SOLE SURVIVOR
03/20/2006
Quiet. Red-tinted monochromatic slow shots of NAPW Wrestlers transition gently into one another.
NIGHTMARE is on his feet in the wreckage of several tables, his face a bloody mess.
in the corner of the ring, a beaten d! wears a pained, betrayed expression. transition: REX CALIBER with the CANADA CUP ---> MINSTREL bowing deeply in the aisle 4---> RAVAGER, each man shown at a point in their entrance. Ravager wears the gold NAPW Championship belt around his waist.
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's nothing in between
You know the truth
LLOYD REES kisses the Provincial Championship belt, OLD SALTY & BAYMAN JAKEY pouring beer over him. EVAN CARTWRIGHT in the ring holding his mangled, twisted ankle, his face a mask of agony.
Nothing left to face
There's nothing left to lose
Nothing takes your place
CHRIS CASINO crawls to his knees on the ropes, staring death towards LOBO & TERRY BRANDON.
When they say
You're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
STATIC climbing a ladder at Joker's Wild, transition: KYLE ROBERTS. BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS. Holding their titles in the aisle, beaten and barely retained from just last week.
And when you climb up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well
TOMMY DEATHROW leaves BILLY KRYENIK laying in the locker room. DEATHROW grinning sickly. KRYENIK moments after losing the CANADA CUP.
There's nothing left to prove
There's nothing I won't do
There's nothing like the pain
I feel for you
AXE assaulting his brother DIAMOND outside an Edmonton movie theatre. THUNDER & TEMPEST beat down The Delivery Men.
Nothing left to hide
Nothing left to feel
I am always here
DEVASTATION stands in the center of the ring over a broken Static. STEIN stands in the center of the ring, motionless and enigmatic.
What you want
What you lost
What you had
What is gone is over
CHAIRSHOTS to Static by Devastation! The ladder tipping over sending THE DUDES to the outside! The monster CALIBAN reverse chokeslams Nightmare over the top rope through a table!
What you got
What you love
What you need
What you have is real
D! takes INSTANT KARMA on the title belt! REX CALIBER - a crimson mask! PREDATOR spears KARL VAN HELDEN!
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough, I'm sorry
MINSTREL pasting Ravager with chair shot after chair shot! RAVAGER dragon suplexes Minstrel on the concrete! LLOYD REES destroys THE CRUSHER'S ankle!
It's not enough!
It's not enough!
It's not ENOUGH---
STATIC: MOMENT. OF. CLARITY~!
When they say
D! ---
You're not that strong
--- IS IN THE RING ---
You're not that weak
---TOSSING BODY ---
It's not your fault
--- AFTER BODY OVER THE TOP ROPE.
And when you climb up to your hill
FLASH: D! CALIBAN! NIGHTMARE! PREDATOR! DEVASTATION!
Up to your place
FLASH: REES! JAKEY! KRYENIK! DEATHROW! THE MOOSE!
I hope you're well
FLASH: STATIC! DUDES! D-MEN! O'BRADY! TOUR ED! STEIN!
It's not ENOUGH!
FLASH: D-X! THE RAT PACK!
It's not ENOUGH!
FLASH: RAVAGER! CALIBER! MINSTREL!
It's not ENOUGH!
The NAPW Ring under one dim spotlight, the NAPW Championship resting in the center of the ring. Focus...
Go.
The scene that fades in is one of over two thousand fans packing the Northlands Agricom. The camera sweeps over the crowd, full of signs, wrestler merchandise, and the legions of screaming fans. The NAPW ring has been specially-outfitted for this event, black ring aprons with the SOLE SURVIVOR logo in red, black ring ropes and turnbuckle covers. The ring is canvas off-white with the NAPW logo in the center. There's even a video screen, on the level of the kind TNA uses. The camera zooms in on the announce table, situated just off of the entrance ramp and SOLE SURVIVOR set some fifteen feet from the ring. Cut to a close-shot of BILL HEWSON & JACK JONES, both men in their respective best.
BILL HEWSON: MONDAY NIGHT, MARCH 20th, A DAY THAT WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY! WELCOME EVERYONE TO NAPW SOLE! SURVIVOR! I'm Bill Hewson alongside my broadcast colleague Jack Attack Jones!
JACK JONES: Can you FEEL the electricity in the building? We've got over two thousand fans in the building! THIS, Bill Hewson, is what it's all about! THIS is professional wrestling at it's finest, the drama, the electricity, thousands of people screaming your name!
BILL HEWSON: An unprecedented demand for tickets to see SOLE SURVIVOR live and in person has shifted this event to a bigger venue than it had originally been booked for! Tonight, there are wrestling fans from all over North America, even some fans coming from across continents! They've come here, Jack Jones, to see some of the best, most unique and exciting athletes in the world today. They've come to see NEW ALBERTA PRO WRESTLING!
JACK JONES: They've come to see THE NEW & IMPROVED D-X beat the tar out of the once-proud RAT PACK, retain their gold and send Chris Casino & Evan Cartwright packing!
BILL HEWSON: Strangely enough, I think it may be the other way around. The Rat Pack have suddenly become one of the most popular tandems in NAPW today, which is shocking when you consider how hated Chris Casino once was. It was last Monday Night that Casino & Cartwright finally got sick and tired of DEVASTATION's bullying 'leadership' and with one double superkick, the fans now have a team to cheer for. The Tag Team Titles are on the line, D-X defending against The Rat Pack! Speaking of bad blood, though, what about the BROTHER versus BROTHER match?
JACK JONES: The Decapitators explode, that's what! And about time! Like AXE, I'm the older brother, and I know all about having a little brother like DIAMOND ride your coattails. And now tonight, Axe is going to beat Diamond up just like he did when they were kids in the backyard, only this time it's in front of thousands of people!
BILL HEWSON: A shocking split of one of NAPW's most popular teams. And then, tonight, a match that will prove to be the biggest in the career for all three men involved! It will be MINSTREL --- REX CALIBER --- and the NAPW Heavyweight Champion RAVAGER, meeting in a TRIPLE-THREAT match for that very belt of Ravager's! The bad blood between Minstrel & Ravager is well-documented. Ravager's never beaten Minstrel! But Rex Caliber is the wild card in this situation, using his CANADA CUP title shot here tonight...
JACK JONES: Ravager's in a situation no champion ever wants to be in. Wrestling two men, and he doesn't even have to be involved in the decision to lose his belt. Not to mention he's never beaten Minstrel!
BILL HEWSON: And of course, our gigantic main event. THIRTY MEN will enter! ONE MAN will remain standing! The over-the-top-rope rumble, and the SOLE SURVIVOR will earn an NAPW Championship shot! It's a dangerous, unpredictable match situation with huge stakes!
JACK JONES: You talk about it being unpredictable, ANYBODY could win this thing! Even somebody like NENJI could take the win in this thing, and get a title shot that may never come his way otherwise. It takes one mistake, one false move, and you're outta there. But hell, Bill Hewson, enough talking! These people are already tuned in! Let's get to the action!
BILL HEWSON: Right you are, Jack Jones! This is New Alberta Pro WRESTLING, not entertainment --- wait, what's that? I'm getting word that there's an altercation backstage!
Backstage in the hallway --- THE NEW FOUND ALLIANCE are attacking EVAN CARTWRIGHT & CHRIS CASINO! Old Salty is yelling unintelligible directions to JAKEY & the Provincial Champion LLOYD REES, who are working over The Rat Pack! SMASH! A bottle of QV LIGHT busted open over the head of Evan Cartwright by Jakey! Lloyd Rees laying in heavy work boots to the ribs of Chris Casino, who is flat against the wall. Here comes security --- The NFA ditch out right away, Old Salty calling the retreat.
BILL HEWSON: What in the... Security has broken this up, but the damage has been done! Why in the world would the NFA attack the number one contenders to the tag team titles like that?
JACK JONES: You got me, Bill Hewson. Don't Lloyd Rees & Devastation hate each other? I mean, The Rat Pack deserves it, but I don't see any reason for it.
BILL HEWSON: Certainly the NFA doing Devastation AND the tag team champions D-X a huge favor tonight. We'll keep you updated on everything, but it's time to start this show off properly!
FAST, excited music plays. A quick montage of DECAPITATOR highlights flash across the screen. The Decapitators riding high...
The music changes to slow, minor key. The funeral of Axe & Diamond's father leads into the Decapitators on a roof in nighttime, Diamond leaving in disgust. And then... Axe starts attacking. "TIME FOR LITTLE BROTHER TO LEARN HIS LESSON!" The Battle Royale. Promos from both men leading to Sole Survivor. And then finally, Axe attacking his brother outside of a movie theatre, breaking a bottle over his head. Axe stands over Diamond, screaming at his little brother. Fin.
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE plays, and the capacity crowd strains their neck to the entrance way. And out walks... AXE, in his leather pants and leather boots. He's wearing his dark sunglasses and looks out over the booing crowd with a shake of his head. Axe walks to the ring, a little bit of a strut in his step. "It's just like in the backyard, baby!" he says to the camera as he passes by.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first... from Edmonton AB, weighing in at two-hundred and forty pounds... DECAPITATORRRRR AXXXXXE!
Axe gets in the ring and hits the corner, but gets booed instead of the cheers he's received his whole tenure. Trash-talking a couple vocal fans in the front row. Rage dies out...and is replaced with Rage, but starting from a different point in the song. "---- YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME! ---- YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!" AND OUT COMES DIAMOND!
BILL HEWSON: DIAMOND RUSHING THE RING! Sit back down, Frank, these boys aren't going to wait for another second!
JACK JONES: Holy hell, Diamond is flying!
BILL HEWSON: The one-hundred and fifty three pound high-flyer is taking it to his older brother! I've never seen Diamond like this! Rights and lefts flying, and Axe can only cover up! And this crowd is loving it!
Diamond rains down lefts and rights all over his brother. Referee Henry Andrews trying to get some order in this match. Diamond doesn't seem to be listening even as Henry starts counting one, two, three, four, Diamond FINALLY begs off. He bounces on the middle rope and screams to the fans, who ROAR in approval. Diamond turns around as Axe struggles to his feet, measures him, SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Almost a 360 spin on that, and there's a cover, one, two, Axe powers out. Axe carrying well over eighty pounds over Diamond, not to mention over fifteen inches in height. Right now it doesn't matter because Diamond is all over Axe! Irish whip now, Axe reverses, Diamond rebounds THESZ PRESS! RIGHTRIGHTRIGHT RIGHT HANDS! HUGE POP! DIAMOND IS ON FIRE! He pops up, spins around, STANDING MOONSAULT! ONE! TWO! KICK-OUT! Axe gets to the ropes, trying to pull himself up. Diamond runs on the spot like a manic monkey, hits the opposite ropes and comes FLYING across at his brother. Axe ducks, dropping low, and Diamond hits the top rope with his stomach. Axe with a burst of speed comes off the ropes and CLOTHESLINES DIAMOND INSIDE & OUT. He never saw it coming! Axe hauls up his brother, grabs him by the shoulder and back of the tights, bealing him through the middle rope! Diamond crashes into the STEEL guard rail hard, and Axe stops in the ring. "It's called tough love, morons!"
JACK JONES: These fans got it all wrong, Axe is doing his brother a favor.
BILL HEWSON: A favor? You call being an overbearing jerk and beating up your little brother a FAVOR?
JACK JONES: It's tough love, Bill Hewson! These fans don't have any right to get involved in family business and point fingers anyways, who are THEY to boo Axe?
BILL HEWSON: ...Your father beat you, didn't he.
JACK JONES: Only on Sundays!
Back to action, Axe has descended to the floor. He pulls up Diamond and fires some stiff shots before smashing Diamond's face into the STEEL ring steps. He does it again, and then just to be a dick he rubs his brother's face all over the ring steps! That's just insulting. Axe yells at the ringside fans heckling him. "YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" And then just for good measure, he clotheslines Diamond over the guard rail into the front row! And the smallest man on the NAPW roster looks like Gumby on that sell, as Axe rolls back into the ring. He tells the ref to start counting, and Andrews looks intimated/hurt, because he was going to start anyways... ONE. TWO. THREE. Diamond is starting to get up... FOUR. FIVE. Axe is counting along with Henry Andrews.
BILL HEWSON: He's so damn pleased with himself, isn't he? This makes me sick. The Decapitators could have been tag team champions! And...oh my God, Diamond is busted wide open!
JACK JONES: Blood is thicker then water, Bill Hewson, and Axe is going to spill enough of Diamond's to do an adequate scientific measure on that.
SIX...and Diamond has hauled himself over the guardrail, but he's still dazed. And he's bleeding! SEVEN. Diamond is bleeding from his forehead after being smashed and grated on the steel ring steps. EIGHT...Diamond is almost there... He's not going to make it... NINE... HE'S IN THE RING! Diamond, blood streaming into his eyes, rolls into the ring just before the ten count. Henry Andrews stoops to check on Diamond, but gets shoved out of the way by Axe who immediately begins sending raised knuckles into Diamond's forehead. Axe hauls the dazed Diamond up by the hair and punches him into the turnbuckle. IRISH WHIP! Axe drops on the whip, sending Diamond SCREAMING INTO THE TURNBUCKLE at maximum velocity. STERNUM FIRST. Diamond flies backwards like a shot, gasping for breath. Axe leans down then ... arguing with the referee? WAIT A MINUTE! Axe has his knee across the throat of Diamond, preventing him from getting any of his hair back, but he's done it in such a way that Andrews can't see it, only seeing Axe on one knee arguing with him. Axe gets off of Diamond and looks over the crowd, telling them to watch and learn how to deal with family problems. DIAMOND WITH A RIGHT HAND! Diamond trying to fight back, through the blood and fatigue! He's got Axe reeling! DIAMOND HITS THE ROPES --- AND RUNS RIGHT INTO A SPINEBUSTER!
BILL HEWSON: Good God! Spine on the pine --- A Ron Simmons-like Spinebuster and Diamond may nearly be broken in half!
JACK JONES: That's going to be it right there, Bill Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: Andrews counts... NO! NO! ONLY TWO! A non-chalant cover by Axe right there and Diamond was able to get the shoulder up!
JACK JONES: What is he, a glutton for punishment? He should've stayed down... it's only going to get worse from here.
