Edmonton.
The Polish Hall.
Eight hundred-plus fans.
This...
Is Sole Survivor.
***DVD INTRO***
2006
The crowd hushes, looking expectantly to the entrance way. Buzzzzz....
"Riiiiight...before...my EYES!"
FRANK WARBURTON: DEEEEEEEEE!
BILL HEWSON: And D!, the former NAPW champion, is number one!
JACK JONES: The odds against D! are that much higher, Bill Hewson. He's gotta go through allll 29 other wrestlers, he's going to have to last over one HOUR to make it in this match!
BILL HEWSON: And D! WANTED this spot! He wants to prove to the world that he deserves another NAPW Title shot over the rest of the roster! And he is fired up!
D! half-jogs to the ring, glad-handing the fans along the way. The crowd is singing along to The Snitches as D! hits the ring apron and flips into the ring. He's pumped! He's ready! He's fired up!
And...
FRANK WARBURTON: And number two...
ISIS. "CELESTIAL."
FRANK WARBURTON: "SICK"! BILLY! KRYENIK!
BILL HEWSON: Kryenik! Kryenik is number two! And here he comes!
*****
Deathrow right fists Billy Kryenik, but that...only fires up Kryenik! Kryenik fires back! DEATHROW! KRYENIK! HOLY HELL! They are beating the LIVING HELL OUT OF EACH OTHER! This is just...unbelievable to watch! The fists are flying, the bile and anger is palpable! Kryenik is backed into the ropes and Tommy Deathrow gets a head of steam...RUNNING CLOTHESLINE! BOTH MEN---BOTH MEN GO OVER THE TOP ROPE! Kryenik & Deathrow have been eliminated!
*****
DIAMOND, his head bandaged up thoroughly, RUSHES the ring where his brother is about to hit Static with the AXE EFFECT! Diamond is FISTS A FLURRY! HE'S A HOUSEAFAR! And Axe...DIAMOND WITH A FLYING CROSS BODY! BOTH DECAPITATORS GO OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ARE ELIMINATED! Diamond has eliminated his brother at the cost of his own body! And waitaminute, Diamond just grabbed a steel chair! CLANG! Axe gets planted as...
BILL HEWSON: What the heck is Diamond doing? He's lost his marbles, Jack Jones!
Diamond has laid Axe over the Timekeeper's table and...and he goes back to the ring, hopping on the TOP ROPE! Diamond yells out for the crowd, screaming "HAPPY FUN TIME VARIETY HOUR, BITCH!" and... DIAMOND!SAULT!FROM THE TOP THROUGH THE TIMEKEEPER'S TABLE! It explodes into splinters! Diamond pops up, raises his arms high, and then takes off down the aisle, leaving his brother knocked out in the wreckage of the table! The crowd is chanting "Diamond RULES! Diamond RULES! Diamond RULES!" D! is clawing his way up to the apron, as Nightmare tries to eliminate Static. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZZ!
*****
Devastation hauls D! up and manhandles him into position for the BURNING HAMMER! He delivers it --- D! flips out and lands on his feet! BUZZ KICK KNOCKS DEVASTATION'S BLOCK OFF! Devastation is staggered, so D! KICKS HIM IN THE FRIKKING FACE AGAIN! Devastation staggers backwards! THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET, BY GOD! D! hits the ropes LLOYD REES! CHAIRSHOT TO THE BACK! LLOYD REES JUST SMASHED D! WITH A STEEL CHAIR! D! staggers in pain, turning around to see what the hell just happened.
BILL HEWSON: That son of a bitch! He's been eliminated, he should be OUT OF HERE! WAITAMINUTE! NO! DEVASTATION FROM BEHIND! NO! NOT LIKE THIS! NOT LIKE THIS~!
JACK JONES: YES LIKE THIS! YES LIKE THIS!
And D! somehow --- someway --- holds onto the top rope despite his pain
And Devastation lowers the boom, smashing D! to the floor. D! crashes down at the feet of Lloyd Rees, who throws the chair down on D!.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of SOLE SURVIVOR... DEVASTATIONNNNNNN!
*****
2007
The Foundation turn almost as one as he rolls into the ring. Prince Darko and Thomas Young both grab Dio Muerte, but he manages to somehow reverse it... and DOUBLE DDT! Darko spins away towards a corner and Young just goes splat in the ring! He rises, clutching his sides, and turns... into Jeff James! Dio and James just stop dead in the ring and stare at one another. James' face is grim. Dio raises his arms, pleadingly, but James lashes out and pops Dio Muerte right in the chin! The crowd starts BOOING as James lands a cheap toe kick right square into Muerte's torso! Muerte cries out in agony and collapses, writhing in pain! Jeff James pulls him up, and "The Show" Chad Kurtis, perhaps looking for an easy elimination, joins him. The pair haul Dio Muerte up on their shoulders and dump him to ringside and elimination!
BILL HEWSON: Sickening. Absolutely... WHAT THE HELL!?
Jeff James is eliminated! Prince Darko and Thomas Young spill him over the top rope, roughly shove Kurtis aside, and slide out to ringside. James rises, perplexed, betrayed, demanding to know what's going on, but he's shut up with an authoritative BIG BOOT from Young that drops him against the guardrail! Prince Darko unhooks the ringsteps, and as the crowd turns on them, he hefts them up and DROPS them square on James' head! Jeff James goes limp. Dio Muerte, still at ringside, struggles against Morgan Smythe and Dick Kiebiech, but his injuries are just too much, and he reaches out a helpless hand as Darko pulls James by a leg to the aisle. Young follows behind with the ring steps. John Sharplin shouts at them to get back into the ring... but they don't listen. Young props up Jeff James against the steel steps, and Darko back down the asile, gets a running start... GOOD NIGHT! HOLY HELL! JEFF JAMES COULD BE DEAD!
*****
Tittylover kips up, does a little dance, then turns to come face to face with Stone Zellor. The crowd goes CRAZY! Stone stares at Tittylover. Tittylover stares at stone. Then both men BREAK OUT THE MAD SKILLZ YO! Stone opens with the Robot, drops a coin, 3-steps into a Solar Flare, baby! Tittylover retorts with a thread drop, airchair, Insane Corkscrew! Stone, impressed, takes a deep breath and then responds with the SEPTUPLE HEADSPIN. Tittylover staggers back, sputtering! The crowd starts chanting "Served! Served! Served!" Tittylover steps back, then KICKS STONE BETWEEN THE UPRIGHTS! And HOWLS in PAIN! Stone grins, shouting "BALLS OF STEEL, BITCH!", then rears back and PIMP SLAPS the Doctor! Tittylover is sent right up and over the ropes! Eliminated!
*****
CALIBAN emerges from the curtains and the crowd is ON IT'S FEET. The monster glances down at the woman who points to the ring, and he SURGES forward, sliding into the ring! Matthew Kurtis barely turns in time... SUPLEX SLAM! MY GOT THE POWER! Caliban turns and nearly takes Krenshov OUT OF HIS BOOTS with a Clothesline! Dez Carter and Simply Beautiful move to intercept him, but the monster just lashes out, whipping SB into the corner with enough force to SHAKE THE RING, then LEVELLING Carter with a SPINEBUSTER. NIGHTMARE! He rushes his old nemesis, but Caliban catches him by the throat, takes two steps and HURLS him out of the ring! Nightmare rolls to a stop half-way up to the curtains, eliminated! Ringmaster Iago, and his lady friend laugh from the entry, and applaud! Lyndsey Valentine runs for her life, sliding out of the ring, as Caliban stalks towards her. Sebastien Martyr goes after the man-beast, but Caliban catches him, hauls him up like a rag-doll into a fireman's carry... and Sakai rushes him! BIG BOOT puts Sakai down, and Caliban... DREADLOCK DROP! Martyr, right on top of Sakai! Chris Casino goes low, trying to take out Caliban's legs, but Caliban, with speed borne of madness, catches the Pure Honour Champ... Tilt-a-Whirl... STUNGUN! Casino snaps off the top rope and lands next to Sakai in a heap! The monster looks over the devastation and spies Warren cowering in the corner. He reaches down and YANKS the young man out of the corner, and into an overhead press. He then steps to the ropes, Warren shaking his head "no!" The crowd's screams increase and Caliban, with a ROAR, HURLS WARREN INTO THE FOURTH ROW! ELIMINATION!
*****
The crowd starts breathing again as Simply Beautiful rolls in, but Sebastien Martyr, looking worse for ear, is right on his tail, kicking at him. SB rises, clearly shaken by the near elimination. He turns... DARK DAZE! DARK DAZE! Simply Beautiful is down in the ring, and Martyr slowly pulls himself up with ropes. The crowd is SCREAMING again. Martyr looks down at the crumpled heap of his opponent, and a smile spreads across his face. He stalks over to the fallen man, pulls Simply Beautiful up, and HOOKS THE ARMS! And Simply Beautiful, with a ROAR, POWERS OUT! The arms are still hooked, but now Martyr is upside down on SB's back! VERTIBREAKER! GOOD GOD the impact! Martyr convulses in the ring, and Simply Beautiful crawls to the ropes, pulling himself up! Propping himself up on the second rope, he starts motioning for Sebastien Martyr to get up. Martyr stirrs, and starts rising slowly... the fans are DEAFENING. Martyr turns! SEXXXYKI... MARTYR DUCKS ASIDE! IRISH WHIP and SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL SAILS OVER THE ROPES! SEBASTIEN MARTYR HAS OVERCOME THE ODDS! He drops to he knees and raises his arms! THIS MATCH IS OVER! CALL IT FRANK WARBURTON!
Or maybe you should wait for Simply Beautiful to finish skinning that cat.
He drops into the ring, just as Sebastien Martyr realises that the bell hasn't gone! He turns, eyes flashing, and LUNGES at Simply Beautiful! A clothesline sends BOTH MEN OVER THE ROPES! Both men grab the ropes, landing more or less on their feet on the apron. Martyr turns to strike...
SEXXYKICK!
AND THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of SOLE SURVIVOR... SIMPLEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY BEAUTIFULLLLLLLLLL!
Fade up. Frank Warburton is standing in the center of the ring. Eight hundred fans are chanting "WE WANT THE SHOW, WE WANT THE SHOW, WE WANT THE SHOW!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen... welcome to Edmonton Alberta! Welcome to The Polish Hall! And welcome to New Alberta Pro's SOLE SURVIVOR 2008!
The crowd goes nuts!
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones and welcome to NAPW Sole Survivor 2008! We have one hell of a show tonight! The World title is on the line! The Tag Team Titles are on the line in a wild 2/3 falls match! "LDK" Lloyd Rees will meet Chris Casino for one night only! And of course, the main event, the spectacle, the 30-man SOLE SURVIVOR match!
JACK JONES: The prestige, the money, the glory, the shot at the NAPW World Championship! 30 men, one survivor! The SOLE Survivor!
BILL HEWSON: These fans have been lined up for hours, they're ready to go and so are we! Let's take it to Frank Warburton to get this show started!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall at a sixty-minute time limit... and it is for the NAPW World Championship!
"Emptiness is loneliness
Loneliness is cleanliness
cleanliness is godlessness
And God is empty
JUST LIKE ME"
"Zero" by the Smashing Pumpkins plays, and "The Ego Buster" makes his entrance. He looks confident. He looks ready. The crowd is less than enthusiastic for the man who seems to think he is just that much better than everybody in NAPW...
FRANK WARBURTON: Making his way to the ring first! Hailing from Houston, Texas... He weighs three hundred and thirty five pounds! He is the 2008 Canada Cup winner and the challenger! He is "THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN!
BILL HEWSON: Dan Ryan getting this shot as a result of winning this year's Canada Cup, but will he have the momentum he needs after his shocking loss to Chad Kurtis last week?
JACK JONES: You call it a loss, I call it added motivation. Dan Ryan is more than capable of bouncing back...
"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"
30 Seconds to Mars blasts. A HUGE pop from the fans for the World Champion! KRENSHOV appears through the curtain, a mountain of a man, and boy does he look READY TO GO!
FRANK WARBURTON: And NOW! Weighing three hundred and fifty pounds! From Middletown, New Jersey, he is the reigning, and defending NAPW WORLD CHAMPION... "UNTOUCHABLE" KENNY KRENSHOV!
Krenshov never takes his eyes off of Dan Ryan as he makes his way to the ring. He hands the belt to Dick Kiebiech, who holds it up for all to see. The two opponents lock eyes and stand nose to nose centre ring. The tension mounts as the two men look ready to rip into each other...
"WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE!"
BILL HEWSON: Who let him in here?
Eli Potts has a mic, and is being wheeled to ringside by a burly security guard.
ELI POTTS: Now Kenny, I gave you your ultimatum last week. You didn't forget about it, did you? You want to stay out of jail, you lay down right now!
Massive heat from the fans. Krenshov looks slightly torn.
ELI POTTS: Why are you even considering this?! You know I have no problem having your big ass tossed in jail again! I will ruin your life, your career, everything, if you don't lay down for Dan Ryan right (BLEEP) now! DO IT!! DO IT!! DO IT!!!
Potts is turning red in the face as he screams at Krenshov to lay down. Ryan just stands in the corner, waiting to see how this'll all pan out. Krenshov looks at the title belt in Kiebiech's hands. He looks at the crowd. He looks over at Ryan, who has the slightest smirk on his face. Then he looks at Eli, who is spitting mad and still shouting "DO IT!!!" Krenshov sighs. And turns towards Dan Ryan.
And charges forward, hitting the challeneger with a surprise forearm! The crowd goes wild as Kiebiech calls for the bell and the match is on! Krenshov slams Ryan to the mat, then locks eyes with Potts, before flipping him the bird and yelling an audible "(BLEEP) you!"
BILL HEWSON: I think Krenshov respectfully declined Potts' offer.
JACK JONES: He could have made it a bit clearer!
Krenshov turns back to Ryan, who is on his knees. Ryan manages to land a forearm to the gut of the champion. Krenshov is stunned for a moment, allowing Ryan to heft him up and slam to the mat with a SPINEBUSTER. He goes for the cover, but Krenshov kicks out almost immediately. Ryan lands several forearm smashes to the neck of Krenshov, but Krenshov fights back with shots of his own. The two men stand centre ring and land shot after shot, neither man backing down, and neither man falling over. With each sick smack the hits make, the fans seem to cheer louder and louder. Finally the two men seem to be wearing down, as their knees buckle. Ryan lunges forward with a lariat, Krenshov ducks! Ryan hits the ropes, and bounces back into a big boot from the champ! Ryan knocked to the outside! Krenshov is quick to follow! Ryan is quick to attack the champ as soon as he hits the floor! Krenshov fights back as Kiebiech starts to count both men out! Krenshov goes for a right hook, Ryan ducks, and kicks at Krenshov's braced leg.
BILL HEWSON: That leg was injured back at Canada Cup Part One! KRENSHOV won the World Title on that bad wheel.
JACK JONES: And it hasn't had a chance to heal. Hence, Dan Ryan goes for the kill.
Krenshov hobbles a bit, but does not go down. Ryan uses the shift in balance to shove the champ into the ring post, then clobber him with a stiff European Uppercut. Ryan quickly rolls Krenshov back into the ring, just beating Kiebiech's count. Ryan does not let Krenshov get to his feet, instead going for mount followed by a series of crossfacing forearm shots! Krenshov tries to push the challenger off, but Ryan is relentless, landing blow after blow. Finally Ryan stops, rolls the champ over, and goes for a cover! One... Krenshov kicks out.
