Dark Match
-Jamie Murray defeated "The Outlaw" John Waylon by disqualification. The technician Murray focused on the big man Waylon's leg; Waylon's manager Jack Stanz hit Murray with his briefcase in full view of the referee as Murray was moving in for the kill. Outlaw then left Murray laying after the West Texas Rain for the second week in a row.Edmonton's Hawrelak Park Heritage Amphiteatre. It's a cloudy but warm day... and there is a crowd gathered in the Amphitheatre. It's not a concert, it's not a festival, it's...
The NAPW ring on the stage? Fans fill the seats, some stand in the open area before the stage. There is the wrestling ring with an 'entrance' on the side. The fans aren't sure what to do but the NAPW faithful have made their way to this unique wrestling venue. They're comforted by the sight of the announcers stage right, and Frank Warburton at center ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Welcome to NAPW on The Fight Network! Our first match is set for one fall. The referee for the contest is Danny Chaos!
Danny Chaos comes through the curtain and heads for the ring --- JUSTIN CASE! What the heck? Justin Case blindsides Danny Chaos from behind --- INTO THE RING STEPS! Chaos down, Case puts him in the Gamebreaker! Here comes security as Justin Case wrenches on Chaos. "The Millenium Game" breaks the hold as the crowd boos, posing and heading out, talking trash the whole way. Chaos holds his shoulder in pain. Referee Anthony Uruburu is checking on him, then slides into the ring. Chaos is helped out...
"Anthem For The Underdog" hits and as Jacob Venar steps from the back, the fans shower him with boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: From British Columbia, Canada, he stands at six feet two inches and weighs in at two hundred and forty pounds... "The Falcon" JACOB VENAR!
"Mothisfucker of the Year" hits up and the fans know who this is supposed to be and before long, Jake Phoenix steps through the curtain to a huge ovation.
FRANK WARBURTON: From Fort Lauderdale, Florida, he stands at six feet nine inches and weighs in at two hundred and eighty-nine pounds... he is "The Murder City Devil" JAKE PHOENIX!
DING DING DING
Jacob circles the much bigger man in Jake Phoenix, looking for an opening, but The Murder City Devil doesn't give him a chance. Jake lunges in with a right hand, turning the next blow into a chop, the third blow into a kick to Jacob's midsection. Jake lifts Venar up onto his shoulders, running powerslam, but Jacob shoves himself off Jake's shoulder. Jake slams into the corner, he turns around, boot to the face in the form of a dropkick. Jake's head slams backwards from the impact, Jacob runs over, tries a monkey flip, Jake counters with a spinning vertical suplex out of the corner, Jacob is slammed into the canvas hard.
BILL HEWSON: Picture perfect vertical suplex.
JACK JONES: Jake showing the power that has made him famous.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Suplexes remind me so much of the eighties, where are the flips and such?
Jake goes for a cover, Jacob able to deliver a throat thrust to make Jake think twice about a cover this early. Jake pulls Jacob up to his feet, forearm to the throat. Jacob swings under the forearm, kicking Jake's left knee out from under him. Jacob hits the ropes, Jake stands, but before he can reach his full height, Jacob Venar with an excellent Shining Wizard to take the big man down. Jacob doesn't waste any time as he is off the ropes with a baseball slide into Jake's face that rolls him out of the ring. Jacob bounces off the ropes again, launching himself over the top rope with a Suicide Plancha sending both men down to the floor below. Anthony Uruburu begins his count of ten as neither man stirs.
JACK JONES: That was a killer move there.
LIAM SHEPHERD: I've seen better from the trapeze artist in a county fair.
BILL HEWSON: That plancha took its toll on Jacob as well as on its intended target Jake Phoenix.
Anthony's count is up to four when Jacob begins to stir, grabbing Jake's head and pulling him up to his knees. Jacob looks at the ring apron, leaping up to its surface. Jacob leaps over the kneeling Jake, but Phoenix catches him as he leaps, slamming him back first into the ringpost. Anthony's count is up to seven, Jake calmly rolls Jacob into the ring under the bottom rope before stepping up onto the apron and over the top rope. Jacob is holding at his lower back in pain, Jake Phoenix stalks him methodically. Anthony watches the action unfold as Jake pulls Venar up to his feet once more. Irish whip into the ropes, big boot misses and Jacob bounces off the ropes. Cross body attempt. Caught. Sidewalk slam! Jacob is now on his back, Jake drops a knee onto his throat. Jake up again, anothis knee to the throat. Jake without emotion pulls Venar up, short-arm clothesline almost takes The Falcon's head off! Cover but too close to the ropes, Venar gets a foot on the bottom. Jake appears to know exactly what he is had done, as though he done it on purpose.
