JACK JONES: And Chad Kurtis won't be able to receive any help from Zouave or any other freaks tonight, because he'll be trapped with Steve Parker inside of a STEEL CAGE!
"Synthetic" hits up in the speakers as from the back comes the challengers to the NAPW Tag Team Championship, Damage Inc.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall at a twenty-minute time limit, and is for the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing the challengers at a total combined weight of four hundred and eighty-five pounds, XAVIER STONE and DORIAN VADE... DAMAGE INCORPORATED!
JACK JONES: I don't care if they got a lucky win, these two jackasses don't deserve a shot at NAPW gold!
BILL HEWSON: Jack, you are on television now, watch the language. Damage Inc scored a HUGE upset win several weeks ago. It was a non-title match against the champions, and in their first NAPW contest Damage Inc picked up a huge victory, one that earned Stone & Vade the shot they have tonight.
"Seamless"
Enter boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing the NAPW Tag Team Champions, they are at a total combined weight of five hundred and thirty pounds, THE FREAK and SHUT DOWN... THE FREAK SHOW!
JACK JONES: This is what I'm talking about! You're looking at CHAMPIONS right there, Bill Hewson!
The Freak and Shut Down hold their belts high, smirking to the crowd as they walk stoically to the ring, their eyes only leaving Damage Incorporated for the briefest moments.
DING DING DING
The Freak is starting for his team as Stone is beginning the contest for this Tag Team Championship match. Center ring, Freak with a quick palm strike takes Xavier by surprise, Freak lashes out with another quick strike. Freak drops down to one knee sweeping Stone's legs out from under him. Stone leaps at the last second, driving his boots into Freak's head rolling him over onto his back. Freak bounces up to his feet, charging at Stone with a forearm, but Stone catches it, hip toss sends Freak over. Freak in the ropes, springing back with a well placed elbow right in Stone's mouth. Xavier is forced backwards, Freak in the ropes, shoulder block to the midsection before he begins to slam his lifted knee with extra force into Stone's face. Irish whip sends Stone into Freak Show's corner. Freak tags in Shut Down, he steps over the ropes. Big boot to the midsection as Freak begins pummeling him with right and left open handed strikes. Here comes Dorian to even it up but referee Danny Chaos is there to get him back in his corner. Freak looks back, flipping Vade off before turning back to continue the double team.
BILL HEWSON: Come on Danny, restore some order! Referee having a hard time keeping the tag champs in line.
JACK JONES: Chaos is just doing his job but hey, Vade, keep trying to come in and allow the masterful duo of mayhem to destroy your partner.
Shut Down scoops Xavier up, back breaker as Freak leaps with a leg drop from the top and Shut Down hooks the leg as Danny slides into position and Freak is out of the ring.
One...
Two...
Stone able to kick out, but thank goodness Vade was right there in case. Freak steps through the ropes diving at Vade, Dorian with a heads up move, grabs Freak in a quick front facelock, DDT! Shut Down isn't happy about it though as he big boots Dorian right in the face sending him across the ring. Freak rolls out of the ring, onto the apron. Shut Down picks Stone up, rag doll toss into the corner, big time splash. Stone is quished flat but Shut Down isn't finished as he rushes forward with a lifted knee into Xavier's chest. Stone falls out of the corner Shut Down grabs his head for a bulldog.
BILL HEWSON: This doesn't look good.
Shut Down rushes forward, but he falls down as Stone is able to somehow knock the big man's right knee out from under him. Stone rolls over onto his back, face and body red from the punishment Shut Down tries to get up to his feet, but is having a bit of difficulty. Stone up, reaching for the tag almost there, but here comes Freak distracting Danny and the sound of the slap is heard as the tag is made. Freak points behind Danny and here comes Vade into the match as the crowd is erupting! Danny gets in his way pointing to his own eyes that he didn't see the tag. Freak rolls Xavier over towards their corner as Shut Down is now up on his feet. Freak and Shut Down have him in the corner, double teaming the energy out of him. They are softening the stone up for later in the match. Vade gets out of the ring and isn't happy about it! Shut Down reaches out for the tag as he lifts Xavier up in press slam position. Freak jumps to the top turnbuckle as Shut Down releases. Xavier rolls off of the position, landing on his knees. He shoots back up, slamming a forearm into the flying Freak's face! Freak goes down and Shut Down turns charging. Xavier falls backwards, his arms stretched out behind him. Tag made!
BILL HEWSON: Listen to these fans Jack! They're behind Damage Inc!
JACK JONES: Sorry, can't hear you because of these humanoids screaming!
Shut Down rushes towards Vade, he ducks under slamming a boot into Freak's face, punt style! He rolls Freak over, hooking the leg and hoping that Shut Down is distracted. Danny slides into position.
One...
Two...
Shut Down isn't preoccupied at all as he picks Dorian off of the pin, tossing him into the ropes with a whip. Here comes Stone though, diving past his tag team partner with a shoulder block to Shut Down. Foolish man as he tosses him over the top rope, but he has gotten his attention as he steps over the top rope after his quarry. Vade in the ring with Freak, they've got the smaller man in the ring alone. Shut Down laughs as he begins to pound away at Stone on the outside. Stone, for his part, is fighting valiantly back with rights and lefts, surprising the giant with a leap off the guardrail and an enzeguri to the temple! Shut Down on one knee as in the ring Dorian slams Freak into the corner with a whip and follows him in with a clothesline. Freak wobbles out of the ring's corner, dazed and highly stunned.
BILL HEWSON: The tide has turned in this one Jack.
JACK JONES: What?!
