The late snow is mostly melted, it's been a wonderful sunny and warm day, and that means that a PACKED HOUSE of screaming fans, one of NAPW's biggest crowd in ages over 500 people, are rocking The Polish Hall tonight for one of NAPW's biggest cards to date.
BILL HEWSON: Welcome wrestling fans to Edmonton, to The Polish Hall, for NAPW's BINGO TANGO!! We have a huge card for you tonight featuring ten, count 'em, TEN huge matches including two title matches. The Tag Team titles and World title will be on the line tonight, as well as the third part of our Triple-Main Event... Ravager vs Jake Phoenix, one more time. If Ravager wins, he's reinstated to NAPW!
JACK JONES: And if he loses, he can't even buy a ticket to NAPW... ever! I'm Jack "Attack" Jones alongside "Bulgin'" Bill Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: I'm Bill --- wait, that's my line!
JACK JONES: It's a new world, Bulgin', and I call it JonesTown!
BILL HEWSON: Did somebody switch your decaf with the real stuff again?
JACK JONES: LIVING FREE!
BILL HEWSON: ... Jack Jones, everybody. Now let's go to Frank Warburton to get us underway! Take it away, Frank!
NAPW's only ring announcer ever raises the microphone to his lips, his booming voice letting the fans know IT'S TIME. IT'S TIME. It's... VADER ... TIME.
FRANK WARBURTON: Edmonton Alberta, wrestling fans... WELCOME TO NEW ALBERTA PRO WRESTLING! WELCOME TO BINGO TANGO!!
Crowd pops because they're sheep! Also, excited.
FRANK WARBURTON: The opening contest tonight is scheduled for one fall... and it WILL be contested under "Superstar Rules!"
Crowd erupts for THAT announcement... then BOOS. "The Alcoholik" by Superjoint Ritual hits the speakers and Krusty Kid Paul emerges from the back looking for a fight. He doesn't have to wait long as a figure hops the guard railing behind KKP and smashes a beer bottle across the head of the Krusty One!
BILL HEWSON: It's Tommy Deathrow! It looks like he's not going to wait to get this fight underway!
JACK JONES: As long as they stay far far away from us I'm cool.
Deathrow is pummeling a dazed KKP with rights and lefts to the head but the former Tag Team Champion is trying valiantly trying to fight back! Deathrow pulls KKP up into position for his Deathrow Driver but Krusty reverses it into a backdrop onto the floor! KKP grabs a cup from a ringside fan and waits as Deathrow gets back to his feet. KKP splashes the contents of the cup into the face of Deathrow and we see it's tobacco juice! Not only is chewing a nasty habit but it burns the eyes of Deathrow! Crowd is booing KKP hard.
Hard right hand from KKP! A second right has Deathrow slumped against a guardrail. Rake of the face from KKP! A fan hands KKP a chair and he's all to happy to take it. KKP raises the chair above his head for the kill shot when Deathrow plants a boot in his gut. Deathrow grabs a handful of KKP's hair and hurls him over the guard rail and into the crowd!
BILL HEWSON: It didn't take long for this to get out of hand!
JACK JONES: They're still on the other side of the building right?
BILL HEWSON: Yes Jack.
Deathrow crawls over the guardrail and is caught with a right forearm shot from KKP! A stiff right hand from Deathrow sends KKP staggering back into the mass of people. A circle has formed around the two men as they start to trade rights and lefts, neither man willing to give an inch. Deathrow starts to get the upper hand in the slugfest when KKP drives a knee into his gut doubling him over. Swinging neckbreaker from KKP to Tommy onto the floor! KKP is up and bumps into the camera man. KKP spins around and shoves the camera man away and we're treated to a blur of images as the camera man drops on his ass!
BILL HEWSON: That's gonna cost KKP some money!
JACK JONES: Like he's got any! He tried to buy his ring boots with a food stamp card!
Deathrow is back to his feet and KKP walks into a back elbow that stuns him! Deathrow is biting the head of KKP! KKP shoves away Deathrow and starts to head through the rowdy crowd.
JACK JONES: Hey uh, where's the referee in all this?
BILL HEWSON: He's in the safest place he can be in this match, in the ring! Speaking of which this match hasn't officially started since neither man has even entered the ring yet!
JACK JONES: Details.
The throng of people try their best to bob and weave away from the two wildmen in their midst. Scoop slam on the floor by Deathrow! Deathrow grabs a chair from a fan and swings at KKP as he pulls himself up off the floor. CRACK! The chair smacks against the cranium of KKP and he staggers through the crowd looking for refuge! Deathrow is in hot pursuit and is able to wing off another shot, this one across the back of KKP! KKP collapses into a pile of people and it's chaos. Deathrow drops the chair to the floor, pulls KKP up to his feet and again positions him for his Deathrow Driver! KKP drops to one knee and uppercuts the man sack of Deathrow! Deathrow drops to all fours and now it's KKP who has the chair. Chair shot across the back of Deathrow!
BILL HEWSON: You can hear those chair shots all the way over here!
KKP has tossed away the chair and has pulled Deathrow to his feet. Headbutt from KKP! Now it's Deathrow who is shoving away fans trying to make some distance between them. KKP follows and grabs Deathrow in a side headlock. Deathrow hooks KKP and takes him up with a side suplex onto the floor! KKP is holding the back of his head in pain as Deathrow drags himself to an upright position. Deathrow looks around the building and smiles when he spies the balcony. KKP is pulled to his feet and Deathrow leads him up the nearby stairs towards his destination. A forearm shot to the ribs of Deathrow causes the "Superstar" to pause and ram the head of KKP into the wall!
JACK JONES: Are they...Are they headed up to the balcony?
BILL HEWSON: I'm afraid so.
People are scurrying out of the balcony area as two madmen rumble their way into their path. Deathrow is trying to shove KKP over the side! An eye rake from KKP breaks Deathrow's grip. KKP lands a pair of right hands and then tries to shove Deathrow over the side of the balcony! The crowd gasps as each man looks ready to take a plunge. Back elbow from Deathrow stuns KKP! Right hand from Deathrow! Another right backs up KKP! Suddenly Krusty drops his shoulder and rams it into the gut of Deathrow! Both men fly back against the balcony railing and...
BILL HEWSON: OH MY.......
Both men sail over the railing! They plummet fifteen feet straight down and through a merchandise table! A huge "HOLY SHIT!" chant erupts through the building!
BILL HEWSON: That fall could have killed both of those men! We need some help out here!
JACK JONES: Help? I don't think a nuclear bomb could kill either of those men!
A horde of referee and emergency personnel rush out from the back and clear away the table to get to the two men buried underneath. Neither man is moving and stretchers are brought out from the back.
BILL HEWSON: As soon as this thing started it's come to an end. The match never even officially started!
JACK JONES: And we're still alive! All in all it's a good call!
BILL HEWSON: I hate you.
JACK JONES: I don't know how he did it, but thank God.
BILL HEWSON: I didn't know a tuba could be used as an emergency artificial liver.
JACK JONES: I know!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!
You've played Guitar Hero III, you know this song. Or, you know, you actually like classic rock. "The Seeker" by the greatest band of all time (That'd be THE WHO) plays, and the masked Modo WHOA! walks out in his skeleton costume to a mixed reaction. Fans aren't really sure what to make of the WHOA! man.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Barrie Ontario! Weighing in at one-hundred and eighty-nine pounds... he is MODO WHOA!
BILL HEWSON: Last week Modo WHOA! tagged with Stone Zellor against the team of The Beast & JC Cook. But it was Modo WHOA! who prevented Stone from using a foreign object in the match... a move, however noble his intentions were, that cost his team the match. That brings us to this match, Stone Zellor wanting a piece of the WHOA! man!
JACK JONES: He don't just want a piece, he wants the whole thing!
"THE CONNECTION IS MADE!"
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Staten Island New York, he weighs in tonight at one-hundred seventy-eight pounds... STONE ZELLOR!
BILL HEWSON: One-half of the REBEL Pro tag team champions, a former two-time Heritage champion...
JACK JONES: And don't forget the ULTIMATE PIMP CHAMP!
BILL HEWSON: How could I? Stone Zellor, however much gold he has accrued lately in REBEL, seems adrift after the loss of his Heritage Title.
Stone hits the ring with Lady Sparks in tow. He isn't even acknowledging the jeers of the fans... like he's just in a bad mood. Referee John Sharplin rings the bell! Two men circle, into a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Modo WHOA! wins, works a hammerlock. Stone reaches up, to the side, between his legs, can't get any grip. Reaches up again, SNAPMARE, WHOA! holds on and rolls through, still has the hammerlock! Stone swears, seated on the canvas. He forces his way back to his feet and reverses into his own. Modo quickly reverses the reversal, getting behind Stone, and then switches to a side headlock. He runs up the turnbuckle and flips Stone over, still holding the headlock. Stone pounds the mat in frustration... but is able to get a long leg on the bottom rope, forcing a break.
BILL HEWSON: I don't know what we expected to see, but Modo WHOA! just took Stone Zellor to wrestling school. And I don't think Zellor appreciated OH MY! What a slap!
JACK JONES: Ha ha! Modo's going to learn some respect!
BILL HEWSON: Modo tried to tie up, instead got a slap right to the face and OH! THE PIMP SLAP! Stone sends Modo to the ground, good lord! Zellor is pounding on Modo WHOA! This man is enraged!
Modo tries to cover up but Stone is just flying with wild blows as the crowd boos. He roughly pulls WHOA! up, then CHOPS him hard, Whoa!'s eyes bugging out of his head, NO LETTING UP! Zellor sends the man to the ropes, follows in, knee lift doubles Modo over, he stands up, CLOTHESLINE by Zellor puts the man down. Modo gets pulled up... Stone slams him to the canvas with authoritah. UP TO THE TOP ROPE...
DIVING HEADBUTT!
JACK JONES: That's all, Hewson ---
BILL HEWSON: Stone Zellor could put it away right here, what a vicious assault... SCAR! Stone locks it in! Modo WHOA! taps out in a hurry! My God it's over!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner by submission... STONE ZELLOR!
Stone Zellor holds onto the hold, hate etched onto his face as Modo continues to tap out. Sharplin screams at him for the break... finally Stone lets go. He looks out over the jeering crowd, slowly, face like...
Well, face like stone.
Zellor leaves with Lady Sparks. Modo WHOA! is a wreck in the ring as Sharplin helps him up.
What is next for Stone Zellor?
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. The winning team will earn a title shot at Tagstravaganza!
"Twinkle Twinkle."
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, weighing two-hundred forty-four pounds. From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania... DEZ CARTER!
Dez walks out from the back looking focused as usual. He makes his way down the ramp slapping hands as he goes. Carter slides into the ring and goes to a corner. Asuka Katsuragi is curiously absent.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his partner... from Kyoto, Japan, he weighs two-hundred and seventy pounds... KING KOJI!
Koji walks to the ring as his traditional Japanese stye music plays. He glares at Carter before entering. Going to the same corner as Carter, the two seem to talk strategy but don't appear to be agreeing on much.
FRANK WARBURTON: Their opponents...
"Science" by System of a Down plays and the crowd cheers!
FRANK WARBURTON: The team of STEIN and CHRIS KAMIKAZE!
Kamikaze appears first and runs down the ramp slapping hands and smiling at the fans. He gestures back to the entrance... And here comes Stein! He's coming... Coming... Still coming... He's reached the ring! Stein shuffles inside and goes to his corner.
BILL HEWSON: This is set to be quite the unique match. On one side you have Stein and Kamikaze.
JACK JONES: A man who hardly wins and a guy who... Well, Stein's just odd.
BILL HEWSON: They face Dez Carter and King Koji. Carter managed to defeat Koji last week and we haven't heard any comment since from the Japanese star. It will be interesting to see how they function tonight.
JACK JONES: I could really care less, as long as someone gets pounded.
Morgan Smythe calls for the bell. Kamikaze starts for his team and Koji starts for the other. Both men go to the center of the ring. Kamikaze with a chop! Koji doesn't even budge and fires back with a chop of his own. CK staggers and Koji with the whip sending CK to the ropes. Rebound and CK ducks the elbow blasting Koji with a dropkick!
BILL HEWSON: Kamikaze able to avoid Koji's elbow strike, he's got to keep using his speed to have any advantage here!
JACK JONES: It's only a matter of time before he tires out.
Kamikaze arm drags Koji to the mat and hits a knee drop. Cover but Koji out at one. Headlock by Koji but CK whips him off... Eating a stiff roaring elbow on the return. He hits the mat and Koji tags in Dez. Carter enters and locks up with a woozy Kamikaze. Carter pushes him to the corner and fires a knee strike to the chest. Palm strike also to the chest. Brings Kamikaze out and goes for a suplex. Kamikaze blocks and hip tosses Carter. Kamikaze darts to his corner and tags in Stein. The fans pop as Stein shuffles into the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Stein asking for a handshake?