Ryan tries to plant some knees into Krenshov's face, but he blocks the first shot, grabs the challenger's leg and pulls it out from under him. And now Krenshov pounces on the fallen "Ego Buster" and lands some hard right hands! Ryan manages to counter with a rolling arm bar, but Krenshov powers out of it, driving his forearm into Ryan's jaw. Krenshov picks up Ryan for a fallaway slam, but Ryan fights his way out fo it before he can be lifted. Ryan with a head butt, sends Krenshov into the ropes, and he bounces back into a belly to belly suplex... Krenshov plants his feet, Ryan tries to heave him across the ring, but the champ isn't moving. Ryan stomps the injured leg again, and this time he manages to hit the suplex! He covers! ONE! Krenshov gets a shoulder up!
BILL HEWSON: A huge display of power, but not enough to put down a monster like Krenshov!
Ryan goes for a superkick, but Krenshov catches Ryan's boot. He lunges forward, taking the challenger to the mat with a clothesline! Krenshov covers! One... Ryan kicks out. Krenshov plants a boot right into Ryan's spine, drawing an "ooo" from the crowd. Ryan grimaces in pain, but tries not to give Krenshov any satisfaction. Krenshov just takes this as a cue to kick harder.
SMACK
Another "ooo" from the crowd. Still no cry of pain from Ryan.
SMACK
BILL HEWSON: I think I felt that one...
SMACK
SMACK
SMACK
SMACK
SMACK
The crowd is being whipped up into a frenzy as Krenshov puts the boots to Ryan, who finally rolls out of the ring to escape the kicks of the champion. Krenshov reaches through the ropes to drag Ryan back into the ring, but Ryan does not budge. Krenshov punches Ryan in the head to make him move. Ryan punches back to get Krenshov to back off. Krenshov lets go of the challenger, then climbs out of the ring. Ryan unleashes a huge chop to the chest. Krenshov fires back with one of his own. They trade shots back and forth just until Kiebiech reaches "seven", and then they climb back into the ring.
The two men glare at each other, as if willing the other man to back off. It's painfully obvious that neither man will. They lock up. Ryan gets a head lock, Krenshov pushes out of it. Ryan hits the ropes, ducks a clothesline from Krenshov, hits the opposite ropes, and comes back with a cross body. Krenshov goes down. Kiebiech makes the count! ONE! Krenshov rolls out of the pin, and after straining for a second, hefts up Ryan for a fall away slam! he doesn't toss the challenger far, but the display of power gets the fans on their feet! He covers! ONE! TWO! RYAN KICKS OUT!
JACK JONES: That's the first two count of this match. Good Lord!
BILL HEWSON: Now why would he start listening to you now?
Krenshov lifts Ryan up for a suplex, slamming the challenger to the mat. He goes for another cover, but only gets two this time. The match seems to be wearing on the big men. Krenshov hauls Ryan to his feet, and slaps on a bear hug! This move has crushed many former opponents, but Ryan seems to be a bigger challenge here. Krenshov struggles to get a firm hold on Ryan, as the challenger tries to get his arms free. Finally Krenshov manages to lock his fingers, but he is unable to throw Ryan around like he has many others. Ryan tries not to waste his breath as he looks for a way out of the hold, but Krenshov has him locked in tight. He drives his head into Krenshov's, but the champ won't let go.
Another headbutt.
Then another.
And another.
Krenshov grits his teeth but holds on. Ryan looks to be bleeding (or is it the champ's blood? Can't tell) but he doesn't stop his assault. Finally he looks for an easier way out, kicking at Krenshov's injured leg again. And again. Finally Krenshov let's go. Ryan gets a few lungfuls of air, then goes for a single leg takedown. Krenshov catches Ryan with a forearm to the back of the head, then hauls him up for a gut wrench back breaker! Ryan is nearly broken in half, but he was dropped across the champ's injured leg, so he doesn't capitalize right away! Krenshov finally goes for a cover! One... two... Ryan kicks out!
Krenshov hauls Ryan up... Ryan with a palm strike surprises the champ! Krenshov whipped to the corner, and Ryan follows him in with a roaring elbow... Krenshov moves at the last second! He picks Ryan up and drops him face first on the turnbuckle for Snake Eyes! Ryan is groggy, allowing Krenshov to boot the challenger in the gut, and now he hooks the arms for a Tiger bomb! And a cover!
ONE!!
TWO!!
DICK KIEBIECH IS HAULED OUT OF THE RING!!
JACK JONES: It's a miracle!
Eli Potts has stood up out of his wheel chair.
...and pulled Dick Kiebiech out of the ring. When the referee turns to confront him, he gets punched in the face. And now Potts is climbing in the ring to confront his former charge. Potts gets in Krenshov's face (or more accurately, his stomach) and screams at Krenshov to lay down.
ELI POTTS: I MADE YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!! YOU SHOULD HAVE LAID DOWN WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!! NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE YOU LOCKED AWAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR (BLEEP) LIFE!!
KRENSHOV: Because I crippled you?
ELI POTTS: (BLEEP)' RIGHT YOU BIG APE...
JACK JONES: Um, should someone tell Eli...
BILL HEWSON: He'll figure it out soon enough.
Indeed, it suddenly dawns on Eli:
Crippled men don't get up out of their wheel chair and assault referees. Eli looks like he's ready to apologize...
KRENSHOV GRABS ELI BY THE COLLAR!
ELI SCREAMS FOR RYAN TO HELP!!
Dan Ryan is back on his feet, and surveys the situation. He sees Eli in need. The pleading for help.
And he leans against the turnbuckle and gives a hand motion to Krenshov that says "He's all yours". We get the slightest smile from the champ.
AS HE HAULS ELI POTTS UP FOR THE TOTAL ECLIPSE!! The crowd explodes as Potts is squashed into the mat. His security guard wisely vacates the ring area, and officals are out to scrape the former manager off the mat. Kiebiech is back up, and the match is ready to continue. Krenshov nods at Dan Ryan. Dan Ryan nods back at Krenshov. The two men shake hands!
BILL HEWSON: Tremendous respect here. No matter what you may think of either man...
And then they lay into each other! Ryan with palm strike after palm strike, seemingly trying to break Krenshov's nose! Krenshov fires back with a backhand slap that may have loosened Ryan's molars. Krenshov charges forward, pushing Ryan into the corner turnbuckles and
SPLASH!
Krenshov drives all his weight into the challenger. And he splashes him again. And again. And again! Krenshov trying to flatten Ryan like a pancake before he pins him! Finally Krenshov allows Ryan to tumble out of the corner, and catches him with a clothesline. Ryan goes down, Krenshov covers! One... two... Ryan gets a shoulder up! Krenshov doesn't waste time arguing, dragging Ryan to his feet. Krenshov hits the ropes and comes back with a big boot...
Ryan ducks. Krenshov turns around and
SUPERKICK!! The champ is taken down! Ryan covers!
ONE!!
TWO!!
KRENSHOV KICKS OUT!
Ryan hits the ropes and nails a rising Krenshov with a roaring elbow! The champ has spaghetti legs as Ryan swoops behind for a release German Suplex! The champ doesn't fly far, but enough for Ryan to make a cover! One.. two.. Krenshov gets a shoulder up! Ryan slaps on a front face lock, then droves his knee into the top of the champ's head! Then another! And another! And another! Ryan with a vicious assault, finally letting go to make a cover! The champion's eyes are glassy as Ryan hooks the leg!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR- KRENSHOV KICKS OUT!
The champ rolls to his knees, then looks up. His face is bloody. His eyes are slightly glazed over.
But the determination is there. He gets to his feet, and gestures for the challenger to give him everything he's got. Ryan looks like he's ready to explde as he charges forward with a lariat, Krenshov ducks, Ryan hits the ropes, ducks a lariat from Krenshov, hits the ropes, and comes back with a shoulder tackle! Krenshov bounces back into the ropes, then lunges forward with a lariat that nearly turns Ryan inside out! The crowd is going insane as Krenshov signals for TOTAL ECLIPSE!! He locks Ryan up, and hoists him into the air! The crowd can feel it...
Krenshov's knee buckles.
A gasp from the crowd as the injured leg gives out on Krenshov. Ryan tumbles on top of the champ for a pin!
ONE!!
TWO!!
KRENSHOV KICKS OUT!!
Ryan wills himself to his feet before Krenshov, then lands a stiff boot to the head of the champion! He doesn't call for anything, but he sets Krenshov up for the Humility Bomb!
BILL HEWSON: There's no way! Not even Dan Ryan!!
Ryan hefts with every ounce of power he has...
And to the shock of the entire crowd, hoists Krenshov up, and slams him down to the mat! Kiebiech is there to count the pin!
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and NEW NAPW WORLD CHAMPION!! "THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN!
BILL HEWSON: Both men gave everything they had tonight, but in the end, nobody gets up from the Humility Bomb. Not even a monster. Dan Ryan, champion worldwide, can now add the NAPW World Championship to his list of accolades! Krenshov has to be disappointed, but he did not give up, did not give in... ladies and gentlemen, your new champion, Dan Ryan!
The fans are not without respect for the new champion, but it's clear from the disappointed faces and boos who they wanted to win. Krenshov stands up, balancing his weight on one leg. His face tells the story. Krenshov and Ryan eye each other and shake hands.
Ryan holds his newly won title up high for all to see.
And without saying a word, dares anyone to step up and try to take it from him...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen the next is a special best two-out-of-three falls match and is for the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!
BILL HEWSON: Hear that crowd, Jack Attack? There are a lot of people here tonight who are looking forward to this match. I believe almost every person here is.
JACK JONES: Edmonton is full of sickos!
FRANK WARBURTON: The first fall is to be contested under normal rules. The second fall is to be contested under 'Superstar Rules'. And the third fall, if necessary... will be a ladder match.
JACK JONES: Deathrow and Krusty don't need to worry about the ladder match, Hewson. They're gonna crush Mystic Exposition like that!
He tries to click his fingers - but fails.
JACK JONES: Like that!
And again...
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challengers. They are former three-time NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! At a combined weight of four-hundred-and-forty pounds... Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner... MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD"
The crowd and Andrew WK certainly seem to want to party hard as the former emits a near deafening cheer as their heroes, Mystic Exposition step out from behind the curtain. The fans near the aisle lean over for the coveted high-fives, and these guys are all too willing oblige.
They climb into the ring as their music begins to die down, and Frank Warburton lifts the microphone to his lips once more.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents...
The sound of 'Napalm Death' booms forth from the speaker system and, heaven help him, but Frank Warburton can hardly be heard over the boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: Accompanied by Dextro and Ian Smith! Weighing in at a combined four- hundred-and-ninety-four pounds, they are the reigning and defending NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Superstar Tommy Deathrow and Krusty Kid Paul! The SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS!
There goes the neighbourhood. The four men step out from behind the curtain and they look ready for some sort of action. Tommy and Paul, with the NAPW Tag Team championship belts hanging from the front of their pants. Bats in hand. With Ian Smith and Dextro walking behind them with a trolley full of assorted weapons. Oh my!
BILL HEWSON: The first fall isn't Superstar Rules. What are they playing at?
JACK JONES: Whatever they damn well please! They're the SUPERSTAR and SHOWSTOPPA!
The official, John Sharplin is ready to admonish SAD, but they drop the bats before sliding into the ring. Tommy and Paul each pull the belt from the others pants and hand them over to Sharplin, who lifts them above his head to a cheer from the crowd.
JACK JONES: Just hand them back, Sharplin, this match is as good as over!
DING! DING! DING!
And this match is underway. Tommy Deathrow steps out through the ropes, as does Mystic Ninja - leaving the two legal men to start this match off. Expositioner starts to circle Paul, but KKP is just standing there, making off hand comments about neck injuries and laughing.
BILL HEWSON: Krusty Kid Paul is goading Expositioner into a fight here, ladies and gentlemen. Reminders of the neck injury he sustained last year at the hands of SAD can only infuriate The Expositioner.
"(BLEEP) hit me, you (BLEEP)" says KKP as he motions towards his outstretched cheek. "Hit me!" - and Expo does exactly that! A sweet forearm to the face - and Paul goes down!?
And stays down...
The Expositioner looks somewhat confused as Deathrow, Ian Smith and Dextro are all laughing their asses off on the outside. The crowd don't know what to make of it - but Expo makes the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the first fall. MYSTIC EXPOSITION! The second fall will be contested under SUPERSTAR RULES!
BILL HEWSON: Uh-oh...
JACK JONES: Now the action picks up, Hewson!
KKP stands up as Deathrow climbs into the ring. Ian Smith hands them a chair and a bat, but it's Dextro we should be watching. The pesky meth orphan is throwing weapons galore into the ring. Chairs, fire extinguishers, stop signs, 2x4s, a Super Nintendo, skillets, more chairs and some baking trays for good measure. Each one drawing a collective gasp from the crowd as Mystic Exposition look rather overwhelmed in their corner.
BILL HEWSON: It was a set up!? The tag champs had this planned all along? Are they really that cocky that they believe they can give away a fall... just to get to their precious SUPERSTAR rules?
JACK JONES: Yes, yes and yes, Hewson. But this match has just got interesting, how can you not be loving this?
BILL HEWSON: I'm not a despicable monster...
JACK JONES: Touche.
Deathrow makes a beeline for Mystic Ninja, swinging his baseball bat as he goes. DUCKED! Ninja starts fighting back as a similar scenario is unfolding in the next corner, where Expositioner has dropkicked the chair back into KKP's face! Punches and kicks are flying every which way as the challengers are taking the fight to their opponents! KKP is backed into the corner, just as Deathrow is forced back into the opposite corner. Synchronised Irish whips by Mystic Exposition! NEARLY - Deathrow reverses as KKP mows down Mystic Ninja with a HUGE lariat!
And the champs look towards The Expositioner. Paul with a stop sign, Tommy with a cane (oh yes, there was a cane). NO! Expo comes out fighting once again! A clubbing forearm to the jaw of Tommy Deathrow before ducking the shot from KKP! Jawbreaker to KKP - but now Expo is caught from behind by a cane shot to the back! He falls to his knees and Tommy lays in the boots, forcing the challenger down to all fours, whereupon he takes another cane shot to the back. Paul is back on his feet after the jawbreaker, and he has the chair in his hand. A quick exchange of sick smiles and he lifts the chair back behind his head - NO! Mystic Ninja is up, and he's taken the chair from the hands of Krusty Kid Paul! He tosses it to the outside before ducking the clothesline attempt - and using his tag partner to step up and HURRICANRANA Deathrow!
JACK JONES: Damn you, Mystic Ninja!
BILL HEWSON: You don't have to use weapons to compete in Superstar Rules, Jack Attack!
Ninja pops back up to a vertical base - only to be caught by a BIG BOOT! And KKP damn near took his head off again. STD is back on his feet as well, as he lifts The Expositioner up and back him in to the corner. Tommy bounces his opponent's head off the top turnbuckle before going downtown with some shoulder thrusts to the midsection, followed by some knee lifts before eventually dragging him from the corner. A sloppy looking toe kick doubles Expo over near the center of the ring.
DOMINATOR!
NOOO! Expo slides down the back - X-POUND to KKP! Expositioner saving his tag partner, but Tommy's got a fire extinguisher. He pulls the pin out - DROPKICK TO THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! Sending it crashing into Tommy's nads! But he's still standing as Ninja runs against the ropes for some momentum - BACK BODY DROP BY STD! Right onto a chair!
BILL HEWSON: That was some impressive elevation of that back body drop.
JACK JONES: And now the Mystic Ninja is down!
And Deathrow grabs Expo by the collar, dragging him backwards off of KKP. A clubbing blow to the back by STD, trying to keep his opponent subdued - but Expo is trying to fi--CHAIR SHOT TO THE BACK! And Paul smiles a wry smile before slamming the chair down across the spine again.
