Calgary, Alberta, Canada... NAPW's home away from home in the Ogden Legion Hall! Hundreds of fans have packed the hall out for what promises to be a huge night of action from NEW ALBERTA PRO!
BILL HEWSON: Welcome fans, welcome to Calgary! I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones and what a night of wrestling action we have in store for these live fans and you fans watching on DVD! No less than NINE matches will occur, including two title matches and of course in our main event... the crowning of the 2008 Canada Cup champion!
JACK JONES: We've run this tournament twice and both winners, well, you have to say they're legends in NAPW!
BILL HEWSON: In 2006, the inaugural Canada Cup tournament, it was "The Nexus One" Rex Caliber defeating "Sick" Billy Kryenik in the finals. Rex turned his victory into a World Title! In 2007, "Sick" Billy Kryenik was able to do what he didn't the year before and win the Cup! This year, we have four men, none of whom has been an NAPW champion, none of whom has been in the Canada Cup tournament before, but four who would love to join an elite group of Canada Cup winners!
JACK JONES: I'm giving my pick right now, and no disrespect to Dan Ryan or Jake Phoenix, but this is PRINCE W. DARKO'S TIME!
BILL HEWSON: Those three men along with the sentimental favorite Trent Daniels all won their quarter-final matches last week! It will be Daniels vs Prince Darko, Dan Ryan vs Jake Phoenix... and the winners will meet in the main event finals! You know the winner of this thing is going to have to bring it all, because he will have to win what will no doubt be TWO incredibly hard fought matches in one evening! And speaking of the Canada Cup men, we are opening up with an anticipated match-up! Frank, it's all yours!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Canada Cup Semi-Final match, scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit!
"SURPRISE! YOU'RE DEAD!"
The fans instantly rain down the boos. Out from the curtain walks an angry Jake Phoenix. Jake flips off the fans and growls at them as he walks down to the ring, basking in the hatred.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He stands at an astonishing six foot nine inches and weighs an amazing two hundred and eighty-nine pounds. One half of "The MURDER CITY DEVILS" (boo) JAKE! (boo) PHOENIX! (boooo)
Naturally, the fans absolutely LOATHE The Murder City Devil, but Phoenix pays them no mind as he crawls into the ring. Faith No More fades as he removes his oakley shades, revealing the anger in his eyes.
"Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is Godliness and God is empty---"
"Just like ME."
"Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins hits the PA and Dan Ryan walks out to another wall of boos. He takes his time getting to the ring, smirking at the booing fans, and smirking at Phoenix who stares a hole through him.
FRANK WARBURTON: And introducing his opponent! Making his way to the ring, from Houston, Texas, standing at an impressive six feet seven inches and weighs in at a remarkable three hundred and thirty five pounds. He is "The EGO BUSTER". DAN. RYAN!
Dan Ryan makes it to the apron, but doesn't get in. Why? Because he just ate a HUGE boot! Jake Phoenix with a baseball slide to the face of Dan Ryan knocks them both outside! Jake Phoenix quick to the offensive, and this match hasn't even started yet! Phoenix picks up the prone Dan Ryan from the outside mats and delivers a stiff punch to his face before tossing him into the guardrail. Dan Ryan goes crashing into the guardrail, and arches his back in pain from the impact. Phoenix, in complete control, grabs Dan Ryan by the scruff of the neck and tries to send him headfirst to the steel steps.
BILL HEWSON: And what a way to open up the evening! I don't know if this will be much of a wrestling match, Jack Attack, because Jake Phoenix does one thing and does it very well, and that's hurt people!
JACK JONES: Ordinarily I'd give his opponent as much chance as Joey Malone had last week, but against Dan Ryan... the first minute tells you what we're going to expect! This will be an all-out WAR --- and here comes Dan Ryan!
Dan Ryan stands upright and drives his fist into the chin of Jake Phoenix! Jake is reeling, sent backwards into the guard rail. Dan Ryan stands, removing his knocked-askew (and broken) sunglasses, and tossing them to the audience, who toss them back. Dan isn't smiling any more, and as a matter of fact, he doesn't have any expressions on his face. Dan stalks toward the temporarily blinded Phoenix and grabs him by the back of the head. BANG! STIFF uppercut to the face! Jake Phoenix sent reeling again! Dan Ryan, now stalking his opponent, grabs Phoenix by the shirt and trunks and sends him into the guardrail.
Payback's a bitch, Jake!
Jake goes head first over the railing and spills into the audience. Dan Ryan climbs over the rail, telling the fans to "get the (BLEEP) out of the way!". He scoops Phoenix up, and prepares to send him back over the railing. Dan winds up, BUT IT'S REVERSED!
JACK JONES: What happens if these two men get counted out?
BILL HEWSON: Uh, I imagine Trent Daniels vs Prince Darko is FOR the Canada Cup! The referee is giving them some leeway, we want a WINNER here tonight!
Phoenix irish whips Ryan over the rail, shaking the cobwebs out of his head. Dan Ryan lands shoulders first on the concrete, but sits up, unharmed. Phoenix climbs over the guardrail and picks up Dan by the hair. He walks him over to the ringpost and WHAM! FACE FIRST into that unforgiving steel bar! Dan falls backward, hitting the floor, holding his forehead. Phoenix leans down and talks some trash that the camera mics can't pick up. Phoenix scoops Dan off the mat and holds him upp while he winds up for...
...well, something.
We'll never know, because Dan Ryan just countered with a stiff kick to the gut. Phoenix is keeled over, and Dan Ryan takes advantage, grabbing Jake Phoenix by the trunks and shirt, and sends him HEAD FIRST INTO THE STEEL STAIRS! Phoenix had the presence of mind to move his head, but still took a heavy blow to the shoulder. Phoenix, favoring that left shoulder, tries to get up to his feet, but Dan Ryan has him by the collar again. He lifts Phoenix up in a military press, showing incredible strength, and tosses Phoenix over the ropes and into the ring. Dan Ryan slides in...
BILL HEWSON: And this match is finally OFFICIALLY under way!
JACK JONES: Are you kidding? They've already beaten the crap out of each other!
DING DING DING! Ryan picks up the prone Jake Phoenix and irish whips him to the ropes, smacking him with a vicious clothesline on the rebound. Phoenix is on the ground again, once again staring up at the arena lights. Dan picks up The Murder City Devil, but Phoenix comes swinging back with hard rights! RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHT! Dan Ryan eating vicious right fists from the monster Phoenix! Dan Ryan, groggy, eats a vicious short arm clothesline leading to the first cover of the night.
One!
Two!
Barely a two count on that one! Phoenix lifts Dan Ryan off the mat and hits a brutal powerslam! Cover gets a two! Phoenix wraps his hands around Dan's throat and chokes him out. One! Two! Three! Four! GRRRRR! Jake gets off of Ryan and growls at Referee John Sharplin, stalking him for a moment before returning to Dan Ryan.
JACK JONES: Another bad week for John Sharplin --- aw, never mind.
BILL HEWSON: Referee John Sharplin took several nasty bumps last week, but Jake Phoenix isn't about to cost himself the Canada Cup by punching the referee.
JACK JONES: Not yet, at least.
BILL HEWSON: Point.
The temporary rest Dan Ryan gets is just enough for him to send a HUGE right hand right to the jaw of Jake Phoenix! Dan knocks Phoenix into the corner with a shoulder block. Phoenix bounces toward Dan, who hits a SICKENING belly-to-belly suplex. What power! Phoenix is sent CLEAR across the ring!
BILL HEWSON: AND WHO THE HELL HAS EVER THROWN JAKE PHOENIX LIKE THAT?
Jake rolls under the ropes to try to catch his breath, and the referee starts his ten count. Dan Ryan follows the Career Killer out of the ring and throws some stiff punches to Phoenix's face. Phoenix tries to get off some punches of his own, but they get blocked and countered by Dan Ryan! Dan throws one more punch to Jake's face and then steps back... SUPERKICK! HOLY CRAP! Phoenix is sent FLYING backward, landing HARD on the concrete!
Dan rolls back into the ring to break up the referee's count, and then rolls back out to continue the assault. He stands Phoenix up and wraps him up, preparing him for another belly-to-belly suplex. Not on the concrete! Phoenix is fighting, trying to get free, but Dan headbutts him! BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! ON THE CONCRETE! Phoenix is in pain on the concrete! Sharplin was originally at seven in his count, but after seeing that, the fans are starting to LOVE the carnage! Sharplin shrugs and lets them go at it. Ryan scoops up Phoenix and rolls him into the ring. Ryan rolls in after him and covers!
ONE!
TWO!
PHOENIX KICKS OUT! Dan Ryan pulls Phoenix off the mat and sets up for the Humility Bomb! Countered! Phoenix, back to life, it seems, and tries to regain control of the contest with vicious rights and lefts that send Dan reeling. Phoenix has Dan backed into the corner, and he's sending vicious forearms and fists straight to his head and upper torso! Phoenix looking to gain momentum, sends Dan Ryan to the mat with a hip toss, and capitalizes with a boston crab.
JACK JONES: And Dan Ryan is sure as hell not used to being bent in half like THAT!
BILL HEWSON: No quarter given, and none taken! My God, will even these two studs have anything LEFT for the finals after this?
The lower back and legs of Dan Ryan are being stretched now, and painfully. Sharplin checks to see if Dan wants to submit, and Dan yells NO! Dan gets to his elbows, takes a deep breath, and starts crawling his way toward the ropes! Through the pain, he fights, dragging the colossal Phoenix behind him! He reaches, he's almost there! Just a little further... GOT EM!
Phoenix is forced to release the hold, but instead he wrenches back even tighter. ONE TWO THREE FOUR--"GET THE (BLEEP) OUTTA HERE!" The fans boo Phoenix for all they're worth, but what can they do? Phoenix just smiles and picks Dan up for more fun. He drives his knee into the gut of Dan Ryan and then sets up for the TOMBSTONE!!! Blocked! Dan unloads with a SICK series of punches and chops, sending Jake Phoenix back into the opposite corner! He lifts Phoenix to the top rope, and climbs up after! What's he doing? Phoenix fights back, throwing stiff forearms into Dan Ryan's face. Dan blocks and counters with stiff punches of his own! Jake is dizzy, and Dan grabs the trunks! SUPERPLEEEEEEXXX! HOLY CRAP!!!
Dan is too tired to capitalize! He crawls over to Phoenix, who is trying to recover, and rolls him over. The cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THR--- KICK-OUT!
BILL HEWSON: And can you believe over 700 pounds just came CRASHING DOWN from the top rope?! The ring rattled!
JACK JONES: I hope they reinforced it, because it won't stand up to another impact like that!
BILL HEWSON: Dan Ryan thought that had to be it, again, Jack Jones, we have NEVER seen these two men thrown around like they are here! All the power! All the rage! All the impact! How much more do they have LEFT?
Dan Ryan is on his knees, telling the ref that it was three, and the ref just keeps telling Dan that it was TWO. Dan shrugs, picking the prone Jake Phoenix up to his feet, and shoves his head between his knees! UP! AND! PUNCH TO THE HEAD! Dan falls down with Jake on top of him! Phoenix is LAYING IN TO DAN RYAN with vicious right hand punches!
BILL HEWSON: Nobody brawls like Jake Phoenix... and he's busted Dan Ryan WIDE OPEN! With his bare hands!
Dan Ryan is BLEEDING from the eyebrow! Dan shoves Phoenix off of him, wipes the blood from his eyes and then awaits the Murder City Devil. Phoenix charges, and Ryan pulls the ropes down! Phoenix flies to the outside and hits the concrete and guardrail! Dan follows him out, grabs Phoenix, picks him up and kicks him in the gut. Dan grabs Phoenix by the back of the head and DRIVES HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE STEEL RINGPOST! AND AGAIN! A THIRD TIME! PHOENIX'S NOSE COULD BE BROKEN!
JACK JONES: Holy hell!
Blood is everywhere as Dan shouts in his face. "Wanna make me BLEED, (BLEEP)?!" He rolls Phoenix back into the ring, not before delivering a thumb to the eye (boo) and mounts him, delivering more punches to the face and abdomen. Phoenix is trying to cover up, but almost to no avail, as Dan Ryan is LAYING IN TO HIM! Dan stands, and picks up Jake Phoenix, preparing to end it all! But Phoenix is DETERMINED to put this guy away! Pushed to the corner! Phoenix climbs to the second rope, and starts driving FISTS into Dan Ryan's skull!
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVESIXSEVENEIGHTNINETEN!
That's ten punches, Dan Ryan stumbles out of the turnbuckle ---
RIGHT INTO THE GOOZLE!
OH MY GOD HUGE CHOKESLAM! PHOENIX COVERS!
ONE!
TWO!
TH----KICK-OUT!!!
JACK JONES: I thought that was IT!
BILL HEWSON: How in the HELL did Dan Ryan kick out?
JACK JONES: I don't know, but I think that just made Jake Phoenix ANGRIER --- if that's even possible!
Phoenix, spitting, slams Ryan back into the turnbuckle. He's in blind fury, bloody face, and he's just going to pummel Ryan into submission! Jake steps up onto the middle turnbuckle and starts raining down right hands! One, two, three, four, five, si-- WAIT A MINUTE! DAN RYAN GETS HIS ARMS UP ---
LIFTS JAKE PHOENIX UP AND OUT OF THE CORNER! NO WAY! NO WAAAAAAAY---
HUMILITY BOMB!!!
THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match... "THE EGO BUSTER"... DAN... RYAN!
The fans obviously HATE BOTH men, but they applaud a great match up. Dan leaves the ring. A moment later, Jake Phoenix gets to his feet. The fans actually applaud him, some cheer, but the show of respect for a formidable wrestler is washed down the drain as Phoenix flips them all the double bird.
BILL HEWSON: What a class act Jake Phoenix is.
JACK JONES: My mother likes him!
BILL HEWSON: Well, your --- never mind. NAPW fans, you just witnessed one HELL of a match, and my God, Dan Ryan has to do this one more time tonight! What kind of condition will he be in by the main event? Jake Phoenix, Dan Ryan, love them or hate them, and most people in this building aren't fans, you have to respect them after the war we just watched.
JACK JONES: That should have been the finals, Hewson! Tell me, no matter how worn down Dan Ryan OR Jake Phoenix are after this match, who has a chance against a man like that?
BILL HEWSON: Either Prince W. Darko or Trent Daniels will meet "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan later tonight for the right to be crowned the 2008 Canada Cup champion! What a way to start the evening!
"THE CONNECTION IS MADE!"
The sound of snotty brit-rock is almost trumped by the deafening boos of this Calgary crowd. They're getting ready to pelt the aisle with bottles and bags of popcorn - but they have to hold back as Lady Sparks emerges from the back, all by her lonesome. Sure, the boos are still there. but Lady Sparks is strutting down to the ring confidently and with a huge smile on her face.
JACK JONES: No Stone? Where's Stone?
BILL HEWSON: I think this crowd wants to know the same thing, Jack Attack. They've got something on their mind that they need to let the Heritage champ know.
