Dark Match Results
*The match between Kenny Krenshov and Jake Phoenix went to a no-contest when, just minutes into the match, Damage Inc assaulted both men with steel chairs. Xavier Stone hit Krenshov's surgically repaired knee before delivering a Moonsault elbow drop. Phoenix couldn't fight off both men, and was left laying following a huge spinebuster from Dorian Vade followed by a legdrop off the top by Stone.*In a hotly contested tag team match, the team of Jay O'Brien and Danny Chaos earned a disqualification victory over Justin Case and Jacob Venar. After a melee broke out, Chaos set up Venar for F.Y.I.E. when Case broke his manager's cane over Chaos' head. O'Brien got the better of Case, but a spear from Venar left him prey for the Spread my Wings while Case locked the Gamebreaker on his rival Chaos.
Fade in directly to the NAPW backstage interview area, where Peter Pantoliano stands with a microphone in hand.
PETER PANTOLIANO: Hi, folks, Peter Pantoliano here, and I'm backstage with one of the participants in next week's Dog Collar Ma-
Our Star Spangled Sensation hastily walks into the shot, nearly knocking Peter over in the process. In Steve Parker's arms is a length of chain.
STEVE PARKER: Alright, alright, alright, don't worry, Petey, I'm here. You can save the introductions, these fine folks know who I am. Now, why don't you save that voice of yours and make yourself useful by holding on to this for me?
Peter starts to stammer a retort, but sees the Smile staring back at him and loosens up.
PETER PANTOLIANO: Umm, okay, sure, I guess...
STEVE PARKER: Great! Here you go...
Peter holds his arms out, and Parker places the chain in them. Then he pulls from off-screen and adds more chain. And more. And more. Then, finally, he reaches the other end of the chain, which has a dog collar attached to it. Peter starts to pant and looks as if he is about to fall over under the weight.
PETER PANTOLIANO: Steve... this... iswaymore... thaneighteenfeet...
Parker feigns surprise.
STEVE PARKER: Really?! Aww, shucks, I'll never get used to the Metric System. Here, let me help...
Parker cautiously reaches over... and sneaks the microphone out of Peter's hand.
STEVE PARKER: There we go, much better! Now, onto the matters at hand. Now, I need to make sure to send our beloved commissioner a box of cigars for coming up with a wonderful plan. You see, people have already had Steve Parker versus Roddy Mac under standard rules, so why not spice things up a bit? Besides, the rules are rather fitting... uh, you okay, Pete?
Peter is now beet-red and shuddering underneath the weight.
PETER PANTOLIANO: Urgh... *wheeze*... curse... you...
STEVE PARKER: Good, I knew you handle it!
Parker returns his focus back to the camera and lets the Smile kick it up a notch.
STEVE PARKER: See, Roddy, the last time we spoke of each other, you cried this sob story about how I deserted you, and how when Zouave and the Thrall decided to pick on YOU, I was nowhere to be found. Now, you know, I know, and the fans know that I had my own plan that I was trying to kick into action, and it was sort of spreading me thin, so sorry for not cloning myself so I could have your back. But what about you? You saw fit to make like a banana and split well before the Canada Cup was over. You could have been on the front line, HECK, you would have been an even bigger hero to these people than you already were.
Problem is, you don't seem to work like that. No, you prefer to bury your woes in the arms if Jack Daniels and Jim Bean over standing up for the people that care about you. So now you're back, and what's your first order of business? Stepping on my toes, of course, and costing me MY World Title, practically handing it over to Jeffery Roberts, who, if I'm not mistaken, was raking your eyes with barbed wire just a few months ago, no?
Now, I don't care if you are having drinks with Zouave, or even Pete here, or even if you drink alone, with nobody else, point is, when you step in that ring, and they strap us together with these smelly collars, I will beat you like the dog you are, and you'll find yourself worse off than you were before you tried to take up residence next to the Sea of Cuervo. So be ready for next week, Roddy Mac, because you'll be needing a backrest on your barstool by the time I'm done, and this time, you won't be running anywhere.
Parker starts to leave, but pauses and turns back to the quivering Peter Pantoliano. He gives the former intern a once-over and frowns.
STEVE PARKER: You know, I really only brought that to use as a prop for this interview, and I don't have use for it at home...
Peter tries to grunt a response, but the Smile goes off like a lightbulb.
STEVE PARKER: Tell you what... you keep it! Yeah, think of it as a souvenier from me to you. Maybe go share some of it with the Thrall. My treat! See you around, Pete!
Parker places the mic on top of the chain and walks off, leaving Peter to sink slowly out of frame as the camera cuts to ringside.
Cut to Jack, Bill, and a humbled looking Liam at the announce table. For this week, at least, NAPW has returned to The Polish Hall. Things look familiar for once.
BILL HEWSON: Good evening wrestling fans, and welcome to NAPW on The Fight Network! I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones and Liam Shepherd, and we have one heckuva line-up for you tonight, right here in Alberta's capital city of Edmonton. Jack?
JACK JONES: New & Improved D-X taking on ---SQUEE--- a reunited Chris Casino & Evan Cartwright? You had me at Lingonberry!
BILL HEWSON: That's Team MAN, Jack, but... As usual, I have no idea what you just said. Stylin' Kyle Roberts & The Beast taking on Casino and Cartwright, but in our main event tonight, the World Title will be on the line!
A beat.
BILL HEWSON: Why don't you tell us about it, Liam?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Uh, yeah, tonight Lloyd Rees takes on the NAPW World Champ, a real f'n great guy if ya ask me, Jeffrey Roberts.
JACK JONES: And?
LIAM SHEPHERD: What?
JACK JONES: Geez kid, give it some SIZZLE or something. LLOYD REES CHALLENGES FOR HIS UNPRECEDENTED FOURTH REIGN AS WORLD CHAMPION AGAINST THE SADISTIC, UNPREDICABLE JEFFREY ROBERTS!
BILL HEWSON: As well, for the first time ever, it will be RODDY MAC taking on one-half of the NAPW Tag Team Champions... the Superstar himself, Tommy Deathrow! Now let's give this to Frank --- Trenton Oswald!
TRENTON OSWALD: LADIES and GENTLEMEN! Are you ready for... the GREATEST. SHOW. ON EARTH?!
The fans cheer in anticipation of the next match, regardless of their apparent dislike for the new announcer.
TRENTON OSWALD: HERE IS! THE DREAM! TAG! MATCH!
The fans erupt! "Corduroy" by Pearl Jam hits the speakers and out from the curtain walks Chris Casino and Evan Cartwright. They're not in a rush to make the ring, Casino wearing his ever-present smirk; Cartwright as always making good with the chewing gum.
JACK JONES: Here comes my pick to win! My two favorite people in NAPW ever? MAYBE!
TRENTON OSWALD: MAKING THERE WAY TO THE RING! They represent Cairo, Illinois and the FABULOUS Las Vegas, Nevada! They weigh a total combined weight of FOUR HUNDRED TWENTY-TWO and ONE QUARTER POUNDS! They are FORMER NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! "THE FUTURE" CHRIS CASINO! And "PERFECTION" EVAN CARTWRIGHT!
Cartwright and Casino hit the ring and each pose on opposite turnbuckles. "Low" by Foo Fighters takes over, and the fans are OUT of their seats!
TRENTON OSWALD: AND NOW! Representing Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, and St. Albert Alberta! They weighed in at a total combined weight of FOUR HUNDRED NINETY THREE POUNDS! THEY ARE FIVE TIME NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS! BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS! THE NEW AND IMPROVED! D! X!
Stylin' Kyle and Bruce "The Beast" hit the aisle to a huge pop.
BILL HEWSON: Now, remember, DX and C&C have battled before. At the first ever Sole Survivor Casino and Cartwright actually beat D-X for the NAPW tag straps, so it'll be interesting to see what these two teams will do.
LIAM SHEPHERD: The first Sole Survivor? Dude, that was like, a hundred years ago. What are you, a dinosaur?
BILL HEWSON: Actually, that was only about three years ago...
LIAM SHEPHERD: Whatever. When can I go home?
JACK JONES: Oh, we're not going anywhere.
