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BILL HEWSON: Calgary, Alberta at the Ogden Legion Hall is ready for another night of NAPW action! Welcome to the show everybody! I'm Bill Hewson ---

JACK JONES: And I'm Jack Attack! Jack Jones!

BILL HEWSON: A man that doesn't even wait for a lead-in, but tonight we have one hell of a show for you, wait, what's this? Terry Brandon?

Terry Brandon walks to the ring in a casual business suit holding an envelope. As he enters he grabs a microphone from Frank Warburton on the outside. He opens the envelope and unfolds a piece of paper from inside.

BILL HEWSON: It looks like Terry Brandon has something on his mind. I certainly wasn't expecting him out here.

TERRY BRANDON: Welcome to LETHAL LOTTERY '09, everyone! I promise tonight's card will be exciting and jam packed with action, but I am out here begrudgingly, and strictly on business. I will try to get this out of the way quickly so we can go on. So, with out further adieu, let me reintroduce a wrestler back to the active roster... Kenny Krenshov.

"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"

The fans rain a chorus of boos that echo throughout the venue as "Attack" by 30 Seconds to Mars plays over the PA system. Terry Brandon stands in the ring, ever-stoic, waiting as Kenny walks out from the back. The giant ignores the fans, a stone-cold sober face, and his eyes giving away no emotion behind a pair of sunglasses. A cup of beer splashes off his leather jacket while popcorn, wads of trash, and the occasional slice of canadian bacon flies at and around him.

BILL HEWSON: What the hell is this? The last time we saw Kenny Krenshov was at the Faces of Death show a month ago, where Ravager beat the shit out of him in the last match of his career!

JACK JONES: Hey now, I was there too. It wasn't just Kenny getting the shit kicked out of him, Ravager took a beating too!

BILL HEWSON: Well not to sound too biased but Kenny deserved everything he got in the match, the man has no shame. Stalking Ravager for months, berating his students with sneak attacks, it's disgusting.

When Kenny gets to the ring he pulls himself up on the apron by the top rope, and then steps over it to enter the ring. He towers over Terry Brandon, looking down at him, both stand their ground. The continuous boos continue, as if they would never stop. Finally Terry brings the microphone back up to his mouth.

TERRY BRANDON: Now I know there's not too many people that are happy about this, me included, but NAPW management has decided to give Kenny Krenshov another chance. Before I let Kenny say his piece, I am obligated to read this prepared statement.

(Reading robotically) "To our investors, fans, employees and performers; We understand the decision to rehire Kenny Krenshov is bound to be a controversial one, and we understand why. Mr. Krenshov's behavior in the past has been unacceptable. He has struck a fan, a referee, and has violently attacked our performers on several occasions in a noncompetitive capacity. We condemn these acts, and yet we are a company of second chances. Mr. Krenshov has come to us asking for that second chance, and we have decided to grant him that chance under certain conditions.

The first of these conditions is that he will be under a strict probation for an unspecified amount of time where any egregious act on his part will result in the immediate termination of Mr. Krenshov's contract. Acts of violence against any audience members, officials, or performers outside of the ring without physical provocation will especially not be tolerated. It is also apparent that Mr. Krenshov's anger is a problem that needs to be addressed and not just suppressed. Therefore, along with the probationary period, Mr. Krenshov will be obligated to engage and complete an anger management program. We hope these actions will lighten any fears or objections to Mr. Krenshov's rehiring in the company, and we hope you will continue to support us as you always have. Signed, NAPW Management."

Terry Brandon places the paper in his pocket and lowers the microphone as the fans "boo" once again to announce their disapproval. Kenny does nothing but look at Brandon behind his sunglasses. When the audience finally begins to quell, Terry continues, but in his normal voice.

TERRY BRANDON: So there you have it. Trust me, I fought this. But somehow Kenny Krenshov has wormed his way back into NAPW. I'm not happy about it, but you had better believe that this "probationary period" will be enforced. One slip up and you are out of here!

BILL HEWSON: Wow, you can Terry still has a lot of anger built up from when Kenny put him in that coma.

JACK JONES: Kenny only held him so Ravager could curb stomp him, but Terry didn't have any problems forgiving Ravager, did he?

BILL HEWSON: Ravager has a slip in character, Kenny just reeks of evil.

TERRY BRANDON: With that being said, I now turn it over to our "newest" employee.

Terry shoves the microphone into Kenny's chest spitefully. Slowly, Kenny takes the microphone from Terry's hand. He raises the microphone up to his lips--

KRENSHOV: The last time I was--

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". The fans drown Kenny out from speaking. He drops the microphone and itches his nose, waiting for the crowd to come down a bit.

KRENSHOV: The last--

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". Again Kenny drops the microphone and cracks his neck from side-to-side. Suddenly a "RAV-A-GER! RAV-A-GER! RAV-A-GER!" chant breaks out. He takes his sunglasses off and stares out into the crowd as the name of his former partner and last opponent is celebrated in vain of Kenny.

KRENSHOV: AS I WAS SAYING! The last time I was in a NAPW ring was in an unsanctioned match against my former partner Ravager. A match that left me with my two front teeth shattered by a curb stomp on a bell. A match where after I had fourteen staples pulled out of my body, and fifty-six stitches put in. A match that never really "happened", but a match that was the most important of not only my career, but Ravager's. As far as I'm concerned, I did exactly what I said I was going to do, and that was signify the death of Ravager's career. He's done, gone, and never coming back again, and yet here I am! I am THE FACE OF DEATH!

"F*CK YOU KENNY! CLAP-CLAP-CLAPCLAPCLAP! F*CK YOU KENNY! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAPCLAPCLAP!" Kenny leans over the top rope letting the fans get the hate out of their systems while Terry stares darts through Kenny's back.

BILL HEWSON: I can barely hear myself think, let alone talk! This reaction is insane, these people hate Kenny Krenshov!

KRENSHOV: I didn't come back here for your people's approval, I came back here for competition. And while Terry Brandon doesn't know it, I came back because of something he said after my match with Ravager.

JACK JONES: Terry Brandon looks as clueless as my illegitimate child on bring your father to school day.

KRENSHOV: You don't remember, do you Terry? Heh, you see Terry came into the locker room after my match with Ravager. While I was getting fixed up, and prepped to get to an emergency dentist, Terry let me have it. He told me that what I did leading up to my match with Ravager was disgusting, and that I could have put Ravager in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, or worse! And then, right before you left Terry, you said one sentence that changed me. You said, "Don't you dare show your face around here again until you've gained some honor!"

Terry grabs another microphone from the outside.

TERRY BRANDON: Yeah, I remember that. Get to your point because you sure haven't gained any since the last time I've seen you!

KRENSHOV: (smiling) Oh, but Terry, I have.

Kenny Krenshov unzips his leather jacket and lets it fall off his shoulders and on the ground. Hidden under the jacket was a championship belt around his waist. The belt has a white strap with silver plates and gold Japanese writing.

BILL HEWSON: What the hell is that?

JACK JONES: What the hell is that?

TERRY BRANDON: What the hell is that? The giant unstraps the belt and holds it up for everyone to see, and then drapes it over his shoulder.

KRENSHOV: After my match with Ravager I went back to Japan. You see, my bloodlust was gone after being handed that loss, but the words you said to me rang in my head over and over again. I wanted to come back, but I wasn't coming back without honor. And then I found it, in Sasaebo. This was the MegaPlex Wrestling Foundation's True Honor title. Now it's Kenny Krenshov's True Honor title.

TERRY BRANDON: Why did you bring another promotion's title into NAPW? You know that's not allowed unless we have consent.

KRENSHOV: That's the great thing about it, I not only won the title, but I won all the rights to the title as well. This is my honor!

TERRY BRANDON: Kenny, you can't just win some material possession and call it your honor, it doesn't work that way.

KRENSHOV: I know you don't see it now, Terry, but I'm going to defend my honor here in NAPW. I will put my True Honor title on the line against anyone--

TERRY BRANDON: No! Absolutely not, Kenny. We aren't sanctioning another title just so you can try to prove your honor... and it doesn't make sense anyway! Just having a belt with the word honor in it does not equate to having actual honor.

KRENSHOV: Then don't sanction it. It will merely be something that I put up for grabs, and then if anyone ever is skillful enough to beat me for it, then all the rights to the belt will go to them.

TERRY BRANDON: Wow, this is giving me a headache. But fine, if you want to defend a title that NAPW doesn't recognize for honor that you certainly don't have, then be my guest. But I swear, if there are any legal implications over the belt's rights this probationary period will be over before it starts!

KRENSHOV: I'll have the paperwork on your desk to prove to you that I own the belt. But there is a certain standard at which this belt is held, it can't be defended in just a regular match.

TERRY BRANDON: See, I knew I shouldn't have said it was okay, because you're making a fake title become more of a hassle for me than a real one already!

KRENSHOV: I'm talking about True Honor rules, not a crazy stipulation. In fact, they are the same as NAPW's Pure Honor rules.

TERRY BRANDON: Wait, so you'd be wrestling in Pure Honor matches for your nonexistent honor with an unrecognized belt on the line?

KRENSHOV: I assure you, my honor is real, and I went through hell to get this belt! But yes, it'd be under Pure Honor rules.

TERRY BRANDON: Well... actually, that's a great idea. With you wrestling under Pure Honor rules you'll be in matches that are judged with more scrutiny. More rules means you better be on your game, because the second you violate your probation you'll be gone. If you can actually manage this then maybe you have found a sliver of honor... but I'm not getting my hopes up. You still seem like the same old Kenny Krenshov to me.

KRENSHOV: I'm the same Kenny Krenshov... just controlled. And don't think that I won't be any less violent in the ring, it's just now my violence will be more innovative. Anybody that steps up or is thrown at me will be destroyed, honorably. After all, there is honor in death.

TERRY BRANDON: Ugh, I should have gotten your contract to prohibit you from using that creepy Faces of Death talk... but fine. You want a challenge, but I've got a problem... as far as I'm concerned, your record here is ZERO. Scratch! Nada! Nil! But... I've got someone for you! On the next show you'll be putting your unofficial True Honor title against the winner of a match here tonight. In two weeks time, in Edmonton, you will square off against the winner of tonight's match between THE KUMQUAT KID and JAMIE MURRAY! And Kenny, you had better watch your step. These aren't the days where you can roam around and do what you want--you mess up now and you're out of here!

