"Simple Man" By Lynyrd Skynrd plays to open up the show proper, and "The Original" Jeff Garvin is on his way to the ring. No wasted time tonight.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, from Memphis, Tennessee. He weighs two hundred and forty two pounds. He is accompanied by Julie Malone- Garvin. Making his NAPW debut: "THE ORIGINAL" JEFF GARVIN!
A fair bit of boos from the fans, as "The Original" has already made a negative impression an the masses.
BILL HEWSON: The arrogance of this man, challenging the NAPW champion before he steps in the ring for the first time!
JACK JONES: Confidence, Hewson. You need it to get ahead. And why set your sights small? You go for the gold, or go home.
Garvin is less than impressed with the fans. But maybe he'd be more impressed with
STONE COLD CRAZY!
A massive pop as Garvin's opponent makes his way to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Staten Island, New York! he weighs two hundred and thirty five pounds! He is SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL!!
SB glad hands the fans at ringside before he gets in the ring and smirks at the NAPW newcomer who'll challenge him tonight. Referee Dick Kiebiech calls for the bell, and we're on! They lock up centre ring, and SB goes for a headlock. Garvin tries to push out, but SB puts the breaks on, and keeps the hold in place. Garvin grabs a handful of SB's hair and yanks back, getting a warning from Kiebiech, and boos from the crowd. But it forces SB to let go. A glare from SB to Garvin, who smirks. They lock up again, this time Garvin getting a headlock. Simply Beautiful pushes off... no, Garvin with ANOTHER handful of hair, yanks SB back into the headlock. Kiebiech missed it, and of course Garvin denies everything, but the hold is allowed to stay on. SB looks like he's about to get worn down to the mat, but instead he picks Garvin up and back drops him! A quick cover! One... only one as Garvin gets a shoulder up. SB pounces on his fallen opponent, going for a chin lock, but Garvin gets an elbow to SB's jaw, and slides out of the ring. SB tries to follow, but is held back by Kiebiech. Garvin takes his time to walk around the ring, confer with his manager, and generally infuriate the crowd that wants to see action!
JACK JONES: Smart move by Garvin! take a breather, walk off some pain, and when you get back in the ring, you're ready to give 100%.
BILL HEWSON: And stall the momentum of your opponent..
JACK JONES: What's he supposed to do Bill? Let him win?
Garvin slides back into the ring. Simply Beautiful marches over, but Garvin grabs the ropes, and orders that SB be held back. SB looks annoyed now, as he wants to go. Garvin finally gets to centre ring, and they lock up again. Garvin with the go-behind, then waist locks SB and takes him down. SB tries to roll over, but Garvin is keeping SB flat on the mat. He gets some stiff forearm shots to the back of SB's head, then locks in an armbar, keeping all his weight on SB. Kiebiech looks for any kind of tap out, but there is no quit in SB. He tries to slide out, but Garvin gets a well placed elbow to the back of SB's head, then sticks the point of the elbow under his jaw, adding more pain to the maneuver. SB finally gets a foot on the bottom rope, and Garvin breaks the hold. Very slowly. Kiebiech gets the count of four before Garvin lets go. Kibiech admonishes Garvin, who of course apologizes, blaming the noise from the crowd for him not being able to hear the count. He goes back to work on Simply Beautiful, who is back on his feet. A hard chop leaves a welt on SB's chest. Another chop and he stumbles back a bit. Garvin gets a third chop in, before SB fires back with three hard chops of his own! The fans start to rally behind SB, yelling WOO for each chop! SB shoves Garvin into the corner turnbuckle, and nails him with a European Uppercut! He whips Garvin into the opposing turnbuckle, then follows him in with a clothesline... Garvin moves!
SB crashes into the buckles, and Garvin takes advantage. He grabs SB and drives him shoulder first into the ringpost. SB grabs his arm, Garvin hooks his arms around SB's waist, and German Suplexes him across the ring! SB lands in a heap, and Garvin covers! One... Two... SB with a shoulder up! Garvin yanks SB to his feet, then slaps on a delayed vertical suplex! After about ten seconds, SB is dropped to the mat! Garvin covers again! One... two.. again SB gets a shoulder up! Garvin looks to be a bit frustrated, and blatantly chokes SB in the center of the ring! The boos rain down as Kiebiech calls for the break. Garvin lets go, then stomps his opponent's head. Garvin doesn't waste time to taunt the fans or argue with the ref, instead dragging SB up for a shoulder breaker! Garvin focusing on the weakened body part, slaps on an armbar, trying to make SB tap out or pass out. SB strains to drag himself to the ropes. He's inches away. The fans are on their feet trying to cheer him on. His fingertips brush against the bottom rope, and Garvin drags SB back to the centre of the ring, deflating the fans hopes. He slaps the armbar back on... SB manages to roll Garvin onto his back for a pin! One.. two... Garvin kicks out! He's on his feet in a flash, and goes to lariat SB, who ducks! Garvin hits the ropes, and comes back to receive a dropkick! Garvin goes down, and SB hits the ropes for Best . Moonsault . Ever! He covers! One.. Two.. Garvin barely kicks out! The fans are on their feet now as SB has control back! He picks up Garvin... who thumbs SB in the eye, then hits his stunned opponent with a pendulum backbreaker! And just like that Garvin is back in control. He goes for a pin! One.. Two... SB gets his foot on the bottom rope!
JACK JONES: The man can find an opening just like that! And with one move he kills Simply Beautiful's momentum and the crowd. I like this guy!
Garvin with an Irish whip, and SB is back in the turnbuckles. Garvin races in and nails the Yakuza kick! SB's head snaps back and the fans wince at the impact. SB slumps down to the mat, and Garvin places his foot across SB's throat and puts the pressure on. Kibiech is there to make the sure the hold is broken, but the damage is done. SB gets dragged out of the corner, and Garvin pounces on him for the pin. One.. two... SB kicks out! Garvin looks surprised there. He argues that Kiebiech was slow with the count, but gets no sympathy. He drags SB back up, and sets him for an STO! Garvin is deadly with this move, and it appears SB knows it, as he nails elbows to the side of Garvin's head! Garvin loosens his grip, and SB hits an arm breaker! And he goes for the Painkiller! The fans are back to their feet as SB locks in a painful Fujiwara armbar, and Garvin yells in pain! Kiebiech asks if he wants to tap. The fans are chanting that he tap. And Garvin?
... Is just close enough to reach the bottom rope.
SB has to let go, much to the fans' dismay. He goes to drag his opponent up, but Garvin grabs a handful of SB's tights, and slings him out of the ring. SB lands in a heap, and Garvin gets a moment to recuperate. After a few seconds, he's on his feet, and he goes outside to get his opponent. He drags SB up, and looks to drop him throat first across the ring railing! SB fights his way out, and tries to Russian leg sweep Garvin into the railing! Garvin fights out of that, and tries to whip SB into the ringpost! SB reverses! Garvin stops himself in time, and turns to see SB charging at him, Garvin ducks, SB manages not to run into the post, turns around and GARVIN WITH AN STO!! SB laid flat on the floor, and Garvin is all smiles!
BILL HEWSON: This could be over right now! An STO is deadly enough, but on the floor...
JACK JONES: Come on Jeff! Scrape him up and slide him back in the ring! This match is done!
Garvin has the same idea. he hefts SB up and slides him into the ring. He follows back quickly (not making the same mistake Batista did at Vengeance. Stupid...) and falls on SB for the pin!
One!
Two!
Thr- SB KICKS OUT!
JACK JONES: How the Hell is he still able to move?!
Garvin is furious now. He scoops SB up, and goes for his Wild Bomb! SB counters with a Hurricanrana! Garvin rolls to his feet! SB is back on his feet and NAILS Garvin with the Sexy Kick! Garvin is down, but so is SB, who used up the last of his energy to hit that move! Kiebiech starts to count both men out, much to the disapproval of the fans. As he hits five, Garvin looks to be stirring. At seven, he's pulled himself up with the ropes. At nine
SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL KIPS UP!
And the fans go nuts.
Garvin is shocked. He takes a step back. And SB surges forward, laying in with a series of rights and lefts! SB is a house of fire as he explodes on Garvin! Garvin trying to get to the ropes, but SB pulls him back and hits him with a side slam! SB to the middle turnbuckle, coming back with an elbow to the throat of Garvin! A cover! One... two... Garvin kicks out! SB slams Garvin, then hits the ropes, coming back with a leg drop! Another cover! One... two... Garvin kicks out again, and it's SB's turn to ask about a slow count! He drags Garvin to his feet and hits the Spin Doctor! He goes for a cover, but Garvin rolls to the outside! SB follows him! Well, not really follows, but dives through the ropes onto him! Both men crash into the barricade! SB is the better for it, as he starts to stomp Garvin before he drags him back up and tosses him into the ring! SB follows, and Garvin begs off! But there is little sympathy from SB, who boots Garvin, then pulls him to his feet. Garvin whipped into the turnbuckles, and SB with a splash! Garvin catches SB! GARVIN WITH A POWERSLAM! A cover! One... two...
SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL KICKS OUT! Garvin was so close there, everyone knew it! He is quick to capitalize, as he sets up for the Memphis Death Certificate! SB back body drops him! He goes for another Sexy Kick, Garvin ducks, goes for the Heel hook, SB dodges that, goes an Impact DDT! He plants Garvin... wait, Garvin grabs the ropes, SB lands flat on his back, and Garvin with a cover! Kibiech counts, but doesn't see Garvin's feet on the ropes! One... two... REF SEES THE FEET! He stops the count! Garvin scowls, but immediately grabs SB for the Memphis Death Certificate --- SB DOUBLE LEG-UNDERHOOK --- WHEELBARROW PINFALL! ONE! TWO! THREE! THE CROWD EXPLODES!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner! SIMPLLLLLY BEAUTIFULLLLL!
BILL HEWSON: WHAT A MATCH! WHAT A MATCH! I hate to say it, but Jeff Garvin had Simply Beautiful's number... but somehow, SB pulls out a win tonight in an unbelievable contest!
JACK JONES: I'm in shock! Jeff Garvin owned SB from the opening bell, this is a travesty!
BILL HEWSON: One hell of a match and a gutsy performance by SB -- oh come on, Jeff Garvin from behind! He can't believe Simply Beautiful pinned him --- NO! NO! THE MEMPHIS DEATH CERTIFICATE! Dammit!
