***DVD BONUS FOOTAGE***
A parking lot. Bruce Richards pulls up into his parking spot, but stops suddenly. There's a man waiting there in the shadows, his arms crossed. Bruce flicks his brights and we see that it's Andrew Rossi. Bruce turns the engine off but doesn't get out of the car. He's sitting there. Watching.
ROSSI: What'sa matter, don't wanna talk to me? We aren't friends anymore?
RICHARDS: (Getting out of the car.) I think you've made it perfectly clear that we aren't.
ROSSI: Wasn't my choice...partner. (walks closer to Bruce) Let's not forget who turned their back on who. (laughs) Not like it'll matter after tonight.
RICHARDS: Andrew, don't kid yourself. I got fired from the company. I got fired. And where was my friend then? (Glares at Rossi.) We could keep pointing fingers about who let who down. I'm sorry that you felt like I ignored you when you needed me. But I didn't sell you out. You were already on your way to where you are now by the time I got into the Cage of Death.
ROSSI: Save it, please. You and Ravager had Brandon in your back pocket. And who was it that tried repeatedly to ruin me by making me chase my own tail? Who sent me career back months, hell, almost drove me out of Canada? Your boy, Bruce. So don't act like you didn't have a hand in it. Even if you didn't do it personally, you allowed it to happen. (He leans in.) And that's just as bad.
RICHARDS: (Shakes his head.) This is ridiculous. You want to believe that I had any control over Brandon? You want to believe that I had a hand in you becoming the greasestain you are right now? (Throws up his hands.) Fine. I can't convince you otherwise, and I don't have time to listen to your paranoid ramblings.
ROSSI: Who's paranoid? I've already gotten rid of everyone who held me back. Except you, Bruce. You're next. And that belt? ("around the waist hand motion") It's mine after tonight. I'll see you in the House of Horrors.
RICHARDS: What's going to happen to you in that ring tonight is going to make Dez Carter kicking your teeth out feel like a gentle breeze. When I'm done with you, you'll be lucky if you'll be able to eat solid food in a month. And I'll still have MY belt.
Rossi merely laughs in his face and walks away...
The Polish Hall is as packed as it has ever been for an NAPW event, definitely almost a thousand people here for Anniversary Assault II! They're standing in the aisles, folks. Lots of signs in the crowd, fans ready to mark out for their favorite local performers and celebrate two years. They're ready for the action to begin...
And here comes commissioner Terry Brandon to some polite applause (although a few fans seem to LOVE the man, bowing down.) Terry gets in the ring with a big smile on his face, asking for the microphone. He looks over the crowd for a second...
TERRY BRANDON: Well hot damn, Edmonton, is it time for an anniversary celebration or what?
Now there's a pop! The crowd begins to chant "NAPW, NAPW, NAPW!" Brandon steps back and lets the fans get it out of their system before talking again.
TERRY BRANDON: Now we have a fantastic night of wrestling in store for you, hell, maybe one of the best nights of wrestling ever to hit Edmonton. But if I could just a couple moments of your time... you know I've been with this company in lots of forms, but right now as acting commissioner I just have to say that it is an honor... and a privilege... to be a part of a company with fans as great as each and every one of you have been for the past two years! Whether--- hold on---whether you've been here since our first show or this IS your first show, we wouldn't be here without you! On behalf of everybody in this organization, the wrestlers, from "Wahoo" Bobby Winchell all the way down to the nerds at NAPW-online.com, I say THANK YOU! THANK YOU, EDMONTON!
The crowd breaks out in a spontaneous ovation as Brandon yells "Thank you!" over the din as best he can. This crowd is just so passionate, they are feeling it. NAPW isn't just a fed, it's THEIR fed.
TERRY BRANDON: Now I said I'm only going to take up a couple moments of your time and we'll get to the first match, but just before we do that... I want to do something that I take great pride in doing. Y'see this year we're inducting three other men into NAPW's hall of fame, our Ring Of Prestige. So at this time I'd like to bring out the first inductee into the 2007 edition. Now this man here... he is one of the few men to hold the NAPW Triple-Crown, a provincial champion! A tag team champion! And a World champion! We're talking about a man with class, a man of...perfection.
OH. OH. OH. The crowd begins to BUZZ as they figure it out.
TERRY BRANDON: He is a man that I had the great pleasure to manage for a period and has been apart of some of the greatest matches in this company's history. I think you've figured it out by know, so without further ado, please welcome ladies and gentlemen back to an NAPW ring... EVAN CARTWRIGHT!
"HOLD ON! I'M COMING!"
And then for the first time in a very long time, Evan Cartwright steps through the curtain. He's dressed slick as always, a dark suit over his dark skin. He walks to the ring, chewing gum as always. Brandon is applauding as he gets in, hugging Evan and handing him the microphone. Evan tries to speak, but the crowd overwhelms him.
"WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!
WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!"
Cartwright's eyes are glistening. There is some real love and emotion in the air tonight. Finally he brings the mic to his lips.
CARTWRIGHT: Thank you for this honor regarding my short lifetime here in the past. Ę
I used to have a passion for this business--I do not have it anymore.
I used to have a healthy body that could withstand the daily grind of travel and ringwork--I do not have that anymore either. I once held this promotion's gilded titles--what does that mean now? What it used to mean was that I was a force to be reckoned with in this company. It served to stroke my ego and gave me an inflated sense of self-worth. The golden symbols of excellence and dominance drove me to be the best and most paranoid of performers--paranoid in the sense that I was in constant fear of losing my "spot". What spot do I have here now? It drove me to be the best shit talker and the wittiest sumbitch that I could be... but now... well...
Crowd rises in applause, the words seem difficult for Evan to get out.
CARTWRIGHT: ...I cannot do it anymore, and that makes me both sad and indifferent at times. When nostalgic, I sometimes wish I could still lace them up and do what I used to love doing--but I have always been a realist, and the reality of the situation now is that I cannot perform at a high-caliber level anymore.
My passion may be gone, but the memories will always remain vivid and fond as long as my memory still serves me well. It gives me pleasure to know that something I was a big part of not too long ago is still here and thriving. To all the old hands and the new youngbloods of NAPW and Rebel... my hat is off to you for keeping the tradition and the passion alive... because I am no longer capable of doing so, unfortunately.
My days are now spent caretaking my business ventures: conservation and preservation of natural resources throughout my country and Canada as well. I've become a regular John Muir these days. That being said, I highly doubt a Muir-type could ever be an effective wrestler nowadays. But IĘtake comfort and find contentment in my new vocation... I have let the river completely take me down its current, no longer swimming upstream... this was always as it was meant to be.
I'm happy and grateful to be here one last time and having one last match for old time's sake against one of my greatest opponents: the enigmatic wrecking machine known as Patrick Bickle. I know in my heart that I will lose this battle, but that doesn't matter to me anymore: winning or losing matches is not important to me in the grand scheme of things now. The only thing that matters now is life after wrestling--you all will join me here one day... take heed... and thank you once again. Thank you.
Terry takes the microphone from Evan, clapping. The crowd rises as one, in genuine appreciation. No Evan, thank you.
BILL HEWSON: What a classy, emotional moment with Evan Cartwright there, Jack Attack. One of the best.
JACK JONES: I have to agree with you there.
BILL HEWSON: As they say, though, the show must go on... and the marquee reads "wrestling." It's time for our opening contest, ladies and gentlemen. It's Jason Cruise, the man who lost out in his first attempt at the NAPW World Championship against the crowd favorite, Dez Carter.
JACK JONES: BUt it's Jason Cruise who's going to be in the driver's seat, Hewson.
"Twinkle Twinkle" by L'Arc En Ciel begins playing throughout the arena as Dez carter emerges from the back with his manager, Asuka Katsuragi by his side.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen ... It is time for the opening contest of the evening. Introducing first, he hails from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Weighing in two-hundred and forty-four pounds. DEZ CARTER!
He glad hands the fans on his way down the aisle as the crowd give a near deafening roar for Dez Carter.
BILL HEWSON: These fans certainly do love Dez Carter.
JACK JONES: Well, like I've always said, Edmonton fans are idiots!
Carter makes his way into the ring as Asuka takes her place at ringside as "Twinkle Twinkle" turns in "Hysteria" by Muse, but it's drowned out by the sea of boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent. He hails from Boston, Massachusetts. Weighing in at two-hundred and forty-five pounds. JASON CRUISE!
Jack Jones appears to be the only person in attendance who is cheering right now as Cruise appears in the aisle way. He slowly makes his way down towards the ring, his long black coat shielding him from most of the verbal abuse - but his cane is missing. He slides into the ring as Anthony Uruburu, the referee for this match positions himself between the competitors.
The bell sounds to start this match, but Cruise isn't ready yet. He's taking his time to remove that jacket, carefully folding it. Once, twice before finally handing it to one of the crew at ringside. Fortunately, Carter has been waiting patiently, but this match is ready to start. Both men pace towards the centre of the ring as the war of words begins. SLAP! Cruise just slapped the taste out of Dez's mouth! But we all know Dez Carter isn't going to stand for that. And the forearm smash says exactly that! He's got Cruise by the back of the head as he pummels the Bostonian with a series of forearm shots, slowly but surely forcing him back into the corner. Uruburu splits them up, but carter's back in with a knee to the midsection. An Irish whip follows as Cruise is sent across the ring - float over! Dez Carter was rushing in, but suddenly the tables are turned as he's on the receiving end of a back suplex. And a pin attempt, but only a two count as Carter kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: Dez Carter isn't going down that easily. If he wants to win this, Cruise is going to put a lot more effort in.
It's followed by a quick body slam and a couple of stomps for good measure before Cruise goes to grab a leg of his fallen foe. Kicked off! Dez fires off a stiff looking right leg to the face of his opponent, causing Jason to stumble back. Dez is back on his feet and he connects with a snap suplex. Both men get back up again, and once again it's Dez who strikes first with an arm drag. Into the arm bar. Cruise, however, is already working back to his feet as the hold has been relegated into a wrist lock. RAKE TO THE EYES! Cruise takes the easy way out and a dropkick knocks Carter off his feet.
JACK JONES: See, Hewson, he's always thinking!
BILL HEWSON: And taking the easy way out...
Both men get back to the feet as the crowd try and rally Dez Carter. A chant supporting him starts up as Cruise calls for a tie-up. Accepted. They lock up collar and elbow, and Cruise sneaks in with a side headlock. No. He's pushed away towards the ropes by Carter - ELBOW SMASH! Cruise goes down, only to get right back up. Palm strike to the chin sends Cruise down again. He tries to get back up again though, but only manages to get to his knees before Carter lashes out with a martial arts kick to the chest. And a second! The crowd pop as each kick lands - all four of them! But Cruise is still on his knees, his chest going red before our very eyes as Carter runs against the ropes - YAKUZA KICK!
BILL HEWSON: That damn near took his head off!
Cruise rolls backwards upon impact, forcing Carter to rolls him back again as he hooks the leg. ONE! TWO! THRNOOOOO! Cruise kicks out. He's lifted back to his feet before being dragged to the corner, whereupon Dez carter starts up a series of knife edge chops! Another Irish whip sends Cruise across the ring again. But he floats over the top as Carter runs into the turnbuckle again. Lariat ... attempt by Cruise as the move is ducked - ROARING ELBOW! The discus elbow just clocked Jason Cruise, causing him to slump back into the corner. Dez points to the top turnbuckle - and the crowd cheer - as he lifts Cruise up top. SUPERPLEX! And Dez rolls on top for the pin attempt! ONE! TW-NOO!
BILL HEWSON: Not quite a three count.
JACK JONES: That was hardly a two count, Hewson. Don't count Jason Cruise out yet. He's not a quitter - he's not!
Carter can't quite believe he hasn't put his opponent away yet, but nonetheless he drags Jason Cruise back up once again. Another suplex by Dez Carter - no! Cruise drops down the back - BASEMENT DROPKICK! Right to that left knee! Carter drops to the mat as Cruise grabs hold of the leg again - elbow drop to the knee! He pops right back up, and delivers another elbow drop to the knee. And this time, Cruise drags his opponent towards the ropes, draping his leg over the bottom rope before jumping down on it! But he's still not done. Cruise has locked in a standing leg lock, but Carter's too close to the ropes as he grabs hold of one - but Anthony Uruburu is going to have get involved here.
"One! Two! Three! Four--"
And Cruise breaks the hold before dragging Carter up via a handful of hair. Shin breaker by Jason Cruise! Dez drops to the canvas but he's trying to get back up on his own - IZZY KICK! And Cruise goes for the cover. ONE! TWO! THRNOOOO! Carter kicks out! But he's down, and it looks like it might stay that way as Cruise makes his way towards his opponent's legs again. FIGURE FOUR! Dez carter tried to fight out of it, but he couldn't manage it this time, and Jason Cruise has the hold locked in tight - and he's holding onto the ropes for leverage! Anthony Uruburu is busy checking for a submission, so he doesn't see it, but the crowd do! And they're booing. Uruburu looks round, but Cruise lets go in the nick of the time. A small chant of "PLEASE DON'T TAP" starts up, just as Jason grabs the ropes again.
JACK JONES: I told you, Hewson, Jason is a thinker. He reminds me of the old Kyle Roberts. You know, before he started sucking.
BILL HEWSON: I can see that. He did get beat down by 'The Beast' last week.
JACK JONES: That's not what I meant...
Uruburu looks round again (at the crowd's behest) and this time he sees Jason has a hold of the ropes! Oh, he's angry. He admonishing Jason Cruise, ordering him to break the hold, but the cocky young bastard's not going to let a referee order him around.
BILL HEWSON: I don't think Jason Cruise wants to be getting into this territory.
Cruise has taken his eye off his opponent, and Dez Carter has managed to use the ropes to get back to his feet. He's hobbling, but Cruise is too busy getting right up in the face of Anthony Uruburu to notice. CUTTER!
JACK JONES: Ha, he knew it was coming!
Cruise spun round in the nick of time, and managed to strike first as he's now rolling carter over again. Hook of the leg. ONE! TWO! THREENOOOOOO! Carter kicks out! But it looks like Cruise has had enough. He's mad, and I think he's had enough. He lifts Carter back up for what has to be the final time as he hooks Dez in for CRUISE CONTROL! NO! Dez Carter with a punch to midsection. He's fighting back, and by God he has the crowd on his side. Another punch by Dez causes Jason to release the hold, but Jason tries for a lariat - ducked - and countered with an Irish whip to the corner. Jason Cruise goes for the float over again - NO! He's caught this time! Dez has him across his shoulders -
GOOOOOOO 2 SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Jason Cruise slumps to the mat as Dez drops down on top of him and Anthony Uruburu makes the count. ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, DEZ CARTER!
