In January, the tyrannical reign of R. Joseph Winchell III was ended. NAPW's savior, "The Nexus One" Rex Caliber now owned New Alberta Pro Wrestling.
In January, Ravager finally won the NAPW title for the second time, embarking on what would become the greatest single title reign in NAPW's history.
Rex Caliber, savior of NAPW, with Ravager on top... what could go wrong?
Everything.
Rex Caliber, driven by his bloated ego and a deep-seeded hatred of his NAPW Champion, allied himself with long-time enemy "LDK" Lloyd Rees to form The New Crimes. Caliber won the REBEL Pro Heavyweight Championship with the aid of his new ally. In NAPW, the promotion he owned, Caliber set out to make Ravager's life a living hell. Anybody who disagreed with him or got in his way became a target of the New Crimes.
The Foundation, Lloyd Rees, Static, Rex Caliber.
Stone Zellor, Jeff James, The Beast, Chris Casino, Ravager.
The wars have carried from REBEL Pro to New Alberta Pro. The wars have seen men beaten down, injured, humiliated, even fired, only to come back.
Foiled by his own hubris, Rex Caliber lost ownership of NAPW in a high-stakes poker game. The new ownership decreed that the war between The Crimes and The World must end.
For The Crimes, this is their opportunity to regain their lost dominance. If Caliber's team WINS... he will win NAPW ownership back.
For Ravager, Casino, The Beast, Stone and Jeff James, this is not just an opportunity to even the score. These men are fighting for their very NAPW careers. They must liberate NAPW from Rex Caliber's mania once and for all, or it may mean the veritable END of Edmonton's favorite wrestling promotion.
One thing is certain. Tonight, it must end.
And end it will....
Inside the CAGE OF DEATH.
The Crimes vs The World.
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. The birthplace and home of one of the hottest indie feds in North America right now... New Alberta Pro Wrestling! The Polish Hall is JAMPACKED --- this event has been sold out since three days after it was announced. The faithful and the curious all want to come to see Donovan Astros vs Jake Phoenix, Simply Beautiful vs Jeff Garvin and of course... in the main event... CAGE OF DEATH!
The lights are darkened, the crowd is chanting, cheering, getting into it. This is the definition of a HOT CROWD! They want the action! They want the violence! They want the wrestling! THEY WANT NAPW! And here are Bill Hewson and Jack "Attack" Jones to call the action!
JACK JONES: ... body slammed him right through the ring!
BILL HEWSON: An impressive feat!
JACK JONES: Well the kid had it coming. Toddlers shouldn't wander into the middle of a match, Bill Hewson.
And to start the show off, it's time for the BATTLE ROYALE! The classic NAPW theme song "OVER WITH" by Boy Charlie kicks up, and a slew of wrestlers start making their way to the ring! The crowd alternately cheers or boos as they see fit; some entrants blowing them off as they get into the ring, other happily gladhanding. RANDY LONDON and MATT NASH, The Northwest Express. The Calgary Connection, FIXER and HATCHET. VINCENT YUN CHANG. Grade A Alberta Attitude, WAYNE WRIGHT and MARK MILLAR. BIG MITCH. LINK VAN HAGGARD. CA$H. "The Falcon" JACOB VENAR. AL B. DAMNED, with SEBASTIN MARTYR pep-talking him. CHRIS KAMIKAZE. DEZ CARTER. "Bad Boy" JOEY MALONE, and KEVIN KODIAK taking up the rear. All the men start getting into the ring.
JACK JONES: I didn't even know some of these guys were still wresters! I mean, Wayne Wright? Didn't he give up and start working a McDonalds or something? And Chris Kamikaze? Really?
BILL HEWSON: It's an open invitation, Jack Attack. And speaking of open invitations.
The REBEL Pro Wrestling theme music starts up, as the last batch of contenders make their way to the ring. C.A.B.S., ACE ADAMS and STEVEN WYLDE with ROSIE CHEEKS, WARREN, and the titanic KRENSHOV.
JACK JONES: These REBEL guys love turning out for our open tournaments. I'll be the first to say, Bill Hewson, Kenny Krenshov is the man to beat tonight. I say he's going the distance.
BILL HEWSON: Krenshov is a loose cannon, but he's also a force to be -- hold up, what's this?
"Flashlight" by Parliament. The crowd goes from suddenly confused to cheering loudly as DR. TITTLYLOVER races from the curtains, right past the REBEL contingent, and slides into the ring.
JACK JONES: Isn't that guy in prison!?
You've probably never seen everyone bail from a ring so fast. Dr. Tittylover zanily circles the emptied ring, arms outstretched, making airplane sounds. The fans love every second of it. And there's the bell.
Twenty men slide back into the ring. At least ten of them start putting the boots to Dr. Tittylover to a chorus of boos. Kevin Kodiak seems to have squared off against Matt Nash. Link Van Haggard and Vincent Yun Chang are tangling. Has... has Chris Kamikaze just leapt onto Krenshov's back! Oh my, we all know how that'll end. Krenshov reaches back and grabs hold of Kamikaze, then HURLS HIM INTO THE THIRD ROW! The crowd "Oooh"s like a firework just went off.
FRANK WARBURTON: Chris Kamikaze has been ELIMINATED!
The display of power, though impressive, also attracts some attention. Krenshov suddenly finds himself swarmed. Ca$h, "The Moose" Mark Millar, Ace Adams, Steven Wylde, Warren, Jacob Venar, Dez Carter and Randy London all go the assault, leaving Dr. Tittylover rumpled on the canvas, mid-ring. Krenshov teeters and sags against the ropes, eight men trying to lever him over and out of the match...
JACK JONES: WHAT POWER!
And eight men scatter across the ring like buckshot. Krenshov ROARS and the fans erupt... DR. TITTYLOVER OFF THE TOP ROPE! Bodyslpa--NO! Krenshov ducks and Tittylover sails over the top rope to the unfogiving ground below!
FRANK WARBURTON: Dr. Tittylover has been ELIMINATED!
Calgary Connection seems to have double teamed Link Van Haggard in the corner, and now Stu Smyth is making a big show of getting ready to eject him from the ring... only to have Kevin Kodiak go low and take his legs out! Van Haggard scrambles away as Kodiak throws a few stomps down on The Fixer for good measure, then turns and meets Hatchet as he tries to come to the rescue. Elsewhere, the large Al B. Damned is being double teamed by Grade A Alberta Attitude.
BILL HEWSON: Damned actually trained with Wayne Wright at his new school "Learn to Wrestle the Wright Way." It's student versus master!
Wayne hits a big European Uppercut on Damned, and Moose tries to catch him for the Roughneck... but Sebastien Martyr, at ringside, catches Millar's foot! The Moose angrily turns and shouts down at Martyr to get lost... which gives Damned the opportunity to land a STIFF big boot on Wright. Wright, clutching his head, drops like a stone, and Damned plucks him up and hurls him over the top rope. Wayne lands awkwardly, still clutching at his head. John Sharplin and Morgan Smythe both rush over to take a look at him.
FRANK WARBURTON: Wayne Wright has been ELIMINATED!
BILL HEWSON: I... I think Wayne Wright may have been hurt!
Al B. Damned, seemingly concerned, hangs over the ropes and shouts down, "Wayne? You okay?" Martyr angrily starts yelling for him to get back into the match... but "Bad Boy" JOEY MALONE catches his legs and sends him OVER THE TOP ROPE!
JACK JONES: UNBELIEVABLE!
BILL HEWSON: STOP THE PRESSES!
FRANK WARBURTON: Al B. Damned has been ELIMINATED!
The crowd starts chanting "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" Al looks shocked, and mortified. Sebastien Martyr is red in the face and lays into him with a verbal lashing that could peel the wallpaper! Joey looks so HAPPY! He jumps up and down, clapping his hands... and then gets ejected over the top rope by Mark Millar who's been standing there the whole time.
FRANK WARBURTON: "Bad Boy" Joey Malone has been ELIMINATED!
The crowd boos Mark Millar, and gives Malone a decent round of applause. Joey's lower lip trembles... but then someone hands him a shiny title belt.
FRANK WARBURTON: And still EXTREME JOBBER CHAMPION... JOEEEEEY! MALONE!
And all the sad is gone! Joey proudly hefts up his Jobber Title and struts away. Damned, looking pale, slowly makes his way to the back, getting an earfull from Martyr. Wayne is being helped to the back by a pair of medics, still clutching at his head.
Back in the ring, Vincent has moved on to start fighting with Warren. Kevin Kodiak seems to be in trouble with the Calgary Connection and their double team. Krenshov is fighting off The Northwest Express, Venar and Big Mitch, while Dez Carter and Ca$h tear it up. The Moose starts turning back to the action, only to get kicked in the gut by Steven Wylde. Ace Adams then flies into him with a lariat that sends the big bearded Albertan spilling to ringside!
FRANK WARBURTON: "The Moose" Mark Millar has been ELIMINATED!
The playing field is beginning to thin out. Kevin Kodiak is clinging to the turnbuckle as The Fixer and The Hatchet try to push him over the corner, when Link Van Haggard makes the save! He hammers at The Hatchet's back, and then whips him into the far corner, then takes hold of Fixer and a second Irish Whip has him colliding with his tag team partner. Calgary Connection both topple to the canvas, and Link gives a brief nod to Kodiak.
BILL HEWSON: Looks like these two have finally learned to show a little respect to one another.
JACK JONES: I don't know, Hewson. I think Van Haggard just wasted a good opportunity to eliminate Kevin Kodiak, and that it'll come back to bite him later.
As Van Haggard goes over to start throwing kicks down on Ca$h, Kodiak rights himself and turns in time to catch Randy London in mid body press! Randy shakes his head "No!" and Kodiak just FLINGS him over the ropes!
FRANK WARBURTON: Randy London has been ELIMINATED!
Kodiak, breathing hard now, turns back to the action only to duck down and lowbridge the ropes for Matt Nash! The enraged second half of the Northwest Express sails over the ropes and lands next to his ejected partner!
FRANK WARBURTON: Matt Nash has been ELIMINATED!
Ca$h has turned to tables on Van Haggard and Carter, whipping Dez Carter into the far corner, and hitting Van Haggard with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex. He rises back to his feet, smirking, and turns into a SUPERKICK that comes out of NOWHERE! Ca$h SPILLS over the top rope to a huge pop!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ca$h has been ELIMINATED!
Ca$h, spitting mad, glares up at "The Falcon" Jacob Venar and shouts "You're DEAD! You hear me!?" Venar just waves him goodbye, and turns back into the action, stalking after The Hatchet. Ca$h angrily starts back up the aisle, glaring daggers back at Venar.
Krenshov and Big Mitch are trading blows while Warren and Ace Adams go at it. Steven Wylde tries to sideswipe the slacker, but Warren must have seen him coming, because he bends down to tie his shoe and Wylde collides with Ace Adams. C.A.B.S. crumple in the ring, and Rosie at ringside starts pounding the mat, trying to get her boys fired up. The Fixer, ever the opportunist, blasts Warren in the back with an elbow as he gets back up. Warren staggers toward the ropes, and catches himself. Fixer makes a big show of setting up a lariat, charges, and Warren hits a back body drop right over the ropes!
FRANK WARBURTON: The Fixer has been ELIMINATED!
Warren cheers along with the crowd, then turns as The Hatchet shucks off Jacob Venar and charges him with a bellow of rage. Warren ducks down again... another back body drop, and we can kiss the Calgary Connection goodbye!
FRANK WARBURTON: The Hatchet has been ELIMINATED!
Warren cheers again as the crowd goes wild! He points to Ace Adams, who, groggily, has risen to his feet. The crowd cheers and Warren heads upstairs! Ace is out of it, clearly not even hearing Rosie at ringside shrieking for him to duck! Warren gives a big shout out to the crowd... and then gets HURLED off the corner by Steven Wylde!
FRANK WARBURTON: Warren has been ELIMINATED!
Warren lands in the second row... but it CAUGHT by the fans at ringside! To a great cheer, Warren starts getting crowdsurfed around the arena!
JACK JONES: This isn't a rock concert! Damn hippies...
Link Van Haggard is trading chops with Dez Carter. Ace Adams is still getting his bearings, and Steven Wylde is in the corner, taking a second to catch his breath. Krenshov has worked Big Mitch towards a corner, and is now throwing down some THUNDEROUS chops on his chest. Jacob Venar and Vincent Yun Chang are grappling near the corner. Kevin Kodiak is sizing up Ace Adams. Big Mitch staggers from the corner into Krenshov's colossal arms, and the giant pitches him over the side!
FRANK WARBURTON: Big Mitch has been ELIMINATED!
Kodiak charges at Wylde who ducks aside, leaving the lumberjack to nail the ringpost, hard. Kodiak sags, but Wylde doesn't go to pick the bones. Instead, Ace Adams catches him and points to where Link Van Haggard and Dez Carter are trading blows. The pair nod, and charge! Double clotheslines! Link and Dez both topple over the ropes!
FRANK WARBURTON: Link Van Haggard and Dez Carter have both been ELIMINATED!
JACK JONES: Look at that teamwork! C.A.B.S. have, as far as I can see it, only one real piece of competition here tonight. KRENSHOV.
"The Falcon" Jacob Venar charges at Vincent Yun Chang, and goes up for the Unkindness, and Vincent, somehow, manages to spin around, sending Venar over the ropes! But... wait... Jacob manages to catch the ropes, and still has his legs around Yun Chang's head! Vincent gets pulled over the ropes and crashes to ringside! Venar, meanwhile, lands on the apron and rolls back into the ring!
FRANK WARBURTON: Vincent Yun Chang has been ELIMINATED!
BILL HEWSON: We're down to our final five...
C.A.B.S, The Falcon and Kodiak all charge Krenshov! Krenshov angrily bats aside Jacob Venar, catches Ace Adams by the throat, boots Kodiak in the head, and swats Steven Wylde. Ace Adams, in a choke hold, makes a whimpering sound, and then is HURLED over the ropes, landing against the guardrail.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ace Adams has been ELIMINATED!
BILL HEWSON: Make that the final FOUR!
Krenshov is on a tear. He pulls up Wylde and hurls him into the corner, then follows up with a HUGE body splash that shakes the ring, and flattens the second half of C.A.B.S. But Kodiak is up! He's a big man, too, and he's lining up Krenshov for the Northern B.C. Lariat! Krenshov turns... BLAM! Kodiak is nailed with a SUPERKICK!? He sails over the ropes!
FRANK WARBURTON: Kevin Kodiak has been ELIMINATED!
JACK JONES: NO!
