The crowd are not even entirely in their seats yet. Those who are seated, chat with their friends in loud voices overtop of the totally awesome metal that's playing to get people in the mood pre-show. Frank Warburton is talking with Bill Hewson & Jack "Attack" Jones, no doubt going over the order of show and other professional details, while the ring crew are doing the final adjustments to the worn NAPW ring.
It's the perfectly normal, ordinary beginning to more or less every NAPW show.
Which is why it's such a shock when Brian Bruno cannonballs through the entrance curtain covered in blood, followed steps behind by a crimson mask wearing Simply Beautiful, his blond hair turned pink by the viscous life-giving fluid.
Screams are heard as Simply Beautiful sticks his knee into a kneeling Bruno's back, holding him from behind in a choke. Of course, then the fans realize that Simply Beautiful has a weapon in his hand. A spike of some kind. He brutally jabs it into Bruno's forehead as fans begin to rush back to their seats in shock and excitment. "Holy shit, it's starting already --- SHIT, look at that blood!"
SB rams the spike into Bruno's forehead. This time the pain that shoots through Bruno's body gives him the strength to bust free, tumbling forward and trying to crawl up the aisle. Simply Beautiful charges at him with a blood-curdling scream.
The sound of a man pushed beyond all limits.
He collides with Bruno, smashing the man against the ring ring apron, knee meeting head meeting canvas. Simply Beautiful looks over the crowd and then screams "MOVE!" to the first few rows. He pulls Bruno up and irish whips his man over the guardrail into the sea of chairs! The Calgary fans scatter as Bruno collapses their seating, chanting "HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT." Simply Beautiful doesn't even hear it. He climbs the guardrail and grabs the nearest steel chair.
Bruno is actually begging.
Simply Beautiful is tired of this man.
He raises the chair above his head, screaming "THIS IS FOR EMILY, YOU SICK SON OF A BIT---*"
Low blow. And not just a low blow, a square punch right to the sack. Desperate men do desperate things. Simply Beautiful staggers backwards, knees together in extreme pain. Bruno gets up, grabs a steel chair, and simply hucks it at SB, catching him with a glancing blow on the shoulder. He grabs another chair and tosses it.
This time, he gets the head. SB slumps against the guardrail. His foe, the animalistic, brutal Brian Bruno, stalks him, a sick grin coming. Blood pours down the dark melanin of his face, staining the distinctive white of his teeth. He unceremoniously dumps SB back over the guardrail, then follows. He grabs SB and leans him up against the ring post. He still has a chair.
Swing.
Simply Beautiful's head is caught between oncoming steel chair and unmoving steel post.
He falls.
The cage, the cage isn't up. This match is not supposed to be happening now. This is not even a match. And yet...
Brian Bruno is suddenly waving to the back. And out comes referee Dick Kiebiech, ushered out by Acting Commissioner Terry Brandon.
No. Not like this. It can't be.
Bruno rolls the carcass of Simply Beautiful into the ring, sticking his tongue out to catch blood that's pouring from his forehead. He grabs the steel chair once more, raises it up high...
And brings it down across the back of a prone Simply Beautiful's head.
Leg hook. "COUNT!" Bruno yells to the referee. Kiebiech, disgusted, has no choice but to do his job. One, two, three, and Simply Beautiful...
Is out of NAPW.
Forever.
...
...
Or would be.
Except for the part where he somehow got his hand around the bottom rope.
Kiebiech waves his arms, saying "NO! NO!" Bruno looks at him , furious. "THAT WAS THREE!" "ON THE ROPES! HE GOT THE ROPES! THIS MATCH STILL GOES ON! Bruno snarls, then hauls off and decks the referee. Kiebiech goes down like a sack of potatoes.
Bruno pulls SB up by the collar. It's not like SB is in his wrestling gear, he's still in jeans and a t-shirt, now drenched in red stuff. Bruno is in a wife-beater now red and track pants. And now he pulls him up.
"You're going to die, 'Ess-Bee.'" Bruno snarls, laughing evilly.
SB's eyes flash open.
"Go. To. Hell." He grits out.
Spits in Bruno's face.
"THAT... was a mistake."
Bruno hauls back with a sick right hand... and then suddenly SB has both hands, locked at the fingers, hauling upward. Turnabout, you see, is fair play. Bruno crumbles, eyes bulging in pain as SB destroys his gonads.
And then the crowd feels hope.
And SB is on his feet, raging. Bruno is the one of the Blind Rage. But SB has been pushed, pushed, and pushed some more... until it is simply too far.
He grabs the steel chair, waiting for Bruno to get back to his feet.
"THIS IS FOR SUZANNA!"
CLANG.
Bruno somehow gets to his feet.
"*THIS* IS FOR EMILY, YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!"
Clang.
And still he takes his feet.
"AND THIS... THIS IS FOR BEING AN INSUFFERABLE MOTHERFUCKER!"
Clang.
Bruno falls.
He does not get up.
SB covers.
Kiebiech is able to make the pinfall.
ONE.
TWO.
THREE.
SB doesn't get off of Bruno, instead he merely sags over top of his opponent. Kiebiech hoists himself up by the ropes, communicating the decision to Frank Warburton... The crowd antsy, wondering what the word is.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has informed me that this match WAS the loser leaves NAPW contest... and as a result of a pinfall, the WINNER... SIMPLLLLLLY BEAUTIFULLLLL!
And that means... that Brian Bruno IS OUT OF NAPW!
The crowd goes billy-bersek.
And out come security and trainers to pull the beaten form of Bruno from the ring and haul him out. Kiebiech tries to raise SB's hand, but it just falls. Trainers help him out of the ring afterwards to a standing ovation.
Blood. Sweat. Tears. Broken men.
And the war is over. SB has at last slain his dragon. And Brian Bruno is gone, gone, gone away from NAPW.
Good riddance.
BILL HEWSON: This is NAPW on May 29th in Ogden Legion Hall in Calgary, Alberta for the "BADDER BLOOD" event. Could that name ever be more appropriate after the "match" we just witnessed, Jack Attack?
JACK JONES: Bill Hewson, that wasn't a match. That was a war. A fight. Those two men... Simply Beautiful and Brian Bruno, these wrestling fans only saw the last few minutes of a brawl that broke out backstage before the show could get going. I have it on my page here, that match was later in the evening, but they couldn't wait. All the months of anger and bitterness between those two men as Brian Bruno lost his mind... lost his family... what he did to Simply Beautiful... hell, good riddance to bad rubbish!
BILL HEWSON: It is indeed Badder Blood, and those blood stains are going to be on the canvas for the rest of the evening... including the next contest. NAPW will determine the #1 contender to the Provincial Championship! Let's go to Frank Warburton...
FRANK WARBURTON: This next match is a special triple threat match in which the winner will receive a guaranteed NAPW Provincial Title shot!
"Farther Away" by AkForty hits the speakers and the crowd pops for the former NAPW TV Champion!
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring first, he weighs in at two-hundred and five pounds and hails from Chicago Illinois...Jeff James!!!
James looks all business as he makes his way down to ringside. He slides into the ring and waves to the crowd.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, he weighs in at two-hundred and sixty-two pounds and hails from Salmon River, British Columbia...Kevin Kodiak!!!
"Frankenstein" by Edgar Winters Band hits the PA and the big man emerges from the back with a look of contempt etched on his face. He makes his way slowly to the ring, never taking his eyes off of James.
FRANK WARBURTON: And finally, he hails from Napier, New Zealand and weighs in at one-hundred and eighty-pounds...Link Van Haggard!!!
"Man In The Box (Instrumental)" by Harry Slash and The Slashtones replaces "Frankenstein" and the smallest man in the match comes out from the back to a nice little pop from the crowd.
BILL HEWSON: All three of these men not only want to win this match but they want to get that future Provincial Title shot as well. I expect to see a lot of action in this one Jack!
JACK JONES: I'm just glad that Bruce Richards isn't doing commentary with us.
BILL HEWSON: You're just bitter that he made people realize how good the commentary team could be without you.
JACK JONES: That was low, Bill. I mean I came to your birthday this year!
BILL HEWSON: Yes, you did, and I'll never forget the stripper. Or the look on my wife's face when she popped out of the cake. Thanks, "buddy."
With all three men now in the ring the referee calls for the bell and this important match is now underway. All three men cautiously approach each other and we have a triple collar and elbow tie up in the center of the ring! Kodiak drives a knee into the gut of Haggard and rakes the eyes of James causing a break. Kodiak grabs Haggard and hurls him through the ring ropes to the floor and then turns his attention to James. James takes a stiff right hand to the head that staggers him and Kodiak shoots him into the ropes. James ducks a clothesline and goes for a cross body off of the opposite ropes. Kodiak catches James in mid air, holds him for a second and takes him up and over with a fallaway slam! Kodiak is quickly back to his feet and never sees the missile dropkick from Haggard that almost takes his head off. Haggard springs off the second rope and drops a leg across the back of Kodiaks head before shooting a half nelson on him and rolling him over for a pin attempt. Kodiak kicks out at two and James is back to his feet. James grabs Haggard and tries to throw him over the top rope. Haggard hangs on, skins the cat and is back in the ring! James charges at Haggard but one backdrop later and the former TV Champ is sent crashing to the outside! Kodiak is now also back to his feet and closes in on Haggard but takes a moonsault dropkick that stuns him.
BILL HEWSON: Link Van Haggard is doing the right thing by keeping this match fast paced. Kodiak has a ton of experience and if he's able to slow things down it'll be his match to lose!
JACK JONES: Isn't New Zealand where all those hobbits live?
Haggard grabs Kodiak and Irish whips him into the ropes only to have Jeff James grab the legs of the veteran and pull him to the outside. Jeff sends Kodiak into the ringpost and climbs into the ring to confront Haggard. The two men lock up and James takes Haggard over with an arm drag. Haggard is back up and is chopped across the chest by a determined Jeff James! James backs Haggard against the ropes and shoots him off going for a clothesline. Haggard ducks under, hooks the arm of James and swings his legs around the other arm and pulls him down into a crucifix pinning combo. James kicks out at two and both men are quickly back to their feet. James goes for a kick but it's caught! Enziguri by James that sends Haggard slumping against the ropes! Again Haggard is shot off the ropes and James lowers his head for a back drop. Haggard leaps over James and pulls him into a sunset flip. James rolls though and hits a basement dropkick on Haggard! Haggard rolls to the outside as James gets blindsided by Kodiak! Kodiak shoves James into a corner and drives a pair of knees into the ribs of the former TV Champ. Kodiak grabs an arm of James and pulls him out of the corner and into a short arm clothesline.
JACK JONES: Get 'em Kodiak!
BILL HEWSON: Jeez at least try to act professional out here Jack.
James is sent into the ropes and Kodiak drills him with a vicious powerslam! Haggard is back on the ring apron. He springs up to the top rope and takes flight at Kodiak. The veteran spots him just in time and catches the much smaller man in mid air! Kodiak gorilla presses Haggard above his head and slowly walks to the ring ropes as if he's getting ready to hurl him out into the crowd. A chopblock from James causes Kodiak to fall back with Haggard on top! One! Two! James pulls Haggard off of Kodiak and spikes him to the mat with a side effect! Haggard rolls to the outside as James pulls Kodiak up to his feet. Kodiak is sent into the ropes and dropped by a flying lariat from James. Without missing a beat James goes to the near turnbuckle, climbs to the top and takes to the sky with his shooting star legdrop! Kodiak rolls at the last second and James hits hard! From the edge of our screen Haggard flies into view and hammers Jeff James with a 450 splash! One! Two! A kick to the head from Kodiak breaks up the pin. Haggard is yanked to his feet by Kodiak and sent into the ropes. Big boot to the face! Haggard is still standing, although on spaghetti legs. A Northern BC Lariat almost decapitates him though and now it's Kodiak with the pin attempt! One! Two! James makes the save!
BILL HEWSON: One of these men will have to put someone out of commission if they hope to secure a pinfall.
JACK JONES: I'm still pulling for "The Bear!"
BILL HEWSON: The Bear?
JACK JONES: You know...Kodiak...Bear?
BILL HEWSON: Oh...Your bizarre imagination never ceases to amaze me Jack.
Back in the ring, James has pulled Kodiak to his feet and backed him into a corner. A trio of chops send the crowd into a "Woooooooo" frenzy as Kodiak holds his chest in pain. Haggard is back to his feet and watching the brawl in the corner. James Irish whips Kodiak out of the corner but the big man reverses it and sends the former TV Champ right into a hurricanrana from Haggard! Kodiak is quick to grab Haggard before he can do anything and punishes him with a full nelson slam! James is getting to his feet and Kodiak charges him only to take a dropkick to the knee that sends him head first into the middle turnbuckles! Kodiak rolls over and drops to a seated position in the corner just as James charges in with a running knee to the head! Haggard is slowly getting up and James quickly hooks him and nails his Crash Landing! One! Two! Haggard grabs the bottom rope calling for a break! Haggard is shoved out of the ring by James who then turns his attention back to Kodiak. James charges him in the corner but takes a back elbow to the face. Kodiak grabs a handful of hair and pulls James to the center of the ring where he takes him up into the lights and holds him!
BILL HEWSON: That's his new Timber Suplex he's been talking about! Look at him just holding James up there like he weighs nothing!
Kodiak falls back with authority and goes for the cover. One! Two! James kicks out! Kodiak looks pissed as he rolls James over onto his stomach and starts to rub his face back and forth across the mat! Haggard is back into the ring and Kodiak leaves a wounded James where he lies. A spinning heel kick staggers Kodiak and Haggard is quick to shoot him into the ropes. Kodiak reverses a hurricanrana attempt by turning it into a spinning powerbomb! One! Two! Haggard kicks out miraculously as the fans pop big time! Haggard is pulled to his feet and dumped over the top rope like a bag of trash. James is back to his feet and Kodiak charges him only to be brought down with a drop toe hold. James quickly locks in a STF on Kodiak and the crowd comes to their feet in anticipation of a tap out! Kodiak is to close to the ropes however and is able to pull himself over and get the hold broken. James goes to pull the big man up but Kodiak suddenly hoists him up and hotshots him across the top ring rope! Kodiak is all smiles now as he pulls James to the center of the ring and start to lock in his bear trap!