Vade nails Freak in the head with a right palm strike before sending him back into the corner with an inverted atomic drop. Dorian. is there to slam Freak's head into the top turnbuckle with vicious force. He slams it down five times before Freak bounces back, walking backwards on his shaky feet. Dorian behind him. Outside the ring, Xavier leaps from the ring apron with a missile dropkick, but Shut Down catches him. Stone is tossed, well, like a stone into the ring steps and sends them flying apart to land ten feet away from their original position. Shut Down looks up into the ring, sees Freak in the Invader position. Shut Down steps onto the ring apron, ready for the save and he is in the ring. Freak counters and delivers a buzzsaw kick that takes Dorian down to the canvas. Freak up to the top turnbuckle faster than a fat kid devouring a bucket of fried chicken. Freak leaps off with Sight Unseen. No! Dorian moves, Freak rolls up to his feet! Vade charges, Freak ducks out of the way. Dorian slams himself in the corner! Freak with a monkey flip sending Dorian out of the corner as Shut Down rushes forward with a spear as Dorian is flipping over in mid-air!
JACK JONES: Take a ride on the FERRIS WHEEL!
BILL HEWSON: Good God, the devastation!
Freak falls down, hooking the leg.
One...
Two...
Three.
DING DING DING
FRANK WARBURTON: Winners of the match and STIIIIIILL NAPW Tag Team Champions... The Freak Show!
BILL HEWSON: The Freak Show retain their belts, despite a tremendous effort from Damage Inc.
JACK JONES: And I dare you to say it wasn't legal. It was vicious, devastating, but clean Hewson.
BILL HEWSON: No argument from me there, The Freak Show are as dangerous as they come... and they remain your Tag Team Champions. Still to come later tonight, the world championship will be on the line inside a 15-foot high steel cage --- don't go away.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We fade backstage where Josh Reynolds stands in front of the camera.JOSH REYNOLDS: Ladies and gentlemen it's my pleasure to have with me at this time a mainstay here in the NAPW. He's the most decorated man in NAPW history, the one and only, Lloyd Rees.
The camera backs away slightly to reveal Rees standing to the right of Reynolds. Lloyd's sporting his nFa t-shirt.
VOICE: Ah hem!
The camera backs away a little more and we can now see that Bayman Jakey stands to the left of Reynolds.
LLOYD REES: Now d'hat isn't nice Josh. Jakeys' stand'n right d'ere and ya skipped right over him.
Lloyd looks into the camera.
LLOYD REES: And, Former NAPW TV Champion Bayman Jakey!
BAYMAN JAKEY: HOW'S SHE CUTT'IN PAT?!
The camera moves just enough so Jakey is off screen once again.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Lloyd you were persistent in getting this TV time on TFN, what exactly do you have to say?
LLOYD REES: Well first off Josh I want t'talk about da biggest event of da year in da NAPW schedule; Sole Survivor.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Yes Sole Survivor is coming. Lloyd you're a former Sole Survivor winner, how do you expect to fair out this year?
LLOYD REES: How do I expect t'fair out?! Josh, you've known me since I've been here, what is it d'hat Lloyd Rees does?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Win?
LLOYD REES: Not only do I win Josh, I make history while I'm do'n it and I'm look'n t'do it again at dis year's Sole Survivor! I'm plan'n on become'n da only man in NAPW history t'win da Sole Survivor Match twice! D'hen ya know what happens Josh?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Your going to challenge for the NAPW World Title?
LLOYD REES: D'hat's right and in da process I'm go'n t'make even more history. I'll not only start me twelfth title reign but, I'll be da only man t'have held da NAPW World Title four times!
BAYMAN JAKEY: Wait a sec...
Jakey sticks his head into the scene.
BAYMAN JAKEY: What if I wanted in dis ting dis year?
LLOYD REES: Jakey, yer not on da roster...
BAYMAN JAKEY: What?! Who do I talk to about dis?!
JOSH REYNOLDS: Terry Brandon...
BAYMAN JAKEY: Well, where is he?
Jakey starts to look around the backstage area. The camera focuses back on Rees and Reynolds. Lloyd pulls a piece of paper out his pocket.
LLOYD REES: Dis is da utter thing I want t'address...
JOSH REYNOLDS: What is it?
LLOYD REES: Dis is a love letter d'hat me recent "thorn in me side" left on me and Jakey's locker room door after him and his partner, Jeff Roberts, got d'ere tag "victory" over us.
Jakey butts into the screen in between looking for Terry Brandon under a catering table.
BAYMAN JAKEY: And yes me nut sack is ok...
JOSH REYNOLDS: Thanks for that Bayman...
Jakey wonders off backstage as the camera refocus once again.
LLOYD REES: I've said it once and I'll say it again, Case, if ya ever want a piece of me all ya got t'do is ask. I ain't no coward d'hat creeps around put'n letters on people's doors. I'm easy enough t'find me son...
BANG!!
Out of nowhere Justin Case appears on the scene with a vicious forearm to the side of Lloyd's head that sends him to the floor. Case stands over the fallen Rees and stares down at him.
JUSTIN CASE: Justin Case U didn't know Rees, I rule this f*cking show!!!
With that Rees pops back up off the floor and tackles Case into the wall. The two NAPW star exchange blow after blow. Both men on the floor now rolling around, kick, punch! Security bust into the room and immediately separate Lloyd and Justin.
LLOYD REES: Let me at'em b'ye's! Dis f**k'n larry is go'n t'pay!
JUSTIN CASE: Yeah, let him go!
