TABOO: Welcome, NAPW fans, to the second episode of NAPW on TFN!
Pop.
TABOO: I requested an opportunity to come out here at the top of the hour and address a couple things. First of all, I'm sure you've heard the rumors, read the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, about how Taboo is apparently considering retiring.
Boo.
TABOO: About how my body can't handle it anymore. About how I may have no choice but to hang up the boots... and for the first time in my life, try to be something other than a professional wrestler. Well, my friends... I'm sorry to say that it is true.
More boos.
TABOO: Now, look, I haven't decided anything yet, but if my doctor has his way, if the guy who have me a second opinion has his way, if the surgeons and everyone else have their way, then yes, my match last week against Jeffrey Roberts may have been my last match ever. And if it is... then I couldn't be happier or prouder. Wrestling in the debut match of NAPW on TFN was a moment I will take with me for the rest of my life, and if this is it, then I will treasure it alongside every title I've ever held, every main event I've ever been a part of.
TABOO: Now, secondly, I've got to say a few things about Donovan Astros.
Mixed reaction, but a loud reaction nonetheless.
TABOO: Here's a guy I will never agree with about much of anything. Here's a guy, I think it's fair to say, who sees this sport and this world a little different than I see it. But here's a guy... who is one of the greatest wrestlers in the history of this promotion, a guy who helped get this regional promotion on national television. Here's a guy who brings one-hundred and ten to every match he's in, and yes, he may not be an angel in the ring, he may not have the greatest sportsmanship, but God damn, he is Donovan Astros and he deserves to wear that Canadian Heritage strap!
TABOO: I'm not here to kiss ass. Trust me, if I was going to kiss anyone's ass --- and you all know Taboo doesn't roll like that --- it definitely wouldn't be his. Nevertheless, last week we watched as Kenny Krenshov and Chris Casino tried to tarnish that strap, tried to tarnish that championship that I worked so hard to hold onto, that championship that Astros worked so hard to obtain. And there was no way --- no way! --- that Taboo was going to let that happen!
TABOO: So ---
The lights dim a bit and strobelights flash around the entrance.
"ALL EYES ON ME!"
The remix of 2Pac's 'All Eyes On Me' and The Verve's 'Bittersweet Symphony' begins to the play, and the crowd is HEATED. It's a mix of boos and cheers for the Heritage champion, DONOVAN ASTROS, as he steps through the curtain. He's not dressed to fight tonight, though, as he heads to the ring in a fine tailored suit, Heritage title belt around his waist. Astros surveys the crowd and reaction, smiling as he walks down the entranceway and into the ring. He turns his back on Taboo and poses on the top turnbuckle, suit coat open so everyone can see that yes, he is the champ. He heads over to the announce station, gets a microphone, and faces off with the Boulder from Boulder.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You say my name three times and I just gotta show up, Taboo. Let's talk about last week. Let's talk about how Kenny Krenshov was about to wrap a chair around my skull and steal the Heritage title. Let's talk about how you came out and decided to be the white knight. I don't get it, Taboo. I don't see what's in it for you. You already have a title rematch in your contract, and I haven't heard anything from my people or the office that you've looked into exercising that rematch clause. So if this is about getting a title match, just call Terry Brandon. I'm not ducking you.
TABOO: Look, man, it's not about that. I know damn well I have a rematch, but it's not about that! Nothing is in it for me, other than ensuring that the Untouchables don't lay a steamer on that there title belt. Now, look, I know it's hard for you to wrap your head around someone trying to help someone else, but that's all this is. Alright? We both respect the hell out of that title--YOUR title--so let's just leave it at that.
Taboo extends his hand to Astros. The crowd is still mixed, a few fans expecting Astros to level Taboo, more expecting the handshake to take place. For his part, Astros looks pained over the whole ordeal, not sure what to make of the whole situation. The tension in the arena is mounting... and Astros brings the microphone back up to his lips instead of shaking Taboo's hand.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You think it's just as simple as a handshake, Taboo? What kinda Pollyanna world do you live in? A guy like Kenny Krenshov calls himself a man of honor and prances around with a fake piece of tin and Naugahyde that he calls the True Honor championship, and he'd take a chair to my skull to win the Heritage title! And man, I've said it before, but I'm no man of honor. In the real world, people just don't shake hands and move on.
The crowd has quickly turned on Astros, with boos raining down on the Heritage champ. Taboo looks disgusted, dropping his hands back to his hips. Astros raises a hand to try to speak through the cacophony.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Wait, wait... Taboo, you did help me retain the Heritage title last week, and for that, I do owe you a debt of gratitude. So, if it's a handshake you want, it's a handshake you'll get.
Astros extends his hand, and this time, Taboo pauses, but only briefly, before shaking Astros's hand and nodding his head. Astros lets go.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Now, I know you've still got some important things to say, so for tonight, it's all eyes on you.
Astros rolls out of the ring towards the announce station as the crowd applauds. As Astros gives the microphone back to the announcers, someone much less excited with his pep talk hops over the railing... It's KENNY KRENSHOV and CHRIS CASINO! They grab Astros and whip him into the ringpost. He falls to the ground. The Untouchables storm the ring. Taboo waves them on. Krenshov and Taboo exchange blows mid-ring but Casino enters the melee and the double-team is too much for him. He falls to one knee as the blows parade down on his skull. Casino picks him up. Double underhook backbreaker to the big man! Taboo grabs his lower back, howling in pain, but is able to slowly rise to his feet... only to receive a release belly-to-belly from Krenshov! Followed by vicious stomps from both Krenshov and Casino to the back of Taboo.