In the ring, Head Referee John Sharplin checks the four combatants for weapons, and then he calls for the bell! Cartwright and Stylin' Kyle will start things off, and they circle each other as Casino and Richards find their respective corners. They lock up in an elbow and collar tie up. Neither man has a significant strength advantage, so they both struggle to gain control. Kyle Roberts with a kick to the midsection wins that battle, and he slaps on a side headlock to continue the punishment. Cartwright is fighting with elbows and forearms to Kyle's ribs and kidneys. Kyle loosens his grip and Cartwright capitalizes, shoving Kyle to the ropes and hitting him on the rebound with an elbow! Cartwright, on the offensive, locks in a front face lock on the prone Roberts, but Roberts wriggles free and finds a vertical base. The fans are cheering the back and forth action.
BILL HEWSON: The fans appreciate the back and forth action thus far in the match.
JACK JONES: Me too!
LIAM SHEPHERD: I don't.
JACK JONES: Shut up, Shepherd.
Cartwright and Roberts circle each other some more, looking for an opening to strike. They lock up again, this time Cartwright floating around into the position for a German suplex! Kyle fights to get Cartwright's hands off, and he does! Elbow to the face staggers Cartwright! Then a back hand CHOP! WOO! backs Cartwright against the ropes! Kyle is laying into "Perfection" with chops and kicks, and Cartwright is trying to cover up! Kyle grabs Cartwright, irish whip COUNTERED into a Cartwright irish whip to the opposite ropes and comes back with a KICK that levels Roberts! Tag to Casino and Casino is in! Kyle is on his feet to meet Casino in center ring. They're trading blows! Casino, Roberts, Casino, Roberts, Casino, Roberts, Roberts, Roberts, ROBERTS fighting back! Casino staggering! Roberts boots Casino in the gut! UP in a fireman's carry! Looks like he's going for the Moose Jaw DRIVER! NO! Casino shifts his weight and hits an double underhook backbreaker! Cover! BROKE up by Beast at two! Casino slides under the ropes! Beast looks like he wants to follow, but Sharplin is trying to send him back to his corner!
BILL HEWSON: It looks like Casino is trying to avoid the Beast!
JACK JONES: Casino's not stupid, Hewson. He's trying to avoid a two-on-one situation to ensure the victory!
LIAM SHEPHERD: I think he's scared.
JACK JONES: What was that?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Err... Talent like that is rare?
JACK JONES: See, Hewson? Liam AGREES with me!
Back to the action, Richards is back in his corner and Casino slides back into the ring. Kyle is back up, having had enough time to recuperate. Casino and Kyle lock up, Kyle, being larger, gets the upper hand, shoving Casino into his own corner. Kyle mounts the second turnbuckle and delivers punches upon punches to Casino's head! One, two, three, four, FIVESIXSEVENEIGHTNINE! TEN! Casino is groggy! Kyle drops and tags in the BEAST! Beast and Kyle grapple Casino, DOUBLE SUPLEX! Kyle returns to his corner as it is now BEAST'S turn to go to work! Beast grabs Casino and wears down on "The Future" with a cobra clutch! He WRENCHES the hold with all of his strength as Sharplin checks on Casino for submission. Casino says NO and reaches feebly toward his corner where Cartwright, now recuperated, is reaching back. Beast is impatient! He stands up with Casino in his arms. COBRA CLUTCH BOMB! Casino is back down! Beast goes for the cover! CARTWRIGHT on his way in, but Casino kicks out at two and a half! Cartwright returns to his corner as Beast continues the punishment. He lifts Casino to his feet and irish whips him to a vacant corner and follows it up with a TACKLE that compresses him! Casino flops to the mat as Beast hits the top rope! MOONSAULT! CONNECTS! Into the cover!
ONE.
TWO..
THR-NO! CASINO GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPES!
Casino might be rattled but he knows where he is! Beast pounds the mat in frustration as he drags Casino, who reaches toward Cartwright, closer to Kyle in their corner. He tags Kyle in, and they put him in the corner! BACK AND FORTH PUNCHES TO CASINO! Casino is being clobbered by Beast and Kyle! Cartwright runs in to save, but Sharplin makes the catch, sending him back to his corner. Cartwright is trying to tell Sharplin that meanwhile Beast and Kyle are mud hole stomping Casino! Cartwright relents and goes back to his corner. Meanwhile, NAID-X have lifted Casino to his feet. Irish whip to the ropes, comes back DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! CASINO DUCKS! On the rebound, Casino hits D-X with a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE of his own! The fans erupt for the turn of momentum.
JACK JONES: Now's his chance! All he has to do is tag Cartwright!
BILL HEWSON: He's so close!
LIAM SHEPHERD: I don't care!
Cartwright is reaching! Casino is crawling! DX are trying to get back to their feet! INCHES! INCHES!! Casino stands with the last bit of energy he has, and LUNGES!
HOT TAG!
CARTWRIGHTHOUSEAFAR!
TOASTYYYYY PERFECT UPPERCUT TO BEAST AND BEAST IS DOWN! Kyle is up! Cartwright with a flurry of kicks and chops sends Kyle against the turnbuckle! Monkey flip sends Kyle across the ring and down! Beast is back up! Cartwright sends him OUT over the ropes with a SUPERKICK! He hits the ropes and comes back to BASEBALL SLIDE Kyle under the ropes and out!
BILL HEWSON: Cartwright is cleaning house!
JACK JONES: YESSSS.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Yeah, there sure is a lot of trash in that ring, isn't there?
Cartwright raises his arms to the crowd, gets them riled up! Meanwhile, Beast and Kyle are stirring outside the ring! Casino is back to the corner, still catching his breath. Cartwright slides under the ring, not waiting for the ref to count DX out, and rolls Kyle back in! Hooks the leg!
One!
TWO!
NO! Kyle gets the shoulder up! Casino is asking for a tag back in! Cartwright obliges, and both men go to WORK! Double irish whip to DOUBLE back body drop and Kyle is back down! Cartwright picks Kyle up and wraps his waist. CASINO SUPERKICK! CARTWRIGHT GERMAN SUPLEX! Kyle is down and out! CASINO HOOKS THE LEG!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEE! NOOOOOO! SHARPLIN CALLS IT TWO, KYLE GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE! THE FANS HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS!
JACK JONES: NO! It was SO CLOSE!
BILL HEWSON: That was a close one. Beast had better hurry and get back in, because Kyle sure needs his help!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Or not, that would be cool. Then we could go home.
JACK JONES: Shut up, Shepherd. I thought you WANTED this job... You just want to go play pong or whatever it is you kids play nowadays!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Maybe I just don't want to be here with some people. And Pong? Seriously? You ARE a dinosaur.
Cartwright hits his corner and Casino tags him back in. Casino takes the corner as Cartwright drags Kyle away from the ropes and locks in a CAMEL CLUTCH! Kyle is in a lot of pain but no one can save him! He's reaching for the ropes! He's struggling, so close! BUT CARTWRIGHT WALKS HIM BACK AWAY FROM THE ROPES! KYLE MIGHT TAP! CARTWRIGHT IS SCREAMING TAP! CARTWRIGHT MIGHT TAP!
BEASTBEASTBEAST WITH THE SAVE!!!
Cartwright is down! Beast is checking on Kyle, who is slowly getting back to his feet.
BILL HEWSON: It's amazing how much punishment Kyle just took, and he's still standing up!
JACK JONES: He's Stylin' AND he's UNSTOPPABLE!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Kyle wishes he was that gay.
Beast is in the corner. Kyle tags him in and takes the corner to recuperate. Beast goes for a cover!
ONE!
KICK OUT at two by Cartwright. Casino didn't even bother to save, he knew Cartwright would break out. Beast yanks Cartwright to his feet. FIREMAN'S CARRY! CHART ATTACK CHART ATTACK CHART ATTACK!!! COVER!
JACK JONES: It's over! Oh no!
ONE!
TWO!
CASINO WITH THE SAVE!
LIAM SHEPHERD: You were saying?
JACK JONES: Thank God!
Kyle is BEGGING for a tag as Beast kicks Casino and irish whips him to his own corner! Tag out! Beast and Kyle DOUBLE HIP TOSS TO THE OUTSIDE! Casino crashes HARD to the floor below! Beast and Kyle pick up Cartwright! THEY'RE CALLING FOR IT! The crowd is going BAT SHIT!
BILL HEWSON: If they hit this, it's over!
