It's a few minutes before the posted bell-time, hundreds of fans have come to the Ogden Legion for another awesome New Alberta Pro event. Most fans are in their seat, chattering away, others getting snacks, last-minute stragglers coming in.
Which is why most people are surprised when NAPW Commissioner Terry Brandon storms down to the ring with black look on his face. Brandon asks for the house microphone and gets the attention of the fans.
TERRY BRANDON: If I could just --- If I could just get everybody's attention here for a minute, now, right now you are SUPPOSED to be getting one hell of an NAPW event, but we've had a little problem, y'see, because not fifteen minutes ago two of the wrestlers you all paid money to see tonight were found in the parking lot, and they were damn well beat up! I hate to say this and I hate to announce this but we just had to rush Hank Henderson and Dan Miller to the hospital because SOMEBODY decided to jump them on their way into the building, some GUTLESS cowards, some yellow-bellied pieces of trash!
Brandon stops to finally take a breath. The crowd is beginning to boo at the news. Southern Destruction... assaulted? Not on the card? What the heck?
TERRY BRANDON: Now I know you fans are here for the Heritage Title match, you're here to see The Beast make Donovan Astros say "I Quit" inside a fifteen-foot high steel cage, but I also know that you're here to see Southern Destruction finally square off, team against team, with the Sexy Adorable Drunks! They were SUPPOSED to wrestle here tonight! They were SUPPOSED to finally get their chance to whoop a little SAD ass! They were SUPPOSED to come out and entertain each and every one of you fans who laid down their hard-earned money to see a show tonight, but that in't gonna happen now because somebody decided to take them out before it even got there. Well I may be an old man, I may not always be the most liked man, hell, I sure ain't the most good-looking man in this promotion, but ONE THING I am NOT, and that's a STUPID man. So I tell you what, right now, SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS, you get your sorry asses out here! Come on Krusty Kid Paul! Come on Tommy Deathrow! Show your damn faces before I have to start firing some people!
Brandon doesn't have long to wait as NAPALM DEATH fires up on the PA. The death metal roars forth as the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS step out from the curtain, accompanied by Dextro and the manager, Ian Smith. STD and KKP each have a tag title hanging out of the front of their pants, a phallic representation of their huge cocks --- I mean egos. The crowd is booing them to hell. Tommy leers at female fans, probably some male as well, well taking belts from a flask. Paul looks angry and mean. The entourage gets into the ring...
TERRY BRANDON: Why thank you for such a prompt response. Now let me just ask you one question: why the hell are you two so damn afraid of wrestling Southern Destruction, huh? You gotta go out and beat them up, send them to the hospital so you don't even have to meet them non-title?
TOMMY DEATHROW: Hey bitch you forget who you speak to, I'm the "Superstar" and he's the "Showstoppa." You have to lick the peanut butter off our sacks before you can talk to us like that.
KRUSTY KID PAUL: Listen up *BLEEP*, Southern Destruction can suck our *BLEEP* after we shove 'em up their asses. They don't deserve to step into the ring with mother*BLEEP* as bad as us and they never will.
TOMMY DEATHROW: Besides we did not beat them up, we don't need to do that. Southern Destruction? Please. They're nothing to the SUPERSTAR an Paul. We were too busy playing spank the walrus with Dex anyways.
TERRY BRANDON: Well first of all, let me say that I'm impressed you two haven't contracted any life-threatening diseases, and second of all what the hell is wrong with you? But third of all, you tell me another man, another team in this fed who has any reason to jump Henderson and Miller? Name ONE.
TOMMY DEATHROW: *BLEEP* Joseph Malone, the bitch is mean. I saw him once piss on Dextro while he was asleep.
KRUSTY KID PAUL: I saw the pictures.
TERRY BRANDON: ... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?
The crowd goes nuts at that. Suddenly Ian Smith grabs the microphone.
IAN SMITH: Hold it hold it hold it! What do you think you're doing BRANDON?! Accusing my two men of doing something ILLEGAL and heinous? Do you have proof? HUH? All you have is baseless accusations and they won't stand up in a court of law! If Southern Destruction can't compete tonight, TF for them, and my clients have the night off! Now if you'll excuse us ---
TERRY BRANDON: I don't remember talking to you, you blood-sucking parasite!
IAN SMITH: Washed-up never-was!
TERRY BRANDON: Apparently you didn't hear me, because I said I don't remember talking to YOU you little cocksucker! Now Tommy DEATHROW, Krusty Kid PAUL, all I have to say, is that you've got this little twit managing your careers, you're taking out competition, injuring guys all over, and now you're going to try to leave here tonight without manning up and admitting what you did? When the hell did you two become such goddamned PUSSIES?!
Oh. That may have been a touch across the line. Deathrow and Paul suddenly advance on him, Ian getting in between them and Brandon. Terry backs up a few steps... you don't want to be looking down the jaws of the SAD lion like that.
TOMMY DEATHROW: Sound like a man who wants to know what it feels like to have his pussy pounded by 12-inches of throbbing superstar, and we'll take the asshole if you're missing it.
KRUSTY KID PAUL: Who the *BLEEP* are you calling pussies? We ain't afraid of any *BLEEP* in this fed! We're the SAD! The mother*BLEEP* SAD! And we don't give a shit if you're a wrestling, referee, manager, stupid ninja, or a COMMISSIONER, we'll *BLEEP* you up if you get in our way!
SAD advance... Holy shit... this isn't good. This is NOT good ---
"Whatcha gonna do when they come for you???
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT! ANYMORE!"
Twisted Sister answers the question Inner Circle poses... and suddenly "BAD BOY" JOEY MALONE and REBEL Pro's WARREN run out from the entrance way to a HUGE pop. Where did they come from, who knows, but they get inbetween SAD and Brandon, standing right up to the bigger and nastier Drunks! Joey takes the microphone!
JOEY MALONE: Hold on here, chumps! You know my pal Warren was up visiting and meeting with all my friends in the WGA this week, but we were backstage and just couldn't help but hear the things you were saying! Really, nasty, negative things... and we decided we didn't like it! Not one bit. You two are big darn jerks! Tell 'em, Warren!
WARREN: Like totally dude! SAD, we thought we were totally done with you after we like, completely ruled your sorry asses in REBEL over February. Now since you went and committed such a bogus act like attacking your opponents tonight, me and the Bad Dude Malone had a great idea! He didn't have a match, and I'm always ready for a fight... so why don't we throw down one more time, Warren & Bad Dude vs the SAD and we'll lay down one more most excellent - FOR THE FANS AND US - beatdown on you! And if you really aren't like, what Brandon said, then you'll do what we did for you back in February... and put those tag titles on the line! If you got like totally any cubes, dudes!
Deathrow and KKP snarl and pat the tag title straps. But it's Ian Smith who takes the microphone.
IAN SMITH: Why can't I ever be RID OF YOU Warren??!! It doesn't matter! You're not an NAPW wrestler! Joey isn't scheduled to wrestle! My team was scheduled to wrestle Southern Destruction, now they can't, so they're not wrestling AT ALL! They don't have anything to prove to you, these idiot fans, this moron commissioner! They are NOT wrestling tonight and certainly NOT defending the tag team titles ---
Tommy grabs the microphone from Ian suddenly, cutting the manager off in mid-rant. Ian looks flabbergasted as Tommy shoves him to the side, staring right down at Warren & Joey.
TOMMY DEATHROW: Shut up man. You two five-year olds got luckier than Dextro on amateur night in February. You think you can take us out again, you think you beat us for the SEXY ADORABLE DRUNK tag team titles and be champions of the world against the SUPERSTAR and the SHOWSTOPPA you don't know what you're stepping into, those aren't quarters in our pocket they're damn cucumbers and we will cockslap you into submission, because I am Tommy Deathrow and I am your *BLEEP* GOD an the KKP is my *BLEEP* angel of death, so you two wanna match you *BLEEP* got one
WHAM! Tommy punches Warren right in the face! KKP attacks Joey! SAD are giving it to the former REBEL tag champs right away as referee John Sharplin runs out and calls for the bell... Brandon has said "WHAT THE HELL!" It's a match, a title match! SUPERSTAR RULES BABY! Deathrow pounding on Warren in a corner, KKP the same. Double irish whips, but wait! Joey reverses KKP, Warren SPEARS Paul down! Warren drops down and Joey uses him as a launch pad for a flying forearm that sends Deathrow to the ropes! Warren does the same to KKP, they clothesline both members of SAD out of the ring. Deathrow and KKP try to regroup
Warren and Joey rush the ropes
DOUBLE SUICIDE DIVES! THEY TAKE OUT THE TAG CHAMPS! THE CROWD GOES CRAZY!
Warren and Joey bundle Deathrow back into the ring, Warren then goes back for Krusty Kid Paul. In the ring, Joey hits a DDT on Tommy and covers one, two, BIG kick-out from Deathrow. The "Bad Boy" signals for his BAD BLASTER (X-Factor), but Tommy kicks him in the gut instead. Oh no ---
FALCON ARROW!
ONE, TWO, Malone kicks out!
Warren tries to whip KKP into the steel ring post, but KKP reverses INTO a stiff short-arm clothesline! KKP grabs Warren by the scruff of the neck and back of the shorts --- "*BLEEP* MOVE!" --- and BEALES him INTO THE FRONT ROW! The crowd barely got out of the way as KKP follows in, grabs a steel chair and blasts Warren across the head with it. Paul has never forgotten that Warren beat him in a wild CIRCLE K DEATHMATCH down in REBEL!
In the ring, Tommy has locked a Camel Clutch onto Joey Malone, making sure to rub his crotch on the back of Joey's head in the process. Joey is trying to hold on, he doesn't want to submit. KKP is back in the ring... WHAM. He just KICKS Joey right in the face. Nothing fancy, nothing pretty, just a kick IN THE FACE. Tommy lets Joey drop, Malone holding his nose. It could very well be broken. Joey has been taking some hellacious beatings lately. KKP sits on the top rope, oh hell. Tommy feeds him Malone...
SUPERBOMB!!!
JOEY IS BROKEN IN HALF! PAUL COVERS, IT'S OVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THWARREN SAVES!!!
Warren somehow gets into the ring, he's busted wide open from that earlier chair shot, but he's FIRED up! He's throwing rights and lefts into both members of SAD as his partner is down, but the numbers are too much. SAD send Warren to the ropes, double back body-drop ---
NO!