Axe, mildly frustrated, picks Diamond back up...GERMAN SUPLEX! Wait a minute, Diamond flips out and lands on his feet! Unbelievable! Axe whirls around and clotheslines Diamond dead --- Diamond ducks the clothesline! Dropkick sends Axe staggering backwards, Diamond rushes him, Axe with a tilt-a-whirl --- NO! Diamond with the flying head scissors and Axe is sent flying across the ring! Diamond trying to gain momentum, still trying to shake off the blood and injury! He waits just a moment, then he leaps up to the top rope, springboards off and catches his brother with an OVERCASTLE from the springboard! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE--- NO! Axe kicks out at the last possible second! But Diamond is on fire now, and he climbs to the top turnbuckle! He's signalling for the DIAMONDSAULT! HE FLIES! NOBODY HOME! Axe MOVED! But Diamond lands, rolls, and gets right back up! Axe rushes him, Diamond flips over into a SUNSET FLIP --- WAIT A MINUTE! AXE GRABBED THE TOP ROPE! He drops down, knees on top of Diamond's shoulders ONE! TWO!
BILL HEWSON: REF, OPEN YOUR EYES! HE'S GOT THE ROPE STILL! NOT LIKE THIS! NO! Dammit, the three count using the ropes!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match via pinfall... Decapitator AXE!
BILL HEWSON: And in this match, Axe just screwed his brother out of a fair win --- hey waitaminute! There's no need for this --- GOOD GOD NO! AXE EFFECT! AXE EFFECT! The match is over!
JACK JONES: Diamond just needs some extra discipline, Hewson. A bit of time out behind the woodshed won't do him any harm.
BILL HEWSON: You call that not doing somebody any harm? Somebody stop this!
Axe lays in the boots to his brother as the crowd rains down boos. He shoves Henry Andrews down and out of the ring, and then reaches down and grabs a nearly unconscious Diamond by the jaw. He slaps Diamond across the face, verbally abusing him as well. Finally, Axe goes to leave the ring. He steps out...and then stops. He steps back in, looking at Diamond. He seems to have a look of compassion on his face? Axe helps Diamond back up to his feet, patting his brother on the back. AXE EFFECT! AXE EFFECT! He wasn't helping Diamond up at all! Axe leaves the ring, leaving his younger brother a bloody mess in the center of the ring! The crowd is angry as all get out at him, but Axe strides up the ramp with a satisfied look on his face.
BILL HEWSON: What a despicable display here. That's his own brother he assaulted, his own flesh and blood. Medical technicians out here to attend to Diamond, and I don't think the young superstar is going to make it to the Sole Survivor match after this, Jack Jones.
JACK JONES: Axe swore that Diamond would have no chance at winning Sole Survivor, and I think he made good on it. First you beat him down, then you take away something important. Well, I'm sure Diamond's learned his lesson.
BILL HEWSON: What lesson? What lesson is that? It's Axe who's screwed up in the head! I know losing a loved one as The Decapitators did can cause unusual reactions, and our sympathies at NAPW and those of the fans have gone out to The Decapitators, but what about the rest of these men's family? Axe is a selfish human being, not even considering what he's doing to the rest of the family by doing this...this CRAP in such a trying time!
As EMTs attend to Diamond, helping him out of the ring and to the back, the scene shifts backstage once more. And it's... REX CALIBER & STATIC. THE CRIMES CRIMES. Josh Reynolds stands between the masked man and the bald badass.
JOSH REYNOLDS: I'm standing here with two men who have huge opportunties tonight. To my right, a man who is bent on showing everybody in the NAPW that he is one of the best in the NAPW by winning Sole Survivor, and to my left, a man who tonight will get a shot at the coveted NAPW Heavyweight Championship. Static, Rex Caliber, your thoughts on tonight?
STATIC: Josh Reynolds, the past month I've had people telling me what to do every week. But there's one guy who keeps making cheques his mouth can't cash, and that's DEVASTATION. I've beat him TWICE, and tonight at Sole Survivor, Devastation is my number one target. And he, and EVERYBODY else, is going to find out just why they call me the HARDCORE LUCHADORE. Call it...a "moment of clarity" for NAPW as a whole. And then my man right here, the TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE POUND (SHIT)HAMMER REX CALIBER, IS GOING TO WIN THE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE. You know why I know this?
JOSH REYNOLDS: ...no?
STATIC: Because he's as (BLEEP)ING CRAZY AS I AM. TELL HIM REX~!
REX CALIBER: Josh Reynolds, you creepy stalker, tonight THE NEXUS ONE gets his shot at immortality, at being the MAN! You've got Ravager, president of the Christian Bale fan club, and you've got Minstrel, a guy who's read one too many comic books. I'm going to be all over those bastards like a fat kid on Skittles! My name is REX CALIBER and Ravager --- Minstrel --- you WILL FEEL A PLANETARY COLLISION!
STATIC: The CRIMES CRIMES CRIMES CRIMES are walking out of Sole Survivor on TOP OF THE WORLD, Josh Reynolds! And you can suck on THAT voodoo, baby!
The Crimes storm off, FIRED UP BABY. Josh Reynolds looks bemused.
JOSH REYNOLDS: Bill, Jack, back to you!
Cut to a desk shot of Hewson & Jones.
BILL HEWSON: Josh Reynolds and Hurricane Crimes, apparently. Both men competing later tonight in the biggest matches of their NAPW careers.
JACK JONES: Rex Caliber is riding a lot of momentum alright, after winning the Canada Cup tournament. But Minstrel... Minstrel has lost ONE match in his tenure in NAPW. Ravager's never beat him.
BILL HEWSON: And of course the NAPW Champion, Ravager, with Tiffany Macintyre at his side. The only man to hold both the Provincial and Heavyweight titles is Ravager, and you can bet tonight he plans to continue holding the Heavyweight Title.
And it's... "Smooth" by Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas? It's... THE RAT PACK! Chris Casino & Evan Cartwright step out from the entrance way at the top of the ramp! Shockingly, the fans? GO BANANA!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, and is for the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Coming down the aisle, the challengers! At a total combined weight of four-hundred twenty two AND ONE-QUARTER pounds, the team of EVAN CARTWRIGHT --- "THE FUTURE" CHRIS CASINO --- THHHHHHHHE RAAAAAAT PAAAAAAACK!
BILL HEWSON: And I am, yes, I am shocked by the crowd reaction! Chris Casino is loving every minute of it!
JACK JONES: I am appalled! CHRIS CASINO IS LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!
The trademark smug grin is on Casino's face, but he seems to be getting a huge kick out of the crowd reaction for The Rat Pack! Cartwright adjusts his wrist tape, looking over the crowd appraisingly. Casino leads the way to the ring, basking in the adulation.
BILL HEWSON: And of course, Evan Cartwright secured this match for his team by trading in his Provincial Title rematch for a Tag Team Championship shot! Casino has been the NAPW Heavyweight champion, Evan the provincial, but tonight they go for the coveted TAG TEAM titles! We know that Chris Casino & Evan Cartwright have held Tag Team gold in other promotions around the world...
JACK JONES: And that fact won't change tonight. These turncoats are going up against the BEST team in professional wrestling today.
BILL HEWSON: The New & Improved D-X so dominant, three-time tag team champions. Will tonight be the night the stranglehold they have on the tag division end? Ironically, at the hands of the man who once FIRED D-X from the Rat Pack?
JACK JONES: That was Chris' first mistake. His latest one was turning on Devastation.
Casino, the flashy one, is on the top turnbuckle getting the fans to react even hotter. Whether they're cheering him or booing him, the crowd reacts to Chris Casino like no other. Evan allows himself a satisfied smile, but the best. technical. wrestler in NAPW today is all business in that ring. The Rat Pack's music cuts out. "AS LOW AS YOU GO!" Foo Fighters kicks it in, and out come...The tag team champions. Stylin' Kyle Roberts. Bruce "The Beast" Richards. Gold around their waists. The crowd erupts in boos at the champions.
FRANK WARBURTON: And now! At a total combined weight of five-hundred and twenty-seven pounds... they are the reigning and THREE-TIME NAPW Tag Team Champions. STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS! "THE BEAST" BRUCE RICHARDS! THE NEWWWW...AND IMPROOOOVED....DEEE! EXXXX!
Kyle makes sure to let the fans on the way to ringside know that he is "SMARTER THAN YOU." The Beast is focused, leading the way as Kyle jabbers with fans. He grabs a sign from a fan saying "D-X is No. 1!" ... and tears it in half?!
BILL HEWSON: What a jerk! They don't want anybody to like them!
JACK JONES: You just fingered the secret of D-X's success, Bill Hewson. They don't CARE about these fans or what anybody thinks of them. They care about the belts around their waists and KEEPING them there. Guess what? It's worked!
BILL HEWSON: I can't argue with the dominance of D-X in the NAPW Tag team division. It wouldn't kill them to be decent human beings for once in their lives! And now tonight, thanks to the NFA, D-X already has a HUGE advantage over their competition!
D-X hit the ring and pose/taunt the crowd. The Beast removes his duster and hat, handing it off. Kyle removes his shirt to expose...well, a shirt. Of hair. That's one hairy man. D-X hand the tag team title belts to Referee Morgan Smythe, Kyle giving her a mild leer (the sexist pig). Smythe holds the title belts above her head, displaying them to all sides of the building. And then...DING DING DING. It's going to be Chris Casino & Stylin' Kyle Roberts starting things off for their teams. D-X with a strength and power advantage over The Rat Pack, but Casino & Cartwright have rarely shown any weaknesses in the ring. Roberts & Casino fight over a lock-up... thumb to the eye by Stylin' Kyle! Into a headlock, Casino gets to the ropes and sends Kyle off! Roberts rebounds, Casino leapfrogs, Kyle comes off the opposite ropes and takes a dropkick. Kyle crawl/runs to his corner, regrouping as Casino wobbles his arrogantly. SMUG GRIN. Kyle and Casino lock-up again... CASINO with a thumb to the eye, and that garners cheers! Casino hooks Kyle in a front face lock and tags in Evan Cartwright. Casino SUPLEXES Roberts, and Cartwright comes off the ropes with a high knee drop! Right in the face! Cover gets a short two. Cartwright begins to go work, sending Kyle to the ropes and WHAM! Huge knee lift to the gut sends Roberts flipping over and out! Cartwright immediately grabs an arm and starts wrenching it, Roberts crying out in pain. He's on his feet, gets an elbow into Cartwright's face to break it up. Cartwright dazed, tries a kick, caught, TAKE DOWN --- BEAR TAMER! STYLIN' KYLE GOING FOR THE BEAR TAMER! Cartwright fighting it, trying to avoid getting turned over, so Kyle responds by dropping a knee right in the crotch!
BILL HEWSON: Right in front of the referee! What, is D-X trying to get disqualified here?
JACK JONES: They retain the belts on a DQ. When you're the champion, you don't have to beat your challenger, they HAVE to beat you. And Bruce Richards is going to have worked all of that into his game plan!
Kyle takes over on Evan know, working him over with a headlock. He tags in The Beast. The two-hundred and seventy pounder steps into the ring, laying in a thick boot to the exposed ribs of Evan Cartwright. Evan lifted up ... into a KNEEBREAKER, although it hit the ankle a bit more then the knee...
JACK JONES: And that's the plan. It wasn't exactly long ago that Evan Cartwright injured that ankle of his, and you can bet that D-X is going to focus in on it!
BILL HEWSON: How about the NFA attacking The Rat Pack earlier tonight? The Rat Pack is trying not to show, but they're not in top shape right now because of that!
The Beast stomps on Evan's ankle, and Evan kicks Beast in the face! He tries to tag out, but The Beast pulls him back. Sent to the ropes, POWERSLAM with authority by The Beast! Cover gets one, two, Evan kicks out no problem. The Beast tags Kyle back in. Stylin' Kyle, the technical half of D-X, going right to the injured ankle of Cartwright. He twists it on the canvas, but Evan gets his hands wrapped around Kyle's jaw and pulls back! Roberts lets go of his hold as Evan transitions... he's going for a FUJIWARA ARMBAR! He gets it on, can he CINCH it in --- THE BEAST with a boot to the back of the head. Evan, shaking his head, manages to get a tag to Chris Casino. Casino storms in the ring to a round of cheers and dropkicks Roberts right into his corner! Kyle looks hurt, and tags in The Beast. Beast charges Casino, eats a drop-toehold! Casino hits the ropes --- FLYING KICK RIGHT TO THE BACK OF THE BEAST'S HEAD!
BILL HEWSON: You could hear that in the rafters! And now Casino & Evan Cartwright, The Rat Pack, take control again!
Cartwright tagged in once more, he seems to have shaken off the early damage The Rat Pack did to his ankle. The Rat Pack measure The Beast and come rebounding off the ropes --- momentum --- double flying clothesline takes The Beast DOWN! And now Evan hits a cover, one, two, The Beast POWERS out. Cartwright armdrags The Beast down again, working the arm over. The Beast back to a standing base, forearms his way out. He tries to lift Cartwright up in the Torture Rack, but Cartwright slips out --- RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Cover gets TWO. Cartwright tags out to Casino, who walks to the middle of the ring apron, waiting for Bruce to get back to his feet... SLINGSHOT CROSS BODY! ONE! TWO! Kyle makes the save that time! The Rat Pack is starting to gain the momentum, and Chris Casino knows it! He sends The Beast into the ropes, HURACANRANA ---
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
BILL HEWSON: POWERBOMB! The Beast caught Casino in the huracanrana and POWERBOMBED damned near through the canvas! And the momentum may have just swung in the champion's favor!
JACK JONES: Might have? CASINO'S NOT MOVING!
Jack Attack exaggerates, but only somewhat. Casino got PLANTED by that powerbomb, and The Beast makes the tag out to Roberts who comes in with bad intentions on his mind. Stylin' Kyle immediately booting Casino as Casino tries to get up. He's kicking him while he's down, hard and hard! Casino pulls himself up by the ropes, this time taking a kick in the back. Roberts hauls him up and BACKBREAKS him hard. What the... NO! Another backbreaker! A sick-looking backbreaker at that! And Roberts starts --- jawing with the referee? The Beast on the second turnbuckle, and he crashes right into the back of Chris Casino with a crushing elbow drop! Cartwright yells at the ref to pay attention, but all she sees when she turns around is a focused Beast holding the tag rope. Roberts smirks and pulls Casino up by the ponytail. Oh come on, he's just trying to insult him now. "Hey Chris, remember when you fired our asses?" OH GOD! He YANKS Chris down by the ponytail...RIGHT ONTO HIS KNEE! Casino's face tells the story, his back is being assaulted! KYLE NO! SLAPS Casino across the face! What an unusual position for Chris Casino to be in... Kyle tags in The Beast. BACKBREAKER --- Kyle Roberts holding Casino over his knee! THE BEAST OFF THE SECOND ROPE WITH A LEG DROP ACROSS CASINO'S FACE! Casino flips over and out, and there's the cover ONE, TWO, TH--- Chris Casino gets the shoulder up! Cartwright was halfway in the ring on that one! The Beast rushes up to Cartwright, shoving him back and telling him to stay in the corner! Cartwright swings, but Morgan Smythe gets in the middle to keep Evan in his corner.