The fans pop at Terry's threat as he drops the microphone and leaves the ring. Kenny's eyes follow him up the ramp, but as Brandon disappears Kenny slaps his True Honor title and raises it high. The fans pour on the hate before Kenny decides to leave the ring as his theme music "Attack" plays.

BILL HEWSON: Wow, I'm slightly confused as to what just happened here. Kenny gets rehired, is on probation, introduces a new title that isn't recognized, but it's similar to the old Pure Honor belt, but won from another organization, and he's going to defend it against other wrestlers in NAPW to defend his actual honor?

JACK JONES: Yeah, what's so hard about following that?

BILL HEWSON: As my brain plays connect the dots with this situation, let's hand it over to Frank Warburton for the first match of the evening.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! and is a double-debut, with the winner facing KRENSHOV in Edmonton later this month! Introducing first, already in the ring... from London England, he is JAMIE MURRAY!

"Look at Me, I'm a Winner" by The Aquabats plays and out comes a VISION IN LIME GREEN. Led to the ring by his manager DUNK is THE KUMQUAT KID. The Kid obviously has some "Kumquatians" in attendance as he receives a reasonable pop.

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! Accompanied to the ring by his manager DUNK, from Dade City Florida home of the ANNUAL KUMQUAT FESTIVAL... at two hundred pounds, he is THE KUMQUAT KID!< dunk tosses fresh kumquats to the fans!

BILL HEWSON: This is a try-out match for these two men, both of whom will be looking to impress. But don't mistake these guys as 'rookies;' both Kumquat Kid and Jamie Murray have years in the sport behind them.

JACK JONES: Yeah? Well if the winner has to wrestle KRENSHOV, he doesn't have more than two weeks LEFT!

Referee Morgan Smythe checks each man, rolling her eyes at Kumquat Kid's laserpointer-sunglasses, and calls for the bell...

DING DING DING

Murray goes right to the eyes on the lock-up to gain an advantage. Warned by the referee, he delivers a back suplex --- Kumquat Kid flips out and lands on his feet! Kid hits the ropes and comes off with a spinning heel kick! Cover on Murray, one count only. Kid with an irish whip, Murray reverses, Kid off the ropes with momentum, ducks a clothesline, comes back... FLYING HEADSCISSOR TAKEDOWN! Murray hits the canvas and rolls to the outside, slamming the ring apron in frustration. Don't take your eyes off of the KUMQUAT KID!

SENTON PLANCHA TO THE OUTSIDE!

The crowd is coming alive for the Green Dream! Kid rolls Murray back into the ring and goes to the top rope. 450 SPLASH! It connects one, two, Murray gets a foot on the ropes. Kid pulls him up --- jawbreaker by Murray! He puts Kid on the top rope and yells for his finisher, the LONDON CALLING. No! Kid fighting him off, nails several back elbows into Murray. Kid turns around to face inside the ring, Murray comes up after him! Trading blows, Kid with a stiff forearm that sends Murray to the canvas! Kid leaps HIGH in the air, changing direction in mid-air... and NAILS the FIVE ALIVE FROGSPLASH! Leg is hooked and that's all she wrote, ONE, TWO, THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, THE KUMQUAT KID!

BILL HEWSON: A very impressive debut here for The Kumquat Kid; as for Jamie Murray, I don't think we'll be missing... much.

JACK JONES: Blink and you'll miss him, Hewson.

Smythe raises Kid's arm, and then it's time for KUMQUAT'S! Kid smashes two together and guzzles the delicious juice, then tosses kumquats into the crowd until Dunk's bag o'fruit is empty. VIVA LA KUMQUAT!

JACK JONES: That is when I noticed that she had abnormally hairy legs.

BILL HEWSON: I... feel... awkward...

JACK JONES: No more than I did, let me tell you.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is a Lethal Lottery match and is set for one fall with a twenty minute time limit!

Drowning Pool's "Love and War" hits the speakers as the crowd explodes with cheers for the Boulder from Boulder. Taboo steps through the curtain, looking from side to side with a smile on his face and the title over his shoulder. Taboo walks down to the ring, slapping hands as he does so.

FRANK WARBURTON:From Boulder Colorado, he stands at five foot nine inches, weighing in at two hundred and sixty-six pounds, he is your NAPW World Champion.... TABOO!

Stepping through the ropes, he climbs the turnbuckle, ala The Rock, holding the title high up over his head playing to the crowd.

"DEMO-MAN, DEMO-MAN! DEMO-MAN, DEMO-MAN!"

The Demo Man remix to "Super Charger Heaven" by Rob Zombie hits the speakers and Demo man rushes through the curtains to the cheers of the crowd, he glad hands the fans as he walks down to the ring.

FRANK WARBURTON: From Detroit Michigan he stands at six feet six inches and weighs in at two hundred and fifty-nine pounds... DEMOLITION MAN!

Demo Man steps up the steps and through the ropes, he stares intently at the belt Taboo is holding.

BILL HEWSON: Demo Man wants that belt.

JACK JONES: You idiot, every wrestler wants that belt. If he doesn't he shouldn't be in the sport!

"Dies Irae (Day of Wrath)", a Gregorian Chant, makes its way through the speakers as Sean O'Connor makes his solitary way through the curtains and to the ring. Sean seems to have a hitch in his step, but makes his way not to the steps, but over towards Frank Warburton.

FRANK WARBURTON: From Boston Massachusetts, he stands at five feet seven inches and weighs in at one hundred and fifty pounds... SEAN O'CONNOR!

Sean stops in front of Frank, motioning for him to lean over. As Frank leans over Sean whispers something into his ear and Frank leans back; Sean cocks a smile up at Taboo and Demo-man.

FRANK WARBURTON: I have just been informed that The Outlaw is not in the building tonight, so a replacement has been found for him...

"Heavy Metal Machine" by the Smashing Pumpkins hits the speakers as the silent crowd now fills the building with booos and lothing for the man now walking through the curtain. Inside the ring Taboo and Demo Man look shocked, but Sean has a smile on his face. Mikey walks down the aisle with the Rebel Pro World Heavyweight title over his shoulder, he is laughing at the expressions on Taboo and Demo Man's face.

FRANK WARBURTON: From Albuquerque New Mexico, he stands at six feet even and weighs in at two hundred and thirty-five pounds... MIKEY MASSACRE!

Mikey steps onto the apron and through the ropes as the crowd is still filling the building with boos of hatred and loathing.

BILL HEWSON: What a huge turn of events. The former REBEL Pro champ is in Calgary! The NAPW fans aren't exactly thrilled by Mikey Massacre showing up, mind you...

JACK JONES: Taboo and Demo now have no chance of a victory!

DING DING DING

Sean and Demo circle in the ring, each jawing at the other, the distaste for the other evident on their faces and in their words. Collar and elbow, but Sean with a snap thigh kick catches Demo off guard. Sean with a quick leap into the air following it up with a roundhouse kick to the side of Demo's face sending him down to the canvas. Sean taunts Demo to get back up, Demo obliges with a shove up and a mouthing off to Sean. Demo with a right fist, Sean ducks under trapping Demo with an arm scissors, sending him back down to the canvas. Sean up with the quickness of a cat, springs back from the ropes with a back flip, Demo moves out of the way. Sean lands on his knees, getting up with quickness and agility, Demo sends him back down with a clothesline.

BILL HEWSON: Sean dominating early in the match, but Demo sending him down with a clothesline.

JACK JONES: Don't count out the smallest man in the match just yet.

Demo bends down to pull Sean up to his feet, Sean with a right hand to his jaw backing him up. Sean with a dropkick sends Demo into the corner where Mikey is waiting on the tag from Sean. Sean with a right hand, Mikey uses the tag rope to wrap it around Demo's neck, Sean can't believe it. Sean shakes his head at Mikey as he points at the rope, but Danny Chaos is there to warn about the tag rope as well. Taboo hits the squared circle, Sean with a leap frog, Taboo turns around... Mikey with a right hand sends Taboo sprawling forward. Referee Danny Chaos gets Taboo out of the ring as Sean places toe kicks and knee strikes into Demo's ribs in the corner. Demo with a right hand backs Sean out of the corner, but Sean with another one of those quick thigh kicks stops his momentum.

JACK JONES: See, I told you.

BILL HEWSON: Sean is quick, but Demo makes up for speed with his strength.

Mikey reaches out to slap the back of Sean, who looks back surprised at the intrusion. Mikey steps through the ropes, thumb to the eyes of Demo, Sean with his back turned as he steps onto the ring apron. Mikey with a right fist to Demo's face as Chaos warns him of the closed fist. Sean grabs the tag rope, Mikey with a whip into the ropes, he bounces off them as well. Dropkick sends Demo onto the canvas, Mikey stands up, he points to the crowd before flipping them the bird and dropkicking the empty air three times. Sean looks on, contempt on his face for the antics, but willing to work with Mikey to obtain the ultimate goal of bringing wrestling back to old school. Mikey turns around from the last dropkick, Demo Man with a SPEAR takes Mikey off his feet. Demo lays panting on the canvas as he crawls for the ropes and using their help, he pulls himself to a standing position. Demo with a stomp on Mikey's face before pulling him up into a front facelock. Demo lifts Mikey into the air, flips Sean the bird, and drops Mikey with his own stalling suplex. Demo gets up smiling at Sean, telling him to shut up and stay in the corner.

JACK JONES: Totally uncalled for actions by Demo-Man there.

BILL HEWSON: And if Mikey had done the same thing?

JACK JONES: Totally different scenario Bill, lets pay attention to the facts of the case here.