JACK JONES: I dislike you, Carter. But palm strike the weird outta him!
Carter shakes the hand and both men nod. Stein asks for the test of strength. They lock up and Stein, light frame notwithstanding, easily overpowers Carter and backs him to the ropes breaking cleanly. He gestures towards Koji and then back to himself. Dez chuckles and glances over to Koji who apparently doesn't find it so humorous. He nods and Carter walks over for the tag.
BILL HEWSON: Stein wants to test power with King Koji?
JACK JONES: This guy is a total moron. Also, he's weird. Have I mentioned that?
Koji enters the ring and they lock up. Stein again gains the advantage overpowering Koji. He breaks clean and puts out his hand. Koji responds by grabbing the hand and yanking Stein foward for a short-arm clothesline! He brings the smaller man up and chops him hard across the chest. Stein doesn't budge... Another chop! Stein stands stock still. Koji is furious and winds up... CHOP!
No sell! Stein brushes off the third chop and Koji is furious. He goes to strike again but Stein blocks the move chopping Koji stiffly in the throat! Koji falls to the mat clutching his throat. Stein drops a leg to the chest and covers.
ONE!
TWO!
Koji kicks out.
Stein waits for King Koji to rise. When he does Stein grabs him by the throat with both hands and throat tosses him across the ring! Koji lands in his own corner and angrily slaps Carter for the tag. Dez looks confused at the outburst but enters anyways as Stein tags in Kamikaze.
JACK JONES: WEIRD!
BILL HEWSON: Stein getting the better of both men.
JACK JONES: Somehow I don't see the same for Kamikaze.
Kamikaze rushes at Carter and nails him with a spinning heel kick. He pulls him up and hits a neckbreaker. FOllowed by a quick standing moonsault and cover.
ONE!
TWO!
Carter rolls the shoulder.
Kamikaze springs off the ropes attempting a legdrop but Dez avoids the move. Both men up and Carter with a stiff forearm strike. CK flinches in pain and Carter presses the advantage with a knife edge chop. CK acts like he's been shot and screams in pain. Dez rushes in and palm strikes CK to the mat. CK twitches in pain while he's hugging the canvas. Dez grabs Kamikaze and locks in the stretch plum. Also: PAIN!
BILL HEWSON: Submission attempt by Dez. Listen to Kamikaze screaming, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: With screams like that you'd think he was a cheerleader in highschool not a wrestler. Yell like a man for God's sake!
Kamikaze is struggling violently in the hold. Eventually he reaches the ropes. Dez releases it... and kicks CK hard in the spine. CK arches his back in obvious pain. He couragiously fights to his feet and attacks with a forearm! Dez forearms back! CK! Dez! Dez with another palm strike! Irish whip and Kamikaze manages to duck the clothesline, rebounding off the opposite ropes and taking Dez down with a quick headscissors! He crawls slowly to the corner and tags in Stein.
BILL HEWSON: Kamikaze taking a beating but he managed to get the tag! The kid has heart!
JACK JONES: He'll need more than that to get over the pain he's filling right now.
Stein and Dez meet in the center of the ring. Dez fires a palm strike! Stein nods in approval but brushes the shot off replying with a jerky and awkward looking chop. Dez is pushed back from the force but fires back with a chop of his own. Stein staggers but slowly winds up and blasts Dez with a forearm! He looks over at Koji before irish whipping Dez to the ropes. Stein spins around in a shuffling manner and smacks Carter with a roaring elbow.
BILL HEWSON: Stein imitating King Koji! What the heck?
JACK JONES: WEIRD!
Koji tries to rush the ring but is held back by Smythe. Stein presses Dez over his head and sends him crashing to the mat with a guerilla press slam. He goes to the corner and tags in Kamikaze. Chris enters the ring gingerly still feeling the pain of earlier. Dez is up and connects with a stiff european uppercut to the chin. He grabs CK and sends him to the corner charging in and nailing a knee strike that flattins Kamikaze. CK rolls around in pain.
BILL HEWSON: Carter is just punishing Kamikaze.
JACK JONES: Look at him flopping Hewson. He looks like a fish out of water.
Carter brings CK up and executes the Dragon SUplex with a bridge.
ONE!
TWO!
Kamikaze kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: How did he kick out?
JACK JONES: Stupidity?
Koji slaps Dez on the back effectively tagging in. Dez turns around and confronts Koji but KK just brushes him off entering the ring. CK has reached his feet which was probably the wrong thing to do. Koji elbows him hard in the face! He grabs Kamikaze and slams him to the mat with a backdrop driver!
ONE!
TWO!
Stein goes to make the save but Carter stops him! The two start to fight outside the ring! Carter with a forearm and Stein with a punch!
BILL HEWSON: Carter and Stein getting into it on the outside! Koji just yanked Kamikaze up even though he could have had the win!
JACK JONES: He wants to make this kid pay for everything that's gone wrong for him in NAPW.
Koji lashes out with a kick to the stomach and a chop to the chest. He fires CK of the ropes and sets up for the King's Welcome... Ducked! Rollup!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
BILL HEWSON: Kamikaze got the pin! He and Stein get the title shot!
JACK JONES: Koji is livid!
Koji looks to murder CK with an elbow but Carter hits the ring! He spins Koji around... Roaring elbow! Carter ducked! Fireman's carry...
Go! To! Sleep!
BILL HEWSON: Carter just hit the GTS on Koji! Koji is down!
JACK JONES: That has to be the shortist record for a tag team. They barely lasted one much.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners by pinfall, Stein and Chris Kamikaze!
Dez shakes hands with CK and Stein before all three exit. Dez looks back one last time at the downed Koji... And shakes his head.
JACK JONES: And that's how I saved Latin!
BILL HEWSON: Jack, everybody knows REX CALIBER saved Latin.
JACK JONES: Who are you going to believe? Good ol' JJ or that masked-freak Static?
BILL HEWSON: I'll be going with the masked freak, thankyouverymuch.
JACK JONES: Aw, hey.
FRANK WARBURTON: Our next contest is set for a thirty minute time limit... and will be a SUBMISSIONS match! The contest will only end when one man gives up or taps out while in a submission hold! Introducing first...
Edguy plays his track "New Age Messiah," and that brings out Teddy Davis. He's alone this week, no David Gage, no Valentina Evans. The crowd half-heartedly boos him. Davis tries to aggravate fans, but many of them barely seem to care.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Chatsworth, Ontario! He weighs in at one-hundred and ninety pounds... TEDDY DAVIS!
BILL HEWSON: It was way back at Canada Cup Part 2 when Teddy Davis, who we all thought was injured, attacked "LDK" Lloyd Rees unprovoked. Before that Davis & Rees had seemed to find an alliance along with Jacob Venar, but obviously something changed. Tonight, Rees finally gets Davis one-on-one.
JACK JONES: And he's going to regret demanding a submissions match when Davis locks him in the Wings of the Dragon and he TAPS OUT!
Davis hits the ring and looks to the curtain.
The Black Keys hit, and the ominous tells the crowd that SOMEBODY is going to get stretched. They pop huge as the one, the only "LDK" Lloyd Rees comes out of the curtain. His beard has grown wild and his eyes are dark and intense, but one thing is for sure: This man is ready for anything.
FRANK WARBURTON: And HIS OPPONENT! Hailing from Wabana, Bell Island in Newfoundland... weighing two-hundred and forty-seven pounds, he is DA TECHNICAL TERROR and the 2008 SOLE SURVIVOR WINNER... "LDK" LLOYD REES!
BILL HEWSON: I never thought I'd see the day when the fans would cheer for this man, but ever since last fall, Rees has changed his game. He's still the same, surly Newfie that we've known, but something stung his pride! Rees became no longer content to just CALL himself "Da Technical Terror," he needed to prove it!
JACK JONES: I liked him better when he cheated!
BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees knows how to bend the rules with the best of them, but he made a decision, a conscious decision to stop abusing the rules and BEAT men with his bare hands, stretching them out with his array of submission holds! He's not a NICE guy, and he WILL hurt you, but Rees has earned so much respect from the wrestling community as a result.
JACK JONES: Yeah? Teddy Davis is known for his submissions too! And when he beats the Sole Survivor winner, that puts him in line for a World Title shot of his own!
Rees gets in the ring, adjusting his wrist tape Dean Malenko-style. Davis sneers at him. Referee Morgan Smythe calls for the bell...
The two men circle the ring a few times, then lock eyes. Into the tie-up! Davis takes a rear waist-lock, smirking --- REVERSAL BY REES!
GERMAN SUPLEX!
Davis gets up, looking goggle-eyed, and Rees hooks him up! Davis tries to fight, Rees hammers him across the back and hoists him up! HOLDING HIM!
BILL HEWSON: Great strength and balance from Lloyd Rees, he's making Davis think about it!
The crowd is up to TWENTY! Rees ... STILL HAS THE MAN UP! 28! 29! 30! WHAM! WABANA BRAINBUSTER! Ordinarly Rees would cover, but there are no pinfalls in this match. Instead Rees grabs Daniels legs, going for the LANCE COVE LEGLOCK! He locks in the Cloverleaf... Davis is about to tap out...
Rees lets go?
He looks to the crowd. "Ya want t' see me stretch dis ****in' Larry summa?"
The response: A THUNDEROUS "DO IT!" "STRETCH HIM OUT, REE-EES, STRETCH HIM OUT!"
JACK JONES: This is Rees' mistake! Davis was seconds away from reversing that Leglock, and now Rees is giving him time to recover? He's done!
BILL HEWSON: Are we watching the same match! Davis is being dismantled before our eyes! Rees has him up now... THERE IT IS! DDT FROM THE GREEN! All these moves, all impacting the head and neck of Teddy Davis! He's on dream street AND THE CHINLOCK! THE CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK! Davis is trying to fight the Dragon Sleeper, Rees falls back and grapevines the body! THAT'S IT! DAVIS GIVES UP! It's over! A DOMINANT win by Lloyd Rees!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner by submission... "LDK" LLOYD REES!
JACK JONES: ... I'm in shock!
BILL HEWSON: "Da Technical Terror" has put Teddy Davis away in decisive fashion! Frankly, he OWNED him! That's going to give Rees some big momentum heading into a future title shot... And hold on, it looks like Rees has something to say.
JACK JONES: Per usual! Rees always has something to blab on about.
BILL HEWSON: Shut up Jack! "LDK" only talks when it's important.
Rees has the microphone in the middle of the ring. Davis is being helped out by the referee.
"LDK" LLOYD REES: Dame d'hat felt good! Wipe'n da mat with Davis's ass was better d'han Christmas. Now with d'hat taken care of, it is time t'move on. "LDK" has bigger fish t'fry!
Crowd agrees!
"LDK" LLOYD REES: A few weeks ago I did one of da greatest things I have ever done in me career by win'n da title of 2008 Sole Survivor. It's something I will never forget as long as I live. But ya know, if I stay content with d'hat big win, it would be a waste.
Win'n Sole Survivor comes with a little added bonus, d'hat be'n da fact d'hat I have earned a shot at da NAPW World Heavyweight Title and da time has come for me to cash in d'hat opportunity. So...
The crowd cheers, they know what is coming next.
"LDK" LLOYD REES: I'm lay'n down da challenge t'whoever has da big gold belt! On May 27th at Fracas On 4th Ave. it's go'n t'be "Da East Coast Sensation" "DA TECHNICAL TERROR" "LDK" Lloyd Rees go'n one on one with da champ for da NAPW Heavyweight Championship!
Rees drops the microphone and the crowd erupts. "LDK" and Bayman Jakey head backstage.
BILL HEWSON: This is huge Jack! "LDK" has put forth the challenge for the NAPW Championship! By the end of the night we will know who Rees with face on the 27th of May!
JACK JONES: It is going to be "The Ego Buster" Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: That is still to be decided Jack.
JACK JONES: ... Anyways, until I get the test results back, I'm not paying any type of...
BILL HEWSON: WHY DO YOU THINK I NEED TO KNOW THIS??
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall, and it is a BLUEGRASS STRAP MATCH! The winner of this match will get a future Heritage title shot.
"Seek and Destroy" starts up and Matt Kurtis marches straight to the ring, trailed by Lyndsey Valentine. The boos of the fans don't seem to be on his mind tonight.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first! From Wickliffe, Kentucky! He is the holder of the extr- ...
Matt charges the ring and goes right to Warburton. We can hear them over the fans, but barely. It'll show up more on DVD:
MATT KURTIS: Don't you even think about announcing that!
FRANK WARBURTON: But I have to. It's written here on the card!
MATT KURTIS: You want it written on your (BLEEP) gravestone?
Warburton does not have a comeback to this. He just does his job.
