INTERN PETE: Welcome to NAPW on The Fight Network! I'm Intern Pete, and I'm with Seamus and Sean, who said they had something to say.
Intern Pete turns to Seamus and Sean.
INTERN PETE: Sean? Seamus?
SEAN: Last week, two cowards, claiming to be Saviors of Semi-Professional Backyard Wrestling cost us something very dear, somthing that we've worked our asses off to get.
Sean is ticked, the anger definitely showing in his face.
SEAMUS: Last week, in our rematch for the titles that are rightfully ours', they wanted to interfere and cost us the match. I know it sounds like an excuse...
He laughs, but Sean jumps in.
SEAN: It is an excuse, no denying that Seamus. But the two of us don't want any excuses. We demand that you two sorry pieces of backyard trash get you a contract, get someone to read it to you, and that you get it signed.
Sean smiles.
SEAN: Because we don't want any excuses when we call you out to beat... your... backyard... asses!
Sean walks off, more like he storms off.
SEAMUS: The Freak Show won the match, but you two are going to have your asses beaten, just like Donovan Astros in a matter of a few minutes. Hope you enjoyed the roll Donovan, because it comes to a sudden stop tonight.
BOOM! The camera flips to the crowd packing out the Polish Hall, rowdy and ready for action! Frank Warburton is in the ring...
FRANK WARBURTON: The following is a singles match set for one fall and is the finals of the Rex Caliber Conference.
"Good Fight" by Creed sounds over the P.A. system as the crowd gets to their feet to show their love to Seamus O'Connor as he makes his way to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at one-hundred fifty pounds, Seamus O'Connor!
BILL HEWSON: Welcome fans, to New Alberta Pro Wrestling, and our first two-hour special on The Fight Network! We are coming to you from Edmonton Alberta... I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones, and what a show we have for you tonight! The 2010 Canada Cup WILL be awarded after three long months of competition! And we are starting off with one of two conference finals match-ups!
JACK JONES: Is it me, or is Seamus limping somewhat here tonight?
BILL HEWSON: Well we're just a week out from the brutal attack by the so-called Saviours of Back Yard Wrestling...
JACK JONES: No, I think it was the beating he took before that beating. You know, when Shut Down took both O'Connor's out without breaking a sweat.
Creed dies off as the hybrid version of "All Eyez on Me/Bittersweet Symphony" hits the speakers and the crowd... stays on their feet for "The Greatest Wrestler on God's Green Earth" Donovan Astros.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at two-hundred forty one pounds; he is the current Canadian Heritage Champion, Donovan Astros!
BILL HEWSON: These two know each other very well, having met several times in the later part of last year.
JACK JONES: Yeah, back when the O'Connor's actually stood for something.
BILL HEWSON: Would you stop?
Both men are in the ring now and are receiving the final instructions from tonight official, John Sharplin. Sharplin sends them to their corners then calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
Astros and O'Connor right into a collar and elbow tie up; Seamus with a quick go behind with a hammer-lock. Astros reverses with a hammer-lock of his own. Donovan applying tremendous torque with the basic move, Seamus with a sudden reversal of his own followed quickly with a drop toe hold and into a side headlock. Astros powers his way to his feet and goes for a back suplex; O'Connor flips out of it and on to his feet.
BILL HEWSON: Both men testing the waters here, neither of them wanting to be the first to make a mistake.
JACK JONES: No?! Really, and here I thought they'd both run in swing wildly without regard for the outcome.
BILL HEWSON: Well some of us actually get paid for talking about what we see in the ring Jack.
Another collar and elbow tie up, Donovan with an Irish Whip to Seamus who ducks a clothesline attempt; Seamus comes back from the other side and hits Astros square with a springboard back fist. Astros hits the mat and rolls out of the ring to regroup as Sharplin starts his count.
One...
Two...
Three...
Astros get on to the apron and Seamus meets him with a right hand, staggering the Heritage Champion. Seamus looks like he might try and suplex the much larger man back into the ring. The attempt is blocked by Astros who drops back down to the floor, hanging Seamus on the top rope in the process. Astros rolls back into the ring looking to press the advantage with a stiff looking elbow drop across the chest of O'Connor.
BILL HEWSON: I'm not sure what Seamus was thinking with that suplex attempt, but Astros is certainly not going to complain about his opponent's lack of foresight.
JACK JONES: Well you just can't make that kind of mistake against "The Greatest Wrestler on God's Green Earth", there is a reason he hasn't lost a match in over four months!
BILL HEWSON: Donovan Astros, the Canadian Heritage champion, is undefeated so far in 2010...
Donovan picks Seamus up and whips him into the corner; and nails a short arm clothesline that turn the former tag champ inside out. Astros moves in behind O'Connor and applies a picture perfect reverse chinlock. Seamus grits his teeth against the pain but refuse to cry out, or maybe he would cry out if he could open his jaw at all. Sharplin in position to check if Seamus is ready to submit but it's going to take far more than that to keep this Fighting Irishman down. O'Connor is trying to get to his feet... he gets to one knee... he's almost on his other knee... and Astros turn the chinlock into a beautiful butterfly suplex. About half the crowd is chanting for Seamus to get back to his feet as the other half is calling for "The Slingshot Effect"
"Lets Go Seamus" Boom, Boom, Boom boom boom.
"We want the Slingshot" Boom, Boom, Boom boom boom.
"Lets Go Seamus" Boom, Boom, Boom boom boom.
"We want the Slingshot" Boom, Boom, Boom boom boom.
BILL HEWSON: The crowd is split here tonight, both men having earned their respect throughout this tournament.
Astros knows better than to think Seamus is out of this yet however and hits Seamus with a snap suplex followed by a knee drop to the forehead. Seamus is clutching his head as he rolls around in the ring. Donovan grabbing Seamus by the head to bring up to a vertical base; a jaw-breaker from O'Connor out of nowhere. Both men down but Sharplin doesn't have time to start his count as both men get to their feet. A quick lariat attempt by Astros misses the mark as Seamus counters with a crucifix pin. Sharplin with the count.
One... Two.. No Shoulder up.
Both fighters are up again but this time it's Seamus on the offensive with several thigh kicks that bring Donovan down to one knee. Seamus with a running neck-breaker to Astros and a quick cover but only gets a one count as Astros powers out. Both men back up and go to tie up; small package by Astros, Sharplin with the count.
One... Two...
Kick-out Seamus. On their feet once again, Astros with a stiff right hand, blocked by Seamus, knife edged chop to the chest of Astros. Donovan answers back with one of his own. Seamus with another, Astros responds in kind. Seamus, Astros, Seamus, Astros, back and forth these to trading knife edges on after the other... A hurricanrana out of nowhere from Seamus. Cover.
One... Two... Thre... Shoulder up!
Seamus hit the rope and hits hith a pinning heel kick. Another pin attempt.
One...
Two...
Three... No! Shoulder up by Astros! Seamus presses on with a few well placed stomps to the bread basket. Seamus picks Donovan up and whips him into the corner which he follows up with a lariat/bulldog combo. He wastes no time ascending the turnbuckle... Astros leaps up and hit's the ropes, Seamus lands on his "Irish Jewels". Astros moves in, grabbing the head of Seamus... Concussion Cannon! The cover.
One...
Two...
Three... No, foot on the rope!
Astros looking visibly aggravated by John Sharplin's call but doesn't dwell on it long as he delivers the Astrolabe. Cover.
One...
Two...
Thre... kickout! But just barely.
Astros stands over the fallen O'Connor; and Seamus rolls him a school boy.
One...
Two...
Kickout! Both on their feet. Astros whips Seamus into the ropes and Seamus bounces back with a lionsault that catches Astros right on target. Seamus not able to capitalize right away however and both men are down and Sharplin begins his count.
One...
Two...
Three...
Astros begins to stir.
Four...
He reaches the ropes
Five...
Seamus now crawling over to the ropes.
Six...
Astros gets to his knees; Seamus pulling himself up.
Seven...
And Astros reaches is feet; Seamus gets to his, both men nearly spent. They charge each other, Seamus hits with a cross-body block!
One...
Two...
Astros rolls it over on Seamus!
One...
Two...
Shoulder up! Astros and Seamus quickly to their feet. Astros with a toe kick to Seamus gut, DDT to Seamus. Astros with the Martyr's Cross! Seamus screams out but refuses to quit. He somehow finds the rope with his foot. Astros slaps the canvas in frustration. He rises up, bringing Seamus up; Slingshot Effect! No! Seamus reverses with a tornado DDT! Seamus climbs up the turn buckle... He leaps with the Irish Insignia! Astros gets knees up! Astros to his feet; he hoists Seamus in the air... Slingshot Effect! It connects! The cover!
ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: And here is your winner, proceeding the Canada Cup Finals, Donovan Astros!
BILL HEWSON: What a match! Seamus O'Connor gave it all he had, but Donovan Astros scores the three-count. Now he awaits the winner of Steve Parker and Jeffrey Roberts later tonight! Stay tuned, lots more action coming your way!
Astros lets the referee raise his hand as Seamus pulls himself up, dazed. Seamus extends his hand to Donovan? The Heritage Champ hesitates --- there's a lot of bad blood between these two men --- but Astros accepts, giving the crowd a reason to cheer louder.
Commercial Break
Back from commercial, and Justin Case is in the ring, his music still blasting. The crowd gives him WHATFOR.FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first... "THE MILLENIUM GAME" JUSTIN CASE!
Case's music dies down... Dropkick Murphys! And now the crowd comes alive with clapping and cheers!
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Wabana Bell Island Newfoundland... LLOYD REES!
BILL HEWSON: It was just last week that Justin Case, a relative newcomer to NAPW, attacked Lloyd Rees' good friend Bayman Jakey... a brutal assault that may have cost Lloyd Rees the Heritage Championship. What is Justin Case's issue, Jack Attack?