Kodiak is frothing at the mouth as he rises to his feet, eyes bugging out! "The Falcon" Jacob Venar smirks and shrugs. "Every man for himself!" Kevin Kodiak shrugs off Morgan Smythe who's come over to insist he leave, and dives back into the ring. His expression is enough to even make Krenshov pause. The crowd starts booing as Venar backpeddals, panic breaking his expression, but Kodiak catches him and just LAYS INTO HIM, fists flying. The Falcon tries to cover up, but Kodiak is relentless. He catches hold of him for the vertical suplex... wait... WAIT... TIMMMMMBER! Venar is laid out... but Kevin Kodiak just pulls him up again anyway. Whips him to the ropes... rebound... Northern B.C. Lariat! Kodiak throws down a few extra stomps for good measre. SPITS on him. Then turns and vacates the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Someone ARREST that man! He's not right in the head!
JACK JONES: You don't mess with Kevin Kodiak, Bill Hewson!
The Falcon... well... he's not going to fly again tonight. He's not unlike a rag doll as Krenshov walks over, picks him up, and dumps him to ringside to more booing from the fans.
FRANK WARBURTON: "The Falcon" Jacob Venar has been ELIMINATED!
JACK JONES: Wait... that means there's two REBEL guys left in this match!
BILL HEWSON: It sure seems that way!
JACK JONES: Two REBEL PRO WRESTLING guys... left in OUR NAPW match!
Krenshov smirks down at the limp Jacob Venar, turns... and suddenly ROSIE CHEEKS is on his back! Krenshov angrily tries to shuck her off, but Steven Wylde and Ace Adams are both coming at him! Triple team, baby! All's fair in love and eliminated Krenshov. Big boot to Ace Adams, and a huge SMACK that sends Steven Wylde spinning into the mat! Krenshov grabs a handful of Rosie's hair and dumps her onto her back over his shoulder! She grimaces in pain and rolls aside. Steven Wylde launches himself back at the goliath, only to get caught by Kenny Krenshov with both hands! The crowd is on it's feet! Krenshov swings Steven toward the ropes...
And Ace Adams with a straight shot right into the Colossal junk of Krenshov!
And there's an audible THWACK!
Ace screams and clutches his hand. Krenshov throws aside Wylde, smirks, and taps his crotch.
BILL HEWSON: Is Krenshov wearing a CUP!?
JACK JONES: Hey, he's not an idiot, Bill Hewson! He knows where his weaknesses lie!
Krenshov reaches down to pick up Adams, signalling that it's time for the Total Eclipse! The crowd is cheering... but then Wylde leaps onto Krenshov's back, and wraps his arms tightly around Kenny's thick neck! Krenshov's eyes bug out and he gags, dropping Ace Adams, who scrambles backward. Krenshov tries to catch hold of Steven Wylde, but can't quite seem to get him. Rosie Cheeks is back in the ring. She rushes over to Krenshov...
And REACHES INTO HIS TIGHTS!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL! BAD TOUCH!
BILL HEWSON: Krenshov needs an adult!
With a look of abject horror, like she's plunged her hand into a vat of slime, Rosie fishes around in Krenshov's tights! Krenshov looks like he's being violated as she pulls out the cup and hurls it away from herself like it's a dead rat! Holding her hands away from herself, Rosie scrambles from the ring as Ace Adams steps up the plate!
HOME RUN!
Krenshov howls! Tears stream from his eyes! He doubles over, grabbing at his wounded groin as Steven Wylde drops off his back. Ace rolls under the ropes and singals his partner. Wylde takes three steps back, launches himself at Krenshov with a dropkick that sends him staggering into the ropes. Ace Adams catches Krenshov at the ropes, grabs him by the head while Wylde takes him by the legs... and ladies and gentlemen, we just got ourselves a free physics lesson!
FRANK WARBURTON: Kenny Krenshov has been ELIMINATED! So, here is your WINNER... STEVEN! WYYYYYYLDE!
BILL HEWSON: I can't say I like how they did it, but C.A.B.S. has won themselves... what I can only imagine is a Tag Team Title shot here in the NAPW!
JACK JONES: I can't believe they beat Krenshov! But there it was! Right there in front of us! What if these teams meet in REBEL's "Best Of The Best" tag tournament?
Ace and Rosie both roll back into the ring, and while the crowd boos them, C.A.B.S. celebrates this huge win! High fives, hugs... they may as well have just won the Superbowl! Until, that is, Krenshov steps back into the ring. Krenshov makes a bee-line for Ace Adams, face red with rage, but Ace pushes Steven Wylde at him and bails from the ring with Rosie Cheeks hot on his heels.
BILL HEWSON: What a coward!
JACK JONES: Nonsense! Steven Wylde is valiantly sacrificing himself so the others can escape.
And sacrificed he has been. Eyes never leaving Ace Adams for a second, Krenshov hoists up Wylde... TOTAL ECLIPSE! Ace Adams and Rosie both wince from the aisle, but when Kenny goes to follow after them, they bolt up to the entrance and make a hasty escape.
BILL HEWSON: One thing's for certain here. C.A.B.S. may have won this match... but they've also made themselves a terrible, terrible enemy.
***DVD FLASHBACK***
REX CALIBER: Bruce! You wanted an NAPW Title shot? You wanted to be the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER!? YOU'VE GOT IT! NEXT WEEK! BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS VERSUS RAVAGER, FOR THE NAPW CHAMPIONSHIP! But there's ONE CATCH. One of you will be the NAPW Champion. But the other one... IS FIRED! YOU HEARD ME RIGHT! Whichever one of you loses, is OUT OF THE NAPW! FOR! EVER!
Ravager and Richards both glare up at Caliber as the fans return to chanting "ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE!" Rex smugly drops the microphone, and helps Static and Ca$h as they join him up at the entrance. "Here Comes the Champ" begins to play as the New Crimes rally. The three of them raise their arms - Static and Ca$h painfully so - and Rex shouts "You've messed with the Crimes for the LAST TIME."
*****
Ravager with a brutal toe-kick to the gut, then another one, just enough to break free. He hooks The Beast... BRAINBUSTER suplex. Beast is down, Ravager climbs to the top rope and takes flight.
DIVING HEADBUTT.
Dynamite Kid-style.
He connects, head to head. Ravager holds his forehead, damaged himself, and then reaches across and hooks a leg.
One.
Two.
Beast ...
Three.
And it is mercifully over.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match... and STILL NAPW Champion ---
Caliber storms the ring and grabs the mic. He tells Warburton to take a powder and smirks cruelly through his handlebar moustache.
REX CALIBER: The winner of the match and still NAPW Champion for NOW, Ravager... and the LOSER of the match... well, it's Bruce "The Beast!" YOU LOST, BEAST! AND THAT MEANS YOU'RE FIRED! YOU --- ARE --- FIRED ---*
BILL HEWSON: CHART ATTACK! CHART ATTACK! CHART ATTACK!
The Beast stands over the fallen owner, looking down at him with disgust. The crowd pops huge for the Chart Attack on Rex... and then quiets down again. Bruce looks at Ravager, who is holding his title belt. Ravager extends his hand. Beast looks at it...
Will he?
They shake hands.
JACK JONES: ... and that's how I made my first fortune! Shame the divorce went so badly for me.
BILL HEWSON: Now I'm confused. Was that your second or third wife?
JACK JONES: Fourth!
The crowd is restless, and then they pop as ANDREW WK brings the party to the Polish Hall. He brings the Party HARD.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following tag team contest is for the #1 contendership to the NAPW Tag Team Titles! Introducing first at a total combined weight of four-hundred and forty pounds... Mystic Ninja! The Expositioner! The team of MYSTIIIIIC EXPOSITIONNNNNN!
Ninja and Expo come down to the ring, slapping five with all the fans. They vault over the top ropes and in sync each hit a turnbuckle, drawing cheers from the fans.
Now it's for some Biz Limpkit, which would draw boos on it's own. But the crowd sure doesn't like one of the two men who come through the curtain...
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! They are accompanied to the ring by Mandy... at a total combined weight of five-hundred and forty-five pounds... "The Show" Chad Kurtis! "American Nightmare" Matthew Kurtis! THE BLUEGRAAAAAASS MAFIAAAAAA!
BILL HEWSON: Quite an interesting dynamic here. Over the recent months, Matthew Kurtis has become so bitter towards the NAPW fans, and he's made no secret of that. Many fans still love "The Show," however, even as these two are looking to get another tag title shot by any means necessary.
JACK JONES: What do the fans know? I'll tell you what the deal is, Hewson --- blood is thicker than water! Chad and Matt look out for each other. Honestly, Matt made the smartest decision he's made when he stopped caring what the humanoids think.
BILL HEWSON: Well these humanoids sure do love Mystic Exposition. Each one of these teams came up unsuccessful in tag title shots last month against Jake Phoenix & Tommy Deathrow. The Mafia blame Ninja and Expositioner for their loss. This match was made last week, but the Mafia weren't content to wait til this week! They attacked the M.E. backstage, bringing it out to the ring and leaving them laying. We'll see what happens when it's a fair fight!
Referee John Sharplin calls for the bell. It will be Chad Kurtis starting off with The Expositioner, an exhibition of North American high-flying action! Lock-up and Expo takes Chad down, arm-bar, Chad kips up and reverses it, spins around and arm-drags Expo down, holding onto the armbar. Expo tries to get to his feet, is able to lace a kick right into Chad's gut, armbar still on, Expo twists underneath and reverses it! Chad slaps his shoulder in pain, walking towards the ropes, grabs the top rope... and does a back flip! Reversal, arm-drag, back to the arm-bar!
Crowd applauds that exchange as Chad Kurtis works it over. Expo trying to find a way out of this one, Chad displaying his technical prowess. Expo rolls forward, backwards, forwards again up and twist and this time he armdrags Chad down. Expo runs the ropes quickly and catches Chad with a beautiful dropkick to the face, taking the man down! Cover gets only one as both men return to vertical bases.
BILL HEWSON: I don't know if we expected a technical wrestling match-up after the beat-down the Mafia gave to M.E. last week, but that's just what we're seeing between two very evenly matched competitors in Chad Kurtis and Expositioner. Now each man tagging out to their partners...
JACK JONES: American Nightmare vs Little Ninja. Let the ass-kicking portion of the match commence!
Indeed, the size difference between Matt Kurtis and Mystic Ninja is... tremendous. Over a foot, over 100 pounds. Mandy claps wildly for Matt in her vapid way, Matt cruelly smiling and cracking his knuckles as he looks at Ninja. Expo suggests it might be better for Ninja to tag out. "Tag out, Ninja, I'm closer in size to him!" Ninja shoots Expo a cheesy thumbs up, suggesting that he's "got it."
Lock-up, Ninja ducks between Matt's legs and shoves the big man to the ropes. Trying a roll-up, Matt holds onto the top rope and Ninja rolls back alone. LARIATOOO --- Ninja nimbly dodges and swings around Matt for a flying crucifix pin! Matt doesn't go down, Samoan Drop, Ninja drops off and gets an inverted DDT out of it! Holy crap, how did he do that? Ninja with a cover, one count only as Matt literally PRESSES Ninja off of him. Ninja lands on his feet and kicks a rising Matt in the face. Off the ropes, seated dropkick to the man's knee! Ninja quickly tags in The Expositioner while Matt is trying to regain his footing as Mystic Exposition hits the ropes and come off with double flying forearms to take Matt down! Expo and Ninja on either side of the fallen Matt Kurtis, they shout "BINGO, TANGO, BONGO!"
Double elbow drop to the chest of Matt Kurtis!
Expositioner with a cover, one, two, Matt Kurtis again with the POWER kick-out! That's fine by Expositioner, who whips Matt to the ropes. The big man easily puts on the brakes, but Expo changes direction again and hits a drop toe-hold that sends Matt tumbling onto the middle rope. Expositioner slingshots himself over the top rope --- "NEXT X-IT!" and grabs Matt's head on the way down to the floor, snapping the Nightmare's neck against the bottom rope! Matt shoots backwards to the canvas holding his throat as Expo hits the top rope. Matt is up --- "X-PRESS!" shouts Expositioner!
Caught.
Matt Kurtis holds Expo in place, then launches him backwards with a scintillating fallaway slam! Expositioner bounces off the canvas, he is quickly to his feet --- only to get taken inside out by a huge Mafia Kick by Matt Kurtis! Expo goes down like a sack of pototatoes as Matthew Kurtis takes a moment to let the fans know what he thinks of them. BOOOOOOOOO. Matt grabs a hold of the top rope and stands on Expo's neck! Referee starts his five count, Matt steps off before five.
BILL HEWSON: All the weight of Matthew Kurtis right on the neck of The Expositioner! That's three-hundred and fifteen pounds of Kentucky Wildcat, what a poor sport Matt has become.
JACK JONES: You just called him the "Kentucky Wildcat," well, that was years ago when Matt was a baby-kissing high-fiving fan favorite. This is the American Nightmare!
BILL HEWSON: Indeed. Expositioner and Ninja were doing a fine double-team number of this behemoth, but now the tide has turned for the Mafia.
Indeed it has as Matt pummels Expositioner in the corner. Irish whip sees Expo SLAM into the opposite turnbuckle --- and before he can recover, Matt avalanches him at high velocity! Tag into The Show, who comes into the ring with a slingshot elbow drop for one, two. Expositioner kicks out. He reaches out for a tag, Chad quick to hook a facelock and keep the ring cut-off. Snapmare takeover, Chad kicks Expo right in the back. "OHHHHHHH." Off the ropes seated dropkick to the face of Expo, then another hook of the leg for ONE, TWO, kick-out. Chad grabs his man in a face-lock and tags in his big brother. Matt comes in and lowers the boom on the exposed Expositioner. Into the corner goes Expo again, Matt using his big size sixteen boot to choke the life out of the man. Referee John Sharplin makes his count again, Matt Kurtis telling the ref to shut up.
BILL HEWSON: Matt Kurtis needs to be careful here lest he get his team disqualified!
Kurtis with a clothesline to the corner has Expositioner sagging... BOOM! Matt tears across the ring and shoves Mystic Ninja off the apron! Ninja pops back up and rushes into the ring to get Matt, but Sharplin is there to prevent him. Ninja protesting, Sharplin telling him to get back in the corner. And with the referee's back turned, Matt Kurtis puts Expo neck first on the bottom rope and chokes him out, putting all of his American weight on the back of the man's shoulders and neck. Referee turns around and sees this after Ninja hits his corner, telling Matt to get off the man. Matt gives a signal to Mandy, then begins yelling at the referee...
SLAP
Mandy slaps Expo right across the face while the referee is distracted.
BILL HEWSON: OH come on now, this isn't a handicap match!
JACK JONES: Mandy's just sticking up for her man! Or doing what she's been told, which is the best kind of woman.
BILL HEWSON: It's wife seven now, right?
JACK JONES: Bill, you wound me. It's eight.
Matt tags back in Chad... backbreaker from Matt Kurtis! He holds Expo over his knee as Chad takes the top rope... LEG DROP! What a combination, Expo looks dead!
ONE!
TWO!