Astros rises to his feet, shaking off the lingering effects of the whip into the ringpost. He looks in the ring at the beatdown on Taboo. He takes a step onto the apron as Casino spots him, and Casino moves to drive a knee into Astros's side, but Astros catches him and pulls him through the ropes, both men tumbling to the floor! Casino and Astros are brawling on the floor, but that leaves a defenseless Taboo in the ring at the mercy of Krenshov. Krenshov pulls Taboo up. He holds him up an inverted vertical suplex... INVERTED TOTAL ECLIPSE, his fist striking the small of Taboo's back as he lands it! Taboo rolls around on the mat, holding his lower back, gritting his teeth to hold in his screams. Kenny Krenshov stands above him, smirking widely.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Here comes NAPW World Champion "The Show" Chad Kurtis, a steel chair in hand! A huge pop as he slides into the ring and takes a swing at Krenshov, who manages to duck out of the way! The damage done, Krenshov hops the rail back into the crowd. Casino manages to break free of Astros at the same time, takes a quick glance at the numbers, and joins his Untouchable partner out in the crowd. Casino and Krenshov high-five each other as they make their way through the crowd. Astros slowly makes his way to his feet and pulls himself into the ring as Kurtis points to Taboo. Astros looks up at Kurtis as he points the chair at Astros... "Why didn't you stop this?" Astros points at the ground outside the ring where him and Casino were brawling, pleading his case.
JACK JONES: That ungrateful Chad Kurtis! Donovan Astros stayed around, he kept Chris Casino off of Taboo!
BILL HEWSON: I don't know, I think if Astros wanted to get into the ring, he could have, and he could have stopped this vicious assault by Krenshov!
JACK JONES: And then what, Bill? Taboo wasn't going to be any help, you saw what the Untouchables did to him, you don't think they'd have done the same to Astros before Kurtis got out here?
Several officials run down the aisle to check on Taboo as we go to commercial while Kurtis continues to stand between Astros and Taboo.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
JACK JONES: ... and that's why I became known around the hardware store as "The Face of Tools."BILL HEWSON: Wow, I think your interpretation of that is a tad different than what your co-workers meant.
JACK JONES: Whatever do you mean?
BILL HEWSON: I'd explain it to you, but we've got a match coming up. Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones here from the Ogden Legon Hall in Calgary Alberta for this, the second episode of NAPW on TFN... Take it away, Frank!
Frank Warburton takes the mic as referee Anthony Uruburu looks on.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...
American Head Charge washes through the speakers with "Seamless", and those in attendance voice their disapproval. The Freak bounds through the curtain and pauses at the entrance, seemingly enjoying the negative reaction. Audience displeasure intensifies as the gargantuan Shut Down lumbers into sight. The duo make their way down to ringside, taunting fans as they go.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Anywhere and Everywhere, at a combined weight of five hundred and thirty pounds... The Freak and Shut Down... THE FREAK SHOW!
The Freak slides in and dashes to their corner, standing on the middle turnbuckle and exchanging words with those sitting in the front row. Shut Down takes his time, choosing to take the ring steps to the apron and stepping over the top rope. The two do more taunting before settling in their designated corner.
BILL HEWSON: New Alberta Pro Wrestling's newest acquisitions, The Freak Show have made a name for themselves down in our sister company, Rebel Pro. After dominating teams around the Carolinas, they've decided to come up to the Great White North and continue their dominance. So far, however, they haven't found their stride, as both men sit at zero on the Canada Cup standings.
JACK JONES: Now, now, now, Bill, you can't just write them off to our fans, here. You conveniently overlook that their losses are tainted by foul play and interference...
BILL HEWSON: Mostly them dishing all of that out.
JACK JONES: Shut your trap, Hewson, I'm not finished yet. You also forgot to mention that, outside of being Rebel LEGENDS, The Freak is considered to be the reason why 2009 Wrestler of the Year Ravager was forced to retire.
BILL HEWSON: Well, you are right with that, Jack. The Freak faced of with Ravager in the finals of Rebel Pro's Annual Assault tournament, and even though Ravager won the match, it was at a staggering cost. There's nothing stopping either of these two men from destroying the careers of their opponents.
With that remark, the music dies, and is replaced by "Look At Me, I'm A Winner" by the Aquabats. Cheers replace the boos as The Kumquat Kid bursts through the curtain, rallying the fans into a frenzy. He dashes down the aisle, but stops just shy at ringside and waits. Dunk tries to catch up, obviously winded from his efforts.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents... first, accompanied by Dunk, from Dade City, Florida, weighing in at two hundred pounds... THE KUMQUAT KID... RYAN LEWIS!
BILL HEWSON: Another newer face on the roster, The Kumquat Kid has made quite the splash here in the NAPW. Don't let his size fool you, Ryan Lewis has the heart of a man twice his size.
JACK JONES: If you mean having clogged arteries...
BILL HEWSON: Nonsense, Jack. Kumquats are nutritious.
The Kid still plays to the crowd, then focuses on his opponents in the ring. The smile on his face seems to be taunting, and the Freak Show are trash-talking the silent Lewis. The Aquabats fade...
"Life's Been Good to Me" by Joe Walsh plays up. The crowd cheers as Bruce Richards steps out, cowboy hat, duster, and all. He's in no hurry to get to the ring... but looks all business, walking right up along side Lewis and stopping to help stare down.
FRANK WARBURTON: His tag team partner, from St. Albert, Alberta, weighing in at two hundred and seventy pounds... BRUUUCE... RICHARDS!
A "BEAST" chants starts, but Richards tries to quiet them down, insisting politely that he not be called that. Richards and Lewis exchange words discreetly, then slide into the ring together, not turning their back to the Freak Show. The two shed their entrance attire and discuss who will start.
BILL HEWSON: Ring of Prestige honoree Bruce Richards has just about done it all here in New Alberta Pro Wrestling. He's won every title, faced just about every man that has stepped into this ring, and has won over these fans in spades.
JACK JONES: Sure, but his temper has always had a way of getting the best of him.
BILL HEWSON: As you can tell from his reaction to the "BEAST" chants, Richards is trying to shake the stigma of his temper after he nearly killed his rival Hostile after an intense four-way. So far, he seems to have a handle on his inner demon.
After The Freak steps out to the apron, Bruce Richards decides to overrule the Kid and take his turn first as legal man. The match's two giants meet in the middle, standing a few feet from each other. Another stare-off ensues, and the crowd starts another chant:
"BEAST IS GONNA KILL YOOOOU! BEAST IS GONNA KILL YOOOOU!"