JACK JONES: You know what he's doing? He's trying to make his name here in NAPW. And what better way to do it than by getting into it with the most decorated wrestler in NAPW history!
Danny Chaos explains the rules to both men, before signaling for the bell to be rung.
DING DING DING
Rees goes in with a collar and elbow lockup, but Case is there to reverse into a rear waistlock, lifting Rees up and over onto his shoulder before rolling back up, releasing the hold once he has Rees back vertical. Case jumps to the middle rope, springing off with a kick right to Rees' temple, but Lloyd is able to catch the foot, flipping Case over onto his back. Lloyd hits the ropes as Case gets back to a seated position. Lloyd slams a knee right into Justin's face sending him back to lay on his back. Lloyd isn't finished as he brings Justin back up to his feet, shoving him into the corner. Rees slams his shoulder into Justin's midsection but Justin locks up with Lloyd in the corner, and Danny Chaos is forced to break the two men up. Lloyd looks for a bit before backing up, but Justin with a kick to Rees' thigh sends him turning to the right. Justin leaps from the middle turnbuckle to take Lloyd down with a swinging neckbreaker from the middle rope. Lloyd is down, Justin makes the cover.
One...
Two...
JACK JONES: That was three! Justin has won!
BILL HEWSON: No he didn't, will you be serious?
JACK JONES: I'm always serious about a slow count!
Justin drops a quick knee into Lloyd's face before climbing to the top turnbuckle. The crowd is trying to get Lloyd up and back in this match. Justin leaps from the top turnbuckle with a shooting star press, but the only thing he hits is canvas. Justin holds at his midsection as Rees rushes behind him. Lloyd with a boot to his back, nailing the DDT from the Green on Justin and he makes a cover as well.
One...
Two...
JACK JONES: Fast count from the demented Danny Chaos!
BILL HEWSON: Glad that you don't pick sides in a match, Jack.
Lloyd looks frustrated, but knowing Danny will definitely call it down the middle, he continues. Forearm to Justin's throat has him backed up in the corner. Lloyd knees him in the gut, double underhook position. Miner Driver sends Justin down to the canvas! Cover ONE, TWO, kick-out...
...and Rees tries to lock in the Lance Cove Leglock!
Justin shoves him forward away from his feet. Justin rolls up to a kneeling position, but here comes Rees with a head of steam. Justin with a side step, sweeping Lloyd's legs out from under him. Lloyd's face plants right into the canvas, hard. Justin pulls Rees up to a vertical base, shoving him front first into the corner. Justin with a series of kicks and knees to the lower back of Rees, tenderizing him for a submission hold later. Justin wraps his arms around Rees' neck in a blatent chokehold, but Danny is there to warn Justin about his tactics. Justin turns around, him and Danny get into a bit of an arguement.
BILL HEWSON: This isn't smart by the NAPW rookie.
JACK JONES: Yeah, you'd think Danny would at least know the rules since he is a referee.
Justin goes to shove Danny, but thinks better of it, instead he goes back to lock his arms around Lloyd's throat before climbing up with his legs on either side of Rees. Justin jumps, planting both feet into Lloyd's back, and flipping the most decorated man in NAPW out of the corner into the center of the ring. Rees looks out of it, but spies Baymon on the outside cheering him on, not to mention the crowd is trying to get "Da Technical Terror" back into it as well. Justin says something to Danny, but struts over to where Lloyd Rees is laying in a prone position. Justin pulls him up, but Lloyd shoves him backwards into the ropes. Justin bounces off the ropes cockily, but Rees takes him down with a back body, turning to lock in a crossface, but Justin holds onto the ropes quickly. Danny orders Lloyd to not even lock on the hold, but Rees pulls Justin out of the ropes, slamming his forearm into his head before Irish whipping him across the ring into the ropes.
JACK JONES: Is it time for a commmercial?
BILL HEWSON: Not yet, you act like you want to see Lloyd Rees on offense.
Case leaps with a crossbody, Lloyd catches him. Rees goes for a slam, but Justin counters in mid slam to slam Lloyd's head into the canvas, he lays there breathing heavily. Justin pulls himself up, mouthing off a bit to Danny Chaos before spying Baymon on the outside, cheering his friend on. Justin says something to Baymon, but Rees' friend tries to pay no attention, instead turning his back on the mouthing off Justin Case. Justin turns back to Rees, still lying in the center of the ring, but his hand has moved to the lower part of his back. Justin smiles greedily as he flips Rees over onto his back, grabbing both ankles and locking in a sharpshooter. Justin turns Rees over, but Lloyd struggles to keep from being turned, too late as Justin sits back in the submission hold. Rees groans out in pain as he spies the ropes so far away. Danny falls into position, asking Lloyd if he wants to submit, Rees shakes his head no, instead he begins to inch his way to the ropes and safety.
JACK JONES: Justin has that hold locked in tight.
BILL HEWSON: But Rees is crawling towards the ropes, slowly but he is doing it.
Rees reaches out for the rope.
*WHAM!*
Justin Case releases the hold, falling down to the canvas with a gash on his forehead. BAYMAN JAKEY stands over him, steel chair in hand! Danny Chaos has no choice but to call for the bell.
DING DING DING
FRANK WARBURTON: Winner of the match as a result of disqualification, Justin Case!
Jakey drops the steel chair, mounting Justin with a Lou Thesz press and begins to pound his fists into the cocky Justin Case's face and head. Danny pulls Jakey off of Case, shouting him that he can't do things like that here in NAPW. Rees pulls himself up, shouting at Jakey that he just got him a loss, for his interference. Rees quickly hushes, rushing towards Jakey, but he is too late as Justin levels Jakey with the chair, sending him down to the canvas. Justin swings the chair, but Lloyd avoids the blow and Danny with a swift Karate kick sends the chair out of Justin's hands. Justin is momentarily stunned, giving Rees enough time to nail a Codebreaker on Justin! Case rolls out of the ring.
BILL HEWSON: What an ending to this match.
JACK JONES: That cheating Rees, he just cost me a hundred dollars.
BILL HEWSON: What, Justin just won the match?
JACK JONES: Oh yeah, Rees is a wonderful man, he just helped me win one thousand. In Rees speak, I'm Da dame man."
Rees glowers down at Justin, knowing nothing as been settled. Justin gives a little wave to Rees as he walks backwards up the aisleway.
Rees just stares at Justin as he walks through the curtain.
BILL HEWSON: Something tells me this isn't over... we now take you to Josh Reynolds, who has an exclusive interview backstage! Josh?
We come across a rather particular sight as Josh Reynolds is standing in the midst of Zouave and his odd cast of clowns, acrobats and other circus related performers. To the far left, almost out of the cameras view we see a stoic Joey Malone dressed in a black and white clown outfit. Josh looks ill at ease as his trembling hand holds the microphone.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Thanks, Bill. This is Josh Reynolds in what has to be a huge scoop for NAPW. Zouave has agreed to let me ask a few questions and....
Josh pauses in mid sentence and sweat pops out in tiny beads on his forehead.
JOSH REYNOLDS: ... Oh Man.
The camera pans over and we watch as a disgusted looking Chris Casino walks into frame. He steps towards Zouave who merely smiles in acknowledgment.
CHRIS CASINO: (sarcastically) Well, looks like the circus is back in town.
ZOUAVE: Weeeeell. Look who dropped by to say hello kids! It's Cas-In-O! Why the frown Mr. Grumpy Pants?
Casino looks ready for a fight but cautiously eyes the large muscle men with mallets who have suddenly stepped from the crowd.
CHRIS CASINO: I dunno what the Hell your angle is here Ronald McDonald, but I know this. I didn't bust my ass here for four years to watch some, excuse the pun, clown and his band of merry misfits, make a mockery of this place. NAPW was built on the shoulders of athletes. People like myself, D!, Ravager, Rees....
The clown holds up a hand and offers a happy smile.
ZOUAVE: But Mr. Cas-In-O....None of those people are here anymore. It's just you. All alone. One man looking to spoil the fun of others. Tell me Christopher......Would you like a balloon?
Everyone but Casino and Josh laugh as if this was the funniest thing they've ever heard.
CHRIS CASINO: Yeah laugh it up Slappy. Just remember that as long as I'm around, there's always going to be someone watching you clown. Just to make sure you don't get to comfy.
Casino walks away but not before giving the stink eye to the clowns entourage.
ZOUAVE: Well, we just might have to rec-tify that! (turns to his group) Won't we?
Smiles all around.
Commercial Break
Scene fades in as we join Josh Reynolds who has just caught up with NAPW world champion, 'The Show' Chad Kurtis, outside of his locker room...JOSH REYNOLDS: Excuse me, Chad, can we get a few words with you about your match tonight.
CHAD KURTIS: Of course.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Let's start our by with the burning question and let's talk about the controversy surrounding your title run.
CHAD KURTIS: Controversy?! What controversy exactly?!
JOSH REYNOLDS: There seems to be a lot of controversy surrounding you and your title run right now beginning with the fact that you seem to have been getting more then a little help from 'The Freak Show' of late.
CHAD KURTIS: Et tu, Brute?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Huh?
CHAD KURTIS: It's from Shakespeare. I know you are thinking what are you quoting Shakespeare on TFN. But basically what I am saying is you to. You are believe all the propaganda?
JOSH REYNOLDS: I am not saying rather I believe it or not but even you have to admit that Zouave and his clown posse have seemed to be where ever you need them as of late.
CHAD KURTIS: Except for when I got injured you mean?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Okay except for that one time.
CHAD KURTIS: All I am going to say about Zouave and his killer clowns from the outer space or where ever they are from is that I ain't no part of any clown posse insane or other wise! Period! End of discussion!
JOSH REYNOLDS: And why exactly should we believe you?
CHAD KURTIS: You mean my word ain't good enough?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Afraid not champ.
