Dark Match
-Jamie Murray defeated Wayne Wright with the London Calling. After the match, The Outlaw made a shocking return! The 2009 Canada Cup winner assaulted Murray with the West Texas Rain, leaving the Brit laying.Cold open. We fade in...
On a large striped circus tent somewhere in Calgary? It's a beautiful blue sky. The camera swoops in through the open flap tent door and...
In the center of the tent, in the center 'ring' is the NAPW wrestling ring. Clowns and jugglers are doing their routines in the smaller circus 'rings' aside. Fans are in the bleachers, some looking very confused, others wondering if they're in the right place. But then, finally, Bill Hewson, Jack Jones and Frank Warburton come through an entrance way set up to one-side and the fans cheer the familiar faces. Frank gets to the ring, talking with the timekeeper as Jack and Bill take their seats at ringside. However, a man is already at their table... wearing a leather bomber jacket, with plenty of facial piercings and spiked hair.
BILL HEWSON: Good evening wrestling fans, we are coming to you tonight from Calgary Alberta... do not adjust your dial, we are not in the Ogden Legion no, but this IS NAPW on The Fight Network! I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones and we have a packed show for you tonight. In our main event, it will be Lloyd Rees squaring off with "The Millenium Game" Justin Case in a No Disqualification Submission match! Also tonight ---
MAN: You're not going to f'n introduce me?
JACK JONES: Introduce you? Who are you and why are you sitting at our desk? And what the hell is in your face, kid?
MAN: (sarcastic) It's called rock and f'n roll, old man. Who? I'm Liam f'n Shepherd. Why? I'm the new NAPW commentator.
BILL HEWSON: I wasn't told anything about an addition to our broadcast team. I think you should leave, son.
JACK JONES: Yeah! Beat him up Bill!
LIAM SHEPHERD: I'm not going anywhere. This program needs an injection of youth and attitude, something it's not getting with you two oldies creaking up the joint with your Ben Gay every week. That's why ZOUAVE sold ol' Wahoo Winchell on hiring me.
BILL HEWSON: You've got to be kidding me, Zouave is gone...
The camera zooms in on a document the snotty Liam holds up, displaying Winchell's signature.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Lots of things are going to change around this place. You want the GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH, Liam Shepherd is going to be calling it every single f'n week! It doesn't matter who's wrestling tonight because I'm taking it to the next level!
BILL HEWSON: I ---
"And it's just like the ocean under the moon
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah"
"Smooth" by Rob Thomas and Carlos Santana hits the PA system and the fans boo. Chris Casino comes walking out wearing a three piece suit... and a shit-eating grin. Casino stops a couple feet from the entrance way, and points his thumbs to the back. An ominous, colossal figure emerges.
JACK JONES: KRENSHOV!
The boos rain in for the New Jersey native.
BILL HEWSON: We haven't seen Kenny Krenshov in months! Chris Casino said we wouldn't see him back in the ring until Kenny got a renegotiation for the kind of contract he "deserves;" so does this mean that Chris has worked out a deal for Kenny?
JACK JONES: Of course, why else would they be here?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Maybe they're just out here to party.
BILL HEWSON: Uhh, I doubt it, Krenshov isn't the partying type.
Chris walks up the steel steps, and onto the apron, pulling the top and middle ropes for Kenny. The big man smirks as he steps up on the apron and enters the ring, Chris follows. A microphone appears from Chris' inner breast pocket.
CHRIS CASINO: Well, aren't you all happy to see us? (boo) Oh, puh-lease. We're ten times more entertaining than anyone you'll see tonight. And you know it's true, I mean, look at the card tonight. Lloyd Rees versus Justin Case? The roller-coaster of wrestling was on an upswing the last time we saw him, are we going to see him hit rock bottom, again, after such a huge couple of weeks before the break? More importantly, are we going to see Lloyd Rees with or sans beard?
BILL HEWSON: Chris really knows how to push the buttons on this crowd.
JACK JONES: Oh please, these idiots would cheer the hell out of Chris if he wanted them to, he knows exactly what he's doing.
CHRIS CASINO: You all have a fatal four way tag match to look for*yawn*ward*yawn*to. The only way that match is going to be any fun is if you're on a cocktail of opiates and alcohol. Then again, most of you probably are. And then, of course, is the "DREAM" tag team match. Or so it's being billed that way. Who's in that one again? Mystic Exposition (CHEERS!) yeah, yeah, yeah. And that other team, uh... the New and Improved D-X (ULTRA CHEERS!) Oh-Em-Gee. Are you all serious? Is that what you consider entertaining? Man, the standards have dropped soooo low around here. I'll tell you what, how about we do a real "DREAM" tag team match, and make it Mystic Exposition versus D-X versus... THE UNTOUCHABLES!
The fans go beyond bonkers.
LIAM SHEPHERD: I don't know who any of those guys are yet, but I want to see that.
JACK JONES: See that Bill, one little name drop and Casino has them eating out of the palm of his hands!
BILL HEWSON: I can barely hear you Jack. This ovation is deafening!
CHRIS CASINO: Well, too bad! You couldn't pay me enough to lace up the boots and wrestle for you yokels tonight!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
CHRIS CASINO: So you'll just have to yawn yourselves through tonight's card. However, I didn't come out here to raise your hopes and dreams of an epic main event and crush them for my personal enjoyment, no we have real business. Business pertaining to my client, Kenny Krenshov. You see, I've kept Kenny off the cards because frankly, he hasn't been treated fairly. He came back under the harshest probation, played by all of Terry Brandon's rules, and wrestled for peanuts. Now I know Terry has been busy with this whole clown mess, but c'mon Terry, you can't even answer a phone call? Now here's the deal, we aren't leaving this ring until we get the money we're looking for and Kenny's name in the main event for next week!
BILL HEWSON: It looks like Chris and Kenny are issuing a sit-in contract negotiation. I don't know if this is really the way to get what they want.
JACK JONES: Think about it Bill, this is genius. It's smarter than that time I convinced two girls into sleeping with me because I said I invented the slinky.
BILL HEWSON: That worked?
JACK JONES: Of course! Everyone knows whoever the guy is that invented the slinky is loaded. Plus it helps that I always have a spare slinky on my person.
BILL HEWSON: I won't even ask why, but how is this smarter?
JACK JONES: Because really, who the hell is going to get the Untouchables out of the ring?
BILL HEWSON: You've got a point there.
LIAM SHEPHERD: What in the hell is a slinky?
JACK JONES: For one it's a wonderful toy, it walks down stairs alone or in pairs, and it make a slinkity sound. It's a spring, a spring this marvelous thing. It's a wonderful toy, fun for a girl and a boy.
LIAM SHEPHERD: You're a tard, and that in no way helped me in understanding what a slinky is.
JACK JONES: Aww...
Kenny cracks his neck from side to side, and takes the microphone from Chris. He raises the microphone to his lips, but the BOOOS drown him out. Finally they simmer down.