Kick-out! Expo's got life left! Mystic Ninja on the outside begins clapping, trying to rally his partner. The audience picks up the rhythm. CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP WHOOOOO! Chad hooks his man in a side headlock, but Expo is shaking his arm! He's got life left in him! "LET'S GO EXPO, LET'S GO! LET'S GO EXPO, LET'S GO!" Expo fires an elbow into Chad's midsection! A second! A third, and he's free! OFF THE ROPES ---
Matt knees Expo right in the back to a huge chorus of boos! Expo staggers out of the ropes in pain and SUPERKICK! The Show covers ONE, TWO, TH---
SAVE BY NINJA! Dropkicking The Show right in the head!
The Show is dazed, but Expo doesn't have too much left himself. Crowd picks up the chant again, stomping, cheering, trying to drive Expositioner on! Chad... MAKES THE TAG! Matt steps over the top rope and comes in, grabbing Expo by the ankle, dragging him backNO! Expositioner with a Superman like dive
TAGS IN MYSTIC NINJAAAAAAA!
Ninja leaps to the top rope and SPRINGBOARDS off, catching Matt Kurtis with a huracanrana! He takes the big man down, unbelievable! Chad Kurtis rushes, Ninja catches him with a dropkick to the face! Matt up, he takes a dropkick! It's dropkicks like candy from Mystic Ninja! Chad up again, Ninja grabs him with a hip-toss! Here comes Jake, hip-toss, the man's too big, Matt hammers Expo. Irish whip... COUNTERED WITH A KABUKI KICK! That takes Matt down, Expo leaps to the top rope and launches a twisting corkscrew senton onto Matthew Kurtis! Hooks the leg one, two, Chad makes the save! Chad Kurtis boots Ninja in the gut and sticks his head between his legs. CK FINALE comin' right up, but Ninja counters with a double leg takedown! He still has a hold of Chad's legs and fires Chad up with a catapult RIGHT INTO THE X-POUND! LOU THESZ PRESS and Expo is firing right hands into Chad's face! Ninja and Expo grab Matt Kurtis and double irish whip him into a corner. They grab Chad and whip him into his brother. Ninja drops to all fours and Expositioner uses him as a launch pad for a flying body splash onto both brothers! Chad falls backwards... then Matt falls forwards
Headfirst into his brother's crotch!
Chad's eyes bug out in pain! The Expositioner and Mystic Ninja are going to the top turnbuckles! Matt Kurtis gets up, slowly. The M.E. yell out "EXTREMINATE" --- No! Chad knocks the top rope, unbalancing Ninja, who lands the hardway on the top turnbuckle! Expositioner is distracted by this, long enough for Matt Kurtis to grab him... OH NO!
GORILLA PRESS OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR BELOW!
Chad Kurtis has climbed up after Mystic Ninja, John Sharplin has lost all control of this one! Superplex from Chad Kurtis puts Ninja down, here comes Matt Kurtis with the big legdrop, '86 Hogan Style! NINJA IS DEAD!
ONE!
TWO!
TH---KICKOUT!
Matt Kurtis snarls and picks up the 200 pound Ninja by the hair. Kurtis roughly grabs the man around the waist for a huge bear-hug.
BILL HEWSON: Good God, he'll crush him! Mystic Ninja is like a rag doll in the arms of Matthew Kurtis!
JACK JONES: Stick a fork in him, he's done.
BILL HEWSON: Expositioner is still down on the outside after taking that bad fall to the floor, there's nobody to save Mystic Ninja! He's all alone with the three-hundred and fifteen pound "American Nightmare," and he's fading fast!
Indeed he is, Matt Kurtis using his massive arms and size leverage to bear down on the man, no pun intended. Ninja is fading, the light leaving his eyes. Sharplin grabs the man's arm...
It drops.
Crowd trying to rally Ninja! Sharplin grabs the arm another time, Matt squeeeeeezing.
The arm drops a second time.
Crowd disheartened, trying to rally, wondering if this is it. Chad Kurtis says "it's over!" as Matt roars. Sharplin grabs Ninja's arm.
Lifts it up.
Let's go.
It dropsnnnnnNOOO!
Ninja is alive! NINJA IS ALIVE!
He's shaking the arm, trying to reach down for that burst of energy! Matt shakes his head from side to side in disbelief, yelling for the crowd to shut up! They don't though, because Mystic Ninja is alive! He starts trying to fight out of it, throwing punches to Matt's jaw, not a lot of mustard between those... Matt lifts Ninja up and recinches the move in, so much for the comeback --- Wait! Ninja hooks his arm around Matt's head! He's got a front-face lock on the man is squeezing, pulling with all his might! The blood being cut off to Matt Kurtis' head... the big man goes down to one knee, his arms are going limp, and Mystic Ninja uses the opportunity to DDT the big man to the canvas! Ninja shaking the pain off, points to the top and climbs.
SHURIKEN PRESS!
He covers! ONE! TWO! CHAD KURTIS WITH THE SAVE!
Chad chops away on Mystic Ninja, back him to the ropes, disregarding Sharplin's cries to get back to his corner. German suplex time, but Ninja flips out! Chad tries the SUPERKICK again, Ninja ducks it and does a backflip kick to the back of Chad's head! Ninja turns around
into the Matt Kurtis spinebuster. Good GOD, that rattled the ring.
ONE!
TWO!
TH---
EXPOSITIONER WITH THE SAVE!
JACK JONES: Where did he come from?
BILL HEWSON: Expositioner out of NOWHERE with the save, and this could turn the tide! Expo back in his corner, Chad Kurtis in his, now Ninja is crawling to his corner! Matthew Kurtis trying to get his own bearings after Expo dropped the elbow across the back of his head! Matt makes the tag, here comes The Show --- NINJA MAKES THE TAG!
JACK JONES: Oh no!
BILL HEWSON: Expo clotheslines Chad down! Then again! Matt Kurtis into the ring, Expo pulls the top rope down! Matthew Kurtis goes to the outside the hard way!
Chad however blindsides Expositioner and slams him down. Chad points to the corner, and it's time for...
BEST!
MOONSAULT!
EVER!
Nobody home! But Chad lands on his feet! Clothesline from Expo, ducked, Chad grabs the back! German suplex! He's holding on, the rolling germans coming up --- Expositioner reaches out and grabs the top rope to block! Chad trying to pull him over, Mystic Ninja over the top rope with a leg lariat to Chad Kurtis! That breaks it up alright! And that means...
Ninja to one corner!
Expositioner to the other corner!
"EXTREMINATE!"
DOUBLE MISSILE DROPKICK! X-TERMINATOR KILLS CHAD KURTIS! EXPO COVERS!
ONE!
TWO
THREE-------
Matt Kurtis with the LAST SPLIT SECOND SAVE! He lariats Ninja out of his boots, then catches Expositioner with a big boot to the gut!
BLUEGRASS BOMMMMMMMB!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE----
NINJA MAKES THE SAVE! Chops away on Matt Kurtis, sends him to the ropes, Matt explodes off with his Mafia Kick, but Ninja ducks and goes behind, leaps up and nails a LUNGBLOWER! Matt is down, and Expositioner is on the top rope?
"Now I'm going to lose my balannnnce!"
Expositioner falls backwards on top of Matt Kurtis. X Marks The Spot!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE
CHAD KURTIS WITH THE SAVE!
Chad and Expo start throwing chops against each other, Mystic Ninja going to the top rope again! Mandy pushes him off! NO! Ninja crashes and burns on the floor outside! Meanwhile, Expositioner sends Chad to the ropes, Chad reverses SPINEBUSTER. Matt Kurtis catches Expo and just kills him to the canvas! Matt hoists Expositioner onto his shoulders, Chad springboards off the top rope for a SPRINGBOARD DOOMSDAY DEVICE! Ninja trying to get back into the ring, Matt blocks him off as Chad hooks the leg
ONE
TWO!
THREE!!!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners, Matt & Chad Kurtis, the BLUEGRASS MAFIAAAAAA!
The Mafia head out to the aisle, Mandy bouncing up and down. She helped good, tee-hee. Matt Kurtis loves it, making the universal symbol for "I want the belt" around his waist. In the ring, Ninja looks on frustrated, holding his head, then goes to help Expositioner up. "And so, Mystic Ninja helps his partner up, a noble effort but not to be---*" Ninja slumps into his partner's arms, no doubt rocked by that Doomsday Device.
BILL HEWSON: One hell of a contest between two fantastic tag teams. Give an assist to Mandy, but the Bluegrass Mafia are the #1 conteders to the Tag titles. What a heartbreaker for Mystic Exposition, but what a match that was! What an effort!
JACK JONES: Definitely a great tag team contest, yet another from NAPW, but there's only one winning team, and that's the Bluegrass Mafia!
The BGM head up the aisle and back out the curtain. In the ring, the crowd begin to applaud Mystic Ninja and Expositioner. The pair look out over the crowd, sweat-soaked and beaten up, but there's no doubting that they gave it their damned all. It just wasn't their night.
But you can't beat a standing ovation.
***DVD FLASHBACK***
Rex grabs Monique by the HAIR and yanks her away from Chris. He shifts her around and holds her arms pinned to her side, screaming "WATCH, BITCH!"
Rees raises the belt high.
And brings it down with a sickening crack across Casino's back.
To his credit, he doesn't scream. Monique does, tears flowing from her eyes.
She's forced to watch as Rees brings the belt down across Casino's back again and again, so hard that blood is flowing from long, angry gashes and welts. Casino's face is a mask of sheer agony and pain with every lash. He can't stop the yells of pain escaping his lips anymore.
He screams.
She screams.
LDK falls over himself whipping Casino faster and faster, a madman attacking. The Foundation pull LDK back. Rex finally releases Monique who covers over her husband, cradling his bloody face in her hands, her dress staining red from her man's bloody back. LDK grabs the mic one more time, hatred twisting his face into a mask.
*****
Rees grabs his precious REBEL Trophy and is about to plant Kamikaze... when suddenly the fans erupt.
Chris Casino is behind Rees. AND HE HAS A BASEBALL BAT.
SMASH!!
Casino just nailed Rees with the bat!!
Kamikaze is quick to react, hits the top rope, and nails the stunned Rees with the Type 99 and the cover! Symthe counts...
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!
JACK JONES: So that's when I realized she was auditioning a pianist...
BILL HEWSON: You know what, forget I asked.
JACK JONES: I haven't even gotten to the most awkward part yet!
BILL HEWSON: That's what scares...
Too bad they weren't paying attention to what's happening in the crowd. If they had, Bill Hewson would not be cut off by two hundred and fifty four pounds of "Superstar" Tommy Deathrow, who is tossed into the announce table by Sick Billy Kryenik.
JACK JONES: Where the hell did these two come from?!
Jack Jones mic is cut off as Kryenik tackles Tommy, and the two men grapple on the table. The announcers scurry away. The former Doomriders wail away on each other, not worrying about whether or not they should take it to the ring. Kryenik gets to his feet, and lunges forward with a lariat. Deathrow ducks, and back body drops Kryenik over the guard rail into the crowd. Kryenik lands in a heap, and Deathrow is looking for a drink. A fan hands him his beer, and Deathrow chugs it back, too much adulation! Kryenik gets to his feet, and gets beer misting to his face for his trouble.
Deathrow is over the railing and attacking his former friend, and the crowd parts like the red sea to give them room. Deathrow kicks Kryenik low, and sets up for the Deathrow Driver! Kryenik fights out of it, then lands a superkick to the jaw of the Superstar. Deathrow goes down, and Kryenik grabs a chair. Referees are out, trying to get the two men to at least move to the ring, but there'll be none of that. Kryenik swings his chair, Deathrow ducks, and referee John Sharplin is taken out. Deathrow charges Kryenik, but gets a right hook for his trouble. Kryenik whips Deathrow into the wall, and follows up with a series of European uppercuts. Deathrow goes down, Kryenik tries to lock in the Halo, but the referees break up the fight. Kryenik, eyes wild, starts taking officials out one by one, giving Deathrow enough time to get to his feet. Deathrow whips Kryenik around, and throws a punch of his own. Both men oblivious to the fans around them, just focused on inflicting pain on each other. The two men disappear into the crowd.
JACK JONES: Are we back on?
BILL HEWSON: Those two men are going to kill someone tonight! They've taken out at least three referees!
JACK JONES: They'll be fine. Referees may have glass jaws, but they're a hearty bunch. This won't affect any other match.
BILL HEWSON: You sure?
JACK JONES: Come on! You notice how a ref can keep a three hundred pound man from interfering in a tag match, yet not take a punch? Bodies of granite, jaws of glass.
BILL HEWSON: Sadly that makes... Oh no...
The Doomriders have been spotted. Up in the balcony. Kryenik and Deathrow both refuse to back down. Kryenik jabs his thumb into Deathrow's eye, then kicks him in the gut. He double underhooks Deathrow, and
BILL HEWSON: He's going to do the Dry Lake off the balcony! Somebody stop this!
We'll never know for sure, as Deathrow fights out of it, gets a boot of his own, and again tries for the Deathrow driver! Kryenik tries to body drop Deathrow off the balcony, but Deathrow has his wits about him enough to get to his feet, avoiding a plunge. Kryenik drives his forearm into Deathrow's face. Deathrow returns the favor. They trade blows for a moment, Kryenik goes for a clothesline, Deathrow ducks and nails a clothesline of his own! And he follows through Cactus Jack style...
And hopefully nobody wants NAPW merchandise anytime soon, as there are two Doomriders sprawled out in what used to be the merchandise table.
BILL HEWSON: This match is over!
JACK JONES: This match never started! These two guys couldn't even wait to get out of the locker room! And now look what we got!
We have fans on their feet chanting HOLY SHIT! We got officials scrambling to tend to the wounded. We got T-Shirts and DVD's all over the floor.
And we have the Doomriders. Unconscious. Bleeding.
But nothing settled tonight.
***DVD FLASHBACK***
Roberts drags Ravager to his corner, grabs the tag rope, and tags himself in with a triumphant look on his face. He then charges over to where Rex Caliber, bleeding from the back of his head now, is scrambling to get away...
But there's nowhere to run.
SKR grabs his legs and turns him over. BEARTAMER.
Rex Caliber SCREAMS in agony, arms flailing towards the ropes, but this time Bobby O'Brady is there, and he's pulling the ropes JUUUUUST out of Rex Caliber's reach, with a smirk on his face. Rex clutches at his face, at his head, bites his knuckles.
Seconds tick onward. The crowd begins chanting!
"PLEASE TAP OUT! PLEASE TAP OUT!"
Roberts CRANKS BACK on that hold, shouting "TAP! TAP!"
And suddenly Ravager is there, right in Rex Caliber's face, looking into his eyes. Rex and Ravager bore holes in each others eyes.
And Rex Caliber taps out.
JACK JONES: ...and with a little ingenuity, you can turn an ordinary hot water bottle, KY jelly and some paperclips into a functional gravy boat!
BILL HEWSON: I never would have thought of that.
JACK JONES: And it's not only good for gravy, let me tell you!
BILL HEWSON: No.
The music kicks up. Lynyrd Skynyrd for the kids. Accompanied to the ring by his wife, dressed extra-trashy for the occasion, comes Jeff Garvin.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for a 60 minute time limit and is the two out of three falls match! Introducing first accompanied to the ring by his wife, Julie Malone-Garvin... from Memphis, Tennessee, THE ORIGINAL... JEFF GARVIN!
