MONDAY. NIGHT. FIGHTS.04/17/2006
BILL HEWSON: Now what are these five doing out here? JACK JONES: They are making all of our lives better, and they are doing it in person! This is great! Stump and Bunker go through a long process of getting Longshot's wheelchair up to the ring apron and then up over the top rope to settle gently down inside the ring. Pit Boss and Devastation settle in to lean in opposite corners of the ring. Longshot calls for a microphone, and a ring attendant hands one to Stump who takes it over the injured talent agent. Longshot waits patiently for the crowd to settle down, but as it doesn't seem to be getting any quieter, he finally speaks. LONGSHOT: The longer you keep that up, the longer we are going to be out here. The crowd roars in boos at that, and Longshot just smiles and gives a single shoulder shrug before laying the microphone down in his lap and waiting for the crowd to quiet. Without any new instigation other than the continued presence of the men in the ring, we soon have a degree of quiet in the gym. LONGSHOT: I am going to get right down to the point here. First thing, since I know you are all worried about it: I am recovering ahead of schedule from the savage attack by Ravager and Static. And I am not afraid to come out here tonight in my vulnerable position, because I welcome the opportunity to show what cowards those two really are. If they want to come out and attack a man in a wheelchair, then let them do it. Another chorus of boos rises up at that, and Longshot holds up his good hand. LONGSHOT: I know, I know, we hate them too. But let us move on to important matters. We demand that Dick Kiebiech come down to the ring right now! And make it snappy, because these people want to get to the action! BILL HEWSON: Listen to this man try to pander to the crowd, like our fans are going to fall for those cheap antics. And what does the Charitable Trust want with the NAPW's head referee? JACK JONES: They probably have a contribution to make for him to buy some new glasses! They wait for a moment and when nobody emerges from the back, Devastation walks forward and grabs the microphone from Longshot. DEVASTATION: Get your ass out here, Kiebiech! Don't make me come back there and drag you out to- "Over With" by Boy Charlie (MNF Theme) plays as Dick Kiebiech walks out from the back to a rousing cheer from the crowd here tonight. The NAPW's head referee waves to the crowd as he walks down to the ring. He stands with his normal poise as he steps into the ring, looking each member of the Trust in the eye before standing in front of Longshot's wheelchair. Devastation hands back the microphone to his talent agent as a ring attendant hands another one to Dick Kiebiech. LONGSHOT: Now don't be worried, Dick, we are not the kind of animals that Rex Caliber believes us to be. We are not Ravager and Static. We are civilized, and you are perfectly safe out here. I just wanted to ask you a few questions about someÉ strange decisions you made during the main event last week. DICK KIEBIECH: Ask away. LONGSHOT: I think a little visual aid will help certain members of the crowd understand more easily. The big screen lights up with telltale images from last week's main event. Devastation getting the chair kicked into his face by Static. Static flying over the top to the outside with the Moment of Clarity on Bunker, Stump and Pit Boss. Pit Boss taking a kick in the junk from Ravager. We quickly show a shot of Pit Boss in the ring now, wincing and Devastation nodding in sympathy at something he says. Back to the screen where the most telling footage of all is showing. Ravager, with a fistful of tights and his feet on the ropes, getting the pin on Devastation as Dick Kiebiech himself makes the three count. We return to the ring, where Dick Kiebiech, to his credit, does not look happy at what we just saw. LONGSHOT: The tape doesn't lie, Dick. I could understand you missing the tights, or the fact that Ravager had both feet on the ropes while making the pin, but both at once? That is the kind of rank amateurism I expect from Henry Andrews, but not the head referee of the NAPW! I think you have some explaining to do. Dick Kiebiech takes a step closer to Longshot, sending a long look over at Devastation and Pit Boss, who have taken a step closer and have begun pacing in a wide, slow circle, like hungry sharks. There is a long pause as the crowd waits for Dick Kiebiech's reaction. Then- DICK KIEBIECH: You are absolutely right. BILL HEWSON: WHAT?! JACK JONES: YES! Longshot smiles and the crowd lets out a stunned and disappointed chorus of boos at Dick Kiebiech. Longshot mouths the words "Thank you" but just as he does, Dick Kiebiech speaks again, pointing an accusing finger over at the circling Devastation. DICK KIEBIECH: But if you want to place blame, why don't you look right there! The man who first brought the chair into the ring, and the man who knocked me out cold so that I could barely see straight enough to make the three count! That garners a huge pop, and Devastation lunges forward enraged, only to be restrained by Bunker, Stump and Pit Boss, who quickly calm the big man down. Dick Kiebiech doesn't flinch away, having done this job for too long to be easily intimidated, even by somebody the size of Devastation. DEVASTATION: (shouting) Shut your (BLEEP) mouth before I put my boot through it! LONGSHOT: You know