BILL HEWSON: If he locks this in it's all over!
As Kodiak steps over James, the former TV Champ reaches up and pulls the big man into a small package! One! Two! Three! Just like that it's over! Kodiak is already back to his feet asking what the Hell happened as James rolls out of the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Your winner....Jeff James!!!
In the ring Kodiak is throwing a fit as he argues with the referee. On the outside James comes face to face with Haggard. The two men look at each other and finally shake hands!
JACK JONES: That was a fast count! Talk about highway robbery!
BILL HEWSON: James pulled out a great win tonight! Can he do it again when the title is in the line though?
Jeff James and Link Van Haggard leave the ringside area as Kodiak looks on after them. His eyes tell the story. He's not finished with either of them.
JACK JONES: ...and that was the last time Alaska Cruiseways let me aboard one of their vessels.
BILL HEWSON: I... I did not know that you could do that with a seafood buffet.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is a Tag Team match, scheduled for one fall!
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD!!"
The fans pop for Andrew W.K, and they pop even more when Mystic Exposition makes their way through the curtains.
FRANK WARBURTON: First, making their way to the ring at a combined weight of four hundred and forty pounds. Mystic Ninja, and the Expositioner, they are MYSTIC EXPOSITION!!
JACK JONES: And they spent weeks coming up with their name...
BILL HEWSON: Be nice.
The Gastown legends glad hand the fans as they make their way to the ring, and await their opponents. "Techno Sonic Sunshine" hits the speakers, and the cheers turn to boos as Jay O'Brien emerges from the curtains. He still has his right arm in a cast. But that doesn't seem to be his biggest problem right now. He grabs a nearby microphone to address everyone.
JAY O'BRIEN: This is bollocks! I haven't seen my bloody partner anywhere today! I could beat the two of you myself, but it really wouldn't be fair... to you! So if Mr. Brandon would be so fine to give me my money for showing up like the professional I am, I'll be on my way.
BILL HEWSON: Aw, come on! Why should he get paid for not wrestling.
JACK JONES: Why should you get paid for not making sense?
BILL HEWSON: What?
JACK JONES: Yeah! That's what your mother said! BURN!!!
BILL HEWSON: You're not even trying anymore...
Acting Commissioner Terry Brandon is out to clear this mess up. And the fans make sure he knows how they feel about him. Mostly with boos, and the odd thrown bottle.
TERRY BRANDON: As you can see Jay, the fans aren't happy. Not happy because they paid for a tag team match! And they're going to get a damn tag team match! They're going to see why the NAPW provides the best tag team action in wrestling right now! So since your partner didn't show up, and you want to make such a big splash in your return, I rounded up a partner who has been setting the world on fire lately! A champion, on a streak that won't soon be stopped!
JACK JONES: He can't mean...
"BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, WHAT YA GONNA DO?"
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the opponents, the team of Jay O'Brien, and the Extreme Jobber Champion, The Bad Boy, Joey Malone!
Jay O'Brien is not happy, to say the least. Joey Malone looks happy just to be getting a paycheck. They get in the ring, and O'Brien makes it clear the HE will handle things. Mystic Ninja starts for his team. Referee John Sharplin calls for the bell, and we're off! The two men lock up, and Ninja goes for an armbar. O'Brien starts yelling that Ninja is unfairly targeting his injured arm. Sharplin calls for a break. Ninja complains that the hold is legal, but Sharplin tries to get between the two men. O'Brien uses the distraction to jab his plastered fist into Ninja's kidney. The Mystic one goes down in pain, and referee Sharplin is none the wiser. O'Brien scoops up Ninja, then slams him to the mat. He slaps on a headlock, trying to keep his slightly quicker opponent grounded. Ninja tries to roll over onto his stomach, then he tries to roll onto his back, whatever way he can to get out of the hold. Finally he manages to squirm his way out of the headlock, then nails a crouching O'Brien with a dropkick! O'Brien is knocked back, and Ninja rolls to the corner to tag in the Expositioner! With a shout of LARIAT, he charges O'Brien (and funny enough, hits a lariat!) O'Brien goes down, Expositioner hits the ropes, then hits the rising O'Brien with a leg lariat! O'Brien goes down like a sack of bricks, Expositioner climbs the ropes and goes for the X-Press! But nobody's home! O'Brien moves out of the way, but forgets which part of the ring he's in!
JACK JONES: Oh no...
MALONE SLAPS O'BRIEN ON THE BACK! HOT TAG BABY!! Malone is in the ring like a house of fire, he charges... and gets nailed by a Mystic Ninja body press! A cover! one, two.. O'Brien runs in to break up the pin! O'Brien desperately tells Joey to get to the corner and tag him back in. Then he hears
"X- POUND!"
Confused, he turns around.
JAY O'BRIEN: Oh bollocks...
Never mind the bollocks, here comes the Expositioner! He nails the Thesz press and starts laying in with the fists! He lets O'Brien know that'll he'll probably get in about six shots before Sharplin pulls him off, but they'll wind up outside the ring. And he punches! The fans count along!
One!
Two!
Three!
Four!
Five!
Six!
Boos as Sharplin pulls Expositioner off of O'Brien, but soon the boos turn to cheers as Expositioner runs at O'Brien, hitting a body press, and both men tumble outside the ring (damn that boy's good!) Meanwhile Malone and Ninja are trading chops. Well, Ninja is chopping, Malone is saying "Ouch" a lot. Not that we can hear him over the shouts of "Wooo!" Malone is whipped into the opposite turnbuckle, and Ninja goes into a handspring and nails the Kabuki kick! Malone falls face first onto the mat, and Ninja goes to the top, diving onto his opponent with a frog splash (a mystic frog splash? maybe? no? oh well). He covers, but O'Brien races back in! He goes to drop his forearm covered cast onto Ninja's head! The fans scream in anticipation of the impact, but not the Expositioner. All we hear from him is:
"You know that never works in your favor."
Ninja moves, and Malone takes the brunt of the shot from the cast. O'Brien gets up, looking PISSED. He turns to Ninja... and gets a face full of green mist! O'Brien stumbles back into Expositioner, who nails the X-Planation!
JACK JONES: How could O'Brien let himself be hit with that? Expositioner yelled that he was going to do it!
BILL HEWSON: He does have mist in his eyes.
JACK JONES: Oh Right. ... Huh?
O'Brien hits the mat in a heap, and rolls to the outside. Malone staggers to his feet, but by this time Ninja and Expositioner are on opposite ropes. And it's time for one thing!
"X- TERMINATOR!!"
Malone gets squashed between two missile dropkicks! Ninja with the cover, Expositioner says it's okay, there won't be anyone to break it up, and Sharplin counts! One... Two... Three! And the streak continues...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen! Here are your winners, MYSTIC EXPOSITION! And still YOUR EXTREME JOBBER CHAMPION: THE BAD BOY, JOEY MALONE!!
Mystic Ninja and Expositioner celebrate with the fans! Joey Malone stumbles from the ring holding his plastic title belt. And Jay O'Brien? His face is green. His head shakes in disgust. This is not the way he wanted to return...
JACK JONES: So about forty minutes later, I realize that she isn't coming back from getting ice.
BILL HEWSON: So she ditched you?
JACK JONES: That's the last time I let an escort from that service handcuff me to the bed post.
BILL HEWSON: OK.. we are back, and the next match has the whole wrestling world a buzzing. Is Bruce Richards a hired gun of the Crimes, or is he his own man? Regardless of who he is doing it for, don't look for the Beast to be anything but Beast like.
JACK JONES: Well, he has this newcomer Ca$h to contend with. A veteran of ring wars for many years, but never learned enough to make a good business decision. When your boss wants to hire you into an elite group of wrestlers, you better damn well take it, and thank the Good Lord you was asked. Now... will Bruce make that mistake too? For his sake, he better hope not!
"MONEY TALKS... BS WALKS"
The crowd gets out of their chairs, on to their feet, and they give Ca$h a great ovation. He has his hooded money symbol sweat shirt on, and makes his way to the ring. He is walking with purpose, and seems totally focused on the task at hand. He enters the ring, takes off the sweat shirt, and throws it to the crowd.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is NO HOLDS BARRED! Introducing first: He weighed in at two hundred thirty four and one quarter pounds. He is fighting out of Seattle, Washington... He is the one... the only... CA$H!!
The Muse brings out Ca$h's opponent. The six foot three inch, near three hundred pound beast of a man. There is a monster ovation.. but a few jeers. A couple of "Don't Sell Out" signs, a few "Beast + Crimes = NAPW Champ" signs as well. Bruce Richards looks to be all business tonight, joined by Bill Fleming.
FRANK WARBURTON: And introducing his opponent. He is accompanied to the ring by Bill Fleming. He weighed in at two hundred and seventy one pounds. He is fighting out of St. Albert, Alberta. He is a former five time NAPW Tag Team Champion. He is the two thousand six Battle Bowl champion. He is THE BEAST, BRUCE RICHARDS!
JACK JONES: These fans are cheering both men, pretty equally. But the fans are morons anyway.
BILL HEWSON: Morons?
JACK JONES: I mean morons who pay my bills!
The bell sounds, and referee John Sharplin backs into a neutral corner. All he is needed for is to count pins, and check for submissions. The two men come to the center of the squared circle, and Bruce extends his fist. Ca$h reluctantly bumps knuckles with Bruce, in a slight show of respect. Ca$h pops his neck, and they circle each other. Ca$h and Richards lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. Bruce reaches back and pushes Ca$h on his ass. Ca$h seems a bit peeved at this, and pops up quickly. Bruce rubs his hands together, and tells Ca$h to bring it. Ca$h goes in to attempt another tie up, but quickly gets a wrist lock on Richards. He spins, and twists on it. Bruce gets to the ropes, and John Sharplin shrugs his shoulders. Bruce reaches with his other arm, and hits Ca$h with a closed fist to the face. The arm wringer is let go of, but Ca$h does it only to land a closed fist of his own. The Beast holds his jaw, and can't react fast enough to the lightning quick arm drag.
BILL HEWSON: Ca$h's technical skills is taking Richards off guard. Richards should know better to go hold for hold with Ca$h. Bruce needs to utilize some ground and pound.
JACK JONES: You think that blond in the front row is checking me out?
Ca$h hangs on and applies an arm bar on Richards. Richards is getting frustrated, and is looking at Bill for advice. Sharplin is in making sure that Bruce isn't wanting to quit. Obviously the "Go to Hell" look shot at John Sharplin was as good as a "no". Ca$h doesn't hang on to the arm long, and lets go, going for the knee of Richards. Richards has enough time to react this time, and kicks Ca$h away. Ca$h is knocked back a bit, and waits for Bruce to get to his feet. Then he nails a drop kick to the right knee of Bruce. Bruce is knocked into the ropes. Ca$h charges in with a clothesline attempt, but Richards, back body drops Ca$h to the floor.
JACK JONES: Finally some action!
BILL HEWSON: Yes, what a great counter move by Bruce. He can take control now!
JACK JONES: What? That blond stood up and I got a better view of her assets!
Ca$h lands hard and grabs his lower back. Bruce steps through the ropes, and drops a double ax handle on the rising Ca$h. The crowd is cheering both men, and every move has their approval. It's quite an electric atmosphere. Bruce picks up Ca$h with a military press... and drops him onto the rail, chest first. Ca$h is on the floor in a great amount of pain. Bruce wastes no time and gets Ca$h up in a bear hug. He rams Ca$h into the ring post... not once, not twice, but three times!
JACK JONES: This is brutal! She keeps standing up, then sitting back down!
BILL HEWSON: Dammit Jack, this match is top notch, and just because you dislike them both, doesn't mean you don't have a job to do!
JACK JONES: She has a ring on her finger, I saw it sparkle. OK.. where are we?
Ca$h is hurting from his back all the way around to his chest. Bruce again picks up Ca$h, and hooks him for a Northern Light Suplex on the floor. This will crush the already battered insides of Ca$h. He hoists him up, WAIT! REVERSED INTO A TORNADO DDT ON THE FLOOR. Both men lay motionless on the floor.
JACK JONES: DAMN! Both men are trying to kill each other now. Maybe I'm going to like this match after all. If they BOTH get hurt, I won't have to watch them wrestle for a long time.
BILL HEWSON: This is because he did commentary last week, isn't it?
JACK JONES: ...
After around a minute, Ca$h gets up and rolls into the ring. The Beast is up, shaking out the webs, and gets on the ring apron. Ca$h doesn't let him enter, but chooses to dropkick him in the right knee again. Bruce falls to the floor, landing on that very knee. Bill is checking on Bruce. Bruce is getting up, tries to walk on the leg, and is limping badly. Ca$h allows him to enter this time, as he seems to be wincing as he breathes.
BILL HEWSON: Both men have injured bodies. It's how they manage it, that will determine the winner.
Bruce is allowed to stand up, and Ca$h, slightly holding his ribs, smirks at him. They both are hurt now, and respect has left the building. Ca$h and Bruce walk close, and Ca$h fires off with a slap to the Beast's left cheek. The Beast responds how most Beasts do... an even harder slap to Ca$h's right cheek. Ca$h goes for another but is blocked, so he then attempts a kick to Richard's stomach. His leg is grabbed... Bruce spins Ca$h around, and when he comes back.. Ca$h is clotheslined into next week. Bruce with the cover, one... two... no sir! Bruce yells in frustration. He takes his time to do anything else, then finally Bruce attempts to stand. But Ca$h shoots on the leg and takes down Richards. Ca$h drags Bruce to the nearest corner. He exits the ring, and quickly grabs both legs of Bruce. He pulls him close and Bruce crotches the post. Bruce sits up in pain. Ca$h still has the legs though, and to the delight of the Calgary crowd, pays homage to a hometown boy. A RING POST FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK! BRET HART IS SOMEWHERE SMILING!
JACK JONES: That's just cheap. Trying to get the fans on his side by ripping off my old moves. The audacity of that Ca$h!
BILL HEWSON: That's a Bret Hart move. The only move you had was punch to the balls and run!
