04/10/2006

MNF fades back up with Cameron Scott and Coach Jago both being strapped onto stretchers. Mike Johnston is up. Worse for wear, but up, and standing with concern next to his tag partner and Coach jago.

BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen, if you are just joining us, The New & Improved D-X is responsible for the carnage you see before you. Obviously Cameron Scott and Coach Jago, thanks to Stylin' Kyle & The Beast, need to be in the emergency room.

JACK JONES: You know, this is a physical industry, and people get hurt, but Stylin' Kyle was TRYING to hurt them. Sure, it's fun and games when the Doomriders do it, but for the rest of the sane world... there's a line, and tonight, D-X crossed it. Stylin' Kyle crossed it.

BILL HEWSON: We can only hope that Cameron Scott and Coach Jago will recover from these injuries. If we receive any updates throughout the evening, we will let you know. Right now, not to take away from the gravity of the situation, but right now we go to JOSH REYNOLDS, who is backstage.

CUT to Josh Reynolds, standing between the unlikely pairing of STATIC and RAVAGER.

JOSH REYNOLDS: Thanks, Bill. Ravager, Static, obviously a dark situation in the ring right now, but later tonight it will be an historic occasion when for the first time ever, the two of you take step into the squared circle as partners instead of opponents. Your thoughts?

RAVAGER: I've wrestled this man time and time again, Josh Reynolds. I know how he works in the ring. And even though I love pinning his shoulders to the mat, what happens tonight is this: The Charitable Trust have to step into the ring with the Shooter, with the Hardcore Luchadore, and neither one of us is in a very good mood right now.

STATIC: Josh Reynolds, you crazy little bitch! What, so Devastation & Pit Boss think they're so much damn smarter than us? They want people to think, REALLY think that somehow I went out and beat up partner in CRIMES CRIMES CRIMES? Yeah, right. And you know...as much as I like to beat the living (bleep) out of Ravager, what's crazy is that I... believe him. "Wahoo" Bobby Winchell's made sure of one thing, that we do this IN THE RING! And tonight, OPERATION KILL MOTHER(BLEEP)ERS DEAD is going to do just that to the two biggest mother(BLEEP)ers of them all! Charitable Trust... get ready to SUCK MY VOODOOOOOO!

Static walks off like a madman. Ravager and Josh watch after him, before Ravager speaks with intensity.

RAVAGER: Devastation. Pit Boss. Business is business. But not tonight. You didn't get the job done, Trust. And now?

Ravager stares directly into the camera.

RAVAGER: It's personal.

Ravager strides off. Josh Reynolds throws to commercial break.

"A heaven in Alberta... all hell for a basement!" BLAMMO! The crowd goes nuts for the hometown boy, Mark Millar, always up for kicking a punk for a buck! Clad in his trademark black trunks and Oilers jersey, he's shouting something about the playoffs and pumping himself up on the way to the ring.

JACK JONES: This should be a goon'un! Two young men, similar background, both brawlers...

BILL HEWSON: Indeed Jack, we're looking at a real slobberknocker! A barnburner! A--

JACK JONES: Enough, thanks.

BILL HEWSON: Okay.

As the Can-Rock tunes of Big Sugar fade out, we're greeted with the turbulant, gutter punk blast of "Eat a Bowl of Fuck" and Krusty Kid Paul. He's strolling to the ring to scattered cheers, seems a little apathetic about the crowd.

BILL HEWSON: And just as expected, these two not even waiting for Frank Warburton's introductions, they're going right at it! Krusty Kid Paul in the ring, forearms a-blazin'!

The moment of surprise catches Moose off-guard, and he's on the defensive early as KKP backs him into a corner with forearms and elbows. KKP goes for an irish whip into the opposite turnbuckle, Moose counters and send KKP flying. Moose runs up behind KKP as he's whipped and SMASHES him with a clothesline in the corner! Moose with BOWS OF FURY as he pummels KKP while shouting in tune with the 'bows: "IN--EDMONTON--WE--WAIT! FOR--THE--INTROS!" Big clothesline to finish there as the crowd pops mad. Moose grabs KKP by his ten-inch mohawk and gutwrenches him to the ground, middle of the ring! Pin only gets two from Morgan Smythe. Moose drops another elbow on KKP before grabbing him by the knees and getting ready for a slingshot -- KKP into the corner again -- blocks the turnbuckle! As Moose shouts at the crowd after his move, KKP runs at him. Moose turns around just in time for a running big boot to the chest!

BILL HEWSON: Moose's love of shouting not helping him at all in this contest!

KKP with the upper hand now, much to the crowd's dismay. KKP working the neck of Moose, with forearms and elbows, capping it off with a vicious knee smash to the forehead. KKP lunges forward with the pin, only gets two. KKP looking a little frustrated, talking with Smythe, looking for the right place to go for the finish. Elbow to the back of the head of the kneeling Moose, laying the boots. KKP taunting Moose a little, "Kick a punk for a buck, huh?! Feels like MOOSE SEASON to me!" KICK! Moose rises on the ropes, irish whip from KKP. Moose reversed it, but KKP stopped himself by grabbing the ropes. Moose with a head of steam -- "GAHHH!" -- running with ferocity at the gutter punk only to be lifted into the air for a SPINEBUST--Moose with an elbow to the forehead in mid-air! Moose has him stunned for a second, easily picks up the lighter man for a running powerslam, he's looking to put this one in the bag! KKP's having none of it, though, sliding out and running Moose facefirst in! to the turnbuckle from behind. As Moose reels from getting a face-full of steel, he stumbles backward, right into KKP's Bottle Opener! KKP floats over with a pin, ONE! TWO! THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Your winner tonight... KRUSTY! KID! PAUL!

KKP slides out of the ring, arms raised to scattered cheers throughout. As he leaves, Moose finally rises, looking down... but realizes that the fans are calling for a curtain call, and obliges them by posing on the turnbuckle as we fade to commercial.

"Brahms Cello Sonatas" soothingly cruises through the PA as Dr. Al Zimer leads Tour Ed out to ringside and keeping him as calm as possible.