Beast ascends the ropes, Kyle sets up for the POLARIZER! Cartwright is fighting it! BUT KYLE FIGHTS HARDER! POLARIZER! BEAST MOONSAULT! DOWN & DIRTY!
BILL HEWSON: DOWN & DIRTY! That's it!
JACK JONES: But what about Casino? There's still hope!
BEAST with a SUICIDE PLANCHA over the ropes keeps CASINO DOWN! Jack Jones begins to sob as Kyle goes for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
CAN THERE BE SOME KIND OF MIRACLE?!
Nope.
THREEEEEEEE!!!
TRENTON OSWALD: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! YOUR WINNERS! STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS. BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS! THE NEW AND IMPROVED D! X!
Beast rolls back into the ring, fatigued, and celebrates with his partner! Meanwhile, Cartwright is trying to find his feet as Casino rolls under the ropes. Casino is helping up his partner! The fans are out of their minds!
"THANK YOU CASINO!"
"THANK YOU CARTWRIGHT!"
"THANK YOU DX!"
The Beast and Kyle turn to look at their opponents. Casino and Cartwright look back. They SHAKE HANDS!
BILL HEWSON: It seems though the match is over, the respect between these men will always remain!
JACK JONES: Why? Why did it have to be DX? Why?
LIAM SHEPHERD: Somebody get me a tissue, and turn the channel back from The Young and the Restless.
JACK JONES: Shut up, Shepherd! I'm telling you! SHUT UP.
Casino, Cartwright, Richards, and Roberts all raise their hands in the ring.
"THANK YOU CARTWRIGHT! THANK YOU CASINO! THANK YOU D-X!"
Commercial Break
JACK JONES: And that's why I was so angry when I first saw "Mad Men."LIAM SHEPHERD: Are you f'n high? That show isn't a biography! You were never in advertising, man, I read up on you!
JACK JONES: Aw, Bill, it's cute, he -READ- about my amazing career. Like, in a book!
LIAM SHEPHERD: It was Wikipedia!
JACK JONES: That reminds me, I need to fabricate --- add more details to my entry. I'll give you "This article is too long for its subject matter", internet!
BILL HEWSON: ... fans, before we went on the air tonight the fans here at the Polish Hall were treated to a pair of non-televised matches. One of those matches was the first-ever meeting between KENNY KRENSHOV and JAKE PHOENIX. However, the match did not go as it was expected. Let's take you back.
[EARLIER TONIGHT]
BILL HEWSON: Kenny Krenshov and Jake Phoenix, the two biggest men on the roster, we were wondering just what it was going to take to put either of these two bulls down.
JACK JONES: I know a guy who can acquire some really amazing elephant tranquilizers, but ---
BILL HEWSON: When out of nowhere, for reasons we can only guess, DAMAGE INC hit the ring with chairs!
WHAM! Shot to the back! WHAM! Another! Kenny swings CRANK! Vade blasts him right in the knee!
BILL HEWSON: STEEL CHAIR, right to Kenny's surgically repaired knee! And then Xavier Stone came off the top with his patented Moonsault Elbow Drop right across the knee! But Jake Phoenix wasn't going down without a fight. Right here, the veteran had Xavier Stone set up for a chokeslam.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Wasn't gonna happen!
BILL HEWSON: CHAIRSHOT to the back again from Dorian Vade! Then an unbelievable spinebuster from Vade to put the Murder City Devil down. Stone on top again, and he hits a LEG DROP! Right across the throat! Hard to believe, but Damage Inc left the two biggest men in NAPW laying! And we have no idea WHY.
Cut back to ringside. The lights dim and the Thunderous sound of "Synthetic" by Spineshank hits the PA system. The crowd is very mixed in their initial reaction, Through the entrance way walk Damage Inc. Dorian Vade and Xavier Stone slowly emerge..
As the crowd realizes who exactly is coming to the ring you can hear a chorus of boos start to take over.
BILL HEWSON: Maybe now we'll get some answers. For months, Damage Inc were fan favorites... until they viciously stabbed the O'Connor Boys in the back last week without any provocation.
Damage Inc. make their way down the aisle and into the ring, Constantly gazing around as if they can't believe the type of reaction they are receiving from the crowd. Both men are handed Mics and Xavier Stone begins to speak..
XAVIER STONE: Hello Edmonton! How is everybody feeling tonight?
More boos and jeers are starting to ruffle through the building
XAVIER STONE: No, No, you see it's okay because we will only take a few minutes of our time out here, because quite frankly the stench of all you people is making me get a little queasy. So I do not think will take very long at all.
DORIAN VADE: You see, it has been a whole week. That is seven days and nights that everyone that watches or is associated with the NAPW, they have all been wondering one thing, and that is... WHY.
XAVIER STONE: Yeah, You know that is all we have heard. All week long is why? Why? And more why? Why and how could you do that to The O' Connor Boys? Leave em lying after you shook their hands, after what was a courageous and hard fought battle for both teams, why guys?
DORIAN VADE: And then earlier tonight... oh no! Kenny Krenshov and Jake Phoenix, THE BIG GUYS, THE FORMER CHAMPS... why did Damage Inc take them out? Why? That's exactly what these people want right? It's an explanation... Well guess what?
XAVIER STONE: You people are getting anything from us at all, and you know why? Because you DO NOT DESERVE IT.
The jeers intensify.
DORIAN VADE: In fact, you people do not deserve anything. What I will say is that you people can have The O'Connors and the rest of their likes because you deserve to be associated with losers and deadbeats like them, because you are all EXACTLY the same.
XAVIER STONE: You people did this to yourselves remember that. Remember that when you all wanna jump on our bandwagon once we are the Tag Team Champions of the World, and when that does happen it is going to be on our terms, and nobody else.
DORIAN VADE: Speaking of those titles it seems kind of funny to me that we were not mentioned as being in the upcoming TLC Tag Match. And I wonder why that is --- maybe because we were screwed out of being booked into it maybe? Now I will admit that those O' Connors got their hand raised, But you could clearly see who was the superior and more dominant and dangerous tag team when it was all said and done and do you know who that was?
XAVIER STONE: It was us, leaving them lying with The Damageplan. You see that is what it all comes down to is that WE deserve that shot at the titles, Not The O' Connors. So message to NAPW Management because you are officially on notice that we make the message real clear, That We are the force to be reckoned with here Not The O' Connors or anybody else..
The crowd erupts into a chant of OCB!, OCB!, OCB!
XAVIER STONE: Trust me, After last week they do not want any part of us. Those red headed step children ran home to Boston and they might be here somewhere but they are not man enough to come out here.
DORIAN VADE: That is right because you guys are Bastards and your O' Connor is nothing but your mamas last name... And you people just Love those Irish Freaks don't ya?
The chants become even louder
DORIAN VADE: They are in another town actually wrestling under their alter egos and their team name is SPF 5000...
CREED hits and the fans pop. Not for Creed, but for... THE O'CONNOR BOYS!
BILL HEWSON: Seamus & Sean have heard ENOUGH! Here we go!
The two fired up Irish lads hit the ring and start taking it to both members of Damage Inc as the crowd cheers! Kicks and backfists --- headbutt! Both O'Connors springboard off and take Damage Inc down, and both members of Damage Inc end up draped over the middle rope. Sean loads up --- TWO FOR ONE BUSHMILLS DRILL!
NO! Vade and Stone both bail out of the ring! Sean & Seamus leap over the top rope --- Seamus connects with his man, but Stone dives out of the way and Sean splats on the concrete! Seamus firing away at Vade, but Xavier Stone from behind. Vade now grabs Seamus, up on his shoulder, LAWN DART INTO THE RING POST!
JACK JONES: Geez!
LIAM SHEPHERD: We're gonna see it again, man! They've got that punk Sean!
BILL HEWSON: Vade & Stone have Sean O'Connor in the ring... Vade has him up! STONE OFF THE TOP ---
LIAM SHEPHERD: F'N DAMAGEPLAN!
BILL HEWSON: Damage Inc... have once again taken out the O'Connor Boys! They feel that they're being overlooked in the tag division in NAPW, but I don't know if this is going to get them what they want...
LIAM SHEPHERD: Don't you guys even hear it? These guys are new to NAPW, the new team on the f'n block --- none of you want to see them succeed, why the hell is anybody even shocked by their actions?
JACK JONES: Hey, NAPW has always been a 'what have you done for me lately' promotion, kid --- when was the last time Damage Inc won an important match? It's not some old boys club here, y'know.
