It is a beautiful blue-skied and bright sunshine day in Edmonton, where the temperature is just below zero. Heck, that's t-shirt weather up here. It certainly is a great night to go out on the town, a great night...
FOR WRESTLING!!!
The Polish Hall is packed full as usual, hundreds of wrestling fans jamming in to catch the latest New Alberta Pro event. They bring their signs, their wrestling t-shirts (that you wouldn't be caught dead in anywhere else), their popcorn and their smart-ass attitudes I MEAN fanboy enthusiasm! Bill Hewson and Jack "Attack" Jones are standing near ringside, introducing the event for the live fans.
BILL HEWSON: Welcome everyone to NAPW, welcome to part 1 of the 2008 CANADA CUP!
The crowd cheers!
BILL HEWSON: I'm Bill Hewson with Jack "Attack" Jones and tonight, we will see the four quarter-final matches in the tournament! You will see Jake Phoenix (Boo) vs "Bad Boy" Joey Malone (YAY)! Stein (Yay) vs "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan (Boo)! Dez Carter (YAY!) vs Trent Daniels (YAY!)! And of course, Prince W. Darko (BOOO) will meet the one and only "LDK LLOYD REES (YAY!)!
JACK JONES: Yeah, and also tonight Stone Zellor (BOO!) will retain his Heritage title once again!
BILL HEWSON: Stone Zellor defending his title against "The Falcon Jacob Venar (YAY!), and in the main event it will be the NAPW World Championship on the line as Mystic Ninja (YAY!) challenges the champion, DONOVAN ASTROS (BOOOO)! Also tonight, a huge ---
Bill is cut-off as Metallica's "Seek and Destroy" is heard through-out the arena, and the fans boo as "Bluegrass Badass" Matthew Kurtis makes his way down to the ring carrying a microphone and already in his ring gear plus his new "Love me or Hate me ,but you will RESPECT me" t-shirt. His is, of course, sleeveless. he gets to the ring and climbs up and steps over the ropes and walks to the middle of the ring. He stands there for a few moments letting the fans boo him before finally starting to talk...
MATTHEW: I'm happy to see all of you here in Edmonton as well.
Boooo. Matt snorts.
MATTHEW KURTIS: I came out here tonight to give a mission statement on how it's going to be from here on out as far as the "Bluegrass Badass" is concerned. You see I decided that I don't need ANYONE, not even Mandy. As you can see I sent that little floozy packing, I had my fun with her and when see got to screwing up my matches I decicded I'd had enough of her.
I've been held back long enough and I'm tired of it. I've bided my time but now I'm tired of waiting so starting tonight, I am going to take back respect... by force if I have too. Because from now on y'all can love me hate but you will respect me.
BILL HEWSON: Well, they certainly don't love him.
JACK JONES: Ignore the humanoids, Matt. He's finally got it figured out!
MATTHEW KURTIS: Now the first step in my path to respect will be to capture the Heritage Championship. So Zellor or Venar whichever one of you walks out of tonight with the belt, start looking over your shoulder because I'm coming for you. But don't worry, you won't have to look over your shoulder for too long because I won't wait long after you to come after the belt. So just keep it nice and shiny for me and I'll take it off your hands soon enough. And then I'll set my sights on the big prize... the NAPW World Championship and if God really smiles down on me Donovan Astros will still be the champ so I can finally shut him up about beating me and Chad back last year.
So about tonight in this (BLEEP) of a Ten Man Tag Team Match, I have Joey Malone's boyfriend Chris Kamikaze gunning for me to seek revenge for Joey. So this is suppossed to scare me that the wannabe "original CK" is after me? Yeah, I'm sure I'm scared. If those two morons want a piece or me I'm not hard to find...
"BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS! WHATCHOO GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU!"
And here comes the "BAD BOY" right to the ring! He has his own mic!
JOEY MALONE: I don't understand you, Matthew Kurtis! I know I beat you, but it was a fair match and a clean move, so why are you so upset? It's been a month!
MATTHEW KURTIS: A month knowing that YOU'RE in the Canada Cup while I'm not! If you wrestled me again, it wouldn't last five minutes.
JOEY MALONE: A year ago I would have agreed, but you know what? Malone Motto #1: Everything's Coming Up Joey! At least in 2008. And not only that, but Matt, you might want to deal with Malone Motto #43: Sore Losers Never Prosper! If you want to become a champion, like ME, then you need to start thinking positive!
MATTHEW KURTIS: Think positive, huh?
JOEY MALONE: That's right! Turn your ups into downs! Make lemons out of lemonade.
MATTHEW KURTIS: Hey gee Joey, that sounds great, except one thing.
JOEY MALONE: What's that, big guy?
MATTHEW KURTIS. I hate lemonade.
WHAM! Matt hammers Joey down with a big thick meaty forearm! Oh no! Joey is down, and Matt... NOT AGAIN! He hoists Joey up!
BLUEGRASS BOMB!
Oh for... NOT AGAIN ---
CHRIS KAMIKAZE HITS THE RING! Kamikaze throwing shots at Matthew Kurtis, trying to rescue his friend... and they're having no effect.
Eep.
BIG BOOT! Kamikaze goes down in a heap! Matt pulls him up now... NO!
BLUEGRASS BOMB ON KAMIKAZE!
Matt Kurtis raises one arm to a chorus of boos, then leaves the ring, leaving Joey Malone and Kamikaze laid out. And they both have matches later tonight!
JACK JONES: They say the garnish isn't for eating, but I intend to prove them wrong!
BILL HEWSON: Interesting. Now, wrestling!
JACK JONES: No, seriously, I hired a lawyer, a cook and everything!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Canada Cup Quarter Final match scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit!
"Twinkle, Twinkle" by L'Arc En Ciel hits the speakers and out walks Dez Carter to a tremendous pop. Dez stays completely focused on the ring. Asuka Katsuragi follows closely behind him, waving to the fans for him.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first accompanied by Asuka Katsuragi, hailing from Pittsburg, Pensylvania, standing at six feet and two inches, and weighing in a two hundred and forty four pounds. Please welcome... DEZ CARTER!
"Twinkle, Twinkle" gives way to "Hands Down Ghandi" by the Legion of Doom. Trent Daniels emerges from the curtain to another loud pop. The hot shot rookie walks down the aisle, glad handing the fans, but keeping his eyes on Dez Carter in the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: And now, making his way to the ring, hailing from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, standing at five feet and ten inches, and weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds. He is... TRENT DANIELS!
BILL HEWSON: And what a match to open up the card, two fan-favorites who can bring the intensity. These two men have more in common than not, Jack Attack, but I don't think they're going to take it easy on one another tonight.
JACK JONES: Absolutely not, Jack Jones. Sure the crowd loves 'em both, they have flashy moves, they've both lost to Stone Zellor in Heritage title matches ---
BILL HEWSON: More like "Were both screwed" ---
JACK JONES: LA LA LA NOT BEING INTERRUPTED but this is the CANADA CUP we're talking about, Bill Hewson! There are no friends when prestige, glory and a shot at the NAPW World Title is on the line!
Trent Daniels climbs into the ring as Frank Warburton gets outside. Referee Dick Keibiech discusses the rules to the two wrestlers, who continue to stare eachother down. "Are you ready?" Trent nods. "Are you ready?" Dez nods. There's the bell!
Dez Carter crouches in the corner, sizing up his opponent. Trent Daniels doesn't seem to really know what to make of Dez, but stares him down from the opposite corner regardless. Dez and Trent stand, shaking hands in the middle of the ring in a great show of sportsmanship, and then Dez calls for a collar and elbow tie up. Trent obliges, but is quickly overpowered by the larger Dez Carter. Dez with a side headlock locked in. Trent pushes him off, Dez Carter bounces off the ropes and comes back with a hard shoulderblock sending Trent to the canvas. Trent fires up only to meet another stiff shoulderblock from Dez. Trent gets up and prepares to meet another shoulderblock, but instead goes face-first to the canvas by way of a drop toe hold from Dez Carter. Dez on the offensive, immediately locks on his inverted cravate crossface. Trent is in pain here, and reaches out to the ropes for all he's got. Just a little further... gotcha!
BILL HEWSON: Dez Carter clearly in charge in the early stages of the match. Dez Carter is still a young man, but he absolutely has the experience advantage on Trent Daniels.
JACK JONES: You ask me, Daniels needs more seasoning like my wife's soup --- that's to say, LOTS.
Dez is forced to release the hold and Trent uses the ropes to get to his feet. Dez Carter waits in the corner for his adversary to get up, in a great show of respect for his opponent. Trent is up, and he smiles, nodding at Dez. Trent calls for a test of strength. Dez raises an eyebrow. Something's fishy about this. Dez goes to lock up, but Trent slides under Dez, taking his feet out from underneath him, and Dez hits the mat hard. Trent is up, and he's got the side headlock. He's standing Dez Carter up, looking for the bulldog, but he gets pushed off! Off the ropes, Trent comes straight into a ROARING ELBOWWWW -- ducked! Trent bounces off the ropes and hits a springboard cross body! Straight into a cover!
One!
Two!
Not a three! Dez more surprised than hurt by Trent's show of athleticism, powers out and gets to his feet. Trent is up as well, and the two nod at each other. They lock up again, this time Dez irish whips Trent into the corner, where he hits the turnbuckle hard --- sternum first.
BILL HEWSON: Huge impact there right on Daniels, Dez Carter with a SCHOOL-BOY! ONE! TWO! Kick-out by Trent Daniels! So close, Jack Attack!
Trent is holding his sternum kneeling on the mat. Dez takes advantage, lifting Trent to his feet. Trent gets hit with multiple palm strikes before being dropped on the mat again by a dragon suplex from Dez Carter.
JACK JONES: Folded up like an accordion, it's over like polkafest in December!
ONE! TWO... two and a half, and the crowd breathes easy. They're so torn on who they want to win this one! Dez Carter lifts Trent off the mat, but eats a fist to the gut. Trent Daniels fighting, more fists. Dez Carter is bent over in pain, Trent Daniels knocks Dez to the floor with a snapmare takedown and then hits Dez with a SICK dropkick right to the middle of the back! Dez Carter, arching his back in pain, falls to the mat. Trent Daniels is on the top rope! MOONSAULT! CONNECTS! THE COVER!
One!
Two!
Thr- NO!
BILL HEWSON: ONLY TWO! ONLY TWO! A beautiful moonsault, picture-perfect, but somehow Dez Carter able to kick out at the last possible second!
JACK JONES: Daniels better wipe that stunned look off of his face and get on his man, or he might just GO TO SLEEP!
FRANK WARBURTON: This is the wrestlers' fifteen minute mark. Fifteen minutes remain in the contest.
Dez Carter is coming to, rolling over onto his knees, Trent gets to his feet, and grabs at Dez's head, looking for a headlock. Dez fights out of it and irish whips Trent Daniels to the ropes -- REVERSED! Dez runs to the ropes, bounces back and ducks under a vicious lariat from Trent Daniels. He bounces off the far ropes ROOOAAAARING EEELLLBOOOWWWW! Trent Daniels hits the mat hard! The cover!
One!
Two!
THRNO!
Trent Daniels kicks out, and now it's Dez Carter's turn to be amazed! These two are gonna fight to the very end! Trent Daniels is recovering on the mat, so Dez takes a moment to compose himself. Trent climbs up to his feet, and Dez follows suit. The two men stand in the middle of the ring, leaning on their knees, breathing heavily, looking at each other. The crowd begin chants of "LET'S GO TRENT!" and "LET'S GO DEZ!" alternatively. The two shake hands, and lock up again.
JACK JONES: Less sportsmanship, more hitting!
BILL HEWSON: These two are class acts, how much longer can they go?