JACK JONES: Is this guy aware that he has bunnies and ducks on his robe?

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Approaching the ring accompanied by Dr. Zimer, from the Shadyside Institute, weighing in at two-hundred and forty-five pounds... TOOOOOUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR EEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

Upon hearing his name drawn out like that, Tour Ed climbs the turnbuckles and wildly flails his arms about while uttering semi-bleeped obscenities.

TOUR ED: TOUR ED! YOU'RE DEAD! BIG HEAD! MOTHER FED! MOTHER (BLEEP)ER! UNCLE KNUCKLER! BALLCOCK! COCK 'N BALLS! FRANK 'N BEANS! PISS! (BLEEP)! TURD!

Zimer pulls Tour Ed off his perch and breaks open an amyl popper under his nose in an attempt to calm him down some. Tour Ed appears serene now as "Science" by System of a Down replaces his theme. Dr. Morgoth emerges to some MAJOR heat and Stein mechanically follows him in that odd gait/shuffle of his. Morgoth, carrying his laptop under his arm, gives Zimer a sneer of disgust from outside the ring. Zimer, carrying only a yellow legal pad and a pen (he's old school) gives his old college roommate the stink eye.

BILL HEWSON: No love lost between these two apparently.

JACK JONES: Where have you been, Hewson? These two are arch-rivals and loathe one another completely. Dr. Morgoth may be a bit... unconventional... but he's a much better doctor than this Al Zimer schmuck.

BILL HEWSON: How can you say that about a man who has no regard for humanity and freedom like Morgoth?

JACK JONES: To be honest, I really only like that shady director cat. He reminds me of the bad guy from Inspector Gadget.

BILL HEWSON: (shaking his head) Dr. Claw. Of course.

FRANK WARBURTON: Entering the ring accompanied by Dr. Morgoth... from Parts Unknown, weighing in at ONE-hundred and EIGHTY-pounds... This... is... STEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Henry Andrews gives the signal and the bell is rung. Morgoth gives Zimer and raspberry from across the ring and Zimer responds by taking some notes and shaking his head in dismay.

JACK JONES: Stupid headshrinkers.

BILL HEWSON: You really should see one about your gambling problem.

JACK JONES: Shut up! You sound like my mother.

Stein lumbers over to Tour Ed and they lock horns. Tour Ed shows his savant prowess by slipping out of the collar and elbow and captures Stein in a hammerlock from behind. Tour Ed begins to apply the pressure and mutter some obscenities, but Stein nails him in the grill with a reverse elbow from his free arm. Tour Ed reels as Stein zones in on his throat and nails it with some nasty looking chops that cause the fans to cringe. Tour Ed is whipped across the ring and Stein boots Tour Ed in the face on the return. Stein makes a lateral press cover, but Tour Ed muscles out at TWO.

BILL HEWSON: Tour Ed with the height and weight advantage, but does that really help in this case?

JACK JONES: Stein may appear diminutive and petite, but we've all seen the amazing strength he possesses.

As if to validate these claims, Stein presses the much bigger Tour Ed over his head with the Gorilla Press. Tour Ed manages to slip out before he is dropped and drops Stein with a stunted bulldog from behind. Tour Ed covers, but doesn't even get a 1 as Stein is too strong still. Tour Ed captures his man and sends him flying overhead with a T-Bone Suplex. Stein is up and Tour Ed drops him with not one, not two, but three clotheslines. Tour Ed hops around joyfully as Zimer advises him to either cover or keep on the attack. Morgoth has now opened his laptop and is furiously typing in some commands. Stein is up with a jolt and grabs Tour Ed by the throat and chokes before tossing him across the ring like a rag doll. Stein is on his man rather quickly and applies the Tongan Death Grip. Tour Ed flails and begins to fade while Zimer goes into a panic. Morgoth laughs in that creepy manner of his. Before he fades out too much, Tour Ed is aware enough of the ropes and grabs onto them with both legs. Andrews tries to break the hold, but Stein refuses until the count reaches 4. Morgoth types the command and Stein releases a now weary Tour Ed. Morgoth nods his head and Stein gets ready for the Vitiator, but Tour Ed gains his second wind and plows into Stein's midsection before lifting him up and planting him with a modified slam/spinebuster in the middle of the ring. Tour Ed pulls at his hair and screams obscenities before hitting the ropes and dropping his leg across Stein's head. Tour Ed covers, but Stein easily kicks out at 2. Tour Ed ducks a lariat and catches his man, lifts, and plants him again with the Death Valley Driver. Tour Ed covers, but again Stein manages a kick out at 2. Tour Ed's light bulb goes off and he begins climbing to the top. Stein is up and stalks over to his man. Tour Ed kicks him in the face and sets himself up on the perch.

TOUR ED: FLYING (BLEEP)! SUCK A DUCK!

Tour Ed sails through the air with a cross body, but Stein manages to actually catch the big man and hold him up before falling forward into a slam. Stein makes the cover, but Tour Ed kicks out at 2. Morgoth types the command and Stein readies to apply the Vitiator. Zimer screams this to Tour Ed, who narrowly avoids being clawed and sends Stein sailing with a Dragon legscrew. Tour Ed drops his man with a pair of shoulder charges and gets the crowd behind him. He grabs Stein, lifts him up, and replants him with the Anti-Psychotic Therapy. Stein is down and Tour Ed covers. The ref doesn't notice as Morgoth grabs Stein's nearby leg and drapes it over the bottom rope. Morgoth bellows and Andrews just notices the leg on the rope before he makes the 3 count. Zimer is irate and actually charges over to where Morgoth is to confront his former colleague. They trade insults like a pair of deranged divas while Tour Ed cocks his head and watches. Stein is still down, possibly recharging. Morgoth threatens to nails Zimer with his laptop, but decides better of it and safely hides it under the ring. Zimer gets in Morgoth's face and actually shoves him. Morgoth responds with the weakest girly punch ever seen that taps Zimer on the shoulder. The equally girly Zimer responds by slapping Morgoth in the face like a woman would do to a sexist pig of a man. This eventually breaks down into a sissy slap fight between Science and Psychology. Tour Ed sees his doc is in trouble and slides out of the ring. Morgoth screams rather loudly as Tour Ed grabs him and plants him outside the ring with the Anti-Psychotic Therapy, much to the delight of the fans.