WARREN DDTs both men down! Holy hell! Warren goes to the outside as both men get up...
SLOPPY SPRINGBOARD CROSS BODY BLOCK TAKES EM DOWN!
He hooks a leg of KKP, one, two, KICK-OUT! Not enough at all! Deathrow hits Warren from behind and sets the man up for the DEATHROW DRIVER, That's it, it's done, nobody gets up ---
JOEY WITH A LOW BLOW FROM BEHIND! And Deathrow's nuts may be SPECTACULAR, but that doesn't make them INVINCIBLE. Deathrow crumples, KKP charges, DROP TOE-HOLD! KKP gets up, Joey hooks an arm and then delivers a ROCKER DROPPER! KKP is in position, WARREN ON THE TOP ROPE!
HE FLIES!
SUPER BIG GULP CONNECTS, FULL ROTATION (OMG).
ONE!
TWO!
TH--- DEXTRO PULLS WARREN OFF! OH COME ON!
*POW*
BAD BLASTER ON DEXTRO! HE GOES DOWN! Ian gets up on the apron, but Warren grabs Deathrow with a rear necklock, he's looking for Microwave Burrito Buster, KICKS Ian in the face on the way up ---
But Deathrow counters AND THROWS WARREN TO THE OUTSIDE OH MY GOD! Warren sails through the air and collides with a SICK thud on the concrete! His face bounces off it like Taka Michinoku at the Royal Rumble, and that leaves Joey Malone in the ring... he tries to hit KKP with the Bad Blaster, but gets countered, KKP with a GERMAN SUPLEX... float-over elbow smash! That's the Bottle Opener! But Paul doesn't want to end it JUST yet, he and Deathrow each grab an end. Deathrow cloverleafs the legs of Joey, Paul grabs the head...
"GOODBYE!"
Joey Malone experiences the worst HANGOVER of his life. STD covers his man, dick in face style, and sticks his tongue out as Paul counts along (with cursing)! The crowd hopes for a miracle, but it's the academic ONE, TWO, THREE.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are YOUR winners, and STILL NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS!
STD and KKP kick Paul out of the ring. The Workers Guild of Alberta come out to help their leader and honorary REBEL buddy. SAD celebrates by drinking and mooning the crowd, KKP holding his tag title belt high in one corner.
And heading into their final match against Mystic Exposition, their 2/3 falls Stages of Hell match with the top contenders, SAD get a BIG momentum boost, finally putting to rest their REBEL rivals. And in decisive fashion. Can Mystic Exposition POSSIBLY stop the SAD train?
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to introduce the NEW---New Alberta Professional Wrestling World Champion, he is the "Untouchable" Kenny KRENSHOV!
"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"
"Attack" by 30 Seconds to Mars blasts, and the fans are on their feet for the champ. Kenny walks out with a slight limp, not quite as bad as the last time we saw him in NAPW, and stops at the ramp with his championship belt slung over his shoulder to soak in the praise from the fans.
JACK JONES: You know Bill, he used to be one of my favorite wrestlers.
BILL HEWSON: Used to be? What happened?
JACK JONES: It's hard for me to like a guy when he's getting cheered by every jackanape in Edmonton.
Kenny continues to the ring, stepping over the top rope to enter. He pulls a microphone from his back pocket, and goes to speak, but the "KREN-SHOV-KREN-SHOV-KREN-SHOV" chant makes the behemoth crack a smile and lower the microphone. When the chant dies down he brings the microphone back up to his lips.
KRENSHOV: It's been---
"Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins plays over the PA system before Kenny can get another word out. The champ lowers his microphone and looks to the entranceway, pissed about being interrupted, and the fans begin to boo violently.
JACK JONES: That's...that's Dan Ryan's music! The 2008 Canada Cup winner! The guy who's going to face Krenshov next week for the NAPW World Championship!
BILL HEWSON: I've never seen you so giddy before Jack.
JACK JONES: How can I not be giddy? This guy is going to be champion next week! We're going to be graced by his greatness not just later when he faces Chad Kurtis, but now!
BILL HEWSON: You don't know if he'll be champion next week. He still has to get through Kenny Krenshov, which is one of the most difficult tasks you could ever ask of anyone. Not to mention his music has been running for almost forty-five seconds now and he's not out here yet. This could just be a mind game to...
JACK JONES: WO! It's ELI POTTS! Kenny's former manager!
A NAPW security guard pushes Eli Potts in his wheel chair to the center of the entrance. The little man looks all business tonight, and he too wields a microphone. Eli and Kenny eye each other from across the venue, both stone cold, both filled with hate. Eli raises his microphone.
ELI POTTS: Kenny... Kenny... Kenny. It's been quite some time since we've seen each other in person. You don't call, you don't write, you don't even text me anymore. What am I, as your manager, supposed to think about all this Kenny?
There is a long pause, and an eerie tension in the building. The fans are shocked into silence to see the long time manager of Kenny Krenshov after everything that has happened. Finally, Kenny breaks the silence.
KRENSHOV: Eli, you're not my manager anymore.
ELI POTTS: I'm not? Well that's news to me, and I believe it would be news to any officiating law member in Canada or the United States. The proof is all right...
Eli reaches underneath his wheel chair and retrieves a stack of documents, waving them in the air.
ELI POTTS: ...here. There's a bunch of political jargon and mumbo jumbo that I'm sure an idiot like yourself would never understand, but that fact is, it's a legal binding document that allows me to control your money, your career, and your life.
KRENSHOV: I read the contract Eli, it says I can leave whenever I want.
ELI POTTS: Oh, yes, it does say that. But what it doesn't mention is that some time ago you broke my back, YOU PUT ME IN THIS GODFORSAKEN WHEELCHAIR, and if you leave this contract I'll have you arrested and locked away forever. I have up to seven years to press charges Kenny, SEVEN YEARS. So for the next seven years, your ass is mine big guy.
Kenny grabs the top rope, looking down at the ground. The look on his face tells the entire story---he doesn't know what to do. The fans begin to boo Eli, and even start throwing miscellaneous articles of trash at him. Kenny looks up, back into Eli's eyes.
KRENSHOV: What do you want from me?
ELI POTTS: What do I want from you? That's a question that has so many answers Kenny. I guess, to sum it up though, is I want to ruin your life. I want to hurt you every way I can. I want to dangle happiness in front of your face, and then take it away! I want to ruin you Kenny, that's what I want more than anything in the world.
KRENSHOV: Is that why you're here, now, of all times? You see that I'm finally happy, I'm finally the NAPW World Champion, and you decide to show up.
ELI POTTS: Did someone finally hit double digits on his IQ test? Of course that's why I showed up now Kenny, because I'm going to take all your happiness away. I'm going to take your championship away!
The fans don't like that at all, and neither does Kenny Krenshov. He slaps the gold plate of his championship and sucks in a big breath of air, sticking his chest out.
KRENSHOV: Eli, this title isn't going anywhere.
ELI POTTS: That's funny, because the guy that controls your fate is sitting here telling you that the NAPW World Championship is not going to be on your shoulder anymore. Are you questioning fate, Kenny?
KRENSHOV: Over the years you've developed some ego, but you're completely out of your mind if you think you're taking this belt from me.
ELI POTTS: Well, I guess you're right. Technically, I won't be taking the title from you. But the funny thing is, next week, you're going to lay down for Dan Ryan, because he IS going to take the title from you.
KRENSHOV: OH HELL NO!
HUGE POP!
ELI POTTS: Oh hell yes, Kenny. You see Dan Ryan is a real class act, a guy you can depend on to get things done. He's a managers dream! And when you lay down for him, he'll see that I'm a guy he can depend on to get things done and the two of us will run this joint for years and years! You, Kenny, if you're smart enough to lay down and play by my rules, I might keep you to always play second fiddle to Dan.
KRENSHOV: You're sick and pathetic. There's no way I will EVER lay down for Dan Ryan.
ELI POTTS: I always knew you were stupid, but even I know you're not that stupid. If you don't lay down I'll press charges against you for what you've done to me, what you've done to my back, and with your criminal record you'll be lucky to be paroled in ten to fifteen years. Think about it Kenny, just think about it. I'm going to give you the week to think about it, and hopefully smarten up. I'll be there next week, in Dan Ryan's corner, to make sure everything works out smoothly. Until then Kenny, until then...
"Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins plays once again, and the NAPW security guard pushes Eli Potts to the back to Dan Ryan's theme music. Kenny Krenshov looks furious in the ring, red faced and short winded. He looks at his championship belt, and then up the entranceway, shaking his head. Once Eli is long gone, a pissed off Kenny exits the ring and storms to the back.
BILL HEWSON: Wow. I don't even know what to say about that.
JACK JONES: I told you Dan Ryan is going to be champion next week!
BILL HEWSON: Well Kenny said that he'll never lay down for Dan Ryan, but I'd have to imagine that prison-life isn't something Kenny wants to revisit. Talk about adding more drama added to the already action-packed Sole Survivor.
JACK JONES: And thats when I got kicked out of the theater.
BILL HEWSON: Did you really think yelling "What" after everything the elephant said was proper movie viewing behavior?
JACK JONES: It was "Horton Hears a Who", I was wondering if he could hear a "What" too!
BILL HEWSON: Then you made it rhyme, I hope you don't do it every time. DAMNIT!
JACK JONES: Bill is upset and has regret about asking me why at the movies I had to jet.
"Seek and Destroy" begins to rock the arena and out comes a very pissed off, a very scary "Bluegrass Badass!" He has some ring attendants bringing down three wheelchairs, and some oxygen tanks, just like he promised. Matt gets in the ring, climbing over the top rope, showing his immense size. He is ready to KILL SOMEONE! The crowd is ready to see Matt get rocked by some WGA baby. He is booed big time as he stalks around the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. It is a three on one HANDICAP MATCH! Introducing first, standing six-feet eleven inches and weighing in at three-hundred and fifteen pounds... "The Bluegrass Badass" Matthew Kurtis!
BILL HEWSON: What will he do to these guys after what occurred last week?
JACK JONES: Someones gonna pay!
"HE HAS BIG BALLS, SHE HAS BIG BALLS, BUT WE HAVE THE BIGGEST... BALLS OF THEM ALL!"