BILL HEWSON: Jake knew he was too close when he hit that move.
JACK JONES: He is wanting to inflict as much pain as he possibly can.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Pain isn't what it is all about, it is how much you can take before blacking out that gives you the high.
Jake pulls Jacob back up, onto his shoulder in a fireman's carry. Jacob struggling he is against the ropes. Jake releases dumping Jacob over the top. Jacob takes the chance, he hops up, dropkick to Jake's back. Jacob up to the top rope, springing onto Jake's shoulders. Reverse hurricanrana sends Jake tumbling onto the canvas in the corner. Jacob off to the races as he flies in with a running knee to the face, but Jake lowers himself at the last instant. The men in the crowd gasp as Jacob crotches himself in the corner, Jake shows the first emmotion of the match as he smiles. Jake pulls the now injured Venar out of the corner, setting him up for a vertical suplex, he has him up. Jake stalls center ring.
BILL HEWSON: Look at the strength of Jake Phoenix.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Steroids.
JACK JONES: Yeah, my thoughts exactly.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Never interrupt me again, I was going to say that steroids will stunt the growth of many things... Jack, you are like a puppy dog, always wanting attemtion.
Jacob spins, bringing his arm to wrap around Jake's head and falls to the canvas with an inverted DDT. Jacob makes the cover.
One...
Two...
Jake throws a shoulder up.
LIAM SHEPHERD: (Bleep) if I am not getting tired of (bleep) Jake and (bleep) Jacob, too close for comfort with the names.
BILL HEWSON: Might I suggest notecards?
LIAM SHEPHERD: No, you may not.
Jacob slaps the canvas in frustration, but soldiers on in the match. He pulls Jacob up to the kneeling position. Jake thows a right into his midsection. He shoves up to one knee, spinning around to deliver an elbow into Jacob's ribs doubling him over. Jake with a swinging neckbreaker takes Venar down to the canvas. Jake off the ropes, big leg drop across the throat.
LIAM SHEPHERD: That reminds me of someone.... whatcha gonna do?
JACK JONES: Oh, you mean Hulk Hogan.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Do you ever try to not get in people's good graces? You were more entertaining with your road stories from the Forties.
BILL HEWSON: I'm not sure if you two are aware, but there is a match going on in the ring.
LIAM SHEPHERD: If The Freak or Shut Down aren't in it, not really interested.
Jake makes the cut throat gesture before lifting Jacob up for the Tombstone Piledriver. Jacob uses all of his weight to counter into a fall, nothing fancy but Jacob just wanted Jake to lose his grip and he did. It wasn't pretty, but very effective. Clothesline takes Jacob down, Jake showing a bit of anger, whips Jacob into the corner. Jacob runs up the corner, back flipping over Jake, swift sharp kick to the back of Jake's knees sends him down. Jacob, showing agility and speed, off the ropes, springing back with a front kick to Jake's face. Jake lands on his back. Jacob up the corner quickly.
SPREAD MY WINGS!
BILL HEWSON: This one is over! What a shock!
Jacob dives for the cover, Jake ahead of him by rolling right out of the ring. Anthony Uruburu begins his count. Jacob launches himself off the top rope with a springboard front flip onto Jake!
JACK JONES: Jacob bringing it to Jake here.
LIAM SHEPHERD: In the words of my generation, Who Gives a (bleep)?
Jacob rolls Jake back into the ring. Jacob shoves Phoenix into the corner, chop to the chest. Whisper In The Wind! Countered by Jake Phoenix into the Fall Away Slam!
BILL HEWSON: What a counter!
Jake lifts Jacob up onto his shoulders, Tombstone Piledriver! No! Jacob behind him. Step-up enziguri! Phoenix sways... another! Phoenix STILL on his feet, a THIRD enziguri to the back of Jake's skull! Jacob calls for The Wing Clipper! Jacob goes for it... and somehow gets the big man Phoenix up!