KRENSHOV: For months I didn't attack anyone out of the ring. From bell to bell were the only few minutes I was allowed to put my hands on anyone. Do you know how hard that is for a guy like me? I even brought in some fruity True Honor title to help myself believe that I could pull through. And yeah, I was wrestling for peanuts. Hell, peanuts is an overstatement. The pay cut I took made my pay check comparable with Jacob Venar's. Well, all of that's ending, and it's ending tonight. From here on out I do what I want, I fight for real titles, and I'm going to start cashing some big ass checks.
Chris walks around clapping his hands while the fans voice their displeasure.
KRENSHOV: But the thing is, I'm not going to wait here for Terry Brandon.
BAM!
BILL HEWSON: KENNY JUST TOOK CHRIS' HEAD OFF WITH AN ENORMOUS CLOTHESLINE! WHAT THE HELL!?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Casino landed on his neck, damn!
The fans are thoroughly confused, but Kenny isn't. He pulls Chris to his feet and whips him into the turnbuckle, hard. Kenny follows up with a huge body splash. Chris' body goes limp and crumbles in the corner. The giant places a foot on Chris' throat and pushes down on the top rope.
KRENSHOV: You see, there are other ways to get what ya want around here. For months you wasted your time -my time- by trying to get ahold of Terry Brandon to renegotiate my contract, and I solved all of my issues with a five minute conversation with a man in the back. No more probation. Promised real matches. And more money than you were trying to get me. Heh, and he isn't really fond of you.
Kenny pulls Chris up with his hand around his throat, jerks him out of the corner, and CHOKESLAM! But he doesn't let go, and rips Chris back up to his feet and another chokeslam! Kenny kneels down by Chris' side.
BILL HEWSON: I don't know know exactly what Kenny is talking about, but Chris isn't moving. And honestly, I don't think anyone is going to rush out here to Chris' aid.
KRENSHOV: While we're being honest, Chris, let's just face a couple facts. You and I just never meshed well. Sure, we had the skills to dominate, but our personalities were going to drive one of us to turn on the other eventually. And another thing... I -hate- your entrance music.
The big man stands and goes to leave, but stops when he reaches the ropes. He turns and looks back at Chris.
KRENSHOV: I have the strange feeling that this encounter won't really drive home the point I'm trying to make. The point that I have no tolerance for you, your tactics, or your company. So let me drive it home and prove why they dubbed me NAPW's Most Hated.
Kenny drops the microphone and drops a knee into Chris' ribs. He pulls back and rams another knee into the sweet spot, then wrenches Chris to his feet, pulls him up, and drops him ribs-first onto his knee. The barely conscious Casino can barely breath, but that doesn't stop Kenny from pulling him up again and grabs him up into a bearhug.
BILL HEWSON: Kenny Krenshov has just destroyed Chris Casino! He is squeezing and flailing Chris around like he's a rag doll, and, is that blood? Chris is spitting up blood, he may be bleeding internally.
JACK JONES: It's so sad to see such good guys have a falling out like this.
BILL HEWSON: Understatement much? God this is brutal, Chris is coughing up blood and Kenny isn't letting up. Get some security out here!
Krenshov spinebusters the limp Casino to the mat without letting go out the bearhug, and continues squeeze the softened and possibly broken ribs. He finally lets go and grabs Chris under the jaw and snatches up the microphone.
KRENSHOV: Do you understand me, Chris? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? ....good.
"Attack", Kenny's music, plays over the PA system. He stands over what is left of Chris Casino for several moments, soaking in the image of his destruction. Eventually he turns, steps over the top rope, and walks to the back. Some of the fans are stunned, some booing Kenny's action, but not a single one cheering the near-seven foot monster.
Commercial Break
Back from break, the fans booing as the members of BLOOD HARVEST are already in the ring.FRANK WARBURTON: The following four-way tag team contest is set for one fall! Tags are legal, and if a wrestler is thrown over the top rope another wrestler may enter the ring as the legal man. The winners will receive a shot at the NAPW Tag Team Championship next week! Already in the ring at a total combined weight of three-hundred and ninety-five pounds... Daniel Killroy and James Blackpool... BLOOD HARVEST!
Spineshank picks up. The crowd cheers as the members of Damage Inc come through the curtain and slap hands on the way to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: At a total combined weight of four-hundred and eighty-five pounds... the team of Dorian Vade and Xavier Stone, they are DAMAGE INC!
"OOH BABY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S WORTH?
OOH HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH!"
The crowd is momentarily confused by Belinda Carlisle... but that confusion turns to boos as KRUSTY KID PAUL storms angrily through the curtains. Cheers go up though when the top-hatted Tommy Deathrow is next! The strange mixture of love!hate! continues as the SAD head to the ring, KKP staring down fans and STD slapping and rubbing... hands.
FRANK WARBURTON: At a total combined weight of four-hundred and ninety-four pounds... KRUSTY KID PAUL, TOMMY DEATHROW, SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS!
"KEEP PRESSING ON
FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT, FIGHT WHAT YOU KNOW IS WRONG"
CROWD GOES IRISH! Or crazy. IRISH CRAZY!
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! At a total combined weight of three-hundred pounds... Seamus & Sean THE O'CONNOR BOYS!
BILL HEWSON: Three of these four teams have held Tag Team championship gold here in NAPW before... and Damage Inc badly want their first taste of it! Four teams, first fall wins it, and it's under modified lucha rules... tags in and out, but if a wrestler is thrown over the top rope, any other wrestler may enter as the new legal man! In other words --- Katey, bar the door!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Do you have any lines that aren't thirty-year old cliches, bro?
JACK JONES: Yeah Bill, get with the times you square!
LIAM SHEPHERD: See? This is exactly why I'm on this show. You've got boring old, and idiot old. Guess which one you are Jack?
JACK JONES: I... yeah... well... shut up!
BILL HEWSON: Just call the match will you two?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Oh, yes sir Mister veteran sir, wouldn't want to upset the status quo. Except that the status quo is for f'n rejects!
The OCB slide into the ring and hit the corners, making the 'belt' motion around their waists. Referee Morgan Smythe tasked with keeping this one under control... she rings the bell!
DING DING DING
Dorian Vade and Krusty Kid Paul start the match off. Tie-up but KKP takes a cheap shot. Knee smash to the side of the head and KKP comes off the ropes, Vade catches KKP with an atomic drop! The former World Champion is hurt as Vade hits the ropes and nails a clothesline taking Paulie down. He picks up Paul and whips him into the Damage Inc corner, tagging in Xavier Stone. Bodyslam from Vade and Stone leaps over the top rope with a slingshot senton. He covers, gets one. Xavier Stone whips Krusty Kid Paul, KKP grabs the ropes to stop. Vade charges, KKP backdrops him over, the high-flyer lands on the ring apron! SNAP! Paul snaps Vade's neck across the top rope and sends his man to the floor. Paul glares hatefully over the crowd, raising both middle fingers to the sky...