Back to the fast paced offense, Trent runs to the ropes, and Dez runs to the opposite ropes. They meet in the middle with simultaneous forearm strikes! Both men stagger, but then they hit the ropes again, FOREARM STRIKES! Both men again staggered by the impact, but they're not done! OFF THE ROPES --- this third time, Dez drops, forcing Trent to jump over. On the rebound, Dez hits Trent with a spectacular monkey flip, sending Trent to his back. Trent rolls out of the way of Dez Carter's baseball slide, and Dez lands outside. By the time he turns around, Trent comes flying out of the ring with a beautiful corkscrew plancha! Both men are down!
BILL HEWSON: Trent Daniels putting his body on the line all for the Canada Cup! He wants this win so bad he can taste it...
JACK JONES: Then he better get back in the ring!
BILL HEWSON: Both men worse for wear on that move, but you're right, they need to get in before the referee's ten count...
The count reaches seven before they get back in the ring. Trent swings at Dez, BUT DEZ WITH THE FIREMAN'S CARRY!
GO TO SLEEEEEEEP!
---COUNTERED! TRENT USES HIS WEIGHT AND HITS AN INVERTED DDT!
The crowd is on their feet! Trent Daniels climbs to the top rope! DEZ CARTER IS UP! Dez is on the top rope with Trent! They're tossing fists back and forth! Dez gets the upper hand and sets up for a superplex!
COUNTERED! SYSTEM CRASSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
NAILED!
The crowd ERUPTS!
The cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEEEE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner at nineteen minutes and twenty-seven seconds, and will move on to the Canada Cup semi-finals! TRENT! DANIELS!
Trent Daniels is on his knees, exhausted. Dez Carter is coming around. He sits up, shaking the cobwebs out of his head. He looks up to see Trent Daniels offering him a hand up. He hesitates, but takes the hand. Trent helps Dez to his feet and shakes his hand, nodding.
Dez fought a hell of a battle, but he exits the ring. He's disappointed, but this time it's Trent's fifteen minutes of fame.
The crowd is chanting "THANK YOU DE-EZ!" Clap, clap, clapclapclap. "THANK YOU TRE-ENT!" Clap, clap, clapclapclap.
JACK JONES: Fifteen of us standing around, not a single lighter between us.
BILL HEWSON: Why would you light a cat on fire in the first place?
JACK JONES: It was the Marines, Bill. You don't ask questions.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Canada Cup Quarter Final match scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit!
"Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and GOD IS EMPTY---
JUST LIKE ME!"
"Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins plays and out walks the big man, the national star, to a chorus of boos. Ryan grins. He's quite alright with the Edmonton fans giving him what-for. He knows he's that good.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, hailing from Houston Texas... weighing three-hundred thirty-five pounds and standing six-feet, seven inches... he is "THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN!
Ryan enters the ring and raises an arm. He knows that, if given the shot, he can win the NAPW World Title. But he's going to have to earn it.
"SCIENCE!" by SOAD plays and out walks STEIN, herky-jerky down to the ring. His wild black hair is typically everywhere, but the fans really do love this unusual competitor. He's wearing the same torn blue coveralls he has worn since he returned to NAPW in September.
FRANK WARBURTON: From parts unknown, he weighs in at one-hundred and eighty pounds and stands five-feet, nine inches tall! Ladies and gentlemen, he is STEIN!
BILL HEWSON: Certainly a mishmash in terms of size, Dan Ryan with a clear height and weight advantage. But as we have all seen, Stein possesses strength beyond that of a normal man. That, and his unique style and tactics, make him a difficult man to wrestle!
JACK JONES: Wrong!
BILL HEWSON: What, Jack, exactly am I wrong about?
JACK JONES: You called Stein a Man. The correct nomenclature is THING. ICKY THING.
BILL HEWSON: Shut up.
Ryan looks across the ring at Stein with a raised eyebrow. He calls over referee John Sharplin, and asks him loud enough for the crowd to hear, "What the hell is that thing?" Sharplin just shrugs, tells Ryan, "Welcome to NAPW," and heads back midring, motioning the combatants into the center.
BILL HEWSON: With his years of experience all over the world, Dan Ryan has fought just about every kind or wrestler you can imagine, but he isn't quite sure what to make of Stein just yet.
JACK JONES: There's nothing like Stein anywhere else, and that's a good thing, otherwise I'd expect to see George C. Romero popping around a corner!
Stein and Ryan move to mid-ring, and Ryan begins circling Stein, looking for an opening to begin this contest. Stein, instead of circling the ring, just turns around in the same spot, keeping his eyes right on Ryan! Ryan shakes his head and laughs to himself, testing the ropes as the crowd begins buzzing for action! A small "STEIN!" chant begins to bust out, and Ryan glares over at the section, drawing jeers from the crowd. Stein... still hasn't moved.
Ryan looks back at the center of the ring and nods his head. He walks up to Stein and raises his hand up, challenging him to a test of strength. Stein looks up the ten inch height difference between him and the 'Ego Buster', and the faintest hint of a smile comes across his face, before he locks his hand into Ryan's.
BILL HEWSON: Dan Ryan's a real big man, challenging someone who he outweighs by a hundred fifty pounds plus to a test of strength. Even with Stein's inhuman strength, I can't imagine this is going to go the---WHOA!
Whoa is right, as try as he might, Ryan can't make Stein's hand budge, even with a foot of added leverage! Frustrated, Ryan drives a big knee into the midsection. Stein doubles over, but still won't let go of Ryan's hand! Ryan looks down at Stein, eyes wide open in amazement, then a smile crosses Ryan's face. He pulls Stein back vertical by his hand, and knees him again. One more time? Sure, why not... except Stein turns his body and takes the off-balance Ryan over with a robotic armdrag takedown! Stein slowly makes his way to his feet as Ryan slides over to the corner and pulls himself up, shaking his head. The small "STEIN!" chants grow louder as referee Sharplin invites Ryan back midring.
JACK JONES: Dan Ryan is a smart individual, he's taking his time, seeing what he learned from that exchange, even though it didn't go his way.
BILL HEWSON: It really is on the job training when you take on someone as unique as Stein, but this looks more like a man confused at the moment, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: You mean some-THING. C'mon, Dan!
For Stein's part in all this, he's egging on the crowd, encouraging the chants, absorbed in the moment. A little too absorbed, as Ryan rushes by Sharplin and thrusts a mighty shoulder into Stein's back. Stein stumbles forward but doesn't go down, but Ryan takes advantage of the stagger and grasps Stein around the waist for a German suplex! Stein grabs Ryan's wrists and pulls them apart, but Ryan isn't caught offguard, he changes his grip and gets Stein caught in a full nelson... DRAGON SUPLEX! Ryan takes Stein over with a picture perfect Dragon suplex! Sharplin checks the shoulders... one..... two....... and Stein slithers out of the pinning predicament. Ryan is up and on him again quickly, though, stomping at Stein. Ryan goes for an elbowdrop across the chest...
Stein sits up! Ryan's elbow crashes into the canvas! Ryan's back up quickly, though, and plants his foot right between Stein's shoulderblades, causing his torso to violently rock forward and then crash onto the mat. Ryan drops down to cover... one...... and only one as Stein kicks Ryan off with force! The veteran counterpuncher's beginning to lose his cool... he whips Stein to the ropes, no doubt preparing for his patented Belly to Belly suplex.
But you can't really make Stein... run. Per se. Stein tries, valiantly, hitting the ropes with virtually no momentum, and coming off as Dan Ryan just stands in the middle of the ring with an expression of "What the hell?" on his face. Stein nonetheless runs right towards Dan Ryan, and Ryan cinches him up and tosses him across the ring with the belly to belly! Stein sits up and begins to get to his feet, so Dan Ryan decides it's time to just end this. Toekick, and though Stein's face registers no pain, he does double over, and that means...
HUMILITY BOMB!
Can this end it?
We'll never know, because Stein is able to vise his legs around Dan Ryan's head to counter! From most wrestlers, it would a huracanrana, quick, snapping Dan Ryan down, but from Stein...well, quick isn't exactly his MO. But the FRANKEN-STEIN-ER is doing it's job, dragging Ryan down...
Ryan tries to pry Stein's legs off from around his head, but he can't do it --- and you better believe that shocks him. Dan Ryan, however, IS a veteran, and he knows where he is at all times. Such, as near, the ropes, near enough that he deliberately falls backwards over the ropes and Dan Ryan and Stein tumble to the floor!
BILL HEWSON: Both men to the floor, and I don't know who this will prove worse for! Stein or Dan Ryan!
JACK JONES: I wouldn't want to be fighting DAN FRIKKIN' RYAN in the ring, much less on concrete!
BILL HEWSON: "Frikkin'?"
JACK JONES: Excuse me. Stupid Delivery Men.
Ryan forces Stein to WALK, ramming him into the steel ring post. Stein stays there, prone against the ring post. Ryan gets some distance, CHARGE --- WHAT? Stein... DODGES? He doesn't move out of the way quickly, but JUST ENOUGH that Dan Ryan's shoulder smashes into the steel ringpost instead of Stein's head! Ryan grimaces in pain, and from behind...
STEIN LOCKS IN SMOTHERED IN KETCHUP! ON THE OUTSIDE! The referee is counting however! He's at SIX! Dan Ryan is locked in Stein's vise-like cobra clutch!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
Dan Ryan may be fading, but it doesn't matter on the outside!
NINE! Stein releases the hold! He jerkily tries to "dive" into the ring, making it about halfway...
But it's enough to break the count. Stein slides back outside and goes to lock SMOTHERED IN KETCHUP on again! He has to leap up onto the big man's back to apply it, with whatever spring he can muster (it's not a lot). He has it on WHAM. Ryan backs Stein into the steel ring post, Andre the Giant to Westley style. FEZZIK! Stein doesn't release, so Ryan does it again, again, one more time and though Stein's strength is freaky-deaky, and he doesn't show pain, the impact is clearly enough to dislodge him from Dan Ryan.
Stein comes in again, but Dan Ryan punches him in the face, stopping him short. And then: GORILLA PRESS! Stein may be STRONG for his size, but he's still lightweight! Ryan holds him in the air like a child, high... and then yells MOVE!
The first few rows scatter, and DAN RYAN TOSSES STEIN INTO THE CHAIRS! Stein is down!
BILL HEWSON: Both men have to aware of the referee's count, but Dan Ryan just... Stein may be out of this one!
JACK JONES: May be? I don't think he could get back into the ring in time if he was at full health!
The referee has restarted his count after trying to get both men into the ring. He's up to three. Dan Ryan is watching in disbelief as Stein sits up like a zombie in the midst of the scattered chairs. He slowly gets to his feet and begins to shuffle to the guardrail as fast as he can. Dan Ryan is ready to kick his ass, he's not thrilled wrestling this weirdo.
And then...
"STEIN! YOU ARE MINE! YOU ARE MINNNNNNNE!"
Stein looks around for the source of the voice. The cameras glimpse a bedraggled, homeless-looking man standing near the front of the crowd, a couple rows back, yelling at Stein. Stein, whose eyes go WIDE at this sight. Stein suddenly begins to move faster than we've ever seen, almost like a normal man's powerwalk, scaling the guard rail and ---
going right past Dan Ryan, right past the ring, right down the aisle as fast. As he can go.
EIGHT!
Ryan looks on, mouth open, what the hell. He rolls into the ring at NINE! Stein disappears through the curtain! The camera flicks back to the crowd, and the homeless man is GONE.
TEN!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner by count-out... "THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN!
BILL HEWSON: What in the... a strange, strange of events just occurred right here, but Dan Ryan advances to the semi-finals in his quest to win the Canada Cup and World Championship! But...Jack Attack, that man, screaming at Stein...
JACK JONES: He needed a shave, a shower and a Get Off My Lawn! What's going on, letting these homeless bums into our shows? Honestly!
BILL HEWSON: No, Jack Attack! That man! He's gone, he's long gone, but didn't he look familiar behind all that grime?
JACK JONES: Now that you mention it... was that....
BILL HEWSON: ...Dr. Morgoth?
Josh Reynolds is standing in a space near the entrance way, drawing the fans attention.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Edmonton, how do you feel about NAPW right here tonight?
YEAHHHHHHH!