JACK JONES: You can leave Julie over here, Jeff! I'll - er - watch over her.
BILL HEWSON: Uh-huh. This match perhaps one of the most anticipated match-ups we've had the pleasure of calling. From the moment Jeff Garvin debuted in NAPW, he has had a serious issue with his opponent tonight. Each man has a fall on the other... tonight, we will find out without a doubt just who is the better wrestler.
"STONE COLD CRAZY!"
The crowd goes nuts as SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL struts through the curtain! He's wearing one of his classic t-shirts, sleeves cut-off, an Italian flag bandana around his head! SB comes to the ring, just failing to mask a limp, glad-handing fans all around the ring. He vaults the top rope into the ring, again just barely failing to disguise a limp.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Staten Island, New York... SIMMMMPLY BEAUTIFULLLLLL!
BILL HEWSON: Give SB credit, he is wrestling against doctor's orders here tonight.
JACK JONES: Credit? For what, a stupid decision that could cut his career short?
BILL HEWSON: For his guts! Hell, it was Jeff Garvin who exploited SB's ankle injury last week in Calgary. You'd almost think Garvin doesn't REALLY want to face SB one-on-one again, not the way he tried to take out the man's ankle with his Heel Hook. Garvin will no doubt be looking for that hold here tonight.
JACK JONES: And once he gets it on that damaged, tenderized ankle of SB's? Ffft! Game over, baby!
Morgan Smythe calls for bell to start the match. Simply Beautiful looks dead at Jeff Garvin, who shows a smirk. Garvin points to the hurt ankle of Simply Beautiful. SB wipes some perspiration from his brow, and flicks it at Jeff Garvin. They circle each other and they both extend their arms, telling the other to bring it. They touch fingers and Simply Beautiful snags the wrist of Garvin, only to get a finger in the eye. Morgan Smythe didn't see it, and Jeff Garvin takes the advantage getting a tight headlock on Simply Beautiful. He shoots Simply Beautiful into the ropes, and waits for the rebound. Beautiful counters with a beautiful, no pun intended, baseball slide through the legs of Jeff Garvin. He gets up quickly, and a Reverse DDT on Garvin. Simply Beautful with a pin, One, Two, Jeff Garvin with a shoulder up just in time. Simply Beautiful tries to get Garvin to his feet, only to get punched in the ribs. Garvin hits a quick STO, and covers Simply Beautiful. A one count accompanies a quick kick-out. Garvin just grimaces a bit, hoping for the quick one fall lead, but to no avail. Simply Beautiful tries to get up, but is booted in the head. He falls back down and Garvin takes an opportunity to drop the knee on SB's hurt ankle. Simply Beautiful grunts in pain. Garvin smells the fear and tries for another but Simply Beautiful moves! Garvin grabs his own knee in pain.
BILL HEWSON: Simply Beautiful going to work on Garvin's knee right here. If he can make it an even playing-field injury-wise...
JACK JONES: SB's going to need to give Garvin an injury if he wants any chance at all.
Simply Beautiful grabs the leg of Garvin... and applies a Figure Four Leg Lock. Garvin is trying to get to the ropes but is short by around three feet. Simply Beautiful pulls a page out of Ric Flair's play book, hammering on the exposed knee. Jeff Garvin apparently watched some Ric Flair footage too, turning over to put the pressure on SB's knees. Simply Beautiful gets out of the move quickly. Both men are slow to rise, as Morgan Smythe checks one each man. Garvin tries to shake some blood into his knee. SB sneaks and shoots at the leg of Garvin, only to receive the non-hurting knee to the chin. SB is down and rolls to the outside. Jeff Garvin doesn't follow. Morgan Smythe starts her count. One... Two... Three... Simply Beautiful shakes his head, trying to get his bearings... Five... Six... Seven and Simply Beautiful enters the ring. Jeff Garvin being a shark in the squared circle nails a Double Ax-handle to the back of Simply Beautiful. He pulls Simply Beautiful to the middle of ring and covers. One... Two... No cigar. Kick out by Simply Beautiful.
JACK JONES: It's like a game of human chess, Hewson, and Garvin is looking for check five moves in!
BILL HEWSON: I think you may be counting Simply Beautiful out well before his time. Jeff Garvin disagrees with the referee's count here...
Jeff Garvin is not happy with the counting skills of one Morgan Smythe. He argues, and then boots Simply Beautiful in the ribs. Jeff Garvin goes for another boot, but the foot is caught by Simply Beautiful. SB with a takedown and a quick cover. One... Two... kick out by Jeff Garvin. Simply Beautiful lets Jeff Garvin get up, then executes a pin-point accurate drop kick. Jeff Garvin is knocked into the ropes, and Simply Beautiful catches him with a Enziguri off the rebound. The crowd is on their feet. Simply Beautiful has Jeff Garvin out cold. He covers. One... Two... kick-out. The crowd sighs as Jeff Garvin survives. He is groggy as he stands up. Simply Beautiful is sizing up Jeff Garvin. SEXY KICK ON JEFF GARVIN... Well almost. Jeff caught the injured ankle of Simply Beautiful. He sweeps the other leg, and grounds SB. Sb is in the ropes quickly, and Jeff Garvin looks frustrated. Jeff backs up and lets Simply Beautiful rise. SB gets up and is quickly nailed in the stomach. Sunset flip by Jeff Garvin, the pin One... Two... SB kicks out, and flips forward, pinning Jeff Garvin down. One... Two... Jeff Garvin bridges up and twists around for a back slide, One... Two... SB flips out of it and is on his feet. Jeff Garvin rises as the crowd gives both men a round of applause.
BILL HEWSON: Crowd showing appreciation for the WRESTLING ability of both men. You may not like Jeff Garvin's attitude, but the man is a tremendous technical wrestler. That's what has been driving this feud, simply the matter of "who is the better wrestler?" A man like Garvin can't live with the idea that there might be somebody better out there, somebody like Simply Beautiful.
JACK JONES: Are you saying Simply Beautiful is a better wrestler than Jeff Garvin?
BILL HEWSON: He may be, that's what this match is set to prove!
They circle each other, both a little worse for wear. No real advantage for either man now. They lock up, Garvin with an irish whip, SB reverses, Garvin rebounds but fires off a running clothesline --- Simply Beautiful takes Garvin down with the PAINKILLER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! He wrenches back on the Fujiwara arm-bar, Garvin yelling in pain and trying to shift his body. SB wants a submission...
Garvin hooks a foot across the bottom rope. Smythe calls for the break. SB gets up, Garvin holding his arm in pain. He's not going to have any working extremities by the end of this. Wait a minute. Garvin begging off, the right arm dangling limply. Smythe tells SB to back off, checking. Garvin is screaming. SB must have broken his arm ---
Garvin suddenly dives over Morgan and clips SB's ankle! He was playing possum! What a set-up! SB down, holding his ankle, Garvin grabs it and locks on his heel hook! SB close to the ropes though, he grabs the bottom rope... Garvin won't let go though! One, two, three, four, he lets go before Morgan gets her five count. Then, he grabs SB by the ankle and yanks him up HIGH, bringing the man down to the canvas the hard way, yanking him into the middle of the ring, and once again locking on the heel hook!
SB reaches out for the ropes, he's got way too far too go! Garvin gritting his teeth, SB yelling in pain, he's got to try to make the ropes ---
He's tapping the canvas! SB is tapping out?!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the first fall by submission, Jeff Garvin!
BILL HEWSON: I don't understand, Simply Beautiful didn't even try to get the ropes... he's down one fall to zero! I never thought he'd tap out.
JACK JONES: That's probably the smartest thing SB could have done, Hewson! I can't believe it but he showed some brains. All he gets for struggling against the Heel Hook is more and more damage to an already damaged ankle, and then what's he got left for another fall?
Simply Beautiful gets to his feet, albeit gingerly, and slowly limps back to his corner. Garvin is standing and smirking, ready for fall number two to begin. The referee tells SB that there will be no rest period between falls, which is met with a subtle nod by the former Pure Honour Champion.
Garvin charges forward, violently shoving SB back into the corner and hammering him with forearm smashes to the side of the head. SB closes his arms around his head to protect himself from Garvin's stiff strikes, and gets kneed directly in the face for it, causing his head to whip back, straightening up his body. Garvin chops him, hard. SB shrugs Garvin off and staggers along the ropes, looking for a way out. He's still not regained his composure after dropping the first fall via submission. Despite tapping out early to save himself, his ankle still throbs as he walks. Garvin comes up from behind, dropping SB flat out onto his stomach with a stiff lariat to the back of the head. The crack of his forearm connecting with SB's skull reverberates throughout the arena, causing every fan in attendance to grimace.
BILL HEWSON: Garvin really turning it on in this, the second fall of the match. He knows he has SB weakened and wants to finish this thing as quickly as possible.
JACK JONES: And that is why Jeff Garvin is the best wrestler in the world today. He doesn't play to the fans. He doesn't try and wow them with flashy moves. Simply put, he gets the job done.
BILL HEWSON: Well, his "best in the world" claim is arguable, but his style is just as you described it. I asked Jeff earlier tonight what he would say his style is, and he used the word "utilitarian."
Jeff stands SB up and snap suplexes him over. A quick cover barely gets a two count before SB sits up and Garvin applies a rear chinlock. Garvin stands momentarily, only to drive the point of his knee into SB's spine. The fans begin to clap, rallying behind SB. Garvin checks the location of the referee and then fishhooks the corner of SB's mouth. He feeds two more fingers into SB's mouth, fishhooking the other side, before laying him out flat on the canvas and dropping a knee down into his sternum, resulting in a cover.
One!
Two!
SB gets his shoulder up off the canvas. Massive pop. Garvin rips him from the canvas, to his feet, stepping behind him in order to get into position to execute an elevated back suplex, which he does, followed by another cover.
One!
Two!
Th--SB's shoulder comes off the mat, this time much closer to what would be the match-ending three-count.
SB rolls over onto his stomach and pushes to his feet. Garvin immediately takes control of his wrist and backs him up into the ropes and shoots him off with an Irish whip. Garvin drops down; SB passes over him, rebounds off the ropes again, and is felled by a granite shoulder block from the rising Jeff Garvin. Jeff falls over him, hooking the far leg.
One!
SB kicks out and rolls onto his stomach, again. He gets to his feet, rubbing his shoulder, his ankle still sore. He kicks Garvin in the mid-section, but it has little effect. Garvin dishes out a retaliatory chop, knocking SB off his feet. SB up, again. He chops Garvin back, and the fans "whoo" accordingly. He chops him several more times, keeping Jeff on his heels and unable to return fire. SB backs him up all the way to the ropes. He attempts to Irish whip Jeff across the ring, but Garvin hooks the top rope with his arm and boots SB in the stomach, then again in the face to stand him back up straight. Garvin charges forward with a lariat, but SB ducks underneath it, continues on to the ropes, springboarding off the middle and turning and hooking Jeff's head for a DDT. Garvin's base is too strong, however, and SB can't snap him forward in order to spike his head into the mat; instead, Garvin is trapped in a guillotine choke, with SB's legs wrapped around his torso. SB cranks back on the hold; Jeff teeters forward but remains on his feet.
BILL HEWSON: Amazing counter by Simply Beautiful! If SB had reacted a half-a-second later, Garvin would have thrown him with a Northern Lights Suplex! But instead, he has Garvin wilting with one of the toughest-to-escape submission holds in the game! This could spell the end for fall two, ladies and gentleman! The fans are chanting "tap," now! I can't believe it!
JACK JONES: I don't think Jeff knows where he is! His head is down, his staring at the mat, and if he could just look up he'd see that he's within reach of the ropes! JEFF, THE ROPES ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! GRAB THEM!
Garvin, knowing full well where he is without Jack Jones' help, extends his arm and grabs a hold of the rope rope. The referee orders SB to break the hold. SB unhooks his feet and lets them return to the mat, as Garvin stands up straight again, with the referee between them. The referee backs up and calls for the action to commence.
Garvin's had about enough; it's time to take things to the mat where he's most comfortable. And so he shoots in on SB. SB sprawls, kicking his legs out of reach. But Jeff continues to charge through him, eventually gripping his left ankle with his right hand and pulling it in. He completes the double-leg, but leaves his neck unprotected and gets caught in a guillotine again! Jeff passes to side control before SB has a chance to close his guard and begins working for a Kimura -- his time in Big Bear paying off it seems. SB turns onto his stomach, and Garvin grabs a front face lock, as SB attempts to stand. They're both up, with SB doubled over, his neck caught in the vice that is Jeff's front face lock. They circle, both men trying to figure out a way to improve their position. Finally, Jeff goes for a Gator Roll -- a freestyle wrestling move -- which leaves them both laying on their sides on the mat. Garvin has a loosely applied Anaconda Choke and is beginning to walk his feet toward SB's body to further apply pressure and crank on his neck. SB turns onto his stomach and once again manages to stand, but is still locked in the front face lock. The fans begin to clap and chant his name. Garvin releases the hold and knees him in the face before he can pull his head up. SB is momentarilly dizzied, but still manages to duck a Garvin lariat with a back-switch. He doesn't even attempt a German Suplex, as one would think he might; instead, he releases the waistlock and drops down to execute a schoolboy roll-up.
ONE!
TWO!
THR--
BILL HEWSON: NO! GARVIN KICKS OUT BEFORE THE COUNT OF THREE!
Both men scramble back to their feet and are exchanging chops much to the delight of the fans who always love a good chop battle. Jeff, with the Dusty Rhodes bionic elbow, staggers SB back into the corner. Garvin feeds SB's leg through the top and middle rope and pulls it out through the middle and bottom. He cranks up on it, illiciting cries of agony from SB. Garvin lets go and viciously kicks away at the limb, before slugging SB in the face to keep him dazed. Garvin climbs to the middle rope and then jumps down, driving his knee down into SB's exposed thigh! SB falls, collapsing to the mat below. Garvin goes to the outside. He reaches back inside, grabbing SB's foot, and drags him out to the floor. Garvin sets SB up on his shoulder and backs up to the guardrail. Garvin runs and POWERSLAMS SB on the concrete floor!
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD! A powerslam on the floor by Garvin! And he rolls him back inside the ring and follows him. He makes the pin!
JACK JONES: That's right, damage his entire body, Jeff! Make him pay!
ONE!
TWO!
THR--KICKOUT!
Garvin stands up, a handful of hair allowing him to drag SB to his feet. SB clutches his back, which already shows signs of bruising. He could have internal injuries. Garvin wastes no time double-legging SB and falling back for an attempted heel hook. SB wriggles his foot out just in time and scrambles back to a vertical base. Garvin with another lariat attempt -- but SB PUNCHES him in the forearm! Garvin clutching his forehead, backing up. SB runs forward -- Garvin attempts a Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker, but SB lands safely on his feet and kicks him in the stomach.