BILL HEWSON: Hey COME ON, no! NO! STYLIN' KYLE HAS A STEEL CHAIR!
CRASH! Right across the back of Chris Casino! Kyle throws the chair onto the floor and The Beast then stops trying to get at Cartwright. The Beast turns around, picks up Chris Casino...and HUMAN TORTURE RACK! Casino is in agony! THIS IS GOING TO BE IT! The Beast WRENCHING Casino on his shoulders, strength and power --- Cartwright isn't about to let it end this way! ROARING ELBOW to the face of The Beast breaks it up! Evan gets back to his corner so Casino can tag out...Casino is crawling... TAG OUT! EVAN CARTWRIGHT IS IN THE RING --- and what the hell? Kyle Roberts had Morgan Smythe distracted, possibly by asking her out from the look of disgust on her face. She turns around and orders Evan back out, she never saw the tag! Evan argues the point with her, but The Beast uses that opportunity to CREAM Evan, knocking him to the floor! Smythe is having a hard time keeping any control in this match, but now THE BEAST... PUMP-HANDLE! SUPLEX! THROW! Chris Casino sent SPINNING across the length of the ring, and now The Beast tags in STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS. OFF THE ROPES --- LIONSAULT! LIONSAULT! ONE! TWO! TH--- Casino gets his foot on the ropes! Kyle shoves it off and covers! ONE! TWO! Foot on the ropes! Kyle kicks Casino in the balls. Evan Cartwright FLIES INTO THE RING AND ATTACKS! Cartwright is PISSED OFF! Smythe...IN BETWEEN! Cartwright has to get back to his corner or he may get his team DQed. Cartwright finally concedes, but while Smythe is distracted The Beast and Kyle... TIE CASINO UP IN THE TOP TWO ROPES! Chris Casino is trapped with nowhere to go, and Stylin' Kyle is the legal man! Kyle slaps the taste out of Casino's mouth, earning him a big fat loogey right in his face from Casino! Kyle slaps him in the face again and tags in The Beast. Smythe trying desperately to restore order, but D-X is pushing every five-count to the limit. D-X working over Chris Casino, helpless in the ropes. Kyle taunts Cartwright, but Cartwright manages to restrain himself from coming into the ring...
BILL HEWSON: And this match has been all D-X for almost ten minutes now! Ever since that powerbomb! If Chris Casino can't make the tag, then I think--- I hate it --- that we are going to see the champions retain! Those sons of bitches!
JACK JONES: Temper temper, Hewson. You always were jealous of SUCCESS.
BILL HEWSON: Oh, shut up! D-X probably paid off the NFA to soften them up for them!
The ref finally gets Casino out of the ropes, but that sets him up for The Beast... to hit the FIGURE FOUR NECKLOCK! Hanging from the top rope! one, two, three, four --- he lets go of the hold, illegal because it uses the ropes, but that did damage to Casino. And now The Beast is on the ring apron. He grabs hold of the rope and...SLINGSHOT SENTON! All two-hundred and seventy pounds of The Beast crashing on top of Chris Casino! ONE! TWO! THREE--- NO! CASINO GOT THE SHOULDER UP! The Beast with a narrow expression at Casino, and then he tags in Kyle. Bruce Richards hoists Casino up and SLAMS him down hard, and that's all Stylin' Kyle Roberts needs to... BEAR TAMER! And it's LOCKED ON! CHRIS CASINO IS IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! CHRIS CASINO IS GOING TO TAP OUT! HE'S HOLDING ON! The Beast gets in the way of Evan Cartwright coming in to make the save! Casino is holding on, somehow, he's screaming in pain as Kyle WRENCHES BACK, screaming "CHRIS CASINO IS MY FAVORITE WRESTLER!" It's sick, it's twisted, but Casino...somehow...crawling...WAIT A MINUTE! The Beast with a clothesline, Evan DUCKS IT! CLOTHESLINE OVER THE TOP ROPE! THE BEAST SPILLS OUT! Evan Cartwright ENZIGURI NUMBER TWO ON THE BACK OF KYLE'S HEAD! Kyle stands up, stalls, "CHEQUE PLEASE", and collapses! Evan hits his corner and screams for Chris Casino to somehow tag! Casino is barely moving! The Beast is back in D-X's corner! Kyle is moving first, both men are crawling for the tags... KYLE TAGS OUT! And here comes THE BEAST! He grabs Casino by the ankle, hauling him back... NOW IT'S CASINO'S TURN!
BILL HEWSON: ENNNNNZIGUUUUUURI!
JACK JONES: Oh, (BLEEP)!
CASINO --- TAGS --- IN --- EVAN CARTWRIGHT! Cartwright like a coiled Cobra is in the ring, The Beast swings and misses, SAMBO SUPLEX! KYLE RUSHES HIM --- CAUGHT! SAMBO SUPLEX FROM HELL, BABY! Cartwright with the ROARING ELBOW ON THE BEAST! NAPW IS IN JAPAN! Kyle stands up... Evan hits the ropes, springboard off the middle ASAI DROPKICK! Kyle takes it in the face! Evan Cartwright grabs The Beast, no worries, FUJIWARA ARMBAR! HE WRENCHES BACK AND THE BEAST ROARS~! Evan Cartwright: "TAP OR I'LL BREAK YOUR (BLEEP)ING ELBOW, BEAST!" The BEAST IS GOING TO TAP --- Kyle somehow makes the save! Kyle dives down and PREVENTS The Beast from tapping! Cartwright lets the hold go and...FUJIWARA ON KYLE! Kyle's tapping the hell OUT but he's not the legal man! Cartwright lets go, stands up, and THE BEAST LAYS ON THE COBRA CLUTCH....BOMB! ONE! TWO! TH--- Casino makes the save! ROBERTS! Grabs Casino's ankles and yanks him down and outside of the ring! INTO THE GUARDRAIL! Roberts gets in the ring, LOW BLOWS EVAN CARTWRIGHT, and hits the ropes... POLAR-IZER!
JACK JONES: THE POLAR-IZER, HEWSON ---
BILL HEWSON: THE BEAST IS ON THE TOP! DIVING MOONSAULT! NO! D-X HAS HIT DOWN AND DIRTY!
JACK JONES: IT --- IS--- OVER!
SMYTHE COUNTS! ONE! TWO! THREE--- CASINOOOOOOO! OUT OF ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE WITH A FLYING KNEE DROP TO THE BEAST! The last, last, LAST split-second! And Roberts is shocked! Roberts is PISSED! He attacks Chris Casino! Clothesline, Casino ducks, and... SUPERKICK! Roberts superkicked out of his boots ... BUT THERE'S THE BEAST! The Beast just slapped his fingers down Casino's throat for the MANDIBLE CLAW! Casino is in a world of trouble --- LOW BLOW! And the crowd CHEERS Casino kicking Beast in the junk! Evan Cartwright DDTs The Beast! And Chris Casino... IS ON THE TOP ROPE! FLYINNNNNG ELBOW! CONNECTS! CARTWRIGHT COVERS! ONE! TWO! THREE---
BILL HEWSON: NO! NO! NO! STYLIN' KYLE WITH THE TITLE BELT TO THE BACK OF CARTWRIGHT'S HEAD! Right in FULL VIEW of the referee! He just got himself disqualified to save the titles!
JACK JONES: You do WHAT you can, WHEN you can to stay the champions, Jack Jones!
Kyle & The Beast roll out, holding their tag team title belts high. Evan Cartwright is holding the back of his head, Casino pissed right off. But waitaminute...Morgan Smythe...is conferring with Frank? Hold on, Frank Warburton has the microphone!
FRANK WARBURTON: I have been informed by the referee that the NAPW Championship Commission has declared that there MUST BE A WINNER tonight in the tag team title match! The referee has ruled that there will be NO DISQUALIFICATION, NO COUNT-OUTS... and D-X MUST RETURN TO THE RING OR FORFEIT THEIR TITLES!
BILL HEWSON: It's about DAMN TIME!
JACK JONES: What the...THE HELL IS THAT CRAP!
Chris Casino flashes D-X the COCKIEST. SMUGGEST. GRIN. EVER. Cartwright just BOLTS FROM THE RING and tears down the aisle after D-X, Casino only steps behind him! D-X is shocked, and Casino & Cartwright meet them in the aisle! IT'S A BRAWL IN THE AISLE! D-X sent back to the ring with authority! Casino takes the title belt from the ring aisle, winks at Roberts, and BLASTS him with it! Kyle sells it punch-drunk before collapsing on the outside! In the ring, it's BRUCE RICHARDS alone against THE RAT PACK! Casino & Cartwright rush, Bruce fights his way through! The Beast rakes Evan's eyes viciously, and then grabs Casino... CHOKESLAM! THE BEAST IS ENRAGED! HE NAILS CASINO --- NO! Evan LOW BLOWS The Beast! The Beast staggers --- Casino backs up a step, Cartwright behind! SUPERKICK! SWEEP KICK! TOTAL (vegas) ELIMINATION BABEEEEE! Cartwright HOOKS THE LEG! BASEBALL SLIDES ROBERTS IN THE FACE! THE CROWD COUNTS ALONG!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS...and NEEEEEEEEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... THEEEEEE RAAAAAAT PAAAAAACK!
BILL HEWSON: BY GOD! BY GOD THEY'VE DONE IT! THE RAT PACK HAS ENDED D-X'S TAG TITLE REIGN HERE AT SOLE SURVIVOR!
JACK JONE: It...it can't be!
BILL HEWSON: And these two thousand plus fans here tonight are ON THEIR FEET! I never thought I'd see the day!
D-X retreats down the aisle, cursing up at the pack... but it's in the ring, baby. In the ring that the referee hands Cartwright & Casino a tag team championship belt! Casino holds it up high, taunting D-X with it, and hitting the turnbuckle! Evan Cartwright holds the belt high above his head, roaring more for himself than anybody!
BILL HEWSON: And The Rat Pack...are on TOP OF THE THE WORLD TONIGHT AT SOLE SURVIVOR! What an unbelievable end to this story --- Wait a minute --- WAIT A MINUTE THAT'S DEVASTATION!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL --- THAT'S PIT BOSS!
The massive Devastation and a six-two, blonde haired man have jumped the ring and are ASSAULTING the new tag team champions! Devastation grabs the tag team title belt and SMASHES Casino in the face with it! SPINEBUSTER ON THE BELT FROM PIT BOSS TO EVAN CARTWRIGHT! And now Devastation...he's got Chris Casino up! NO! NO! BURNING HAMMER! CASINO IS LAYING LIMP IN THE RING!
BILL HEWSON: Pit Boss... I can't believe that he's HERE in NAPW! A former stablemate of Chris Casino, of Evan Cartwright... Devastation has brought in back-up!
JACK JONES: The best kind of back-up, not somebody who'll turncoat like Casino & Evan!
BILL HEWSON: What a... what kind of show is this, dammit?!
Devastation & Pit Boss high-five, and lay a title belt across Casino, a title belt across Cartwright. Devastation smirks. Pit Boss looks over the NAPW crowd, soaking in the boos.
BILL HEWSON: I wouldn't want to be Devastation when Chris Casino & Evan Cartwright get up. There's going to be hell to pay!
JACK JONES: If if was The Rat Pack, I'd stay the hell AWAY from Devastation and... PIT BOSS. There's your new tag team champions, Bill Hewson, the broken bodies left laying in the ring by two REAL superstars!
BILL HEWSON: Will you STOP? This should be a celebration of new tag team champions! But instead...
And once again, cut backstage. From a door walks...LOBO, the TELEVISION champion, with Terry Brandon! Lobo & Brandon walk out of the scene, discussing strategy for the Sole Survivor match. When they're out of sight... it's OLD SALTY and BAYMAN JAKEY, dressed in (terrible) crook outfits? What the? They slip into what must be Lobo's dressing room... you hear rustling and newfie swearing, then hooting and hollering. They come back out, and Jakey has the TELEVISION TITLE BELT in his hands! The NFA take off from the scene before anybody knows they were there, except everybody watching of course.
BILL HEWSON: ...did the NFA just steal the TV Title belt? What in the...
JACK JONES: Well, hanging out with cod is a better place for the belt than around Lobo's waist.
BILL HEWSON: This has been an unbelievable night. Casino & Cartwright have been helped to the back, and we are just minutes away from the NAPW Heavyweight Championship. Let's take a look at how this all came down.
Dramatic music begins, showing clips of each Rex Caliber victory in the Canada Cup, culminating with his victory. The press conference. The announcement that it will be Rex Caliber vs whoever the champion is at Sole Survivor!
Ravager/Minstrel III highlights. Chair shots! All over the building! Rex Caliber, guest referee! And in the end...neither man gets up to meet the ten count! TRIPLE! THREAT! MATCH! Minstrel: "Ravager... you've never beaten me! You never will!" over shots of THE KILLING JOKE! CHAIR SHOTS! INVERTED DDTS! Ravager --- MUSCLE BUSTERS! INSTANT KARMAS! DRAGON SUPLEXES! Rex Caliber --- THE RINGS OF REX! MAKING BITCHES TAP OUT! TOTAL ANNIHILATION! "I don't care who it is, I'll make you tap out!" Ravager: "I am...the Heavyweight Champion! Minstrel! CALIBER! BUSINESS IS BUSINESS! Final shot of each man, then close in on Ravager holding the championship title over his head.
Silence. And then, the lights go dim. The X-Ecutioners version of White Zombie's "MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN" kicks in. REX CALIBER strides out of the entrance way to a deafening POP! The Nexus One grins and heads to the ring, larger-than-life, completely focused!
FRARNK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is the TRIPLE-THREAT match for the NAPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Making his way to the ring from Parts Unknown, North Carolina! He is the 2006 Canada Cup winner and one-half of THE CRIMES. Weighing in at two-hundred and forty five pounds... THIS! IS! RRRRRREX CALIBERRRRRR!
Rex strides to the ring, and the crowd is loving it. The FREAKS OF NATURE get a special wink from Rex Caliber, and then he hits the TURNBUCKLE to another huge pop!
BILL HEWSON: And for Rex Caliber, this match is the culmination of years worth of toil, years worth of being underappreciated. Even with the great success he's had in NAPW, he is the underdog in this match!
JACK JONES: What this is, Bill Hewson, is a guy like Rex Caliber --- and I won't take anything away from his abilities --- tonight getting the biggest opportunity in his entire career. And if he loses, he may never get another shot. THAT'S how big this match is for Rex Caliber.
BILL HEWSON: Caliber, of course, earning an NAPW Heavyweight Title shot by winning Chris Casino's CANADA CUP tournament. Rex Caliber has a lot of momentum going into this match-up, but he will in the ring against two men with a blood feud... and inbetween them is not the best place to be.