That they do! The crowd loves these men! Big Mitch, all four hundred + fat filled and jiggly pounds of him! Esteban all the sleaziness oozing through his pores, and Chris Kamikaze, walking and sometimes staggering to the ring when the crowd noise messes with his damaged equilibrium. They are the Worker's Guild of Alberta and it's time to stand up to the man who is trying to hold them down: Matt Kurtis. They see the wheelchairs and shake their heads. This Esse is serious as Esteban put it.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponents. They weigh in at a combined EIGHT HUNDRED five PLUS pounds. Chris Kamikaze, Esteban and Big Mitch: THE WORKER'S GUILD OF ALBERTA!
BILL HEWSON: This is gonna be an interesting match to say the least. Over half of the three mans team weight is taken up by ONE MAN!
JACK JONES: Is Big Mitch eating a sandwich?
John Sharplin calls for the bell. Mitch finishes his sandwich in a hurry. He is left in the ring so he starts out. Matthew Kurtis charges and NAILS a huge big boot to the mug of Big Mitch. Mitch falls to the mat and Kurtis gets on top of him, pummeling him with left hands and then some rights. Big Mitch needs a tag, he might be choking on the sandwich. Esteban tags in, and OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A BODY PRESS! Matthew catches him IN MID AIR... HUUUGGE FALLAWAY SLAM! Kurtis has this evil expression his face. It's not one of satisfaction, nor glee, nor anything that resembles happiness. It's pure and simple DISDAIN! Kurtis picks the "Luchadore who loves the Whores" up. POWERBOMB...WAIT, ESTEBAN HOLDS ON TO MATT'S HEAD. Matt backs into the corner and Esteban just holds the move in place. We wait, and Esteban FINALLY lets go and gets on the top rope. He turns and gets on the shoulders of Matt Kurtis, pummeling the back of Matt's head with his... FISTS! Matt has enough and launches the Dirty Esteban with AN ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP!
JACK JONES: Esteban and his antics are move disgusting and stomach turning than water in Mexico.
Matt Kurtis continues to kick the snot out of Esteban. He then picks the lightweight up, tossing him to his corner. Big Mitch has FINALLY gotten on the ring apron, catching his breath at ringside for the last few minutes. Kamikaze tags in, gets on the top rope and a FLYING CLOTHESLINE.. MISSES TERRIBLY! Kamikaze has knocked the breath out of himself and is on the mat in pain. Matt Kurtis yanks him up and hits the ropes.. CLOTHESLINE FROM KENTUCKY! Kamikaze is turned inside out and lands awkwardly on his head. Matt covers.
ONE!
TWO!
ESTEBAN WITH THE SAVE. BIG MITCH SEVERAL SECONDS LATE, LANDS A FATTIE LEGDROP TO KURTIS AS WELL!
BILL HEWSON: I'm really afraid for Big Mitch at this point. The dudes an assertion away from a heart attack.
JACK JONES: I betcha money if he croaks, Esteban T-Bags him. Ten bucks says he will.
Esteban and Big Mitch drag Kamikaze to the corner. Big Mitch will wait another round before getting in. Esteban tags Kamikaze and gets in the ring. Matt Kurtis is up however and PISSED! Esteban charges with a High Lou Thesz press... COUNTERED INTO A SPINEBUSTER! A RING SHAKING SPINEBUSTER! Matt picks up Esteban, points to the corner of Kamikaze and Big Mitch and CHOKESLAMS ESTEBAN! Esteban is quivering on the mat. Matt places one boot over the chest of Esteban.
ONE!
TWO!
KAMIKAZE WITH A MISSILE DROPKICK! IT CONNECTS! Big Mitch is several seconds late, but drops an OBESE ELBOW! WGA are trying to regroup. Kamikaze goes to the outside, asking for a tag from Esteban. Big Mitch.. is sitting next to the ropes, and is breathing louder than a log sawing contest.
JACK JONES: This is an opportunity for these men to do some damage. But Big Mitch can't even get up.
Esteban tags in Kamikaze and they both stay in the ring. Sharplin is letting it go, showing some compassion for the less talented participants. Esteban steals a move from Tommy Deathrow's playbook and attempts a TNT. But Matt Kurtis punches Esteban square in his PRIDE AND JOYS! He gets up, and sees Kamikaze coming toward him with a SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR! THAT MISSES! MISSES! MISSES! Kamikaze miscalculated and runs right through the ropes and falls to the floor. Kurtis then spots Big Mitch, who is trying to get up. Kurtis grabs the big man and throws him into the ropes. Big Mitch is wobbling, and comes off the ropes like as fast as slow drying paint. Kurtis tries to get him up for a SPINNING SIDE SLAM! But the big man of muscle couldn't do the move on the big man of fat. Kurtis holds his back. Esteban is up and DROP KICKS BIG MITCH! Mitch falls into the left knee of Matt Kurtis. Big Mitch rolls to get off and Esteban tells him to stay on it. Kurtis can't move, and is in a lot of pain. Four Hundred pounds is laying on his knee. Kurtis is in the ropes. Esteban hits a modified BRONCO BUSTER ON MATT KURTIS! Sharplin is trying to get him out of the ring. Kamikaze is back in the ring, and technically is the LEGAL man. Sharplin let the match get out of control, but is now getting order restored. Big Mitch rolls out of the ring. Kurtis clutches his knee. KAMIKAZE UP TOP! TYPE 99 CONNNNNEEECCTTS! The roof comes off the arena and the crowd is alive. The cover!
ONE!
TWO!
KURTIS KICKS OUT! KURTIS KICKS OUT!
Kamikaze goes over and tags in Esteban. Kurtis is up, shaking his leg. He is getting feeling in it, as Esteban is up top. HURRICANRANA.. NOPE.. POWERBOMB! Not the Bluegrass Bomb, but effective. He picks up Esteban and POWERSLAMS HIM HARD! He feels embarrassed and throws the little guy into the corner. Esteban receives a flurry of punches. Sharplin warns him to let Esteban out. He counts to one... two.. three.. no release... four.. still nothing... FIVE! Sharplin tells him to release or will be DQ'ED! Sharplin is pushed away by Kurtis. Esteban is now being strangled. Sharplin tries to get Kurtis off, warning him again. PUSHED AGAIN IS SHARPLIN! John looks pissed and tells him that his is it, either let him out or... SHARPLIN IS PUSHED DOWN AND FALLS OUT OF THE RING!
BILL HEWSON: John is calling for the bell.
FRANK WARBURTON: Matthew Kurtis has been disqualified. The winners of the match.. WORKER'S GUILD OF ALBERTA!
That doesn't stop the rampage. Kurtis throws down Esteban as Chris and Mitch enter the ring. Chris punches Matt in the face, but is CHOKESLAMMED FOR HIS EFFORT. Big Mitch gets a Yakuza Kick that sends the fat bastard to the mat. Matt Kurtis goes to the outside, and grabs a steel folding chair. He re-enters the ring, bad intentions on his mind.
GARY IS IN THE RING. Mr. Slick's Double! Matt gets nailed with a pair of brass knucks to the back of the head. He never saw it coming. The crowd is in a frenzy. The WGA are going to embarrass the bully again. Kamikaze lands a few shots, still groggy from the chokeslam. Esteban is up and helps the others get Matt to the corner. Big Mitch is being told to climb the ropes. Could it be... CANNONBALL? Wait, someones in the ring.
JACK JONES: I can't believe what I'm seeing... GRADE A ALBERTA ATTITUDE HAVE CAME THROUGH THE CROWD!
BILL HEWSON: Moose is HUGE! Bigger than before. Wright looks to be cut as well.
JACK JONES: Why are they here?
Esteban asks that question and receives a boot to the stomach then receives the ROUGHNECK (F5) FROM MOOSE! Kamikaze tries to hit Wayne Wright, but is SUPERKICKED then placed in the "Wright Way" Sharpshooter. Gary tries nailing Moose Millar with the Brass Knucks but has his wrist caught... ROUGHNECK FROM MOOSE AGAIN! Big Mitch is off the ropes, and Kurtis is up. Kurtis slams an elbow to the nose of Big Mitch. IT SHEDS BLOOD ON POINT OF CONTACT.
JACK JONES: That nose is busted Bill.
Wayne Wright is told to let go of Kamikaze and get a chair. Kurtis then instructs Moose to grab a table. Wright smashes Kamikaze in the head. Esteban is trying to get up. Wright throws down the chair... BLUEGRASS BOMB ON THE CHAIR AND ESTEBAN LOOKS DEAD! Moose sets up the table. Gary is trying to get up, but Wayne Wright locks him in the Sharpshooter now. Moose is told to help get "the fat piece of shit up." Kurtis and Millar get on each side of the four hundred pounder. On the count of three they pick him up in a Tandem Chokeslam... THROUGH THE TABLE! IT EXPLODES AS THE CROWD GOES "HOLY SHIT" "HOLY SHIT"!
JACK JONES: How the hell did they get him up?!
BILL HEWSON: That was the damnedest thing, I think I've seen in awhile. Worker's Guild looks like the tornado in Atlanta tore through them too.
We see Moose and Wright leaving with Kurtis. He has found some thugs to help tear the Guild limb from limb. The crowd boos all three men, who exit, but not before smiling as they view the damage they left in the ring.
"Guess who's back?"
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first weighing in at two hundred thirty pounds and hailing from Paducah, Kentucky he is "THE SHOW"...CHAD KURTIS!
"THEY SAY I'M COCKY!
And I say WHAT?
It ain't bragging (BLEEP) if you back it up!"
"Cocky" blasts from the speakers and Chad Kurtis makes his way out to the ring to a flood of boos. He walks down the aisle accompanied by Ian Smith and he points to his chest with one hand and with the other he simply holds up one finger indicating that he's number one in NAPW. Kurtis goes over to some fans and as they lean in to actually give him a high five he pulls his hand away and enters the ring.
BILL HEWSON: It seems that Chad Kurtis isn't number one with the fans though. He's getting booed like crazy!
JACK JONES: Well after Dan Ryan beat the newest REBEL World Champion, I think he'll be cool in this match. But then again, Chad might still be pissed about dropping the title to Jake Phoenix. I think this match is going to be an all out war!
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing second, weighing in at three hundred thirty-five pounds and hailing from Houston, Texas, the 2008 Canada Cup winner... "THE EGO BUSTER"...DAN RYAN!
"Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins begins playing throughout the building and Dan Ryan, The Ego Buster, steps out from the back and makes his way to the ring. He also receives a less than positive ovation from these fans as the boo birds are out once again. Ryan looks at Chad Kurtis in the ring and then he does what Chad was doing earlier and signaling that he is number one, as he is the number one contender. Dan Ryan enters the ring and then referee John Sharplin calls for the bell.
The bell sounds and the match is underway. The two men circle each other briefly in the center of the ring and then lock up in a typical shoulder grapple. Dan Ryan with his superior power shoves Chad back and then lunges forward for a short arm clothesline but Chad ducks under it and connects with several rights to the face. Ryan stumbles backwards but then blocks one right hand from Chad and then sends several of his own and pushes Chad back against the ropes where he continues the barrage of rights and lefts. Referee John Sharplin breaks it up and makes Dan Ryan allow Chad Kurtis to get free from the ropes. Chad gets his bearings and Ryan continues to assault and whips Kurtis into the turnbuckle. Ryan then drives his shoulders into Kurtis' ribs several times. Dan Ryan brings Chad Kurtis out of the corner and grabs his hand. He pushes Chad against the ropes and then whips him across the ring and sets up for what looks to be a bad body drop but Kurtis counters and lands a DDT, planting Dan Ryan in the center of the ring!
Kurtis gets to his feet and then bounces off the ropes and lands a standing moonsault on the prone Dan Ryan. Kurtis goes to mat and tries to lock in a headlock on Dan Ryan, but Ryan begins to get to his feet. Chad locks in the headlock but Dan Ryan is on his two feet and leaning forward, he sends two sharp elbows into Chad's ribs and breaks the hold. Ryan lands an atomic drop on Chad after sending those elbows to his ribs and then whips Kurtis into the ropes and this time plants him in the middle of the ring with a spinebuster.
BILL HEWSON: Dan Ryan has the upper hand early on in this match.
JACK JONES: Chad's probably just doing the old rope-a-dope on Dan Ryan in this match. Unfortunately for him, Dan Ryan's seen it all!
Ryan goes to the mat and lifts Chad Kurtis to his feet. Dan Ryan grabs Chad and sets up for a German Suplex but Chad reverses the grapple and then lands a reverse DDT. Ryan is down and Chad heads to the outside. Kurtis stands on the ring apron signaling for Dan Ryan to get to his feet. Ryan gets to his feet and Kurtis jumps onto the ropes and lands a springboard dropkick that sends him right back down. Kurtis is continuing this aerial assault as he heads to the top rope. Dan Ryan gets to his feet again and Chad leaps from the top turnbuckle and lands a cross body block in the center of the ring and he goes for the pin! Kick out after two. Dan Ryan grabs the ropes and uses them to hoist himself up to his six foot seven inch vertical base as Chad Kurtis comes running at him to land a clothesline over the top rope. Dan Ryan pulls down the ropes and Chad spills out of the ring and onto the floor outside.
Referee John Sharplin begins the count. Kurtis gets to his feet, gains his bearings, and gets back into the ring at the count of five. Chad gets into the ring and Dan Ryan comes running at him and lands a running STO in the center of the ring. Ryan goes to the mat and locks in a sleeper hold on Chad Kurtis. Kurtis tries to get out of it but the larger Dan Ryan prevents that from happening. Dan Ryan has the move locked in and Chad looks a little bit hazy now. Suddenly Kurtis gets a second wind and begins to get to his feet. He gets to one knee and Dan Ryan tries to lock in the sleeper hold tighter but Kurtis is battling out of it. Chad lands several elbows to the abdomen of Dan Ryan and breaks the hold. Ryan stumbles backwards and Chad bounces off the ropes, leaps, and lands an elbow to the face of Dan Ryan that sends him into the ropes. Kurtis whips Dan Ryan across the ring, off the rebound, Kurtis lands a drop toehold. Chad quickly gets to the ring apron and waits as Dan Ryan gets to his vertical base. "Showtime"! Chad Kurtis leaps and lands a springboard moonsault on Dan Ryan followed into a reverse DDT. Kurtis goes for the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
TH--Kick out!
BILL HEWSON: Dan Ryan kicked out with about half a second. That's resilience.
JACK JONES: This is a battle, just like I said it was going to be. Who was right?
Kurtis runs against the ropes and tries to land another standing moonsault but Dan Ryan quickly rolls out of the way and Kurtis hits the mat hard. Ryan gets to his feet and not a second later Chad Kurtis does. The two men begin exchanging right hands in the center of the ring. Chad shoots a right to Dan Ryan's face but Ryan blocks it and then hits a hip toss followed by an elbow to the sternum in the center of the ring. Ryan lifts Chad to his feet and lands several more right hands and then grabs him and lands a big belly-to-belly suplex in the center of the ring. Ryan goes for the cover but as soon as he does that Chad Kurtis makes sure he has a foot on the ropes. Ryan knocks Kurtis' foot off the ropes and then lands several big rights to his face while he's on the mat. Kurtis is brought to his feet again and then whipped across the ring. Off the rebound Kurtis tries to land a clothesline but Dan Ryan ducks underneath and then grabs Chad from behind, German Suplex! Kurtis is down in the center of the ring. Kurtis slowly gets to his feet, he is holding the ropes for balance and Dan Ryan comes charging.
SUPERKICK!
Out of nowhere a huge super kick from Chad Kurtis sends Dan Ryan to the mat. Chad Kurtis falls to the mat backwards after landing a big move like that in crunch time.
BILL HEWSON: If Chad can simply make the cover here, he can beat the NAPW Number One Contender!
JACK JONES: Where the hell did he pull that move from? I thought he was dead for sure, but then BAM! Super kick to the chin of Dan Ryan.
Chad gets to his feet and Dan Ryan gets to his as well. Chad lands several rights to the face of Dan Ryan, but Dan blocks one and shoots his own right hand back. The two are now exchanging rights again in the center of the ring. Kurtis blocks one of Dan Ryan's right hands and then sets up for a DDT but Ryan shoves Chad away and then shoots a couple more rights at him and then a Russian Leg Sweep from Dan Ryan! Chad Kurtis is down and Dan Ryan is getting fired up. Chad begins to get to his feet and Dan Ryan sets up for the Humility Bomb. Kurtis gets to his feet with his back to Dan Ryan. Dan grabs Chad's shoulder, turns him around and sends a boot to the gut. Here it comes
HUMILITY BOMB!
NO! Chad Kurtis reverses Dan Ryan's finishing maneuver! CK FINALE! CK FINALE!
Chad Kurtis reverses the Humility Bomb and nails the CK Finale in the center of the ring! OH MY GOD! HOW DID HE DO THAT? Chad makes the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner...CHAD KURTIS!
Referee John Sharplin raises Chad's hand in victory and surprisingly the fans cheer the man who they usually boo. Kurtis rolls out of the ring and makes his way to the back. Dan Ryan begins to stir back in the ring. He gets to his feet, gains his bearings and then rolls out of the ring and heads to the locker room. He makes the "belt" around his waist motion, reminding the fans and Chad that it's DAN RYAN who wrestles next week for the World Title, not The Show...
BILL HEWSON: Nobody kicks out of the CK Finale, not even the Ego Buster. Mark the date, on March 18th, Dan Ryan suffers his FIRST pinfall loss in his NAPW tenure! And what a win for Chad Kurtis!
JACK JONES: Hell of a match. No better way to redeem yourself after a loss than beating the Number One Contender. But... what about the title match next week? Will Dan Ryan accept Eli Potts' help? Will Krenshov lay down for Dan Ryan?
BILL HEWSON: And don't forget, Jack Attack... The Show now holds wins over both KRENSHOV and Dan Ryan in the past few months! What does THAT to our top five? Sole Survivor just got even more interesting!
JACK JONES: Not to mention screwed my books all to hell. I can't believe Dan Ryan got pinned. Chad Kurtis just joined a very, VERY elite group... but you know what, I don't know if this is going to hurt Dan Ryan's chances next week.
BILL HEWSON: But... how much momentum does he have now? A huge loss going into a title match is never a good thing.
JACK JONES: Ordinarly, I'd agree with you, but this is Dan Ryan. "The Ego Buster." And now, next week, KRENSHOV is going to have to step into the ring with a Dan Ryan who... has something to prove. And probably a little bit of anger. Chad Kurtis? He just set the bull loose in the china shop.
Could Jack Jones be right? We'll find out next week!
JACK JONES: And ever since that day, Estonia has had a national holiday commemorating me.
BILL HEWSON: Right.
JACK JONES: Honest abe!
BILL HEWSON: ... let's go to Frank, shall we?
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is a tag team match and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a combined weight of four-hundred-and-forty-three pounds... Being accompanied by Valentina Evans, the team of DAVID GAGE and TEDDY DAVIS - THE DOGS OF EVIL!
Don Henley's "I Will Not Go Quietly" begins to play throughout Ogden Legion Hall as The Dogs of Evil make their way down the aisle. The fans don't give them a warm reception. In fact, it's bordering on hostile. Davis threatens a couple fans with his cane... the three of them enter the ring as the music begins to die down.
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD!"
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents. At a combined weight of four-hundred-and-forty pounds... former three-time NAPW Tag Team Champions! The team of MYSTIC NINJA and THE EXPOSITIONER - MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
*POP*
The crowd are almost deafening with their ME love, as the members of Mystic Exposition walk out from behind the curtain. Ninja runs down the aisle, slapping hands with any and all fans as The Expositioner follows behind, doing the same. They slide into the ring - and this match is off to a hurried start.
The bell sounds to start the match as Gage and Teddy Davis are stomping away at their opponents. Valentina Evans hastily exits the ring as her guys lift Mystic Exposition to their feet. An Irish whip by Gage sends the smaller Mystic Ninja towards the corner - but he floats over the top as Gage was charging in! He staggers out of the corner, only to be met by a dropkick to the back, sending him through the ropes to the outside! Mystic Ninja grabs Teddy Davis from behind as the Chatsworth native swings with a wild lariat - ducked! Ninja drops down to all fours as his partner, The Expositioner connects with a dropkick of his own, forcing Davis to trip backwards over Mystic Ninja!
JACK JONES: Can they do that? Ref, get some order to this match!