SPIN DOCTOR!
Swinging Neckbreaker by Simply Beautiful!
BILL HEWSON: We've seen that move from Simply Beautiful before! That'll do a lot of damage to Garvin's neck, which he injured about four years ago, back in 2003, defending a championship. SB may have found his target!
SB grabs a hold of Garvin as Garvin gets back to his feet. He holds his head with one hand, and drives a repetition of elbows to the back of his neck with his free arm. Garvin nonchalantly shoves SB back into the ropes. SB rebounds and gets trapped in an Abdominal Stretch! The ultimate heel move!
JACK JONES: Jeff with some downward elbow strikes to the ribcage of Simply Inferior! Punishing those fragile sons'abitches! Break them all, Jeff! Every last one of them!
Garvin's trying to do just that. But SB, fueled by the crowd, musters up enough strength to power Garvin over with a hiptoss. The old failsafe as it pertains to the Adominal Stretch. Garvin battles to regain control of the match, his belligerence displayed in the headlong charge toward his opponent in hopes of using his knee to clip the front of SB's knee. SB showcases his explosive athleticism by actually jumping over Garvin, turning, and catching his back. The crowd erupts as he begins to try and sink in a rear naked choke.
BILL HEWSON: Wouldn't that be something if SB were to put Garvin to sleep here in the second fall of what could be a three-fall match? He could very well win two falls back-to-back if Garvin does not regain consciousness in time. This is out of character of SB, but when you're backed into a corner...
JACK JONES: You resort to cheap, dirty tricks! Are chokes even legal in a pro-wrestling match?
BILL HEWSON: I believe so. But in any event, it doesn't look like it's going to do SB much good anyway, as Garvin has begun to stand. He runs, turning and ramming SB back-first into the corner! SB unintentionally releases the hold and falls back into the corner. Garvin marches to the opposite end of the ring. Things could turn back in Garvin's favour if he nails this...
Garvin holds his arm up with it bent at a right angle. That can mean only one thing: running forearm strike, a favourite of his. Garvin runs, picking up speed quickly, and -- THWACK! -- drives his forearm into SB's face. SB's upper body hands forward, over Garvin's left shoulder, allowing Garvin to pick him up, turn him around, and deliver an Inverted Atomic Drop. SB doesn't fall, though, he simply staggers in reverse, holding his tailbone, still mentally hazy from the forearm to the face he'd just sustained. Garvin charges out of the corner, finally getting the lariat he'd attempted several times before, turning SB inside-out and all around. SB lands in a sickening heap on the mat, and Garvin covers him.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE--
A small fraction of the audience clenches their eyes shut. They can't bare to look.
BILL HEWSON: SB KICKS OUT! SB KICKS OUT! And for those of you who aren't familiar, that was no ordinary lariat, that was a signature Garvin match-ender that has put many, many world-class athletes away -- that, ladies and gentlemen, was the Axebomer, a full-tilt lariat to the FACE.
JACK JONES: Simply Beautiful won't be so beautiful after this match! Haha!
Garvin peels SB off the mat. Backs him up into the ropes. Irish whip. SB off the ropes. Garvin drops down; SB passes over him. SB off the ropes, again. SB WITH A CROSSBODY BLOCK! CAUGHT BY GARVIN! GARVIN WITH A BACKBREAKER AND NOW A BOW AND ARROW!
BILL HEWSON: Garvin bending SB over his neck! This is almost too much to watch! SB is in a great deal of pain here, folks. That powerslam on the outside really took a lot out of him.
SB falls off of Garvin's knee, to the mat, and is immediately dragged back to his feet. Garvin extends his arm to the rafters, letting SB stand on wobbly legs in front of him. The only time Garvin signals for a move is when he goes for the running forearm (check!) and when he -- GARVIN INTO THE ROPES ... HE FALLS BETWEEN THE TOP AND MIDDLE, CATCHING HIS LEGS ON THE TOP ... HE LUNGES FORWARD ... PENDULUM AXEBOMBER ON THE RETURN!
BILL HEWSON: NO! GARVIN EATS A DROPKICK TO THE FACE AND CRASHES TO THE MAT!
SB's up and limping around... I dunno how he's standing after the abuse he's taken... He has Garvin's right leg and is beginning to apply what looks like a Figure Four leg-lock. Yes, that's exactly what he's attempt. GARVIN WITH A SURPRISE SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! THR-- THE SMALL PACKAGE EXPLODES AND BOTH MEN TO THEIR FEET--
*CRACK!*
BILL HEWSON: SB SUPERKICK! THE SEXYKICK LANDS! THE SEXYKICK LANDS!
Garvin's whole body stiffens up like a board and falls backwards to the canvas. SB falls seconds later, grabbing a leg and rolling Garvin up for the pin attempt.
OOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THREEEEEEEE--NO!
BILL HEWSON: SO CLOSE WAS SB WITH THAT SEXYKICK! GARVIN MAY STILL BE OUT! IT MAY HAVE JUST BEEN INSTINCT THAT LET GARVIN KICKOUT!
Garvin's head is a mess of cobwebs, he hardly knows where he is, as SB begins to apply the Figure Four again. It's locked in!
JACK JONES: Garvin, to the ropes! To the ropes!
He's got a long way to go, however. Too far to possibly crawl dragging SB's weight, as well. Garvin instead begins to rock, looking to reverse the Figure Four. And he... does not.
The fans pop for SB's ability to stop Garvin from reversing the pressure of the hold. A frustrated Garvin fires back with fists to the face of SB. He grabs a handful of SB's hair and pulls. SB hollers and the referee orders that Garvin stop. This is just the opening he needs to break the hold and squirm away. Garvin stands, but he's a bit off balance. The Figure Four did a long of damage.
SB stands, waiting for Garvin's head to rise (he's presently bent over, grasping his knee). When it finally does, he goes for another Sexykick, but this time Garvin catches it. SB hobbles around before trying a back brain kick, which Garvin ducks and then applies an ankle lock. SB rolls forward out of the hold, to his feet, turns, and lands a forearm to Garvin's jaw. Rocked, Garvin stumbles back. SB runs. Garvin blocks the Crucifix Pin attempt, jerking him up onto his shoulders and then tossing him forward to execute the Double-Knees Gut Buster! Garvin lands on his back; SB on his feet. SB with a kick to Garvin's thigh, and he picks up his legs. Garvin getting out-worked in the later stages. SB TRIES FOR THE HEEL HOOK!
BILL HEWSON: SB can't keep it locked in, and Garvin's up! CHOP EXCHANGE! Garvin ducks underneath -- GERMAN SUPLEX! SB'S HEAD BOUNCES OFF THE CANVAS AND GARVIN HOLDS THE BRIDGE!
OOOOOONE!
TWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THRRRRR--SHOULDER!
Garvin doesn't let go of the waistlock and hauls SB back to his feet. Garvin doesn't go for the repeat German, but rather a back suplex, hoisting SB high up onto his shoulder and then driving him to the mat. Atleast, that's what WOULD have happened if SB hadn't flipped out of the suplex attempt. SB spins Garvin around, but Garvin smacks him with a forearm to the nose! Garvin attempts a slingshot suplex, but it is blocked. SB WITH A SLINGSHOT SUPLEX! Garvin's hung up on the top rope. SB climbs the nearest turnbuckle post. Garvin lowers his feet to the apron and grabs a hold of SB's ankle just in the nic of time. SB is wobbly on the top rope. He kicks Garvin in the head.
SB HURACANRANAS GARVIN FROM THE APRON AND BACK INSIDE THE RING! HE SITS A TOP GARVIN'S CHEST WAITING FOR THE REFEREE TO COUNT!
BILL HEWSON: A SPECTACULAR MOVE BY SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL! STUNNING!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THRE--KICKOUT!
JACK JONES: That's what Garvin trains for! Times like these! I can't believe he kicked out! I mean, uh, I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO KICK OUT!
SB brings Garvin to his feet.
Two fingers are brandished in the air as Garvin lays on his back, next to SB, in the middle of the ring. He turns over, grabbing SB by the head, and begins to stand. He ducks underneath SB's right arm, again looking to execute the Original Slam -- a blatant rip-off of Kurt Angle's Angle (or Olympic) Slam. Consequentially, SB drops out the back. Garvin turns and dropped to his back with an inside trip. Garvin turns onto his stomach, gets to his hands and knees, prompting SB to hop onto his back again. But before SB can look to apply a rear naked choke, Garvin rolls forward, scissoring SB's left left with his two legs and pinning it against his chest and stomach. The result: a knee-bar submission.
BILL HEWSON: Garvin baited SB by giving him his back. SB now trying to curl his leg, not allowing Garvin to straighten it out. Garvin applying an ankle lock from this position! SB tries to wriggle his leg out, but he's inadvertently got himself heel hooked by the master of the heel hook himself, Jeff Garvin!
CROWD: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The raucous boos are near defeaning as Garvin attempts to tear every tendon in SB's leg.
JACK JONES: He tapped earlier, and he better tap now if he knows what's good for him!
BILL HEWSON: I rarely agree with you, Jack, but I am right now. SB is a tough sonuvagun, but it doesn't matter how much heart you have inside you, or your will to fight, the tendons of your leg are not meant to be strained in such a way. And Garvin is going to continue to twist the heel clockwise until he hears those tendons start to pop!
The referee, on his hands and knees, assesses the situation.
REF: SB, you've gotta get free or I'll have to stop the match!
Seconds after hearing the words of the referee, SB plants both hands in the canvas and begins crawling, dragging Jeff behind him, toward the ropes. Garvin lets go momentarily to push off the mat, away from the ropes, and SB JERKS HIS LEG OUT!
BILL HEWSON: What a show of guts! I can't believe he escaped the grapevine! SB's face now buried in the canvas, he's in serious pain here, ladies and gentlemen, and Garvin is up... He brings SB to his feet. Garvin bends over SB, placing him in a standing head scissors. The boos have reached their zenith. SB would flop to the canvas if not for his head being pinned between Garvin's thighs. Garvin doubles over, locking his hands around SB's waist. SB's feet lift off the mat -- then return shortly there after!
Garvin falls to his back! SB with the EXACT SAME Jackknife Pin that won him the first match over Garvin!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
THREEEE--
CROWD: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
JACK JONES: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! GARVIN GETS HIS SHOULDER UP! YES! YES! YES! EAT THAT, SB! HAHAHAHA! GARVIN FOR THE WIN, BABY!
SB rolls off of Garvin and slowly gets to his feet, using the ropes as a crutch. He turns, seeing Garvin rise, and runs, as best he can anyway, toward him, throwing caution to the wind. Garvin surprises him by hoisting him up into a fireman's carry! The boos ring out from all directions! Garvin's limping around, his knee still weak...
MASSIVE GUT BUSTER! DOUBLE-KNEES TO THE MID-SECTION!!
SB is double over, staggering around, vision blurred, unable to suck in a breath.
Garvin's up in no time flat, and guides SB's head back between his thighs. Garvin doubles over, getting the waistlock no problem, and turns SB upside down!
MEMPHIS
DEATH
JACK JONES: (pure elation untransferable to words)
BILL HEWSON: Simply Beautiful fighting with all he's got to deny Garvin the use of his most potent finishing move. You have to think that if he hits the Memphis Death Certificate, Garvin wins in two straight falls. SB backdrops Garvin up and over and immediately collapses to his knees! We're at 55 minutes in this contest, folks, from my count, and neither man is giving up!
First to their feet is Jeff Garvin, the crowd hurling their boos at him as he turns and bores a hole through SB's back. Garvin stalks him from behind, sinking his fingers in his hair as SB stands. Suddenly, SB turns around and fires a series of right hands to the crown of Garvin's head, each one landing with impactful force that rattled the 'Tennessee Technician's' brain! Garvin is seemingly out of his feet, while all around the fans are on their feet cheering. SB hits the ropes... FLYING FOREARM~!
BILL HEWSON: A DESPERATION FLYING FOREARM FROM THE SOLE SURVIVOR WINNER! I DON'T KNOW HOW HE'S STILL GOIN' BUT HE IS!
SB unloads a bombardment of stomps and kicks to the body of the downed Jeff Garvin, doing whatever he can to wear him down in the final minutes of the match.
FRANK WARBURTON: ATTENTION, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS THE TWO-MINUTE WARNING! THERE IS TWO MINUTES LEFT IN THE CONTEST'S SIXTY-MINUTE TIME LIMIT!
A sense of urgency washes over the native of Staten Island, New York. He picks Garvin up...
CROWBAR!
The Fujiwara armbar's locked in!
No! Garvin performs a forward roll out of the submission and to his feet. He turns, deflecting a desperation Sexykick with his forearms errected over his face! SB's foot hits the mat, but it's too late for him to regain his footing and obtain an adequate base as Garvin lunges forward, acquiring SB's other leg and bringing him to the mat with a single-leg takedown! SB's kicking his feet about furiously, trying to shake Garvin free. BILL HEWSON: There's forty-five seconds left in this thing!
Garvin falls back, applying the heel hool and synching it in perfectly.
SB's tonsils quiver as he screams at the top of his lungs. We're treated to this visual via extreme close-up. Tears welling up in his eyes, SB hides his profile behind his hands.
CROWD: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Garvin grits his teeth and wrenches the hold for all it's worth!
BILL HEWSON: COME ON, KID, TAP ALREADY! YOU'VE GOT NOTHING MORE TO PROVE!
As the seconds tick down, SB has to know he's lost the match. The time limit will expire and Garvin will win, one fall to nil. Still though, he doesn't tap out. He's done so once already tonight, he's NOT doing it a second time! He's going to gut it out and salvage his pride!
*DING! DING! DING!*
BILL HEWSON: And there's the bell! Garvin releases the hold surprisingly without incident, and we have ourselves a winner. We can only inmagine the insurmountable damage done to the tendons in Simply Beautiful's leg.
Garvin, having released the hold, sits on the mat, SB lying adjacent to him, semi-conscious. Garvin gets to his feet, exhausted, and has his hand raised by the referee, who immediately goes to knee at SB's side to check on him.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the end of our sixty-minute time limit! Therefore, your winner, having rendered the only fall in the contest... "THE ORIGINAL" JEFF GAAAARVIIIIIIINNN!
Garvin raises his forefinger skyward. The look on his face is not of arrogance, or even disdain for his opponent, for that slate has been wiped clean, the issue settled. Garvin, for a split second, looks to SB, who lies on the mat in a great deal of pain, and gives him a respectful nod as if to say thank you.
"Simple Man" continues to play over the P.A. system, as Garvin offers SB his hand and helps him to his feet, SB trying his best not to put any weight on his damaged leg.
Garvin nods, again. SB does the same.
And to the shock of the crowd, it is Garvin who extends his hand, a blank stare masking his profile.
SB looks at it a second, unsure of whether to trust 'the Original.'
Their hands join in the centre of the ring, signifying the conclusion to their summer-long feud.