Demo pulls Mikey back up, forearm shot to the face before the Irish whip. Mikey hits the ropes, he connects with a boot to Demo's lowered head, causing it to snap back up, Demo charges; Mikey with a hip toss sends Demo down. Demo rolls out of the ring to collect his thoughts as Danny Chaos starts the count. Taboo is in his corner slapping the turnbuckle trying to get Demo back into the match and give him some much needed momentum. Demo steps back up onto the apron, shoulder block to Mikey before he steps through the ropes. Demo grabs Mikey in a wristlock, heading over to Taboo, Mikey jerks on the wristlock, Demo turns around. Mikey with a forearm, following it up with a stinging right hand before kneeing him in the midsection. Mikey with a front facelock, he lifts Demo up into the air, stalling vertical suplex as Mikey flips off Taboo in his corner. Demo is slammed into the canvas, Mikey rolls over to pin Demo. Chaos slides into position but only makes a two count before Demo shoves a shoulder up to kickout of the pin. Mikey slams his hand on the canvas signaling to Chaos that he is not happy with the slowness of the count. Mikey goes as far to pull Chaos up and get in his face, the spittle flying from his mouth at the slowness of the counting.

JACK JONES: You tell him Mikey, teach him a lesson.

BILL HEWSON:Not a good thing to do here. Danny Chaos is the last referee you want to push around!

Demo gets up to his hands and knees, a smile on his face as Mikey turns around. A second spear slams Mikey's back into the neutral corner, Mikey's eyes close from the impact of the back and corner. Demo lifts Mikey up onto the top turnbuckle, belly to belly superplex sends Mikey sliding across the ring on his back into the other neutral corner. Demo calmly walks over to Mikey, pulling him back up to his feet, DDT onto the canvas following it up with a pin. Demo only gets a two count before Mikey is able to roll a seasoned shoulder up and prevent the loss. Sean is yelling in the corner for Mikey to do something besides lay on his back, Taboo is urging Demo in for the tag. Neither man hear their partner as they begin throwing right and left fists with abandon at each other; Danny standing back letting these two hard headed fools go at it. Demo catches Mikey with a right in the midsection that doubles him over, Mikey with a low blow that doubles Demo over; Sean is appalled at the antics of his partner going so far as to turn his back on the action momentarily to cool his jets. Mikey with a swinging neckbreaker, but Demo blocks it with one of his own. Mikey blocks it, going for the neckbreaker again, they both release heading into a collar and elbow. Mikey forces Demo back, Demo forces Mikey back into the center of the ring. Mikey with a knee, but Demo man blocks it, Irish whip into the ropes. Demo bounces bac off the ropes as well... double clothesline!

BILL HEWSON: Both men are down.

JACK JONES: Great observation there Billy Boy.

Sean is tapping on the top turnbuckle, giving Mikey a focal point to crawl for; across the ring, Taboo is doing the exact same thing. Demo reaches up for the tag, Mikey reaches up for the tag. Both men tag in their respective partner, Sean springs over the top rope.

HERE COMES THE WORLD CHAMP!

Taboo rushes through the ropes. Sean is taken down with a clothesline, only to bounce back up. Sean goes for a dropkick, Taboo grabs his feet, he spins around sending him spinning in the air to slam on his back and slide in the ring. Sean is up, but not nearly as quick as he launches himself at Taboo, Taboo quickly grabs him in a front facelock, hooks the tights, flips him over with a bridging pin, but Danny resuses to count pointing over to Mikey who is standing on the apron, a smile on his devious face. Taboo rolls off of Sean, getting into a crouching position, his feet planted evenly apart from each other. Taboo points to Mikey then with both hands beckons him into the ring. Mikey shakes his head, so Danny begins the mandatory ten count as Sean rolls onto the ring apron. Sean pulls himself up to his feet as Danny reaches five, he points into the ring and yells at Mikey to get in and at the very least tag him into the match. Mikey seems to ponder this as he steps through the ropes, he reaches out to tag in Sean. Taboo dives forward, belly to back, German suplex, Mikey never made the tag. Mikey's head connects with canvas, Taboo up again, another German suplex, he sets up for a third, but Mikey blocks it. Mikey reverses into a rear waistlock of his own, German suplex from Mikey, he rolls over, another German suplex from Mikey.

BILL HEWSON: I can't put my finger on it, but these two wrestlers almost seem to be the exact same guy.

JACK JONES: I know what you mean, like that time with those twins...

BILL HEWSON: Sorry I mentioned it.

Taboo stops the third German, rolling out of it and heading into a collar and elbow with Mikey, neither man can move the other, they are evenly matched up. Mikey goes for a knee, but Taboo blocks it, Mikey telegraphed the block, turning to knee with the left knee. Taboo blocked that knee, going for a side headlock, Taboo into the ropes. He bounces off, but keeps the side headlock synched in, Mikey drops down to one knee, grabbing Taboo's ankle, flipping him down onto his rear. Mikey hits the ropes, dropkick into nothing as Taboo lays down to avoid it. Mikey gets back up to his feet as Taboo does the same, right from Mikey, blocked by Taboo. Wristlock from Taboo, but Mikey turns it into a wristlock of his own, he draws Taboo in... thumb to the eyes of the Boulder from Boulder. Taboo holds at his eyes as Mikey turns to mulekick hiim right in the boulders. Sean runs in to confront Mikey about this, but Demo has other plans thinking Sean is coming in to double team his partner. Sean drops down, holding onto the top rope as Demo flies over, Sean kips back up to his feet. Sean gives a distasteful look at Mikey's back before launching himself onto the top rope, to springboard with a big time cross body onto the rising Demo Man. Demo and Sean begin brawling right at the entrance way, both men holding their own.

BILL HEWSON: That Sean is a little fellow...

JACK JONES: But he can damn sure fight.

Sean and Demo are heading up the aisleway as Mikey gets Taboo in position for the EVERPLEX! He nails it perfectly! Demo lands a vicious looking elbow to Sean's face and heads back towards the ring. Sean dives snatching Demo's ankle sending him face first onto the concrete. Danny Chaos slides into perfect position as Mikey makes the cover.

One...

Two...

Thr---HOLY SHIT! Taboo kicks out!

JACK JONES: I can't believe it!

BILL HEWSON: Neither can Mikey or Sean.

Mikey lifts Taboo back up, setting him in position for the MANNYPLEX. Taboo counters! Into...

BIG BANG THEORY!

The ring rattles from the impact! Taboo makes a cover, Sean runs for the ring.

One...

Demo Man trips Sean up.

Two...

Three.

DING! DING! DING!

BILL HEWSON: I can't believe it!

JACK JONES: Me either, Taboo cheated his way to a victory!

FRANK WARBURTON: Winners of the match and heading to the Battle Bowl.... Demo Man and Taboo!

Sean gets up, looking at the "I told you so" look on Demo's face before he storms past him and to the back, disgust evident in the way he is walking.

BILL HEWSON: Sean doesn't appear to be happy.

JACK JONES: I don't blame him, the guy he randomly works for, dropped the ball. He was basically prepared for a two on one handicapped match, his other partner never bothered to show up.

JACK JONES: *Munchchompmunchgulp.*

BILL HEWSON: Are you finished yet, Jack?

JACK JONES: *Gulpgulpgulp* Ahh! ...What? Bill, you can't expect comic gold from me EVERY TIME we gear up for a match.

BILL HEWSON: I wasn't... *sigh* Never mind, let's get down to Frank for the start of our next match.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following Lethal Lottery tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, with the winning going on to the Battle Bowl! Introducing first...

Amon Amarth's "The Hero" blasts over the PA, taking those in attendance off-guard. As the audience comes to, they catch sight of the corpse-painted DEADpool, with all members of Blood Harvest flanking their leader on their way to the ring. The boos are deafening.

FRANK WARBURTON: From Viking, Alberta, weighing in at two hundred pounds... *catching sight of DEADpool's glare* excuse me, six hundred and sixty-six tonnes... JAMES... "DEADPOOOOOOOL" BLACKPOOL!

The rest of the band crowds around the apron nearest to Blackpool's corner, as DEADpool slides in and mounts the turnbuckle with Bruce Dickenson-like grace... until he nearly falls off, catching his balance before spilling to the floor. James gives the crowd a stare that would make the members of Gorgoroth flinch. The music dies, only to be replaced with Gregorian chants. James tries to protest, but no one is listening, for they are focused on heckling the man being brought out by "Dies Irae (Day of Wrath)": Seamus O'Connor. Seamus slowly and methodically makes his way to ringside, his robe draping over him like a shadow, his face obstructed from view by his hood.

FRANK WARBURTON: His partner... from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at one hundred and fifty pounds... SEAMUS O'CONNOR!

BILL HEWSON: How strange it is to see an O'Connor brother alone... for the second time tonight.

JACK JONES: He's not completely alone: he has DEADpool.

BILL HEWSON: Yeah, but all of Blood Harvest accompanied Blackpool to the ring. One would think that Sean would be shadowing his brother to the ring, trying to stack the odds.

JACK JONES: You mean having his brother's back? Yeah, well... I actually don't have an explanation for that.

BILL HEWSON: Wow, you are just at a loss for words right now. Not sure I mind it too much...

JACK JONES: Shaddap...

Seamus slides in and walks to his corner. He steps right up into Blackpool's face, trying to stare him down as best as a man eight inches shorter can. Seamus throws his hood back and glares at his partner, who flinches in response. Seamus disrobes and takes his corner, doing his best no to let James out of his sight.

"Lipless" by Fear of City interrupts the love-fest, and Hostile bursts out from the curtain to a showering of boos. He smirks and gives the crowd a big set of middle fingers, continuing to make his way down the aisle.

FRANK WARBURTON: Their opponents... first, from Jersey City, New Jersey, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds... "THE JERSEY DEMON"... HOSTILE!

Hostile slides in and looks across the ring at his opponents. He beckons them to come over and gets into a low stance, as if ready to charge. But before he gets too far...

"They say I'm cocky, and I say ÔWHAT?'
It ain't braggin' muthaf**ker if you back it up!"

The fans jump from their seats and cheer the only guy they deem worthy to cheer in this match: "The Show", "The THEN-NOW-NEXT", "The True PTPer"... Chad Kurtis. He pauses at the entranceway, rallying the crowd behind him, then walks to the ring, high-fiving the whole way.