Richards brings his finger to his lips, trying to nicely hush the crowd. Shut Down laughs and raises his big right hand, challenging Richards to a Test of Strength. Bruce shakes his head and says aloud, "Are you kidding me?", eliciting some laughter from the fans. Shut Down persists, and Richards shrugs, slowly raising a hand to meet the giant's clutch. Audience members scream out in protest, trying to convince the former Beast to think twice, but the fingers are already lacing up. Shut Down raises his free hand... but Richards throws a low dropkick to Shut Down's knee, staggering the big man! Richards rises to his feet quickly and starts raining right hands into the massive skull of his opponent, keeping him reeling. Richards rebounds off of the opposite ropes and runs full-speed into the giant with a shoulder block, knocking him back, but not down! Bruce takes another run... but Shut Down takes a swing with a lariat! Bruce ducks and catches Shut Down's arm as he passes under...
Cobra Clutch?
BOMB!
COVER!
ONE...
TW... Shut Down TOSSES Richards off like he weighs nothing!
BILL HEWSON: Wow! We don't get far before we see our first big move of the match, as Richards hit his signature Cobra Clutch Bomb!
JACK JONES: Look at how easily Shut Down kicked out... no, wait, THREW RICHARDS OFF! Shut Down barely felt that!
Shut Down reaches a knee, but Richards pounces, raining more right hands down. Richards takes another run, but Shut Down rises and runs at him! RUNNING BIG BOOT! Richards is nearly decapitated! Shut Down pulls his downed foe up and locks a full nelson. Richards quickly grabs the ropes, and Uruburu calls for the break. Shut Down reluctantly obliges and releases the hold, but doesn't let Richards get too far, socking him HARD with a European Uppercut! Richards falls into his own corner, and the Kumquat Kid tags himself in.
JACK JONES: What is that kid doing? This is suicide!
BILL HEWSON: Ryan Lewis has shown, in a series of matches with Kenny Krenshov, that he is not afraid of anyone, no matter what the size.
The Kid commands Shut Down to bring it, causing the big man to laugh. He takes a step forward, but the Freak yells out to him to stop, and hold his hand out for a tag.
BILL HEWSON: The Freak is itching to get in the ring right now. Mind you, he is the smallest of the four in this match.
JACK JONES: Yeah, but that doesn't make him NOT dangerous!
Shut Down tells Lewis that he'll deal with him later, then tags the Freak in. The two high-flyers circle each other in a blur. They stop and reach out from wrestling stances, trying to feel each other out. The lock fingers... and Freak goes for a monkey flip! The Kid goes over, but still holds onto his grip. Freak back rolls and tries to force his weight down, but Ryan Lewis catches him with his feet, airplane-style. The Freak manages to get down to his feet, but Lewis follows him up, jumping and wrapping his legs around Freak's head. Kumquat lurches back to Huracanrana, but Freak shoves him off. Lewis flips backward and lands on his feet, and Freak charges in with a lariat... but Lewis ducks! He gets behind Freak and pulls back, going for a German Suplex... but Freak does a flip of his own, also landing on his feet! The Freak charges... right into the Kid's spinning heel kick! Freak goes down, but is back up like a punching clown... but he gets a headscissors takedown! The Freak tumbles out of the ring underneath the bottom rope, and Lewis measures up. Lewis charges... SENTON PLANCHA! The crowd goes nuts!
BILL HEWSON: There's that patented aerial skill of the Kumquat Kid!
The Kid stands up and plays to the crowd, not noticing Shut Down sneaking around... but Shut Down gets cut off by a Suicide No-Hands Plancha from Bruce Richards from out of nowhere! The crowd starts a chant:
"KUMQUAT-BEAST! KUMQUAT-BEAST! KUMQUAT-BEAST!"
This time, Richards doesn't even bother. He helps Ryan toss the Freak back into the ring, and the Kid drags the Freak over to the corner, bodyslamming him into it and trapping his feet up in the Tree of Woe! Lewis takes the opposite corner...
"VIVA LA KUMQUAT!"
The crowd shouts along, and Lewis charges...
INTO SHUT DOWN'S BIG RIGHT BOOT!
BILL HEWSON: Where did he come from?
JACK JONES: Does it matter? The tide has turned the right way now!
Uruburu starts urging the giant back to his corner, but gets distracted by a charging and flailing Richards. The ref now tries to get Bruce back under control, and Shut Down takes advantage and frees the Freak. He pulls the Freak to their corner and tags himself in right as Uruburu gets back into the match. Shut Down takes his time reaching the dazed Kumquat Kid, leveling him with a lariat as Lewis turns around. Shut Down nearly launches the Kid skyward as he bring him to his feet, setting him up in a vertical suplex position and holds it like it's no sweat. Shut Down walk over to his opponents' corner and kicks the distracted Richards in the face as Bruce discusses strategy with Dunk. Richards tries to run in, but the referee cuts him off. Shut Down stalls some more... TOWER OF TERROR! With Uruburu still pre-occupied, Shut Down wraps his hands around Ryan Lewis' throat, squeezing a rather illegal choke. Dunk shouts at the ref to get his attention and directs him to the in-ring action, but Shut Down releases the hold before he is caught.
JACK JONES: Now THAT'S tag team strategy!
Shut Down with a cover!
ONE...
TWO...
SHOULDER UP!
BILL HEWSON: A lot of good that short cut got him...
JACK JONES: All part of the plan, man... all part of the plan...
Shut Down pulls Ryan Lewis to a sitting position and locks in a full nelson. The Kid grimaces in severe pain, but does not cry out. The ref checks on Kumquat Kid to make sure he's still there, and gets reassured. Lewis tries to slide away, but the strongman locks his hold in tight, not letting the Kid go anywhere. Bruce Richards tries to seize the opportunity and break the hold, but Shut Down sees him coming, standing up and yanking Lewis up, still in the full nelson, causing the little man's feet to swing upward and kick Richards in the face as he gets close. Richards staggers back and tumbles out, and Shut Down drags the Kid to their corner, allowing the Freak to tag in. Shut Down keeps the lock on as Freak rushes the exposed Kumquat with a flurry of punches and kicks. Lewis crumples like paper to the mat, and Freak bounds to the opposite ropes, rebounding and returning with the Rolling Thunder! Cover!