By this time, Lady Sparks has climbed into the ring and has a microphone in her hand. The music begins to die down as she lifts it to speak.
LADY SPARKS: Ladies and ... gentlemen, tonight is a very special night. One might say, a spectacular night, for we have seen two records smashed by the best wrestler in NAPW. By the greatest NAPW Canadian Heritage to ever grace this ring. So without further ado, I give to you, 'DYNAMITE' STONE ZELLOR!
Once again the 90s come alive as Stone Zellor steps out from behind the curtain - and the bottles and popcorn bags rain down. With his hood up and the title belt around his waist, Stone basks in the warmth of the fans' reaction. Soaking in the 'love' as he slowly struts down the aisle - before he stops, holding out both hands as if to say "stay back"...
SEPTUPLE HEADSPIN!
JACK JONES: Stone Zellor is the house, Hewson!
Finally, the NAPW Heritage champion rolls into the ring and takes the microphone from Lady Sparks. He wraps one arm around her waist and plants a kiss on her lips before peeling away with the mic in hand.
STONE ZELLOR: I'm glad yo' all here tonight, peeps, 'cause I gots some important business to take care of. Some things I needa let yo' know. Y'see, last week when I retained my H-to-the-izzle belt 'gainst Jacob Venar--
*POP*
STONE ZELLOR: When I retained my belt against him, that was a huge moment, y'know. That occasion marked the moment when I set two more records here in NAPW! I am now not only the longest reignin' Heritage champ, but I'm also the most successful, which means I'm the best damn Heritage champion that NAPW has ever seen!
Booooo!
STONE ZELLOR: I have retained this belt more than anyone else. Stein couldn't take it from me. Dez Carter failed. Trent Daniels couldn't put me away. An' last week, Jacob Venar fell at the last damn hurdle. There ain't nobody who can take this title away from me. I am the man who made this belt the most coveted prize in NAPW today!
Lady Sparks asks for the microphone back, and Stone obliges.
LADY SPARKS: And for that, Stone, I've arranged a little celebration for you...
She looks to the ceiling as suddenly balloons and confetti stream down. Hundreds of the damn things all over Ogden Legion Hall, matched on the grandiose scale by the sheer amount of confetti that is fluttering down. Stone looks ecstatic. He unhooks the belt and removes it from around his waist before lifting it high in the air. Lady Sparks has taken a few steps back and is applauding her man as he has his moment...
Like all moments however this one would come to an end.
"Twinkle Twinkle" cuts right through the celibration. The fans start to cheer as Dez Carter emerges from the back. He waves to the fans and makes his way to the ring. Stepping inside, Carter snatches the mic.
DEZ CARTER: This little party ends now. It's a farce and a load of crap!
The fans cheer. Carter smirks as Stone looks about ready to explode.
DEZ CARTER: Stone, you've only retained that belt by cheating and we both know that. To come out here and preach about being a fighting champion is a disgrace to any man who has ever laced up those boots.
Let me take you back to last month. I pinned you in the center of this very ring. I've earned a shot at that belt Stone. Next time you won't be cheating your way to victory. So Zellor?
Dez motions to the title and then to himself.
DEZ CARTER: I want and deserve a shot at that belt. Are you man enough to give it?
Stone raises the mic to his mouth to speak.
"GO!"
The fans pop huge for the Falcon, who makes his way down to the ring with a microphone in hand. He gets to the apron and raises the mic to his mouth.
JACOB VENAR: Whoa, whoa, cut the music, cut the music!
"The Man Without Fear" and the crowd both die down.
JACOB VENAR:Now, I understand where you're coming from, Dez, but if anyone deserves a shot at that belt that is wrapped around the WRONG. WAIST. It's me.
Dez cocks his head quizzically, as if to say "What the heck are you talking about" as Jacob slides into the ring.
JACOB VENAR: Last week, I took that man across from me to limits he'll never reach again. I Spread My Wings ALL OVER that son of a bitch.
EDs Note: Ewwwwww.
JACOB VENAR: And I pinned him. I got the damn three count. I had that belt IN MY HANDS. You might think you deserve a shot, but I can say something neither you NOR Trent Daniels can say. You did pin Stone, but not when the title was on the line...
So it's not a matter of whether or not I SHOULD be the Heritage Champion, it's just a matter of when I get my belt back. Because that damn belt still has my Goddamn FINGERPRINTS on it!
"ON MY SOAP BOX YELLING INTO MEGAPHONES!"
The crowd pops as Trent Daniels walks out, he stops and points at several of the fans wearing Trent Daniels' street team tees, one of them waving back as he films with his camcorder. He walks up the steps and stares at all three men in the ring from the apron before stepping in and puts the mic up to his mouth.
TRENT DANIELS: As I was preparing for my match against Prince Darko in the Canada Cup, I couldn't help but over hear a few girls getting their panties in a bunch... and Sparks (waves). I planned on fighting my way through the Canada Cup, to walk out with that trophy in my hands and my name on the contract to fight the World Champion after tonight.
Then I heard Dez talk about having Stone pinned in this ring a month ago and how he deserves a shot, except... didn't I just beat you last week?
The crowd lets out a collective oooh, most of it coming from the direction of Trent Daniel's street team.
TRENT DANIELS: Then you have the Falcon... Jacob Venar, you had Stone beat. Yes, by all means that belt should be around your waist, but it isn't. Stone Zellor has been cheating everyone he's faced out of the Heritage Championship, myself included. Except I never pinned him, I'll admit to that. Buuuuuttttt... Stone Zellor couldn't even gut it out and finish that match with me, he had to run off with his tail tucked between his legs and his Man-gina exposed.
If anyone deserves that shot at the Heritage Championship it's me! He couldn't even finish a match with me, like the way he stayed in there with you two. I do agree ever since that title has been around Stone's waist, it's become a hollow shell of what it use to represent. I'm sure the NAPW fans remember when it was held by greatness, men who didn't have to cheat in order to keep that belt around their waist.
Men like Ravager, Evan Cartwright and the Lloyd Rees... these men helped make the Heritage title what it was, and then you (points at Stone) you made the title a joke, a piece on tin on leather. I might have a shot at the Canada Cup, and a contract for a World title match after tonight, but that match we had last month Stone... it didn't sit well with me.
Trent paces back and forth turning his head, staring at Dez, then the Falcon. He stops and slowly turns his attention back on Stone Zellor.
TRENT DANIELS: That's why I want another shot at you Stone, to make you put up and shut up. One where you have no chance of walking out, where you would have to gut it out and be a man. I should have been Heritage Champion, but I can wait 'til March when I'll have a shot at the NAPW World title, and then I can walk out of that month with both the World and Heritage Championships!
Stone lifts the microphone back to his lips as he struggles to hide his anger. His face almost a shade of red ne'er seen before.
STONE ZELLOR: You want another shot? *pointing at Daniels* And you? *then to Venar* Even you? *and finally, Dez* Tell you what, man, I've made a decision. The next person to get a shot at my Heritage is...
NONE OF YA! Y'all are crazy if you think for one damn moment yo' be gettin' another shot! Now hit my music, I'm outta here!
But just as Stone Zellor wants out, the B-52s crank up. The B-52s? "Love Shack" can only mean one thing...
BILL HEWSON: It's the commissioner!
JACK JONES: My close personal friend Terry Brandon'll straighten things out! Show these chumps that they don't deserve any more shots at Stone's gold!
Brandon gets in the ring and asks one of the good guys for a microphone.
TERRY BRANDON: Well I was listening in the back to all four of you, and I thought, well damn, these men are doing a lot of talking, and you know, I think that something needs to be done about that! Now let me get this all straight here...
Dez Carter! You have Stone Zellor right where you want him, he hits you in the back of the head with the belt, gets disqualified, keeps his title, then you and Asuka Katsuragi go out and have NAPW's first-ever mixed tag against Stone and Lady Sparks here, and well in that match you pin Stone clean in the center of the ring, one two three! Well YOU'VE got a case for another shot at the belt!
Dez nods, and looks out to the crowd, who get loud on his behalf. Stone is shaking his head, going "no no, c'mon."
TERRY BRANDON: You fans like that, huh? Okay then, so how about...
Trent Daniels! The hottest rookie in NAPW right now, on fire, in the Canada Cup, tonight heck you could win the Cup and a World Title shot next month at Sole Survivor III! But last month, you wrestled Stone, you hit him with your finish move, he gets pulled out of the ring and gets counted out to retain the title, and that just don't sit right with you. Am I following that one correctly? Alright then!
Daniels' street team is going crazy, the rest of the crowd approves as it is. Stone and Lady Sparks aren't looking too happy.
TERRY BRANDON: And of course then, there's one more guy who feels he got robbed and deserves another shot.
Jacob Venar! Last week you take Stone to the end, you take him to the limit, make a comeback, Stone DDTs the referee, new referee comes out, you him SMW, pin the man, get announced as the Heritage champion, the original referee reverses the decision, you win by disqualification, have the title taken out of your hands! And as much as I would love to say you are the champion after last week, the original referee has the final say and was right to disqualify Stone, and you respect that, but you don't like it, and YOU want another shot because for one minute you'd beaten the man!
Jacob is nodding, hell yes, he's intense. He wants it so bad. Stone grabs the mic.
STONE ZELLOR: Hol' on here, commish! I already beat these men! They ain't deservin' of another shot! I ain't wrestlin' a single one of these men for my H-Izzle belt ever again! Get me some new challengers!
TERRY BRANDON: And that brings me to you, Stone Zellor! Holder of two impressive records in NAPW, first of all you have the longest undefeated streak in our history, 13 matches no losses! And now you have the title defense record for the Heritage title at four... and if my match is correct, heck, by the time the next NAPW event rolls around you'll have held the title longer than even "LDK" Lloyd Rees did! It's quite a feat, quite a record, and while you didn't really beat these three men or Stein, well, you did retain the title, so maybe you're right.
Maybe not a single one of these men will get another Heritage title shot!
BOOOOOOOOOOO. Dez, Daniels, Jacob all start yelling and arguing, infuriated, what the hell? Stone begins dancin' on the spot, Lady Sparks smiling smugly. Stone holds the belt up high...
TERRY BRANDON: *AHEM*! I wasn't done talking just yet! Like I was SAYING, not a SINGLE one of these men will get an other Heritage Title shot! Stone Zellor, you have all these records but the one record you don't have is of being the GREATEST Heritage Champion of all time because every day you hold that belt is an insult to great champions that somebody mentioned earlier, champions like Ravager, Evan Cartwright, "LDK" Lloyd Rees and hell even Static! You've used every trick in the book to keep that belt and while I admire your shrewdness, the fact is that I can't have one of the very cornerstones NAPW has been built on treated like so much garbage! Now next month right here in Calgary we have an event called Pure Dynamite, that's March 18th kids, mark it on your calendar! And on that show, Stone, we're going to see if you're really made out of championship material!
Dez Carter, you want your title shot, you deserve it, you GOT IT! Trent Daniels, you want your title shot, you deserve it, you GOT IT! Jacob Venar, you want your title shot, you deserve it, you GOT IT! Stone Zellor, you want to be the greatest, you GOT an opportunity to prove it... because you're going to be defending that title in a FOUR CORNERS match! It will be Heritage Champion Stone Zellor defending the title against DEZ CARTER, against TRENT DANIELS, against JACOB VENAR! The first fall wins the match, wins the belt, hell Stone, you don't even have to be pinned to lose it! Oh, and there will be no count-outs and NO disqualifications!
Brandon hands the mic off to Frank and leaves the ring, the crowd loving it. Venar, Dez and Daniels all exchange glances. It's not quite what they were looking for, but they know what this means...
And so does the furious, flaggergasted Stone.
Only one man can be Heritage champion, but the chances of Stone Zellor retaining at Pure Dynamite are two: Slim and None. WHO WILL IT BE? FIND OUT NEXT MONTH!
JACK JONES: I'm telling you, twins are nothing but trouble.
BILL HEWSON: But you're telling me you didn't clue in that meeting two different women in two different cities who looked EXACTLY alike didn't ring any bells in your mind?
JACK JONES: I thought it was a perfect coincidence! I never figured they'd be related and, you know, talk to each other!
BILL HEWSON: ...
FRANK WARBURTON: The following tag team contest is set for ONE FALL at a twenty-minute time limit! Introducing first, at a total combined weight of four-hundred and fifty-four pounds... the team of "The Dynasty" Dan Miller and "Hard Hittin'" Hank Henderson, SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION!
Time for a little "Southern Hospitality," Ludacris style! Hank Henderson and Dan Miller storm out of the curtain to a great ovation, Dan Miller slapping hands with the fans on the way to the ring and making sure to wink at all the pretty ladies at ringside (all three of them). Henderson slaps a few hands and gets into the ring, then asks Frank for the mic. Hank's gonna talk?
HANK HENDERSON: Cut the music. Now hold on just a minute here. See today we're wrestling some mystery team of Ian Smith's. And why is that? Cause Ian Smith and Sexy Adorable Drunks don't like the fact that me and my partner are digging up the dirt on them and their "Superstar Rules." But hey, that's fine, we're equal-opportunity ass-kickers! But here's something I want, Ian Smith, get your ass out here!
Hank lowers the mic and looks out, Dan Miller getting the crowd to chant "Ian sucks! Ian sucks!" A glowering, sweating Ian stomps out of the curtain.
IAN SMITH: Shut up you humanoids! What do you think you want, calling me out? My team will ---
HANK HENDERSON: Hey shut up for a minute, if you even capable of that! Smith, you been keeping the SAD away from us for months, but I want to make you a deal tonight with your MYSTERY TEAM. You don't like our investigations...
IAN SMITH: Immoral! Illegal! Immolating!
HANK HENDERSON: Whatever. I want to make you a deal. YOU want us to back off. WE want SAD, in an NAPW ring, in a tag team match just us versus them! So how about this. Tonight, if we beat your mystery team, we get Sexy Adorable Drunks at PURE DYNAMITE next month right here in Calgary!
IAN SMITH: And why would I give you that? You're not #1 contenders or anything!
HANK HENDERSON: If we lose tonight, then we give up our investigation, we back off, we stop bringing the heat. IF we lose, and we ain't planning on doing that!
IAN SMITH: You think you're so smart, nobody's smarter than IAN SMITH! You got a deal, and now you're going to regret it! Allow me to introduce my team... THE MASSACRE MACHINES, DERANGED MACHINE AND MANIC MACHINE!!!
The brutally heavy sounds of SLAYER kick up with "RAINING BLOOD" and out walk two masked men! One man is HUGE, the other small but looking violent, both clad in full-leg singlets and black hoods! There's something familiar about them, but before we can place it Ian sends them to the ring at a rush! DING DING DING referee Morgan Smythe calls for the bell!