Damage Inc head up the aisle, when PETER PANTOLIANO comes through the curtain. He has the microphone and a clipboard.
PETER PANTOLIANO: Hold on fellas! I just received an announcement... a proclamation! This comes directly from ZOUAVE (crowd boos)... on June 29th, there is going to be a TABLES, LADDERS AND CHAIRS match for the Tag Team Championship! It will be Sexy Adorable Drunks defending against the O'CONNOR BOYS ... against the NEW & IMPROVED D-X... and one more team, a team that has shown they will not be ignored! The fourth team in TLC will be DAMAGE INC!
The crowd boos heavily as Vade & Stone look satisfied. In the ring, Sean & Seamus are stirring, dazed, but aware of what Peter is saying. And he's not done.
PETER PANTOLIANO: But that's not all! Next week, June 22nd, there will be a PREVIEW of TLC! Zouave has signed a POISON PARTNERS match-up, and get a load of this! It will be the team of KRUSTY KID PAUL (boos) and BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS (CHEERS)... against the team of SEAN O'CONNOR...
All eyes hang on Peter. He loves it.
PETER PANTOLIANO: And his partner, DORIAN VADE!
BILL HEWSON: WHAT? You've got to be kidding me!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Now that's thinkin' outside the box! That's what Zouave is all about, how f'n awesome is that?
BILL HEWSON: I don't know if it's at all awesome, but it is signed! The face of TLC has changed, thanks to Damage Inc... and the mysterious Zouave. When we come back --- it will be one-half of the Tag Team Champions, a man who will be involved in TLC, TOMMY DEATHROW taking on RODDY MAC!
Sean & Seamus look angry and confused by the turn of events as Damage Inc high-five each other, pointing to the ring. Vade rubs his hands together in anticipation of the next two weeks...
Commercial Break
TRENTON OSWALD: The next match will be a FUN ONE! Are you ready?Little to no response.
TRENTON OSWALD: I said... ARE YOU READY?
Little to no response.
TRENTON OSWALD: Well, the next match has a FIFTEEN MINUTE TIME-LIMIT.
Linkin Park cues up. Roddy Mac emerges to a whole heck of a lot of booing, holding up a dog collar and chain for all to see.
BILL HEWSON: Of course, next week it'll be Roddy Mac versus Steve Parker in a Dog Collar match!
TRENTON OSWALD: Introducing FIRST, from DETROIT ROCK CITY... weighing in at JUST SHY of two-hundred and SIXTY pounds... ROOOOODDY MAC!
Roddy slaps high-fives with his biker buddies at ringside.
GRITS. HUGE POP.
Deathrow, sporting a very small ROBIN (from Batman) t-shirt, emerges from the curtain to a raucous ovation.
TRENTON OSWALD: His opponent, one half of the NAPW World Tag Team Champions of the WOOORRRLLLDDD... from the TWIN CITIES... weighing in at a LITTLE MORE SHY of two-hundred and SIXTY pounds... "THE SUUUUPERSTAR" TOMMY DEATHROOOOOW!
Deathrow stands at ringside, gyrating his hips and playing with his nipples. Before very seriously ripping his Robin t-shirt off and entering the ring.
BILL HEWSON: I hope Morgan Smythe can contain these two brawling beasts!
LIAM SHEPHERD: You know, if she can't, maybe it's time Zouave brings in some referees with talent, instead of just someone pretty to look at.
JACK JONES: No one's ever questioned Smythe's integrity. And there's nothing wrong with having women who are pretty to look at!
STD and Roddy circle each other as the bell rings. STD proposes a handshake before they get down to it, then pulls it back and proposes a... kiss? Roddy looks disgusted. He looks at his biker buddies in the front row then throws a fist at the puckered-up STD. STD falls to the mat but quickly rises to his feet. Double-leg takedown to Roddy! He leans in for either a pinfall attempt or something cruder but Roddy catches him with some rights and lefts that send him staggering back, allowing Roddy to get to his feet. Roddy with a kick to the gut of STD. STD responds with a side elbow. Another. Roddy responds with a knee to the gut and locks in a front facelock. He cinches it, ignoring the boos of the fans. And he takes him over with it! Cover! One! Kickout! STD rolls onto his back but Roddy maintains control with a hammerlock. STD rises to his feet and reverses into a hammerlock of his own! Hammerlock double leg trip!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Morgan Smythe needs to control this match! What kind of moves are these? This is f'n ridiculous!
BILL HEWSON: Certainly not the match we expected, but it's fair to say every NAPW wrestler has a solid foundation of mat wrestling.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Sure. But that doesn't mean we have to SEE it.
STD applies a rear facelock on Roddy. But Roddy gets to one knee. He slowly rises, STD holding the facelock in. Elbow to the gut. Elbow to the gut! Roddy with a fireman's carry takedown to STD! But STD quickly rolls out of a pin attempt with an arm ringer. He brings the arm and over his head once. Twice. Three times and he turns it into a hammerlock! But Roddy is able to snapmare STD back onto the mat. STD stands but turns right into an arm-drag takedown! Into an Indian armbar! He has it locked in but STD crawls towards the ropes. He is almost there... but Roddy keeps it locked in! Finally STD gets to the ropes!
Referee Morgan Smythe begins the five-count. Roddy ensuring that he can weaken STD's arm as much as possible.
FOUR!
FIVE --- he releases it!
Smythe warns Roddy that she isn't going to lose control of this match. "You were doing so well, don't ruin it now!" Roddy puts on his 'wait a second' face and begins a long defense of himself and his tactics. Meanwhile, STD is using the ropes to pull himself up.
He reaches down into his Zubaz pants.
LIAM SHEPHERD: This is DISGUSTING! Who would want to see this?
POP!
JACK JONES: The fans disagree, Liam.
He feels around, saturating his fingers with as much STD juice as possible. Roddy ends his argument with Smythe with a dismissive wave... and walks right into the SWEATY BALL CLAW!
Roddy tries to pull STD's hand out of his mouth as the referee begins the five-count.
ONE!
The sweat enters Roddy's mouth.
TWO!
It forms a pool beneath his tongue.
THREE!
It begins to slide down his throat.
FOUR!
Roddy finds a spot for his knee in the abs of STD, breaking the hold. But he falls to the ground, trying to hack up everything that remains in his mouth and throat. Smythe gives STD the same warning she gave Roddy. He blows her a kiss. Roddy charges STD but STD pulls down the top-rope and Roddy tumbles to the outside! STD steps outside to join him as Smythe begins the count. STD meets a rising Roddy with several lefts and rights. He gyrates in front of his head, then Irish whips him into the guard rail! STD runs in for the kill but Roddy is able to get a boot up! Both men take a moment to recover. But the moment ends and they're exchanging punches, brawling up and down the side of the ring as the ringside officials are forced to clear out of the way.
BILL HEWSON: Now THIS is what we expected. Just took a little longer to get there.
JACK JONES: These are two of the craziest wrestlers we have backstage!
Roddy with a double eye gouge that pauses the melee. He bashes STD's head into the ring apron before rolling him back into the ring. He follows. STD shakes off the throbbing pain in his eyes as Roddy sizes him up. STD gets to his feet. Roddy runs in for the DESTROYER but STD is able to crawl away, still having visual problems. He's in the corner, playing with his eyes, allowing Roddy to run in with a HUGE body splash! STD stumbles around, making him easy prey for the DESTROYER --- NO! STD somehow reverses into a SPINNING DDT! COVER!
BILL HEWSON: Beautiful maneuver!
JACK JONES: Damn! I really thought Roddy had him there!
ONE!
TWO!
THR --- KICKOUT!
STD drags Roddy up. Headscissors. He attempts to lift the similarly-weighted Roddy for a powerbomb... but a BIG BACK BODY DROP says otherwise! STD instinctively gets to his feet only to be taken down by a big lariat! Roddy picks up STD... HOG WILD!
JACK JONES: And I thought no one could perform that move better than I did when I invented it!
COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE --- KICKOUT! KICKOUT!