BILL HEWSON: Dez Carter picks up the win here, what a deadly finisher Go 2 Sleep has proven in his hands. Or knee, as it were. What a match to open Anniversary Assault, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: Somebody needs to get Cruise an alarm clock. Well, that's what I get for backing an emo kid.
Carter heads out and circles the front row, celebrating with his fans. Cruise slowly comes to in the ring... he isn't happy. Too bad for now.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is the Four-Corner survival match! The first pinfall or submission will win! Making his way from British Columbia, weighing in at two hundred thirty pounds, here is "THE FALCON"... JACOBBBBBB VENNNNNAR!
The youngster with bright red eyes walks out from the curtains and appeals to the crowd. He gets a more than modest reaction from the fans as he climbs into the ring and poses across the top rope, defying gravity.
FRANK WARBURTON: Weighing at an impressive two hundred and forty seven pounds, and being accompanied to the ring by JOHN SALTY... L! D! K! LLOOOOOYYYYD... REES!
LDK strolls through the aisle with John Salty next to him. His eyes don't say much, but, you can tell he's ready to go. The right mindset.
FRANK WARBURTON: From The Mean Streets of Newfoundland, he weights in at three hundred and fifteen pounds......NEEWWWFYYY JAAACK!!
"Chicken Huntin'" hits the speakers of the arena as Newfy Jack. He burns a hole into Lloyd Rees' face. Lloyd doesn't look moved at all.
FRANK WARBURTON: From the University of Parts Unknown... at six-feet two inches and weighing two hundred forty pounds... Professor P!
The masked, coverall clad Professor P comes out and heads to the ring. The crowd throws boos at him. It doesn't bother him at all.
The four men in their respected corner, look around the ring, measuring up the competition. One corner the Technical Terror, Lloyd Rees, and at the other one, the underdog, Falcon. Professor P stands at one end, and in the last the corner, the second Newfy, Newfy Jack he glares holes into Lloyd Rees.
DING DING DING.
Newfy explodes towards Lloyd Rees with a clobbering forearm that takes him down. Professor P and Jacob lock up, leaving Newfy to stomp on Lloyd. Professor P Irish Whips Jacob into the ropes, Jacob explodes with a Superkick, luckily Professor is able to duck. Jacob's foot crushes Newfy Jack's jaw, which ends the attack on Lloyd Rees. Lloyd finally gets up and drags Newfy to the center of the ring, he picks him and sends him into the ropes. Newfy comes back, then falls into a toe hold. LDK packs the pressure on mean-like. LDK ends the toe hold and applies his patented Lance Cove Leglock.
JACK JONES: That ain't nothing but a Texas Clover Leaf.
BILL HEWSON: Regardless of what it is, Lloyd has that move in tight.
Professor P takes this chance to break the hold with a bulldog. Jacob, who somehow got on the top rope, flies across the ring and onto Newfy Jack's head with a leg drop. Professor P gets up to his feet, and begins to stalk Jack...RUNNING DDT! Jacob's head bounces off the mat, hard. Professor P looks over at Newfy Jack, he gets him up to his feet before sending him to the corner. Lloyd Rees is back up, he Irish Whips Professor P into Jack. They collide, the professor stumbles back a few steps before falling onto his back. Newfy Jack doesn't budge one bit, Lloyd walks over to Professor P and hurls him shoulder first into Newfy Jack. Newfy feels that one, he jumps up, the air gone from him. Jacob now moves towards the action, he tosses Professor P out of the ring. Lloyd taps Jacob's back, Jacob jumps back, fists up. Lloyd places Newfy Jack on the top ropes, and motions with his head for Jacob's help. Jacob sees where this is going. They both get on the second ropes, they SUPERPLEX THAT MAN! Newfy's body dents the damn mat. Lloyd and Jacob get up, they move over towards Newfy Jack, they toss the man out of the ring. Lloyd extends his hands for a good shake. Jacob a bit sketchy, he looks at the crowd, "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" they roar. Jacob does it, a huge pop. Lloyd shakes firmly and stares into Jacob's eyes before ending the shake.
JACK JONES: Damn.
They now meet in the center of the ring, they're about to go for the traditional tie up, Jack and P enter the ring. Jack dives at Lloyd's leg and P locks in a sleeper hold onto Jacob. P drags Jacob towards a corner, while having the hold still locked in, he then places him to the floor gently. He begins to stomp on Jacob, mainly at his knees.
BILL HEWSON: Jacob's a flyer, with no legs, he has a bad report card. Grounded.
JACK JONES: Wow, that was unbelievably dry, even for you.
Newfy scouts for Lloyd, he watches every move. Lloyd on his knees now, Newfy's fingers are tingling, Lloyd stands up...SPEAR! Newfy damn near went through Lloyd. Newfy now begins to stop on Lloyd's hands, then places his foot on Lloyd's head, going for a pin. Professor P doesn't even let the one count take place. He Big Boots Jack's Jaw, then tosses him out of the ring. Jacob now on the top rope, again, Missle Drop Kicks Professor out of the ring. Now it's just Lloyd and Jacob in the ring. They lock up in traditional fashion. Lloyd Rees slips a Front Face Headlock in, then a Suplex. He gets back up and locks in a Crossface onto Jacob. He cocks Jacob's head back causing extreme pain. Then he lets go, he stands behind Jacob, crouching, ready to attack like a Cobra. Jacob stands up, he doesn't know where Lloyd is, he gets dropped to the mat with a leg trip. Lloyd has now successfully locks in the Conception Bay Chinlock in on Venar.
JACK JONES: He's going nowhere.
BILL HEWSON: No, he could make it to the ropes...What's this?
Jack is walks towards the ring with a chair in his hand. John Salty won't stand for this, he yanks the chair away from Jack. Jack turns around, angry, he grows a smirk. Johny tosses a punch, Jack catches the punch and sends a kick to John's mid-section. He drags the body towards the announcers table.
BILL HEWSON: We're getting some company.
Jack is on top of the table with John, he PILEDRIVER THE MAN! The table doesn't break, but, his neck may. Newfy gets off the table and walks away, laughing, looking at lifeless John. LDK lets go of his Conception Bay Chinlock and rushes out of the ring. Him and Newfy begin to brawl it out.
Jacob looks at this in disbelief, it doesn't bother Professor P at all, he turns Jacob over and knees Jacob and moves towards the corner. He places Jacob in the Powerbomb position, he's on the first rope, then the second, he's about to JUMP! Jacob punches his way out of it, Jacob slides out of Professor's hold, then he sends the professor onto the ground. A stomp to the professor's chest. Jacob on top of the ropes, third time, he lands the...SPREAD MY WINGS!
ONE
TWO
THREE!
FRANK WARBURRTON: Your winner, "THE FAAAALCOOOON" JAAAAACOB VENAAAAR!
The ref raises Jacob's hand, he heads up the aisle.
Jack has gotten the advantage and is looking to do something bad to Lloyd. Venar pauses, looks back, unsure, but he knows he has to do the right thing. Venar rushes back, slides into the ring and then suicide dives out the other side onto Jack! Venar bales Jack into the guardrail and Jack makes an exit. Meanwhile Lloyd has crawled over to John Salty as Venar stands guard, making sure Jack doesn't try another attack.
BILL HEWSON: A great win here for Jacob Venar, but we have a tragedy on our hands. Like him or hate him, but John Salty is not a wrestler. Newfy Jack had no right to lay his hands on the man... and to piledrive him onto our table so viciously! What the hell is Newfy Jack's problem?
JACK JONES: Even I don't know, Hewson. He seems to have a problem with the other Newfies here in NAPW, but for once I agree with you. Newfy Jack had no right to lay his hands on John Salty like that. There'll be hell to pay from "LDK"...
The fans are quiet as EMTs come out with a stretcher. Venar stands aside awkwardly, as Rees looks truly emotional. A mixture of concern and rage, but he stays with Salty as they lay him on the board and fit him with a neck brace. The crowd gives a strong ovation as Salty is wheeled out...
(Bickle Speech)
The NAPW fans filling up the Polish Hall TO THE RIM are all fired up, waiting for the next match of the night. There seems to be some dissention in the crowd... Wait a minute? Who's THAT? Five really creepy looking guys just came out of the audience! They're all wearing similar black leather masks and BOY, are they huge! Four of them each stand aside at the guard rail, allowing the final one to emerge from the crowd. Double-you tee eff? THAT'S MIRAGE! What the hell is Mirage doing here? The crowd boos and jeers something fierce as Mirage just scoffs and climbs into the ring. One of his minions holding the ropes open for him while another snatches the microphone from the timekeeper. The four larger dudes surround Mirage like bodyguards as he raises the mic to his lips.
MIRAGE: Now, hear me, puny pathetic fans of the NAPW!
Mirage's maniacal sickening voice fills the PA, and the fans boo like CRAZY! Too loud even for Mirage to speak over them.
MIRAGE: SHUT THE HELL UP! I CAME HERE TO SPEAK, DAMN IT, AND, YOU ARE GOING TO HEAR IT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
BOO! The ENTIRE capacity crowd is booing in unison! Mirage's minions laugh to themselves from behind their black leather masks.
BILL HEWSON: We haven't seen Mirage in almost two years! What the heck does he think he's doing here tonight?
JACK JONES: Talking even though nobody's listening, Hewson... these fans aren't thrilled to see this goon and his...uh...goons back!
MIRAGE: I have come to the NAPW today because of something I truly believe. You all know it to be true. I am the BEST DAMN WRESTLER this company has ever SEEN! Nobody, not Bruce Richards, not even D! could beat me! I AM UN-(BLEEP)ING-BEATABLE! And even to this day you ungrateful fans have been ignorant of the true talent that obviously stood before you!
More boos, more jeers, even more garbage throwing. The minions grab stray garbage from the air and toss it outside; heaven-forbid their master should get dirty.
BILL HEWSON: Come on now, we have a show to run!
MIRAGE: Hold on, now, I'm getting to the point. The main event tonight? The Halloween House of Horrors match? I should be IN that match! Because you know that NOONE deserves an NAPW World Title shot more than ME! MIRAGE! THE BEST DAMN WRESTLER THIS BUISINESS HAS EVER--
The mic cuts out. Mirage smacks the mic against his hand, and hearing nothing, tosses it away. Mirage smacks one minion in the back, asking him "WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE ME A BROKEN MIC?" That's when
The lights go out.
"Open your eyes... what do you see?"
Criss Angel's voice fills the Polish Hall. The lights come back on and Mirage is already panicking. "WHERE IS HE? WHERE THE HELL IS HE?" Mirage and three of his minions look over one side of the ring while the last checks the other side.
THE LIGHTS ARE FLICKERING ON AND OFF.
From what you can see between flickers, a stranger in a mask climbs into the ring. He runs toward the lone minion and the lights come back on SPEARSPEARSPEAR!!! The minion is laid out and who rises to his feet?
BILL HEWSON: IT'S PREDATOR! PREDATOR IS IN THE RING! LOOK OUT MIRAGE!
The crowd is going nuts! Mirage sends one of his cronies to get Predator as he cowers outside the ring. Predator makes EXTREMELY short work of this one with a double-goozle and a choke bomb! Predator rolls this one aside as Mirage sends his last two minions to do his dirty work for him. Predator sends a HUGE boot to the face of the first, sending him reeling and then sends the other to the floor with a sickening DOMINATOR. Predator catches the other minion, now recovered, and shoves his head between he legs. UP. DOWN! DIVING POWERBOMB ON TOP OF THE OTHER MINION! History is repeating itself tonight, ladies and gentlemen!
Predator looks over at Mirage who is all. By. Himself. Predator raises his hand, beckoning him over with a "come on" taunt. Mirage stands there looking worried. All four of his minions are down, and they are nearly twice his size! The fans are chanting "GO ON, MIRAGE. CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP". Mirage swallows his pride. Predator readies himself. Mirage lunges forward SPEARSPEARSPEAR!!! Predator stands over his fallen foe. He looks around at the audience who are chanting Predator's name! Predator points to the ceiling! Predator does the "cut throat" taunt! He's calling for it!
Predator hauls all two hundred sixty pounds of Mirage to his feet and shoves his head between his legs. UP! DOWN! BLUE THUNDER BOMB CONNECTS! THE HUNT IS OVER! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS!
Predator admires his work. His fallen foes lie prone on the canvas. He kneels down and leans into Mirage's face, picking up the "broken" microphone.
PREDATOR: I am a drone no longer. You and your incompetent peons can get away from this place. And never will you come back.
Predator tears off Mirage's black leather mask revealing his scarred face. Mirage looks up at Predator with a horrified expression on his face. Predator speaks calmly, as though he didn't just level five dudes.
PREDATOR: Do we have an understanding?
Mirage hesitates, but nods briskly. Predator drops the mic near Mirage's head, who flinches. Predator grabs the top rope, vaults himself over, and lands nimbly on his feet outside. He heads toward the back at the fans cheer him. Mirage's minions are up, trying to help Mirage to his feet, who is furious at their lack of competence. Predator stands at the entrance, his arms at his side, his hands clenched into fists as the crowd cheers.
BILL HEWSON: What a surprise! It looks like Predator never travels too far from the NAPW, Jack Jones!
JACK JONES: Lucky us.
Predator looks over the crowd once and then makes his leave as mysteriously as he arrived. What other surprises await NAPW on this anniversary celebration?
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a -
Frank is rudely cut off as the opening riffs of "Science" by System of a Down blast over the PA.
BILL HEWSON: WHAT?
JACK JONES: Aww. Awww c'mon, no...
Dripping wet and dressed in the tattered remains of a Delivery Men uniform, Stein appears at the entraceway of an NAPW event for the first time in over a year. The reaction is mixed, half the crowd going crazy while the other half doesn't seem to know who he is.
BILL HEWSON: Former NAPW competitor Stein is here! Do you think he intends to somehow make himself a part of this match? He is a former title holder, when it was still the Provincial Championship.
JACK JONES: Why us? Why now? Just two weeks until retirement!
BILL HEWSON: ... really?
JACK JONES: Well, uh, no. But c'mon! Stein? Moving stiffly as ever, Stein slowly makes his way down towards the ring... and then right around it! While Bill Hewson looks mystified and Jack Jones tries to shoo the pale man away, Stein casually pulls up a seat next to Jack and puts on a pair of headphones.
JACK JONES: What in the world do you think you're doing?
BILL HEWSON: More importantly, where did you come from?
JACK JONES: No, more importantly what does he-
STEIN: I have just crossed the ocean, and boy, are my arms tired.