ONE...
TWO...
THR-BRUCE RICHARDS BREAKS THE COUNT!
Shut Down steps in and ejects Richards again, allowing the Freak to lock in a Triangle Hold! The Kid struggles for air and slowly fades. The Freak shouts at Uruburu to check him, and the ref obliges by raising Ryan Lewis' hand
Once... it falls!
Uruburu raises a second time... it falls!
A third time... it falls...
But as Uruburu goes to call for the bell, he notices the Kid's foot on the ropes! The referee calls for the break, and both Freak Show members protest with plenty of vulgarities.
BILL HEWSON: The censors are going to have a field day with the words of these two.
JACK JONES: This miscarriage of justice makes ME want to swear!
BILL HEWSON: Yeah, like you need THAT much convincing...
The tandem start raining boots down on the pile of quivering Kumquat. The Freak Show exchange nods, and Shut Down gives the recently-returned Bruce Richards an elbow to knock him off of the apron. Richards tries to retaliate, but the ref cuts him off again. As this transpires, Shut Down takes one neutral corner, and the Freak props Ryan Lewis up in the other. Shut Down starts to charge as the Freak jumps up for the monkey flip... but Lewis shoves the Freak backward out of desperation... RIGHT INTO A SPEAR FROM SHUT DOWN!
BILL HEWSON: Oh, MY! The Freak Show collide! I think Shut Down got more head than shoulder on that spear!
JACK JONES: Where is Ryan Lewis getting that energy? Voodoo?
BILL HEWSON: No... KUMQUATS!
All three men are down! Ryan Lewis starts to crawl to his corner as Dunk and the crowd clap and cheer him on. Bruce Richards is DYING to get in there, stomping to match the rhythm of the claps. Uruburu starts to count, as now the Freak is also stirring.
ONE... TWO... THREE... Kumquat Kid reaches his hands and knees as the Freak sits up... FOUR... FIVE... SIX... Shut Down sits up, and Freak is almost to his feet, trying to find out where Ryan Lewis went... SEVEN... EIGHT... NINE... Freak reaches his feet, stopping the count. He spys the Kumquat Kid and gives chase...
Too late!
BILL HEWSON: YES! LEWIS WITH THE TAG, AND IN COMES RICHARDS!
JACK JONES: NOOOOO!
Bruce is on fire! Lariat sends the Freak back down! Shut Down reaches one knee, but gets dropped with a lariat, as well! The Freak is back up, back turned to Richards, when the ex-Beast swoops in...
Pump Handle Slam...
WITH AUTHORITY!
Shut Down staggers to his feet, but Bruce is quick to react. He climbs the turnbuckle... DIVING MOONSAULT ONTO SHUT DOWN! The crowd is going nuts, and Richards calls upon their cheers to power up! Richards gets behind the dazed Freak and hoists him up for a Torture Rack! Uruburu checks on the screaming Freak, who denies submission. Freak finally gets enough of his own bearing to gouge the eyes of Richards...
Who responds by flipping Freak over on his shoulders! The crowd knows what's coming and rises to their feet.
BILL HEWSON: Here it comes... the CHAAARRRT ATTTAAAAACK!
JACK JONES: What shady tactics!
Bruce Richards starts to pivot... but Shut Down wraps him up from behind with a full nelson! The Freak drops and rolls out of harm's way. The referee tries to break the hold, but gets cast aside in all of the flailing. Bruce tries to reach the ropes, but is pulled away. Ryan Lewis holds out his hand and touches Bruce as he passes by just as Uruburu comes to, and he calls it. Shut Down brings him back to the center of the ring and laughs maniacally... BUT THE KUMQUAT KID DIVES from OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A SPRINGBOARD MISSiLE DROPKICK! Both big men tumble out of the ring in a heap! Ryan Lewis rises to his knees and lets the crowd know that he's still in this. The ovation is deafening... but it turns to horror as the Freak comes up from behind and measures an unsuspecting Lewis.
JACK JONES: AWW, YEAH! This is what I was talking about! It's sharp thinking like this that makes the Freak Show so dominate!
BILL HEWSON: The Freak looking to nail Ryan Lewis with the Buzzsaw Kick...
JACK JONES: Say goodnight, Kumquat!
The Kid turns and starts to rise, and the Freak takes a slice!
DUCK!
The momentum of the missed kick spins the Freak around, turning his back to the Kumquat Kid. Kid trips Freak up, sending him to the mat face-first. As Freak rises slowly to his hands and knees, the Kumquat Kid pounces... with a roll-up, LA MAGISTRAL STYLE!
ONE...
TWO...
THREE!
Anthony Uruburu calls for the bell!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... THE KUMQUAT KID AND BRUUUUCE RICHARRRDS!
Ryan Lewis rises to his knees and raises his hands in triumph... but the Freak finally fires off a successful Buzzsaw Kick! The Kid goes down in a heap. On the outside, Bruce tries to recover and help his comrade out, but Shut Down gives him a brutal shove, knocking Bruce's head into the ringpost! Richards is now also down, and the fans are booing the Freak Show out of the building.
BILL HEWSON: What poor sportsmanship on the part of the Freak Show! They tried their dirty tactics, but it all backfired, DESERVEDLY!
JACK JONES: All they were doing was fighting fire with fire.
BILL HEWSON: HOW ON EARTH DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?!
JACK JONES: I call it like I see it. That's what makes me such a good broadcast journalist!
The Freak motions to a table on the outside, and Shut Down obliges, folding it up and sliding it in. As the Freak keeps Lewis down with boots to the head, Shut Down sets the table back up, and the two hoist the unconscious Kid onto the table. Freak climbs the turnbuckle...
BUT SALVATION HAS ARRIVED! THE OCB ARE HERE!