BILL HEWSON: Mystic Ninja is pushed out of the ring as the Sexy Adorable Drunks are going to focus on the larger of their opponents. This can't be good.
JACK JONES: I know what you mean, Hewson. I wish they were double teaming Mystic Ninja too, but we can't get everything we want.
BILL HEWSON: That's not -- never mind.
Paul drops the chair as he takes Expo from his partner. A knee lift to double him over, followed by a PILEDRIVER! Fortunately he missed all the weapons that are currently adorning the ring, but still. Now it's Tommy's turn...
BILL HEWSON: No...
TOTAL NONSTOP TOMMY!
JACK JONES: What the hell are they doing here?
For the TNT is abandoned as both members of the Sexy Adorable Drunks are distracted by the appearance of some clowns in the aisle. Literally.
BILL HEWSON: GERMAN THE CLOWN AND DER KLOWNE DEUTSCHELANDER!
The crowd cheer as the two clowns start to parade down the aisle. Ian Smith rushes up to meet them, only to be asked to sniff German The Clown's flower--And he gets sprayed in the face! Oh ho, good old fashioned fun. Smith is angry, and Dextro has followed him up the aisle--only to get spritzed as well! He recoils but Der Klowne Deutschlander hold out his hand as if to say "wait". And he drops a smoke bomb!
JACK JONES: This isn't wrestling, Hewson. This isn't Mystic Exposition getting their just desserts. What the hell are those clowns doing here?
BILL HEWSON: I don't know, but - oh - they've handcuffed Ian Smith to the guard rail!
That's right! German the Clown and Der Klowne Deutschlander continue on their merry way down the aisle, but the action is about to pick up inside the ring! Mystic Ninja is back in the ring, and he's sent KKP tumbling over the top rope with a high angle dropkick! STD turns around to find both of the challengers on their feet. Tandem toe kicks to the midsection and an Irish whip sends Tommy against the ropes. Drop toe hold by Ninja! Leg drop by Expositioner! The clowns are cheering for their friends as The Expositioner goes to the top rope. X-PRESS TO THE OUTSIDE! Nailing KKP!
That leaves Mystic Ninja and Tommy Deathrow alone in the ring. Ninja goes against the ropes, coming back with a springboard moonsault! The pin attempt gets the two-count before Tommy powers out, and soon enough, both men are on their feet. Ninja fires off a few forearm shots, trying to do some damage before going for an Irish whip - which is easily reversed, sending the little man against the ropes. BUTT BUMP by STD with a chair! And now Deathrow is calling to Dextro, demanding some damn tables, and the meth orphan is more than happy to oblige. He goes under the ring, pulling a table out--
but German the Clown grabs the table from him! Der Klowne Deutschlander spins Dextro around before pushing a cream pie in his face! Oh, giggles galore from the audience. The clowns take a bow on the outside, but they've got a nasty STD ... sneaking up behind them. Deathrow slams their heads together before shoving Der Klowne Deutschlander into the guard rail. Hard. German The Clown is woozy, but Tommy has his hand down his pants. SWEATY BALL CLAW!
Meanwhile, KKP and Expositioner are duking it out in the aisle. It's fairly even between them - until Paul connects with a boot to the midsection. He grabs Expo by the back of the head and is dragging him towards the ring, before throwing him head first into the apron! Then into the steel steps, and KKP is looking under the ring now.
BILL HEWSON: What is KKP looking for?
JACK JONES: I'd put my money on tables.
Indeed it is, Jack Attack. Four of them seems a bit excessive, but this is SAD we're talking about. Deathrow goes over to help his partner set up the tables, as does Dextro. And soon enough all four tables are set up, double stacked in the aisle.
Wait!
BILL HEWSON: SUICIDE DIVE BY MYSTIC NINJA!
He took out three men and damn near went crashing into the tables, but everyone is down! Ian Smith is shouting at his men, demanding they get up first. But this match is taking it's toll on all involved. If you don't count the fact that KKP and STD are getting back to their feet. Expositioner is doing so also, albeit slower - until he's rolled back into the ring. The Drunks roll in after him, and Paul has him by the legs. Inverted cloverleaf...
JACK JONES: Could it be? Yes!
BILL HEWSON: HANGOVER!
And Tommy drapes an arm over The Expositioner.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the second fall, the Sexy Adorable Drunks! Now, the third fall... WILL BE A LADDER MATCH!
BILL HEWSON: All four men are down right now as John Sharplin is hooking the title belts up, and up they go. This has been a brutal match so far, and it's only going to get worse from here.
JACK JONES: But it's level pegging now, Hewson. One more fall and those Sexy Adorable Drunks retain their titles!
Mystic Ninja is on his feet first and he's stumbling up the aisle towards the (previously unmentioned) ladder. The three men in the ring are starting to stir, but are nowhere near attaining vertical bases - much to the disdain of an irate Ian Smith. But he's handcuffed to the rail, so no-one cares what he says. Ah, Ninja has reached the ladder and is dragging it behind him on the way to the ring. He slides it into the ring before following, but KKP is on his feet. He lands a stomp to Mystic Ninja before running against the far ropes - DROP TOE HOLD ONTO THE LADDER! And KKP is stumbling ... straight into a waiting Expositioner!
"X-Plex" he yells, and X-Plex he hits! STD is back on his feet with the nearest weapon in hand. The Super Nintendo Entertainment System. He charges at Mystic Ninja, but the attack is ducked! Swift turn by Deathrow as, with the SNES in one hand he swipes at Ninja. DUCKED! But Tommy jumps the leg sweep attempt before trying once more - cartwheel out of the way by Mystic Ninja!
"X-Pound!"
And the Expositioner catches Tommy Deathrow with the X-Pound! One! Two! Three! Four! Fivesixseveneight! Punches flying every which way! And Mystic Ninja has the ladder. He's setting it up in the center of the ring, but KKP catches him from behind with a kidney punch. An Irish whip sends Ninja to the corner as KKP grabs the ladder - and charges - squashing Mystic Ninja! The crowd let out an "ooh" as KKP takes a few steps back, lifting the ladder high above his head. However, The Expositioner is on his feet. He connects with a dropkick to the back, sending Paul and the ladder he's carrying, crashing into the turnbuckle!
BILL HEWSON: What are we going to see here?
The turnbuckle. The ladder. Krusty Kid Paul. And a charging Expositioner! MISSES! Paul 'dives' out of the way as Expositioner gets a face full of steel - and Deathrow follows up with an avalanche attack of his own!
JACK JONES: Total domination by Sexy Adorable Drunks, Hewson. The same thing you see every time they have a match!
Paul is shaken after that bump, as Tommy grabs the ladder. Mystic Ninja is getting back to his feet - AND HE EATS STEEL! The ladder rammed straight into the forehead of Mystic Ninja! But he's still not setting the ladder up. He's laid one end down on the top rope as the other end is on the mat, and Tommy Deathrow has The Expositioner doubled over in front of him. POWERBOMB - NO! Expo blocks - and BACK BODY DROPS STD ONTO THE LADDER!
JACK JONES: NOOOOOO!
With three of the men down in the ring, Expo has the ladder and he's setting it up under the belts! The crowd are cheering as The Expositioner starts climbing. Rung by rung, closer to the titles! DEXTRO'S IN THE RING! And the meth orphan, with a baking tray in hand is climbing the other side of the ladder! He nails Expo with the baking tray, and a second shot causes the legal competitor to stumble backwards off the ladder!
DER KLOWNE DEUTSCHELANDER!
The clown is in the ring again, and he pushes the ladder - AND DEXTRO IS CROTCHED ON THE TOP ROPE! He falls to the outside, followed by Der Klowne Deutschlander as the action continues in the ring.
JACK JONES: What the hell are the clowns doing? They're not supposed to be here!
BILL HEWSON: It's called an even playing field, Jack Attack. Plus they're funny, which makes them more useful than Dextro or Ian Smith ... Yep, still handcuffed.
JACK JONES: Still? I asked for that locksmith fifteen minutes ago!
Wait, KKP is up with the help of the ropes. And he's staggering towards the ladder. It's an easy job to set it up under the belts, and he starts climbing. Closer and closer, one rung at a time. MISSILE DROPKICK BY MYSTIC NINJA! Off the top rope, straight to the ladder! Paul lands throat first across the top rope, but Mystic Ninja is up and he has the ladder now. Is this it? No - he's setting it up in one corner!? He ascends to the top rope before making his way onto the ladder - with Krusty Kid Paul on the mat in front of him - SHURIKEN PRESS!
"HOLY (BLEEP)! HOLY (BLEEP)!"
BILL HEWSON: Oh dear God! What a move by Mystic Ninja!
JACK JONES: Nooo!
But that shuriken press took everything out of Mystic Ninja. He's down. Krusty Kid Paul is down. Expositioner is down. Tommy Deathrow is UP! He's holding his back as he steps over the pile of bodies that are in the way as he grabs the ladder, packing it flat as he does so. A quick ladder shot to the ribs of Mystic Ninja for good measure and STD is setting the ladder up in the middle of the ring. And now he's climbing! Rung by rung, he's edging closer and closer.
JACK JONES: Here we go!
Two steps from the top, but The Expositioner is on his feet! Tommy hasn't noticed, he's inches from the belts - NOOOO! Expo pushes the ladder over and TOMMY CRASHES THROUGH FOUR TABLES IN THE AISLE! OH MY GOD
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD! TOMMY DEATHROW --- Tommy Deathrow just crashed from so high, through four tables, oh my God, TOMMY DEATHROW IS BROKEN IN HALF!
"HOLY (BLEEP)! HOLY (BLEEP)!"
Expo collapses in the ring, and now it's Mystic Ninja and KKP who are stirring. Somehow it's Paul who gets up first as he's holding onto the top rope for balance. Mystic Ninja on the other side of the ring has done the same, but it's the Sexy Adorable Drunk who reaches the ladder first. He pulls the ladder towards the center of the ring, erecting it once more as he starts climbing! Ninja staggers forwards, and he's going to climb the ladder as well! He's a few rungs behind Paul, but KKP is climbing slowly. Both men are four rungs up. Five. Six. And KKP throws a punch, connecting to the cranium of Mystic Ninja. And another! Mystic Ninja is unsteady as Paul reaches back --
NO!
The Expositioner has grabbed KKP from behind, lifting him away on his shoulders! ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP TAKES KKP DOWN! The crowd are roaring as Mystic Ninja climbs the next rung - AND MYSTIC NINJA GRABS THE NAPW TAG TEAM TITLES!
DING! DING! DING!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this match and the NEW NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
BILL HEWSON: They've done it!
JACK JONES: NO! They can't have! BILL HEWSON: We have new tag champions, Jack Attack! Four times NAPW Tag Team Champions! And FINALLY... FINALLY Mystic Exposition have defeated Sexy Adorable Drunks!
And the crowd are on their feet in support of their new, four times NAPW Tag Team Champions! Trainers and medics seem to appear from nowhere as they attend to each of the four competitors. And a locksmith comes to let Ian Smith go.
KKP and Dextro are getting up in the ring, beaten and bruised. Ian is shrieking, despondent. Mystic Exposition are on the corners, beaten, bruised, battered... but champions!
And in the aisle, Tommy Deathrow is broken, in the middle of tables.
Live by the sword. Die by the sword.
JACK JONES: And that's the last time me and Tommy Deathrow were welcomed in that bar.
BILL HEWSON: But WHY was the beer in your pants?
JACK JONES: Like I told the officer later that night... I DON'T REMEMBER!
BILL HEWSON: And on that note, we present the last under card match before Sole Survivor. This match is an easy main event on ANY show in the country, or in our brothers in America.
JACK JONES: Everyone seems to have the same feeling right now. We all have this feeling that two of the best wrestlers in the history of NAPW are gonna tear each other limb from freaking limb.
BILL HEWSON: I think that is the truest statement you ever spoke.
JACK JONES: All comedy aside for this one, IT'S REES VERSUS CASINO!
BILL HEWSON: All hail the wrestling Gods, because were about to witness a heavenly contest between two hell bent wrestlers.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall with a thirty minute time limit, with the following stipulations. If Chris Casino wins, he takes Lloyd Rees' spot in Sole Survivor AND Rees loses his shot at the REBEL World Title! If Lloyd Rees wins, he receives FIVE MINUTES alone with John Salton in this ring. Ladies and gentlemen... This is THE BATTLE OF GRANDSLAM CHAMPIONS!
"When The Lights Go Out" and here he comes. No Salty, no gold belts, nothing but pride. Lloyd Rees enters the sold out Polish Hall in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. The response... THE ROOF IS ABOUT TO BLOW OFF. Rees doesn't seem to respond much to the HUGE OVATION, but rather walks to the ring, all business. He looks over the crowd and sees numerous "Technical Terror" signs. It doesn't faze the man. Ice Cold like the Edmonton Winters. A small Rees chant begins, and Frank Warburton is about to make his introduction when...
"MAN IT'S A HOT ONE, LIKE SEVEN INCHES FROM THE MID DAY SUN"
Full of confidence, full of arrogance, full of.. something. Chris Casino walks out to boos. No.. let's not understate it, this man has called these fans dirty Canadians for two damn years, he IS BOOOOOOED! BOOOOOOOOOOOED! F*CK CASINO! Monique by his side, John Salton on the other side, stands the OTHER Grand Slam Champion. Couldn't he wait for the proper NAPW intros? Nah, he is Chris Casino. Does what he wants, when he wants, to WHO he wants. He is too unfazed by the response given by the sold out crowd. He has been there done that, went to hell, came back and sent some more to it. One night, just one night... But how grand it is.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, standing to my right. He weighed in tonight at two hundred forty five pounds. He is wrestling out of Wabana, Bell Island, Newfoundland. He is a former NAPW Tag Team Champion, NAPW Television Champion, NAPW Heritage Champion and NAPW World Champion. He is the record holder for most titles won in NAPW. He is one of TWO GRAND SLAM CHAMPIONS. THE TECHNICAL TERROR, THE LDK.... LLOYD REES!!!!
The crowd begins to chant KICK HIS ASS REES, KICK HIS ASS.. CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! KICK HIS ASS REES, KICK HIS ASS.. CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent. He is accompanied by his wife Monique, and John Salton. He weighed in at two hundred twenty two pounds. He is wrestling out of Sin City, Las Vegas, Nevada. He is a former NAPW Tag Team Champion, NAPW Heritage Champion, NAPW Pure Honor Champion, and NAPW World Champion. He is the OTHER GRAND SLAM CHAMPION. CHRIS... CASINO!
John Sharplin has the task of handling this match.
JACK JONES: Who you picking?
BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees with an inside cradle. You?
JACK JONES: Chris Casino with a back slide.
BILL HEWSON: That sounds like a good pick too.
THE BELL SOUNDS.
They come to the center of the ring. The crowd is buzzing loud. This match has hate ALL OVER IT. A hand shake? HELL NO! Casino slaps the taste out of Rees' mouth almost immediately. Rees retaliates very quickly with a right hand of his own. This BITCH IS ON! Rees shoots at the legs of Chris Casino. Casino sprawls like he's Rampage Jackson, and clocks an elbow to the side of Rees' head. Rees goes down, and Casino drops a leg across the chest of Rees. A cross arm breaker applied! Rees is screaming in pain already and quickly gets to the ropes. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Casino breaks finally. Rees doesn't have much time to breathe, as Casino brings Rees into the middle of the ring, and flips him onto his stomach. FUJIWARA ARMBAR APPLIED! Rees wiggles, HEAD SCISSORS COUNTER.
BILL HEWSON: Great counter, Casino rolls out, and both men up.