The fans are down right hostile for this turn of events. Garvin's expression is difficult to read, but he is clearly... not happy about the loss to Simply Beautiful as he stands over his fallen opponent. SB is laid out on the canvas thanks to the brutal Memphis piledriver... the fans boo the victorious Garvin as he strides back to the locker room with Julie. "The Original" has made a lasting first impression. Now what will the future hold for him?
JACK JONES: ... and that's why I have such an aversion to pellicans now.
BILL HEWSON: You've led a very unusual life, Jack Attack.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is to be contested under SUPERSTAR RULES.
The NAPW fans cheer as "Bang Bang to the Rock N' Roll" hits the speakers! "Dynamite" STONE ZELLOR emerges from the curtain, hits a pose, and starts dancing his way down to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Staten Island, New York and weighing in at ONE HUNDRED and SEVENTY ONE pounds. He is DY-NO-MIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE... STONE! ZELLOR!
BILL HEWSON: "Dynamite" Stone Zellor wanted to get a shot at the Provincial Title this week, after helping keep things fair between Jeff James and "LDK" Lloyd Rees. Instead, he got a Superstar Rules match against one-half of the DOOMriders.
JACK JONES: Well, you heard Terry Brandon last week, Bill Hewson. HE makes the matches around here. And Stone Zellor deserves any punishment he recieves for screwing Rees out of his title.
Stone takes the time to glad-hand his way around the front row, smiling the whole while. He bangs fists with former NAPW wrestler J.C. Cook - who is also seated at ringside - and then lets a fan snap a quick photo of the two of them, both giving thumbs-ups.
JACK JONES: Whoa... I just got vertigo for some reason.
Stone walks up the ringsteps, stops at the apron, and turns to the crowd; "I GOT SKILLZ!" And the crowd chants back with him. "BITCH!" As Stone, smiling, climbs into the ring, "We Fall, We Fall" replaces his music.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, from St, Paul, Minnesota and weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and FIFTY FOUR pounds. He is one half of the DOOOOOOOOOMRIDERS! SUPERSTAR! TOMMY! DEATHROOOOOOOW!
No one emerges from the curtains, but that's because Deathrow is making his way through the crowd, partying like it's twenty, ninety-nine!
BILL HEWSON: Back in February, at Road for the Gold, Stone Zellor and Tommy Deathrow met as half of their respective Tag Teams. The Midnight Cowboys and the DOOMriders took each other to the limit, and in the end it was Deathrow's team that walked out with the tag team gold.
JACK JONES: These two have history, that's certain Bill Hewson, and that history shows that at the end of the night, "Dynomite" Stone Zellor is the one who's going to be carried out of here by EMT's. You don't mess with the Crimes, Bill Hewson, and walk away without paying the price.
Deathrow, chugging a 40 and being patted on the back and arms by fans, makes his way to the guard-rail, and climbs over it, trading the rest of his bottle to some random fan in the front row for his steel folding chair.
BILL HEWSON: The Boxing and Wrestling Commission won't like that.
Deathrow rolls into the ring. Zellor leans back in a corner, watching Deathrow with a bit of a smirk. Deathrow grins back at him, and cracks his knuckles. Senior Referee John Sharplin gives Warburton enough time to evacuate before he calls for the bell!
STD doesn't give Stone Zellor a second. He launches into the attack, swinging the chair in a skull-crushing arc, but Dynamite ducks aside, and rolls out of the ring. The NAPW fans boo a bit, mostly because they love a good chair-shot, but Tommy Deathrow just starts mugging, and the boos turn to cheers! Stone reaches into the ring and grabs Tommy's leg. Deathrow, caught unaware, tumbles backwards, dropping the chair, and Zellor pulls him out of the ring. Stone throws down a few shots right on top of Tommy's head, but Deathrow shakes it off, throws out a punch of his own... Stone ducks it, turns... PIMP SLAP! Deathrow staggers back as the front row starts chanting "You got bitch slapped! You got bitch slapped!" Deathrow smirks, rubbing his cheek, and looks over at Stone who's smirking right back... and POW, a shot right in the head! Dynamite reels away from the shot, backpedaling to the guardrail, where STD meets him, grabs him by the head, and CLANG, smacks his head right into the unforgiving metal. Stone again staggers, and Tommy goes to whip him down towards the corner guardrail... but Zellor reverses! Deathrow is sent running, crashing into the guardrail with enough force to send him through into the first row. Stone races over, pulling up STD, who throws a forearm into Stone's midsection. Zellor winces and Deathrow goes to rise, but Stone hammers an elbow down onto his head, driving him back down. Zellor then takes hold of Deathrow by the hair, and starts running his face across the guardrail from corner to corner! The fans CHEER as he does so!
BILL HEWSON: This isn't a wrestling match, Jack Attack! It's just a no-holds barred brawl!
JACK JONES: That's what you get in under Superstar rules, Bill Hewson!
At the far corner, Stone takes a second to mug for the crowd, then raises STD's now bloody head to ram it into the steel, but Deathrow catches the guardrail, stopping the attack! Stone and Deathrow struggle against each other for a moment... but Tommy has almost a hundred pounds on Stone. Deathrow isn't moving if he doesn't want to, and what he wants to do it plant his elbow in Zellor's throat! The fans cheer again as Deathrow reaches back and takes hold of Stone, drives him back-first into the guardrail... then SCOOP SLAMS the man over the guardrail! Dynamite crashes to the ground beside some fans who shout at him to "Shake it off, Stone!" Zellor clutches at his spine, and tries to crawl back to his feet, but STD is already over the guardrail. He pulls Zellor up... SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE. Down goes Dynamite again, and another cheer from the fans. Tommy shouts for one of the fans in the fifth row to get out of the way and grabs his chair. He folds it, turns... and a DROPKICK from Zellor sends the chair smashing into Deathrow's face! Tommy drops, the chair clattering to the floor, and the fans POP! Stone pulls STD back up, and sticks his head between his legs, signaling that it's time for a PILEDRIVER!
JACK JONES: Don't do it man!
But Deathrow is, again, almost a hundred pounds heavier. He powers out with authority, back body dropping Stone to the hard floor with a bestial cry! The fans pop AGAIN! They're loving this! Deathrow kicks the chair aside, and then throws a few stomps down on Zellor, trying to keep him down. Stone Zellor looks dazed. He tries to pull himself up, using Deathrow's legs for support, and STD, with a handful of hair, pulls him to his feet, and starts driving him back towards the ring, grinning madly the whole way.
BILL HEWSON: It looks like this match is finally making it's way back into the ring.
Deathrow rolls Dynamite back into the ring, and then follows him in. He grabs hold of the discarded chair that's still lying on the canvas, raises it high overhead, and BLAMMO! Right onto the canvas! Stone Zellor rolls aside, and Deathrow drops the chair, howling and shaking his hands! Dynamite scrambles to his feet, rushes Deathrow... knee lift! CLOTHESLINE! Deathrow and Zellor both drop, but Stone quickly pulls himself up using the ropes. He takes a second to look over the crowd, and cracks a grin, then looks down at Tommy Deathrow. "I gots the SKILLZ..." and the crowd starts booing! Stone looks confused for a second, until his view sweeps over the entry way.
Where Rex Caliber, Static and Ca$h all stand watching the match with amused looks on their faces.
BILL HEWSON: What the hell are they doing out here!?
JACK JONES: This is Rex Caliber's building tonight, Bill Hewson! He can go where he pleases!
Stone looks a little puzzled... but only for a moment, because I'll be damned if Tommy Deathrow is going to let an opportunity pass him by. The steel chair CRASHES over Dynamite's head from behind. Zellor wobbles as Tommy tosses the bent chair aside, then collapses into STD's waiting arms! The Crimes all applaud and laugh from the entry.
BILL HEWSON: Don't do it Deathrow! Don't end the match like this!
JACK JONES: Make your boss proud, son!
Deathrow, to his credit, shoots an annoyed glance to the New Crimes, but he wants to end this match. He's calling for the DEATHROW DRIVER! Zellor gets set up...
And...
CLANG!
BILL HEWSON: NO! NOT SEBASTIEN MARTYR!
Deathrow drops Zellor, the bent steel chair literally wrapped around his head, and then topples with a crash to the canvas. The crowd begins BOOING as Sebastien Martyr starts stomping away at him, eyes blazing. John Sharplin starts calling for the bell! Stone Zellor shakes his head to clear it, then rises to his feet, shouting angrily at Martyr to get lost. Martyr stops long enough to sneer at Stone, then goes back to his work. So, "Dynamite" Stone Zellor thows out a Discus Punch! The crowd CHEERS as Martyr goes reeling into the corner, and Stone is right on his tail! Deathrow rolls to safety and starts pulling himself up with ropes. Zellor is dancing on - read, kicking - Martyr's chest... when Ca$h and Static hit the ring at full tilt!
JACK JONES: That's right! Someone needs to restore some order here!
Ca$h and Static bee-line Stone Zellor... only to get DOUBLE CLOTHESLINED by Tommy Deathrow! The crowd cheers AGAIN! Stone hits a dropkick that sends Martyr over the corner and crashing to ringside. Deathrow takes Static by the hair and EJECTS him over the top! The crowd is on it's feet as Ca$h, clutching his head, slowly rises. He turns and stops to see Zellor and Deathrow both sizing him up, and gets a little pale...
And then SECURITY hits the ring!
Terry Brandon stands at the entryway, red faced, mouth going a mile a minute. Ca$h rolls out of the ring as both Deathrow and Zellor get swarmed by security forces, but Rex Caliber has hit the ring. As Deathrow gets removed from the ring, Caliber grabs a microphone.
REX CALIBER: Stone. I like you, son, you're a hell of a funny guy. But the fact is, you made the mistake of crossing the Crimes last week. First you cost Rees his - HIS - Provincial Title. Now you try and lay your hands on Static and Ca$h? You, son, are SUSPENDED! WITHOUT PAY! For the REST OF THE NIGHT! Get him out of my arena! And Deathrow --- you're making a habit out of getting thrown out, but it ain't like you're not used to it, you drunk! GET HIM OUT TOO ---
Stone Zellor LUNGES at Caliber, and the crowd CHEERS! He manages to break free of the security forces... but STATIC cuts him off with a flying tackle, preventing him from actually reaching Caliber. The NAPW owner laughs, tossing the microphone out of the ring, and the security men pile onto Stone, completely overpowering him. Stone is flailing, trying to get to Caliber, get to Brandon, but ten on one is too much. Deathrow is struggling but again, too many bodies...
BILL HEWSON: This is... utter insanity.
JACK JONES: Yeah! Throw the bum out! Get him out of here!