FRANK WARBURTON: His partner, from Paducah, Kentucky, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds... "THE SHOW"... CHAAAAAAD KURRRRTISSSS!

Chad Kurtis climbs into the ring and takes footing on a turnbuckle, playing to the audience. He is greeted in kind with a wild reaction. Kurtis stands next to his rival and partner, Hostile, the two barely acknowledging each other.

BILL HEWSON: It'll be interesting to see if these two gentlemen can get along long enough to make it to the Battle Bowl. Well, if ANY of these teams can co-exist. Don't be surprised, folks, to see both teams crumble from within.

JACK JONES: In situations like this, it's not a matter of which team wins, but which team holds together longer.

Referee Morgan Smythe checks both teams over and signals for the bell. Kurtis and Hostile have a quick Paper-Rock-Scissors match, and Chad wins. Hostile reluctantly ducks out, while James likes what he sees and suggests to Seamus that they do the same. Blackpool pounds his open hand and counts: one... two... as Blackpool's hand goes up a third time, Seamus slaps the bottom of James' hand hard enough to knock it up into his partner's face. With Blackpool stunned, Seamus steps to the apron. James shakes it off, gives the O'Connor brother a "WTF?", then does his best not to look rattled as he squares off with "The Show".

BILL HEWSON: Already some dissension in the ranks amongst team O'Connor and Blackpool.

The two legal men go for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, with Kurtis quickly ducking behind and getting a waistlock on DEADpool. DEADpool struggles, but is quickly taken down face-first. Kurtis gracefully floats over and catches Blackpool in a front face lock. Blackpool brings "The Show" up to their feet and tries to shove him into their corner, but Chad has a wide base, not giving the less-experienced Blackpool any slack. James tries to shove again, but Chad drops down, putting Blackpool on his face. Another float-over, and Kurtis has another waistlock... deadlift German Suplex! Blackpool is rocked!

BILL HEWSON: "The Show" using the one thing he has a great advantage in, and that's technical wrestling.

JACK JONES: We'll see how long that lasts...

DEADpool is to his feet, but not aware of his location: the Hostile/Kurtis corner. Hostile grabs a handful of hair and brings Blackpool into the turnbuckle. Kurtis shoots his partner a dirty look, but doesn't argue, for he pushes his victim back, exposing his chest, then...

CHOP!

"WHOOOOO!"

James looks like he was hit with a bucket of ice water filled with knives. Hostile yells to Kurtis to do it again, this time HARDER! Blackpool is spread over the buckle again...

CHOP!

"WHOOOOO!"

Hostile shakes his head and begs to be let in. Kurtis grudging obliges, and Hostile now holds DEADpool back...

CHOOOOOOP!

"WHOOOOO!"

CHOOOOOOP!

"WHOOOOO!"

CHOOOOOOP!

"WHOOOOO!"

James falls into a heap on the canvas, and the rest of Blood Harvest tries to protest from the floor. Hostile smiles and gives them the bird to show how much he cares. With the Jersey Demon distracted, Blackpool escapes from his clutches and dashes for his corner. Hostile seems to lack any concern on his face. James reaches out to Seamus...

CHOP!

"WHOOOOO!" *scattered laughter*

BILL HEWSON: Seamus just chopped his own partner!

JACK JONES: I feel bad, but I kinda want to laugh at him...

DEADpool staggers back to the middle of the ring, where he is greeted with a waistlock...

ONE German suplex...

TWO German suplexes...

THREE German suplexes!

Hostile rolls the mess that is James Blackpool over for a cover!

ONE...

TWO...

THR- Seamus is barely able to break up the count!

Hostile has some choice words for O'Connor, who simply smirks and returns to his corner. Hostile picks up the legal man, brings him closer to the corner, and plants him with an Implant DDT! Hostile stands up... and tags an unaware Chad Kurtis! The two exchange stink-eyes, but Morgan Smythe encourages the tag, and Kurtis climbs in. He pins the quivering mass on the mat.

ONE...

TWO...

Seamus in again to break up the count!

JACK JONES: Wow... I am confused...

BILL HEWSON: Wow... for once, we actually agree on something.

Chad Kurtis shakes his head in frustration and picks DEADpool up. Chaz makes some noise on the apron, and the ref calmly tries to put him in his place. With Smythe's back turned, James hits a low-blow, buckling "The Show". James takes the opportunity to try and tag out, but Seamus ducks him and tells him to go back and fight. Blackpool sighs and turns to pounce on Chad, who is now recovered... and pissed! FRANKENSTEINER! Kurtis ends up on top, and, instead of pinning, peppers Blackpool's face with punches. Kurtis picks him up again and sets him up for the CK Finale, but Rocketsauce throws a beer bottle at "The True PTPer", widely missing the mark but still getting Kurtis' attention. Chad walks over and tells Roger exactly what he thinks, with James trying again for a tag. Again, he is denied, but his bandmates prove to be the help he needs. With Morgan Smythe again distracted with seeing if DEADpool can continue, Rocketsauce unleashes a mouthful of beer into Kurtis' face, blinding him. James sees this and takes advantage, leveling "The Show" with a running Double Axe Handle Smash. Chad is slow to reach his feet, still blinded, and Blackpool capitalizes by mounting the top turnbuckle and pouncing with a Stage Dive!

ONE...

TWO...

Kurtis manages to get a grip and kick out before Hostile gets a chance to break things up. With "The Show" still down, Blackpool goes over to his corner to try another tag. This time, Seamus raises his hand, which makes DEADpool flinch. After a brief awkward moment, Seamus chops Blackpool just as he relaxes, thinking Seamus won't do anything. Blackpool clinches his chest, his mouth agape with agony, yet his eyes read relief from the in-ring beating. Seamus swoops in with stomps on the rising Chad Kurtis. O'Connor brings Kurtis to his feet, only to send him back down with a series of headbutts. Kurtis tries to stand, but Seamus grabs a front face lock and drags him back to their corner, ending "The Show's" resistance with a snap suplex. A falling headbutt later, Seamus tags James back in, this time holding "The THEN-NOW-NEXT" down for Blackpool to deliver a top rope guillotine legdrop! Cover!

ONE...

TWO...

THRKICKOUT!

Blackpool stomps the downed man in frustration. He brings Kurtis up and whips him to the opposite ropes. James swings a clothesline, but Chad ducks and rebounds, only to have his foot grabbed by Chedda. Kurtis turns to take a swing, but DEADpool interrupts with a headbutt to the back of the head. Kurtis drops to a knee against the second rope, and Blackpool shoves down on the back of Chad's head, choking him on the ropes. Smythe counts... one... two... three... four... Blackpool releases and backs off. While the ref admonishes him, Rocketsauce sneaks up and pulls down on Kurtis' head some more, continuing to choke. He releases as the referee turns back to the action, and Blackpool attempts another cover.

ONE...

TWO...

...

FOOT ON THE ROPES!

James argues with Morgan, but then gives up and tags Seamus back in. Seamus directs James to pull Kurtis out away from the ropes as he mounts the top turnbuckle. Seamus dives in with with 360 Degree Splash!

ONE...

TWO...

THR... KICKOUT!

BILL HEWSON: Why is Hostile just leaving his partner out to dry?

JACK JONES: Chad Kurtis seems to be doing alright on his own, Bill, calm down!

Seamus curses, bringing Kurtis up to his feet. He looks over at Blackpool, who seems to be directing traffic outside. On the other side of the ring, the members of Blood Harvest cause a stir and distract the ref yet again. Before Seamus can protest, James has a guitar and directs the O'Connor brother to hold him. Seamus agrees as Blackpool runs in and takes a swing...

Oops...

Chad Kurtis ducks, and Seamus goes down from the guitar smash. James drops the guitar in dumbfoundedness, but Chad reminds the frontman where he's at... with a Reverse STO! Kurtis kicks the guitar out of the ring and staggers over to Hostile...

Who drops to the floor with an evil grin!

JACK JONES: I knew it! Hostile knew Kurtis was a weak link!

BILL HEWSON: What sort of despicable trick does the Jersey Demon have up his sleeve?

Chad angrily chews out his partner, and Blackpool tries to lower the boom by charging the corner... only to have "The Show" move at the last second! Blackpool's head bounces off of the top turnbuckle and staggers backward away from the corner. "The Show" practically runs up the corner... SHOWTIME! James is flattened, and he rolls out of the ring into the caring arms of his bandmates. Kurtis sees Seamus' convenient positioning near their own corner, climbs up...

BME!

ONE...

TWO...

FOOT ON THE ROPES!

Kurtis looks a little winded, and looks to his corner to see Hostile there again. He runs over to tag... and Hostile avoids him again! This time, "The Show" gives chase! Morgan Smythe starts counting...

One... two... three... four...

BILL HEWSON: Now the fight really begins!

Hostile runs to the entranceway, and Kurtis stops a few feet from ringside. He challenges Hostile to return and face him like a man. Meanwhile, James crawls back in to check on the barely-conscious Seamus.

Five... six... seven... eight...

Hostile only responds by smirking and giving his partner the finger. Chad just gets more irate and starts to charge. He stops and turns to the ring, just now realizing how high Smythe's count is.

Nine...

Chad runs to the ring and goes for a slide...

Ten...

But it's too late.

Morgan Smythe calls for the bell.

FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... JAMES BLACKPOOL AND SEAMUS O'CONNOR!

Chad tries to dispute the ruling, but Smythe is not shaken in her decision. While that "discussion" is taking place, Seamus is coming to, and he reaches for a hand to help up. James, however, gets caught up in the moment and turns to celebrate. When Chad Kurtis follows the referee out, still debating with her, Blackpool climbs the ropes, Justin Credible-style, and raises his fists triumphantly. Seamus finally stands upright, holding his forehead and staring daggers into the back of DEADpool's head. Seamus runs up and leaps... enziguri! Deadpool topples over, but the rest of Blood Harvest is there to cushion the landing. Seamus tells the whole band where to stick it, only to turn and realize that he is not alone.

"The Show" is there to keep him company with a CK FINALE!!!