CHAD KURTIS: You know I will admit I understand why some people have brought into this conspiracy theory after all Zouave would be a damn genius if he could enlist both the world tag team champion and the world champion in his little posse.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Yes he would, no argument there.
CHAD KURTIS: But the bottom line is 'The Show' in a stable or a tag team just doesn't work that good. I had some good runs with 'The Bluegrass Mafia' and 'Style Clash' but I also end up stand alone.
JOSH REYNOLDS: That doesn't mean you wouldn't try it again.
CHAD KURTIS: I guess it doesn't but maybe just maybe this will put your mind to ease. There was one time that 'The Last Action Hero' ran with the dark side. I know you remember it well. It was we I team with Prince Darko in Iam Smith's stable but it seemed unnatural.
JOSH REYNOLDS: That may ease some of the fans minds but there are still others including your opponent tonight none other the 'The Demo-man' who thinks you are full of sh...
CHAD KURTIS: Full of shit? You think I am full of shit? Let me tell you, 'Demo-man', and any othe doubters this, I have been nothing but I fighting champion and that is exactly how it is going to stay. Tonight I will go one-on-one with 'Demo' with my world title on the line! A world title that I worked my ass off to get and I have worked my ass off to keep and tonight ain't going to be any different!
JOSH REYNOLDS: What ain't going to be different?
CHAD KURTIS: Let me put it this way 'Demo' wanted a war and he's got one! I going to walk down that ramp here in just a few minutes as the world champion and when I leave the ring I am going to leave it still world champion! Can you dig that!
With that being said 'The Show' walks into his locker room leaving Josh Reynolds alone with the microphone...
JOSH REYNOLDS: Will, there you have it folks. I don't know if we got any real answers but we sure do seem to have a determined world champion!
JACK JONES: And that's the story of when I met R. Kelly.
BILL HEWSON: Oh. My. God.
JACK JONES: He makes a delicious bundt cake, Hewson. All the ladies seemed to like it...
SAVE US, FRANK WARBURTON!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following is a Canada Cup Semi-Final match, and is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at two hundred and nineteen pounds. From Boston, Massachusets..."THE STAR-SPANGLED SENSATION" STEVE PARKER!
The room floods with the pure, unadulterated American sounds of Corrosion of Conformity. Oh, and boos. Don't forget the boos. Steve Parker doesn't care about the boos, though, as he swings a giant American flag back and forth, sets it up in the corner of the ring, and then salutes it.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, weighing in at two hundred and thirty-five pounds, from Miami, Florida...JEFFREY ROBERTS!
And just when you thought the boos couldn't have gotten any louder...they do. You can barely hear the "OOOH-AH-AH-AH-AH" of Disturbed. But Jeffrey Roberts? He doesn't care. With a crazy grin plastered on his face, he shuffles down to the ring, intent to cause havoc.
BILL HEWSON: This crowd is not exactly behind these two competitors, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: I don't understand it! I mean, I don't know who to cheer for!
BILL HEWSON: Well, I think that you and the crowd have a similar problem.
Referee Danny Chaos gives the two men a brief speech, then calls for the bell and we are ON! Kind of. Jeffrey Roberts feints, causing Parker to step back, and while he's on the wrong foot, Roberts jumps onto the bottom rope, and cracks Parker in the face with a flying drop kick! Parker flies halfway across the ring and flips over, landing on his face, while Roberts gets to his feet, then rushes at Parker, with a soccer kick to the face. But Parker grabs Roberts' foot and takes him down with a modified Dragon Screw! Roberts goes down hard, smashing his head on the turnbuckle on the way down. Parker pulls himself up using the ropes, then climbs to the top turnbuckle, waiting for Roberts to get to his feet--flying cross body! CAUGHT! Roberts catches Parker and drops him with a body slam, and the crowd is loving it.
JACK JONES: GO ROBERTS!
BILL HEWSON: The action's coming fast and furious so far in the match, Jack; both of these guys want to get to the Canada Cup finals. We'll see which one of them is moving on when NAPW on TFN continues!
Commercial Break
As we return to action, we see that both men are OUT! Parker is face-down outside the ring, while Roberts is on his back in the center of the ring, blood dripping from his forehead. The crowd is on their feet, cheering and screaming and going absolutely PAPAYA-GUAVA SMOOTHIE! What the hell happened during the commercial?BILL HEWSON: Welcome back to NAPW on TFN, and by GOD did you folks miss something! Here's a quick replay to catch you all up.
Split-screen! As Danny Chaos starts counting both men out, we see what happened while we were seeing advertisements for king-sized Chee-tos. Roberts is crouching in the middle of the ring while Parker is up on the top turnbuckle, hoping that his next high-risk maneuver is more successful than his first one. Roberts gets up, charging Parker on the turnbuckle with a double-axe handle, hoping to knock his opponent off the turnbuckle. Parker kicks with his left, but Roberts catches it! He grins like a the cat who's got the canary.
And then Parker does a gamengiri! ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!!
Parker plants his foot right smack in the center of Roberts' face, and the maniac drops to the canvas. Parker is in trouble, though, not being able to keep his balance, and lands HARD on the outside, colliding with the ring apron on the way down.
BILL HEWSON: A shocking turn as a high-risk move from Parker ends up costing BOTH men.
JACK JONES: And now this semi-final could end in a double count-out! Both men could win! I'd be the happiest boy EVER!
Well, let's hope this doesn't darken your mood, Jones, because Roberts starts crawling towards the ropes as Danny Chaos gets to four. By six, Roberts has his hand on the bottom rope. By eight, Roberts...crawls to the outside? And starts helping Parker into the ring?
JACK JONES: What are you doing? You could have had this won!?!
BILL HEWSON: You know Jeffrey Roberts, Jack Attack: he's not happy with a simple win. He has to BEAT the other guy.
JACK JONES: God bless that man.
Roberts hauls Parker up and into the ring, then rolls in after him. He kicks him in the side, then rolls him over, and goes for the cover. Danny Chaos starts the count, one, two, th--Parker kicks out!
JACK JONES: Oh my God!
BILL HEWSON: Steve Parker suffering from the results of a BRUTAL fall, but somehow has the wherewithal to keep this match going!
And the crowd goes nuts. Because if there's one thing they like better than watching two class-one jerks get the snot beat out of each other, it's two class-one jerks beating the snot out of each other. And this match is just getting more insane, because Roberts has smashed Parker in the face with his elbow, and is trying to get him into the tree of woe! Roberts has Parker upside down, trying to hang him off the turnbuckle, but Parker's struggling something fierce. Roberts gives one final try, but Parker plants his hands on the canvas and stretches out with his feet--HURRICANRANA!
JACK JONES: GO PARKER!
Parker somehow got his feet around Roberts neck and plants his face in on the floor! Parker with the cover!
One!
Two!
KICK-OUT!
Roberts kicks out after two, and now both men slowly get to their feet, Parker looking frustrated, Roberts still just looking crazy. Roberts charges Parker, who grabs the ropes and pulls down, Roberts tumbing over head-first! Parker gets to his feet, quickly, and then steps to the middle of the ring, daring the crowd to boo him for using his giant American brain. But they don't boo. They cheer.
Because Roberts skinned the cat, and he's now rushing Steve Parker--CLOTHESLINE FROM BEHIND! Here's the cover!
One!
Two!
KICK-OUT!
Parker kicks out, and Roberts gives him a couple of knees to the back of the head before he gets up. Chaos steps to Roberts, giving him a warning, but Roberts just laughs and hauls Parker to his feet. He locks in with a headlock suplex, Parker going up and over--reversal! Parker locking up with a release German suplex--REVERSAL! Roberts behind Parker with a release German of his own--MOTHER-LOVING-REVERSAL!! Parker with an American suplex!! AND IT GOES THROUGH! Parker taking Roberts down with the leg-and-head cradle, then follows it up with a leg drop. Here's the cover!
One!
Two!
KICK-OUT!
Roberts kicks out, and Parker's losing it a little. The frustration obviously showing on his face, he goes to lift Roberts to his feet--LOW BLOW!! Roberts taking his opponent down with a shot to his red, white, and blue chestnuts, and Parker drops to a knee, his eyes comically wide. Roberts gets to his feet, and kicks Parker right in the stomach, doubling over. Getting him ready for the LIGER BOMB!
JACK JONES: OH MY GOD!
Roberts has Parker in the air, bringing him down--NO! Parker fires off with a desperation right hand and Roberts takes a step back! Another right, and the two men TUMBLE to the ground, a tangle of arms and legs. Danny Chaos starts the count for the second time tonight.
One!
Two!
Three!
Roberts starts showing some sign of life, crawling to the ropes.
Four!
Five!
Parker makes his move!
Six!
Seven!
Roberts grabs the ropes!
Eight!
PARKER'S ON HIS FEET!!! Steve Parker stumbles over to Jeffrey Roberts and kicks him in the back of the head, knocking him off the ropes! Parker hauls him a couple of steps back into the center of the ring, and sets up the FREEDOM FRYER! Parker HAULING back on Roberts neck, Danny Chaos asking Roberts if he can continue, but Roberts grits his teeth and shakes his head. Both men obviously in pain from all the abuse that they have piled on each other throughout the match: Parker desperately trying to hold on to the move, Roberts struggling to get out! Suddenly, Roberts bursts out in a loud, terrifying burst of laughter, then passes out! Danny Chaos calls for the bell!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner...STEVER PARKER!!
BILL HEWSON: Roberts is out, Parker wins --- our Canada Cup finale is set! Donovan Astros versus Steve Parker! Here's Josh Reynolds with the winner!
Josh has climbed into the ring, where he sticks the microphone in Parker's face.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Steve Parker, you managed to squeak by Jeffery Roberts, and now you face Donovan Astros in the Canada Cup Finals. Any thoughts going into the big match later on tonight?