JACK JONES:: He should be fined and suspended for attacking a manager and pillar of the science community like that!

BILL HEWSON: Give me a break. Look out for Stein!

Stein is now fully recovered and slides out to meet Tour Ed and clamp the Vitiator onto him. There is no escape now for Tour Ed as Andrews begins counting both men out. Stein doesn't seem to notice or care as he clamps down hard on his man. Zimer tries to hit Stein with his notepad, but Stein sends him away with a backhand slap that knocks the headshrinker out. Tour Ed is now bleeding from the force of Stein's fingers just as Andrews makes the ten count and both men are counted out.

JACK JONES: No contest, what a gyp! Stein could have had this in the bag if Morgoth was still conscious.

BILL HEWSON: Someone needs to stop this monster and save Tour Ed.

Andrews is little help and he signals for every ref and road agent to help break Stein away from Tour Ed. They finally get it done and Stein appears rather serene for an automaton. He lifts Morgoth and carries him over his shoulder while holding the laptop in his other hand. Tour Ed and Zimer are being attended to by the medical personnel.

In the middle of the ring we see a podium cover by a cloth as "Rant & Roar" hits the area speaker system and the new look ~nFa~ hits the ramp. Ol' Salty comes first, followed by "Republic of Newfoundland Champion" "The Lemondrop Kid" Lloyd Rees, "NTV Champion" Bayman Jakey, and the newest editions to the ~nFa~, "The Scottish Wrecking Machine" Al Thoes, and "The Irish Adonis" Bobby O'Brady. The five ~nFa~ members make their entrance to a chorus of boos from the NAPW fans. Al Thoes is wearing a huge grin, slapping Bobby O'Brady on the back. O'Brady sneers at the crowd with an angry glare. The ~nFa~ enters the ring and Ol' Salty grabs the microphone.

OL' SALTY: Thank ya all! I'd like t'take dis time t'introduce ya all to da future of wrasslin, The NewFound Alliance.

More boos from the NAPW fans.

OL' SALTY: T'night we are go'n t'share with you, th' ungrateful fans of NAPW, a very important part of Newfoundland heritage as we officially welcome da newest members of da ~nFa~, "The Scottish Wrecking Machine" Al Thoes and "The Irish Adonis" Bobby O'Brady. You see, t'night live on NAPW television, for da first time ever, we're go'n make our new buddies here honorary Newfoundlanders with an old fashion Screech'n in!

Ol'Salty passes the mic off to Lloyd Rees. BOOOOOO!

LLOYD REES: Then, da moment that everyone's been wait'n fer, da unveil'n of da new Republic of Newfoundland Championship. So, with no further delay, let me hand da mic off t'me good buddy, da master of ceremonies, da NTV Champion, Bayman Jakey!

Jakey grabs the mic. The crowd starts a small "YOU SCREWED LOBO" chant. Clearly, NAPW fans aren't thrilled to be witnessing the Celtic Assassins in such an important moment.

BAYMAN JAKEY: Alright, let me tell ya mainlanders a little something about dis here Screech'n in! Only da most deserve'n people are eligible fer dis... And these two fellas right here (points to Al Thoes and Bobby O'Brady) are more than deserve'n! Al Thoes...Bobby O'Brady... b'ys, can I get a few words on what t'is honor means t' ya?

Jakey holds the mic up to the hulkin, intense Bobby O'Brady.

BOBBY O'BRADY: You know,ever since I made my debut here in NAPW, I've taken nothing but abuse. First Ravager, then Lobo, then from the Tag Division. After Sole Survivor, I was ready to toss in the towel, but then, help arrived. The nFa, my Celtic brothers, reached out to us. They offered us the chance to make a true impact, and reach our full potential. How could I say no? And now, to be part of such a sacred ceremony... (is O'Brady choking back tears?)

AL THOES: (Taking the mic) Easy there Bobby. This is an emotional time for all of us. Even if the mainlanders don't understand what an honor we're being given. Tonight, The Celtic Assassins take one step closer to greatness. Tonight, we get welcomed into what will soon be the most dominant organization in wrestling. And there's nothing you imbiciles can do about it. There's nothing the guys in the back can do about it. Tonight, the nFa sets the standard for everyone else to meet!

Booing from the crowd, but applause from the other nFa members. Does Ol' Salty seem to be getting a bit misty as well?

BAYMAN JAKEY: Alright, me b'yes! Now, there's a few steps t'dis most important ceremony and da first one is that da deserve'n party needs t'be sponsored by someone. Is there anyone here t'night that would like to sponsor "The Scottish Wrecking Machine" Al Thoes?

LLOYD REES: I'll be da one t'take that honor...

BAYMAN JAKEY: Now, is there anyone that would like t'sponsor "The Irish Adonis" Bobby O'Brady?

OL' SALTY: Hey b'y... I got dis one!

BAYMAN JAKEY: So, now step two... Salty, da fish.

Ol' Salty pulls a rather large cod fish out of a bag. He passes the fish to Jakey, who continues to speak.

BAYMAN JAKEY: Now b'ys, da next ting is to kiss dis lovely fish. Do ye have any objections t'that?

AL THOES: No! Not at all!

BOBBY O'BRADY: Anything for the ~nFa~!

Both Celtic Assassins kiss the cod. Al Thoes looks like he's enjoying himself a little too much.

BAYMAN JAKEY: Alright b'ys, here's da best part. Lloyd, pour us da Screech!

Lloyd pours two shots of Newfoundland Screech, stops, and then pours three more. Lloyd hands everyone a shot. Bayman Jakey continues to talk.

BAYMAN JAKEY: After me b'ys... Long may yer big jib draw!