As Seamus re-enters Dreamland, the crowd comes alive for their hero. Now, it's Chad Kurtis' turn to bask in the adulation of his fans.

BILL HEWSON: He may have been denied a place in the Battle Bowl, but Chad Kurtis is still a winner to these people here in Calgary!

JACK JONES: His Canadian Curse continues! Ha... ha-ha... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh... you see, Bill, not even the universe thinks it's a good idea for Chad to get any accolades here in New Alberta Pro Wrestling!

BILL HEWSON: Yeah, not without a liiiiiitle help from Hostile. Honestly, Jack, you don't think that the FTC had ANY hand in this treachery?

JACK JONES: Hmm... nope, Chad's just not cut for leaving the backwoods from which he came from!

"Cocky" by Kid Rock queues up again, and Chad Kurtis tries to hide his disappointment by climbing out of the ring and getting in touch with the fine folks at ringside and in the aisleway on his way to the exit.

BILL HEWSON: Battlebowl is taking shape, fans... Demo-Man, Seamus O'Connor, James Blackpool and our World Champion Taboo have all qualified for the big main event! The next match will give us the final two competitors...

JACK JONES: We only have Battlebowl once a year, Hewson, only three men can claim to have won the event. One of these men wants his name engraved in history!

Let's go to Frank...

FRANK WARBURTON: The following LETHAL LOTTERY tag match is set for one fall at a twenty minute time limit! Introducing first...

"SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!
AND YOU'RE TO BLAME (darling)
YOU GIVE LOVE
A BAD NAME!"

BON JOVI! The crowd pops as the tasselled, 80s-garbed JEFFREY ROBERTS sprints to ringside, slapping hands down the aisle.

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, weighing in at two-hundred and thirty five pounds... from Miami Florida, JEFFREY ROBERTS!

BILL HEWSON: An NAPW newcomer, we don't know much about Jeffrey Roberts, but he has a tremendous opportunity here tonight!

JACK JONES: Look at this bozo, he reminds me of that Warren goof down in REBEL Pro.

BILL HEWSON: Certainly appears to be a fan favorite. What would it do for Roberts' career, if he was to win Battlebowl his first night with the company?

JACK JONES: You can't understate the importance! A win here tonight could send Parker rocketing up the rankings, maybe even into World Title contention. But look at this guy --- not happening!

Roberts poses on the turnbuckle, then does a backflip into the ring for a pop.

METALLICA!

FRANK WARBURTON: And his partner, weighing two-hundred and forty-two pounds... from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania he is THE CELTIC LEGEND... MACCULLOCH!

"Whiskey in the Jar" brings out MAC, and he has a bottle of BLACK & GOLD in one hand and shot glasses in the other! MacCulloch roams ringside, the fans cheering wildly as he does shots with (of age) fans!

JACK JONES: He better be carding those fans!

BILL HEWSON: MacCulloch and Demo-Man former NAPW Tag Team Champions, no doubt looking to get back into title contention after tonight! Imagine if they meet in Battlebowl, though.

JACK JONES: It's every man for himself... there are no brothers in Battlebowl.

Mac gets in the ring and does a shot on the top rope... and then CORROSION OF CONFORMITY picks up. The crowd is all over Steve Parker like a fat kid on Skittles®

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing their opponents! First, weighing in at two-hundred and nineteen pounds... from Boston, Massachussetts, he is "THE STAR-SPANGLED SENSATION" STEVE PARKER!

BILL HEWSON: The fans don't have a lot of love for the former Heritage Champion, Jack Attack. Parker comes into tonight hoping to break a four match losing streak...

Parker hits the ring and poses, flashing 'THE SMILE' for the benefit of those with flash photography. It's like he truly believes the boos are cheers...

His music fades. A moment of silence goes by...

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"

HULLABALOOEY!

FRANK WARBURTON: AND HIS OPPONENT! Weighing in at two-hundred and seventy pounds... from St. Albert, Alberta, he is BRUCE! THE BEAST! RRRRRRRRRICHARDS!

This is what NUTS looks like, kids! The Beast strides to ringside, a hell of an imposing figure in his duster and cowboy hat! Parker... claps wildly?

BILL HEWSON: As with every Lethal Lottery match, the question is how effectively will these random pairings function? We've seen the entire spectrum already tonight, and now we have Bruce Richards and Steve Parker on the same team --- two men who have spent the past three months feuding with each other.

JACK JONES: That sneaky Beast can't be trusted, Hewson! He better not cost Steve Parker the match with his pettiness!

BILL HEWSON: That's right, like Bruce is the one who can't be trusted...

The Beast removes his outer garb and tests the ropes. Referee John Sharplin tells each man to pick a starting man, then calls for the bell.

DING DING DING

Steve Parker and MacCulloch starting things off for their respective teams. Collar and elbow tie-up, neither man the tallest on the roster, but Parker with a couple inches on Mac, forces the man to the corner. Sharplin calls for a break, and receives... a clean one? Parker shoots a cheesy thumbs up to Bruce, who looks less than impressed. Circle again, Mac clapping to pump the crowd up, tie-up --- Mac this time using his strength to push Parker into the corner. Sharplin calls for a break, gets one...

CHOP!

The crowd whoos at Mac's vicious knife-edge chop. Parker gasps, then complains to referee Sharplin, who gives Mac a mild warning. MacCulloch only raises an arm high to a chorus of cheers from the crowd. Another tie-up, Parker with the leverage this time puts Mac into a corner again. Clean break --- PARKER WITH A CHOP! Mac ducks and shoves Parker into the corner, CHOP! Ooooooh. Parker sags from the sting of that one... CHOP! Mac gives him another one! And now there's a third chop, Mac doesn't give Steve Parker time to suck it up, whips him across the ring to the turnbuckle. Parker backflips up and over to the outside!

BILL HEWSON: MacCulloch in firm control of this one --- what velocity, Parker ends up on the floor!

JACK JONES: Disqualify him, ref!

BILL HEWSON: For?

JACK JONES: Isn't an automatic disqualification for throwing a man over the top rope?

BILL HEWSON: Jack, this isn't late eighties NWA...

Parker takes a breather, but heads back up at the four count. On the ring apron, he swings at Mac but finds it blocked. Mac with a shot, then hooks up Parker, suplexing him back into the ring. Jeffrey Roberts claps on the outside and MacCulloch makes a tag out. Roberts goes to the middle of the outside apron... SLINGSHOT LEGDROP on Steve Parker! The neon-clad Roberts covers one, two, kick-out by Mr. America. Roberts with a side headlock, Parker forces his way to a vertical base. He slips out of the headlock and spins into a hammerlock, then applies a side headlock to Roberts. Parker smiles, telling the crowd who's in control... as Roberts steps behind Parker and delivers a back suplex! Float-over into a cover, another kick-out at two. Each man returns to a standing position, Jeffrey Roberts is pumped up! Steve Parker appears to have had enough and goes over to Richards for a tag. The Beast smirks at him "who, me?" "Yes you!" Beast takes the tag!

BILL HEWSON: Richards taking on Roberts here... where have we heard that before?

JACK JONES: Gee Bill, I have no possible idea. Dummy.

Tie-up here, Bruce muscles Parker into the corner. "Steve, this is how you chop!" CHOP from The Beast on Jeffrey Roberts, then an irish whip to the other corner. Bruce charges but Roberts nimbly leaps to the second turnbuckle and flies with a reverse cross body.

Bruce casually sidesteps out of the way, brushing his shoulder off, as Roberts splats the canvas.

Roberts gets to his feet, Richards lays in a stiff shot. He delivers another chop, has his man on the ropes. Sharplin tells him to get out of them, Richards whips Roberts. Rebound, Roberts ducks the back elbow, back again, Richards with a clothesline, Roberts ducks that and wraps around for a flying crucifix! The Beast doesn't go down, however, and then falls backwards with a Samoan drop! Cover on Roberts, that only gets two. Richards hooks a hammerlock on Jeffrey Roberts and pushes him into his corner, where Parker tags in. Referee Sharplin counting as both men are in, Bruce raises his hands and exits without issue as Steve Parker finally mounts some offense in this match. Quick kick to the thigh of Roberts, then another is ducked, Parker with a kick right to Roberts' chest, shin on ribs! THUD. Crowd could feel that one. Roberts grimaces and Parker takes him down with a fireman's carry. Reverse chin lock applied on the canvas, Parker trying to slow down the high-flying Roberts. "Check him!" Parker yells. Roberts shakes his head, then starts kicking the canvas, trying to rally the fans behind him. CLAP. CLAP. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP WHOOOOO! Roberts shaking his fist, getting to his feet! He elbows Parker in the ribs once, twice, THRICE and takes off SNAP. Parker grabs the hair and snaps Roberts right back down to the canvas! BOO. On the apron, Richards looks impassive.

JACK JONES: So much for 'good guy' Bruce Richards, he didn't even peep at Parker's awesome move there!

BILL HEWSON: I can tell you that Bruce Richards doesn't want to win this match in an underhanded fashion, but the reality is that Richards and Parker both BADLY want into Battlebowl. The Beast will play cards with the devil when necessary...

Parker covers, easy kick-out at two. Wristlock applied and Parker tags into The Beast whilst still holding onto Roberts. Richards comes in with an axhandle blow to the ribs of Roberts. The Beast whips Parker to the ropes CLOTHESLINE just obliterates the high-flyer, spinning him 360 to hit the canvas on his belly. Richards comes off with a big elbow drop and covers one, two, Roberts gets the shoulder up! MacCulloch slaps the top turnbuckle, trying to rally Roberts, who reaches out for a tag only to have Richards steer him away. Into a neutral corner, Richards with forearm shivers. He gets some distance and charges in with a splash! Roberts staggers out and collapses. Richards with a cover, again only two. Roberts continues to kick out! Richards whips Parker into his corner, tag back into Steve Parker. Bruce again exits cleanly, as Steve Parker gets some revenge for earlier. CHOP! "Hey Mac, you like that!" CHOP! Roberts suddenly fires up! He spins Parker around, delivering CHOP, CHOP, CHOP WHAM. Bruce Richards nails him with a right hand, Parker was still in the enemy corner. The crowd actually boos that a little, though Bruce gives a "What, me worry?" shrug. Roberts looks in a world of hurt, the crowd showing the man tons of sympathy as Parker snapmares him over and delivers a vicous kick right to the spine. PERFECT NECKSNAP!