Henderson and Miller meet the Machines as they get into the ring, it's fisticuffs to start off! Hank with Deranged while the smaller men Miller and Manic go at it! Manic hits Dan in the throat brutally and starts choking him in the corner. Meanwhile Hank bounces off the ropes and tries to knock down Deranged, NO GOOD! Tries again, nothing! The big man won't even be moved! One more time, WHAM, black hole slam from DERANGED MACHINE! Deranged seems happy at his handiwork, grunting in pleasure. Ian screams at him to cover, he does absently and Hank kicks out at two. Manic yells something strange back to Deranged and whips him into Deranged, who presses Manic high above his head --- DROPPED DOWN ONTO HANK!
BILL HEWSON: I don't know who these Massacre Machines are, but they are owning Southern Destruction!
JACK JONES: Of course they are, they have the genius of Ian Smith guiding them!
BILL HEWSON: Manic Machine, this smaller man, almost seems more dangerous than the big one, Deranged! Come on ref, that's a clear choke!
Ian yells for Manic to let go of the chokehold he has on Henderson before the ref's five count. Deranged tosses Henderson then to one corner as Manic goes to his corner. Deranged picks Dan Miller up, it seems they are the legal men, and beales him into the corner hard! Miller goes between the 2nd and 3rd turnbuckles, crashing shoulder first into the steel ring post! Ian directing traffic, calls a tag. Deranged does, then hits a sidewalk slam on Miller, Manic climbing to the top rope --- 450 SPLASH!
He covers one, two, Henderson breaks it up! Miller might've kicked out but we'll never know. Smythe sends Henderson back to his corner as Ian starts choking out Miller from the outside! Holding both hands over his throat! Henderson starts yelling and tries to stay in, but that only causes his teammate to be double-teamed more as Smythe forces him out! Manic choking Miller out with the tag rope, Smythe turns around everything is fine. Manic Machine whips Miller to the ropes, nails an overhead belly-to-belly suplex, tags back in Deranged Machine! Manic whips Miller to the ropes before getting out, and then Deranged KILLS MILLER WITH A SPINEBUSTER! Miller is done, one, two, GETS A KICK-OUT!
BILL HEWSON: Dan Miller needs to make a tag in this contest, he's been cut-off and isolated for minutes now!
JACK JONES: All thanks to the brilliance of Ian Smith!
BILL HEWSON: So what, is he paying you?
Miller reaches out for a tag, only to be dragged back into the center of the ring by Deranged Machine. Deranged looks to Ian Smith for direction, and Ian SQUEEZES his hands together, yelling "CRUSH HIM!" Deranged holds his massive mitts out wide open as Miller is slowly taking his feet...
OH NO
DERANGED HAS BOTH HANDS ON MILLER'S HEAD! AND HE'S SQUEEZING LIKE MILLER'S HEAD IS A CANTALOUPE!
BILL HEWSON: Dan Miller's head is caught... like in a vice!
JACK JONES: Listen to him scream, Hewson! That's it for Southern Destruction!
BILL HEWSON: You may be right, Miller can't take much more of this!
No, he can't! Miller's pain is horrible to behold as Deranged SQUEEZES, crushing his head between his hands! But that's all Hank Henderson can take! He storms into the ring and lariats into Deranged. Little to no effect, Smythe again trying to get him out, here comes Manic Machine at a run --- Hank sidesteps and forces Manic into Deranged! The lighter machine bounces off Deranged, who momentarily seems distracted by his partner running into him. Hank hits the ropes for SUPERSPEED and throws his entire body at Deranged ---
and succeeds in finally taking Deranged down! Miller is free! Hank heads back to his corner, Manic's in his, and Miller crawls for the tag!
Ian yells for Deranged to tag out to Manic, so he does, Manic races to grab Miller by the leg and prevent the tag! Miller hops on one leg, Manic has him, ENZIGURI! MILLER HITS AN ENZIGURI! HE LEAPS ---
HOT TAG HENDERSON!
Hank lariats Manic down! Deranged comes back in, gets a lariat, doesn't knock him down but manages to shake him! Hank turns around, Manic runs at him and EATS A BREATH TAKER (side effect)! Hank trying to fight off both men, Deranged hammers him! Irish whip, Henderson plants himself and manages to reverse, WAIT ---
PINE ON THE SPINE ON THE BIG MAN! HOLY! Hank Henderson shouts out "HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL!" He grabs Manic, BACKBREAKER! He holds him there for Dan Mller to come off and LEG DROP MANIC'S HANGING HEAD! SD DE-HEADER! Hank covers, one, two, Deranged breaks it up! Deranged Machine hauls Hank up, what's this? Torture Rack --- Miller kicking Deranged in the gut! Not much effect, so he does a back flip and kicks Deranged in the face on the way! That's enough for Hank to slip off the back and deliver a NECKBREAKER to the big man! Deranged is quickly up, but Miller springboards off the ropes and delivers the CHEERS DDT, a la AJ Styles! Deranged again pops up, and this time Hank and Dan hit a double dropkickforcing Deranged to the ropes, and then one more sends Deranged UP AND OVER the top rope! TEAMWORK!
Ian Smith is screaming for the referee to get control, as Southern Destruction pick up Manic! Miller quickly slips outside, and they make a tag. Manic suddenly low blows Hank and hooks his arms for what looks like an Unprettier, in desperation --- and Miller counters by delivering a Miller High Life blockbuster to him! Dan puts Manic on the top rope, Hank joins him... THEY'RE GOING FOR IT
HARD HITTIN' AND SIDE SPLITTLIN'!
The Double Moonsault slam connects, Hank Henderson baseball slides Deranged as Miller covers Manic! ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION!
BILL HEWSON: Southern Destruction win the match against a formidable surprise team, and if Ian Smith keeps his word, they finally get a match with Sexy Adorable Drunks!
JACK JONES: Of course he'll keep his word! Ian Smith is a man among men!
Hank and Dan celebrate, Hank pointing down to Ian Smith. "We're coming for SAD, nothing you can do about it!" Ian, snarling, grabs the microphone!
IAN SMITH: Okay FINE!!! You get a match with SAD, just like I said... but I never said it would be a TITLE MATCH! After SAD retain their titles here tonight, you get them next month, but it will be NON-TITLE! PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!
Hank shakes his head in disgust as Ian's dickweed ways. Ian hustles his Machines out to boos. But nonetheless, SD finally get SAD in a match! Ludacris kicks up and Southern Destruction pose for the fans.
The crowd is pretty pumped and ready for more action. They won't have to wait long...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this next contest is scheduled for one fall at a thirty-minute time limit and is a Canada Cup semi-final. Introducing first...
"I want everybody in this room to know, YOU CAN'T WHOOP ME!"
And with AKForty pumping through the stereo, Prince W. Darko appears at the top of the aisle to a chorus of boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: From the Kingdom of Zamunda, weighing in at two-hundred-and-twenty-seven pounds... He is accompanied by Ian Smith... PRINCE W. DARKO!
And so it is that Prince W. Darko walks down the aisle with his manager, the despicable Ian Smith trailing behind him. The crowd hate both men and they're letting them know.
BILL HEWSON: The crowd here in Calgary seem to definitely be in the corner of Trent Daniels, and he's not even made his way out yet.
JACK JONES: They're all idiots though, Hewson. Just look at that 'street team' supporting Trent Daniels and tell me that's normal behaviour!
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! Hailing from Ottawa, Canada... He weighs in at two-hundred-ten pounds! Ladies and gentlemen, TRENT DANIELS!
"ON MY SOAP BOX YELLING INTO MEGAPHONES!"
"Hands Down Ghandi" begins to play as the fan favorite, Trent Daniels emerges from the back to a rather large cheer - particularly from his street team. He quickly makes his way down the aisle, slapping hands with any willing fan.
BILL HEWSON: Trent Daniels already has a Heritage title shot at 'Pure Dynamite' next month, Jack Attack, imagine if he could challenge for both singles belts in one night!
JACK JONES: The horror! The horror!
But that's not going to happen if Prince Darko has anything to do with it, because he's trying to stomp a mudhole in the back of his opponent as soon as Trent Daniels has slid into the ring. Anthony Uruburu calls for the bell to officially start this contest. Trent tries to battle back to his feet, only to be yanked back up by his opponent anyway as Darko shoves him back into the corner. A well placed boot to the midsection keep him there before Darko connects with a straight right hand. A knee to the gut follows and it seems like Prince Darko is really taking the fight to his rookie opponent. Daniels is dragged from the corner and nailed with a bodyslam as Darko goes off against the ropes - knee drop! Quick cover - and it doesn't even get a two count, so Darko locks in a chin-lock.
Trent manages to get back to his feet as the chin-lock becomes a side headlock - elbow to the midsection by Trent Daniels! The crowd cheer as he lands another! And another! The headlock appears to be suitably loosened as Daniels goes for a back suplex - COUNTERED! Darko lands on his feet and NAILS Trent with a LARIAT!
JACK JONES: Ha! Look at the faces of his street team, Hewson! That tells the story, because this match is all Prince W. Darko!
Prince Darko once again lifts his opponent back to a vertical base before landing a toe kick to the gut and a suplex to boot. Daniels hits the canvas hard, but the unrelenting Prince Darko drags him back up. An Irish whip sends the Ottawa native against the ropes as he bounces off them - right into a SPINEBUSTER!
BILL HEWSON: Things certainly aren't looking good for Trent Daniels so far...
JACK JONES: No-one looks good against Prince Darko, Hewson. Trent Daniels knows he can't whoop him and he's just gotta sit back and take whatever punishment is doled out!
Another quick cover by Darko warrants a two-count, but he's not putting Daniels away that easy. Both men are on their feet as Daniels is sent against the ropes with a sec--NO! Daniels blocks the Irish whip attempt as he goes for an Irish whip of his own - but Darko is too strong. Darko for a lariat counter, but that's ducked as Daniels connects with a dropkick that catches the Prince off balance. Trent goes against the ropes for momentum -- but his ankle is tripped by Ian Smith on the outside! Anthony Uruburu missing the interference - but it's enough for Darko to regain his composure -- LAID OUT #2! And he drills Daniels with his patented inverted STO. Hook of the leg!
ONE!
TWO!
THRNOOO!
Kickout by Trent Daniels! However, he's not getting up straight away. And Prince Darko is on his feet, shouting at his opponent. "CAN'T WHOOP ME!" followed by a slap around the back of the head. And repeat. The crowd boo at the lack of respect that Darko is showing his opponent, but it doesn't last as Daniels is once more lifted back to his feet. He's dragged to the corner and thrown head first into the top turnbuckle. Followed by a series of chops to the chest and Prince Darko is doing a damn good job of wearing his opponent down. He sends Trent from pillar to post with an Irish whip before going for the avalanche attack -- BOOT TO THE FACE!
BILL HEWSON: Trent Daniels, almost on instinct with the counter there!
Darko stumbles back towards the center of the ring as Trent Daniels pops to the middle rope - MISSILE DROPKICK! Takes Darko down! Both men get back to their feet, but it's Trent Daniels who strikes first with a drop-toe-hold, taking his opponent off his feet. Daniels locks in a side headlock as he lifts Darko back to his feet - BULLDOG! The bulldog to the knee by Trent Daniels and the fight back is on!
Both men attain their vertical bases as Trent connects with a toe kick, doubling Darko over in the center of the ring. Quick snapmare by Daniels takes his opponent over as he follows up with a dropkick to the spine of a seated Prince Darko. The pain is etched on his face, but not for long as Trent runs against the near ropes before charging back with a soccer kick to the face! Cover by Daniels!
ONE!
TWONOOO!
Not even a two count by Trent Daniels that time! But the adrenaline is flowing. The crowd is cheering. And Trent Daniels is looking to expand his arsenal as he heads to the top rope!
BILL HEWSON: The rookie is heading upstairs, Jack Attack. What's he going to try?
JACK JONES: Whatever it is, it won't be enough to whoop Prince Darko!
We won't find out, however, as Ian Smith is up on the apron and distracting Daniels. As he does, Anthony Uruburu admonishes Smith for the blatant semi-illegal tactics, but it's given his client the window he needs as Darko wobbles the top rope! CROTCHED! Trent Daniels is caught, stranded, high up there on the top turnbuckle. Darko with a few rights to the cranium of his opponent as Uruburu finally gets Smith off the apron, just in time to view an awesome superplex by the Zamunda Prince! And Darko is right back on his feet as he goes against the ropes -
DOUBLE FOOT STOMP!
Right to the ribcage of Trent Daniels and the crowd don't like that one bit. So, Daniels is lifted back to his feet yet again. An Irish whip sends him against the ropes and this time Darko nails him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!
"CAN'T WHOOP ME!"
Darko is standing over Trent Daniels once again, slapping him around the back of the head between stomps to the midsection. Daniels is struggling to get to his feet as Darko stands astride of him - ZUMUNDA YOKE! He's going for the camel clutch sleeper hold! Locked in! Anthony Uruburu is in position to check for the submission...
JACK JONES: That's a seasoned professional there, Hewson. A submission move locked in, right in the middle of the ring. There's no escape!
BILL HEWSON: But we all know that Trent Daniels is a fighter, and if there's an ounce of fight left in him, then he's not going to give up.
JACK JONES: I repeat, no escape!
Prince W. Darko has the move absolutely cinched in as he puts an amazing amount of strain on the lower back of his opponent, but Trent is budging as Uruburu continues to check for the submission. His street team begin to chant "please don't tap" *CLAPCLAP*CLAPCLAPCLAP* but they're right near the middle of the ring! Darko leans back, applying yet more pressure to the lower back - but Daniels won't quit. Not now, not ever. Probably. Wait, they're beginning to turn. Daniels is using his legs to try and stretch for the nearby ropes - YES! He reach--NO! Ian Smith pushes Trent's leg off the ropes before the official saw it!
BOOOO!
But Trent again reaches, reaches with his toes... he reaches the ropes again and this time Uruburu sees it and calls for the break!
BILL HEWSON: You were saying?
JACK JONES: Well, except that...
Darko finally releases the hold, but you have to imagine the damage has been done. Trent is yanked up via a handful of hair - SMALL PACKAGE COUNTER! Daniels rolls him up!
ONE!
TWO!
THRENOO!
Darko kicks out! He gets back to his feet as he goes to lift Trent up again - DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN! Into the jackknife pin!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NOOOO!
A millisecond away, but Prince W. Darko kicks out again! The crowd are cheering Trent on, but he's dragged back to his feet without a counter in sight. An Irish whip sends Trent against the ropes and Darko is going for the back body drop ... Too early! A boot to the face by Trent Daniels and Darko is reeling! Dropkick connects and Darko is taken off his feet to a cheer from the crowd! Both men regain their vertical bases as Darko goes for a lariat - ducked - and countered with a hard right hand!
Daniels trying to fight on with a series of punches and forearm shots, backing Prince Darko against the ropes. Daniels goes for the Irish whip, sending Darko running across the ring, as Daniels goes for a dropkick ... And gets nothin' but mat! Prince Darko held onto the ropes as his opponent lands back first in the center of the ring.
JACK JONES: What's that spell?
BILL HEWSON: Uh...