SPRINGBOARD BACKFIST! Seamus O'Connor took the opening to get into the match, nailing Paul! Paul is up, boots Seamus in the gut. KRUSTY BOMB?! REVERSED! HURACANRANA PIN ONE, TWO, Paul kicks out! And he's off the ropes with a HUGE work boot to the head of Seamus! Paul shoves Seamus into the corner and tags in TOMMY DEATHROW for the first time in a long, long time! Deathrow gets in, starts leading the crowd in claps. Double Irish Whip on Seamus, KKP takes his man down with a drop toe-hold. Tommy walks in, then delivers a short dropkick right ot the face of Seamus. Tommy then wraps his knees around the face-down Seamus' head... oh no!
POUND POUND POUND
LIAM SHEPHERD: Did that dude just hump the other dude's head?
BILL HEWSON: Y'see, Tommy Deathrow is a... a unique individual...
LIAM SHEPHERD: Seriously, is he really wearing ZUBAZ in 2010? That's not rock & roll, that's like Goodwill vomited all over him.
Total Nonstop Tommy and Seamus is both embarrassed and hurt. Tommy gets up and puts a a finger to his lips innocent-like. "Was that NAUGHTY?" The crowd cheers "YES!" Tommy winks and slaps his ass, saying "I knew that's how you liked it." He picks up Seamus, but the fiery Bostonite catches him with a shot to the gut. Dropkick and Tommy tumbles over the top to the concrete below! In comes KKP, nailing Seamus. But Sean's had enough! Sean O'Connor into the ring with a straight foot thrust right to the chest of KKP! Double spinning roundhouse and that sends Paul over the top onto STD! Now both members of Blood Harvest rush in...
And they get backdropped out by the O'Connor Boys!
The crowd is cheering the O'Connor Boys like crazy, but they need to turn around...
DORIAN VADE DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES THE OCB OUT TO THE FLOOR! It's a six-car pile up, but wait! Vade looking at his partner Xavier Stone! Stone runs the ropes, Vade backdrops his own partner UP AND OVER THE TOP ROPE INTO CORKSCREW SPLASH! XAVIER STONE LANDS ON ALL SIX MEN OUTSIDE THE RING AND THE CROWD IS GOING WILD!
Everybody's down but Stone manages to bundle Daniel Killroy into the ring. Dorian Vade gets a hold of the Blood Harvest member... GERMAN SUPLEX! Dumps him right on his head! Vade covers, this could be all ONE, TWO --- broken up by Seamus O'Connor! Both O'Connor's in the ring going after the power member of Damage Inc. Double Irish whip, Vade explodes off the ropes with another double clothesline attempt... this one's ducked by the OCB! Double dropkick sends Vade down, landing chest first on the middle rope...
BILL HEWSON: I think it's time a stiff shot of Ireland tradition!
The crowd buzzes, Vade's in perfect position FOR...
BUSHMILLS DRILL! Sean connects, knocking Vade into position for Seamus to go up top for the IRISH INSIGNIA!
THWACK!
Xavier Stone with an amazing leaping enziguri catches Seamus on the back of the head, sitting on the top turnbuckle! Stone with some amazing agility is up now, looking for a superplex of some kind... wait a minute! Tommy Deathrow is back in the ring! Deathrow beneath Stone! POWERBOMB SUPERPLEX! What a tower of doom! Deathrow wants a cover on Seamus who took the worst of it, but he forgot about Sean. O'Connor nails Tommy, then hits the ropes for a springboard moonsault...
And amazingly, he's CAUGHT by the two-fifty four Deathrow!
FALCON ARROW! JACK JONES: Shades of Bob Holly!
LIAM SHEPHERD: OH MY GOD BRO CUTTING EDGE. You guys are dying and you don't even know.
BILL HEWSON: --- COVER!
ONE, TWO, Dorian Vade breaks it up! Vade with a DDT on Tommy Deathrow! Vade looks for his partner ---
BOTTLE OPENER! KKP German Suplexes Vade and floats through to an elbow drop! He gets up and looks at the carnage in the ring. Paul has that LOOK in his eyes --- the look of the Reaper! Somebody is going to get snapped! James Blackpool comes into the ring finally ---
K-CUTTER!
Blackpool is tangled in the ropes, he didn't even get all the way in! Paul kicks him in the head and knocks him to the floor, then STRIKES!
K-CUTTER!
Xavier Stone shoves Paul off! ENZIGURI! Paul somehow still on his feet, but he's swaying... Xavier Stone leaps up and delivers a spinning DDT! Stone leaps from the canvas to the top rope! Nobody there to cut him off!
MOONSAULT ELBOW DROP!
STONE COVERS ONE, TWO, TH---
Seamus O'Connor just saved the fall! He delivers a barrage of thigh kicks to Stone, stunning the Vancouver native. Seamus leaps to the ropes --- springboard backfist! Stone ducks it! Stone with a headscissors to Seamus BOTH MEN TUMBLE TO THE OUTSIDE!
BILL HEWSON: The action is fast & furious! It's BONZO GONZO!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Shit like that and you've been employed for five years? Zouave was so right, bro, this place needs HELP.
JACK JONES: We were doing just fine without that clown's help!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Whatever, bro.
In the ring, Daniel Killroy hops onto KKP for a cover! ONE! TWO! Kick-out! Hops onto Vade! One! Two! Kick-out! Hops onto Sean! One! Two! Kick-out! Killroy yells at Blackpool to get up, Blood Harvest looking to take advantage of the situation. They pull up Tommy Deathrow and send him to the ropes... Tommy ducks the double clothesline and sticks both hands in his Zubaz! Blood Harvest turn around...
DOUBLE SWEATY BALL CLAW!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Because you know, people never call pro wrestling gay guys. What is this shit? This guy's an f'n tard.
BILL HEWSON: This guy's an NAPW ICON, Shepherd, however unorthodox he may be! How about you inject some TALENT into this broadcast with your 'attitude'? How about that?
LIAM SHEPHERD: I'll inject what I want, when I want. You know why? Because I'm free, Billy Bob. I'm free of your rules, society's rules... that's what Zouave's all about. Freedom! And where I'm sitting, none of these teams deserve to be wrestling for THE FREAK SHOW'S tag team titles!
Blood Harvest frantically kick Tommy away, then try to give him a double suplex... but Krusty Kid Paul is there to receive special delivery STD! He sets his partner gently on his feet as the Blood Harvest wonder what's going on. They turn around ---
TOE KICKS!
KRUSTY BOMB!
DEATHROW DRIVER!
Both SAD cover, Morgan Smythe shrugs and counts both falls with two hands! ONE! TWO!