The crowd is ecstatic! Bruce is in a lot of pain, and Ca$h can't be counted out because of the rules. Bruce refuses to quit, but after what seems like two or three minutes, Ca$h lets go. The move effects his body too, as he is slightly upside down.. but it damages Bruce's leg much more. Ca$h enters the ring and quickly goes for a cover. He gets a two count before Bruce realizes what happening and kicked the hell out. Ca$h climbs the turnbuckles, and is on top. He flies with shades of "Macho Man" Randy Savage with a picture perfect elbow drop, The Cover: One... Two... Three! NO! THE SHOULDER IS UP. Ca$h can't believe it. Ca$h goes for the Figure Four, and Bruce doesn't allow it, up kicking into the jaw of Ca$h. Ca$h staggers a bit, but just as Bruce sits up and attempts to rise.. SHINING WIZARD ON BRUCE! The cover, the count: ONE.. TWO... NO! FOOT ON THE ROPE! Ca$h can't believe it. Ca$h pulls Bruce away from the ropes, turns him over, and applies the Single Leg Crab.. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! Bruce is biting his knuckles, and trying to inch his way to the ropes.. but Bill has to yell out that the ropes don't mean the hold will break.
BILL HEWSON: Bruce Richards has been grounded, where his power doesn't matter.
Bruce has to muster every bit of energy and gets his left leg up and kicks Ca$h in the ass, knocking him down to one knee. The hold is broke, and Bruce is crawling toward the ropes. He sees Ca$h charging and moves pulling down the top rope. Ca$h flies over it, but with cat like reflexes, lands on the apron of the ring. Bruce turns to him, and receives a shoulder block to the belly for it. Ca$h then jumps over the top rope, and hits a Sunset Flip on Bruce. The count.. ONE..TWO... NO! Ca$h is in disbelief. He tries to pick up Bruce, but is elbowed in the gut. Bruce then gets up, and Irish Whips Ca$h to the ropes. Off the rebound Bruce quickly maneuvers and slaps on a sleeper, NO... A COBRA CLUTCH! COBRA CLUTCH BOMB! The cover.. ONE... TWO.. KICK-OUT BY CASH! The crowd is going bat-shit nuts. Bruce picks up Ca$h and applies a Pump Handle, then executes a Pump handle suplex throw... but it's not with authority. The knee doesn't allow a great deal of momentum. Ca$h is stunned though.
JACK JONES: Ca$h cowardly rolls to the ropes. He isn't Crime material anyway. I told Rex that, but he said he liked the kids spunk.
BILL HEWSON: No wonder Rex went insane... he has been talking to you! Ca$h doesn't need fifteen of his friends to beat anyone. Neither does Bruce Richards!
Bruce attempts a pin, but Ca$h is already in the ropes. Bruce rises up, and slowly rises Ca$h as well. Bruce looks desperate and IT'S THE CLAW. The mandible claw is on and Ca$h is trying to get out of it. Ca$h does the only thing he can, he thumbs Bruce in the eye! No disqualification, so nothing to worry about. Bruce lets go, and winces a bit. Ca$h backs Bruce into the corner. He lays some elbows into the temple of Bruce. Bruce is stunned. Ca$h backs away and charges with a STINGER SPLASH! Bruce staggers some, but doesn't go down. Ca$h calls for a chair, and a fan throws it to him.
JACK JONES: Someone needs to eject that fan! You can't aid the wrestlers.
BILL HEWSON: We don't condone that type stuff... but it was a great throw!
He sets up the chair ala Sabu, and runs toward it, spring boards off it for a SUPER STINGER SPLASH.. Which would have been awesome had Bruce Richards not stepped forward and caught him in mid air. He holds him, looking like he's going to execute a fall away slam.. BUT THE BEAST INSTEAD, HOISTS CA$H UP ON TO HIS SHOULDERS... AND IT'S THE CHART ATTACK.
BILL HEWSON: THE CHART ATTACK HITS! AND CA$H IS OUT.
Bruce covers him...ONE...TWO... THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match... THE BEAAAAAAST!
BILL HEWSON: A great match by both men. Bruce only needs that one split second, and BOOM.. it's over! Ca$h showed the NAPW that he is indeed for real. He is money in the bank! In time, he'll be a big time investment!
JACK JONES: We get it, the whole monetary metaphors and all. I wanted them both to leave on stretchers! Apparently my prayers aren't good enough.
The crowd is giving both men a standing ovation, and are chanting.. FIVE STAR MATCH, FIVE STAR MATCH! However, that chant suddenly turns nasty... as a couple no-good criminals make their way into the ring. Or should I say, Crimes.
Rex Caliber and "The Hardcore Luchadore" Static climb into the ring and Rex shakes Bruce's hand, and then lifts it into the air to a chorus of boos. It's pouring off Bruce's back, though, as he just closes his eyes and smiles.
REX CALIBER: Well, Bruce, that sure was a hell of a performance. I think Ca$h learned who not to screw with in this promotion!
Static grabs the microphone and shouts out at the crowd, who start booing him before a single word escapes his lips.
STATIC: Anyone in NAPW who even thinks about messing with The New Crimes, you now know what's going to happen to you! We have complete control of this company: you mess with us, and THIS IS WHAT YOU GET!!!
Static points right at Bruce Richards, who just chuckles harshly and claps his hand around Static's shoulders. The crowd starts hurling half-empty bags of popcorn and drink containers at the ring, which just serves to get Bruce angry. He takes the microphone from Static and addresses the crowd.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Look, people, I'm not going to apologize for my behavior, or my choices. See, I've been around here a long time, been around this business a long time, and I've seen this plenty of times before. You get a concentration of talented wrestlers in one group, and suddenly there's an imbalance of power. People start looking to make allegiances, either with the group or with other people. It happened with The Rat Pack, it happened with The Untouchables, hell it even happened with The Revolution. And if you don't sign up when the new boss snaps his fingers...something bad happens to you. Ca$h was new to the NAPW when Rex Caliber approached him, and so he made a rash decision. He struck back, and that kind of behaviour just isn't tolerated. That's why Rex brought out me. I'm the big guns.
The crowd starts screaming at Bruce, a fan in the front row taking off her "Never Trust The Beast" t-shirt and throwing it on the stage; another guy ripping his "I've Prepared Some Charts" shirt in half.
BRUCE RICHARDS: So what makes any of you think that I was going to make the same decision? I'm not impulsive, I have to think about this kind of decision from all the angles. How many more friends can I afford to lose? How many title shots can I afford to throw away? How many matches can I slum in, wondering when Lloyd Rees or Rex Caliber might just run in and steal the win from me? You have to think all these things through. So now here we are. I'm here, Rex is here, Static is here. We're all friends here. We all trust each other here. Which is what makes it easy for me to do this.
Do this?
DO THIS.
THE BEAST LAYS OUT REX WITH A RIGHT HAND, KNOCKING HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! STATIC's EYES BUG OUT, THEN HE TRIES TO ATTACK --- CAUGHT! THE BEAST RAISES STATIC HIGH ABOVE HIS HEAD... and THROWS HIM OUT OF THE RING ON TOP OF REX CALIBER!
The crowd is going suitably banana. The Beast roars, pounding his chest, helping Ca$h up, then picks up the microphone again.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Rex, Static, you think just because you bought me some breakfast and threatened me a little that you OWN ME? You want me to stand by and watch as you take the NAPW, you take my home, and throw it in the toilet? You've got another thing coming, boys. Because as long as I'm around, nobody in the NAPW is going to be afraid of what you can do to them. I'm standing up to you, Caliber, and you throw anyone you want at me and I'll KEEP standing. THAT'S the example I'm setting for you, Rex: that you're full of BLEEP, and that I'm going to kick it out of you---
WHAT.
THE.
HELL.
The crowd's roaring suddenly cuts off in stunned silence. And The Beast is suddenly on the canvas. Standing over top of him, grinning...
Is Ca$h. And he just chop-blocked The Beast's injured knee, sending the big man down.
The crowd begins to boo as Rex and Static get back in the ring, Static and Ca$h stomping the hell out of The Beast. Caliber screams "HOLD HIM UP!" Ca$h and Static do just that, and Caliber takes off his belt... he tears off Richards' shirt, and then proceeds to whip the exposed back of The Beast raw. Ca$h.
Ca$h is a Crime.
CA$H IS A CRIME?!
Caliber grabs the microphone again, pulling The Beast's head up by the hair, getting right in his face.
REX CALIBER: You just made yourself a HUGE mistake, Richards! Say goodbye to your Heavyweight Title match, because as long as I'm around, it doesn't matter if you're number one, you've got NO chance at that title! You're going to face who I want you to face, whenever I want you to face them, and I'm going to enjoy watching them punch your teeth out. In fact, I'll tell you who the number one contender is right NOW... the smartest man in NAPW, the most money-making man in NAPW, CA$H! JUNE 19TH, CA$H WRESTLES FOR THE NAPW TITLE! As for you ...
Slap.
REX CALIBER: You'd best watch your back, Richards, because you don't know who might be hiding, waiting to run in and get a little measure of revenge. Because after me, what other friends do you have here?
The crowd boos as Rex shakes hands with Ca$h, raising his hand high. Static claps the man on the shoulder, no doubt smirking beneath his half-face mask. Ca$h stomps Bruce for good measure and The Crimes make their exit to a torrential storm of heat.
FRANK WARBURTON: Our next match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first! Weighing in at a combined five hundred and forty-five pounds! "The Show!" Chad Kurtis! "The Angry American" Matthew Kurtis! They are the Bluuuuegraaaassss Maaaaaafiaaaaaa!
Limp Bizkit hits as the crowd cheers on the Kurtis brothers, accompanied, as always, by the lovely Lyndsey Valentine. Chad and Matt aren't soaking up the cheers as much as they have in the past, as they walk to the ring, they strategize. Luckily, Lyndsey picks up the slack.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! Weighing in at a combined three hundred and seventy-five pounds! They represent the Awesome Wrestling eXplosion! Tuuuurancuuullaaaaa and Shaaaaadooooowww!
An even bigger pop from the crowd as the quartet hits the ramp to the sounds of OK GO. Nenji's got the Bee on his shoulders, and the Bee's loving it! Turancula and Shadow smile to the fans, but their eyes settle on the Kurtis brothers in the ring, and the Bluegrass Mafia doesn't seem too impressed. The two representatives of AWX hit the ring as Nenji and the Bee take their positions at ringside. The Bee is given a stool so he can actually get his head above the apron. As John Sharplin explains the rules, Shadow steps forward to start off the match. Matthew Kurtis responds by walking to the middle of the ring, as Chad goes to his corner. Shadow's brow furrows, and he goes to tag in Turancula. Turancula is confused, as Shadow points to the bigger Matthew and shakes his head. "I want Chad! I know how to beat Chad!" Turancula shrugs and enters the ring to face off against Matthew Kurtis. Matthew has a definite height advantage over Turancula, and when they lock up, Matthew easily gets the Latino sensation in his control. Turancula is whipped to the ropes, and caught with a powerful side slam! He writhes in pain as Chad shouts "That's right! You're not in the backyard anymore!" Matthew mounts Turancula and starts in with a series of blistering forearm shots, as Turancula tries his best to get out from under the big man.
BILL HEWSON: This is a new attitude from the Bluegrass Mafia! It's like they said on napw-online.com: If you get in their way, prepare to experience pain and suffering!
JACK JONES: What can I say, Hewson? These guys are finally taking a step in the right direction! They're focused, and they're ready for anyone!
Matt picks up Turancula like a rag doll, and tags in Chad Kurtis. Matthew whips the AWX member to the ropes again, and catches him in his mighty arms. Chad Kurtis with a flying clothesline from the second rope, and Turancula goes flying to the canvas! Chad is now the legal man, and he decides to pull out all the stops. He turns around, and it's a standing shooting star! Right onto the knees of Turancula. Chad Kurtis is in pain, and Turancula finally has an opportunity! Hip toss onto the mat! Turancula picks up Chad Kurtis and positions him over his shoulder. He then starts to run around the ring, and on the way to a mighty powerslam, Shadow gets a blind tag! Powerslam by Turancula! He goes for the pin! But Sharplin isn't counting it! Turancula's not the legal man. Shadow scrambles in and applies a chicken wing hold on Chad Kurtis, and Kurtis is helpless! Shadow torques the arm with everything he's got! On the outside, Lyndsey pounds the mat in support for her boyfriend's brother. The crowd picks it up and claps along as Chad Kurtis tries to power out. Elbow to the head! Shadow lets go. Chad scoots behind Shadow and locks his arms around the waist. German Suplex! That's gotta hurt! But Chad keeps his arms around the waist, rolling to his feet, and another German! "That's right, Shadow! You're playing with the big boys now! None of this garbage wrestling crap!" One more German takes Shadow down, and Chad goes for the pin. One! Tw-unh-unh! Out of nowhere, Turancula dives in and delivers a flying elbow to Kurtis, breaking up the pin. Sharplin wrangles Turancula into his corner, and Chad rolls to his side, tagging in his brother. Matthew walks up to Shadow, cracking his knuckles. "Oh, no! Not him!"
JACK JONES: Look at that guy! He's scared of Matthew Kurtis!
BILL HEWSON: I'm not sure if Shadow's scared of anything, but he definitely thinks he can beat Chad instead of Matt.
A bear hug by Matthew Kurtis. Shadow's crying out in pain, but he's still trying to take the big man to his corner so he can tag out to Turancula. Now the Bee and Nenji cheer him on. Shadow, by sheer tenacity of will, is lunging towards the ropes. But Matt will have none of this. Spinebuster! Matt covers! One! Two! Thre-NO! Shadow's hand is on the ropes! Matt pounds the canvas and argues with Sharplin. Desperation lunge by Shadow, and he makes the tag! Turancula's back in! He rushes at Matt Kurtis, but it's a Yakuza Kick out of nowhere! The crowd oooohs in sympathy. Turancula goes for his corner, but Shadow is shaking his head. "Take the tag!" Turancula manages to rasp out. Shadow shakes his head. Matthew looms over Turancula, toying with him like a cat would a mouse. "Go ahead, backyarder! Take your best shot!" Matthew sticks out his chin, and Turancula bounces to the ropes, grabbing the head of the larger Kurtis and bulldogging his head to the mat. The crowd cheers! But Turancula calmly goes over to the corner and tags in Shadow. Shadow enters the ring, looks at the groggy Kurtis, shakes his head, and tags Turancula in once more. Turancula bug-eyes Shadow and raises his hand in the air once more. "No. It's up to you now." Shadow hangs his head and tags in. Matthew's on his hands and knees, and Shadow locks in a sleeper hold as Matt stands up. Shadow's cut the circulation to Matt's windpipe, and the Kurtis brother is turning purple. He staggers around the ring, with Shadow holding on like a backpack. Kurtis is winding down, but he falls backwards, squishing Shadow. Shadow releases the hold. Both men are down, but they're stirring. Shadow and Matt are crawling to their corners, as the fans cheer them on. Matt tags in Chad! Shadow tags in- what? Chad's in? Shadow jumps to his feet, a sense of purpose etched on his face. Springboard dropkick takes Shadow down! Kurtis scrambles for the pin! One! Tw-kickout! Chad is not happy, and he plows Shadow into the turnbuckle. A flurry of punches from Chad Kurtis here! The ref counts to five, but Chad's having none of this. He's laying the boots to Shadow. The ref grabs the shoulder of Chad Kurtis and tears him off. Kurtis angrily tells the ref to "keep your hands off of me!" Sharplin says "keep it out of the ropes!" Chad ignores the ref, goes back to work in the corner, referee counts one, two, three, four, five. He grabs the shoulder of The Show again.