FRANK WARBURTON: He weighs in at three hundred and fifteen pounds! Accompanied by Lyndsey Valentine! He is the "BLUEGRASS BADASS" MATTHEW KURTIS!
Matt is even angrier now, if that was possible. Referee John Sharplin attaches the strap to Kurtis' wrist, as we await the opponent..
"BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS
WHAT YA GONNA DO WHEN DEY COME FOR YOU!"
The fans pop huge for the leader of the Worker's Guild of Alberta.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! He is a member of the WGA! Weighing in at two hundred and thirty one pounds, and accompanied by Mandy; From Lloydminster, Alberta: "BAD BOY" JOEY MALONE!
Malone slides into the ring and salutes the crowd (though he is understandably nervous right now). Mandy stands at ringside. Joey gets the strap tied around his wrist, and locks eyes with Matt Kurtis. Sharplin calls for the bell, and Malone cautiously goes to lock up...
SMACK!!
Kurtis brings the strap into play right away, smacking Malone upside the head. Malone is startled, allowing Kurtis to boot Malone in the gut and lay in with a series of smacks across the Bad Boy's back! Each shot makes a sickening sound as leather meets flesh. Malone scores with a low blow, ending the pounding for a moment, then wraps the strap around his fist, and rears back and nails Kurtis in the forehead! It's Kurtis' turn to be surprised, and Malone tries to capitalize. He leaps on Matt's back and wraps the strap around Kurtis' throat!
The fans roar as Joey tries to take it to the big man, but Matt makes it to the ropes, and manages to flip Joey of his back and to the floor! Malone lands with a thud on his back, and the fans wince in sympathy! Kurtis takes a moment to get his breath back, then steps over the top rope and goes to the floor. Malone tries to get to his knees, but instead gets kicked right in the kidneys, followed by another series of straps. The welts that were starting to form are now turning to cuts as Kurtis is unleashing a month's worth of rage right now.
Malone somehow manages to stand up, but gets taken right back down with a HUGE clothesline!
Malone nearly flips in midair from the impact! Kurtis grabs Malone by the hair and hauls him to his feet, then whips him into the guard rail! Malone crashes into it, and gets taken into the crowd by a big boot from Matt! We hear the gruesome sound of flesh hitting concrete, and the fans move out of the way as Kurtis climbs over the rail. He pulls Malone towards him using the strap. Malone clutches on to Kurtis' foot, and tries to pull himself up, but Matt lays in with stiff forearms, then hauls him up, and slaps the strap across Malone's face!
BILL HEWSON: Come on! I know Malone signed on for this...
JACK JONES: Then there's really no reason for you to complain.
Malone is tossed back over the guard rail, and Kurtis is quick to follow. Mandy has a look of concern on her face. Joey manages to climb into the ring, but is pulled back out by Kurtis, who slams the Bad Boy to the floor. He wraps the strap around the throat of Malone, then drags Joey around the ring! Malone kicks to get free! The fans yell from ringside! Referee Sharplin is yelling for Kurtis to let go! Mandy is upset, and Kurtis just has a look of pure hate. He finally stops once he's gone all the way around the ring, and tosses Malone into the ring. He crawls in after him, and goes for a cover!
ONE!
TWO!!
Malone gets a foot on the bottom rope! Kurtis' eyes open wide as he glares a hole through John Sharplin. He looks back at Malone, who rolls over onto his stomach. Kurtis wraps his big hand around Malone's throat, lifts him up and chokeslams him to the mat! Malone contorts in pain, and when he rolls over we see blood on the mat from where he landed. Kurtis sees the blood as well, and lays in with more straps to the back of the Bad Boy! Blood starts to flow freely now, and Kurtis brings Malone to his feet, and whips him into the corner turnbuckle. Kurtis with a Yakuza kick... Malone dodges/falls out of the way! Kurtis is caught up on the top rope, and Malone tries to capitalize!
SMACK!!
Malone brings the strap across Kurtis' back!
SMACK!!
He nails him again!
SMACK!!
SMACK!!
SMACK!!
SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!! SMACK!!
The fans are on their feet as Malone lets loose with a flurry of offense, trying to take Kurtis down! Kurtis gets free of the top rope, and turns to face Malone
EYE
GOUGE!!
Malone hits one of his high spots, and goes for the Bad Blaster...
Kurtis launches him half way across the ring. Malone lands with a thud on the mat, and the Bluegrass Badass blinks and tries to get his vision back to normal. Malone gets to his knees, then his feet, and launches a dropkick at Kurtis, who smacks him away. Malone is right back up, and tries again, only to be pushed aside again. Malone is back up, looks like he'll try again, but instead plants his boot right in Kurtis' groin! Matt almost doubles over, Malone lands a DDT! He covers!
One.. two... Kurtis kicks out!
Malone wraps his strap around Kurtis throat and pulls back in a kind of cross face, but he doesn't have the arm hooked, so Kurtis manages to get free. Malone with an Oklahoma Roll! Sharplin with the count! One.. two.. Kurtis kicks out again! Malone waits for Kurtis to get to his feet, then charges...
Kurtis with a spinebuster! Malone leaves another bloody imprint on the mat, and Kurtis is looking angrier by the second. He covers Malone! One.. two..
Malone gets a shoulder up! Barely, but enough to break the count! Kurtis doesn't roll his eyes. He doesn't argue. He wraps the strap around Malone's throat. ... And tosses him over the top rope! Malone being hanged at ringside, and Sharplin tries to get it broken up before further damage can be done! Mandy screams that enough is enough! Kurtis hears her...
And pulls back, dragging Malone back into the ring! Malone's bleeding back being dragged over the hard ring ropes, making any cuts worse. Blood drips to the mat as Kurtis strangles Malone with the strap.
JACK JONES: If he doesn't choke him out he'll bleed him dry. Efficient strategy by Matt Kurtis!
BILL HEWSON: Will somebody stop the damn match!
Sharplin has enough and pulls Malone off the ropes. Kurtis protests, but at this point a life is at stake. Malone gasps for air, but has even more driven out of him as Kurtis lays in with the now-dripping-with-blood-strap across Malone's back! Malone valiantly tries to get to the ropes. He turns to face Kurtis, and gets the strap across his torso instead. Kurtis whips Malone into the ropes, and catches him with a spinning side slam! Malone can barely move at this point, but Kurtis does not go for a cover. The past month has been hellish. Humiliating even. And he's not ready to end things yet. He hauls Malone up, and whips him into the corner. He follows up with a STIFF Yakuza kick, which opens up a cut on Malone's temple. Kurtis sees the new cut and attacks it with shots from the strap. Malone is now a bloody mess. Kurtis is covered in blood as well, though it's hard to tell how much of it is his own.
Malone stumbles out of the corner.
Kurtis catches him by the throat.
He lifts him up, and tosses him back into the turnbuckles.
Malone bounces off the turnbuckles and back into Kurtis' grasp!
SPINEBUSTER!
Malone is planted into the mat! There is no movement from the WGA leader, and Kurtis goes for the cover!
ONE!!
TWO!!
KURTIS LIFTS MALONE OFF THE MAT!!
BILL HEWSON: Matt Kurtis had the match won! Come on! This is getting out of hand!
JACK JONES: I don't think Kurtis is done just yet...
Mandy begs Matt to end this. Kurtis just smirks. He sets Malone up...
BLUEGRASS BOMB!!
Malone is driven back into the mat, and Kurtis doesn't hesitate at all. He hooks the leg for the cover!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner by pinfall, and the number one contender for the Heritage Title... "BLUEGRASS BADASS" MATTHEW KURTIS!!
Kurtis and Valentine celebrate this win. Matt Kurtis will go on to a future Heritage title shot. More importantly, he got a definitive measure of revenge against Joey Malone, whose upper body is covered in crimson. As the boos rain down, Matt Kurtis and Lyndsey make their way back to the dressing room.
Leaving behind Mandy, who is checking up on Joey Malone. The Bad Boy is VERY slow to get up. Sharplin and Mandy each take an arm as they try to get the very dizzy, very hurt man to his feet. They get him to the ring ropes, and he is about to leave the ring...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen! Your NEW EXTREME JOBBER CHAMPION! "BAD BOY" JOEY MALONE!!
Malone gets handed the jobber title, and we see the faintest hint of a smile on his bloodied face...
JACK JONES: Where did that title come from? I didn't even see it brought to ringside!
Malone may have his belt back. he may have the girl. But the crimson left in the ring is a stark reminder of who really won this night...
BILL HEWSON: What's wrong, Jack? Normally you're telling off color jokes between matches, but you've been quiet since the last match ended!
JACK JONES: I'm just saving all the jokes for after this match, Bill, it'll lighten the mood after Ravager is gone forever!
BILL HEWSON: I certainly hope you're wrong.
The bell tolls for introductions and all eyes in the Polish Hall are on the ring and ring announcer Frank Warburton.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall. Your referee is John Sharplin. If Jake Phoenix wins this contest, he will receive a contract for a World Title Shot at a date of his choosing and Ravager will be banned from NAPW... for LIFE.
The crowd boos vociferously at this possibility. Ravager can't come back just be taken away again... forever?
FRANK WARBURTON: If Ravager wins this contest, he will be reinstated as a full-time member of the NAPW roster!
Loud cheers. Can Ravager deliver? There's two men for sure that hope differently in the arena. One is D!... one is...
"SURPRISE! YOU'RE DEAD!"
Faith No More gets serenaded with jeers as Jake Phoenix steps out of the entranceway, smiling in new silver and black ring gear. In each hand rests gold, the Heritage Title belt and the REBEL World Title belt. Phoenix sneers at the crowd, holding up both titles by the strap for the crowd to see. He brings them back down to waist level and walks to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring first, from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, he weighs in tonight at two-hundred eighty-nine pounds. He is the REBEL World Heavyweight Champion and the NAPW Heritage Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, here is "The Murder City Devil"... JAKE... PHOEEEEEEEEEEEEENIX!
Phoenix steps up the ringsteps and over the top rope into the ring. He stands midring and holds up both title belts a second tile, sporting a snarling smile that draws in even more boos from the crowd. John Sharplin tries to get the title belts from Phoenix, who looks at him like he grew a third eye. Not yet, zebra. Finally, Phoenix hands over the belt and starts testing the ropes before staring back down at the entranceway.
Four cellos.
PATH.
The Polish Hall comes absolutely unglued as Ravager stands at the entranceway, wearing the same white gear he wore at Black Thursday III. Phoenix eggs Ravager on from the ring to rush in, but Ravager's gonna make him wait. The fans hold their hands out for high fives, but Ravager's not obliging tonight. He's got a lot more on his mind. This is more than the fans, than any title. This is his passion and livelihood on the table tonight. For Ravager tonight, it's all in.
FRANK WARBURTON: His opponent hails from Brooklyn, New York. He weighs in tonight at two hundred ten pounds and he is the TEAM Challenge Champion and a two time NAPW Champion. He is the White Collar Assassin... ladies and gentlemen... RAAAAAAVAAAAAAAGER!
Ravager stands in front of the ring as Warburton steps out and down the steps to the floor. Phoenix is staring daggers through the Last Resort, referee Sharplin standing between him inside the ring and Ravager outside. Ravager pulls himself up onto the apron and steps through the ropes as Sharplin checks Phoenix for foreign objects.
BILL HEWSON: This rivalry, born at King of Hardcore over six months ago, has been one of the fiercest, bloodiest, and hate-filled we have ever seen in NAPW rings. I don't know how these two men are going to keep their hatred for one another contained within the rules of wrestling.
JACK JONES: It's going to be interesting for sure, none of the previous singles encounters between these two men have had that constraint. I talked to Terry Brandon earlier tonight, and he instructed John Sharplin, the referee assigned to this match, to be a little lenient, but if a tough call needs to be made to disqualify either man, he's got the backing of the NAPW Commissioner.
BILL HEWSON: I don't think he'd have the backing of this partisan crowd here in Edmonton if he disqualified Ravager.
Sharplin goes across the ring and checks Ravager, looking over every other moment to make sure Phoenix doesn't charge in and attack Ravager. The checks are done and Sharplin heads over to the neutral corner and calls for the bell. Phoenix heads to midring and taunts Ravager to come and match up muscle for muscle with the Career Killer. Ravager's not having any of it, circling the ring, looking for an opening. Phoenix stays midring, turning as Ravager circles, keeping his eyes on his opponent. Phoenix finally loses his patience and moves in. Ravager ducks around Phoenix and kicks him in the thigh, trying to knot up those big tree trunk legs of the career killer.