Roddy argues with Smythe, something about how women are slower counters than men and that another referee would have hit three. The bikers at ringside are also venting their frustration. Roddy looks frustrated. He takes STD and throws him over the top-rope. He's going for the dog collar he brought to ringside! He begins to put it around STD's throat... when STD steps back... KICK TO THE GROIN! STD smiles at the bikers who are threatening to jump the guard rail, held back only by a promise to Roddy and a few NAPW securityfolk. Roddy doubles over, grabbing his crotch. Now he's applying the dog collar! NO! A biker takes the dog collar back from STD! He turns back... RODDY WITH A KICK TO STD'S GROIN! And he grabs a steel chair! He swings it at STD who manages to duck out of the way and grab a chair of his own!
And Morgan Smythe calls for the bell! The combination of outside-the-ring shenanigans and crowd interference gave her no choice before it turned into an all-out riot! There is chaos at ringside as security tries to get between the two chair-wielding competitors!
TRENTON OSWALD: It's WILD! It's CRAZY! It's... a NO CONTEST or a DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION! The winners... ME! RODDY'S ORTHODONTIST! AND ALL OF YOU FANS!
BILL HEWSON: Well, Oswald is right, this is wild and this is crazy! These two don't care that the bell has rung, they're still brawling!
Deathrow drop-toe holds Roddy on the floor! Mac into the concrete! Tommy gets the cheers of the fans, then rolls Roddy back in to the ring. Tommy follows...
BILL HEWSON: What a cheap shot by Roddy Mac, and now he's setting up THE DESTROYER! Deathrow down in the corner HEY! Somebody just jumped in the ring and --- IT'S STEVE PARKER! Steve Parker all over Roddy Mac, he's not waiting until next week!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Steve Parker, what a freakin' hero.
JACK JONES: Hey! He's MY hero! Also an AMERICAN hero but the first thing I said!
BILL HEWSON: He's got the dog collar! And --- Roddy Mac gets the hell outta Dodge before Parker can whip him with that steel chain!
Parker's sound & fury expresses itself as the chain whipping against the ring ropes, Roddy just out of reach. He climbs the guardrail to the biker gang and gives the finger to Parker, the fans booing as the bikers get Roddy out of there. Parker holds the chain up, yelling NEXT WEEK. Deathrow is up... there is a tense moment between STD and Steve Parker, but Parker decides to leave the ring. The Superstar gets his tag team belt and holds it up high, celebrating with his adoring fans.
BILL HEWSON: A wild night so far, but as we told you earlier, it started before we even went on the air. And it wasn't just Damage Inc's assault on both Kenny Krenshov and Jake Phoenix! Next week, it will be a Four Corners match with a Heritage title shot on the line, the winner meeting Donovan Astros on the 29th... and in a preview of that, JAY O'BRIEN teamed up with DANNY CHAOS to take on JACOB VENAR and JUSTIN CASE!
[Earlier Tonight]
Bodies everywhere in the tag team match, but Danny Chaos has Jacob Venar!
BILL HEWSON: Danny Chaos looking to hit his F.Y.I.E. finisher on Venar, when Justin Case smashed his manager's cane right over the back of Chaos' head! The referee immediately called for the disqualification. Chaos and O'Brien win the match, but Justin Case wanted to get revenge on Chaos!
LIAM SHEPHERD: If it wasn't for Danny Chaos, Justin Case would be the Heritage Champ right now!
BILL HEWSON: That's one perspective, but at any rate. Jay O'Brien gets back into it, knocking down Case, but Venar with a SPEAR takes him down! And then it was the SPREAD MY WINGS from the top by Venar, and take a look at those eyes, fans.
JACK JONES: He looked like a zombie! Venar is so full of things that are like hate!
LIAM SHEPHERD: And then this, the f'n Gamebreaker on Chaos! But did you see the Spread My Wings? Now that's something beautiful right there, not the same old shit.
Cut to a graphic showing DONOVAN ASTROS - UP NEXT.
BILL HEWSON: We will find out what Astros thinks of his possible challengers tonight... Live in this very ring, it will be the Canadian Heritage Champion, the dominant DONOVAN ASTROS --- and he's next!
Commercial Break
JACK JONES: And that's how I found out I was down with OPP.BILL HEWSON: Yeah? You know me?
LIAM SHEPHERD: You guys are f'n lame.
BILL HEWSON: This from the guy that complete a sentence without almost swearing?
"ALL EYES ON ME!"
It's Tupac! It's The Verve! It's NAPW Canadian Heritage Champion Donovan Astros heading to the ring! The champ soaks in the reaction of the crowd as he makes his way down towards the announce desk, where there's a tense moment between him and ring announce Trenton Oswald before Astros takes the mic and climbs the steps and into the ring. Astros ascends the middle turnbuckle and looks out across the crowd, smirking.
DONOVAN ASTROS: EDMONTON! NAPW!
Astros hops off the turnbuckle as the crowd pops like sheep.
LIAM SHEPHERD: What a panderer. Wake me up when he's done talking.
DONOVAN ASTROS: We have a bit of a problem tonight, NAPW. You see, there's a lot of talk about dream matches... Casino 'n' Cartwright vs. The New and Improved... you know what, I can't even say their name, that brand is so dated. Maybe they can be the New and Improved Spirit Squad from now on.
Much of the crowd is NOT thrilled at the direction this is going. A "THAT MATCH WAS AWESOME" chant breaks out. Astros snorts.
DONOVAN ASTROS: You had Jake Phoenix and Kenny Krenshov, the living definitions of no talk and no action. Some dream match that was, huh?
A smirk from Astros as more of the crowd boos.
DONOVAN ASTROS: And in our main event tonight, Lloyd Rees goes for his nine hundreth title win against our resident psycho killer, Jeffrey Roberts. Qu'est-ce que c'est? Well, the talking heads around here know there's one man you better run, run, run, run, run, run, run away from around here, and you're lookin' at him! Just ask Bobby Crane and the Kumquat Kid!
David Byrne singalong aside, only a few holdout fans of Astros are cheering the Heritage hamp. The rest of the room is not impressed with what's gotten into Astros tonight.
DONOVAN ASTROS: It's a night of dream matches and Donovan Astros wasn't invited and why is that? There's one dream match I've been waiting for since the night I stepped through that door and into your hearts for the first time! And that dream opponent... is Chad Kurtis.
Astros rolls his eyes as the crowd goes bonkers for a mention of the former NAPW World Champ.
DONOVAN ASTROS: Three years, Chad! Three years I've been waiting to get you in the ring one on one and do what I promised to do to you the moment I got here! But every time our paths have come close to crossing, something happens. Some tragedy befalls you or your family and you disappear just when the iron is just ready to strike! You hear whispers about it on the Internet... the Kurtis Curse. It got so bad, you promised to quit if you couldn't overcome that curse and win the World Title at the end of 2008... and you failed, Chad. That brass ring was right within your grasp and you reached up to grab it... but you missed and fell off the ladder and everyone laughed at you.
Another laugh from Astros, but the crowd's not laughing with him.
DONOVAN ASTROS: But I like a good comeback story, just like all of you fans at home and out there in TV Land, so when I was commissioner, I tore up that letter of resignation and brought you back to NAPW because, hell, everyone can see you're talented. You don't get all these opportunities if you're not talented, and having you here is a lot better than having you waste your life away in North Carolina. The thing is, though, Chad, you're just not as talented as Donovan Astros, and this brass ring around my waist will make you immortal in NAPW. It will make you a Grand Slam Champion, something only two other people have done and no one else can ever do!
Astros drops to his knees in the middle of the ring, takes off the Heritage belt, and lays it out in front of him.
DONOVAN ASTROS: So Chad, I'm beggin' ya! I'm sick and tired of people running from Donovan Astros! I'm sick and tired of these also-rans that come to get a piece of the greatest wrestler on God's green Earth, bite off more than they can chew, and then run back with their tail tucked between their legs! Please, I know you're watching at home tonight, Chad, please make this dream match happen... so I can make the Kurtis Curse your nightmare!
Astros stands back up, holding the title belt aloft as the crowd boos lustily.
LIAM SHEPHERD: F'n hell! Donovan Astros has found his balls!
BILL HEWSON: You're completely intolerable, you know that? The Heritage champ with some very strong words for "The Show"!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Strong words? That's the best you can do, Bill? He f'n questioned the man's manhood!
JACK JONES: For once, you're right, Liam. But... he didn't even MENTION any of the four men who could be the NEXT challenger for his belt!
BILL HEWSON: You're right, Jack, it was all Chad Kurtis on the mind of the Heritage Champion tonight...