It might be a terrible joke, but Stein's deadpan expression and constant monotone, along with the state of his clothes and the fact that he is still dripping, call it into question some.
JACK JONES: Of course you have.
BILL HEWSON: Well folks, it looks like we've got ourselves a special guest commentator for this guest special referee match! Back to Frank in the ring!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ahem. The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit and it is for the NAPW Heritage Championship!
The crowd murmurs with excitement as "Frankenstein" by the Edgar Winters Band begins playing over the PA.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the special guest referee in charge of tonight's contest. Ladies and gentlemen, KEVIN KODIAK!
The big lumberjack strides out wearing a black and white checked flannel shirt to the applause of the crowd! He steps through the ropes and stands back on the back ropes of the ring as the music changes. The fast paced beat of "Bang Bang to the Rock n Roll" by Gabin rocks the Polish Hall and the crowd goes crazy!
BILL HEWSON: The big man almost surely has a score to settle tonight, but with who? The man who brought the chair into the ring, or the man who accidentally hit him with it?
JACK JONES: Accidental my flabby backside. He's going straight after Stone Zellor! Not that Prince Darko needs any help in this cakewalk.
STEIN: I believe he will call the match down the middle, as that is the duty of a ring official.
JACK JONES: Is this guy for real?
FRANK WARBURTON: And now, introducing the challenger... he hails from Staten Island and we weights one hundred seventy one pounds, ladies and gentlemen, this is 'DYNAMITE'! STONE! ZELLOR!
Stone Zellor pokes his head through the entranceway, then the music stops, only to be replaced by... the theme to 'Magnum PI'?
Now it makes sense, as Stone Zellor steps through the entranceway in a Detroit Tigers baseball cap, blue Hawaiian shirt, and a mustache of crumbdusting proportions! All we need now is a hot Hawaiian chick, a British guy, and voiceovers by Tom Selleck and we're right there! Zellor slaps hands as he heads down the entranceway.
BILL HEWSON: And it seems we've got some Magnum fans in the crowd here tonight!
JACK JONES: And some idiots!
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, from the Kingdom of Zamunda...
Stone Zellor climbs into the ring and gets checked by Kevin Kodiak as "Huh" by AkForty hits the airwaves.
STEIN: That moustache could be counted as a foreign object, it looks capable of strangling somebody.
FRANK WARBURTON: Weighing in at two hundred and twenty-seven pounds, he is the NAPW Heritage Champion... PRINCE! W! DARKO!
Prince Darko steps out of the entranceway, wearing a blue track suit with a hood over his massive hair. On his feet are white penny loafers. A rather odd getup for the Heritage Champion, at least until he gets into the ring and lifts up the hood. Darko's trademark 'fro is there, but the sides have been dyed white. He's a veritable Paulie Walnuts! Darko and Kodiak glare at each other as Kodiak asks to check him... finally Darko gets checked and there's the bell!
STEIN: I am eager to see the outcome of this, a professional wrestling match, after such a long time away from the ring.
BILL HEWSON: You heard it hear first, the man is a genius at natural dialogue.
Darko's in the middle of the ring taunting Stone Zellor to come in and lock up. Zellor comes to the middle of the ring... and pimpslaps Darko! Darko staggers and Zellor moves in with punches and chops! He's a flurry of energy and he's unleashing it on the face and chest of Darko! Darko's off guard and Zellor whips him into the ropes... dropkick by the challenger! Early cover! Kodiak down to the mat in a hurry!
One...
Two......
JACK JONES: Fast count! But Darko's too good for that.
BILL HEWSON: It looked fine to me.
STEIN: .2 seconds per count faster than the average, based on an independant study. This could well be chalked up to inexperience in his role however, and I would call it a stretch to assume dire motives.
Darko kicks out right at two, taking no chances of a fast count by Kodiak. Darko's back up, and taken back down by Zellor! Zellor mounts Darko and drops a volley of punches on Darko! Kodiak is telling Zellor to get off of him or stop the punches! Zellor gets off of the stunned Darko and climbs the turnbuckles, appealing to the fans!
Darko's back to his knees and Kodiak's asking him if he wants to continue! Before Kodiak can get an answer, Zellor's all over him again! It's a whoopin! A total whoopin that Darko desperately wants to escape! He's clinging to the ropes and Kodiak tells Zellor to get off of Darko! Zellor shrugs and backs off as the crowd boos! Zellor's yelling out at Darko, 'Come on so I can pimp slap you again!' Darko waves back at Zellor in disgust and rolls out of the ring! Zellor climbs out of the ring giving chase! Zellor's chasing Darko around the ring! Darko slides back in! So does Zellor, who eats a double axehandle to the back! Darko unleashing a beating on Zellor now! Stomps! Knees to the side! Darko pounding away on the challenger! Darko picks Zellor up... AND SLAPS THE TASTE RIGHT OUTTA HIS MOUTH! Zellor crumples! Darko covers!
One...
Two......
Th-KICKOUT.
JACK JONES: ROBBED! He might as well just pull out a gun and take his wallet!
BILL HEWSON: Already? Save something for the rest of the match! Pace yourself.
STEIN: The count was reasonably close to the last one.
Darko yelling at Kodiak to count faster! Kodiak bellows at Darko that he'll count just as fast as he wants to! ZELLOR WITH A ROLLUP!
One-Two-THRKICKOUT!
STEIN: That was clearly too fast.
BILL HEWSON: I believe he was making a point, Stein.
VERY fast count by Kodiak there! Kodiak yells down to Darko, 'Fast enough for ya?' Darko back up, kick to the stomach by Zellor! Knee lift! Zellor off the ropes, looking for a clothesline, NO! CAUGHT! And Zellor is LAID OUT. Darko covers!
One...
Two......
Three-NO! SHOULDER UP!
Darko's pissed, and now he's gonna take it out on Zellor! Down to the mat, Darko cinches in a headlock and starts punching Zellor right in the face! Kodiak's yelling at Darko to break the hold and finally he pulls Darko off of Zellor! Darko's right in Kodiak's face, and Kodiak's not budging! 'One finger on me, Darko, and your belt's his!' Darko turns back to Zellor's who's got a cut opened up over his eye from those punches! Blood's beginning to trickle down the challenger's face, and the champion's moving in like a shark... Darko with palm strikes to the face, making a show of keeping his hands open as a 'f--- you' to Kodiak! Darko backs off the staggered Zellor to get a running start, maybe a running DDT by the champ? Zellor drops to his knees to block it! Headbutt to the midsection of Darko! You can see the blood from Zellor's head on Darko's gear! Zellor back to his feet... DISCUS CLOTHESLINE! Darko's down! Zellor summons up the strength to cover him!
One...
Two......
Thre-
Darko rolls out! Darko gets the shoulder up and rolls all the way to the floor! He's looking for a breather, but Zellor's out there with him! Zellor punching away at Darko as Kodiak begins counting both men out! Zellor's all over Darko like an animal! Darko's crawling to the announcer's table! Zellor's moving in for the kill...
BILL HEWSON: Jack, don't let him-
*THUNK*
Darko hit him with the microphone right on that cut! Zellor puts his hands over his eye! Darko's still got the mike, and now he's choking Zellor out with the microphone cord! Kodiak heads to the floor... is he going to disqualify Darko?
STEIN: I can't say I approve of that behavior.
JACK JONES: What are you looking at? You want me to grab it out of his hands? I'm not crazy!
KODIAK WITH A FOREARM TO DARKO! He's taking matters into his own hands! Darko yelling at him! Kodiak yelling back! 'You ain't gettin out of this match that easy, Darko, get it back in the ring!' Darko glowers at Kodiak before moving back to Zellor and tossing him into the ring none too gently. Darko follows him back in... kneedrop to the face of Zellor! Darko traps the far arm of Zellor and covers!
One...
Two......
Th-NO!
BILL HEWSON: Amazing that Zellor still kicks out, even with the time Kodiak bought him!
JACK JONES: By cheating!
STEIN & HEWSON: Really?
JACK JONES: Uh, well, I mean, two wrongs don't make a right.
STEIN: That is mathematically unlikely.
Zellor gets the near shoulder up! Darko is really starting to get frustrated with this situation! Darko to the apron, Zellor's still down on the mat! Darko springboards off the ropes.. JUST PERFECTION! The swanton off the ropes is right on the money! Darko slaps his hands together, he's saying that's it! Finally, he covers!
One... Two...... Three-SHOULDER UP AT THE LAST SECOND!
Darko stares at Kodiak in disbelief! How was that not three? Darko shakes his head and stands over the prone Zellor, slapping him right across the face...
*SLAP*
'WHY...'
*SLAP*
'WON'T...'
*SLAP*
'YOU...'
*SLAP*
'DI-'
*WHAM*
ZELLOR KICKS HIM LOW!
HEWSON & JONES: OOOoooooohhhh!
STEIN, LATE: ... oooohhh.
Darko crumples up in a heap and collapses next to Zellor! Kodiak stands in the corner laughing, he saw the whole thing and he's not DQ'ing anyone! Zellor dragging himself up to a vertical base and he sees the prone Darko... Zellor's going up top! He's climbing the ropes, looking down at Darko... DIVING HEADBUTT MISSES! Darko rolled out of the way and back to the floor! Zellor eats the canvas! That could be all for the challenger!
STEIN: I do not believe that manuever was optimally executed.
JACK JONES: What clued you in, prodigy?
Darko gets back to his feet on the floor and walks back over to the announcer's table.. he wants a chair and he's taking it by force! Darko slides into the ring with the chair, and the chair gets stepped on by Kodiak!
'He kicked me in the balls, you didn't DQ him!'
'You choked him out on the floor with a cable, I didn't DQ you, now get that chair outta here!'
Darko takes his hands off of the chair and Kodiak kicks it to the corner. Darko heads back over to Zellor, who's to his knees... 'Time to send this bitch back to TV Land!' Darko underhooks the arms for the Zamunda Driver! Zellor's struggling, though, and he blocks it! Darko with a series of forearms to the back! He tries again... blocked again! Short elbow to the gut by Zellor! Another one! A third! Zellor's back vertical! Kick to the gut doubles Darko over! Now Zellor underhooks the arms! SLAMMY TIME! ZELLOR HITS SLAMMY TIME ON DARKO! Darko rolls off to the side as Zellor shakes the cobwebs! Zellor crawls over to Darko and covers him!
BILL HEWSON: This could be it! New champion!
JACK JONES: No! One...
Two.....
Three!!!!!!! NO!
JACK JONES: Yes!
Darko got his foot on the rope! Wily move by the champ! Now Zellor's got the look of disbelief on his face! He covers again, hooking the far leg!
One...
Two......
And this time Darko kicks out! A golden opportunity missed for Zellor! Zellor's pleading his case with Kodiak, but he's falling on deaf ears! Zellor picks Darko up and whips him into the ropes, catching him and lifting him up for a Tombstone! Darko flailing! Grabbing for anything to get out of this situation! He's got Kodiak's shirt, and he uses it to pull himself out! Zellor's not out of it though... Clothesline! Ducked! Zellor hits Kodiak, who doesn't go down! Kodiak's yelling at Zellor now, and Zellor's trying to explain it was an accident!
BILL HEWSON: Looks like Kodiak isn't buying the accident line.
JACK JONES: Would you?
STEIN: Yes.
JACK JONES: Exactly! Wait, what?
Darko's got that chair from the corner! He's winding up for a shot on someone... he swings! Kodiak ducks... ZELLOR DOESN'T.
JACK JONES: Look up irony in the dictionary and-
STEIN: You will find a definition of the word, or else you have a faulty dictionary.
JACK JONES: This guy is making me wish it was just the two of us, Hewson.
BILL HEWSON: Aw, Jack, how sweet.
The force of that shot knocks the chair right out of Darko's hands! Darko doesn't care! He goes down to cover Zellor! Kodiak looks down at Darko covering Zellor, he looks down at the chair... Kodiak picks up the chair, Darko looks back up at Kodiak!
'Count him or DQ me! Either way I win!'
Kodiak takes a third option... AND LEVELS DARKO WITH THE CHAIR! Darko collapses next to Zellor! Kodiak's standing over him!
'I told you, one finger on me, and your title's his!'
Kodiak drags Zellor on top of Darko! This can't be right! Kodiak counts the pinfall!
JACK JONES: Oh, hell no! Don't make me get in there.
STEIN & HEWSON remain silent.
JACK JONES: Guys? Hold me back! ... jerks.
One...
Two......
THREE!!!
JACK JONES: You've got to be kidding me!
We've got a new Heritage Champion! The crowd doesn't know what to make of this, though!
STEIN: This situation seems rife with controversy.
BILL HEWSON: He's a natural!
JACK JONES: Completely. Completely unnatural.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and the NEW NAPW Heritage Champion... STONE ZELLOR!
Kodiak grabs the Heritage Title belt and looks down at both men. Zellor is just barely stirring, and Darko's still out! Kodiak drops the belt on Zellor's body and climbs out of the ring! This isn't going to sit well with the Commissioner's office, no doubt, Kevin Kodiak was signed on to referee this match, not to play God over the Heritage Title!
JACK JONES: Now where is he going?
STEIN has left the announcers' table and is making his way towards the ring. As he climbs in the crowd begins to quiet, deathly still by the time he reaches the still-downed Stone Zellor. Stein reaches down and touches the belt, taking it in both hands and staring into it with an as-always unreadable expression on his deathly pale face.
BILL HEWSON: I don't know if I like where this is going!
JACK JONES: A second ago I would have said that anything was better than the gallant Prince Darko losing his title like this, but now I'm not sure!
Stein lets the belt hang from one hand, flexing his other slowly, the hand that can execute the devastating Vitiator. He reaches down an a gasp comes from the crowd... and hauls Zellor up to his feet! Stein presses the belt to the chest of the new champion, who remains in an obvious daze, and holds his hand high in the air. The crowd pops obligingly, even those unsure of the decision glad that Prince Darko doesn't hold the belt! Stone rolls out and slowly walks up the aisle to the applause. He exits, leaving Stein alone in the ring. The crowd then gives him a round of applause. Stein stands awkwardly, unsure of what he should do. Perhaps bow? Perhaps "hit the ropes" as a babyface ought?
"WE FALL, WE FALL!"
Whatever computations running through Stein's brain are interrupted by the music of one Thomas Deathrow, Esquire. And coming out through the curtain is the main himself, clad in a sexy outfit of exercise pants and black t-shirt. He's drinking from a bottle of rum because he's Tommy Deathrow. Stein cocks his head and regards STD curiously as the superstar heads up the ring. He gets in and yells for the mic.