Phoenix turns around and snarls as Ravager heads back to the perimeter of the ring. Phoenix yells at Ravager to lock up with him and Ravager just laughs, circling the ring again. Phoenix charges towards Ravager again and Ravager steps aside and forward, kicking Phoenix in the thigh again, following it up with some forearms to the small of the back. Phoenix gets turned around and shoves Ravager off, who falls backwards and flips over himself, lading on his knees on the other side of the ring! Phoenix moves over to follow up on Ravager, who gets back to his feet and kicks at Phoenix's legs! Phoenix drops to one knee and Ravager goes for a kneestrike to the head, blocked by Phoenix! Ravager staggers back off the ropes and Phoenix picks him up... sidewalk slam!
Ravager rolls over to the apron and picks himself up. Phoenix gets over to him as he's stepping through the ropes, boot to the midsection as Ravager's doubled over between the ropes! Ravager collapses to the mat, Phoenix goes for a cover, but referee Sharplin says Ravager's still under the ropes. Phoenix drags Ravager to midring and picks him up. Ravager fights off Phoenix's grip and lays in some more kicks to Phoenix's legs! Phoenix is brought to his knees... dropkick knocks Phoenix all the way down! Phoenix rolls out of the ring as the crowd goes nuts at Ravager's offensive start to this match!
BILL HEWSON: It looks like, despite all the emotion tied to this match, Ravager has come to Edmonton tonight with a distinct gameplan.
JACK JONES: I don't care how much gameplan you have for Jake Phoenix, a few of those heavy right hands will make you forget anything you had planned going into the match.
BILL HEWSON: It's not like the Murder City Devil to take a powder like this, though. Is he trying to get into Ravager's head with these tactics?
Phoenix shakes out his leg, trying to keep the massive quadriceps muscle from charley horsing up on him. Sharplin begins his count, and Ravager rolls out of the ring on the opposite side to continue the attack on Phoenix! The crowd goes nuts as Ravager gets near the big man, but Phoenix turns around and fists are flying! Both men are trading punches, but this just isn't a good idea for Ravager as Phoenix hits a lot harder. Ravager starts staggering and Phoenix picks him up... SCOOP SLAM ON THE CONCRETE! Ravager lands with a sick thud! Sharplin's count is up to seven and Phoenix rolls into the ring to break the count, and then right back out. He's not done with Ravager on the floor, not by a long shot.
Sharplin yells at Phoenix to bring the match back into the ring as he restarts the count. Phoenix just laughs and picks Ravager up... Ravager whipped into the guardrail! Phoenix follows that up with a big boot! Ravager is broken across the guardrail and the crowd is letting Phoenix hear it! Phoenix picks Ravager up off the guardrail like Ravager was a sack of flour across Phoenix's torso... Phoenix runs Ravager into the ringpost backfirst and drops him on the ringsteps! Ravager is clutching at his back as Phoenix rolls back into the ring and right back out again!
This time, Sharplin joins Phoenix on the floor, admonishing him for abusing the ten count - Sharplin wants this match back in the ring right now. Phoenix rolls his eyes, nodding his head, yeah, yeah, zebra, I'll bring it back in, you bet! Phoenix moves past Sharplin towards Ravager, who drop to holds Phoenix into the ringsteps! Phoenix's head bounces off the corner of the steps and Ravager charges in with a flurry of short punches to the head before Sharplin pulls Ravager off of Phoenix! Ravager slides into the ring and raises his hands, his wrist tape showing a bit of Phoenix's blood on them! Looking down at Phoenix resting on the steps, there's a lot more blood where that came from, as a huge gash has opened up on Phoenix's forehead from those steps!
JACK JONES: How can John Sharplin allow this sort of behavior from Ravager? This is barbaric!
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix was a little too close to those steps for comfort! This may be the advantage Ravager needs to beat the Murder City Devil... blood is streaming down the Heritage Champion's face as his pulls himself into the ring!
Ravager's back on Phoenix's cut like a shark smelling blood as Phoenix rolls into the ring, unleashing more punches to the forehead! Sharplin begins a five count demanding a break and Ravager rolls off to placate the ref, his wrist tape quickly turning red. Phoenix pulls himself up in the corner as Ravager comes back in --- BIG BOOT BY PHOENIX! Ravager's down and Phoenix falls to a seated position in the corner! Phoenix wipes some of the blood off of his forehead and snarls, picking himself back up to a vertical base. He grabs Ravager and beals the White Collar Assassin into the corner. Phoenix takes a halfstep back and starts unloading soupbone lefts and rights on Ravager in the corner! The crowd jeers as Phoenix wears Ravager out with some body blows, taking a step out of the corner between each combo so Sharplin has to keep breaking his five count! Phoenix whips Ravager across the ring to the far turnbuckles, and charges in with a clothesline! Ravager is squished in the far corner! He staggers out into a powerslam by Phoenix! Here's a cover!
ONE!
TWO...
Kickout by Ravager! Phoenix breathes out a chuckle and picks up Ravager. A looping left hook is blocked by Ravager! Headbutt to Phoenix's sternum! Another headbutt! Phoenix clutches at his chest and doubles over - those two cracking headbutts may have damaged him! Ravager hooks Phoenix's head... DDT! Phoenix is flat on his back! Ravager gets on top, but not to pin Phoenix... he's unleashing a torrent of forearm strikes to Phoenix's cut! Phoenix's head is getting bounced off the canvas! Sharplin tells Ravager to get off of Phoenix if he isn't going to pin him... Ravager tells him to start counting for a break, but turns back into a goozle by Phoenix! Phoenix shoves Ravager off of him and into the ropes! Phoenix pulls himself back up to a knee.... RUNNING KNEESTRIKE BY RAVAGER! Phoenix collapses! Ravager covers!
ONE!
TWO...
KICKOUT WITH AUTHORITY! Phoenix launched Ravager with that kickout! Phoenix slides himself over to the ropes and pulls himself up, leaning back against the ropes... Ravager charges in and jumps... CROSS BODY TAKES BOTH MEN TO THE FLOOR!
BILL HEWSON: What a move by Ravager! Jake Phoenix is reeling out in front of us!
JACK JONES: I think this is a mistake by Ravager, he actually had a pretty good gameplan of working on the legs of Phoenix to start the match, but he's abandoned it now that he sees blood on the big man! Maybe getting busted open on those ring steps was a blessing in disguise for the Heritage Champ!
BILL HEWSON: That... that was really insightful, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: I have my moments-LOOK OUT!
Jack and Bill have to think fast as Ravager bounces Phoenix's bloody head off of their table and then whips him into the guardrail right next to Jack Attack! Ravager climbs up on the apron, Phoenix wincing on the guardrail, looking up at the White Collar Assassin as he dives off with a double axe-handle...
That Phoenix catches by goozling Ravager in midair. Ravager's stuck... CHOKESLAM ON THE CONCRETE! Half the crowd starts booing loudly while the other half bust out a "HOLY *BLEEP*!" chant! Phoenix looks down at Ravager, laughs, and gets in the ring? Is he really going to take the countout here? Phoenix stands midring and raises one hand as Sharplin begins his count...
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE! Ravager begins to stir and pull himself up by the ring apron...
SIX!
SEVEN! Ravager is doubled over the ring apron, Phoenix starts inching closer...
EIGHT! Ravager has one leg on the canvas...
NINE! Ravager rolls under the bottom rope to break the count and Phoenix charges in and kicks a field goal, leaving Ravager laying flat on his back on the apron! Phoenix steps over the top rope and picks up Ravager, slinging him over his shoulder...
"GOODBYE, RAVAGER!"
SNAKE EYES INTO THE RINGPOST! Ravager falls all the way to the floor! This could be the end of Ravager in NAPW! Phoenix makes his way over to Frank Warburton's table and grabs the house mic...
"Edmonton... your little hero is my little BITCH!"
The crowd boos at Phoenix's brash attitude... that and the fact that Ravager is making his way to his feet, and he is busted wide open. Phoenix pulls Ravager all the way to his feet and throws him in the ring. Phoenix climbs up on the apron and steps over the rope as Ravager is dripping blood onto the canvas. Phoenix picks Ravager up and drapes his throat across the middle rope, then chokes him across the rope. Sharplin moves in demanding a break and Phoenix lets up at the count of four. Phoenix runs off the far ropes and rebounds, diving across ravager's back and whiplashing his throat across the middle rope! Phoenix lands next to ravager and yanks the rope up, throwing Ravager off and to the mat! Phoenix covers, this could be it!
ONE!
TWO...
THR-SHOULDER UP AT THE LAST MOMENT! The crowd cheers as this match continues, much to the chagrin of Jake Phoenix. Ravager gets to all fours and Phoenix stands over him, smacking him back down to the mat with a clubbing forearm to the back. Ravager tries to get to his feet again and another forearm from Phoenix sends him back down to the canvas. The crowd is chanting and cheering to get Ravager back into this match as more forearms rain down on the back of Ravager, but Ravager is fighting his way to his feet! Ravager turns around and faces Phoenix and starts firing back with elbows and forearms, but Phoenix doubles Ravager over with a knee to the gut!
JACK JONES: Jake Phoenix has bad intentions in his eyes! This is gonna be the end of Ravager once and for all!
BILL HEWSON: Why are you so happy about that?
JACK JONES: D! said I'd better be happy about it or else...
Phoenix draws his thumb across his throat, signaling for the Tombstone. Ravager's wriggling, trying to escape, but Phoenix flips him up... knees to the head by Ravager! Phoenix is stunned! He drops Ravager! Phoenix falls to the canvas! Ravager scrambles over to Phoenix and locks in the Garrote! Phoenix's legs are grapevined and his head is trapped in that modified cravat hold... but his arms are free and he's able to reach the ropes with ease! Sharplin yells at Ravager to break...
ONE...
TWO...
THREE...
FOUR...
And Ravager releases the hold at the last second! Phoenix pulls himself up using the ropes and Ravager charges in, trying to cross-body him over the top one more time, but Phoenix catches him! Phoenix turns his back towards the turnbuckles and throws Ravager into them with a devastating fallaway slam! Phoenix picks up Ravager and holds him by the throat, looking right down into Ravager's stunned eyes...
"IT'S OVER, HERO!"
CHOKESLAM. Middle of the ring. Phoenix covers, hooks the leg... is this it?
ONE!
TWO.....
THREE!-WAIT! Ravager gets the shoulder up at the very last moment! Sharplin says it's a two count and Phoenix is PISSED! Phoenix just stares down at Ravager... what does he have to do to put him away? Phoenix rubs some more blood off of his forehead, the gash reopened from the kneestrikes Ravager escaped the Tombstone with. He reaches down with his other hand and smacks Ravager's head, getting his hand covered with blood. The crowd boos as Phoenix looks down at both hands covered in blood, one his, one Ravager's, and clasps his two hands together, blood meeting blood.
BILL HEWSON: This is a rather disturbing display here... Jake Phoenix may have gone over the edge.
JACK JONES: I think this is awesome, Bill. Ravager's just seconds away from being gone for good!
Phoenix looks down at Ravager and gives him last rites, crossing the body with his bloody palm, before picking him up. The Devil's will be done and now it's time to lay Ravager to rest. Ravager is over Phoenix's shoulder for the Tombstone...
RAVAGER SLIPS OUT FROM BEHIND.
KATA HAJIME LOCKED IN! RAVAGER HAS JAKE PHOENIX IN THE KATA HAJIME! Jake Phoenix does what he does best to try and get out of it, use his size and strength. He runs backfirst into the corner, squashing Ravager into the turnbuckles, but Ravager won't let go! The crowd is screaming at Phoenix to give up and tap, tap, tap! Phoenix backs into the corner again... Ravager's on him like a python! He's not letting loose! Phoenix looks around, tries to get to the ropes, but he's fading! Phoenix turns to midring and falls backwards, crushing Ravager under him!
Both men are out. Phoenix is the first to stir and he tries to pull himself up and away from Ravager...
He CAN'T. Ravager's still got the Kata Hajime on! The crowd goes from crazy to silent to absolutely BANANA. "TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP!" Phoenix tries to shift his weight back to pin Ravager's shoulders to the mat, but Ravager shifts his hips and the whole pile of humanity falls to the side, Ravager still clamped tightly around Phoenix's neck! Phoenix yells out in anger, trying to free himself from this prison, but he just cannot get out! Sharplin leans down and asks Phoenix if he wants to give up...
"*BLEEP* YOU, RAVAGER!"
Ravager simply cinches the hold in even tighter... spittle is starting to form at Phoenix's mouth! Sharplin asks Phoenix again if he wants to give up... there's no response. Sharplin checks Phoenix's arm... it falls back down! Sharplin asks for a response again... there is none, and Sharplin calls for the bell! Ravager releases his grip and relaxes for the first time in months. He's back home.
BILL HEWSON: Ravager's done it! He's back in NAPW for good!
JACK JONES: No, no, no, no! This close!
FRANK WARBURTON: Referee John Sharplin has informed me that Jake Phoenix is unable to answer his commands, therefore, the winner of this match by knockout... RAVAGER!