JACK JONES: CAN'T WHOOP DARKO! Trent Daniels, when God was handing out brains, God left him out!
BILL HEWSON: Will you stop?
Prince W. Darko looks incredibly cocky as he struts over to the prone body of his opponent. He lifts Trent back to his feet and double him over with a knee to the midsection. He's hooked both arms before going for the powerbomb -- but Daniels won't be lifted! And with an amazing show of strength, the rookie manage to lift Prince Darko off the floor as he counters with a back body drop! A cheer goes up from the crowd - and Ian Smith is up on the apron! But Trent's seen him! Daniels steps around the official and he grabs Smith by the collar!
*POP*
The crowd go crazy as Daniels cocks his arm back -- Darko from behind -- Daniels dodges and DARKO NAILS IAN SMITH!
JACK JONES: NO! POLICE! POLICE!
Darko's stunned -- SCHOOLBOY BY DANIELS!
ONE!
TWO!
THREENOO!
Kick-out, and both men scramble back to their feet. Trent goes for a right hook, but it's ducked as Darko sends him into the corner with an Irish whip! Daniels hits the turnbuckle hard as Darko charges in for the avalanche attack -- DODGED! Prince Darko eats turnbuckle and stumbles out from the corner, turning around trying to shake the cobwebs out! Trent is climbing to the top -- SYSTEM CRASH! Out of nowhere! And he drapes an arm over Darko!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... TRENT DANIELS!
BILL HEWSON: What a comeback for Trent Daniels, what a win! I thought Ian Smith was going to be the deciding factor, but Daniels beginning to show some very shrewd ring-awareness! Hats off to Trent Daniels, moving onto the finals of the Canada Cup!
JACK JONES: Moving on to meet Dan Ryan in those finals, Bill Hewson... the same Dan Ryan who beat Trent Daniels back at ONE NIGHT ONLY.
BILL HEWSON: That's a great point, Jack Jones, and this main event, already for the Canada Cup, now has added intrigue. It will be Trent Daniels vs "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan in a rematch, Canada Cup on the line... and does Daniels have it in him to pin Dan Ryan tonight?
JACK JONES: I gave that bitch the best seventeen years of my life, and she just goes and leaves me without any warning!
BILL HEWSON: Sometimes dogs just die, Jack.
JACK JONES: Not MY dog!
"Here we go!"
The lights dim and the Jane's Addiction starts echoing throughout the Ogden Legion Hall.
"Power tripping your luck is switched
Oh, so now it's funny
When it's your turn to laugh"
FRANK WARBURTON: The following is a Triple-Threat match, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Phoenix Arizona, he weighs in tonight at two hundred and thirty-one pounds. Accompanied by Teddy Davis..."INEVITABLE" DAVID GAGE!
David Gage looks self-assured as he walks to the ring, slightly ahead of Teddy Davis, who's not quite as quick thanks to his arm being in a sling.
BILL HEWSON: This is a try-out match for David Gage, Jack Attack. He's new to the promotion, and if he impresses the NAPW top brass tonight, he's going to find himself with a spot on the roster before the night is over.
JACK JONES: Well, I'm not gonna wish the kid luck, even though he's going to need it considering who he's going up against! He's got some stiff competition tonight.
BILL HEWSON: Did you say Stiff Competition?
JACK JONES: No, I didn't capitalize.
"Guess who's back?"
Hit it.
"THEY SAY I'M COCKY!
And I say WHAT?
It ain't bragging (BLEEP) if you back it up!"
And as the boos and jeers start, you can tell that THIS is the man that Jack Jones was talking about.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his first opponent, accompanied to the ring by Ian Smith. Hailing from Paducah, Kentucky, he weighs in at two hundred and thirty pounds..."THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!
"The Show" is not exactly popular in NAPW, but you couldn't tell by the way he's acting, chest puffed out, self-assured, and ready for action. He looks like he's ready to go right now, and Ian Smith is talking his man up. But there's still one more person in this match.
"SCIENCE!"
The crowd goes NUTS for the little robot that could, Stein.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their last opponent, weighing in at one hundred and eighty pounds, he is the former NAPW Provincial Champion...STEIN!
Everyone in the Hall turns to look at the curtain...and they keep looking...and they keep looking. Frank Warburton looks over at the timekeeper's table, shrugs, and starts again.
FRANK WARBURTON: And finally, weighing in at one hundred and eighty pounds...STEIN!
...still nothing.
BILL HEWSON: This is certainly odd, Jack. Stein's not necessarily the most...conventional wrestler, but it's not like him to disappear like this.
JACK JONES: Who cares where he is, Hewson? Now there's no freakshow to distract me from the wrestling god that is Chad Kurtis!
Speaking of Chad Kurtis, he takes the microphone from Frank Warburton.
CHAD KURTIS: You know what? I'm tired of waiting. Edward Scissorhands don't want to play, then I'm just gonna have to make my point to NAPW management and take out David Gage with nobody around to save him!
And with that, he turns around and pops Gage in the face with the microphone. Gage covers his face with his hands, the crowd boos, and Kurtis tosses the microphone to the outside. And now the bell rings. What a way to start it off.
Kurtis keeps the pressure on, charging Gage and knocking him to the ground with a body block. He kicks Gage in the side a few times, earning him a few boos, at which point he turns around and shouts at the fans "WHY DON'T YOU COME IN HERE AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, (BLEEP)!" Then, rushing the ropes, he bounces off for a Prime Time Splash--but Gage rolls out of the way and Kurtis connects with the mat!
Kurtis has the wind knocked out of him, and now Gage is back on his feet, trying to get a little momentum back. Gage connects with a rolling elbow, and then gets on the ground and applies an armlock. Chad Kurtis is gritting his teeth in pain, but Gage applied the hold a little too close to the ropes, and Kurtis easily grabs the bottom rope and breaks the hold. Gage lets go and Kurtis quickly gets back to his feet, obviously angry.
BILL HEWSON: David Gage showing that he's got a great deal of ring savvy, Jack.
JACK JONES: He's showing nothing except that he's a good punching back for CK! And I mean Chad Kurtis, not that idiot stuntman.
Chad Kurtis takes a big step towards David Gage, and fires off with a hard right hand. Gage staggers a little, but then returns the favour with one of his own. Kurtis' eyes go WIDE and he attacks Gage, firing off with lefts and rights as he forces him back to the ropes, where he keeps pummeling him until referee John Sharplin manages to separate the two, giving The Show a stern warning. Back in the middle of the ring, Kurtis and Gage lock up, neither of them with the obvious weight or size advantage, each struggling to get some leverage. Finally, Kurtis locks on a German Suplex, but Gage breaks the hold and tries to apply a shoulderlock, no wait, Kurtis reverses--
REVERSE STO!
David Gage is back down on the mat, not looking so hot, and Chad Kurtis is on his way up to the top rope! He's going for a big maneuver, but Gage is back on his feet, not wanting to be caught under another splash, but that's just what Chad Kurtis wants! It's Showtime, folks! A flying inverted DDT on David Gage, and now Gage is back visiting his good friend the canvas. Kurtis takes his time going for the pin, makes the cover, one, two, kickout! David Gage somehow has the wherewithal to kick out, and Kurtis is NOT happy about it! The Show stomps his opponent a few times, then goes for the pin, one, two, th--
kickout again!
The Show is furious, getting up and spitting on Sharplin, telling him to stop with the slow counts. Sharplin stands his ground, though, and The Show goes back to his supine opponent--SCHOOL BOY! The crowd cheers as David Gage flips The Show onto his back, and Sharplin makes the count, one, two, kickout from The Show. JACK JONES: That was a fast count!
BILL HEWSON: The Show thought it was a slow count a few seconds ago.
JACK JONES: Sharplin's obviously overcompensating. LEARN TO COUNT, YOU HACK!
Kurtis is trying to get his bearings again, but Gage is on his feet and trying to keep pressing his advantage. He kicks Kurtis in the gut, doubling him over, and then lifts him up for a HUGE double underhook backbreaker, putting The Show back on the floor. Not going for the pin, though; he helps Kurtis back to his feet, then whips him into the corner turnbuckle, and connects with a nasty-looking elbow to the face. The Show's in pain, and the crowd is loving it, so much so that David decides he'd like to do it again. He walks back to the corner, grabs a hold of The Show's arm--and finds himself on the business end of a short-arm clothesline! The Show's got some life in him yet, folks! Gage is scrambling to get to his feet, but The Show kicks him HARD in the stomach and he spins over and lands in the center of the ring.
Pulling Gage up by his hair, Kurtis lays into him with an open hand to the side of his face, knocking him back to the floor. He goes for it again, but Gage grabs Kurtis's leg and pulls him to the ground, then goes for an awkward-looking but seemingly effective single-leg crab. Kurtis on the recieving end of a second submission maneuver from David Gage, grits his teeth as Gage shouts out "YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP! IT'S INEVITABLE!" Kurtis, trying to make it to the edge of the ring, but unable to get much traction, waves Sharplin off when he checks on The Show. Gage hauls back on the leg, but with a burst of energy Kurtis kicks out with his free leg and connects, nailing Gage in the back of the head! Gage stumbles forward, but shakes it off and turns around--INTO A SUPERKICK! The Show is slightly hobbled but still effective! Gage tries getting to his feet, but The Show helps him--
INTO THE CK FINALE!
There's the cover! One, two, three!
FRANK WARBURTON: And the winner of the match..."THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!
BILL HEWSON: "The Show" Chad Kurtis with a convincing win ---
JACK JONES: Nobody gets up from the CK Finale!
BILL HEWSON: --- but I have to believe David Gage impressed in that outing! He didn't get the win, but he held his own against an NAPW veteran. One wonders if maybe Chad Kurtis is right about not getting the right opportunities in NAPW, but then again, I don't like what he's doing about it, signing with Ian Smith and bringing this bad attitude to the ring!
JACK JONES: As much as I hate REBEL Pro, they seem to appreciate a great talent like "The Show"... and NAPW doesn't! It's a crime, I tell you.
The Show heads for the back, accompanied by an applauding Ian (he's 1-2 tonight, will SAD bring him to .500 or will they lose the title belts and make it a REALLY bad night for him?). Teddy Davis consoles his protege, telling him it was a great effort. Gage raises an arm to a decent pop, the crowd likes what they have seen. Did NAPW brass?
Suddenly, the lights dim in the Ogden Legion Hall. Flashbulbs beging fluttering all over the arena...
"Do not adjust your set..."
CULT.
"We will control the horizontal..."
OF.
"We will control the vertical..."
PERSONALITY. The familiar sounds of Living Colour hit the PA and the crowd booes mercilessly as NAPW World Champion Donovan Astros walks out towards the ring alone, title around his waist. Although Astros has a title match later tonight versus Kenny Krenshov, he's still dressed to the nines right now. Astros climbs up to the apron and steps through the ropes. He yanks the microphone away from Frank Warburton and scowls out at the crowd.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You might ask why Jake Phoenix isn't out here with me right now, but after what happened earlier tonight, I don't think he needs to be on a live microphone. Besides, this is more about me than it is the Murder City Devils. And it's about a match that I'm sure all of you are looking forward to... a match at Pure Dynamite.
The crowd goes nuts as they know exactly what Astros is talking about.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Here we are... three weeks away from a match that everyone in Alberta has been talking about. Donovan Astros versus Bruce "The Beast" Richards for the NAPW World Title in a match where Richards picks the stipulation. And trust me, it will be for the NAPW World Title, 'cause Kenny Krenshov isn't gonna be able to limp out of Calgary with my title!
The crowd starts up a "Krenshov's Gonna Kill You" chant. Astros doesn't flinch, staring down the whole damned lot of them.
DONOVAN ASTROS: But it's been burning on my mind, what in the Hell is Bruce Richards going to come up with for a stipulation? What in the world does The Beast have set up for me? Is he going to make me beat him with one hand tied behind my back? Is he going to make a mockery of this championship match and steal my gold? C'mon, Beast! Come out here and show the world that you're the thief in the night that I've said from day ONE that you are! C'MON!
Astros holds his arms out, waiting for the music. And waiting. The crowd is going ballistic, chanting "BEAST! BEAST! BEAST!" Nothing. No lights, no sound. Astros smirks and bring the microphone back to his mouth.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Just like I th-
"NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE ME ALIVE! THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"
It's Muse. It's "Knights of Cydonia". It's really hard on Guitar Hero III. And IT'S THE BEAST. Bruce Richards comes to the ring trying to out-suit the champ, topped off with his signature cowboy hat. Astros just stands in the ring, relaxing against the far ropes, shaking his head. Bruce grabs a microphone from a stagehand and addresses the NAPW World Champion.
BRUCE RICHARDS: You gotta control that temper, Donovan. That's no way for a guy with a title match later tonight to be have. Come to think of it, maybe that's why you're so aggravated. Going up against Krenshov, that puts a little pressure on a guy. Granted, he is coming in hobbled, and how fortunate that is for you.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Are you saying I had anything to do with that? Because if you are--
BRUCE RICHARDS: Cool your jets, boy. I would NEVER say anything like that. I mean, I'd insinuate it, but nothing that would hold up in court. So Krenshov is injured: that's actually good news for both of us, Donovan. You get to hold on to that belt for one more week. And then next month I get to be the one to take it away from you. AGAIN.
The crowd cheers, while Donovan Astros just sneers.
DONOVAN ASTROS: And just how do you plan on stealing that belt, huh, Brucie? You want to make me a sitting duck, maybe make me wrestle tied to a stake in the middle of the ring? Bring it on, (BLEEP)!
BRUCE RICHARDS: No, Donovan. Nothing like that. I mean, if I was the thief you say I was, I might think about hobbling you somehow. But then I'd have to live with you bitching about how I "cheated you out of the title". I lived with months of that last time; I'm not going to do it again. I'm no thief, Astros. I have stated things very plainly: I'm going to take that title, and I'm going to do it fairly. So next week, you and I are going to settle this once and for all, whether or not you manage to keep your mitts on that title tonight or not. In a cage match.
The crowd goes mild; sure, they want to see Astros and The Beast go at it, but in a cage? Astros scoffs.
DONOVAN ASTROS: A cage match? That's the BEST you can come up with? I'm disappointed in you, Bruce. I expected bigger and better things from you. That's no way to end this--
BRUCE RICHARDS: I'm not finished. You and me, in a cage. Nobody else can get in, or out. And then, when it's just you and me...one of us is going to make the other say the two words that nobody in this business wants to say: "I Quit."
The crowd cheers again. THIS is more like it.
BRUCE RICHARDS: That's how I want it, Astros. Just the two of us, no-one being able to blame it on outside interference or biased referees. Astros and The Beast, one on one. And when it's over, it's definitive. One of us is going to say I Quit, even if I have to hold a jagged splinter of wood in your face to do it.
Astros scowls at Richards for a moment. This isn't what the champ expected.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You wanna live out your lifelong fantasy? The conquering hero that makes his mortal enemy fall to his knees and scream out, "I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT!?" Bruce, you take a good long look at what I do to Krenshov tonight. You watch that match over and over. And then you figure out if you can make me say those words. You figure out if you can stop me once and for all.