Rees elbows one of the security guards in the mouth and manages to get out of their grip. Lloyd flies over the guards holding back Case and gets a few more smacks in before they are separated again; Lloyd is pulled one way and Case the other. Josh Reynolds comes back on screen.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well, looks like there is some unfinished business between Lloyd Rees and Justin Case. Back to you Bill and Jack...
Jakey walks into the scene.
BAYMAN JAKEY: What did I miss?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
JACK JONES: Who?BILL HEWSON: Jim Neidhart...
JACK JONES: WHO???
BILL HEWSON: JIIIIMMM... NEIDHART!!!
JACK JONES: Right... Who...
BILL HEWSON: Ugh, you're a lost cause. Let's send it over to Frank Warburton for the introduction of our next match!
Frank is poised and ready to get things started.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
Prepare for the "Victorious March"! Those in attendance boo as Amon Amarth brings out everybody's favorite corpse-paint-wearing Black-Metallers-turned-wrestlers Blood Harvest. Rocketsauce and Chedda are acting as the blood pyro, dousing the unwilling front row hangers in fake plasma as DEADpool and Thrill Kill stalk the aisleway.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Viking, Alberta, at a combined weight of three hundred and ninety-five pounds... James "DEADpool" Blackpool and Daniel "Thrill Kill" Kilroy... BLOOD HARVEST!
JACK JONES: The heroes of tag team wrestling return!
BILL HEWSON: Don't let their ghastly appearance fool you, folks, these men are former NAPW Tag Team Champions... no matter how they bumbled into winning them.
JACK JONES: Show some respect, Bill! How long did it take for anyone to get those titles off of them? That, and I've heard Daniel's been spending some time working on his technical game.
BILL HEWSON: We'll see how that works out against two men who are definitely no strangers to tag team gold.
The foursome enter the ring with their horns raised, must to the chagrin of the fans. As the two legal men take their corner, Chaz and Roger take to the floor and give one final blast from their respective blood guns. Their music dies and is replaced by the thunderous intro to "Low" by the Foo Fighters. A buzz starts intensifying, peaking as the New and Improved DX burst through the curtain. The tag team legends take a moment to bask in the cheers before making their way down the aisle.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents... at a combined weight of five hundred and twenty-seven pounds... Stylin' Kyle Roberts and Bruce "The Beast" Richards... THE NEW... AND IMPROVED... DX!
The two step between the ropes and take the center of the ring, where Kyle Roberts squats down low onto one leg and flexes his biceps. Bruce Richards stands tall behind him and crosses his arms over his head. They hold this for a few seconds as cameras flash, then the two break and take their respective corner, shedding their entrance attire.
BILL HEWSON: Listen to this ovation! The fans here obviously missed the team that is arguably the BEST team to ever step into the ring here in New Alberta Pro Wrestling. FIVE TIME Tag Team Champs, and men who have obviously had great success in their own individual right.
JACK JONES: *YAWN* Boooo-ring. They haven't teamed up in like, what, two years? They're old news. I think it will Blood Harvest who will be dishing out the education. At least they're relevant.
Referee Anthony Uruburu calls for the bell, and Daniel Kilroy starts off as Blood Harvest's representative. Bruce wins the paper-rock-scissors battle and Roberts takes the apron. Richards and Kilroy circle each other, then lock up. Thrill Kill ducks behind quickly and sinks in a hammer lock, and the Beast seems mildly surprised.
JACK JONES: LOOK AT THAT TECHNICAL SKILL FROM KILROY! WHAT AMAZING IN-RING PRESENCE!
BILL HEWSON: Well, impressive for the young Thrill Kill, anyway, as even Bruce Richards doesn't even seem to know what to think.
Richards takes a second to think about his next move, then connects with a back elbow. Kilroy doesn't relinquish the hold, but suddenly drops down and grabs Bruce's ankles, bringing the Beast down onto his face. Bruce lets out a shocked chuckle as Kilroy makes his way around and gets a front face lock.
JACK JONES: FRANK GOTCH, EAT YOUR HEART OUT!
Finally, Richards seems to have had enough, and brings himself to his feet while in the hold. He then hoists Kilroy up over his shoulder and walks to the NAIDX corner. Bruce turns his back to Kyle, who slaps the suspended Daniel across the face. Richards follows up with an inverted Atomic Drop. Kilroy is stunned, and Richards shoves him HARD across the ring, almost into the other turnbuckle. Bruce shakes things off and tags in Kyle Roberts, and Kilroy brings in Blackpool, who charges and surprises Roberts, shoving him into the corner. James mounts and starts wailing away. Uruburu starts to count, but Roberts points behind the ref and shouts, "LOOK, OVER THERE!" Uruburu lets curiosity take over, and Kyle stops James with a low blow. Roberts brings Blackpool out on his shoulders... MOOSE JAW DRIVER! Thrill Kill runs in and charges... right into a Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker! Kilroy and Blackpool roll out, and the band tries to regroup together... but are broken up by a BEAST-SIZED PLANCHA! The fans are on their feet!
BILL HEWSON: LISTEN TO THIS OVATION!
JACK JONES: Meh...
Bruce takes his place back on the apron, and is tagged in. James staggers his way back in and is snatched up. Pump Handle? SLAM, with AUTHORITY! Blackpool is hurt, and tries to crawl over and tag out, but he's pulled back. A tag brings in Roberts, who tries for the Lionsault. Blackpool manages to come to in time to bring his knees up and counter. With Roberts trying to catch his wind, DEADpool scrambles over and tags in Kilroy, who immediately puts Kyle back down with a spinning heel kick. Kilroy then swoops in and locks in a sitting abdominal stretch.
JACK JONES: LOOK AT THAT WRESTLING PROWESS! HE MUST HAVE BEEN TUTORED BY THE BEST!