Sean and Vade break up both pinfalls! Brawling here, attempt to whip SAD into each other. But it's reversed! Sean O'Connor flies out and delivers a flying headbutt to Dorian Vade! Vade hammers Sean, German Suplex, Sean lands on his feet, leaps up, Vade lifts him onto his shoulder for the INVADER... they're too close to the ropes, SAD pull the top down and both men tumble to the floor! On the outside, Seamus O'Connor attacks Vade, Xavier Stone gets into it! The O'Connor Boys and Damage Inc battling on the floor! In the ring, Tommy Deathrow delivers a TOMINATOR to Daniel Killroy! Killroy rolls out of the ring. Krusty Kid Paul cloverleafs the legs of James Blackpool... Tommy has the front-facelock!
"GOODBYE!"
THE HANGOVER! Tommy makes a sexy cover as KKP tells the world to eff off. ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of the match and NEW #1 Contenders... Tommy Deathrow and Krusty Kid Paul, SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS!
BILL HEWSON: The Sexy Adorable Drunks are coming for the tag titles --- WAITAMINUTE! THE FREAK SHOW! SHUT DOWN OHHHHH!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Now these two guys? Total Rock & F'n roll!
JACK JONES: The FREAKS? They're not ---- oh no!
BILL HEWSON: BIG BOOT to Krusty Kid Paul! The Freak with a BUZZSAW KICK right to the face of Tommy Deathrow! The Tag Team Champions sending a message to their challengers next week! Shut Down has Deathrow up... SHAKE MACHINE! And now The Freak... SIGHT UNSEEN! The Freak Show have taken out SAD! We have to go commercial!
OCB and Damage Inc have brawled back to the locker room. In the ring, The Freak and Shut Down stand tall over the bodies of Krusty Kid Paul and Tommy Deathrow...
Commercial Break
NAPW returns from break and Gravy Jones and Stevie Canevie are standing in the ring.GRAVY JONES: We are the SAVIORS OF SEMI-PROFESSIONAL BACKYARD WRESTLING! Me and my man Stevie Canevie are better than everybody in this joint, these 'trained' professionals... nothing makes you tougher than the backyard! But are on this show, or next week? No! NAPW is scared of the SSPBYW! That's right!
STEVIE CANEVIE: NAPW doesn't want to GIVE us the tag title match we deserve, we'll take our own match! Open challenge to anybody in the back who wants a piece of us! Bring it on, you don't got nothing!
BILL HEWSON: The so-called 'Saviors' here issuing an open challenge apparently... I don't know if anybody's going to take them up on it. We just saw four teams compete tonight!
There is a lengthening silence as Jones and Canevie start smirking in the ring.
GRAVY JONES: Yeah what I thought, nobody in this place has the guts to step into OUR yard ---
"YEAHHHHH I'M THE MOTHERFUCKER OF THE YEAR."
LIAM SHEPHERD: Who the (BLEEP) is that?
BILL HEWSON: Oh my... Jones and Canevie might just learn to be careful what you wish for!
Bill's absolutely right... because JAKE PHOENIX is coming to the ring, as the crowd is going nuts waiting for the absolute destruction that's coming in just a few short seconds. Phoenix steps over the ropes and slowly takes his vest off, his eyes not looking away for a second at Jones and Canevie, who are pretty much freaking out in the corner.
LIAM SHEPHERD: That dude is f'n massive.
BILL HEWSON: The Saviors are arguing over who's going to start this match... that's a losing proposition!
JACK JONES: Well, if you were them, would YOU want to be the first guy to go face to face with that maniac?!
Referee Anthony Uruburu calls for the bell... as *both* Saviors go to the apron, each trying to tell the other to get in there! Phoenix makes the decision for them, grabbing Gravy Jones by the hair and yanking him in the hard way! Gravy backs away from Phoenix, who just stalks him into the corner and yells at him to get up, but finally yanks him up and starts peppering him in the corner with measured soupbones to the noggin! Uruburu begins the count on Phoenix, but backs off quick when Phoenix snaps his head around to look at him. Gravy stumbles out of the corner but doesn't go anywhere as Phoenix grabs him before he goes down and whips him into the ropes... Jones ducks a clothesline by Phoenix, then comes off with a cross bodyblock, but Phoenix catches him in mid air!
JACK JONES: Jake's giving him a thumbs up! What an effort!
BILL HEWSON: ...I don't think that's going to stay up!
And it doesn't. Phoenix's thumbs up becomes a thumbs down... and he HURLS Jones over his head and into his corner like... well, like a sack of shit! Jones reaches up and tags in Canevie, who's hesitant to get in, but gets in as Uruburu counts him. Phoenix stands in center ring, motioning for Canevie to hit him. After some hesitation, Canevie throws a chop at Phoenix's chest... which just seems to annoy him. "Hit me!" yells Phoenix, so Canevie throws another, again, a glancing shot. Phoenix screams "HIT ME!" at him again, and this time, a punch bounces off the side of Phoenix's head. A second one is...CAUGHT in mid-shot by Phoenix, who whips him into the corner... and scoops him up with a vicious sidewalk slam on the way out!
BILL HEWSON: Canevie rolling to the corner, he tags out... but wait, Phoenix is saying... he wants them BOTH!
JACK JONES: They haven't been a problem so far, why not fight 'em both?
Uruburu is complaining to Phoenix, but Phoenix simply backs him away and motions for BOTH of the Saviors to attack him at once! Jones and Canevie look at each other... and both rush right into soupbone rights from the Murder City Devil! Jones down again, Canevie down again... but Jones grabs at Phoenix's leg, and as Phoenix tries to shrug him off, Canevie hits a sloppy dropkick to Phoenix's head! Phoenix actually rolls away and sits up... and a trickle of blood is coming from Phoenix's right eyebrow!
JACK JONES: Did he... did he just bust open Jake Phoenix?
BILL HEWSON: That dropkick caught Phoenix right in the eye... oh my.
Phoenix is not in pain. Phoenix is...
Phoenix is ANGRY. VERY. ANGRY.
LIAM SHEPHERD: I think I saw this same thing happen on like, an episode of The Hulk.
JACK JONES: I LOVED that show when I was growing up.
LIAM SHEPHERD: I saw it on TV Land last week bro, how effing old are you?
Jones gets out of the ring as fast as he can, but Canevie's standing there... whether from guts or from fright, it's hard to tell, but Phoenix is back up and right in his face. What's said from Phoenix to him is not picked up by the cameras... but the sickening thud of his headbutt to the forehead of Canevie IS! Phoenix picks up a dazed Canevie and whips him off the ropes... and nearly takes his head off with a vicious lariat!
BILL HEWSON: I think that lariat just busted Canevie open! His nose may be broken!
JACK JONES: HA HA! Welcome to the business, kid!
Canevie is not getting back up from that clothesline as Phoenix stands over him... but Jones is up and he's on the top rope... he jumps onto Phoenix's back and locks in a sleeperhold! Phoenix stumbles but gains his posture quickly... before just shaking his head, and yanking Jones over his shoulder! The crowd is up as they know what's next... and it's the TOMBSTONE, but right on top of Canevie's sternum!
The Saviors are stacked up like cordwood. Phoenix puts his hands on Canevie and Jones' coughing bodies, as Uruburu counts.