BILL HEWSON: In all this... where did Sebastien Martyr go!?
Good question. He seems to have slunk off into whatever dark hole he crawls out of. Either way. Deathrow and Stone Zellor are escorted out of the building as the smug Crimes look on, ignoring the chants of "DY-NA-MITE! STD! DY-NA-MITE! STD!" that echo around the building.
BILL HEWSON: Can you FEEL the energy in the air? These Calgary fans are excited!
JACK JONES: And why wouldn't they be? I'm excited too!
BILL HEWSON: Really?
JACK JONES: Of course I am! Tonight we see Bruce Richards versus Ravager in a loser gets fired match! The only way that would be better is if they BOTH got fired at the end!
BILL HEWSON: You're an odd man.
JACK JONES: I wonder if I can talk to Terry Brandon about instituting that stipulation before the match...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen! The following is a tag team contest, scheduled for one fall! Making their way to the ring, at a combined weight of four hundred and forty-two pounds! From Salmon River, British Columbia, Kevin Kodiak, and his tag team partner, from Napier, New Zealand, Link Van Haggard!
The crazy guitar noodlings of "Frankenstein" hit the hall and Kevin Kodiak is the first to emerge from the curtain to a good-sized ovation from the crowd. The gruff veteran smiles, then turns and waits for his partner to emerge. Link Van Haggard comes out and the crowd cheers again, a bit louder this time. Van Haggard comes out and high-fives his partner, and then the two make their way down to the ring; Kodiak high-fiving a few of the fans, Van Haggard sticking his cheek out at a couple of ladies, who happily oblige.
BILL HEWSON: There's a great deal of talent in this team, Jack Attack, but I'm a little worried that they're not on the same page. It takes more than muscle and agility to make a tag team: it takes teamwork as well.
JACK JONES: These guys get along out of the ring about as well as they need to. Kodiak's a veteran; you get the two of them in the ring and they'll gel right quick. They don't need to be best buddies to kick the stupid juice out of their opponents.
The lights go out and four blue spotlights shine around the room.
BILL HEWSON: Speaking of the devils...
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! Weighing in at a combined weight of four hundred and forty pounds! The Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner! MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
The lights converge! Andrew WK! Smoke cloud! And the worst ninja ever and his verbose opponent emerge from the curtain to a loud ovation! As usual, the two men are eating up the adoration, doing everything but climb over the railing to sit in their fans laps...oh wait, Mystic Ninja has done just that with a crowd of blue face-painted ladies.
JACK JONES: You want to see bad teamwork, look at these guys, Hewson. Throwing mail bags at each other all week. Say what you will about Kodiak and van Haggard: at least they weren't actively antagonizing each other.
BILL HEWSON: It's just playful camraderie, Jack.
JACK JONES: Throwing a weighted sack of mail at someone is no laughing matter, Hewson. Or have you forgotten my tag match against the Canada Post back in eighty-three?
Mystic Exposition finally get into the ring, and referee Morgan Smythe stands in the middle of the ring with The Expositioner, as Kevin Kodiak steps in front of Van Haggard and inadvertently elbows him back to he corner. Van Haggard shrugs and climbs to the outside, and then Smythe calls for the bell! The match is ON! The two men lock up, but Expo breaks the lock and chops Kodiak across the chest. Kodiak chops back, and then the two men start rapidly exchanging chops, something that's old had for Kevin Kodiak. The Expositioner blocks one of Kodiak's chops, then grapples, gets behind Kodiak, then gets him to his knees with a forearm to the back of the head. He rushes to the ropes, "X-POUND!" and flies from the ropes, but Kodiak just catches him! Belly to belly suplex and Expo is on his back wondering what happened! Kevin Kodiak picks up his opponent and throws him into the ropes, then NAILS him with a Northern BC Lariat! The crowd cheers, but Kodiak's not done by a long shot. He locks up with Expo as he gets to his feet, and lifts him up and then DOWN with a vertical suplex. Taking advantage of the situation, Kodiak gets up and hits Expo with a leg drop, and then goes for a cover, one, two, kick-out.
BILL HEWSON: Oh my god! The Expositioner kicks out after what must have felt like a mighty redwood landing on him!
JACK JONES: You're taking this lumberjack thing a little far, Hewson. Besides, it would be a giant BC pine!
Kodiak tags in Link Van Haggard, and the two flatten Expo with a double clothesline. Van Haggard kicks Expo in the stomach as he's getting to his feet, doubling him over, then drops him again with a DDT. Expo looks really dazed as Van Haggard helps him to his feet, then whips him into the far turnbuckle; Expo connects, hard, and decides maybe it's best if he just rests there for a while. Van Haggard quickly goes over to his opponent, then turns him around and climbs to the middle rope...WTF! WTF! A sitout spinebuster slam and Expositioner is DONE LIKE A DUCK DINNER! Van Haggard covers, one, two, thre-foot on the ropes! It might have been desperation, it might have been instinct, it might have been an involuntary muscle twitch, but Expo got his foot on the ropes and broke up the pin count! Van Haggard shrugs, then leaves his opponent in the corner, and tags in Kodiak again, who goes RIGHT for the dazed cruiserweight. He drops Expo to one knee with a double axe handle chop, then hits another to put him right back face up on the mat. He grapples with his opponent on the ground, and then locks in a figure four leg lock! The Expositioner, already pretty worn down, is caught in The Bear Trap!
JACK JONES: Nobody escapes The Bear Trap, Hewson! The Expositioner might as well cut his leg off right now!
BILL HEWSON: Now who's taking things too far?
Kevin Kodiak's putting on a LOT of pressure, and The Expositioner's too far from the ropes to go for a rope break. But from the corner of his eye, he sees Mystic Ninja reaching, reaching, REACHING for him, and he stretches out to try and make the tag! Kodiak pulls back on his leg and Expo grits his teeth, trying desperately to connect with Ninja, who's STRAINING to make the tag. Morgan Smythe's right in there too, checking to see if Expo wants to give up; he says no but it doesn't look good. He tries again to connect but misses, and now the pain's starting to get to him. He holds his hand up...keeps it up...and then can't hold on any more! He's got to tap out! His hand hits the mat!
But not before hitting Mystic Ninja's hand first!
Kevin Kodiak releases the hold, thinking he's got this match won, but Morgan Smythe gets in his face and shakes her head, saying that Expo made the tag. Kevin Kodiak turns around, confused, and HIS FACE GETS DROPKICKED! Mystic Ninja drops the giant lumberjack and the crowd goes MANGOES!
BILL HEWSON: Kodiak makes the tag to Haggard! Haggard and Ninja going at it, running the ropes, they're so fast --- Haggard with a flying head-scissors! But Ninja's up and catches HIM with a huracanrana! GOT THE LEGS! ONE! TWO! Haggard gets out! Mystic Ninja going up top... he flies! Nobody homes! Van Haggard going for the tag --- what the HELL is Kodiak doing?
What? Kodiak had his hand out for the tag... and then suddenly pulled it away. Van Haggard is yelling "what are you doing, mate?" Kodiak shrugs and... steps off the apron? Van Haggard doesn't know what's up! Kodiak is walking out on his partner! What in the --- "X-TERMINATE!" Van Haggard turns around to take the double missile dropkick from Expo and Ninja! Mystic Ninja covers for the one, two, three, and Mystic Exposition have a title shot!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of the match, Mystic Exposition!
Mystic Expo celebrate and head out as Kodiak gets back into the ring.
BILL HEWSON: I don't know what we just saw, Kevin Kodiak left his partner hanging and cost his team the match... but now he's helping him up.
JACK JONES: Kodiak is just a big soft teddy bear ---
BILL HEWSON: And there's a handshake, everything's good with these two NO THEY'RE NOT!
JACK JONES: A FEROCIOUS GRIZZLY YOU SHOULD NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON!
BILL HEWSON: A short-arm clothesline to the dazed Link Van Haggard, and now Kodiak has the man up... oh no! He's holding him up in the air... for so long!
JACK JONES: TIMBEERRRRRRRR!
BILL HEWSON: Kevin Kodiak has laid out Link Van Haggard... and this crowd does not like it one bit!
Kodiak raises his arms high and snarls at the booing crowd. The grumpy veteran is pleased as he leaves his now-former partner sprawled on the canvas. What is Kevin Kodiak thinking?
FRANK WARBURTON: This next match is a special three on two handicap match!
"My Generation" by Limp Bizkit hits the speakers and The Bluegrass Mafia, complete with the ever sexy Lyndsey Valentine, step out from behind the curtain to a mixed reaction from the crowd.
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring first, they weigh in tonight at five-hundred and forty-five pounds..."The Show" Chad Kurtis, "The Angry American" Matthew Kurtis...The Bluegraaaaaaaaass Mafiaaaaaaa!
The brothers climb into the ring and Matthew looks all business as his brother Chad is smiling at some girls sitting along ringside.
"Here We Go Again" by OK GO hits the speakers and the crowd pops as if a Hart family member were coming out from behind the curtain.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents, they represent Awesome Wrestling eXplosion and weigh in tonight at five-hundred and thirty-five pounds, they are Nenji, The Shadow & Turancula!!!
The trio make a mad dash for the ring as the fans go nuts for possible the most bizarre team in NAPW history. The slide into the ring and immediately start to high five not only each other but the referee as well. They give a high five to Chad Kurtis and attempt to do the same to Matthew but get the stink eye in return. The Bee remains on the outside.
BILL HEWSON: This match should be...Interesting.
JACK JONES: Is that a joke? THREE of them don't weigh as much as the Mafia combined! These AWX guys weigh about as much as my ex-wife!
BILL HEWSON: Which one?
The referee gets everyone situated and it looks like Chad and Nenji will be starting the match. On the outside Valentine stands with her arms crossed over her chest and a look on her face that tells us she would rather be someplace else. The two men lock up and Chad backs the smaller Nenji into a neutral corner. The referee calls for a break and actually gets one. Kurtis quickly grabs the arm of Nenji and Irish whips him to the far corner. Nenji hits hard and then gets clubbed by a running clothesline from Chad! On the ring apron The Shadow starts to stomp his foot on the ring apron to get the fans clapping. A snap suplex from Kurtis and Nenji is writhing on the mat in pain. Chad tags out and the big Matthew Kurtis enters. Nenji is getting to his feet and takes a brutal clothesline that almost turns the ninja into a Pez dispenser. Matt glares at Shadow and Turancula and smirks as he pulls Nenji to his feet. Turancula turns to the crowd and yells "huligano" and points to Kurtis. Kurtis ignores him and sends Nenji into the ropes dropping him with a big boot to the face.