BILL HEWSON: Ugh... do you see my eyes rolling?
Roberts is favoring his ribs, but after a few seconds of struggling, Kyle shows him a trick he learned from Moe Howard: EYEPOKE! Kilroy cries out like a girl, and Roberts changes things up with a BEARTAMER ATTEMPT! He almost has Thrill Kill over... but Roger runs in and leaps out with a crossbody... right into Kyle's waiting arms! EMERALD FUSION! Chaz charges from behind as Roger retreats... but the Beast sneaks a tag and is there to intercept! CHAAAARRRT ATTAAACK! Now Kilroy tries to stop things from getting worse, but is promptly shown the door with a New and Improved Double Arm Drag to the Outside! Blackpool finally gets back up, but gets added to the carnage...
POLAR-IZER FROM ROBERTS!
MOONSAULT BY RICHARDS!
BILL HEWSON: DOWN... AND DIRTY!
Uruburu with the count!
One...
Two...
Three!
Uruburu calls for the bell and Frank makes it official. The crowd is hanging from the rafters!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... THE NEW... AND IMPROVED DX!
"Low" fires back up as Kyle Roberts and Bruce Richards inspect the carnage. They nod at each other with satisfaction and high-five before leaving the ring. The fans are practically taking the barrier down trying to reach out and touch the fearsome twosome.
BILL HEWSON: Well, it's been two years since DX has won a match here together in the NAPW, but they've come back and done it like they've never left.
JACK JONES: It's alright, BH, even the Funks had their bad days. You'll be back... *sniffle*
BILL HEWSON: And so will we!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We come back from commercial to the backstage area, where Josh Reynolds is standing next to NAPW Heritage Champion Donovan Astros, dressed in a suit with the Heritage title around his waist.JOSH REYNOLDS: Welcome back to NAPW. Standing by with me now is the Canadian Heritage Champion, Donovan Astros.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You're damn skippy, Josh. And as bad as Bobby Crane wanted to take this title belt away from me two weeks ago, no dice! It's still here and it ain't leavin' for a long, long time!
JOSH REYNOLDS: What about the 'surprise' Bobby Crane dropped on you at the end of your match with him? We don't know his name yet, but a seven foot tall monster of a man attacked you and left you laying!
DONOVAN ASTROS: This just goes to show that the only playbook these guys know is the Donovan Astros playbook. You remember my giant, don't you? Jake Phoenix?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Yes, the man that held the title you're wearing now longer than anyone else in NAPW history.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Yeah, that guy. I'll be erasing that record from the books in good time, don't worry. But Bobby Crane wants to be Donovan Astros so (BLEEP) bad that he had to find his own giant to boss around. The bad news for you, Bobby, is that, just like Jake Phoenix, his patience for you will run out and then you'll be left layin' on the mat! It's just a matter of time!
JOSH REYNOLDS: You don't sound too concerned about getting attacked by the two of them in your upcoming matches.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You think me telling Boring Bobby and his freak of the week not to attack me is going to stop them from, you know... ATTACKING ME? You're dumber than you look, Josh. I'm not worrying. I'm preparing. There's no reason to dwell on the numbers game 'cause there ain't a lot I can do about it. Let's talk about something more relevant. Something more exciting. Let's talk about Sole Survivor!
JOSH REYNOLDS: This will be your first Sole Survivor in the three plus years you've been in NAPW.
DONOVAN ASTROS: And I'm excited about it, let me tell you, Josh! Thirty men are gonna enter that ring, and one of them will win the right to face the NAPW World Champion. It's diggin' up people all around the woodwork for a shot at the second most prestigious title in NAPW.
JOSH REYNOLDS: That's a rather bold statement.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Not when this belt is sitting pretty around my waist, Josh! But take a look at the people comin' out for Sule Survivor. Superstar Tommy Deathrow. Jer$ey. Krusty Kid Paul. d.
JOSH REYNOLDS: But D!'s not in Sole Survivor.
DONOVAN ASTROS: I didn't say D!. I said d. One letter. Said real soft. Watch your tapes, little man! Jacob Venar! The Falcon! The Bird of Prey! The roadkill! He's coming back to NAPW! Who's next, Link Van Haggard? Andrew Rossi? The Kwitalot Kid? Doesn't matter! There's one man winning this battle royal and moving on to his third NAPW World Title reign, and that man is...
VOICE: (off-camera) Not you if you don't start worrying about what Bobby Crane and his bodyguard are gonna do to ya.
The Irish accents of the O'Connor Boys are hard to miss as Seamus and Sean step into the scene, dressed in their wrestling gear.
SEAMUS O'CONNOR: Donovan, you are going to need someone to watch your back.
SEAN O'CONNOR: While we aren't the biggest or the tallest, we will not let you down. If you want OCB to watch your back, consider it done.
Astros looks down at the former tag team champions with a bit of disdain and scorn.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You've got to be kidding me. If I need someone to watch my back, it sure as hell isn't gonna be two guys that tried to put me out of this sport.
Donovan turns his back on the brothers and walks off. Not to lose a chance for a news scoop, Reynolds slides into interview mode as Sean and Seamus watch Astros walk down the hallway.
JOSH REYNOLDS: So, Seamus and Sean, how do you feel about the return of Blood Harvest and The New And Improved D-X?
SEAMUS O'CONNOR: No matter if there are no new teams, if there are two new teams, eighteen new teams, or if Wahoo himself comes in and laces up the boots in a tag team himself, one thing remains the fact Josh.
JOSH REYNOLDS: And what is that?