JOSH REYNOLDS: We still have lots more great action to come, but at this time please welcome my guest... he challenges for the World Championship next week! Ladies and gentlemen, KRENSHOV!
"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"
30 Seconds to Mars "ATTACK" blasts through the Polish Hall and the fans get to their feet as the colossal KRENSHOV makes his entrance. Krenshov is dressed in his ring gear, wearing a "For Hire" sleeveless t-shirt as well. He dwarfs Josh.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Quite an ovation for you, Krenshov, of course tonight part of that big ten-man tag, but next week you have a chance at the NAPW World Title against whomever is champion, tell us, who would you rather face?
KRENSHOV: Really, it doesn't matter. Bring either guy. But if I had to choose, you know what, I'd have a lot more fun crackin' Astros' head open like a wet cantaloupe. But I'll take either man. You see Josh, for a long time I've been just "this close" to the top. I've never felt closer than I am right now, and next week, nobody is going to stop me from becoming World Champion ---- *
JOSH REYNOLDS: OH MY GOD!
Suddenly Krenshov is on the ground clutching his knee, grunting in intense pain! A man in a black ski-mask holds a lead pipe high and before Josh can even think to grab him, he takes off! Security show up but too late, as Kenny is on the ground, clearly in intense pain! Security calls for EMTs as the crowd is stunned!
BILL HEWSON: Still no word on Krenshov, or even if he will be able to compete tonight. Who was that masked man?
JACK JONES: Not this Man In Black crap again!
BILL HEWSON: No trenchcoat, no fedora, just a common looking thug... we'll have to get to the bottom of this later, because it's time for another match!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following is a quarter-final match in the 2008 Canada Cup! It is scheduled for one fall at a thirty-minute time limit!
"SURPRISE! YOU'RE DEAD!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Ft. Lauderdale Florida... JAKE PHOENIX!
The fans begin to boo like mad as the very imposing figure of Jake Phoenix walks to the ring. He looks ready to murder someone as he enters and goes to a corner awaiting his opponent.
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix is always a monster in that ring, but tonight he smells blood. He knows that Joey Malone was laid out earlier in the evening. I'm sure Jake thinks tonight will be an easy night for him.
JACK JONES: "Thinks?"
BILL HEWSON: Joey Malone may be injured but the man has the largest heart in this company!
JACK JONES: He should just give up now. He wouldn't have half a chance on a GOOD day. Tonight? He's just a dead man walking.
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcoo gonna do when they come for you?"
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Edmonton Alberta, he is the NAPW Extreme Jobber champion! "BAD BOY" JOEY MALONE!
The fans erupt as Joey Malone makes his way out to the ring. He is rubbing his head and looks in obvious pain. Malone enters the ring and goes to his corner awaiting the bell.
BILL HEWSON: Joey feeling the effects of that Bluegrass Bomb earlier tonight, but he's still going to compete. That's what makes him NAPW's best underdog.
JACK JONES: There you go, Hewson, the key word. He's the underdog which means he's a loser.
BILL HEWSON: He is one-half of the Rebel Tag Team Champions, you know.
JACK JONES: Is that NAPW? No? Then I don't care!
Referee Morgan Smythe calls for the bell. Phoenix charges across the ring like a wild boar looking to destroy Malone. Joey dodges the clothesline and dropkicks Phoenix's knee. The big man brushes it off but takes another dropkick.
BILL HEWSON: Joey is doing exactly what he needs to do. Hit fast and often! Take away the power advantage of Jake Phoenix.
JACK JONES: Each time he moves it aggravates that head even more. He can't continue this.
Phoenix can't brush off the second blow and staggers a bit. Malone darts in with a forearm. He tries another but Phoenix grabs the arm and propels Malone into the ropes. Joey rebounds and hits a dropkick to the chest. The momentum of the strike sends Phoenix over the top rope and to the floor. Smythe warns Malone not to exit the ring but he has no intention of doing so. He looks down at Phoenix and grins before turning around to mug for the fans, tapping his temple (a la Stylin' Kyle Roberts) showing the bigger man that indeed, Joey Malone is much smarter than Jake Phoenix.
BILL HEWSON: Even with the injury Malone has been able to get the better of Phoenix in the early goings of this match. He isn't afraid to let Jake know it either. Look at the confidence of Malone!
JACK JONES: You call it confidence but I call it --- A MISTAKE!
Phoenix looks up at the ring and glares a whole through Malone. With a sudden speed belying his size, he's on the apron and steps over the ropes. He is ANGRY. Joey backs up as the crowd gasps in horror. BUMP. Joey realizes he's just backed up right into a seething mass of muscle named JAKE PHOENIX. Malone tries to back up and get away but Phoenix is quicker. He levels Joey with a big punch to the head.
Joey hits the mat hard and Phoenix immediately drops an elbow to the injured head. He yanks Malone up and tosses him violently into the corner. Phoenix follows him in and begins to punch him repeatedly in the face. Smythe tries to get him to stop but he continues his assault. He stops after she reaches four, smirking, and pulls Malone out into the center of the ring. Short arm lariat puts him back down. A power slam later and Phoenix covers.
ONE!
TWO!
...
Joey gets a shoulder up. The crowd begins to chant for him, so Phoenix flips them the double-bird. Malone tries to fight back with a few weak punches but nothing doing as Phoenix forearms him in the face. Irish whip and a big boot snaps Malone's head back. Phoenix grabs him before he can fall and head butts him.
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix focusing on the head of Joey Malone, and this match has... turned into a massacre!
Phoenix grabs Malone by the throat and raises the smaller man up... Choke slam! It's over! He places a boot on the chest for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
The fans boo as Phoenix pulls Malone up at two.
BILL HEWSON: Oh come on! He had the win right there! This isn't right! Jake Phoenix is just adding insult to injury!
JACK JONES: It's the Canada Cup Hewson! Jake Phoenix is making a statement to everybody else in this thing!
Phoenix pulls a sagging Joey up, flips him upside down and...
Tombstone Piledriver!
Malone is sent crashing straight down on his head. Phoenix leans back for the cover, lazily hooking the leg. He counts along with the ONE, TWO, THREE.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner and advancing to round two... JAKE PHOENIX!
Officials come down to check on Malone as Phoenix exits the ring and heads up the ramp a huge evil smile on his face.
BILL HEWSON: Joey gave it his all, but Jake Phoenix is a monster in the best of circumstances. Damn that Matthew Kurtis!
JACK JONES: Nobody made Joey come out here for another ass-kicking. He should've forfeited, would have prolonged his career at least.
BILL HEWSON: Whatever way you slice it, we now have one of our semi-final Canada Cup matches set. Jake Phoenix will take on another big man, another hard-hitter, in the form of "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan. Still to come tonight, "LDK" Lloyd Rees takes on Prince W. Darko... the winner meets the red-hot Trent Daniels.
The crowd is buzzing, wondering what's next... The lights dim.
"GO!
AND THEY GO CRAZY! "The Falcon" Jacob Venar bursts from the entrance way, fired up and ready to go! He taps the ground in front of the entrance way, then SPRINTS to the ring and slides in, leaping up to the top rope and raising his arms. The crowd is clearly 100% behind the young Venar!
BILL HEWSON: This is Jacob Venar's first opportunity at singles gold tonight, and you've got to feel that tonight will be his night! This crowd sure does!
JACK JONES: Yeah? And I bet the crowd felt it was "Dez Carter's night," and "Trent Daniels' night" and so on the last few title defenses. And Stone beat them all!
BILL HEWSON: I don't recall Stone beating ANYBODY for months, but somehow he is still the Heritage Champion.
"THE CONNECTION IS MADE!
Snotty indie-brit rock from the nineties? It must be STONE ZELLOR along with Lady Sparks! The Heritage Champion comes out, looking up, hood over his head, basking in his own glory with the title around his waist. He takes his time getting to ring, scorning outstretched hands, smirking at the fans giving him hell. He makes sure to walk all the way around the ring as the referee John Sharplin holds Venar back.
BILL HEWSON: There is no denying the champion's talent, but that Heritage Title has CHANGED Stone Zellor. There is nothing he won't do to remain champion! If he would just get in the damn ring, we might get this one started.
JACK JONES: But this is why Stone Zellor is the greatest Heritage Champion of all time. Jacob Venar comes flying out here, all pumped, and now... he's getting impatient. The match hasn't even started and Stone Zellor is ahead of the curve.
Finally Stone gets into the ring, taking his corner. Frank prepares to make the announcements.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall at a thirty minute time limit... and is for the NAPW CANADIAN HERITAGE CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first to my right, wearing red and black. From British Columbia, he weighs two-hundred and thirty-pounds at a height of six-feet, two inches... The challenger! "THE FALCON"... JACOB VENAR!
To my left, also wearing black and red. From Staten Island, New York, he weighs one-hundred seventy-eight pounds and stands six-foot three. Accompanied by Lady Sparks, he is the current, and reigning Canadian Heritage Champion.... STONE ZELLOR!
Referee John Sharplin takes the belt from a begrudging Stone, displaying for Venar and the fans. He hands it off to the timekeeper and then...
DING! DING! DING!
Stone initiates the classic collar tie up on Jacob--then he breaks the hold and turns his back on Jacob. "(BLEEP) THIS, HE ISN'T WORTH IT!" He shouts, and heads out of the ring. Jacob looks around, he looks shocked. He heads after Stone and holds back from exiting the ring and turns him around. A quick punch to Stone's jaw. Stone doesn't like this at all, he goes down and drops Jacob and begins to fire off, putting a hurting on Jacob's forehead. Stone gets up and scouts Jacob. Jacob, on his knees, gets sent back to the mat with a swift drop kick to the face. Stone turns Jacob up over and drops his leg on the back of Jacob's neck.
BILL HEWSON: Wow, Stone's tearing Jacob a new one.
JACK JONES: Jacob deserves it. Stone was going to make it easy for him, and how does it return the favor? He sucker punches him, sucker punches!
Stone drags Jacob's head to the bottom rope and starts to choke him with his foot. Sharplin walks over to Stone, "ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" Stone knows to free his grip.
JACK JONES: Sharplin is always ruining someone's fun, you know that?
BILL HEWSON: He's doing his job, you should respect that.
JACK JONES: I can't talk to you.
Stone brings Jacob up to his feet, then locks in a front face headlock--wait no, it's not, he's choking him, but the ref can't see this. Then he brings Jacob into the mat, head first. Stone feels good, he's in complete control of this match, he has no concerns. He rolls over Jacob, and pins him with his foot on his chest. "BOOOO" the crowd says. He smirks them off.
ONE
KICK OUT!
Stone grabs hold of Jacob and sends him into the ropes, Jacob explodes with a lariat. The crowd is very appreciative towards this turn of events. Jacob grabs Stone and suplexes him hard into the mat, as if he was trying to put him right through it. The ring shakes, and causes a ruckus that would scare the weak. He takes a step out of the ring and stands on the apron, he springboards and delivers a leg drop of his own across Stone's chest. He sends Zellor to the ropes and awaits for his return...powerslam. Jacob doesn't hook the leg, he brings Stone to his feet and hurls him to the corner, he stays deep on his trail, then splashes the poor guy. Jacob, growing experience, doesn't let go of Stone, instead, he holds on to Stone and then does a snap fisherman suplex onto the mat. He holds onto the leg and bridges.
ONE
TWO
KICK OUT!
Jacob stands up, backs away from the downed Stone and waits. Stone gets to his feet and gets hit with the Unkindness, that flings him across the ring like a rag doll!
JACK JONES: Do you see how disrespectful Jacob is being towards our Heritage champ? That's a damn shame.
BILL HEWSON: Disrespectful? He wasn't the one walking away from the match, as if Stone Zellor wasn't worth it.
JACK JONES: Zellor was doing Venar a favor, a great one.