And silence goes over the crowd.
BILL HEWSON: My god. Did he just...?
Chad did. John Sharplin's down on the mat, courtesy of a CK superkick. "You don't get in the way of the Show!" Chad Kurtis resumes his pummeling, as Sharplin calls for the bell.
FRANK WARBURTON: You winners, as a result of a disqualification! The Awesome Wrestling eXplosion!
Chad Kurtis's head snaps around. "What? COME ON!" Now his anger's really been provoked. He climbs the ropes, and it's a BME right onto the prone body of Shadow! Turancula rushes in, but is blindsided by Matthew Kurtis. BLUEGRASS BOMB! The crowd's having none of this! They start to boo as Nenji scrambles into the ring. Spinning side slam by Matthew! Three of the four members of AWX are laid out as Lyndsey looks on in astonishment. But the punishment's not over! Chad gets Shadow up, and it's a CK Finale! Matthew drags Nenji up, and it's one more Bluegrass Bomb, right on top of Shadow! The Bee's crying on the outside, trying to get into the ring. The two Kurtis brothers look at the carnage they've caused, nod to each other, and exit the ring. The garbage is flying at them as Lyndsey runs behind them, trying to figure out what she just witnessed.
JACK JONES: That's the way to make a statement! Don't screw with the Bluegrass Mafia!
BILL HEWSON: A startling change in attitude by the Kurtis brothers, and I, for one, am not impressed by this display of brutality. AWX get the win...
JACK JONES: But they sure don't look like winners, do they?
BILL HEWSON: And then I told him, "son, I would be happy to have you marry my oldest daughter."
JACK JONES: You sicken me.
"Bang Bang To The Rock And Roll!" Why doncha know? Out struts/walks the sexiest white-boy jive-soul brother in allllll the wrestling world, or at least Canada... Stone Zellor! The crowd loves the man, ladies in the front row going crazy. Stone circles the ring, embracing his people before sliding into the ring and break-dance spinning to his feet.
BILL HEWSON: This is the first opportunity Stone Zellor has ever had for the NAPW championship belt. He is a former tag-team champion, and came so close to dethroning "LDK" Lloyd Rees for the Provincial Title. And yet, many tonight are questioning Stone Zellor's shot here. He is not the #1 contender... as we saw earlier, Rex Caliber is not interested in giving #1 contender Bruce Richards his shot.
JACK JONES: Well remember, Bill Hewson. Stone Zellor, along with his brother Clint... Stone Zellor ended the DYNASTY of The New & Improved D-X. Who's to say he won't end another dynasty here tonight?
BILL HEWSON: That is the circumstance, it would seem. Rex Caliber would like nothing more for Ravager to finally lose the NAPW title he has retained against so many tough competitors. Lloyd Rees, Simply Beautiful, Chris Casino, "Sick" Billy Kryenik. But Stone Zellor has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with The Crimes himself...
JACK JONES: Yeah, but Ca$h said the same thing for the past couple weeks. Who's to say Stone Zellor isn't pulling a Ca$h on the humanoids? And Ravager.
BILL HEWSON: Stop saying "Who's to say." Whatever the case may be, Stone Zellor has the biggest opportunity of his wrestling career here tonight... but he's got to face THIS man...
Which man?
Four cellos.
METAL.
He is... the NAPW Champion. Championship belt around his waist. Hair slicked back. The crowd again goes crazy, but a different kind of crazy. Awe. Almost intimidated themselves.
BILL HEWSON: And he is... indeed... without question, the NAPW Champion. The man who unified the NAPW and Pure Honor titles one month ago against Chris Casino. The man who Rex Caliber would see lose the title and never get another shot at it, ever again.
JACK JONES: Hello? Am I the only one remembers Ravager hand-cuffing Rex Caliber and beating the hell out of him, causing a RIOT? Hello?!
BILL HEWSON: Nobody denies Ravager's past. And truthfully, he hasn't changed much at all except in one major way. He realizes that he doesn't need complex plots to get his way. Ravager as a wrestler has come into his own... the only deadly weapon he needs is his bare hands.
Both wrestlers are in the ring. There is no stare-down, there is no reason to have that kind of hatred. But they do lock eyes. Stone is in his corner, Ravager in his.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall at a 60 minute time limit... and is for the the undisputed NAPW Championship! The referee in charge at the bell is senior official Dick Kiebiech!
Introducing first, the challenger wearing black. Wrestling out of Staten Island, New York, he weighed in this morning at one-hundred and seventy-one pounds. He is a former NAPW Tag Team Champion, the man with the ... er... "Balls O'Steel"... and tonight, wrestles for his first NAPW Championship! Ladies and gentlemen, "Dynamiiiiiiiite" STONNNNNNE ZELLLLORRRR!
To my right, also wearing black. He wrestles out of Brooklyn New York, and weighed in this morning at two-hundred and ten pounds. He is a two-time Provincial Champion, and the two-time and reigning NAPW Champeeeeen... ladies and gentlemen, "The Shooter," "The Last Resort," RAVAGERRRRRRR!
Crowd gives an ovation for both men. Referee Dick Kiebiech takes the belt from Ravager, who gazes at it. Displayed to Stone Zellor. Held up for alllll six hundred plus fans in Calgary to see. And then it begins.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
Ravager and Stone Zellor meet in the center of the ring. Not so much a staredown as it is a matter of respect. Ravager does not particularly trust Stone Zellor - he doesn't trust ANYONE - but he has his honor. The champion extends a hand, and Stone Zellor accepts it with only a moment hesitation. Crowd applauds the sportsmanship, and they tie up!
Ravager undoubtedly the superior technical wrestler, is able to manuever Stone Zellor into a greco-roman knuckle-lock. Stone not giving up without a fight, but Ravager steps his leg behind Zellor's knee and forces the man backwards. The lock still in, the top of Stone's head literally touching the canvas - the man's bent over backwards! Good thing he's that damn flexible, or he'd be broken. Stone can't power out of it, but instead he falls to his back, where he gets his feet up into Ravager's chest and monkey flips the man overhead.
Ravager still has the fingers locked, both men on their backs now, Stone bridges up... and so does Ravager. And yes, Sweetser, I did completely lift this spot THANK YOU.
Each man rolls around, back to their feet Ravager still has the fingers locked, trying to bend Stone's hands backwards. Stone dancing in mild pain, not pimptastic dancing... what's this? Stone dives forward in a somersault, turning things around back slide! Back slide! That gets a one count, and each man returns to his vertical base. Ravager rotates his shoulder as Stone shrugs his shoulders. Crowd applauds the exchange.
BILL HEWSON: Stalemate, although Ravager would no doubt be ahead on points if we were judging this match-up on points. But it's a pinfall or submission to get the title to change hands here tonight!
JACK JONES: And that's the champion's advantage, and like him or hate him, Ravager doesn't have to beat Stone Zellor. Stone Zellor has to beat Ravager!
Ravager adjusts his wrist tape, the two men circle and look to lock up again. Again Ravager goes to lock the knuckles up. What's this? Stone grabs Ravager's hand first, and then steps beside the man... he's dancing! Stone Zellor's free arm waves up, sending a current of FUNKATRONS through his body, his left arm waves up, and that sends the current through Ravager's body ---
Or, you know, not.
Ravager stays stock still, raising an eyebrow. Stone Z breaks loose the thing and looks at Ravager. Perplexed. Then a big grin breaks out on his face and he waves his finger to the crowd, shouting "I got this one! I got this one!" Stone Z grabs his leg behind his back and proceeds to hop on one foot with super-funk power! What's this? Stone does the SPLITS! And then --- spin-o-rama into a casual, relaxed funky pose. He kips up, shouting "Come on man, what you got?" Oooh. Ravager looks on... and then looks out at the crowd as a chant rises up that he quite possibly has never heard before.
"YOU GOT SERVED! YOU GOT SERVED! YOU GOT SERVED!"
Stone Z looks at Ravager and shrugs, "They just tellin' it like it is!" The champion is not impressed, standing with hands on his hips. But the crowd is chanting again.
"DANCE, RAVAGER, DANCE! DANCE, RAVAGER, DANCE!"
The expression on the man's face is one of absolute incredulity. "Are you people morons", his look would say.
BILL HEWSON: ...the fans want Ravager to dance, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: Ravager? Dance? He has less rhythm than Navin Johnson in "The Jerk!" And I mean... come on. Ravager doesn't dance. He shouldn't dance. He can't dance. He's the Shooter! The Last Resort! The White-Collar Assassin! I mean, come on, Ravager will not, can not dance for these humanoids if ---
BILL HEWSON: TAP DANCING!
Tomorrow, the fans will go tell their friends what happens. And their friends will say "No." "Yes!" "Him?" "Yes!"
Why?
Ravager is doing a tap-dance.
Granted, it's not making much noise on the canvas, more like a stomping, but that does not change the fact that Ravager is tap dancing. The crowd is beside themselves with laughter. Stone Zellor is almost crying in laughter. Ravager calls for the mic, handed to him by Warburton.
"My mother put me in tap for eight years. And you people wonder why I'm so unhappy."
The crowd is now chanting "YOU GOT SERVED! YOU GOT SERVED!" towards Stone Zellor. Stone, graciously, begins to bow towards Ravager. "You are the man," he says, shaking his head. "But I got that beat!"
BILL HEWSON: He can't! Nobody's ever ---
JACK JONES: Done that!
Stone spins on the top of his head.
One
two
three
four
five
six
seven
EIGHT...
EIGHT REVOLUTIONS.
BILL HEWSON & JACK JONES: OCTUPLE HEADSPIN!
Crowd is standing. I mean, a septuple headspin would be one thing. Only few men have ever mastered that maneuever. Yet here, tonight, in Calgary Alberta Canada, Stone Zellor has displayed the world's first ever Octuple Headspin. Ravager again has his hands on his hips, shaking his head. But there is just a hint of a smile on his lips. A twisted, ugly thing, but nonetheless, it is there. Barely.
Stone Zellor sits on the top rope, soaking in the chants of the crowd.
BILL HEWSON: Yes folks, this is an NAPW title match, not the Soul Train dance-off. But who cares, this crowd is loving every minute of it!
However, that said, Ravager is ready to get back to the business he knows best. Which is after all, ass-kicking. He pulls Stone in and quickly slaps on an arm-bar, twisting Stone's arm. Stone lets out a shout of pain, then tries to turn it around by twisting it the other way, no dice, Ravager quick to counter the counter. Stone looking for a way out, tries to get to the ropes, Ravager pulls hard and twists, momentarily driving Stone to his knees. Stone gets up, then somersaults and rolls through, trying to take Ravager down, but no dice again, Ravager won't remove it. Stone looking frustrated here, walks to the ropes... standing front-flip using the ropes for leverage! Ravager still has the arm, but Stone suddenly falls backwards, wrapping his legs around Ravager's arm. He can't get it off of him, so why not try to wreck it? Stone looking for a ju-jigatame? Some kind of submission from Dynamite, Ravager is still on his feet... what's this? No way! Ravager lifting Stone up --- Stone lets go of the hold suddenly. The surprise frees him, Ravager wasn't expecting that result. Stone gets back to his feet and suddenly rushes in with a lariat, only to have it ducked --- Ravager hooking the arms! LAST RESORT! No, Stone fights it off, not allowing Ravager to link the full-nelson, he breaks free and double-underhooks Ravager. SLAMMY TIME --- Ravager powers out and drops Zellor backwards, but Stone lands on his feet. Ravager turns around, only to be met by a speeding Stone Zellor with a big dropkick right to the mush. And that connects, the first major offensive move. Stone pops up, going "DYNOMITE, BABY!" He turns around to cover Ravager...
Oh.
Ravager is already on his feet.
CHOP.
WHOOOO!
CHOP.
WHOOOOOO!
CHOP.
WHOOOOOOO!
CHOP.
WHOOOOO!
Stone dances, in pain, the stinging red welts across his white-boy chest the result of Ravager's stiff, brutal knife-edge chops.
BILL HEWSON: And those chops just echoing throughout the Ogden Legion. Ravager without a doubt throws THE hardest chops in NAPW, and Stone Zellor just found that out first-hand.
JACK JONES: Both these guys need to get to a tanning bed, stat! Yeesh.
Ravager looks to take complete control of the contest here, getting a collar-and-elbow tie-up and muscling Stone into the corner. Dick Kiebiech is there to call for the count. Ravager holds on til four, then... clean break. Stone has his hands up, ready for a sudden cheap shot...
No cheap shot, but Ravager does indeed unload with a knife edge chop as soon as Stone takes a step out of the corner. WHOOOOO again, the crowd goes, wincing. Stone is chopped again, and again, until he is in the middle of the ropes. Referee wants a break, Ravager irish whips his man across the ring, then sprints after him. He catches Stone on the rebound with a brutal knee to the midsection that sends the man flipping over and landing in the middle of the ring. Ravager is quick to follow-up, grabbing a dazed Stone quickly and lifting him up high for a gut-buster! Stone holding his mid-section, rolling on the canvas as Ravager stalks him.
He is the NAPW Champion for a reason.