DEATHROW: Wait a (BLEEP) minute here, (BLEEP)! Stein, you (BLEEP) crazy pale son of a (BLEEP) bitch. You come out here to the Superstar's ring and you do (BLEEP) commentary? You come back to the Superstar Pee Double-You and do (BLEEP) COMMENTARY? That's (BLEEP) bullshit man, you need to come back and suck my titties just like last year! Let's (BLEEP) tearing it up, I'll cut you with these nipples they like (BLEEP) glass man!
The crowd reacts in different ways to Deathrow's drunken challenge. Stein looks at his man... and then smiles. Well, "smile" is a liberal description of what Stein attempts to do, stretching his lips across his emotionless face in some nightmarish approximation of a smile. But nonetheless... "bring it on."
Deathrow slugs Stein! The slow-moving pale man rocked backwards, Deathrow gives him another one, than slugs back some vodka and sprays it in Stein's face... Stein punches Deathrow and knocks him backwards! Wow what strength in the thin frame! Deathrow comes at his man and takes him down, throwing wild punches as they roll around. Here comes security! Good luck trying to pull this one apart.
After several minutes of chaos, Deathrow and Stein are held apart. Deathrow wants the microphone. He's smiling.
DEATHROW: Now that's the (BLEEP) I wanted to see. Shit. Give the Superstar a sexy manhug, bitch.
What the? Deathrow opens his arms and wraps them around a confused Stein. Deathrow takes a swig of his returned vodka, offering some to Stein. Nope. Deathrow shrugs and sucks it back, heading out the ring. Well. That was... something. The crowd gives Stein a nice ovation. Those that didn't know him now want to know what they missed from this unusual competitor!
JACK JONES: And the kid called me "Dad" and a tear rolled from my eye.
BILL HEWSON: Really? The emotion of the connection there?
JACK JONES: Nope, the fear of having a money eating monster in my home. Thankfully he was talking to the guy standing next to me. Close call...
BILL HEWSON: Anyways, the following match is a one time only event. Two former NAPW Champions. Evan Cartwright defeated Patrick Bickle at Black Thursday Two for the NAPW Title. That match was a classic, seeing Bickle pass out to the Boston Crab. Eleven Months later, lets see who can do what, NOW!
Broken Social Scene begins to play, and the crowd goes apeshit for the man stepping through the curtains. Bickle walks to the ring slapping hands with a few fans. He looks nothing but serious right now. The crowd breaks out in a "BICKLE" chant.
FRANK WARBURTON: This match is an Alumni match. Introducing first, wrestling out of New York City. He weighed in tonight at one hundred eighty pounds. This man is a former NAPW Pure Honor Champion. He is a former NAPW Heavyweight Champion on two occasions. He is the SUICIDAL SUBMISSION MACHINE... PATRICK BICKLE!
HOLD ON!!! I'M COMING!
Indeed he is. The dark and handsome, charismatic and sexy... well... he is just PERFECT! He is Evan Cartwright, and he doesn't need the applause of the fans inside the Polish Hall... but he is receiving it anyways. Nothing but love from the fans, and he just chews his gum, and struts to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: And the opponent. He his wrestling out of Cairo, Illinois. He weighed in at two hundred twenty two and one quarter pounds. He is a Triple Crown Club Member, having captured the NAPW Provincial, Tag Team and Heavyweight titles respectively. He is PERFECTION! EVAN CARTWRIGHT!
JACK JONES: This man looks in the best shape of his life. Perfection doesn't quite say it.
BILL HEWSON: Yeah, well... Bickle is looking good too. This match is gonna be damn fine.
Morgan Smythe calls for the bell, and the match begins. The legends of NAPW stare each other down. Evan Cartwright is chewing his gum, in a perfect manner. Patrick Bickle shows no emotion at all. The crowd is cheering for both wrestlers, a very different atmosphere from the previous meeting of these two men. Evan spits his gum in the face of Bickle and follows it up with a Roaring Elbow. Evan, cool and collected, grabs the floored Bickle by his hair. Patrick Bickle doesn't like that so much, and nails Evan in the stomach. Evan doubles over and receives a ring shaking Single Arm DDT! Bickle wastes no time, and covers the Triple-Crown Club Member. One... Two... No cigar, as Evan quickly gets a shoulder up. Bickle doesn't give up, but rather quickly locks on a submission. The submission of choice? CROSS ARM BREAKER! But Evan is smart and quickly heads to the ropes. Bickle releases the hold, reluctantly. Patrick allows Evan to rise, as the crowd is buzzing. Both men getting cheered, both men having their names chanted. Evan quickly charges and Bickle sides steps. Evan hits the ropes on the opposite side, rebounds and eats a Spear from Bickle.
JACK JONES: Bickle nailed the bejezzus out of Evan.
BILL HEWSON: Evan is down, wind probably knocked out of him...
Evan and Bickle hit the mat. Bickle doesn't go for the win, but rather is rolling on the mat in pain. He clutches his right arm. He must have hit it wrong on Evan Cartwright's midsection. Evan Cartwright gets up first, and sees a huge target in that arm now. Evan grabs that arm and executes a "perfect" Arm Drag from the Land of the Rising Sun! That doesn't help out that arm one bit, and Cartwright quickly locks on a Fujiwara Armbar for good measure. The crowd is on their feet, as chants of "TAP!" are opposed by chants of "PLEASE DON'T TAP".
BILL HEWSON: The crowd is split, but I don't want to see this match end just yet.
JACK JONES: Crank on him Evan! I got a little bit of dough on the former champ.
BILL HEWSON: That tells us a lot Einstein!
The Suicidal Submission Machine is in dire straights, in the middle of the ring. Evan Cartwright is relentless and will only wrench harder on the arm. Bickle is trying to crawl, scratch, inch his way to the ropes. Cartwright has the height, and weight advantage. But no one has a higher threshold of pain. Bickle will pass out before tapping crosses his disturbed mind. Bickle is moving, every so slowly, but is only a mere two inches away. Morgan Smythe in position. Evan releases the hold, drops a knee onto the arm, and moves Bickle to the center of the ring.
JACK JONES: Evan has a plan, and will make Bickle pay for signing up for this belt.
Evan goes for the armbar again, but Bickle flips over to his back, and quickly rolls Evan into a inside cradle. The cover, the count: One... Two... That was close. Evan is up quickly and looks pissed. He grabs the arm again, and Irish Whips Bickle into the ropes. Bickle rebounds and eats a near perfect, wait we stand corrected... A PERFECT Dropkick. Evan covers Bickle for the ONE, TWO.. NO MAS! Evan looks frustrated, and grabs up Bickle tossing him over the top rope. Evan gloats at the fans, expecting the toss to land Bickle on the floor. Bickle has other ideas, and grabbed the ropes, regaining his balance. Evan turns around just when Bickle slingshots himself over the top rope, nailing Cartwright with a HURRICANRANA! He hooks the leg too, ONE! TWO! Evan kicks out. Bickle, still favoring the shoulder, rises up. Cartwright does too. They circle each other. Evan shoots for Bickle's legs, but Bickle sprawls backward, avoiding it. Evan gets close enough to shoot for the arm, however, and quickly does an Arm Stunner to the hurt right arm. Bickle is in a lot of pain, but has to shut it off if he wants to win this match.
JACK JONES: Bickle needs to stop playing around, the fans want to see them compete.
BILL HEWSON: His arm is injured, cut him some slack you barbarian.
JACK JONES: GET IN THERE!
Bickle rolls to the outside, trying to get some feeling into the arm. Evan Cartwright exits the ring, and gets right behind Bickle. Bickle senses him, and the roar of the crowd lets him know who is behind him. Bickle turns around and nails Evan with a left hook to the skull. Morgan Smythe's count rises to five. Bickle out of desperation... CACTUS STYLE SWINGING DDT ON THE GOD DAMNED FLOOR! Morgan Smythe stops her count and goes to the outside, checking on both men. She is almost ready to call for help from the back, as both men's heads smacked off the floor. But Bickle is moving... slowly. Evan is too... barely. She allows both men to rise, and a great decision. These men will only fight in NAPW this one event, and no one wants a double count out. Bickle rolls into the ring, followed by Evan. They both get to their feet very slowly. They go nose to nose, and collar and elbow tie up. Bickle is pushed back to the corner, as his arm is no match for Evan's strength. Evan chops the chest of Patrick Bickle as the crowd roars WHOOO! Another one and WHOOO! Bickle reverses it, and instead of a chop he nails and Enzuguri on Evan. Evan falls face first to the mat.
BILL HEWSON: Bickle hits Evan in the hurt noggin.
JACK JONES: Don't forget Bickle's head is sore and hurting too.
Bickle picks up Evan Cartwright and EVAN NAILS HIM WITH A PERFECT UPPERCUT! A Toasty Uppercut to say the least. It was out of no where. Evan with the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THR--- FOOT ON THE ROPE! FOOT ON THE ROPE!
JACK JONES: MY GOD!
BILL HEWSON: I thought it was over.
Evan can't believe it. He had him. Evan goes behind Bickle, and is setting up for the Cartwheel. WHEELBARROW SUP- WAIT, REVERSED INTO A BULLDOG! Evan eats the mat face first. Bickle looks to the top rope. The crowd approves with a huge roar. Bickle climbs the corner and he is set for it...FRRRREEEEFFAAALLLL! He nails it. It's over.
ONE!
TWO!
SHOULDER UP! HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? EVAN GOT HIS SHOULDER UP!
JACK JONES: Evan WILL NOT DIE!
BILL HEWSON: That maybe true, but that isn't Bickle's only finisher.
Bickle looks at Morgan Smythe in utter shock. Bickle then looks at the prone Cartwright. The man who took his title away from him. He locks on his version of the Anaconda Vice. He calls it ROLL CREDITS! He is hoping to make Evan Cartwright tap out. Evan has no where to go. Evan looks at the ropes, at least six feet away. He looks at Morgan Smythe. He puts out his hand.
And taps.
The bell sounds, as the crowd goes crazy. Bickle has done it, and Evan Cartwright should fill absolutely no shame. Tonight Bickle was better, ring rust and all.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match... PATRICK BICKLE!
BILL HEWSON: Bickle with some measure of revenge from their last match at Black Thursday II last december, where Evan won the world title... but this match was not about hate, just competiton. This was something special between two competitors who helped put NAPW on the map.
Indeed, as Bickle extends a hand to Cartwright. Cartwright almost looks like he won't accept, but then smirks and takes it. They quickly embrace, these two men who had a great rivalry last fall. Cartwright raises Bickle's good arm in the air as the crowd gives them a standing ovation.
Thanks guys.
It's the Philosopher Kings! "I Am The Man" glides through the speakers as your REBEL champion, Stylin' Kyle Roberts enters the building. Cue some boos. Cue more cheers. Huh. Looks like some of these Edmonton fans have been paying attention to the promotion down south.
BILL HEWSON: Some people just don't want to forgive Kyle for the actions he took seven months ago.
JACK JONES: I don't blame them! He turned his back on NAPW and went on to represent the biggest waste of corporate space I've ever seen! I mean, yeah, he's their champion, but who COULDN'T be champ down there?
BILL HEWSON: Kyle Roberts is only the second REBEL champion since its inception, Jack. Although he's not wearing his championship belt tonght.
Kyle calls for a microphone.
KYLE ROBERTS: Hello, Edmonton! Two years! It's been a full two years since NAPW opened its doors and gave you people some of the finest wrestling moments in the world! (Cheers from the audience.) Although I see some old-school NAPWers who aren't being represented tonight. Namely, me. But I intend to resolve that. And I'm going to do it by asking Bruce Richards, your world champ, to come down to this ring.
There's a moment of silence, as Kyle leans on the ring ropes waiting for his ex-partner. But instead of everyone's favourite futuristic western opera score, some eight-bit memories sound out, as Bruce Richards enters the stage wearing red overalls, a red cap with an M on the front, and the biggest fake mustache you've ever seen. Behind him come Tiffany in a princess outfit, and Bill Fleming wearing a giant toadstool. They stop at the front of the stage.
KYLE ROBERTS: Bruce! I got to hand it to you, you can pull off Captain Lou Albano with style!
BRUCE RICHARDS: What's this all about, Kyle?
KYLE ROBERTS: Fine. I'll get right to the point. Tonight, in this very ring, these fans will be seeing a tag team match that can only rival a certain Ladder Match from a few years back. Three of the top NAPW tag teams will be vying in a steel cage for the belt. And somehow, Rex Caliber and Static got involved. As did North T. Gunderson. But you know what would make that cage match REALLY something? How about a team that gives new meaning to the word "dynasty?" How about the most dominant tag team over the past decade? How about... The New and Improved D-X?
The crowd really gets behind that suggestion. But Bruce isn't ready to reconcile just yet.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Interesting. You DO know that I've got my hands full defending my NAPW championship tonight, right? Against three of the most aggressive opponents in a House of Horrors match?
KYLE ROBERTS: Come on, Bruce! Ravager? Rossi? Phoenix? You can beat them with your hands ties behind your back. I'm talking about something truly special! You and I, back to back! Let's get the band back together, Bruce! The New and Improved D-x, reuniting on the second anniversary! You and I? We ARE NAPW! Sure, NAPW was no slouch, but we were the ones going out into the world and showing everyone in America what NAPW was all about! WE were the people winning tournaments and tag dream matches against other top teams! Look, you need a brother, right? I see Peach, and there's Toad, but you know who REALLY completes Mario? Luigi! And we all know how awesome I look in green!
BRUCE RICHARDS: I'm going to say this once, so you'd better be listening. I still don't trust you, Kyle. You turned on me. Sure, you might have called my title match against Donovan Astros right down the middle, and I appreciate that, but I'm not sure if you'd ever really have my back again.
A moan from the audience.
KYLE ROBERTS: Water under the bridge, Bruce. I'm sure Winchell would LOVE to throw us into that tag match! All you have to do is say the word.
Bruce shakes his head sadly. Well, as sadly as anyone with a ginormous fake mustache can. And he leaves with Tiffany and Fleming in tow. Kyle shrugs and says "I tried!"
"BAD BOYS! BAD BOYS! WHATCHA GONNA DO?"
Joey Malone arrives to cheers and walks down to ringside. Kyle's brow is furrowed in confusion. Joey Malone asks for Kyle's mic, which he relinquishes.
JOEY MALONE: Hey, Kyle! I hear you're ready to bring the band back together. Well, forget Bruce! All you need is the third member of D-X, me!
KYLE ROBERTS: You were never a third member, Joey.
JOEY MALONE: I was in spirit! Look, my dance card's free tonight! Let's get that stupid Winchell to put us in the cage! We'll CREAM everyone in it! And I can finally destroy Rex Caliber!