Casino is mad that he lost the arm bar and charges at Rees. HEADLOCK TAKE DOWN! Rees lets go momentarily, maneuvers Casino, and applies the CANADIAN CROSSFACE! Chris Casino in the middle of the ring, and his hand is out. Two minutes into the match, and it might be all over. CASINO ROLLS WITH IT, AND GETS TO THE ROPES. Rees lets go at a count of three. Rees is up and drags Casino up... DDT FROM THE GREEN... WAIT, CASINO HOLDS ON TO THE ROPES!
JACK JONES: Rees' head smacked the mat HARD!
Casino holds his neck and tries to loosen it up. He looks down at the barely coherent Rees. Casino gets Rees to a seated position. RUNNING NECK SNAP! Mr. Perfect would give that a golf clap. Casino wastes little time and follows it up with a low level modified ENZIGURI! Rees is a heap on the mat. Casino with the cover...
ONE!
TWO!
SHOULDER COMES UP!
Casino holds the arm down and covers again.
ONE!
TWO!
KICK OUT!
BILL HEWSON: He should know better than trying for a pin this early.
JACK JONES: Really? Cause I believe kicking out and getting a shoulder up expends energy. You'd know that if you ever, you know, WRESTLED!
BILL HEWSON: So who told you about it?
Casino picks up the LDK, and has him in the suplex position. He holds him up, letting the blood rush to the head and BAM... BRAIN BUSTER! Casino looks at the hurt Rees. He slaps Rees across the face and brings him to his feet. Another slap across Rees' face. Northern Lights on Rees.. REVERSED! DDT ON CASINO! Both men are down, and that was a totally desperate move, that was SO NEEDED. Both men are down. John Sharplin begins his count. ONE! TWO! Rees moves a bit. THREE! FOUR! Casino makes some motion.
FIVE!
SIX!
Both men trying to get up, holding on to the ropes. SEVEN! EIGHT! Rees reaches his feet as does Casino! Rees with an open hand slap to the jaw of Chris Casino. Spit flies from the mouth. The crowd yells an OOOOHHH sound on that note. Casino recovers and lands a right hand. Rees takes Casino down, double leg style. PUNCHES FLY! CASINO REVERSES IT, AND IS ON TOP! HE LANDS SEVERAL SHOTS. IT'S AN ALL OUT FIGHT IN EDMONTON!
BILL HEWSON: They are pulling no punches, I think Rees has a mouse under his eye.
JACK JONES: Rees is on top again as the two men are near the edge of the ring.
They roll out of the ring. Casino is on top and Rees hits hard. Casino gets up quick like, stomping Rees. He picks Rees up and nails Rees in the stomach. BANKRUPT.. REVERSED! CASINO SMASHES THE GUARDRAIL, ABS FIRST! Rees enters the ring at the count of five. Casino hobbles over, goes down to one knee. He takes a breath and rolls in at eight. Rees is waiting and lands a boot to the head of Chris. He tries another, but has his foot caught and is taken down. Casino up as quick as he can... HE HOOKS REES IN HIS OWN MOVE.. THE LANCE COVE LEGLOCK! Made famous by Dean Malenko, Casino has it locked in like he performs it daily. Rees is around two feet from the ropes. Make that three feet as Casino moves closer to the center of the ring. Rees is clinching his fist. He can't tap.
PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP!
Rees hears the chants, and deep down he digs in. He gathers all his strength, all his pride, and he pulls Casino and himself toward the ropes. INCH BY INCH. Lloyd Rees refuses to quit. He scratches, he claws. He is nearing the ropes...
BILL HEWSON: He is almost there...
JACK JONES: BOOM KICK TO THE HEAD.
Casino lets go of the hold, and kicks the back of the head of Rees. Rees is drug away from the ropes. He is covered.
ONE!
TWO!
KICK OUT!
A look of disgust is shown on the face of Chris Casino. Casino is livid in the middle of the ring. He gets in the face of Sharplin. Monique and Salton are trying to calm he down. He goes over to Rees, still pissed, and reaches to pick him up... INSIDE CRADLE! Sharplin hits the mat!
ONE!
TWO!
NO CIGAR! Casino is even more pissed now. He lets Rees get up and waits... IRISH WHIP INTO THE TURNBUCKLE. Casino charges in with a SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR! BUT IT'S ON THE POST! POST! POST! Rees leaped into the air in the nick of time.
BILL HEWSON: The whole match might have changed right there.
JACK JONES: That was a split second away from being over.
Rees is on his knees, as is Casino. Casino is hurting bad. Holding his shoulder, the crowd starts up a REES! REES! REES! chant, and Casino gets to his feet. Rees is hurting all over, and looks at Casino. They lock eyes like two animals about to go to war. They circle each other and they lock up. Rees gets the advantage pushing Casino to the ropes. CHOP! WHOOO! CHOP! WHOOO! CHOP! WHOOOO! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! Rees turns into Kenta Kobashi and unloads with a series of chops that probably reaches the fifty mark. As does the number of WHOOOS! Casino's chest looks like raw hamburger meat. Monique looks to be in near tears. Casino collapses to the mat. Rees is getting a standing ovation. This is insane! Rees gets Casino up. Looking for the WABANA BUSTER! NOPE, CASINO DROPS BEHIND REES! GERMAN SUPLEX, RELEASED... REES FOLDS UP! John Salton yells for Casino to make the cover. He can't. His shoulder is hurting. He shouldn't have done that move. His chest is broken up. Both men are down. Sharplin begins his count, but Casino attempts to get up, and negates the count.
BILL HEWSON: These men are doing it all tonight. Any move they know, they might try.
JACK JONES: Man, I got a few they could use. TRY THE EDMONTON ELBOW!
Rees is trying to get up. Casino is behind Rees. Rees turns around into a STANDING DROPKICK! Rees crashes into the corner. Casino climbs up and WAILS ON REES! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! Rees gets him and REVERSE ATOMIC DROP, NOPE, BLOCKED... SUPER KICK! CAUGHT! REES SPINS HIM AROUND... DDT FROM THE GREEN!
BILL HEWSON: Rees with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
FOOT ON THE ROPES!
Casino hangs on for the moment. Rees looks upset now, and drives a forearm to the face of Casino. Lloyd Rees gets up, and brings Chris up too. Rees throws Casino to the ropes with an Irish Whip. Casino hangs on to the ropes. Rees charges and is BACKDROPPED OVER THE TOP ROPE! He lands on the apron, and taps Casino on the shoulder. Casino tries to land his good shoulder to the midsection of Rees. Rees avoids and SUNSET FLIP!
ONE!
TWO!
Casino rolls forward. Rees is pinned!
ONE!
TWO!
Rees turns it over and gets up, not letting Casino go. He has Casino hooked. CRADLE PILE DRIVER! Casino is out! Rees doesn't cover. He is going over to the corner. He climbs the turnbuckles, but does so slowly. Rees is worn out from the fast paced, high impact match. Rees is measuring Casino. Then Salton begins to jaw with Rees. Rees yells back and
CROSS BODY BLOCK ON JOHN SALTON!
THE CROWD EXPLODES!
Rees lays on top of Salton for a few seconds, yelling at him Newfie style. Rees is up, unscathed, and climbs up top again. He measures Casino again. But Casino is up, climbs the turnbuckle quick and TOP ROPE BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Kirk Angel couldn't have done it better, Junior! The cover.. there isn't one. Both men down, both men hurt. Casino is up first, and climbs the turnbuckles. He is slower than usual. He gets to the top, flips off the crowd and FLIES! MACHO MAN ELBOW DROP! MISSSSEEES! Casino lands on the hurt shoulder/arm. Rees takes the opportunity and applies THE CROSS FACE CHICKEN WING! Casino is in complete AGONY! The shoulder can't take this hold. Rees has the legs locked around him. Casino gets Rees on his back. REES HAS HIS SHOULDERS DOWN!
ONE!
TWO!
REES ROLLS WITH IT, GETTING OFF HIS BACK!
Rees lets go of the hold. He bashes the back of Casino's head. AGAIN! Rees blasts with another. Casino rolls to the outside.
JACK JONES: Casino just called for time. I'm going to head to the bathroom.
BILL HEWSON: This is a REAL SPORT. No timeouts, and no bathroom breaks.
JACK JONES: You tell me that NOW, five beers into the match.
Rees doesn't wait for Casino and exits the ring. Rees with a double ax handle. CASINO COUNTERS WITH A PUNCH TO THE STOMACH. Rees lands on the concrete floor. Casino has Monique rub his shoulder. Casino enters the ring, then exits quickly, breaking up the count. Casino picks up Rees. CHEST FIRST ON THE RAILING! Casino is in the ring, and gets on the top turnbuckle. He waits for Rees to be counted out. Sharplin is up to TWO!
Sharplin counts as Salton swears.
THREE... F*CK YA REES, YA AIN'T NUTHIN'!
FOUR.. STAY DOWN YA SUMBITCH!
FIVE... STAAAAY DOWN!
SIX... I HATE YA FILTHY GUTS LLOYD!
Rees uses it as fuel. The more hate spewed, the further he gets to the ring.
SEVEN... YA NUTHIN' WIT OUT ME, BYE!
EIGHT... DAMNIT LLOYD... Stay down.
NINE... SALTON MOVES TOWARD REES!
REES ROLLS INTO THE RING!
BILL HEWSON: Sharplin would have disqualified Casino for sure had Salton touched him.
JACK JONES: Who's your money own now?
BILL HEWSON: Still Rees. You?
JACK JONES: Casino! He won't stay down.
Casino wants to test that theory Jack Attack. Leg drop to the back of Rees' head. Casino picks Rees up, whipping him into the corner. He doesn't charge. He goes over, and lands a TOASTY UPPERCUT! He stole that from Evan Cartwright. Rees lands one of his own. He throws Casino into the corner. Casino gets hit with a flurry of shots. Rees might be having bar fight flash backs. Rees gets Casino seated on the top rope. He hooks him.
JACK JONES AND BILL HEWSON: MUSCLE BUSTER!
JACK JONES: Ravager's move? BUSINESS IS BUSINESS! Is Ravager in the ear of Rees for all the anti-Bob comments spewed from Casino?
BILL HEWSON: That move is also called the TOTAL ANNIHILATION. So maybe Rees trained with old Crimes team mate Rex Caliber who wrestles next week.
The cover by Lloyd Rees!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-- SHOULDER UP!
Casino might need to get X-Rays on the shoulder after this, but right now, he is still kicking. Rees is getting visually frustrated, and can't hide it. Rees sets Casino up in the middle of the ring. FRESH WATER FLIP... MISSES! Casino rolls up Rees!
ONE!
TWO!
REES GETS OUT!
Both men up and CASINO WITH A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX WITH A BRIDGE!
ONE!
TWO!
NOT YET!
Casino can't believe it. His arm is hanging. Casino drags himself to the turnbuckle. He goes up top as quick as he can. Rees is up. MISSILE DROP KICK CONNECTS! REES HITS HARD AND ROLLS OUTSIDE. Casino is up slowly, looks for Rees and yells: SHIT! Rees is on the floor, having his ear raped with loud swearing by John Salton. Sharplin makes his count. Rees gets in at the eight count. Casino hurries to land some shots in. Rees gets a hold of the hurt left arm and YANKS IT DOWN. A second later, CANADIAN ARM BAR ON CASINO! Rees cranks on it, and Casino is a foot away from the ropes. He is in IMMENSE PAIN! The crowd is chanting TAP! TAP! TAP! No such luck, as Casino is mere inches away. He unfolding his balled up fist.
HE GIVES IT HIS ALL... AND HIS HAND FALLS
ON THE ROPE!
JACK JONES: Casino is still alive. Rees breaks the hold.
BILL HEWSON: How much more can these men do?
Rees gets to his feet and backs away from Casino, and lets him up. Casino has basically one arm. Rees is sore all over. The fans are cheering very loudly, and it's all for Rees. Casino and Rees lock up once again, and Rees is spun around. BANKRUPT! BANKRUPT! BANKRUPT ON REES! Casino has his arm looking like a wet noodle. Just hanging. He is in a lot of pain. Rees is out. Casino is crawling for the cover. He gets a hand on Rees and turns him over. THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THR- KICK OUT! KICK OUT!
Casino is crushed. That was his chance. The crowd is out of breath. Casino has nothing left. He gets Rees on his stomach. CASINO applies the CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK? Rees is struggling. Casino's arm is struggling as well, and he can't continue the move.
BILL HEWSON: Casino looks dead. He looks like someone took his soul after Rees kicked out.
Rees and Casino struggle to get breaths in. Sweat is pouring. Both men look exhausted. Rees and Casino look like two men who have nothing left, but one has to find that little extra. They tie up and Casino hits a knee to the stomach. He double under hooks Rees, but can't get anything going. Rees reverses it and into a back body drop. Rees gets on top of Casino and tells him that it's over. He flips Casino over and hooks in the CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK.. and gets an eye full of thumb. The move is halted and Rees is temporarily blinded. Casino takes the opportunity to get up and BAM, DDT ON REES! Casino goes up top once again. FLYING ELBOW ONCE AGAIN AND IT CONNECTS! Casino can't cover. He used his bad arm. He is writhing in pain.
JACK JONES: Both men down again. This is a stalemate.
BILL HEWSON: Rees might have a concussion and a various other injuries. Casino just basically has the useless shoulder. These men are tearing each other down.
Casino finally covers, only to get a two count. He is running low on gas, and needs to end this quick. Casino waits for Rees to get up. Casino is waiting.. ready to strike. Rees finally staggers up, turns around and SUPER KICK, IS CAUGHT AGAIN! REES PULLS CASINO IN FOR A HIGH CRADLE SUPLEX! My God the impact. Rees covers!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE- SHOULDER UP! WHAT THE HELL?
Rees can't believe it. He goes over to Casino and hooks in something... what is it? He finishes and it's the CATTLE MUTILATION!
JACK JONES: No way he survives this. I got tons, TONS of respect for Casino, but this is it.
BILL HEWSON: He isn't tapping.. yet.
TAP! TAP! TAP! CHANTS THE CROWD
The crowd is looking for it.
Casino is WILLING his foot back to the ropes.
REES IS CRANKING ON IT! He wants it BAD!
Casino gives it one more go. He looks as if he will tap!
BUT HE MAKES IT!
Rees looks to be dead inside now. He picks up Casino and has him hooked for a suplex... or no.. WABANA BUSTER... NOPE CASINO WIGGLES FREE! BACK SUPLEX! Rees is down. Casino with the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
NOPE! Shoulder up!
Both men are down. Casino rolls to get up and falls down. Rees isn't moving well himself. They try getting up and are holding on to the ropes. Both men give a little smile, as in some ego driven way, they are enjoying the punishment they receive, as long as the other man is hurting. They charge at each other... DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Both men are down and out. No one is moving at all. John Sharplin begins his count.
THE BELL SOUNDS.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and Gentleman this match has went to the THIRTY MINUTE TIME LIMIT! This match is declared a draw.
"FIVE MORE MINUTES! FIVE MORE MINUTES!"
BILL HEWSON: The crowd is chanting, the fans want it... this match can't end like this! Two of the best wrestlers in NAPW history... there is no shame in a draw, but these two men wanted a decision!
JACK JONES: They sure do, but they just can't beat each other... hey, what the?
BILL HEWSON: Commissioner Terry Brandon is coming to ringside!
Monique is checking on Casino as he rests in a corner, chest heaving. Rees is doing much the same in an opposite corner, just trying to get air. John Salton on the outside looks thrilled. Rees didn't win, he does not get five minutes alone with Salty! In any event, Terry Brandon has asked for the microphone.