Sean O'Connor nearly runs up the ropes from the outside and knocks the Freak into straddling the turnbuckle, causing him to tumble to the mat. Seamus slides in, and Shut Down charges him... but Seamus ducks and pulls the top rope down, causing the giant to tumble over to the outside! Sean places the hurt Freak on the table, and Seamus climbs up and gets ready to take flight... when the Freak fights out of trouble and takes off down the aisleway! Boos rain down on the Freak Show as they retreat, while Sean grabs a microphone.
SEAN O'CONNOR: Alright, Freak Show, we've had enough! You want to run around, sticking your nose where is doesn't belong, interfering, throwing temper tantrums?
Seamus grabs the mic from Sean and continues.
SEAMUS O'CONNOR: You think you're cool beating up people who beat you fairly? You want to put guys through tables? You want another shot at the tag team gold that badly? Well, how 'bout this... next Tuesday, right here on NAPW on TFN... Freak Show... OCB... TABLES MATCH!
The fans explode! The dazed Freak Show try not to show their sweat by nodding and trash talking as they walk away.
BILL HEWSON: WOW! How about that? Next week, the tag titles are on the line in a Tables Match!
JACK JONES: All that proves is that the O'Connors don't think they can win in a fair fight. It's alright, because the Freak Show will end their careers, just like Ravager's!.
BILL HEWSON: You never know what to expect here on NAPW on T... F... N! We'll be back after this.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
JACK JONES: Bill, what did one lesbian vampire say to the other?BILL HEWSON: Jack... we're on TV. With that in mind, what did she say?
JACK JONES: So, same time next month?
BILL HEWSON: That's... that's gross. On that note, take it away Frank Warburton.
The camera pans off of the awkward moment between the color commentators to the ring announcer, Frank Warburton. Standing next to him is Terry Brandon.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time it is my great pleasure to introduce to you, NAPW's Commissioner, Terry Brandon!
Terry takes the microphone from Warburton and waits for the modest pop to die before he begins speaking.
TERRY BRANDON: Thank you for that, Frank. For those of you that know me know that I am not a man to yap you bored to tears, and that my policy has always been wrestling-wrestling-wrestling. But I just wanted to come out here and thank you, all of the fans, for what you've done for New Alberta Professional Wrestling.
A nice chorus of cheers rise from the crowd.
TERRY BRANDON: Since we've come to television there's been a tremendous buzz, and only after one show. NAPW has always had a certain element to it that has made it so special, but thanks to all of you, the fans, we're able to share that with a much wider audience. We hope you stay with us because it's only going to get better, now enough of my yapping, are you all ready to see the the "Star-Spangled Sensation" Steve Parker square off against the NAPW World Champion, "The Last Action Hero" Chad Kurtis!?
HUGE POP FOR KURTIS.
JACK JONES: Jeez, you'd think these people actually like that dweeb by all this ruckus.
TERRY BRANDON: I'm going to get out of this ring, but enjoy the sh---
A slow but loud carousel melody begins playing over the PA system. Terry Brandon turns stops mid sentence and looks around in confusion. From the entrance two jugglers slowly tossing flaming sticks as they methodically walk about halfway to the ring.
TERRY BRANDON: What is this?
They stop walking, but continue juggling, unfazed by Terry Brandon's question. A bearded lady, somewhere in the ballpark of three hundred pounds and six-foot five and scary as HELL looking walks down the ramp, holding her flowing dress up and walking every-so lady like. She stops just before the jugglers, and bows down, and at that instant the jugglers toss their flaming sticks to the side and they ignite the ground on at the side of the runway with a BANG! The fans jump back from the flash of flames in such a close proximity, and the lights go out. The carousel music suddenly rages into what you'll know as "Ghost Story" by Savage Circus when you Youtube it later. A crazy strobe light makes the entire venue feel schizophrenic.
And then he comes.
It's hard to make out what he is, but a man stands at the entranceway with both his arms outstretched, and light bouncing off his body as quickly as the drums can rage. Twenty-seconds in when the vocals start the lights stop but keep dim, and the man walks to the stage, raising the bearded lady to her feet and escorts her to the ring with intertwined arms.
JACK JONES: Is he supposed to be a clown... or something?
BILL HEWSON: Or something is right...
The man does appear to be some kind of clown. He is bald, face smothered in white makeup, one eye is circled with black makeup, the other is a skewed red diamond. There is no smile or a frown painted on this man, instead his lips are smudged with a gray gunk. While the bearded lady dwarfs the man in size, he is not in bad shape at all. A long, tailed magenta overcoat covers up much of his body, but he wears no shirt underneath, just suspenders holding up his dim yellow and red cloth baggy pants.
Both of the jugglers hop on the apron and hold open the top and middle ropes, as the bearded lady bows down once again in front of the ring. The man steps on top of the bearded lady and onto the apron, shakes his coat off of his shoulders, and steps into the ring. When the lights come back to normal it is obvious Terry Brandon is wearing a look of confusion mired with disgust. A microphone is already in this man's left hand.
CLOWN: Mister Brandon, the pleasure is all yours.
His voice is shrill and harsh all at once. He extends a curiously gloved right hand, waiting for a handshake in return.
TERRY BRANDON: Who in the hell are you?
The clown drops his hand and his nose crinkles in what could be considered anger.
CLOWN: I'm called many things... but who I am is not important. What I'm here to do, well my dear boy, THAT is important.
TERRY BRANDON: And what's that?
CLOWN: Well, I'm here to help you... you see I saw NAPW's first live televised show and some...thing attracted me to this little operation you're running.
TERRY BRANDON: We're always glad to welcome new fans, no matter how off they may be.
There is an awkward pause between the Commissioner and the Clown.
CLOWN: Heh, off? I am not off, sir, I am ON. And I am here to put on the (amplifies with arm gestures:) GREATEST SHOW IN... THE UNIVERSE!
TERRY BRANDON: And that means what? You're here to wrestle?
CLOWN: Oh-ho-ho, a little more than that, Mister Brandon. You see, I heard you talk earlier about how you're all for wrestling-wrestling-wrestling. And that's good and all, but Terry, I'm a man that can elevate NAPW further than any man with a one-track mind. You see, I like wrestling too, but I love to put on one HELL-of-a-SHOW! You've got the talent here, you're just missing all the glitz and glamour, and that's where I come in.