STEVE PARKER: Destiny is calling me, and I am answering loud and clear. Like I said, I respect Jeffery Roberts, and he came at me with everything he had, but I was just a little faster, a little smarter, and a little better, and that's all that matters. You came close, Jeff, but that only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Now, it all comes down to the two-time Award Winning sensation --- that's me, Josh, keep up --- vs the Heritage Champ Donovan Astros! To me, it didn't matter, because whether it was going to be Donovan Astros or Seamus O'Connor, it's all going to end the same. You can't stop progress, and the Canada Cup is just going to be one more prize to add to the One Man Dynasty!
The crowd continues to boo as Parker celebrates. The 'smile' is larger than ever.
Commercial Break
We are greeted with a welcome ovation as "Life's Been Good to Me" by Joe Walsh booms over the PA system. Bruce Richards emerges slowly from the entrance way, he is making his way to the ring very cool, calm and collected.FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first weighing in at two hundred and seventy pounds. From Saint Albert, Alberta here is BRUCE RICHARDS!
BILL HEWSON: Well it's been an interesting couple of weeks between Bruce Richards and Bobby Crane. They crossed paths in The Sideshow Battle Royal two weeks ago and then last week Bobby Crane did the unthinkable and attacked Richards backstage during an interview segment.
JACK JONES: You ask me Bill, and I'll tell you that Bruce Richards had no business hamming in on Beautiful Bobby's interview time and he got what he had coming to him. Crane is going to make quick work of him tonight and maybe next time he will think about cutting in on someone elses time.
As Bruce Richards is walking ever so calmly to the ring out of nowhere comes Bobby Crane running from out of the entrance way and as he runs up behind an unsuspecting Richards! WHAM! Attack from behind!
BILL HEWSON: Oh for goodness sake! Bobby Crane jumping Bruce Richards from behind!
Bobby Crane continues pounding at Richards with punches and kicks as he is down on the ground, the referee is in the aisle trying to break up the beat down but are having no success as Crane picks up Richards and sends him headfirst into the guard-rail! Then whips Bruce into the steel steps! Bobby Crane sizes up Richards and looks like he is about to give him a running kick to the face as he is laid up against the steel steps. Crane takes off with a head of steam and Richards just slides out of the way and Crane goes feet first into the bottom steps.
Richards then grabs Bobby Crane by his long locks of hair and tosses him into the ring...
DING DING DING!
BILL HEWSON: And we have a match!
Richards rolls in after Crane and as Crane gets to his feet he puts his arms up in a look of "Hold Off and beg for Mercy." Richards looks around at the crowd with his fist raised waiting for them to tell him what to do
BILL HEWSON: This crowd here at NAPW's first two hour special here on TFN is getting ecstatic! Come on, Richards, pound him!
Richards hauls off and fires a punch, BOOM, BOOM and BOOM. Crane goes down with third punch, Richards gives him a high back body drop. Richards turns around and picks up Crane in an arm-bar in which he turns into a take down and a knee drop. Richards picks Crane up one more time and sends him into the corner turnbuckle face first and Crane flops back onto his back.
BILL HEWSON: Richards is in control of the official match here now and I think Bobby Crane is starting to regret taking this match.
JACK JONES: The engines runnin but no one is behind the wheel at this point Bill.
BILL HEWSON: I think you may be right, Crane is on dream street!
JACK JONES: I was talking about Richards, Bill.
Richards picks up Crane, Head into the turnbuckle... ONE. TWO. THREE TIMES, picks up Crane for a back suplex, Crane reverses and flips off and catches Richards with an atomic drop, punches Richards into the turnbuckle,whips him across the ring to the other buckle! Crane runs at him with an elbow and connects then wraps his arm around his head and hits a bulldog and Richards is laid out on the mat. Crane takes his leg and starts to spin around for a quick figure four, reversed with a kick to the backside, Crane goes into the ropes but comes back and connects Richards with a clothesline as he gets up, Crane picks him up for a nicely executed... PILEDRIVER! ONE, TWO, KICK-OUT!
BILL HEWSON: That piledriver could have ended it all... Crane is going toe to toe with a former World Champion and former six time Tag Team Champion!
Bobby Crane stops and poses for the crowd playing with his hair.
BILL HEWSON: This is not what he needs to do here.
JACK JONES: I think you're right for once Bill, Crane has gotta keep going after him!
Crane goes for a fisherman's suplex and gets reversed, Richards with a suplex of his own. Crane gets up, swings wildly, ducked... COBRA CLUTCH!
And there's the Bomb!
Crane somehow staggers up, looking punch-drunk... and Bruce hooks him with the pumphandle suplex throw! Wait! Richards falls to the ground thanks to a surprise low blow that the ref doesn't see.
BILL HEWSON: And ref there's a reason why he's holding himself there, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
JACK JONES: I think you need help, Bill. You're a little delusional...
Crane sets up Richards for a Brainbuster and connects, Crane covers him ONE... TWO... and no not this time. Crane picks him up and slams him into postion by the turnbuckle, Crane goes to the second rope and tries for the elbow and misses, Richards sends Crane into the corner. He charges! Crane tries to pull the ref in the way between them but the ref squeaks off, Crane pulls an object from his tights, misses the right hand...
Richards has him up in the Chart Attack!
As he spins Crane around his legs hit the ref in the head and the ref is down and dazed! Crane falls off of Bruce, and Bruce wonders what happened. He groans when he sees the referee is down. Richards shakes him, the ref dazed. He turns around and picks Crane up...
and gets a face full of white powder!
Crane rolls Bruce up, he has tights and the feet on the rope. Cover, the ref groggily counts ONE, TWO, THREE!
Boos rain from the crowd.
FRANK WARBURTON: And your winner... "BEAUTIFUL" BOBBY CRANE!
BILL HEWSON: Crane steals one and I don't believe it.
JACK JONES: Believe it, sir! This is a big win for Bobby Crane here tonight!
Crane hightails it, celebrating through the curtain.
JACK JONES: Another tough loss, aww hey Bruce?
BILL HEWSON: Will you be serious?
Bruce Richards, leaning in the corner of the ring, is trying to flush his eyes. A ringside official passes him a bottle of water...
VOICE: Seriously, Bruce? Powder in the eyes? You lose a match to one of the oldest tricks in the book?
Kyle Roberts, dressed in a pair of black slacks, a grey dress shirt and a Spider-Man tie, comes down to ringside.
STYLIN' KYLE: How many people in Moose Jaw Pro used that bit? How many times did you see a powder throw happen in our time together?
Kyle starts to tick off his fingers.
STYLIN' KYLE: Larry the Cocaine Fiend. The Substitute Teacher. Big Baby Barry and his tag partner, Swaddling Stu Stevens. That evil baker guy from Gastown, Easy Bake Owen? You know better than that, Bruce. What happened to you being the master manipulator?
Kyle ducks under the middle rope, adjusting his tie.
STYLIN' KYLE: When I came back for the first time, I thought you were going through a dry spell. We all go through them. But it looks like it's gone waaaayyy beyond that, Bruce. I think you've just plain lost everything. Your ferocity. Your ring mastery. I think you've lost your damn mind.
Bruce looks at Kyle incredulously.
STYLIN' KYLE: I came to Edmonton, came back because I thought I could bring something back. I thought I could extend a hand from the top of Mount Olympus, dust off your clothes, and get you standing back on your own two feet. But no, it looks like-
Bruce pulls the mic from Kyle's hand.
BRUCE RICHARDS: It looks like what, Kyle? From what I see, you came back to New Alberta Pro just to rub my losses in my face. You left that cushy Olympic job, pursuing snow bunnies that I can only assume were kept up sleepless with nightmares of you, just to try and get under my skin?
Kyle looks at Bruce, who is glaring at him, not taking his eyes off his old tag team partner. He turns and chuckles. He motions for a new mic.
BRUCE RICHARDS: And you call this helping me? You mocking me, calling me bland and washed up, coming out night after night rubbing salt into my wounds, you honestly think you're helping me?
STYLIN' KYLE: Look behind you, Bruce. You see that one set of footprints in the sand? That was me hoisting you onto my back.
BRUCE RICHARDS: I don't believe this. Platitudes, Kyle? That's what you're left with?
STYLIN' KYLE: You want my "A" material, Bruce?
BRUCE RICHARDS: You want to make me mad? Then stop pussyfooting around the issue. Stop making offhand comments. Either tell me off or get get to steppin'.
STYLIN' KYLE: Ripping off MY catchphrases? Oh, you have reaped the whirlwind, my friend. You want the good stuff, I'll tell you the good stuff.
Kyle holds his hand out in a 'hold on a sec' motion, as he pulls out a sheet of paper.
STYLIN' KYLE: Lessee. 'Have you been drinking from the deep fryer.' No, I want to stay away from fat jokes. 'George Lucas called, he wants his beard back.' No, you don't have the beard these days, do you? Not timely. Pass. 'Hugo Boss called, he wants you to stop wearing his clothes, he's losting revenue.' Not too funny, and requires the audience to think.
Boooos from the audience.
STYLIN' KYLE: (to the audience) Look, it's been a while, I'm trying to get this together, alright? Just shut up, chumpstains. (he turns back to Bruce) How about this one? It was close to working during that battle royal you lost. 'As much as you're sucking these days, it's about half as much as Tiffany's been doing.
The audience goes batshit, half hooting, half baying for the Beast to spill Kyle's blood. Bruce drops the microphone. And his face turns bright red. Kyle steps back. Bruce takes a deep breath. And calms down. He picks up his microphone, and, in a low voice, replies to Kyle.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Is that all you've got? You were my partner, Kyle. You worked with me for over three years. Shouldn't you be able to do better than make insinuations about my girlfriend?
STYLIN' KYLE: (mopping his forehead with a handkerchief) Hooo. You really want me to go there?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Whatever it takes, Kyle. I can handle it if you can. I'm not the Beast anymore.
STYLIN' KYLE: I'll say! It's no fun, Bruce. I give up. I can't make you angry? Then I quit.