AL THOES & BOBBY O'BRADY: LONG MAY YER BIG JIB DRAW!

BAYMAN JAKEY: Drink up b'ys!

The five ~nFa~ members drink their shots of Screech. By this point, the crowd has begun chanting "BORING, BORING" in disgust at the ~nFa~.

BAYMAN JAKEY: That's it b'ys! Yer officially NewFound Alliance members!

There's a big ~nFa~ group hug and another round of Screech. Lloyd Rees takes the mic as the Celts shake hands with Jakey & Salty, all smiles. Why does the crowd hate them, they're all so jovial!

LLOYD REES: Welcome fellas, were glad t'have ya... Now, ladies and Gents, its da time everyone has been wait fer. Da unvei'n! You see, now that da NAPW Provincial Championship is no more...

Lloyd takes his spray painted belt off and throws it to the ground.

LLOYD REES: It was time fer da ~nFa~ Republic of Newfoundland Title t'get a new look. Someting that screamed Newfoundland and da New Found Alliance. So, with da help of me good buddy Bruce Parsons...

Camera pans to the audience, where master metalworker, Bruce Parsons, is enjoying his front row seat.

LLOYD REES: I give t'ya, da new Republic of Newfoundland Championship title belt...

Lloyd pulls back the cloth to reveal the new Republic of Newfoundland Championship title belt. Ol' Salty and Jakey enthuse about it, the Celts each hitting a corner and motioning "belts" around their waist, yelling "The next tag team champions!" at the crowd. Ol' Salty takes the belt and does it up around Lloyd's waist as the crowd threatens to riot. Lloyd, completely unfazed by the audience, begins to pose to each side of the ring. The NFA applauds Lloyd as he poses for one side of the building...

When from the otherside, CHRIS CASINO and EVAN CARTWRIGHT storm through the audience and jump the guardrail in street clothes! The crowd ERUPTS in cheers as they slide into the ring, Evan holding a wicked-looking kendo stick and Casino holding...a stuffed sheep? Casino grins cockily at the crowd and then WHAM! KENDO STICK TO THE BACK OF O'BRADY! SHEEP TO THE BACK OF THOES! IT'S A CLUBBERIN'!

JACK JONES: Those disrespectful jerks! This is an important ceremony---OW!

BILL HEWSON: EVAN CARTWRIGHT snapping that SINGAPORE CANE right over the head of Ol' Salty! The Rat Pack are getting revenge after being humiliated at the hands of the NFA last Thursday night! GOOD GOD!

Casino, with both hands, brings the stuffed sheep down in full authority over the head of Al Thoes. The NFA is trying to recover but The Rat Pack is just ON FIRE! Evan Cartwright looks more angry then he's EVER BEEN. He hooks Bayman Jakey WITH the cane...and delivers a SEARING Sambo Suplex that sends Jakey skittering out of the ring and into the guardrail! Casino ducks a clothesline by O'Brady --- SUPERKICK! O'Brady spills over the top rope! Ol' Salty has rolled to the outside! Al Thoes is holding his neck and slowly rolling off the apron after that sheep shot (Did I just type Sheep Shot?), which leaves...

BILL HEWSON: The Rat Pack has stormed the ring, and Jack Jones, take a look...the Provincial Champion is all alone with Evan Cartwright & Chris Casino!

JACK JONES: Somebody save the Republic Champion! Anybody! Where's D!, he likes saving people!

BILL HEWSON: Somehow I doubt D! is going to save "The Lemondrop Kid!"

Cartwright, eyes blazing, twirls the kendo stick in his hand. Casino continues to grin (That smug bastard). Lloyd looks like he's trying to make peace. Evan Cartwright reaches down, not taking his eyes off of Lloyd, and picks up the old Provincial Title belt. He looks at it, and then WHAM! Kendo Stick to the mid-section of Lloyd Rees, doubling the man over! Cartwright slaps the Provincial Belt on the canvas. Casino drops the sheep, hooks Lloyd's arms and delivering BANKRUPT directly on the belt! Cartwright nails O'Brady trying to get back in the ring with the kendo stick as Casino holds up the sheep and pulls a big fat red brick out of it. The crowd roars as Casino displays the brick around. Meanwhile, Evan Cartwright has the old Provincial Title belt again in his hands, and he's pointing in Lloyd's face, nearly spitting in anger.

BILL HEWSON: And Evan Cartwright...is so angry at the way Lloyd Rees has desecrated the NAPW Provincial Title, a belt he once wore with pride! Wait a minute, here come the NFA!

The NFA have regrouped and rush the ring, but Casino & Evan (having draped the old belt over Lloyd) split over the top rope and back into the crowd. Evan points the kendo stick towards the ring as Casino basks in the adulation of the crowd, smirking. Ol' Salty & Bayman Jakey pick up Lloyd Rees, who's lookin' punch drunk while Thoes & O'Brady call threats towards The Rat Pack.

JACK JONES: When will The Rat Pack return to the side of the angels? What...what have they become?

BILL HEWSON: The NFA beat them, and spraypainted Evan's back! Of course Casino & Cartwright are going to want revenge after being humiliated... it's about damned time somebody got one over on the NFA! "Republic of Newfoundland" Champion my pasty white ass. The Rat Pack will defend their belts against the European Dream Team of DON TRAVELLI and KARL VAN HELDEN this Thursday night on Action!, but this feud with the NFA --- and the Celtic Assassins --- certainly isn't over! We'll be right back!

FRANK WARBURTON: Our next match is scheduled for one fall! Please allow me to introduce your special guest referee for this match. He is the former two time NAPW Heavyweight Champion... DEEEEE!!

"Right Before My Eyes" by The Snitches starts to blast and the fans come unglued for D! as he makes his way to the ring. He slaps five along the way, wearing a zebra-striped toque. D! hits the ring and his music cuts out. "Man In The Box" by Alice In Chains starts to blast over the PA as Tommy comes out to a mixed reaction from the crowd and quickly makes his way ringside. He passes a fan holding up a sign that reads "We want Bob Barker!"

FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring first, weighing in at TWO-hundred and FIFTY-four pounds, and hailing from St. Paul Minnesota... This! Is! Tommy Deathroooooow!

"Celestial" by Isis replaces Deathrow's music as Billy emerges from the back to a loud ovation from the fans. He's got his pet taxi in tow and power walks to the ring.

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, weighing in at TWO-HUNDRED and FORTY-ONE pounds! Hailing from Windsor Ontario... This! Is! "Sick" Billy Krrrrrryenik!

BILL HEWSON: Both of these guys are unstable Jack, so if they come my way be sure to move fast!

JACK JONES: Are you kidding me? By the time you say "run" I'll already be in the back.

Billy hands over the pet taxi to the time keeper and warns him of bodily harm if anything happens to Col. Giggles. Billy climbs into the ring and D! brings the two men to the center of the ring. As he's going over the rules, Billy and Tommy are shooting the evil eye to each other. D! steps back and calls for the bell making this match official! The two men continue to trash talk in the center of the ring as the fans start to stomp their feet. Tommy strikes first as he lashes out with a right hand to the head of Billy! Just like that we're in a slugfest as the former Doomriders trade vicious lefts and right hands! Tommy rakes the eyes of Billy to which D! quickly warns him about. Deathrow ignores D! and shoves Billy into the near corner. Deathrow hits a knife edge chop that echo's through the building and sending the fans into a happy "woooooooooooooo" for the move. Billy grabs Tommy, spins him around so that he's in the corner and hits him with his own cop! Another "wooooooooooooo" from the crowd!

BILL HEWSON: Both of these men are trying to show each other that they're the toughest and baddest man in NAPW!

JACK JONES: Why is D! even out here? Just let these two beat each other until they're dead!

Tommy again pokes the eyes of his former partner and follows up with a headbutt. Billy is shot into the ropes and almost has his head taken off by a vicious back elbow smash! Tommy wastes no time as he mounts Billy and starts to pound away at him with hard right hands to the head! D! is using his count on Tommy, who is totally ignoring him, and finally the special referee has seen enough! He physically pulls Tommy Deathrow off of Billy and the former Doomrider looks ready to eat D!'s face. Tommy shoves D!, but D! shoves him back and points to his referee's toque! From behind Billy rolls Tommy up into a pin attempt! D! hits the mat and starts his count! ONE...TWO...Tommy kicks out! Without missing a beat Deathrow is back on his feet, this time yelling at D! for his near pinfall loss! Billy Kryenik, himself no saint, low blows Tommy from behind while he's distracted! D! looks down at a hurting Tommy then over at Billy who shrugs his shoulders as if he doesn't know what happened.

JACK JONES: What! DQ Kryenik you blind referee!

BILL HEWSON: D!'s only trying to keep things fair Jack! Take it easy, remember your blood pressure!

Billy gets to his feet and starts to viciously kick away at the head of Tommy! Deathrow uses the ring ropes to pull himself up even as Billy continues to kick and punch away at him. Billy grabs an arm and Irish whips him into the ropes connecting with his "Kiss Of Babylon" superkick! Deathrow hits the mat in a heap but has the presence of mind to roll quickly to the outside. Kryenik quickly follows his former partner to the outside. Billy grabs Tommy and spins him around only to take a brutal right hand to the face! Deathrow follows up with a short arm clothesline that drops Kryenik to the floor! Tommy pulls Billy to his feet and hurls him into the ring post! D! rolls to the outside and yells in the face of Tommy to take it back inside. Tommy tries to push D! away but D! stands firm and yells that he'll DQ Tommy if he doesn't get back into the ring! Tommy seems to think about it, then shoves D! to the side and grabs Billy! Tommy rolls Kryenik to the inside and quickly follows him in. D! climbs back into the ring as well, just in time to see Tommy drop a knee across the forehead of Billy.

BILL HEWSON: Tommy Deathrow has taken back control of this match! Now if he can focus on Billy Kryenik and not D! he might just win this thing!

Tommy pulls Billy to his feet and drags him to the center of the ring only so he can nail a Falcon Arrow! Tommy goes for a lazy cover as D! counts, ONE...TWO...Billy kicks out! Tommy yells that the count was slow but D! ignores him. Tommy pulls Billy to his feet and positions him for his DEATHROW DRIVER! Billy reverses the move and backdrops Tommy to the mat! Billy drops a leg across the throat of Tommy and tries for a cover! ONE...TWO...Tommy kicks out! Kryenik drags Tommy to his feet long enough to drive him back into the mat with a DDT! Billy mounts his former partner and starts to punch away at the head of Tommy Deathrow! Again D! tries to use his count but Billy seems to be in his own world. D! grabs the arm of Billy and drags him from off Tommy Deathrow! Billy springs to his feet and is nose to nose with D!. Tommy gets to his feet and tries to sneak attack Kryenik only to have Billy spin around at the last second and blast Deathrow with a right hand! Billy backs Tommy into the ropes and whips him off, it's reversed! Tommy Deathrow catches Billy on the rebound and gives his a hotshot across the top rope!

BILL HEWSON: I haven't seen that move in ages! They're pulling out everything here tonight for a win!

JACK JONES: Except chairs, thumbtacks, flaming tables.

Tommy drops to his knees and instead of a cover he begins trying to choke the life out of Kryenik! A frustrated D! uses his count and once more is totally blown off by Tommy Deathrow! D! grabs Tommy and drags him off Billy who looks to be out of it. Tommy gets to his feet and shoves D! only to get shoved back! D! starts to pull off his referee toque and the crowd is going crazy! Tommy begs off and D! slowly pulls down his toque. As D! checks on Billy, Deathrow smiles maniacally and clubs D! from behind! Deathrow grabs a stunned D! and throws him out of the ring like a sack of garbage. Tommy turns his attention back to Billy, who is now on his feet, and rushes at him! Billy is waiting and catches Tommy with a leg lariat!

BILL HEWSON: Tommy is down! But so is the referee who just got tossed out of the ring!

