ACTION!03/07/2007
"Enter The Sandman" fades off the PA as the bell sounds for some top flight ACTION!. Newfy Jack vs Sam Finn, and this one should be pretty damn good. Charlie is in the corner of Jack and Sam has already threatened to dismantle the poor cod. Newfy Jack didn't like hearing that and attacks Sam Finn. The referee looks on as the two men trade rights and lefts. Sharplin is letting them go, both men wild with the closed fists. Sam has a height advantage... Jack with a weight advantage. And right now, the weight is winning. Jack backs Sam into the ropes, irish whip. Fin gets back body dropped! Jack lays the boot in, Finn gets the ropes and Sharplin makes Jack back up. Sam gets up and charges Jack. His huge boot meets the face of Jack. The stunned Jack gets set up for a... Falcon Arrow? Can he get the three-hundred pounder up? YES HE DOES! Falcon Arrow has connected. The cover... one, two, and a kickout! Sam is mad and once again verbally threatens Charlie. Newfy Jack gets heated up over the idea and punches Sam in the stomach. DDT on Sam Finn. Michael Hayes and Double A Arn Anderson couldn't have a prettier DDT. The cover! Foot on the ropes by the wiley Finn. Jack picks Finn up --- Finn explodes with a flurry of punches. Then, he clotheslines Jack --- Jack body drops Finn over the top rope and to the floor! Finn however quickly gets up and grabs Jack's ankle, dragging him outside the ring. Both men slugging it out on the floor, Jack however gets the upper hand. Finn thumbs Jack in the eye to back him off. And then... he gets an idea. Finn grabs Charlie the Cod from the ring and starts walking up the aisle, threatening to twist the poor stinky fish in two! Jack is hot! He's coming after Finn --- who throws Charlie up the aisle, almost to the curtain. Jack blasts pasts Finn yelling "Charlie me bye!". Finn is quick to get back in the ring, and wait a minute! Jack is checking on Charlie --- and then the referee hits his ten count! Sam Finn suckered Jack into a count-out loss! Finn poses for the fans, enjoying their boos. He turns around and Jack is there! Newfy Jack laying in rights and lefts! He drops Finn down to the canvas, and then hits the ropes for speeeeed... NEWFY LARIAT ON THE RISING FINN! KABOOM! Jack lays out Finn. He doesn't get the win, but he got the last laugh tonight!
The founder of Vain-ianity starts off the match against the fiesty southerner by begging off. Lyndsey is having none of it, and comes right after him. Vain steps a leg through the middle rope, causing the referee to back Valentine off of him for the time being. Morgan Smythe starts counting him off, and gets to five. She tells him to get off the ropes, but Vain just tells her to piss off and steps outside. The crowd boos at his display of cowardice. "I'm not even a damn wrestler!" Vain insists. The jeers don't start coming, and inside the ring Valetine is trying to pump the crowd up. Vain screams, almost squeals, for them to shut up, but to no avail. In a huff, Vain rolls back inside. Valentine sets on his him away, but he clings to the bottom rope and shouts for a break which Smythe has to give him. Valentine begrudgingly goes back to her corner, and Vain takes his. After a little more stalling, Vain looks ready to go - no wait, he's calling Smythe over. After a few moments, and some jawing on the part of Vain, she calls Valentine to the middle of the ring and...starts to pat her down for foreign objects. The boos reign down again, and Valentine looks fit to be tied right about now. Smythe turns around and calls Vain back over. "Screw you!", he yells. Smythe turns to face him, but in an instant Lyndsey Valentine runs by her in a blur and nails Vain the corner with a flying forearm! The crowd goes wild, they've been dying to see Vain get his. He grabs the bottom rope from the canvas, but Valentine with a well placed kick knocks him off the ropes and goes to town on him. Stiff kicks to the ribs, and Vain is screaming! Smythe starts to count Valentine off, so Lyndsey drags him out of the corner and into the middle of the ring. Vain shoots up to his feet and tries to dart back over to his corner - drop toehold! And his face slams off the mat! Valentine peels him off the mat, and...what'd the five fingers say to the face again? Oh yeah - SLAP! A vicious bitch slap from Valentine rocks Lex's face, and he reels back only to get dropped by a front roundhouse kick to the chest! Lovely Lyndsey with the