KYLE ROBERTS: It ain't gonna happen, Joey.
"YOU'RE A DUDE! I'M A DUDE! WE'RE ALL DUDES!"
JACK JONES: I can't believe it.
Yup. It's Cam Scott and Mike Johnston - THE DUDES - walking to the ring with a mic of their own. The crowd showers the slackers with a great "we missed you" ovation.
MIKE JOHNSTON: Kyle, did I hear you say that you deserve to be in that tag match? Well, hey, WE'RE former champions, which is more than Storm ever did! Why don't WE get in that match?
KYLE ROBERTS: Oh, I don't know, because you're not D-X?
BILL HEWSON: The Dudes do bring up a good point. They're NAPW veterans, and they've got a proper claim to be in that cage match.
Ashley MacIsaac! The Celtic Assassins come down to the ring.
AL THOES: Wait a tic! If you two have a right to be in there, so do we! We're also former NAPW tag champions!
CAM SCOTT: Hey, boys, you got here late. We were here first!
Big Sugar! And here comes Moose Millar and Wayne Wright.
KYLE ROBERTS: Okay, now I'm losing control of this segment.
MARK MILLAR: Hey, boys! Step in line! Sure, Wayne and I haven't won any tag championships, but not only am I a former Provincial champion, but my partner held the TV title... and at least we're still with the company! We work our asses off every show, even if we're not in that ring all the time!
BOBBY O'BRADY: You two goons don't seriously believe you have a right to be in that cage match!
WAYNE WRIGHT: At least we didn't leave for the greener grass of North Carolina.
WATERLOO! Dan the Man? Thor Heinie? The ring sure is filling up!
DAN THE MAN: Hm ho ho! Surely you can't think of legendary NAPW teams without thinking of Team Man! We'd cream all of your asses.
THOR HEINIE: Ya, und zen we will celebrate with a heaping plate of Thor's Balls and Lingonberry juice, ya!
KYLE ROBERTS: No! There will be no creaming of asses by you two! Not tonight! Not ever! I know how you two like it! And where the hell did all these wireless microphones come from?
By this point, the ring is full of former tag teams. Kyle is about to step out.
KYLE ROBERTS: Look, you know what? This is ridiculous! If you boys want to fight, you can go ahead. I'm staying out of it!
He freezes where he is as the sounds of Criss Angel's "Scarecrow" blast from the speakers.
JACK JONES: What? NOT AGAIN!
LIGHTS OUT! Lights on --- flickering on and off! When they come back up proper... PREDATOR IS IN THE RING AGAIN! He sets Kyle in his sights! SPEAR! Only it's Joey Malone who stepped in the way of that one. Kyle rolls under the ring ropes, hightailing it out. Joey Malone is out cold! Predator's looking down on the prone body as he scratches his head. In fact, every man in that ring is looking down at Joey, thoughtfully. DING DING DING! The ring bell rings out, and nine men all shrug and jump on Joey Malone. Dick Kiebiech, out of nowhere, rushes in and counts the massive pigpile. One! Two! Three!
FRANK WARBURTON: He is STILL your extreme jobber champion! JOOOOEEEEYYY! MALONE!
The crowd laughs and cheers as the group of former tag teams shake each others hands and leave en masse. The Dudes hit the turnbuckles as Team Man engage in a pose-down with the Celtic Assassins. Moose and Joey leave grumpily... and Joey Malone is carried out by Kiebiech through the back curtains, holding his extreme jobber title belt high!
JACK JONES: ... and then he said "EAT THEM?!? THEY'RE FOR CONSTIPATION!"
BILL HEWSON: How could you possibly make that mistake?
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentleman, the following match is scheduled for one fall with a sixty minute time limit!
JACK JONES: Doesn't it seem like every time Warburton says that the match goes the whole hour?
BILL HEWSON: Hmm...must be a coincidence.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California. He is the former - and first ever - NAPW World Champion. He weighed in tonight at two hundred and twenty-seven pounds. He is the Worldwide Astrocide! HE! IS! DONOOOOOVAAAAAN ASTROOOOOOOOSSSSS!
Music hits the PA - but it isn't Donovan Astros'. It's quite generic, truth be told. Astros steps out through the curtain, dressed in retro "Stunning" Steve Austin attire. Old-school fans will remeber the music the former Hollywood Blonde came down to the ring with, but the younger crowd seems a bit out in the cold without the breaking glass. They do have one thing in common, however. They're booing the shit out of him, because they hate him so. He walks down to the ring, a look of fire in his eyes and hunger in his heart. He wants this win more than non-wrestlers could ever understand.
BILL HEWSON: There he is ladies and gentlemen. The man who ended the historic reign of Ravager. Our first ever World Champion. Donovan Astros is hell-bent on proving he is the best wrestler in NAPW and beyond. But even more so, he wants to embarrass and defeat the man he once held the NAPW Tag Team Championships with - Chris Casino.
JACK JONES: I can't say I'm much of a fan of Casino anymore. He seems to have lost his edge.
BILL HEWSON: Casino hasn't changed his style one bit... these fans have simply chosen to get behind him. What "edge" is he missing exactly?
JACK JONES: Hewson, Hewson, Hewson. Naive Hewson.
"AND IT'S JUST LIKE THE OCEAN, UNDER THE MOON!"
Explosion.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, from Las Vegas Nevada and weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds. He is the first ever NAPW Grand Slam Champion, a member of the Ring of Prestige, and the greatest Pure Honor Champion of all-time! He is "THE FUTURE" CHRIIIIIIIIISSSS CAAASSSSSEEEEEENOOOOOOOO!
BILL HEWSON: Chris Casino has said numerous times since the arrival of Donovan Astros that the man has stolen everything he has from him, including looks, style, and even his finisher.
JACK JONES: Poppycock! Donovan Astros has been using the Astrocide for years! He's eleven years Casino's senior! How could he possibly have stolen anything from Chris Casino?
BILL HEWSON: I didn't say he did, I said that's how Casino feels! Where the heck did you get your degree in journalism from?
JACK JONES: I don't work for the newspaper!
BILL HEWSON: Nevermind. The fact of the matter is that Casino and Astros are undoubtedly - possibly even eclipsing the pompous ass that Andrew Rossi has become - the two biggest egoes in wrestling history.
JACK JONES: It's not a possibility, Hewson. It's a reality. And I'll tell you what, whoever wins this match will hold it over the other's head for what'll feel like an eternity. I would not want to be on the losing end of any match, but this one is so personal that you can literally FEEL it.
BILL HEWSON: You might see brawling, you will techical skill, you could even see some high-flying if Casino gets on a roll. But one thing I know you will see? Any instant classic.
The cockiest son of a bitch in history struts down the aisle. Several fans reach out for high fives, but he's too fixated on Astros to pay them any mind. Once he's in the ring, he heads to his corner where referee John Sharplin checks him for foreign objects. He has none, and Sharplin does the same for Astros, who's clean as well. Casino and Astros don't break each other's gaze the whole time.
DING. DING. DING.
BILL HEWSON: Here we go!
The crowd's on their feet, chanting "(BLEEP) 'em up Chris, (BLEEP) 'em up!". Casino laughs, and encourages the fans to get louder. They oblige, much to the chagrin of Donovan Astros. He turns around and barks at them to shut up - and Casino capitalizes by rushing him and knocking him over the top rope! He follows quickly outside and is on top of Astros in a flash, picking him up and whipping him into the guardrail. Sharplin's count is up to 5 already.
CASINO: Shut up, John. You're not counting anybody out!
The fans roar their approval as Casino heads after the downed Astros. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! WOO! WOO! WOO!
BILL HEWSON: Any more chops, and Casino can make himself a delightful South Beach diet salad.
JACK JONES: You fairy.
Casino follows with a kick to the back, and Astros is on his hands and knees, panting. He certainly wasn't expecting Casino to take the fight right to him. He crawls a few feet away, but Casino picks him up and jabs him right in the kisser. A few more quick punches and a forearm follow before Casino bounces his head off the apron and sends him back into the ring in hot pursuit.
BILL HEWSON: Would you look at Chris Casino go to work!
JACK JONES: It's right in front of my face Hewson, I'm not blind! Come on Donovan!
BILL HEWSON: Must you be impartial?
JACK JONES: ...Yeah.
BILL HEWSON: You've run out of excuses, haven't you?
Casino picks his opponent up for a snap suplex and hits it with authority. Astros grabs at his back in pain, and Casino takes the opportunity to play to the crowd a little bit to get them - and more importantly Astros - riled up. Astros gets to his feet, ears steaming with anger, and he's met with a punch to the jaw. He blocks it, fires back, and has it blocked by Casino who decks him and sends him to the mat. Astros pops up, and gets another punch that sends him head over heels, his feet bouncing off the ropes as he lands. As quickly as he can he bails out of the ring to catch his breath and break Casino's momentum. Too bad Casino doesn't give a crap what he wants - PESCADOOOOO! Wipeout on Donovan Astros! Casino stays on top, pummeling him on the arena floor. Astros rakes his eyes, and Casino backs up into the apron where a charging Astros squashes him with an avalanche. Casino stumbles forward, and Astros chop blocks him.
JACK JONES: Illegal in football, smart offense in wrestling.
Astros scoops him up and slides him back into the ring. Casino, looking to be a bit banged up after the perfectly legal if not somewhat underhanded move, gets to his feet and meets Astros coming to the ropes. Jawjacker sends him into the turnbuckle clutching his chin in pain. Astros moves to capitalize but Casino catches him with a lariat. Once both men are on the mat, Casino tries to grab a side headlock but has it countered into a pinning combination. He kicks out at 1, switching from the headlock to a kneebar. Astros counters with a headscissors, but Astros gets to his knees and rolls him onto his back for a pin! ONE! TWO! Astros realizes what's happening and gets a shoulder up - but look at this! Casino picks him up from the same position and hits him with a sitout powerbomb! Another pin - ONE!...TWO!...KICKOUT! Astros rolls away after the kickout, dazed and stunned that he's being outright dominated. Casino, ever the antagonist, brushes his shoulders off and the fans eat it up. That gets just the reaction he wanted and Astros charges - drop toehold gets a few laughs from the crowd. Astros pops up again, swings wildly at Casino in anger, and misses. Casino with a go-behind and he plants him with an atomic drop. Astros grabs his smarting backside and limps over to the turnbuckle to even more laughs, and Casino sees an opportunity to take advantage. He goes for a flying forearm - but misses badly as Astros ducks and hits his head on the post! He goes down with a thud, rolling out of the ring under the bottom rope in a lot of pain.
BILL HEWSON: Oh my! Casino may have just KO'd himself!
JACK JONES: Don't take unnecessary risks, any good wrestler knows that.
BILL HEWSON: I don' think Casino expected his momentum to carry him that far. That was a freak accident.
Astros slides out as well picks Casino up. He looks glassy-eyed, but he's conscious.
Maybe not anymore after that vicious DDT onto nothing but concrete.
BILL HEWSON: GOOD GOD! ASTROS IS SICK! SICK!
JACK JONES: Perfectly legal when there's no ring mats. Don't be so square, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: Legal my ass, that's not wrestling! He could've killed him. Goodness, I think he did!
Casino certainly does appear to be out, but that's of course not good enough for Astros. He rolls him back inside, sticks his head between his legs, and piledrives him. The cover seems academic.
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT! This is still a fight, folks. Casino isn't giving up that easy. The crowd pops big, and Astros looks stunned. He gives Sharplin an "are you sure that wasn't three?" look, but remembers his fine and keeps his cool. And now, even though it's boring as hell and draws chants of that nature from the ground, Astros shows why he was one of the longest reigning champions ever and places Casino in a headlock. He holds onto it for quite a while, trying to draw the life out of him. The fans get behind Casino, and he's using their support to get to his feet.
JACK JONES: How could this be possible? After all those headshots I figured Casino would have already been out cold!
BILL HEWSON: Never count out the heart of a champion - look out, Casino whips him into the ropes!
Off the rebound he misses a superkick attempt. Astros tries to execute a Russian Leg Sweep, but Casino blocks it and hits one of his own! Both men are down, and Casino tries to use the opportunity to drag himself back up using the ropes. He's successful, but Astros is already to his feet and he toe kicks Casino in the gut before hooking his man for the Astrolabe DDT --- Casino punches him in the gut! And again! Third time gets him free, and Casino slips behind him to connect with a sleek-looking STO backbreaker! He covers! ONE! TWO KICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: Casino was probably looking to steal one, he's got to be on dream street right now and just running on pure adrenalin.
JACK JONES: He'd better try to end it quick, the longer this match goes now the more it favors Astros.
And Astros knows that. He's slow getting up, but Casino is slower and he takes advantage, locking in a butterfly hold and connecting with a suplex out of it. He tries to slap on a side headlock, but Casino somehow fights out of it and catches Astros in a front Chancery. The former World Champion is aware of the situation and quickly shifts his weight forward to get on top of Casino so he has to let go or be pinned. Casino lets go on the count of two and the competitors roll away and get back their feet. Casino looks woozy, but he's done a number on Astros as well. The tie up, but in his weakened state Casino is quickly overpowered and send down to his knees - where he's brutally kneed in the face by Astros and sprawled out onto his back. Astros keeps the attack on, and Garvin Stomps his way around Casino's body, hitting every major body part with a well-placed boot. A fist drop follows, and then he gets up, bounces off the ropes, and drops a forearm across the cheekbone of his opponent. He stomps twice more before hitting a knee drop to the forehead.
BILL HEWSON: Astros is just systematically breaking down Casino now. If he can't find a way to put a stop to this barrage, he's done for.
Astros peels Casino off the mat and drills him with an Aztecan Suplex that looks like it took his head right off.
JACK JONES: Uh-oh! Astrolock!
Indeed it is, and Casino is in a tough spot. He's close to the ropes, but he's fading fast and Astros is holding on tighter than a vise. Sharlin gets down to ask Casino if he wants to quit...Casino reaches out for the ropes, verbally telling Sharplin no as he reaches out. Astros pulls harder...Casino reaches further...and he grabs hold of the bottom rope! Astros is pissed now, and he gets in Sharplin's face.
ASTROS: He gave up! Didn't you hear him you dumb fu-whoa!
ROLL UP!
ONE!
TWO!
TH-NO! So close, but Astros managed to kick out. He gets right to his feet - Casino connects with an enzougiri! He covers again! ONE!...TWO...KICKOUT again! The crowd groans along with Casino who desperately wanted that to be the end. Astros gets up slowly, but not so slowly that Casino beats him to his feet. He sticks his head between his legs again, and tries to hit a piledriver for good measure.