SEAN O'CONNOR: The fact that OCB will run through one team after another until once again are holding those two NAPW Tag Team Championship belts high in the air and are crowned NAPW Tag Team champions.
SEAMUS O'CONNOR: And when the history books are written, it will be the O'Connor Boys --- NAPW's Greatest Tag Team Champions.
SEAN O'CONNOR: Bank on that Reynolds and everyone in the back, watch out because the smallest fighters in NAPW are going to follow through on their promise.
JOSH REYNOLDS: What about Sole Survivor?
Seamus and Sean look at him for a moment as they smile.
SEAMUS O'CONNOR: We are going to make one hell of an impact Josh and...
SEAN O'CONNOR: I am going to upstage my brother by winning the entire damn thing.
SEAMUS O'CONNOR: So he thinks...
SEAN O'CONNOR: So, I know.
With that enigmatic finish, the O'Connors walk off, leaving Josh in front of the banner.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Return from commercial break as the ring crew is putting the finishing touches on the STEEL CAGE around the ring.JACK JONES: Boy, does that bring me back.
BILL HEWSON: You had a few memorable steel cage matches back in the day, as I recall.
JACK JONES: Matches? No, I was just thinking of my old flame Annie "the Anvil" Anjou.
BILL HEWSON: You know what? I'm not even going to ask.
JACK JONES: She was a convict, you see. Prison yard romance. And she looooved those conjugal visits. Why, this one time ---
BILL HEWSON: I DIDN'T ASK. Our main event is a feud that been ongoing now for months, surrounded by controversy at every turn. Tonight, that steel cage will keep everybody out... and keep Steve Parker and Chad Kurtis IN. Let's go to Frank.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following is for the NAPW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP, has a thirty-minute time limit and will take place inside a STEEL CAGE!
POP!
CONFORMITY!
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at two hundred and nineteen pounds. From Boston, Massachusetts... he is the 2010 Canada Cup winner! "THE STAR-SPANGLED SENSATION" STEVE PARKER!
Mixed reaction to Steve Parker, something like 2/3rd boos and 1/3rd cheers. Parker walks down the aisle, somehow managing to carry his Canada Cup Trophy, his 2009 awards and is that a T-ball trophy from 1986? Parker walks around the set-up steel cage... and enters through the swinging door, manned by referee Anthony Uruburu. Senior official John Sharplin is already in the ring to ref the important contest.
"Guess who's back?"
Hit it.
"They say I'm COCKY!
And I say WHAT?
It ain't braggin' mother(BLEEP) if ya back it UP!"
FRANK WARBURTON: His opponent, the NAPW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, weighing in at two-hundred and thirty pounds, from Paducah, Kentucky... "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!
Opposite reaction to Parker, that is 2/3rd cheers, 1/3rd boos. Chad Kurtis looks disappointed by the reaction, but circles the ring and slaps the hands stretched his way. He clutches the steel and then enters. Quick pose, but Chad quickly zeroes in on his opponent. Rope stretching. Anthony Uruburu locks the cage door shut...
DING DING
BILL HEWSON: Well here we go! What a bout this'll be!
JACK JONES: This crowd is confusing me. Who am I supposed to rout for?
The Show. The Sensation. The Show! The Sensation! They lock up mid-ring! Parker with an immediate side headlock. He clenches but Kurtis backs into the ropes, able to send Parker off. Hip toss but Parker lands on his feet, arm ringer to the champion! He twists the arm again. And again. Into a wristlock but Kurtis grabs the back of Parker's head and uses it to help flip himself over Parker. Back waistlock. Parker with an elbow to the side of the champ's head that breaks it. Parker spins around, only to receive a front waistlock. Parker brings both forearms on the sides of Kurtis' head, breaking it. Kurtis with a double-leg takedown. Parker gets out, sprawls on top, locks in a headlock! Kurtis slowly climbs to his feet... elbow to the gut of Parker! Kurtis off of the ropes... arm-drag takedown into an armbar. Kurtis rolls out of it, brings Parker's arm up with him, flips him onto his back! Kurtis off of the ropes, rolling knee drop to Parker... into a standing moonsault! Cover!
BILL HEWSON: Amazing opening minutes!
JACK JONES: Can't argue with you there, though it's as if they've forgotten there is a fun cage around them to play with! Ol' Anvil Annie never forgot about the cage, lemme tell you.
BILL HEWSON: NO.
ONE!
TW --- NO!
Kurtis locks in a sleeper but Parker gets to his feet. He backs Kurtis up into the corner! Runs forward, turns around, corner splash! Kurtis stumbles forward. Parker off of the ropes! Bulldog --- no! Kurtis throws him across the ring! Parker stands but falls into the corner. Kurtis runs in... cartwheel back elbow! But Parker moves out of the way! Parker with a series of kicks to Kurtis in the corner! Kurtis catches a foot. Parker with an enzuigiri, Kurtis ducks it, Parker with a mule kick to the forehead of the champ! Kurtis back into the corner. Parker runs into the opposite corner, charges in, Kurtis meets him with a ROARING ELBOW! Parker stumbles around. Kurtis with a hurricanrana --- NO! Parker throws him up and behind... into the CAGE! Kurtis falls limp on the mat. Cover!
JACK JONES: Now we're in business!
BILL HEWSON: The champion smashed right into the solid steel, there's no give in that! The cage is as much of a weapon as it is a way to keep everybody else out!
ONE!
TW --- NO!
Parker picks Kurtis up. He's going for the CK FINALE! NO! Kurtis reverses into a backdrop! Parker stands up. Kurtis with a clothesline, ducked by Parker. Parker off of the ropes... cross-body block! Caught by Kurtis! Fallaway slam! NO! Parker reverses it into a PINFALL ATTEMPT!