But the weight is too much! Phoenix tips backwards onto his feet and hoists Jacob up... into TOMBSTONE position. But Venar fights! Elbows to the face, Venar slides behind Phoenix and shoves him hard into the turnbuckle, sternum-first. School-boy to the stunned Phoenix! ONE! FEET ON THE ROPES! TWO! REFEREE DOESN'T SEE! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Winner of the match... "The Falcon" Jacob Venar!
BILL HEWSON: A tremendous upset here by the returning Jacob Venar --- but JAKE PHOENIX IS NOT HAPPY!
Venar celebrates to boos but a furious Phoenix is up. Venar turns around --- GOOZLE! CHOKESLAM! Damn near through the ring. Phoenix snarls and stares down at the KOed Venar. Crue hits and Phoenix walks out to cheers.
BILL HEWSON: Well Jack, Jacob Venar gets the victory, but Jake Phoenix has the last laugh.
JACK JONES: The kid doesn't look like a winner, does he?
LIAM SHEPHERD: You two would (bleep) on the young, new talent who did what it took to get the f'n win. Jake Phoenix is old news, just like you two are soon to be.
JACK JONES: I was in the newspaper just yesterday!
BILL HEWSON: The less said about that, the better. When we come back, the Heritage title will be on the line!
Commercial Break
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is set for one fall and is for the NAPW Canadian Heritage Championship!"YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first the challenger, accompanied to the ring by Brutus Zucko... he is "BEAUTIFUL" BOBBY CRANE!
"ALL EYEZ ON ME!"
The crowd changes from boos to cheers as the Long Wolf makes his entrance.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Los Angeles California, he is the reigning Canadian Heritage Champion... DONOVAN ASTROS!
BILL HEWSON: It was back on March 30th that Donovan Astros defended his title against this man Bobby Crane. At the end of that match this monster, Brutus Zucko, got involved. He and Crane viciously assaulted Astros --- now the champion is looking for payback.
Bobby Crane jumps Astros before the match officially starts! Referee Morgan Smythe calls for the bell!
DING DING DING
Crane with a right hand as the crowd boos. Smythe tells him to get it out of the corner. Crane hits the ropes for a lariat
ASTROS COUNTERS INTO THE MARTYR'S CROSS!
BOBBY CRANE TAPS OUT!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner by submission and STILL Heritage Champion... DONOVAN ASTROS!
BILL HEWSON: Donovan Astros retains the Heritage title, and in record time --- here comes Brutus Zucko!
Zucko ducks through the ropes, but Astros is quicker. Kick to the face hangs Zucko in the ropes. He's hooked by the champ, pulled in --- CONCUSSION CANNON! Morgan Smythe hands Astros the belt and raises his hand in victory. Astros lets his hand fall away from hers...
BILL HEWSON: A convincing win by Astros here tonight over Bobby Crane, and he took care of Brutus Zucko.
JACK JONES: Yeah, but he doesn't look like celebrating for some reason!
LIAM SHEPHERD: What an f'n putz.
Astros looks unenthused by the turn of events, hitting the turnbuckle to pose half-heartedly. What's going through the champ's mind?
Cut backstage, to the makeshift locker room. Justin Case looks to be leaving the area, accompanied by an unknown man. The man is about 5' 7 " 235 pounds with a husky plump build and a belly. His dark hair flows along a golden robe in which he is wearing. On the back of this golden robe, in white lettering, it reads "LOL." This older man walking beside Case has a noticable limp, while holding a diamond willow cane to walk. As Peter Pantaliano gets the duos' attention, they both turn around and "TMG" sports a cocky look while his apparent friend is all smiles.
PETER PANTALIANO: Justin Case! Before you leave, we just have to know, why did you attack Danny Chaos earlier tonight?
A husky heckling laugh is heard from the short pudgy man as a flamboyant Justin Case replies....
JUSTIN CASE: You ask why?! As if you can not already figure it out... It was all Danny's fault I lost to Lloyd Rees in our SUBMISSION match. Yours truly was merely tapping a fly off the ring canvus, and Chaos mistakenly took my fly swating as a tap out for submitting. I never have submitted nor will I ever tap out and give up in any of my talented matches!! It's Danny Chaos that cost me a huge victory over a top notch wannabe main stayer in the NAPW. And now Danny boy is going to pay the ultimate price!! I am meeting up with Terry Brandon soon enough and I am demanding that I get a Canadian Heritage Title shot!! And if Chaos has any big ones he will except my challenge to face him next week here live on The Fight Network!! If Danny Chaos is at all a man he will except my challenge to him asap!!