Ravager stands up over Phoenix's unconscious body, looks down at his face and tells him, "Business is Business." He rolls out of the ring as EMTs get into the ring to check on Phoenix. 'Path' plays over the PA as ravager heads back up the aisle bloodied, but triumphant. He steps through the curtain and the music stops. Phoenix still hasn't moved.
BILL HEWSON: A career changing victory for Ravager, but lost in all this is the condition of Jake Phoenix, who hasn't moved since passing out in the Kata Hajime.
One of the EMTs uses smelling salts to rouse Phoenix, who sits up and is looking to kill. Sharplin tells Phoenix that the match is over and to let the EMTs help him up, but Phoenix shoves them away before slowly getting to his feet. He leans over the top rope gathering himself and staring into the crowd, before stepping over the top rope and down the steps. He walks over to Frank Warburton's table and grabs his title belts before heading to the back. There'll be another night for the Heritage Champion, but tonight? Tonight is Ravager's night.
-INTERMISSION-
JACK JONES: So then I asked her, "If you only have one kind of bread, why are you asking me what bread I'd like?"
BILL HEWSON: It was a soup kitchen, not a buffet!
JACK JONES: Hey, Hewson, shut it! I'm on a budget!
FRANK WARBURTON: Our next match is for the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!
Ludacris pipes through the Polish Hall, as Dan Miller and Hank Henderson enter.
FRANK WARBURTON: The challengers! Weighing in at four hundred and fifty four pounds! "The Dynasty" Dan Miller! "Hard Hittin'" Hank Henderson! This is SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION!
In the crowd are a few scattered fans wearing Southern Destruction merchandise. That and a couple of college-aged guys standing in the front row, one holding up a sign saying "Mystic Exposition: You know. For kids!" Otherwise, it's a wave of boos coming from the audience. Miller and Henderson walk to the ring with a purpose.
And as the wall of sound that is Andrew WK bursts through the speakers, the crowd goes bananas.
FRANK WARBURTON: And your NAPW tag team champions! Weighing in at a combined four hundred and forty pounds, they are the Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner!
Expo and Ninja leap through the curtains, and start to interact with everyone they see on the way to the ring.
JACK JONES: Oh, there they go, trying to get everyone to like them. I find this pandering an insult to the intelligence of NAPW fans, Bill!
BILL HEWSON: That's the argument that Southern Destruction was trying to make all week long. But maybe Hank Henderson and Dan Miller should let the audience choose who they should support instead of demanding loyalty.
JACK JONES: Any team that kisses babies and shakes hands is trying too hard. Why not let their in-ring actions speak for themselves?
BILL HEWSON: Mystic Exposition's the tag champs, Jack. They ALWAYS let their in-ring behaviour speak for them. Ever since they won back those titles from the Sexy Adorable Drunks, they've been preparing to defend the titles against any comers.
JACK JONES: Sure, they won the belts from S.A.D., but who was the team to end the partnership of Deathrow and KKP? The challengers, Bill. And Hank Henderson beat The Expositioner last week! I think that history is going to repeat itself, and I think we're going to see Mystic Exposition choke once more and lose those tag titles for a fourth time.
BILL HEWSON: Mystic Exposition is not going to make it easy on Southern Destruction, Jack. These men are four-time champions for a reason.
JACK JONES: Yeah. It's because they lost those belts three times.
BILL HEWSON: And Mystic Exposition slides under the ropes. Looks like NAPW referee John Sharplin is explaining the rules to both men.
Actually, Sharplin's trying to keep Miller and Henderson from starting the match early. Looks like he's got his hands full. But he's a senior ref for a reason, and he lays down the law. He takes the belts from Ninja and Expo and holds them over his head for the crowd to see. Mystic Ninja nods to the Expositioner, who walks to the turnbuckle. And it looks like Hank Henderson is starting the match for his team. Ninja offers his hand out, but Henderson looks at it with disdain and shakes his head. Ninja is adamant. Henderson looks back at Miller, who shrugs. Henderson tentatively reaches out, Ninja goes for the shake and ducks right under an attempted short-arm clothesline by Hank.
But Ninja's still holding on to Hank's arm, and runs around the larger body of Hank, wrapping him in a one-armed straitjacket, and then lashes out with a kick to the back. Hank grimaces in pain as the crowd oohs in appreciation. Ninja lets go of Henderson's arm and grins at him. Henderson shakes his head and strokes his beard. Ninja runs at Henderson leaps at him with a flying forearm that takes Hank into the corner. Ninja steps onto the bottom rope and leaps up to deliver a kick to the side of Hank's head.
BILL HEWSON: Mystic Ninja has the early advantage over Hank Henderson here!
JACK JONES: The key word is "early," Hewson, because Hank has fifty pounds and half a foot on Ninja.
And Ninja winds back to give Henderson another forearm, but is caught in the arms of the bigger man.
JACK JONES: See? Oh, here we go!
Henderson readjusts and throws Ninja over his shoulder, only to slam him to the mat. An "OOOF!" comes from Ninja, as the air is taken out of him. And Henderson steps back and drops an elbow to the gut. And once more. Hank picks up Ninja by the hair, and whips him into the ropes. Ninja flies back at Hank, but Hank hits Ninja with a DEVASTATING Ron Simmons-style Pine on the Spine! Ninja writhes on the mat in pain as Hank tags in his partner, Dan Miller. Dan climbs to the top rope as Hank puts Ninja over his knee.
DE-HEADER!
Dan covers Ninja. One! Tw-Ninja with the shoulder up. Expositioner calls out "Come on, people! My partner needs your claps!" Most of the audience joins in as Ninja soaks up the support of the crowd. A few low-pitched boos are heard from the front row. Dan Miller shakes his head and yells, "You're not gonna get it!" He jumps to the second rope for a senton splash. Ninja rolls out of the way, and Miller hits mat. The crowd cheers. Ninja jumps for his side of the ring, and Expositioner makes the tag.
BINGO TANGO!
JACK JONES: God, I hate that phrase. What does it even mean?
BILL HEWSON: It means April 29th in Polish Hall!
JACK JONES: My Venn diagram of hate now includes you, Hewson. You and the phrase "Bingo Tango." And soup kitchens with only one type of bread.
As Ninja rolls under the ropes to recover, Expo runs at the woozy Miller, and clotheslines him over the top rope. Henderson goes over to help his partner, but Expo jumps to the top rope turnbuckle for one high-flying move. "X-PREEEESSSSS!" Three wrestlers down on the floor! Ninja, regardless of his pain, gets into the ring. And Dan Miller manages to get up to his feet. Not for long! Ninjattack! Through the ropes, Mystic Ninja gives Miller a headscissors and the place goes bonkers! John Sharplin has lost control here! Or has he? Expo manages to push Dan Miller back into the ring, and they are the two legal men. Ninja limps over to his corner. And Hank Henderson clubs Expo in the back of the head with his forearm. Sharplin tells Hank to get back to his side of the ring. Hank raises his arms in a "What did I do?" action.
Dan Miller recovers, and grabs the top rope, swinging himself through it to give Expo a two-foot kick to the face. Expositioner gets bowled over. And Hank drops down to the floor again, and walks over to Expo. Ninja sees this, and rushes to help his friend. He leaps at Henderson, but Hank drops Expo and catches Ninja in his arms. And then throws him up. BRAINBUSTER! ON THE FLOOR OF THE POLISH HALL!
BILL HEWSON: Oh, god! That's just sick!
JACK JONES: Hey, a contender's gotta do what a contender's gotta do! They ended S.A.D., and now they want to end the influence of Mystic Exposition!
BOOOO! Oh, the crowd is not liking this, and Sharplin drops to the floor to restore order by wrangling Hank back to his corner. Ninja is down and out, as Dan Miller shoves Expo back into the ring. Dan slides under the ropes and hits a Rolling Thunder onto Expo. He scrambles to the turnbuckle, goes up! Jacksonville Jam! Top rope leg drop onto Expositioner! Miller covers. One!
Tw-Kickout by Expo!
Miller tags Hank in, and they confer. Hank Henderson locks in a Cobra Clutch on the neck of Expo, as Dan Miller gets a Boston Crab. Sharplin starts a five count, since Dan's NOT the legal man. Two! Three! Four! Miller releases his hold on the legs of Expo and gets to his corner, as most of the crowd shows their disapproval. Some of the audience wearing SD merchandise, like that father over there, is taking his Dan Miller shirt off. But not the college-aged guys in the front. They're jerks. OF PAIN! Like the pain that Expositioner is finding himself in right now at the hands of Hank Henderson. That Cobra Clutch is taking it's tool, and the neck of Expo is turning purple. Sharplin checks on the Mystic Exposition member. He raises the hand of Expo, and it drops.
Expositioner's eyes look glassy. Sharplin raises his hand once more.
It drops to the mat.
Sharplin shakes his head and raises the arm of Expositioner one more time.
And it dro- NO! He has life! Not only does he have life, he manages to grab onto the rope to his side, and Sharplin calls for a clean break by Hank Henderson. But Hank isn't letting go. One! Two! Three! Four! Hank Henderson breaks the Cobra Clutch, with a look of disgust on his face. The Expositioner swallows as much air as he can. But Henderson's not done with that neck! He grabs the head of Expo, swivels around, and pulls Expo up. A Hangman's hold! And then Hank drops to the canvas, bringing Expo down with him! That's gotta hurt! Expo's writhing in pain!
BILL HEWSON: Oh, come on! The Expositioner's neck's been a weak point of his ever since the injury that happened over this past winter!
JACK JONES: And that's why Southern Destruction's going to be the next tag champs, Hewson! They see an advantage, and they capitalize on it!
Henderson with a pin. One! Two! Th-SHOULDER UP! But Expo's in a bad state here. Hank pulls him up. He calls out to Dan Miller. "It's the end, Dan!" The End. Hank is going for another hangman's hold here. But Expo has the wherewithal to get leverage, and drop with his own neckbreaker on Henderson. Henderson's down, and Expo is looking for his corner. He crawls to where Ninja is...still down on the floor? Oh, no. This is not good for Expo. "Hey, has anybody seen my tag partner? If there was ever a time for a hot tag, it would be right no-" Dan Miller! The hell? Dan Miller ran to the other turnbuckle, climbed it, and just soared across the ring with a dropkick to the back of the Expositioner.
A "holy shit" chant is heard, and once again, John Sharplin is telling Dan Miller to get back to his corner. Hank Henderson bends over to grab the prone Expositioner. To end this once and for all. But all he gets is a kick to the head from outside the ring. Mystic Ninja is up! He's not in good shape, but he's up, and that's all that matters to his partner. Expo raises his arm, and a tag is made! HOT TAG! The crowd goes cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Ninja gets in and throws a Kabuki Kick onto Hank Henderson, and Henderson crumples. John Sharplin finishes arguing with Dan Miller, only to turn around. And he tells Ninja to get back to his corner. "But I tagged!" "I didn't see it. You are not the legal man!" Ninja, not wanting to make a scene, reluctantly ducks back under the rope.
BOOOOO! goes the crowd.
BILL HEWSON: After all the illegal run-ins by Dan Miller, Mystic Ninja's the one who has to get back to his corner?
JACK JONES: Oh, so sad. Boo hoo.
Neither Expositioner nor Hank Henderson is moving. Sharplin started a ten count. One! Two! Ninja starts to clap, and most of the building is with him. Expo starting to show some life, but so's Henderson. Four! Five! The crowd's really clapping now, and Dan Miller is shaking his head, covering his ears. "Come on, Hank! Get up!" Seven! Expo's on his knees. So's Hank. Eight! Expo dives to his corner, and tags in Ninja! Ninja jumps through the ropes, ready for action once again! He dives towards Henderson, but Henderson makes his own tag. Dan Miller! Mystic Ninja! Dan Miller runs at Ninja, with an ensugiri. Ninja ducks, and hits a backflip dropkick to kick Miller out of the air! "WHOOOOA! THAT WAS AWESOME! THAT WAS AWESOME!"
JACK JONES: What the hell was that?
BILL HEWSON: That was Mystic Ninja, amping up the action as only he knows how!
Ninja whips Miller into the corner and runs towards him, starting to cartwheel. And Miller jumps to the top rope just as Ninja hits the turnbuckle. Miller, with a top rope bulldog! Ninja's splayed out on the mat, and Miller picks him up. Whip! Reversed! Dan Miller runs head on into the corner and hits the turnbuckles. Ninja leaps to the top rope, walking slowly and jumps! Shadow Missile! Dan drops to the mat, and Ninja hooks the leg. One! Two! Kick to the head by Hank! Hank tells Miller to get up, and they pull Ninja to the top. Ninja's balanced on the top turnbuckle, and Southern Destruction each take a side.