BILL HEWSON: Low blow! Casino hit a low blow out of desperation!
Astros drops to his knees - and Casino springs to life! He tries to hook him up for the Bankrupt, but Astros reverses it to the Astrocide! Casino reverses it again - and then Astros rolls through and picks him up for the Shockwave! Casino manages to wriggle free, and once he gets down he hooks the arms again!
BANKRUPT!
The cover, it's over!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEE!
But it doesn't count when Astros' foot is on the bottom rope at the last second, which it is. Casino is clearly devastated when Sharlin tells him this, but he sees his chance. He drags Astros nearer to the turnbuckle and climbs up sloooowly for a Flying Elbow. He's about to take flight but Astros gets up and crotches him. He climbs up to the top with Casino - holy shit!
JACK JONES: STEELE TOWER! This has to be it!
ONE...TWO....TH-KICKOUT! How did Casino kickout after all this damage? Astros is beside himself, he's not sure how much he can take or give out in this match. His eyes tell the story of a man who just wants to end it and get the hell out of here. He picks Casino up, who can barely stand at this point, and hits the Astrocide flush.
ONE! TWO!...what the hell? Astros just pulled Casino up at the two count! The crowd is booing like crazy, they don't want to see Casino injured. But Astros? He'd LOVE it.
BILL HEWSON: Where the hell is the sportsmanship! This man used to represent this company as our champion - OH GOOD LORD!
SECOND ASTROCIDE. One, two, mercifully....three.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, DONOOOOOVAAAAAAN AAAASSSTROOOOOS!
BILL HEWSON: What a despicable display by Astros! This man makes me sick.
JACK JONES: Why? Because he's decisive and you're a pantywaist?
BILL HEWSON: No, because he had Chris Casino's life in his hands and he just tried to end it! What's he doing now, enough is enough.
Astros shoves Sharplin aside and goes in for the kill on Casino. He hooks him up for the Shockwave - this might kill him!
EVAN CARTWRIGHT FROM OUT OF NOWHERE chop blocks Astros to the ground! Cartwright just saved his old friend's life. Astros gets up in shock and eats a TOOOOOASTYYYYYY Uppercut right to the face that sends him through the ropes! The crowd has gone ape!
Astros stumbles to the back, but he can't just stop smiling after that huge win. What an (BLEEP)!
BILL HEWSON: Evan Cartwright saved his friend from an awful beatdown at the hands of Donovan Astros - but as they make their way up the aisle it looks as though the damage may already have been done.
JACK JONES: What ever happened to fighting your own battles?
Casion is laying on the canvas, eyes looking straight up. He's in bad shape. Cartwright is talking to his old partner... slowly he helps Casino roll out of the ring. Cartwright supports Chris up the aisle as the crowd begins to respond.
Evan Cartwright and Chris Casino - the Rat Pack reunited once again - stop at the entrance. Evan raises Chris's hand up high for all to see, and they're given a standing ovation as they leave...for perhaps the last time ever.
Terry Brandon has come out to the ring with the microphone once again!
TERRY BRANDON: Wrestling fans have we given you a show tonight or what?
Yeahhhhh!
TERRY BRANDON: Now I won't keep you from the action for long, but as you can see our hard-working ring-crew is getting ready to put up the steel cage, but if I can your attention for just a few more minutes before intermission... I would like to make the third induction into the 2007 RING OF PRESTIGE TONIGHT! Now what I want to know, is do you fans want to know who it is?
YEAHHHHHH!
TERRY BRANDON: Now some people might say this man should not be inducted, but what I figure --- and what everybody who's part of NAPW from day one figure --- is that two weeks shouldn't destroy one of the greatest singles years in any wrestlers career.
The crowd starts to buzz. Is Brandon talking about...?
TERRY BRANDON: So let's go down the list, we have a man... a man who really you can't get around it was the absolute FACE of this company for our first year of existence and hell, without his popularity who knows if NAPW would still be around!
He can't be...!
TERRY BRANDON: We're talking about a man who went over one hour in the first Sole Survivor match, came it at number one and still almost won the damn thing. We're talking about a man that stole the show no matter what place on the card his match was! We're talking about a man... who to date is the only THREE-TIME champion NAPW's ever had!
HE IS! HE HAS TO BE! THE CROWD IS GETTING FIRED UP! They begin chanting... ONE LETTER, SAID REAL LOUD.
TERRY BRANDON: We're talking about a man who had memorable wars with Devastation! With Chris Casino! With Static! With "LDK" Lloyd Rees! With The Plague! With Stein! With pretty much the entire damned roster... oh, I think I forgot one. What about his wars with RAVAGER?
CROWD IS GOING NUTS!
TERRY BRANDON: Well it's not like it's a big mystery, is it? Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to induct right now, into the 2007 NAPW Ring Of Prestige... THE MAN KNOWN ONLY AS D!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Brandon lets the fans cheer, then cocks his head in apology.
TERRY BRANDON: Unfortunately, D! could not be here tonight. But whether or not D! has disappeared off the face of the earth, we wanted to take this opportunity to recognize his contributions. I also want to thank you fans once again, because without you NAPW would not be here celebrating their second year in business---
"Riiiiight...
Beforrrrrrre
my
EYES!
RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES!"
JACK JONES: NO! IT CAN'T BE!
BILL HEWSON: D! IS HERE! D! IS HERE! D! IS HEEEEEEEEEERE!
And the roof nearly comes off of Polish Hall. They don't care if D! left on bad terms, they're been dying to see the man for nearly a year now, the man that made this company. The man they LOVE.
And there he is at the entrance. Same t-shirt with an exclamation point on it. Same blue jeans. Same flame-detailed Harley Boots. And for tonight, the return of his FLAME-DETAILED LUCHADORE MASK, from his second cage match with Chris Casino way back at Joker's Wild! OH MY GOD! It's D!! He walks down to the ring, slapping five with everyone in. People reach out to hug him, and he even does hug a small boy in the front row. He calls for a microphone and walks into the ring as the fans chant one letter at the top of their lungs. But then everyone in Polish Hall simultaneously gets shit on.
He whips the mask off to reveal none other than ANDREW ROSSI. The boos come in long, loud, and filled with bile. What a son of a bitch.
ROSSI: Boo all you want, scumbags! D!'s gone, and it's because I drove that coward out of here last year a week after this very show. It's funny looking back at that. I actually stood up for you losers - Brandon, what the (BLEEP) are you doing in my ring? You want that ass-kickin' I've been saving for you for months right this second? Get the hell outta here before I break you pencil neck!
Brandon isn't about to mess with a pissed off Rossi and hightails it outta there. Rossi stands there as the crowd chants "ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE." He soaks it in with a hateful sneer.
ROSSI: Like I was saying, I actually stood up for you. I was trying to save NAPW - little did I know I was going about it all the wrong way. You didn't need a savior - you needed someone to beat the ever-lovin' crap outta ya! That's what I'm doing now, you see? So I didn't give up on you cretins, even though some of you look at me like I (BLEEP) your daughters or something. I don't care though - I'm doing this not for you, but for me. Wrestling is my life, and Canada is practically it's only safe haven. Except in Edmonton. NAPW is for gimmicks, sideshow freaks, and hardcore lunatics.
Not anymore.
I'm cleaning things up. I started by kicking out that Emo Superstar Homo to the curb because he didn't fit my vision of what a real promotion should look like - SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK! - and now tonight, my work will be complete. I'll be the new champion, and NAPW will finally be a respectable institution with a talented, bankable, wrestler to promote as their World Champion. And that's none other than me, and like I said, you little pieces of shit can boo all you want because it won't change a thing. I will be the next champion, mark my (BLEEP) words!
With that, Rossi's own music hits and he heads to the back, being pelted with food, trash, and anything else fans can find to throw at that motherless bastard!
-INTERMISSION-
***DVD EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE***
Backstage at Polish Hall, Kyle Roberts is chatting up a cute production assistant.
KYLE ROBERTS: So you're new here, huh? Stylin' Kyle Roberts, former five-time tag champion, it's an honour for you to meet me. Tell you what, how about you and me celebrate this two-year anniversary in our own way? Ever been to the Hotel Macdonald?
Donovan Astros makes his way backstage through the ring entrance. He's smirking over what he did to Chris Casino in the ring. He notices Kyle and walks over to him.
DONOVAN ASTROS: What the hell are you doing here? REBEL's about 2500 miles east of here, and that's where you belong, Roberts! Whatcha gonna steal of mine this time, ya son of a-
KYLE ROBERTS: (interrupting) Donnie! You must be more stunned that your costume suggests! Aren't you aware that I AM NAPW? I helped build this fed, and I think I'm entitled to be here. More entitled than you, anyways.
DONOVAN ASTROS: More entitled than me? More entitled than the greatest wrestler on God's green Earth? More entitled than the man who's going to be the next NAPW World Champion? No, Kyle, the only thing you're entitled to is my fist right across your face.
KYLE ROBERTS: Hold up, hotshot. Sure, you might have won a chance to win back that NAPW title, and that's all fine and dandy. It doesn't give you any shot at me. You want me? Come on down to Carolina and FACE me!
DONOVAN ASTROS: Your boss screwed that up, Kyle! He tried to sign that piece of trash I just beat to a contract when I was more than ready to jump ship, pack up, and head to the Carolinas! Garrett had the ball in his hands, the goal line in sight, and he coughed it up like Leon Lett! So as much as I'd love to shut you up and smack that smile off your face... it's only going to happen in an NAPW ring...
Astros points a finger in Kyle's face.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Which reminds me... December 11, there's an NAPW/REBEL Supershow in Calgary. Now, I could take my title shot and become the NAPW World Champion for a second time... or I could just use it that night and bring the REBEL World Title to the frozen North. Not only would I shut you up.. but I'd ruin Rick Garrett's little experiment in this business as well.
KYLE ROBERTS: Don't waste your title shot on little old me. Tell you what, we'll have that match anyway. No titles on the line, because you wouldn't want to face me in a title defence. You're just not in my league. That way, when you get your ass kicked, and trust me, you WILL get your ass kicked, you can run to Winchell and demand your NAPW title shot.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Demands haven't gotten me anywhere. From day one I've had to take matters into my own hands to get what I want, whether it be stealing the dirty little secrets of the Commissioner or beating down a broken shell of a man to within an inch of his life. So December 11... you wanna say you're 'smarter than me'? Just remember these three words, Kyle. Better. Than. YOU.
KYLE ROBERTS: You're better than me? Prove it. Take matters into your own hands and win the (BLEEP) title again. Because until you've got that shiny gold, you're not worth licking my boots.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You're not gonna be there to steal it from me, you son of a bitch, so don't worry about that, Kyle! And it looks like you've got some hussy to do the boot lickin' for ya, so just think about this: Billy Kryenik. Chris Casino. Whoever walks out of that cage with that belt tonight. All of them have somethin' in common, and they'll have somethin' in common with you. Each and every one of them has - and will be brought to their knees by Donovan Astros, and each and every one of them believes now. Calgary, December 11, you'll believe too.
Donovan sneers at Kyle and walks away. Kyle looks on.
KYLE ROBERTS: I'll believe it when I see it, asshat...
There is a huge buzz in the crowd as the cage is now set up. Frank Warburton has the mic. Things are about to get crazy in here...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall, and it is the scramble cage melee for the NAPW Tag Team Titles! The first team to score a pinfall or submission will become the new Tag Team Champions!
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD!"
A huge pop as... The AWX makes it's way to the ring?
JACK JONES: Oh no...
BILL HEWSON: It looks like the Bee has grown a bit since we last saw him.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, accompanied by German the Clown and Der Klowne Deutschelander. They weigh in at four hundred and forty pounds. They are the Mystic Ninja and the Expositioner: MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
Ninja is dressed as the Bee. Expositioner is dressed as Nenji. German the Clown pays tribute to Shadow, while Der Klowne Deutschelander dresses as Turancula. They get a bigger pop than usual, whether it's for the costumes or the fact that they have a huge fan base, we can't be sure (but bet on the fan base). Ninja and Expositioner survey the imposing steel structure, nod to each other, then climb in and wait for the next team...
"A Girl Named Tex."
BILL HEWSON: They're back...
FRANK WARBURTON: Their opponents, weighing in at a combined weight of five hundred pounds. They are accompanied by Tex and Johnston Rawk. They are North "Thunder" Gunderson, and "The Albino Yeti" Tempest. THIS IS STORM!!
Storm is going back to their roots, dressed just as they first appeared in NAPW over two years ago, North with "EVIL" emblazoned on his shirt. The voluptuous Tex draws the attention of the male fans, and both members of Storm look happy to be back. They glad hand the fans at ringside before they get in the ring. But the happy mood does not last for long...
"Bled for Days" by Static-X takes over the speakers. The fans aren't familiar with the music, but the two men who make their way through the curtains are quite well known. The Batman costume does not hide the scowl of Rex Caliber. The Invisible Man costume might have worked, if only Static hadn't yelled "Suck My Voodoo" at ringside fans. The Crimes are back in NAPW. And they look like they want to take over again.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing next, weighing in at four hundred and twenty five pounds. Returning for one night only: "The Nexus One" Rex Caliber! Static. THE CRIMES!
Insane heat from the crowd. These two are not, and will never be, welcomed back. But Rex and Static don't seem to care. They take their time walking around the ring, in no hurry to get in. They'll do their damage soon enough.
Static-X fades out, replaced by Kurt Cobain's unmistakable voice. "You Know You're Right" Brings the tag champs to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: And the champions: They weigh in at three hundred and eighty five pounds! Odyssey Baldwin! Link Van Haggard! COAST 2 COAST!
More boos. Baldwin is dressed to the nines, looking like he belongs on the red carpet, not a wrestling ring. Van Haggard? Is dressed as Frodo Baggins. A contrast, to be sure, but a team is more than their outfits...
BILL HEWSON: The Bluegrass Mafia was originally scheduled to be in this match, but due to a family emergency, they are not here. So we're down to four teams...
JACK JONES: Yeah, that'll make things less hectic.
All four teams are in the ring. Referee Dick Kiebiech has a look on his face that says "Who did I piss off to draw this assignment?". He goes to retrieve the tag title belts, but Baldwin refuses to give his up. Kiebeich steps forward to take it, but is cut off by Link. They argue, until finally Expositioner sneaks behind Baldwin and pulls the belt off. Baldwin throws a fit, then turns and punches Expo in the mouth. Ninja races in to help, Rex jumps Tempest, and it's on!
BILL HEWSON: I'll try to keep track as best I can, but with this many men in the ring, and even more outside, this is going to be hard to call!