Jacob approaches the downed pimp, and brings him to his feet, he sends him into the corner. He sits Stone on the top rope, then stand on the second rope with his arms wrapped around Stone's neck. He tries to pick him up, but Stone holds his ground and sends a right into Jacob's gut; Jacob tries his hardest to eat it; he returns the favor with a club, then he stands on the top rope. Stone low blows his way out of this situation and watches Jacob crash to the mat below. Stone stands on the top rope...diving headbutt. It connects, and Stone could've very well placed a hole in Jacob's chest. He covers.
ONE
TWO
THREKICKOUT!
Stone gets up on his feet and looks over at Sharplin and gets in his face. "THAT WAS A THREE, YOU KNOW THAT VERY WELL!" "HE GOT THE SHOULDERS UP!" Jacob ends this argument with a school boy to Stone.
ONE
TWO
THREKICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: So close! We almost had a new Heritage Champion right there!
JACK JONES: Fluke! It was a fluke! And that's as close as Jacob Venar is going to get!
Both men are on their feet and Stone takes the initiative to move over to Jacob and takes two boots to the knee. Stone is now on one knee; Jacob rushes over and shinning wizards Jacob down to the mat. He rolls him over for the pin, one, two, kick out. Jacob rushes over to the ropes. Stone is getting up; Jacob jumps to the second rope... Stone is on his feet, standing tall...
Jacob moonsaults!
Stone is crushed by flying body. Jacob hooks the leg, one, two, kick out. On his knees, Venar shakes his head, a bit flustered with all that's been going on. He grabs Stone by the head and goes back to work, he sends Stone to the ropes. Stone returns with a hurricanrana, he folds up Jacob and holds onto his legs. One, two, kick out. Stone stomps on Jacob's chest and then brings him to his feet. He knees him in the mid section then sends him into the mat with a clothesline. He pins Jacob, one, two, kick out. He covers Jacob again, one, two, thkick out. Stone covers and hooks the leg this time, one, two, thrkickout. Stone is annoyed, he bashes Jacob in the head with a forearm and covers him once more, but this time he hooks both legs. One, two, threkickout. Stone's had enough.
BILL HEWSON: He just can't put Jacob down! Stone has to be wondering what it's going to take?
JACK JONES: We are watching the same match, right? With the slow counts and all?
BILL HEWSON: Oh will you be serious?
Stone helps Jacob to his feet, he dusts off Jacob's shoulder and holds his head straight. Pimp Slap! Jacobs head bobbles as his falls down to the mat. Jacob favors his jaw, while he tries to get up. Stone interrupts his plans and ddt's him down to the mat. He covers, one, two, kick out. He grabs Jacob, but it gets reversed into a pinfall, Jacob bridges, one, two, kick out. Jacob moves over to Stone's legs and locks in a sharpshooter. Pain rushes through out Stone's body. He begins to scream and his eyes begin to open up. The shakes his head, as Sharplin asks if he wants give up. "NO! NO! NO!" Stone digs deep and tries to move to the ropes, but Jacob is too strong, he won't let go of his ground. Lady Sparks takes this opportunity to help Stone out. She stands on the apron, the ref is distracted, he isn't able to see Stone
TAP OUT!!!
Jacob thinks he's won the match, he frees his hold, he begins to celebrate, but...the bell doesn't ring. He seems puzzled----
LOW BLOW! DDT!
Lady Sparks gets off the apron and allows Sharplin to return to his job. Stone is over Jacob, legs hooked.
JACK JONES: He isn't getting out of this one!
ONE
TWO
BILL HEWSON: NOT LIKE THIS!
THREKICKOUT!
WHAT?
Nothing seems like it will stop Jacob tonight, he's hell-bent on winning this title. Zellor rushes to the corner, he stands on the top rope, he scouts. Jacob gets on his feet, and gets two boots on his chest. Stone brings enough force to send Jacob across the whole damn ring. Jacob gets to his feet his feet and rushes towards Stone, he goes for a clothesline, but Stone is able to side-step. Jacob comes back to a discus clothesline, that levels him out on the mat. Stone picks up Jacob and sends him shoulder first into the ring post, he yanks him out of the post and twists Jacob's arm with an arm wrench, then a hamer lock. Stone pushes Jacob off of him, but not before smacking him the back of the head.
This iritates Jacob, and he EXPLODES out of the corner with a SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR!
Jacob breaks Stone in half! He gets up and looks down at Stone's lifeless body. Jacob drags his man to the center of the ring, there, he keeps hold of Stone's right arm and drives his leg drops his arm. Jacob picks up Stone's arm again, and locks in a Fujiwara Armbar. An army of pain infiltrates through Stone's arm. He's stuck in the middle of the ring with no where to go. He tries to move, but Jacob's too strong. Sharplin asks Stone if he wants to give up.
"NO! NO!"
He shakes his head vigorously. Lady Sparks gets on the apron again, she distracts the ref for a second time, Jacob notices this, he frees his hold and walks over to Lady Sparks. Lady Sparks goes to back hand Jacob, but he's able to hold on to her hand, Stone stops this fight with a school boy roll up, he uses the ropes, the ref doesn't see a damn thing.
ONE
TWO
THREKICKOUT!
Stone's had enough of this. He gets up and walks over to Sharplin, "THAT WAS A THREE AND YOU KNOW IT!" Stone shoves him, a small shove. Sharplin fires back on Stone with a bigger shove.
NO!
STONE DDTs Sharplin right into the mat, head first, he puts extra strength on the ddt.
He walks over to Jacob, he goes to put him in the Scar, but no! Jacob gets out---
Superkick!
Stone collapses to the mat and Jacob covers.
ONE
TWO
THREE!
NO REF!
ONE
TWO
THREE!
NO REF!
BILL HEWSON: We have a new Heritage Champion, but John Sharplin is OUT --- WAIT A MINUTE! Here comes a new referee!
JACK JONES: Anthony Uruburu? Where the heck has he been hiding?
BILL HEWSON: URUBURU COUNTS! ONE! TWO! TH--KICK-OUT! For the love of --- Jacob Venar had a ten-count on the man!
JACK JONES: If the ref doesn't count it, it doesn't count!
Jacob can not believe this, he sucks his tongue and shakes his head. He brings Stone to his feet, he sends Stone to the ropes. Stone comes back with a clothesline, he misses and goes into the ropes. Jacob waits for his return and leap frogs him. Stone goes back into the ropes, he returns and Jacob drops to the mat, Stone hops over him and goes back to the ropes for the third time. Jacob on his feet now, he tries to hip toss him, but Stone won't allow it, he sends two punches to Jacob's stomach, then goes for a hurricanrana, but Jacob won't flip. Jacob brings Stone back up for a power bomb, but Stone begins to punch his way out, he breaks free and lands on his feet. Stone sends a right Jacob's way, Jacob blocks and sends a boot to Stone's stomach...
Rocker Dropper!
Jacob moves to the turnbuckle looks at the crowd and they know what it is. THEY GET TO THEIR FEET!
Jacob stands on top of the world...
SPREAD! MY! WINGS!
ONE
TWO
THREEEEEEEEE!
FRANK WALBURTON: Your winner and new Heritage Champion, "THE FALCON" JAAAAACOB VENAR!
BILL HEWSON: YES! YES! YES! HE DID IT! A NEW CHAMPION! AT LAST!
JACK JONES: He was robbed! Stone Zellor was robbed, Uruburu wasn't assigned to this match!
BILL HEWSON: At last, Stone Zellor has been dethroned as Heritage Champion ---
However, something is going on. John Sharplin, holding his head with a grimace of pain, is having a conference with Anthony Uruburu and Frank Warburton. Venar has the Heritage title, his music playing, holding the title high to the acclaim of the screaming fans...
Suddenly Frank's booming voice cuts across everything.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please --- your attention please!
Venar's music cuts out. Venar is looking on with confusion. Stone Zellor is half-conscious in a corner, Lady Sparks behind him holding him up. John Sharplin is explaining things to Warburton as the crowd begins to get restless...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen... it is the decision of the ORIGINAL referee John Sharplin that Stone Zellor... has been DISQUALIFIED for striking an official! Therefore, your winner... "THE FALCON" JACOB VENAR!
The crowd pops, but wait, something doesn't add up.
And then Uruburu asks Venar for the title belt back. Venar's jaw drops. "You've got to be kidding me! Come on!" Uruburu shakes his head and takes the belt... handing it to Stone Zellor, who clutches it tightly to his chest.
FRANK WARBURTON: However, since the Heritage Championship canNOT change hands on a disqualification, STILL Heritage Champion STONE ZELLOR!
BILL HEWSON: WHAT?!
JACK JONES: HA HA YES!
And the crowd is about to RIOT. Jacob Venar is just... floored. What is he supposed to feel? Once again, Stone Zellor has retained the Heritage title through SHENANIGANS of the highest order. Stone is finally up to his feet, looking googly-eyed, he holds the Heritage title belt high above his head
SUPERKICK!
Venar sends Stone back to the mat to a tremendous pop!
JACK JONES: But it doesn't change anything! Stone Zellor is YOUR Heritage Champion!
BILL HEWSON: Dammit, I don't... I can't argue with John Sharplin's decision, he was the original referee in charge of the contest and his word is greater, but it doesn't make it RIGHT! Something needs to be done about Stone Zellor!
Venar's music plays again and he exits, disappointed and angry, but he gave it his all.
Someday this will catch up to Stone Zellor. Just not tonight.
JACK JONES: And that's how baby racoons are made.
BILL HEWSON: I don't remember learning that in Boy Scouts...
JACK JONES: I had the best scout leader. He also taught me how to stay warm overnight if you're stranded without a sleeping bag.
BILL HEWSON: Well, that's good ---
JACK JONES: Those were the days, just two of us learning to survive off the elements, huddled together, MEN among MEN...
BILL HEWSON: That's... oh Jack, you poor, poor bastard.
JACK JONES: What?
FRANK WARBURTON: The following Ten-Man Tag match is scheduled for one-fall and will be contested under SUPERSTAR RULES!
BWAAAAAAAN! Napalm Death kicks your ass, and out walks the heel team, led by the man who manages 3 of them Ian Smith. Out first are Krusty Kid Paul and Tommy Deathrow, the latter of course accompanied by his good friend Jose Cuervo. Dextro is following KKP like a lost puppy. Gregory Zade comes up in the middle. The giant Matthew Kurtis snarls on his way to the ring, glaring at a fan who is giving him holy hell. Bringing up the rear is an equally unhappy looking Chad Kurtis, a man who looks like he has a chip on his shoulder.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing team number one! Being accompanied to the ring by the manager, Ian Smith, as well as Dextro, they are the team of... GREGORY ZADE! "BLUEGRASS BADASS" MATTHEW KURTIS! "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS! And your NAPW Tag Team Champions... Krusty Kid Paul and Tommy Deathrow, SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS!
BILL HEWSON: Quite the interesting team this is here. Ian Smith has put together a roster of talent. You have the current tag team champions in SAD. You have former two-time NAPW tag champions in Chad & Matt Kurtis. That is one hell of a team!
JACK JONES: What about Gregory Zade?
BILL HEWSON: ...who?
JACK JONES: Not you too!
The heel squad are all around. Tommy is lounging in the corner, Raven style, leering at female fans in his line of view. KKP paces back and forth, he's ready for action and after his loss to Warren in REBEL last week he's pissed off. Chad is demanding that he start the contest off.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents...
"Southern Hospitality" kicks up and out walk Dan Miller and Hank Henderson! Hank is ready for action, and Dan Miller gladhands the fans on the way to the ring, grinning and playing to the crowd.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the team of "THE DYNASTY" DAN MILLER and "HARD HITTIN'" HANK HENDERSON... SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION!
Southern Destruction get up in the ring, Henderson talking some trash towards the heels. Referee Morgan Smythe is going to have her hands full keeping this one under control!
"Last Call" by Tora Tora Tora kicks up, and the crowd gives a nice pop to Chris Kamikaze! The former Hollywood stuntman heads to the ring, tripping as he gets into the ring but recovering quickly. He readjusts his shades and hits the corner as Hank Henderson shakes his head.
FRANK WARBURTON: Next, weighing two-hundred and four pounds... CHRIS KAMIKAZE!