The official, Anthony Uruburu calls for a member of Mystic Exposition to exit the ring, so it looks like The Expositioner is starting this match along with Teddy Davis. The two men grapple with a collar and elbow tie up, only for a second though as Expositioner applies a head lock. The fans cheer, however, Davis manages to push his opponent off towards the ropes - shoulderblock by Expo! Davis crashes to the mat, but The Expositioner runs against the ropes again for some momentum - but Davis is back to a vertical base as he leap frogs over the charging Expositioner. Off the ropes again - X-POUND! Another pop from the crowd as Expo rains down with the right hands - until David Gage storms the ring with a hard boot to the face! Uruburu is admonishing Gage, but the legal men are back on their feet. Toe kick by Expo has his opponent doubled over in the center of the ring. Vertical suplex! A tag out to Mystic Ninja brings the smaller member of ME into the ring with a springboard double foot stomp! And a standing moonsault brings about the first pin attempt of the match!
ONE!
TWONO!
BILL HEWSON: A spectacular flurry by Mystic Exposition brings about a near fall, but it's not enough to put the new-attitude Teddy Davis away!
Only a two count as, again, David Gage intervenes with a huge boot to the back of the head of one of his opponents. Mystic Ninja rolls off Davis, but he's a bit slow to his feet. Davis is standing first as he goes for a boot to the midsection - CAUGHT! Enziguiri by Mystic Ninja! And the ninja jumps back to his feet before going against the ropes - KNEE FROM DAVID GAGE! The referee missed it, but Gage helping his partner out there. Davis sees that Ninja is staggering - YAKUZA KICK! And the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
TH-NOOO!
Ninja gets the shoulder up, and Davis tags out to David Gage. The big man enters the ring, stomping away at the prone Mystic Ninja before dragging him back to a vertical base. Gage scoops his opponent up onto his shoulder - SNAKE EYES! And Ninja crashes, throat first across the top rope. He's dragged back to his feet once more as he's tossed to the corner - and Gage runs across the ring, knocking The Expositioner off the apron with a forearm! Expo tries to enter the ring to get at Gage, but Anthony Uruburu blocks his path and forces him back as the Dogs of Evil gang up on Mystic Ninja in the corner. Expo is, in verbose manner, trying to get Uruburu to turn around but it's not working, allowing the Dogs to double-team Ninja! They unleash a series of chops, but it's not long before Gage drags his opponent out of the corner, locking him in a cravate as Davis runs against the ropes - ROARING LION!
Teddy Davis climbs out of the ring as Uruburu manages to get an exasperated Expositioner back in his corner. And the official turns back around just in time to see Gage making the tag out to his partner. Davis enters the ring again, and he's standing over Mystic Ninja - slapping the back of his head.
BILL HEWSON: The crowd are booing the dastardly tactics of The Dogs of Evil, but Teddy Davis seems to enjoy the reception he's receiving.
JACK JONES: He's travelled the world, Hewson, he doesn't care what these Calgary fans think!
BILL HEWSON: That and he's from Ontario...
Mystic Ninja is dragged back up via a handful of frosted blue hair as Davis connects with a knee to the midsection, doubling Ninja over. He hooks him in position for a Northern Lights suplex - and THROWS MYSTIC NINJA AGAINST THE TURNBUCKLE! Ninja is folded up like an accordion, and Davis tags out to Gage before lifting Mystic Ninja back up again. Davis exposes the midsection of his opponent as David Gage connects with a boot to the ribs. Uruburu orders Teddy out of the ring, but the action continues inside the ring. An Irish whip by Gage sends his opponent against the ropes - but he's lowered his head too early! Mystic Ninja with a BOOT TO THE FACE! Gage is stunned, as Ninja runs against the ropes for momentum - Gage goes for the lariat, but it's ducked. Ninja keeps running. HEADSCISSORS TAKEDOWN!
BILL HEWSON: Mystic Ninja summoning the last of his energy with that move!
David Gage hit the canvas hard there as Mystic Ninja is heading towards his corner - but in comes Teddy Davis ... He grabs Mystic Ninja by the leg, blocking the tag out... ENZIGURI! NINJA DIVES ---
HOT TAG!
"HOUSE OF FIRE!"
BILL HEWSON: The Expositioner certainly is vocal in his enthusiasm.
JACK JONES: I HATE "HOUSE OF FIRE!"
Flying forearm takes Davis down, but David Gage is on his feet. SNAP SUPLEX takes him down! Teddy Davis regains his vertical base - but he's taken down by a BACKBREAKER! The fans are going crazy as The Expositioner is a HOUSEAFAR here! Gage is on his feet, BODY SLAM by The Expositioner! A cheer from the crowd as Davis staggers towards Expo - FULL NELSON SLAM!
BILL HEWSON: Wait, Mystic Ninja is on the top rope...
SHURIKEN PRESS TO TEDDY DAVIS!
Mystic Ninja rolls to the outside, exhausted and beaten as David Gage uses the ropes to get back to his feet. But Expositioner is waiting for him. AZTEC SUPLEX! And he rolls over for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREENOOOO! Davis makes the last second save!
Anthony Uruburu tries to restore order, but Teddy Davis is resistant ... And Valentina Evans slides Davis' cane into the ring, right to David Gage. Both the legal men are on their feet now as The Expositioner heads to his opponent - GAGE SWINGS WITH THE CANE - MISSES! And Expositioner slides behind him with a schoolboy pin!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners, MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
BILL HEWSON: Mystic Exposition build momentum heading into their clash next week against Sexy Adorable Drunks, tag titles on the line! I can't say I'm a fan of these Dogs of Evil, Jack Attack, they got what they deserved!
JACK JONES: They got robbed, Bill Hewson! The Dogs of Evil showcased some of the best teamwork since the heyday of the New & Improved D-X. You know, before they went soft.
BILL HEWSON: Annnnnnd... they lost.
JACK JONES: A temporary setback!
Expo rolls out of the ring and high-fives Mystic Ninja. Mystic Exposition head to the back as their music plays. In the ring, Valentina Evans is attempting to calm down David Gage. Davis looks overall non-plussed, despite the loss...
BILL HEWSON: Hold the phone, it's LLOYD REES!
The crowd goes CRAZY as LDK comes out of the crowd and slides into the ring giving HOLY HELL to the two men who assaulted him at Canada Cup Part 2! Rees with the element of surprise is fighting like a man possessed, ringing the bells of the Dogs of Evil! He grabs Gage and delivers a DDT FROM THE GREEN! Wham! Now he's going after Davis, who is begging off... CHEAP SHOT --- blocked! REES UNLOADS WITH LEFTS AND RIGHTS! The Newfie is hammering Davis hard, backed into the ropes, IRISH WHIP ---
Valentina Evans grabs the legs of Davis and helps him get out. Gage has rolled out and joined him. The Dogs of Evil look up at LDK, Davis sneering up at the incensed Technical Terror. Rees is yelling for them to "get da *BLEEP* back inta da ring, ya *BLEEP* larrys!"
JACK JONES: Oh yeah real tough Rees, attacking two men after they've wrestled a hell of a match! Honestly! The fans CHEER this man?
BILL HEWSON: I admit it's still odd seeing Rees as a fan-favorite, but come on Jack Attack! It was a two-on-one, Rees wants revenge so badly! But tonight the Dogs of Evil aren't going to give him the chance for revenge tonight... no matter how much the fans want to see it!
The Dogs make their way up the aisle after escaping the clutches of "LDK", exiting. Rees stands in the ring, looking out over the crowd who give him an "LDK" chant...
But that's cut off as another one of LDK's nemeses makes his way out onto the ramp. John Salton, a microphone in his hand, enters to a chorus of boos.
JOHN SALTON: Ya look surprised t'see me Rees. Did ya think d'hat just cause it's been a few weeks since we crossed paths d'hat I fergot about you?! Hell no! I'll never ferget how I was used and abuse by you! How ya never gave me da respect I deserved!
The crowd reacts to the lies from Salton. Rees does not look impressed.
BILL HEWSON: What is the point of this? Why has John Salton decided to come out here and preach about how Rees was disrespectful to him when we all know it was a lie?
JACK JONES: If you would shut up and listen we might find out...
JOHN SALTON: But I have moved on "LDK"! I have taken another man under me wing. A real wrassler. A man d'hat almost hates you as much as me.
Rees does not seemed concerned by who dis mystery man might be.
JOHN SALTON: Ya know him very well as do most in da NAPW. He might not be well liked but, ya got t'give him da props! Who is it?
BILL HEWSON: Who can it be?!
JACK JONES: I do not think we are going to have to wait to long for an anwser...
Rees mouths from the ring "Who is it Salty?"
JOHN SALTON: Turn around and you'll get yer anwser...
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD!
JACK JONES: YES HAHAHA! IT'S ---
BILL HEWSON: CHRIS CASINO!
Rees whirls around SUPERKICK. A smirking Chris Casino nails him right on the butt of the jaw to a chorus of boos.
BILL HEWSON: Casino came from the crowd as Salty was holding Rees' attention... oh no. Chris Casino has had it in for Lloyd Rees for so long, he hates him! This can only get worse!
Rees is googly-eyed from the on-point superkick. Casino taunts the crowd, then grabs Rees by the hair, talking trash and slapping him right across the face. "You stupid newfie monkey, you thought you'd seen the last of me?"
Now, Monique, Casino's wife, comes through the entrance. Salton offers her his arm and leads her down to the ring. Casino holds the ropes for his wife. Rees is struggling to his feet, Casino clotheslines him down. Salton is cackling as Casino twists the ropes around Rees' arms, effectively trapping him! Rees struggles to get free, to no avail, as Salton hands Chris Casino...
A steel chair.
Casino holds it up high, then kisses his wife passionately. He grins at her.
"WATCH THIS."
BILL HEWSON: NO! NO--- OH MY GOD! What a VILE, SICK CHAIRSHOT! Chris Casino... Rees can't even free himself! Chris Casino has returned to NAPW and just... destroyed Lloyd Rees with a sickening shot from that steel chair!
JACK JONES: Didn't you hear what Casino said, Hewson? "WATCH THIS!" That's exactly what Rex Caliber said to MONIQUE last year, forcing her to WATCH as Rees did the SAME THING to Chris Casino! How is Casino the BAD GUY?