Bruce smiles, and turns to go.
STYLIN' KYLE: Just like you've been doing.
Bruce stops. Then he turns around, folds his arms, and mouths Go on.
STYLIN' KYLE: You've thrown in the towel. You've mentally checked out. Right now, you're thinking about what the Nexus Club's next week specials are going to be. And if you've given up, I've got nothing. I'm done carrying you.
Kyle steps away, but he's not able to move. He turns around, and Bruce had his arm on Kyle's shoulder in a firm grip. Bruce brings up the mic he's holding.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Pardon?
Kyle shrugs off Bruce and pretends to soak his hands.
STYLIN' KYLE: I wash my hands of you. I'm done carrying you on my back for the past six years. What have you accomplished since I packed off and moved to REBEL? Oh, sure, you were NAPW World Champion! You beat Donovan Astros for that big shiny belt! Too bad that was after I took him down a few notches to a Beast fighting level.
Kyle is walking around the ring, ignoring the boos, keeping an eye on Bruce.
STYLIN' KYLE: And then your mighty defenses against Jason Cruise! Dez Carter! Prince (BLEEP) Darko! Yeah, you managed to beat three men at the same time, but really, who can't do that? Who can't walk out of a ring when Jake Phoenix and Ravager are staring each other down, and Andrew 'Simply Boring' Rossi is wanking off in the corner? You call that a title reign? When Astros beat you again, that was a mercy. It was a guy playing with a toothless old dog, pretending that the mutt is able to hold his own in a rawhide tug of war.
Bruce frowns, but is holding his ground.
STYLIN' KYLE: And the Heritage title? You beat Hostile? Sure. Fine. Every champion has to lose eventually. You just happened to be in the ring when Hostile had his time. And who came to take that title away from you? Donnie Astros once more. A guy I was able to beat MANY a time, gramps. Your title reigns were straw men, Bruce. Nothing but faded glories of a faded star.
Bruce shakes his head.
STYLIN' KYLE: Oh, I know what you're going to say, that's not the way it happened, right Bruce? You were in the right place at the right time. But you never would have arrived there if it wasn't for this big fish leaving the chum pond. We won the tag titles five times! We were on top of the world, Bruce! Bruce 'The Beast Richards.' Stylin' Kyle Roberts! But look at that sand behind us, Bruce. If I wasn't giving you piggybacks, I was dragging your ass the entire w--
BAM! Bruce unleashes a punch so quick, Kyle's nose erupts in blood. He drops on the mat sitting, ass hitting the canvas, looking at the blood on his hand after wiping his nose.
BILL HEWSON: He loses it!
JACK JONES: He snaps!
But Bruce isn't finished. He hoists Kyle Roberts on his shoulders. The crowd is on their feet, cheering. CHART ATTACK! Kyle is flat on his back. Bruce wipes some blood off his shoulder in a dismissive gesture. He looks down on Kyle, who's glassy-eyed and still in shock. Bruce leaves the ring, and he seems to be walking a little bit straighter. The fans are trying to glad hand him all the way up the aisle. Bruce is at the entrance curtain.
And smirks as he looks back at Kyle in the ring. And chuckles ring out over the PA system. Kyle has the mic in his hand, as he hoists himself into a sitting position. And the chuckles get louder as Kyle starts laughing. Bruce's brow furrows, his face a question. Kyle spits out a mouthful of blood and managed to clap weakly.
STYLIN' KYLE: Welcome back... (cough) ... Beast...
The crowd echoes Kyle's sentiments!
"BEAST! BEAST! BEAST! BEAST!"
Bruce shakes his head with his own chuckle as he exits.
Commercial Break
JACK JONES: So I took the spa package and ran!BILL HEWSON: I can't believe you posed as Lord Ippenwich just to test drive a Rolls Royce, just to get a free gift.
JACK JONES: I even brought the Grey Poupon!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall.....
"Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses hits the PA and the crowd pops, possibly more for the song than the able bodied young man that rushes out from the back.
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring first, he hails from Toronto, Canada and weighs in at two-hundred and twenty pounds, this is Joe "The Crippler" Boyer!!!
Boyer slides in under the bottom ring rope and looks ready to give it his all.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, he represents The Untouchables and is the unrecognized True Honor Champion.....
"Smooth" by Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas hits the sound system and the crowd seem shocked (although not shocked enough to keep them from booing) the person who steps out from behind the curtain.
Chris Casino.
Casino smiles at the hostile crowd and glances at the ring. We then notice that God forbid, Casino has a live mic.
CHRIS CASINO: Oh give it a rest you greasy Canadians! After four damn years you think you'd finally get over your little insecurities about me. Yeah sure I whipped all your hometown heroes like D! (more heat mixed with some cheers) and won EVERY stinkin' title this promotion has to offer, so please just come down off your high horses and applaud the legend you see before you.
The boos are deafening but Casino simply eats it up with a smirk.
CHRIS CASINO: Fine. Whatever. Your loss. It's times like this that I know in my heart that REBEL was the best place for me all along.
A sonic blast of heat now.
CHRIS CASINO: (pointing to the ring) Joe...Hey Joe! Look here's the deal. KRENSHOV isn't here tonight. (finally something the crowd can cheer about!) Until NAPW and myself come to some....Arrangements that an athlete like KRENSHOV deserves, he's off in Japan livin' it up. But don't worry sport, I found someone who will match up with you perfectly. You could say he's the 'perfect' opponent for you!
No way. The crowd is suddenly abuzz. Could he have returned to rejoin his friend in Dirty Money?
A figure steps out from behind Casino and the crowd crane their necks to see....
Wayne Wright!?
CHRIS CASINO: Go get 'em killer!
Casino steps away and Wayne rushes down to ringside!
The referee hurriedly calls for the bell as Wright climbs into the ring! Boyer ducks under a wild right hand and lands one of his own! Another right sends Wayne reeling! Boyer backs Wayne into the ropes and whips him off. High back body drop! Wright struggles up to his feet only to be met with a beautiful standing dropkick! Boyer sets himself as Wright drags himself back up to a vertical base. Tornado DDT from 'The Crippler!' A hook of the far leg as the referee lays in the count! One! Two! Three! The fans explode in both shock and awe as Boyer just picked up his first win!
The referee raises the hand if Joy Boyer who couldn't look happier than if he just won the lottery. Chris Casino enters the ring, applauding sarcastically...
SUPERKICK!
Casino lays out Joe Boyer, then casually picks him up and dumps him over the top rope. Casino looks down with a look of disgust on his face, then wipes his hands clean.
CHRIS CASINO: Get out of my ring, you filty Canucker. Don't show your face again chump... and until NAPW meets our demands, you won't see Kenny Krenshov around here either!
"Smooth" hits as the crowd boos the smirking NAPW legend.
Cut back backstage where Josh Reynolds is with Rodderick MacCulloch.
JOSH REYNOLDS: We are just moments away from the world title match. With me at this time, I have the challenger, Rodderick "The Demolition Man" MacCulloch. What is going through your mind?
RODDY MAC: Well ya know Josh, I've been hangin' and bangin' in the NAPW for awhile now. I've been in this industry for even longer. And when you see smoke, there's a fire. Well I can smell the smoke from Kurtis so Zouave must be the fire.
JOSH REYNOLDS: That is a pretty heavy accusation. How do you intend on handling this?
RODDY MAC: Well, if you think T.D.A. is going to make an appearance? You are dead wrong. But you wouldn't be wrong if you said...
Demo goes to pull out something from his briefcase when outta the corner of his eye he catches sight of the bearded lady. Demo quickly spins around to see Josh gone and he is staring a whole straight into Zouave.
ZOUAVE: Oh hell-oooooo! Just the maaaan I was looking for, the big Ar Oh Dee.
RODDY MAC: Piss off, ya circus freak.
ZOUAVE: Now now, that's not niii-iiice. I just came to give you a pre-title match present, Roddy. Look at the pretty bow on this box, just for youuuuu!
RODDY MAC: What the hell are you on, you twisted...
Roddy lifts the lid off the box and finds... a beautiful flower? He looks at in confusion ---
AND SUDDENLY A MIST SPRAYS FROM THE FLOWER! Roddy blinks it away, wiping his face immediately as Zouave giggles. Reynolds keeps the mic up like a goofball.
RODDY MAC: You're going to get it, clown, and in a few minutes, your boy Chad Kurtis is going to LOSE IT... the world title that... is... and... urrrrrgh... *RETCH*
Suddenly Roddy breaks out in copious sweat, and rushes to a corner, vomiting violently. And loudly. Reynolds blanches as Zouave looks... concerned?
ZOUAVE: Oh no! That's not good! He he he heh he! Good luck laaaaater Mister Mac!
Zouave prances off as Roddy curls up in the corner, sweat-soaked, trembling. He retches again. An aghast Josh doesn't know what to do.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Oh my --- HEY! SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP BACK HERE!
Commercial Break
BILL HEWSON: I don't even know what to say about what we just saw... what did Zouave do to Roddy Mac?JACK JONES: Zouave? He just gave Roddy a present, why are you blaming him?
BILL HEWSON: That flower... I don't know how, but Roddy fell ill right after he was sprayed in the face by that flower! I don't like this, Jack Attack... not one bit.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following non-title tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a total combined weight of four hundred eighty-five pounds...Xavier Stone and Dorian Vade, DAMAGE INC!
"Synthetic" by Spineshank hits and NAPW's newest tag team shoots out from behind the curtain, slapping hands with fans as they walk down the aisle.
BILL HEWSON: There they are, the perfect combination of speed and power, Damage Inc!
JACK JONES: You don't know that! You've never seen them wrestle!
BILL HEWSON: Well that's the scouting report. Xavier Stone provides the speed, Dorian Vade provides the power...a lethal combination if they can put it all together.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! At a total combined weight of five hundred thirty pounds...they are the NAPW World Tag Team Champions...The Freak and Shut Down...THE FREAK SHOW!