JACK JONES: Here we go! If they pull this off, we've got new tag champs!
BILL HEWSON: Could it be Hard Hittin' and Side Splittin'? But now Expo's in the ring!
The Expositioner slides under both members of Southern Destruction, and pushes!
BILL HEWSON: Oh, my god! Expositioner just powerbombed both Miller and Henderson, but Ninja went along for the ride!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
Ninja was still being held onto by his opponents, so he got superplexed across the ring. Expo runs back to his corner, and reaches out for Ninja to get a tag! But the three men are writhing on the mat! Ninja! Henderson! Miller! Ninja stirs, and he flops over to throw an arm over Miller. Sharplin starts the count.
One! Two! THREEEEEE!
YES! Mystic Exposition have finally defended their tag titles!
Is what I'd say if Dan Miller didn't kick out.
(God, Jago, you're such a jerk.) (Yes. Yes I am.)
BILL HEWSON: That was two and nine tenths! Dan Miller kicked out at the very last second!
JACK JONES: Be still my beating heart! There's still a chance!
John Sharplin guides Henderson back to his own corner. Dan Miller and Mystic Ninja are panting on the canvas. Ninja pounds the mat in frustration. Dan Miller sits up. Ninja gets to his feet. Ninja with a roundhouse kick, and Dan ducks. Dan with a side sweep, and Ninja jumps over it. Both men with a jumping kick, but Dan Miller is just THAT much faster! Ninja gets boot to the face and falls.Miller scrambles to the corner, climbs up and just waits for Ninja to get up. Ninja does, and it's a Buff Bagwell Blockbuster by Miller to drop Ninja to the mat. Dan Miller smirks here, and nods at Hank Henderson. Miller picks up Ninja and shoves his head between his legs. "Chad Kurtis! I'm coming for you!"
BILL HEWSON: No! He's setting him up for...?
JACK JONES: The CK Finale! If this doesn't get Chad Kurtis' attention, NOTHING will!
Dan Miller smiles, get ready for the Finale, and receives two feet to the face! Expo with his own dropkick knocks Dan Miller off balance! Miller drops onto his back, and Ninja flips over, pulling Miller's leg over in a bridge! Jackknife pin! Sharplin slides over and counts.
One!
Hank Henderson rushes in, but Expo's there to fend him off.
Two!
Dan Miller's wriggling, but Ninja has the leverage to keep Miller's shoulders on the mat.
THREE!
And yes! Sharplin's calling for the bell! Mystic Exposition DOES retain the NAPW tag titles!
FRANK WARBURTON: Your winners by pinfall, and STILL! Tag team champions! MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
BILL HEWSON: It was a hard fought match, but Mystic Ninja and the Expositioner were able to fight with all their hearts and picked up their first defense of the tag championship!
In the ring, all four men are up, panting. Ninja and Expo have the titles over their shoulders. They look Southern Destruction in the eye, and hold out their hands. The crowd cheers, and Miller and Henderson look at each other. They look at the outstretched hands. And they look the champions right in the eye.
And they shake their hands.
BILL HEWSON: Some sportsmanship on the part of Southern Destruction!
JACK JONES: It makes me sick.
Mystic Exposition wave to the fans, and leave the ring. But Southern Destruction strikes when their backs are turned. Elbows to the back of heads, and stomps to the chests. Hank Henderson takes the belt off of the Expositioner, looks at it, smiles, and drops it down on the prone body. As the crowd starts to jeer, Dan and Hank leave the ring and walk to the back, fully proud of themselves.
JACK JONES: ...and that's how I survived being marooned on a desert island.
BILL HEWSON: ... THOSE DOLPHINS HELPED YOU TO SHORE!
JACK JONES: And then provided me precious sustenance. What's so hard about this?
The crowd is ready for another match, they're amped from seeing Ravager back in NAPW, stoked by seeing MyEx retain... but they're about to get their bad mood turned around...
"I'm as blue
I'm as blue as the ocean is true, it's just reflections of the sky
I'm as cold
I'm as cold as the stories you told but never sick enough to DIE"
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall at a thirty minute time limit! Introducing first... From Edmonton, Alberta. He weighs in at two hundred and thirteen pounds and is a former three time NAPW Champion. This is DEEEEEEEEE!
BILL HEWSON: Here he is, the most hated man in NAPW!
JACK JONES: That's former three time NAPW Champion to you, Hewson. Give the man the respect he deserves!
BILL HEWSON: After what he's done as of late, no. His heinous attacks in Sole Survivor, his ducking of Jacob Venar's challenges. That man is not the D! we all loved three years ago.
But there he is. All dressed in black, t-shirt, jeans and those flame detailed Harley boots. The crowd are jeering, booing, hissing and some of them are even throwing trash as D! appears at the top of the aisle. And so, with the sickest damn smile on his face, D! strolls down the aisle. The nearby fans who aim their abuse at him soon find themselves on the receiving end of an evil glare. D! hits the ring and poses, Rock-like, but it's clearly mocking.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent...
BILL HEWSON: Crowd is ready for this man!
JACK JONES: Yeah... so, where is he?
D! and the crowd are looking to the entrance way. No music has hit, nobody has come out yet. D! smirks. "He made the right decision after all!"
BILL HEWSON: Don't tell me that Jacob Venar has bailed on this match... did D!'s mind games get to him?
JACK JONES: They did! D! wins, ring the bell ---
"LOOK OUT BELOW!"
FRANK WARBURTON: AND HIS OPPONENT, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds. He is "THE FALCON" JACOB VENAR!
BILL HEWSON: Listen to this crowd, Jack Attack! They love Jacob Venar, and after what D! did to him at Sole Survivor - they REALLY want to see him get his revenge here tonight.
The crowd pops like crazy as Venar comes out... and rushes the ring! HE RUSHES IN --- D! stomps on him right away! Popped up, to the ropes, Venar reverses, D! grabs the ropes to stop his momentum... so Venar charges with a torrid clothesline sending both men to the floor!
BILL HEWSON: And we have ourselves a fight!
Venar is firing off some vicious rights, but D! is doing exactly the same. The hatred between these two men, the past and future of NAPW is brimming over here in Edmonton. The two competitors are duking it out--until D! connects with a toe kick, doubling his opponent over AND HE BOUNCES VENAR'S HEAD OFF THE APRON!
JACK JONES: Talk about starting with a bang, Hewson. D! knows his opponent's weaknesses.
Jacob is rolled back into the ring, followed by his opponent as Uruburu calls for the bell. Venar scrambles back to his feet, only to be met by a roundhouse punch, knocking him back against the ropes. Chop by D!, drawing a "woo" from the crowd - much to the chagrine of D!, not that you'd know it. A few more chops and strikes begin to wear Jacob down before an Irish whip sends him across the ring--UNKINDNESS BY 'THE FALCON'! And that sends D! sprawling across the ring before he stand back up, and Venar charges in with a flying forearm! And a standing moonsault allows Jacob to go for a pin - two count only! High impact move, but too early...
BILL HEWSON: It's going to take a hell of a lot more than that to put either of these men away.
D! pops back up to a vertical base, but Jacob is already running against the ropes for the momentum. He goes for a clothesline, only to have it ducked as D! counters with a back elbow and a basement dropkick! And that takes Venar off his feet. D! acts fast as he grabs his opponent's leg and stomps, several times at that same knee.
BILL HEWSON: D! trying to take the legs out so Jacob can't use his high-flying approach.
JACK JONES: The man's a genius!
BILL HEWSON: He has got the ring smarts of an accomplished veteran, I'll give him that.
However, D! releases the leg and drops an elbow down across the cranium of his opponent, before assuming a mounted position across the chest of Jacob Venar. From whence he proceeds to wail away with some stiff shots to the skull before Uruburu calls for the break! D! reluctantly stands up, dragging Jacob with him as 'The Falcon' is taken towards the corner --snake eyes! Venar's head bouncing off the top turnbuckle before he slumps to the canvas. And now it's D!'s turn to cover.
ONE!
TWONOOOO! Jacob gets the shoulder up!
But D! tries again with a forearm across the face--only getting a two-count again. He looks agitated, but the former champion drags his opponent back up again as he goes for another snake eyes--but Jacob drops down the back! The crowd cheer as 'The Falcon' connects with a single leg dropkick, sending D! back against the turnbuckle! Venar hurries to his feet as he goes for the Irish whip, sending D! across the ring - MONKEY FLIP BY JACOB!
BILL HEWSON: This young rookie is giving this match everything he has, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: So, not much then?
It's enough to send his opponent flying across the ring, but D! is standing within seconds before Jacob connects with a toe kick, and he's off against the ropes -- RUNNING ROCKER DROPPER! Hook of the leg!
ONE!
TWO!
SHOULDER UP!
Not one to be discouraged, Jacob is up within seconds and is heading to the top rope. His opponent is still struggling to regain his bearing after being driven face first into the mat, but he soon stands up -- and THE FALCON FLIES - CROSSBODY! And it takes D! down! He's promptly dragged back to his feet before being whipped against the ropes. Venar goes for the back body drop, but he's lowered his head too early! D! catches him with a boot to the face before running back against the ropes - HURRICANRANA BY VENAR! For the pin!
ONE!
TWONOOOOO!
D! kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: The rookie coming so close, but D! manages to kick out again! Venar looks frustrated, he has to keep his head in the game!
The Falcon drags his opponent back up yet again, and another Irish whip sends D! crashing into the turnbuckles as 'The Falcon' charges in with an avalanche -- BIG BOOT BY D!! Straight to the face of Jacob Venar and the big man is staggered, giving the Edmonton native enough time to scoop him up and place him in the corner for the Tree of Woe!
JACK JONES: Now it's time to reinjure that head, Hewson. Venar still hasn't fully recovered after landing head first on the floor at Sole Survivor ... Quite frankly, he's an idiot to challenge D! to this match.
BILL HEWSON: He has heart, Jack Attack. Something you wouldn't know about.
JACK JONES: And look where it's got him! He's upside down in the corner with a pissed off former NAPW Champion ready to annihilate him!
And from the evil grin on his face, it seems that D! may not have pure intentions. He begins to kick at the temples of Venar, just enough to snap his neck either side - until the official steps in ... and D! backs off ... AND COMES BACK WITH A SICK BASEMENT DROPKICK!
And D! grins...
BILL HEWSON: Did you see the impact on that dropkick?
Jacob falls out of the corner, holding his head and neck as he does so, and D! goes for a cocky pin. And one foot on the chest gets him a two count. Well, two and a half. 'The Falcon' is lifted to a seated position, allowing D! to stomp at his neck. Once, twice, three times for good measure. And all that before lifting him back to a doubled over position for a pulling piledriver, sending Venar head first into the canvas!
JACK JONES: It's a slow, methodical dissection of Jacob Venar. I say he's just getting his just desserts, HE challenged this match!
BILL HEWSON: D! is being an ass about it, though.
The knee drops to the back of the head seem to indicate as such, but D! lifts his opponent back to a vertical base once more -- INSIDE CRADLE BY VENAR!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NOOOOOOOOO!
BILL HEWSON: No! A split second away!
Last second kick-out by D!, and both men scramble back to their feet! Jacob seems to have found a second wind as he lands a couple of hooks! The crowd are on their feet cheering him on as he staggers D! with a haymaker! Jacob off the ropes -- LARIAT! DUCKED! And D! applies a sleeper hold--
BILL HEWSON: RIGHT ON THE KNEE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! VENAR IS OUT!
JACK JONES: NyQuil Spike! He's finished, Hewson!
D! crawls on top of Venar, hooking a leg as Uruburu starts the count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner by pinfall... D!
BILL HEWSON: Jacob Venar with a valiant effort, but inot enough to put away the veteran D!.
JACK JONES: There's a damn good reason why he's a three time NAPW Champion. And he showed us why tonight!
BILL HEWSON: Well, Venar showed a ton of heart --- Wait, what's D! up to now?
Indeed, D! is not yet finished with his rookie opponent. He's pulled the prone Venar towards the ropes ... AND HE'S TIED JACOB VENAR'S ARMS UP IN THE ROPES!
BILL HEWSON: Oh God, he's at that maniac's mercy! Someone help him!
But D! has already started wailing at the head of Jacob Venar! Punches and kicks, each finding their mark. Each inflicting more pain! Anthony Uruburu tries to intervene, but he can't stop D!!
*POP*
BILL HEWSON: TRENT DANIELS!
The former NAPW Heritage champion, the man who eliminated D! from Sole Survivor is hurtling down the aisle like a rocket! He slides in under the bottom rope and manages to catch D! unaware, firing off with some rights and lefts of his own! He has D! against the ropes - BOOT TO THE RIBS! D! with a stiff boot to the taped ribs of Trent Daniels, and the rookie staggers back in agony -- NYQUIL SPIKE TO TRENT DANIELS!