LIAM SHEPHERD: Is it even surprising? Astros' finally grew a set, but of COURSE the f'n NAPW 'veteran' ignored all the new talent. Jay O'Brien, Danny Chaos, sure, two future losers, but Justin Case has been busting his ass for months now, he shouldn't have to fight for another shot at the title.
BILL HEWSON: Justin Case had his opportunity ---
LIAM SHEPHERD: And is it ANY surprise that Jacob Venar gets ignored? This place is just like Edmonton's precious hockey team --- an old boy's club living on what happened in the f'n past! And Jacob Venar, you've got a guy who comes in, BEATS the 'legendary' Jake Phoenix, ends the CAREER of Jamie Murray, and has done nothin' but impress, and what does he get? Nothin'! Old jokes, old thoughts, people who can't get past what he was three years ago, no matter how much shit he's done in this business since. But hey, he was in NAPW once, and tonight it's 2007 ALL OVER AGAIN and that Jacob Venar, eff him, he's just a joke! It's BULLSHIT and you two could get your heads outta your asses and see it for what it is! Justin Case and Jacob Venar are doing EVERYTHING that could be asked of them, and they're down in the dark match today and instead we get DX vs Casino & Cartwright!
JACK JONES: Maybe they need to prove themselves, Liam, because since you WEREN'T around then you can't remember how inconsistent Jacob Venar was in his previous NAPW stint, and how can you pretend Justin Case is some victim when he's bashing people with a cane in every match the past month? There's no conspiracy here, you want your spot in NAPW, step up and take it! That's how it's always been!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Yeah, so why did Damage Inc get left out of TLC in favor of three 'classic' teams? Why are the young guys barely on TV? Why is LLOYD F'N REES wrestling for the world title AGAIN? Isn't it OLD? Jeffrey Roberts is NEW, and it's ---
JACK JONES: Gee Liam, I DUNNO WHY LLOYD REES IS IN THE MAIN EVENT MAYBE HE WON SOLE SURVIVOR TWICE OR SOMETHING. You want title shots? You want main events? You EARN them here, you don't just get them handed to you because it's 'different!' Lloyd Rees WINS BIG MATCHES. Chad Kurtis WINS BIG MATCHES. The stars of NAPW have EARNED everything they've gotten, and you ---
BILL HEWSON: Alright both of you, we're NOT doing a repeat of last week. We'll settle down, and up in just a few minutes... the World Championship will be determined! Jeffrey Roberts defends against Lloyd Rees!
Commercial Break
The NAPW Banner hangs in the background. Slowly the camera pans down to a man with is back to the camera. One arm in the air holding a dog chain. A spiked dogged collar tight around his neck. A slow maniacal laugh starts to build. Roddy Mac turns around and stares deeply into the camera.RODDY MAC: And they said I would never be back. They said I had been taken to the funny farm. But I am here. AND I BLAME YOU! You knew Zouave was planning to come after me. You knew and did nothing. I should have known you were jealous. You were jealous of my skills. That is why you never put your Battlebowl ring on the line. That is why that ring you have was never up for grabs. You knew I was and always will be the better wrestler. Well now you know how it is to lose something. The title of yours is gone. Just like that Battlebowl ring that should be on my finger. You have been a thorn in my side ever since Lethal Lottery and I plan to finally beat you like the scum you are. See this chain.
Rod picks up the chain and dangles it in front of the camera.
RODDY MAC: This is your demise. I am going to beat you like Vick beat his dogs. The only difference between Vick and myself is that Vick would have shown you mercy and shot you. I am going to enjoy extracting my revenge. See, the NAPW sanctioned this dog collar match without knowing how hardcore I am about to go on your ass.
Roddy Mac looks down at his feet. He just smiles. He starts shaking his head.
RODDY MAC: Nobody, gets just how bad of a monster I can be. Nobody in the NAPW has felt my wrath. Parker, you will be the first. I am tired of facing second rate wrestlers like Tommy Dickcheese, The Ho Chad Kurtis, and Jizz Roberts. It is time for me to take my place among the stars. Speaking of Jizz, I hope you know what you are going to write on your tombstone Jizz Flinger, cause you will be there shortly.
We now hear some whimpering coming from the floor.
RODDY MAC: Oh, you're up? SHUT THE FBLEEP UP!
Rod kicks something on the ground. We hear a groan. Rod picks up the chain and then stomps the ground to hear some more groans.
RODDY MAC: Damn, woman what was I saying? You made me forget what the hell I was talking about.
Now the biker crew starts walking into the shot pointing and shouting at what now appears to be a woman on the floor. We can't quite make it out. The bikers push the camera man and the shot goes all over the place. We see Rod pull up the chain. We hear a choking and gurgling. The shot is now out of focus but it looks as if Rod has Marie. The bikers start to kick and punch like rabid dogs. They all start to bark as they beat the hell out of this poor victim. We hear NAPW staff say get some help back here.
RODDY MAC: See what happens when you mess with the lead dog. You need to know your role among the pack. Parker, prepare to be tamed.
The camera tries finally hits the floor. It tries to auto focus on the woman who is out. Just as the camera finally starts to focus and we can make out the person. Someone stomps on the camera and we never know if the attack by Roddy was on the real Marie or an imposter.
Commercial Break
JACK JONES: No, I just had to give her my best Ole Anderson voice and it worked, those voice changer things are a waste of moneyBILL HEWSON: She couldn't have traced the call?
JACK JONES: Nah, I used Shepherd's phone.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Not cool, man. Let's send it up to my homeboy Trenton Oswald!
TRENTON OSWALD: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a sixty minute time limit and it is for the NAPW World Championship!
Dropkick Murphys hits the PA and the crowd is going wild. After a few bars Lloyd Rees starts to make his way down the aisle, Playing to the crowd.
TRENTON OSWALD: Introducing first, He hails from Wabana, Bell Island, NewFoundLand and weighs in at Two Hundred Forty Three pounds... the challenger! LLOYD REES!
Lloyd Rees continues his way down the aisle to quite the ovation, he lets his music play while he plays to the crowd.
The music changes as we hear the sound of " OH AH AH AH AH" and we know that is Disturbed and That means that Jeff Roberts The NAPW Champion is making his way down the aisle and into the ring to a chorus of jeers and boos
TRENTON OSWALD: Making his way to the Ring tonight at a weight of Two Hundred Thirty Five Pounds... He is from Beautiful Miami Florida! He is the Present and Future of the NAPW and he is just that much better than everybody else. He is my main man, my amigo, my homie...Not to mention he is the NAPW World Heavyweight Champion! The one, The Only JeffreyYYYYYYYY ROBERRRRRRRRTS!
BILL HEWSON: Jeff Roberts has been living it up since becoming the champion! He will have quite a test when he steps in there with the Three Time former champion Lloyd Rees!
JACK JONES: Roberts has the world in the palm of his hands right now, having that kind of confidence and back up.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Jeffrey Roberts will prove tonight that he deserves everything he is that much greater than the Legend Lloyd Rees.
The bell rings and the two men and in the middle of the ring staring down each other. After the stare down Roberts motions to Rees to hit him, as he is pointing at his jaw. Rees looks him over and as he glances at the crowd for a second for their opinion, Roberts attempts to cheap shot Rees, but to no avail as Rees blocks it and sends Rob flailing back after a series of punches. Rees with the Irish Whip to Roberts, ducks the clothesline and hits the ropes and Roberts comes back with a forearm that sends Rees rolling! Rees back up quickly comes at Roberts with a drop kick that connects, Roberts bouncing back into grappling position and the two are at a face off in the middle of the ring.
The crowd sends a mild response of applause for the first exchange
BILL HEWSON: And we are right back to where we started. Rees, of course, the most dominant technical wrestler on the NAPW roster today. Take nothing away from Roberts, he is a skilled technical wrestler. His... other attributes tend to overshadow that.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Roberts is just toying with him on that exchange.
Both men lock up and Roberts drives Rees back into the ropes and starts connecting with forearms... ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, and the ref comes and breaks it up. John Sharplin warns Roberts about the count, who then turns around into a flurry of fists from Rees for his troubles. Sharplin backs up Rees and Roberts locks back up with Rees. This time they back up into the corner and Roberts applies a chokehold to Rees in the turnbuckle..The ref counts ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE and the ref interjects between the men and Roberts finally breaks the choke. As Roberts backs out he comes back in and gives Rees a few good kicks for his trouble and Lloyd Rees is down in the corner trying to get his breath.