An evil deranged laugh is heard in the background by the little round man.
PETER PANTALIANO: And while I am here, who is this odd man you are with?
The man cuts him off with a sadistic laugh.
MAN: HAHAHA!! You want to know who I am?! Whom are you?! I am a man no one is to mess with...my name is Hugh Aredone. And that is exactly what my boy's competition is... DONE like dinner!! I'm Justin Case's new manager!! And that is "just 2 funny" hahahahaha!!
PETER PANTALIANO: Well, I think I got more then I came for, ok thanks for the interview Mr. Case and Mr. Aredone.
The laughter doesn't stop as the two make their way out of the exit flap...
Commercial Break
"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"The crowd explodes in boos, the peaceful May afternoon park quiet shattered by the hatred as Kenny Krenshov walks out to the ring in a slick suit. Kenny hits the ring and takes a microphone.
KENNY KRENSHOV: I'm sure you all want to know more about why I destroyed that chump Chris Casino last week --- *
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Kenny tries to talk again, the crowd so noisy he can barely be heard. He yells inaudible profanity at the crowd, inciting them further. He holds the mic to his lips, then pulls it back as the noise picks up.
Krenshov smirks, he's enjoying this, egging the crowd on...
When suddenly the boos turn to screams and cheers ---
CHRIS CASINO climbs up the back of the Amphitheatre stage and into the ring! Kenny turns around and gets tackled! Casino going crazy on Kenny Krenshov! The big man turns it around and starts stomping on Casino. Kenny takes his jacket off, whipping Casino with it but Casino will not be contained! A whirlwind of rage and fury and he takes Krenshov down! The crowd is going crazy and boo as security hit the ring to try to separate the two men. They pull Casino and Krenshov apart to opposite corners of the ring. Krenshov is spitting insults at Casino, yelling "DO SOMETHING" --- CASINO FLIES OFF! Lands a good shot before security gets him again. Krenshov smirks in the corner, not resisting, as Casino struggles against five men... This isn't over!
Commercial Break
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall and is for the NAPW Tag Team Championship! Introducing first..."OOH HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH!"
FRANK WARBURTON: They are the challengers, the team of Tommy Deathrow and Krusty Kid Paul --- SEXY ADORABLE DRUNKS!
Mixed reaction for the SAD as they come to the ring, KKP all intensity, Tommy having fun and dancing to the front of the stage, slapping hands with the fans pressed up against the barricade. Paul stares coldly over the fans from the turnbuckle.
BILL HEWSON: Former Tag Team Champions are Deathrow & KKP --- Deathrow in fact is a three-time tag champion with three different partners. There may be no deadlier team in NAPW history than this pair!
JACK JONES: Except maybe the Doomriders! But that's still Deathrow. Only with Kryenik!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Cryonwhat? Another one of your old has-beens. You talk about the 'deadliest' team in NAPW, look no further than...
The music changes. The crowds like crazy as the champions emerge.
FRANK WARBURTON: And now! They are the reigning NAPW Tag Team Champions... THE FREAK! SHUT DOWN! THE FREAK SHOW!
LIAM SHEPHERD: The greatest team this place has ever seen! Look at them! They know how to entertain, they don't --- what the hell is Tommy Deathrow doing?
JACK JONES: I know! That's the dishwasher dance!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Ratings right there, for eff's sake. Finally a match worth payin' attention to tonight.
Referee Anthony Uruburu in charge of this one, before he can ring the bell the SAD jump The Freak Show!
DING DING DING
Uruburu trying to get some order here as it's bedlam, all four men brawling! He wants two legal men but he's not getting it. Deathrow and The Freak trading punches while Shut Down rams KKP into the corner. Deathrow whips Freak into Shut Down! He runs off, Shut Down hits him with a spinebuster. KKP with a big boot! Paul off the ropes CLOTHESLINES FREAK OVER AND OUT! KKP went with him! On the outside, Uruburu has two men in the ring so he calls it legal but Paulie and Freakie aren't going back to their corners!