TERRY BRANDON: Well if that was not one of the damndest matches I've ever seen in my entire wrestling career, what the hell do you fans have to say about it? *roars* Now I hear you all chanting 'Five More Minutes, Five More Minutes." Chris Casino, Lloyd Rees, I know you two hate each other, I know that, but what you just put on was one of the greatest matches this company has ever seen! I know you two have a damned lot of pride and a damned lot of guts, so you know? I know YOU want five more minutes, these FANS want five more minutes, so I say... THAT WE HAVE FIVE MORE MINUTES! What do you say?
The crowd is whipped into a frenzy of cheering as Rees stands up, sweat pouring down, asking Brandon for the mic.
LLOYD REES: Y'know something, bye... Casino, ya might be a *BLEEP*in' Larry an' I still hate yer guts, but you are th' best wrestler I've ever faced. I'm damn good with five more minutes bye, so let's go! Let's find out who really is da better man once and fer all!
Rees gives the mic back to Brandon as Casino slowly gets up. He looks thoughtful, even humbled. He asks for the microphone. The crowd is actually giving him respect.
CHRIS CASINO: Terry, you know me very well, and you're right when you say I have a damn lot of pride. Lloyd, you stupid fish whore, that was the hardest thirty minutes of my entire career.
CLAP CLAP CLAP
CHRIS CASINO: So you want five more minutes? (Rees nods) You people out here, you want five more minutes (Crowd CHEERS!)
Smirk.
CHRIS CASINO: You want five more minutes of Chris Casino? Well I was paid for ONE MATCH and I already wrestled it, and that's all the hell Chris Casino you're going to get!
Casino throws the mic down and escapes under the bottom rope as the crowd noise SWELLS. All you can hear is one HUGE boo as Monique and Casino walk out, Casino laughing the whole way (When he can breathe). Rees is shaking his head in the ring. "YA *BLEEP*IN' PUSSY! FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" Casino turns around and blows a kiss to the crowd before disappearing through the curtain.
TERRY BRANDON: Well... alright then. Well since I came out here to do something to make all you fans who paid your hard-earned money to see this great match happy, since I came out here to make the WRESTLERS happy, out of respect, Rees, I still have something to offer you. That was the damndest match I've seen in a long time and I'm not going to let that sleazeball ruin my evening! So I'll tell you what. You didn't win the match, you didn't lose, but just because I think you EARNED it... you want your five minutes with Ol' Salty?
Salton, still on the outside, suddenly goes pale. Gulp.
TERRY BRANDON: Do you FANS want to see that?
ROAAAAAAAR
TERRY BRANDON: Then Lloyd Rees... your five minutes with Ol' Salty start NOW!!
Salty realizes what happens and tries to run, but Rees is already behind him! Salty shaking his head no no no, Rees tosses him into the ring! The crowd is chanting "*BLEEP* HIM UP, REE-ES, *BLEEP* HIM UP!" Salty is on his knees, begging, pleading... oh dear.
Rees looks at Salty in disgust, circling the man with bad intentions on his mind.
JACK JONES: This is wrong! Immoral! Disgusting! John Salton is no wrestler, he's just a manager! And he's OLD!
BILL HEWSON: Ol' Salty's had this coming to him for a long, long time! And Rees is going to savor every minute of it! All the crap he's endured for the past few months because of Salty's jealousy and egotism! To say that everything Rees has won was because of him, to backstab his long-time friend, his best friend's SON... that is what Ol' Salty has done to Rees! And now karma is going to get him!
JACK JONES: I'm going to call the Humane Society!
And finally, Rees HAULS Salty up by the collar, and DELIVERS A RIGHT HAND SQUARE TO THE FACE ---
Stop.
Rees pulls his inch half an inch from Salty's face. The manager is shaking, trembling, and a dark stain is spreading across his pants.
Salty has lost control of his bladder in fear.
Rees shoves Ol' Salty down in disgust, and takes the microphone.
LLOYD REES: Y'know what, for a long time all I t'ought about doin' was pounding yer face, Salty! But lookin' at ya now, all I see is a pat'etic man sittin' der in'is own piss! I don't need t'beat ya up, Salty, t'prove me point, t'prove dat I am who I am, and dat is DA TECHNICAL TERROR, DA GRAND SLAM CHAMPION, TWO TIME NAPW CHAMPION, FOUR TIME HERITAGE CHAMPION, TV CHAMPION AND DA MAN WHO WON DA FIRST EVER IN WRESTLING KETCHUP CASKET MATCH! Yer time is OVER, Salty, and I don't want to see ya in me town ANYMORE! Ya got dat?
Salty whimpers and nods, rolling out of the ring, a broken shell of a man. The crowd sings "NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY, GOODBYE!" to him as turns up the aisle.
LLOYD REES: Now as fer T'NIGHT! I AM DA TECHNICAL TERROR, I AM "LDK" LLOYD REES, AND I AM GOIN' INT' SOLE SURVIVOR GAINST 29 OTHER MEN... AND I PLAN TA WIN DA WHOLE DAMN THING!
Black Keys hits and Rees takes a corner. What a moment. What a turn of events.
And we're not done yet!
JACK JONES: But it was the night we changed back from Daylight Savings, I was in there an extra hour before they came to unlock the gate.
BILL HEWSON: My God. That must have been traumatizing.
JACK JONES: Every time I hear "It's A Small World," I die a little inside.
BILL HEWSON: ... NAPW fans, we are just moments away from the third annual Sole Survivor. This is the biggest match on the NAPW calendar, possibly the biggest night. We have seen three of the best matches you will see anywhere already tonight, two title changes, and perhaps the match of the year! But as the old saying goes, "you ain't seen nothin' yet."
JACK JONES: That's right Hewson, because this is SOLE SURVIVOR. This isn't a normal battle royale! It's not a normal match! We've done it twice and both times have been full of surprises and upsets. You can bring all the strategy you want, but in the end, luck of the draw changes everything. Nobody knew until probably ten minutes ago what number they would be. You can't prepare for an early number in that short of time!
BILL HEWSON: One man can, because we know who #1 will be tonight. He's had all week to think about how he's going to do it, if indeed he can. But ladies and gentlemen, the match only two men have won in NAPW history, world title shot on the line... we are here! Let's go to Frank.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the THIRTY-MAN SOLE SURVIVOR MATCH!
And the crowd volume SWELLS.
FRANK WARBURTON: First, the rules! The match starts off with two wrestlers in the ring. Every two minutes a new wrestler enters until all thirty men have joined the match. A wrestler can only be eliminated by being thrown over the top rope with BOTH feet touching the floor. The last wrestler in the ring will earn an NAPW World Title shot and will be the 2008 SOLE SURVIVOR. Now, introducing competitor #1...
"GO!"
BILL HEWSON: And here he comes, the young man who requested the #1 spot in this one...
JACK JONES: You mean the kid who just shot all his chances straight to hell!
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing our first entrant, he is "THE FALCON"... JACOB VENARRRR!
BILL HEWSON: Jacob Venar with a tremendous effort last week but ultimately coming up short in his attempt to win the Heritage title. He suffered a minor concussion in that contest but demanded #1 here tonight... he wants to prove to himself and the wrestling world just how much guts he really has.
JACK JONES: Nobody PICKS #1! You'd have to be outta your mind... are we sure it was only a MINOR concussion? Venar's coming in hurt and to start. He's got no chance.
BILL HEWSON: I think Venar would say he doesn't care what you have to say about his chances!
FRANK WARBURTON: And the man who drew number TWO...
METALLICA. BOOOOS.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Wickliffe Kentucky, he is "BLUEGRASS BADASS" MATTHEW KURTISSSSSS!
BILL HEWSON: And the single tallest man in this match-up draws the number two slot! Matthew Kurtis!
JACK JONES: Six-foot eleven, three-hundred plus pounds! Not a great number if you're most guys, but if you're Matt Kurtis, you can just toss guys out as they come and hardly break a sweat. Venar isn't going to last to number THREE much less number thirty!
BILL HEWSON: The big Matt Kurtis steps into the ring... and here we go! Venar not waiting any longer, he's bringing the fight straight to the Bluegrass Badass! We've got multiple referees on the floor, 28 men to go... SOLE SURVIVOR IS HERE!
Venar throwing forearms at Matt Kurtis, backing him into the ropes. He grabs a leg and tries to lift Matt over the top rope... no dice. Matt brings his arm down and clobbers Venar with all his power. Venar drops and Matt picks him up, slug, slug, now it's the Bluegrass Badass' turn to try for a quick elimination. He scoops Venar up and goes to launch him over the top, but Venar grabs the top rope, fighting! Matt trying to just muscle Venar over, but Jacob has his hands on the top rope...
Matt launches him!
Venar holds on, swings back in and lands on the apron. He rolls into the ring and tries to get up, Matt Kurtis stomping away on him. Right hand, right hand, to the ropes, Matt looking to clothesline Venar out of his boots, ducked! Jacob with a flying forearm! Another one to the jaw of Matt, trying to stagger the big man. Against the ropes, Venar grabs the legs, gets Matt up! He's trying to lift the big man over the top rope, Matt wrapping his arm around it...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZ!
BILL HEWSON: It's Chris Kamikaze! The founder of the Workers Guild of Alberta, and a man who has some serious issues with Matthew Kurtis as of late!
JACK JONES: Oh come on, what is this? Kamikaze is trying to help Venar get Matt out! There are no friends in Sole Survivor, Kamikaze should've taken Jacob out THEN let Matt beat him up like he did last week!
BILL HEWSON: You thought it was really funny when Matt Kurtis and his new goons Moose and Wayne Wright beat up the WGA, didn't you? Well the tables have turned! Venar and Kamikaze trying to upend the Bluegrass Badass, but that's a lot of unwilling weight to toss.
Indeed, Venar and Kamikaze each have a leg, trying to lift Matt over the top --- Matt gets a long arm and gets them both right fists. Back to the canvas, Matt knocks Venar down and swings at Kamikaze. Ducked! Matt turns around, another big right hand, Kamikaze ducks again! Inner-ear imbalance or not, Chris Kamikaze is rope-a-doping Matthew Kurtis. Another right hand misses, and CK starts throwing jabs! A flurry of offense by Kamikaze, but Matt Kurtis is only stunned, not moved. Kamikaze off the ropes, cross body
BILL HEWSON: --- Caught! Matthew Kurtis has Kamikaze, he could do anything to him VENAR with a dropkick to the face of Kurtis! What height on that dropkick!
JACK JONES: What part of "SOLE" Survivor don't they get?
BILL HEWSON: Well Matt Kurtis has to be one of the biggest threats in this match-up, why NOT team up to take him out?
CK and Venar throw Matt to the ropes, but he LEVELS them with a double clothesline instead! He picks up Kamikaze...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZT!
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD!"
BILL HEWSON: One half of the new tag champions, THE EXPOSITIONER! And what a bad number for him to draw after wrestling through a veritable WAR earlier tonight against Sexy Adorable Drunks!
Expositioner waves to his fans, clearly worse for wear, limping to the ring. "NOW TO ENTER THE MATCH!" He steps in through the ropes... and immediately Jacob Venar is there to try to take him out, attempting to just shove him over the top. Expo fights, hooking an arm on the top rope.
JACK JONES: There ya go, kid! Don't make friends, take 'em out! Especially an injured jerk like Expositioner! Jerk.
BILL HEWSON: Venar trying to eliminate Expositioner, but wait a minute! Matt Kurtis trying to manhandle Kamikaze over and out, CK hanging on for dear life! Oh come on! Kurtis switching it up, planting his size 16 boot right across the throat of the WGA's founder!
JACK JONES: It is no disqualification in Sole Survivor, Hewson! Nothing anybody can do!
Kamikaze is in a bad way, but on the other side, Expo has managed to get free. "Wait, Jacob! Together, we can save Kamikaze and TRIPLE TEAM Matthew Kurtis, thus allowing the three of us to eliminate the biggest threat!" Venar rolls his eyes, but then he and Expo save Kamikaze, pulling Matt away and delivering simultaneous chops. Kamikaze rubs his throat and joins in, the three men all grabbing pieces of Matt Kurtis and lifting him off the canvas, trying to dump him over. Matt is against the top rope, trying to find a wedge and shift his weight.
BILL HEWSON: I think they almost have Matt out!
JACK JONES: Come on Bluegrass, don't let these jerks toss you out!
They're trying, you're a jerk!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
"But I hear tell! Of a heaven in Alberta
Where they've got all hell for a basement!"
JACK JONES: Yes! Haha! Here comes a REAL threat in this match-up!
BILL HEWSON: And it is, yes it is, "The Moose" Mark Millar. And you know he is going to help out his new boss right away oh yes, what a shot to Expositioner! Moose sends Expo the ropes, what a back elbow. Venar and Kamikaze can't keep Matt up --- Oh!
JACK JONES: Now that's what I call a hole in one!
BILL HEWSON: ...What?
Matt Kurtis kicks Venar in the face and then picks up Kamikaze, slamming him in the middle of the ring. Moose drops an elbow. Expo tries to come in, pounded. That leaves Venar, who decides to go HIGH RISK ---
Caught by Matthew Kurtis, POWERSLAMMED down! The Moose and Matthew Kurtis standing tall over three other men. Matt claps Moose on the chest and barks some orders. He points out, pulling up Venar by the hair and tossing him to him. Moose grabs Venar by the head and runs him to the ropes, tossing him over, no! Venar manages to grab the ropes and sling himself back in under the bottom rope, saving himself a second time. Matt Kurtis stands on Kamikaze's chest, what a jerk, as Moose slugs away on Expo in a corner. Moose trying to eliminate Expo now, the tag champ holding on. Venar comes in, trying to lift a surprised Moose up --- Matt hammers him from behind to break that up. Kurtis wants his back-up in this one...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
"PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR!"
The crowd - especially the ladies - give a big ovation as one half of SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION, "The Dynasty" Dan Miller sprints to the ring! He leaps up to the apron. Springboard into the ring knocking down The Moose with a dropkick! High-risk right away but hey, he PARTIES LIKE A ROCKSTAR.
BILL HEWSON: Miller knocking Moose down, and --- MATT KURTIS with a Yakuza kick right to his face!
JACK JONES: That's Sole Survivor, Bill Hewson! Somehow you have to keep your eye on another half-dozen men at all times, or else BAM. You get blindsided!
BILL HEWSON: Expositioner thrown into a corner by Matt Kurtis, Kamikaze tossed! Venar too! Kurtis stacking bodies up like cordwood, he grabs Moose... OH MY! Three men squashed in the corner by a charging MOOSE!
JACK JONES: Moose crossing!
BILL HEWSON: ---AND Kurtis with an avalanche onto all three! The biggest man in the match is dominating, to no real surprise! And wait a minute, Venar from behind trying to eliminate Matt! He's got him up --- No, elbow to the head. Venar with the element of surprise, Moose choking him out in the corner.
Expositioner and Dan Miller pick themselves up in the corner as Matt Kurtis puts the foot choke on Kamikaze in a different corner. He just wants to hurt the man. Expositioner looks at Dan and says "Since it's every man for himself, I now must try to throw you out, chum!" Miller looks at Expo askew, and then Expo tries to throw him out (Chum)! Venar fighting with Moose, who is trying to force him over the top. Kurtis sends has Kamikaze in the corner... RUNNING YAKUZA KICK! GOOD LORD! He almost took his head off! Venar elbows Moose in the head, they're both trying to eliminate each other...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
The Tragically Hip play...
JACK JONES: And now it's the END of Chris Kamikaze! Haha!