Jeffrey Roberts swaggers around the ring as the crowd continues to boo him harder and harder.
BILL HEWSON: These people are taking exception to the actions of Jeffrey Roberts so far in this match
LIAM SHEPHERD: Well these people don't have a clue what to do with a class act like Roberts as Champion.
JACK JONES: These people ARE idiots... but so are you, Shep.
BILL HEWSON: Anyways, back to the action here...
Roberts comes at Rees with some more strikes, Roberts flips Rees over into hip toss and hits him with an armbar, Rees works his way to his feet quickly and counters by sending Roberts into the ropes and hits him with the shoulder block,Roberts back up and charging but is dropped by another shoulder block and then again. Roberts then huddles by the rope with a frustrated look on his face, Creepily stalks back towards Rees before launching into a crazy flurry of attacks toppling Rees with punches, grabs and pummels he also eventually begins choking Rees again to which John Sharplin hastily interjects and breaks it up.
BILL HEWSON: Jeffrey Roberts has been making John Sharplin work pretty hard out there and to his credit has been on Roberts like white on rice and has been doing a good job.
JACK JONES: Roberts is just a sick, sick man
LIAM SHEPHERD: Don't you love it Jack? He is the face of the NAPW!
Roberts walks back over to Rees and picks him up and sends him into the turnbuckle,hammers Rees with a few strikes, Hooks his head into his arms and flies off and connects Rees with a bulldog and Rees is down on the mat. Roberts rolls him over and tries to sneak a quick cover but Rees shakes him off and Roberts gives him back some punches and picks him up off the mat. Jeffrey Roberts picks up Rees and bodyslams him to the mat, A couple of stiff kicks for good measure and Roberts is just standing over Rees with a sadistic smile while the crowd rains boos down rigidly.
Roberts picks up Rees and hooks him into traditional suplex, Rees counters and drops behind Roberts, Sends him to the ropes, hooks him for a german suplex, gets him over and Roberts lands on his feet, Roberts hooks Rees, Then Rees with a standing switch and finally Rees connects with a German suplex to Jeffrey Roberts, A pin with a bridge, ONE, TWO and Roberts wiggles out of it and counters by hooking Rees with an under-hook and busts him an inverted DDT, Roberts rolls off and then goes for the quick cover, ONE, TWO and KICKOUT, A real quick kickout from Rees, and Roberts seems a little frustrated and stays on the offensive, Going quickly after Rees again and picks him and suplexes Lloyd Rees onto the mat, Roberts Covers and gets a two count
Jeffrey Roberts gets Lloyd Rees into a chinlock and begins to apply pressure, Making Rees scream out in agony, Roberts pummels Rees with a couple of big strikes to the back, Roberts rolls Rees over and picks him up by the legs and hooks them, Steps over and Jeffrey Roberts has Lloyd Rees in a Boston Crab, Roberts doesn't seem to have it locked in very well as Lloyd Rees pulls his foot off and counters him, reversing into his own Boston Crab, Roberts however is not far from the ropes and scrambles quickly to grab them and Rees breaks the hold fairly quickly. Roberts is up and sends Rees barreling to the outside with a backdrop.
As Rees stumbles around on the outside, Roberts takes off and running! SUICIDE DIVE over the ropes onto Lloyd Rees! Both men are laid out on the outside, John Sharplin begins to count ONE, TWO, THREE...FOUR...FIVE, At this point Jeffrey Roberts has stumbled up to his feet, SIX...SEVEN...EIGHT, Jeffrey Roberts rolls into the ring and right back out breaking up the count. Roberts walks over to Rees to pick him up, and Rees with a huge right and then a huge left to the gut of Roberts, Rees then sends Roberts with an Irish Whip into the stairs with authority! John Sharplin counting his count SIX...SEVEN...EIGHT... Rees picks up Roberts and rolls him back into the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees doing the smart thing and getting Jeffrey Roberts back into the ring, because he can't win the title on the outside.
Lloyd Rees picks up Jeffrey Roberts and drops him a body slam and delivers a couple of stomps and kicks, Rees then signals for a pile driver! Puts Roberts head between his legs and Roberts falls to the mat, going limp, As Rees bends down to pick him up Roberts sneaks in a LOW BLOW! And Lloyd Rees is down clutching his area and the referee is giving an earful to Jeffrey Roberts. Roberts moves over and takes advantage picking up Rees by the torso and delivering a release German suplex! Roberts stalks over Rees and picks him up delivers another German suplex this time with a bridge and a pin
ONE
TWO
KICKOUT
Rees avoids the pin by rolling out of the bridge. Roberts stays right on top of Rees and sends him into the turnbuckle. Roberts then hammers away at Rees with Three huge shoulder attacks to Rees' midsection. While Rees is hazy, Roberts removes the turnbuckle covering, much to the dismay of Referee John Sharplin who tries to re-attach it to no avail. Meanwhile Roberts sends Rees to the opposite corner, Roberts Charges with a full head of steam --- Rees gets a boot up and plants Roberts on the chin! Rees just bought himself a little time. Rees climbs up and sits on the top rope eventually dropping an elbow onto Jeffrey Roberts. But he's too worn out to capitalize!
Both men are struggling to get to their feet, Rees resiliently makes it up first and this time quickly moves Roberts into position and connects with a piledriver! Rees goes like he is going for a cover but then realizes he is too close to the ropes, so picks Roberts up and Irish Whips him but Roberts reverses it and sends Rees right into the exposed turnbuckle and Rees is clutching his back in pain. Roberts makes his way over and grabs up Rees for a T- Bone suplex and it CONNECTS, Roberts with the cover...
ONE
TWO
KICKOUT
Roberts seems in disbelief that was not a three count, Instead of arguing continues on the attack and raises Lloyd Rees up for a belly to belly suplex and it CONNECTS, Roberts over for the pin...
ONE
TWO
AND... NO!
KICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: Jeffrey Roberts is going to have to pull out even more to take care of Lloyd Rees.
JACK JONES: This man just won Sole Survivor not too long ago! For the second time!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Roberts has him right where he wants him and you don't even know it.
Jeffrey Roberts starts to get really intense as he picks up Lloyd Rees and he is going to pick up and he has him in The Running Liger bomb and he's off and Wait, Lloyd Rees counters the Liger Bomb right into a ROVER RINGER!, That came out of nowhere!, and both men are down on the mat and the crowd is going electric after that Rover Ringer... Rees somehow strings his way over to Roberts and throws an arm over him!
ONE
TWO
KICKOUT!
BILL HEWSON: Somehow, someway Jeffrey Roberts kicks out!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Of course he did! He is the NAPW Champion!
Lloyd Rees makes his way up and comes running at a just standing Jeffrey Roberts, Rees goes for the DDT From The Green but Roberts moves out of the leaving Rees falling to the mat, Roberts then swiftly steps out of the ring and tries to gather himself, he takes a look back at the ring and sees Rees struggling to get off the mat, Roberts turns and dashes over to grab his title from the timekeeper and he is headed up the aisle...
LIAM SHEPHERD: Well thats it, Rees put in a good effort but Jeffrey Roberts is going home the Champion!
BILL HEWSON: He can't do that!
JACK JONES: I guess he can if he wants, Bill. Heck, I did that a time or ten...
LIAM SHEPHERD: You are DAMN F'N RIGHT for once JACK JONES!
Jeffrey Roberts starts hightailing it out of the ring area, Meanwhile John Sharplin is counting him out, EIGHT...NINE..., Sharplin then stops and gets out of the ring and begins running after Jeffrey Roberts, grabbing at him telling him to get back to the ring. By this time Lloyd Rees is up and stalking down the aisle after Roberts, Roberts rears back to hit Rees with his title and Rees ducks and then sends Roberts into the guard rail and then begins ramming his head into it as they fight their way back down towards the ring. Roberts comes back with a couple of strikes of his own before throwing Rees shoulder first into the steps outside. Roberts begins to walk away one more time, Rees has just enough instinct to trip Roberts as he turns around. Rees gets up and throws him back into the ring!