BILL HEWSON: I --- I won't defend the actions of LDK Lloyd Rees, but I thought Casino was gone for good! I thought he'd settled this, turned over a new life! How much is ENOUGH, Casino? How much is ENOUGH?
Casino doesn't bother with another chair shot. Rees is sagging, blood streaming from his forehead, barely conscious. Chris takes the microphone from Salton and tips Rees' crimson-stained face up to his, just inches away.
CHRIS CASINO: Rees you stupid monkey... at Sole Survivor, I end this nonsense about you being the "greatest" champion in NAPW history. I am the true Grand-Slam champion, and next week in Edmonton, I will finish... YOU!!
Casino smashes the microphone into Rees' forehead. ZZZZZRRRRKK. John Salton holds Casino's arm high, pointing to him. "Dis is da real champion! Da REAL Grand Slam champion! CHRIS CASINO!" Casino holds the ropes open for his lady, and the trio walk up the aisle to tremendous heat. Security comes out to help Rees.
Chris Casino smirks.
FRANK WABURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for for ONE fall, and it is a Four Corners Match for the NAPW Canadian Heritage Championship!
L'Arc En Ciel plays as the first challenger, accompanied by Asuka Katsuragi, makes his way to the ring, getting a nice ovation from the fans.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing challenger number one! He hails from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and he weighs in at two hundred and forty four pounds. Acommplanied by Asuka Katsuragi, he is DEZ CARTER!
"Hands Down Ghandi" is next up on the playlist, and the next challenger is out, his ribs taped, but his determination unquestionable.
FRANK WARBURTON: Challenger Number two hails from Ottawa, Ontario. He weighs two hundred and ten pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, TRENT DANIELS! Another nice pop as Daniels gets in the ring.
"GO!"
A big pop for the final challenger...
FRANK WARBURTON: And Challenger number three hails from Parts Unknown, British Columbia! He weighs two hundred and thrity pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, THE FALCON JACOB VENAR!
Venar slides in under the bottom rope and locks eyes with Carter, then turns his atention to Daniels. All three challengers eye each other warily, but their attention is soon diverted...
"THE CONNECTION IS MADE!"
And one of the most hated men in the NAPW makes his way to the ring. ... Well, not yet. Lady Sparks is out first, looking stunning in a gold dress. And then comes Stone Zellor. Heritage title over one shoulder. REBEL Tag Title over the other shoulder. His "Pimp" title wrapped around his waist. The boos of the fans are barely noticed by the champ. As he makes his way to the ring, "fans" toss gold and silver streamers and glitter, making the champs entrance something to behold.
JACK JONES: The fans showing great appreciation for the Heritage Champion...
BILL HEWSON: Didn't I see those guys drive in with Stone?
JACK JONES: That doesn't mean they're not fans of his.
FRANK WARBURTON: And finally, being accompanied by Lady Sparks. From Staten Island, New York. he weighs one hundred and seventy eight pounds... He is the reigning, and defending, NAPW Canadian Heritage Champion! He is STONE ZELLOR!!
The fans do not appreciate this man. Not with the way he's kept the title. Stone hands the belt to referee Dick Kiebiech, then takes a LONG time to remove his bling. Daniels, Carter and Venar all wait impatiently for the match to start. Finally Zellor walks to centre ring and starts to dress down all three men. How they've all had their chances and should really move on. The three challengers stare in icy silence. Kiebiech calls for the bell. Daniels, Carter and Venar share one last glance, nod in agreement...
then pounce on the champ! The crowd roars as Zellor is pasted with lefts and rights from all three men. Lady Sparks is beside herself, and Zellor flails wildly as he tries to fight off the three men he's screwed out of the Heritage title. He swings at Carter, who ducks. Zellor loses his balance and turns right into a Venar superkick! Zellor is knocked back, but gets caught by Carter, who lifts the champ up and drops him with a back suplex! Daniels hits a standing monsault on the downed champ! Venar from the second rope with an elbow drop on the champ! Zellor is in trouble, and now Carter drags Stone up, nails a palm strike, and tosses Zellor over the top rope to the floor! That brings the fans to their feet!
JACK JONES: This is hardly fair!
BILL HEWSON: It's every man for himself. It just so happens that three of these men REALLY hate the fourth!
Lady Sparks is quick to check on her man, who is now sprawled on the floor. Venar and Carter high five each other. Daniels smiles...
and rolls up Venar with a scholl boy! One.. two... Carter races over to break the pin up, but Venar kicks out. Daniels is glared at, but all he can do is shrug his shoulders and ask "What would you guys have done?" Carter nods in agreement, then knocks Daniels flying with a roaring elbow! Venar tries to hit Unkindness, but gets tossed by Carter into the turnbuckles! Looking for the closest opponent, Carter chooses Daniels, and goes for a cover! One.. two... Daniels kicks out. Carter tries to apply his Stretch Plumb, but Daniels grabs the bottom rope, forcing the break. Venar is back up, and he hits a double axehandle to the back of Carter's head. Venar with an STO on Carter, goes for a cover! One... two... broken up by Daniels. Venar glares at Daniels. Daniels holds his ribs in pain, already they've taken quite a beating. But he does not take his eyes off his opponent.
BILL HEWSON: These three men have a ton of respect for each other, and they can sympathise with being cheated by Stone Zellor. But there is still a title on the line here!
Indeed, Venar and Daniels look ready to unleash on each other, but instead the turn to unload on Stone Zellor, who has finally made it back to the ring apron. Stone is back to the floor, and the fans are happy again. Daniels and Venar turn their attention back to each other, but they really should be paying attention to Carter, who is back up, and he charges forward, nailing Daniels with a lariat! Venar tries to step in, but gets staggered with a European uppercut, then dropped to the mat with a mafia kick!
Carter goes for a cover, but then sees Daniels about to make it to his feet, so instead he rushes forward and knees the rising man right in the temple! Daniels crumples down, and Carter goes for the cover! One.. two... Venar makes the save! Carter turns to the Falcon and lays in with a series of stiff slaps, followed by several hard chops. Venar tries to fight back, but Carter keeps laying in, until he has Venar trapped in the corner, and nowhere to run from a series of Kobashi style chops! The fans cheer as he lays in with a machinegun series of chops, turning Venar's chest bright red. Carter finally finishes up with a hard forearm right to Jacob's jaw that sends the youngster to the mat! And then Carter turns and charges at Zellor, who is back on the ring apron!
JACK JONES: GOOD LORD WHY?!
Carter with a running palm strike that knocks Zellor off the apron and into the guard rail! The fans are on their feet as Dez seems to have things well in hand! He turns back to Venar, but fails to notice Daniels, who is back up and nails Carter with a bulldog! Daniels with a cover! One.. two... Carter kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: Daniels didn't have quite enough behind that bulldog...
JACK JONES: Won't somebody think of the champion?
Zellor has hardly moved, despite Lady Sparks desperately trying to will her man to his feet. In the ring the three challengers are groggy, but all three are back up. The fans give them a nice ovation, which they soak in for a moment. Then Venar and Daniels go after Carter. Daniels tries to lock up Carter's arms, while Venar goes for a single leg takedown. Dez tries to fight them off, getting one arm free. He elbows Venar in the head, then forearm smashes Daniels. Elbow to Venar, forearm to Daniels. Finally the two men let go...
and double dropkick Carter out of the ring to the floor! Venar is up first, and catches Daniels with a Rocker Dropper! He goes for the pin! One.. two... Daniels JUST kicks out! Venar to the top rope, hits a moonsault! He covers again, hooking the leg! One.. two.. Daniels gets a shoulder up! Venar to the top rope one more time. He's looking for Spread My Wings!
BILL HEWSON: What's she doing?
Lady Sparks is on the ring apron, yelling at Dick Kiebiech. Kiebiech orders her off the apron. Venar sails off the top rope with his swanton... but hits nothing but mat as Zellor pulls Daniels out of the way! Sparks goes back to the floor as Zellor tosses Daniels out of the ring, then pounces on a fallen Venar! He hooks the leg for a pin!
ONE!!
TWO!!
BILL HEWSON: DON'T LET HIM STEAL ANOTHER...
DEZ CARTER BREAKS UP THE FALL!
A sigh of relief from the fans. Zellor looks crushed that the match isn't over. Carter drags Zellor to his feet and looks ready to lay in with some chops, but gets a thumb to the eye for his trouble. Zellor, still woozy from the beating he took earlier, hits the ropes and comes back with a discus clothesline! Carter is down, and Stone looks dizzy, but luckily for the champ he falls on his opponent! Kiebiech with the count! One.. two.. Carter gets a shoulder up! Zellor pulls Carter to his feet, hits a knee lift, then follows up with a clothesline! Carter goes down, and Zellor makes the cover! One... two... Venar breaks up the count!
Zellor nails a ... shall we say QUESTIONABLE shot to the "lower body" of Venar, then picks him up for a Tombstone... Daniels back in with a missile dropkick, knocking Zellor to the mat.. with Venar on top of him in pinning position! One.. two.. Carter and Daniels break that cover up. Daniels tries to toss Venar over the top rope, but Venar catches the rope, and skins the cat back in. He turns around and catches Daniels with a reverse rana! He hooks the legs for a cover, but it's quickly broken up by Carter. He scoops Venar up into a Fisherman's buster! And a cover, but Zellor is there to break up that pin attempt. Carter is back up, Zellor with the Pimp Slap... Carter ducks and catches Zellor in a fireman's carry...
JACK JONES: NO NO!!
GO
TO
SLEEP!
Zellor gets nailed with Carter's signature hold and the fans are on their feet, inticapting a new champion! Carter with the cover!
ONE!!
TWO!!
ZELLOR GETS A FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!
A bit of a let down for the fans. A huge let down for Dez. But he does not let up. He grabs Venar by the hair and tosses him over the top rope to the floor. He rolls Daniels out of the ring. Then he turns back to Zellor, who is pulling himself under the bottom rope, and is looking to make a break for it. Carter grabs Stone's legs and pulls him to center ring. He hauls the champion to his feet, then lifts onto his shoulders, looking to hit the GTS once again. Zellor with an elbow, and another, and another to the side of Carter's head. Carter loses his balance and drops Stone down. Stone with a knee to Carter's gut, then a double underhook followed by a body scissors!
BILL HEWSON: Stone Zellor has locked in the Scar! Carter may have no choice but to tap out!
JACK JONES: And another successful title retention for the champ!