Paul whips Freak OH MY GOD OFF THE STAGE? The Freak reverses and hits a drop toe-hold! He spits out into the crowd and then shoves the timekeeper off his seat. Freak with a steel chair RIGHT ACROSS PAUL'S BACK! Shut Down has Deathrow up, Deathrow kicks him in the nuts! Tommy reaches into his Zubaz... and pulls out a length of chain! The Freak rolls in the ring with the chair! Referee Uruburu is telling them both not to do anything ---
Freak swings with the chair! Tommy ducks and nails him with the balled up chain! Freak drops! Uruburu calls for the bell BUT WAIT! Shut Down has the steel chair WHAM right across Deathrow's back! The chain is on the canvas as Shut Down raises the chair up again...
KKP IN THE RING! Grabs the chair out of Shut Down's hands, Shut Down turns around KKP rams it into the man's mid-section! He opens the chair up and has Shut Down take a seat. What's KKP doing here --- he grabs the chain and wraps it around Shut Down's throat, boot into the back of the chair choking the man!
DING
RING BELL TO THE HEAD! The Freak rolled out and got it, then clocked KKP! Tommy Deathrow is up! Paul and Shut Down recovering! Freak and STD throwing right hands wildly! Here comes security AGAIN for the night! Frank has the official announcement...
FRANK WARBURTON: The referee has ruled this contest a DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION! Still champions, THE FREAK SHOW!
BILL HEWSON: This is getting out of hand! The match didn't last two minutes before foreign objects got involved ---
LIAM SHEPHERD: And then it was f'n killer! Why the hell are they breaking this up? This is what I came to see!
JACK JONES: I think the fans wanted to see a full tag title match ---
LIAM SHEPHERD: The sheep? They don't know what they want unless I tell 'em, and THIS is what they want.
JACK JONES: Why don't you go to REBEL Pro, you'd be right at home there!
BILL HEWSON: We'll be right back!
Commercial Break
FRANK WARBURTON: And now for our main event. It is a triple threat match and is scheduled for ONE fall--VOICE: WO! WO! WO!
A man so big that you can see the jiggle ripples under his three-piece suit emerges from the back curtain. He holds a microphone in one hand and a white rag in the other, which he uses to dab his profusely sweating forehead. Eventually he makes it to the ring, walks up the steps, and has to stop to catch his breath.
BILL HEWSON: Who is this incredibly bulbous man? And what is he doing out here?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Heh, wait till you get a load of this guy.
JACK JONES: Wait, you know who he is?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Oooh yea bra, and he's got talent.
The fat man enters the ring and walks right up to Frank Warburton. He wipes his forehead and retrieves a paper from his breast pocket and shoves it in the NAPW ring announcer's face.
TRENTON OSWALD: Heya Frank! My name is TRENTONNNNNN OSWALLLLLLD, and I'm here to do the job that you have FAILED at.
Frank Warbuton is confused but Trenton doesn't allow him to say a word, and continues in his deep baritone voice.
TRENTON OSWALD: Here in MY hand, I have an official document signed by Mr. Bobby "WAHOOOOO" Winchell himself, delivered to Zouave who gave it to me, to hand to you. There's a lot of legal jargon involved, but punchline still reads, "We wish Frank Warburton luck in his future endeavors." Which translates into a pink slip, fired, don't let the door hit you on the ass, BUDDY!
Trenton hands the paper to Frank, who reads over the document with a frown and heavy eyes. The fans begin to boo.
BILL HEWSON: What the hell is this? Wahoo fired Warbuton? No, it can't be. Frank is one of the most professional men I have ever met, and one of my dearest friends. Something is wrong here, either Zouave is the mastermind of Wahoo his lost his god damn mind!
JACK JONES: Easy Bill, if you haven't noticed they could be building a replacement team for us.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Team? Baby, I'm a one man show. I am rock and f'n roll personified. If I had my way I'd be the only one out here calling the show.
BILL HEWSON: You couldn't hold your own for two seconds out here with out us holding your hand kid, and whoever this fat slob is he sure as hell can't fill Frank's shoes.
JACK JONES: I uh, just want it to be on the record that I do not endorse anything Bill is saying. And that he may just be reacting under distress--
BILL HEWSON: No Jack, I don't care if you're with me, this is disgusting! Frank has been here since the beginning and for no reason he's getting canned?
TRENTON OSWALD: Now Frank, there's going to be plenty of time for reading, but we have a show that needs to be concluded. You can save yourself some dignity and vacate the premises immediately, or I can have security...
Frank throws the paper down and exits abruptly, and marches to the back. The fans begin chanting, "COME BACK FRANK! COME BACK FRANK!" He doesn't stop for the crowd. Not a smile, a wave, or a nod. Frank just leaves. The sweaty fat man smiles as he dabs his glistening forehead.