JACK JONES: It's put-up or shut-up time for Rex Caliber, Bill Hewson. He's got the ball, what's he going to do with it?
Rex stands in one corner of the ring, stretching. FINCH. The fun but intense "A Man Alone" blasts through the jam-packed arena, and out walks... MINSTREL. Xed out eyes. Purple and green tights. Tonight, a long vinyl trenchcoat. And Minstrel simply walks to the ring, no games, no skipping.
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming down the aisle... he is the longest reigning Provincial Champion in NAPW history. He is the master of the KILLING JOKE... weighing in at two hundred and twenty one pounds... THIS! IS! MINNNNNNSTRELLLLL!
BILL HEWSON: And Minstrel... Minstrel looks focused like we've never seen him. A lot of people question Minstrel's wrestling ability going into this match. He's had a lot of success in NAPW, but the question marks are there: Can Minstrel hang in a match like this, against two men with such stiff styles?
JACK JONES: You know Bill Hewson, Minstrel is going to prove to everybody here tonight and everybody in the wrestling WORLD tonight that he's more than just a bag of tricks. This is a man who has been pinned only one time in his entire NAPW career. The criticism that he's received, that's only going to add fuel to the fire. And that is why he is my pick to walk out of here tonight the Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist.
BILL HEWSON: Minstrel has never faced Rex Caliber except for an encounter in a battle royale, but this time the stakes are much higher! The stakes are the NAPW Heavyweight Championship! Minstrel can prove to the entire wrestling that he is, like you said, more then just a 'bag of tricks.'
Minstrel hits the ring and hits the turnbuckle, giving himself the thumbs down. Gotta have the thumbs down. And then...silence. Then violin. Build. CRESCENDO. The crowd holds it's collective breath...
FRANK WARBURTON: And now, accompanied to the ring by Tiffany Macintyre! He is the deliverer of INSTANT KARMA. From Brooklyn, New York... he weighs in at two-hundred and ten pounds... THE REIGNING NAPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD... RRRRRAAAAVVVVVAAAGERRRRR!
And the NAPW Heavyweight Champion steps through the curtain, title belt around his waist, black towel draping his face. Steps behind him is Tiffany Macintyre in a conservative business suit. Ravager strides to the ring with purpose, seething with intensity. He throws the towel into the crowd and hits the turnbuckle to a HUGE pop. Ravager undoes his title belt and gives it to the referee John Sharplin, who holds it up for all four sides of the ring to see. All three men are ready...
DING. DING. DING. And immediately, Ravager & Minstrel go to the center of the ring and stare each other. Ravager & Minstrel stare at each other, Minstrel can't help but giggle a little. Rex Caliber comes in from the side --- Minstrel & Ravager turn and deck him! What the heck? Ravager & Minstrel back Rex into the ropes, irish whip! Rex rebounds off right into a leg lariat from Minstrel! Ravager grabs Rex Caliber and sends him outside of the ring --- Minstrel from behind with a dropkick. Minstrel and Ravager now one-on-one, having eliminated Rex Caliber from the picture. Minstrel irish whips the champion into the turnbuckle ---- Ravager EXPLODES OUT OF THE CORNER! LARIATOOOO by Ravager nearly takes Minstrel's head off! Minstrel goes down, but immediately pops up and hits a spinning roundhouse kick to the side of Ravager's head! Minstrel laughs and picks Ravager up... REX CALIBER! GERMAN SUPLEX TIME! And Minstrel goes FLYING across the ring, literally doing a 360 in mid-air and landing on his stomach! Unbelievable suplex by Rex Caliber! Rex goes to work on Ravager, but Ravager fires back. CHOP! WHOOOO! Ravager laying in knife-edge chops to the bare chest of Rex Caliber, forcing him into the corner! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! Caliber turns it around, now he's chopping Ravager! WHOOO! WHOOOO! WHOOOO! German Suplex on the Champion --- CROSSFACE! RAVAGER HAS THE CROSSFACE ON OUT OF NOWHERE! Rex Caliber fighting to prevent it from being completely applied, but neither man is aware of MINSTREL! SLINGSHOT MOONSAULT ON BOTH MEN!
JACK JONES: I told you, Minstrel is going to show the wrestling world tonight that he's more than just a bag of tricks!
BILL HEWSON: The action is almost too fast to call! All three men are going to have to develop eyes in the backs of their heads to succeed in this match!
JACK JONES: You are looking at the next NAPW Champion, Bill Hewson, right there!
Minstrel pulls Ravager to his feet, laughing. He grabs the back of Ravager's head and starts bouncing Ravager's face off the top turnbuckle pad, one, two, three, four, FIVE times. Ravager is dazed --- INVERTED DDT! No, Ravager counters with great agility, flipping himself up and over Minstrel! DRAGON SUPLEX, but Minstrel's trick knee acts up! Mule kick drops Ravager to his knees. Minstrel turns around to do more damage AND GETS CLOBBERED BY THE FREIGHT TRAIN KNOWN AS REX CALIBER! Caliber clotheslining Minstrel's head damn near off, and Minstrel is down from that one! Caliber whirls to grab Ravager, front-face lock! Hooks the leg, FISHERMAN'S SUPLEX --- Ravager counters with a small package! ONE! TWO! Rex Caliber kicks out! Irish whip sends Ravager to the ropes, Rex with a baaaack body drop. Ravager catches him with a swinging DDT instead! And that plants Rex Caliber! Cover, ONE! TWO! Minstrel breaks it up with a soccer kick to Ravager's back! The champion "ooohs" in pain, and Minstrel lays in a stiff kick to the spine on the seated Ravager. Minstrel off the ropes... CURT HENNING FLIPPING NECKSNAP! Ravager's spine just got snapped! Minstrel immediately runs up the turnbuckle with NO HANDS, balances for a moment, and flies off with a corkscrew splash! CONNECTS! ONE! TWO! TH--- Ravager kicks out! Minstrel picks him up, and here's Rex Caliber? Rex Caliber and Minstrel working together now, they have the NAPW Champion set up for a double-suplex... OUT OF THE RING? THEY CAN'T! Ravager...flips out at the top! He lands on the ring apron! Both men turn around, Ravager nails Minstrel with a shot, blocks Rex's shot and... HIP TOSS OVER THE TOP ROPE! Ravager just hip tossed Rex Caliber RIGHT TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR! Ravager flies off with a diving lariat as soon as Rex stands up! The crowd is chanting for that one!
BILL HEWSON: The sacrifices that these men will make for the NAPW Championship! Rex Caliber may be seriously injured from that fall on the concrete but OH MY GOD MINSTREL! HOLY ---
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL! Where did he COME FROM?
BILL HEWSON: Minstrel from out of nowhere with a suicide dive between the ropes! And he takes out both of his opponents with that one!
Minstrel sizes up both of his opponents, then points the thumbs down at Ravager! Minstrel kicks Rex Caliber in the ribs once for good measure, then slings Ravager into the STEEL ring post! The jokeman rolls Ravager into the ring and immediately covers, one, two, Ravager kicks out. Minstrel pulls the champion up by the hair, and cuts off Ravager's comeback attempt with a gouge to the eye. Irish whip puts Ravager into the corner, and Minstrel fires himself at Ravager like a torpedo, catching Ravager with a spear-like shoulder thrust in the corner! Ravager slumps out, Minstrel bounces up... SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT! ONE! TWO! Ravager kicks out again. Minstrel sends Ravager once more to the ropes, and gets a head of STEAM. CHARGE --- REX CALIBER! Pulls Ravagers feet out from under him and MINSTREL OVERSHOOTS RIGHT INTO THE RING POST! Minstrel at FULL VELOCITY crashes shoulder first right into the steel ring post, and that looks like it was what Rex Caliber intended! The Nexus One steps back in the ring and hauls Minstrel out, rib buster! AND IT'S THE RINGS OF REX! Minstrel still has a free arm, he's fighting the hold! Rex Caliber drives forearms in, but Minstrel rolls over and PINS REX! ONE! TWO, Rex rolls it back over, still trying for The Rings! Minstrel flailing with his free hand, he's gotta keep the arm free or he'll be in pain... Minstrel has rolled over on his belly, blocking the Rings... BUT REX --- GRABS THE LEGS --- THE NEXUS CLOVERLEAF IS APPLIED! AND MINSTREL MAY TAP OUT!
BILL HEWSON: Minstrel fought like a banshee to avoid the Rings on his injured shoulder, but Rex Caliber has so many ways to hurt you, Jack Jones! And if Minstrel taps out, Ravager would LOSE his title belt without being involved in the decision!
JACK JONES: Ravager won't let that happen, Minstrel's just gotta hold on! COME ON RAVAGER!
BILL HEWSON: CROSSFACE! MY GOD, CROSSFACE ON MINSTREL! The Jokeman is being STRETCHED IN HALF!
JACK JONES: But if he taps out, WHO WINS THE MATCH? TWO MEN have holds on him!
Ravager WRENCHES back on the Crossface as Rex leans back on the CLOVERLEAF as much as he can, but both men seem to have the same idea! As one, they release their holds, and Minstrel rolls to the ring apron in PAIN. The crowd chimes in now with dueling chants: "LET'S GO REX, LET'S GO RAVAGER, LET'S GO REX, LET'S GO RAVAGER!" Rex Caliber tries to hook up Ravager, but the champion hits a Russian Leg Sweep to counter! Ravager then, takes the offensive, hitting a backbreaker on Rex Caliber! And then to continue the offense, NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! ONE! TWO! TH--- Rex Caliber kicks out! Ravager says that it's OVER, and sets Rex Caliber up on the top rope! He's setting up for the Muscle Buster, and if he hits it, then it's over! But Rex Caliber...uses the same move as his finisher, and knows it intimately. Caliber holds onto the top rope, he won't let Ravager hit him with it, and MINSTREL WITH A FLYING ENZIGURI! Ravager crashes forward into the turnbuckle, and Rex Caliber flies off with an MDK SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB!!! ONE! TWO! MINSTREL DROPKICKS REX IN THE FACE! ONE! TWO! REX KICKS OUT!
BILL HEWSON: Near fall after near fall, and now Minstrel --- THE INVERTED DDT! ONEEETWOOO Caliber kicks out! Minstrel knew he had to prevent Ravager from hitting that Muscle Buster! Rex Caliber knew it!
JACK JONES: And now he's got to take control!
BILL HEWSON: But no one man has been able to control this match at all! It's too much, all at once! I can't see any of these men ever having TIME to get the three count without the other man breaking it up!
Right now Minstrel figures he has a good plan! Rex Caliber sent to the turnbuckle, but he stops himself from crashing and turns around, into Minstrel flying at him with a splash come hell or highwater! Rex smacks into the corner and Minstrel...GOES TO THE TOP ROPE! Rex Caliber is in perfect position! MINSTREL --- THE KILLING JOKE --- AND IT CONNECTS! ONE! TWO! THREE--- RAVAGER in the last possible second breaks it up, by wrapping his hands around Minstrel's neck for the full-nelson, hauling him up, and ... THE DRAGON SUPLEX! BRIDGE! ONE! TWO! TH---MINSTREL somehow, SOMEWAY kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: MY GOD, I thought that was it! The Dragon Suplex! Rex Caliber is down from the KILLING JOKE headbutt! And now Minstrel has been folded in half by the Dragon Suplex!
Ravager cuts his throat and fires a stiff forearm in Minstrel's face. He picks the man up and perches him on the top rope, following. INSTANT KARMA COMING UP? IS IT...IT IS! MINSTREL'S HEAD IMPACTS THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! He crashes to the canvas in a heap, Ravager makes an exhausted cover, and the champion retains ONE, TWO, THREE--- NO! NO! SOMEHOW! SOMEWAY! REX CALIBER WAS ABLE TO MAKE THE SAVE! And now all three men... are exhausted, but Ravager has his wind. Minstrel is down, possibly knocked out from Instant Karma, and now it's Ravager and Rex Caliber. And Ravager is in control! Hard knee lifts from Ravager, and now he sends Rex into the ropes... he's going to try INSTANT KARMA AGAIN! Rex Caliber already suffered a KILLING JOKE, and now this... Caliber fights out of it! He nails Ravager in the ribs, and now both men are up top...
JACK JONES: What the hell is Rex Caliber trying to do here?
BILL HEWSON: Rex Caliber pulling Ravager up top... Oh my God, he's not going to --- RAVAGER! DRIVEN INTO THE CANVAS BY THE SUPERPOWERBOMB! GOOD LORD!
JACK JONES: That calls for HOLLLLLEEEE HELLLLL!
Rex Caliber, though, does not have enough energy to make an immediate cover. He lays there, Ravager down, and finally, Caliber rolls over to cover. The crowd counts along. ONE! TWO! THREE---NOOO! Ravager kicks out, to the relief of Tiffany Macintyre on the outside! Rex Caliber looks at the referee in disbelief, his face just a mask of disappointment and fatigue. Caliber takes a moment to gather himself together, and then pulls Ravager up by the champion's black hair. Rex Caliber chops Ravager, and then shoots him into the turnbuckle. Ravager counters, sending Rex into the turnbuckle hard. Pause, and then Ravager charges --- STO! STO! Rex Caliber stepped out of the corner and planted Ravager with an STO! Cover! ONE! TWO! TH--- MINSTREL breaks it up! Rex Caliber ends up on one knee courtesy of Minstrel's save... and Minstrel nails a SHINING WIZARD ENZIGURI! Rex drops, and Minstrel grabs Ravager. Minstrel wraps around behind, DRAGON SUPLEX??? Ravager has enough in him to fight out of his own signature hold, swapping behind Minstrel, both men spin around... Ravager fires off on Minstrel with a stiff right hand and backs him into the ropes! He attacks Minstrel's shoulder, and now Minstrel gets sent for the ride! Minstrel puts on the brakes, spin around, Ravager gets sent into the ropes he was just at! Minstrel pops him up --- RAVAGER LANDS ON REX CALIBER... No, he's CAUGHT BY REX CALIBER --- POWERBOMB --- No, Caliber drops Ravager low and PLANETARY COLLISION! REX'S VERSION OF THE STYLES CLASH! UN-BE-BELIEVABLE! Minstrel dropkicks Rex Caliber in the face and then... BASEBALL SLIDES RAVAGER OUT OF THE RING! Ravager smashes hard into the guardrail, and Minstrel gives the THUMBS DOWN, BABY! He goes to the top rope, ONE MORE KILLING JOKE FOR ALL TIME!
JACK JONES: This is it, right here BILL HEWSON! THE KILLING JOKE --- HEY! He can't do that!
BILL HEWSON: Rex Caliber has gotten to his feet... Wait a minute, he's stunned Minstrel --- HE HIIIIITS IT!! TOTAL! ANNIHILATION!