Stone is brought back up to his feet, and met with another chop to the ribs. It's the ribs Ravager has targeted, the chest area... Ravager lifts the 171 pound Stone Zellor over his head... gorilla press? Not often Ravager meets an opponent he can press over his head oh my. Ravager drops Stone Zellor ... right onto his own knees. What a brutal combination move, gorilla press into Ravager's knees as the man falls on his back. Stone rolls to the outside, not necessarily intentionally, holding his ribs in pain. The referee tries to keep Ravager in the ring, but Ravager follows the man outside.
Stone Zellor is trying to walk it off, following the guardrail for guidance as the champion continues to stalk him. Ravager, in no hurry, turns Stone around and unleashes the knife-edge. Stone is leaning against the guardrail as Ravager unleashes another one. Stone with a sudden right hand, Ravager absorbs it and chops him again. Then it's irish whip time...
Into the guardrail on the far side RAVAGER COMING IN FAST
WHAM.
Ravager with a running double chop sends Stone down to the concrete hard. Stone is down, blinking, gasping for air. Ravager bundles him back into the ring and follows up, what's he going to do here? He hooks up the legs, then the head, kneels on top of the man's back... and rolls backwards. A bow and arrow lock! It's Stone's chest that is damaged, but the strain on his back and entire body no doubt isn't going to help. The kidneys, the lungs, everything contained within that torso is being punished by the champion.
JACK JONES: Can you believe this brutal assault? No wonder Rex Caliber wants a new champion, this is just sick!
BILL HEWSON: Ravager has never made any bones about his methods. He is in that ring to hurt you, and he has so many ways to do it. But we should also note that he is NOT under-estimating Stone Zellor! Dynamite likes to have fun, but Ravager is fully aware of exactly how deadly Stone can be given the right opportunity. Ravager is slowing Stone down, taking away his aerial moves... taking away his high-energy impact moves, keeping him on the mat and taking away his ability to breathe!
JACK JONES: Hey, I do the color analysis around here, bub.
BILL HEWSON: Are you kidding? I should get paid double for all the times I do my AND your jobs!
Ravager with the bow & arrow, Stone isn't giving up, he lets him out of it. But the damage has of course been done... camel clutch! Ravager locking it in now, holding on. A move that hurts the back and shoulders more so, but certainly makes it difficult to get air into the lungs when your chest is hurting... and without air, THEY'LL DIE. GET YO ASS TO MARS. Sorry, Total Recall/Twisted Toyfare flashback. The point is: without air, Stone Zellor can't breathe. Without breath, he can't kick-out. He can't mount offense.
But he isn't giving it up, either.
Ravager lets go of the Camel Clutch, Stone slumping forward, again curling up, trying to recover something, anything of his energy. The crowd is trying to rally him. "Stone! Stone! Stone!" Ravager fans are countering with "Sucks! Sucks! Sucks!" Ooh, the crowd is splitting down the middle here. Both men big fan-favorites, certainly for different reasons. Nonetheless, Ravager pays no heed to the crowd, choosing to scoop slam Stone down to the canvas. He takes the second turnbuckle, pauses... and then double-stomps Zellor from there. Right onto the chest. Stone kicks his legs in pain, he's just lucky that wasn't a Celtic Crusher double-stomp! Ravager makes a cover finally, getting one, two, no! Stone Zellor with an authoritative kick-out, he won't go down this easily. Ravager slaps on a reverse chin-lock, then switches it up by grabbing both of Stone's arms and pulling them out in a "tee" fashion, digging his knee into the man's back for a surfboard. Ravager trying to keep things on the mat, keep Stone down... but the crowd is trying to rally Stone! And Stone is shaking, trying to get a second wind, he's getting to his feet! Ravager changes things up, digging his HEAD inbetween Stone's shoulderblades as the man is getting up... wait! Stone begins to turn things! He's twisting, twisting, twisting... he gets behind Ravager! German suplex! Ravager rolls through instead HALF-CRAB! LANCE STORM TRIBUTE! CROWD GOES MAPLE!
Stone Zellor is in a world of trouble here, Ravager holding onto the leg in the center of the ring, sitting backwards... changes it up! CROSSFACE! Ravager pulling back! He's got the arm cinched between his legs, his own hands locked tightly across Stone's face, pulling back and snarling. Stone is clearly in pain, yelling out. The crowd is split between chants of "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" and "TAP! TAP! TAP!" It's deafening! The din!
It ain't over til it's over.
Stone Zellor somehow... begins to crawl his body over... over... over... Ravager cinches in the hold, trying to keep him from moving, make him tap out before... before...
Stone Zellor gets a foot across the bottom rope.
He does. Referee calls for a break. Ravager gives it to him, but then immediately goes back to the crossface STONE COUNTERS! HE ROLLS OVER, RAVAGER'S SHOULDERS DOWN, ONE, TWO, the champion gets out! Both men to their feet KABOOM.
Ravager unloads a lariat from a few feet away, sending Stone right back down. COVER. ONE! TWO! KICK-OUT! The champion again grabs the legs, forearm across the upper chest for ONE, TWO, kick-out! Again Ravager covers, one, two, kick-out! A FOURTH TIME Ravager covers ONE, TWO, KICK-OUT.
JACK JONES: Ravager wasn't trying or expecting to get the win there, but every time Stone Zellor kicks out, he uses up more energy. The Champion is going to wear him down every chance he gets... it's not all about high-impact moves! Now THAT'S color analysis!
BILL HEWSON: Thank you for breaking down the match for us, as Ravager drives a knee into Stone's abdomen. He's certainly done his damage to that area.
JACK JONES: Hey, if Stone Zellor can't breathe, he can't WIN.
BILL HEWSON: Deja vu!
Ravager pulls Stone up, knife-edge chops. He grabs the legs and then lifts the man to the top rope, leaving him seated woozily. CHOP to Stone by Ravager... and then he pulls the head down. Oh no. This will end it.
BILL HEWSON: The Muscle Buster! Ravager hasn't broken that out for months... Stone Zellor is fighting!
JACK JONES: If Ravager hits it, it's all over!
BILL HEWSON: Business is just business, as Ravager would say, but Stone Zellor is fighting for all he's worth! If he has anything left, he needs to block this move now! Oh, Ravager with another chop! That stuns Stone --- PIMP SLAP! STONE ZELLOR BACKHANDED THE CHAMP ACROSS THE FACE! Oh no, that just pissed him off ---
JACK JONES: BUT HE'S GOT THE TIME HE NEEDS!
BILL HEWSON: STONE ZELLOR FLIES --- THE MISSILE DROPKICK! NOBODY BETTER! NOBODY BETTER! STONE ZELLOR SCORES WITH THE MISSILE DROPKICK!
JACK JONES: But he can't cover, Hewson! It took all he had to hit that move!
BILL HEWSON: Both men are down! The champion! The challenger! And the referee is starting his ten-count, by God, what a shame it would be for this match-up to end like that!
But both men are down, and Dick Kiebiech gotta do his job. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. And he's gotta count to ten. And the wrestlers have until that ten count to get back to their feet, or the match is over.
Stone Zellor's body is heaving, clearly he's trying to gulp air into his damaged lungs and chest. But he scored big-time with the missile-dropkick, his feet speaing right into Ravager's face.
The champion is laying on his back, blinking, looking up at the ceiling, stunned by the dropkick that nearly obliterated his head from his shoulders.
JACK JONES: And THIS is why we always say, you have to beat the champion... the champion doesn't have to beat YOU. Ravager can just stay down, Hewson, let the referee count to ten, call it a draw, and retain his title. Stone Zellor has to WIN the match... Ravager doesn't!
BILL HEWSON: I'm sure you used that strategy many times in your career, but I don't know if Ravager is the kind of man who would.
JACK JONES: What makes you so sure? Ravager once dragon suplexed his almost-GIRLFRIEND onto the concrete just to get into the head of D!! He LOVES being champion! He's said again and again that he will do ANYTHING to retain the belt... why wouldn't he take the count-out?
The crowd is chanting, stomping, cheering, begging for the two men to take their feet.
The count is five.
The count is six.
Stone Zellor could lay back, secure in the knowledge that he gave his all against the champion in a match-up where nobody gave him a shot in hell. He could take some pride in his performance, because he's got SKILLZ BITCH, even if he did not win...
Ravager could lay back, secure in the knowledge that the champion retains in the event of a double count-out. He could take pride in his performance, knowing he displayed a champion class, even if he did not outright destroy his opponent...
"That's not my style, man!"
"...that's not my style."
STONE.
RAVAGER.
ARMS ON ROPES. KNUCKLES ON CANVAS.
THEY CRAWL.
THEY RISE.
THEY.
STAND.
TALL.
And Kiebiech waves off the count at nine and a half.
BILL HEWSON: And as they say...BUSINESS is about to pick-up!
JACK JONES: No no, it's Katey, bar the door! Or: It's bustin' loose in Tulsa! Tulsa being Calgary ---
BILL HEWSON: WILL YOU BE SERIOUS? THIS IS THE NAPW CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
Stone Zellor fires off a right hand, Ravager blocks, headbutt. Whoops. Ravager with a chop, and then he sends Stone to the ropes, Stone puts on the brakes --- short-arm clothesline and knee-lift at the same time! That stuns the champion, and now Stone sends him to the ropes, Stone drops to the canvas, Ravager runs over, rebound again, Stone leapfrogs Ravager, rebound, Stone scores with hurricane DDT, The Rock style! That connects! And wait a minute, he's going to the top rope... Stone Zellor is on top! What's he doing here?
DIVING HEADBUTT!!!
CONNECTS!
HOOKS THE LEG!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEE
RAVAGER KICKS OUT.
Crowd that was IT, Stone looks out and says "IT'S SLAMMY TIME!" He double-underhooks the arms, but Ravager is fighting it! Double Arm DDT or no... how about NO. How about, instead, Stone Zellor keeps the double-underhook and wraps his legs around Ravager's torso in a body-scissors, bringing the man to the canvas in the Scar submission move! Stone really needs a more character-suiting name for it, but anyways, the point is, Stone Zellor has Ravager bent in the middle of the ring! The champion's hand is raised upwards, shaking, WILL HE TAP? Again the dueling chants! "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" rivalling "TAP! TAP! TAP!" OMG WTF! Ravager... no, he's fighting! Can he make the ropes? Stone is yanking back, Ravager could pass out! My goodness!
Dick Kiebiech grabs one of Ravager's hands. It falls once. He grabs it again. It falls. The second time.
BILL HEWSON: Stone Zellor... is one hand drop away from becoming NAPW Champion! My good God... Kiebiech lifts Ravager's hand... and it dropsnnnnNO!
JACK JONES: IT'S ALIVE!
BILL HEWSON: Ravager is trying --- reaching out! He's almost there --- Stone Zellor wrenching on the hold even more! And --- and --- Ravager gets a hand on the bottom rope!
JACK JONES: But now he's worn out, and look at Stone Zellor. He has got that all-important second wind! The momentum has shifted! This crowd, Bill Hewson, are feeling it --- they could be seeing a title change here tonight!
Ravager is still down near the ropes, referee asking if he wants to continue. Sometimes, referees, the answer is "duh." Stone Zellor however knows he can't let Ravager get his wind back. He grabs Ravager, hooking the arms... TIGER SUPLEX. When the hell did Stone Zellor do a Tiger Suplex? BRIDGED! ONE! TWO! Ravager gets out. With far less authority than he has throughout the match. And Stone Zellor, ladies and gentlemen:
Is feeling it.
BILL HEWSON: What's this here? Stone Zellor again with an irish whip, oh my, Ravager goes tumbling outside the ring! I don't think that was expected...
JACK JONES: He can't win the title on a count-out ---
BILL HEWSON: No, he can't... wait just a damn minute! It's MR. CANADA and THE MAN IN BLACK! Oh come --- NO! NO! NOT STONE ZELLOR! Mr. Canada and The Man in Black, no doubt Rex Caliber and his cronies, are attacking the NAPW Champion on the outside! Oh no! Not like this!
JACK JONES: I think... I think we have a new NAPW Champion! Look how Stone Zellor is "trying to get outside" and the referee is holding him back... and the ref doesn't see this assault on the outside!
BILL HEWSON: No, it can't be! This has been such a tremendous match... first Ca$h, and now Stone Zellor has sold out to the boss!
Stone Zellor, who shoves the referee aside.
Stone Zellor, who charges FULL SPEED AHEAD.
Stone Zellor, who FLIES OVER THE TOP ROPE
DAMN THE TORPEDOES
AND TAKES OUT MR. CANADA AND THE MAN IN BLACK!
PIMP SLAPS FOR ALL!
Stone helps up Ravager...
CHAMPION AND CHALLENGER GO TO WORK!
PIMP SLAP!
KNIFE-EDGE CHOP!
MR. CANADA AND THE MAN IN BLACK STAGGERED!
Stone turns to high-five Ravager and indeed, remind the crowd:
"I'VE GOT SKILLZ!"
The crowd finishes with "BITCHooooh."
The "oooh" comes from the Man In Black, whichever Crimes is under the mask, low-blowing Stone. Of course, as we all know. You can't low blow Stone Zellor. YOU GET HURT WHEN YOU LOW BLOW STONE ZELLOR.
And then you get bitch-slapped.
And then for good measure, headbutts Mr. Canada hard, sending him tumbling over The Man In Black.
The referee has been watching the whole thing... oh no. He's not going to count both men out, is he?
The Man In Black and Mr. Canada escape to lick their wounds, and Stone and Ravager briefly are united... then they head back into the ring. Ravager and Stone go up to Kiebiech, and both men are adamant about what they are saying. Kiebiech leans over to Frank Warburton...
BILL HEWSON: Oh no. Come on. NOT LIKE THIS!
JACK JONES: Stone Zellor, what have you done? You don't want The Crimes as enemies!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has counted both men out of the ring...
BOOOOOOOOO. Dick Kiebiech is now the biggest heel in NAPW.
FRANK WARBURTON: BUT! Since there were extentuating circumstances, and at the request of BOTH WRESTLERS...
THIS MATCH...
WILL CONTINUE!!!
BILL HEWSON: WE ARE STILL GOING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! What an UNBELIEVABLE MATCH THIS HAS BEEN!
JACK JONES: Stone, you could have won the title right there... whhhhy?