Terry raises a brow and then shakes his head.
TERRY BRANDON: Look, I know you probably mean well, but I call the shots around here.
CLOWN: Well that is what I am proposing you change. You take care of the wrestling, and I'll take care of the SHOW.
TERRY BRANDON: No. No. No.
CLOWN: You shouldn't be so quick to deny me, Mister Brandon.
The clown steps forward, getting right in Terry's face.
CLOWN: I'm a man with many resources. A man that can get things done. And I'm here to start a movement, a movement that will shake the very foundation of NAPW, a movement that will rattle it's CORE.
TERRY BRANDON: And I'm a man with the authority to tell you to piss off... if I can say that on TV.
JACK JONES: Can he?
BILL HEWSON: I don't know, you made a joke about menstruation earlier, so why not?
TERRY BRANDON: NAPW is doing just fine. I'm the one who got NAPW on TV in the first place, so sorry if it's a little hard to take some scummy--smelly--clown--hack seriously when he says he can do a better job than me.
CLOWN: Mister Brandon, I came here offering peaceful solution to the inevitable.
TERRY BRANDON: And what's the inevitable?
CLOWN: With me standing in your shoes... making all decisions, eventually booking a show that is so big, so HUGE, so EPIC, that it will only be referred to as the GREATEST show in the UNIVERSE! Now I asked nicely, Mister Brandon, and I want that noted. Because before you know it, NAPW will be riding on the back of my movement.
"Ghost Story" by Savage Circus plays as the Clown exits just as he came; threw the ropes held open by the two jugglers, and a step off the back of the bearded lady, up the ramp and to the back. The fans, and Terry Brandon are left dumbfounded at what just happened.
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not sure of what exactly just happened, but we'll try to get some answers. Don't go anywhere, we'll be right back!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Fade in from commercial. Josh Reynolds is seen reading an index card when Roddy Mac walks into the shot wearing a wife beater and MacCulloch clan kilt.RODDY MAC: How about the intensity of this program tonight? It is off the charts! Well Josh to keep with the energy of tonight I have an announcement.
JOSH REYNOLDS: What is it?
RODDY MAC: It is time to prove to everyone I deserve a shot at the title. To do this I need to overcome one obstacle.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Roberts?
The old Demo smile shines as he nods his head.
RODDY MAC: There are two men in my way, Parker whom I have already beaten and Roberts. It is time to put this demon to rest. Roberts you and I are going toe to toe one last time. A falls count anywhere match will put this feud dead and in the ground.
JOSH REYNOLDS: What makes you think you can do it this time?
RODDY MAC: There comes a time in every man's life when they have to shit or get off the pot. I am either going to have what it takes to defeat Roberts or not. But, I know one thing. I am going down swingin!
JOSH REYNOLDS: We have heard this time and time again.
RODDY MAC: You know I would have killed you for making a comment like that to me. But, I am on a different path. This is not about my brother, this is for the shot at the title. This is putting that dark era behind me. Anyone who knows me, knows I haven't been bested by anyone in this place. I am not letting Roberts get the last laugh. The fans are not going to remember our dildo on a pole match. Instead they are going to remember the best damn falls count anywhere match they have ever seen!
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well it will be an epic match. Roberts a sick individual who will take it to the extreme and we have Rodderick MacCulloch a man who doesn't know when to quit. What is going to happen when these two monsters collide for what Roddy Mac is saying will be the last time.
RODDY MAC: I am not saying it! It is going to be the last time we meet. I am ending this once and for all. There is no way I am going to quit in this match. You will not be able to pin me here nor there. You will not even pin me with the steel stairs. You can't pin me Jeff I am! You can't even pin me with your green eggs and ham!
JOSH REYNOLDS: Let's take this back to the ring before he starts singing!
Back to ringside!
BILL HEWSON: Thanks Josh ---
JACK JONES: And start running!
BILL HEWSON: Folks, in our main event tonight, the NAPW World Championship will be on the line for the first time ever on The Fight Network! "The Star-Spangled Sensation" Steve Parker will challenge "The Show" Chad Kurtis, one-on-one for the title... and it's next!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
JACK JONES: So then --- get this, ha ha --- so then I say to the old lady, 'Don't worry, I have lizard insurance!'BILL HEWSON: That poor iguana. Ladies and gentlemen, the main event of the evening is a first for NAPW on The Fight Network. The NAPW World Championship will be defended, right here. Let's go to Frank Warburton for the introductions.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is set for one fall at a thirty-minute TV time limit... and is for the NAPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!
Cue some corrosion... of Conformity. The fans boo as Steve Parker emerges from the curtain, wearing his ring gear. The boy knows how to accessorize as well! In either hand he has one of his 2009 AWARD WINNER plaques. On his right ring finger? The 2009 Battlebowl ring! And of course, he wears the biggest accessory of them all on his face... THE SMILE is in full effect.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challenger. Weighing in at two-hundred and nineteen pounds, from Boston Massachussetts... he is the 2009 Battlebowl Winner and former Heritage Champion, "THE STAR-SPANG---"
Parker suddenly stops Frank, telling him something we can't hear. Frank resumes.
FRANK WARBURTON: I'm sorry, and the TWO-TIME NAPW AWARD WINNING, "STAR-SPANGLED SENSATION"... STEVE PARKER!
JACK JONES: Yeah! Get it right Frank!
BILL HEWSON: Steve Parker one of NAPW's newest stars. He has held the Heritage Champion, as well as being the man to win the 2009 Battlebowl event last fall. He's as slippery as a sea otter, with an ego to match his craftiness!
JACK JONES: Last time I ever try to wrangle sea otters for simoleons, I tell you that much.
Parker soaks in the boos, which to him sound like cheers. He looks disappointed when his music cuts out. Booooo...
"Guess who's back?"
The guitar riff kicks in and the buzz BEGINS. The energy in the Ogden Legion Hall ramps up tenfold.
Hit it.
"THEY SAY I'M COCKY!
AND I SAY WHAT?