JACK JONES: He can't! He didn't! He...DID!
BILL HEWSON: And now --- THE RINGS OF REX ARE ON! REX CALIBER IS WRENCHING BACK FOR ALL HE'S WORTH! Minstrel is fighting --- oh my god, HE'S LAUGHING?!
MINSTREL is indeed laughing as Rex Caliber, a wild look in his googly eyes, WRENCHES BACK AND BREAKS MINSTREL IN TWO VERY BIG PIECES. Minstrel tries to shift his body, shift his body the other way, and then..."AAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He continues to laugh maniacally --- RAVAGER is almost getting back in the ring! RAVAGER, dazed, rolls into the ring --- MINSTREL suddenly PASSES OUT! MINSTREL PASSES OUT! The laughter ceases, Ravager tries to lunge but... BUT IT'S TOO LATE!
FRANK WARBURTON: THE WINNER OF THE MATCH... and NEEWWWWWWWW HEAVYWEIGHT! CHAMPIONNNNNN! REX! CALIBERRRRRR!
AND THE CROWD ERUPTS! THE POP IS DEAFENING! John Sharplin has to tell Rex Caliber that it's over, because he's NOT letting go of the Rings! Ravager has pulled himself to the corner, pain wracking his face, emotional and physical. John Sharplin hands Rex Caliber the Heavyweight Championship belt, and Caliber's face tells it all! Caliber hugs the belt, clasps it to his chest! Sweat and tears dripping all over his body, but REX CALIBER... IS THE CHAMPION!
BILL HEWSON: My God, the journey --- IS OVER! REX CALIBER IS THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
JACK JONES: UNBELIEVABLE, Bill Hewson! What a match! What a match!
BILL HEWSON: This--- is what it's all about, the heavyweight championship! And this --- is what it's all about as a fan, because this match was privilege, a privilege to call, to watch, to be a part of! My GOD!
JACK JONES: Hang on, Bill Hewson, because Ravager is going to take him out!
BILL HEWSON: WHAT?
Rex Caliber holds the NAPW Title over his head, then turns around to see Ravager starting daggers in his head. Caliber lets the belt drop, both men breathing heavily, exhausted from the brutal match. Caliber is ready to go... but Ravager extends his hand. Caliber shakes it, Ravager clearly mouthing "Rematch, Rex." And then Ravager turns around and leaves with Tiffany. Minstrel has rolled to the outside, and he's not moving. HERE COMES STATIC! HERE COME THE DUDES! Rex Caliber's partner-in-CRIMES and friends! The Dudes high-fiving Rex Caliber, and Static clapping, slapping Rex's chest and yelling " THE TWO-HUNDRED FORTY-FIVE SHITHAMMER, BABY! THE MAN!" Static raises Rex's arm high, Rex holding the title belt in his other hand as The Dudes hit the turnbuckle, pointing Scott Hall style over at Rex!
BILL HEWSON: The celebration has begun, and my God --- the night is only half over! But right now, right this minute, the story is this: REX CALIBER! A former NAPW Tag Team Champion, a man who has spent his entire career, from promotion to promotion through politics and being screwed, GOT HIS SHOT. AND HE MADE THE MOST OF IT!
JACK JONES: You can feel in the building, this crowd is overjoyed for Rex Caliber! It's unbelievable!
BILL HEWSON: In a few minutes, it will be the Sole Survivor match, to determine a man who will get a shot at that very Heavyweight Championship. But right now --- THE CRIMES ARE RIDING HIGH! REX CALIBER IS THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
Rex is out in the arena floor, in the midst of his freaks of nature, holding the damn title belt high! The Dudes look about ready to start a mosh pit in the midst of it, and Static? I bet beneath that mask of his he's wearing the biggest, proudest damn smile in the world.
And then cut backstage, where Devastation is in his dressing room with PIT BOSS. There is a knock on the door and then... LLOYD REES and the NFA come into the room. Devastation stands up. The Provincial Champion looks up at the towering Devastation, holding the Provincial Title on one shoulder. Pit Boss and Jakey stand back, ready to get involved... and then both men crack grins, laughing. LLOYD AND DEVASTATION SHAKE HANDS?
DEVASTATION: Since obviously The Rat Pack bought the referee, I can't hold it against you. A deal, after all, is a deal. Little Chrissy and Evan were easy pickings for me and my associate here.
LLOYD REES: Yes bye, The Rat Pack are t'biggest flukes I ever seen! Won't be long b'efore me bye Jakey and me do an even bigger number on dem!
DEVASTATION: ...Right. As agreed...
And Devastation hands Lloyd Rees a briefcase, no doubt stuffed with cash. The Provincial Champion gives a jaunty wink at Devastation, and then takes off with the rest of the NFA. "C'mon byes, we got a Sole Survivor match t'prepare for! And t'en plenty o' QV lights t'buy with dis!" They leave, laughing. Devastation rolls his eyes. Meanwhile...
BILL HEWSON: What is with Devastation? Why does he have to try to control everything and everybody? He just can't STAND that Casino & Evan have had more success without him then with!
JACK JONES: What are you talking about? Devastation is the best thing to happen to NAPW since... well, Chris Casino before he got soft. The Vicious Phenom is ratings gold, baby!
BILL HEWSON: Oh, I bet he is. What kind of crap is this, paying off the NFA to attack the Rat Pack earlier. And it almost succeeded, if NAPW officials hadn't ensured D-X couldn't cheat to win. Rex Caliber has left the ring now, back to the locker room with Static & The Dudes --- three men competing in the next match. It is called SOLE SURVIVOR, and the name rings true: Only one man...can survive.
Video package, to Our Lady Peace's "Not Enough" again. Flashing through the NAPW superstars in the match-up. D!. Nightmare. Static. Cameron Scott. Mike Johnston. Axe. Diamond...? Predator. The Delivery Men. "Sick" Billy Kryenik. The Moose. Nenji. Krusty Kid Paul. Tour Ed. Lloyd Rees, Bayman Jakey with Old Salty are shown. Devastation. Lobo. STORM with Tex. Don Travelli. The monster Caliban. Karl Van Helden. Stein. And then, Tommy Deathrow. "BODY---AFTER BODY---AFTER BODY!" "This is my HIT LIST!" "29 VICTIMS!" "You must get past the GUARDIAN!" "I will BE NAPW Champion!" Faster, faster, flashing through all the men in the match-up until finally ---
Silence. And then, for emphasis/lots of fun, a quote from HIGHLANDER. "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE."
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time...for the SOLE SURVIVOR MATCH. Two wrestlers will start the match, with a new wrestler entering every two minutes until all thirty superstars have entered the contest! A wrestler is eliminated only when he has been thrown over the top rope and both feet have touched the ground. The final man left standing will be the SOLE SURVIVOR, and earn an NAPW Championship match! Now, to introduce the superstar who will enter number ONE...
The crowd hushes, looking expectantly to the entrance way. Buzzzzz....
"Riiiiight...before...my EYES!"
FRANK WARBURTON: DEEEEEEEEE!
BILL HEWSON: And D!, the former NAPW champion, is number one!
JACK JONES: The odds against D! are that much higher, Bill Hewson. He's gotta go through allll 29 other wrestlers, he's going to have to last over one HOUR to make it in this match!
BILL HEWSON: And D! WANTED this spot! He wants to prove to the world that he deserves another NAPW Title shot over the rest of the roster! And he is fired up!
D! half-jogs to the ring, glad-handing the fans along the way. The crowd is singing along to The Snitches as D! hits the ring apron and flips into the ring. He's pumped! He's ready! He's fired up! And...
FRANK WARBURTON: And number two...
ISIS. "CELESTIAL."
FRANK WARBURTON: "SICK"! BILLY! KRYENIK!
BILL HEWSON: Kryenik! Kryenik is number two! And here he comes!
Kryenik sprints to the ring to a mixed reaction, but somewhat of a good pop. He slides in, and immediately goes toe-to-toe with D! D! fires back! D! and Kryenik exchanging right hands! D! switches it up with a side kick, catching Billy in the side. And like that, D! grabs Kryenik by the back of the head and goes to toss him over the top rope. Kryenik blocks, elbowing D! in the ribs. Kryenik stiffs D! in the face and then tries to send D! over the top rope, to no avail. Both men end up back in the center of the ring, and then lock-up. Kryenik with the strength advantage sends D! to the ropes, running after him for a clothesline! Ducked, D! with a snap kick puts Kryenik on the ropes, clothesline, Kryenik ducks and SENDS D! over the top rope! D! lands on the apron and knees Kryenik in the back, then leaps in the ring with a sunset flip! No pinfalls, but it got D! back into the ring in a hurry. Both men get back to their feet and tie up again as 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZ!
BILL HEWSON: And drawing number three is...
Japanese music plays and out comes NENJI! The former Khaos hits the ring at a sprint, and he dropkicks both men! Nenji attacks Kryenik! He attacks D! And... and well, neither man is really that impressed. Suddenly, D! and Kryenik are both staring down Nenji, who realizes he's in both their sites. D! flashes a grin at Kryenik, and then both men nail Nenji! Double beale...and Nenji goes flying over the top rope, eliminated!
JACK JONES: Uh, I think Nenji ought to consider going back to Japan here, Hewson. What was that, like thirty seconds?
BILL HEWSON: We're back to numbers one and two, D! and Kryenik once again trying to eliminate one another.
JACK JONES: They need to pace themselves here, Hewson. If I was D! or Kryenik --- and thank God I'm not --- I'd make a deal and team up to eliminate every guy who comes in the ring until the finish.
BILL HEWSON: Yeah, well D! and Kryenik aren't cowards like you, Mr. Intentional Disqualification.
And indeed, Kryenik and D! continue to go at it. Punch, kick, wait a minute! D! hooks a sleeper... Kryenik flips him over his back before D! can hit the Nyquil Driver. Kryenik just grabs D! and tries to shove him over the top rope, D! holding on! 10...9...8...7...Kryenik trying to kick D! over the top rope...6...5...4...3...2...1...ZZZZZZZ!
"How the hell we'd wind up like this / Why weren't we able"
Nickelback blasts, and with that NIGHTMARE is on his way to the ring. D! slides back in after Kryenik kicks him a few more times, but Nightmare immediately spins Kryenik around and rocks him out of his boots! Kryenik flies back, but Nightmare then turns his attention to D! He hauls D! up, making sure D! looks right in his eyes, and hauls D! over his shoulder. Nightmare's going to lawn dart D! out of the ring, no, D! slides off the back of Nightmare! D! trying to lift the big man over the top rope, here comes Kryenik to lend a hand! The former Doomrider and "One Letter" teaming up to eliminate Nightmare, but he's too much for them! Nightmare kicks them both away. Nightmare shoves D! away hard, turns around --- AND EATS SUPERKICK BY KRYENIK! The crowd pops huge for that as Nightmare crashes down like a tree. Kryenik realizes he can't lift the big Nightmare up as dead weight and grabs D!. D! and SBK get Nightmare up, double irish-whip --- Nightmare clotheslines them both down! 10...9...8...7...Nightmare puts Kryenik up on the ropes, but Kryenik gets a hold of the middle, he's not about to go that easily...6...5...4...3...2... D! is back to his feet, what's he going to do... 1...BZZZZZZ!
"THUNDER! THUNDER! You've been... THUNDERSTRUCK!"
BILL HEWSON: Oh my GOD!
JACK JONES: No kiddin'!
BILL HEWSON: Here's the first of our mystery entrants...it's the man D! wrestled on his first match in NAPW! VIKING! VIKING IS HERE!
AC/DC kicks in, and as Nightmare and Kryenik tie themselves up in the ropes, D! just stares down the aisle with his hands on his hips, torn between laughter and shock. Viking husses his way to the ring with his big fur covered boots, steps in, and goes to work on D! Viking and D! are going at it, just like they did waaaaaay back in October of 2005! Viking getting the better of D!, he sends him to the turnbuckle! Clothesline catches D! coming out, and now Viking is signalling for the ICE BREAKER! The nordic version of the Canadian Destroyer, if you will. He's setting D! up... D! counters! Blocks! And...KICK! KICK! KICK! The crowd starts singing along as D! hits the ROCKETTES KICK OF DOOM on Viking, singing the CAN-CAN! Toe kicks! Viking is staggered, D! looks over the fans with a grin, and rocks Viking out and OVER THE TOP ROPE! Viking has been eliminated! Viking turns around and HUSSES back up the aisle, as D! looks in in bemusement. He turns around to see Kryenik nail Nightmare with the big right hook of his, staggering Nightmare back. 10...9...8...7...6...D! rushes in, Nightmare catches him with a big boot to the face...5...4...3...Kryenik gets BACK DROPPED OUT...2...NO! He lands on the ring apron...1...BZZZZZZ.
BILL HEWSON: Here comes Stein!
JACK JONES: Dr. Morgoth leading the way, but you know, I think Stein's a helluva competitor, but I wonder if he'll be able to move quick enough in this match.
BILL HEWSON: Stein is an unusual, unique human being. We've seen him absorb a great deal of punishment but Jack Attack, you bring up a good point there. Ability to absorb punishment does not necessarily win you Sole Survivor!
Stein walks...more like drifts to the ring, zombie-like. Dr. Morgoth pulls a chair up near the timekeepers table and opens the laptop. Stein gets in the ring and goes towards the competing men immediately. He sends a throat chop into D!, cutting his wind off. D! coughs, and Dr. Morgoth directs Stein to throw D! over the top rope. Stein complies...gorilla press! Incredible strength from Stein, from such a small frame! He goes over to the ropes, but D! slips off the gorilla press. CLOTHESLINE! Stein staggers backwards, and Dr. Morgoth is frantically issuing commands to Stein! D! with another clothesline, Stein doesn't look hurt at all, but he's against the ropes! Here comes D! --- WHOA! Collision! Nightmare and Kryenik's battle spills onto D!, knocking him off. Dr. Morgoth breathes a sigh of relief, as Stein glides forward again. He catches SBK from behind with a Tongan Death Grip! SBK drops to the canvas, Stein directing him towards the ropes. But here's Nightmare from behind, lifting Stein up and trying to get him over! Stein grabs the top rope with both hands, holding on! Nightmare trying to pound him off, but Stein's fingers are locked like a steel vise! 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3... SBK and D! try to get Nightmare over while he's distracted! Nightmare's mass saves him! 2...1...BZZZZZZ!
"A heaven in Alberta...all hell for a basement!"