BILL HEWSON: "Dynamite" Stone Zellor wants the gold, everybody who wrestles wants the gold. But some of these men have a little INTEGRITY! I know you're not on intimate terms with the concept.
JACK JONES: The Integra? I'd never be caught dead driving one of those.
BILL HEWSON: Touche. Wait, what?
So here's where we stand. Ravager. Stone Zellor. Forty minutes gone. And now it's time to go into endgame.
Stone Zellor with a right hand. Ravager with a chop. Stone fires with a right hand! Ravager with a CHOP. Stone... spins around for a discus punch! That one staggers Ravager, who bounces off the ropes... and unloads a HEADBUTT right to Stone's face. Stone's legs rubber-ize from the impact, and Ravager is quick to hit the ropes...
LARIATTOOOOOOO!
HE BEAT SICK BILLY KRYENIK WITH THAT MOVE!
ZELLOR FLIPS INSIDE OUT!
COVER CROWD YELLS ALONG ONE
TWO
THREE---
SHOULDER UP!
SHOULDER UP!
Ravager on his knees, looking at the referee with a pained expression on his face. He holds up three fingers, Kiebiech gives him the bull-horns to signify two clearly. Ravager rests for a moment, hands on his thighs... and then he looks to the top rope.
Oh, yeah.
THUMB ACROSS THE THROAT.
RAVAGER CLIMBS TO THE TOP ROPE...
DIVING HEADBUTT OF HIS OWN!
THE MOVE THAT BEAT LLOYD REES!
Only, you know, that one HIT. STONE ZELLOR MOVES! He grabs Ravager by the arms, DOUBLE UNDER-HOOK SLAMMMMMMY TIMMMMMMMMMME!
BOOOM!
CONNECTS!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEEEE
No.
NO!
SHOULDER UP!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELLLLLL! How did he do it? How could he possibly do it?
BILL HEWSON: Stone Zellor is no doubt asking the same thing, he can't believe it. He had the NAPW title won... but it takes three seconds, not 2.9. Ravager... something inside this man simply refuses to quit. He's kicked out of moves nobody else has ever been able to! Ravager simply REFUSES TO LOSE!
JACK JONES: But I mean, at some point in time, something's got to give!
BILL HEWSON: Chris Casino thought so! Billy Kryenik thought so! Simply Beautiful thought so! BUT HERE WE ARE... but Stone Zellor has the champion the ropes now! And he has all the momentum!
"Dynamite," they call him. He picks Ravager up... Discus clothesline! Cover, gets two. Ravager doesn't seem to have much else going on besides kicking-out, however. Stone Zellor with a backslide! One! Two! Kick-out! Inside cradle by Stone! ONE! TWO! TH---kickout! He picks Ravager up and sends him to the ropes, Ravager reverses somehow! Ravager with a back body drop sends Stone to the outside! Or does it?
Well, no, it doesn't, because Stone lands on the ring apron. He drives his shoulder into Ravager's gut, then flies over the top rope with a sunset flip! Wait! Ravager holds the ropes to prevent the block, then drops down on top of Stone. He grabs a leg... Ravager with a pin! ONE! TWO! TH--- Stone gets out of that one just barely! Zellor up and fires out a kick... Ravager catches it --- Stone with an Enziguri --- Ravager ducks --- Stone comes from the other direction with a reverse enziguri to the side of Ravager's head. That sends the champion down to a knee, and Stone gets some momentum. SHINING WIZARRRRRD
Ravager with a drop-toe hold on the speeding Stone, Dynamite's face impacts the top turnbuckle! Stone stumbles out, in a daze
And is caught by the deadly linked hands of Ravager around his shoulders and behind his neck.
"Oh shit."
BILL HEWSON: LAST RESORT! LAST RESORT! LAST RESORRRRT! RAVAGER'S DRAGON SUPLEX HAS FOLDED STONE ZELLOR UP LIKE AN ACCORDION!
JACK JONES: Are you kidding? The man literally did a 360 in the air! He landed on his freaking belly! That's insane!
BILL HEWSON: RAVAGER COVERS, ONE, TWO, THREEE---
No. Freaking. Way.
BILL HEWSON: THE SHOULDER UP! THE SHOULDER UP! THE SHOULDERRRRR UP! STONE ZELLOR --- HOW THE HELL DID HE GET OUT OF THAT?
JACK JONES: I... I don't know! I didn't think this kid had it in him! I never thought the kid would have it in him!
BILL HEWSON: Number 7 contender, WHO GIVES A DAMN! It doesn't matter why Stone Zellor got this shot! HE IS A CONTENDER! HE IS DYNAMITE! HE DOES HAVE SKILLZ!
Bill Hewson is going to have a heart attack before the night is over. I mean, there's a tag title match STILL to come tonight! A ladder tag title match. In the ring though, Stone Zellor is layed out, trying to breathe, trying to get any air in. The second wind is gone. Ravager is in a corner, sitting back against the bottom turnbuckle in a pose that would almost look casual, carefree if it was anybody but Ravager and not the forty-ninth minute of a match.
The question is, what do you do from here? Each man has kicked out of the other's sure-fire, can't miss finishing manuever. They're worn. They're battered. They're beaten down. How do you keep going after all this punishment? How do you get up and try again? How do you allow yourself to stay down for the three-count when you've survived so much?
Maybe the more important question is "why?"
The answer is simply, to be the best. Because you have to be the best. Because the championship is on the line, the very reason you get into this business.
Ravager wills himself to his feet, because he is a champion. He has fought and bled and overcome. He has willed himself to be the very best. And he will win this match. Or die trying.
Ravager finally steps over to Stone Zellor, the crowd almost as tired as everybody else. But they're captivated. The champion pulls the challenger up by his hair, soaked in sweat and slick. INSIDE CRADLE!
He beat Simply Beautiful with that.
But doesn't beat Stone Zellor.
Kick-out at two.
Ravager with a chop to Stone's chest, pausing longer between chops, low on energy. He again chops. Stone sags, what does he have left? Ravager...
Ravager sweeps Stone's legs out from under him. He turns the man over, placing Stone's mouth on the bottom rope. Oh no. Not The Silencer. The crowd is literally begging Ravager not to do it. Not to curb stomp Stone Zellor. Sure, some dickwads are chanting "CURB THE BITCH!" but they need to see American History X. Ravager pulls his foot back... and thinks otherwise.
Save it for Caliber and The Crimes. Not Stone Zellor.
But he will Garotte him.
Step-over toe-hold, Cravate, is this a Chris Hero match? No, it's Ravager, locking in his signature submission hold. And it could be enough, but Stone just won't tap out...
So he will pass out.
The arm raised once.
The arm raised twice.
The arm raised three times.
...
No.
NO.
Stone Zellor trying for the ropes! Stone Zellor crawling on his belly, squirming, trying to move!
And he reaches out ... fingertips brushing the bottom rope, Ravager screaming "TAAAAAAP!"
Stone could tap. But he makes one last desperate lunge and grabs the bottom rope.
Kiebiech calls for the break. Ravager doesn't release. One, two, three, four, he releases. And he looks to the top rope. He knows the top rope.
He likes driving men's heads straight into it. Instant Karma, he calls it.
Ravager pulls up Stone Zellor again, hoisting him up and perching him on the top rope. The Champion climbs...
BILL HEWSON: And this is it, if Ravager hits Instant Karma this match is over. Nobody has ever, ever kicked out of Instant Karma and god bless Stone Zellor, but he won't buck that trend tonight, hell of a match notwithstanding.
JACK JONES: The kid has wrestled for FIFTY-FOUR MINUTES against the most dominant NAPW Champion of all time! That's gotta count for something!
BILL HEWSON: And he's not making it that easy for Ravager to get the move! Stone Zellor is fighting with Ravager on the top turnbuckle! Oh, what an open hand slap by Zellor right across Ravager's face, that stunned the champion! Now Stone's going for a move! Stone going for Slammy Time off the top rope? No! Ravager is struggling, holding the top rope!
JACK JONES: Whoever gets this is going to win the match, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: You could very well be right... but who's going to get the maneuever?
Ravager with a european uppercut to Stone knocks that, still working on Instant Karma... Stone Zellor again blocking. Open-hand chop ---
PIMP SLAP.
Ravager almost falls backwards, but holds on to the top ropes... but doesn't count on Stone Zellor using the space to slip to the canvas. He grabs Ravager around the thighs...
POWERBOMB.
HE POWERBOMBS RAVAGER DOWN!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEEE
FOOT ON THE ROPES.
The powerbomb out of the turnbuckle, but right in the corner, and Ravager just barely aware enough to get a foot on the ropes. Stone Zellor trying to get up, trying to muster the mystical third wind. He looks out at the crowd and yells, they respond. They're standing. Hell, they haven't sat down for the past ten minutes. Every fall could be it! Every move could be the last one!
Stone Zellor grabs Ravager, throwing some kicks his way. A couple right hands, not much mustard behind them. He's out of ideas. He's used his best moves.
Well. All except one.
Stone picks Ravager up and turns him around... a move that he can't use very often, not against most of his bigger opponents.
TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER.
But Ravager kicks his legs in mid-air and bends Stone over backwards. Ravager with the Tombstone!
No, Stone bends backwards again, landing on his feet, back bridged. Ravager drives a forearm down into Stone's exposed ribs, whoosing the air out of the man's lungs. Stone collapses, and Ravager grabs him from behind. He picks him up and puts him back on the top rope...
Super belly-to-back suplex?!
NO! SUPER LAST RESORT!
NO! STONE COUNTERS! ELBOWS! DESPERATION!
Ravager with stiff forearms to the back! AND...
SUPER BACK DROP!
STONE TURNS!
LANDS ON RAVAGER!
BOTH MEN HIT THE CANVAS HARD!
THEY'RE NOT MOVING!
Crowd is begging, chanting, cheering!
Neither man is moving!
BILL HEWSON: My God! Who-who took the brunt of that move?
JACK JONES: I don't even know! Stone turned it in mid-air, but didn't land clean or anything... I mean, what the hell can they do next?
BILL HEWSON: Ravager isn't moving! Stone Zellor is not moving! The champion and challenger are down and out after this tremendous, hellacious contest...
JACK JONES: Wait a minute Hewson, look, LOOK!
BILL HEWSON: STONE ZELLOR IS MOVING! HE'S CRAWLING OVER TO RAVAGER! He --- No, he collapsed! Stone Zellor is literally inches away from Ravager! He just needs to reach out and drape a hand, even a finger over top of the champion!
DING DING DING.
JACK JONES: Ding ding ding? There wasn't a pinfall ---
BILL HEWSON: We have... I think we hit the time limit, Jack Attack. I don't think we have EVER hit the time limit in an NAPW title match!
The crowd is murmuring, unsure of what to say, cheer, feel. Ravager is laid out on his back in the middle of the ring. Stone Zellor is on his belly, hand extended... but just inches short of the champion's body.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest... has reached the sixty-minute time limit. Therefore, it is a time limit DRAW!
The crowd reacts in different ways. Some boo. Some applaud. And some start a chant that is simply "FIVE MORE MINUTES, clapclap clapclapclap." The rest of the crowd joins in. But Kiebiech puts the title on top of Ravager, who cradles it with the little strength he has left in his arms.
The crowd give an ovation. A huge ovation. Stone Zellor, 171 pounds of nothin', that nobody gave a chance. Ravager, the champion, the shooter...
And these two men have gone at it for sixty straight-minutes.
Slowly each man gets to his feet, greeted by louder and louder cheering. Ravager stands, chest heaving, title dangling from his left hand. Stone stands, heaving, soaked in sweat, hands at his sides. Ravager extends his hand. Stone accepts. The two men almost collapse into each other, embracing in a manner only wrestling fans could appreciate, for two sweat-soaked half-naked men embracing.
But by God it's beautiful.
"MATCH OF THE YEAR! MATCH OF THE YEAR!"
-Intermission-
Intermission is over, giving the crowd... the commentators, hell, everybody in the building the chance to catch their collective breaths. The ring crew has set up some ladders at ringside, in varying heights. A few ten foot ladders, at least one twenty footer - and the buzz from the crowd is getting louder. The fans have already seen one MOTY candidate. Could they see one more?
One ring-tech sets up a ten foot ladder in the middle of the ring, climbs it, and hangs the coveted NAPW Tag Team Championship belts on a wire. The crowd cheers! Calgary is ready for...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the TRIANGLE LADDER MATCH for the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!
CHEERS! "Here Comes the Champ." BOOS!
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, representing the NEW CRIMES, and being accompanied to the ring by JOHN SALTY. They weigh in at a combined weight of FOUR HUNDRED and SEVENTY pounds, they are the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... DAVID BANKS, and "LDK" LLOYYYYYD REES!
"LDK" LLOYD REES and DAVID BANKS, the - somewhat controversial - NAPW Tag Team Champions emerge from the back, Rees pushing John Salty in his wheelchair. The trio aren't being hailed with garbage tonight - yet - and smugly make their way to the ring. The pair look like they've already won this thing.
BILL HEWSON: The New Crimes, thanks to the "impartial" NAPW owner, won NAPW's Tagstravaganza last week. But to call that win anything other than a sham would be a grave injustice. Everything was slanted in their favour right from the start... and I can't help but wonder if we're going to see a repeat here tonight, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: If you mean a repeat of a brutal and epic victory, one that will go down as one of the single greatest title defences in the history of professional wrestling, then yes. LDK and Banks are never going to drop those titles, Bill Hewson. Trust me, I've been talking with my good friend Terry Brandon, and he's ASSURED me that the New Crimes are ready for action tonight, and are going to put the other teams in their place.
BILL HEWSON: And that doesn't strike you as fishy?
JACK JONES: No. Why should it?
Leaving John Salty at ringside, Banks and Rees both climb into the ring. LDK points up at the belts, and gestures around his waist. The crowd continues to boo them, as referee John Sharplin shoos them over to a corner.
"Smooth." The fans continue booing as Malicious Intent emerges from the curtains, but the hate has certainly lessened. CHRIS CASINO and SEBASTIEN MARTYR, with RAUL HAVOK at their back, glance around, and then start making their way down to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents. Being accompanied to the ring by RAUL HAVOK, and weighing in at a combined weight of FOUR HUNDRED and SIXTY pounds. CHRIS CASINO. SEBASTIEN MARTYR. They are MALICIOUUSSSS INTENT!