Rees is going after Roberts relentlessly with some stomps, They find themselves in the middle of the ring, Rees standing over Roberts and the crowd is going absolutely nuts!, Rees seizes the opportunity and locks in the LANCE COVE LEGLOCK, he has it cinched in and Roberts is screeching out in pain, John Sharplin moves in to ask him if he gives and he shakes him off, Jeffrey Roberts powers up and somehow reverses the hold and its broke, But Rees rolls right back into it and its setting in again, although instead he flips him onto his back and flings Roberts into the turnbuckle with a slingshot. Roberts stumbles back and flies right into the WABANA BUSTER! Rees is onto Roberts for the cover...
ONE
TWO
NO, KICKOUT...KICKOUT!
Rees cannot believe it, he pounds at the mat before getting up and plotting his next move, Rees picks up Roberts and hooks his torso up for a German Suplex and Roberts Flips right onto John Sharplin! and the he is out on the ground, Rees instead of going for the cover goes over to check the Sharplin and try to resuscitate him. Meanwhile Jeffrey Roberts is back up and creepy crawling behind Lloyd Rees, Roberts grabs Rees up and lays him out with a Running Liger Bomb!, No counter this time and Roberts has Rees in perfect position by the ropes to go up for the SSG! The ref is still laid out...
SHOOTING!
STAR!
GUILLOTINE!
Roberts connects with SSG! Roberts covers Rees as John Sharplin drags his way over to make the count...
ONE
TWO
NO!
KICKOUT!
LIAM SHEPHERD: F'N BULLSHIT!
BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees somehow, someway kicks out after a Liger Bomb and The SSG!
Roberts gets up in a furious rage, He flips a lid and yells out a yell from the top of his lungs, John Sharplin is now finally barely standing and he gets in the face of Roberts and holds up two fingers. This further infuriates Roberts and he seethes out in anger and then... WHAM! Jeffrey Roberts has just punched John Sharplin's lights out!
BILL HEWSON: Hey come on! That was no accident, that was a deliberate right hand by the World Champion, and now the referee is out!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Maybe NAPW needs to think about hiring new referees, John Sharplin can't seem to handle the heat.
JACK JONES: He just got PUNCHED IN THE FACE. But you would know all about that, wouldn't you Sheppy?
LIAM SHEPHERD: ... I thought we weren't going to ... talk about that...
BILL HEWSON: Professional, gentlemen. The referee is down --- what's Jeffrey Roberts doing?
Roberts maniacally laughing heads to the outside, reaches under the ring and pulls out ...A STEEL CHAIR!, Roberts is going crazy! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!, Roberts is going nuts swinging the chair against the ring-post repeatedly. Roberts finally slides into the ring and he is sizing up Lloyd Rees with that chair and he is going to lay him out with it. Roberts swings back as Rees makes it to his feet... SWING! ...and a ... Miss! Rees has ducked the Chair shot! RINGER ROVER! From out of nowhere and Roberts is down... Rees takes Roberts legs and he's got em hooked and he's in the center of the ring and There it is! THE LANCE COVE LEGLOCK! Rees has it locked in
But there's no ref!
WAIT! HERE COMES A NEW REF RUNNING!
Anthony Uruburu slides into the rings and he is checking Roberts! Roberts is resisting and he somehow is powering himself towards the ropes...He's almost there, Roberts is gonna get the ropes... But NO! Rees drags him right back in the middle of the ring... Uruburu checking... and...
ROBERTS TAPS! ROBERTS TAPS!
THE CROWD COMES UNGLUED!
BILL HEWSON: My god what a match, and we have a New Champion, A Four Time Champion Lloyd Rees! HISTORY has been made here tonight!
LIAM SHEPHERD: Man...
JACK JONES: So much for Zouave's friends! The Freak Show are gone, and Roberts is a blip on the world title landscape!
TRENTON OSWALD: Here is your winner... and... and... NEW World Champion... LLLLOYYYYYD REEEEES!
BILL HEWSON: Score one for the good guys, Lloyd Rees is a FOUR-time NAPW World Champion! It's been another unpredictable night here in NAPW, but for Liam Shepherd and Jack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying GOOD NIGHT---
JACK JONES: Hold up Bill, there's something going on with the referees!
John Sharplin, holding his face and looking woozy, is conferencing with Uruburu and Trenton Oswald. Uruburu is gesturing that Roberts tapped out, but Sharplin is shaking his head. Sharplin says something to Trenton Oswald, and the fat man breaks out in a huge grin on his slobbery face.
TRENTON OSWALD: Fans, the ORIGINAL referee has determined that Jeffrey Roberts should have been DISQUALIFIED for his actions in blatantly, purposely striking a referee!
BILL HEWSON: Hold on a second...
TRENTON OSWALD: ...and he has overturned the second official's decision! Therefore, the winner of the match BY DISQUALIFICATION... LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYD REE REE REEEEEEES!
The crowd cheers... cheers give way to boos as the fans realize what this means.
TRENTON OSWALD: BUUUUUUUUUUT AS WE ALLLL KNOW THE TITLE CANNOT CHANGE HANDS ON A DQ! Which means that... STILL the greatest NAPW WORLD CHAMPEEEEEN... STILL HOLDIN' THE GOLD... JEFFREY RRRRRRRRRRROBBERRRRRTS!
WHITE.
HOT.
HATE.
LIAM SHEPHERD: Looks like I was wrong about John Sharplin, takes balls to make the RIGHT call like that.
BILL HEWSON: I don't like it, not one bit, but... John Sharplin was the scheduled official in charge of the match, and as senior NAPW official his call takes precedence over the back-up, if he's able... I don't believe this.
LIAM SHEPHERD: You should be f'n thrilled Billy, the rules were followed man! You love rules, right?
BILL HEWSON: ...
JACK JONES: Rules were made to be broken, kind of like your nose. I guess you got lucky last week, eh kid?
LIAM SHEPHERD: You gonna threaten me? Beat me up again? It doesn't change anything --- Jeff Roberts is still your world champ!
JACK JONES: Too bad he won't be WALKING out of here! Ha!
Lloyd Rees is pleading his case with the referee, in disbelief at the decision, but Sharplin is standing by his call as he is helped to the back by Uruburu. Roberts is in the corner, wide-eyed, dopey grin on his face, the strap over his lap. Rees stands, hands on his hips as the fans chant BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT...
Rees grabs Roberts by the legs! The champ holding onto the corner ropes! Rees is going to do some more damage to Roberts right here in Edmonton ---
THLOK. Suddenly Rees goes down like a shot, hands to his face. Roberts holds something up...
RAIL SPIKE.
Roberts behind Rees, WHAM WHAM WHAM. Hitting Rees with the rail spike, and Rees is now bleeding! Roberts... DDT! Boot to the face. Digging the spike into Rees' bloody forehead. Then Roberts finds something under the ring...
BILL HEWSON: He has a party hat? What in the?
LIAM SHEPHERD: It is party time with the champ retaining!
The crowd boos as Jeffrey Roberts pulls Rees up, holding up his arm? Roberts puts the party hat on Rees, walking the bloody Newfie around the ring, waving his hand 'for' him. Roberts grinning, Rees starts fighting! WHAM. Roberts with another DDT. He grabs the mic and lays beside Rees school-girl-on-the-phone fashion. Why? Because he's a weird (bleep), that's why.
"Gee, Lloyd, why are you so down? Are you disappointed in how things turned out? Cheer up kiddo, your old uncle Jeffy knows just how to cheer you up!"
With sudden, savage ferocity, Roberts pulls Rees up to a sitting position and puts the tip of the rail spike against Rees throat. Roberts looks up, face a mask of hate.
BILL HEWSON: This is going too far, this is going WAY too far ---
The crowds screams of terror change to screams of RELIEF and SHOCK as...
CHRIS CASINO HITS THE RING AT A SPRINT!
Jeffrey Roberts sees him coming and gets up, yelling COME ON COME ON COME ON! Casino slides into the ring and Roberts ---
Immediately rolls right out! The fans boo as Casino reaches, Roberts just a few feet out of grabbing range. Casino grabs the microphone, looks like he has something to say... then just lets it drop to the canvas. He points at Jeffrey Roberts, muttering threats as Roberts streaks the blood of Rees' off of his hands and onto the gold title belt. He holds the strap up high. In the ring, Rees is a bloody mess as Casino paces, yelling for Roberts to try him...
Lights down.