One...
Two...
Three.
DING DING DING
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match, JAKE PHOENIX!
Phoenix raises his arms, looking down at the two broken 'Saviors' with contempt.
BILL HEWSON: Take a good look, Jacob Venar --- that is the man you face next week! Jake Phoenix vs Jacob Venar next week... but tonight, The Murder City Devil has put NAPW on notice! Don't go away!
Commercial Break
FRANK WARBURTON: The following tag team contest is scheduld for one fall at a twenty minute time limit!"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD"
"Party Hard" by Andrew WK blasts and the fans go bazookular.
FRANK WARBURTON: At a combined weight of four-hundred and forty pounds, they are the FOUR-time former NAPW Tag Team Champions, MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner comes shooting out from the back. "BINGO TANGO!!!" They slap the hands of the fans on the way to the ring and LEAP into the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents...
"AS LOW AS YOU GO!"
"Low" by Foo Fighters hits, and the fans go kangaroonips! Bruce "The Beast" Richards (cowboy hat and all) and Stylin' Kyle Roberts (with the all natural fur coat) comes walking out, soaking up the reception.
FRANK WARBURTON: At a combined weight of four-hundred and ninety-three pounds, they are the FIVE time former NAPW Tag Team Champions, The NEW and IMPROVED D-X!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Man the crowd here is AMPED!
BILL HEWSON: Well Liam, this being your first night you get the great pleasure of seeing a DREAM matchup between two LEGENDARY teams. The New & Improved D-X are five time tag team champions, while Mystic Exposition are only one behind them with four tag title reigns to their credit! But the fans have never seen these two dynamic duos collide!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Ya, whatever you say dude.
JACK JONES: Yeah Bill, whatever!
LIAM SHEPHERD: You too Geriatric Jack.
JACK JONES: Hey!
The bell rings to start the match, Stylin' Kyle and The Expositioner start off the match. Kyle circles the ring nonchalantly, tugging on the ropes and barely keeping his eye on The Expositioner, who is shuffling and deeply focused on Roberts. Finally they lock up into a shoulder-collar tie up, testing each others strength when Kyle calls pencils down and knees The Expositioner in the gut and twists the arm. Roberts wrenches around again and drops the elbow on the shoulder while never letting go of Expo's wrist, and points to Bruce. The crowd shouts in unison "BEEEEAST!"
Kyle rams The Expositioner face first into Bruce's boot up high and tags in the Beast. Bruce enters the ring, snatches up his opponent and throws him down with a hard body slam and follows up with an elbow. Another elbow. Bruce gets back up to his feet, looks down, shrugs, and ONE more elbow for good measure. He pops back up and points to the man in the organic gorilla suit and the crowd shouts "KYYLE!"
BILL HEWSON: Two very abrupt tags and The Expositioner hasn't seen a lick of offense.
The Stylin' One jumps in, brings The Expositioner to his feet, whips him to the ropes and tilta-whirl backbreaker! Roberts gets back up and points to Bruce.
"BEEEEAST"
Bruce jumps in, and points right back at Roberts.
"KYYYYLE!"
Again.
"BEEEAST"
Yup.
"KYYYLE!"
JACK JONES: This is either the dumbest thing I've ever seen, or the most genius.
LIAM SHEPHERD: I think I'm sitting next to the dumbest things I've ever seen, so I opt for genius.
JACK JONES: I just... what did I do to you!?
LIAM SHEPHERD: You were born and continue to breath.
"BEEEAST"
"KYYYLE!"
"BBEEASS-KYLL-BEAAS-KY-BE-K-B-KLEASTLELEESTLE" Lou Thesz press takes down Kyle, and punches! The Expositioner ends the games, gets up and yells "X-POUND!" He gets up and points to Mystic Ninja "TAG?", and YES, the fans want NINJA! Expositioner marches to the corner-nope! Kyle trips him down gets up and lays the boots to Expo's back. He points at Ninja and wags his finger. Expositioner gets yanked back up to his feet, Kyle pulls him up over his shoulders and MOOSE JAW DRIVER. A lazy pin.
One.
Kyle looks at the ref, "Just one? No, again." He pushes Expositioner's shoulders to the mat and presses down. One, tw- not quite two. Suddenly a man appears from under the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Who the hell is that?
JACK JONES: He looks like a regular schmo to me.
This man pulls out a whistle and blows LOUD. Suddenly man after man appears from under the ring until there is eight. They are all wearing Improv Anywhere shirts. The man blows the whistle and they all freeze. He blows again and the move robotically until he blows it again and the freeze.
BILL HEWSON: Roberts and Bruce look like they have no idea what's going on here, something tells me this is the work of Mystic Exposition.
Roberts smirks and walks to the side, shouting to the Improv Anywhere troupe. But they're "frozen" and can't respond. The whistle blows and they all move like robots again until the leader whistles. Bruce walks the apron and snaps his partner too and tells him to focus. Kyle pleads, "But Bruce, they're robots!" The Beast shakes his head and returns to his corner.
"ROLL UP!" The Expositioner yells and scoops Roberts into a pin...
JACK JONES: FLASH PIN? THAT'S KYLE'S SECRET WEAKNESS!
ONE...
TWO...
Kickout! Kyle flips up and lariats the HELL out of The Expositioner down to the mat. He looks at the "living robots" and their whistling shenanigans, then looks to the back and signals. Bruce looks confused.
BILL HEWSON: It's the WGA and... the Gastown Pantomime Horse?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Am I supposed to know what's going on?
BILL HEWSON: In this match? No. No you're not.
Big Mitch, Esteban, Gary and the "horse" run down the entrance way. Suddenly the frozen improv troupe is not frozen as their leader begins blowing his whistle frantically and running away from the WGA. His team follows and they are chased all away around the ring and to the back. Just like that Improv Anywhere, the WGA, and the terrible Gastown Pantomime Horse are gone.
Kyle watches the odd brigade leave. Once they are out of sight he finally snaps to. Roberts pulls his opponent to his feet, whips him back to the home corner. The Expositioner shoots an elbow to Bruce's face, punches Kyle in the face, and spin-punches the Beast right off the apron. He charges Kyle, DOUBLE clothesline! Both men are down. Mystic Ninja is bouncing on the ropes, he wants the HAWT TAG. "I, EXPOSITIONER, WANT THE HOTTEST OF TAGS!" The Expositioner is crawling, ever so slowly to the corner, Roberts is loopy and looking for an absent Bruce.
LIAM SHEPHERD: How is it that a simple clothesline took both men down like this. I mean, I get The Expositioner, he was worked over, but Kyle is still pretty fresh.
BILL HEWSON: Do... you even understand what we do?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Bro, we don't "do" the same things. I PARRRTY, you sit at home and read books. I ROCK, and you're a buzzkill.