They don't exchange words. The mutual respect shared between them is muted by their own stubbornness and inability to verbalize it. Instead, Garvin turns and exits the ring, walking to the back, amidst the throng of fans in attendance, each and every one of them on their feet applauding the efforts of both men.
Standing ovation -- doesn't get much better than that!
BILL HEWSON: What an incredible match... A gutsy performance by Simply Beautiful. I don't think anyone will ever make the mistake of doubting his heart. And Garvin, wow, he really brought his A-game tonight. I just hope this win doesn't inflate his ego too much.
***DVD FLASHBACK***
The Crimes swarm the ring. Ravager knocks Darko's block off, gets a piece of Ca$h, but the numbers are too much for him. The beatdown commences. And out of his pocket... Caliber pulls handcuffs. The Foundation force Ravager down to the canvas face-first (they know a lot about getting arrested) and Caliber does the honors himself. They pull Ravager up
JAB
Static and Screwy fuck up Ravager's forehead some as LDK shoves Warburton off of his chair. He folds it up and tosses it to Ravager.
REX CALIBER: So Ravager. Tell me somethin'. You lost your title, and now you're about to lose your head. How do you feel, YOU STUPID BASTARD??!!
Ravager doesn't flinch, staring into Rex's eyes even as Caliber raises the chair back. "SEE YOU IN HELL, RAVAGER!"
The crowd erupts. Rex still has the chair above his head. Ca$h raises the alarm ---
HERE COMES THE CALVARY, LED BY CHRIS CASINO?! WHO'D HAVE THUNK IT?!
Casino! Link Van Haggard! Stone Zellor! Even Jeff James at a limp! They hit the ring and it's all on! Caliber dives out of the ring as Casino superkicks Ca$h down. Haggard flies at Kodiak, Stone and James swinging at everything that moves! The ring gets cleared as the crowd goes crazy! IT'S CASINO AND LDK ALONE CLANG
Caliber from behind with the chair right to the head of Casino. Rees pulls him up and nails a DDT From The Green right on it! The numbers become too much for the others. James is on the concrete, holding his knee, as Static, Cash and Kodiak gang up on Van Haggard, while The Foundation get ahold of Stone. But in the ring. It's LDK holding Casino down with his foot on the throat... and Caliber looking at Ravager. He grabs the mic.
REX CALIBER: ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! Ravager --- you're not champion! I don't need you anymore! I'm sick of you! SICK OF YOU! YOU HEAR ME? SICK OF YOU! So in about thirty minutes... consider yourself FIRED! But that's thirty minutes from now, which means anything I do to you AIN'T ILLEGAL! SO HERE GOES ---
AND---
Casino is choking
Stone is looking on, trying to break free
James is hurt
Haggard is being pounded
And from the crowd comes one more savior. Who grabs the chair out of Rex Caliber's hands. The owner turns around, his eyes bulge out...
CHART
ATTACK.
THE BEAST IS IN THE RING!
LDK tries to attack, The Beast lifts HIM up on his shoulders --- CHART ATTACK II! The Crimes storm the ring, no, they pull Caliber and Rees out! Caliber is knocked gooney, looking out at the ring, at the towering BEAST standing tall. Casino is looking at Beast surprised himself as Stone Zellor helps Ravager up. James is in the ring now, on one foot, being supported by Link Van Haggard. The crowd is going absolutely apeshit.
"Surprise You're Dead!" by Faith No More pounds the speakers as the fans pop huge for the wrecking machine that steps out from the back! Jake Phoenix heads towards the ring, his half of the NAPW Tag Team Championship draped over his shoulder. He hits the ring... and then waits for the man he wants to pretty much decapitate.
"Battleflag (Lo-Fidelity All Stars Remix)" by Pigeonhed hits the speakers and the fans make it abundantly clear that they despise the man who is coming out from the back. Donovan Astros walks to the ring, belt around his waist.
BILL HEWSON: Confidence is not an issue for this man.
JACK JONES: Of course it isn't, this is Donovan Astros we're talking about! And tonight here in Edmonton, Worldwide Astrocide will roll on.
Astros climbs into the ring, gives his former partner a smug look and raises the NAPW World Title high above his head to deafening boos. Frank Warburton preps for the introduction.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the NAPW World Title! Introducing first to my right... Coming to the ring first, he hails from Fort Lauderdale, Florida and weighs in at two-hundred and eighty-nine pounds. One-half of the NAPW Tag Team Champions... the challenger... "The Murder City Devil" Jaaaaaaaake Phoennnnniiiiix!
Introducing the champion to my left... He hails from Los Angeles, California and weighs in at two-hundred and twenty-seven pounds. He is the reigning NAPW World Champion... Donovan Astroooooooooos!
BILL HEWSON: The so-called "Worldwide Astrocide" making a stop here in Canada tonight as Donovan Astros takes on his former teammate for the first time ever! In nine years of associating, never have Astros and Jake Phoenix met one-on-one.
JACK JONES: And they do it tonight for the World Title! Bill, Donovan beat Ravager, but this Jake Phoenix is a monster of a man! I think we're going to see Phoenix walk out of here as a double champion.
BILL HEWSON: Astros hopes he CAN walk out of here at all tonight, I'm sure.
Astros reluctantly hands over the title belt and as the referee turns to pass it off to the timekeeper, the World Champ attacks an off-guard Phoenix!
BILL HEWSON: And we're already off to a fast start!
The referee hurriedly calls for the bell as Astros is laying into Phoenix with big right hands! Astros backs Phoenix against the ropes and shots him off. A flying back elbow drops the big man to the canvas and Astros is back on his feet arms raised in victory! Behind him, Phoenix quickly gets back to his feet, waits for Astros to turn around and drops him with a clothesline! Phoenix is putting the boots to Astros as the World Champion rolls out of the ring to catch a breather. Phoenix paces in the center of the ring as Astros uses up as much of the referee's ten count as he can before having to get back inside. The two men go to tie up but Astros ducks under and as Phoenix turns around he takes a vicious slap across the face! A slap from Phoenix! The World Champ responds with another searing open hand slap, this one across the chest of the challenger. Forearm shot from Phoenix staggers Astros! A big chop across the chest from Phoenix has Donovan holding his chest in pain. Scoop and a slam from Phoenix!
BILL HEWSON: Not exactly sure what Astros is thinking here, he can't go toe to toe with his former tag partner!
JACK JONES: Did you hear how hard they were slapping each other? Someone is leaving here with a broken jaw!
Donovan has pulled himself back to his feet and walks into a brutal lariat! Phoenix pulls Astros to his feet, and whips him into the corner. He charges in but Astros gets a boot up and plants it into the face of "The Murder City Devil!" Astros pulls himself to the second rope and takes flight only to get caught by Phoenix! Powerslam from the challenger! Astros quickly rolls out of the ring and the fans are all over his case. Again Phoenix shows amazing restraint as he stays inside the ring, Astros however is once more milking the ten count for all it's worth. At the count of nine, Astros rolls into the ring and is immediately smothered by the bigger man. Astros tries to cover up as Phoenix is throwing big rights and lefts at his head. Astros is shoved into a corner and the Tag Team Champion drives a trio of shoulder blocks into his ribcage. A high hip toss out of the corner sends Astros sailing across almost the entire length of the length! Astros is up! A big boot to the face from Phoenix puts him back down!
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix looks to be almost having fun in there!
Astros tries to roll to the outside but Phoenix grabs a leg and drags him back into the ring. Astros is trying to get to his feet even though Phoenix is still clutching his leg. Enziguri by Astros! Phoenix releases his hold and staggers back trying to clear his head. A chop block to the knee brings the challenger down to all fours! Elbow drop across the back of the head puts the World Champ in firm control. Phoenix is rolled over onto his back and Astros grabs his injured leg. Elbow drop across the knee from Astros! Another! A third! Fourth! Now the crowd is counting! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! Phoenix is laying on the mat clutching at his injured joint as Astros gets back to his feet. Astros walks around the ring taunting fans as his challenger is doing his best to get back to a vertical base. Phoenix is almost up when he takes a dropkick to the knee from Astros putting him back down!
BILL HEWSON: Smart move by Astros taking the legs out from the bigger man!
JACK JONES: That's why he's my favorite wrestler!
BILL HEWSON: What?
Astros grabs the leg of Phoenix and looks to be going for a figure four leglock! As Astros starts to lock in the hold Phoenix raises up and punches Astros straight in the face of the champion, causing a break! Phoenix is trying like mad to get up as Astros is trying to clear the cobwebs. Phoenix uses the ring ropes to pull himself up and Astros suddenly charges him. Phoenix drops down and sends Astros sailing over the top and to the floor with a big back body drop! Astros lands hard on the outside giving Phoenix time to try to get his leg back in working order. Astros slowly makes his way back into the ring and he's greeted by Phoenix. Astros is pulled to his feet and shot into the ropes only to get nailed with a snap powerslam from 1/2 of the NAPW Tag Team Champions! Phoenix pulls himself into a mounted position over Astros and starts to pummel him with big right hands to the head. The referee gets to a count of four and Phoenix just barley manages to not get DQ'd.
BILL HEWSON: Phoenix might have a bad wheel but nothing is wrong with his hands!
JACK JONES: I can feel a title change! This is why Phoenix is my favorite wrestler!
BILL HEWSON: A minute ago you said Astros was your favorite!
JACK JONES: Meh, that was so long ago.
Astros has rolled away from Phoenix and is scrambling back to his feet. Phoenix also gets up and spins Astros around so that he can once more deliver a brutal slap across the face of Astros! The fans start up with the "You Got Bitch Slapped!" chant! Another slap from Phoenix and we see Astros has a mouth full of blood. Astros won't go quietly though as he fires back with a forearm shot across the chest of Phoenix. Sweat flies off the big man but he hardly moves. Slap across the chest of Astros! The fans let out a groan as the shot can be heard throughout the arena! A thumb to the eyes from Astros! Phoenix staggers back and Donovan plants a kick to the injured knee of his former tag partner! Phoenix drops to the mat holding his leg as Astros drops another knee, this one across the side of the head. Astros rolls to the outside, reaches in and grabs Phoenix pulling him from the ring as well. Phoenix is half in and half out of the ring and Astros releases his grip. Astros measures his man and drives an elbow to the face of Phoenix!
BILL HEWSON: Look at the welts forming on the chest of Astros!
JACK JONES: Look at the blond sitting ringside!
Astros climbs up to the ring apron and drops a leg across the chest of Phoenix sending both men down to the floor below. The referee starts his count and both men are slow to move on the outside. Astros is up first and he bounces the head of Phoenix off of the ring apron. Astros rolls Phoenix into the ring and scrambles in after him. Astros has pulled himself to the second turnbuckle and waits as Phoenix gets to his feet with great effort. A dropkick from the second rope to the knee sends Phoenix down like a chopped down tree! Astros covers his man quickly!
One!
Two!
Phoenix kicks out!
Astros looks shocked that Phoenix kicked out and lays in the trash talk to "The Murder City Devil." Astros gets to his feet and pulls Phoenix up only to shove him into the corner. Astros climbs up to the second rope and starts to pound away at the head of Phoenix. The fans count along as Astros lays in the punches. One! Two! Three! Four! Fi...Nope! Phoenix locks his arms around Astros, steps out of the corner and simply drops down hitting a modified snake eyes on the World Champ! The crowd start to stomp their feet as Phoenix rolls away from Astros and slowly makes his way back up. Astros uses the corner to pull himself up and it's a mistake that costs him. Phoenix smashes the champ against the corner with a modified avalanche.
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix isn't going out without a fight! He might have a bad wheel but he's taking it to the World Champion!
JACK JONES: Get him Astros! Er, Phoenix.
Astros is turned around in the corner so that he's facing Phoenix and the challenger lays into him with brutal forearm shots to the face! Some in the crowd are covering their faces as Phoenix is relentless with his forearm shots. The referee has to wedge himself between them and Phoenix hobbles back from the corner. The face of Astros is bruising up, a mouse under the eye and his cheek is trickling blood. Meanwhile the forearm of Phoenix is turning a shade of purple. Phoenix pulls Astros out of the corner and hoists him up for his Tombstone finisher! With Astros on his shoulder, the knee of Phoenix gives out and he has to releases his grip on the champion! A chop block from Astros sends the challenger to the mat. A bloodied Astros staggers to the corner, pulls himself to the top and hits a beautiful flying elbow drop! He covers!
One!
Two!
Phoenix kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix will not stay down!
Exactly what Astros must be thinking as he yells about a slow count to the referee. Astros gets to his feet and starts to pull Jake up when "The Murder City Devil" shoves him away and into the referee! Both men go down and Astros even makes sure his elbow "accidentally" strikes the referee in the way down! Phoenix is up and he reaches for Astros only to have the champion land a kick square in the frank and beans of the Tag Team Champion! Phoenix drops to the mat in agony and Astros makes a beeline for the outside.
BILL HEWSON: The referee is down and if I know Astros he's about to pull a fast one!
JACK JONES: That's why...
BILL HEWSON: Stop.
Astros yanks his championship belt from the timekeeper and rolls back into the ring. Phoenix is back to all fours when he takes a shot to the back of his head from the champ! Astros tosses the belt out of the ring and reaches over and shakes the referee. The referee starts to stir and Astros goes for a cover!
One!
Two!
Phoenix kicks out!
The place goes crazy as Astros looks on in shock.
BILL HEWSON: Astros just blasted Phoenix with the title and he's still coming back for more! What can keep Phoenix down?
JACK JONES: We've seen chairs, we've seen belt shots, Jake Phoenix is one mean mother---
BILL HEWSON: Shut your mouth!
JACK JONES: But I'm talking about the Jake!
Astros is near pulling his hair out in frustration as Phoenix once again pulls himself up. The referee is also trying to clear his head, still seeing stars from that elbow to the back of the head. That gives the champ another opportunity... Astros retrieves the title belt once more and motions for Phoenix to "GET UP!" Jake does, turns around, Astros with a WHAM --- Phoenix stumbling, sidesteps, both men turn around as Astros tries another...
GOOZLE
CHOKESLAMMMMM!
Phoenix goes for the cover, referee is somehow there to make the pinfall, ONE!
TWO!
TH-foot on the ropes.
Astros just got his foot on the ropes at the last second, great ring presence. Unfortunately, he may have just prolonged the punishment. Phoenix gets up, shaking off the fatigue, and cuts the thumb across the throat. It's time to end this! He pulls the half-conscious Astros up and turns him upside down. TOMBSTONE---Astros squirms out at the top, kicking his legs, and ends up behind Phoenix, chop-blocking the leg again! Phoenix stumbles down as Astros grabs the arms... ASTROCIDE!
No, Jake stands up! He has Astros up on his shoulders, what's he going for, an Electric Chair Drop? --- Astros starts punching Phoenix in the head for all he's worth! He rolls forward, as Jake's knee buckles under the weight and momentum shift! Astros has Phoenix down in a modified Victory Roll... and reaches out to grab the middle rope with both hands, undetected by the dazed referee!
One!
Two!