Tora Tora Tora fades out...
The crowd buzzes in the quiet...
"No one's gonna take me alive!
The time has come to make things right!"
GALLOPING TRIPLETS! METAL BATTLEGROUND! Muse's "Knights of Cydonia" cranks up and THE CROWD ASPOLDE for BRUCE RICHARDS!
FRANK WARBURTON: And introduing at two-hundred and seventy-pounds... BRUCE! THE BEEEEEEEEEAST! RICHARRRRRRDS!
BILL HEWSON: And listen to the ovation! Bruce "The Beast" Richards is looking to gain some huge momentum going into what could be a title shot, but one way or another WILL end his feud with Donovan Astros next month!
JACK JONES: Donovan Astros WILL be the NAPW Champion after tonight, and it doesn't matter what stipulation The Beast chooses, he'll be NAPW Champion after Pure Dynamite! I don't even know if he'll have to defend his title next week, do you see Krenshov out here?
BILL HEWSON: For that matter, I do not... We saw Krenshov suffer that attack earlier in the night, a lead pipe to the knee by a masked assailant! We weren't sure if he could make it out for this match or what, but it seems that neither is Krenshov here... nor has a replacement been made! That means we have an equal match, four on four!
JACK JONES: You mean The Beast's team is at a disadvantage, it's five-to-four!
BILL HEWSON: KKP, STD, The Show and Matthew Kurtis. Four on four!
JACK JONES: You forgot Gregory Zade!
BILL HEWSON: Who?
The Beast, Kamikaze and SD are chatting quick strategy, determining who should start. On the other side, "The Show" has made it clear that he is starting for his team. Ian Smith applauds his man as the other wrestlers hang on the apron. The faces break, and it looks like "Hard Hittin'" Hank Henderson is going to start things off.
They meet in the middle of the ring, The Show running his mouth. He SLAPS Henderson right across the face! Oh, Henderson don't like that WHAM! He IS HARD HITTIN' AND CHAD KURTIS IS FINDING OUT WHY! Henderson slugs Chad, and Chad --- who was busted open last week in a BARBED WIRE STEEL CAGE MATCH --- has his already gashed head opened up seconds into the match! Chad staggers back into the ropes, but then EXPLODES out with a charge that takes Henderson down! The Show throwing his own fists, Hank rolls over, he's got fists on top, both men separate and get back up! Henderson comes in, The Show kicks him in the gut and yells for his brother Matt to come in
BILL HEWSON: Superstar Rules, no tags required, although right now both teams seem content to have two guys go at it... here comes the big Matt Kurtis!
Chad Henderson with an armbar as Matt drops a double axe-handle that floors Henderson. The face team cheering Hank on, but Matt slams him down. The Beast claps Miller on the back and says "No tags necessary, remember?" Miller's face lights up, and he springboards off the top --- missile dropkick catches Matt Kurtis in the face! The flamboyant Dan Miller mugs for the crowd, especially the ladies, but that's a mistake as Krusty Kid Paul takes him down with a hard lariat. KKP hoists Miller up, suplex, Miller blocks, Henderson in, double suplex on Krusty Kid Paul --- Deathrow! Tommy Deathrow rams into both Southern Destruction members from behind, stopping that. He grabs Miller and holds him up for a back suplex, KKP gets underneath and makes it a neckbreaker combo! Miller rolls to the outside as SAD bump butts in celebration
THE BEAST RUNS 'EM OVER!
Double lariat takes both SAD members down! They get up, and Beast just points behind them.
KAMIKAZEEEEE---
Well, slips off the top rope in his springboard attempt, ending up on the floor. SAD laugh, and Beast shrugs and starts throwing right hands! Tommy floored, gets up for more! KKP floored, gets up for more! Gregory Zade tries to attack The Beast and runs into the back of his fist! Beast turns around, wondering who hit him, shrugs and gets both SAD members to the rope, then clotheslines them over to the floor! Matt Kurtis from behind! The two biggest men in the match throwing down, Matt Kurtis charges for a big boot --- Southern Destruction low bridge the top rope as The Beast drops down, and he goes flying out beside SAD! Chad Kurtis however SUPERKICKS Henderson off the top rope! He goes for the same on Miller, but The Beast grabs him from behind! COBRA CLUTCH --- NO WAY!
COBRA CLUTCH BOMB OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR! Chad is sort of caught by his brother but not.
Gregory Zade charges, Beast casually sidesteps to chat with Miller and Zade flies over the top rope, landing unceremoniously on the floor. Beast turns around, "Was somebody behind me?"
BILL HEWSON: We've a veritable five-car pile up on the outside, SAD, BGM, Zade, Henderson, wait a minute! DAN MILLER WITH AN ASAI MOONSAULT ONTO THE WHOLE CROWD! What a move!
The pile go down and slowly begin to pick themselves up. Chris Kamikaze has gotten back into the ring. Beast gives him a nod, and Kamikaze hits the ropes for momentum, rushing right at Beast --- who gives him a boost!
KAMIKAZE OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE CROWD ON THE FLOOR!
Crowd is loving it, and heck, so is The Beast apparently! We have eight men on the floor...
BEAST OUTTA CONTROL SUICIDAL NO-HANDS PLANCHA TO THE FLOOR!!!
JACK JONES: What is this, CRASH TEST DUMMIES?
BILL HEWSON: 270 pounds of Bruce Richards flying through the air, wiping out everybody friend or foe! The Beast rolls Krusty Kid Paul into the ring, and there's a COBRA CLUTCH BOMB! One, two, KKP kicks out!
The Beast picks KKP up, when suddenly DEXTRO jumps on his back! The Beast reaches, can't get the squirmy meth orphan, but finally dumps him off. But that's all KKP needs to get a shot in, stunning The Beast with a toe kick, PAUL OFF THE ROPES KNEE SMASH TO THE FACE! That drops The Beast! KKP yells at Matt Kurtis to do some move, Matt Kurtis pie-faces him away. "I do what I want, not what you tell me!" KKP looks angry, but they don't have time to argue as Southern Destruction crash the party! Henderson catches a charging KKP with a PINE ON THE SPINEbuster that kills the man! Dan Miller trying to get Matt Kurtis with quick moves, he's CAUGHT, but Henderson saves! Henderson and Miller hook up Matthew Kurtis for a double-suplex, but the big man is resisting.
Chad kurtis is back in the ring, attacking the beast, stomping him down. matt seems to be reversing into suplexing both sd members --- kamikaze off the top rope and stomps on matt's back! he might have been trying something else, but it works! southern destruction suplex the big man over! chad kurtis sends the beast into the corner and charges --- Nobody home! Chad staggers out, and Miller and Henderson deliver a double atomic-drop to him! Chad staggers FORWARD, right into The Beast who floors him with a lariat! The crowd favorites are riding high---
CLANG
KRANG
CRANG
BLANG
And then only Tommy Deathrow is standing, eyes blazing, steel chair in hand. There were eight hits: Four chair shots, and four bodies hitting the floor. The first man rising is THE BEAST, and Deathrow WAILS him with the chair one more time, knocking Beast to the floor! Deathrow opens the chair up in the middle of the ring and tosses Miller into the ropes, drop-toe hold MILLER FACE FIRST INTO THE CHAIR! Tommy grabs Chris Kamikaze, oh my god --- FALCON ARROW INTO THE OPEN CHAIR!
That leaves only one man, Hank Henderson, and Deathrow snaps the mangled chair back up and begins driving the end down into Hank's ribs over and over, then choking the man out with it. Tommy has wild eyes... and screams so loud everyone can hear him!
"NOBODY (BLEEP) WITH TOMMY (BLEEP) DEATHROW!"
BILL HEWSON: Tommy Deathrow has destroyed everybody! This match has gotten out of hand...
JACK JONES: And that's just the way SUPERSTAR RULES are meant to be!
BILL HEWSON: I'm starting to agree with Southern Destruction, why does Tommy Deathrow get these kinds of concessions here in NAPW? LOOK OUT!
The Show Chad Kurtis slams Dan Miller down and then NAILS the PRIME TIME SPLASH! He covers, one, two, Miller kicks out! Matthew Kurtis has Chris Kamikaze, slapping him around. Kamikaze already suffered one Bluegrass Bomb on this night, and he might suffer more, but right now Matthew Kurtis KILLS him with a clothesline that sends Kamikaze spinning in a 360! Chad wants a piece of the floored "CK",
BEST!
MOONSAULT!
EVER!
ONE!
TWO!
The Beast gets back in the ring to make a save! He's busted wide open and fights furiously, but THE SHOW counters an irish whip and delivers a flying headscissors... which sends The Beast into position that Krusty Kid Paul nails his OWN Spinebuster on the former World Champion! And now what, Krusty Kid Paul picks The Beast up - NO SMALL FEAT - and ties him up in a Tree of Woe! KKP hits the apron and grabs Beast's arm, locking on the CRACK ROCK STEADY! Beast yells out in pain!
Meanwhile Tommy Deathrow has Hank Henderson, choking him, stomping on him, Deathrow yells at Ian Smith. Ian looks up, and hurriedly takes off his BELT. The Show and Matthew Kurtis dump Dan Miller and Kamikaze out of the ring and follow to continue the beatings. Gregory Zade tries to get into the ring, but Deathrow hits the ropes and accidentally sends his "partner" back to the floor. STD rebounds off the ropes and takes Henderson with a clothesline using the belt! And now STD takes the belt.
And begins WHIPPING Hank Henderson.
CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. Henderson keeps getting up, angry red welts opening up on his back as Tommy whips him. He stares angrily right in Tommy's superstar mug, and says "COME ON." Tommy leers evilly and delivers the whips harder, faster, oh my goodness. Henderson down on his knees, teeth gritted in pain, as Tommy whips him more. The crowd is getting uncomfortable.
Meanwhile Krusty Kid Paul lets go of The Beast. Superstar Rules or no, submissions don't count in the ropes. KKP comes over to Deathrow and says "LET'S DO THIS." Deathrow cloverleafs the legs of Hank Henderson... KKP grabs the head!
"GOODBYE!"
THE HANGOVER SPIKE DDT! HENDERSON IS DONE! HE IS DONE! Tommy Deathrow doesn't want a cover though, he wants to humiliate this man! He gets on top of Henderson's head and begins to dry-hump the back of his head, banging it into the canvas repeatedly. TOTAL NONSTOP TOMMY. Finally STD rolls the man over for a cover.
ONE
TWO
Dan Miller with a last second save! On the outside, The Show is leaning on the guard rail, holding his bloody forehead. Dan is fighting for everything he is worth, throwing wild shots at both SAD members, but the numbers and strong brawling are too much for him to handle. SAD hammer him down, bam, bam, and then it's time for another HANGOVER, this one even worse as Dextro comes in with a steel chair!
On the outside! Matt Kurtis charges Kamikaze against the guardrail, Kamikaze drops! Matt jams him leg on the metal railing! Kamikaze slides into the ring, woozy, but sees what's happening! His mouth forms an "O" ...
SCREW IT!
KAMIKAZEEEEEEEEE!
FLURRY OF CHOPS ON SAD AND DEXTRO! He's trying to save his teammates! He chops and chops...
And SAD aren't going down. WHAM! Double punch sends Kamikaze down! Time to end this charade. But this has all given one man time to recover...
THE BEAST! Who grabs Chris Kamikaze and BEALES him into the SAD crowd! Dextro and KKP get knocked down, and The Beast charges Tommy Deathrow! Deathrow catches him with a punch, but The Beast absorbs and says "COME ON!" STD fires another one, The Beast catches his fist in a big paw and begins to SQUEEZE. Deathrow is in trouble ---
THE SHOW SUPERKICK! Nails The Beast! The Show wants a piece! Wait a minute, Hank Henderson is up again... he's bleeding and bruised, but he levels men with clotheslines! HARD HITTIN'! Chad ducks and tries a superkick, DUCKED, CAUGHT --- SIDE EFFECT! He calls it the BREATH TAKER! Here comes GREGORY ZADE! Tries to attack Henderson, no avail! Henderson HARD HITS HIM! Now on the rope, wait a minute!