And Edmonton's hometown boy, the fan favorite MOOSE runs to the ring! He slides in and immediately goes to work on everybody in the ring! Punch for D!, punch for Kryenik, punch for Nightmare! The Moose says it's time for a ROUGHNECK, just like that! He hauls D! on his shoulders, spins, D! spins out with a Tornado DDT! Moose goes down, but just like that, Kryenik hits a sick lariat on D! He drops like a sack of potatoes and Kryenik tries to get him over the top rope. Here's Nightmare to lend a hand, D! trying to wrap around the ropes! Meanwhile, Stein is stalking The Moose. Dr. Morgoth is frantically typing, and Stein... Stein wraps his hands around the throat of The Moose! Good Lord, he just tossed him halfway across the ring without taking a step! The Moose gets up and fires back, but Stein casually absorbs his right hands keeps pressing on. The Moose is getting fired up! D! manages to kick Nightmare in the head and get back in the ring, as the three-way brawl between Nightmare, D! and Kryenik continues. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
JACK JONES: It's Tour Ed! Great, two mental patients in one match!
BILL HEWSON: Tour Ed is crazy, but in this kind of match...sometimes crazy works! Number eight is fresh!
Tour Ed gets in the ring at the prompting of Dr. Al Zimer. Dr. Zimer shoots Dr. Morgoth a glare, returned in kind. Tour Ed gets in the ring "BLAM!" T-BONE SUPLEX on Kryenik! Snap Suplex on D! Nightmare pounds him down, though, and now Tour Ed and Nightmare go at it. Stein has the Tongan Death Grip on The Moose now, draining him down. But that doesn't put The Moose OVER the top rope, of course. That leaves D! and Kryenik to continue their war, and D!...low bridge! KRYENIK goes over the top rope, NO! He grabs on the top, one foot touches but...Billy pulls himself back up! D! tries to kick him off, but Kryenik gets back in the ring! D! with an irish whip, reversed...KISS OF BABYLON! Kryenik damn near took D!'s head right off with that superkick! And now he locks on the BRANCH BREAKER!
JACK JONES: What the hell is SBK doing! You can't win this thing by submission!
BILL HEWSON: Right in one, but you can damage your opponents, wear them out and save yourself some energy! Down on the canvas like that, Kryenik is also difficult to throw out! Six men in the ring, and we're only at number eight!
Nightmare has Tour Ed with a running powerslam in the middle of the ring! Kryenik is pulling on the STF like it's nobody's business, trying to break D! in half. Easier to eliminate that way, yo. Meanwhile Moose finally breaks free of the Tongan Death Grip, and that sends Stein crashing into Tour Ed & Nightmare! Nightmare hangs back in the corner... TOUR ED! STEIN! "(BLEEP)(BLEEP)" Dr. Morgoth and Dr. Zimer yell at their charges to attack! Stein tries to put THE VITIATOR on Tour Ed, but Tour Ed kicks him in the balls! "BALLS!" The crowd cheers him on, and Tour Ed ... ANTI-PSYCHOTIC THERAPY! The impact of the DDT leaves Stein laying, and Tour Ed is now celebrating! 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZZZ!
Quincy Punx hit it up, and that brings out everybody's favorite kick-a-punk, KRUSTY KID PAUL! KKP hits the ring at a run, and just starts laying in boots and fists to everything that moves! Meanwhile, Nightmare is trying to eliminate Stein, The Moose joins him, but they just can't get Stein out. Dr. Morgoth looks calm, but he's starting to sweat as Stein inches closer to elimination.
BILL HEWSON: What exactly is Morgoth a doctor of, anyways?
JACK JONES: A doctor of "Shut The Hell Up!"
BILL HEWSON: ...will you be serious?!
Krusty Kid Paul and Sick Billy Kryenik have now teamed up, trying to get D! out of the ring! D!'s got the ropes good though, so KKP shrugs and kicks Billy in the gut. That pisses Billy off, and now it's SBK and KKP going at it! Holy crap! D! takes a momentary respite, he's been in there now for about twenty minutes, as has Sick Billy. Kid Paul smashes his knee into Billy's face, and now those two are brawling. Tour Ed hits The Moose from behind, and now those two are going at it while the strange battle of Nightmare & Stein begins. Stein clutches Nightmare's throat with his viselike grip, but Nightmare gets his own choke on Stein. Seven men in the ring as the countdown begins again 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2..1...BZZZZZZZZ!
"Son of a bitch to the CORE!"
Delivery Man #2 is number ten, and he hits the ring at a run, the crowd popping big for him! #2 climbs the top rope and flies off, crashing into both Stein and Nightmare! #2 a ball of fire, springboards off the top ropes and catches a rising D! with a flying head scissors! The Moose irish whips Tour Ed across the ring, #2 catches him with a dropkick! Tour Ed goes down, and #2 is ready for more --- Stein from behind! Stein hammers down #2 with a big arm. The Moose charges! Dr. Morgoth with frantic yells to Stein... Stein hauls up The Moose into a gorilla press! Holy crap NO! The Moose dumped to the outside by Stein! The Moose has been eliminated! Dr. Morgoth looks positively gleeful.
BILL HEWSON: And there goes The Moose, can you believe the strength of Stein --- watch it! HOLD ON! KRYENIK --- THE DRY LAKE! THE DRY LAKE!
JACK JONES: Hold on to your hats, Hewson! SICK BILLY IS COMING TO TOWN!
KKP's attack seems to have fired up Sick Billy! KKP is lying limp in the ring, here comes #2 --- Kryenik nails him in the gut... DRY LAKE! Two in a row! Nightmare & D! are once again trying to eliminate one another, KKP & #2 are down and out, Stein is currently in the corner, taking a moment to recuperate...which leaves Tour Ed prey for Kryenik! Kryenik fires off, stiffing the hell out of Tour Ed to shock and horror from Dr. Zimer! Tour Ed gets a boot in the gut, Kryenik double-underhooks and roars with rage... DRY LAKE! 10...9...8...7...6...5..."Sick" Billy Kryenik is standing tall in the middle of the ring! 4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
BILL HEWSON: Here we go, another entrant in... Oh my God. It's TOMMY DEATHROW.
JACK JONES: And you better believe that Kryenik sees him coming!
Deathrow comes out to a huge round of boos, smiling sickly. Kryenik stares him down from the ring, and Tommy Deathrow slowly makes his way. Stein attacks Kryenik from behind, locking on a nerve hold. Tommy continues to slowly walk towards the ring as Kryenik wails away on Stein, trying to get the enigma to release. Meanwhile, D! & #2 have teamed up to try to eliminate Nightmare, with Tour Ed on assist! KKP is back up, but he's hanging out in one corner drinking from a flask. Yes, in the middle of the match. Deathrow finally slides into the ring, and he immediately attacks! Wait a minute, he's got BRASS KNUCKLES ON! Deathrow DROPS #2! DROPS D! DROPS Tour Ed! And then rocks Nightmare for good measure! Stein still has Kryenik in a nerve hold, Kryenik punching him repeatedly in the face, but Stein won't break. Tommy looks on, licking his lips, and then... GRABS STEIN! Tommy Deathrow has Stein up... DEATHROW DRIVER! Stein is planted, and Tommy Deathrow now stands over a wounded Billy Kryenik, throwing the brass knuckles down... and helps him up?
BILL HEWSON: Well...hey! Tommy Deathrow is helping Billy Kryenik up...oh no, he's not.
Deathrow right fists Billy Kryenik, but that...only fires up Kryenik! Kryenik fires back! DEATHROW! KRYENIK! HOLY HELL! They are beating the LIVING HELL OUT OF EACH OTHER! This is just...unbelievable to watch! The fists are flying, the bile and anger is palpable! Kryenik is backed into the ropes and Tommy Deathrow gets a head of steam...RUNNING CLOTHESLINE! BOTH MEN---BOTH MEN GO OVER THE TOP ROPE! Kryenik & Deathrow have been eliminated!
BILL HEWSON: I think...I think Tommy Deathrow just eliminated himself on purpose! He's not stopping! The Doomriders are trying to kill each other on the outside! Deathrow just wants to hurt Billy Kryenik, and I don't even know why!
JACK JONES: LOOK OUT in the first row! Incoming Deathrow!
10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZ! And here comes the big Tempest, stepping into the melee. Entry number twelve is in the ring, he immediately goes toe-to-toe with Nightmare, who's been in the ring since number three. D! has been in the match now for almost 24 minutes, Nightmare just a couple less than him. But nobody's focused on the ring, they're focused on the crowd as Sick Billy is now beating Tommy Deathrow through the crowd! They're working their way up the stairs now! Deathrow smashes a fans fake title belt at Billy, briefly stunning him, and then ... OH MY GOD! Tommy Deathrow just grabbed Sick Billy! WHAT'S HE DOING! NO! NO! NO! KRYENIK---- TOMMY DEATHROW JUST THREW KRYENIK DOWN THE STAIRS! Kryenik goes FLYING, TUMBLING down to the bottom as Tommy looks on, blowing a strand of blue hair out of his face. Kryenik hits the bottom and isn't moving, so Tommy comes down and toes him...Kryenik starts moving! Deathrow hauls him up roughly, planting his head between Kryenik's legs...DEATHROW DRIVER ON THE CONCRETE!
BILL HEWSON: That son of a bitch! That dirty son of a bitch, he's trying to end Billy Kryenik's career here! We need security!
JACK JONES: Tommy Deathrow said he was going to kill Kryenik! And by kill he means KILL!
Finally, security swarm Tommy Deathrow, as Kryenik is knocked out on the concrete. Deathrow snorts, spitting on Kryenik "I'LL PUT YOU DOWN, JUST LIKE THAT KITTEN LAST NIGHT! YOU'RE A STRAY, BILLY KRYENIK!" In the ring, a much of the action has slowed down as the competitors watch this. Tour Ed, D!, #2, Krusty Kid Paul, Tempest, Nightmare and Stein are in the ring, seven men... wait a minute! Stein & D! are going at it, and D! hits a clothesline! Another clothesline! Stein is against the ropes, once again not fazed, but he can't move fast enough to duck D!'s third clothesline...STEIN GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE! D! has eliminated Stein! And Dr. Morgoth is livid! Stein lands on his feet, and now Dr. Morgoth is screaming at Stein... Stein grabs D! by the ankles and yanks him out of the ring underneath the bottom rope! THE VITIATOR! OH MY GOD! The Vitiator is applied and D! is fading, in intense agony and losing consciousness on the outside! Dr. Morgoth is yelling for Stein to keep it on! In the ring, Tempest just dropped Nightmare with a HUGE powerslam! The clock is counting down... 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZ!
JACK JONES: Oh, (BLEEP)!
BILL HEWSON: And it's...THE MONSTER CALIBAN!
Ringmaster Iago precedes the black beast out of the curtain. He points his hooked cane to the ring, and Caliban immediately rushes to the ring with shocking speed for such a big man! He gets in the ring, #2 is there to meet him ... AND GETS CHOKESLAMMED! Tour Ed --- GOOZLE --- CHOKESLAM! KRUSTY KID PAUL tries to kick Caliban in the balls, but Caliban grabs him by the throat and CHOKESLAMS HIM OUT OF THE RING! KKP is eliminated! The big man Tempest from behind, but Caliban merely shrugs him off and starts firing away with clubbing forearms... OH MY GOD! Caliban puts Tempest over his shoulder and DUMPS HIM OUT OF THE RING, all three-hundred plus pounds! TEMPEST is eliminated! Caliban grabs Delivery Man #2, oh dear God! Gorilla Press ... AND LAUNCH! DELIVERY MAN #2 LITERALLY THROWN OUT TO THE FRONT ROWS! That...that's an elimination of #2! And now Tour Ed gets a special treatment, as Caliban grabs him from behind... THE HEART OF DARKNESS! Tour Ed is down, and Caliban easily throws him over the top rope! Tour Ed is eliminated!
BILL HEWSON: GOOD LORD! Four men --- eliminated --- in one minute! ONLY ONE MAN IS IN THE RING WITH CALIBAN!
JACK JONES: And that's NIGHTMARE!
Caliban grabs Nightmare and pulls him up, grabbing the back of the head for the HEART OF DARKNESS! Nightmare elbows Caliban in ribs! Nightmare trying to fight it off, these two had a WAR one week ago on Monday Night Fights! And Nightmare remembers what the Heart Of Darkness felt like! Caliban swings his huge right arm, Nightmare ducks it...wait aminute! NIGHTMARE GETS CALIBAN...OH MY GOD! HE GETS HIM UP! DREAMCATCHER! DREAMCATCHER! NIGHTMARE JUST NAILED CALIBAN WITH THE DREAMCATCHER! The crowd EXPLODES for that! Nightmare, slapping the side of his own head, suddenly getting a huge burst of adrenaline! He backs off and waits for Caliban to rise, and yes, the big man is already getting up... NIGHTMARE CHARGES HIM! CLOTHESLINE...and...and...and...CALIBAN GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE! The monster lands on his feet, but YES! NIGHTMARE HAS ELIMINATED CALIBAN! The crowd starts chanting "NIGHTMARE, NIGHTMARE!" Iago gets between Caliban and Nightmare, pointing his cane at him but starting his monster down the aisle. Meanwhile, Dr. Morgoth and Stein have finally let up on D!, leaving him a barely conscious wreck at ringside. Nightmare is all alone, standing tall after eliminating Caliban. He waits as the countdown begins again. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZZZ!
"I got long sideburns and my hair slicked back!
I'm coming to your town in my pink Cadillac!
I'm just a Honky Tonk Man (He's a Honky Tonk Man!)
I'm just a Honky Tonk Man (He's a Honky Tonk Man!)
I'm just a Honky Tonk Man
I'm cool, I'm cocky, I'm bad!"
BILL HEWSON: You...have got to be kidding me. We're ten thousand miles from Memphis!
JACK JONES: It's THE HONKY TONK MAN, available for indie bookings worldwide! I'm changing my bet, the HONKY TONK MAN is my new pick!
BILL HEWSON: Why does he have his guitar with him?! Please don't tell me he's going to try to 'sing'!
It really is The Honky Tonk Man, in his classic jumpsuit and with an acoustic guitar on hand. The older, fatter HTM, but Wayne Ferris nonetheless. HTM gets in the ring, and has a microphone in his hand! He puts a hand out to stop Nightmare.
HONKY TONK MAN: W-w-whoa there, big fella! The fine people at NAPW have paid The Honky Tonk Man a lot of money to be in this match, and before I get to bustin' your butt over this here top rope, first, The Honky Tonk Man is gonna sing and play his song! So you just back off into your corner there --- Hold on, just a minute and I'll sing, just have to tune this old gee-tar!
HTM starts twiddling the tuning pegs on his guitar as Nightmare looks on in bemusement. Then suddenly, he spins Honky Tonk Man around and grabs the guitar, yelling about how he'll tune it. Nightmare starts tuning the guitar... AND THEN KABLAM! GUITAR SHOT ON HTM! The guitar explodes in a cloud of splinters and dust, and HTM is down. Nightmare pulls him up by the perfectly pomped hair and the back of the tights and sends Honky Tonk Man out of the ring. Honky Tonk Man? Eliminated! Nightmare merely looks down, shaking his head, and then stares back down the aisle. The crowd loves every minute of it.