"Seamless" by American Head Charge booms through the Polish Hall. The Freak and Shut Down step out from behind the curtain with the Tag Team titles strapped around their waists. As they appear, seven midgets swarm out from behind them and storm the ringside area. One of them steals the timekeeper's bell and runs around the ring clanging it, another starts singing horrible off key into Frank Warburton's microphone, another chews on the bottom rope, and yet another stands on the broadcast table doing some kind of dance. In the midst of all of this, The Freak Show enters the ring and the referee signifies the beginning of the match.
BILL HEWSON: This is chaos!
JACK JONES: Look at these little guys! Can I keep one?
BILL HEWSON: What do you mean can you KEEP one? They're not collector's items...
JACK JONES: Oh come on, Bill! They're not even real! Look!
Jack Jones grabs one of the midgets and hugs him tightly. The midget screams, startling Jones.
MIDGET: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
JACK JONES: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jones lets go of the midget and hides under his desk, where he finds another midget and bangs his head trying to get back up.
JACK JONES: THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE!
BILL HEWSON: Settle down, Jack, there's a match going on!
Shut Down and Xavier Stone start the match. They lock up and Shut Down powers him into the ropes and whips him to the opposite side. Stone on the rebound ducks a clothesline and rebounds back with a high cross body! But Shut Down catches him in mid air and walks around the ring with Stone in his arms, showing off his strength and taunting Dorian Vade before power slamming him to the mat! Stone arches his back in pain and Shut Down off the ropes...big splash onto Stone!
BILL HEWSON: The massive three hundred and fifty pound frame of Shut Down crushing down on Xavier Stone!
JACK JONES: Oof! So much for the perfect combination of speed and power!
Shut Down grabs Stone's arm and mockingly reaches it out towards Dorian Vade, who is nowhere near close enough to reach him. Shut Down grins and pulls Stone effortlessly into his corner and tags in The Freak. The Freak hops in and Shut Down holds Stone back as he unleashes a flurry of kicks to the newcomer. Dorian Vade goes to enter the ring to save his partner but the referee intercepts him. With the ref's back turned, The Freak whips Stone to the ropes and Shut Down pulverizes him with a vicious spear that crumples Stone up like an accordion!
BILL HEWSON: Stone is not getting up from that! There's no way in hell!
The ref turns around and The Freak makes the cover!
One!
Two!
No!
The Freak pulls Stone's lifeless head up off the mat, breaking the count and wagging his finger at Dorian Vade.
BILL HEWSON: Give me a break! You made your point, cover him and end this!
The Freak pulls Stone up and whips him into his own corner, calling for Vade to get in the ring and take his medicine. Vade angrily steps into the ring, and when The Freak sees the rage in his eyes, he wags his finger once more and sticks his hand out for Shut Down. Shut Down makes the tag and enters the ring. He challenges Vade to knock him down. Vade runs to the ropes and the two powerhouses clash with opposing shoulder blocks. Neither man budges. Shut Down tells him to do it again. Vade complies, and again, stalemate. Shut Down challenges him once more, and Vade again complies...but this time, Shut Down throws a big boot up and catches Vade off guard, connecting perfectly! Vade goes down holding his jaw and Shut Down mocks him, slapping him on the back of the head and ruffling his hair. As Vade gets up, Shut Down knees him in the gut and pulls him in for a...POWERBOMB!
BILL HEWSON: Alright, enough is enough!
JACK JONES: The Freak Show is sending a message, Hewson! They are THE premiere tag team in NAPW, take heed!
Shut Down arrogantly puts one foot on Vade's chest as the ref makes the count.
One!
Two!
No!
Shut Down steps off and shakes his head. They're not done yet. He tags in The Freak. The Freak climbs to the top rope and Shut Down stands in the corner...The Freak stands on Shut Down's massive shoulders and leaps off with a shooting star press! But Vade moves! Vade moves and The Freak gets nothing but mat!
JACK JONES: Ahhh!
BILL HEWSON: The Freak Show got too cocky and here we go! Vade struggling to his corner for a tag!
Dorian Vade scratches and claws his way to his corner and makes the tag to a reinvigorated Xavier Stone! The crowd roars for the hot tag and Stone drops kicks Shut Down, who rolls out of the ring! The Freak to his feet and Stone with a frankensteiner to greet him! Dorian Vade to his feet and he scoops up The Freak in a suplex position! Xavier Stone to the top rope, set to fly! NO! Shut Down gets up on the apron and trips him, and Stone falls crotch first onto the turnbuckle!
BILL HEWSON: Ouch!
Stone flops into the ring and The Freak shakes loose of Vade and then knocks him out of the ring. Shut Down grabs him on the outside and The Freak pulls Stone to his feet and whips him to the ropes...Stone struggling to stay on his feet but he leapfrogs The Freak and surprises him with a victory roll!
One!
Two!
THREE!
JACK JONES: AHHHH!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners....DAMAGE INC!
BILL HEWSON: They did it! They did it! They upset the champions! What a debut for Damage Inc! When we return... we're HOPING to bring you the World Title match! Stay with us!
Commercial Break
"Drunken Lullabies" by Flogging Molly cues up. The fans pop loudly but the cheers die down as Roddy Mac stumbles through the curtain. He walks into a guard rail and nearly falls over it, but a security official directs him down the aisle. He stops and gags, almost vomiting, but continues on his way.FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall at a 20 minute time limit and is for the NAPW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first...? The challenger, residing in Calgary, Alberta...?
Frank Warburton drops the microphone to consult with the timekeeper as if to say: 'are we letting this match go on?' The timekeeper, a skinny dude with a Transformers tattoo and a 'I LOVE TURTLES' t-shirt shrugs and says it isn't his call.
FRANK WARBURTON: Weighing two-hundred and fifty-nine...
The Demolition Man vomits some phlegm up on the side of the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: ...fifty-EIGHT pounds... he is "THE DEMOLITION MAN" RODDERICK MACCULLOCH!
Roddy Mac leans against a turnbuckle, looking up at the ceiling, his eyes closed, breathing in and out, trying to gain some sense of balance.
"THEY SAY I'M COCKY!"
Instinctually, the fans cheer loudly, but upon further reflection, the cheers dwindle. Boos fill the vacuum, though there are of course still some serious Kurtisheads who would cheer him even if he joined the Nazi party. Chad Kurtis ignores them and runs towards the ring... he has the championship of the world to defend!
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing his opponent, weighing in at ---
Roddy Mac charges Warburton --- he thinks it's "The Show!"
BILL HEWSON: My God, what has NAPW come to? Allowing Roddy Mac to wrestle in this condition? Who knows what was in that flower!
JACK JONES: Oh, please, Roddy abused his body for years! You can't blame a flower if his body can't resist a poisonous toxin!
Warburton high-tails it out of the ring. Kurtis enters it as we hear the DING DING DING from ringside. Roddy Mac charges Kurtis immediately... CALGARY CRASH! But one of Kurtis' feet lands on the rope, unbeknownst to Roddy who makes a cover and counts the ONE, the TWO and the THREE, without realizing that Danny Chaos is not making the count.
BILL HEWSON: Listen to these fans. They know this match is a complete and utter SHAM!
JACK JONES: (laughing) Poor Roddy Mac! Look at him! He thinks he just won the championship of the world!
Chaos explains to Roddy Mac that Kurtis' foot landed on the rope and stayed there so there was no pinfall. Mac looks confused, pointing to the center of the ring, thoroughly convinced that's where the pinfall took place. He asks Chaos to excuse him for a moment.
Pukesault over the top rope!
Meanwhile, Kurtis gets to his feet, shaking off the Calgary Crash, thanking his lucky stars he happened to land a foot on the bottom rope. He runs towards Roddy Mac as he vomits down to the floor below. ROLL-UP!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NO!
Roddy Mac kicks out! Kurtis gets to his feet. Roddy gets up with a great deal of effort. The fans continue to boo; they wanted to see a REAL contest between Kurtis and Rodderick! Kurtis with a kick to the gut that nearly makes Roddy crumble, the great deal of pain he is experiencing evident on his face. Kurtis looks out at the booing fans, shakes his head slight, and places Roddy Mac in the headscissors set-up for...
CK FINALE!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
FRANK WARBURTON: And your winner... and STILL NAPW WORLD CHAMPION... "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!
BILL HEWSON: The fans were robbed! I was robbed! You were robbed, Jack! We were all robbed of a LEGITIMATE contest tonight!
JACK JONES: Eh.
BILL HEWSON: These fans are just royally pissed off they were screwed out of this match! And if I was in their seats, I'd be booing too!
JACK JONES: Need I remind you that Zouave is a close association of "Wahoo," so if you don't watch your tongue, you might be in those seats next week!
BILL HEWSON: This clown is trying to ruin this company... and... the PROOF is in the VOMIT! He's doing it, God dammit! I'm just --- THIS ISN'T RIGHT!
"The Show" Chad Kurtis, title belt on shoulder, walks down the aisle, looking almost as upset as if he LOST the title belt. Some fans are cheering but more than half --- significantly more than half --- are booing the way Chad Kurtis just retained the World Title.
Several EMTs rush past him to attend to Roddy Mac, who is laying on his back mid-ring, his eyes closed, vomit slowly dribbling from his mouth. He looks in bad shape... Zouave stole his opportunity...
... and "The Show" is still World Champion.
Commercial Break
Fade back from commercial...MOMENTS AGO
RODDY MAC --- CALGARY CRASH! ONE! TWO! THREE --- NEW CHAMPION NO FOOT WAS ON THE ROPES! MAC VOMITS OVER THE TOP ROPE --- CK FINALE! ONE, TWO, THREE! KURTIS RETAINS, BUT THE CROWD IS... BOOING?