The fans boo rather loudly, as this is not the outcome they wanted. Carter is fading fast, and referee Kiebiech checks for a submission. He raises Dez's arm once. And it drops. He raises it twice. And it drops again. He goes to raise it a third time... but instead moves out of the way...
BILL HEWSON: WHAT IS VENAR DOING?!?!?!
I believe it is called:
SPREAD
MY
WINGS
Venar crashes into both men, breaking up the hold. The move seems to have taken a lot out of Venar as well, as there is a slight hesitation before he goes for a cover. Dez is closest. Venar hooks the leg!
ONE!!
TWO!!
DANIELS BACK IN TO BREAK UP THE FALL!!
The fans are nearly exhausted with the near falls, now. Zellor is back up, and he swings to pimp slap Daniels, but catches Venar instead. Venar is knocked through the ropes to the floor. Zellor is caught with a roll up by Daniels! One... two... Zellor kicks out, then catches Daniels with a hard shot to the injured ribs. Daniels drops to one knee, but is hauled up into a gutbuster, as he catches Zellor's knee across his chest. Daniels yells out in pain, then gets covered!
One.. two... DANIELS KICKS OUT!
Through the pain he's in, he still manages to avoid the pinfall.
Zellor scoops Daniels up for the tombstone, this time nailing it! he covers again! One! ... Two!... Carter is back up and breaks up the pin! He tries again to lock on the stretch plumb, but Venar dropkicks Carter in the back, knocking him aside! And now Venar locks the Talon Clutch on Zellor!
He cinches the hold in as Zellor flails wildly! Daniels and Carter are back up, and see the title about to slip away from them! Daniels kicks Venar in the head, but Venar won't let go! Carter with a kick, but Venar still will not let go. Daniels with another kick, still no give. Zellor looks ready to tap out here, forcing Carter to grab Venar by the hair and lays in with Kawada Kicks! Holy hell!
BILL HEWSON: Damn it Jacob LET GO!! There are other ways to win the match!
JACK JONES: He's going to end his career just to get one win, one title! I don't like the kid but that's impressive!
Carter does not relent.
KICK
Venar HOLDS ON...
KICK
..and finally Venar kets go of the hold. Carter scoops Venar up for the GTS, but Daniels springboards off the ropes with a crossbody, taking both men down! Daniels with a cover on Carter! One... two... Venar makes the save! Daniels and Venar lock up, and Daniels is tossed to the ropes! Venar tries to catch him with a superkick, but Daniels rolls forward and out of the way, hits the ropes and comes back with a springboard enziguri! Venar just got NAILED! And he crumples to the mat.
JACK JONES: I think that may have been one shot to the head too many...
BILL HEWSON: Oh my..
Daniels goes to check on Venar, forgetting about the match for a moment. Zellor hasn't forgotten, and rolls Daniels up from behind! Carter breaks up the pin, then tries to lock on the Stretch Plumb. Daniels with a dropkick to the head of Carter knocks him out of the ring. He goes for a cover on Stone, but Stone grabs a handful of tights and pulls Daniels into the turnbuckles. Zellor drives his knees into Daniels back, driving his ribs into the turnbuckles! Zellor then turns Daniels around and drives his shoulders repeatedly into the midsection of Daniels!
There looks to be blood coming from the mouth of the challenger as Zellor rears back and nails a Pimp Slap to the face of Daniels! Daniels goes down, and the fans boo viciously, as they see the champ stand tall in the ring. Venar is not moving. Carter is slowly making his way to his feet, but he's on the floor, away from the action. Zellor grabs Daniels by the hair and pulls him to his feet, then perches him on the top turnbuckle.
The champion looks to be setting up for a superplex. He fires several shots into Daniels ribs, then tries to hit the move. Daniels holds on to the top rope. Zellor with another couple of shots to the ribs. He tries to lift him again. Daniels still holds on. Zellor tries for another shot to the ribs, but Daniels counters with a knee to the gut, then a headbutt. Zellor wobbles, tries to regain his balance, allowing Daniels to hit
SYSTEM CRASH!! From the top rope! Daniels took a lot of damange too, but Zellor is flat on the mat! The fans are on their feet as Daniels crawls over to the fallen champion! He drapes an arm over him!
ONE!!
Venar is starting to stir!
TWO!!
Lady Sparks is screaming at her man to get up! Carter slides into the ring to break up the count but-
THREE!!
The briefest of pauses from the fans, as they want to make sure it's real. But Kiebiech calls for the bell, and the fans explode as Daniels is handed the Heritage belt!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner...
and NEW Heritage Champion! TRENT DANIELS!!
Zellor's eyes are glazed over. Lady Sparks pulls him out of the ring and has to practically drag him to the back. When he gets his senses back, he'll be pissed. Carter looks a bit dejected, but is the first to offer Daniels a handshake. They both turn to Venar, who amazingly is back on his feet. He holds his head, then sees Daniels with the title belt. He nods at the new champ and shakes his hand.
There is no doubt that there will be more matches involving these three men. But for now it's Trent Daniels' moment. His opponents leave the ring as he holds his newly won title up for the fans to see. This is a great moment..
That's about to be ruined... BILL HEWSON: We have a NEW Heritage Champion, after five long months! What a victory by Trent Daniels... what a... WHAT THE HELL!?
Daniels is too caught up in his victory to notice the fans screams. or the fact that JAKE PHOENIX has just stepped over the top rope behind him. Daniels turns around, too late ---
CHOKESLAM!
JACK JONES: YEAH!! Now that's interesting!
BILL HEWSON: But why?! Dammit, what is wrong with Jake Phoenix?
Right now, who knows? Phoenix takes the Heritage title belt and holds it up for the fans to see. He grins that evil grin of his, then drops the belt across the chest of the new champion.
Explanations will come later, I'm sure....
-INTERMISSION-
The crowd is buzzing as the ring crew assembles the cage for our main event tonight. The workers lash the four panels of fencing together around the ring with rope and chain, and after a few stress tests, the crew gives a thumbs up and scrambles to the back. Frank Warburton nods and climbs into the cage, and the crowd cheers.
JACK JONES: Here we go, Bill! For once, I think we're on the same side in this match!
BILL HEWSON: I think everyone in this building wants to see Bruce Richards get some measure of revenge for the brutal and flagrant abuse and disregard for everyone that Donovan Astros has had over the past few months.
Warburton checks the mic... looks like we're good to go!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is our main event of the evening!
HYOOGE pop.
FRANK WARBURTON: This contest will take place inside this steel cage. The only way the match can end is if one participant forces his opponent to say "I Quit". The man who forces his opponent to say "I Quit" will be declared the winner!
The lights dim and flashbulbs start popping.
"NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIIIIIIIIGHT!"
"Knights of Cydonia" blasts over the PA and the crowd goes bonkers... and then takes it to a whole new level as Bruce "The Beast" Richards comes out, gloved hand raised in the air.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from St. Albert, Alberta, weighing in tonight at two hundred and seventy pounds, here is... BRUUUUUUUUUUCE... THE BEEEEEEAST... RICHARDS!
The lights come back up to full as Richards walks around the cage, first slapping hands with the fans, then staring intently at the cage around the ring. Richards pulls at one of the cage's sides from the outside to see if it'll budge. Sturdy enough for him as he climbs through the door and into the ring and stands about six or seven feet from the doorway, waiting for his opponent. Suddenly, the lights drop out entirely.
"Do not adjust your set..."
CULT.
"We will control the horizontal..."
OF.
"We will control the vertical..."
BOOING. The jeers in the building are literally drowning out "Cult of Personality"! The camera's trained on the entranceway.... but no one is coming out, which makes the booing even louder.
BILL HEWSON: I'm not sure what's going on here, Donovan Astros is in the building, he was sequestered in his own locker room...
JACK JONES: The broom closet!
BILL HEWSON: He was set up in his own room earlier today for his own safety and the safety of the rest of NAPW's staff. Everyone here wants to see Astros get what he deserves tonight.
The music stops and the lights come back up. Still no Astros. Still more booing. Bruce Richards is chomping at the bit, and it's taking all Dick Kiebiech has to keep Richards from rushing out of the cage and looking for Astros himself.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
All eyes head back to the entranceway, as Donovan Astros has finally stepped through the curtain, but not in his usual ring gear. He's wearing jeans and a t-shirt and while his hair is cleaned up, he's let the beard grown in. He looks around at the entire crowd with disgust and contempt.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at two hundred thirty-one pounds, DONOVAAAAAAAAAAAAN ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSTROS!
Astros's eyes shift from one side of the entranceway to the other as he slowly walks to the ring like a man on Death Row. As Astros nears the cage, a chant starts building around the hall...
"(BLEEP) HIM UP, RICHARDS, (BLEEP) HIM UP!" *clap clap*
Astros snarls and steps in the way as Frank Warburton leaves the cage.
BILL HEWSON: Astros is calling for the microphone, what the hell does he have to say?
JACK JONES: Maybe he's gonna finally apologize!
BILL HEWSON: Yeah right.
Warburton returns to the ring and grabs the microphone, reminding Astros that he needs to bring it back into the cage before the match starts.
DONOVAN ASTROS: If I could have your attention, I have some important things to say before this match starts...
The crowd booes even more. A chant of "SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP" busts out in the rowdier part of the audience.
DONOVAN ASTROS: I SAID SHUT YOUR GOD DAMNED MOUTHS AND OPEN YOUR EARS!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
DONOVAN ASTROS: Now, I know all of you came here to watch that man in the cage beat me within an inch of my life and make me say two little words. Just about everyone in the back wants the same thing too, everyone but Jake Phoenix, the only other man in this company worth his God damned word!
The crowd jeers at that statement...
DONOVAN ASTROS: And I'm sure there are a lot of people there who would like a front row seat when the man standing in front of you right now, this man, the only two-time NAPW World Champion EVER... gets thrown to the lion in there.
The crowd cheers at that prospect. Astros walks over to the crowd section nearest to the door. He motions to one of the fans in the front row.
DONOVAN ASTROS: How much did you pay for this seat, kid?
FAN: I paid twenty bucks to see you get your ass beat, Astros!
DONOVAN ASTROS: Well, that's too damned bad, because you're gonna see me make your big hero in there scream like a little bitch and beg for his God damned life!
Can the boos get any louder?
DONOVAN ASTROS: These two slack jawed morons with you?