JACK JONES: ...Nightmare, that's my pick to win SOLE SURVIVOR! Nightmare from the beginning, Bill Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: Looks like your Memphis bet isn't going to pay off, huh Jack Attack! I think...I think the next entrant will be 15, Jack Jones. Nightmare and D! have survived half of this match!
JACK JONES: I don't know if D!'s 'survived' it all that well, unless that's a comfortable nap he's taking.
10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZ!.
"Not a lotta bling
When he do the thing
Bada-BOOM Bada-BING!"
And the capacity crowd ERUPTS as the masked, Hardcore Luchadore steps out in time with the music. Static looks over the crowd, clearly digging everything he sees. He looks out at Nightmare, who stands impassively, and then sprints to the ring. Static slides in. He gives up two hundred pounds to Nightmare, but this is YODA WITH A LIGHTSABER TYPE, BABY! Static and Nightmare go at it, and Daddy Hardcore is a whirling dervish! He catches Nightmare with a dropkick to the back after spinning around, sending Nightmare sternum-first over the second rope. Just for fun, Static flies at him with a flipping Senton, landing his whole back on Nightmare's! Nightmare caught right on the rope! Static stands on Nightmare's shoulder, grabbing the second rope and pulling up while standing on Nightmare's back, and he screams out at the crowd: "YOU CAN ALLLLL SUCK MY VOODOO!" Static hops off of Nightmare, and Nightmare is dazed. Static bounces around the ring, waiting for Nightmare to get up...DROPKICK! Nightmare reels back, almost going over, so Static gets set for one more...Nightmare shoves him away. 10...9...8...7...Static darting in and out, not letting Nightmare get a chance to grab him...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZ!
"KILLING IN THE NAME OF!"
And to a huge chorus of boos comes AXE. He takes his time coming to the ring, sizing it up, and then slides in and immediately attacks Static. Why? Because he's a jerk. Axe tries to send Static flying over the top rope, but Static rebounds off the the rope with a springboard... Huracanrana!
BILL HEWSON: Nice move by Static there to avoid elimination! Nightmare's taking a minute to recuperate, he has now been in this match for almost half an hour.
JACK JONES: If D! can get back in it, he'll have been in for thirty-two minutes.
BILL HEWSON: The unorthodox old schooler is starting to regain his senses. What kind of devastating hold IS The Vitiator? D!, pulled under the bottom rope, is still in this contest, but you're right Jack Jones --- he needs to get back in the match to win!
Meanwhile, in the ring, Nightmare and Axe have teamed up to try to eliminate Static? Static has wrapped his legs around the top rope for dear life, and...Axe cheap shots Nightmare. Now Axe punching away on Nightmare as Static gets back in the ring. Static leaps to the top rope and comes off on both big men! His momentum knocks them down, but Axe is up quickly and clubs Static down. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...SPINEBUSTER in the center of the ring! ...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
"KILLING IN THE NAME OF!"
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD! It's DIAMOND!
JACK JONES: He's ALIVE?!
DIAMOND, his head bandaged up thoroughly, RUSHES the ring where his brother is about to hit Static with the AXE EFFECT! Diamond is FISTS A FLURRY! HE'S A HOUSEAFAR! And Axe...DIAMOND WITH A FLYING CROSS BODY! BOTH DECAPITATORS GO OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ARE ELIMINATED! Diamond has eliminated his brother at the cost of his own body! And waitaminute, Diamond just grabbed a steel chair! CLANG! Axe gets planted as...
BILL HEWSON: What the heck is Diamond doing? He's lost his marbles, Jack Jones!
Diamond has laid Axe over the Timekeeper's table and...and he goes back to the ring, hopping on the TOP ROPE! Diamond yells out for the crowd, screaming "HAPPY FUN TIME VARIETY HOUR, BITCH!" and... DIAMOND!SAULT!FROM THE TOP THROUGH THE TIMEKEEPER'S TABLE! It explodes into splinters! Diamond pops up, raises his arms high, and then takes off down the aisle, leaving his brother knocked out in the wreckage of the table! The crowd is chanting "Diamond RULES! Diamond RULES! Diamond RULES!" D! is clawing his way up to the apron, as Nightmare tries to eliminate Static. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZZ!
"I'm a dude! He's a dude! She's a dude! We're all Dudes HEY!"
BILL HEWSON: The Dudes got new theme music, and here comes MICHAEL JOHNSTON!
JACK JONES: But I don't WANT to be a Dude!
Less Than Jake plays Michael Johnston to the ring, who glad hands a few fans but sprints in as soon as he notices Static's predicament! The lightweight Dude hits the ring at number eighteen and goes to the top turnbuckle for a dropkick to Nightmare! Air Canada, inverted! Johnston high fives Static, and now these two friends are going to work on the big Nightmare! Nightmare is like King Kong trying to swat flies, as Johnston and Static nail him with a double dropkick. They can't take him off of his feet just yet, however, and that means Static & Mike have a couple other tricks up their sleeves. Johnston flies at Nightmare with a cross body block... CAUGHT. Static charges and Nightmare boots him in the face. FALLAWAY SLAM! Johnston goes spinning across the ring! Nightmare picks up Static, grabs him by the back of the head and tosses him out of the ring!
BILL HEWSON: And Static is...no! He grabbed the top rope, and now he skins the cat back in! Nightmare's already gone to work on Johnston again, turn around Nightmare!
Nightmare has Mike Johnston, SIT-OUT POWERBOMB coming up...Static seemingly flies up with an Enziguri to the back of Nightmare's head, causing Nightmare to collapse with Johnston on top of him. Johnston pops up...STANDING MOONSAULT on Nightmare! Static & Johnston try to lift Nightmare up to eliminate him. Nightmare's going over the top rope slowly... 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZZ!
JACK JONES: Here comes trouble, with a capital "Truh!"
BILL HEWSON: Bayman Jakey, and he doesn't have the TV Title belt he stole from Lobo earlier. Where do you think Old Salty has stashed it?
JACK JONES: I really don't want to know.
Jakey hits the ring and immediately tries to help Static & Johnston put Nightmare out! Old Salty seems to favor this plan, judging by the pleased smile on his weather-beaten face. D! has rolled into the ring, and he seems to have finally shaken off enough of The Vitiator to possibly get back in the match. Nightmare suddenly explodes, spilling all three men trying to get him out away! He catches Static...DOUBLE ARM DDT! Nightmare grabs Mike Johnston --- LONG POND LARIAT! Bayman Jakey takes Nightmare from behind, and immediately starts stomping away. Johnston is clearly torn between trying to get Nightmare out and helping somebody like Jakey, but... D! makes the decision for him! D! is back in this thing, attacking everything that moves! KICKS AND CHOPS FOR ALL! Nightmare! Mike! Jakey! Nobody is safe from THE MULTI-TASK BARRAGE! D! focuses in, then, on Nightmare, nailing him in the corner...STINGER SPLASH! D! whips Johnston into a different corner...STRING SPLASH! 10...9...8...7...6... Jakey from behind on D!! PARADISE POWER BOMB! 5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
And here. Comes. THE TELEVISION CHAMPION, LOBO. He runs to the ring, just as Jakey tries to eliminate D!, and WHAM! Lobo is assaulting D!, clearly somebody tipped him off that it was Jakey & Old Salty what stole his TV Title belt! "WHERE IS IT?" Jakey shakes his head, and Lobo chops him but good! Jakey flails, and Lobo stalks him! The Olympic strongman powerslams Jakey down WITH AUTHORITY! Old Salty gulps on the outside as Lobo hooks in the Lobo Sleeper...DDT! And now Lobo hooks in a ground stretch, screaming at Jakey to tell him where or he'll rip his arm off! Meanwhile, Static is back up and is again working with Mike Johnston to try to take out Nightmare, only this time D! gets involved! Nightmare is not budging, so D! calls a huddle with Static & Mike. The camera picks up D! saying "So we attack one at a time, like Ninjas! NINJAS! Okay BREAK!" D! attacks Nightmare, gets punched away! Static attacks! Wham! Mike Johnston attacks! Pow!
JACK JONES: ...I uh, I don't know if D!'s plan is effective. I bet he just wanted to say Ninjas. Twice.
BILL HEWSON: ...He DID say ninjas twice!
Lobo continues to beat on Bayman Jakey, and now he sends him over the top rope --- Old Salty is there to block it! He yanks on Lobo's ankle, and that's enough for Jakey to slide down the canvas safely and roll back. Lobo tries to get ahold of Old Salty, and Jakey hits him from behind. Lobo just turns around and hammers Jakey down. THEN HE PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS. LOBO SLEEPER! LOCKED ON! 10...9...8...7... Lobo doesn't CARE that Jakey can't submit! 6...5...4...3...2...1...
BILL HEWSON: It's the PROVINCIAL CHAMPION! Lobo needs to look out behind him! The Lemondrop Kid has hit the ring!
JACK JONES: Wouldn't it be something for Lloyd Rees to win this? He could hold the Provincial and NAPW Title at the same time! For the Pride of Newfoundland, Hewson!
Jakey hits the ring apron, and... comes in with the Fresh Water Flip, springboarding right onto Lobo! He takes him out! D!, Static & Mike are coming up with a new plan as Nightmare tries to recuperate in the corner (rolling his eyes). But right now, the Provincial Champion Lloyd Rees has the advantage on Lobo! Jakey is recovering from Lobo's assault, but right now Lemondrop Kid ... DDT FROM THE GREEN! Lobo goes down, hard!
BILL HEWSON: The self-proclaimed NFA Republic of Newfoundland Champion and his partner in crime Bayman Jakey have Lobo reeling on the ropes...double clothesline! Lobo has been eliminated!
JACK JONES: Teamwork, baby!
Lobo hits the floor hard, as Jakey & Lloyd Rees look on, dusting their hands off. They turn their attention to the rest of the crew --- and jump D! & Static from behind! That leaves Mike Johnston alone with Nightmare, who is clearly sick and tired of being triple-teamed! He hauls Mike up on his shoulders in a rack position... SPINS OUT INTO A NECKBREAKER Johnston is planted! Hold on! Jakey & Lloyd each have a man, and they beale them out! Static & D! both thrown out of opposite sides of the ring, but both men grab the top rope and land on the ring apron. The Newfies congratulate themselves DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE FROM NIGHTMARE! The countdown! 10...9...8...7...6... Static launches himself over the top rope at Nightmare! And gets caught again! D! launches HIMSELF over the top, dropkicking Static, which sends Nightmare down! It'd be a cover if it was a normal match! 5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
The lights flicker and go out...
JACK JONES: I really, really, REALLY hate when this happens.
"THE END IS HERE!"
And PREDATOR IS IN THE RING! Which means one thing, and one thing only: SPEARS LIKE SKITTLES! D! ---- SPEARED!
Static --- SPEARED!
And by God... NIGHTMARE GETS SPEARED! The earth nearly moved on that one. Or something like that. Hyperbole~! Lloyd Rees is up, and guess what? HE GETS SPEARED! Oh, Bayman Jakey... SPEAR! Predator is standing tall in the center of the ring, and now he goes to eliminate D!. Or as Predator calls him, the "irritating imbecile." Predator hoists D! up on his shoulder, but D! grabs the rope and prevents it. Mike Johnston, the sole man NOT to get speared, flies at Predator! Predator drops D! and focuses on Johnston, who fires away. The massive Predator clubs Johnston and follows him into the corner. Meanwhile, the Newfies have gotten back up and are trying to eliminate Static. The luchadore holding on to the top rope, not ready to go. On the outside, Lobo is trying to get back in to get at the NFA but security is restraining him, trying to force him back. The clock counts down... 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZZ!
"I'm a dude! He's a dude! She's a dude! We're all Dudes HEY!"
BILL HEWSON: Two Dudes are better than one! Here comes CAMERON SCOTT!
The former linebacker hits the ring and obviously goes to the help of his partner Mike Johnston! He plows Predator, and then irish whips him across the ring --- PREDATOR uses the momentum to charge at the NFA! KABLAM! Static ends up on the ring apron, Lloyd Rees tangles in the ropes, and Bayman Jakey goes OVER THE TOP ROPE! He hits the ground with a thud... Bayman Jakey has been eliminated! The Dudes high-five, and decide to go after Nightmare together. Here comes D! Static joins in! Predator, meanwhile, is going for the Provincial Champion. He's trying to eliminate Lloyd as Old Salty tends to Jakey --- Jakey smokes Predator in the head with Salty's metal flask! That was a cheap shot, and Lemondrop Kid goes to work on Predator, busting him with right jabs. Meanwhile The Dudes, Static & D! are still trying to get Nightmare out. The big man will not go over...and spills them all over the ring again! 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...Nightmare steps out into Cameron Scott...SIDEWALK SLAM! 3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
JACK JONES: Oh joyful day, that music can only mean one thing!
BILL HEWSON: Germany's Ambassador to NAPW... It's Karl Van Helden!
Karl Van Helden, or KVH as his friends call him (the ones that pay him), takes his time to the ring. The German is clearly in no hurry to get into the ring as The Dudes & Static take time to confer, while D! and Nightmare go at it. The Dudes & Static try once more to get Nightmare over the top rope... Lloyd Rees jabs Predator in the eye and DDTs him down. Nightmare is holding on, he spills them all over again! Hold on! KVH just smacked Nightmare from behind! Nightmare turns around, grabbing KVH by the hair --- LLOYD REES! FROM BEHIND! DUMPS NIGHTMARE!
BILL HEWSON: I don't believe it! Lloyd Rees took advantage of Nightmare's distraction and dumped him over the top rope!
JACK JONES: Well, attacking Nightmare head-ON wasn't working. Maybe if D! and Static and The Dudes weren't so goody-two-shoes THEY would've attacked him from behind!
But nonetheless, Nightmare is eliminated. The crowd gives him a nice ovation as he leaves... and now is when Karl van Helden gets in the ring, going to work on D! immediately. The Dudes have Lloyd Rees! Shot to the corner, Cameron with a big splash! Mike Johnston comes second... another splash! Lloyd flops forward, causing Old Salty to pull at what's left of his hair. Predator takes down Static, and then looks at KVH! 10...9...8...7...6... Van Helden hits an inverted atomic drop on D!... Predator spears him out of his boots! 5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZ!
BILL HEWSON: Wait...the Godfather Waltz? But Don Travelli is injured, he's not competing here tonight. What's going on?
Indeed, Don Travelli walks out with a cast on his leg. He has a microphone. Predator stops to stare Travelli down, clearly wanting to tear him apart.