Kyle suddenly realizes his partner is recovering on the outside, he turns and grabs the Expositioner's ankle, trying to hold him back. Ninja's got his hands alllll the way out, their finger tips are almost touching... and Kyle yanks him back almost half a foot. And then something happens.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Did I take some bad shrooms or did that Ninja's arm just extend, like a whole foot, and like, by itself?
JACK JONES: ...did I eat some of those shrooms? I think I saw the same thing.
BILL HEWSON: Guys, he's a "mystic" Ninja. Try not to think too hard about what you just saw.
Mystic Ninja charges the ring, Kyle meets him with a clothesline - Ninja ducks! Mystic Cyclone! Bruce pulls himself back up on the apron, Ninja jumps onto another turnbuckle, ropewalks in Beast's direction --- Shadow Missile! Roberts is back to his feet and goes back down via a hard Kabuki Kick! He goes off the ropes, and SUICIDEDIVEOMGHEADSCISSORTAKEDOWN! NINJATTACK!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
BILL HEWSON: Tremendous offense! Mystic Ninja hitting his signature moves --- and some that we've never seen before!
JACK JONES: I've never seen anyone get as high as he did on that Kabuki Kick, amazing.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Bro, I've been that high before. But only once. Mad props to the ninjadude.
Mystic Ninja slides back in the ring and hooks the leg for a cover on the still down Kyle!
One...
Two....
Kick! Ninja pops to his feet and looks at The Expositioner, who holds out his hand and yells, "TAG!" Ninja makes the tag, and Expositioner yells "NINJA! X-TERMINATOR!" They both run by Kyle and slap the back of his head, hop on opposing turnbuckles, and wait for the 30-something year old Chia pet (with hair still growing!) to slowly disorient his way to his feet. Mystic Exposition yells, in unison, "EXTERIMINATE!" They nail it and Kyle Roberts dies. The crowd goes balloon animal crazy. "PIN," the legal weirdo yells, and pin he does.
ONE!
TWO!...
THREOHNAW! Beast charged the ring and belly-flopped himself onto The Expositioner to break what was sure to be a win. The Beast gets up and big-boots Mystic Ninja off the apron! He snatches up The Expositioner, over the shoulders, and ---
CCHHHHHHHAHAAAAAARRRTTTATTACK!
No! The Expositioner pushed himself off of Beast's shoulders and shoved Bruce right into the corner! CORNER CHARGE --- Bruce gets a boot up into Expo's gut! Expo turns around, doubled over...
STYLIN' KYLE NAILS THE POLAR-IZER!
JACK JONES: How the hell did Kyle even get up there? He was just x-terminated!
LIAM SHEPHERD: I think he cushioned most of the blow with his chest and back hair.
BILL HEWSON: Not unreasonable --- hold the phone! THE BEAST is on the top rope! Diving Moonsault connects, talk about DOWN N DIRTY!
Beast throws Kyle on top of The Expositioner, backs up, and SUICIDE DIVES onto Mystic Ninja on the outside! The referee counts the pin!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE! DING DING DING!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners, The NEW and IMPROVED D-X!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Rock and f'n roll.
BILL HEWSON: The New and Improved D-X did it! And the fans are giving not just giving it up for the winners but for both of these legendary NAPW teams.
Post-match, a handshake between the two teams. Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner leave the ring to a loud ovation, Expo holding his mid-section as they walk to the back. Stylin' Kyle and The Beast pose in the corners, Kyle making the 'belt' motion around his waist.
BILL HEWSON: Another win for the reunited New & Improved D-X, who are looking to once again become NAPW Tag Team Champions. When we come back --- our main event! LLOYD REES takes on JUSTIN CASE in a No Disqualification Submission match! Stay tuned!
Commercial Break
Backstage, Josh Reynolds is walking.JOSH REYNOLDS: Fans, minutes away from our huge main event, but tonight, the mysterious ZOUAVE has granted an interview with me! I'm just trying to find him... oh.
Reynolds comes into an area, the colorful circus tent inside fitting the cavalcade of jugglers, clowns, fire-eaters and other assorted freaks crowding. Zouave is holding court, a subdued Joey Malone (wearing only black & white) at his side. JOSH REYNOLDS: I'd like to thank you for this time, Zouave. Fans have so many questions for you, and I ---
ZOUAVE: I'm sorry Joshie... what kind of interview did you think this was?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Uh... what are you talking about? You sent one of your messengers to me about an interview tonight.
ZOUAVE: Oh Josh. Josh, Josh, Josh. I did inDEEeeeEEED want an interview with you, but it's actually... well, this is kind of embarassinnnng. Josh, it's actually an EXIT interview. For you.
JOSH REYNOLDS: You... you're firing me? You can't fire me, only Brandon or Wahoo Winchell could... do... that...
Zouave holds up a decree, Winchell's signature clearly legible. Josh stammers, taking the paper in his hands. He looks up, mouth agape, eyes showing his humiliation and anger.
JOSH REYNOLDS: But --- you can't do this! I've worked here since day one! Who else are you going to get to do all this work?
VOICE: You didn't think I'd stay an intern forever did you, "Mr. Backstage?"
Josh turns to see...
Intern Pete. With a sharp new suit and haircut, and an uncharacteristically smug grin on his face.
JOSH REYNOLDS: INTERN PETE? You're selling out to this freak?! Come on man, is this a joke?
ZOUAVE: No, Joshie, his name is not 'Intern' Pete. Please meet our NEW number one reporter... Peter Pantoliano.
JOSH REYNOLDS: ... you're ITALIAN?
PETER PANTOLIANO: On my father's side. But you never bothered to ask, did you? Three years I've interned here and you don't even know what my last name is.
ZOUAVE: It truly is a poor reporter who knows so little that directly involves him. Now Joshie, let's not make this difficult. Unless you really want to. You can leave now and never come back to an NAPW event... or I can have my security remove you.
Two muscular, burly circus strongmen step forward. Josh gulps. Blinking away tears, he looks to say something, but it's caught in his throat. Reynolds look between the leering Zouave, smirking Peter Pantoliano, and the stoic strongmen. Defeated, his shoulders slump...
And Josh Reynolds walks away.
Commercial Break
The crowd is really buzzing for this main event, a No Disqualification Submission only match, they just can't wait. Chattering, yelling, and all other sorts of waiting noises are heard until..."Troublesome '96" by Tupac Shakur
LIAM SHEPHERD: Jack, Tupac is something you probably listened to growing up, right?
JACK JONES: I, uh, what's a two-pack?
LIAM SHEPHERD: I'm talking to Zouave about making this a one man commentary crew, I swear to Kurt.
Oh yeah, collective booing. Unison hatred & loathing fills the arena as every single fan in attendance boos as "The Millenium Game" Justin Case walks from the back. But the hatred is not just one sided as he gives as much back to them as he is receiving here.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Edmonton Alberta, Canada, he stands at six feet five inches and weighs in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds... he is "THE MILLENNIUM GAME" JUSTIN CASE!