At ringside, Havok gives his boys a quick pep-talk to get them psyched. Casino is smirking and glancing alternately at the New Crimes and up at the belts. Martyr looks grim. The start climbing into the ring.
JACK JONES: Malicious Intent certainly deserves to be in this ladder match, Bill Hewson. They had one HELL of a showing last week in Tagstravaganza. Second only to the New Crimes, of course.
BILL HEWSON: It makes me actually a little physically sick to say this, but Chris Casino and Sebastien Martyr should probably be the Tag Team Champions right now.
JACK JONES: Who knows? Maybe they'll win the belts tonight! I didn't put any money down on THEM, mind you, but it's possible. They certainly have a better chance then a pair of rookies.
Speaking of whom. "Battleflag" and Pidgeonhed heralds the Murder City Devils. The crowd pops as DONOVAN ASTROS and "The Career Killer" JAKE PHOENIX both emerge from the curtains. Astros is carrying Terry Brandon's dented and taped up metal briefcase. Phoenix stops momentarily to contemplate a young girl with an MCD T-shirt and a sign that reads "Can't Beat the Devils!", then angrily pulls the sign out of her hands and tears it up. She just grins ear to ear and shouts "Go get 'em, Jake!"
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined weight of FIVE HUNDRED and SIXTEEN pounds. DONOVAN ASTROS. "The Career Killer" JAKE PHOENIX. They are the MURDER! CITY! DEVILS!
JACK JONES: These two are in WAY over their heads, Bill Hewson. Don't get me wrong, I LIKE the Murder City Devils. These boys have a hell of a career ahead of them. But they're in a MAIN EVENT situation against seasoned veterans!
BILL HEWSON: These two men represent over a decade of experience, Jack Attack! Astros ALONE is a former Heavyweight Champion!
JACK JONES: Yeah, sure. But the BEE is a former Champion too, Hewson. A worthless title reign with a worthless title doesn't mean you match up to a Chris Casino, or a Lloyd Rees. This is the NAPW! This is the BIG TIME!
BILL HEWSON: I think you're selling the Murder City Devils short, Jack Attack.
The Murder City Devils enter the ring to a rather surprising ovation. I guess it pays to be the least hated men in the match, not that they seem to care much. Chris Casino and Sebastien Martyr chuckle at them, and applaud mockingly. Rees and Banks seem to be taking things a little more seriously. Astros points out Rees and taps the metal briefcase, then slides it into a corner. Phoenix glances up at the title belts. Frank Warburton steps out of the ring, and all three teams meet in the middle of the ring and look up at the title belts. The crowd is already cheering. And there's the bell!
The Crimes and Malicious Intent IMMEDIATELY turn on the Murder City Devils, and the crowd BOOS. Reex and Banks attacking Jake Phoenix, while Casino and Martyr lay into Donovan Astros. Banks and Rees, now, with a double team Irish Whip, send Phoenix careening over the top rope! Casino and Martyr do the same, eliminating Astros from the ring! The crowd continues to BOO, as the fan favourites get picked on early on. Casino dusts off his hands, smirking, then waves Astros bye-bye, and suddenly has David Banks hammering on his spine! Lloyd Rees takes it to Sebastien Martyr, throwing out chops that leave the front row cringing - but Martyr cackles madly, egging on the Provincial Champion, who just continues to lay into him. Casino, meanwhile, has turned the tide on Banks... Snap Suplex, and then he drops an elbow on the Tag Team Champ. Martyr has been driven into the corner, laughing, as Rees continues to chop away, then suddenly blocks a chop, kicks Rees in the gizzards, and Quick DDT! The crowd cheers to see both Tag Champs laid out, and Malicious Intent exchange a quick high five in mid-ring. Casino points up at the titles, Martyr nods... and then both men are RUN OVER by a ladder wielding Career Killer! The fans EXPLODE!
JACK JONES: That CAN'T be legal! DISQUALIFY HIM!
But it is legal. Phoenix throws down the ladder with a crash on top of Chris Casino, then hauls up Sebastien Martyr, and NAILS his Career Killing POWERSLAM... RIGHT onto the ladder! Martyr and Casino both thrash, while Phoenix turns... FLYING LARIAT! LDK takes the Career Killer off his feet, then grabs at Jake's legs, and starts trying to lock in the Lance Cove Leglock... only to have Donovan Astros plant his feet right in his face! Standing Dropkick! Rees goes down, and Jake Phoenix starts scrambling to his feet. Astros turns to meet a charging David Banks, who lays into him. Both men start firing away at one another, while Casino and Martyr pick themselves up shakily. Jake Phoenix pulls back up the ladder, hefting it like a great battering ram, and charges at Lloyd Rees. LDK, though, has the presence of mind to duck aside, and roll out of the ring. The Career Killer turns to pursue him only to have Martyr and Casino leap at him, knocking the ladder on top of him! Rees, outside of the ring, grabs another ladder, and slides it into the ring. David Banks has Astros up against the ropes, CLOTHESLINE! Both men plunge over the top to ringside.
BILL HEWSON: Astros and Banks are taking it outside.
In the ring, Sebastien Martyr pulls Jake Phoenix onto the ladder, while Chris Casino goes up top. Martyr throws a few kicks down on the Career Killer to keep him prone, then turns to see Lloyd Rees setting up his ladder in the middle of the ring, eyes up at the prize. Casino, on the top rope, gestures down at Phoenix and the crowd is on it's feet! CAAAASHHHH OUTTTTT!
NOBODY HOME!
JACK JONES: Oh, GOOD LORD!
BILL HEWSON: Chris Casino went for the high risk early in the match up, but Jake Phoenix apparently had him scouted. And now Lloyd Rees is looking to capitalize!
As Casino thrashes, clutching at his ribs, LDK has started climbing up his ladder. He's met near the top by Sebastien Martyr, who scrambles up after him, and the two start exchanging shots back and forth. The ladder starts to wobble a bit, but both men cling to the top, and keep exchanging shots. Suddenly, Rees throws out a THUDEROUS chop and sends Martyr reeling back, and reaches up toward the belts! His fingers clutch at one of them... DARK DAZE! HEAD FIRST OVER THE TOP OF THE LADDER!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
Martyr, LDK and the ladder all CRASH to the ring to an EXPLOSIVE cheer! Rees doesn't even thrash, he just twitches, but Martyr scrambles back up. He grabs the ladder, sets it back up as fast as he can and starts climbing back up. But Jake Phoenix is right there, pulling the ladder down on top of him! The crowd cheers again as the Career Killer stomps on the ladder, with Martyr trapped underneath. Outside the ring, David Banks and Donovan Astros have been brawling toward the guardrail. Astros has taken the upper hand, grabs hold of Banks by the head and DRIVES him headfirst into the cold metal. Banks reels, dazed, and Astros glares into the front row and shouts "GET THE (BLEEP) OUT OF THE WAY, RIGHT NOW!"
BILL HEWSON: What's Astros doing!? Taking this into the crowd?
Indeed he is! Astros shakes lose the guardrail and tosses it aside as every fan for seven rows rushes out of the way leaving bottles and popcorn in their wake. Donovan grabs the Charismatic Colossus by the head again and smashes him face first into a chair, then backs up to the ring apron. He gets a running start, but suddenly Banks rises and catches him... RELEASE BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Astros FLIES INTO THE FIFTH ROW, and CRASHES into a tangle of chairs! The crowd around them start chanting "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
JACK JONES: These teams are going to tear each other apart!
Banks staggers to the apron and rolls back into the ring, leaving the devastated Donovan Astros at ringside. In the ring, it's all about Jake Phoenix. Lloyd Rees is still unmoving, and Chris Casino has rolled out of the ring, still clutching at his ribs. Phoenix has pulled Martyr up, with the ladder down between them, and he's signalling that it's Tombstone time! He sets Martyr up between his legs, grabs him by the waist and DAVID BANKS with a flying clothesline! Phoenix falls backwards, and Martyr is driven HEADFIRST into the ladder anyway! Sometimes you can't win for losing. The Career Killer shucks off the limp Sebastien Martyr and scrambles up with a snarl, but David Banks has pulled up one of the ladders and drives it into Jake's abdomen! Phoenix doubles over, and Banks hauls back and BANG! Drives the ladder's end right into the Career Killer's skull! Not even Jake Phoenix can shrug that off, and he topples back on top of Martyr! David Banks, now, carries his ladder to the middle of the ring, and there seems to be no one left to stop him! Astros is just now showing signs of life. LDK lies still, spread eagle where he landed. Martyr and Phoenix are down in a heap. He starts climbing, and the fans start BOOING.
JACK JONES: Crimes RETAIN AGAIN, Bill Hewson!
The Charismatic Colossus reaches the top of the ladder and starts reaching up for the tag team belts and CHRIS CASINO for the save! The fans actually cheer a bit as he knocks Banks' ladder down with a third ladder he's brought into play! But Banks isn't out! He's clinging to one of the Tag Team Championship belts for dear life, trying to pull it loose! The fans are SCREAMING for him to drop, but he tenaciously clings onward... until Casino swings the ladder and SWATS him like a fly! Banks CRASHES back to the ring empty handed to another cheer, and Casino throws his ladder down on top of him. Casino then opens the ladder up on the ground, and pulls Banks into it, sandwiching him between the the metal, and then turns and rushes the ropes... ASAI MOONSAULT! Banks is SQUISHED between the unforgiving metal to another cheer!
BILL HEWSON: Classic Chris Casino in action tonight! He rarely pulls out all the stops lately but tonight he's really putting his body on the line!
Casino clutches at his ribs for a moment, then struggles to his feet and grabs hold of one of other two ladders. He starts pulling it to the middle of the ring, and sets it up under the belts, the SLOWLY starts climbing, clearly in some pain from that Moonsault on Banks. He makes it about halfway when another ladder gets propped up next to him! Lloyd Rees is up! LDK scales his ladder faster than Casino is going up, but the two reach the top at about the same time, side by side. Casino starts throwing punches at Rees, who starts throwing punches back. Casino! Rees! Casino! Rees! Casino! Rees! PHOENIX! He's climbed the opposite side of Rees' ladder and KNOCKS their heads together! Both men sway for a moment, and the Career Killer KICKS DOWN Chris Casino's ladder! Casino goes over and crashes to the ring to a cheer! Now it's all about Jake Phoenix and LDK Lloyd Rees! Rees has shaken off the noggin'-knocker, and blocks a punch from Jake! LDK then lashes out on his own, and The Career Killer takes one of the chin! He reels a bit shaking his head and glaring, and suddenly Rees has him by the hair! BANG! Face first into the top of the ladder! Phoenix reels again, shaking his head, but just... won't... fall! Rees grabs hold of him, and starts struggling to turn him around!
BILL HEWSON: No! NO! HE COULDN'T!
JACK JONES: HE CAN!
NISH J' DROP OFF THE LADDER! The Career Killer is DRIVEN INTO THE CANVAS! The crowd is again chanting "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" It's quite possible that's the last we'll see of Jake Phoenix this match, folks! Lloyd Rees slowly rises, clutching at his back, and stagger to the ropes. He glances back at the ladder that's set up in the ring, and takes only one step before CHRIS CASINO is on him! Casino throws out a chop... but Rees is too canny! He catches the arm and pulls Casino around. DRAGON SLEEPER! Casino flails...
JACK JONES: What's he doing!? Why not lock in the Conception Bay Chinlock!?
Rees is flailing around with his free arm, struggling to keep hold of Casino... and finds a ladder! He pulls it up between his torso and Casino's back... and then GRAPEVINES! CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK... AROUND THE LADDER! Casino HOWLS and starts tapping out INSTANTLY!
JACK JONES: CASINO TAPS! CRIMES WIN!
BILL HEWSON: Read the RULE BOOK, Jack Attack! No pinfalls! No submissions! The only way to win is to GET THOSE TITLES!
But at the moment, Rees seems perfectly happy to just inflict PAIN on Chris Casino! Raul Havok, at ringside, is throwing a fit, demanding that John Sharplin DO SOMETHING! Casino wildly waves his arms, clutching at Rees' arm, but can't escape... until SEBASTIEN MARTYR appears with a LEGDROP on Rees' head! LDK releases the hold and Casino and both men roll away from the ladder, but Martyr, blood on his forehead, is right on LDK's tail, stomping away at him! Rees rolls out of the ring to safety while Casino hangs in the corner, clutching at his spine. Martyr turns and DONOVAN ASTROS is in the ring to a HUGE pop! He lays into Sebastien Martyr with a flurry of knife edge chops, but Martyr just laughs them off, rears back, and SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINES Astros to the ground! He pulls up Astros as the crowd starts booing, and applies a Full Nelson, holding Astros up. Casino rises from the corner, still holding his back, and steps up to the pair, then SLAPS THE TASTE out of Astros' mouth! That elicits BOOS but also gets the crowd fired up;
"YOU GOT BITCH SLAPPED!" Clap! Clap! Clap clap clap!
Casino smirks. "You should have stayed in the minor league, rookie!" Martyr keeps a firm hold on Astros who struggles to free himself, and suddenly Raul Havok is whistling from where he's standing on the apron. Casino turns and Havok tosses him... the dented STEEL BRIEFCASE of one Terry Brandon. Casino catches it, laughing, pats it on the side, and as the crowd BOOS, he rears back... SWINGS! SMACK!
SEBASTIEN MARTYR TAKES IT IN THE CHOPS!
The crowd EXPLODES as Donovan Astros, who just ducked, is suddenly free! Martyr, bell rung, topples backwards with a thud, and starts rolling out of the ring! Chris Casino cringes, staggering back, still holding the briefcase. Astros takes a step toward him... Casino holds up the briefcase like a shield... DROPKICK! The steel briefcase slams into Casino and he topples back! The metal foreign object clatters to the ring, where Astros, grinning picks it up, pops it open, and lets a PAIR OF BRICKS fall out!
JACK JONES: DISQUALIFIED! GOOD LORD, SOMEONE DQ HIM!
BILL HEWSON: Why!? It was Raul Havok who brought the briefcase into play! It looks like your "rookie" Donovan Astros was just one step ahead of Malicious Intent tonight!