HENDERSON DELIVERS THE END, the Hangman's DDT! Gregory Zade is OUT! Henderson is fired up, and wants some
KKP FROM BEHIND! GERMAN SUPLEX --- THE BOTTLE OPENER!
Paul spits down on Henderson, cover! ONE!
TWO!
TYPE 99!
ACTUALLY CONNECTS!
Kamikaze breaks it up, can he cover Krusty Kid Paul?
NO!
Deathrow nails him! Head between the legs!
DEATHROW DRIVER!
NOBODY GETS OUT OF THAT ---
MILLER HIGH LIFE!
The BLOCKBUSTER puts Tommy down while he was celebrating! Dan Miller looks UP, it's time for Coast to Coast?
TOE-KICK!
CHAD KURTIS HAS HIM!
CK FINALEEEEEEE!
THAT'S GOTTA BE IT --- NO!
THE BEAST! HAULS CK ONTO HIS SHOULDERS!
CHAAAAAAAAAART ATTACK! NOW IT'S OVER ---
GOTTA BE OVER!
BUT NO! MATT KURTIS WITH A TOE-KICK TO THE BEAST!
NO WAY!
BLUEGRASS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB!
And Matthew Kurtis is the ONLY MAN STANDING! Everybody is down! He looks out over the crowd, and raises one arm. He IS the man! He covers The Beast ---
ONE!
TWO!
Hank Henderson somehow makes the save!
BILL HEWSON: Not even enough time to catch your breath, what a sequence that was! My goodness! Everybody is down... Kamikaze isn't even moving!
JACK JONES: Nobody gets up from the Deathrow Driver, but somebody has to PIN him for God's sake!
BILL HEWSON: This match has been everything it was advertised to be, but how is anybody going to get a pinfall out of this?
Everybody is slowly getting up... Matt Kurtis hauls Hank Henderson up, Bluegrass Bomb for him --- no! Dan Miller steps UP on his partner and delivers a frankenesteiner to Matt, allowing Hank to sunset flip the man! ONE! TWO! Matt kicks out! SD get up, they want to finish --- DEXTRO TOSS! SAD fire Dextro into Southern Destruction like a weapon, knocking them down. Paul charges, Hank ducks, PAUL NAILS MATT KURTIS WITH THE BIG BOOT! STD nails Miller, Paul then attacks Hank
BIG BOOT MATTHEW KURTIS!
WAIT A MINUTE! CHAD AND TOMMY GET INVOLVED, trying to break it up! Chad holding his brother back, Tommy showing a SHOCKING amount of sense and reminding KKP to take it out on their opponents...
The Beast is up, looks at Southern Destruction. Everbody shrugs their shoulders and CHARGES! They knock Deathrow and Chad out of the ring! Paul and Matt put their shit aside and attack, but Henderson and Miller hammer on Paul and send him to the ropes! They join The Beast in subduing Matt and send HIM to the ropes! Deathrow comes in, gets pounded, shot to the same corner! Here comes Chad, SAME DEAL! All four stacked up in the corner! Henderson charges first, SPLASH!
He drops down, Miller leaps off of him for a Sabu style corner splash! SD scatter, and THE BEAST GETS A HEAD OF STEAM!
STINGER SPLASH!
All four men in the corner fall down and roll out of the ring! Meanwhile, SD have picked up Chris Kamikaze! Gregory Zade has gotten to his feet in the middle of the ring! The Beast and Hank pick up Kamikaze ---
FASTBALL SPECIAL!
Kamikaze lands on top of Zade and the referee covers ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners, SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION, CHRIS KAMIKAZE, AND THE BEAST!
BILL HEWSON: What can you say about that match?
JACK JONES: Just one thing: WHO the heck did Kamikaze pin?
BILL HEWSON: Gregory Zade, I think.
JACK JONES: WHO?
BILL HEWSON: Now you've got it!
On the outside, Chad, Deathrow, Ian Smith and Dextro are all trying to keep the angry KKP and Matthew Kurtis from brawling. Heck, I'm not sure if the men have realized they lost the match. I mean, it's not like anybody important got pinned. Nonetheless, the victorious faces each take a corner, Kamikaze managing not to slip, all celebrating their victory for the cheering fans. A wild, interesting match, but in the end the weak link of the BGM/SAD/Zade team proved exactly that.
YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK.
BILL HEWSON: A great victory here for these men, and --- oh, Tommy Deathrow is helping Gregory Zade up in the ring NO HE'S NOT!
JACK JONES: DEATHROW DRIVER!
And for his troubles, Gregory Zade gets his neck broken by a sick looking Deathrow Driver. Lot of a bad emotions coming out of this one in Ian Smith's camp... and on the part of Matthew Kurtis.
-Intermission-
JACK JONES: And it was just me, a bear and two deer. So I did what any hunter would do.
BILL HEWSON: Which was?
JACK JONES: Shot all three, then got arrested.
BILL HEWSON: For?
JACK JONES: Apparently I was in a Zoo. I tell you, those Montana Zoos look like hunting ground when it's all snowy. I barely saw the fence separating them.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest has a thirty minute time limit and is the FINAL quarter-final match in the Two Thousand Eight NAPW CANADA CUP!
"When the Lights Go Out" begins to play and out walks Ol' Salty holding up a "Mr. Canada" Lloyd Rees sign! Rees walks out next, sees the sign and tells Ol' Salty to just put it down. Ol' Salty looks at him with a funny expression, then hands the sign to a fan. They hold it high and proud, as Lloyd Rees makes his entrance into the ring. He looks to be in a unflappable zone. The fans go crazy for the newfie.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, accompanied by his manager Ol' Salty. He is wrestling out of his hometown of Wabana, Bell Island, Newfoundland. He weighed in tonight at two hundred forty six pounds. He is a Former Television, Provincial, Tag Team and NAPW Champion. He is the "Technical Terror". He is the "East Coast Sensation." He is MISTER CANADA LLOYD REES!
Lloyd Rees doesn't look happy about being introduced as that. He shoots a look toward Ol' Salty who shrugs his shoulders.
BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees doesn't seem thrilled with the "Mr. Canada" tag.
JACK JONES: It's all good, a little publicity never hurt anyone. He needs to worry about a man that personally, I don't think he can whoop.
"I WANT EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM TO KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T WHOOP ME!"
Prince W. Darko walks out, Ian Smith behind him, and Darko is waving a Canadian Flag, that shows a picture of him, with the words "Can't Whoop Me" surrounding it. The hate... can be sensed throughout the Polish Hall in Edmonton. I mean REAL hate. These despise not only the fact that their National flag is being disgraced, but the fact that Prince W. Darko is getting in the face of every fan on the way to the ring. He is lowly telling everyone, THAT YOU CAN'T WHOOP ME! One fan takes a swing at Darko, only to miss and be tackled by security. Ian Smith is urging Darko to just get in the ring. He finally does so, then hands a card to Frank Warburton. Frank looks at him worriedly but Darko tells him he "better" read it.
FRANK WARBURTON: Accompanied to the ring by the Manager You Can't Whoop neither, Ian Smith. This man weighed in at two hundred and twenty seven Can't Whoop Me Pounds. He is from the Corner of Can't Whoop Me Street, and You Still Garbage Avenue. He is the MESSIAH OF CAN'T WHOOP ME! No one in the building can whoop... PRINCE W. DARKO!
Darko smiles and steals the mic from Frank.
DARKO: AND THE MEANS YOU... LLOYD!
John Sharplin is the referee and he calls for the bell.
BILL HEWSON: This all started with a well placed chair shot on the head of Rees. That chair was wielded by Darko.
JACK JONES: Well. Darko is in the Cup and ready to "whoop" everyone. I believe in him to succeed.
BILL HEWSON: We already know that next week Jake Phoenix will face Dan Ryan in a battle of BMF's!
JACK JONES: And we also already know that Trent Daniels is the opponent of the winner of this match.
BILL HEWSON: That was a great contest to open us up here, and Dez Carter pushed him to the limit in a stiff match. But this, this match here... it's going to be hate filled fight.
Prince W. Darko and Rees go nose to nose, as Darko lets him know that he Can't Whoop Darko! Rees lets him know that Da shit be on! Rees chops the stomach of Darko then grabs a side headlock. Darko is in the side headlock and is trying to tell John Sharplin that Rees pulled his afro, and that ain't legal. John Sharplin warns Rees about hair pulling. The crowd tries to tell John Sharplin that he did no such thing. Rees takes Darko down by the head, and wrenches harder on the head. Darko is trying to say something but the head is being squeezed too hard. Ian Smith is telling John to watch Rees closely, he is trying to cheat. Rees lets go of the head, only to quickly switches to the legs of Darko. He puts him in a heel hook as Darko frantically reaches for the ropes.
JACK JONES: This is rather boring. I mean if I wanted to watch holds like this, I'd tune into that cage fighting show on cable.
BILL HEWSON: You even know what wrestling is anymore? You've been watching to much REBEL.
JACK JONES: Maybe a chair shot, or some bloody would make it more interesting, just saying.
BILL HEWSON: Didn't you hate REBEL just three matches ago?
JACK JONES: MAYBE!
The fans don't agree, as they chant "TECHNICAL TERROR". The chanting doesn't stop Ian Smith from pushing the ropes closer for Darko to finally grab. John Sharplin didn't see it. Rees lets go at the count of four, avoiding a DQ. Rees isn't happy and goes to the outside to confront Ian Smith. Ol' Salty tries to calm down Rees, as Ian Smith is at the top of the aisle way, holding his chest, after running the forty yard dash in four seconds. Rees disregards the pep talk of Salty and gets in the ring at the count of seven. Darko is up and leaning in the far left corner. Rees charges in at eats a "Can't Whoop Me" boot to the face. Rees staggers around and the gets LAID OUT! John Sharplin is in position as the count goes...
ONE
TWO
SHOULDER UP!
JACK JONES: Damn.. I thought I just won.
BILL HEWSON: You?
JACK JONES: I mean Darko, I'm not betting on NAPW matches again. I got the memo from Winchell. Though I gotta tell you, that the whole thing seems fishy to me.
Darko drops a knee across the neck of Lloyd Rees. Darko goes to the second turnbuckle and drops down with a leg drop... THAT MISSES! Darko holds his ass, as Rees gets up and hits a Flipping Neck Snapper, that would have made Mr. Perfect proud as hell. Lloyd Rees is going to soften up the neck of Prince W. Darko. He goes to hook in the Conception Bay Chin lock. He goes to hook it, but Darko sinks down and throws a thumb to the eye. LDK winces and goes over to the corner, but John Sharplin didn't see a thing.
BILL HEWSON: Every time Rees gets an advantage, Darko gains it back through some cheap way.
JACK JONES: Why don't you try watching the match before busting off some nonsense, homie!
BILL HEWSON: I ain't your homie.
Darko takes the opportunity created and charges in on Rees who gets nailed with a RUNNING DDT! Darko with the quick cover!
ONE!
TWO!
FOOT ON THE ROPES!
Rees isn't dead yet! Darko looks frustrated and Ian Smith distracts Sharplin, but not before he rolls some athletic tape into the ring. Ian continues to jaw with Sharplin as Darko unravels the tape, and begins choking Rees with it. He has him in a headlock now, and is shielding the tape from Sharplin, who turns around doesn't know why Rees is turning blue. WAIT! Sharplin does see it now as Rees tries to move out of the headlock. Prince Darko is telling Sharplin that "he don't know nothing bout it". Sharplin threatens to disqualify Darko. Darko apologizes and just when Sharplin turns around, Darko mouths the words: "Can't Whoop Me". Sharplin tries to check on Rees, who is gasping for air. Darko's boots, three in a row to be exact, nail the back of Rees' head.
BILL HEWSON: He promised this move in his statements over the last few days.
JACK JONES: THE ZAMUNDA YOOOOOKE!