Justin stalks to the ring as though he has all the time in the world. He walks up the steps, wiping his feet off before getting inside the squared circle.
"And it's no, nay, never!
No, nay, never, no more!
Will I play the wild rover
No, never, no more!"
"Wild Rover" by Dropkick Murphys hits the speakers and the collective uncheering that was going on turns to collective cheering as from the back, to the biggest ovation of the night, is "Da Technical Terror" Lloyd Rees!
Rees stares at Justin Case in the center of the ring, but still has the presence of mind to slap the fans' hands on his way down to the steps.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Wabana, Bell Island, Newfoundland... he stands at six feet one inch and weighs in tonight at two hundred and forty-three pounds... he is "DA TECHNICAL TERROR"... LLOYD REES!
Rees just stares at Justin Case before wiping his feet off as well and stepping through the ropes to center ring where he meets Justin Case face to face; noses almost touching.
BILL HEWSON: No disqualification rules and the high technical nature of both of these wrestlers are going to make for an epic match. And the amount of tension between the two... it's a powder keg just waiting to explode.
LIAM SHEPHERD: My money is on Case. The dude rocks Pac and he's INTENSE.
Danny Chaos is there explaining the rules to both men before signaling for the bell.
DING DING DING
Justin wastes no time in diving at Rees with a thrusting kick to his leg, but Rees is able to side step the advance. Justin spins around, catching the ankle and flipping Rees onto his back. Rees flips backwards kicking out with his free foot catching Justin in the head with a sort of stomping kick. Justin releases the near ankle lock in favor of getting up to his feet. Lloyd is up quickly as well, collar and elbow in the center of the ring. Lloyd with the advantage turns the wristlock into a hammerlock, but Case drops down to one knee before shoving Rees backwards with all of his weight into the corner. Rees releases the hammerlock, Justin drops down with a drop toe hold sending Rees down face first onto the canvas. Justin locks on the crossface submission, but Rees is in the ropes.
BILL HEWSON: There are no DQs in this match cannot be disqualified for not breaking the hold... however, referee Danny Chaos does not have to count any submissions that may occur in the ropes. Case can't win in the ropes.
JACK JONES: And neither can Rees!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Yea bro, this is Rock'n'Roll rules!
BILL HEWSON: I am growing increasingly sick of you as the night goes on.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Can it geezer. Zouave is letting me roam these people's ear drums to freshen up the show. I am the present and the future bro, I'm here for a long time, so get used to it.
Justin gets up, anger in his face early on in this match, he wasn't able to cinch the hold in securely but Chaos was just there to force the break. Rees is up behind the two arguing men, roll up pin attempt? Rees knows there are no pinfalls in the match... the move does what he wanted it to do as Case's head slams hard into the canvas. Rees off the ropes, baseball slide into Justin's head sends him rolling away. Lloyd is back up to his feet, Justin springs up shoulder block into the side of Lloyd's right knee sends him down. Justin is showing why he is a force to be feared here in NAPW. Rees holds at his right leg, but Case is forcing his advantage as he holds at Rees' right ankle.
BILL HEWSON: Rees may have hurt his ankle there, and Justin Case smells blood in the water! We have to take our last commercial break... this match will continue!
Commercial Break
BILL HEWSON: Welcome back wrestling fans, during the break Justin Case continued to work over the knee of Lloyd Rees! This is a No Disqualification Submission match!Justin kicks at the knee once, twice, but when he goes for the third kick, Rees plants his free foot right in Justin's gut. Case doubles over from the sudden loss of oxygen.
Rees rolls up to his feet, limping slightly on his right leg, but Case shoves forward through the air loss and both men are sent over the top rope and to the floor. Rees is able to use his experience to somehow trap Justin's head to deliver a DDT to the ring apronon the way down! Unbelievable.
Justin seems to be out on the floor. Lloyd pulls himself up, stomping with his left foot on Justin's legs, each in turn. Justin begins to stir and Lloyd pulls him up to his feet. Justin lashes out with a punch to the ribs, Rees absorbs the blow, but it costs him. Justin quickly grabs a wrist, whip into the railing, Rees' back and neck slam hard. Lloyd comes back from the blow, Justin with another quick whip sends Rees back and shoulder first into the ringpost. Rees falls to his knees from the impact, Justin with a roundhouse kick, with his shin aiming for Rees' face, misses as Lloyd falls forward. Justin holds at his leg in pain, the shin being the easiest place to hurt and hurt like hell it does. Rees comes forward, holding Justin's left leg, he steps over... figure four leglock!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Figure f'n four man!
JACK JONES: You know Liam, if you can flip the figure four over, it completely revers--
LIAM SHEPHERD: *SNOOOOOORRE* Bro! Boring! Just watch the figure f'n four!
BILL HEWSON: Rees doing damage, but this is not falls... or submissions count anywhere. He has to get Case back in the ring to win!
Lloyd falls back on the concrete, ignoring the pain it causes him as the crowd goes crazy! Justin rolls to the left, to the right, but Rees is preventing the move from being flipped. Justin grits his teeth from the pain, but sits up to try and reach Rees, who sits up as well. Trading Blows! Rees with a right, Justin with a right.
Rees with a right!
Justin with a right!
Rees with a chop!
Crowd with a Woooooooo!
Justin returns with a chop!
Crowd with a Booooooo!
Justin with a thumb to the eyes breaks Lloyd's concentration and Justin flips the submission, turning the pain on Rees' injured right leg.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Ah man! If you flip the figure four over, it like, hurts the other guy!
JACK JONES: ...yeah.
Lloyd breaks the submission quickly, gasping for breath and trying to wipe his eyes from the eye gouge. Justin pulls himself up with the railing, Rees is using the apron. Justin with a kick to that right knee, pressing the advantage. Justin pulls Rees around to the announce table, since it is no DQ, he is going to inflict some serious damage. Justin sets Rees up, Fisherman's suplex on the concrete! Rees has to be out of it now and Justin senses a victory nigh at hand. Justin lifts Rees up, rolling him onto the announce table before crawling up there himself.
BILL HEWSON: I'm not too fond of you Liam, but you may want to get out of here!
LIAM SHEPHERD: YES! PUT HIM THROUGH THE TABLE! HARDCORE!
Justin lifts Rees up, Just Too Talented! ON THE TABLE?!
NO!
Rees counters with a double leg sweep!
LIAM SHEPHERD: WEAK!
JACK JONES: How can ANYBODY be so obnoxious? Bill, have you ever worked with anybody so obnoxious?
BILL HEWSON: ...
Lance Cove Leglock! Rees has it cinched in and Justin screams out in pain, but Rees can't hold it because his knee gives way! He holds at his right knee in obvious pain. Justin rolls off, holding at his legs as well, but he is not in near the pain that Lloyd is in as Rees rolls off the table, holding at his right knee. Justin rolls Rees into the ring, smiling as he climbs to the top turnbuckle.
BILL HEWSON: What's he doing up there?