Muse kicks up again as Astros and The Beast stand, eye to eye, face to face. Astros' lips are moving, we don't hear what he is saying, but it's certainly not likely to be nice. The intensity, the dislike of the other man is evident on each face.
Beast vs Astros IV. The final encounter. World Title on the line.
And inside a 15-foot high Steel Cage, one man will scream I QUIT, I QUIT, I QUIT.
Frank stands in the ring ready to call the next match.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, standing six-feet eleven inches and weighing in at three-hundred and fifteen pounds... "The Bluegrass Badass" Matthew Kurtis!
"Seek and Destroy" begins to play and the fans start to boo instantly. Kurtis stalks to the ring totally ignoring the fans and looking in all business modes. It is clear that he has devilish ideas in mind for Joey Malone.
BILL HEWSON: Over the past month Kurtis has been stewing over the fact that Joey Malone pinned him to gain a spot in the Canada Cup. Now he gets his shot at revenge, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: A pissed of Matt Kurtis is a very dangerous thing Hewson. I'd forfeit if I were Joey.
BILL HEWSON: You know Joey isn't like that. He's NAPW's very own Cinderella story and he won't back down from any opponent.
"Bad Boys" begins and the fans jump to their feet and cheer.
FRANK WARBURTON: His opponent... standing five-foot ten and weighing two-hundred thirty-one pounds..."Bad Boy!" Joey Malone!
The first person to appear is not Joey however. Chris Kamikaze appears at the ramp first. He smiles and waves to the crowd. Behind him are Esteban, Mr. Slick's Double Gary and Big Mitch. Mitch has an oxygen tank strapped to his back just in case.
BILL HEWSON: Joey has some backup tonight. Look at these guys! It's clear they view this as maybe another chance to learn to win.
JACK JONES: These geeks wouldn't even know how to spell win. And I wouldn't let t Kurtis hear you Hewson. He'll take offense to you suggesting Joey will win.
BILL HEWSON: Anything can happen in NAPW, Jack Attack!
Finally Joey appears. Together with his troop of friends Malone jogs to the ring. He enters and finds himself staring up... Up... Up at Matthew Kurtis. Kurtis sneers down at Joey as the bell rings.
"Let's go Joey! Let's go Joey! Let's go Joey!"
BILL HEWSON: The fans already showing who they support.
JACK JONES: Most of them are probably on their third beer by now. Their opinion doesn't mean much.
BILL HEWSON: Don't alienate the paying fan Jack.
Kurtis calls for the lockup and Joey agrees advancing towards the larger man. Kurtis reaches for the lock and gets poked right in the eye! He howls with a mixture of anger and pain and throws a punch. Malone ducks under and bam! Low blow!
BILL HEWSON: It may be questionable but Joey Malone has drawn first blood so to speak.
JACK JONES: Listen to these people! They wouldn't cheer if Kurtis uses these tactics. Hypocrites!
Joey waves to the fans before turning his attention back to the staggering Kurtis. He grabs Kurtis and executes a quick DDT and we have our first cover.
ONE!
TWO!
Matthew Kurtis powers out and sends Joey flying off of him. He gets to his feet and Joey with a jab. He dances around a bit and hits another jab. His attempt at sticking and moving doesn't yield any more success because Kurtis blocks the third attempt and blasts Joey with a hard right hand. He sends Joey to the ropes and hits a sidewalk slam when Malone rebounds.
CHRIS KAMIKAZE: Go Joey go Joey go!
FANS: Go Joey go Joey go!
ESTEBAN: Suck my balls! Suck my balls! Suck my... Balls?
Dead silence greets Esteban's cheer attempt. He shakes his head and looks very dejected as his companions just stare at him in shock. Back in the ring, Matthew Kurtis has Joey up and plants him with a back breaker.
BILL HEWSON: Kurtis is focusing on that injured back. It's only been a week since Joey felt the Bluegrass Bomb. The back still has to be tender.
JACK JONES: He won't be able to stand and fight back if his back is spasiming Hewson.
Kurtis hulls Malone up and gets a shot to the stomach. Another and Malone is free. He's favoring the back but fights through the pain and takes the bigger man off his feet with a rocker dropper! Malone is climbing to the top.
BILL HEWSON: Joey looking to take a chance here Jack.
JACK JONES: He better be quick. Kurtis is getting up.
Joey leaps off attempting the fist drop but Matthew is already standing. He catches Joey and tosses the smaller man out of the ring. Joey crashes down on his supporters and everyone is laid out outside.
JACK JONES: Look at them fall. It's like bowling pins!
BILL HEWSON: We've got bodies everywhere and look at Kurtis. He's laughing at the scene.
The group slowly gets to their feet. Kamikaze and Estiban help Joey up and check him for injuries. Mitch begins to hyperventilate and grabs the oxygen tank. Joey approaches the ring and slides in and pops to his feet. Kurtis with a stiff European uppercut that stands Joey up. Matthew jams Joey's head between his legs and lifts preparing for the BGB. Malone fighting back with punches! He slides down Kurtis's Back... Roll up!
ONE!
TWO!
No! Matthew Kurtis kicks out just before the three. The crowd groans and boos. Both men up and Joey with the Bad Blaster! Blocked! Yakuza Kick levels Joey! Kurtis with the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
He pulls Joey up at 2 and a half!
BILL HEWSON: Kurtis getting cocky now and wants to injure Malone. He wants payback for that pinfall last month and a victory just isn't enough.
JACK JONES: What's that idiot Kamikaze doing? He's not a part of this match!
Chris Kamikaze has seen enough and is climbing the ropes. His valiant effort is for naught though when he slips and starts to fall. Kurtis snatches him out of the air and launches Chris out of the ring... Into the third row! Kamikaze crashes into the chairs and collapses on the floor.
JACK JONES: Denied! Matthew Kurtis one! Losers zero!
BILL HEWSON: Malone is behind Kurtis! Spins him around... Oh no poor Joey!
Matthew Kurtis brushes Joey aside like a flee and sets up again for the Bluegrass Bomb. He has Joey in the head scissors and Lifts... Bluegrass Bomb!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... "Bluegrass Badass" Matthew Kurtis!
Joey is a crumpled heap on the mat. Kurtis glares down at him before sliding out of the ring. He brushes past Joey's crew before grabbing a chair. Kurtis brandishes the chair and enters the ring. He raises the chair high above his head.
BILL HEWSON: Winning wasn't enough. Matthew Kurtis wants to end Joey's career!
JACK JONES: Hahahahaha! Look at the geeks!
Mr. Slick's Double, Esteban and Big Mitch hit the ring. MSD gets flattened! Esteban knocked! The big 400+ pounder gets punched repeatedly by Matthew, covering up, but he trips and falls, knocking Matt down with his flabby power! Matt falls into the corner, disgusted ---
ESTEBAN WITH A BRONCO BUSTER!
SUCKMYBALLSSUCKMYBALLS!
JACK JONES: NOOOOOOOOO! GET THEM OUT OF THERE!
BILL HEWSON: They are protecting Joey! All three are battering Kurtis!
JACK JONES: It's like a bunch of insects swarming!
Esteban gets off Matthew Kurtis, after slapping his balls up and down Matt's face with X-Pac's signature move. Matthew gets out, Chris Kamikaze has returned to the ring and is ascending the buckles... Cross Body to Kurtis! The fans are going wild! Chris, Esteban and MSD hold Matt's arms down and Big Mitch comes off the ropes
400+ POUND SUPER FAT GUY SPLASH!!!
The trio helps Joey up and quickly leaves the ring. After a few moments Matthew Kurtis gets up and looks out at the fans... Who are laughing and pointing at him.
BILL HEWSON: Matt Kurtis can't be happy about this turn of events. He was just made a fool by the jobbers. And maybe he deserved it!
JACK JONES: Deserved it? That was five-on-one, even if they're all GEEKS!
Matt Kurtis is standing up in the middle of the ring. He's been squashed by a fatass. Had Esteban's balls bounced off his head. Hit by a CK crossbody. He beat Joey Malone, but there's no doubt he was just humiliated...
And nobody has ever seen an expression of pure anger and fury on the face of Matthew Kurtis quite like the one twisting his features right now.
Oh dear.
JACK JONES: And that's where I learned the value of friendship.
BILL HEWSON: Really. You learned about the value of friendship at a Thanksgiving buffet in a Montreal strip club. Really.
JACK JONES: Hey, I can't decide when and where epiphanies happen, Hewson. They just do.
FRANK WARBURTON: Our next match will be one fall at a sixty minute time limit, and is the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP match! Introducing first, the challengers!
Who wants to Party Hard? Andrew WK does! Him and the entire NAPW audience! The crowd is deafening as Mystic Ninja and the Expositioner enter through the curtain. Expo hugs a young child who holds up a sign that says "We miss you, Expstiner!" Hey, the kid can't spell, but his heart's in the right place.
FRANK WARBURTON: Weighing in at a combined four hundred and forty pounds, they are the Expositioner! Mystic Ninja! Three-time former tag champs MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
BILL HEWSON: They're trying for their fourth title reign, here, Jack! The stakes, they are high!
JACK JONES: And so are these goofs if they think they can beat the champs!
As Ninja and Expo climb the turnbuckles, playing to the crowd, the hard-edged sounds of Napalm Death play out and Krusty Kid Paul and Tommy Deathrow enter onto the stage, Ian Smith behind them, tag titles hanging from the fronts of their jeans as obvious phallic symbols. KKP is pushing a Safeway cart full of weapons. STD has his trusty bottle of booze, tonight it's Fireball Vodka. Only the "best" for our Superstar.
FRANK WARBURTON: Accompanied by Ian Smith! Weighing in at a combined four hundred and ninety-four pounds, they are the reigning and defending NAPW Tag Team Champions! Superstar Tommy Deathrow! Krusty Kid Paul! The SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS!
As Expo looks grimly at KKP, he unconsciously rubs his neck. Deathrow points at Ninja, smileds menacingly and gestures "You're next." Anthony Uruburu slides through the ropes and confronts SAD, reminding them that this is not a Superstar Rules match, and at the first sign of weapons, he WILL disqualify them. Ian Smith gets in the ref's face, telling Uruburu that he should be focused on doing his job and raising the hands of SAD in the air after the match. SAD enters the ring, and it looks like Krusty Kid Paul will be the man to start. And Expo enters the ring, eager to get his hands on the man that took him out of commission for a month and a half. KKP smirks, holds out his hand, and Deathrow slaps it, entering the ring. The crowd boos. Uruburu calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
Expo motions for the lockup, and Deathrow raises his arms for a collar and elbow, only to knee the Expositioner in the gut. BOOOO! Deathrow doesn't care what the fans think, though, as he follows up with a double ax handle to the back of Expo. The Expositioner drops to one knee, and Tommy capitalizes with an open handed slap to the face. The Expositioner stands up quickly, fire in his eyes. Irish Whip! Tommy hits the ropes as Expo hollers "X-Pound!" and jumps back on the lowest ring rope to get more elevation for a Lou Thesz press and starts hammering away on the face of Tommy Deathrow. KKP enters the ring, only to be cut off by the ref, who herds him back into the corner.
BILL HEWSON: And the Expositioner's showing a lot of fire here in his return to NAPW action!
JACK JONES: Well, yeah, but SAD's clearly dealing with a biased referee here, Hewson! The man actually took Krusty Kid Paul to task for coming in to save his partner!
BILL HEWSON: For the first time in a long time, SAD are not dealing with Superstar Rules. They're going to have to change their strategy if they want to walk out of the ring with their belts.
While Paul and Ian Smith argue with Uruburu, Expo is still laying in the punches, counting each one along with the crowd. Nine! Ten! Eleven! Deathrow makes short work of that with a thumb to the eyeholes of Expo's mask. Expo rolls over in pain, and Tommy capitalizes. Some knees to the skull of Expositioner. And then Deathrow pulls him up by the throat, and whips him towards the turnbuckle, running after him with a shoulder to the gut. "OOOF!" says Expo. Ian Smith has finished his distraction, and Uruburu turns around to see Deathrow in control. Deathrow applies a modified Camel Clutch, almost a chokehold, really.
BILL HEWSON: Come on! Expositioner was in the hospital for an injury to the throat! And Tommy Deathrow is attacking what has to be the man's biggest weakness!
JACK JONES: That's the name of the game, Jones: Taking advantage of the situation. Just like I did in Mexico when I found myself without pants in a girl's locker room.
BILL HEWSON: For crying out loud.
JACK JONES: "Donde esta my pants?"
The Expositioner is fading here, as Deathrow applies pressure to the neck and throat. He's turning beet red, and Uruburu lifts up the hand of Expo. It falls.
Uruburu lifts the hand again. Weakly, it stays up. Much to the support of the crowd, Expo still has some life to him. But Deathrow won't let go. That is, until he's struck from behind by Chinese feet! Ninja with the missile dropkick, and Deathrow finally lets go. Ninja slides back under the ropes as Uruburu cautions him. Expo's able to get back to the corner, and tags in Ninja. Ninja runs across the ring, and nails a baseball slide into the back of Deathrow. KKP is frustrated that he's not able to do anything, but he jumps off the apron and searches through his cart, finding a stop sign. He slides it into the ring, shouting "Hey, Tommy!" Uruburu sees it and throws it out of the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Once again, the lack of Superstar Rules is frustrating the tag champions.
JACK JONES: Mystic Exposition took away their greatest weapon! There's no more no-rules environment!
BILL HEWSON: Well, good! Teams like Mystic Exposition and Southern Destruction were getting tired of the bull that Deathrow dealt, and they took a stand!
Ninja pulls up Deathrow, and hits a tornado DDT. He goes for the cover. Only a one count. He shakes his head and points to the corner, to the cheers of fans. He climbs up, beckoning Deathrow to stand. MYSTIC CYCLO-NO! Out of nowhere, Deathrow powerbombs Ninja to the mat. He crawls over to his corner and makes the tag, and it's Krusty Kid Paul who enters, rubbing his hands in delight.
KKP runs and drops a mighty elbow onto the chest of Ninja. He throws him into the turnbuckle forcefully, and then flips him upside down for a Tree of Woe. Could this be? Crack Rock Steady. Ninja cires out in pain as KKP applies an arm breaker. But Uruburu is counting to five. KKP breaks at four, reluctantly. He shakes his head in frustration. Uruburu tries pulling the legs of Ninja out from around the turnbuckle, but KKP's right back in with some shots to the chest. And he runs to the halfway point, and runs back full bore at Ninja, BASEBALL SLIDE TO THE HEAD!
Or, it would be, had Ninja not been able to lift his torso up. KKP slides right into the post, krusty balls first! And Ninja? Well, he just pulls himself up to the top turnbuckle, and walks on the ropes. Shadow Missile to the head of Krusty Kid Paul! That's GOTTA hurt! Ninja waves in the Expositioner, and it's BINGO TANGO! Expo whips Ninja into KKP and Ninja manages to run up the chest of his opponent, hitting an enziguri. KKP drops. Ninja covers for the pin.