Astros kicks the bricks and briefcase out of the ring as Havok throws another fit at ringside And just like that, John Sharplin SENDS HAVOK PACKING! Astros, still in the ring pulls up one of the ladders and sets it up under the title belts! The crowd starts cheering as Astros begins climbing his ladder... but all those cheers evaporate almost instantly.
STATIC knocks the ladder down from under him.
BILL HEWSON: NO! NOT AGAIN!
JACK JONES: Yes! Finally someone's here to bring some ORDER back to this three way!
BILL HEWSON: Static is here to make a MOCKERY of this match, just like he did with Tagstravaganza LAST WEEK!
Astros actually manages to land on his feet, but Static lashes out at him and Astros topples back to avoid being slashed with SCREWY! Static cackles madly, sending Donovan Astros scampering away, while behind him LDK Lloyd Rees and David Banks both climb back into the ring and start setting up one of the ladders again under the belts! The fans are on their feet, already chanting "BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!" and a plastic Sprite bottle bounces off of Banks. The Tag Team Champions start laughing as Static continues to threaten Astros away from getting back into the ring. Rees and Banks start climbing the ladder... this is all pretty academic at this point.
BILL HEWSON: I can't believe it... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
JACK JONES: You can't BEAT THE BOSS, Bill Hewson!
The New Crimes are at the top of the ladder, each reaching for a title belt... and then the ladder is gone and the two of them are crashing to the ring! The crowd EXPLODES! Chris Casino stands over the fallen ladder... and Static wheels on him, screwdriver poised to STAB! Casino steps back as Static rushes him but suddenly JAKE PHOENIX IS ALIVE! He catches Static by the neck! CHOKESLAM ONTO A LADDER! The crowd EXPLODES AGAIN! LDK Lloyd Rees and David Banks with the DOUBLE TEAM! Rees goes high and Banks goes low, taking down the Career Killer! The New Crimes rise as Donovan Astros scrambles back into the ring. Casino lays into Rees from behind, hammering on his spine. David Banks goes for the save, but Donovan Astros catches him by the hair, and unloads a chop that sends a cloud of sweat flying! Casino now, locks up with LDK. Astros does the same with David Banks! The crowd is on it's feet again!
BANKRUPT!
ASTROCIDE!
IN STEREO!
THE ROOF BLOWS OFF THE BUILDING!
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD!
Static has rolled out of the ring and collapsed in a heap at ringside. Both Tag Team Champions are down. Outside of the ring, Sebastien Martyr has regained his feet and has fished a TABLE from under the ring. He begins setting it up outside of the ring. In the ring, Jake Phoenix has again risen, and this time he has a ladder in hand. Wielding it like a club, he connects with Chris Casino, sending him back down to the canvas with a crash! The Career Killer then props up the ladder in the corner, while Donovan Astros sets one up in front of it.
JACK JONES: Now what are the Murder City Devils doing!? They could win this thing right now!
BILL HEWSON: I don't know, Jack Attack...
Astros climbs up his ladder, and motions for Phoenix to grab Casino. The Career Killer pulls Chris Casino roughly to his feet and pulls him over to the pair of ladders in the corner, then drives Casino's head into the one leaning on the turnbuckles! Casino dizzily staggers, and Astros reaches down and grabs him by the arm... ROCKER DROPPER! OFF THE LADDER! ONTO THE OTHER LADDER!
JACK JONES: The Devils just MURDERED CHRIS CASINO!
BILL HEWSON: Donovan Astros calls that move the STEELE TOWER! But I don't think he's ever done it off of a ladder before... ONTO another ladder!
Casino is down, and rightly so! Astros looks like he may have been hurt by that too, but Jake Phoenix is all about winning now! The crowd is cheering again, as The Career Killer pulls the third ladder up and sets it up beneath the title belts! He makes it about halfway up when Sebastien Martyr takes hold of his leg and starts trying to pull him down! Phoenix curses loudly and starts trying to shake him off, but Martyr tenaciously takes hold of BOTH of Jake's legs now, and ROUGHLY pulls him, and the ladder, down! He throws out a stomp, then hauls Phoenix up over the fallen ladder, and DOUBLE UNDERHOOK THE ARMS!
BILL HEWSON: Oh, this is not going to be... TOMMY DEATHROW!?
The crowd EXPLODES AGAIN! SUPERSTAR TOMMY DEATHROW IN THE HOUSE! He nearly BEHEADS Sebastien Martyr with a clothesline, and Jake Phoenix staggers backward, free. Deathrow just LAYS into Martyr, fists flying, and it's all the shocked Sebastien Martyr can do to stay on his feet! He reels toward the ropes, where Deathrow locks up and... DOMINATOR! Jake Phoenix, meanwhile, shakes loose the cobwebs against the ropes. He rises back to his feet but then someone grabs his arm... he turns... STUNGUN! STATIC! Phoenix reels back and collapses, and Static grabs him by the leg and PULLS him out of the ring! The fans aren't sure if they should be cheering Deathrow, or booing Static at this point! Deathrow has pulled Sebastien Martyr up on the ring apron over top of where Martyr had set up a table a short while ago. He looks out to the crowd and shouts "DOOMRIDERS FOREVER!" The fans start chanting "STD! STD! STD!" Martyr takes a dizzy, wild swing at Deathrow, but he catches him, sets him up for...
BILL HEWSON: DEATHROW DRIVER!
JACK JONES: THROUGH THE TABLE! HOLY HELL!
Sebastien Martyr... is just a wreck. Hell, Tommy Deathrow doesn't seem to be moving after that either! The crowd is AGAIN chanting "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
BILL HEWSON: Just when you thought this match couldn't get more brutal... couldn't get CRAZIER... leave it to TOMMY DEATHROW to prove you wrong!
JACK JONES: I think those two just KILLED each other!
Static is pounding on Jake Phoenix at ringside with David Banks' help. In the ring, Casino is still lying prone, but LDK has rolled back into the ring, in time to stop Astros from getting higher than halfway up a ladder! Rees forcefully pulls down Astros, again bringing down the ladder, and throws a few stomps on him. The crowd starts booing again.
BILL HEWSON: These fans do NOT sound happy that the New Crimes are back in control of things here. I... I don't want to imagine what might happen if they win again here tonight.
JACK JONES: Bill Hewson, I don't care if these fans RIOT. We're not here to please them, we're here to watch WRESTLING. And the New Crimes represent some of the BEST wrestlers in the... heads up!
Jack Jones and Bill Hewson both scramble back from the announce table as Banks and Static drive the Career Killer's head into it. Jake is clearly stunned, and Static orders the Charismatic Colossus to set him up on the table. The crowd's boos start turning into screams and gasps as Static retrieves the TWENTY FOOT LADDER and pulls it near to the ring! Banks hammers away at Jake's head, keeping him prone, as Static scampers up the ladder, then, perched at the top, shouts and Banks to duck and cover! Then with a mighty cry to the crowd of "SUCK MY VOODOO!"
MOMENT!
OF!
CLARITY!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
Static and Jake Phoenix disappear as the announce table EXPLODES into pieces! Both men lie in a tangled heap, and some crew members and John Salty all hurry over to check up on them! But the chants aren't lasting long, because in the ring, Banks and LDK have each retrieved a ladder and pulled them to the middle of the ring, and the NAPW fans start to BOO again! Another empty pop bottle bounces into the ring as they begin climbing toward the titles, each on one of the ladders! Rees and Banks both reach the top, and grab at the titles. David Banks is all smiles.
And then their ladders both topple over! CHRIS CASINO! DONOVAN ASTROS! The fans CHEER as the New Crimes both spill! LDK Lloyd Rees actually topples OUT OF THE RING, crashing to ringside with a terrifying thud! David Banks fares better but only just, GROINING himself on the top rope, HOWLING in high-pitched agony, and toppling into the ring! Astros pulls one of the ladders back up, and setting it up in the middle of the ring, he starts climbing with everything he has left! Chris Casino won't be out done! He starts up the other side! The fans are on their feet, they can feel the end is coming! The two men reach the top at the same time. Casino fires a chop at Astros! Astros fires one back at Casino! The pair topple for a second, then Casino grabs one of the title belts! Donovan Astros grabs the other!
DAVID BANKS sends the ladder toppling out from under them both! It crashes to the ring...
But Casino and Astros just hang there from the title belts, refusing to let go! Banks, flustered, races over to get a ladder, while Astros and Casino kick at one another, playing a very perilous game of chicken, hanging from the belts! The crowd is SCREAMING! Everything is reaching a FEVER PITCH! David Banks hauls up one of the ladders... but suddenly Casino and Astros BOTH CRASH TO THE MAT!
And they EACH HAVE A TAG TEAM TITLE BELT IN HAND!
Sharplin is calling for the bell!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen... the winners of this match...
Sharplin and Warburton are conferring, and the crowd isn't entirely sure what to make of this. Jake Phoenix and Sebastien Martyr are still incapacitated outside of the ring. Tommy Deathrow has made good his escape, laughing and shouting curses at the prone Martyr. Static seems to be back on his feet, and he and John Salty are helping up LDK. Banks hangs against the ropes, looking sick. Astros and Casino are on their feet, each holding a title belt and... well, if looks could kill. Suddenly, Donovan Astros shoves Casino and grabs his title belt from his hand, and holds both of them up! The fans CHEER! But then Casino roughly shoves him back, takes both belts and holds them up himself! The fans BOO! John Sharplin and a few of the crew members get between the two, and takes the belts from Casino. Astros and Casino are being held apart, but each look to Sharplin, demanding a decision.
BILL HEWSON: ...are we back on? Ladies and gentlemen... I'm at a bit of a loss here. In all the confusion, it seems that Donovan Astros and Chris Casino have each pulled down a title belt.
JACK JONES: I'll tell you what, Bill Hewson, it looks like somebody is about to make things right! Here comes the NAPW Commissioner, himself!
The crowd starts booing as TERRY BRANDON arrives in the ring, red faced, mouth going a mile a minute. He grabs Warburton's microphone and gets right into Sharplin's face.
TERRY BRANDON: This is an OUTRAGE! I say, an OUTRAGE! Sharplin, you know damn well that this screw up can only mean one thing! NO CONTEST! And in a NO CONTEST SITUATION... THE CHAMPIONS RETAIN!
"BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!"
TERRY BRANDON: I didn't make the RULES, but we have to ABIDE BY THEM! Now call it Mr. Warburton!
Brandon hands the microphone back to Frank Warburton who looks at the referee for some guidance. All eyes are on John Sharplin, who is staring back at Terry Bandon. He then leans over to Warburton and says something to him.
FRANK WABURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, by order of Senior Referee John Sharplin, it has been decided that the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, who were not involved in the decision of this match... WILL NOT RETAIN THE TITLES.
THE FANS EXPLODE!
BILL HEWSON: That's some of the BEST NEWS I'VE HEARD ALL NIGHT!
JACK JONES: DAMN IT! Someone FIRE JOHN SHARPLIN! He can't do that! He doesn't have the AUTHORIY --
BILL HEWSON: He has ALL OF THE AUTHORITY, Jack Attack! As the official of the match, HIS WORD IS LAW!
Terry Brandon is throwing a fit, as are Static, John Salty and David Banks. Astros and Casino start shouting that each of them won the match again, and Warburton HARRUMPH's loudly to get everyone's attention again.
FRANK WARBURTON: HOWEVER! Referee Sharplin has informed me that he will need to REVIEW THE TAPE of this match to determine WHO the winning team is. So until that time, the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP... IS VACANT.
JACK JONES: WHAT!?
BILL HEWSON: Holy COW! Somehow, in all this confusion... WE DON'T KNOW WHO THE CHAMPIONS ARE!?
Some of the fans are chanting "BULLSHIT" again, but most seem satisfied that at least the New Crimes don't get the last laugh. At least tonight. Donovan Astros angrily rolls out of the ring, and helps Jake Phoenix up. The Murder City Devils, take their leave. Casino stays long enough to watch them go, glances at the belts, at Sharplin, then rolls out of the ring himself. He meets a rubber legged Sebastien Martyr at ringside and Malicious Intent also takes their leave. Sharplin, both belts in hand, also steps out of the ring, with Terry Brandon, mouth still going a mile a minute, right behind him, face red with rage.
BILL HEWSON: I'm not certain what to make of this. For two weeks now, the Tag Team Championship match ends in contoversy.
JACK JONES: I'll tell you what just happened, Hewson. The Champions just got SCREWED!
Rees and Static both get into the ring, where David Banks is fuming. He glares at Static and shouts "Where were you, huh!? If you'd done what you were supposed to, we'd still be champions!" Static fumes, eyes blazing.
BILL HEWSON: What's this? Dissention in the ranks?
JACK JONES: Hardly, Bill Hewson! These are the New Crimes! They're a BROTHERHOOD!
Banks glares back at Static then glances at LDK. "We going to stand for having a LOSER in the New Crimes, champ?" Rees turns to look at Static. "No, by. We ain't."
JACK JONES: OH GOD NO!
Rees sucker punches David Banks, and the Charismatic Colossus drops! Suddenly, he and Static are just kicking the ever loving CRAP out of him, and the fans aren't certain if they should be cheering or booing! Rees pulls the stunned Banks up... CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK! Banks wildly flails and cries for help or mercy or both, but Static keeps the sudden rush of security at bay with SCREWY! Banks tries to pull himself free, but suddenly Static is there STOMPING on his exposed abdomen, screaming "YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT!"
JACK JONES: SOMEBODY STOP THIS!
BILL HEWSON: I guess BROTHERHOOD only goes so far when it costs you the TAG TEAM GOLD, Jack Jones!
Banks is still howling in agony, and a VERY long moment passes with LDK and Static refusing to let up. Finally, Rees releases his tag team partner from the excruciating hold... but the damage is clearly done.
BILL HEWSON: I think... I think David Banks might be hurt bad!
Rees and Static vacate the ring, and start helping John Salty, who's been watching coldly from ringside, up toward the entrance. In the ring, David Banks is attended to by ring officials, who start calling for medics.
BILL HEWSON: What a show this has been! We have seen a 60 minute match! The tag titles... are no longer in the possession of The Crimes, but... and David Banks is out, Ca$h is in! My God! What a show this has been! For Jack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying good night!