DON TRAVELLI: Listen to me, eh? Unfortunately for all you fans tonight, Don Travelli is not going to be wrestling because-a of a bad leg injury. Predator, I know you wanting to have a piece of me... but I found a replacement to come to da ring. They tell me they want to make guys like you sleepa widda fishes, so I say to them, come on, take-a The Don's spot! They'll make it real...NEW AND IMPROVED!
"AS LOW AS YOU GO! (as low as you go!)"
BILL HEWSON: Oh. My. God.
JACK JONES: Oh. THANK. GOD!
BILL HEWSON: D-X IS IN SOLE SURVIVOR!
JACK JONES: Apparently BOTH OF THEM!
Stylin' Kyle & The Beast step out through the curtain, Kyle shaking hands with The Don, who cackles madly. The Beast and Kyle walk to the ring slowly, and Predator slides out under the bottom rope to try to get to Travelli. The Beast and Kyle...let him tear past them? Travelli gulps and hobbles off...wait a minute! D-X just turned around after Predator and FROM BEHIND! D-X is pounding away on Predator like he stole from them, what the hell is this about?
BILL HEWSON: Surely D-X isn't just doing Don Travelli's dirty work, Jack Jones!
JACK JONES: I think D-X is just in a very, very, VERY bad mood and well, opportunity knocks! Like how D-X is knocking Predator around!
D-X is beating Predator down, sending him to the ring now. They roll him in and enter themselves as the action around them continues. By action, I mean The Dudes playing paper rock scissors to amuse themselves, seemingly oblivious to the action around them. "FLAMINGO! I WIN!" D! and Lloyd Rees are tied up, while Static & Karl Van Helden go at it! Van Helden --- HITS THE FINAL SOLUTION! D-X has Predator, wait a minute! Predator is fighting back with everything he's worth! 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
JACK JONES: YES! YES! Look who it is, Bill Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: And our final mystery entrant is...none other than PIT BOSS! We saw this man make his NAPW debut earlier in the evening, but he's clearly not satisfied with just attacking beaten men!
JACK JONES: What a night it would be for Pit Boss to get an NAPW Title Shot his first night with the company!
Pit Boss takes his time, surveying the scene. He decides he has better things to do then get in the ring, apparently, and chooses to jaw with some fans at ringside. In the ring, Karl Van Helden rushes in to clothesline Static --- STATIC BACK DROPS HIM UP...and...OVER! Karl Van Helden is eliminated! D! knocks Lloyd Rees down with a big roundhouse kick. But now! Predator knocks down The Beast & Kyle, then gets some distance. D-X gets up, turns around... SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR! The Beast & Kyle drop to the canvas and pull down the top rope! PREDATOR GOES FLYING OUT OF THE RING! He crashlands on the outside and is certainly eliminated! D-X look over him, Kyle Roberts laughing his ass off. The Beast dusts his hands off THE DUDES! THE DUDES PICK UP D-X FROM BEHIND AND... AND DUMP THEM OUT! WHAT THE HELL! D-X IS ELIMINATED BY THEIR NEMESIS' THE DUDES! The Dudes do a little dance, probably will make a little love, and fail to notice D! and Static behind them. D! winks at Static, Static shrugs, and... THEY DUMP THE DUDES! THE DUDES ARE ELIMINATED!
JACK JONES: Did somebody knock over the dominoes or something?
BILL HEWSON: Like a chain reaction, and six men are eliminated in short order! Static eliminated his friends The Dudes, but...well, it IS every man for himself!
JACK JONES: He probably realized the terror of Mike Johnston: NAPW Champion, that's all.
The Dudes look up at Static, saying "Hey man, what gives?" Static shrugs, and makes the "belt" motion around his waists. Johnston points at Static, saying "oooooho ho ho, that Static!" Cameron Scott and Mike Johnston look over the retreating D-X and high-five, that's enough for them.
JACK JONES: Man...D-X has had a really bad night. I'll have to go take those boys out on the town later tonight.
BILL HEWSON: Jack Jones, true humanitarian. PIT BOSS FROM BEHIND!
PIT BOSS FROM BEHIND! Is that an echo? Pit Boss nails Static down and then grabs D! --- BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Lloyd Rees is in the corner, taking a lounge as Pit Boss gets into the action. He stomps on D! as the countdown begins! 10...9...8...7...6...5...Pit Boss hooks D! up! BRAINBUSTER in the center of the ring...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
"SON OF A BITCH TO THE CORE!"
Hair slicked perfectly, here comes Delivery Man #1 at a run! He slides in the ring and goes immediately bicycle kicks Pit Boss in the face! Next up --- Lloyd Rees! HALF-NELSON BULLDOG! Delivery Man #1 is on fire! Static & D! are both down and trying to recover. #1 tries to eliminate Lloyd Rees, but Pit Boss nails him from behind. #1 turns around and kicks his ass! HE'S A DELIVERY TRUCK ON FIRE! MY METAPHORS SUCK TONIGHT! LLOYD REES FROM BEHIND with a lowblow! Pit Boss directing Lloyd Rees? Lloyd hooks Delivery Man #1 on his shoulders... Pit Boss grabs him! GOOD LORD! HANGMAN'S NECKBREAKER! #1 is down and out, and D! and Static have had enough, getting back into it. D! squares off with Pit Boss, Static with Lloyd Rees. Lots of brawling, as Pit Boss is the freshest man in the match.
BILL HEWSON: My God, Jack Jones, D! has been in the ring for fifty-six minutes! He's gotta be running on fumes right now, and Pit Boss is only a few minutes into this thing!
JACK JONES: Advantage: PIT BOSS! As usual. Ask Casino or Evan, our so-called "Tag Champions!"
Pit Boss chops away on D! in the corner, as Lloyd Rees sends Static to the ropes. Static catches him with a Tornado DDT! That plants Rees, and now Static hits the ropes... ASAI MOONSAULT! Hits KNEES! Rees had enough sense to get his knees up. Delivery Man #1 has climbed back to his feet, and he's not exactly a happy camper. Rees gets up to go after Static, but #1 spins him around, BOOT. THE BIG DELIVERY POWERBOMB INTO A PIN! And that folds Lloyd Rees in half! 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3... Pit Boss trying to put D! out of the ring, but D!'s holding on! 2...1...BZZZZZZZZZZ!
"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.
We don't need no water let the mother(bleep)er burn!"
Bloodhound Gang kicks in, and that can only mean one man. One six-foot-eight, three-hundred-pound plus man. DEVASTATION steps through the curtains, basking in the crowd's torrent of boos. He stalks to the ring, calm and arrogant. Delivery Man #1 is trying to eliminate Lloyd Rees as Devastation gets into the ring. He goes IMMEDIATELY to Delivery Man #1 and in a show of sheer brute strength, simply RIPS Delivery Man #1 off of Lloyd Rees. DOUBLE UNDERHOOK...POWERBOMB! And then Devastation simply throws #1 out of the ring! #1 is eliminated! Devastation grins, and then goes over to Pit Boss. D! is in a world of trouble now as Devastation and Pit Boss together, attempt to toss D! over the top rope! But here comes Static from behind, nailing Pit Boss! Static turns Pit Boss around and whips him into the ropes! Dropkick puts Pit Boss on the ropes, Static tries to clothesline him out, but Pit Boss back drops him over! Static lands on the ring apron and shoots to the top rope --- he flies off! Pit Boss catches him, POWERBOMB ... NO! STATIC WITH A HEAD SCISSORS! PIT BOSS TAKEN OVER THE TOP ROPE! Static manages to grab the ropes and stay in, but Pit Boss hits the floor! Pit Boss is eliminated! Static rolls back in, but wait a minute! PIT BOSS slides back into the ring SPINEBUSTER SPINEBUSTER! And now Pit Boss applies the CLOVERLEAF! Holy crap! Pit Boss is eliminated but taking it out on Static! Referees are swarming the ring to try to break it up, but Pit Boss has gone billy berserk! Devastation & D! are still tying up, Lloyd Rees is in one corner watching it all unfold! Meanwhile! 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
And that music must mean one man, the leader of STORM...here comes Thunder. Thunder strides down the apron, enjoying the scene in the ring. He hops up on the ring apron...
BILL HEWSON: TECHNIQUE! TECHNIQUE IS HERE!
JACK JONES: ...WHAT?
BILL HEWSON: Technique just came out of the crowd and pulled Thunder down from the ring apron! What the hell...they're coming our way!
JACK JONES: No, don't come OUR way!
Technique, the mexican sensation, is back and beating the crap out of the man who put him out of action months ago! Thunder is reeling as Technique beats him towards the announce table! Technique sends Thunder sliding over the announce table as Hewson and Jones scatter! He grabs the nearest steel chair... CLANG! Thunder spills on top of the table, and now Technique...Technique is on top of the announce table! TECHNIQUE~! PULLS THUNDER UP! PILEDRIVER THROUGH THE TABLE! The crowd chants "HOLY (BLEEP)!" as Technique screams "VIVA LA RAZA!" and other Mexican phrases I don't know, being whiter then white and so very Austrian. The crowd is on fire for Thunder, who then takes off through the crowd, his people again! Meanwhile, officials have FINALLY pried Pit Boss off of Static, and he's making his way up the aisle. Static is still in the ring, clearly worse for wear. And that's what Lloyd Rees likes, as he pulls Static up and tries to eliminate him! Meanwhile, Devastation and D! are going toe-to-toe! D! nails a huge roundhouse and then bounces off the ropes, but Devastation counters the clothesline by stepping INTO it and hitting... pretty much a BLACK HOLE SLAM! D! writhes in pain on the canvas! 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZ!
BILL HEWSON: And we know who number 30 is! One half of The Celtic Assassins... here comes "The Irish Adonis" Bobby O'Brady!
Static fights back on Rees, sticking a thumb in his eye. JAWJACKER! That buys Static some time, as Bobby O'Brady nervously approaches the ring with Al Thoes by his side. Al Thoes nearly has to roll O'Brady in the ring. Bobby turns around for support, Al Thoes gives him the thumbs up... STATIC! DROPKICK! O'BRADY GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE! BOBBY O'BRADY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! Al Thoes puts his head in his hands, as O'Brady sheepishly picks himself up.
JACK JONES: Well, that was...certainly brief!
BILL HEWSON: Number thirty entered...and number thirty left! And in the ring...we are down to the final four!
JACK JONES: D! has been in this thing for ONE HOUR, Bill Hewson! Static's been in for thirty minutes!
BILL HEWSON: D! STATIC! DEVASTATION! LLOYD REES! It's anybody's match!
Each man is in a corner. Devastation points to Rees, and then the Newfie and the Phenom confer. Devastation may not like Rees much and vice versa, but the two look like they've settled enough of their differences at least to co-exist and eliminate their opposition. D! & Static touch knuckles, they have their own pact. The four men... GO AT EACH OTHER! Static & Devastation! D! & Rees! It's crazy! Lloyd Rees sends D! over the top rope! D! is eliminated... NO! WAIT! ONLY ONE FOOT TOUCHES! Lloyd Rees has turned around, posing for the crowd...but D! is on the apron! Old Salty gets Lloyd to turn around --- Lloyd rushes D! TOP ROPE GOES DOWN! Lloyd Rees' own momentum carries him UP AND OVER! D! ELIMINATES THE PROVINCIAL CHAMPION LLOYD REES! Devastation is pounding on Static as they renew their rivalry! Devastation going for the double-underhook powerbomb once again... NO! STATIC! THE HEADSCISSORS! Just like he eliminated Pit Boss... but Devastation got wise to it! Static is hanging on the wrong side of the ropes, legs around Devastation's neck... DEVASTATION DROPS TO HIS KNEES! Static's head crunches into the ring apron, and... he tumbles to the floor below! Devastation has eliminated Static! And that leaves... Two. Men. D! and Devastation look out over each other... and here we go! D! swings around for a sleeper! NYQUIL DRIVER --- Devastation merely stands up to his full height and DROPS BACK, crushing D! beneath him! D! is in a world of trouble now as Devastation grabs him by the back of the head and points to the rafters...charge! D! goes flying over the top rope, no! Lands on the ring apron! Devastation swings and D! ducks! Devastation momentarily off-balance, and that's all D! needs to shoulderblock him through the ropes. That doubles Devastation over, and D! hits a sunset flip back in! Devastation won't fall, won't fall, he reaches down for D! and grabs him by the throat! Holy crap! Devastation hauls D! up and manhandles him into position for the BURNING HAMMER! He delivers it --- D! flips out and lands on his feet! BUZZ KICK KNOCKS DEVASTATION'S BLOCK OFF! Devastation is staggered, so D! KICKS HIM IN THE FRIKKING FACE AGAIN! Devastation staggers backwards! THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET, BY GOD! D! hits the ropes LLOYD REES! CHAIRSHOT TO THE BACK! LLOYD REES JUST SMASHED D! WITH A STEEL CHAIR! D! staggers in pain, turning around to see what the hell just happened.
BILL HEWSON: That son of a bitch! He's been eliminated, he should be OUT OF HERE! WAITAMINUTE! NO! DEVASTATION FROM BEHIND! NO! NOT LIKE THIS! NOT LIKE THIS~!
JACK JONES: YES LIKE THIS! YES LIKE THIS!
And D! somehow --- someway --- holds onto the top rope despite his pain
And Devastation lowers the boom, smashing D! to the floor. D! crashes down at the feet of Lloyd Rees, who throws the chair down on D!.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of SOLE SURVIVOR... DEVASTATIONNNNNNN!
BILL HEWSON: D! ...from NUMBER ONE, all the way to the end! He had it won! He had Devastation on the ropes! But here it's DEVASTATION who gets the Heavyweight Title shot all thanks to Lloyd Rees! Was this the plan all along? Were Devastation and NFA ever REALLY against each other? This STINKS to me!
JACK JONES: You are looking at your next NAPW Champion, Bill Hewson, right there! It starts with D!, but it's ELEVEN LETTERS! DEVASTATION, BABY! The VICIOUS PHENOM!
Outside the ring, D! stirs, the crowd's heart broken in two as Devastation raises his arms in victory. Lloyd Rees is at the top of the aisle as D! figures out what happened, holding the chair in his hands. Devastation poses for each side of the ring, oblivious to or enjoying the insane heel heat he's getting...
BILL HEWSON: That man there will challenge for the NAPW Heavyweight Championship some day soon! It may be against NEW CHAMPION Rex Caliber! It may be against Ravager after he gets his rematch! But Devastation...will wrestle for the richest prize in Canada! And damn him for the way he did it! This has been one of the most emotional nights in NAPW history... for Jack Jones, I'm Bill Hewson saying GOOD NIGHT!
Lights down.