One!
Two!
Kick to the head by Deathrow. So close. The audience groans. Uruburu tries to restore order, but Deathrow is laying the beats to the head of the Mystic Ninja. Uruburu restrains Tommy, pushing him into the corner. But Ian Smith manages to scurry in and roll Paul closer to the corner, and roll back out. KKP pulls himself up with the ropes and tags in Deathrow. Deathrow picks up Ninja and slams him onto the mat. Oh, no, not Total Nonstop Tommy! "OH GOD!" cries the Expositioner. "Deathrow has my little buddy's head in between his legs and is doing pushups, simulating some perverted form of oral sex! Why can't I look away??? WHY CAN'T I LOOK AWAY???" Deathrow finally lets go, as Mystic Ninja goes limp. Deathrow with the Tommyhawk drives the face of Ninja into the mat. He pins.
One!
Two!
T-HAND ON THE ROPES!
BILL HEWSON: That was some great ring knowledge by the Mystic Ninja.
JACK JONES: Oh, yeah? Does he know the length of the ring in centimetres? The weight of the turnbuckle pads? Until he does, I've got better ring knowledge.
Deathrow is not a happy man, but he tags in Paul. KKP comes in and smashes Ninja with a KNEE. Right to the face. Ninja goes down, one, two, kick-out. KKP grinds his forearm across Ninja's chin and gets another cover, one, two, three. Hey some smart wrestling by Krusty Kid Paul right there. Ian Smith yells at the referee about a slow count, Uruburu ignores him. Meanwhile KKP pulls Ninja up, what's this? Pick up to the top rope! KKP steps to the apron and climbs up the outside...
Oh no.
BILL HEWSON: He's going for the SUPERBOMB! If he hits this it's GOT to be over!
JACK JONES: And about time!
KKP has Ninja in position, standing precariously on the top turnbuckle! Ninja trying to fight, Paul delivers some thudding forearms into his back! SUPERBOOMMMMMMB ---
REVERSED INTO A FRANKENSTEINER FROM THE TOP! NINJA HOLDS ONTO THE LEGS FOR ONE! TWO! THREE---
DEATHROW breaks it up with a boot to Ninja's head!
BILL HEWSON: What an unbelievable counter from Mystic Ninja and... I think we would have had new champions right there if Tommy Deathrow didn't make the save!
JACK JONES: But he did, they aren't, and this match continues! You think just because they don't have weapons SAD can't retain the titles?
BILL HEWSON: Actually, that's exactly what a lot of people think!
Ninja reaches out for the tag, but KKP grabs his ankle. Ninja tries to shake him off, ENZIGURI --- this one is ducked by Krusty Kid Paul! KKP yanks the off-balance Ninja back... GERMAN SUPLEX! He tags in Tommy Deathrow and holds Ninja in place as Tommy...
Well, sticks his hand down his pants.
He brings it up, sniffs the hand good, as Ninja strains to get free of KKP's grip, but it's too late! THE IRON CLAW! THE SWEATY BALL IRON CLAW! NINJA IS SWAYING ON HIS FEET! Tommy takes him down! KKP is out of the ring, as Expositioner looks on in horror! "Oh God, why is my partner being violated? TAKE ME! TAKE ME INSTEAD! COME ON FANS! DON'T DIE NINJA, DON'T DIE!"
The crowd takes up the... unique chant as Ninja twitches and flails underneath the power of Deathrow's nasty ass claw. (It's sweaty ball claw)! Sorry. Deathrow sticks his tongue out, leering, as he drains the life from Ninja. Uruburu raises the arm ...
It falls.
Ian Smith is clapping on the outside as Ninja stops moving save for a slight twitch. Uruburu raises Ninja's arm once more...
It drops a second time.
The crowd begins to worry, wonder. WHO CAN WITHSTAND THE SWEATY BALL CLAW???
Uruburu raises the arm a third time...
Lets go.
It dropssssssNOOOO!
Ninja holds the arm up! Shakes the fist! He's alive! He's trying to get to his feet, but the iron grip is still on. STD is relentless! But Ninja... walks up on the corner and BACK OUT!
OH MY GOD HE HIT SUPER SHINOBI!
JACK JONES: ...HOW?
BILL HEWSON: Mystic Ninja delivering his patented Super Shinobi OUT of the Sweaty Ball Claw --- but he can't capitalize! We could have new tag team champions, THERE'S A COVER! ONE! TWO! TH--- AH, DEATHROW KICKS OUT!
Ninja gets up, gasping, coughing, drawing in huge heaving breaths. Deathrow gets up, tags in KRUSTY KID PAUL! The KKP rushes in, grabbing Ninja from behind, BOTTLE OPENER --- Ninja flips out, lands on his feet, DIVES THROUGH KKP'S LEGS ---
"HOT TAG!!!" shouts Expositioner!
HOT TAG EXPOSITIONER!
KKP gets an X-PLEX! Deathrow runs in, Expo ducks and wraps HIM up for an X-Plex! KKP sent to the ropes, reversed! KKP charges, Expo ducks and sends KKP up and over the top rope! Deathrow charges, sent up and over INTO KKP! The crowd is going wild! Ninja runs at Expositioner? Sent up and over TWISTING SPLASH ONTO SAD!
BILL HEWSON: This is amazing! Expositioner, competing against doctor's orders, has cleaned house! This crowd smells a title change!
JACK JONES: No, that's just Calgary.
BILL HEWSON: ... Ninja and Expositioner slide the legal man KKP into the ring! Wait, Mystic Expositioner are climbing the ropes! KKP HAS NO IDEA!
"EXTERMINATE!"
M&E shout... and then as KKP looks up, they each fly off the ropes with a missile dropkick, connecting simaltaneously on either side of Krusty Kid Paul's head! Tommy is still down outside! EXPO COVERS!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE---
IAN SMITH PULLS THE REFEREE OUT!
BILL HEWSON: Dammit! Come on ref, DQ them!
JACK JONES: Ian Smith just wanted to show the the referee the slippery spot on the outside of the ring, make sure nobody gets hurt!
BILL HEWSON: Make sure his men remain champions! We had new champions WAIT A MINUTE! NO TURN AROUND NINJA --- NO! TOMMY DEATHROW WITH THE VODKA BOTTLE... SMASHED IT RIGHT OVER NINJA'S HEAD! MY GOD NO!
Ninja collapses in a heap and rolls outside as Expositioner charges Deathrow with a rage! "NOW I WILL AVENGE MY FRIEND!" Unfortunately for him, STD boots him in the gut! Oh my god, NO! DEATHROW DRIVER... IN THE BROKEN GLASS FROM THE BOTTLE! Uruburu finishes reprimanding Ian, who suddenly is acquiesing to his demands... Uruburu comes in the ring, Tommy has tossed the bottle away and covers Expo. Uruburu looks confused, but counts the fall ONE, TWO, NOT LIKE THIS, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... and STILL Tag Team Champions, Sexy Adorable Drunks!
BILL HEWSON: Dammit! This match was supposed to --- was supposed to prevent exactly this kind of thing! We were supposed to get a wrestling match and Tommy Deathrow, that son of a BITCH, breaks a vodka bottle over Ninja's head! This is --- and oh come on, you've won the match! Enough is enough!
JACK JONES: Not when you're SAD --- enough is NEVER enough!
Excess. That's what SAD live on. And now it's time for EXCESSIVE VIOLENCE. KKP is back up, he has a steel chair, Expo is finally up
KERANG
Expo goes down, trying to get his hand up to block but couldn't block all of it. KKP brings some heavy boots down as Deathrow rubs his nipples in anticipation. Ian Smith is reaching under the ring, he calls for help. KKP gets out of the ring... and helps Ian pull out a LADDER! They slide it into the ring, Deathrow grabbing it to set up. Ian starts tossing in plunder from KKP's shopping cart... but Paul is going back under the ring. What's he got?
Wait... he's pulling out...
A LADDER.
Paul forces the ladder into the ring and gets in. Expo is getting up, and Paul makes a "breaking" sound. Oh no! They have two chairs! Paul puts the one chair down across Expo's throat! Deathrow has his held high, they're going to reinjure Expositioner ---
BLOODY NINJAAAAAAA!
NINJA KICKS THE CHAIR INTO DEATHROW'S FACE! KKP gets up, swings at Ninja, the man ducks and then dropkicks KKP from behind, sending him crashing into his own chair against the ropes! KKP is dazed, Ninja grabs him... SUPER SHINOBI!!! KKP crashes, hitting some crap on the way down! Ninja is in pain himself, but he checks on Expo. Wait, Deathrow is back! He's throwing right hands, wild, rights and left, knocking down ME! He grabs Ninja and pulls him on top of the TABLE! OH NO! DEATHROW DRIVER THROUGH A TABLE???
NO! Ninja back drops Tommy off the table! Tommy grabs the nearest weapon, a trash can, swings, Ninja ducks... and Expositioner dropkicks the can into Tommy's head! Tommy throws the garbage can up in the air, punchdrunk, and it lands ON TOP OF HIM! Deathrow is canned! Ian Smith is yelling on the outside, KKP is trying to get in, Expositioner hits him with a swinging kick through the ropes, Rey Mysterio style! Tommy has come to a rest, falling on top of the table, trash can still on his head...
The table in front of the ladder.
A ladder Mystic Ninja looks up, up, up. And begins to climb! Expositioner is wondering what he's doing. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, CHUM? SURELY NOT AN AMAZING LADDER DIVE???"
Mystic Ninja is at the top of the ladder! Deathrow below on the table! SAD brought the ladder into the ring, brough the table into the ring... Ninja looks out, gives a bow, and then
SHURIKEN PRESS!!!
CRASH THROUGH TOMMY AND THE TABLE!
THE CROWD GOES DRAGONFRUIT! Here comes security finally, but all they can do is CLEAN UP THE CARNAGE! Ninja is down, limbs tangled with Deathrow's, but he raises his ARM IN TRIUMPH! SAD retain the tag titles, but Mystic Exposition have made their point CLEAR. SAD aren't finished with THEM, not by a long shot!
JACK JONES: So anyway, after I threw myself at the mercy of the court, the judge gave me 540 hours of Community service and mandatory counseling. I still say it was a good idea at the time though.
BILL HEWSON: Jack how many times do I have to tell you? Nothing Dr. Tittylover says is EVER a good idea! Anyway we're about to go to a match that I've been looking foreword to ever since the contracts were signed! Frank, take it away!
FRANK WARBURTON: This is your special "Toughen Up Match" and it is scheduled for one fall!
"GO!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring first, he hails from Parts Unknown, British Columbia and weighs in at two hundred and thirty pounds..."The Falcon" Jacob Venar!!!
"The Man Without Fear" by Drowning Pool featuring Rob Zombie hits the speakers and the fans pop huge for the high flying superstar! Venar emerges from behind the curtain and the crowd seems to cheer even more loudly. He heads down to ringside a look of steely determination on his face.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent...
"When The Lights Go Out" by The Black Keys (music only) replaces the thundering Drowning Pool and the crowd stay on their feet to see the "LDK!"
FRANK WARBURTON: He hails from Wabana, Bell Island, Newfoundland and is a former NAPW Grand Slam Winner, he weighs in tonight at two-hundred and forty-seven pounds..."LDK" Lloyd Rees!!!
Rees steps out from the back and gets a ton of respect from the crowd. A chant of "LDK!" LDK!" rock the walls.
BILL HEWSON: It's still hard to get used to, but Lloyd Rees is one of the most popular men in NAPW right now!
JACK JONES: It's horrible I know!
Rees climbs into the ring, eyes his occasional tag team partner and smiles. The two men shake hands and the fans are loving every minute of it.
JACK JONES: Oh Jeez! A handshake? Has the world gone crazy?
The referee calls for the bell and the two men cautiously circle each other. Collar and elbow tie up in the center of the ring. Venar backs Rees into the ropes and shoots him off. Leapfrog by Venar! "The Falcon" goes for a dropkick but Rees hangs onto the ropes and Jacob hits nothing but the canvas! Rees goes for an elbow drop but Venar rolls out of the way! Jumping legdrop from Jacob, but Rees rolls out of the way! The two men scramble to their feet in a stand off and the crowd roars with approval.
Another collar and elbow tie up and Rees powers Jacob into the near corner. The referee calls for the break and it's a clean one. Rees waits for only a brief second before ramming his shoulder into the gut of Venar! Another shoulder block into the ribs of his friend. The referee is calling for them to get the action out of the corner and Rees hooks Jacob for a hiptoss! Venar reverses and it's Rees who finds himself hip tossed out of the corner!
BILL HEWSON: These men know each other so well it's impossible to pick a winner!
Rees is back to his feet and catches a boot aimed straight for his gut! Inziguri by Venar sends Rees to the mat and rolling to the outside. Rees is pulling himself up on the ring apron and takes a dropkick that sends him crashing down to the floor. Venar waits for Rees to get to his feet on the outside and charges across the ring and sailing over the top rope nailing a Tope Con Hilo! The crowd goes nuts as the impact sends Rees slamming into the guard railing and leaves Venar in the front row! Jacob pulls himself back to his feet and crawls over the guard railing, Rees is slowly getting to his feet. Jacob grabs Rees and rolls him to the inside. "The Falcon" climbs up onto the ring apron, then to the top turnbuckle and sets himself for his SMW! Jacob takes to the skies! Rees pulls up his knees and Venar lands across them ribs first!
JACK JONES: That'll leave a mark.
BILL HEWSON: Nice guy or not, Rees can pick anyone apart with his ring skills. He may be the best technical wrestler in NAPW history!
Rees uses the ring ropes to pull himself back to his feet and stumbles over to a hurting Venar. Venar is pulled up by Rees and takes a double underhook across the knee backbreaker from the "LDK!" Rees quickly follows up with a bow and arrow and Jacob face is going a deep shade of red. "The Falcon" reaches out with his right hand and his fingers just touch the ring ropes causing a break! Rees releases the hold but pulls Venar up to his feet.
A snap suplex from Rees is followed by him floating over into a pin attempt. Jacob kicks out at one and Rees simply grins. Again Venar is pulled to his feet by Rees and this time he's shot into the ropes. No! It's reversed and Rees is the one that's is sent to the ropes. Thinking fast, Rees leaps and springboards himself off the second rope nailing Jacob with his DDT from the Green!
BILL HEWSON: What makes Rees so dangerous is that he knows where he's at in a ring at all times!
JACK JONES: Not to mention he likes to make people sleep with the fishes! Get it Bill?
BILL HEWSON: Uh, no.
JACK JONES: He's a fisherman and....Oh forget it, you're hopeless.
BILL HEWSON: ...is Don Travellli back?
JACK JONES: I said forget it!
Another count of one from the referee and Jacob kicks out! Rees isn't showing any frustration, in fact he seems to be enjoying himself. Venar is hauled up and is sent crashing back down to the mat with a gut wrench suplex into a powerbomb combo! Another count of one by the referee! Jacob Venar is showing tremendous heart! Rees pulls his man off the mat and lights him up with a chop across the chest! Jacob responds with a chop of his own!