D! gets back to his feet as he surveys the damage done. Jacob Venar is still tied up in the ropes with referees trying to set him free. Trent Daniels is down and out in the center of the ring, holding his banged up ribs ... and D! sneers at the fallen rookies before him as he walks away up the aisle to a chorus of boos.
JACK JONES: And that's the REAL reason I had to retire as an active wrestler.
BILL HEWSON: I don't believe having a colonoscopy counts as a career ending injury.
JACK JONES: Says the man who hasn't had anything crammed in hi-
BILL HEWSON: And it's time for the Unique Battle of the Finishers. Zamunda Driver versus CK Finale. This all started last week with a Triple Threat Match involving Dan Ryan for the NAPW World title. Dan Ryan retained, but the issue between these two men is at a fever pitch.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall to a finish. It's the Battle of the Finishers. A fall can't occur until AFTER someone hit's their finisher.
"Guess who's back?"
Hit it.
"They say I'm cocky!
And I say WHAT?
It ain't bragging motherf*cker if you back it up!"
The crowd explodes like Elvis just jumped out of his grave and sang "Heartbreak Hotel." These fans are glad that Chad has ditched that dickhead Ian Smith and no longer is whining about being held down. They want to see the Chad who just wants to be the best. He enters the ring and poses for the crowd, and we hear men cheering, along with women squealing.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, wrestling out of Paducah, Kentucky. He weighs in at two-hundred and thirty pounds, he is the MASTER of the CK Finale: "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!
BILL HEWSON: Chad looks ready to rumble.
JACK JONES: My money is on Darko and I'll tell you why.. He gave me a Zamunda Dollar earlier... worth like five bucks Canuck.
"I WANT EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM TO KNOW... YOU CAN'T WHOOP ME!"
Prince Darko is more than likely smiling under his mask. Or maybe he is chewing bubble gum. Who knows, but HE is telling each and every fan that "They can't beat his meat, much less whoop him." He is talking shit all the way to the ring, and Chad looks to be very unimpressed. Darko reaches the ring, flips off Chad, then tells Morgan Smythe his room number.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, wrestling out THE KINGDOM OF ZAMUNDA... standing six-foot-one and weighing two-hundred twenty-seven pounds... he is the MASTER of the Zamunda Driver: PRINCE W. DARKO!
BILL HEWSON: Winner of this match will stay in the World title picture. The losers future is less certain, though a loss won't kill him.
JACK JONES: It won't help him either. Chad needs to go back to tagging.
BILL HEWSON: Compared to the level of success Matt is having, I'll disagree.
JACK JONES: Well be wrong then, don't jump on my side later when you realize how right I am.
The bell sounds and Prince Darko yells at the crowd that, "Show Can't Whoop Me!" Chad smirks at him, and confidently spouts... "Oh YES I can." That comment causes Prince Darko to get into the face of Chad Kurtis. Chad doesn't back up at all, and Darko flies off with a right hand.. that's blocked! Chad reels off three big right hands in a row, and on the last one Darko hits the ground. Darko scoots into the nearest corner of the ring. Chad takes off, full steam ahead, and drop kicks the Prince of Zamunda right in the chest. Darko grabs his chest and rolls out the ring. No counting him out, as a fall can't take place until a finisher does. Darko is on his knees calling for a timeout. "GIMME A TIMEOUT SO I CAN WHOOP THAT MAN PROPERLY".
JACK JONES: He only has two timeouts left this half.. he better take them wisely.
BILL HEWSON: There's no timeouts in wrestling.
JACK JONES: You need to read the fine print on rules of Finisher Matches.
Darko is on his feet and a fan grabs his attention. Chad Kurtis goes up top as the fan, wearing an old Crimes T-Shirt, is telling Darko how much he sucks now compared to last year. Darko is about to smack the shit out of this pompous fan, but Dan Miller runs out with a sign. He tells Darko "Excuse me" and points it up at Chad Kurtis. Chad had Darko where he wanted him, and was about to execute one of many aerial maneuvers from his vast arsenal. Dan Miller interrupted this with a sign that says simply:
"THE SHOW DOESN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO FACE A DYNASTY"
Dan returns to the locker room and Chad jumps down off the turnbuckle and stares at Dan Miller exiting.
JACK JONES: Dan Miller has called out Chad Kurtis for two straight weeks in his promos. Has he finally got his attention?
BILL HEWSON: "The Show" gets called out by a lot of people, so he just fights who they place in front of him.
Darko finishes his conversation with the fan, pointing out that "not the fan, Chad Kurtis or anyone else in the whole damn building that can whoop Prince Darko." The fan shuts up when security shows up. Chad allows Darko to enter the ring and DROP KICK! Darko is down again. Darko rises and BOOT TO THE STOMACH! CK FINALE ATTEMPT... nope, Darko wriggles free, and Chad isn't happy. Chad grabs an arm. "The Show" pulls Darko into a SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE! Chad goes for a pin, but is reminded by referee Morgan Smythe that this match can't end until after the CK Finale or Zamunda Driver hits. Darko is grabbed by his afro and pulled up. Darko Irish Whipped into the corner, Chad charges in and EATS A BOOT TO THE FACE. Morgan Smythe checks on Chad who staggers around and has his back to Darko... LOW BLOW! Chad hits the mat like a ton of bricks.
BILL HEWSON: Darko takes the low road their.
JACK JONES: Well, it was a very effective route to get Chad down.
Darko withstood an onslaught of offense from Chad Kurtis, and now he has control. He takes him a few seconds, and the Zamunda Yoke is applied! The fans boo him severely as he talks trash in the ear of Chad Kurtis. "I'm gonna make you tap, then I'm gonna Driver you Zamunda Style"... "YOU CAN'T WHOOP ME MOTHER F*CKER" Chad can't get out of the move and is fading fast. Darko cinches on it a few times, then lets go. He tells the crowd, "WATCH ME DRIVE THIS MAN STRAIGHT TO ZAMUNDA!" He picks Chad up, gets the Double Under hook, wait, no he don't. Back Body Drop! Chad bounces off the ropes as Darko rises quickly.. Chad gets LAID OUT!
BILL HEWSON: He didn't expect Darko to get up that fast.
JACK JONES: Prince Darko is a deceptively quick man, much like myself back in the day.
BILL HEWSON: I'm sure you can do the forty yard dash in what? Eight.. nine seconds?
JACK JONES: Seven if the winds not blowing against me.
Darko attempts a pin, but as Chad was told, he can't do it yet. Darko the mounts Chad, laying into him with closed fists. Right hand... YOU... left hand... CAN'T... right hand... WHOOP.. left hand... MMMMEEE! Last punch hits canvas as Chad decided that getting hit in the face rather sucked, so he moved his head. Darko is up shaking his hand. Chad gets up as fast as he can, but he is in a lower gear than before. Darko turns around and receives a chop to the chest. Chad tries to throw Darko into the ropes, but Darko reverses throwing Chad into them. Darko waits but Chad hangs onto the ropes. Darko charges and Chad then charges with a clothesline, DUCKED! Darko hits the ropes and off the rebound nails a RUNNING DDT! Chad's head spikes off the ground and his eyes looked glazed over. Darko wastes little time and picks up Chad. He yells in his face, YOU GARBAGE FOOL! Then Darko lets loose with a big right hand that floors the Kentucky native. Chad is down, and you gotta believe Darko is smiling. He struts a bit, and tells the crowd to "kiss his royal ass."
JACK JONES: This "Show" is about to be over. Darko in full control right now.
BILL HEWSON: After a furious start, Kurtis lost momentum with a cheap tactic by Darko earlier. And Darko has yet to look back.
Chad is picked up once again, and Darko body slams "The Show". Off the ropes, Darko springboards with a SWANTON BOMB. He calls it "Just Perfection." He could get the pin right here.. BUT he has to hit his finisher. Chad is brought to his feet. Darko is full of confidence and egotistically taunts Chad Kurtis. The crowd is chanting for Chad. Darko yells out.. SHOW OVER! He hooks him for the Zamunda Driver, but... Chad drops to one knee. Darko lets go of the double under hook and clubs Chad in the back. Chad takes it, and sweeps the legs. Darko is down, Chad is up and STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS! Chad pulls Darko close to a corner. He climbs the ropes.
BEST
MOONSAULT
EVER...
EXCEPT FOR DARKO'S KNEES!
JACK JONES: That's why he is my pick, the ring presence this man has is uncanny.
BILL HEWSON: That and because he helped you get a date with his cousin.
JACK JONES: As they say once you go Zamundan...
BILL HEWSON: And?
JACK JONES: You know...
Kurtis rolls in pain. Darko looks desperate and sees Chad get up... LAID OUT NUMBER TWO! Any of these moves can end up but CAN'T. Darko catches his breath as Chad is out. Chad finally moves a tad bit, just when Darko goes to pick him up. Darko gets Chad to one knee... INSIDE CRADLE! No count, but it stopped the attempt at a Zamunda Driver. Chad is up and toe kicks Darko in the bread basket. Pile Driver position... Darko has his legs hooked.. he picks Chad up... ALABAMA SLAMMA! Both men are down. You can hear Darko faintly saying: "Kid still can't whoop me." But it's in between deep breathes. Darko gets to his feet. He grabs onto the ropes and waits for Chad Kurtis to get up. Chad finally gets up, and looks groggy. He holds onto the ropes to help balance himself. Darko and Chad both come to the center of the ring. Prince Darko with a toe kick first.
BILL HEWSON: He hooks him for the CK Finale? Does it count if you do the OTHERS finisher?
JACK JONES: It won't matter! Darko is going to do the ZD DRIVER --- and that'll end Chad for the Zamunda Driver proper! He's done!
But wait! Darko trash-talking... and Chad Kurtis gets his arms under Darko. He lifts Darko off his feet, gains separation and toe kicks Darko as he comes down... LOCKED AND LOADED... CK FINALE! THE REAL ONE!
THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match by pinfall... "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!
Chad celebrates with the fans as Darko lays on the mat totally knocked out. Darko got cocky - tried to use Chad's own move against him, just like he said he'd try. But the man who knows best how to counter the CK Finale is Chad Kurtis.
Darko's going to be realllllly pissed when he wakes up.
BILL HEWSON: It has been a fantastic show tonight, match after match... but now, Jack Attack, it is time for the main event. For the first time ever, it will "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan taking on Bruce "The Beast" Richards, the international veteran against perhaps NAPW's brightest star. And it is for one thing... the NAPW World Championship.
JACK JONES: That it is, that it is, you know Bill Hewson, a lot of these fans don't LIKE Dan Ryan. They think HE thinks that he's "too good" for NAPW, but you know what? Dan Ryan simply IS that good. He isn't the NAPW World Champion by fluke, but I'll tell you what. If Dan Ryan didn't want to be NAPW World Champion, if he didn't want to represent this company, he wouldn't be here.
BILL HEWSON: Well however you slice it, Dan Ryan punctuated his title reign thus far with a decisive victory last week over Prince W. Darko and "The Show" Chad Kurtis by pinning Darko in a triple-threat. But tonight, he faces a man who has waited a long time for this rematch. He is the former NAPW champion, he is a five-time NAPW tag team champion, and he is - pure and simple - The BEAST. Jack Attack, let's go to the tale of the tape.
JACK JONES: Bruce Richards, six-foot three, two-hundred and seventy pounds! Dan Ryan six-foot seven, three-hundred and thirty-five pounds! Not often The Beast is the smaller man in the match, but we've seen the kind of strength he's capable of. Experience, Dan Ryan. Experience in THIS promotion? Richards. Hometown advantage, Richards. And there is the fatigue factor. Bruce Richards has had nothing to do in the past week but rest and prepare, while Dan Ryan has probably crossed eight different time zones competing in other promotions. But when all is said and done, these two are so evenly matched how can you possibly call a winner?
BILL HEWSON: And with that, let's go to the match.
"NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE ME ALIVE!
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"
The crowd erupts as he appears through the curtain in his classic duster and cowboy hat. The Beast stalks to the ring, ready for this title match.
"AND GOD IS EMPTY --- JUST LIKE ME!"
Smashing Pumpkins replace Muse, and now the crowd's reaction changes. A mix of boos and cheers. The crowd, at the least, respects Dan Ryan even if they're not always his fan. In black trunks and boots, the world title belt around his waist, "The Ego Buster" makes his entrance and heads to the ring. Frank Warburton stands in the center as challenger and champion each take their respective corners.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall at a sixty-minute time limit... and is for the NAPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first to my right, wearing black. Weighing two-hundred and seventy-pounds, he hails from St. Albert Alberta! He is a five-time NAPW Tag Team Champion and a former NAPW World Champion, fighting tonight to regain the title! Ladies and gentlemen, the challenger... BRUCE! THE BEAST! RICHARDS!