TRENTON OSWALD: Now that that's out of the way. Are you all ready for your MAAAIN EVENT?
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TRENTON OSWALD: Of course you are! This contest contest is scheduled for ONE fall, and it is a triple threat match for the NAPW WOOORLD CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first...
"Down with the Sickness" blasts over the PA system. Jeffery Roberts emerges from the back looking like the description of sinister. The fans give him absolutely no love as he walks to the ring.
TRENTON OSWALD: Hailing from Miami, Florida, he weighs in at 235 pounds... JEFFERY RRROOOBERTS!
Roberts takes his time walking to the ring, soaking up the heat. He jumps up on the apron and enters through the middle rope and shakes Trenton's hand.
BILL HEWSON: This is making me sick. Liam, you knew about this, and now Roberts is shaking Trenton's hand like they're good buddies. The whole thing wreaks of Zouave.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Take a good whiff Bill, this stank is the stank of NAPW's future. It's got that new car smell to me!
"THEY SAY I'M COCKY, AND I SAY WUT?"
The crowd goes from zero to sixty in three seconds as "Cocky" by Kid Rock plays. Chad Kurtis comes running out slapping the hands of the fans down the aisle.
TRENTON OSWALD: Making his way to the ring, hailing from Paducah, Kentucky, weighing in at 230 pounds, he is "THE SHOOOOOOOOOOW" CHAAAD KURRRTIS!
Chad slides in the ring and gives Trenton an odd look. John Sharplin pats down Kurtis, and the 'Last 'Action' Hero' points at Roberts, mouthing something inaudible, but certainly not nice.
"Dirty Hands, Empty Pockets (Already Gone)" by Corrosion of Conformity hits and the fans go bananas (b-a-n-a-n-a-s) as Steve Parker emerges, wearing his NAPW World Championship around his waist. He stares down his opponents from the entrance way, unstraps his belt, and holds it up in the air making sure everyone sees HIS championship belt.
TRENTON OSWALD: Making his way to the ring, hailing from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 219 pounds, he is the NAPW WORLD CHAMPION, "The Star-Spangled Sensation" STEEEEVE PARKER!
Parker enters the ring, eyeing Roberts by keeping notice of Kurtis. The referee takes the championship belt after ensuring everything on Parker is 'legal', hoists it up in the air, and hands it to Trenton Oswald who waddles out of the ring. Sharplin calls for the bells 'DING DING DING'.
Kurtis, Parker and Roberts all stand back in their corners, looking from one man to the other. Roberts steps out and shouts for the two to "BRING IT". Kurtis runs in for a clothesline, Roberts ducks and Parker catches him with a right hand. Kurtis turns and blasts him with a hook, he swivels back and Parker sends him to the mat with a short arm clothesline. Roberts pops back up just as soon as he hits the mat and slinks back into the corner holding his jaw. He comes out running and hits Kurtis with a front forearm smash, turns and takes a shot at the champ, but Parker blocks and shoots down at Roberts legs and throws him over with a fireman's carry. Roberts is quick to flip to his stomach but Parker cinches on a front headlock. The challenger nails a couple rib shots, allowing him to get up to a knee and eventually his feet, but Parker's grip remains fierce around Roberts neck. Kurtis hops to and goes off the ropes, dropkicks Roberts right in the ass, Parker uses the momentum and drives him down into a nasty DDT!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Hey man, this isn't a (BLEEP) handicapped match!
BILL HEWSON: What a tremendous move! Parker and Kurtis are working semi-cohesively, but we all know this can't last terrible wrong, folks.
Parker jumps to his feet smiling and clapping with the fans, he extends a hand to Kurtis in appreciation--and sends Kurtis through the middle rope and to the outside! Steve hooks the leg on Roberts, Sharplin counts, and barely a two!
BILL HEWSON: Didn't take long for that unity to fall apart, but even with a devastating move like that it's far too early to put Roberts away.