The fan makes a move to go after Astros, screaming at him.
FAN: THAT'S MY WIFE AND KID, YOU SON OF A-
DONOVAN ASTROS: He sure has a hell of a guy to look up to in his life.
Astros walks over to another section of the front row, where two guys are holding up a large "ASTROS SUCKS" banner.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You guys, you're real creative. Did it take you all week to get this made, just to watch me beat Bruce Richards like that guy...
Astros points back towards the area of the crowd he was just at.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Like that guy beats his son? How would you two like to disappear and let Intern Pete and Terry Brandon have a front row seat to see this slaughter?
FAN: I paid good money to see you get what you deserve!
Astros pulls out two $100 bills from his pocket.
DONOVAN ASTROS: And I have very good money here to get you to go back a couple of rows and let a couple sons of bitches that deserve a first hand look at the beating I'm gonna give you...
Astros turns back and faces the cage and Bruce Richards. Richards motions for Astros to get into the ring, shaking the cage wall.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Not till I'm damned good and ready, Beast! These people wanna see me fed to the lions, they'll see it on my terms!
Astros hands the cash over to the two fans who leave the banner up and walk back to the back row.
DONOVAN ASTROS: C'mon, Brandon! Pete! I know you wanted a front row seat to this, Terry, you said it right to my face! Come on out here, you sons of bitches! I'll even walk over here...
Astros heads to the opposite side of the ring from the open seats.
DONOVAN ASTROS: So neither of you need to look me in the eyes while you tell me to go to Hell! Wait a second! HOLD HIM BACK!
Bruce Richards makes his way towards the door of the cage to go out and shut Astros up himself, but referee Dick Kiebiech holds him back and Morgan Smythe and Anthony Uruburu shut the door to keep him in.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Just relax a minute, Bruce, you'll get what you want in a minute.
Terry Brandon and Intern Pete step through the curtain and the crowd cheers, not just for Pete, but now this match might actually start! Pete waves to the crowd and walks gingerly over to the open front row seats, assisted by Brandon. The two sit down.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Now, since Bruce Richards is going to rain fire down from the sky, skin me alive, and humble me the old country way, I'd just like to take a second to apologize to you, Pete... Pete, I'm sorry I didn't paralyze you from the neck down.
The boos at this point are overwhelming.
DONOVAN ASTROS: I'm sorry the only pathetic measure of revenge you can get is by locking me in a cage with Bruce Richards. I'm sorry I ever tried to help you, you piece of trash.
More boos as Astros starts walking towards the cage door.
DONOVAN ASTROS: But this is all the revenge you can get, Pete, since you can't do anything about it yourself. You want to watch Bruce Richards beat those two little words out of me. Terry Brandon wants to watch Bruce Richards beat those two little words out of me. Every man, woman, and bastard child in the audience wants to see it, and every wrestler in the back wants to see it! You all want to see Bruce beat me so bad, I scream out, "I QUIT, I QUIT, I QUIT?"
The crowd cheers loudly at that concept. Richards yells out at Astros, "Get in here so I can!"
DONOVAN ASTROS: That's the one thing that'll bring you pathetic sons of bitches some joy into your dismal life? Seeing me taken like a lamb to slaughter? Is that what you want?
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!!
DONOVAN ASTROS: Too bad. Referee.... I QUIT.
Utter chaos ensues as Astros tosses down the microphone and hops the rope barrier separating crowd from wrestler and heads toward the public exit. The crowd tries to close in on Astros and keep him from leaving, but one large fan grabs him and pushes through the crowd. One six foot nine fan with a black glove on... Astros's partner in crime, Jake Phoenix, gets him through the crowd and to the exit! Astros flashes one evil sneer back towards the NAPW fans, and then rushes out of the building! He's gone!
The Beast leaves the ring, shaking his head in disbelief, and some frustration. He exits the cage, the referees having no reason to hold him in there. He looks after Astros... as the crowd parts.
Jake Phoenix is coming BACK towards the ring.
Phoenix steps over the guardrail big-man style, and then gives a grin. "Heh." The crowd is near rioting, but suddenly the Beast and the remaining Devil are GOING AT IT! PHOENIX! BEAST! EXCHANGING BLOW AFTER BLOW! IT'S GONE BILLY-BERSERK!
WHAM! The Beast lands a huge blow that puts Phoenix up against the steel cage! He charges in, met by a big boot! Phoenix RAMS The Beast into the steel! He grabs a nearby steel chair because he CAN...
TRENT DANIELS! Whips the Murder City Devil around, and the New Heritage Champion starts delivering rapid-fire chops into Jake Phoenix's chest! Daniels' ribs are still taped up and he don't look good, but he doesn't care! ---
STONE ZELLOR FROM BEHIND! Stone nails Daniels, the man who took his title! Sends Daniels INTO the cage, then bundles Daniels into the ring through the cage door! Stone has Daniels in the ring, stomping on his ribs...
JACOB VENAR! The Falcon gets into the cage and SPEARS Stone Zellor down! Right hand after right hand! But wait a minute, here come the DOGS OF EVIL?! The Dogs of Evil get into the ring and attack Venar, LDK's ally! Is LDK even here anymore after that brutal attack from Chris Casino?
Holy hell, the locker room is EMPTYING! DEZ CARTER gets into the ring to attack the Dogs of Evil! On the outside, Jake Phoenix and THE BEAST have continued their brawl, but suddenly MYSTIC EXPOSITION are there! Mystic Expo rocking Jake Phoenix, SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS! Attacking Mystic Exposition! It's mayhem out here! But wait! Here comes MATTHEW KURTIS! The Bluegrass Badass... gets into it with JAKE PHOENIX? GRADE A ALBERTA ATTITUDE are behind them, they slide into the ring and start raising hell! Well that's unexpected! The two giants going toe to toe THE SHOW CHAD KURTIS! HE's getting into it with the man who took his REBEL title last week!
Now here comes DAN RYAN to paste Chad Kurtis from behind! He's mad! Ryan picks up The Show, oh no! LAUNCHED FACE-FIRST INTO THE OUTSIDE OF THE STEEL CAGE! IT'S COMPLETE MAYHEM! WAIT... HERE COMES THE WORLD CHAMP! KRENSHOV! HE GETS INTO IT WITH DAN RYAN! THE CROWD IS GOING CRAZY! KRENSHOV, SAD, Mystic Expo, Matt Kurtis, Dan Ryan, The Beast, Jake Phoenix, The Show all on the outside of the cage! Venar, Dez, Davis, Gage, Stone, Daniels, Moose, Wright all inside the ring, brawling wildly! Wait
WAIT!
WAIT A MINUTE!
LOOK UP IN THE SKY!
IT'S A BIRD?
IS IT A PLANE?
WAIT, YES, IT IS A BIRD!
THE FALCON FLIES FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE TO THE CROWD ON THE OUTSIDE BELOW HOLEEEEE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
THE CROWD IS GOING CRAZY, but JAKE PHOENIX avoided the dive! Everybody is splayed on the outside, but Phoenix suddenly gets into the ring. He grabs Dez and BEALES him over the top rope --- Dez crashing into the cage and falling to the ring apron between the cage and ropes! Davis gets TOSSED! Gage gets TOSSED! Stone Zellor tries a pimp-slap, Phoenix catches it and then hits a CHOKESLAM on Stone to the ring apron! The Moose and Wayne Wright, GONE! JAKE PHOENIX IS CLEANING HOUSE --- TRENT DANIELS ATTACKING HIM! DANIELS GETTING THE BEST OF HIM, OFF THE ROPES ---
Caught.
And thrown HIGH, almost to the top of the cage, before crashing over the top rope to the ring apron! JAKE PHOENIX --- IN A PREVIEW OF SOLE SURVIVOR?? --- IS CLEANING HOUSE!
On the outside the brawl has continued, SAD and ME tearing it up, Chad Kurtis and Dan Ryan, Matt Kurtis and The Beast for the hell of it... and then Terry Brandon comes out of his seat, going to the timekeeper's table! Jake Phoenix looks down, he's laid waste to half the entrants in Sole Survivor. Wait, Brandon has a microphone?
TERRY BRANDON: Hold it! Security --- security, ah hell, this is chaos! JAKE PHOENIX! You know I was going to announce this after the Cage match, but I guess I am anyways, and YOU standing there like you already won the damn thing, everybody else, you better listen good, because I want to announce that one of our open contracts for Sole Survivor! Open contracts for ANYBODY in the wrestling world to come to NAPW for ONE NIGHT, for SOLE SURVIVOR, for a shot at the richest prize in our game, a world title, the NAPW WORLD TITLE! And PHOENIX of all people, your buttbuddy Astros may have run out on us like the pussy I knew he was, but you of all people LISTEN UP, because NEXT WEEK, AT SOLE SURVIVOR... THIRTY MEN ENTER! ONE MAN WINS! AND ONE OF THOSE MEN WILL BE...
The crowd, Phoenix, all the wrestlers even, freeze, waiting with bated breath.
TERRY BRANDON: THE ALL-PURPOSE ASS-KICKER!
No...
TERRY BRANDON: THE WHITE COLLAR ASSASSIN!
NO.
TERRY BRANDON: THE LAST RESORT!!
NO! WAY!!!
TERRY BRANDON: *deep breath*
RRRRRAAAVAGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
The
Crowd
EXPLODE.
Suddenly a music we haven't heard for far, far too long plays.
FOUR CELLOS.
GUITAR.
PATH.
AND THE CROWD IS GOING COMPLETELY CRAZY! Security is coming out, trying to bring SOME order, ANY order to the wrestlers!
But in the ring, the sole surviving Devil is FURIOUS, enraged, barely being held back by five security guards, screaming at Terry Brandon who looks reasonably happy for the first time tonight... "*BLEEP* you old man, *BLEEP* that, I *BLEEP* ENDED HIM, HE *BLEEP* CAN'T, I'LL *BLEEP* HIM UP *BLEEP* AGAIN!!!"
And the crowd.
THE CROWD.
CHANT.
"RA-VAG-ER, RA-VAG-ER, RA-VAG-ER!"
THIS HAS BEEN A PREVIEW OF NEXT WEEK!
THIRTY MEN!
NAPW TITLE ON THE LINE...
AND THERE CAN ONLY BE
A SOLE SURVIVOR!
Lights down.