Three!
The referee calls for the bell and Astros has a big shit eating grin on his face.
BILL HEWSON: Damn it! Astros retains the title thanks to grabbing the ropes!
JACK JONES: I didn't see any such thing, Astros merely took out the knee of Phoenix! It was brilliant!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of this match and still NAPW World Champion, Donovan Astros!!!
The fans fill the arena with boos but Astros could care less...He still has the title. Both men are down. It's been a hell of a match. First time in nine years. PHoenix pulls himself up, grunting as Astros lays in the corner. The referee brings the title belt over to Astros ---
Grabbed away by Phoenix?!
Jake looks at the world title belt, Astros standing up now with a snarl.
Jake snorts, and then hands the title over to Astros. He awkwardly gets out of the ring and heads to the back with his Tag title belt. Meanwhile, Astros holds the title up high. The fans who applauded Phoenix giving the belt to Astros begin to boo. Respect is one thing, this dickhead Astros still being World Champion is another.
***DVD FLASHBACK***
Static on the ring apron, Ravager knocks him off. Darko, knocked off, it's Young who first gets in, but Ravager ducks and wraps behind --- LAST RESORT! Holy shit! LDK in, Ravager firing on him with stiff shots. Headbutt! Headbutt to Darko! Headbutt to Static! Ravager is CLEANING HOUSE ---
But only so long. Darko brings both hands up into Ravager's babymaker. He gringes, and next thing you know The Crimes are all over him, kicking and stomping. Ravager tries to cover up but there are so many boots coming at him brutally hard.
And here comes Rex Caliber now, coming from the crowd himself in a hoodie. He jumps the guardrail and gets into the ring, screaming for The Foundation to pick Ravager up. Static takes the first whack at the man, bashing him over the head with his bokken. Ravager sags, but then fires away! He's trying to fight back WHAM. Thomas Young boots Ravager right in the face.
And now it's Rex's turn. He blasts Ravager in the face with a right hand, shaking it off. What a shot. Rex then directs The Crimes to put Ravager in the corner. Young and Darko each grab chairs and toss them into the middle of the ring. Rex has Ravager... MUSCLE BUSTER
TOTAL ANNIHILATION on the chairs.
Ravager quivers, the crowd is shitting all over The Crimes. A full coke cup bounces off of Caliber's head, and he just loses it on the fans, swearing and screaming at them and their mothers. Static pulls out Screwy and stabs Ravager in the forehead with him as The Foundation hold up the canvas sack. Darko grabs it as Young tosses the chairs to the side. LDK pulls Ravager up and Rex looks on. Darko undoes the bag...
And out pour hundreds of thumb tacks. Glittering, deadly, thumbtacks.
Ravager is pulled up, bloody, out on his feet. Caliber lifts the man up... Static screams. "DO IT! DO IT! POWERBOMB THIS MOTHERFUCKER!"
And he does.
Gleefully, cruelly.
Into the puddle of tacks.
Ravager roars in pain, tacks sticking out of his bare back, his elbows, his ass, his thighs. A stomp to the head, and then Rex picks the man up and quickly sets him up for the Planetary Collision. And that's that. Ravager twitches on the canvas, covered in a mottled blueprint of shiny metal.
The Crimes hit the corner, Caliber in the center standing over Ravager.
-INTERMISSION-
The intermission is coming to a close. CAGE OF DEATH has been set up around the ring. It surrounds the ring giving space for bodies on the outside, a circular shaped thing with wide cage. One segment of cage swings open. The door. Around the ring? A table on one side, a barbed wire table on another side, a couple ladders, a barbed wire board, and no doubt copious amounts of plunder under the ring.
The crowd is buzzing as Frank Warburton stands outside the cage door with Acting Commissioner Terry Brandon.
FRANK WARBURTON: Edmonton... it is now time for the CAGE OF DEATH main event! At this time I will introduce the keeper of the keys, NAPW acting commissioner Terry Brandon!
This match will take place using similar rules to the classic NWA War Games match. Two men from opposing teams start the match off. The Crimes won the man-advantage last week, so after five minutes a member of The Crimes will enter the Cage. From that point on, a new man will enter every two-minutes alternating teams, until all ten men have entered.
Once all both teams are in the match-up, pinfalls and submissions will count. The first pinfall or submission will end the match! And now, introducing the first participant for THE CRIMES...
"We're scrapped valentines
We're tangerine rinds
We're Crimes, Crimes, Crimes, Crimes, Crimes"
FRANK WARBURTON: Staaaaaaaatic!
The crowd lets loose boos as the man walks to the ring with a casual, arrogant saunter, idly twirling Screwy in his fingers. He's dressed in baggy jeans and a wife-beater. No doubt he is smirking through his mask as thebloodbrothers shriek out his theme song, the song that represents the group he created with Rex Caliber so long ago. He fakes out Brandon, causing the man to flinch, then enters the CAGE OF DEATH. Almost lovingly Static runs his fingers along the cage bars. The Hardcore Luchadore is home.
FRANK WARBURTON: And introducing first for Team NAPW...
"Well it's just like the ocean
Under the moon!
Well that's the same emotion that I get from
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth
Gimme your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it"
FRANK WARBURTON: Chrriiiiiis Casinnoooooo!
Casino comes through the curtain. There is no trademark, confident smirk on his face. He's dressed for violence, wearing his ring tights but a sleeveless t-shirt reading "PERFECTION IS TOASTY - EVAN CARTWRIGHT." His face is grim. He comes to the ring, giving Brandon a nasty sneer, then enters the ring.
Brandon locks the door.
And CAGE OF DEATH begins with Chris Casino grabbing a garbage can and tossing it in the ring, clocking Static right in the face. Debris spills out. Casino rolls into the ring with the can's lid and catches Static with it, right over top of the head. Clang. Static drops down and Casino nails him again! Again! Casino grabs the garbage can proper, lifts it high over his head, ooh, Static kicks him in the sack. Casino falters momentarily, long enough for Static to hit the ropes and kick the garbage can right into Casino's face.
Static stomps Chris Casino in the face and then looks around for something. What's this?
Screwy.
Static holds the glinting flathead screwdriver up for all to see, soaking in the horrified sounds. He stalks over to Casino, 175 pounds of hate and piss, driving it down - Casino blocks - Static using both hands to try to jam the screwdriver right into Casino's eyes, Casino grabbing his wrists and trying to force the thing back up. "GIMME YOUR EYES!" screams Static. Casino suddenly gets a kick right up into Static's face, loosening his grip on the screwdriver. The tableau is broken with Static coming right back at Casino, but he's KILLED by a garbage can lid shot from Casino. Floored. Casino grabs his man and picks him up, going for a BRAINBUSTER no doubt onto that garbage can! Static fights for his worth, Casino says "fuck you!" and hammers down on the man. Suplex - Static floats out at the top, he's right behind Casino, dropkick to the back sends Casino into the ropes. Static charges, Casino ...
Back drops Static over the top rope and alllll the way out to the hard concrete!
Casino at a run~~~
Flying suicide forearm through the ropes sends Static right up against the cage, Casino on the concrete, both men down and out, but Casino shrugs it off and gets right back up. "Who's your daddy now, bitch?!" He grabs Static with an irish whip and sends him right into the steel cage, grabs a chair and SWINGS FOR THE FENCES
Static barely avoids getting his head smashed between the chair and the cage, but doesn't avoid the second shot right to his forehead, going right down. Casino holds the chair high, then slams it down on the concrete with a loud noise as the crowd chants "CASINO! CASINO! CASINO!" Momentarily he allows himself a smirk. Momentarily. Right now he grabs the chair again and sets it up. He hauls Static roughly up and sits the man on it. What the hell is this? Casino on the ring apron? He runs the length of the apron as the crowd stands up for a clothesline that spills Static out of his chair the hardway! Both men are down, Static the worst of it...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ten seconds! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
*BZZZZZZZ*
FRANK WARBURTON: Entering the match for The Crimes... Prince Darko!
Casino has rolled back into the ring, leaving Static down on the outside. The second masked man in The Crimes steps through the briefly opened door, his afro primed, trademark small sack in hand, and the Prince of Zamunda steps into the CAGE. Casino tells him to bring it. Darko gets on the ring apron, Casino meets him there with right hands! Holy hell is he firing them. He grabs the top rope and yanks on it, bringing Darko into the ring the hard way. Dropkick to the face on Darko, Casino grabs the garbage can still in the ring and throws it at the back of Darko's head. The prince is in trouble, namely that Casino has his arms and is setting him up for BANKRUPT --- Darko struggling, trying to block the move ---
"OHHHHHHH!"
Casino eats a face-full of chair hucked at him by Static. The Luchadore is back in, blood pouring from a wound on his forehead. He's holding his head in pain, sinking into a corner, but Casino is down on the canvas after that sick shot. And that means Darko can reach down and hook the man with a Zamunda Choke! Camel Clutch sleeper, sitting on Casino's back. They can't win the match now, but if they can knock out Casino... Static hits the ropes and drives a seated dropkick into the general area of Casino's upper-chest and head. The man slumps as Darko releases the hold. Darko grabs his man and and nails TCS onto the steel chair. Static gets over Casino, talking shit to him, screaming, spitting through his mask as Darko gets up and taunts the fans.
They really don't like him.
"SHIT'S FOR REAL SON."
Meanwhile, Static lifts up part of his mask and hocks a loogie on Casino. These two have hated each other for years. Static slaps Casino in his face, Chris is enraged by that and starts firing away, Darko clubs him to cut it off --- Static and Darko grab Casino and pull him to the ropes! Double suplex, they're going to suplex Casino over the top rope through a barbed wire table! Crowd screams, Casino trying to struggle ---
FRANK WARBURTON: Ten seconds! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
*BZZZZZZZ*
FRANK WARBURTON: Entering the match for team NAPW... Raaaaavagerrrr!
And the crowd explodes. "RAVAGER! RAVAGER! RAVAGER!" The former World Champ rushes to the ring - in street clothes - and through the opened door, sliding into the ring and attacking The Crimes before they can mutilate Casino. CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP on both men, Darko fires, Ravager blocks and headbutts Darko TO THE CANVAS. Static leaps on Ravager's back wildly, screaming and spitting, Ravager throws his head backwards and nails Static in the teeth. The luchadore slips off and gets destroyed by Ravager's ROARING ELBOW! Ravager grabs Static up and starts laying into him with chops and stiff shots. Static is in the corner, and Ravager hoists him up.
INSTANT KARMA?
Prince Darko with the save! He sends Ravager to the ropes, Ravager reverses, go behind, back suplex! Static from behind CASINO SUPERKICK! Static hits the canvas and rolls to the outside! Ravager sends Prince Darko to the outside opposite, Darko narrowly avoiding crashing through a table...
But on the other side, Casino has laid Static across a table! Non-barbed wire this one... and now he's going up the cage? WHAT THE HELL IS CASINO DOING? HE'S AT THE TOP OF THE CAGE! PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED! CASINNOOOOO
FLYINNNNNG ELBOOOOOWWWW
CRASH
The table explodes in splinters and noise as Casino and Casino alone goes through it, Static rolled out of the way. Static half-sitting, holding himself up with one arm against the ring apron, looking at the wreckage of Casino with glee in his eyes.
On the other side of the ring, Ravager is destroying Prince Darko. Darko tries to get a chair, Ravager smashes him and then grabs it himself, bringing it down across Darko's back STATIC IN THE RING THROUGH THE ROPES! Ravager never saw him coming as the Luchadore with blinding speed just took Ravager out suicide-style! He grabs Ravager by the ears and starts bashing his head against the cage bars. Darko comes over for more, grabbing Ravager's legs. Static has the man by the head, HOLY SHIT ---
Hangman's DDT on the concrete!
Ravager in trouble now, Casino hasn't moved since going through the table, and now Darko & Static may have put Ravager out of commission. Static and Darko high-five, stomping on Ravager casually...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ten seconds! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
*BZZZZZZ*
FRANK WARBURTON: Entering the match for THE CRIMES... REEEEEX CALIBER!
Shit just got real.
The bald bastard comes out to nuclear heat... and he's not alone. He has a barbed wire 2x4. He gives Terry Brandon the thumbs up as the commish opens the door for him. Brandon grins, clapping Rex on the shoulder as the fans give him shit. The leader of The Crimes steps into the ring, looking over Casino's motionless body. Ravager is bundled into the ring by Static and Darko, who proceed to hold the man up to his knees, by the arms. Static grabs Ravager by the hair and forces his head up, straight face-to-face with Caliber. Rex slaps Ravager --- who tries to get free, Static and Darko holding his arms back as Caliber punchs Ravager in the face good. Rex looks around the Cage, around the Polish Hall crowd, giving them the middle finger.
And grabs his 2x4. He talks shit at Ravager, screaming, pointing to the wood and metal, as Ravager just stares up at him, almost daring him to do it.
To Ravager's credit, he never flinches.
Even as Caliber brings the barbed wire laced wood down across the top of his head.
Ravager collapses down, holding his head in pain as red begins to leak out. Caliber holds the weapon up high, Static on a turnbuckle ranting at the fans. Caliber pulls Ravager back up, holding him up against the ropes. "Darko! Give me them!" Prince Darko tracks down his sack and pulls out... handcuffs.
Handcuffs which Ravager is bound with, hands behind his back. Caliber smirks as Ravager realizes what has happened, blood cascading down his pale face as if a demonic snow white. Caliber laughs HEADBUTT. Darko gets a HEADBUTT! Static turns around, sees his boys goin' down, rushes Ravager and gets a drop-toe hold --- face-first into the garbage can! Ravager gets up awkwardly, here comes Darko, another headbutt, Rex from behind. Rex grabs the steel chair, brings it down against Ravager's back. Without his arms free, Ravager crumples to the mat...
Rex spits on Ravager, throwing the chair down. Again Rex, trying to humiliate, dominate Ravager, talking shit on him, holding him by the chin roughly. Darko is picking himself up... and what is Static doing?
Why is Static going underneath the ring?
FRANK WARBURTON: Ten seconds! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
*BZZZZZZ*
FRANK WARBURTON: Representing Team NAPW... Jeff Jaaaaames!
The younger brother of Thomas Young comes out, limping heavily, a big brace over his right knee, but he doesn't care. Brandon opens the door for Jeff, who enters the CAGE - but not the ring. Rex and Darko tell James to bring it, Jeff grabs the nearest steel chair, and...
Tosses it to Rex?
Caliber easily catches the softballed chair, laughingWHAM. Chair #2 NAILS the first chair into Caliber's face! Darko is momentarily stunned and that's when HE takes a chair to the side of the head! James rolls into the ring and gets up by the ropes, his leg is clearly in bad shape - he shouldn't even be in the ring! But dammit, here he is trying to take out the Crimes! James at a limp still manages to come off the ropes with enough momentum to nail Darko in the side of the head with a jumping single-leg dropkick. Slow to get up, Rex comes in with a steel chair, James just drops and Rex misses, James with a ONE LEGGED FLIPPING KICK! That catches Rex in the chin and staggers him, James, then sweeps the leg! One-legged moonsault! One-legged knee drop! Modified Crash Landing, and James has cleaned house! Here comes Prince Darko, James ducks the clothesline and smashes the man... James Effect coming up!