Prince W. Darko has the very painful submission hold he has locked on. Rees is around nine inches away from the ropes, and nine inches away from staying alive in the Canada Cup Tournament. He reaches out and slides slightly, using all his might to move the two hundred twenty plus pound Prince who is sitting on his back. The sleeper hold is taking effect. He is still fighting, but is starting to fade. John Sharplin raises up the arm of Lloyd Rees.
IT FALLS!
The crowd is chanting, REES! REES! REES! The arm is raised again, and it
FALLS AGAIN!
The crowd is getting louder. Prince Darko is telling Rees, while putting him to sleep, that YOU CAN'T WHOOP ME! Sharplin raises the arm a third time.
IT FALLS!
ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!
Prince Darko is in shock as Sharplin counts to five for him to release it. It gets released at three, and Darko stands up in amazement. What must he do to beat Rees?
JACK JONES: Don't get frustrated now, we got, I mean YOU got a lot riding on this!
Prince W. Darko doesn't give up easily, and picks the Technical Terror off the mat. Boot to the midsection and ZAMUNDA DRIVER! NOPE, REVERSED! Darko has his legs taken out from under him, and Rees turns him over and hooks in the LANCE COVE LEG-LOCK! Unfortunately for everyone in attendance, Ol' Salty, and Rees, Darko is in the ropes almost immediately. Rees is still trying to recover from the sleeper and the illegal choke. Darko is up quicker than Rees expected and Rees eats a clothesline. Darko remains in control, despite the fact a lot of his offense stems from cheap tactics. A clubbing forearm lands on the back of Rees neck. Prince Darko gets in the face of Rees and tells him that HE CAN'T WH-- TWO PUNCHES FLY FROM LLOYD REES! Darko is knocked down, and if it weren't for a mask, Darko would be missing teeth right now.
BILL HEWSON: Rees is infuriated now, and that's not a good thing for Prince Darko!
Rees is losing it and has Darko on the ground, receiving punches, but John Sharplin steps in as three big ones land. He threatens disqualification and Rees lets up. Then stomps the head of Darko. Darko rises only to meet a well placed Drop kick, as Rees wastes little time trying to make up for lost time. The crowd is way beginning to chant even louder for LDK! Lloyd Rees goes back to some submission wrestling and applies a Triangle Choke on Darko. Darko is in the middle of the ring but is turning with it, trying to get loose. He doesn't get loose, but does get closer to the ropes and puts his foot on it.
Darko rolls to the outside, and Ian Smith attends to him. Darko doesn't seem to know exactly where he is. He keeps yelling at Ian Smith, you can't whoop me. The count gets up to five and FINALLY, Darko gets to his feet. He is sorta thrown in the ring by Ian Smith. Rees yells out, IT'S TIME TA TAKE DIS B'Y TO DA WOODSHED! Darko is leaning against the ropes, and Rees gets him in the suplex position. Could it be the Wabana Buster? NOPE, IAN SMITH TRIPS REES! Darko lands on top of Rees. The feet of Rees are being held. The count:
ONE
TWO
SHOULDER UP! SOME HOW THE NEWFIE GOT OUT!
BILL HEWSON: Ian Smith wants a World Championship. And he doesnŐt believe anything, or anyone can stop him. He hand picked Darko to win it.
JACK JONES: Well to be fair he did offered me a spot in his group. I turned him down to carry you.
BILL HEWSON: NOW THATS FUNNY! Two jokes in one.
FRANK WARBURTON: Fifteen minutes has expired in the thirty minute time limit. That leaves fifteen minutes in the match, again, fifteen minutes remaining!
Half of the allotted time is gone and Darko is kicking it in to Super Whoop REES Mode! Boots, clubbing elbows and forearms. Darko is going for broke. He sets up Rees and LAID OUT TWO, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO! The cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE- KICK OUT! KICK OUT! SOMEHOW REES KICKED OUT!
Darko looks frustrated and yells at John Sharplin. The crowd pours on the hate as they have throughout the whole match. Darko is one hated mofo. Ian is telling Darko not to worry with him, but Darko isn't exactly listening. Darko wants to let Sharplin know that he won't be denied! Rees on the other hand is some how on his feet and too won't be denied! Darko never turns around and Rees has a move just perfect for that position...
DDT FROM THE GREEN!
Rees sees that Darko rolled to the ropes, so no cover this time. Rees pulls Darko away from the ropes and applies, wait, lets see it after he is finished. OK, looks to be the INDIAN DEATH-LOCK! It's tough move to recognize, but an even tougher move to break. Darko is screaming in pain. He is looking as if he will tap. TAP! TAP! TAP! That's the chants from the fans. Well, some of the chants, other include, BREAK HIS LEG CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-BREAK HIS LEG CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! Ian is yelling at Darko not to tap. Finally Darko flattens out his hand and...
REACHES THE ROPES!
JACK JONES: Darko is truly a warrior. He has survived a barrage of cheap shots and still won't lose.
BILL HEWSON: You need a new monitor.
Darko tries to get up and Rees lets him. Rees off the ropes, and is once again tripped. Ian Smith is one busy (BLEEP) tonight. Rees yells at him and turns around into a boot to the midsection. Darko was looking to set up the Zamunda Driver. Funny thing happened on the way to that move. REES CAUGHT HIS LEG, SWEPT HIS OTHER ONE, AND APPLIED THE LANCE COVE LEG LOCK! Darko is in a world of hurt right now. Darko can't hang on much more. Ian Smith is on the apron again. Rees lets go of the hold and chases him down. He yells at Ol' Salty to do something. Rees returns to hook on the move again... INSIDE CRADLE FROM DARKO!
ONE!
TWO!
WHOOO KICK-OUT! Rees is super pissed now and picks up Darko. He Irish Whips him into the ropes.. BUT JOHN SHARPLIN IS STANDING THERE TALKING TO IAN SMITH AND SALTY! SHARPLIN GETS NAILED, AND IS DOWN. Darko staggers around... FRONT FACE LOCK FROM REES! WABANA BUSTER! But no referee right now so Rees chooses to go another path. When the ref wakes up, he will see a unconscious Darko...
due to the CONCEPTION BAY CHIN-LOCK!
Darko is cinched in and is fading fast. Ian Smith sees that Darko is almost out, and gets in the ring. Rees doesn't let go of the hold and tells Ian to WATCH YA MAN GET CHOKED OUT! Ian slaps Rees across the face. Rees lets go of the hold, and takes Ian by the head. He front face locks Ian and WABANA BUSTER ON IAAAN (BLEEP) SMITH! WHOOO! Ol' Salty is in the ring.
JACK JONES: IAN DID NOT DESERVE THAT!
BILL HEWSON: Well the entire Polish Hall is on their feet right now. And it's because of one man... REES!
Wait a minute... Ol' Salty brings a chair into the ring with him, and hands it to Rees. He tells him to Finish da (BLEEP)! Rees looks enraged and throws the chair down. THE CROWD GOES APE SHIT! THEY LOVE THE TECHNICAL TERROR. ALL HE NEEDS IS TWO HANDS! He turns around and goes to hook the Conception Bay Chin Lock back on... but is quickly down.
Because.
BILL HEWSON: THAT NO GOOD SON OF A BITCH! OL' SALTY JUST LOW BLOWED REES FROM BEHIND!
JACK JONES: Ol' Salty did what? I saw it but I can't even begin to believe it!
Darko is put on top of Rees. Sharplin is drug over there. He is half a wake.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-- NOT YET! REES KICKS OUT!
Darko is on his feet, still trying to get everything right in his head. Rees is pulled up. Rees gets booted in the stomach, and ZAMUNDA DRIVER! ZAMUNDA DRIVER! The cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE?
YOU BETCHA, CAUSE NO ONE KICKS OUT OF THAT MOVE.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match and moving on to the semi-finals of the Canada Cup... PRINCE W. DARKO!
BILL HEWSON: What the hell? I mean... I'm speechless right now!
JACK JONES: Well that's a good thing.
Ol' Salty looks mean as he walks down the aisle. He is showered with boos, pop bottles, popcorn containers. He turns around for one last look at his damage, then spits toward the ground and heads through the curtain. Prince W. Darko and Ian Smith, the half knocked out Ian Smith walk up the aisle as Darko's music plays. Darko lets everyone know that he told them so. He told them that Rees couldn't whoop him. Showered with LOTS OF HATE, Darko smiles under the mask, knowing next week he is one step closer to a title shot.
Rees? He is still half out, along with John Sharplin. Why John Salty, why? After all these years?
JACK JONES: And thats when I realized that the warm feeling in my stomach wasn't butterflies.
BILL HEWSON: What was it?
JACK JONES: Do you really want to know?
BILL HEWSON: Well, I ... you know what? No. I don't.
JACK JONES: Good, because let me tell YOU...
BILL HEWSON: I SAID I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!
JACK JONES: Oh Bill, just screwin' with you.
GONG. The Immortal's "SUB ZERO theme" begins out. The fans chant MORTAL KOMBAT, well, the smartest-assest fans. Assest? Anyways. Sprinting out from the entrance way is MYSTIC NINJA! He slaps every hand he meets on his way to the ring, running around it once... and AGAIN to make sure he didn't miss anybody! Ninja slides into the ring, pumped up and READY TO GO! He hits the top rope and pretends he is pulling a locomotive horn? Sure, why not. The crowd loves it!
"Do not attempt to adjust the picture."
Guitar riff #1.
"We will control the horizontal."
Guitar riff #2.
"We will control the vertical."
And Living Colour's "Cult of Personality" brings out the World Champion, Donovan Astros. It also brings out the boo-birds. Astros walks to the ring at an unhurried, but not slow pace, slight smirk on his face. However, he doesn't seem overly cocky. At least, not as much as usual. He walks up the ring steps and turns his back to them, leaning back and raising his arms in a pose of glory. He steps into the ring. Ninja is patiently waiting in his corner as Astros unstraps the title and holds it up high for all to see, including one specific to Ninja. Finally he takes his corner and FRANK~ is set to introduce.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one-fall with a sixty minute time limit, AND IS FOR the NAPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first to my right, wearing blue. He stands five-feet, eight-inches tall and weighs an even two-hundred pounds. From a Sushi Restaurant in Chinatown, Vancouver BC... the challenger! MYSTIC NINJA!
And now, to my left wearing black with gold. Standing six-feet, three inches tall and weighing two-hundred and twenty-seven pounds... he is the self-proclaimed "Greatest Wrestler on God's Green Earth" and THE reigning, and defending NAPW WORLD CHAMPION... DONOVAN ASTROS!
Dick Kiebiech, senior official, is in charge of this important contest. He takes the title belt from Astros, who kisses it before giving it up. Displayed to Ninja. Displayed to the crowd. And then...
DING DING DING.
IT'S ON!
Ninja offers a hand to Donovan Astros, the champion brushes him off. Ninja shrugs, bows, and then they begin. Ninja and Astros circle each other, lock up! Astros cinches in a side headlock using his height and strength advantage, but Ninja tries a back suplex to get out, Astros throws his weight forward and brings Ninja back down to earth. Astros letting his weight do the work for him, but suddenly Ninja is free! He squeaks out and is behind Astros now, blowing kisses to the crowd! Astros: "Cute." CHARGE! Arm drag by Ninja! Astros looks surprised, then gets up and comes in, ARM DRAGGED again! This time Astros loses his cool and charges in hard, ONE MORE ARM DRAG! Shades of Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat right there by Mystic Ninja.
Ninja once more offers a handshake to Donovan Astros. Astros takes it, NO, he brushes his hair. Woooooo! Ninja once more shrugs and the two tie up. Astros with an arm bar. He drives the point of the elbow into Ninja's shoulder, once more. Ninja trying to walk, trying to get out --- front roll, flip, up, cartwheel, REVERSED! Astros taken down! Ninja now has the arm and Astros forces them into the ropes. Ninja gets sent for a run, Astros looking for a back body drop, Ninja flips over Astros' back and hits the ropes, rebound, through Astros' legs, Astros turns around, DROPKICK INNA FACE.