ONE!
TWO --- NO!
Both competitors to their feet. Lock-up. Kurtis with a rear waistlock, trips out the foot, lands on top of Parker. Half nelsons him over!
ONE!
TWO --- NO!
BILL HEWSON: Incredible exchanges between the two competitors. This is NAPW on FIGHT TV!
JACK JONES: And this is Bill Hewson being a corporate ass-kisser! Also, DELICIOUS Hostess Fruit Pies!
Parker rolls on top of Kurtis!
ONE!
TWO --- NO!
Both men to their feet. Parker pushes Kurtis into the corner. Knife edge chop. Another! Another! Kurtis with a kick to the gut. He throws Parker into the corner. Knife edge chop! Another! Another! Irish whip across the ring, Parker reverses into a SMALL PACKAGE!
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!
Parker grabs Kurtis' head and throws it into the cage wall! Drags him across the ring... throws him into it again! Kurtis stumbles back... Parker catches him. Backbreaker! Now Parker is going up the turnbuckle... middle-rope elbow drop! Kurtis rolls out of the way! Kurtis off of the ropes... dropkick to Parker's head! Parker grabs his head but manages to get to his feet. Only to be kicked in the gut! Northern Lights!
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!
Kurtis climbs up the turnbuckle as Parker tries to stand. Diving headbutt! COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!
Kurtis picks Parker up. CK FINALE! NO! Parker picks him up with his neck! SPINEBUSTER into the CAGE WALL! Parker goes up top as Kurtis slowly crawls to his feet. Flying cross body to Kurtis! NO! Kurtis rolls through! COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
TH --- KICKOUT!
Both men to their feet. Collar-and-elbow! Both battle for supremacy, neither able to break the hold and gain an advantage. Finally, Kurtis backs Parker into the corner. Knee to the gut! Right hand! Right hand! Kurtis whips him across the ring... Parker reverses! Parker runs in after Kurtis, Kurtis leaps up onto the turnbuckle, jumps up three rungs up the cage then flips backwards behind Parker! Superkick! Ducked By Parker! Super-sized Kick! Ducked by Kurtis! Kurtis connects with a spinning heel kick! Parker falls into the corner! A series of kicks from Kurtis! Parker catches one... enzuigiri! Parker with a series of kicks to Kurtis all the way across the ring to the other corner! Kurtis falls into the corner. Parker runs across the ring... flying knee strike to the head of Kurtis!
BILL HEWSON: We'll be right back! A short commercial break and then we will have the conclusion of this amazing contest!
JACK JONES: Good thing. That fish I ate for dinner swam right through me!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
BILL HEWSON: And we're back! Parker has been introducing Kurtis to a litany of moves while we were away.JACK JONES: And a close two-count!
Parker picks Kurtis up. Throws his head into into the wall! Again! A third time --- no! Kurtis grabs the bars, elbow to the gut! He throws Parker into the wall! Grabs Parker by the head... into another wall! A third! And Parker stumbles right into a big clothesline! Kurtis grabs Parker... SLINGSHOT INTO THE CAGE!
BILL HEWSON: Steve Parker is busted wide open!
JACK JONES: Where's Zouave? I want Chad Kurtis exposed as the fraud he's always been!
ONE!
TWO!
THR --- KICKOUT!
Chad Kurtis steps to the ring apron, he's got room... SPRINGBOARD 450!
BILL HEWSON: PRIME TIME SPLASH! Could that be it?
ONE!
TWO!
THREE --- KICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: Chad Kurtis throwing everything except for the KITCHEN SINK!
JACK JONES: But if he had it, he'd throw that too! Chad Kurtis is type of throw-shit-see-what-sticks guy this business doesn't need!
Kurtis gets up, looks out to the fans, most of whom are cheering. Steve Parker is struggling up...
REVERSE STO!
Parker is prone on the mat, but Kurtis doesn't cover? What's he thinking? He looks up...
AND THE CROWD COMES UNGLUED.
BILL HEWSON: The World Champion is scaling the cage wall! This isn't escape rules, folks, it's pinfall or submission... "the Show" is planning to add to the highlight reel!
He continues to climb... until he reaches the top! Kurtis balances himself on the corners of the cage, stands tall, and...
SHOOTING
STAR
PRESS.
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
NO! NO!
PARKER ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST MINUTE! Kurtis hits nothing but canvas, and he appears to have tweaked his damaged knee. Parker pulls himself up... As does Kurtis, favoring his injured knee... SUPER-SIZED KICK! COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NO!
NO!
KICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: "The Show" may have reinjured the knee he hurt competing down south last week... wait a minute, what the hell is Steve Parker doing?
Parker picks up Kurtis, standing headscissors. He looks out over the crowd.
Smile.
BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute CK FINALE! CK FINALER!
JACK JONES: More like the SP FINALE! SP FINALE!
BILL HEWSON: STEVE PARKER USING THE CHAMP'S OWN MOVE AGAINST HIM, HE NAILED IT! HE COVERS! ONE! TWO! THREE---
JACK JONES: NEW CHAMPION---
BILL HEWSON: KICKOUT, KICKOUT, KICKOUT! Where else can you see action like this on free TV? Where? WHERE?
The fans are getting behind Kurtis, unable to believe he was able to kick out of the CK Finale! Parker picks up Kurtis and throws him head first into the cage! He grabs his head and runs it across the cage! Now Kurtis is bleeding too! Parker with stiff punches to the open forehead wound. But Kurtis is getting to his feet somehow! Elbow to Parker! Elbow to Parker! Elbow to Parker! Off of the ropes! Drop toe hold to Kurtis, he lands right on his bleeding forehead! FREEDOM FRYER! FREEDOM FRYER! FREEDOM FRYER! He has it locked on!