BILL HEWSON: Nenji needs to tag out if AWX hopes to stay in this thing!
JACK JONES: Yeah but look who he has as tag partners.
Kurtis pulls Nenji to his feet but the resourceful little man hits a stiff leg kick to Matt's leg. Another sharp kick to the thigh has "The Angry American" hobbling now! Before Nenji can go for the hat trick he takes a thumb to the eye and drops to his knees. Matthew quickly tags in Chad and "The Show" charges Nenji only to be taken up and over with a hip toss from the ever clever ninja! Chad is quick to his feet and takes a rapid fire series of palm thrusts to the chest that send him tumbling to the mat. Shadow tags in! Shadow hits a clothesline on Kurtis! Matthew Kurtis enters the ring and gets taken to the mat with a drop toe hold! Shadow is trying to lock in his STF when it's broken up by Chad. As the referee gets Matthew out of the ring, Chad pulls Shadow to his feet and snaps his head back with a European uppercut. Chad tags in Matthew and the big man buries a knee into the ribs of Shadow. Kurtis shoots his man into the ropes and nails a snap powerslam on the AWX member! Shadow kicks out at two and Kurtis starts to rub Shadows face into the mat. Turancula rushes into the ring and kicks Matthew square in the ass!
BILL HEWSON: That'll get Matt's attention!
Indeed it does as Matthew chases Turancula back to his corner only to get caught with a seated plancha off the top rope by Nenji! "BYE-BYE." Nenji rolls out of the ring as Kurtis scrambles back to his feet. Shadow hits a chop block from behind and it drops the big man to one knee. Nenji tags in and the fans start a "Nenji" chant! Kick to the upper body of Matthew! Another from the tiny Ninja! A spinning back kick to the sternum from Nenji drops Matthew onto his back! Tag out to Turancula! Turancula waits for Matthew to get to his feet and then goes for his finisher "The Three Second Call!" First a pie face to Matthew Kurtis and then Turancula tries to lock him into a reverse Russian Legsweep! Chad Kurtis comes from nowhere and pops Turancula with a superkick to the jaw! Chad Kurtis quickly rolls out of the ring as Matthew goozles Turancula and hits a chokeslam into a powerbomb combo! The referee gets to a count of two before it's broken up by Shadow! Matthew gets to his feet and tags in Chad who quickly tries to drag Turancula away from his corner. Turancula kicks away Chad and rolls towards his corner tagging in Nenji! Nenji comes into the ring like a ninja on fire but Chad catches him with a high hip toss. No! It's reversed by Nenji into a tornado DDT!
BILL HEWSON: This Nenji is tougher than he looks!
JACK JONES: Yeah, too bad he's about the height of a six year old.
Nenji hits a legdrop off the ropes and covers Chad getting a count of two. The crowd lets out a loud "Du!" chant and then it happens...Nenji is trying to lock in a sharpshooter! The crowd is on their feet as Chad is trying to fight it off! Matthew rushes in and clubs Nenji with a blow to the head breaking the move. Shadow tries to come in but takes a Samoan drop from "the Angry American!" Turancula comes off the top rope and gets caught by Matthew Kurtis! Fallaway slam from the huge 6'11, 315 pound brute from Kentucky! The referee is finally able to get Matthew out of the ring and we turn our attention back on Chad and Nenji. Chad hits a swinging neckbreaker on Nenji and again gains a count of two. Chad pulls Nenji to his feet and shoots him into the ropes connecting with a back elbow smash on the rebound. Chad tags in his brother and the huge Matthew stands over the dazed ninja. Matthew yanks Nenji to his feet and presses him above his head! Matthew slams Nenji to the mat from about eight feet up and grins as Nenji flops on the mat like a fish out of water. Matthew stalks Nenji watching him slowly pull himself to his feet.
BILL HEWSON: Matthew Kurtis is simply too much for Nenji. The AWX needs to come up with something quick or this will be over sooner rather than later.
Matthew gets ready to grab Nenji when the man rolls away and stands in the center of the ring, his right arm poised. Kurtis advances on him and POOF! Nenji just exploded a ninja smoke bomb! Kurtis waves away the smoke and....Finds no Nenji! The crowd erupts as from under the ring Nenji rolls out and slides into the ring! Matthew Kurtis has his back to his and Nenji hits a dropkick to the small of the back! Kurtis staggers but still keeps his legs under him, that is until a leg sweep drops the huge man to the mat! Suddenly Turancula is on the ring apron getting the referee's attention! Shadow climbs to the top rope and nails Matthew Kurtis with a flying headbutt! Nenji follows up with a standing moonsault! Chad tries to get into the ring but the referee turns his attention away from Turancula and yells at "The Show" to get out of the ring! Turancula quickly enters the ring and hits a million dollar kneelift on the rising Matthew Kurtis! The fans are going crazy for the diminutive AWX! Chad is still trying to get into the ring but is having trouble with the referee. Turancula & Shadow each grab a leg and wishbone the big man at the same time Nenji drops a corkscrew elbow onto the chest! Shadow & Turancula quickly roll out of the ring as finally the referee gets "The Show" back in his corner. Nenji goes for a cover! One! Two! Kurtis kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: Good lord what will it take to keep this huge man down?
JACK JONES: About six or seven more AWX guys.
Nenji watches as Matthew Kurtis struggles up to his feet and goes for his Mystic Side Kick! Kurtis catches it and yanks Nenji into a clothesline! Matthew staggers over to his corner and tags in Chad. Chad climbs to the top rope and takes flight nailing a rising Nenji with a cross body! Nenji kicks out at two and Chad quickly pulls the man up. A scoop slam by Kurtis is quickly followed by a BME! Again Nenji somehow kicks out at two! Chad tags in Matthew and they both shoot him into the ropes. Matthew catches Nenji into a bearhug and Chad nails another superkick! Chad quickly drops Shadow & Turancula with punches that send them down to the floor. As Chad is sent back to his corner, Matthew hooks his hands around the throat and tosses Nenji across the ring with a double choke toss. Another count of two! The fans are stomping their feet and chanting "A-W-X!" Matthew tags in his brother and "The Show" pulls Nenji into position for his "CK Finale!" Shadow & Turancula try to rush into the ring but Matthew cuts them off. Big boot to Turancula! BLUEGRASS BOMB to Shadow! Then Nenji gets planted with the flipping piledriver! CK FINALE! Chad covers the motionless Nenji as the referee counts. One! Two! Three!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of the match, Matt and Chad Kurtis, the Bluegrass Mafia!
BILL HEWSON: Despite their best efforts the trio of AWX comes up short tonight.
JACK JONES: No pun intended.
BILL HEWSON: Shut up.
The Bluegrass Mafia walk the aisle, having scored a huge victory. Lyndsey Valentine looks happy for her boys' win but not entirely thrilled with some of the tactics or the attitude of her man. Chad Kurtis isn't exactly innocent either. In the ring, Turancula and The Bee tend to their friends. Slowly Shadow and Nenji are able to make it to their feet. The crowd gives them a standing ovation for the huge communal heart of Awesome Wrestling eXplosion.
JACK JONES: Also, never use watch computer chips in place of chocolate chips.
BILL HEWSON: No kidding.
JACK JONES: They really hurt!
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen, last week in one of the most dramatic, exciting performances in NAPW history Jeff James finally ended the stranglehold "LDK" Lloyd Rees held on the Provincial Title, scoring a huge upset. Tonight, he will defend against another member of The Crimes, a man who last week came within an eyelash of upending the NAPW Champion, and of course I'm talking about the CROWN JEWEL of The Crimes, Ca$h. Let's get to the match.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the NAPW Provincial title! Introducing first...
Ozzzzzzzy. "The Almighty Dollar," a fitting tune if their was one, plays to a chorus of boos. Clad in his dollar-sign hoodie comes the man himself, looking confident, even cocky. He shrugs at the reaction of the fans. Ca$h is in it for the gold, kids. Not being loved. He hits the ring and poses for the mans, throwing his hoodie into the crowd. It gets thrown right back. Ca$h snarls and grabs it, throwing it back out with a fastball, way to the back. It gets tossed back towards front but some fan thinks it'd be cooler to keep. Ca$h makes the "belt" motion around his waist.
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring representing The Crimes... he weighs in at two-hundred and thirty-five pounds and is fighting out of Seattle, Washington. The challenger... CAAAAAAAAAA$H!
JACK JONES: A man who in only his THIRD NAPW match wrestled for the NAPW title, and would have won if Ravager didn't cheat! It's just proof that Rex Caliber is a fair and just boss - I haven't seen a newcomer get what he deserved since Chris Casino won the NAPW title three matches into his NAPW career, or Devastation won it after being here for barely a month. It's a... crime, hehe, that this man is not NAPW Champion right now!
BILL HEWSON: It must be interesting in your world. Ca$h is a world-class athlete, it's a true shame he's cast his lot with Rex Caliber, Static and Lloyd Rees on their little powertrip... but his opponent is a man who has made it his mission to DESTROY The Crimes! Jeff James has decided to wage a one-man war, starting last week with LDK and continuing with Ca$h tonight!
Speaking of. Here comes some AKForty. The man, the record-breaking TV Champion, with the Provincial Title dangling from his hand, steps through the curtain to a tremendous pop.
FRANK WARBURTON: And now, the champion! Weighing two-hundred and five pounds ---*
BILL HEWSON: They're not waiting for the bell! Jeff James charging the ring, Ca$h meets him in the aisle! HERE WE GO, PROVINCIAL TITLE ON THE LINE!
Warburton gets out of the ring, these two aren't waiting for niceties, going at it in the aisle. James throwing strikes and kicks into Ca$h, leaning him against the guard rail. Chop! WHOOOO! Ca$h holds his chest in pain and tries to walk it off. James turns him back around and stiffs him with a forearm shot to the side of the face. Ca$h with a sudden knee-lift to the gut drives James into the guardrail and starts laying in forearm shows of his own, no, those are some closed fists. Ca$h measures James, pick-up, suplex on the floor! James gets a leg up to block, Ca$h tries again, James with a block... a suplex of his own on the concrete! Ca$h holds his back in pain as James yells out to the crowd, getting them fired up!