Parker flashes 'The Smile' --- and then slaps MacCulloch across the face! Mac charges into the ring, furious, only for John Sharplin to stop him. Mac argues with John about Parker's bit, but while the ref's back is turned Roberts is shoved back into the opposing corner. Parker claps his hands together and punches Roberts before going out, The Beast coming in.

JACK JONES: Hey come on, no legal tag made there!

BILL HEWSON: Don't forget, Jack Attack, Bruce Richards is a SIX-time Tag Team Champion here in NAPW. As one-half of the New & Improved D-X alongside Stylin' Kyle, The Beast knows all the ins and outs of tag team wrestling!

Sharplin asks about a tag and Bruce assures him one was made. The Beast actually looks to be having some fun with this, almost old school Beast. Roberts throws a kick Bruce's way, but gets levelled by a sudden clothesline to cut that right off. The Beast pump-handles his man... SUPLEX THROW! Roberts sent across the ring, tumbling to a stop underneath the bottom turnbuckle. Richards picks the man up and slaps on THE CLAW! Roberts in a bad way! The Beast with his fingers jammed right down Roberts' gullet, forcing him down to the canvas... shoulders down! ONE! TWO!

MacCulloch boots Richards in the head for the save!

Sharplin forcing Mac back out, but he saved the match for his team. Richards grimaces and tags Steve Parker back in. Parker picks up Roberts, AMERICAN SUPLEX --- Roberts throwing elbows! Parker can't get it, but launches off the SUPER-SIZED KICK! Roberts blocks it and spins Parker around, nailing a leaping straight kick right to the sternum of Parker! Roberts whips his man off, hits the opposite ropes himself and... DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!

Sharplin has no choice but to count!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

The crowd chanting "ROBERTS, ROBERTS, ROBERTS!"

FOUR!

FIVE!

Parker starting to get to his feet, Roberts rolling, reaching out for a tag to MacCulloch!

Parker grabs the man by the leg... ROBERTS ROLLS THROUGH AND SOMERSAULTS TO MAC!

HOT TAG!

MacCulloch in CLOTHESLINE to Parker! The Beast runs in he gets CLOTHESLINED down by a fired up Celtic Legend! Parker up again, ATOMIC DROP! ATOMIC DROP to Beast!

BILL HEWSON: MAC IS A HOUSE OF FIRE!

JACK JONES: Somebody get the extinguisher!

Mac slams Parker down to the canvas, then hits a hard shoulder tackle to Richards, knocking him out of the ring! Off the ropes for a MAC ATTACK on Steve Parker! ONE! TWO! Parker kicks out! Mac picks his man up, looking for a TIGER BOMB --- Parker spins out! AMERICAN SUPLEX! Mac dumped right on his head! ONE! TWO!

ROBERTS WITH THE SAVE!

Bruce is up on the outside Jeffrey Roberts leaps to the top rope and DIVES ONTO HIM OUTSIDE! Both men down, but Roberts is holding his knee... did he hit it on the dive?

Back in the ring, Steve Parker looks for the FREEDOM FRYER, but Mac fights it and sends Parker into the turnbuckle. HIGHLAND FLING! MacCulloch looking for a cover... ONE! TWO! Parker just gets the shoulder up in time! MacCulloch twirls his finger to the fans and sticks Parker ---

CELTIC BURIAL!

ONE!

TWO!

TH--- THE BEAST SAVES!

BILL HEWSON: THE BEAST SAVES STEVE PARKER! I can't believe I said that!

JACK JONES: GO BEAST GO! I take back all the things I've said about you in the past three years, you no-good fan-pandering bum!

BILL HEWSON: The portrait of restraint. Parker tags Bruce back in! I think we have a situation here, referee Anthony Uruburu is now out checking on Jeffrey Roberts, who appears to have hurt his knee on that dive to the outside.

In the ring, Bruce picks up Mac... COBRA CLUTCH! And there's the BOMB. ONE, TWO, Mac kicks out! Bruce says it's over, time for a CHART ATTACK! Hoists Mac up onto his shoulders...

MAC COUNTERS WITH A TORNADO DDT!

ONE! TWO!

The Beast kicks out!

Both men getting to their feet... The Beast wants The Claw, but Mac boots him in the gut, doubling Richards over! Mac yells for STEEL CITY, hits the ropes ---

SUPER-SIZED KICK! Parker out of NOWHERE nails Mac on the butt of the jaw! MacCulloch stumbles back into the ropes, then out...

ONTO BRUCE'S SHOULDERS!

CHAAAAAAAAART ATTAAAAAAACK!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners and heading to Battlebowl... STEVE PARKER and BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS!

BILL HEWSON: One hell of a performance by MacCulloch but in the closing minutes, this Lethal Lottery match ostensibly became... a handicap match! Jeffrey Roberts with a bad break in his first NAPW match, hopefully it's not serious.

JACK JONES: Steve Parker going to Battlebowl! I love it!

BILL HEWSON: And that means that Bruce Richards has the chance to become the first-ever REPEAT Battlebowl winner...

Parker is stoked, beaming unbearably. He raises his hand for a high-five to Richards... The Beast shakes his head and leaves Parker hanging. The team is over, kids. Parker looks disappointed as The Beast heads down the aisleway, but 'The Smile' quickly appears on his face and he gives himself a...

SELF HIGH FIVE.

In the ring, Mac is coming to as Sharplin and Uruburu support a hobbling Roberts down the aisleway. Mac grabs his bottle of Black & Gold and raises it in toast to the fans. SHOT! Mac didn't win, but dammit he's going to drink to the fans!

BILL HEWSON: It wasn't a win tonight but Mac appears to be BACK, fans! It won't be long before Total Destruction Alliance are back on top of the tag team pile here in NAPW --- what the hell?

Suddenly Jeffrey Roberts shoves off both referees and sprints back to ringside, showing no signs of pain. Mac's back is to him...

ROBERTS WITH A CLOTHESLINE FROM BEHIND!

What the hell is going on?! Jeffrey Roberts grabs the bottle of Black & Gold, POURS IT INTO MAC'S EYES! Good God --- NO! SMASH! THE BOTTLE SMASHED OVER MAC'S HEAD!

JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!

BILL HEWSON: Jeffrey Roberts was... I thought he was hurt! WHY IS HE ATTACKING MAC? Oh my gosh, MacCulloch is bloody from having that bottle smashed over his head! This Roberts is sick!

Roberts claws at the wound, biting Mac on the forehead! The crowd is booing heavily as Roberts looks out at them with red lips. Mac is crawling up, as Roberts rolls out and picks up a steel chair. MacCulloch to his feet ---

CLANG

SICK shot right to the face of Mac! The man is down, but Roberts doesn't appear to be down! He puts the chair around Mac's ankle... Jeffrey Roberts is going to the top rope?

SHOOTING STAR GUILLOTINE!

*SNAP*

Mac screams in pain as Roberts lands directly on the chair! His ankle has gotta be snapped! Roberts looks out on the crowd with a bloody smile ---

HERE COMES DEMO-MAN! MAC'S BROTHER RUNNING TO THE RING! Roberts backflips over the top rope as Demo slides in. Demo vainly reaches over the top rope for the man, but heads to his brother's side. "SOMEBODY GET SOME (BLEEP) HELP!" Roberts slinks out down the aisle as referees head for the ring, EMTs bringing a stretcher behind them. They slide the board into the ring and start to carefully put Mac onto it as a stricken Demo-Man looks between his brother ...

And the neon-clad man standing in the entrance way, mouth and hands bloody with another man's blood. Roberts exits as the crowd looks to the ring, concerned for MacCulloch...

-INTERMISSION-

***DVD & NAPW-ONLINE EXCLUSIVE***

Backstage is a scene of chaos as EMTs prep MacCulloch to be loaded into an ambulance. His brother Demo-Man is right at his side, face a mask of concern and anger. Mac's stretch is lifted into the vehicle. As Demo steps up into the back as well, Josh Reynolds sticks a microphone in his face.

JOSH REYNOLDS: DEMO-MAN! What's going on? How is your brother? Where are you going?

DEMO-MAN: Josh you really are a dumb (BLEEP)! Where do you think I'm (BLEEP) GOING? WITH MY BROTHER TO THE (BLEEP) HOSPITAL!

JOSH REYNOLDS: But what about BATTLEBOWL?

DEMO-MAN: (BLEEP) BATTLEBOWL, my brother comes first you stupid bitch! And when he's okay... you tell that (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP) Jeffrey Roberts that I am going to get DEMOLITION-MAN ALL OVER HIS ASS! (BLEEP)!

Demo loudly shuts the back door of the ambulance in Reynolds' face. The vehicle pulls away, flicking it's sirens on as Reynolds stand, microphone held impotently out in the night air.

WHEEEE-OOOOOOOHHHH WHEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOHHHHH...

JACK JONES: And that is how I lost my side job at Chuck E Cheese.

BILL HEWSON: I would say so and you are lucky you didn't end up in jail. What exactly were you thinking, wearing just the Chuck E head and your boxers?

JACK JONES: What had happened was...

BILL HEWSON: Never mind. I don't need or want to know anymore. Let's just get ready for the next match.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one for and is for the Canadian Heritage Championship! Introducing first, the challenger. From Viking Alberta, he weighs two-hundred pounds and represents the tag team champions, Blood Harvest. He is.... "ROCKETSAUCE" ROGER MALONE!

"Solar Flare" by Knut hit the speakers as Rocketsauce makes his way to the ring wearing big rock star shades and a fur coat. Natasha and Chedda escort him to the ring as the fans greet them with a chorus of boos.

BILL HEWSON: Seems Chedda needs some help putting his tongue back in his mouth as much as he is drooling over Natasha... and what about that welcome by the crowd?

JACK JONES: Can you really blame Chedda, just look at Natasha. And as far as the boos go, this crowd just doesn't appreciate good music or good wresting.