Justin dives off the top with a double stomp onto that right knee before holding up the ankles of Rees with his legs split. Justin thinks about it before stepping through and turning Lloyd over in the center of the ring with a perfectly executed Sharpshooter. The crowd boos him heavily, Justin is shocked, but holds the hold anyways center ring. Danny is there in Rees' face asking him, but Lloyd shakes his head as he powers himself up to his forearms and looks at the far ropes.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Man now the Sharpshooter? Justin Case has all the angles covered, there's no way Rees is getting out of this.
JACK JONES: I would agree with you, trust me, if it was any one else, I would. But Rees is Da Technical Terror!
LIAM SHEPHERD: He's also a Newfie. That makes him suck in my book.
BILL HEWSON: Sparkling analysis here...
Justin reaches out, holding onto the ropes to give him a bit of added leverage, Lloyd is able to struggle for about thirty seconds before his strength is enough to break the grasp Justin had on the ropes. Rees is now about three feet away from the ropes, but Justin sits back even further. When Justin takes a chance to grab the legs more firmly, Rees launches himself at the ropes, causing Justin to just cinch in as much as he can. Rees is nearly in the ropes, Justin sits back. Rees grunts one final time and is in the ropes! Rees is in the ropes! Danny orders Justin to break the hold, but Justin refuses to do so, ordering Chaos to count. Justin and Chaos both know that he cannot count because this is no disqualification.
BILL HEWSON: This is no disqualification but dammit, a clean rope break should be a clean rope break!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Oh don't do that bro, he's not breaking any rules because aside from pins and submissions, there are no rules. It's just like--
JACK JONES: --rock and roll?
LIAM SHEPHERD: No Geriatric Jack, it's ROCK AND F'N ROLL!
Rees screams out in pain but is twisting his body with his powerful legs and flips Justin from the position, the move sends Justin right into Chaos.
Justin takes the chance to "accidentally" knock into Danny Chaos with a forearm, but Chaos holds his rising temper in check. Rees is struggling to get back to a vertical base here, and is sweaty from the exertion he had to put to crawl all the way across the ring and his opponent not follow the rope break. Rees is up to his feet as Justin and Danny Chaos are arguing once again here in the match. Rees grabs the top rope and is up to his feet, he slowly turns around to see the spectacle. Gritting his teeth, he stumbles forward. Justin spins around, boot to his midsection. Lloyd grits his teeth and double underhooks Justin's arms, struggling to lift the two hundred and sixty-pound something into the air. Rees holds him vertical a moment before turning it into a Tiger Driver.
BILL HEWSON: He calls that the Miner Driver!
JACK JONES: Justin Case calls it pain, plain and simple pain.
BILL HEWSON: Rees is breathing a bit heavier, that move really cost him something with his knee!
LIAM SHEPHERD: My man has had the advantage for most of this match, one "Miner Driver" isn't going to put him under.
BILL HEWSON: But it could be the turning point of the match!
Rees rolls up, clutching to the ropes for assistance. Rees stumbles over to Justin, and is able to struggle through the pain to lock on--
BILL HEWSON: The Conception Bay Chinlock!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Oh shit...
Justin's eyes widen in pain and realization that he is now the one that must crawl from center ring to the ropes. Justin shoves an inch forward with his toes, but is still way to far to reach the ropes. Justin rolls to the side sending Lloyd onto his neck and shoulders and rolls back up, but Lloyd Rees has used the momentum as well and is able to hold onto the chinlock submission still. Justin grunts in pain, unable to scream it out but is about four feet closer to the ropes, not those in front of him but the ones to the left of him. Justin reaches out, three feet away. He tries to roll again, but Lloyd blocks the attempt, Justin somehow manages to spin around and is somewhat facing the closer ropes. Lloyd sees his gameplan, yanking back on the chinlock. Justin reaches for it, he reaches... Justin shoves forward and his fingertips are just about touching. Lloyd yanks back even further... Justin shoves forward and is in the ropes.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Thank our savior, Chris Cornell!
JACK JONES: I just, don't get it. I want to, but I don't get it! God I've aged.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Don't worry Geriatric Jack, that's why Liam is here. I can connect with the crowd, I'm free, MAN. I get the people, I am the people!
BILL HEWSON: What the hell does that even mean?
Lloyd gasps from the effort he was putting into that hold, he rolls to his feet, limping heavily on his right leg now, Justin kicks out connecting with the leg. Rees goes down to the knee. Justin leaps forward, slapping on The Gamebreaker, which is successful in both getting it locked on as well as causing Rees to slam into the canvas. Rees grunts from both the hold and slamming onto the canvas. He looks at the ropes, shoving forward toward the ropes. He reaches out, but is about a foot away, Case grunts to hold it locked on. Rees lunges forward, in the ropes!
Danny Chaos orders Justin to break the hold, Justin is up and in his face yelling at the referee for the third time in this match. Chaos shrugs right in Justin's face, Case goes for a right hand punch to Chaos.
LIAM SHEPHERD: YES! HIT THE STUPID REF!
BILL HEWSON: He can't! Erm, well, he can! But he shouldn't!
But Chaos blocks the punch and spins Justin around! Case stumbles towards the two time Sole Survivor winner Rees...
Inside Cradle!
Wait, no pins count here. Double wait as Rees rolls through and he has Justin's legs for the Lance Cove Leglock!
Case holds on!
BILL HEWSON: Rees can't keep the hold on, his knee gave way again. Case rolls under... He's got it! Case hooks on the Sharpshooter for the second time in the match! Rees frantically trying to prevent him from cinching it on fully!
LIAM SHEPHERD: C'mon CASE! C'MON!
JACK JONES: Cheeseuz kid, show some journalistic integrity OW.
BILL HEWSON: That must have hurt to say, Jack, but I appreciate it --- Justin Case sitting way back on the Sharpshooter, how much more can Rees take?
As Justin leans back, Rees gets onto his back! Hereaches for and grabs Justin's head! Case flails, Rees pops the man down! Leg grapevine applied... Conception Bay Chinlock!
JACK JONES: He's got that locked on with authority!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Ahh this is bad, this is reaallly bad!
Rees has it in, he has it locked on tight and all the way across the ring is the ropes... Justin fights. Justin is still fighting... Justin... slaps the mat over and over tapping out!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match by submission... LLOYD REES!
BILL HEWSON: After a helluva hard fought battle, Rees has done it! I don't know how good of shape his knee is going to be in for the foreseeable future, but he's won the match!
The crowd are fully on their feet, every single one are standing and cheering for this match, for Lloyd Rees, and for the fact that Justin Case lost. Chaos raises Rees' arm as Case rolls to the floor, holding his head in both hands.
BILL HEWSON: The 2010 Sole Survivor winner continues his roll en route to a future World Championship match! For Jack Jones and... whoever this guy is...
LIAM SHEPHERD: It's Liam Shepherd, are you f'n senile?
BILL HEWSON: ... this is Bill Hewson saying GOOD NIGHT!