BILL HEWSON: Wayne Wright just hit the ring! And he goes right to the aid of his partner The Moose! Wayne and Moose tip Venar up and over the top, he's out --- no, Venar tumbles to the outside apron, holds on, rolls in under the ropes. Expositioner and Miller! Wayne whips Miller into Moose ROUGHNECK! THE ROUGHNECK CONNECTS! Miller is DOWN! Wayne has Expo, catapult OH MY GOODNESS! Right into a scintillating Moose lariat!
JACK JONES: Now that's what I call a GRADE A ASSKICKING!
BILL HEWSON: Everybody is down except Matt Kurtis and his thugs Grade A... and Chris Kamikaze.
The crowd is booing Matt and Grade A to hell as Kamikaze sags against the corner. Matt cracks his knuckles, a hateful expression on his face. Kamikaze, the founder of the WGA, the very men who have humiliated him over the past couple weeks. He slaps Moose and Wayne on the back of the heads and they go grab CK, pulling him to the middle of the ring. They hold an arm each, Kamikaze is helpless!
Matthew Kurtis spews trashtalk to Kamikaze. Letting him know that he brought this on himself. The WGA are nothing but chumps, and they're going to learn just how bad a Bluegrass asskicking can be. The crowd is begging for somebody to come out --- Matt kicks a rising Venar in the head, oh my!
And then boots a helpless Chris Kamikaze in the stomach. He loads him up... up high...
UP FOR THE BLUEGRASS BOMB!
NOT OVER THE TOP ROPE, NO
FIVE
FOUR
MATT HOLDING KAMIKAZE, TAUNTING HIM
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
JACK JONES: ...Loverboy?
BILL HEWSON: IT'S BIG MITCH! THE WGA BIG MAN!
JACK JONES: Matt! Put CK out, come on!
BILL HEWSON: Four-hundred PLUS pounds of Big Mitch coming to the ring... Matt drops CK back to the canvas, he and Grade A are just waiting for Mitch to get in! They're not even going to give him a chance...
JACK JONES: Nope, not even.
BILL HEWSON: Mitch still coming to the ring...
JACK JONES: ... yeah.
BILL HEWSON: I think he needs to catch his breath, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: Do you know why? Because he's TOO FAT!
Mitch is panting, about ten feet from the ring, hands on his thighs and doubled over. He tried to sprint to the ring, it just killed him. Matt Kurtis is looking down at him "what the hell..." He taps his watch. Anyday now. Mitch holds up one finger. "Just gimme a minute!"
BILL HEWSON: You know, I remember Big Mitch being in great shape once upon a time.
JACK JONES: Kids, let this be a lesson. THIS is what the Cookie Dough Diet does to a man.
And in the melee, Expo, Miller and Venar get behind the bad guys... ELIMINATION ATTEMPTS!! The heels manage to grab the ropes, holding on for dear life, Matt manages to get free first using his massive frame, just too much for Venar to simply "power" out. Matt shoves Venar down, he comes right back --- INTO A SPINEBUSTER. Oh my goodness, that's not good for the kid this early in the match. Matt clobbers Miller and Expo. The trio looks at Mitch, who is... almost in the ring, sweat pouring down in buckets, as he tries to get into the ring. Matt shakes his head and grabs Kamikaze. Time to end this.
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"We've got the biggest
BALLS of them all!"
BILL HEWSON: Another WGA! It's ESTEBAN!
JACK JONES: And he's in SHAPE!
Esteban rushes to the ring, and SHOVES Mitch to the apron! He can't very well help the 400 pounder in, but Mitch is close. Esteban dives into the ring, he ducks a Moose lariat, off the ropes...
HIGH LOU THESZ PRESS! SUCK BALLS, MOOSE! RIGHT HANDS! Wayne grabs Esteban, throwing right hands. Esteban shot off, Matt steps in for a big boot, ducked by Esteban! Leaps up to the top rope, SPRINGBOARDS OFF! CORKSCREW PLANCHA LANDS ON MATT'S SHOULDERS AND TAKES HIM DOWN! Wayne comes in again, but KAMIKAZE IS THERE! FLURRY OF CHOPS! Wayne falls down... STANDING MOONSAULT! Kamikaze with signs of life! Big Mitch is in the ring! Moose in the corner, Esteban knocks him on his ass
BRONCO BUSTER!
"SUCK MY BALLS ESE!"
THE CROWD GOES CRAZY!
JACK JONES: WRESTLING IS RUINED FOREVER!
BILL HEWSON: Big Mitch is IN THE RING! It's a miracle! Wait a minute, oh no! Kamikaze is telling Mitch to... OH MY GOD! MITCH JUST SPLASHED WAYNE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
JACK JONES: Somebody better make a trip to Spatula City.
BILL HEWSON: Kamikaze and Esteban are trying to eliminate Matt Kurtis! Can they get him over --- Mitch comes in! The three are trying to put him out, but Matt isn't going that easily! Oh, stiff shots! Expositioner and Miller come in, five men trying to put Matt Kurtis out ---
JACK JONES: ... and five men get BOWLED OVER!
BILL HEWSON: Except Big Mitch, who manages to stay on his feet... low center of gravity and all that.
JACK JONES: Well, if you mean because his ass hangs down to his knees...
BILL HEWSON: We're almost time for another entrance, not a single elimination yet! Matt Kurtis trying to put over the 400 pound Big Mitch on his own... even his strength can't just lift that. Matt off the ropes, he's going to get some momentum WAIT! Mitch just dropped down ---
JACK JONES: I think he just couldn't stand up!
BILL HEWSON: Matt Kurtis hung up on the ropes KAMIKAZE AND ESTEBAN FROM BEHIND! MATT KURTIS IS ELIMINATED! THE WGA HAVE ELIMINATED MATTHEW KURTIS FROM SOLE SURVIVOR!!
JACK JONES: WHAAAAAAAAA?
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZT!
Number TEN is "New Age Messiah" by Edguy plays up, and Teddy Davis of the Dogs of War makes his way out, accompanied by Valentina Evans. Matt Kurtis is incensed on the floor, all the referees attempting to get him out. Matt swears and turns around, walking off in furious disgust. Davis slides in, goes immediately for his rival in the tag ranks, Dan Miller of Southern Destruction. The Moose and Wayne are back up, and going after the WGA. Mitch is gasping for air, head hanging out under the bottom rope sucking oxygen. Everybody in the ring is trying to get somebody out. Venar and Expositioner are tangling, Moose and Esteban, Wayne and Kamikaze. Everybody trying to get somebody out!
BILL HEWSON: And give props to Jacob Venar... we are one third of the way into this match and he is still hanging in there, surviving several elimination attempts! Oh my, Davis with a running kick to Miller! He's almost got him out, Miller manages to land on the ring apron. You have to get thrown over the top rope, BOTH feet hitting the floor.
JACK JONES: And seeing as we're at number TEN and only one guy has been eliminated, that shows you that it's much harder than it looks! Lousy WGA, ruining my spread.
BILL HEWSON: Oh, what a shot by The Moose on Esteban. He's not happy about taking that Bronco Buster a couple seconds ago!
JACK JONES: Would YOU appreciate Esteban's balls bouncing up and down on your face?
BILL HEWSON: Well, no.
JACK JONES: You can admit it, Hewson. Whatever two consenting adults wish to do in the privacy of their own home is up to them, so long as nobody gets hurt. Except that this was in front of seven hundred fans. And Moose wasn't consenting. Hey wait a minute --- SOMEBODY SUE ESTEBAN FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT!
BILL HEWSON: You are such an idiot.
Wayne trying to put Kamikaze out... Whoa, Venar has Expo, no, Expo manages to stay in. Davis trying to force Miller out, Miller has an arm and leg wrapped around the top rope!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
"NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE ME ALIVE
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"
BILL HEWSON: BRUCE! THE BEAST! RICHARDS!
And the crowd.
ASPLODE.
The Beast jobs in place at the entrance way, looking FIRED UP... and then rushes to the ring! Beast slides in! He grabs Venar, clothesline! Teddy Davis comes at him, he gets knocked down by a BEASTLY shoulder tackle! Here comes THE MOOSE, RIGHT HANDS --- BLOCKED! BEAST FIRES BACK! HAS MOOSE ON THE ROPES! SOME DISTANCE --- LARIATOOOOOO
MOOSE TUMBLES OVER THE TOP ROPE! ELIMINATED!
Crowd going crazy, Wayne Wright charges at The Beast from behind --- but Beast somehow knew he was coming! He hoists Wayne onto his shoulders, WAIT A MINUTE, IS IT?
BILL HEWSON: CHART! AH! TAAAAAAAAACKovertheTOPROPE!
JACK JONES: NO! NOT GRADE!
BILL HEWSON: Wayne Wright has been ELIMINATED... CHART ATTACK over the top, right onto The Moose! And The Beast has single-handedly eliminated Grade A Alberta Attitude! And he's not done yet!
JACK JONES: That's not good for ANYBODY! Especially my bottom line!
Teddy Davis is back up, MILLER! SPRINGBOARD INVERTED DDT! He takes the man down! Miller picks up Davis, tries to toss him, Davis grabbing the ropes for dear life. Meanwhile The Beast is looking for another body to toss out, the crowd chanting "BEAST IS GONNA KILL YOU, BEAST IS GONNA KILL YOU!" He grabs Venar... OH MAN! GORILLA PRESS OVER THE TOP ROPE! JACOB VENAR IS ELIMINATED ---
NO!
HE GRABS THE TOP ROPE, LEGS KICKING, THEY DON'T TOUCH... and he SKINS THE CAT BACK INTO THE RING!
BILL HEWSON: Jacob Venar SOMEHOW staving off certain elimination! Wait a minute! Beast trying to dump Miller and Davis together! Why not!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
BILL HEWSON: David Gage! Teddy Davis' tag team partner! The Dogs of Evil are both in this match!
JACK JONES: And that means they have the ADVANTAGE! Take out everybody, then fight it out at the end! Dogs of Evil all the way, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: I thought you'd picked Matthew Kurtis.
JACK JONES: No, I just thought he was a favorite! My pick was always Dogs of Evil!
BILL HEWSON: It was not! Gage going right for The Beast! Davis back into the ring proper, the Dogs of Evil taking on The BEAST!
Venar has decided to try to eliminate the biggest man in the match, grabbing one giant hamhock that is Big Mitch's leg and trying to lift him over the top. It's not going very well, but Mitch's defense seems to be hugging the top rope and screaming "NO! NO! OH NO!" Davis and Gage DOUBLE CHOP the Beast! Double irish-whip --- The Beast flies off the ropes, double dropkick... HITS CANVAS! Beast grabbed the ropes and stalled his momentum. He flashes a grin, telling the Dogs of Evil to look... up.
EXPOSITIONER OFF THE TOP!
DAN MILLER OFF THE TOP!
The Dogs of Evil get blasted my stereo missile dropkicks! High risk but it paid off! High fives all around, and Miller grabs Davis to try to put him out.
Hold on, The Beast and Expositioner looking at each other... They're friends, but this is SOLE SURVIVOR! Beast and Expositioner are going at it? Wait a minute, Kamikaze and Esteban try to dump them out!
JACK JONES: Yes! Come on Beast, eliminate those WGA chumps!
The attempt is not successful, Beast too fresh, too strong, knocking Esteban away. Venar is trying to help Miller put out Davis, Gage attacks, those four going at on one side of the ring, trying to force somebody over...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZT!
JACK JONES: Who is it?
"ON MY SOAP BOX YELLING INTO MEGAPHONES!"
BILL HEWSON: Lucky number THIRTEEN... TRENT DANIELS! THE HERITAGE CHAMPION!
JACK JONES: Heritage Champion, first man to pin Stone Zellor in almost a year, runner-up in the Canada Cup, he'd LOVE to be World Champion as well!
BILL HEWSON: That is what it's all about! The prestige of winning the Sole Survivor, and a chance for a shot at the World Title... it's anybody's match with this format! Daniels is IN!
The crowd is giving a great ovation for Daniels, and he slides in! Pops Venar! A shot to Kamikaze! Davis gets knocked! Hell, Daniels with a shot to THE BEAST! The crowd ROARS that one. But Beast don't back down, he fires at Daniels! A big shot, Daniels comes right back with one of his own! Beast returns fire, he hits harder, but Daniels sidesteps, a glancing blow, and tries to shove Beast to the ropes and out! Beast holding on, ESTEBAN FROM BEHIND! Grabs Daniels legs, trying to take him up and over with surprise!
The Heritage Champion lands on the ring apron, then slingshots himself under the 2nd rope and behind a stunned Esteban. "SUCK MY BALLS---"
Daniels puts Esteban UP AND OVER! Esteban has been ELIMINATED!
BILL HEWSON: The Heritage champion making an immediate impact! Esteban is gone! The WGA are down one member, though Joey Malone is still to come in this match!
JACK JONES: Well, their biggest member is still here... and I don't know who the hell is going to get him out!
BILL HEWSON: We've got a half-dozen guys trying to put Big Mitch out of the ring! Expositioner, Venar, Davis, Miller, Gage! Kamikaze trying to save his friend, oh, Teddy Davis hits him with a low blow. Come on!
JACK JONES: It's all legal in this match! And you see right there, Dan Miller and the Dogs of Evil have been going at it the entire match, but now they're working together to try to put Mitch out! That's what Sole Survivor is all about!
Five men trying to put out Big Mitch, but they can't get him out.
BECAUSE HE'S TOO FAT.
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
"SOME HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL!"
And here comes the tag team partner of Dan Miller, HANK HENDERSON! Southern Destruction are united! Henderson comes in the ring and immediately joins in the group attempting to put out Mitch. Mitch is blubbering and begging, desperately trying to hold on, the six men have him off the round... but tipping him up and OVER is a bit harder! HE'S SO FAT!
Daniels tries to put The Beast over, Beast holding the ropes, kicks Daniels away ... Daniels grabs The Beast, irish whip, reversed! Daniels collides with bodies trying to put Mitch over! That pisses off Teddy Davis, who turns and goes after Daniels. Gage grabs him him. Waitaminute! KAMIKAZE ON THE TOP ROPE ---
Well, he loses his balance, but shoots off enough to land on the crowd attempting to eliminate his buddy Mitch. Just not with altogether much grace or awesomeness. The Dogs of Evil trying to put Davis out on one side, Big Mitch is apparently catholic, saying a hail mary at not being put over the top.
Except that The Beast is still up.
Mitch's eyes bug open as Beast stalks over to him! "No oh no oh noooo!" Beast tries to lift up Mitch... no way, he's getting him! But Mitch is just TOO FAT --- BEAST CLUBS HIM! Another shot! Another! Beast off the ropes...
HOLY HANNAH LARIAT!!!
BIG MITCH TOPPLES OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR BELOW! ELIMINATED!
BILL HEWSON: THE BEAST! Single-handedly! Eliminates Big Mitch! What a display from the former world champion!
JACK JONES: I can't believe it!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast is in the driver's seat in this match up, and it is time for the fifteenth entrant... the halfway point of this match! Venar is still in it! Kamikaze from #3! But how long will they last?
Everybody occupied except The Beast, who is indulging briefly in the crowd's chants of "BEAST IS GONNA KILL YOU, BEAST IS GONNA KILL YOU." He grabs Dan Miller, tosses him over, Miller lands on the apron. Venar gets whipped! Kamikaze gets rocked in the corner and Richards tries to put him over, CK grabbing the ropes desperately...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
JACK JONES: Who's music is that?
BILL HEWSON: I don't know, it's not familiar... wait a minute. Oh my goodness, Jack Jones, do you know who that is?
JACK JONES: It's KING. KOJI.
BILL HEWSON: King Koji has returned to NAPW, to Sole Survivor!