And Static comes right from behind with a lead pipe right into the back of Jeff's injured. Jeff collapses to the canvas, screaming in pain and clutching his knee.
Static loves it, grabbing a steel chair. Jeff tries to fight him off, Darko stomps him in the head. Static lodges the chair against Jeff's knee... tells Darko to "fucking hold the chair!" Static... what the hell? No! No! He's on the top rope
MOMENT
OF
CLARITY
"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!"
Jeff's screams of pain are brutal, horrific, as he clutches his knee and screams. It's gotta be broken after Static's SSPillmanizer. Darko boots Jeff for good measure, and then all attention turns back to Ravager. Casino still isn't moving.
Ravager is up, but Static kicks him in the face. Rex is back into the ring, gotten back ahold of his 2x4, and he grates the barbed wire into Ravager's face. Jeff's pain is mixed with Ravager's.
On the outside, Casino starts to move.
Inside the ring, Prince Darko bodyslams Ravager into a steel chair.
Inside the ring, Rex Caliber rips the shirt off of Ravager's back and rolls the weapon across it, bright red pin-prick wounds opening up all over the pale flesh. Ravager needs help. Team NAPW needs help.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ten seconds! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
*BZZZZZZ*
FRANK WARBURTON: Entering for The Crimes... Thomassss Young!
They won't get it from this man.
The other half of The Foundation comes into the CAGE with everything coming up Crimes. He gets in, and Rex, with a smile like a little kid in a candy store, tells Young to do it up. Darko and Rex hold up Ravager, Young hits the ropes and BIG BOOT across the face, Ravager helpless to do anything about it. The former NAPW Champ slumps to a knee, then sideways to the canvas, his face busted open. Thomas catches his brother in the corner, desperately trying to get up using the rope on one good knee...
And cruelly clips the bad leg of his own flesh & blood.
"When will you learn, Jeff? I'm better than you, I've always been better than you, I always will be!"
But that's it. Rex is done playing. He's got so many. He yells out to The Foundation, directing them to the barbed wire table...
And directing Static to the barbed-wire board.
The Foundation slide the table into the ring and set it up. Static gets the board, holding it up while Rex grabs Ravager and again slaps him in the face. Ravager stares at Rex through a blood-soaked gaze. Never back down. Caliber laughs in his face, Ravager won't give him the satisfaction. Rex picks the man up...
And body slams Ravager onto the barbed wire table.
Ravager is caught in the wire, yelling in pain, but he's still on the table. And that's when Static and Rex take the board and place it over Ravager's body...
Creating a barbed-wire sandwich.
Ravager tries to kick out, but Darko and Young hold his legs. That leaves Static to go back up to the top rope CASINO
Chris Casino is on the ring apron a bloody mess! The Crimes pause, looking at him. Rex stares straight into the face of Casino...
Who grins.
And hops off the ring apron.
The crowd boos in horror and hatred as Casino washes his hands of the entire thing. His arch-enemy is getting his. Ravager is about to be destroyed between two beds of barbed wire and Chris Casino... is walking away. Grinning.
Static goes up to the top rope. It's going to be the Moment of Clarity. A Moment of Clarity that could kill Ravager. The crowd can only boo, angrily, as Casino turns around at the door. He has to watch.
STATIC ON THE TOP ROPE
REX SCREAMS
MOMENT
OF
CASINO KNOCKS STATIC OFF THE TOP ROPE!
Rex stares, slack-jawed, as Casino gets into the ring and clotheslines Young! Clotheslines Darko! Rex charges for his STO, but gets caught by CASINO'S STO! Casino roars, looking over the crowd, saying "FUCK YOU, CALIBER!" at the top of his lungs! The crowd is in relief as Casino pulls the barbed-wire board off of Ravager, then pulls him out of the table!
FRANK WARBURTON: TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!
*BZZZZZZ*
FRANK WARBURTON: Entering the match for Team NAPW... Stonnnne Zellloorrrrr!
The Provincial Champion hits the CAGE and the ring at a run, the crowd now joyous! He gets in and what the hell is that? He's wearing a GLOVE covered in barbed wire! He gets in the ring, whips around Prince Darko
PIMP-SLAP
WITH BARBED WIRE
Darko goes down like a shot! Young charges Casino... BACK BODY DROP INTO THE BARBED WIRE TABLE! Young crashes the table down to the mat, writhing in pain and trying to roll out of the barbed wire! Casino has the barbed wire board, grabbing it as carefully as possible... and he suplexes the board over and ONTO THOMAS YOUNG! YOUNG IS BURIED IN BARBED WIRE!
Rex Caliber attacks Casino from behind! The Crimes still have the numbers, Jeff James is on the floor unable to get up. Caliber hammering on Casino, clotheslining the man over the top rope. James has Darko, looking for Slammy Time --- Caliber with a LOW BLOW
YEOWWWWCH
Caliber howls in pain, holding his arm as Stone gives a crotch-thrust. Crowd yells "BALLS OF STEEL..."
PIMP SLAP
"BITCH!"
Caliber goes down like a shot as Stone turns his attention back to Prince Darko. He sends the man to the outside, Darko stumbling holding his bloody face. Stone coming after the man, no sign of dancing from him tonight, not inside CAGE OF DEATH! Stone looking for a lariat CAUGHT, Complete Shot into the steel cage! Stone takes his feet, Darko with a steel chair TO THE INJURED SHOULDER of Stone! Zellor goes down. Young is still down in the ring, Ravager is down and a bloody mess, still cuffed, James is down on the outside. Casino and Rex Caliber are going at it! Casino sends Caliber into the cage and reaches under the ring for a barbed wire wrapped steel chair! He holds it up -- Static from behind! Static grabs the barbed wire chair, swings, Casino ducks and Static hits the ring post, Casino dropkicks Static into the ringpost!
Darko choking Stone out on a cage bar, here comes Casino! Casino drops the man, yelling "KEYS! WHERE ARE THE KEYS ASSHAT?" Darko burbles something, Casino punches him in the face and gives him a pat-down, no keys. Casino swears audibly, realizing his team is down, especially with Rex and Static, Crimes 1.0, regrouping on the other side.
"CHRIS!"
That's when he hears it.
Casino, and Rex, and the crowd, all took towards the man yelling "CHRIS." The man holding all the keys tonight. Rex's man on the inside/outside. Terry Brandon...
Is reaching through the cage with a set of keys, yelling for Chris to take it.
Casino cocks his head, breathing heavily, in disbelief. Rex shares his sentiment... both men's eyes widen. Casino is first there though, he grabs the keys! He rolls into the ring, trying to get the handcuffs off of Ravager! Can he? Are they the keys? WHY IS BRANDON GIVING CASINO CUFF KEYS?
Rex into the ring! Static into the ring! Casino fights them off, but it's a two-on-one beatdown...and about to get worse.
FRANK WARBURTON: TEN SECONDS! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
*BZZZZZZZ*
FRANK WARBURTON: Entering the match for The Crimes... "LDK" Lloyd Rees!
The East-Coast Sensation hits the Cage, Brandon opening the door for him despite the shock of seconds ago... and hits the ring to join in the bootfucking of Chris Casino. On the outside Darko is choking out Stone Zellor with a strand of barbed wire! Good God! Rex with the STO on Casino. They pull him up, LDK yelling "Dis one's f'me, byes!" He boots Casino in the gut... Nish J Drop coming up. Nish J Drop... onto two chairs that have been set up, back to back, against each other.
Only LDK freezes.
Rex and Static look at him, then both slowly turn their heads around.
Ravager is
UP.
Before Static can react, he's got his head taken off with a LARIATOOOO, spinning 360 before hitting the canvas. Caliber tries to get Ravager, hammering on him, but Ravager reverses the german suplex with one of his own, dumping Rex on his head! Rees tries a lariat of his own, Ravager ducks --- LAST RESORT! Prince Darko from behind! Darko looking for ZAMUNDA DRIVER, Ravager grabs the legs and reverses! He's got Darko with a catapult right into Rees! The white-collar assassin is bloody and beaten, but he's not finished. Not by a long shot.
Ravager looks over at Chris Casino... and pulls him up.
Ravager and Casino stare each other down, holding onto the handshake.
"Now are we even?"
Casino grins through the blood.
Darko, Static, LDK and Rex have regrouped outside the ring, Darko having pulled Young out of the barbed wire finally. Stone is against the cage, red welts against his neck, holding his shoulder. James is looking on, half-up using the cage, unable to put any weight on the one leg.
Casino and Ravager turn to face The Crimes.
Five on two.
Two on five.
But there's room for one more in this dance. And the crowd knows it.
"BEAST, BEAST, BEAST, BEAST, BEAST, BEAST, BEAST, BEAST, BEAST, BEAST"
FRANK WARBURTON: TEN SECONDS! Nine! Eight! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONNNNNNNE!
*BZZZZZZZ*
FRANK WARBURTON: Entering the match for Team NAPW.... THHHHHE BEAAAAAAASSSSST!
Black jeans, black shirt, black gloves, THE BEAST. The Crimes swarm the ring, attempting to destroy Ravager and Casino before it's too late. Referee Dick Kiebiech slips into the CAGE... there can now be pinfalls or submissions!
HERE COMES THE PAIN.
BEAST INTO THE RING. BEAST DESTRUCTION. Young comes at him, Beast hauls him up into the TORTURE RACK! Prince Darko runs and eats BIG BOOT! Beast drops to his knees, cracking Young's spine over his shoulders! "LDK" with an axhandle to the back, Beast doesn't even feel it! WHAM!
CHART ATTACK! CHART ATTACK! CHART ATTACK!
LDK rolls out of the ring as Rex Caliber and Static charge, only to get hit by double clotheslines! They get up and Beast hits the ropes, clotheslining both Crimes down again! He pulls Static up! PUMPHANDLE! Static tossed alllll the way across the ring and out to the floor! Darko and Young help him up, The Beast grabs Rex over his head in a gorilla Press --- DUMPED OUT ONTO THE CRIMES ON THE FLOOR! They're all down! Beast ROARS and pounds his chest, crowd coming unglued! THEY SENSE IT! THEY FEEL IT! THEY WANT IT!
The Crimes picking themselves up, a crowd of five, they make a swell target.
BEAST OUTTA CONTROL SUICIDE PLANCHA INTO THE CRIMES INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE!
Young EXPLODES THROUGH THE PANEL TO THE FRONT ROW!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
The roaring Beast gets up, grabbing Prince Darko and rolling him back into the ring. Casino and Ravager roll out to take it to The Crimes! Beast has Darko, hoists him up! CHART ATTACK! CHART ATTACK! ONTO THE CHAIRS!
COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THHHH---NO!
Caliber with a last-second save with a steel chair shot to the back of The Beast, somehow he got past Casino and Ravager, dealing with Rees and Static. And Beast ---
Shrugs.
He turns his head slowly to Rex, who's eyes widen CLANG.
Another chair shot, this time to the forehead, Beast sways on his feet, and Caliber blasts him with another one. And finally, he fells The Beast. But Caliber isn't done. He rolls out of the ring, reaches underneath, looking for something.
Ravager slams Static face-first into the steel cage, what's he got? A STAPLE GUN? Where the hell did he get that? Ravager pulls Static's face-mask up onto his forehead CH-THUNK. Oh God! He just stapled Static's mask to his forehead! CH-THUNK! CH-THUNK! Casino and Rees tearing at it, Thomas Young with a steel chair to Casino. Ravager takes it as well! Young gets into the ring, clearly pissed, covered in blood. He's been the designated whipping boy this match... adrenaline is surging.
Caliber is back in as well, it's just him and Young with Beast... Caliber has a sack? A sack...
OF THUMBTACKS
Caliber pours the thumbtacks out, giving himself a silver shower with them, all over the mat they fall, thousands of thumbtacks. Thomas helps Rex get Beast up, he's not going to! He can't! Thomas is going to try to powerbomb The Beast! CAN HE DO IT?
NOOOOO!
"OHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Beast backdrops Thomas Young STRAIGHT INTO THE TACKS! Young writhes in pain and rolls in and out of the tacks, as Beast turns to face... Rex. Who gulps. Beast roaring, Rex raises the chair ---
STONE-INATOR! ZELLOR MISSILE DROPKICKS THE CHAIR RIGHT INTO REX CALIBER'S FACE!
Stone Zellor boots Rex in the gut! SLAMMY TIME ONTO THE TACKS! STONE YELPING in pain himself, COVERSSSS
ONE!
TWO!
THRNO
Rex kicks out of Slammy Time into the tacks by sheer force of ASSHOLE. Rex won't give the FANS the satisfication. That's okay, because Stone Zellor can do it again. Young nails him from behind though! He's got Stone! SHADES OF DEATH --- Stone blocks! He blocks again! Stone counters with a suplex TO THE OUTSIDE! Both men tumble over the top rope!
Darko helps out Young on Stone BEAST OVER THE TOP ROPE AGAIN! THEY ALL DOWN!
Now Casino and "LDK" are fighting on the ring apron!
LDK tries to get the advantage, but Casino nails him... what the hell? NO WAY!
BANKRUPT OFF THE RING APRON INTO A BARBED WIRE TABLE!
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
Casino and LDK twitch in the barbed wire, LDK OUT, Casino aware enough to be in horrible pain!
Ravager rolls into the ring, he blasts Caliber! What's this? Ravager has the barbed wire 2x4 himself now! Rex takes it in the forehead! Ravager not letting him have it, though, grabs him up
LAST RESORT
Low blow from Caliber to cut it off! Rex gets Ravager, puts him up top! NO NO NO
MUSCLE BUSTER
TOTAL ANNIHILATION
COVERS
ONE!
TWO!
THREEE---
RAVAGER KICKS OUT!
Rex collapses. On the outside! Thomas Young and Prince Darko are still going, tearing it up with Beast and Stone Zellor! They're brawling near one corner of the ring WHAT THE HELL
CROWD STANDING
JEFF JAMES ON THE TOP OF THE CAGE? HOW? HOW? HOW?
ONE LEGGED MOONSAULT OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE OF DEATH ONTO FOUNDATION STONE AND BEAST
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
ALL FIVE MEN DOWN!
CASINO IS IN THE RING! BRAINBUSTAHHHH ON REX! Lays a chair over Rex, to the top rope...
450 SPLASH
CASH OUT
Casino bounces off Rex, holding his ribs in pain, he hurt himself using that chair on Rex, he covers
ONE
TWO
THREE---
STATIC WITH THE SAVE!
He's pulled his mask back down, stables still stuck in his forehead, blood everywhere, and Static is PISSED off! Casino knocks him, Static with a step-up Enziguri to take him down! Casino pops up, only for Static to blast him in the forehead with the barbed wire chair! Casino goe