JACK JONES: And the first and only title reign of Chad Kurtis ends with a TAP OUT! That's what the history books shall read... after talking for chapter upon chapter about me, of course. Did I ever tell you about the time I ---
BILL HEWSON: --Kurtis shaking his hand, refusing to submit... HE REVERSES IT INTO A PINFALL! SHOULDERS DOWN!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NO!
NO!
KICKOUT!
KICKOUT!
Both men to their feet but Parker takes him down with a STF INTO THE CAGE! Kurtis grabs his forehead. Parker grabs Kurtis... SP FINALE AGAIN? NO! NO! KURTIS REVERSES IT BY LIFTING PARKER UP INTO THE AIR WITH HIS NECK, HOLDING HIS LEGS AND JUMPING BACKWARDS, SQUEEZING EVERY BIT OF SELF-SPANGLED SPECTACULAR OXYGEN OUT OF THE CHALLENGER!
BILL HEWSON: WHAT INNOVATION FROM THEN NOW NEXT!
JACK JONES: Actually, I invented that move! It's called the Jones Driver!
COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
YE --- NO!
NO!
KICKOUT!
KICKOUT!
Kurtis quickly gets to his feet. Quickly to the ring apron, Parker stumbling to his feet. Kurtis springboard lariat --- NO! NO! PARKER HITS HIM WITH A SUPER-SIZED KICK IN MID-AIR! COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
YES --- NO!
NO!
KICKOUT!
KICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: I THOUGHT THAT WAS ALL! GOOD GOD, THE MATCH CONTINUES! MY THROAT IS HOARSE FROM ALL THIS YELLING!
JACK JONES: Let me take over for you. Play-by-play makes more than color commentator, discrimination if you ask me.
Parker grabs Kurtis. Throws his bleeding body into the cage ONCE. TWICE. THREE TIMES! But this time Kurtis holds on! Kurtis kicks Parker away. Parker charges. Another kick! Kurtis climbs a few more rungs... SHOWTIME OFF OF THE CAGE WALL TAKES PARKER DOWN!
COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
YES!
NO!
NO!
KICKOUT!
KICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: Parker showing his own resilience wait wait WAIT A MINUTE CHAD KURTIS... LOCKS ON THE FREEDOM FRYER! A little receipt for earlier, Kurtis trying to tap out Parker with the man's signature hold!
Chad has the man's own move locked in! Parker looks like he might be tapping, he looks like he's in a great amount of pain... NO! NO! HE REVERSES INTO A PINFALL ATTEMPT OF HIS OWN!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
YES!
NO!
NO!
KICKOUT!
KICKOUT!
Both men to their feet. Kurtis takes Parker down with a TABOO LARIATOOOOOOOO!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
NO! Parker still down... KURTIS HITS THE CORNER! BEST! MOONSAULT! EVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
YES!
HOLY SHIT!
NO!
KICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: Both competitors have kicked out of moves that have ended dozens --- hundreds --- of matches!
JACK JONES: Can't argue with you there.
BILL HEWSON: ...
JACK JONES: I know! It feels wrong, doesn't it!
Both Kurtis and Parker are equally unmoving. The move took an incredible amount out of both men. The referee checks on both men then has no choice but to begin a ten count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Both men stir.
FOUR!
FIVE!
Both men climbing to their feet.
SIX!
SEVEN!
Both men stumble.
EIGHT.
Kurtis stands.
NINE.
Parker stands!
Parker charges forward... SUPER-SIZED KICK! DUCKED! TOEKICK BY KURTIS! CK FINALE COMIN' UP --- PARKER TWISTS AND SPINS OUT, CHAD TURNS AROUND ---
SUPER-SIZED KICK!
KURTIS GOES DOWN! PARKER COLLAPSES HIMSELF, FALLING ON TOP OF CHAD!
COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
...
YES!
FOR REAL THIS TIME!
FRANK WARBURTON: Your winner... and NEW NAPW WORLD CHAMPION... "THE STAR-SPANGLED SENSATION"... STEVE PARKER!
BILL HEWSON: What a match! What a match! Steve Parker EARNED that victory! But, by the same token, Chad Kurtis just EARNED his spot as one of the toughest champions we've EVER had! WHAT A MATCH!
JACK JONES: Nearly every annual award of 2009. Canada Cup. World Championship. What is there left to do for Steve Parker?
BILL HEWSON: I don't know... but there is NO DOUBT that Steve Parker is THE MAN TO BEAT in NAPW...
Parker slowly rises to his feet and holds both the Canada Cup trophy and the title belt high up in the air, a mixed reaction (but a LOUD reaction) from the fans in attendance. Slowly, Chad Kurtis gets to his feet.
"THAT WAS AWE-SOME! THAT WAS AWE-SOME! THAT WAS AWE-SOME! THAT WAS AWE-SOME ---*"
Lights out.
JACK JONES: I hatehateHATE when this happens.
BILL HEWSON: Steve Parker is the new NAPW World Champion, but we've lost the lights... wait a minute --- THAT'S JEFFREY ROBERTS! JEFFREY ROBERTS IS IN THE RING ---*!
Parker looks stunned, to which Roberts smiles softly, then straight kicks the new champion to the canvas! Chad Kurtis is still groggy ---
Roberts BLASTS him with a clothesline to the back of the head! Now Roberts grabs Steve Parker, rammed into the cage. Roberts kneels on top of the bloody Parker, grabbing the man's head with both hands and smashing into the canvas, all while looking as calm as if he was having a cup of tea.