The Provincial Champion ignores referee Morgan Smythe's admonishments to get in the ring and start the match proper. James isn't interested - he wants to TAKE A BITE OUT OF CRIMES. Ca$h is pulling himself up, what's James doing? SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT FROM THE GUARDRAIL! Wow! He wipes Ca$h out and then gets up, says "ONE MORE TIME!" James leaps up to the guardrail and AGAIN hits a moonsault onto Ca$h! This kid is fired up! James grabs Ca$h by the hair and walks him towards the ring. Irish whip to send Ca$h into the steel guard rail --- Reversed by Ca$h... into a belly-to-belly suplex on the floor! James hits the concrete and skids into the guardrail.
JACK JONES: Now that's a real champion, right there! And now Ca$h will bring it into the ring because that's just the kind of man he is.
BILL HEWSON: Nobody denies Ca$h's athletic ability... it's his choice of friends that is the problem.
Ca$h takes a moment to regain his bearings, then hammers a rising James with deep forearms across the back. He takes James feet out from under him... Catapult! Jeff James head-first into the steel ring-post! Ca$h tells the fans in the front row who the real champion is, then rolls James into the ring.
Jeff is busted wide open on the forehead from that shot into the steel post!
YARRRRRRR I'M A PIRATE!
Smythe tells Ca$h to back off as she checks on James, Jeff isn't about to quit because of a little blood. Finally the bell rings to OFFICIALLY start the match, but Ca$h isn't going to give James a chance to recover here. He grabs the man from behind and dumps him on the back of his head with a back suplex. Cover gets two, James kicks out. Ca$h picks the man up, irish whip, spinning back elbow puts James down again. Big elbow drop from Ca$h and he covers again, still only two. James is a fighter as Ca$h stomps the wounded forehead.
BILL HEWSON: Jeff James is a bloody mess, referee should think about stopping this one...
JACK JONES: But you've said yourself, Jeff James never says die! He won't quit, which is good, because Ca$h is going to beat him in the center of the ring right here tonight!
BILL HEWSON: Like you said, Jeff James has a never-say-die attitude... Ca$h can't let up for even a second!
I think he knows that. Ca$h is a very intelligent competitor. He pulls James up for a vertical suplex... hangs him up there! All the blood rushing to James' head, which in turn worsens the blood loss... finally drops him down. Nice stall by Ca$h. He doesn't go for the cover here, instead choosing to grab the leg and drive his knees into it. Ca$h goes to work, baby! Drives his own knees into James leg. And now what? Ca$h throws Jeff's leg over the bottom rope, and like Ric Flair, leaps up using the top rope and brings his body weight crashing down in a sitting position over Jeff's knee. James yelling in pain. Ca$h tells the crowd it's time to go to school, and hits a spinning toe hold to further damage the leg. There's a cover? One, two, kick-out. Ca$h not trying to win by pinfall right there, just keep James disoriented. Ca$h pulls the man up, James on one-leg... and can't escape the shin-breaker, Ca$h driving James' leg right across his own knee!
And now?
Figure-Four in the middle of the ring! Ca$h hooks it up... and cinches it in!
BILL HEWSON: The Provincial Champion in serious danger right here! He's lost a lot of blood, and Ca$h has picked apart that leg! Can he possibly get out of this one?
JACK JONES: Give up, kid, think about your career!
James yelling in pain, his face a bloody mess as Ca$h grits his teeth and applies pressure. James is in agony! The crowd is chanting, stomping, hollering, trying to rally him! ONE! TWO! James laid back, which put his shoulders on the canvas. Not only is he being tormented by the hold, he could get counted out if he's not careful! James throwing his arms out, yelling in pain. Smythe asks Jeff "Do you give up? Do you give up Jeff?" James yells back at her "No! No no no!" Shoulders down!
ONE!
TWO!
James up just in time!
James tries to pull Ca$h... he's getting to the ropes... can he make it...
No. Ca$h puts the brakes on. James isn't going anywhere.
THIS IS IT...
Jeff James throws his arms out like Hogan vs Flair!
He's shaking with BABYFACE POWER!
Ca$h turns his head side-to-side in HEEL DISBELIEF!
JAMES IS FORCING HIM OVER! CAN HE DO IT? CAN HE TURN IT OVERRRRR?
YES HE DOES! JAMES ROLLS OVER THE FIGURE FOUR! CA$H IS IN PAIN --- and quickly, QUICKLY, reaches out to grab the ropes. The hold is disengaged.
BILL HEWSON: Jeff James will not die!
JACK JONES: But how much did he use up to get out of that? How much can he possibly have in the tank?
Ca$h is clearly thinking the same thing, because is up first and storms over to James. He signals for The Midas Touch --- James says NO WAY! SIDE EFFECT! SIDE EFFECT! James doesn't get a cover, slumping to the ropes. Ca$h pulls himself to his feet, more surprised than hurt, and chops James. Irish whip sends James to the ropes
AND THE MAN EXPLODES WITH A JUMPING SUPERKICK!
COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
CA$H KICKS OUT!
But now Jeff James is up, bloodied or not, and he has gotten his second wind! Ca$h throws a punch, James blocks and throws his own! Jeff James throwing right hands backing Ca$h into the ropes. Irish whip... Ca$h reverses! James off the ropes --- SPINNING HEADSCISSORS! Ca$h gets taken down to the canvas and James is suddenly on the top rope! THE FLYING LARIAT! THE COVER! THE ONE! THE TWO! THE THR---CA$H KICKS OUT!
BILL HEWSON: SO CLOSE! SO CLOSE! But give Ca$h credit, he isn't going down without a fight himself!
JACK JONES: Well, it's nice to hear you finally give credit where credit is due! Ca$h is the uncrowned NAPW Champion, the crown jewel of The Crimes, and the most money-making ---
BILL HEWSON: CRASH LANDING!
JACK JONES: WHAAAAAAA?
Legsweep! Moonsault! DOUBLE KNEE-DROP! JAMES WITH THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEE
NOOOOOO!
CA$H WILL NOT STAY DOWN! Jeff James holds up three fingers to Morgan Smythe, she says TWO. Two count only. James grabs Ca$h by the hair, thinking of his next move. He signals to the crowd for the JAMES EFFECT --- Ca$h starts throwing elbows into the side of Jeff's head! He swings behind the man GERMAN SUPLEX! HE HAS THE BRIDGE!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEENOOOO!
James kicks out! Ca$h says enough of this, he slams James goes up to the top rope. He's been known to utilize a superb flying elbow drop! But here comes Jeff James... he leaps up to the top! HURACANRANA! Ca$h splays out on the canvas!
BILL HEWSON: James is on the top rope! Will he do the Shooting Star Legdrop? This crowd wants it!
JACK JONES: Oh no!
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute... That's THAT'S STATIC! STATIC JUST GRABBED THE LEG OFF JEFF JAMES! Why isn't Smythe calling a DQ --- Ca$h has her attention! James kicks Static away! He's going to fly ---
JACK JONES: You can't kick a HALL OF FAMER like Static! Jeff James has no respect!
BILL HEWSON: Hold on! Ca$h has climbed the top rope! He and James are fighting on the top rope! Who is going to get the maneuever --- Ca$h with a stiff shot to the bloodied forehead! Wait a minute, what's he doing? Ca$h hooks James... oh no!
JACK JONES: From the TOP ROPE?
BILL HEWSON: THE MIDAS TOUCH! FROM THE TOP! OH MY GOD! Ca$h hooks the leg, there's no way... one, two, three! Dammit! There's no way James was getting up from that!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... and NEWWWW PROVINCIAL CHAMPION... CAAAAAAAA$H!
BILL HEWSON: I can't believe it! The Provincial title is back in the hands of The Crimes... in the hands of Ca$h!
JACK JONES: Finally he gets what he deserves! And now Jeff James gets what he deserves for trying to come against The Crimes!
BILL HEWSON: There's no call for this! Come on!
Ca$h is in the ring, holding the provincial title belt over his head. But Static has gotten in the ring himself. The hardcore luchadore is jittering like a sadistic army ant... twirling a silver screwdriver in his hand.
STAB
Static jabs it into James already bloody forehead several times, screaming "YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' KID! YOU AIN'T NOTHIN'! HOW'S THIS FOR A MOMENT OF CLARITY SUCK MY VOOOOODOOOO!" Ca$h yells at Static... he's calling him off? Uh, no. Ca$h tells Static to let James get up
WHAM
Running belt shot from Ca$h, provincial gold right into Jeff James' forehead. Ca$h wipes the blood off the gold with disgust. Static raises the man's arm up high, pointing at the new Provincial Champ saying "THIS' THE MAN! THE MONEY MAN!" Ca$h and Static take off down the aisle, Ca$h savoring the huge victory.
BILL HEWSON: Jeff James swore he was going to do this all alone... but alone, how can any man take out The Crimes?
JACK JONES: Turns out she wasn't really a bodybuilder. Or an Italian. Or a woman ---
BILL HEWSON: That will be enough, thank you.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the match to determine the undisputed Tag Team Champions of NAPW! In this match-up, the co-champions will wrestle in a one-on-one contest. The winner will take possession of both title belts and the right to name his new partner and co-champion!
N-n-new world order. By Ministry, stupid. And out stalks one big mean mother. I checked, he's not from outer space. But from the expression on his face, he's liable to knock somebody there tonight. The crowd actually gives a surprising reaction for Jake Phoenix. Lots of boos, of course, but a significant number of fans are indeed cheering for the man. Phoenix steps over the top rope big-man style and then raises his arms high, roaring
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, he is one-half of the NAPW Tag Team Champions! He weighs two-hundred and eighty-nine pounds and stands at six-feet, nine inches tall. Fighting out of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, he is "The Career Killer" Jaaaaake Phoennnnnnix!
BILL HEWSON: The rivalry between Malicious Intent and the Murder City Devils, and the controversy over the Tag Team titles, will end tonight. Last week it was this man here dumping his Murder City Devil partner, Donovan Astros, on his head with the Tombstone to pick up the tag titles. Conspicious by his absence IS Astros...
JACK JONES: I don't know what Jake Phoenix was thinking there. If I could have Donovan Astros as my tag team partner, I'd jump for joy.
Let's get some TOOL. Battle of the heavies of mid-nineties heavy, kids. Out walk two men, one in t-shirt and jean shorts with scraggly long hair, the other in stylish jeans and a "House Always Wins" t-shirt. Chris Casino struts towards the ring with a cocky grin while Martyr takes his time. He stares down fan after fan, grabbing a "Martyr = CHUMP" sign and tearing it in two.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! He is one-half of the NAPW Tag Team Champions and is accompanied to the ring by his partner, Chris Casino. Weighing in at two-hundred and forty pounds, hailing from The Shadows... he is Sebastiennnn Martyrrrrr!