BILL HEWSON: Yeah, that's it.

Malone and his entourage barely makes it to the ring when "Cochise" by Audioslave blasts through the sound system. The Heritage champion starts his stroll to the ring sporting the title around his waist with a confident smirk on his face.

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent ,the man known as "The best Wrestler on God's Green Earth!" From Los Angeles California, weighing two-hundred and forty-one pounds, he is the Canadian Heritage Champion.... DONOVAN ASTROS!

The crowd seems to be warming up to Astros as he receives a positive welcome on his way to the ring, sliding in. Astros gets to his feet and begins a stare down not only with Rocketsauce but Chedda as well, as referee Anthony Uruburu tries to get Chedda and Natasha out of the ring. It takes a few moments as the crowd is chanting "get them out", but the referee gets order and this match is on the way as the bell rings.

DING DING DING

Malone tries to avoid Astros by circling around the ring, but this is only effective momentarily as Astros manages to tie Malone up. Astros backs Rocketsauce into the ropes with a series of chops. Astros at least so far seems to be toying with his opponent.

BILL HEWSON: It seems so far Astros is making Malone rethink his career choice.

JACK JONES: Malone is just playing possum, he's got Astros exactly where he wants him.

Astros gets Malone to the mat and hooks a leg lock, stretching Rocketsauce out. This could be it as Natasha and Chedda try to encourage Rocketsauce. Astros switches holds, now practically tying Roger up in a knot. The crowd loves it as Roger is being physically dissected by the champion... Chedda climbs on the apron to distract the referee. Astros breaks the hold and taps the referee on the shoulder letting him know he needs to pay attention to the action inside the ring.

JACK JONES: Come on Astros! The referee was just doing his job for a change. It isn't his fault you can't put your opponent away.

BILL HEWSON: Are we even watching the same match here? Astros is playing with Rocketsauce like a cat plays with a mouse...

Astros gets back to business, delivering a clothesline before applying the Astrolock in the middle of the ring. Malone is in trouble but his band mates come quickly to his rescue! Killroy makes his presence known as he makes his way from the front row and jumps to the apron to distract the ref. Chedda storms the ring, but Astros sees him coming!

ASTROLABE! Chedda is down!

JACK JONES: Ring the bell that is a DQ!

BILL HEWSON: Not so fast there Chedda put himself in that position so he got what he deserved! But the referee needs to gain control of this one!

A lot of chaos going on, but Astros maintains his focus. He scoops Roger up...

SLINGSHOT EFFECT!

The crowd counts one, two, three, but the referee isn't there to make the point! Astros jumps up to get the referee who is still arguing with Killroy. Astros connects with a right hook that knocks Killroy off the apron ---

but as he turns around KAPONG! James Blackpool connects with the old guitar shot as Chedda and Natasha continue to distract the ref! Natasha is dangerously close to spilling OUT of her three-sizes-too-small dress, and don't think Uruburu doesn't 'notice.'

BILL HEWSON: Wait just a damned minute, Uruburu never even saw it! Astros is out and --- come on ref, get your attention off of the breasts --- I mean broad!

Blackpool pulls the unconscious Malone over Astros before rolling out of the ring. Blackpool yells at the ref to turn around. Uruburu slides in to make the count...

ONE...

TWO...

THREE?!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... and NEW Canadian Heritage Champion, "ROCKETSAUCE" ROGER MALONE!

JACK JONES: What a tremendous victory! That's one for the ages!

BILL HEWSON: Were we watching the same match? Blood Harvest with a four on... FIVE on one advantage, took advantage! They cheated!

JACK JONES: It's only cheating if you get caught.

BILL HEWSON: Spoken from a man that knows.

Blackpool, Chedda, and the gang help a semi-unconscious Rocketsauce to his feet as the celebration begins. But... inside the ring Astros is back on his feet and he is not happy! Natasha scarpers as the now former champion all four men and doing a pretty good job at it.

JACK JONES: It's like I always said, Astros is just a sore loser.

BILL HEWSON: Personally I think he has a few things to be upset at!

JACK JONES: Maybe so but he can't be mad at Blood Harvest because he underachieved.

Astros connects with a double clothesline on Rocketsauce and Chedda before Killroy and Blackpool break a chair across his back! The numbers catch up with Astros as the beat down begins. The fans are not happy about this turn off events as Blood Harvest work over Donovan Astros...

When two men sprint from the back! The BROTHERS O'CONNOR hit the ring --- and start pulling Blood Harvest off of Astros?! The injured Thrill Kill gets out as fast as he can, James dives out, but the O'Connors send Chedda to the floor with a double dropkick, and then back drop Roger over and out, right onto his bandmates! Sean & Seamus exit the ring as Blood Harvest make their way up the aisle, Natasha having made sure to grab her man's new golden belt...

Astros looks at the BOC and tries to figure out exactly what is going on as he gets back to his feet. The O'Connors don't even look back at him...

BILL HEWSON: Rocketsauce is the new Heritage Champion, the Brothers O'Connor just HELPED out Donovan Astros, one of their biggest rivals? And we STILL have Battlebowl to come tonight! I think I need a breather! Our next match IS the BATTLEBOWL fans! Don't hit pause!

***DVD & NAPW-ONLINE SPECIAL FOOTAGE***

We're backstage as the shot opens on a young man in a business suit holding a microphone. Behind him in the shot is a dressing room with "Jeffrey Roberts" on a nameplate on the door. The door, however seems to have been the brunt of some graffiti as in blood the word "MAC" has been scrawled underneath his name.

BACKSTAGE GUY: Earlier tonight we witnessed a brutal assault by newcomer Jeffrey Roberts on his own tag team partner for the night, MacCulloch. I'm Joey Tyler and we're in front of Mr. Roberts' door to get some sort of explanation for his actions, which have sent Mac to the hospital.

Our brave young reporter steadies himself and knocks on the door, getting no answer. He waits a beat, then knocks again. Again getting no reply, he tries the doorknob and cracks the door a bit. It squeaks open slightly.

JOEY TYLER: (Yelling) Mr. Roberts, can we get a few words with you??

There is silence...then as Tyler is about to yell once again...an eerily happy yet disturbing voice comes from inside).

JEFFREY ROBERTS: Who's theeeeeeeeeere?

JOEY TYLER: (opening the door and cautiously looking inside) Um...it's me Joey Tyler. I'm the uh, new backstage interviewer... I was hoping to get a few words with you.

The door opens and we see Roberts standing over a sink....blood dripping down and makeup running off his face as he washes it off...his hair is drenched wet...and you can see hair coloring that has been washed into the sink...his hair is now jet black...he turns to look at Tyler and tilts his head down slightly and chuckles lightly with an eerie, emotionless smile.

JEFFREY ROBERTS: Words...(suddenly looking to the ceiling thoughtfully) Yes....yes, I think some words might be useful right now. Which words would you like Joseph?

JOEY TYLER: Well for one, what is going on with what just happened out there?

JEFFREY ROBERTS: Isn't it obvious, Tyler? Isn't it as plain as the nose on your face? MacCulloch --- he's a... a child. He wanders through his life looking for something, he knows not what. He has a base carnal need to be, and he pursues it through the most uninteresting methods imaginable. We don't think that ol' Mac understands...

JOEY TYLER: (interrupting) WE?

JEFFREY ROBERTS: (swiftly moving to within an inch of Tyler's face) Don't interrupt me, Joe. I don't like that. You know...why don't you leave?

Roberts stares blankly into Tyler's eyes as he decides it may be better to leave. Roberts suddenly smiles, his countenance becoming almost warm and friendly, and walks back across the room.

JEFFREY ROBERTS: You know on second thought, why not come over and sit down? I didn't mean to scare you just then. Did you say you were new?

JOEY TYLER: Um, well yes. Just started today as a matter of fact.

JEFFREY ROBERTS: So I imagine you haven't even introduced around to everyone yet.

JOEY TYLER: As a matter of fact, no. This is my first assignment. I'm on a little bit of a probation to see how things work out.

JEFFREY ROBERTS: How interesting. (Roberts notices Tyler still lingering by the door.) Don't be nervous, Joe. Come. Sit down.

Tyler still doesn't move, afraid to make a move.

JEFFREY ROBERTS: (at the top of his voice) SIT!!!!!!!!!

Tyler noticeable jumps and moves quickly to sit down on a nearby bench as Roberts stares him down, then rises and makes his way toward the door and before Tyler can protest, flips off the light. Silence...

JOEY TYLER: Roberts? ... Roberts? ... hello? ...

Suddenly there is a growing hum heard in the room.

JOEY TYLER: Hello?...come on this isn't funny!...Roberts?...hello?

The humming remains steady and Roberts' voice pierces it, only slightly loud enough to be heard.

JEFFREY ROBERTS: It's good that you're so new to your job, Mr. Tyler... It'll make this so much... cleaner...

The hum erupts into a loud screeching and we can hear Joey Tyler scream, then another man's voice yelling in pain, presumably the cameraman...... then once again, abrupt silence. Some violent shaking of the camera occurs, barely noticeable in the darkness. Then suddenly, we are able to make out the tiny crack opening in the door and the camera violently flung into the hall. The sounds of the door slamming is the last sound we hear. Then...

SILENCE.

JACK JONES: Until that moment, I never knew just how painful having your testicles clamped could be.

BILL HEWSON: Thank you, Jack Attack, that'll be enough...

JACK JONES: Bill. It HURTS SO MUCH.

BILL HEWSON: THANK YOU. The fans here in Calgary are still stunned at they just witnessed, the improbable, nearly impossible Heritage Title victory by "Rocketsauce" Roger Malone... but the night continues with the main event, the annual BATTLEBOWL match! Let's go to Frank.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is our main event of the evening and is the 2009 BATTLEBOWL! The match will be an over-the-top-rope Battle Royale with the winner being the last man standing and the 2009 BATTLEBOWL CHAMPION! The competitors will be each man part of a winning LETHAL LOTTERY TEAM...

However, I have been handed the following note. DEMO-MAN has left the building to be by the side of his brother MACCULLOCH, so will be replaced by one of the other Lottery entrants!