BILL HEWSON: Not the World Title match we expected to see, Jack Attack. Roddy Mac was... poisoned, or something earlier tonight by the enigmatic Zouave. Whatever was done to him, Roddy Mac was clearly in NO condition to compete here tonight.
JACK JONES: He looked worse than I did after my last bender in Atlantic City.
BILL HEWSON: And yet again, Chad Kurtis has retained the World Championship thanks to a helping hand from the clown... the fans here tonight were not happy with the way "The Show" won that match.
JACK JONES: The only person happy with that win was Chad Kurtis. Steve Parker and even that drunk Roddy are right --- CK is doing anything he can to keep the strap around his waist!
BILL HEWSON: The evidence is getting harder to argue against. But it is now time for our main event: after three long months, the 2010 Canada Cup winner will at last be determined! Let's go to Frank.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen... the folllowing contest is the FINALS of the 2010 CANADA CUP TOURNAMENT! It is set for one fall with NO time limit. The referee in the ring is John Sharplin. Now...
THUMP. The crowd erupts in boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, he is the Kryenik Conference champion, defeating Sean O'Connor and Jeffrey Roberts to make it here. From Boston Massachussetts he is the two-time award winning "STAR-SPANGLED SENSATION"... STEVE PARKER!
Parker is heading to the ring, carrying his 2009 Year-End Award plaques and wearing the 'smile.'
BILL HEWSON: Steve Parker defeated Jeffrey Roberts in a wild contest earlier tonight, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: A former Heritage Champion, the 2009 Battlebowl winner, Steve Parker is the hottest man in NAPW wrestling today! And he would be the World Champion if Chad Kurtis hadn't screwed him out of the belt.
BILL HEWSON: No denying Parker's ability in the ring and his talent for turning it up in big-match situations...
"ALL EYES ON ME!"
BILL HEWSON: But the same can be said for his opponent!
The Heritage Champion strides out of the curtain, and surveys the cheering crowd in Edmonton...
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! He defeated Ryan Lewis and Seamus O'Connor to become the Caliber Conference champion! From Los Angeles, California... he is the reigning Canadian Heritage Champion, DONOVAN ASTROS!
BILL HEWSON: The clear crowd favorite, no question! Donovan Astros has done everything he said he would do, and now has the chance to become the 2010 Canada Cup winner ... as an undefeated wrestler. Astros has not lost yet this year! Ironically, Steve Parker would not even have MADE the playoffs had Chad Kurtis not been injured several weeks ago.
JACK JONES: It's nice to see justice doled out. Steve Parker was not only screwed out of the World Title, but of the points he needed to make these playoffs. And now, without any controversy, he has -earned- his way into the finals here.
Referee John Sharplin checks both men. The crowd is chanting "ASTROS, ASTROS" as Parker is irritatingly serene. Astros is focused.
DING DING DING
BILL HEWSON: There's the bell, Canada Cup on the line, the long road finally coming to a close! Jack Attack, what are these two men bringing to the table after both competing in hard-fought matches earlier this evening?
JACK JONES: You're looking at two of the best technical wrestlers in NAPW today, Hewson, with Lloyd Rees rounding out that triumvrate. Steve Parker and Donovan Astros are both conditioning fanatics, but you're right that both guys have already wrestled long, physical match-ups just an hour ago. You're probably going to see a cautious start to this one... neither Astros or Parker want to make the first mistake!
BILL HEWSON: The first mistake could prove very costly with so much on the line!
Astros and Parker circling, sizing one another up. They tie-up, Parker gets a side headlock takeover, pulling Astros to the mat. He holds it on, Astros trying to find a way out. He forces his way up to his feet and slips out, pulling Parker into a hammerlock. Parker reaches back for the head, can't find it, Astros slips it into a side headlock --- into a wristlock--- back into a hammerlock, then lifts and drives Parker to the mat chest-first.
BILL HEWSON: Feeling out process to start... Steve Parker and Donovan Astros have never wrestled before, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: The only time they've really been in the ring is a few months ago when they teamed up to take on the O'Connor Boys!
Parker squirms his way out and around and gets an armbar. Astros rolls up, headscissors and gets it. Slaps the thigh to add to the pressure. Parker rolls to his feet, bent over, left, right, and he pops out. He leaps down and slaps the side headlock back onto the Heritage Champion.
BILL HEWSON: Lots of matwork in the early going...
Astros gets to his feet, Parker holding onto the headlock. Astros can't seem to get out for a reversal, Parker leading him around... but Parker accidentally puts his inner leg forward, allowing Astros to step behind and deliver a back suplex! Cover only gets one, Astros to his feet letting Parker know he just drew first blood. The 'smile' is off Parker's face now.
The two get up, another tie-up, this time with more intensity. Parker gets his headlock again, but Astros isn't wasting any time, getting into the ropes. He fires Parker off, Parker hits a shoulderblock to knock Astros down. Parker off the ropes, Astros drops down, rebound, leapfrog by Astros, Parker comes off for a clothesline, Astros ducks, Parker off and taken down with a hiptoss! Back up, another hip toss! Parker charges back body drop! Steve Parker rolls out of the ring, frustrated as the crowd applauds Astros.
JACK JONES: That's right Steve, take a powder. Get a breather, kill his momentum!
BILL HEWSON: Parker rolls back in --- and right back out, breaking up Sharplin's count. Parker going to take his time. Donovan Astros seemingly quite content to wait it out.
Astros mimes looking at a watch as Parker paces around the outside. He steps back to the apron, yelling at the referee to keep Astros back. Parker steps in and they tie-up again POKE. Right to the eye! Parker whips Astros to the ropes, SMILES and ducks down to back body drop Astros --- telegraphed way too early! Astros flips over with a sunset flip ONE, TWO, Parker kicks out. He charges Astros deep arm-drag! Another one! A third and Astros holds on for the armbar, the crowd roaring.
Parker gets to his feet, into the ropes. Referee calls for a break, Parker with a cheap shot. He hooks Astros and delivers a quick vertical suplex. Parker stands up, leg drop. He makes a cover, gets one. Standing base and Parker hooks a cravate hold. He pulls Astros around the ring, wrenching, riling up the fans. Cravate snapmare take-over --- snap kick to the spine! Another one!
BILL HEWSON: The martial arts prowess of Parker coming into play!
JACK JONES: You can't beat a man under the tutelage of Master Norris, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: Except when you CAN, since it's Astros who is undefeated in 2010, not Steve Parker...
Parker whips Astros into the corner hard and follows up with a charge --- boots! Parker stumbles out, Astros to the 2nd turnbuckle and delivers a high elbow to the head of Parker, knocking him down. Astros drops down and rolls out of the ring...? He grabs Parker's legs, wait a minute! WHAM! Crotched around the ringpost is Parker! Sharplin starts his count on Astros, warning him... and Astros pretzels the legs around the post.
BILL HEWSON: He calls that the 'Hartbreaker', the figure-four around the ringpost innovated by the legendary Bret Hart!
JACK JONES: And it's ILLEGAL, you can't make a man tap out in the ropes like that! And halfway outside the ring!
BILL HEWSON: Sharplin making his count, and Astros releases before five. But the damage may have been done to Parker's knee!
Parker gingerly untangling himself as Astros shows a little cockiness outside the ring. He steps in, Parker crawling away. Astros stalking! Stomp to the knee, another one. Parker in the ropes, Astros stomps more until Sharplin tells him to get off the man in the ropes. Parker tries to get up... and falls. Astros moves in, Sharplin tells him to back off! Parker can't take his feet!
BILL HEWSON: Referee checking on Steve Parker, it appears... Jack, I think Parker's knee may have been more damaged than we thought. He can't seem to put any weight on it.
JACK JONES: Reschedule the match! Astros cheated! Disqualify him! Parker wins!
BILL HEWSON: Will you stop?
Parker trying to put weight on the leg again, cries out and collapses. Astros moves in, he wants to take advantage but Sharplin again tells him to BACK OFF.
JACK JONES: Referee's just doing his job, ASTROS! Respect!
Sharplin is calling for a trainer to come to the ring and check on Parker, who is holding his knee and moaning. "WHY ME... WHY GOD, WHY?" Astros has his hands on his hips, he's not happy. The trainer hits the ring and kneels on the apron, looking at Parker. He shakes his head. Parker looks panicked. "NO NO NO YOU CAN'T! I HAVE TO WRESTLE! FOR... AMERICA!" The trainer looks at Sharplin and says "this man can't continue."
BILL HEWSON: It doesn't look like Parker is going to be able to continue, what a horrible way to end this tournament.
JACK JONES: Yeah, but you have to do what's best for the wrestler HEY! Come on Astros, you jerkie!
BILL HEWSON: Donovan Astros just shoved the referee and trainer aside, he's grabbing Parker COME ON WAIT A MINUTE SMALL PACKAGE BY STEVE PARKER! ARE YOU --- ONE! TWO! TH--- ASTROS BARELY GETS OUT! It was a SET-UP, he was playing POSSUM all along, and it almost worked! Steve Parker just played everybody in this building for a SUCKER!
And just so everybody in the building gets it, Steve Parker dances a jig as Donovan Astros sits, stunned.
Except now, he's furious.
Astros gets up and boots Parker in the stomach, DDT --- Parker hooks the top rope and Astros goes down on his own! COVER --- FEET ON THE ROPES! ONE! TWO! Sharplin sees the feet on the ropes and stops the count. Parker pleads innocence, then stomps Astros INNA FACE. Parker looks out on the crowd and flashes 'the smile.'
BOOOOOOOOOOO.
Parker with a kick to the ribs of Astros, and then he picks the man up and hammerlocks him. Rammed shoulder-first into the turnbuckle! Parker whips Astros around, CHOP, irish whip across the ring STERNUM FIRST! Astros stumbles backwards and crumbles to the canvas, allowing Parker to deliver a running martial arts kick to the back of the head! He covers greedily ONE TWO Astros kicks out. Parker with another cover ONE TWO kick-out. Parker with a chinlock, Astros fights his way up. Astros gets out and runs the ropes SPINNING HEEL KICK! Parker takes Astros down! And now he goes to the top rope... Astros slow to his feet, Parker waiting, waiting...