BILL HEWSON: Jeffrey Roberts is assaulting Steve Parker, he's assaulted Chad Kurtis --- these two just beat the hell out of each other for twenty damn minutes, this sicko Jeffrey Roberts going after two exhausted men!
JACK JONES: Wow. Were have I heard that before?
BILL HEWSON: WILL YOU BE SERIOUS?
Chad Kurtis is slowly getting up, on hands and knees... Roberts stops bashing Parker. He turns around, eyeing Chad as one would a delicious eclair...
PUNT.
Chad collapses to the canvas. Roberts looks pleased by the turn of events, giving a curtsy to the crowd. He kneels down and pushes Parker's bloody face into the world title belt... the crowd is furious. Meanwhile, here comes...
THE FREAK SHOW?
And behind them...
With a monochrome, face-painted JOEY MALONE trailing behind, carrying something...
Is ZOUAVE.
JACK JONES: I knew it! Here he comes to save his boy Chad Kurtis!
BILL HEWSON: I... almost might welcome Zouave's presence here today, somebody stop Jeffrey Roberts!
Shut Down shoves Sharplin and Uruburu aside. He and The Freak get into the ring. Jeffrey Roberts suddenly becomes aware of their presence as the tag champs circle Roberts on either side. Jeff looks from side to side as Zouave enters the ring, the hobo-clown drawing a hush from the crowd. Zouave...
Checks on "The Show" Chad Kurtis. He shakes his head. The crowd is suddenly vocal, and FURIOUS.
BILL HEWSON: I... I don't believe it...
JACK JONES: STEVE PARKER WAS RIGHT! HE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!
Zouave then stands up, and points a long finger at Jeffrey Roberts. Joey Malone stands the corner nearest the door. Zouave glances at The Freak, then at Shut Down. He snaps his fingers, Roberts knowing the attack is coming...
THE FREAK SHOW ADVANCE...
And Jeffrey Roberts jumps into Shut Down's massive arms and plants a kiss right on his cheek, smiling beatifically.
JACK JONES: ... yeabuhwha?
BILL HEWSON: ...Somebody get help out here, SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP---zzzzzzzkkkk*
Hewson's words are lost in a burst of static. Zouave twirls in the ring as the crowd grows angrier and angrier. He snaps, and Joey opens the sack to Zouave. The clown fishes in, and pulls out a large padlock. He gives it to Jeffrey Roberts, who pulls the cage door closed violently. He brings the chain in and around the links...
And padlocks the cage door shut from the inside.
Roberts coos, at home in the prison. And now Shut Down roughly pulls Steve Parker to his feet, holding the new champion's arms behind his back. Parker sags limply, as Zouave traces a bony finger over his cheekbones. Zouave traces a 'smile' on Parker's lips... then turns around and yells, loudly, his voice projecting almost over the roaring, angry crowd...
"LET THE SHOW... BEGIN."
The Freak explodes with a sick kick right to Parker's ribs. Parker sags, but Shut Down doesn't let him down. Jeff Roberts measures the champion, thrust kick right to the sternum. The Freak with a kick, Roberts. Malone stands in the corner, watching with empty eyes...
CHAD KURTIS IS UP! KURTIS FLIES AT ROBERTS! RIGHT HAND! FLURRY OF RIGHTS TO THE FREAK! But Roberts scissors his legs and takes him down, the Freak dropping a leg across Chad's head. Joey sets the bag down and pulls out... handcuffs? Long chain handcuffs. Jeffrey Roberts licks Chad's cheek, then headbutts the man on the canvas. He and The Freak lift Chad up.
Shut Down roughly tosses the crumbling Steve Parker as The Freak and Jeffrey Roberts lift Chad Kurtis off of his feet, and Shut Down takes a handcuff set... and puts it across Chad's throat, fastening either cuff to the cage. They release him, Chad just inches off the ground, flailing wildly, he can't reach. Malone quickly puts cuffs around either foot, keeping the legs from movement. Kurtis tries to catch somebody with a right hand, but he's trying to breathe...
And helpless.
BUT...
Here comes the cavalry! LLOYD REES! THE O'CONNOR BOYS! DAMAGE INC! REFEREES! AN IRATE TERRY BRANDON! Brandon ordering the cage unlocked, but the padlock is again on the INSIDE, they can't get it! Brandon yells for somebody to go get some goddamn bolt cutters! Rees is scaling the cage, but Jeffrey Roberts is there to meet him right hand! The Freak cuts off Dorian Vade! The good guys trying to get inside the cage, but those inside using their advantage to keep them from climbing in! Shut Down boots Seamus off the side of the cage, and then...
Shut Down picks up Steve Parker... THE SHAKE MACHINE.
The Freak up to the top... SIGHT UNSEEN.
And now The Freak Show step aside as Jeffrey Roberts climbs to the top rope... he leans back against the cage and raises his hands high, like an Olympic Diver.
SSG.
Right across the throat of Steve Parker.
Jeffrey Roberts picks up the NAPW World title, dangles it from his hand, then runs his tongue across the gleaming gold plate. Parker is face-down on the canvas, unconscious, red stains on the canvas. Chad Kurtis swings, less energy, face turning red. Zouave raises his arms high, celebrating the carnage in the ring while The Freak, Shut Down, Jeffrey Roberts, Joey Malone fend off the good guys. Brandon is seen at the curtain as Anthony Uruburu comes blasting out with a huge bolt cutter...
Lights down.