"Dies Irae" plays, and out walk BOTH Brothers O'Connor. The fans boo as Sean & Seamus hit the ring, focused looks on their identical faces.

FRANK WARBURTON: Entering Battlebowl, SEAMUS O'CONNOR!

BILL HEWSON: A tough night for for Sean O'Connor, who was let down by his original partner The Outlaw and then his replacement partner Mikey Massacre! But his brother Seamus made it this far...

"Amon Amorth" picks up, drawing boos. Blood Harvest make their way out, dripping in gold...

FRANK WARBURTON: James "Deadpool" Blackpool enters Battlebowl!

JACK JONES: We've already seen one Blood Harvest member win big tonight, we could see another!

BILL HEWSON: Seamus O'Connor doesn't have to be Blackpool's "partner" in this one... I don't think he plans to continue the temporary partnership!

Corrosion of Conformity, more boos.

FRANK WARBURTON: STEVE PARKER is in the match!

BILL HEWSON: The ring filling up now...

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"

CROWD ASPLODE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing THE BEEEEEAAAST!

DROWING POOL!

FRANK WARBURTON: He is the NAPW World Champion, TABOO!

JACK JONES: The World Champion would love to win Battlebowl en route to his first defense next week... too bad it won't happen!

BILL HEWSON: You can never count Taboo out... but then again, you can never count Bruce Richards out either! Something has to give!

FRANK WARBURTON: And finally, replacing Demo-Man...

"THEY SAY I'M COCKY!
AND I SAY WHAT?
IT AIN'T BRAGGING MOTHER(BLEEP) IF YA BACK IT UP!"

FRANK WARBURTON: "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!

BILL HEWSON: Some justice has been done! Chad Kurtis gets a shot at Battlebowl anyways, even after Hostile cost him the match earlier!

JACK JONES: It's a conspiracy I tell you! NAPW loves Chad Kurtis a little TOO much.

BILL HEWSON: Zip it. Kurtis could very well have been in Battlebowl if Hostile didn't walk out on him and leave him to a two-on-one!

Referees Danny Chaos, Anthony Uruburu and John Sharplin are at ringside... Sharplin calls for the bell!

DING DING DING!

It's bedlam at the bell as people go at it! Chad Kurtis lights up Deadpool while Bruce Richards and Steve Parker immediately dispense with their partnership, renewing their rivalry --- WITH PUNCHING. That leaves Taboo and Seamus O'Connor to go at it, Taboo rocking the smallest man in the match with sick chops. Chad yells at Taboo 'YOU CALL THAT A CHOP?' and rips James' new shirt off, exposing the already-red chest of Deadpool. CHOP! Taboo forearms Seamus to keep him stunned, CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! Chad and Taboo in a chopping contest on various boys! Meanwhile Bruce has Parker up on his shoulders, trying to send him out! Parker grabs the top rope and fights, finally slipping off. He grabs Beast's legs from behind and tries to tip out Richards, but Bruce holds onto the ropes himself. Chad Kurtis whips Deadpool to the ropes and nails a beautiful dropkick, then kips up, grabs James by the back of the head and tosses him unceremoniously to the floor in front of his bandmates!

FRANK WARBURTON: James Blackpool has been eliminated!

Taboo takes that as a challenge and does the same to Seamus O'Connor... but Seamus is nimble, and lands on the ring apron. Taboo turns to Chad... the STYLE CLASH members look at each other. It's next week they compete for the World Title! The fans get to their feet as Chad and Taboo lock eyes, then look all around the Ogden Legion...

THEY GO AT IT!

RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT!

Chad with a sudden elbow that rocks Taboo. Another one drives Taboo to the ropes, he charges with a lariat! Taboo back drops Chad up, Kurtis lands on his feet on the ring apron and hooks Taboo. SUPLEX TO THE OUTSIDE? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! No! Taboo reverses, Chad suplexed back into the ring --- Chad flips out and lands on his feet! Enziguri right to the back of Taboo's head sends the World Champion stumbling into the ropes. Chad charges ---

TABOO CATCHES HIM

AND THE MOMENTUM OF KURTIS SENDS BOTH MEN TUMBLING OVER THE TOP ROPE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Chad Kurtis and Taboo have been eliminated!

Chad and Taboo look at each other, it's hard to read their expressions. Style Clash are out, they leave together... but are they 'on the same page?'

BILL HEWSON: It's as they say, every man for himself, and... wait a minute, Jack Attack. Were you paying attention to the O'Connors in the past minute and a half?

JACK JONES: No, you moron, I was watching Chad and Taboo implode, with the rest of the humanoids! But, uh, why do you ask?

BILL HEWSON: It's like looking at a mirror, but... I think that's SEAN O'Connor. I think the Brothers O'Connor have made a switch and nobody caught it. Sean wrestled first in the night, he's fresher than Seamus, who took both a guitar shot and a CK Finale just barely an hour ago!

JACK JONES: Prove it and I'll listen. Just like those sexual harassment charges against me...

BILL HEWSON: Either way, we're down to three. Now O'Connor --- Sean, I'm sure --- and Parker are trying to eliminate The Beast! It's a two-on-one!

Parker and Seamus---Sean---whoever! Parker & O'Connor trying to just muscle the big roughneck out of the ring, but it's not getting them too far. Bruce starts swinging wildly and knocks down both men. Parker comes back at him, Bruce ducks and locks on a COBRA CLUTCH... BOMB! O'Connor is on the top rope, risky, he dives --- CAUGHT!

CHAAAAAAAART ATTACK!

BILL HEWSON: The 2006 Battlebowl winner has this match in complete control... he just has to pick up the pieces and EH?! What is HOSTILE doing out here?

JACK JONES: Whatever he wants, Hewson!

Hostile slithers into the ring... Richards turns around! KICK WHAM... IMPLANT DDT! Bruce hits the canvas hard, but pushes himself back up onto his hands and knees.

Hostile measures him...

PUNT.

BILL HEWSON: GOOD GOD!

JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!

BILL HEWSON: Hostile nearly kicked Bruce's head into the rafters... what is he doing? I thought he had beef with Chad Kurtis tonight!

JACK JONES: Don't you remember, Hewson? Hostile promised Richards that he would make him pay for taking the Heritage Title away! Just when everybody forgot about that... The Jersey Demon exacts payment!

Steve Parker is up, and he spies Hostile retreating down the aisleway. The Demon ignores the beer cups and popcorn thrown at him, a cruel smile on his face. Parker then... wait a minute. Parker is helping Bruce to his feet?

PSYCH.

Steve Parker with a sudden tip on the dazed Richards, sending him to the floor!

FRANK WARBURTON: Bruce Richards has been eliminated!

BILL HEWSON: Give a major assist to Hostile on that one, Parker! Richards will have to wait another year to become the first repeat Battlebowl winner. Now we are down to two men, Steve Parker and Sean O'Connor!

JACK JONES: I'm telling you, prove that's SEAN and not Seamus!

BILL HEWSON: After a year of watching these two men, I've learned how to tell even identical twins apart. I'm certain that's Sean and PARKER ALMOST TAKES HIM OUT! No! Sean O'Connor holding on!

Parker tries to kick Sean out, but Sean rolls back in under the bottom rope from the apron where he landed. Parker spins around --- Sean nails him with a sudden headbutt. Another one, then Sean hits the opposite ropes with a springboard backfist that knocks Parker off his feet... and draped over the bottom rope! O'Connor dials up the BUSHMILLS DRILL! He comes in for the kill, Parker moves! Parker grabs the feet of O'Connor, CATAPULT --- Sean lands on the top rope, SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! CONNECTS!

BILL HEWSON: These two going a breakneck speed, the winner earning so much prestige, so much glory!

JACK JONES: And a big honkin' ring!

Sean and Parker both down momentarily, each man getting to his feet. Sean goes for spinning heel kick, but Parker catches him! AMERICAN SUPLEX! Dumping O'Connor right onto his head. Seamus (we think) on the outside cheers his brother on. Parker picks Sean up onto his shoulders, tries to lawn dart him over, Sean gets his hands on the top rope. Jockeying for position here... HEAD SCISSORS by Sean! Parker stumbles, gets up using the ropes --- DROPKICK! Parker goes over the top rope, no, he holds on and swings back inside the ring. Sean charges in, SUPER-SIZED KICK! SEAN DUCKS! DROP TOE-HOLD! Parker is draped on the bottom rope again...

BUSHMILLS DRILL!

BILL HEWSON: That's DEFINITELY Sean O'Connor!

Parker springs backwards, holding his head and reeling from the impact! He sags on the opposite ropes and O'Connor charges ---

STEVE PARKER MOVES!

Sean O'Connor lands right on TOP of the top rope, all males in attendance (which is, you know, 99% of the crowd) groaning in sympathy.

SUPER-SIZED KICK!

This one connects and sends Sean O'Connor to the floor below!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and the 2009 BATTLEBOWL CHAMPION... "THE STAR-SPANGLED SENSATION" STEVE PARKER!

BILL HEWSON: A gutsy, gutsy effort from SEAN O'Connor comes up just short here tonight. Like it or not, and the Calgary fans don't, STEVE PARKER is the winner of BATTLEBOWL! For Jack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying so long!

Steve Parker hits the corners of the ring, beaming with far too much pride as his music plays. The O'Connors make their exit as the crowd boos the newest Battlebowl winner.

'The Smile' has never been more brilliant!

Lights down.

CREDITS:
KRENSHOV segment - THIS SAND IS SO ROUGHT
Kumquat Kid vs Jamie Murray - RO
Taboo/Demo-Man vs Sean O'Connor/Mikey Massacre - KING BEAN
Chad Kurtis/Hostile vs Seamus O'Connor/Blackpool - DON'T DISS THE CHRIS
MacCulloch/Jeffrey Roberts vs Bruce Richards/Steve Parker - RO
Donovan Astros vs Rocketsauce - KENT NOT BENT
Jeffrey Roberts - JEFFY POP
Battlebowl - RO

LETHAL LOTTERY '09

11/10/2009