Chop from Rees!
Chop from Venar!
Chop from Rees!
Chop from Venar!
Chop from Rees!
Chop from Venar!
Another chop from Venar! A third! A fourth! A fifth chop from Venar and the crowd is standing and applauding! Knee into the gut of Venar from Rees! Rees Irish whips him into the far corner. Venar hits a whisper in the wind onto Rees! Both men are down!
JACK JONES: Looks like the "Tide" is turning eh Bill?
BILL HEWSON: Indeed it has! Jacob Venar has got himself back into this match!
JACK JONES: No, when I said the "Tiiiiide" is turning I meant....
BILL HEWSON: Just watch the match Jack.
Venar rolls over and drapes an arm across the chest of Rees. Kickout at two! Both men struggle up to their feet and it's Venar who draws first blood with a stiff forearm to the head of Rees! Chop from Rees! Another forearm from Rees. Another vicious chop from Venar that sends sweat flying off of Lloyd's body! A European uppercut from Rees stuns Venar. Scoop slam from Rees. Rees is headed to the top rope as Jacob lays prone onto the mat. The second Rees gets to the top rope, Venar nips up and lands a right hand into the gut of Lloyd! "The Falcon" climbs up the turnbuckles to meet Rees and "LDK" fires away with a pair of short forearm shots. Both men are on the top rope and Jacob pulls Rees up to a standing position...
This looks dangerous...
Super Hurricanrana from "The Falcon!"
A "Holy Shit!" chant breaks out as both men lay motionless on the mat.
BILL HEWSON: What an amazing move!
JACK JONES: Yeah, too bad it killed them both though.
Jacob crawls over to Rees and covers him. One! Two! Rees gets up a shoulder! Jacob gets to his feet steps over the body of Rees, summons a reserve of strength, and hits a picture perfect split legged corkscrew moonsault! One! Two & 3/4ths! Rees again kicks out! Jacob pulls Rees to his feet and Irish whips him to the far corner. Rees hits hard and staggers out of the corner right into a superkick from Venar! Jacob is heading to the turnbuckles. Rees isn't moving! Again Jacob goes for the SMW! Rees rolls out of the way and "The Falcon" crashes into the mat! The referee lays the count on both men!
1...
2...
3...
4...
Both men are starting to stir.
5...
6...
7...
Jacob is nearly to his feet!
8...
9...
Both Jacob and Rees are up! Jacob turns towards Rees and gets hammered with a spear! Cover! One! Two! Venar kicks out! Rees slaps the mat in frustration. Jacob is trying to get to his feet, his body sore from head to toe. Rees grabs Venar and takes him over with a suplex! "LDK" holds on, rolls over and pulls Venar back up! Another suplex! Another roll though! Rees takes Venar up for what looks like a third suplex but instead turns it into a falcon arrow suplex! One! Two! Jacob kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: What's it going to take for these men to get the win?
JACK JONES: A chair?
BILL HEWSON: Not in this match! This is about respect! This is about manning up! Something men like Stone Zellor and Ol' Salty know little about!
Lloyd pulls Jacob to his feet but gets shoved away by Venar! Open handed slap across the chest of Rees! Forearm by Rees! Another flesh tearing open handed slap across the chest of Rees. Another forearm! A kick to the gut of Rees! A jawbreaker from "The Falcon" staggers Rees! Jacob whips Rees into a corner and follows him in. Boot to the face of Jacob. Rees pulls himself to the second rope, hooks the head of Venar and goes for a tornado DDT! Jacob reverses it into a northern light suplex pin!
One!
Two!
2 and 3/4!
Jacob pulls Rees to the middle of the ring and heads for the turnbuckles. Rees tries to get up but can't seem to pull his body off the mat. "The Falcon" takes flight and third times the charm...
SPREAD
MY
WINGS!
BILL HEWSON: He hit the SMW! It's over!
The referee is in position!
One!
Two!
Thr---
Foot on the ropes.
FOOT ON THE ROPES!
Jacob groans in frustration. He questions the referees count but it was a two. Jacob reaches down to pull Rees up but takes a kick to the side of the head! Jacob drops to his knees as Rees gets up and tries to lock in his Conception Bay Chinlock! Jacob is fighting but Rees manages to lock in the dragon sleeper! Rees is trying to wrap his legs around Venar but "The Falcon" is doing everything he can to get to the ropes! Rees is cranking back and the crowd are one their feet waiting to see if Venar will tap! Jacob swings out a leg and drapes it on the bottom rope! The referee starts his count and Rees lets go at four. Rees pulls Jacob away from the ropes and goes for the cover.
One!
Two!
Jacob kicks out ... and before Rees can pull off of Venar he finds himself locked in the Talon Clutch!
BILL HEWSON: Rees is caught! We could see Lloyd Rees tap out!
JACK JONES: The horror!
Rees is battling like crazy but Jacob holds on! Rees reaches his right arm up and starts to smash it across the nose and mouth of Jacob. The fans are starting up a "Tap! Tap! Tap!/PLEASE DON'T TAP!" dueling chant as Rees continues to pummel the mouth and nose of Jacob with his forearm. Then suddenly Jacob breaks the hold and is holding a hand over his eye! A wild forearm shot landed in the eye of Jacob causing the break. A scattering of boos fill the building as Rees gets to all fours and sees Jacob holding a hand over his eye. Rees crawls over to his partner and from nowhere Jacob rolls Rees up into a pin!
One!
Two!
Rees kicks out!
Rees looks a little shocked as he almost got suckered into a pinfall. Both men are up, Rees lands a kick to the gut doubling over Jacob. Rees hoists him up for his "Nish" J. Drop but Venar rolls though and again pulls Rees over into a pin attempt! One! Two! Rees kicks out! Both men scurry to their feet and Rees pops Jacob with a European uppercut! He goes for a second one but Jacob hooks the arm and turns the move into a backslide pin attempt! One! Two! Rees again kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: Back and forth these men go! Who will pick up the win?
JACK JONES: It better be "LDK" I got $1000 ridin' on him!
Both men are back up. Chop from Rees! Another! A third chop from Rees has the fans "Wooooooooo-ing" in the aisles! Low dropkick to the knee from Venar! Rees is on one knee and Venar comes off the ropes with a shining wizard! Rees ducks under it and ankle picks the left leg of Venar! Ankle lock by Rees! Venar rolls though and sends Rees flying! Jacob rolls to the outside and waits as Rees gets to his feet. Jacob leaps up to the top rope and goes for a springboard hurricanrana! it's reversed into a powerbomb from Rees! One! Two! Jacob kicks out! A collective gasp fills the packed arena. Rees looks frustrated as he pulls Jacob up. Small package by Venar! One! Two! Rees kicks out! Both men are up. Double clothesline sends both men down to the mat!
BILL HEWSON: Jacob Venar is showing us a ton of heart tonight! He's hanging with the best wrestler in NAPW!
JACK JONES: Best wrestler? I'm telling Astros you said that!
Both men slowly get to their feet breaking the referees count at eight. Chop from Venar! Forearm from Rees! Chop from Jacob! Kick to the gut from Rees which is followed up by a DDT. One! Two! Venar kicks out! Rees tries to suplex Jacob but "The Falcon" drops behind Rees and hits a German suplex with a bridge into a pin attempt.
One!
Two!
Rees kicks out! Jacob stalks Rees but "LDK" takes him to the mat with a double leg takedown and rolls over him for a cover!
One!
Two!
Jacob kicks out! Both men scramble to their feet and Rees drives a knee into the hurting ribs of Jacob! Abdominal stretch from Rees! Jacob is reaching for the ropes! Rees drops back and plants Jacobs shoulders squarely to the mat!
One!
Two!
Three!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of this match, "LDK" Lloyd Rees!
JACK JONES: Oh thank you!
BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees pulls out the win in this hard fought match! Using a move I haven't seen in ages!
The fans cheer and Rees is back up looking spent. He looks down at Jacob and offers his hand. "The Falcon" takes his hand and is helped up by his partner. The fans are now standing as Both men shake hands. Jacob, of course, looks frustrated but nobody can deny that was a classic contest which could have gone either way.
BILL HEWSON: And "LDK" Lloyd Rees gets his win back from the fall. It's interesting to think, Jack Jones, that it was Venar's defeat of Rees way back at Hostile Hangover that launched his career... and now, Rees is rebuilding his and finally defeats Venar!
JACK JONES: This kinda stuff is just wrong.
Jacob Venar climbs out of the ring and makes his way to the back as Rees leans against the ropes catching his breath. "LDK" is not going anywhere quite yet. Rees grabs the microphone from Frank Warburton and stands in the middle of the ring.
"LDK" LLOYD REES: First of all I want t'say to me bye Jacob, dat was one hell of a match! I'll give you dat rematch anytime ya want it! But I hate to say it, t'night be about more than just toughenin' up.
Salty!! D'hat right I called ya Salty cause I know how much ya love it, get yer ass out here! I know yer back d'ere tell'n everyone how great ya are. Well, why don't ya prove it and come out here and face me man t'man!
The crowd reacts. They want to see "LDK" and Mr. John Salton in the ring.
BILL HEWSON: If Ol'Salty was smart, he stay backstage. Better yet, he should get the hell out of the building!
JACK JONES: Bill, it's Mr. John Salton to you. Believe me if Mr. Salton does come out here, he will know exactly what he is getting himself into.
"LDK" LLOYD REES: Come'on John! Wait a sec...
Rees turns his back to the curtain.
"LDK" LLOYD REES: It d'hat better Mr. Salton? More your style?
Once again the crowd reacts, this time with boos as Mr. John Salton makes his way out from behind the curtain. Mr. Salton is not alone how ever.
JACK JONES: I told you Mr. Salton was smarter than to come out here alone.
Following behind Mr. John Salton are six security guards. Mr. Salton makes his way to the ring and enters as do the security guards. He walks up to "LDK" and is mere inches away from his face when he starts to talk.
MR. JOHN SALTON: What?! What do ya want from me "LDK"? Ya want me t'come out her and explain me actions?! Maybe an apology?! I did what I did and I stand by it! So, move on with yer life with Mr. Salton, if ya can...
"LDK" LLOYD REES: What do I want?! WHAT DO I WANT?! Let me tell ya what I want Salty! I wanted ya t'be man enough t'come out here and face me, man t'man! Prove t'me d'hat ya stand by da decision ya made. Show d'ese people ya got what it takes t'look me in da eye and say what ya have been say'n all week. Da fact d'hat you're da real man behind "LDK"!!
MR. JOHN SALTON: Ummm...
"LDK" LLOYD REES: What's wrong John?! Cat got yer tongue?! Ya got all d'ese morons protect'n ya! Go ahead and say whatever ya got t'say!
Mr. John Salton seems to be boiling in his skin.
MR. JOHN SALTON: YA NEVER APPRECIATED ME!! Ya always took da win as yer own! I was a big part of yer winnings and ya took all credit! I was f**k'n sick of it!
"LDK" LLOYD REES: D'hat is da biggest crock of s**t I have ever heard...
SMACK!! Mr. Salton just open-handed "LDK" in the face! Rees is pissed and quickly grabs Salton by the collar of his expensive suit. The security guards are as quick to react and they grab Rees.
MR. JOHN SALTON: Keep yer hands off me!
"LDK" fights but can not get free... he's swearing in unintelligble Newfese at Mr. John Salton, who is enjoying this. Perhaps too much. Salton sneaks in and takes a cheap shot at Rees as he's being held ---
LIGHTING A POWDER KEG!
Rees throws off security and dives for John Salton, tackled just before he gets him! Salton blanches and realizes he needs to get the hell out of dodge, because security can't hold Rees back! The crowd is chanting "LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO!"
BILL HEWSON: We have NEVER seen Rees this angry in his entire career! And here come some of the younger wrestlers to help quell this situation!
Indeed, Esteban, Chris Kamikaze, David Gage have run out along with a couple other security guards, because Rees has knocked the others out of the ring in his rage to get at John Salton! They get in, Gage from behind ---
CRACK
A flailing Rees fist nails Gage right in the nose! And suddenly David Gage jumps for LDK! Esteban and Kamikaze get inbetween him! Gage has lost his temper and wants his own piece of Rees. The NAPW rookie getting hot under the collar, as his mentor Teddy Davis comes out. Rees is finally calming down, Salton is gone, the battle is lost for today. Rees looks over at Gage, holding his hands up in tacit apology. Davis, arm in the sling, awkwardly gets into the ring and begins talking sense into his protege Gage.
Finally security leave the ring, LDK assuring them it's fine. Davis has Gage backed into a corner, as Rees steps to center ring. He offers his hand to Gage. Davis nods, telling him it's fine. David Gage comes out, hesitantly, but then accepts LDK's handshake. Davis nods in respect to his protege and to his sometime ally Lloyd Rees. Gage gets out of the ring... LDK turns back to look at the curtain, cursing John Salton. He turns around---
BILL HEWSON: WHAT. THE. HELL.
Teddy Davis lets fly with a sickening flying big boot that takes LDK right to the floor! The crowd gasps as Davis rips off his sling and tosses it into the crowd, flexing the "hurt" arm to show that it's fine. Rees is getting up, hold on, David Gage grabs a chair and gets into the ring! Security rush back, Gage swings the chair! Nobody can get into the ring! Teddy Davis kicks Rees in the face again, Rees just wrestled a hell of a match, what in the --- OH NO! It's CATTLE MUTILATION! Rees yelling in pain as Davis locks the hold in, Gage holding off security! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
BILL HEWSON: I don't believe what we are --- TEDDY DAVIS HAS SNAPPED! WHY is he attacking Rees? What the hell is going ON this month? OH my...
JACK JONES: I don't know why, but I know that I LOVE IT! Haha! Forget about John Salton, Rees, Teddy Davis is going to BREAK YOU!
BILL HEWSON: That David Gage, keeping security out with a damned STEEL CHAIR --- WAIT A MINUTE! HERE COMES THE FALCON! VENAR SLIDES INTO THE RING, AND --- Gage dives over the top rope! Davis is out of there! Thank God for Venar, but... Lloyd Rees once again has been left laying by a surprise betrayal!
JACK JONES: February 2008 won't be a month he wants to remember, Hewson. But I sure will!
Venar yells at Gage and Davis to get in the ring and fight, dammit, but they don't want anything to do with that. Davis makes a point of flexing his hurt arm and then he and Gage take off to the back, Gage threatening to swat at fans giving them holy hell. Venar helps LDK up, Rees holding his head and neck in clear pain...
First John Salton, then Teddy Davis. Are they connected? If they are, then how?
And if not, then... how much worse have things just gotten for "LDK" Lloyd Rees
JACK JONES: And that's when she told me it was over. I was heartbroken.
BILL HEWSON: So you came within minutes of getting tickets to Hannah Montana, and it sold out as you get to the window?