cover. One, two, just two! Vain is in a daze, but he desperately kicked out. Because he knows he can never live it down if he loses to a girl. Vain uses the ropes to get up, and when he turns around, it's a fists o' fire from Lyndsey - BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM! Nine rapid fire punches to the forehead! Vain stumbles forward and few steps, and as he falls face first Lyndsey bounds off the ropes and wipes him out with a sick bulldog! The fans are going insane, they love every minute of it! Vain tries to get up, thrashing blindly about, but gets hit with a frankensteiner! The dreaded TUNA-canrana! Another huge pop, and Lyndsey is headed up to the top rope! She climbs in a flash, and waits for her prey to get up...Vain's on his feet, barely...flying clothesline! Lynds kips up, and it looks like Lex Vain might be dead! He crawls over to the corner, begging for Smythe to end the match, which she of course can't do. Behind him, Lyndsey is sizing him up for something! He gets up on one knee OH MY GOODNESS! Shining Wizard! The Shining Wizard from Lyndsey Valentine...good grief, Vain's been busted wide open! He's bleeding like a stuck pig, and the crowd...the crowd has gone INSANE! "SHE'S HARDCORE, SHE'S HARDCORE, SHE'S HARDCORE, SHE'S HARDCORE!" Damn right she is! The sight of his own blood on his hands shocks Lex, however, and he springs into action with an eye gouge on an unsuspecting Valentine. And here come the boo birds, right on cue. Vain grabs her pretty little face and smacks the taste out of it! Sickening display on his part. Somebody just threw a whole beer in the ring, and we're in EDMONTON so he must be really pissed! Vain could care less, and he kicks Valentine square in the gut as she's doubled over in pain. Vain mocks her, saying "See that, little lady? That's how a man wrestles!" in his best (or worst) fake Southern accent. He picks her up and tries to bodyslam her - and she slides off the back! He turns right around into a KICK RIGHT IN THE NUTS! His eyes go wide as he falls to the mat, quivering in pain! The crowd is going even crazier now, they want Lyndsey to kick his ass bad! And she's more than happy to oblige. She grabs him by the legs and stomps on the ol' twig and berries, and the crowd roars in approval. Lex? He kind of just screams in pain, as you'd expect from a man who takes back to back nut shots. That's not The Human Tornado or even or very own Stone Zellor in there folks. He rolls onto his side, and Lynds hits him with a swift kick to his ass! He's grabbing his backside, his frontside, he's bleeding, and I think Lex Vain is...no, he can't be! He's CRYING ladies and gentlemen! "DON'T CRY LEX! CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! DON'T CRY LEX! CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!" starts the chant. Lyndsey chants and claps along with the NAPW faithful, before picking up the weepy, bloody Vain and whipping him hard to the post! He falls down on his butt - and EVERYONE knows what's coming next. Bronco bust-aaahhhhhhhhhhh! BOOM BOOM BOOM! Three hard hits on his chest, and Lyndsey slides off and picks him up, dragging him into the middle of the ring. Where she proceeds to RIP his shirt off! Vain screams in horror! And here come the pants, he's down to his boxer and the crowd is going insane. Tears and blood flowing, Vain begs to be let go - but it's Lyndsey with a knee yet again to the gibblies! And she sticks his head under her arm! BLOODY VALENTINE! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEE! LYNDSEY WINS, and the roof is set to come off here in Polish Hall! Listen to this ovation! Girl power has taken over, and Lex Vain just got his ass kicked by a chick! Her music comes on, and she plays to the crowd a little bit before she gets ready to leave - but what's this? Vain is on the house mic. LEX VAIN: That's it, that's enough dammit! Look at me! I've been humiliated by a -a - a GIRL! (big pop) SHUT UP! Don't cheer for this little bitch! She's a whore! (boos) That's it, I've had it with NAPW! I get no respect ever since I came here! Well you know what? I QUIT! I QUIT! With that, he slams the mic down, collects his clothes, and leaves. But the crowd isn't going to just let him go. Not without a parting gift. Folks at home, feel free to sing along!
"NA NA NA NA! NA NA NA NAAAAAH! HEYYYYYY-HEEEEYYYYYY-HEEEEYYYYYYY! GOOOOOOOODDDDBYYYYYEEEEEE!"
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