Magnum T.A. proud. A quick cover and One, Two and a kick out. He tries again with feet on the ropes but Kiebiech catches David in the act. David argues and gets rolled up for a two count. Banks is frustrated and Marcus nails Banks in the head with a forearm. Marcus picks up Banks throws him into the far corner. He walks over to him and sets him up for a Tornado DDT. Counter from Banks into a Northern Lights and One, Two, foot on the rope. Banks is mad now and starts cross-facing the hell out of Chamberlain. He picks up Marcus and sets him up on the top turn buckle. He gets up there too, and David Banks executes a superplex from the very top rope. He grimaces from the impact too, and Marcus isn't even moving. Banks is up and smiles. He gets down and does a few push ups before getting up. He ascends to the top rope and it is the MID-CARD KILLER. He covers the very limp Marcus. ONE, TWO, AND IT IS NOT OVER. Banks picked his opponent up and applies the CHARISMATIC CROSS-FACE. Marcus taps out to the extremely painful move. Winner of the match is David Banks!
Nightmare opens the match with a verbal tirade that leaves the ront row with burning ears, but gets shut up quickly with some smart double teaming from Kurtis and Muerte. The pair work early on in the match to eliminate the champion as a threat; double clothesline sends Nightmare into the ropes, then an Irish Whip from Muerte into a Springboard Dropkick from The Show. Nightmare angrily looks like he's going to shake it off only to get his head squished between two Superkicks! Nightmare spins around and crashes to the ring. Kurtis with a pin! Only one, with Dio Muerte breaking the pin with a kick. Nightmare rolls out of the ring and lands in a possibly unconscious heap. Kurtis lays into Muerte with a series of chops, then goes to try and lock in for some German Suplex action. Dio Muerte is on the ball, grabbing the ropes and shrugging off The Show. Kurtis rolls through, hops to his feet and gets straight kicked right in the gizzards. Kurtis clutches his abdomen, and looks up in time to get decapitated with a Clothesline. Dio Meurte covers! One! Only one, as Kurtis kicks out. Dio Muerte isn't through, he hefts his fellow challenger up onto his shoulders... Running Fisherman Buster! The Show is planted in the ring! Another cover from Dio. One! Two! Only two! Chad Kurtis kicks out again and Dio Muerte angrily argues with Referee Morgan Smythe. The masked wrestler pulls The Show to his feet and hurls him towards a corner with an Irish Whip... and The Show runs up the ropes! BEST MOONSAULT EVER! He bullseyes Dio Muerte and rolls into a cover! One! Two! Foot on the ropes! The crowd shows their appreciation for both men. Chad Kurtis is catching his second wind. He's on his feet and ready to go as Dio tries to shake out the cobwebs. The second Dio Muerte is up, The Show hooks in from behind and plants Muerte with a German Suplex. Then another. And another! Rolling Germans! Four! And then a bridge on the fifth, and another pin! One! Two! THRRnooo, Dio Muerte just manages to kickout at the very last possible second. Kurtis, not giving Muerte time to recover, goes for a standing SSP... but Muerte gets his knees up! Chad Kurtis recoils, again holding his abdomen. Dio Muerte scrambles to his feet, lays in some punches, then doubles over The Show with a well aimed toe kick. DEMORTALIZER! New TV Champion! Dio Muerte covers! One! Two! And Nightmare nearly kicks off Muerte's head. The Champion is back in the ring with authority! He shouts obscenities into the crowd and down at his opponents as he picks up Chad Kurtis and drives him bodily into a ringpost. The Show collapses in a heap, and Nightmare turns and glares over to where Dio Muerte is trying to regain his footing, clutching his head in pain. Nightmare gets a head of steam, and a Short Arm Clothesline sends the two men over the top rope, landing in a heap. Morgan Smythe shouts at them to re-enter the ring, but Nightmare pays her no mind, pulling Dio to his feet, and using his skull as a tool to try and break the ringpost. When that fails, Nightmare, with a feral cry, hooks onto Dio Muerte's neck with both hands... DREAMCATCHER! Right onto the ring apron! Dio Muerte may be broken in half, and crumples into a heap at ringside. Nightmare slides back into the ring where his real quarry lies. He grabs one of The Show's legs and pulls him to center ring, then locks in the Sharpshooter! Kurtis clutches at his abdomen, and flails at the ropes, crying out in agony, but he refuses to tap. Nightmare growls, releases the hold, and kicks Kurtis a number of times in the back to a chorus of boos. He then pulls Kurtis to his feet and bends him into an Abdominal Stretch, Kurtis still refuses to submit, so Nightmare hefts him up into a fisherman hold... but The Show twists free and rushes for the ropes! Nightmare spins around, eyes flashing, only to be kicked over with a springboard dropkick from the challenger! Kurtis goes up to the top rope in a single bound, and goes to hit another BME, this time on the Champ... but Nightmare is up and catches him in mid air! Inverted Spinebuster!? No! The Show elbows Nightmare in the junk, and Morgan Smythe misses it completely! The crowd goes wild as Nightmare drops Kurtis and howls! Chad Kurtis with a toe kick on the Champ! CK FINALE! One! Two! Three! We have a new TV Champion! Morgan Smythe hands the title belt to an ecstatic, if battered, Chad Kurtis. As Nightmare rolls out of the ring, Dio Muerte pounds the mat and shakes his head angrily, then looks up to see Chad Kurtis offering him a hand. There's a moment, and the crowd applauds wildly, but in the end Muerte stands up on his own and brushes off The Show's sportsmanship.
Nevertheless, Action! goes off the air with "The Show" Chad Kurtis standing in the ring, holding the TV Title high over his head.
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