Billy pulls his former partner to his feet but takes a low blow that drops him! From behind, D! slides back into the ring! D! stalks over to Tommy calls his name and when Deathrow turns around he's blasted with D!'s BEAT-O-BARRAGE! Flashing out with kicks and strikes, D! is blazing, sending Deathrow into the corner. D! whips him across the ring... Stinger Splash! Tommy Deathrow staggers out of the corner on wobbly legs... INTO THE DRY LAKE! Kryenik plants Deathrow! Billy hooks a leg as D! counts! ONE! TWO! THREEEEE!

FRANK WARBURTON: And your winner by pinfall..."Sick" Billy Kryenik!!

JACK JONES: What was that? I knew D! couldn't be impartial!

BILL HEWSON: He had enough of Tommy's antics and even though he might have overstepped his bounds Billy Kryenik has picked up the win!

Billy and D! roll to the outside. D! shakes his head and starts up the aisle as Billy retrieves the pet taxi and smiles at Tommy who is laying in the center of the ring. Deathrow seems conscious. He's...laughing?

JACK JONES: That's so creepy.

BILL HEWSON: Somehow, I don't think this brutal rivalry is over... We have to take a commercial break, and when we return it will be the main event!

NAPW returns from commercial break with Frank Warburton standing in the CENTAH UV DAH RING.

FRANK WARBURTON: It is now time for the MONDAY NIGHT FIGHTS Maaaain Evennnnnt! The following match-up is a special tag team contest set for one fall! Introducing first...

The Bloodhound Gang kicks in. The crowd half-heartedly sings along, but turns instantly to BOOOOS as Devastation & Pit Boss make their entrance, flanked by the imposing figures of Bunker & Stump. Devastation leads the way, a supercillious expression on his face. Pit Boss looks ready for action, although also wearing an arrogant look.

FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring accompanied by Bunker & Stump, from Las Vegas Nevada... PIT BOSSSS! And his partner, the number one contender to the NAPW Heavyweight Title... The Vicious Phenom... DEVASTATION! They are the CHARITABLLLLLE TRUSSSSST!

Bunker & Stump hold the ropes open for Boss & Dev. Devastation stands with his arms folded, snorting in disgust at the crowd.

BILL HEWSON: Look at these two, acting like they own the damn joint.

JACK JONES: They could buy NAPW three times over, Bill Hewson. Think about it.

BILL HEWSON: I'd really prefer not, thankyouverymuch. I'm glad Bobby Winchell got this entire bounty situation under control. It's about time these two cowards settle their issues IN THE DAMN RING, not in the courts! They're wrestlers, dammit!

JACK JONES: Easy, Bill, think of your blood pressure.

The heels reside in the ring when suddenly... BADA BOOM BADA BING, NOT A LOTTA BLING! Dangerdoom gets the crowd bouncing and that brings out the masked man to a sizeable pop! Static bounds out, manic as always.

FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! Introducing first, from WINDSOR ONTARIO...he is the Hardcore Luchadore! THIS! IS! STATIC!

Static sprints to the end of the ramp as Bunker & Stump...hold the ropes open for him? Static appears to consider Pit Boss waving him in 'peacefully.' No, wait. He's flipping The Trust the double-bird!

JACK JONES: A sportsmanlike gesture on the part of the Charitable Trust and that's what they get? How low class is Static?

BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute...do you hear that?

The crowd certainly does. The violins rise... HERE COMES RAVAGER! Ravager is rushing the ring? Since when does RAVAGER rush the ring? Warburton doesn't even get a chance to announce him as Ravager slides into the ring with Static hot on his heels! And IMMEDIATELY, the Trust start stomping away! Bunker & Stump laying in boots to make it a four on two assault. Referee Dick Kiebiech hard-pressed to get order here as Pit Boss makes a point of arguing, allowing the bodyguards to beat on Static & Ravager that much more. Kiebiech screams at Pit Boss to send his men out of the ring. Boss complies cheerfully, seeing as how Static & Ravager are now positioned for the Trust to beat the crap out of them. Bunker & Stump head to the outside as Devastation lays in some dead pig-like right hands onto Static in the corner. Pit Boss grabs a dazed Ravager... neckbreaker! Static gets sent to the outside! Devastation takes his corner, and finally the bell rings as Pit Boss goes to work on Ravager.

BILL HEWSON: Of course conspicuous by her absence TIFFANY MACINTYRE, Ravager's manager. There's no longer a threat of arrest, but as Ravager said earlier, this is going to get ugly and he doesn't want her near the danger.

JACK JONES: Probably a wise move, Hewson, because she'd be in a lot of pain watching her man get his ass handed to him by the Trust!

BILL HEWSON: Certainly Ravager seems to have lost his cool, and Pit Boss is taking advantage. Static & Ravager have to get all the BS they've been through out of their heads if they have a hope in hell here tonight!

Too right, Bill Hewson, as Pit Boss works the arm of Ravager. Ravager counters out, but Pit Boss catches him and takes him right back down. The mat technician, Pit Boss, working over the shooter Ravager. Static is now standing in his corner. Pit Boss, with a good hold on Ravager's arm, tags in Devastation. The near seven-footer steps over the top rope and drives an axehandle into the wrenched arm of Ravager. Ravager drops to one knee. Back suplex puts the former champion down, there's a quick cover and that only gets one. Devastation making a point, demonstrating his control in this match-up. Give a thanks to Bunker & Stump, of course. Side headlock, Ravager trying to elbow his way out but Devastation isn't giving. To the ropes, Ravager shoves Devastation off! Rebound, Ravager tries a back-body drop on the big man but gets toe-kicked in the face for his troubles --- CLOTHESLINE FROM MASSACHUSETTS!

BILL HEWSON: Good Lord, Devastation damn near decapitated Ravager with that lariat!

JACK JONES: This one's over right here, Bill Hewson!