JACK JONES: And if Jake Phoenix hadn't been an angry jerk, he'd have a partner at his side just like Martyr does. With Chris Casino encouraging him and cheering him on, Sebastien has all the advantage!
BILL HEWSON: Because I'm sure Casino will keep himself out of the match-up and let it be fair. You know if Martyr wins, he's going to pick Casino as his co-champion...
Martyr is holding up his tag title belt high, jawing at Jake Phoenix. Martyr points at Phoenix's belt, then at Chris Casino who gives a cheesy thumbs up. Phoenix's expression never wavers: He's pissed off. Phoenix raises his own tag title belt high --- throws it at Martyr? Sebastien catches it, confused, only to look up in time to register the pattern of treads on the bottom of Phoenix's BIG BOOT. Martyr goes down, flattened, and Phoenix wastes absolutely no time HAULING the man up from the canvas like he weighs half a buck. Martyr finds himself tossed over-head in what could generously be called a double-hand throw - pure brute force! Martyr grabs ropes, trying to get free, as Phoenix comes up from behind and drives the knee right into his back.
Sebastien slumps with his throat and armpits over the middle rope as Phoenix roars. He rebounds off the ropes --- Casino grabs a leg and turns around as if he did nothing. Referee John Sharplin saw nothing, but Phoenix stumbles. He turns around and leans right over the top rope, grabbing an unsuspecting Casino by the collar! Big forearm shot clubs Casino as he dangles off the floor, sending him crashing down. Phoenix turns around, Martyr is still hanging limply. HEAD OF STEAM --- nobody home!
BILL HEWSON: Sebastien Martyr was playing possum, Jack Attack, and now Phoenix is tied up in the ropes!
JACK JONES: Never take your eyes off the prize. Jake Phoenix is LUCKY Sebastien Martyr carried him to the tag titles last week, with that anger problem of his I don't see him becoming a champion any other way.
BILL HEWSON: Well if Chris Casino had kept his hands to himself...!
Phoenix is in a bad predicament here, as his ankle has been caught between the twisting top and bottom ropes. And Sebastien Martyr is loving it. Sharplin trying to call Martyr off, but Sebastien casually shoves Sharplin aside. Phoenix swings with a wild arm, fighting even upside down, but Martyr can easily dodge it and start stomping on the man's ribs and chest. Phoenix has nowhere to go here, he's all tied up. Sebastien gets some distance, measures his man, then runs and baseball slides Phoenix right in the face. Jake's resolve wavers, he got nailed hard right there. Martyr takes a moment to taunt the crowd, raising his arms in superiority. BOOOO. Sharplin tries to free Phoenix's leg, but Martyr slams in again, Sharplin barely gets out of the way himself. He warns Martyr to stay off the man, but Martyr again ignores the referee. He grabs a hold of the top rope and lays in the heavy boots to Jake's chest. Marty giving up nearly one foot of height and fifty pounds to Phoenix, he needs to keep the big man down anyway he can!
Martyr is just enjoying himself now with Phoenix hanging helplessly. Did I say helplessly? Jake Phoenix? Helpless?
Nah.
BILL HEWSON: Martyr with a stomp --- Phoenix catches the boot --- AND UPENDS MARTYR! Sebastien on the mat as Phoenix reaches up with those long arms of his, kicking with his boot... and finally frees himself!
JACK JONES: Run, Sebastien, run! He's got the killin' instinct now!
You could say that. You could certainly say that. Martyr is up, but his back is to the large, looming form that is behind him, chest heaving like a bull about to charge. Casino points over Martyr's shoulders in panic, trying to warn him. Martyr spins around and lets fly a shot right to the abdominal area, but Phoenix isn't even fazed. Martyr with a few more shots, and Jake Phoenix unloads with his own --- and that one staggers Martyr. Phoenix with another shot, another, irish whip sends Martyr into the corner hard. Jake Phoenix stalks him... and starts throwing rights and lefts! Martyr ties his best to cover-up but Phoenix is relentless, raining down fists of pissed off-edness. The crowd grows louder with every shot as Phoenix suddenly jackhammers his fists into Martyr's stomach, letting loose a gutteral scream. Phoenix runs back to the corner and then CHARGES, squashing Sebastien in the corner!
Sebastien stumbles out, how is he on his feet? PHOENIX SCOOPS HIM! TOMBSTONE --- Martyr slips out the back DARK DAZE! DIAMOND CUTTTTTTER! Phoenix is down, Martyr covers ONE, TWO, KICK-OUT.
BILL HEWSON: This crowd thought that could be it! Dark Daze from Martyr but Jake Phoenix somehow able to kick out before the three!
JACK JONES: That was a slow count, referee! Who is this mook anyways? I don't think I've ever seen him before.
BILL HEWSON: John Sharplin? He's been with us for almost two years!
JACK JONES: I dunno about no "John Sharplin"... or years...
BILL HEWSON: Will you be serious?
Sebastien slaps the mat in frustration, arguing the count with John Sharplin. Arguing with purpose. Martyr manuevers Sharplin so that Chris Casino can ascend the top rope without being seen and FLY
PICTURE PERFECT ELBOW DROP
Right to the heart of Jake Phoenix.
BILL HEWSON: What the hell? This isn't a handicap match! Casino scores with his patended elbow drop... Martyr with the cover! NO! ONE! TWO! HE KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT!
JACK JONES: Whaaaaaaaaa?
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix won't be done tonight until SOMEBODY goes home in an ambulance! Martyr again frustrated, but he stomps. Off the ropes POWERSLAM PHOENIX! What a snap powerslam that was! Both men are on the canvas as the referee starts his ten count! Who will make it to their feet first?
Phoenix is wincing, trying to shake loose the cobwebs. He's on all fours as Martyr, well, he was RATTLED by that Joe-esque powerslam. Phoenix is up and the ref cuts the count. Thumb across the throat. Phoenix hauls up Sebastien Martyr... CHOKESLAM - no, Martyr is able to slip out and get behind...he's trying MORPHEUS! Can he get the Rear Naked Choke locked on the big man? Martyr is on Phoenix's back like Cary Elwes on Andre The Giant... Phoenix knows where he is though, walking backwards to ram Martyr into the turnbuckle.
Shame Sharplin got in the way.
Oops.
Martyr is shaken off his back, but John Sharplin took the worst of it and he is down and out. Phoenix hauls up Martyr, but it's very quick that Chris Casino is in the ring with a SUPERKICK right to the face of the big man. Like last week, it doesn't send Phoenix down but he is staggered. Casino slaps Martyr on the shoulders, saying "COME ON!" Casino rushes in, Phoenix swats him away, Martyr is able to get some shots in. Phoenix is being double-teamed by a flurry of stomps and fists! Casino hits ANOTHER superkick - Martyr sweeps the legs out from under Phoenix in a beautiful and dastardly high-low. Malicious Intent glory in the boos of the crowd.
Boos that suddenly turn to CHEERS.
BILL HEWSON: And this is just WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE! IT'S DONOVAN ASTROS WITH A STEEL CHAIR! DONOVAN ASTROS HAS HIT THE RING AND HE'S CLEARING AWAY MALICIOUS INTENT! Phoenix and Astros are standing tall! THE MURDER CITY DEVILS ARE TOGETHER ---
JACK JONES: HOLY HELLLLL!
BILL HEWSON: WHAT IN THE --- WHAT IN THE HELL?! Donovan Astros just BLASTED his own partner Jake Phoenix with the steel chair! Oh my God! And no not again NO! ANOTHER SICKENING CHAIR SHOT TO THE SKULL OF JAKE PHOENIX! Donovan Astros... Donovan Astros has killed the Murder City Devils! That son of a bitch!
Astros mock-bows to the crowd, sneering as he drops the chair across Jake Phoenix's chest. He walks out of the ring as Chris Casino and Martyr look on. Casino is laughing. Astros walks up the aisle to Tremendous Heat. The referee is still down. Martyr rolls into the ring. Phoenix is busted wide open. Blood is pouring from his forehead, pooling behind his head. Casino and Martyr lift the man up, and then Martyr hooks the arms for what is.
Will be.
The end.
The Sacrifice of Jake Phoenix.
And yet you've never heard a bigger pop...
AS TOMMY F'N DEATHROW HITS THE RING STEEL CHAIR IN HAND!
BILL HEWSON: IT'S TOMMY DEATHROW! CHAIRSHOT TO THE BACK OF MARTYR! HERE COMES CASINO --- HE TAKES ONE TOO! TOMMY DEATHROW IS HERE! DEATHROW WAS KICKED OUT OF THE BUILDING EARLIER TONIGHT BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP A SUPERSTAR DOWN!
JACK JONES: No! This isn't fair! It's a one-on-one match-up, dammit!
BILL HEWSON: All Deathrow is doing is evening the odds! As long as Deathrow is breathing, Sebastien Martyr will have to deal with him! Malicious Intent regroup --- Tommy ducks their double-clothesline! WAITA MINUTE! JAKE PHOENIX --- DOUBLE CHOKESLAAAAAAM!
JACK JONES: WHAT IS HE --- COME ON REF, WAKE UP! It was only a bump!
BILL HEWSON: I don't believe what I'm seeing here! Deathrow and Phoenix are taking out Malicious Intent, and wait a minute! Deathrow has Chris Casino up in the DEATHROW DRIVER! Nails it! But wait a minute, Martyr from behind on Tommy! Irish whip to the ropes --- Tommy holds on! Martyr rushes him, Deathrow with the boot up, PHOENIX! HE CATCHES MARTYR --- TOMBSTONE! TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! HE COVERS --- SHARPLIN WITH THE COUNT --- ONE! TWO! THREEEEEE!
FRANK WARBURTON: THE WINNER OF THE MATCH... JAAAAAAKE PHOENNNNNIX!
The crowd is going CRAZY GO NUTS. Phoenix gets up, kicking Martyr out of the ring. Casino is up, holding the back of his head, he goes over to Sebastien. Meanwhile, the referee hands BOTH tag team straps to Jake Phoenix, who raises them high. He's a sight, double-gold and blood over his forehead. Deathrow is contenting himself to crotch-grabbing in the general direction of Malicious Intent... wait a minute, Casino is helping Martyr up --- Martyr shoves Casino away. Casino shouts "Hey, what gives?" but Martyr just snarls at him and walks away. Casino looks on, arms out to his side, a look of shock on his face as Martyr leaves him high and dry.
BILL HEWSON: Trouble in paradise for Malicious Intent, it seems! Good riddance. But ... without Donovan Astros, who is going to be Jake Phoenix's tag team partner?