Parker pulls Roberts to his feet, whips him into the ropes, Roberts reverses and throws Parker into the ropes--Kurtis grabs Parker's ankle from the outside! Steve turns and looks down at Kurtis, and gets clotheslined over the top rope by Roberts! The champion goes spilling onto Kurtis sending both men to the concrete with a hard slapping noise. Roberts slicks the hair back from his face and jumps to the outside. He pulls Parker to his feet, RAMS his head off the apron, and rolls his semi-lucid body into the ring. Roberts then pulls Kurtis to his feet and whips him HARD, FACE FIRST, into the RING POST! Kurtis' legs go all spaghetti noodles, but Roberts doesn't let him fall, but instead slams his skull into the ring post--again--and again--AND AGAIN! Sharplin jumps in front of the ring post so Roberts, sparing the fans of the gray matter explosion that would be sure to come if he would be allowed to continue. He lets go, Kurtis goes limp on the outside, Jeffery Roberts smirks and hops back into the ring.
LIAM SHEPHERD: See, Roberts knows how to handle a triple threat, you take out one man so you can beat the other.
BILL HEWSON: It is a good strategy, but I don't agree with how he just went about it. Sharplin doesn't have much of a leg to stand on with calling the shots as triple threat matches are no disqualification.
JACK JONES: I would hate to be in Sharplin's shoes, Roberts is crazy. There's no telling what he'll do when let off the leash.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Crazy? Maybe crazy good. You can't dock the guy credit for intensity and using the rules to his advantage.
Parker gets back up and gets sent right back down with a clothesline from behind, and Roberts follows up by placing his foot on the back of Parker's head, pushing his face into the mat. Parker writhes around while the boos rain down on Roberts, but he eventually lets up and yanks the Star-Spangled Sensation to his feet, locks on a front facelock, and a hard snap suplex! He floats over with a crossface pin, Sharplin counts.
One and a kickout! He pulls Parker up again with another front facelock, this time he pulls the champion up in the vertical position, leave him hanging, and a picture perfect suplex! Roberts grabs the legs and bridges over into a pin, this time he gets barely gets a two count. He shoots Sharplin a look and informs him that he's not officiating fast enough. Roberts pulls Parker to his--NO!
BILL HEWSON: FREEDOM FRYER! Out of nowhere Parker locks on the Freedom Frying on Roberts in the middle of the ring!
LIAM SHEPHERD: No f'n way! Break the hold, or get to the ropes, or do something!
BILL HEWSON: He's dead center in the middle, he's not getting to the ropes. And when you're belly down with the Freedom Fryer, there's no just 'breaking' it. We could be going home early tonight folks!
JACK JONES: I don't think so, look! Kurtis is on the top turnbuckle!
Kurtis dives off the top rope with a flipping senton onto Parker, but gets a piece of both men! Chad rolls up to his feet holding his head, and quickly capitalizes by hooking Parker's leg. Sharplin counts--
One...
Two...
Kickout! Chad thought he had it, but doesn't waste any time and lateral press cover on Roberts!
One...
Two...
Parker rips Chad off of Roberts. Both men exchanging words, Parker asking what gives while holding his ribs, and Kurtis informs Parker that he was the one that threw him to the floor. Steve pushes Chad, Chad pushes Steve--Parker throws a punch! They start going blow for blow! One-after-another! Roberts is up, DOUBLE PUNCH, and Roberts is down. They go back to work on each other, with the blows getting heavier and slower. Chad staggers, PUNCH! Parker staggers... PUNCH! NO! Kurtis ducks, catches Steve Parker over his shoulder aaand--
BILL HEWSON: STARMAKER! Kurtis covers!
ONE...
TWO...
LIAM SHEPHERD: Roberts makes the save! Right on!
A double axe handle dive breaks the pin. Roberts yanks Kurtis up, grabs the back of the tights, and launches him shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Chad hangs between the middle and top ropes, while Roberts turns his attention to Parker. Jeffery cocks his head to the side, watching Parker try to climb to his feet. FREEDOM FRYER!
JACK JONES: Roberts just locked on the World Champion's own submission hold!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Right in the middle of the ring, NO ROPES IN SIGHT, ring the bell this one is over!
BILL HEWSON: I wouldn't count the champion out yet. The Freedom Fryer is a devastating move, but it is -his- move. He's studied it, perfected it, Roberts is a damn fine wrestler but he doesn't have the experience with the Freedom Fryer that Parker has.
LIAM SHEPHERD: If you ask me, Roberts' Freedom Fryer trumps Parker's!
Roberts wrenches up on the hold telling Sharplin to "ASK HIM! ASK HIM IF HE GIVES UP!" But Parker just yells and waves Sharplin off, refusing to give up. Steve attempts to inch his body to the ropes, but he gains little ground.