IT AIN'T BRAGGIN MOTHER(BLEEP) IF YA BACK IT UP!"
CHAD KURTIS EXPLODES THROUGH THE CURTAIN
AND THE PEOPLE LOSE THEIR MINDS!
FRANK WARBURTON: AND NOW! Weighing in at two-hundred and thirty pounds... from Paducah Kentucky, he is the 'LAST 'ACTION' HERO,' 'THE THEN-NOW-NEXT'... and the NAPW WORLD CHAMPION! HE IS THE SHOW! CHAD! KURTIS!
BILL HEWSON: If this is your first time tuning in, do NOT adjust your speakers --- the World Champion without a DOUBT the most popular wrestler in NAPW today!
JACK JONES: Too bad this isn't a popularity contest.
BILL HEWSON: He is "The Show" Chad Kurtis, and he has held that title since November 24th, when he defeated his best friend Taboo in a classic match-up! One month later, he defeated Steve Parker at Black Thursday IV in yet another epic contest. Parker came within an eyelash of taking the title then, but it was Kurtis who came out on top. "The Show" is determined to break all the records as World Champion!
Chad flips over the top rope into the ring and hits the top rope, throwing his hood back! The crowd is 100% behind the champion as he tosses his hoodie to the fans and takes his corner. Referee John Sharplin finishes checking Steve Parker, then repeats the process for the champion. He takes the belt and shows it to all involved...
AND CALLS FOR THE BELL!
DING DING DING
Kurtis and Parker circle around, sizing each other up... Parker with a kick, Chad ducks and sweeps Parker's legs with his hands. Quick attempt at a hold, Parker rolls out and tries a kick, ducked, Chad sweeps with the leg, Parker JUMPS the leg sweep and tumbles up --- big spin kick! Kurtis catches it, spins Parker around and delivers a clothesline! Parker gets right back up, Chad hits a beautiful dropkick, then catches a rising Parker for the CK FINALE!
BILL HEWSON: CK FINALE! If he hits this, it's OVER!
Parker quickly breaks free and rolls outside. He looks up into the ring at Chad, who takes a perch on the second turnbuckle and tells Parker to 'come on!" The challenger wipes a lip made fat from the dropkick to the mush and looks up.
JACK JONES: That's right, Steve, don't play his game. Make him come to YOU, make him impatient!
BILL HEWSON: The challenger attempting to slow down the high-octane champion, and we have to take our LAST commercial break! When we come back, the World Championship match continues!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
BILL HEWSON: We're back folks, and during the break Steve Parker almost caught a quick pinfall on the world champion with a small package. Parker whips Chad Kurtis into the corner --- ooh, Chad gets out of the way of that!JACK JONES: How'd he slide between the ropes like that?!
Steve staggers back, and Kurtis springboards into with a flying headscissors! Parker gets back up, CAUGHT! REVERSE STO! The challenger is down and Chad points to the turnbuckle! The fans yell out:
BEST!
MOONSAULT!
EVERRRRRR!
BILL HEWSON: BME!
JACK JONES: Pretty... too bad it HIT KNEES!
BILL HEWSON: Steve Parker has Kurtis well-scouted and WAIT A MINUTE, PARKER --- FREEDOM FRYER! GOING FOR THE FREEDOM FRYER! And the champion quickly to the ropes!
Kurtis holding his mid-section after planting directly into Parker's knees, and the challenger takes right advantage with a THUDDING kick right to the chest. Another one has Chad staggered, but he throws a wild clothesline --- CAUGHT! Parker hooks the leg --- AMERICAN SUPLEX! Parker with a cover one, two, the champ kicks out. Side headlock, Kurtis fights up. Back into the ropes, Chad runs off. Parker with a back body drop --- the champion backflips over Parker, back-to-back! Steve stands up, looking confused. He turns around FRANKENSTEINER! STANDING SHOOTING STAR! Cover by the champ, one, two, Parker out!
Chad comes in and ooh, Parker with a thumb spike right to the eye, drawing a warning from John Sharplin. Kurtis shot to the ropes, Parker yells and FLOORS the champion with a leaping savate kick! Parker sways back and forth like a pendulum, then drops a short leg across the face. Cover ... kick-out!
BILL HEWSON: The challenger in firm control here, Chad Kurtis hasn't been able to muster any consistent offense over the past few minutes!
JACK JONES: It's the perfect gameplan! Parker's kept Chad from the ropes, kept him from upping the pace and getting any momentum! He really is a sensation!
BILL HEWSON: Easy, Jack Attack, you're drooling.
Parker grinds his boot on the forehead of Kurtis, drawing boos from the fans and the ire of the referee. Steve flashes 'the smile' to Sharplin and then picks up Kurtis, snapmaring the champion over. He assumes a martial arts stance --- OOOOH. Sick kick to the spine of the seated Kurtis! The wind rushes out of Chad, Steve hits the ropes and catches his front with a running side shin kick --- right to the face! Cover ONE, TWO, SHOULDER UP!
Parker tries to grab Chad's arms, the champ rolls over and pushes him away. Parker comes in, Chad pulls up by the ropes and gets a toekick into the gut. Parker oohs, but then delivers a vicious elbow point to the top of the head. CHOP across the chest, whoooo! Irish whip, Kurtis ducks the spinning roundhouse! He leaps to the middle rope, backflips off... and catches Parker with the SHOWTIME DDT!
BILL HEWSON: Out of absolutely NOWHERE! Both men are down, the champion needs to try to build some momentum before it's too late!
The referee begins his ten count as the crowd tries to rally behind The Show, chanting "LET'S GO SHOW! LET'S GO SHOW!" Parker is stirring... KIP UP BY THE SHOW!
PARKER WAS PLAYING POSSUM ROLL-UP ON THE SHOW ONE, TWO, TH--- THE SHOW GETS HIS SHOULDER UP! Both men back up, Parker with a GAMENGIRI, Kurtis ducks, looks for a SUPERKICK, caught! Parker spins Chad around, Chad behind Parker's blow, STARMAKER ---
PARKER LOCKS ON THE CROSSFACE IN MID-AIR! DRIVING KURTIS FORWARD TO THE CANVAS!