FLYING CROSS BODY!
Connects!
ONE! TWO!
KICK-OUT!
Parker argues briefly with the referee, but then pulls Astros up, delivering a GERMAN SUPLEX --- Astros blocks, standing switch ARMWRAP --- AZTECAN SUPLEX! Drops Parker. Can't capitalize immediately, covers ONE, TWO, Parker kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: Amazingly, the pace of this match is picking up as they go, despite how long both men have wrestled earlier tonight! What a display of intestinal fortitude right here!
JACK JONES: And guts, Hewson! Don't forget guts!
BILL HEWSON: The question is, how much does each man have left?
Both men cling to each other, getting up. Forearm shiver from Astros. He bends Parker over and double-underhooks the arms... Parker fights it, Astros knees him hard to stop that and delivers a beautiful butterfly suplex. Parker woozily gets to his feet and Astros cinches him ---
ASTROLABE.
Parker's head spikes into the canvas and Astros hooks the leg ONE, TWO, TH---
Shoulder up!
BILL HEWSON: Near fall for Donovan Astros!
Astros pulls his man up, now he's going for a shoulderbreaker. Preparing for the kill --- Parker squirms out and ends up behind Astros, pushes him to the ropes, Pat O'Connor roll, Astros holds the ropes to block! Parker somersaults back to his feet and charges Astros, who backdrops Parker up and out! Parker lands on the ring apron, shakily, Astros nails him. Suplex back into the ring, perhaps a brainbuster, Parker blocks --- HOTSHOT ON THE TOP ROPE! Parker drops to the apron, snapping Astros' neck over the rope. Parker tells the crowd to look at a champion and gets back to the apron, steps in
ASTROS HOOKS HIM!
PULLS!
CONCUSSION CANNON!
Astros covers, hooking Parker's leg and making damn sure he can't reach the ropes!
ONE!
TWO!
TH---SHOULDER UP AT THE LAST SECOND!
JACK JONES: That's All-American American power!
BILL HEWSON: Closest of two-counts right there, Jack Attack. Astros has turned the momentum around, and he may be closing in for the kill!
Astros cuts his throat with the thumb and hooks a swaying Steve Parker. It's time for the SLINGSHOT EFFECT... NO! Parker flips out behind --- GAMENGIRI! Out of NOWHERE! Parker collapses on top of Donovan Astros...
ONE! TWO!
KICK-OUT!
Parker trying to regain his bearings, that was a desperation counter. Astros feeling it. The crowd is rallying behind the Heritage Champion. Astros pulls Parker up ---
DING
Parker shoots his arm through the uprights, making sure it was juuuuust out of sight of the referee!
BILL HEWSON: Parker with a low blow, the referee didn't see it! Come off it! Parker sizing up Donovan!
JACK JONES: Would you like to SUPER-SIZE it?
Astros, grimacing, gets to his feet... PARKER ATTACKS! SUPER-SIZED KICK --- SIDESTEPPED! ASTROS GRABS THE ARMS AND DRIVES PARKER DOWN TO THE CANVAS!
MARTYR'S CROSS LOCKED IN!
BILL HEWSON: THE MARTYR'S CROSS! We've seen Astros defeat so many opponents with this hold, Steve Parker is in a world of trouble!
JACK JONES: NOT LIKE THIS!
The crowd is going CRAZY, yelling "TAP TAP TAP" at Parker! Parker screams in pain as Astros pulls his arms in ways they weren't meant to go. Parker shakes his head no, no, "NOOOO!" Parker tries to kick out, tries to squirm, he can't reverse! He can't escape!
But he CAN get his toe on the bottom rope.
Just barely.
Sharplin calls for the break. Astros holds on for one, two, three, four, breaks, drawing a warning of the referee. Astros pulls Parker back to the center of the ring and looks for the arm again, Parker fighting giving him both --- Parker spins out what the HELL? GUILLOTINE CHOKE! Parker gets the legs scissored!
JACK JONES: Now that's AMERICAN!
BILL HEWSON: Astros now in position to submit, can Parker put this one away?
Astros in pain, his free arms flailing. WILL HE TAP OUT?
Gets his foot in the ropes!
Sharplin puts his count on Parker, who lets go just before the five count and possible disqualification. Astros puts a hand to his neck, it's taken some damage here. Parker gets to his feet, both men are worn out... Parker fires a right hand!
BLOCKED! Astros connects! Parker gets right back up, right blocked, here's Astros! Another! Another! PARKER THUMB TO THE EYE! Parker off the ropes with a clothesline --- ducked! Astros grabs both arms ---
Spins Parker around ---
BILL HEWSON: Oh my god, it's the ASTROCIDE!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
But Parker has been watching tapes of Classic Astros and prevents the Unprettier, wrenching his wrists free and shoving Astros forward into the ropes. Astros turns around
SUPER-SIZED KICK!
Parker falls right on top of Astros!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NOOOOOOOOOO!
BILL HEWSON: HE KICKED OUT, HE KICKED OUT!
JACK JONES: ...HOW?!
BILL HEWSON: Parker NAILED the super-sized kick right on the button, but Astros somehow kicked out. And Steve Parker can't believe it! He thought he had it won!
Parker looks in shock at the referee. Sharplin yells SHOULDER UP BEFORE THREE, Parker grabs the ref by the collar "NO! NO! NO! IT WAS THREE---" Sharplin SHOVES Parker away. Parker suddenly breaks out in a smile, realizing he's in dangerous territory. One false move and the Canada Cup slips away...
Not tonight! Parker grabs a dazed Astros...
AMERICAN SUPLEX!
Dumps Donovan right on his head!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE---
ASTROS GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE.
BILL HEWSON: THE MATCH CONTINUES!
And now, Steve Parker is at a loss. He's used every move in his arsenal...
Except ONE.
Astros is holding his neck, he's in a lot of pain, and Parker swoops down...
FREEDOM FRYER! IT'S ON ---
ASTROS ROLLS IT OVER! PARKER'S SHOULDERS ARE DOWN!
ONE!
TWO!
Parker has to let go in order to kick out! He rakes the eyes of his opponent and picks Astros up, looking to put him on the top rope? What is he thinking... Parker looking for a superplex, but Astros shoves him off! ASTROS LEAPS OFF FOR A TORNADO DDT, PARKER HOLDS HIS GROUND! Both men on their feet, Astros hooks for the Slingshot Suplex, Parker gets behind, American Suplex, Astros counters, ASTROLABE DDT #2 --- PARKER WITH THE GAMENGIRI #2 INSTEAD! Astros falls forward, in pain, and Parker swoops down for the FREEDOM FRYER! LOCKED ON!
Astros fights, tries to roll it over again but Parker simply rolls through with it, keeping the hold locked on! Astros inching for the ropes! Reaching out!
BILL HEWSON: Astros is almost at the ropes! JUST ONE MORE FOOT ---
JACK JONES: That foot might as well be a MILE.
Astros reaches out, reaches...
And he can't make it tonight.
The hand taps the canvas three times. Sharplin calls for the bell as an exhausted, exultant Parker lets go and rolls onto his back, the biggest 'smile' ever appearing on his lips.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... and the 2010 CANADA CUP WINNER... "THE STAR-SPANGLED SENSATION" STEEEEEEEVE PAAAAAAARKER!
BILL HEWSON: My God! What a match... but like him or hate him, Steve Parker gives Donovan Astros his first loss of 2010 and wins the Canada Cup! Rex Caliber! Billy Kryenik! Dan Ryan! Add one more name to that elite list of Canada Cup winners... STEVE PARKER!
JACK JONES: WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY FOR JACK JONES' BANK ACCOUNT --- I MEAN NEW ALBERTA PRO WRESTLING!
Josh Reynolds gets in the ring with the jubilant winner. The Stanley Cup-esque Canada Cup trophy is presented to Steve Parker... Josh gets the microphone out.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well, Steve Parker, some might question your methods and tactics, but you managed to make it here and win the Canada Cup. How do you feel?
Steve Parker holds on to the Cup tightly, as if he were hugging it. He takes a moment to catch his breath... then does what he does best: SMILE.
STEVE PARKER: I told you... I told ALL of you, that I was destined to win the Canada Cup. I fought like heck to get here for a purpose, and now, Chad Kurtis, you can't ignore me anymore! I'm right here, front-and-center, and I want what's rightfully mine. This time around, there won't be your insane clown... umm... posse to save you. I want my rematch, and these people, your supposed fans, want answers. Sooner or later, you're going to have to give up both. People, never fear, for I will give you the satisfaction of the truth.
Parker holds up the Cup for all of those in attendance to see.
STEVE PARKER: This is prove that if you set your sights on what you want, you will achieve! If there is anything you can take away from this historic night, it's that... DESTINY... HAPPENS!
The boos cascade down, but you couldn't tell by the Smile and Parker proudly hoisting the Canada Cup high.
BILL HEWSON: The long road has come to a close... the 2010 Canada Cup champion is STEVE PARKER! For Jack Jones and NAPW this is Bill Hewson saying GOOD NIGHT!
Backstage...
EMTs are bringing Roddy Mac to the back door. It opens... revealing not an ambulance.
But a circus van.
The back doors open and out come two of Zouave's strongmen with the TOY BOX. The enthralled, monochrome Joey Malone gets out of the driver's seat. The EMTs load Roddy Mac into the toy box and pull off their hair, revealing rainbow hair underneath the normal. Joey wordlessly directs the strongmen to put the Toy Box into the back of the van.
Joey guns the ignition and the fake EMTs prepare to shut the door...
A FIST BURSTS THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE TOY BOX.
The fake EMTs jump in and pull the doors closed, and the circus van drives off.
Lights down.