JACK JONES: Even if Parker can make it to the ropes, this match is no disqualification, Roberts doesn't have to break the hold no matter how many times the referee squawks at him.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Smartest observation you've made all night.
Parker gets closer, and closer. Little by little his finger get closer. Just as his fingertips graze the ropes Roberts breaks the arm scissors and hauls Parker back to the middle of the ring, locking back in the hold! It's locked in hard! There is nowhere for Parker to go! Steve Parker's face is beat red, he is exhausted and in a terrible amount of pain.
BILL HEWSON: My god. Parker looks like he's going to tap. Roberts could be crowned champion from Parker's own move!
LIAM SHEPHERD: TAP PARKER TAP! TAP DAMNIT!
Kurtis off the top again! Roberts sees it coming and breaks the hold--Best Moonsault EEEVER onto Steve Parker's back! Roberts runs and KICKS Chad Kurtis in the face just as he was getting up. Jeffery Roberts pulls Chad Kurtis up, between the legs and...
BILL HEWSON: CK FINALE ON CHAD KURTIS! GOOD GOD! Roberts is stealing both men's signature moves, and he could just win the World Championship off of this thievery.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Oh please, if Kurtis hit Roberts with one of his moves you'd be gooing all over the seat! Now don't waste any time Roberts, make the damn pin!
Jeffery Roberts jumps on top of Chad Kurtis, and Sharplin counts--
ONE!
TWO!....
THR--NO! Steve Parker, with every ounce of energy he had left, pulled Roberts off at the last second. Chad rolls out of the ring and SPLATS while Roberts gets up and kicks Parker in the head. He pulls the World Champion to his feet, signals that this is the end, inbetween the legs, up in the air, RUNNING LIGER BOMB--NO! Parker pushed himself up and off of Roberts shoulders, landed on his feet, Roberts turns AMERICAN SUPLEX!
BILL HEWSON: Oh my! A hellacious American Suplex by Parker onto Roberts, and now both men are down!
Parker grabs the ropes and pulls himself up to a knee, slowly but surely he gets to both feet. Steve Parker hunches over the top rope and yells, "YOU GUYS WANT IT SUPER-SIZED?" The crowd erupts as he stomps the mat and Roberts begins to get to his feet.
JACK JONES: He's going for his Super-Sized Superkick!
BILL HEWSON: If he lands this it could be the end of Jeffery Roberts! Wait who's th--
LIAM SHEPHERD: SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR!
BILL HEWSON: RODDY MAC!?!
JACK JONES: RODDY MAC!?!
Roddy Mac hit the ring from out of nowhere and literally SPEARED a boot off of Steve Parker's foot! The fans are going absolutely apeshit.
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
Roddy Mac stands above Parker, looking down at him, shifting his head, and then he just exits the ring.
BILL HEWSON: I am so confused. We haven't seen Roddy Mac in months, and he just returned and speared the hell out of the World Champion, Steve Parker. Why?
Jeffery Roberts crawls across the ring and throws and arm over Steve Parker.
BILL HEWSON: No, not like this.
Sharplin counts...
One........
Two...........................
Three. He calls for the bell and raises Roberts hand in victory.
TRENTON OSWALD: The winner, by pinfall, and NEEEEEEEEEEEW (BOOOOOOOOOOO) NAPW WORLD CHAMPION, JEEEEFFFERY RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOBERTS!
BILL HEWSON: I can't believe it. Last week Zouave puts this ass next to us to commentate, then Frank gets fired, and now one of Zouave's thrall wins the World Championship. This is disgusting, and you know what... I don't know if you'll see me here next week. In case you don't, take care Jack.
JACK JONES: What the hell? Bill where are you going?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Ah let him go, Geriatric Jack. He's just trying to bring the mood down, it's time for a celebration! Jeffery Roberts is the NEW NAPW World Champion!
Jeffery Roberts stands in the ring with the NAPW World Championship around his waist, the ball of fat, Trenton Oswald raises the new champion's hand for another victory pose. The fans begin peppering the ring with trash as their insults being more violent.
JACK JONES: I'm not the one that usually does this, but uh, thanks for watching on The Fight Network. Join us next week, I'm Jack Jones, signing off.
LIAM SHEPHERD: And I'm Liam Shepherd. PEACE MOTHER EFFERS!