JACK JONES: You want to talk about out of NOWHERE, how did he get the FREEDOM FRYER on out of that? You tell me!
BILL HEWSON: I... don't know! Steve Parker has the champion in the middle of the ring! He's tapped out dozens of men to this move!
Kurtis reaches out, the pain evident, sweat trickling down his agonized face. Parker wrenches back, eyes open wide in a near-trance. "PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP!" Guttural yells come from both men in their exertions --- and Chad's pain! He tries to crawl, tries to move... Parker pulls back harder!
THE CHAMPION HAS HIS HAND OUT!
SHARPLIN ASKS HIM IF HE SUBMITS!
CHAD...
MAKES ANOTHER PUSH AND GETS HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE.
Parker holds on a bit extra, but breaks before he can get disqualified. He wants the World Championship! And right now, he backs off... he looks to the crowd and says "Can I get that... SUPER-SIZED!"
BILL HEWSON: Parker going for his Super-Sized Kick!
JACK JONES: Because in America, EVERYTHING IS BIGGER! Also better.
BILL HEWSON: The World Championship may be seconds away from changing hands! The Show is up... SUPER-SIZED KICK! Wait --- DUCKED --- SUPERKICK FROM THE SHOW! PARKER IS DOWN! AND NOW CHAD GOES UP AGAIN!
You know it!
BEST!
MOONSAULT!
EVER!
Connects CLEAN this time! The cover! THE ONE! THE TWO!
THE FOOT ON THE ROPE!
JACK JONES: The superior ring positioning of Steve Parker right there, he knew exactly where he was! What'd I tell ya, Hewson?
BILL HEWSON: But it may be all for Steve Parker now, as Chad Kurtis is building momentum!
Parker gets up, taken down with a clothesline. Up and down! This time with a dropkick! Steve almost goes over the top rope, but comes back in... only to be caught with another Frankensteiner! Parker somehow pops right onto his feet, swings, Chad blocks and delivers a big back suplex! Parker prone in the ring, The Show out to the apron. PRIME TIME SPLASH! Parker moves... but Chad rolls through the move! Parker charges with a screaming clothesline only to get side-stepped and enziguried! The challenger falls into the corner. THE SHOW WITH A STINGER SPLASH --- SUPER-SIZED KICK!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
BILL HEWSON: Damn near took his head off!
Parker covers ONE!
TWO!
SHOULDER UP!
JACK JONES: How close was that, Hewson?!
BILL HEWSON: By the narrowest of margins! And now Steve Parker wants to know what it will take to put Chad Kurtis down for the count! Wait a minute, what's he doing here... putting The Show on the top rope?
Parker perches the champion up top, and goes up as well. Looking for a superplex perhaps...? Chad fights though! Wait a minute! THE SHOW stands alllll the way on the very top rope, TOP ROPE CK FINALE?! No! Parker with a gut shot! He comes to the very top as well! Both men standing incredibly precarious...
TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX!
Both men hit the canvas hard --- and then instinctively, simultaneously kick their feet up and hook the other man! Sharplin blinks, then counts with BOTH HANDS...
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
JACK JONES: YES! YES YES YES! HE DID IT! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!
BILL HEWSON: What are you talking about, Jack? Kurtis just pinned Parker for the three count, the champion retains!
JACK JONES: You're on supercrack! One man pinned the other, and that man who made the pin is STEVE PARKER, NEW NAPW WORLD CHAMPION!
BILL HEWSON: A breathtaking finish to the match... John Sharplin is conferring with Frank Warburton, let's get the official decision here.
Both Kurtis and Parker are up, breathing heavily after a helluva match. Sharplin is making something clear to Frank... both competitors look on with uncertainty mingled with hope...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, referee John Sharplin has ruled that BOTH MEN had their shoulders down on the canvas for the three count. Therefore, both men were pinned and this match is ruled a DRAW.
BOOOOOOOOO.
JACK JONES: Oh, now you've got Sharplin hooked on that supercrack too!
BILL HEWSON: Both men had their shoulders down, they each pitched back to try to score a pinfall, still tangled up in the head and neck from that superplex!
FRANK WARBURTON: Therefore, STILL CHAMPION... "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!
Sharplin goes to hand the world title to Kurtis, but Parker rips it away! Parker holds the title up, eyes slightly wild. He clearly believes that the title rightfully belongs to HIM. Kurtis looks ready to continue the fight, but Parker throws the belt roughly at the referee and bails from the ring. "Cocky" hits up and Chad raises the belt high over his head. From the aisle, Parker stares up at the champion, saying audible to the cameras "You didn't beat me... you couldn't beat me again..." Kurtis raises the belt, but keeps his gaze on Steve Parker.
BILL HEWSON: A controversial finish to the first World Title match here on The Fight Network, but the referee made the right call.
JACK JONES: But Steve Parker's right! Chad Kurtis DIDN'T beat him!
BILL HEWSON: And Steve Parker didn't beat Chad Kurtis --- the challenger has to beat the champion, not the other way around. Still, I can't help but feel this is not the last time these two will square off! For NAPW and Jack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying GOOD NIGHT!
Big camera shot of The World Champion, "The Show" Chad Kurtis!
But... not quite lights down just yet.
CUT TO: The basement of the Ogden Legion Hall.
Jeffrey Roberts is curled up against some pipe jutting out of the wall in one corner, his knees in front of him and blood streaming down his face. His eyes are wide, and we can't be sure if the blood is from earlier in the night or self-induced. Roberts seems aware of the camera, but doesn't look at it.
ROBERTS: So the Demo Man is happy now. He gets to referee a match, gets to hang with the big boys two shows in a row...
And now he wants revenge, wants revenge for his poor sap of a brother - wants revenge for me exposing him as a fool...
Falls Count Anywhere sounds good, MacCulloch. It sounds really good. It sounds really EXCITING. Hell...
I'm bleeding already.
Roberts says nothing more, but starts to slowly rock back and forth, still staring off into space. The cameraman takes this as his cue to get out of dodge.
Lights down.