The crowd isn't sure what to make of the man who had a cup of coffee in NAPW during fall 2006. But one thing is for sure, the muscular six-four, two-seventy pound Japanese man is getting everybody's attention. Koji walks to the ring in his black trunks, eyes focused on the ring. He gets in ---
WHAM
Jacob Venar charges him and gets DESTROYED by a lariat. Southern Destruction try to charge, they BOUNCE OFF of him. Koji with a huge chop knocks Miller down, then another to Henderson! Kamikaze looks up only to take a SICK big boot right to the face. The Heritage Champion EATS A ROARING ELBOW!
BILL HEWSON: This is amazing! King Koji is LAYING WASTE inside the squared circle! Expositioner flies --- CAUGHT! Oh my god, GORILLA PRESS OH MY GOD TO THE OUTSIDE! KING KOJI JUST ELIMINATED THE EXPOSITIONER!
JACK JONES: Talk about making an IMPACT!
BILL HEWSON: Expositioner looks hurt, he wrestled a war earlier and just landed on pure concrete... wait a minute! The Beast knocks down the Dogs of Evil... oh my goodness.
JACK JONES: Holy.
BILL HEWSON: The Beast... and King Koji... staring each other down! Two big bulls --- HERE WE GO! The Beast firing on King Koji, Koji simply absorbs it! Oh my goodness! And a HUGE chop from Koji to The Beast! A series of open-hand chops and palm strikes, King Koji is STAGGERING The Beast!
JACK JONES: Imagine if he eliminates The Beast!
BILL HEWSON: He seems to be going in that direction! Koji trying to push Beast over... Beast fires back! Now The Beast is getting the better of King Koji! Pushing him back, back to the ropes... WHAT a shot! Koji is dazed against the ropes! THE BEAST CHARGES --- KOJI BACKDROPS HIM OUT! THE BEAST --- NO!
JACK JONES: OH COME ON!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast lands on the apron OH MY GOD KOJI LARIATOOOOOOO! THE BEAST --- HAS BEEN --- ELIMINATED! And this crowd... is in SHOCK! KING KOJI HAS ELIMINATED BRUCE RICHARDS!
The Beast is on the floor, holding his head, looking up. He can't believe it. The crowd can't believe it. The wrestlers slowly picking themselves up in the ring can't believe it. Koji grunts and flexes his muscles, staring at The Beast. What. An. Impact. Koji turns around now... the wrestlers in the ring try to attack him en masse! Koji chops one, swats another, he's just decimating the playing field! The crowd gives Beast a cheer as he heads back, clearly HUGELY disappointed. He disappears through the curtain...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
Silence.
And then.
FOUR CELLOS.
FOUR.
CELLOS.
BILL HEWSON: HE! IS! HEEEEEEEERE!
PATH.
AND THE CROWD
LOSES
THEIR FRIGGING MINDS
BILL HEWSON: RAVAGER! HAS! RETURNNNNNNNNED!
JACK JONES: WHAAAAAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
And finally.
Black trunks. Black hair. Pale white skin. But one hell of an ass-kicker.
Finally.
RAVAGER IS HERE.
The crowd goes crazy? THE CROWD GOES FRIGGING CRAZY.
RAVAGER HITS THE RING! DAVIS ATTACKS --- LARIATED! GAGE --- HEADBUTT! Millar --- HEADBUTT! --- Henderson tries a lariat, DUCKED AROUND ---
LAAAAST RESOOOOORRRRRRT!
Kamikaze decides to stay the hell OUT of Ravager's way, staying down in a corner. Jacob VEnar comes off the ropes with a flying forearm, Ravager casually steps out of the way. Venar hits the canvas and RAVAGER TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
NO, Venar somehow catches and once again skins the cat back in, holding his head however. The concussion may be getting to him.
But that leaves only two men standing.
RAVAGER
The man who eliminated The Beast
KOJI
Koji grunts and CHOPS Ravager sickeningly across the chest! Ravager unloads with his own! Another chop! Returned! Ravager with a HEADBUTT! That staggers Koji! Another HEADBUTT! Koji however with an open hand slap across the head! He grabs Ravager by the back of the head and throws him out NO WAY --- NO! RAVAGER FOOT ON THE TOP ROPE, BLOCKS! Elbows to the head! HEADBUTT! HEADBUTT! HEADBUTT! GOOD GOD! KOJI BACKED AGAINST THE ROPES, RAVAGER RUNS ---
LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
KING KOJI IS ELIMINATED!
And the crowd
THE CROWD
HAVE NOT SAT DOWN SINCE RAVAGER ENTERED THE RING!
BILL HEWSON: RAVAGER HAS RETURNED! And he is the ONLY MAN STANDING! King Koji is out, but what an impact, but RAVAGER --- WILL NOT BE DENIED!
JACK JONES: We need my favorite out here, JAKE PHOENIX! He'll take care of him!
BILL HEWSON: Just want to point out quickly that Venar AGAIN skinned the cat back in... how many times is the kid going to escape certain elimination? Wait a minute, we're ready for another entrant! Everybody is down except Ravager! Here we go!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"WHOOMP, THERE IT IS! WHOOMP, THERE IT IS!
WHOOMP, THERE IT IS! WHOOMP, THERE IT IS!"
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute... is that?
JACK JONES: I don't believe it. Really, I don't.
BILL HEWSON: Another former roster member has returned tonight, ladies and gentleman... DJ Wigger!
The stereotypical whiteboy trying to be a black gangsta DJ Wigger comes to the ring, he's got a microphone? Ravager is looking down the aisle, out at the fans with an expression of "Are you serious?" He's almost laughing. Almost. He's RAVAGER, so he's NOT, but almost.
DJ WIGGER: AWWWWWW JEAH! EN EH PEE DUB, SOLE SURVIVOR DJ WIGGER IN DA HIZOUSE! LEMME HEAR THE PEOPLE SAY WHOOMP,THERE IT IS!
Wigger points the mic out to the crowd, who respond, if somewhat in amusement.
DJ WIGGER: JEAHHHHHHHHH! It be OUGHT-EIGHT and it be time for DJ Wigger, DJ Wigger's time! Ravager, my bitch, what's up foo? WEST EDMONTON SIIIIIIDE YO!
BILL HEWSON: I don't know how much DJ Wigger WANTS to get Ravager's attention.
Wigger is in the ring now, waving his hands back and forth, getting the crowd into it.
DJ WIGGER: People say OH-OH!
PEOPLE: OH-OH!
DJ WIGGER: People say OH OH OH!
PEOPLE: OH OH OH!
DJ WIGGER: Ya'll people SCREAM!!!
PEOPLE: *SCREAM!!!*
DJ WIGGER: Now put your hands in the air, and wave 'em like ya just don't care! Ravager! My man! Put yo hands in the air, wave 'em like ya just don't care!
JACK JONES: Ravager doesn't have any soul, DJ!
The other wrestlers are looking on with a "What the hell?" atmosphere. Or more like... watching to see just what Ravager is going to do. His hands haven't left his hips. Wigger waves his hands in the air, trying to encourage Ravager to do so. "Come on R-Dog!"
R-Dog did it.
RAVAGER PUTS HIS HANDS IN THE AIR!
WAVES HIM LIKE HE JUST DON'T CARE!
Wigger is ecstatic, puts the mic up again, "NOW ALL YOU PEOPLE READY FOR ---"
JACK JONES: WHAT? READY FOR WHAT?
BILL HEWSON: Ready for RAVAGER TO THROW DJ WIGGER OUT OF THE RING! DJ WIGGER IS ELIMINATED!
Wigger made the mistake of turning his back on Ravager. WHAM! CHOP! OVER THE TOP! Ravager dusts his hands, shaking his head at DJ Wigger on the floor. He shrugs, then turns his attention to the nearest body, who happens to be Chris Kamikaze. Everybody is back up, Southern Destruction trying to eliminate Venar, Dogs of Evil trying to put out Trent Daniels...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZT!
"SO GIMME BACK MY BULLETS!"
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute... only man ever used that song in his NAPW career! It can't be! Is it?
JACK JONES: Nobody's coming out of the curtain though, Hewson --- WHOA!
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute! JC COOK --- JC COOK JUST FLEW BACKWARDS THROUGH THE CURTAIN! He's... HE'S OUT. What the...
JACK JONES: ....OHHHHH YEAAAAAAH!
The crowd is trying to see what the heck is going on, INDEED, JC Cook, DEVIN'S FAVORITE WRESTLER, is spread-eagled in the aisle, unconscious. And then, from the curtain, steps out none other...
THAN CHRIS CASINO.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
BILL HEWSON: And Chris Casino ... is coming to the ring! I think --- I think JC Cook was supposed to be number EIGHTEEN, but... Casino stole his frigging spot!
JACK JONES: YOUR WINNER, CHRIS CASINO!
BILL HEWSON: I can't believe he'd even show his face again after walking out earlier. What happened to "only paid for one match," huh?
JACK JONES: Hey, he doesn't have to prove ANYTHING to Lloyd Rees or these fans. But a shot at the NAPW World Title? Casino could make an AWESOME necklace out of the belt when he wins it!
BILL HEWSON: I don't understand exactly what's happening but Chris Casino is getting in the ring, he appears to be a contestant! And you know EXACTLY who he's going for --- whoa, Casino superkicks Venar! HE TOSSES HIM OVER! Venar is out ---
JACK JONES: Wait, I don't think he is!
BILL HEWSON: Oh my God, Venar with ONE HAND on the top rope! I think --- the referees are saying ONE foot touched, NOT both! Venar somehow pulls himself back into the ring! But that superkick could not have been good for him! But now! Chris Casino IMMEDIATELY going after Ravager! These two rivals are going at it!
And OH HELL THEY ARE! Crowd is chanting alternately "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE / LET'S GO RAVAGER / YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE / LET'S GO RAVAGER!" Teddy Davis has Trent Daniels, tossed over, Daniels manages to land on the apron! Davis tries a shot, Daniels blocks, one of his own, sunset flip back into the ring! The Heritage champion staving off elimination!
BILL HEWSON: And now we are coming up on number NINETEEN, almost two-thirds through this thing, so many men managing to survive. Jacob Venar has lasted nearly FORTY minutes so far! Chris Kamikaze over THIRTY!
JACK JONES: Dan Miller has been in since number six! Something has to give soon! Wait a minute CASINO'S ELIMINATING RAVAGER --- aw, man! Stop holding the rope like a pussy Ravager!
Yes, Jack, he should just LET Casino eliminate him! Hank Henderson catches David Gage on the top rope. Oh man --- THE HANGMAN DDT! Henderson just PLANTS Gage! He grabs Miller to help toss Gage...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZT!
BILL HEWSON: What the --- OH MY! The lights just went out! We're in pitch black, what the heck?
JACK JONES: I HATE when the lights go out! It's never good when they come back on! Just don't turn them back on, cancel the show, it's finnnnnnne---
Lights...
UP.
Oh you better believe the crowd POPS LIKE MAD.
BILL HEWSON: THE PREDATOR IS HERE! SPEAR! Kamikaze goes SPEAR to DANIELS SPEAR to Teddy Davis!
JACK JONES: He's dishing out SPEARS LIKE SKITTLES!
BILL HEWSON: Henderson gets SPEARED! THE PREDATOR has returned, and he is SPEARING everything that moves! Dan Miller SPEAR! David Gage SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR! I think he was broken in half!
And... oh my. RAVAGER is locking eyes with Predator! Predator SPEAR --- Ravager sidestepped! Ravager tries to toss Predator, BLOCKED! Irish whip Ravager SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR! PREDATOR WITH A SPEAR ON RAVAGERRRRR!
JACK JONES: LOOK OUT CASINO!
BILL HEWSON: AND NOW ONE MAN LEFT! CASINO GETS SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR NOOO! LOW BRIDGE CASINO! PREDATOR SAILS OVER THE TOP ROPE! I don't believe it! Predator speared down EVERY MAN IN THE RING... but Chris Casino has eliminated him!
JACK JONES: Oh thank God. What's next, NIGHTMARE shows up? Immortal? I couldn't handle it!
BILL HEWSON: The crowd giving Predator a tremendous ovation. Could you imagine Predator winning Sole Survivor? Just imagine!
JACK JONES: NO!!!
The crowd boos Casino, he merely taps his head. He's SMARTER THAN YOU(TM) Stylin' Kyle Roberts.
BILL HEWSON: Chris Casino is the only man up after Predator DECIMATED the field, and he grabs Ravager. Casino tries to put Ravager over, no! Ravager fighting him off! We're ten seconds away from number TWENTY, whoever he is will have his pick with all these bodies laying around!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZT!
"The Alcoholik" by Superjoint Ritual kicks up, and that can only mean one man. KRUSTY KID PAUL! He has a few dirty bandages from the match earlier and looks beat the hell up, but KKP slides into the ring with energy and starts laying in heavy stomps to every head he sees. He's quick to go for Hank Henderson and Dan Miller, two men who have given him and Tommy Deathrow a lot of trouble.
BILL HEWSON: How long are the SAD going to duck Southern Destruction before they finally get their match, that's what I want to know!
JACK JONES: Southern Destruction need to stop FALSIFYING facts about Tommy Deathrow! They should just understand that Deathrow is a SUPERSTAR and what Tommy wants, Tommy gets!
BILL HEWSON: I don't know why that is, though! KKP in a bad mood now after losing the tag team titles earlier tonight... He tries to toss over Miller! Hank helps out. Casino is trying to put out the Heritage Champion, Ravager working over Teddy Davis... oh, David Gage gets him from behind. Dogs of Evil working over Ravager. Venar and Chris Kamikaze are trying to eliminate each other!
JACK JONES: The two men with the longest tenures in this match OH MAN!
BILL HEWSON: Venar and Kamikaze BOTH TUMBLING OVER THE TOP... both men land on the apron! AGAIN Venar narrowly dodges elimination --- the two longest surviving men both almost went out! Venar over forty minutes, Kamikaze only two behind him! We have only nine more entrants, almost in the home stretch, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: Yeah, and who's left? "The Show" Chad Kurtis isn't in yet! Stone Zellor hasn't shown up! And the odds-on favorite, Jake Phoenix, he's not out yet!
BILL HEWSON: Somebody's coming out in just a few seconds here... who is it going to be?
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"WE FALL, WE FALL
WE FALL, WE FALL"
BILL HEWSON: The most DANGEROUS man in NAPW!
"THE HARDER THEY COME, THE HARDER THEY FALL
THE QUICKER THEY COME, THE QUICKER THEY CRAWL!"
JACK JONES: SAD come in at 20 and 21, what are the odds? They're SUPERSTAR odds! SAD are going to win it all!
BILL HEWSON: Will you... you know what, forget it. Tommy Deathrow heading to the ring, he doesn't seem to be in much of a rush however?
He doesn't. Deathrow is walking slowly. He probably looks worse out of any man from that amazing 2/3 falls match earlier. His eyes burn with hate as he slowly walks to ring, taking idle sips from a bottle of ... Grey Goose vodka? Wow, somebody sprung for the high-end stuff today. In the ring, everybody still going at it, people trying to force guys over the top rope on different sides. KKP is fighting with SD, he seems to be the aggressor.... he yells for Tommy to get in and help eliminate these bitches. Tommy steps up to the ring apron... and back down. KKP yells at him "What are you doing bitch get in here!"
Southern Destruction nail KKP! Paul fights back, he gets nowhere as SD shoot him to the ropes, double back body drop! Paul holds his back hard as Tommy looks on with a strange glint in his eyes. Henderson and Miller grab Krusty Kid Paul... AND DUMP HIM TO THE FLOOR! KKP IS ELIMINATED! And Tommy Deathrow didn't do anything to stop it! KKP lands beside Tommy, and then Deathrow chooses to get in the ring. He gets on the apron, drains the vodka, tosses it back into the aisle, and gets in!