One, two, Ravager kicks out. A bit early to count the former champion out, Jack Jones. Devastation stands up, waiting for Ravager to take his feet. Scoop, ONE HANDED POWERSLAM! And there's a tag to Pit Boss. He's all over Ravager...backbreaker! Pit Boss has Ravager over his knee and pushes down on either side. "ASK HIM REF!" Ravager isn't about to give up like this, but Pit Boss... delivers chop across Ravager's throat. And directly into a surfboard stretch. Pit Boss, of course, utilizing the TEXAS CLOVER LEAF as his finisher, working the back of Ravager. The crowd rallying behind Ravager! Static... cheering on Ravager? Stranger things this world has never seen. Ravager manages to get to his feet, Pit Boss using his HEAD in the small of Ravager's back to keep the pressure up. Ravager twists...twists...and now he's behind Pit Boss! GERMAN SUPLEX --- Boss blocks, back elbow! Pit Boss off the ropes with a forearm but RAVAGER SWINGS BEHIND! GERMAN SUPLEX CONNECTS!

BILL HEWSON: Ravager needs to make a tag right now, Jack Jones. Static has yet to be in this match officially!

JACK JONES: That's because they have no chemistry, Hewson. The Charitable Trust have known each other for years, while Static & Ravager...well, spent the last six months smashing light tubes over each other among other things!

BILL HEWSON: Absolutely correct, but right now Ravager MAKES THE TAG!

And in comes STATIC! The hardcore luchadore is fired up! Pit Boss is the victim of a whirling dervish attack that sees him in the corner. Static climbs up and it's the TEN PUNCH COUNTALONG! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, SUCK MY VOODOO HURACANRANA! That sends Pit Boss flying alllll the way across the ring. Static RUSHES, Pit Boss with a back body drop over the top rope. Pit Boss smirks, but hey man, turn around! Static landed on the ring apron! Pit Boss turns around annnnnnd... Static springs off the top rope and nails a TORNADO DDT! HE COVERS! ONE! TWO! TH---Pit Boss kicks out! Static hooks the man in a front face-lock and points to Ravager. The crowd roars! Ravager shakes his head in disbelief, and then receives the tag from Static! Ravager boots Pit Boss in the exposed ribs and then proceeds to stiff the hell out of Boss with forearm shots to the shoulders. Pit Boss gets a snapmare out of nowhere, taking Ravager down and then hooks a full-nelson. He's going for a Dragon Suplex HOLD THE PHONE! RAVAGER HAS THE CROSSFACE OUT OF NOWHERE! PIT BOSS is fighting it, but Ravager has it locked on. Devastation comes in with a size 16 to the back of Ravager's head. Ravager, dazed, stumbles to his corner and tags in Static as Pit Boss tags out to Devastation. Pause. Static goes on the offensive! Leg lariat to Devastation sends him stumbling, and now Static hits the ropes for momentum, flying clothesline! OH MY GOD! Countered by Devastation into a BLACK HOLE SLAM! The Vicious Phenom has been UNLEASHED! He shoves Static's head between his legs, SMASHES his fist into the luchadore's back, and then hooks the arms. DOUBLE-UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB, and it connects with authority! ONE! TWO! TH--- Ravager makes a save! Kiebiech sends Ravager back to his corner, which allows Devastation to toss Static to the outside. Bunker & Stump grab an arm each and RAM Static back-first into the steel guardrail. The bodyguards roll Static back in. Devastation tags Pit Boss in and hauls Static up...what's this? NO! Double-team HANGMAN'S NECKBREAKER! And Static could be dead right here! Pit Boss hooks the leg, one, two, three...SHOULDER UP!

JACK JONES: What is he, stupid? STOP THE MATCH ALREADY!

BILL HEWSON: Just half a second of daylight between the referee's hand and the canvas on that one, but I don't know how much longer Static can withstand this assault. The Charitable Trust appear to be through hiding, and well, nobody can deny that they are a dominating force inside the squared circle.

Pit Boss tags in Devastation once more. Devastation bodyslams Static...and then SLAPS THE TASTE OUT OF RAVAGER'S MOUTH! Ravager rushes into the ring, but Kiebiech is there to force him back to his corner. Devastation smirks as Pit Boss wraps the tag rope around Static's throat. Static's legs kick as his air is cut-off. Kiebiech turns around and all he sees is Devastation driving his massive shoulder into Static's mid-section. He lets Static stumble out of the corner, then grabs the man's wrist. GOOD LORD! SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE! Devastation's bicep is bigger then Static's head. The Phenom holds onto the wrist, hauling Static up...a SECOND SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE! It's rapid-Fire! ONE MORE! And Static, slowly...slumps to the canvas in a heap. Devastation looks pretty damn pleased with himself, and then looks over at Ravager. "It's over, you pathetic son of a bitch." Ravager is livid but stays inside as Devastation hoists Static up for the BURNING HAMMER.

JACK JONES: It's over, Bill Hewson! Nobody gets up from the Burning Hammer!

BILL HEWSON: Static is in a world of --- He slips out! Wait a minute --- hold on --- ENZIGURI!

And the scene was, Static lashing out with a kick! Devastation catching up, wagging a finger at Static, and then...ENZIGURIIIII! Static needs to make the tag! Devastation, momentarily dazed, makes the tag to Pit Boss. Static is crawling...crawling... Ravager reaches out for the tag! Annnnnnd...

Pit Boss pulls Static back across the ring, cutting off the tag. Static barely got that enzuguri off, and now Pit Boss kills him dead with a belly-to-belly suplex. He grabs a limp Static by the hair and then Irish Whips him across the ring... SPINEBUSTER! Wait a minute, he steps into the CLOVERLEAF --- STATIC COUNTERS WITH AN INSIDE CRADLE! ONE, TWO, TH---Pit Boss gets out of that and drives an elbow directly into Static's back. Pit Boss is pissed right off here. Static gets to his feet, Pit Boss hits the ropes for his patented flying forearm. Ravager knees him in the back as he does so! Pit Boss stumbles, turns around...into a hotshot on the top rope!

JACK JONES: Hey! He's cheating!

BILL HEWSON: ...He's RAVAGER!