BILL HEWSON: Tremendous ovation for the challenger here tonight, and you gotta believe The Beast is absolutely focused on this match-up.
FRANK WARBURTON: And now, to my left, also wearing black. Weighing two-hundred and seventy-pounds, he hails from Houston Texas. He is a decorated veteran of professional wrestling and the 2008 NAPW Canada Cup winner. Ladies and gentlemen, the current, and defending NAPW World Champion... "THE EGO BUSTER!" DAN! RYAN!
JACK JONES: You want to talk about focus, look at that man's eyes right there! Dan Ryan is bringing his A game here tonight, time zones be damned!
BILL HEWSON: There's the bell, and this match is underway!
Two behemoths meet in center ring, eye to eye, chest to chest. And... TIE UP! They're struggling for position, huge strength, fighting, fighting, Dan Ryan forcing Beast back into a corner. Dick Kiebiech calls for a break, Dan Ryan gives him one. Crowd appreciates that. Once again, back into the tie-up, like two bulls locking horns! Straining, grunting, struggling... this time The Beast forces Ryan into the corner. Referee calls for, and gets, a clean break. Crowd applauds as both men come out to the center, circling again.
Ryan and Richards again stare each other down, and then abruptly, each start running opposite sides of the ring? They criss-cross once, twice, and then RAM into each other the third time.
Neither man goes down. The ring shook, though.
To the ropes again! Building speed, CRASHING! They roar, hit the ropes, CRASH! Neither man gives an inch, the sound of their chests smacking into each other! Bruce looks at Dan. Dan looks at Bruce. Both men crack their necks...
AND FIRE AWAY! RIGHT HAND RYAN! RIGHT HAND BRUCE! THEY'RE THROWING DOWN!
JACK JONES: You didn't expect these two MONSTERS to have a wrestling match, did you?
BILL HEWSON: We knew it would get physical, not not this early! Oh, The Beast seems staggered by that shot of Ryan's... but comes back with a huge haymaker! Ryan seems dazed now... HE gets another big right hand! How are they STILL on their feet?
JACK JONES: Because these two men, and I don't even LIKE The Beast, but these two men are champions! And they know what it takes!
ANOTHER right from The Beast! Ryan wobbles slightly, but then comes back with his own huge right hand blow. This time he shows instinct honed by years and years of experience, and brings a huge knee up into the midsection of Richards. Bodyslam by Dan Ryan with impact, shaking the ring, but he doesn't go for a pin, he knows it won't get him a win this early. Ryan instead picks The Beast up, getting a rear waist lock. German Suplex --- Beast fights! Throws his momentum forward, tries to break Ryan's grip! He's got both of Ryan's wrists, Ryan's hands are locked... Beast breaks the grip! Pulling Ryan's hands out! And then a sudden elbow to the ribs of Dan Ryan, Beast off the ropes, shouldertackle almost knocks Dan Ryan down! Once more to the ropes, The Beast with another shouldertackle! Ryan is staggered, almost down, but still up! Bruce hits the ropes with a roar, HIGH VELOCITY ---
RYAN WITH A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX TO COUNTER! Beast hits the canvas hard, and Dan Ryan is quick drive an elbow right into the point of the challenger's chest! First cover of the match, one,
ONE.
BILL HEWSON: One count only! But the champion gets the first pinning attempt in this one!
JACK JONES: Yeah, and you know what? He just might get the LAST pinfall of the match too. That means he WINS.
BILL HEWSON: I gathered. Ryan pulls The Beast up, off the ropes, back elbow puts The Beast down. Into the corner, Beast hits hard, RYAN CHARGES --- eats a back elbow! Beast somehow got the elbow up, Ryan's not done! CHARGE --- BEAST GETS THE BOOT UP! Ryan staggers out AND THE BEAST WITH A HUGE CLOTHESLINE! And FINALLY puts Dan Ryan down, cover ONE ---
JACK JONES: And you can stop there!
BILL HEWSON: Each man with a pinfall, only getting one! They've hit each other with huge blows, both men can absorb lots of punishment, but you have to wonder how long two huge men like this can keep delivering this kind of abuse and keep going?
JACK JONES: This isn't a normal match, this is like you said, two huge men! Neither man wrestles longer than twenty minutes ordinarily, because their opponents simply can't get up after so much. What happens when both guys hit that hard?
The Beast, in a sign of respect, allows Ryan back up. Dan cups his jaw, making sure everything is in place. He gets back up, they go into a tie-up. Ryan wins with a side headlock... which The Beast counters with an atomic drop! Ryan turns around, inverted atomic drop! The Beast backs into the ropes... flying clothesline! 270 pounds took to the air from the canvas, knocking Ryan over again. The Beast knows that won't be enough and quickly pulls Ryan up, forced into the corner, Kiebiech starts his five-count... The Beast delivers a thunderous open-handed chop! Irish whip sends Dan Ryan to the far corner, and a STINGER SPLASH follows! Dan Ryan slumps back in the corner, so The Beast whips him back across. Hard impact into the corner, STINGER SPLASH --- and Ryan moves out of the way!
He roughly shoves Beast into the corner and delivers shoulder-thrusts, right to the mid-section, repeatedly, planting his thick tree-trunk legs on the canvas! Beast groans in pain as the air is knocked out of his mid-section. He stumbles out, right into a huge belly to belly overhead suplex! The Beast gets up, momentarily unsure where he is, and that's all Dan Ryan needs to get behind and THROW HIM OVERHEAD LIKE A PIECE OF LUGGAGE! RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!
Ryan covers! ONE!
TWO!
The Beast kicks out!
Ryan drives an elbow into the back of The Beast's neck, then pulls him up. He wants the DRAGON SUPLEX now, that could end it --- but The Beast fights out of his way! Gets behind Ryan, WAIT A MINUTE, COBRA CLUTCH...
BOMB!
Ryan SMASHED into the canvas the hardway! Beast hooks a leg!
ONE!
TWO!
KICK-OUT!
BILL HEWSON: Another two-count! We said these men were evenly matched, but this is unbelievable!
JACK JONES: The very definition of a "see-saw" match, Hewson. At the rate these two are going, this thing won't last another ten minutes!
BILL HEWSON: Every move hitting with such impact, such authority. It's the price these men are willing to pay to be NAPW Champion!
The crowd is DEEPLY into the contest as The Beast pulls Dan Ryan up. He tries a suplex, but Ryan blocks. Ryan tries a suplex, blocked by The Beast. Beast slams his arm into Ryan's back, and then suplexes the 335 pounder over...
And Dan Ryan stands right up. Hooks The Beast, no countering this time, huge impact on the 270 pound challenger!
And The Beast stands right up.
Whoa.
Ryan with a forearm shot to the face of the Beast, sending him reeling to the ropes... but Beast comes off with his own shot! Ryan stumbles backwards, back hitting the ropes, and he fires out with a huge shot! Ryan and Beast slap each other on the chests, hit the ropes, GETTING SPEED AND
EACH GOING FOR THE SAME THING! DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE and both men are DOWN!
BILL HEWSON: Referee Dick Kiebiech starting the standing ten count... we don't want to see a draw, but could you blame these men for being unable to answer the count?
JACK JONES: If The Beast wants this title, he HAS to get up! Remember, he has to beat the champion... Dan Ryan doesn't have to beat him!
BILL HEWSON: Too true, Jack Attack, and neither man has stirred! They're exhausted! The poundings they've given each other!
Kiebiech is up for four as neither man is up. Their chests are heaving, they're trying to get air, trying to find the will to get up, the will to WIN.
FIVE
SIX
Crowd is rallying, clapping, stomping, whistling!
Dan Ryan is moving!
The Beast is!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
The Champion... is UP!
NINE!
THE CHALLENGER...
...
MAKES IT! Kiebiech waves his arms, this match continues! Richards charges in
SUPERKICK!
RYAN LAYS HIM OUT!
ONE!
TWO!
TH---
THE BEAST GETS THE SHOULDER UP AT TWO AND 3/4!
Ryan pulls his man up, saying, time to end this. Sweat is dripping off of both men as Ryan sets up for the Humility Bomb... but The Beast, sensing that it's the end, sweeps the legs! He cinches up the 335 pounder... CATAPULT into the corner! Ryan's forehead bounces off the turnbuckle, he stumbles out...
INTO THE TORTURE RACK!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast with THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-FIVE POUNDS up on his shoulders! The NAPW Champion is in tremendous trouble here as The Beast racks him! We could see a new champion right here...
JACK JONES: Hold on, Ryan... grab the ropes! Or something!
BILL HEWSON: Dan Ryan nowhere near the ropes, he can't do much here... but he can do that! The champion with a desperate, flailing right hand to the face of The Beast, just enough to dislodge himself. That could have been it right there, but this match continues!
Indeed it does, Dan Ryan trying to regain his bearings here. The Beast grabs him, looking for a pumphandle suplex... Ryan fights it off, wants a German! Beast fights that off, tries to get THE CLAW --- applied? Maybe. But Dan Ryan lifts Beast up and delivers a SPINEBUSTER! Cover!
ONE!
TWO!
Kick out by the challenger!
Ryan pulls The Beast up, what can he do next? Scoop slam, snake eyes? No, Bruce slips out behind! Hits a back suplex! Dan Ryan is prone in the center of the ring... and THE BEAST looks up to the heavens!
BILL HEWSON: He can't be thinking of the moonsault!
JACK JONES: Why not? It's won him several championships!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast climbing to the top rope... wait a minute! Dan Ryan is up! Oh, a shot to The Beast! Both men are on the top rope, what is this... oh my god... OH MY GOD!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
BILL HEWSON: SUPER BACK SUPLEX OFF THE TOP ROPE, OVER SIX-HUNDRED POUNDS CRASHING INTO THE CANVAS! AND BOTH MEN ARE DOWN! Ryan can't capitalize! He took a huge impact himself!
Ryan holding the back of his neck as The Beast is down, The Beast took the worst, but dammit, that had to hurt both men! Ryan wills himself over... inches over... drapes an arm over The Beast's chest!
ONE!
TWO!
TH---
KICK-OUT!
And now Dan Ryan is frustrated. He pulls The Beast up, he has to end this. The Beast is dazed. Ryan readies it for a Japanese finish, the LARIATOOOOO
BEAST DUCKS!
HAS RYAN ON HIS SHOULDERS!
SPINS ---
Ryan's feet nail the referee! Kiebiech got too close to the action! And that allows Dan Ryan to tumble off of Beast's shoulders, landing on his feet!
JACK JONES: Outta the way, Kiebiech!
Kiebiech stumbles, but Ryan, back on his feet, hits the ropes and THIS TIME CONNECTS WITH THE LARIATOOOOOOO on The Beast!
Too bad a dazed Dick Kiebiech GOT IN THE WAY! Ryan covers The Beast... the crowd counts to three, but MY GOD! THERE IS NO REFEREE! Ryan, frustration etched on his being, pulls up The Beast... it's time for a HUMILITY BOMB!
NO!
BEAST COUNTERS!
CHART ATTACK!
CHART ATTACK!
CHART ATTACK!
COVER!
THE CROWD COUNTS ALONG... to three...
but Kiebiech? Hello, he got FLATTENED.
Richards turn to groan in ultimate frustration. He gets up, leaving Dan Ryan on the canvas, and goes over to Dick Kiebiech, trying to rouse the referee. Dick is on his knees, holding the back of his head. Ryan has turned over, holding the bottom rope.
BILL HEWSON: Dan Ryan had it won --- The Beast had it won --- if the referee wasn't down! I don't know what they have left, but... WAIT A MINUTE! STONE ZELLOR! What's he doing here OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD NO!
JACK JONES: PIMPTASTIC, BABY!
BILL HEWSON: STONE ZELLOR --- The referee didn't see it, Dan Ryan didn't see it, Stone Zellor just smashed The Beast in the face with the PIMP TITLE BELT! The Beast was checking on the ref, and... my God! Not like this!
The Beast is down, blood pouring from his forehead! The crowd is booing like hell as Stone Zellor walks away, the damage done.
Dan Ryan has had enough time to get to his feet. The Beast is staggering up...toekick.
And this time, there is no counter.
HUMILITY BOMB.
Ryan covers, Kiebiech slumps into position and counts.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner by pinfall... and STILL NAPW WORLD CHAMPION! "THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN!
BILL HEWSON: What the HELL was that? That was --- The Beast deserves better than that! Hell! Dan Ryan deserves better than that! We wanted to see who the better man was, and... DAMN STONE ZELLOR! DAMN HIM!
The Beast is down... Dan Ryan has no idea. All he knows is that he had an opportunity, and he took it, to retain the NAPW World Title.
The Beast is bloodied.
Stone Zellor is gone.
And Dan Ryan still holds the gold.
Lights down.