Static and North trade shots in the corner, Ninja and Link are tangled up in the corner, and Baldwin chops Expositioner. At centre ring, Rex tries to take down big Tempest, but the giant won't budge. Rex looks frustrated... momentarily. He lands a vicious boot to Tempest's knee, staggering the big man, then knocks the big man down with a huge forearm! Rex grins evilly, then repeatedly stomps the knee of Tempest. North tries to break free of Static to help out, but Static gets a thumb into North's eye, then hits him with a bulldog! Ninja, meanwhile, monkey flips Van Haggard out of the corner, sending him into Rex! Baldwin whips Expositioner to the ropes! Expositioner collides with Static! Baldwin is the only man left standing, and he starts to climb out of the cage!
JACK JONES: I hope he realizes that you don't win this by escape... No, looks like he does...
Baldwin gains his footing at the top of the cage, meanwhile the other competitors are getting to their feet...
And we have insane spot number 1.
BILL HEWSON: Baldwin with a 450 dive onto everyone! He even takes out his partner! But if it helps him retain the title, I guess he's happy!
Indeed. The fans hate him, but appreciate the move! Baldwin covers the nearest man, Mystic Ninja, but only gets a one count, as Expositioner and Static break up the count. The team-up is brief, as Static springs to his feet and dropkicks Expositioner right in the face! Baldwin takes a second to admire the shot, giving Static an opportunity to hit an enzuigiri! North goes for a clothesline, Static ducks, and Rex catches North with a huge STO! The Crimes hit anything that moves! Tempest to his feet, but he gets his bad knee dropkicked out from under him! Van Haggard --- German Suplexed into the turnbuckles! And as the boos rain down, Rex and Static stand tall! Rex covers Van Haggard, but only gets a one count. He drags the tag champ to his feet, then attempts to lock on a high cradle suplex...
Baldwin is up, and he plants a fist into the small of Rex's back! Van Haggard falls on top of Rex for a pin --- no, he springs up and leaps to the ropes, coming back with a springboard moonsault! Static runs over to help... dropsault from Baldwin! Static is down, and Baldwin lands on Rex! Van Haggard to the top rope, comes down with a knee drop on Rex, just as Baldwin moves! Baldwin hits the ropes, and comes back with a springboard elbow drop on Rex! Coast 2 Coast wearing down the Nexus One! But there are still two other teams in the match! Baldwin to his feet, turns and finds himself between North and Tempest! Storm with back and forth punches to the champ's head! Baldwin tries to go forward, but Ninja is there to throw punches of his own! Expositioner joins in, and now Baldwin gets punches from all sides! Baldwin looks to be out on his feet, but as long as he's up and swaying, he's going to walk into punches! The fans are enjoying this... and also trying to point out Van Haggard, who is climbing to the top of the cage...
BILL HEWSON: Coast 2 Coast taking insane risks tonight, all in the name of keeping the NAPW tag titles!
Van Haggard with a flying body press from the top of the cage! Everybody is down! ... Except for Static, who was knocked down earlier, and is back up. He surveys the carnage and seems to say "Me too"! Static grabs the closest man, Expositioner, and hits a huge tornado DDT! Expositioner planted in the mat! Static covers! One... two... Ninja with the save! Static to his feet, but is quickly knocked back down by a Kabuki Kick! Ninja looks to follow up, but Van Haggard is back up, and he whips Ninja into the cage... Ninja blocks, grabs onto the cage, and pushes himself back off, catching Van Haggard with a head scissors! Van Haggard hits the mat, and Tempest covers! One.. two.. Ninja breaks up the pin, and starts to argue with big Tempest. Tempest looks bemused, until Ninja hits a standing dropkick that knocks the "Albino Yeti" into the ropes! Tempest rebounds and clotheslines Ninja out of his boots! Expositioner charges to defend his partner, and gets taken down with a sidewalk slam! Baldwin goes for a top rope clothesline... he's caught, and planted with a powerslam! Van Haggard with a Kenta Knee... Gets a boot to the face for his trouble! Static is in to try his luck... and gets picked up for a suplex! Tempest drops him --- he looks to be bleeding but how did...
JACK JONES: Looks like we have one more return appearance for this match...
Rex smiles as he sees what Static has in his hand:
Screwy.
Expositioner is also introduced to Static's little friend. North makes the save before more damage can be done. Meanwhile Baldwin has climbed out of the cage. Baldwin is looking under the ring for a weapon of some sort. He pulls out a table. Then another. And another. And one more. Baldwin looks like he has some evil intentions here as he sets the tables up outside the ring. Inside, North tries to keep Screwy out of his forehead while Rex chops the hell out of Van Haggard. Tempest and Expositioner are both bleeding, but neither man is giving up. Not with this much on the line. They trade punches. Ninja notices what Baldwin is doing outside the ring, and climbs up the cage to get at the tag champ. Static is shoved off of North. he rolls backwards, gets to his feet, then sees what Baldwin is doing, and where Ninja is going. He too races to the cage and climbs up the cage. Tempest sees what's going on and heads over to the cage to climb it. Baldwin sees the three men coming for him, and decides to retreat... no, he heads to the cage to meet Ninja, the first man to the top. The two men trade shots at the top of the cage. Static is now to the top. and he gets a few shots in on both Baldwin and Ninja. Tempest climbs up to meet all three men, who try to knock the big man down.
JACK JONES: I really hope they reinforced the cage...
Tempest gets a leg over the top of the cage and looks like he's going to climb out... he does, but grabs Baldwin around the waist. He hooks Static with a front face lock. The fans are on their feet... Tempest trying to heft both men off the cage, but can't quite do it... not with out help! Ninja with a sunset flip on Tempest! That's all that's needed, as all four men tumble off the cage through the table below!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!"
BILL HEWSON: More than half our competitors have been taken out!
JACK JONES: But there's still four men in the ring, Hewson. This is far from over!
Indeed, Expositioner with the X-Pound on North, while Van Haggard surprises Rex with a headbutt! Rex is knocked back, and Van Haggard scales the ropes, looking for ... Rex isn't as stunned as he looked. He quickly gets to his feet, and meets Van Haggard on the top rope... Van Haggard punches Rex in the face before Rex can get a hold of him, and climbs up to the top of the cage. Rex pursues and the two men teeter precariously at the top of the cage. Expositioner races over to attack... I'm not sure who he hates more at this point, but he sees an advantage. Rex hooks Van Haggard for a superplex... Expositioner climbs the ropes and tries to hook a German Suplex on Rex... Rex with an elbow to the face of Expositioner! Expositioner is knocked to the mat, and Rex takes Van Haggard down with the superplex! Van Haggard lands on Expositioner! Rex covers! ONE!! TWO!!
NORTH MAKES THE SAVE! Rex tries to take North down with an STO, but North gets an elbow to Rex's jaw, then hits him with the Blackout! Rex is down, and North covers! ONE!! TWO!! Rex kicks out! North tries to hit a rising Caliber with a Shining Wizard... Rex counters with an STO!
Meanwhile, outside the ring, Tex, Rawk, and the clowns all check on their down compatriots. As Tex leans over to check on tempest, German the Clown brushes by her, going to Mystic Ninja...
JACK JONES: German the Clown just copped a feel! I saw it!
BILL HEWSON: Please, he's going to check on his friend. That's the last thing on his mind..
JACK JONES: For a real man, that should be the ONLY thing on his mind.
Indeed, Tex seems to think she was accosted. Der Klowne Deutschelander tries to step in, but really, nobody knows what he's saying. Tex slaps German across the face, and Rawk shoves DKD. German chases after Tex, who's only escape seems to be to climb into the ring. Rawk sees Tex is in trouble and follows, as does DKD.
BILL HEWSON: Well, we have four injured on the floor, so I guess these four will take their place.
Rawk stands in front of Tex, blocking the Clown's path. German with a forearm smash, and DKD takes Rawk to the mat with a DDT! And now the Clowns close in on a cowering Tex... Tex with a sidekick, takes down German the Clown! DKD is surprised, and even more so by the boot he gets to the gut, followed by the stiff kick Tex follows up with! The crowd pops for Tex, who baited the two men... but their cheers turn to cries of concern.
Rex is back up. And he doesn't appreciate anyone trying to steal his thunder. Especially a woman.
BILL HEWSON: DAMN IT REX! DON'T DO IT!!
Rex has a handful of Tex's hair, and spins her around! He tries to lock on the Rings of Rex! North races over to save, with Expositioner staggering behind! They pull Rex off of Tex, and lay in with boots! Tex wisely gets out of the cage. Rex fights off Expo and North, almost to spite the fans who are spewing so much hate at him. Meanwhile, Static is back up, and slowly climbing back up the cage. There are signs of life from the other competitors as well. Ninja is pulling himself up with the guard rail, and Tempest is on his knees. Baldwin crawls to the ring, and pulls himself up. Rex targets Van Haggard, who has been fairly still since be taken down from the top of the cage. North and Expositioner grapple against the ropes, trying to gain the upper hand. Static has reached the top of the cage, and looks ready to climb back in, but then he notices:
Ninja is back to his feet.
Tempest is up as well.
Baldwin has regained his footing, and makes like he's ready to climb back into the melee.
If we could see Static's face, I bet there would be a sick smirk on it.
MOMENT
OF
CLARITY.
FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE TO THE FLOOR! He wipes out all three men who had just made it back to their feet, and now they are all back down among the wreckage of the tables! But Static is fueled by the same hate and bloodlust that fuels Rex, and he climbs back into the cage.
BILL HEWSON: Careers are being shortened! Hell, LIVES are being shortened, and for what?
JACK JONES: The NAPW Tag Team Titles! There's a reason our tag division is the best in wrestling right now!
Static is back in the cage. He gets to the top rope, and dives onto North and Expositioner. Rex has locked the Nexus Cloverleaf on Van Haggard. Static grabs the closest man, North, and scoops him up for the FUNCRUSHER! This could be it! One... TWO!! ...
NORTH KICKS OUT!
BILL HEWSON: North T. Gunderson has come up short in so many title opportunities, you have to believe he wants to win here tonight!
Static looks incredulous that he didn't take the match with that move. Expositioner clubs Caliber from behind to break up the cloverleaf, then locks the X-Traction on Van Haggard! Rex hooks a headlock on Expositioner, but he can't make him let go! Baldwin screams in pain, but he refuses to give up! Static to the top rope, and he nails a missile dropkick on North! A cover!
ONE!
TWO!
TEMPEST IS BACK IN THE CAGE AND HE BREAKS UP THE COVER!
JACK JONES: Where the hell did he come from?
BILL HEWSON: He used the door.
JACK JONES: Huh. Spoilsport.
Indeed, the door proves to be a popular choice right now. Ninja and Baldwin are both back in, and the Clowns are out, finally. Ninja races over to save Expositioner, as Baldwin pulls Van Haggard to safety. Tempest holds Static for North, who lays in with several chops. Expositioner has Rex in a headlock, allowing Ninja to land some kicks to the Nexus One's ribs. Baldwin and Van Haggard stand back and take a breather, ready to pick up the pieces.
And then.
Static mule kicks Tempest right in the junk, releasing himself. He charges a surprised North, and hits him with an enzuigiri. Rex picks up Expositioner and tosses him into the cage, then hits Ninja with a clothesline. Storm and Mystic Exposition are down. Coast 2 Coast are in the corner, wide eyed.
And The Crimes look over at the tag champs, a look of sick determination in their eyes.
And then they charge at the champs. The Crimes spree is back on. Van Haggard and Baldwin fight as hard as they can, but Rex and Static are in another place right now. Rex with several European Uppercuts to Baldwin, who tries to reply with shots of his own. he swings at Rex, who ducks behind and hits him with a release German Suplex, into the cage! Static and Van Haggard criss-cross the ring, managing to avoid fallen opponents. Van Haggard drops down, Static leapfrogs over him, hits the ropes, rebounds into a back body drop... Static lands on his feet, Rex hits Van Haggard with a High Cradle suplex, and Static follows up with a moonsault! A cover!
ONE!!
TWO!!
Mystic Ninja with the save!
Ninja and Static both go for dropkicks, and both men hit the mat. Rex tries to drop an elbow on Ninja, but the Mystic one moves! Ninja races to the top rope, looking for the Super Shinobi! Static dropkicks the feet out from under Ninja, who crotches himself on the top rope! Rex races in...
TOTAL ANNIHILATION!
Ninja planted in the middle of the ring with the Muscle Buster! Rex covers!
ONE!!
Static cuts off Expositioner from making the save!
TWO!!!
Baldwin and Van Haggard are in no position to break this up!
THR-
But North T. Gunderson, on the other hand? He can help out. Static curses loudly and dives at North...
But Tempest steps in the way and catches the psycho luchadore. And lawn darts him into the cage! The fans are on their feet! Rex with a chop block on Tempest's injured knee, takes the big man down! Expositioner is back up, and he tackles Rex! The two men trade shots! Baldwin is up, barely, and he joins in the attack on Rex! North is on the top rope! He signals for Lemon Lime Tang! The forward Russian Leg Sweep AKA The Stroke!
BILL HEWSON: From the top rope?
JACK JONES: He wouldn't...
We'll never know. Van Haggard is there to stop that. North is knocked to the mat. And now Van Haggard climbs up. And up. And up. To the top of the cage. He looks down on the sprawling mass below and prepares to dive (again! This man has a death wish)... Static is up, and he drop kicks the cage! Van Haggard staggers...
JACK JONES: INCOMING!
Warburton and the timekeeper scramble as Van Haggard crashes through their table, to the delight of the fans. Baldwin hears the crash and looks over. Then he surveys the ring, and realizes he's on his own now. Static with a missile dropkick to the back of Baldwin's head, knocks him into the cage, and out of action for the moment. Mystic Ninja is up, somehow, and he staggers over to help out Expositioner. Tempest grabs Ninja, however, and places him on the top rope! He's going for a superplex! Ninja with a series of punches, knocks Tempest off the ropes... Tempest lands on his feet...
NINJATTACK!!! Tempest is down! Ninja crawls over for the cover! One... two... North makes the save! Expositioner ducks a short arm clothesline from Rex, then hits him with the X-plex! A cover! One... Two... North saves again! North looks around the ring. Everyone is down. He goes to the top rope. He's going to try it again, on whoever is unlucky enough to be close to him... well, Tempest is, but that wouldn't help matters. Next closest is... Static, who is back to his feet... turns and receives
LEMON LIME TANG! From the top rope! Static is down, and North covers!
ONE!!!
TWO!!!
THREE!!
OH MY GOD!!