JACK JONES: HEARTBROKEN!
BILL HEWSON: You are one special man.
FRANK WARBURTON: This is your co-main event of the evening. It is set for one fall, with a sixty minute time limit. And it is FOR THE NAPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!
"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"
The size of the man doesn't really tell you the whole story. One day a long time from now, a medical examiner will cut this man open and find a lot of things large on him. But the biggest thing that will stand out will be the size of his heart. HEART! OK, maybe not medically or physically is his heart much bigger than yours or mine, but you gotta believe this man's "heart" is as big as he is physically. Kenny Krenshov gets a huge ovation, and with it you see one fist go up in the air, and he walks, slowly for sure, to the ring. Signs include "ATTACK ASTROS", AND "BIG KENNY CHAMP OF THE WORLD". He gets in the ring, and it's tough for him, never bending his right knee.
BILL HEWSON: This man is TOUGHER THAN NAILS! His right knee is reportedly taped up real good, is braced and has been shot up with cortisone in the back.
JACK JONES: Cortisone my ass... You know good and well he followed his former manager's advice and indeed took something from one of those shady pharmacies off the internet.
BILL HEWSON: How can you question his morals?
JACK JONES: Two words: WORLD TITLE! There's not a man on the roster who doesn't want to be in the shoes of Donovan Astros. No one! Astros is the cream of the crop, and he makes the most money, gets treated like royalty. Go ask D!, Casino, Caliber, Ravager for god sakes, ask Bruce Richards what the belt means. IT IS EVERYTHING! So don't sit there like some idiot and act like a man who has done the things Kenny has done, wouldn't take a short cut.
BILL HEWSON: You might think that people can't change, cause you choose not to, but I'LL BE DAMNED IF YOU ARE GOING TO PREACH TO ME ABOUT WHO DOES RIGHT AND WRONG! I know these wrestlers, and I'll admit some shock me with the evil they do, but Kenny Krenshov is not a man to try and win a belt with illegal measures. END OF STORY. Astros on the other hand.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challenger, he is standing six feet nine, and weighed in at three hundred forty nine pounds. He is wrestling out of Middletown, New Jersey. He is KRENSHOV!
The fans go crazy, hoping that this man can end the reign of the heinous and much hated Astros. The cheers go away. Why?
"Do not attempt to adjust the picture."
Guitar riff #1.
"We will control the horizontal."
Guitar riff #2.
"We will control the vertical."
And out comes the champ. No Phoenix as he is still recovering from the battle of the titans with Dan Ryan. Astros seems very smirky. He seems beyond cocky, as he mocks Kenny, staggering to the ring on one leg. The fans? They might be ready to hang this man from the top of the building before he gets in the ring. Astros tells the fans to kiss his Murder City ASS! He enters the ring, then struts. He runs back and forth across the ring, taunting Kenny, telling him "Can YOU do that?" The go to hell look is unending, as Kenny glares at Astros.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! He stands six foot three, weighed in at two hundred twenty seven pounds. He is the reigning and defending NAPW CHAMPION OF THE WORLD... DONOVAN... ASTROS!
John Sharplin calls for the bell. The two men just stare. The crowd is totally electric, and the buzz can be felt MILES away. The underdog in this match is normally NEVER one. He is considered by the standards of measurements as a giant (anything over six foot seven). But a one legged giant in an ass whipping contest? Some might still pick him. But not against Astros. The maniacal man, who will stop at nothing to retain gold. NOTHING!
BILL HEWSON: There is no locking up here. Astros dives at the legs, not once, but twice, both times missing, as Kenny moves just in the nick of time.
JACK JONES: Don't forget that Trent Daniels, or Dan Ryan will be waiting for whoever the World Champ is at Sole Survivor.
BILL HEWSON: A great matchup, the other main event tonight, which is after this battle of wills.
Astros digs in and decides to fake a dive, then hits a leg kick that isn't loud, but is more of a THUD! MMA fans will know that a THUD is far worse than a slapping sound when it comes to leg kicks. ANOTHER ONE LANDS! It was a slapping one, that signifies he didn't get shin on leg. Kenny desperately tries to get a hold of Astros. Astros goes low and drop kicks the right leg, and Kenny goes down. The leg is super stiff, and doesn't bend. Kenny sits up and Astros charges with a boot to the head attempt, but Astros gets caught. Kenny trips Astros with his free hand, and crawls on top of Astros. He locks on a BEAR HUG ON THE GROUND!
BILL HEWSON: Both men have altered their game plans, using different techniques. Kenny's best chance is to keep this on the ground, and to suck the life out of Astros.
Astros is breathing heavy, as the very strong upper body of KRENSHOV is on display. One wheel or not, at this position, it's all about the grip. Kenny lets up as Astros, very veteran-like, gets to the ropes. That doesn't stop the massive hammer-like hands of Kenny landing to the ribs of the Champ. Astros is sucking air, and escapes to the outside. John Sharplin starts his ten count, as Krenshov uses the time to gain a vertical base. Astros returns to the ring at the count of eight. He then explodes toward Kenny, who was trying to stretch the injured leg. Astros gets caught though, and KRENSHOV NAILS HIM WITH A HUGE FOREARM SMASH! Astros is down, but back up and receives a quick chop to the throat, which floors Astros again. Astros, forever resilient in his own right, gets right back but receives a POWER SLAM, NOT THE RUNNING VARIETY, FROM KENNY KRENSHOV!
JACK JONES: Astros got caught once, and then the momentum was in the court of Kenny.
John Sharplin gets in position as Kenny hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
DO YOU THINK IT'S OVER?
NOPE, NOT YET... KICK OUT BY ASTROS!
Kenny doesn't allow Astros to get up, but moves Astros to his stomach. Kenny gets Astro's back, and gets all of his upper body wait across the back of Astros. THEN ELBOWS ASTROS IN THE HEAD! THEN AGAIN! THEN AGAIN! Kenny gets up, using the ropes to help, and with his good leg, kicks Astros in the head. Astros covers up. Kenny goes to the well once to many times, and this stomp attempt ends with a stiff kick to the right and still injured knee of Krenshov. It floors Kenny as Astros, very methodically, drags the three hundred plus pounder to the corner. He goes outside, grabs both legs and PULLS KENNY CROTCH FIRST INTO THE POST! Astros hears the count reach three then four, and slips into the ring. Very briefly though, as he has OUTSIDE BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO!
ASTROS APPLIES THE RING POST FIGURE FOUR, MADE FAMOUS BY BRET HART! John Sharplin is almost deafened by the screams, as Krenshov lets it all out. The count seems to be in slow motion. ONNNNE... TWWWWOOO.. THE COUNT OF TEN HAS NEVER BEEN THIS SLOW IN KENNY'S WHOLE DAMN LIFE! THREEEEEE... FOOOOOUURR.... FIIIIVVVEEE! The knee, the leg, the tendons all being stretched, further, harder and more painfully than ever before. SIIIXXX! SEVVVVEN! EIGGGGHT! And it stops, as Astros releases and enters the ring. Astros rolls out immediately, and is going for it again.
BILL HEWSON: THIS IS SICK! WAIT! KENNY WITH A BOOT FROM HIS GOOD LEG... GET'EM KRENSHOV.
Astros staggers a bit, then grabs the right knee, SMASHING IT WITH ALL HIS MIGHT RIGHT INTO THE POST. AGAIN! Astros lays in kicks, punches, double ax handles, all in succession. At the count of eight once again, Astros returns to the ring. He doesn't care about being booed. He doesn't care about the man's future ability to walk. He WANTS TO WIN! And if Kenny's leg never gets used again, so be it.
JACK JONES: Sick? Astros is being another word that starts with "S"! SMART!
Astros uses the time to taunt Kenny, telling Kenny to get the f*ck up. Kenny tries too, and DROP TOE HOLD! Astros leaves him alone, and yet again, tells Kenny, GET THE F*CK UP! Astros charges just as Kenny does but gets caught around the throat with a huge hand. CHOKE SLAM! CHOKE SLAM! Kenny falls on top of Astros! The cover!
ONE!
TWO!
HOW ABOUT NOW, YOU THINK IT ENDS?
NAH, FOOT ON THE ROPE!
Astros survives another big time power move. Astros slowly gets up, as does Krenshov. Astros throws Kenny into the rope with an Irish Whip, only seeing Kenny fall to the mat. Astros knees the big man in the head, and then covers.
ONE!
TWO!
LIKE THAT? YOU REALLY THINK IT ENDS LIKE THAT?
WELL IT DOESN'T!
Astros looks frustrated as Kenny kicks out. The big man is too big for most of his moves, so he is forced into a submission game. Astros laces the big mans legs, and puts him in the best Sharpshooter he can muster. The leg doesn't give much bend at all. He gives up on that move quickly. Astros turns sets Kenny up, and goes to the top. He comes down with a top rope knee stomp attempt, but instead receives a BOOT TO THE CHIN, COURTESY OF THE GOOD LEG! Astros might have lost a tooth there and holds his jaw. Kenny gets to his feet. He staggers around, the right leg bearing no weight. He throws Astros into the ropes, then catches him off the rebound with A MASSIVE FALL AWAY SLAM! ASTROS LANDS OUTSIDE THE RING! HE HITS HIS HEAD HARD! The count begins.
ONE!
TWO!
NOT A COUNT OUT!
THREE!
MAYBE!
FOUR!
THE FANS START TO BOO AS ASTRO AWAKES, BUT IS HESITANT TO ENTER THE RING.
FIVE!
SIX!
ASTROS GOES TO GET HIS TITLE BELT!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
ASTROS IS HEADING OUT!
NINE!
KENNY TURNS SHARPLIN AROUND, AND STARTS TO CONVERSE WITH HIM.
BILL HEWSON: Astros tried to leave. Just to walk out, retain the title by count-out! We've seen enough of that crap from our Heritage champion!
JACK JONES: He expected to win already, might have had plans.
BILL HEWSON: John Sharplin says he can't remember what number he was on, and RESTARTS THE COUNT!
Astros looks forward and sees that he can't really leave. Why? The crowd has unlocked the guard rail, and PUT THE ENDS TOGETHER WITH SIX BIG MEN HOLDING THEM TOGETHER. Astros looks back into the ring, holding his head, which has been the target of Krenshov all day. He sees that the fans refuse to let this match end like this. He drops the belt. He goes back into the ring, and SPEARS THE RIGHT LEG OF KRENSHOV! He yells at the fans, that Kenny's leg will break because of ALL OF THEM!
JACK JONES: The fans can't do that! What the hell? They can't cage wrestlers in, not allowing them to go. WHERE WAS SECURITY!
BILL HEWSON: Well, Astros isn't nice to anyone in NAPW, including security, so why would they help him?
Astros wastes little time, and HE LOCKS ON THE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK! Kenny is beyond hurting. It's got to be the most painful thing he has ever had to feel. Cortisone shots, braces, tape, they don't help if you get punched, kicked, speared in the knee. It was smashed into a steel post. Now after a modified figure four, he receives the real deal. It's locked on, it's in the middle of the ring. Reach advantage be damned. Kenny Krenshov is in deep trouble.
John Sharplin checks on Kenny, who hasn't submitted yet. But you just know it's a matter of time. Astros is close enough to the ropes to grab them, and does, grasping the middle one, using it to add pressure. KRENSHOV SCREAMS IN PAIN! The crowd is chanting: "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP"! Tapping might not be the way he will lose. He fades some and both shoulders are on the mat.
ONE!
TWO!
THIS IS IT, ISN'T IT? ASTRO RETAINS DOESN'T HE?
NOPE! NOT YET!
Shoulder flies up. Kenny is fighting off the darkness that is creeping into his mind. He again falls to the mat.
ONE!
TWO!
DAMN WHAT A FIGHT BY KRENSHOV!
AND IT'S NOT OVER!
Another shoulder flies up! Then Sharplin sees Astros holding on to the ropes. A deer caught in the headlights look appears on the face of Astros. He has to release the hold. He refuses, and SHARPLIN FORCES HIM TOO. Do it or you'll be stripped of the belt, says Sharplin. Astros releases and gets up quickly. He is mad as hell. Krenshov gets pulled to his feet, and Astros smiles, then gets goozeled around the throat again.
CHOKE SLAM!
NOT QUITE...
Astros kicks Kenny low and gets released. Astros is going for the ASTROCIDE!
HE GETS HIM HOOKED!
AND GETS PUSHED OFF!
Astros hits the ropes and off the rebound gets CAUGHT... SUPLEX POSITION! TOTAL ECLIPSE! TOTAL ECLIPSE! ON ONE LEG, HE HIT THE TOTAL ECLIPSE!
ONE!
TWO!
ASTROS WILL KICK OUT, OR WILL HE? IT WAS A ONE LEGGED MAN WHO DID IT!
THREEEEEE!
The bell sounds, the crowd erupts. They pinch themselves. They pinch each other. This isn't a dream.
FRANK WARBURTON: THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEWWWWWW! NAPW! WOOOOORRRLLLD CHAMMMPIOOON! KKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRRENNNNNNNNSHHOOOOOOVVVV!
Astros. Astros isn't really coherent. You can't hear yourself think.
"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"
Krenshov lays on the mat. He has what looks to be tears in his eyes as he tries to get up. He stumbles back down, grasping the NAPW belt to his chest. The crowd is popping picture after picture. A knee that was shattered last week. Not one of his peers thought he could win. And here he is, barely able to walk, career threatened by wrestling with this injury, but came to the match, and gave it his all. Astros gave his all, but tonight, KRENSHOV IS THE MAN!
BILL HEWSON: That was one incredible match. Guts, heart, determination, the will to win no matter the sacrifice. What a great job by KRENSHOV!
JACK JONES: I'm in... I'm in shock. This was... this was the year of the Astrocide!
BILL HEWSON: It was, but against all odds, with a busted knee... KRENSHOV is the NAPW WORLD CHAMPION! A man who we once thought would never wrestle in NAPW again, a man who has fought for everything in his life, a man who has overcome adversity that would break many men! Can you believe it?
Jake Phoenix has come out, his nose and face is still a mess of dried blood... apparently he hasn't bothered getting medical attention for what is clearly a broken nose. He walks out to the ring, but for once, he doesn't laugh or make fun of his ally. Phoenix slings Astros' arm around him and helps him walk out. The Murder City Devils are beaten, bloody, and despite their amazing efforts tonight, walk out without wins... and without the World Title.
In the ring Krenshov fights against all the pain to stand up and raise the belt high, covered in sweat, in so much pain, but he has the ultimate anesthetic
The World Championship.
And we're not done yet.
JACK JONES: I haven't eaten a hot dog since.
BILL HEWSON: I'd always heard the rumours, but never really believed... really? Opossum?
JACK JONES: POSSUMS!!!
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen, this was expected to be an historic evening for NAPW, with the crowning of the 2008 Canada Cup champion. Just moments ago, the 2nd World Title reign of Donovan Astros came to an end as an emotional Kenny Krenshov defeated him for the championship.
JACK JONES: I'm still in