Pit Boss stumbles backwards, holding his throat...and walks into the FUNCRUSHER. Static is too spent to cover, though! Both men are down as Dick Kiebiech begins the standing ten count. ONE! TWO! THREE! Pit Boss starts rolling to his corner, Static is barly moving... FOUR! FIVE! And Pit Boss makes a tag to Devastation as Static starts rolling to his corner. Devastation grabs Static by the ankle---STATIC MAKES A DESPERATE LEAP! And---and---MAKES THE TAG! What kind of tag? THE HOT TAG! And Ravager is a HOUSEAFAR! He storms the ring, smashing his forearm into the jaw of Devastation! Irish Whip, Devastation counters, SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE, that's ducked, Ravager hits a GERMAN SUPLEX on the big man! HOLY MOTHER! Here comes Pit Boss, Ravager catches HIM with a German Suplex! Devastation with a swingandamiss, RAVAGER with ANOTHER German suplex...into the BRIDGE on the big man! ONE! TWO! TH---Devastation gets out of that! Ravager smashes Devastation across the nose, but here's Pit Boss from behind. Pit Boss from behind, wraps around Ravager's waist, but Ravager mule kicks him in the jimmy! Pit Boss staggers back, holding his crotch, then rolls out of the ring. Of course, Devastation figures one good turn deserves another and lays out, booting Ravager in the balls himself. Ravager goes down, and Devastation irish whips him into the corner! CHARGE --- Ravager ducks, but the referee isn't so quick! Kiebiech gets flattened by three-hundred and five pounds at high velocity! And he is OUT!

BILL HEWSON: Hewson just got splattered in the corner! We've got no referee! And---hey wait just a damned minute, what's Devastation doing?

Devastation signals to Bunker & Stump, who proceed to shove Frank Warburton out of his seat. They grab the steel chair and toss it up to Devastation. Big Dev raises the chair up high, but the forgotton Static grabs it out of his hands! Dev turns around, Static tosses the chair at his face, caught, DROP KICK! Chair RIGHT in Devastation's face! Pit Boss back on the ring apron, Static dropkicks him onto Bunker & Stump! They catch him, but Static...SPRINGBOARDS to the top rope! There's Static...

And then there's a MOMENT! OF! CLARITY! ONTO THE WHOLE CROWD ON THE OUTSIDE! Meanwhile! In the ring! Devastation is dazed and turns around...right into an inside cradle from Ravager! Kiebiech...is able to make the count! ONE! TWO! THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here are YOUR winners...RAAVVVVAGER AND STATIIIIC!

JACK JONES: This...this is a travesty! Static used a steel chair, dammit! Kiebiech, you worthless piece of zebra hide!

BILL HEWSON: And tonight, after all the hell they've been put through, Ravager & Static get a measure of revenge on The Charitable Trust!

JACK JONES: Too bad the Trust aren't so enthused about that, Bill Hewson. I uh, don't know how much of Static is going to be left.

True enough. Static leaps to the ring apron to celebrate when Pit Boss yanks him down. Bunker & Stump begin to assault him, it's 3 on one! Static gets rolled in the ring, as Devastation rises! It's a brawl! And it's four on two! Ravager & Static fighting for all they are worth, but the numbers are too much! Devastation is ABSOLUTELY LIVID. And that...

THAT IS WHEN THE CHAMPION RETURNS.

BILL HEWSON: IT'S REX CALIBER! REX CALIBER IS HERE!

JACK JONES: He is! The champion is here! But who's SIDE IS HE ON?

Rex Caliber slides in the ring, and both sides back up. The Charitable Trust...APPLAUD Rex Caliber? Ravager & Static, breathing labored, are on the other side of the ring, Static looking over at Rex with a "oh God no" expression. Ravager is steel. The Trust shouting encouragement to Rex Calibr as the crowd doesn't know what to make of this.

BILL HEWSON: My God, Rex Caliber just walked right up to Ravager! Is it...Is it true? Did Ravager really do it? The Trust was RIGHT?

JACK JONES: Of course they were right, Bill Hewson! The Charitable Trust lives to HELP people! Ravager & Static were behind the assaults all along!

Rex Caliber stares down Ravager, his slightly unfocused eyes nonetheless boring right in as Devastation stands behind him with a pleased expression on his face. Caliber pulls his fist back...and SPINS AROUND TO POP DEVASTATION! REX CALIBER ATTACKS THE TRUST! STATIC & RAVAGER ARE RIGHT BEHIND HIM! REX CALIBER IS BACK! REX CALIBER IS KICKING THE ASSES OF THE CHARITABLE TRUST! Pit Boss sent out of the ring! Devastation --- dropkick sends him over the top rope! Bunker sent out! And wait a minute...! Rex Caliber has STUMP! RUNNING STO! And...HE LOCKS ON THE RINGS OF REX! "SCREAM MOTHER(BLEEP)ER!" Static has the CHAIR! He swings at Pit Boss trying to get back in the ring! Ravager nails Bunker! The Trust backs off, sacrificing Stump at the altar of THE CRIMES CRIMES CRIMES CRIMES...and Ravager! Rex breaks off the hold and the trio takes great enjoyment at booting him out of the ring! Rex Caliber slaps his chest, then slaps the chest of Static. Ravager & Rex lock eyes, Ravager merely nodding and mouths rematch, but nonetheless! Rex Caliber says "Damn rights, but tonight it's all about OPERATION KILL MOTHER(BEEP)ERS DEAD!".

BILL HEWSON: THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION HAS RETURNED...AND WE KNOW WHO ISN'T BEHIND HIS ATTACK! And by God, finally somebody has put a chink in Charitable Trust machine! I'm Bill Hewson for Jack Jones, saying GOOD NIGHT!

Rex Caliber raises Static & Ravager's arms high, as the crowd is ON THEIR FEET! Devastation smashes a huge fist into the entrance way, denting the metal as Pit Boss swears audibly, but tonight! UNBELIEVABLY! It's Static...AND Ravager(!)... AND Rex Caliber riding HIGH as MNF goes off the air!