Astros goes down, and Ninja makes a quick cover ONE, only one! Astros gets up and jams a thumb in the eye of Ninja to slow him down. Irish whip into the corner. Astros follows him into the corner and drives some kneelifts into the gut. Now it's CHOP TIME!
WHOOO!
WHOOO!
WHOOO!
And now another irish whip, Ninja sent hard --- he flips over HBK style but lands on the ring apron! Astros charges Ninja but gets CAUGHT as Ninja leans back to avoid the shot, then sunset flips back into the ring, SEATED DROPKICK TO THE FACE OF ASTROS! Ninja covers ONE! TWO! Astros kicks out! Ninja HEAD OF STEAM running knee to the doubled-over Astros face! Astros shoots up from the impact, still on his feet, and Mystic Ninja leaps to the top rope, bounces forward, SPRINGBOARD BULLDOG! That floors Donovan Astros!
Mystic Ninja goes to the top rope... and Astros rolls to the outside in a hurry, holding his head.
BILL HEWSON: And here comes trouble... Jake Phoenix just came down the aisle!
JACK JONES: Of course he did, he's to support his fellow Murder City Devil!
Phoenix, actually, isn't doing anything of the sort. He's laughing at Astros. Donovan gives him a scowl, holding his forehead --- MYSTIC NINJA! VAULTING BODYPRESS ON ASTROS! Phoenix laughs even harder, backing off.
JACK JONES: Or... he came to laugh at his friend's pain.
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix is the friend you could live without! Mystic Ninja is controlling the world champion right now!
Ninja rolls Astros back in, Astros getting up, Ninja slings himself in for a flying clothesline! He turns around, STANDING MOONSAULT! One! TWO! Astros again kicks out! The champion just looks like he wants to get away, as Ninja comes in. Thumb to the eye buys Astros some time! He irish whips Ninja --- Ninja springboards off the middle rope into a KABUKI KICK that takes Astros down! Astros pops back up, dazed, and Ninja whips him to the corner. HIGH FLYING NINJA SPLASH! Astros sent to the other corner, HIGH FLYING NINJA SPLASH ---
Astros ducks and pushes Ninja on the back! NINJA CRASHES! His head hitting the top of the ring post even! Oh dear, that's going to hurt! Ninja falls back, hurting, and Astros takes the time to get his wind back.
BILL HEWSON: And that may be the opening the champion needs to take control and slow this match down.
JACK JONES: That's why Donovan Astros is the champion, Bill Hewson. Nobody in NAPW can dictate a match pace like him!
Ninja is getting up, Astros waiting, waiting... Astros nails his man with a snap suplex. Ninja sits up, and Astros mockingly kicks him in the back of the head. Ouch. Astros pulls Ninja up by the hair and smashes his face into the turnbuckle padding. It's not soft, folks. EYE RAKE ON THE ROPES! Kiebiech warns Astros, but the champion is quite content with the way things are turning for him. Ninja fires a chop to Astros' chest, but Astros cuts him off with a back suplex, dumping Ninja right on his head! Cover by the champion, only a two count.
Astros grabs Ninja and begins to apply the Bow-And-Arrow lock. Ninja doesn't have a counter, and gets put up in the air! Argh! Kiebiech asks Ninja if he gives, Ninja clearly says "No NO!" Astros still cinching in wait! Astros' own shoulders are on the canvas! Kiebiech counts one, two, Astros has to release the hold to avoid getting pinned. The Champion shoots an angry look at Dick Kiebiech for that one.
Irish whip into the corner, Astros delivers a running clothesline. Then he climbs up over Ninja and looks out over the crowd. "Here's your HERO, Edmonton!" ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN punches, the crowd booing every one (even as they count along, because they're sheep). Astros jumps down as Ninja walks out and falls prey to a vicious DDT! ONE! TWO! Ninja gets a shoulder up.
BILL HEWSON: And this couldn't be going worse for Mystic Ninja. Donovan Astros, as we well know, will work any body part... but he specializes in knocking you silly with head drops and impact! And Ninja's head smashed into that steel ringpost, and with every move Astros hurts him more!
JACK JONES: He really should be called CONCUSSION ASTROS!
BILL HEWSON: That's hardly clever.
JACK JONES: Fine, DONNIE THE CONCUSSIONATOR! Mint!
BILL HEWSON: ... And now we have a headscissors by Astros on the canvas, the champion trying to take the breath away from Ninja and keep him grounded!
Ninja's face is turning blue. WHAM. Astros raises the upper leg and brings it down across Ninja's face. This is NOT good impact for the challenger! Astros continues to squeeze with the headscissors... Ninja has to get out. He's trying to roll around, can't get out, can't escape the pressure.
So he does a headstand.
And POPS OUT! Astros looks stunned NINJA KICK TO THE FACE! Astros is down! Mystic Ninja with a Standing Moonsault ---
NO.
Hits knees! Dammit! Ninja is up, holding his gut, and now it's another DDT. Not just any DDT --- ASTROLABE! No cover, Astros roughly and lightning-quick locks Mystic Ninja up...
INTO THE ASTROLOCK! CENTER OF THE RING!
Ninja is yelling in pain as Astros cinches on the hold, applying pressure! It damages the neck and arms... this is a bad place for Mystic Ninja to be!
JACK JONES: It's over, Bill Hewson! How can he survive the Astrolock? Answer: He can't!
BILL HEWSON: I'll never doubt Mystic Ninja's heart, but it might be better for his career if he submits right here, though I'd hate to see it happen!
JACK JONES: Yeah, think of your career, Mystic Idiot! All those tag titles you'll never win again!
Almost as if Ninja seems to hear Jack Jones' taunting, he begins to come to life! He's fighting! Astros yells "TAP!" Ninja is somehow twisting his body, his legs are free, he has to get to the ropes! He's close! He kicks out, reaches out his legs... Stalled. His hands are shaking, will he tap out? Will he give up?
"PLEASE DON'T TAP!
PLEASE DON'T TAP!
PLEASE DON'T TAP!"
The crowd is rallying, they are thundering, they are trying to get Ninja moving again! His hand shakes... HE'S GOING TO TAP
NO!
NINJA
BUTT SCOOTS FURTHER
REACHES OUT HIS FOOT
JUST BRUSHING THE BOTTOM ROPE
HE CAN'T REACH ---
ONE LAST DESPERATE LUNGE!
AND HE GETS HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!
Dick Kiebiech calls for the break, Astros holds on for one, two, three, four, let's go. It's not his interest to get disqualified. Kiebiech yells at him to not push it, Astros blows him off. He picks up Mystic Ninja, who is clearly in pain. Ninja may have used all his energy to get out of the Astrolock, now he's easy pickings for Donovan Astros!
The World Champion picks up Mystic Ninja... He has the arms from behind! He's going for Astrocide-
Ninja does a front flip and mule kicks Astros in the face before the champion can turn him! Astros stumbles backwards, but comes back with a LARIAT attempt --- Ninja ducks and hits the ropes! He flies towards the stationary Astros and
HEADSCISSORS
Not just ANY headscissors!
MYSTIC CYCLONE!
Around and around Ninja goes, where he stops... ASTROS GOES! What a maneuver! Astros gets dumped to the canvas, but he gets up. He's dizzy! Ninja somehow isn't, he's used to the momentum, and he backs Astros into the corner and begins to CHOP.
CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOPCHOPCHOP CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP CHOP!!! CHOP
CHOOOOOOP!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
BILL HEWSON: Chop after CHOP after CHOP from Mystic Ninja, but I think he's finally slowing down! Look at the welts on Astros' chest from those ninja chops! And... yes, he's done... NOOOOO HE'S NOT!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO!!!
CHOP!
CHOP!
CHOP!
CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP... BIG PAUSE... CHOOOOOP!
THE CROWD IS GOING CRAZY!
Astros is in the corner, face a mask of pain, chest RED and bleeding from a hundred chops! Ninja goes to the other side of the ring? He walks the ropes... SHADOW MISSILE! The ropewalk dropkick connects, and Astros slumps down to the canvas, in perfect position...
MYSTIC NINJA TO THE TOP ROPE! ASTROS IS DOWN!
SHURIKEN PRESSSSS CONNECTS!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEENOO!
DONOVAN ASTROS KICKS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND!
BILL HEWSON: And Mystic Ninja, he can't believe it! We were a split-second, maybe a tenth of a second away from a NEW World Champion! Imagine if Mystic Ninja won the title tonight... and THEN won the tag titles next week!
JACK JONES: I'M TRYING NOT TO! JAKE! DO SOMETHING!
But Jake Phoenix is enjoying watching this match, he's not going to get involved tonight. At least... not yet. Mystic Ninja hooks Astros' head over his shoulder and points up, it's SUPER SHINOBI TIME --- Astros with enough presence of mind to grab onto the top rope to prevent being pulled down! But Ninja lands on his feet! He grabs Astros from behind for a GERMAN THE CLOWN SUPLEX, Astros fights it off! Standing switch! Astros with a German suplex! NINJA LANDS ON HIS FEET AGAIN! ROLL-UP!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEEENO!
Astros just barely kicks out! Ninja grabs him for Super Shinobi, going for it again, but Astros COUNTERS into a BACKDROP DRIVER! Dumps Ninja right on his head! Ninja twitches once, then goes still. Astros drags himself over for a cover...
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEEEE
NINJA GETS THE SHOULDER UP!
JACK JONES: IT'S NOT POSSIBLE! IT'S --- NOT --- POSSIBLE!
BILL HEWSON: MIRACLES HAPPEN WHEN MYSTIC NINJA COMES TO TOWN!
Astros is BESIDE HIMSELF. "WHAT THE HELL? CAN'T YOU COUNT THREE? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? ONETWOTHREE!" Kiebiech is just as angrily yelling back that it was ONLY a two-count! Astros snarls and picks Mystic Ninja up, stepping over, ASTROCIDE COMING UP, no, Mystic Ninja backdrops out of it! HE HAS ASTROS IN POSITION FOR A VERTEBREAKER --- Astros knows this move, though, he knows it so well! He throws his momentum forward in order to land on his OWN feet, HOOKS THE ARMS, TWIST AND TURN...
ASTROCIDE.
Astros hooks the leg, the crowd begging for a miracle---
ONE
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and STILL NAPW WORLD CHAMPION... DONOVAN ASTROS!
The crowd boos this decision as Astros receives the world title. He holds it high, standing, making sure Phoenix sees it. Jake laughs and heads to the back. Those Devils.
Dick Kiebiech is checking on Mystic Ninja, who is stirring. He helps him to his feet. Living Colour is playing as Astros straps the title around his waist.
BILL HEWSON: Like him or hate him, he is your World Champion, and he was able to take the best shots of Mystic Ninja and walk out still the champion.
JACK JONES: The man is what he says, Hewson, the Best Wrestler on God's Green Earth.
BILL HEWSON: What a performance by Mystic Ninja, but in the end, it was just not enough. And now... wait a minute. Mystic Ninja is up and looking at Astros! What's going to happen here?
Ninja is holding his head in pain. Astros' chest is a bloody, bruised mess. Both men's chests heave in and out, trying to regain precious oxygen after such a marathon match. Ninja is staring right at Astros, the champion not sure what he's thinking or planning.
Until Mystic Ninja extends his hand.
Astros looks at it, like, what, are you kidding? Ninja doesn't remove it, he wants a handshake.
Astros considers...
And then actually shakes Mystic Ninja's hand, with no tricks. Not the firmest or most awesome handshake ever, but he does it.
BILL HEWSON: Donovan Astros actually respects somebody? I'm shocked!
JACK JONES: Hey, Astros respects other guys. He just knows they can't come up to his level. That's just a handshake to say... good job, kid, you were never going to win but you tried your best, gee!
BILL HEWSON: So much sincerity. For Jack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying goodnight!
Astros leaves the ring and heads to the back.
Thus, we end our show with Mystic Ninja standing in the center of the ring, having come so close to being World Champion...
And the crowd giving him a standing O!
Well, can't beat that. Goodnight!