... That's what I'd be saying if REX HADN'T BARELY SAVED! (hmm, when I read it back, I guess it does seem kind of cruel)
BILL HEWSON: North coming within seconds of his first NAPW title! But at this point, ANYONE could win it!
Rex pounces on a disappointed North, and lays in with stiff palm strikes. Tempest grabs Rex by the arms and holds him. North with a boot to the gut, then grabs Rex's head and goes to the ropes..
POSITIVE DEFEAT!! ... REX REVERSES! North tossed into the cage! Tempest races in with a big boot, but Rex moves, and Tempest winds up caught on the top rope. Rex kicks at the exposed leg, then drives Tempest hard to the mat with a short arm clothesline. He drags the big man to the center of the ring and tries to lock on the Nexus Cloverleaf! Tempest fights it, but Rex is fighting just as hard, and he locks it in! Tempest's face is a mask of pain as Rex rears back and tries to break the man's leg! Static is back up, and he stomps on North to keep him from helping his partner. Tempest pulls himself to the ropes, trying to force a break!! He's inches away... But Rex pulls him back, and sits down further, adding more pressure to the hold. Tempest tries to push up and kick out of it, but Rex has too firm a grip. Static makes things worse by dropkicking Tempest in the face, knocking the fight out of him. Tempest looks out of it, almost ready to tap. His hand is up, and he looks ready to pound it down on the mat... North is up, and he dropkicks Static into Rex! Rex breaks the hold! North hits Positive Defeat on Static! Rex stops any thought of a pin attempt by hitting North with a release German Suplex! North sails across the ring! Baldwin is starting to stir! Van Haggard is still unconscious on the outside! Tempest is in no position to do anything, which leaves...
EXTERMINATE!!
Rex is center ring. He was so focused on making Tempest tap, that he forgot about the former tag champs, who have finally made it to their feet. Mystic Ninja on one turnbuckle, Expositioner on the adjacent one.
X-TERMINATOR!!
Rex is taken down by two missile dropkicks! Ninja hooks the leg for the cover! Expositioner tackles Baldwin, who tries to make the save!
ONE!!
Tempest trying his best to crawl over!
TWO!!!
North tries to break it up!
THREE!!
SERIOUS THIS TIME!!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners! And NEW NAPW Tag Team Champions: MYSTIC EXPOSITION!!
BILL HEWSON: What a victory! Mystic Exposition suffered a set back when they lost the belts earlier this month, but tonight they reclaim the gold!
Baldwin looks crushed. North and Tempest look horrible disappointed. The Crimes? Furious. But they stalk out of the ring, knowing that if they cause any trouble after the match, they'll likely be arrested. Dick Kiebiech hands the belts to Mystic Ninja and Expositioner... Tempest and North are back up, and they're staring down the new champions. Silence for a moment. the fans aren't sure what to expect...
Storm offers their hands. ME accepts.
BILL HEWSON: A great show of class from Storm, and a fitting way to end a great match!
Ninja and Expositioner each take a corner and hold their title belts high for all to see. And the fans show proper respect for two men who walked through Hell to win this night...
JACK JONES: So I said to her, "Listen lady, I don't care HOW old you are, nobody gets to ride the pony for less than fifty bucks!"
BILL HEWSON: You denied a woman a pony ride on her ninetieth birthday?
JACK JONES: Petting zoo's rules, not mine.
BILL HEWSON: I really figured you would run out of stories by the two-year point.
JACK JONES: I'm just full of surprises! Also, one time at the petting zoo I was full of ---
BILL HEWSON: Please!
It's time. The ring crew has cleaned up after the last match, and a wild one it was. A new table has been set up for the timekeeper and Frank Warburton.
BILL HEWSON: We're almost set for the second-half of our double-cage main event. But as you fans can see, this is no ordinary cages. You see the weapons hanging from the cage... this an NAPW original match-up. It is the Hallowe'en House of Horrors. Jack Jones, lay it out for the fans watching at home.
JACK JONES: This ain't your momma's cage match, Hewson! We've got four men who all hate each other's guts and we're sticking them inside this cage. Weapons? Legal! Cheating? Legal! It's all about pinfalls and submissions, however you can get them. When a man is pinned, Hewson, he's eliminated from the match... but instead of having to leave the ring, he is handcuffed inside the cage for the remainder of the match. And if last year proved anything, it's that being cuffed doesn't prevent a man from impacting the outcome.
BILL HEWSON: Elimination rules, the last man standing is the NAPW Champion.
JACK JONES: That's not even the best part. The winner gets five minutes with his handcuffed enemies... five minutes to do whatever he damn well pleases! And considering how much bile and hatred is going to be in that ring, it could be a very bad five minutes for the losers.
BILL HEWSON: Certainly the odds are against Bruce "The Beast" Richards retaining in this match-up. In fact, no NAPW title has EVER been successfully defended in this kind of multi-man match-up. It was last year at this very event that "LDK" Lloyd Rees was dethroned as NAPW champion by Patrick Bickle in a four-corners match-up with Evan Cartwright and "Outlaw" Patrick Kidd. Tonight, it is the World title on the line... four men enter, one champion leaves. Let's go to Frank Warburton!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match-up is the second half of our DOUBLE-CAGE MAIN EVENT, and is the House of Horrors Hallowe'en match! The rules are simple: When a wrestler is pinned or made to submit, he is eliminated from the competition and handcuffed inside the cage. The last man standing will be the winner and NAPW World Champion! Now... introducing the competitors...
"STONE COLD CRAZY!"
FRANK WARBURTON: From Staten Island New York, he weighs in at two-hundred and thirty-five pounds... "Simply Wrestling" ANDRRRRRRREW RRRRRRROOOOOOOSSSSSSI!
Rossi steps out, slowly, taking his time, looking over the crowd with hatred burning in his eyes. All he wants is the title.
BILL HEWSON: What a change in this man over the last couple months...
JACK JONES: I love it. He spent a year trying to please these humanoids and where did it get him? Nowhere! Now the kid is on the right track.
Rossi gets into the cage, looking at the weapons with a sneer of disdain. "Garbage wrestling bullshit" he mutters to himself.
"SURPRISE! YOU'RE DEAD!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing second... from Fort Lauderdale Florida! He weighs in at two-hundred eighty-nine pounds and stands six feet, nine inches tall! "The Murder City Devil" JAAAAAKE PHOEEEEEENNNNIX!
And here comes the big man, shades on. He doesn't give a damn that the fans hate him, all he cares about is kicking ass and taking names.
BILL HEWSON: Some people say that Jake Phoenix hasn't earned his way into this title match, but nonetheless, he is a huge threat inside that cage!
JACK JONES: Hey, Jake Phoenix is the kind of guy who's happy as a pig in slop just to be hurting people. He does it for FUN. Add in title gold? You've got a real problem on your hands if you're anybody in that ring NOT named Jake Phoenix.
Jake stops at the cage door, snorts. He's not locked in there with three other men. They're locked in there with HIM. Jake steps in. Rossi gives him distance... the fans don't like either man, and neither man likes each other. They'll be patient for now...
Four cellos.
PATH.
CROWD EXPLODE.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing third! From Brooklyn New York, he weighs in at two-hundred and ten pounds... the King of Hardcore, The Last Resort, ladies and gentlemen, RAAAAAAAAAVAGERRRRRRR!
Ravager steps through the curtain. He is battered, he is bruised and the tape around his ribs is going to be a clear target, but nothing alters the aura that accompanies the former NAPW Champion. Ravager calmly walks to the ring, all business, adjusting his wrist tape... he comes to the ringside and begins to walk around the ring. Phoenix throws some verbal insults his way. Ravager tests the chain links...
BILL HEWSON: For half of this year, the NAPW title was around this man's waist. Ten times he defended it successfully, a grueling schedule that left him bruised and battered.
JACK JONES: He doesn't need the title to get bruised and battered, Hewson. Ever since he lost that title it's been one war after another. When was the last time he went into ANY match at 100%?
Ravager stands near the entrance way. It's clear what happens the moment he sets foot into that cage. So, he waits.
"NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE ME ALIVE
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"
CROWD HEAD ASPLODE.
FRANK WARBURTON: And finally! From St. Albert Alberta, he weighs in at two-hundred and seventy pounds... the NAPW World Champion! BRUCE! THE BEAAAAAST! RICHARRRRRRRDS!
BILL HEWSON: The Polish Hall going crazy for the World Champ! What an ovation!
The costume is gone, replaced by the traditional. Beast steps through the curtains and stops, head down, duster swirling, cowboy hat. Then he looks up and roars, coming towards the ring. The World title is strapped around his waist. Beast comes to the ring, fixing Ravager with a stare. Ravager is non-plussed, waving Beast to enter the ring first. Beast takes off his hat and coat. He takes off the title belt... Beast pounds his chest and roars into the ring! Met by Andrew Rossi! Ravager right behind him, here comes Jake Phoenix!
JACK JONES: THE HOUSE OF HORRORS IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS, KIDS! MUHAHAHAHAHA!
BILL HEWSON: The bell has rung, the world title match is ON!
You're damn right.
Phoenix throws Ravager into a corner like a rag doll and lunges in with a huge elbow, Ravager dodges out of the way and starts CHOPPING! WHOOO! WHOOO! WHOOO! Beast with Rossi, irish whip, baaaaack body drop --- Rossi into the side of the cage! He lands on his head as Beast looks out over the crowd, pointing to Rossi. Do they want it? Oh they want it.
BEAST IS GONNA KILL YOU.
Richards grabs Rossi and clobbers him across the back with a big meathook, yanking him into the center of the ring. Front face-lock... suplex! Beast has Rossi up... making him think about it! All the blood rushing to Rossi's head until The Beast walks forwards and smucks Rossi upside down against the cage, THEN drops back with a suplex! One, two, Rossi kicks out! MEANWHILE: Ravager climbs up on Jake Phoenix and begins the TEN PUNCH COUNTALONG! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN--- wait! Phoenix has his arms up, going for a POWERBOMB out of the corner! Ravager grabs the cage walls with his hands to hold on... yanks himself up and double-stomps Phoenix in the face on the way down. Jake holding his nose, seeing stars, and Ravager...
grabs a singapore cane from the cage wall.
Phoenix looks up AND GETS IT IN THE FACE! CRACK! The crowd winces! Phoenix storms out in fury with a lariat, ducked, CRACK across the back! And another big shot right to the back of the head finally puts Phoenix down to his knees. But Ravager isn't forgetting about his other opponents, oh no! Andrew Rossi gets whipped into Ravager AND CRACKED ACROSS THE FACE! Rossi goes down! Beast! Ravager! Lock eyes! There's no teamwork here! Beast comes in and Ravager side-steps him with a BACKHAND CRACK across the champion's ribs! Doubled-over, Ravager with a knee lift right into Bruce's face pops the man up to a standing position...
CRAAAACK!
THE BEAST SLUMPS AGAINST THE ROPES! Ravager holds the singapore cane up high in one hand, the King of Hardcore IS HERE.
"FUCK 'EM UP, RAVAGER, FUCK 'EM UP!
FUCK 'EM UP, RAVAGER, FUCK 'EM UP!"
Ravager looks around at the carnage, everybody getting up, and he grabs Andrew Rossi by the hair for a stiff right hand. Another swing right across Rossi's back, then Ravager hooks up for a White Russian Leg Sweep, Sandman-style! That puts Rossi down and there's a cover. One, two.
BILL HEWSON: Rossi isn't going down so easily, but you'll note that nobody tried to break up that pinfall. Unlike our last match, this is elimination-rules... you're all alone, Jack Jones.
JACK JONES: I'm never alone, not as long as I have my good friends Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.
Ravager works Rossi over on the ropes, choking him out with the cane. Meanwhile, Jake Phoenix has regained his senses. He stalks over to Ravager and clubs him on the back. Phoenix lowers the boom a couple more times with those huge forearms and fists, then sends Ravager out for an irish whip. Ravager wraps his arms in the ropes and stops his momentum, here comes Jake Phoenix in, only to get a boot in the face --- AND THE BEAST KNOCKS HIM DOWN WITH A LARIAT! Bruce Richards just nailed Jake Phoenix, cover
ONE.
And Phoenix presses the 270 pound Beast three feet off of him. Oh, he's not happy now. Well, less happy than normal. Phoenix gets up and clocks Beast in the side of the head with a soupbone, then stomps over and gives Ravager one! Phoenix cleaning house and rocking Beast and Ravager with soupbones, WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! MEANWHILE: Andrew Rossi has taken the farthest corner away... and watches with glee.
JACK JONES: That's what I call strategy! Let the other three kick the crap out of each other, then swoop in and pick up the pieces! Simply Wrestling is Simply Brilliant!
BILL HEWSON: I can't deny it's a good strategy but it's not gaining him any credit with these fans.
A "PUSSY" chant has broken out, to which Rossi responds with a hateful glare to the crowd... then a laugh. He doesn't care. Meanwhile Phoenix whips Ravager into a corner... and then whips Beast INTO Ravager! RUNNING AVALANCHE! Oh man, Ravager squashed like a bug in the corner with almost six-hundred combined pounds smashing him into the turnbuckle. Phoenix shoves Beast away and grabs Ravager, setting him up for a powerbomb. Flips him up --- THROWS HIM INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE! Ravager smashes the back of his head into a hanging steel chair and tumbles awkwardly down between the ropes and cage. Phoenix yelling "WHO'S THE MAN, HUH, BITCHES?" He turns around to give the fans each a piece of his mind...
And then a furious Beast is in his face.
THE BEAST UNLOADING ON JAKE PHOENIX! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! Phoenix claws the man's eyes viciously to stop the flurry and sends his man into the ropes. Beast reverses! Phoenix comes off with a big boot attempt, Beast ducks... COBRA CLUTCH! CAN HE? LIFT AND SLAM! THE COBRA CLUTCH BOMB! And now THE BEAST is going to the top rope! THE DIVING MOONSAULT coming up --- No, Phoenix is up! He's pounding The Beast, this isn't looking good! Who's going to get the maneuever? Phoenix has The Beast... back suplex! From the six-nine Phoenix? Beast grabbing the cage like Ravager did to keep it from happening! This is a fight...
And here comes Andrew Rossi! He gets underneath Jake Phoenix, what is THIS? Rossi's no powerhouse but physics are such THAT JAKE PHOENIX GETS POWERBOMBED...WHILST BACK SUPLEXING THE BEAST! EVERYBODY IS DOWN! Andrew Rossi literally DIVES over The Beast to hook a leg, one, two, kick out! Sharplin's got a hard job in there, Rossi covers Phoenix! One, two, another big kick-out! Rossi looks frustrated, but that's okay, because he just spied Ravager finally getting b