JACK JONES: Well if Casino hadn't gotten Deathrow Driver, this never would have happened! Who CARES who's Phoenix's partner?! He would never have won without Tommy Deathrow!
Suddenly, Phoenix roughly hauls Tommy Deathrow around. Deathrow's eyes blaze. He doesn't care how damn big you are, he's ready to fight. He don't care that he's already wrestled a damn match. Phoenix stares a hole in Deathrow, Deathrow returns the gaze, both men looking like they're going to go at it...
And then Phoenix reaches out a big mitt, a tag title belt dangling from it.
JACK JONES: Oh no.
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute... is Jake Phoenix doing what... I think he's doing?
Deathrow looks at the belt. Phoenix just holds it there. The two ugliest men in NAPW stare each other down...
Tommy Deathrow takes the tag title belt from Jake Phoenix.
The crowd explodes.
BILL HEWSON: Can you believe it? Unless I'm severly mistaken... Tommy Deathrow is ONCE AGAIN a tag team champion --- Phoenix and Deathrow! Is there a force on earth that can stop these two violent, brutal, sick sons of bitches?! What a turn of events here tonight!
JACK JONES: I think I'm going to *be* sick.
I wouldn't call them friends, but the crowd is going crazy for the new tag team champions, Jake Phoenix and Tommy Deathrow. Who the hell would have called this one?
"MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN!"
The crowd boos like crazy as NAPW owner Rex Caliber makes his way through the curtain. He looks more pissed off than he has any other time tonight, no doubt unhappy with Phoenix and Deathrow ending up as tag champions. It's not like he's a fan of either man. Nevertheless, Caliber rolls into the ring and grabs the microphone.
REX CALIBER: CUT MY MUSIC! Now you stupid Calgary fans can cheer Tommy Drunk-row and Jake Phoenix all you damn want, but it doesn't change the fact that on July 17th in Raleigh, Sebastien Martyr is going to destroy Deathrow in a Falls Count Anywhere match! And if Jake Phoenix interferes at all, I'll strip those two of the tag titles faster than you can say "Sexy Rexy."
Enough about those two, this is the real reason we're all here tonight. You fans are here to pay tribute to the end of a career! And you know what, I don't really care who it is! NAPW needs one of 'em, but which one? These two can settle right now. Beast, Ravager, no tricks! There's no interference from me, nothing clever from you! You come out here, you two assholes, and you beat the living shit out of each other... if you don't, I WILL fire you both! Get this damn match started!
Rex throws down the microphone and comes outside. He takes a chair at the timekeeper's table, scowling all the while. And then...
"THEY'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
Muse. And POP like corn as The Beast sweeps through the curtain in his trademark duster and cowboy hat (no doubt endearing him further to the Cowtown fans.) He looks over the hundreds of fans, stroking his thick beard before walking to the ring with purpose. No hand slapping from The Beast even as fans reach out, it's deadly serious.
The Beast climbs to the second turnbuckle and looks out over the crowd, pounding his chest one-fisted and pointing out. This is it. He climbs up and begins removing his coat and hat...
The music fade.
Four Cellos.
"PATH."
The crowd once again goes batshit insane.
BILL HEWSON: And if these reactions don't spell it out any further... we are looking at the two most popular men in NAPW, two of the most decorated, two of the BEST... and two men who have been with this company since day one. And Rex Caliber would sacrifice all of that for his own petty ego!
Nonethless, it is Ravager who walks to the ring, all business as usual. The title belt sits nicely around his waist. It's hard to imagine Ravager without it by this point. He steps to the apron and through the ropes, hitting the second turnbuckle and looking out over the crowd himself. No arm raising. Just deadly focus. And then...
A hush. Warburton in the center of the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall at a sixty-minute time limit and is for the NAPW Championship AND the career. The winner of the match will be the undisputed NAPW Champion... the loser will be fired from New Alberta Pro.
Boooo. Rex grins.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first to my right, wearing black. He weighs in at two-hundred and seventy pounds. He stands at six-feet, three inches tall. This man is a five-time NAPW Tag Team Champion as a part of The New & Improved D-X. He is the 2006 Battlebowl winner ---
Beast motions to Warburton, saying something quietly to him. Frank continues.
FRANK WARBURTON: And the new owner of the reopened Nexus Sports CLUB in Edmonton... ladies and gentlemen, the challenger tonight! BRUCE! THE BEAST! RICHARRRRRDS!
The crowd cheers, some fans already chanting "Beast is gonna kill you." Ravager looks over his shoulder and smirks to the front row. The fans can chant what they will...
FRANK WARBURTON: And now, to my left. Weighing in a two-hundred and ten pounds, standing five-feet, ten inches tall. He is a two-time Provincial Champion and THE REIGNING two-time NAPW Champion...
Now it's Ravager's turn to interrupt Warburton, whispering something in his ear.
FRANK WARBURTON: ... and never defeated by Rex Caliber in any kind of match-up... THE NAPW CHAMPION, THE SHOOTER, THE WHITE COLLAR ASSASSIN, THE LAST RESORT... RAVAGERRRRRRR!
BILL HEWSON: Champion and challenger taking their shots at Rex Caliber, and who can blame them? This match is not just about the NAPW title, these two men --- two men who have BUILT NAPW on their backs, with their sweet blood and tears --- are being forced to fight for their very jobs. And all because Rex Caliber is a vindictive son of a bitch!
JACK JONES: Keep that kind of talk up, Hewson, and you'll joining one of them in the Unemployment line!
Referee checks each man. He asks for the NAPW title belt. Ravager stares across the ring to The Beast, not moving. Finally, he undoes the belt, kissing the golden faceplate before turning it over to Senior Referee Dick Kiebiech. Kiebiech shows the belt to The Beast, who looks almost thoughtful as he gazes upon it. Up high, showing it to the crowd...
And there's the bell.
JACK JONES: And the next time we hear that bell, one of these men is going to be gone from NAPW forever! Hahahaha!
BILL HEWSON: You're a real jerk sometimes, you know that? Staredown to start here. These two men may respect one another, but they certainly don't LIKE each other very much... They will give it their all tonight. There is no doubt about that.
The Beast. Ravager. Eye to eye, nose to nose. Beast with several inches of height on Ravager and a good sixty pounds, but Ravager has beaten all sizes of opposition in his career. Trash-talking going on? Certainly a heated exchange of words here and OH. Ravager with an open-hand slap across the face of The Beast. The Beast's head turns with that. He coldly turns his gaze back towards Ravager... and a huge open-handed slap of his own.
As they say: IT IS ON.
Ravager CHOPPING away on The Beast. WHOO! WHOOO! The Beast with his own WHOO! WHOOO! WHOOOO! Ravager again! chopchopCHOP. Good god, you can hear those echoing throughout the Ogden! The Beast roars and brings his right hand down with a thunderous chest slap that rocks Ravager. The Beast shoves the champion's arm out of the way and unloads with a HUGE knife-edge chop that almost sends Ravager over the top rope. Irish whip sends Ravager running, the champ ducks a clothesline, Beast turns around CHOP WHOOOOOO! And Ravager opens up with a HEADBUTT right to the skull of Richards! That one actually staggers The Beast, Ravager drank lots of milk as a kid. Strong bones. Ravager with another headbutt, then again to the chop. Ravager's turn to whip, sending The Beast across the ring. Ravager hits the canvas, Beast runs over him. Ravager leap frogs a charging Beast. Beast comes off the ropes again, Ravager with a hip-toss, The Beast plants his weight and says HELL NO SHORT LARIAT! The Beast with the immediate cover gets a one count. The Beast is first up, and he nods at Ravager with a slight smirk.
BILL HEWSON: The Beast with the first major takedown of the match-up, letting Ravager know - as if he didn't already - that he is playing for keeps.
JACK JONES: These two are letting it all hang-out from the get go! Caliber should do this match more often, we'd get some great contests!
BILL HEWSON: Yeah, until NAPW was Rex, Static and his dog. That'd be a thrill.
Ravager is back to his feet, the two men this time tie-up. The Beast muscles Ravager to the corner, Kiebiech counts and calls for the break. The Beast unhands Ravager and pulls back... clean break. Well, clean if Ravager didn't lash out with a knife-edge chop. Beast snarls, Ravager shrugs. Business, after all, is business. The Beast shrugs, saying "sure." And then unloads with a stiff shot of his own. The Beast is after all an Alberta roughneck, educated or not! He's unloading on Ravager in the corner with big fists as the referee calls for a break. Bruce says screw it, and sends Ravager whipping across the ring Sternum-first into the turnbuckle, so hard that Ravager slams the canvas back-first. What impact. The Beast is on Ravager quickly, pulling his man up and slamming him to the canvas. Beast drops the elbow and hooks a leg, Ravager kicks out. Beast grabs a headlock, Ravager starts throwing elbows into the mid-section. On the third, he breaks free and hits the ropes--- Beast hits the other ropes and kills Ravager dead with a Clothesline from St. Albert. COVER ONE, TWO, KICK-OUT.
The Beast doesn't argue the count, he can't possibly expect to put Ravager away this early --- OH YES HE CAN! HE HAS RAVAGER ON HIS SHOULDERS! CHART ATTACK --- Ravager lands on his feet. Beast charges, Ravager sidesteps and tries the Full Nelson! Last Resort, no, The Beast is too big, too strong, he ducks forwards and throws Ravager to the canvas. He hammers Ravager on the back and pump-handles the man... Suplex THROW. Ravager sent spinning all the way across the ring... in fact skidding OUT of the ring to the floor below.
BILL HEWSON: They call him The Beast and you are seeing why, he is relentless, animalistic in his assault!
JACK JONES: And Ravager better get out of the way!
BILL HEWSON: THE BEAST IS GOING TO FLY --- Ravager just walked out of the way. The champion is always so well-scouted, he saw the big man coming at him. Beast stops himself short in the nick of time.
Ravager taking some time to regain his bearings, having successfully avoided the crazy flying Beast plancha. Wait a minute. Who says The Beast can only do it on the aisle side of the ring? Ravager looks up into the ring...
SUICIDE NO-HANDS BIG GUY OUTTA CONTROL PLANCHA
INTO THE CROWD!
"HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT" chants the crowd as The Beast and Ravager end up over the guardrail in a mass of chairs, the fans barely getting out of the way in time. The Beast put his own body on the line in his pursuit of the NAPW Title, and it paid off. He picks himself up in the carnage and roars, the crowd loving it. He picks up Ravager and tosses him casually back over the guardrail. Beast follows, picking up Ravager in a bear hug and ramming the champion back-first into the steel post. No quarter given, none taken. Beast has Ravager still... again into the steel. The referee is counting them out, but Rex Caliber stands up and waves him off. "No count-out! I want these two to beat the hell out of each other!" Kiebiech shrugs but who is he to argue with his boss? The Beast rolls Ravager into the ring and when he meets him, he goes back to the Bear Hug.
JACK JONES: I have to admit, this is great strategy from The Beast! Use his size and strength to just destroy Ravager's back. It's a Beast Crusher, that's what it is!
BILL HEWSON: This is a fantastic match, and you can't blame either man for taking it to the limit! The Beast has targetted the back of Ravager... it might not be long now!
Ravager is trying to fight his way out of it, but Beast has the leverage advantage. The crowd is beginning to stomp and cheer, some for Beast, some for Ravager, but they are deeply into this. Ravager trying to block out the pain... claps the ears of The Beast with both hands. Beast shakes his head in pain but holds on, cinching even deeper around Ravager's back. Ravager yells in pain. He tries to clap the ears again... and again! He does it! Ravager able to break free of the hold, but The Beast quickly hammers Ravager down. Off the ropes comes The Beast for a finishing lariat ---
Ravager rolls through ---!
SINGLE-LEG CRAB, WAIT, NO...
SHARPSHOOTER! IN CALGARY! RAVAGER LOCKS IT ON!
BILL HEWSON: AND JUST LIKE THAT THE CHAMPION TURNS IT AROUND! HE HAS THE BEAST IN THE CENTER OF THE RING... The crowd has gone crazy! They will never forget Bret Hart!
JACK JONES: WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
BILL HEWSON: I SAID THIS CROWD HAS GONE CRAZY!
Center of the ring. Beast roaring in pain. Ravager has it cinched on. Tight. There's no way he's letting it go. The Beast tries to crawl towards the ropes... he has so much strength, but the pain is so intense! Beast reaches out for the ropes... he reaches... HE REACHES...
And Ravager pulls him back to the center of the ring, sitting right down on the back. Ravager screaming "TAP! TAP! TAAAAAAP!" Beast roaring. The crowd is dueling chants of "TAP!TAP!TAP!" and "PLEASEDON'TTAP!PLEASEDON'TTAP!"
The Beast begins to push-up, using his upperbody strength...
and is somehow able to get free of the hold, sending Ravager tumbling. Beast is down, trying to recover, and Ravager comes right back at him for another Sharpshooter! But this time Beast kicks him away into the corner. The Champion is momentarily held off, but before Beast knows it, he's being kicked in the back. Ravager pulls the man up and in a great show of strength, hits a big backbreaker on The Beast. Stiff elbow drop right to the small of the back. Ravager makes a cover, digging the point of his elbow into the chin one, two, Beast kicks out. Ravager again covers, one, two. Third cover, making The Beast expend more and more energy with every kick-out, which he does. Ravager gets up, looks out over the crowd briefly, then steps back to let Beast get up. The challenger does, face showing the pain his back is in... Ravager behind.
German Suplex on The Beast with a bridge! ONE! TWO! Beast gets out of it! But Ravager is all too quickly on him, driving the knee into the back and grabbing both arms in a surfboard maneuever. He's got The Beast where he wants him, wearing him down. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, and Ravager is working the back over as ruthlessly if not more than The Beast did to him earlier. But the crowd... well, they don't want to see this end. They're cheering for The Beast now, trying to rally him just as they did Ravager. They know that when this match ends, it will be the last time they ever see one of these men in an NAPW ring. The Beast begins to get to his feet. He turns Ravager around... back suplex! No, Ravager lands on his feet! He grabs The Beast by the pants and headbutts the man in the back. Well, that was unique, but very Bret Hart. And very effective. Ravager again headbutts the back, forearm shot to the back. The Beast staggering, the champion on the offensive. Ravager grabs The Beast and lifts him hiiigh for a backdrop suplex. And then Ravager says:
That's it.
He heads to the top rope, no doubt going for his diving headbutt. He put away The Lemondrop Kid with this in his first title defense, the first of many in this unprecedented run. But he never gets to complete it --- The Beast with a sudden burst of energy is in the corner, sending a HUGE chop up to Ravager's jaw. He has the champion staggered.
And then he does it.
Ravager's own move.
BILL HEWSON: Oh my God, he's not --- HE HITS IT! THE "BUSINESS IS BUSINESS" MUSCLE BUSTER! THE BEAST HAS PUT THE CHAMPION DOWN! Beast used whatever energy he had left for that one... the cover! ONE! TWO! THREE---
JACK JONES: NO!
BILL HEWSON: HE KICKED OUT! I don't know HOW, but he kicked out! The Beast may have to kill Ravager here tonight to keep him down and keep his own job!
The Beast looks up at the ref through a haze of pain, holding up three fingers. Kiebiech is adamant. "Two count only, Beast, two count only." The Beast gets up, pulling Ravager by what little hair the champion has. He draws the thumb across his throat and lifts the man up onto his shoulders. Torture Rack?
Nope.
CHART ATTACK.
And it connects.
The Beast covers Ravager and the crowd counts along
ONE
TWO
THREE.
The Beast rolls off, finally he has done it...
But the referee is waving no, no...
And pointing to Ravager's foot, where it lies on the ropes.
BILL HEWSON: Nobody kicks out of the Chart Attack! Not even Ravager! But he had just enough in him to throw his foot onto the ropes, and this match will continue!
JACK JONES: After that? How could Ravager have ANYTHING left?
The Beast is probably thinking the same thing. He looks up. It's moonsault time. The Beast climbs the ropes... and flies through the air, all 270 pounds of roughneck! Shame he doesn't hit Ravager with such a beautiful move, splatting on the canvas. Ravager hooks the legs and cradles Beast tight
ONE
TWO
THR
KICK-OUT
BILL HEWSON: Ravager almost had the win right there! He has to stay on The Beast, because he can't take another of those big moves!
Ravager throws big shots into the back of The Beast, and then locks on a Boston Crab. But The Beast is too near the ropes, he grabs them quickly. Ravager lets the legs drop, then leaps up and comes crashing down with an elbow drop right into the small of The Beast's back. He picks the man up... FULL-NELSON! LAST RESORT COMING UP --- Beast's shoulders are simply too big! He breaks free and switches behind Ravager. Cobra Clutch?
And there's the BOMB.
Beast once again climbing to the top rope, he is going to finish this even if it's down and dirty. But Ravager follows him up, they're fighting it out! Ravager... he wants INSTANT KARMA. The top-rope brainbuster! He's trying to hoist Beast up, can he get him? No, Beast refuses to let it happen! Beast fires shots into Ravager's ribs... and sends him crashing to the canvas! Beast up top...
BILL HEWSON: WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! THE BEAST IS GOING FOR THE CHART ATTACK OFF THE TOP ROPE! CHART ATTACK --
JACK JONES: He'll KILL him---
BILL HEWSON: NO! COUNTER! RAVAGER WITH A DDT! HE COUNTERED THE CHART ATTACK WITH A TORNADO DDT! THE BEAST'S HEAD SPIKED TO THE CANVAS! COVERRRRR! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEE--- BEAST KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT! Did you SEE and HEAR that impact?
JACK JONES: ...HOW? HOW DID HE KICK OUT?
Ravager couldn't know. These two men are running on sheer willpower now, they're out of gas. Ravager slow to get-up, The Beast the same. They meet on their knees, chopping each other. A chop, sag... return fire. They chop each other... Ravager with a headbutt. Beast with a big right hand. They hang there. They slowly get up, almost helping each other... and suddenly The Beast has his fingers down Ravager's gullet.
The Claw.
Ravager tries to get to the ropes, The Beast digging his fingers under the tongue, trying to paralyze Ravager. The NAPW Champion is fading... fading...
KICK TO THE GUT.
Ravager with a brutal toe-kick to the gut, then another one, just enough to break free. He hooks The Beast... BRAINBUSTER suplex. Beast is down, Ravager climbs to the top rope and takes flight.
DIVING HEADBUTT.
Dynamite Kid-style.
He connects, head to head. Ravager holds his forehead, damaged himself, and then reaches across and hooks a leg.
One.
Two.
Beast ...
Three.
And it is mercifully over.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match... and STILL NAPW Champion ---
Caliber storms the ring and grabs the mic. He tells Warburton to take a powder and smirks cruelly through his handlebar moustache.
REX CALIBER: The winner of the match and still NAPW Champion for NOW, Ravager... and the LOSER of the match... well, it's Bruce "The Beast!" YOU LOST, BEAST! AND THAT MEANS YOU'RE FIRED! YOU --- ARE --- FIRED ---*
BILL HEWSON: CHART ATTACK! CHART ATTACK! CHART ATTACK!
The Beast stands over the fallen owner, looking down at him with disgust. The crowd pops huge for the Chart Attack on Rex... and then quiets down again. Bruce looks at Ravager, who is holding his title belt. Ravager extends his hand. Beast looks at it...
Will he?
They shake hands. Ravager exits the ring and heads up the aisle as Beast looks over the crowd, Rex down on the canvas. Emotion in his eyes, on his face. The crowd stands as one, clapping, applauding.
Chanting.
"THANK YOU BEAST! THANK YOU BEAST! THANK YOU BEAST!"
Beast looks out over the NAPW faithful. He grabs the mic.
BRUCE RICHARDS: I don't really have a lot to say For nineteen months I've come to this ring and every match, I came to win, I did what I had to do, and I'm proud to be a five-time NAPW Tag champion. Whether you bought a ticket to cheer me, or boo me, and many of you did the latter, it was my privilege... my honor... to perform for you. Don't let this rat-bastard Caliber ruin it for you. Don't forget about NAPW. I'm just sorry that I can't... be part of winning the war. Good night, and thank you.
And with those few words, Beast drops the microphone. He pounds his chest and points to the crowd, then exits the ring and walks up the aisle.
For the last time.
The crowd chants one more time.
"WE WILL MISS YOU"
Clap clap clapclapclap
"WE WILL MISS YOU"
Clap clap clapclapclap
"WE WILL MISS YOU"
JACK JONES: Touching. But tonight, the victory still goes to The Crimes!
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen... Beast, Bruce Richards, for all of us in NAPW... it's a shame that this is it. Thank you, Bruce. We will indeed miss you.
Bruce turns around and looks over the crowd before stepping through the curtain...
For the last time.