JACK JONES: Quality, cheap, it's all the same to Deathrow --- FUEL FOR THE FIRE!
BILL HEWSON: Tommy Deathrow in the ring! Southern Destruction coming for him now! They've got him, double irish whip, back body drop --- Tommy stops short, BOOT to the face of Henderson! He's got Miller. OH MY! DOMINATOR! Holy hell! Tommy pulls Miller up, oh my god, DAN MILLER SENT OVER THE TOP ROPE!
JACK JONES: Tommy Deathrow is cleaning house! And that's spectacular, he never cleans his OWN house! That's how much he cares about other people!
BILL HEWSON: What are you --- ? Henderson brawling with Deathrow! His partner has been tossed, he's fired up!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZT!
BILL HEWSON: Number twenty-two... is Gary?
JACK JONES: He's not supposed to be in this match, what the heck?
BILL HEWSON: The WGA's Gary is making his way to the ring, somebody must have dropped out, but whatever the case, Kamikaze has to be glad to see him! Casino almost has Kamikaze over, Gary makes the save! WAIT A MINUTE! Henderson has Deathrow up on his shoulders, he's going to launch him over the top --- OH NO! Deathrow BITING Henderson! Good God!
JACK JONES: Well, he IS the walking talking STD, Hewson!
Yeah, GROSS. Henderson's head is bleeding as Tommy stuffs his hand down his pants. WAIT DANIELS ELIMINATES VENAR --- NO! Venar holds on, into the ring, VENAR ELIMINATES DANIELS --- NO, Daniels holds on! Those two men have a lot of respect for one another but WORLD TITLE on the line! Ravager has gone back to work on Casino, chopping away on him in the corner to the WOOOOS of the fans. Gary and Kamikaze are fighting with Dogs of Evil, Gary and CK trying to eliminate the Dogs, Valentina Evans shrieking at ringside.
SWEATY BALL CLAW ON HENDERSON! GOOD GOD!
Hank kicks away at Tommy, the leering STD without MERCY. But Henderson's kicks find their mark, and Tommy breaks. Hank is against the ropes, coughing, spitting in disgust, pain, weariness... and DEATHROW lariats him OVER THE TOP! Hank Henderson has been eliminated by STD!
BILL HEWSON: Tommy Deathrow is on a roll, he just put out both members of Southern Destruction... but SD put out KKP! And Tommy didn't do a thing to stop it. Why?
JACK JONES: I don't know, Hewson. Maybe Tommy feels that KKP is the reason they lost the tag titles!
BILL HEWSON: How can you blame anybody for that? It was a hell of a match! Oh wait Casino with a thumb to Ravager's eye, now trying to get him over!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZT!
"BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS!
WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?"
BILL HEWSON: Here comes the LEADER of the WGA, "Bad Boy" Joey Malone!
JACK JONES: How is Joey Malone the leader of ANYTHING?
The crowd pops huge! Joey gets in the ring, looks around... and ATTACKS! Trent Daniels takes an EYE POKE! Teddy Davis gets punched... BAD BLASTER ON DAVID GAGE! Venar just got knocked down by Tommy Deathrow and a stiff shot. Casino is trying to eliminate Kamikaze, Gary's been knocked down. Joey looks to the crowd, Casino doesn't see him. Joey ---
LOW BLOW ON CASINO!
The WGA gather together and start trying to put out Chris! He holds the top rope for dear life! Tommy Deathrow and RAVAGER are going at it all of sudden, exchanging punches in the middle of the ring! Holy hell! These two tagged late last year for a match, but it didn't go well! Ravager with a HEADBUTT! Tommy grins, sticking his tongue out, and then just punches Ravager straight in the face.
BILL HEWSON: So much going on, it's hard to keep track! Wait a minute, the Dogs of Evil have gotten up, they're going after the WGA! Venar and Trent Daniels are trying to catch their breath in different corners, Venar in this match now for over FORTY-FOUR minutes! Deathrow trying to put Ravager over the top rope, Ravager fighting.
JACK JONES: And Chris Casino, the smartest man in the match, just rolled out under the bottom rope to the floor. Hey, Chris! How's it going?
BILL HEWSON: Oh god.
Casino takes an extra headset, he is breathing heavily and grinning as he sits down besides Jack.
CHRIS CASINO: I'm doing great, Jack Attack, look at these bums working so hard. Come on Deathrow, get that Ravager jerk out.
JACK JONES: It's great to have you back, Chris! Can't you make it more than one night?
CHRIS CASINO: I'll make it two when I win this and come back to win the NAPW Title, but then I'm never coming back.
BILL HEWSON: If you're the champion you have to defend it, you know.
CHRIS CASINO: I was thinking how good that belt would look above my fireplace. In Maui. Look at these monkies, they're not smart. They're nothing like Chris Casino, god, this company is going down the tubes without me.
BILL HEWSON: Uh huh --- Jacob Venar trying to eliminate Deathrow! Tommy oh come on, that was a blatant low blow!
JACK JONES: Shut up, Hewson, the countdown is on! Who's number twenty-four?
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"SURPRISE!
YOU'RE DEAD!"
Faith No More cranks up and that means only one man. The odds-on favorite, one of the biggest men in the match --- the biggest man LEFT in the entrants --- is here. The target. The man everybody else hates and turns to see come in. The REBEL World Heavyweight Champion.
JAKE PHOENIX.
JACK JONES: My pick to win Sole Survivor... well, he was until you were in it Chris!
CHRIS CASINO: You're such a kiss-ass, Jack.
BILL HEWSON: You're such a kiss-ass, Ja--- whaaa? Jake Phoenix is coming in, and everybody is PAYING attention. Last week he tossed so many bodies around, and now... there's no cage stopping them from flying all the way to the floor!
Phoenix steps to the ring apron, steps OVER the top rope with his long legs...
AND HERE WE GO!
Gary and Kamikaze rush at Phoenix, he casually swats them away like such gnats! CHOKESLAM GARY! CHOKESLAM KAMIKAZE! Trent Daniels run in, he wants a piece --- CAUGHT! CHOKESLAM! Hey, Dogs of Evil? DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! But Joey Malone isn't backing down! He's firing away on Jake Phoenix, giving him all he's got...
And Phoenix just laughs.
CHOKESLAM! Deathrow is choking Ravager on the bottom rope, Venar rushes at Phoenix! He does a handstand, up to Phoenix's shoulders, UNKINDNESS...
'cept the part where Phoenix doesn't, you know, GO ANYWHERE.
VENAR SUFFERS A POWERBOMB! Deathrow looks at his one-time tag team partner and starts firing away! Those blows DO rock Phoenix, but Jake cuts Deathrow off with a knee to the gut. He picks the STD up... CHOKESLAM! EVERYBODY IS DOWN! Phoenix picks up Gary...
OUT!
Kamikaze!
OUT!
Joey Malone... up on Phoenix's shoulders! He grabs the top rope, trying desperately to hold on, so Phoenix uses his free hand to punch Malone in the gut. GORILLA PRESS ---
MALONE TOSSED ONTO GARY AND KAMIKAZE!
JAKE PHOENIX HAS ELIMINATED THE ENTIRE WGA!
BILL HEWSON: But there is ONE MAN who is up... ONE MAN who Jake Phoenix hates as much as everybody hates Jake Phoenix...
CHRIS CASINO: Now this I wanna see. Come on Jakey, beat the crap out of that turncoat Ravager.
Phoenix and Ravager stare each other down...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
THEY GO AT IT
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
BILL HEWSON: ... LLOYD REES! The Polish Hall just came unglued once again!
CHRIS CASINO: That fishy bastard has a lot of nerve showing his face again after I beat his ass earlier tonight.
BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees is in at number twenty-five, we are almost through this match! Wait a minute, the Dogs of Evil trying to put out Jacob Venar! He's been in for almost fifty-minutes, not like this ---
Rees hits the ring! Phoenix and Ravager TEARING into each other, Phoenix trying to eliminate Ravager. The ring is suddenly three men short. Rees in, he nails Davis! OOOOH does he want a piece of the Dogs of Evil! Trent Daniels and Tommy Deathrow are struggling in a corner, the Heritage Champion seeming to have the edge on Tommy OH Tommy bites the bridge of his nose. Again. Ewww.
Rees nails Davis! Gage hits him from behind, the Dogs of Evil toss Rees to the ropes. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE --- Rees ducks! NAILS both Dogs with one of his own! They get up, VENAR ON THE TOP ROPE, SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE KICK TO THEIR FACES! The crowd is going crazy! "LDK, VENAR, LDK, VENAR!" Venar grabs Gage by the hair, LDK Davis, both men point out over the top rope...
AND TOSS THE DOGS OF EVIL! Davis and Gage ELIMINATED!
BILL HEWSON: In just a matter of minutes, this ring has been cleared! Still in this match... Jacob Venar, who just broke FIFTY minutes! Lloyd Rees! Tommy Deathrow! The Heritage Champion, Trent Daniels, he's been in for almost thirty minutes! Jake Phoenix! Ravager! And, well, you Chris Casino, though you're not really IN the ring right now...
CHRIS CASINO: It just proves I'm smarter. I wrestled thirty minutes earlier. Now that almost makes it fair for the rest of these monkies, but it's over the TOP rope Hewson. I'm not doing anything wrong.
BILL HEWSON: Not "wrong," but not exactly... impressive.
JACK JONES: Watch your mouth, Hewson, you're talking to Chris Casino!
BILL HEWSON: *sigh*
BILL HEWSON: Deathrow stomping Daniels... wait, to the floor --- no Daniels went between the 2nd and 3rd ropes, right in front of us. The Heritage Champion still in this! Oh Deathrow just nailed Lloyd Rees with a stiff shot. Both those men have been through wars earlier...
CHRIS CASINO: Look at this idiot in front of me. Trent Daniels? What the hell is a Trent Daniels? Couldn't we get a better Heritage champion in this place --- ***
The FRAZZAKING sound is TRENT DANIELS BASHING CASINO'S FACE INTO THE ANNOUNCE DESK! The crowd goes CRAZY as Daniels starts unloading on Casino! The Heritage champion grabs a handful of blonde hair and bundles the Grand-Slam champion back into the ring! Casino begs off, Daniels stalks, eyepoke BLOCKED! DANIELS ROCKING CHRIS CASINO! WOW!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"THE CONNECTION IS MADE!"
BILL HEWSON: Number TWENTY-SIX is STONE ZELLOR! Like him or hate him, he LOVES the gold and is used to being a champion, he'd love to win a world title shot tonight!
JACK JONES: CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT TRENT DANIELS JUST DID? Chris Casino sitting here MINDING his own business and... he should be fined! Suspended! Stripped of his title!
BILL HEWSON: Can it, Jack! Stone Zellor going RIGHT for the man who beat him for the title just last week in Calgary, Trent Daniels! Stone trying to eliminate him NO! Jake Phoenix has Venar, wait a minute! VENAR SENT OVER THE TOP ROPE... is he out? He's got the middle ropes, but...
JACK JONES: Oh come on! DIE ALREADY VENAR!
BILL HEWSON: The referees are telling me ONE foot, just ONE foot! Venar... I'm starting to think he could really win this thing, Jones! He's been in since number one and nobody can seem to eliminate this kid! Stone working on Daniels! Phoenix shoots Deathrow to the ropes, big boot knocks him down! Oh, Jake Phoenix... so much power, so much anger.
JACK JONES: And the first man to hold both the REBEL and NAPW championships at the same time, after he wins Sole Survivor!
BILL HEWSON: I thought Casino was your pick now.
JACK JONES: Well, Casino is a conditional pick because he wasn't originally in the match. So Jake Phoenix is my PICK and Casino is my CONDITIONAL pick. The rules to this thing are very complicated, Bill.
BILL HEWSON: Of course they are... wait a minute! Ravager, Jacob Venar, Deathrow, Rees... trying to eliminate Jake Phoenix! Can they do it ... oh man, Phoenix just knocks them all away like so many bowling pins. Nobody can successfully toss Venar, but who's going to even GET Phoenix out over the top in the first place?
JACK JONES: Exactly! And not that bum Ravager!
Phoenix goes back to grab Ravager... Stone Zellor is choking Trent Daniels on the canvas...
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE...
"Guess who's back?"
Hit it.
"THEY SAY I'M COCKY!
And I say WHAT?
It ain't bragging mother*BLEEP* if you back it up!"
BILL HEWSON: "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS is lucky number TWENTY-SEVEN! This man has wins over both KRENSHOV and the new champion Dan Ryan, he could be in line for a title shot soon, but what better way than to WIN Sole Survivor?
JACK JONES: But notably NOT REBEL World Heavyweight champion going into this... THAT man there is!
BILL HEWSON: Chad Kurtis going RIGHT AFTER JAKE PHOENIX! These two are picking up their war from down in Carolina RIGHT HERE IN EDMONTON!
Jake Phoenix has a sizeable height and weight advantage over Chad Kurtis... but don't tell THE SHOW that, because he DON'T GIVE A DAMN! GIVING AS GOOD AS HE GETS! PHOENIX! KURTIS! PHOENIX! KURTIS! PHOENIX! KURTIS! Phoenix with a big shot that staggers The Show. CHOKESLAM --- Kurtis gets out and lands behind Jake Phoenix --- GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE BIG MAN! HOLY HELL! The crowd is suddenly chanting and alive "SHOW SHOW SHOW SHOW!"
Wait, Chris Casino tries a SUPERKICK on The Show --- BLOCKED! REVERSE STO! Venar comes at The Show, sidestep, VENAR TOSSED --- Lands on the apron and rolls back in! Stone Zellor tries to dump Chad, but The Show lands on the ring apron! Stone has turned around, thinking he did it... CK WITH A SPRINGBOARD! SHOWTIME DDT! Stone is down! The Show is cleaning house! Tommy Deathrow has Ravager, DEATHROW DRIVER --- COUNTERED! RAVAGER BEHIND! LAST RESORT --- LOW BLOW! Deathrow tries to toss Ravager as Lloyd Rees CHARGES CASINO --- FISTS OF FURY! Rees has lots of ammo left with Chris Casino's name on it!
BILL HEWSON: We have only THREE more entrants to go, and what a match this is! Look at the ring! Pick a winner, HOW CAN YOU PICK A WINNER? You have THREE former NAPW World Champions in the ring in Ravager, Casino and Rees! The Heritage Champion! The former Heritage champion... all of these men in the ring have held NAPW gold except for Jacob Venar, who has come so close... and is now at over FIFTY-THREE MINUTES!
JACK JONES: He's coming up on record territory! Dez Carter was just shy of an hour last year, and remember at the very first Sole Survivor it was D! who lasted from #1 allllll the way to the final two men in the ring, over an hour!
BILL HEWSON: We have seen Jacob Venar come up big, he's taken some close, tough losses, but he continues to improve every time we see him! I am starting to believe that tonight, SOLE SURVIVOR, could be HIS night! Wait a minute Deathrow trying to eliminate Trent Daniels! No, that doesn't happen. Daniels blocks, trying.
And now "THE SHOW" is going back for Jake Phoenix! He's rocking the man!
FIVE
FOUR
THREE
TWO
ONE
BZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD!"
BILL HEWSON: Number twenty-eight is MYSTIC NINJA! Wow! What a great number for the new tag team champion! Ninja pinned a World Champion in January, had a title shot in February... he'd love another chance at singles gold!
JACK JONES: Yeah, but AH!
BILL HEWSON: Chad with a lariat, almost knocking Phoenix over the top rope!