what, Dick? You are also absolutely right. But if I may. A demonstration. Longshot wheels himself into the corner, turning awkwardly to face the inside of the ring again. LONGSHOT: You, the head referee, are standing here, out of the way of the action. You are also, I would hope, closely observing the action taking place in the ring. You see Devastation --- hard to miss, isn't he? You see him standing in the opposite corner. Dev, if you would be so kind. Still looking like he would like nothing better than to strangle Dick Kiebiech, Devastation walks into the opposite corner. Longshot smiles and continues to speak. LONGSHOT: There he stands, and here you stand. Then, even if you couldn't see it coming, he charges! Like so. Devastation explodes out of the corner and Longshot's face becomes a comical expression of exaggerated surprise. Then, at the last moment, he pushes the wheels of his chair and rolls out of the way. Devastation catches himself before crashing into the corner and turns back around. LONGSHOT: And then you move. So easy that even a man in a wheelchair can manage it. Are you in the habit of standing on train tracks just to see if the train will stop, Dick? Or are you just too old, too blind, and too flat out stupid to do your job anymore! Because we think that last option is the case. Right Pit? Pit Boss takes the stick from Longshot and stares hard at Dick Kiebiech, who returns his stare unflinchingly. PIT BOSS: That is correct. Which is why, here tonight, we are introducing a brand new charity managed by the Charitable Trust. The Forced Retirement of Useless Referees, a public service for every wrestler you and your like have ever screwed over in a match. Bunker. Stump. If you would. The two bodyguards move forward, but this time it is Devastation who holds them back. The Hybrid Icon cracks his knuckles and grins demonically at Dick Kiebiech, who is finally starting to look a little worried. Devastation takes a step forward, while the rest of the Trust cut off Kiebiech's escape route. Things are not looking good for the head referee as Devastation advances. BADA BOOM BADA BING, NOT A LOTTA BLING! Static runs out from the back, and is followed by Ravager. The crowd is on their feet as the two men run towards the ring, both holding baseball bats. If you thought the ovation was huge for this save, wait until you hear this... HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION REX CALIBER right behind Ravager and Static with a bat of his own. The roof nearly comes off the room as the three men slide into the ring. Bunker and Stump eat bats to the gut and both roll out of the ring. Devastation and Pit Boss are right behind them, barely avoiding swings from the CRIMES CRIMES CRIMES! Ravager, Static and Rex Caliber are alone in the ring with Dick Kiebiech and... JACK JONES: Oh no! Somebody save him! BILL HEWSON: Save HIM? What about Kiebiech? Longshot sits in his wheelchair in front of the three armed men, a microphone sitting in his lap that either Kiebiech or Pit Boss dropped during the chaos. He looks strangely calm in the face of the three dangerous men, and he raises his microphone with a smile as they advance on him with their bats raised. LONGSHOT: That's right, show everyone here tonight that I was absolutely right about you. Attack a man that you already put in a wheelchair, to show what big swinging dicks you all have. At least Rex has the excuse of clearly still being traumatized enough to believe that the Charitable Trust was behind his attack. We are not the ones standing in a ring with, and I am not going to mince words here, a cripple, threatening him with bats. All three men raise their bats higher and there is a collective indrawn breath from the crowd as Longshot lays down his microphone and closes his eyes, waiting for what is almost sure to come next... Rex Caliber steps back first. Static follows, and Ravager is last, waving off Longshot as if to say that he isn't worth it. As the three men turn to leave the ring with Dick Kiebiech. LONGSHOT: I thought as much. No sense in doing your dirty work out here where everyone can see, right? Not any of you have the balls to follow through anyway. So how about I make it easy for you. Tonight, as the greats say, in this very ring... a six-man tag match! You three against the Charitable Trust. Ravager, Static and the NAPW Champion Rex Caliber facing off against The Hybrid Icon, Pit Boss and... Longshot! BILL HEWSON: WHAT?! JACK JONES: Longshot challenging The Crimes and the NAPW Champion FROM A WHEELCHAIR! You have to respect that! BILL HEWSON: Will those three men accept the challenge? We have to take a break, but we will find out when we get back! Rex Caliber, Ravager and Static leave the ring with Dick Kiebiech looking bemused as the Trust slides back into the ring to have a heated discussion with their talent agent. Fade to commercial...
BILL HEWSON: Um, Jack, your microphone is on. JACK JONES: Just making sure it works. And now the debut of the Pure Honor Division! "Song 2" plays over the speakers, as Diamond makes his way to the ring, stopping to give his sunglasses to a youngster at ringside. He climbs in the ring and goes to salute the fans from the turnbuckles. Fade out, and then... "Stinkfist" by Tool blares. "The Prototype" Ryan Pibb makes his way to ringside, almost strutting. BILL HEWSON: Two debuts in one match, tonight. "The Prototype" Ryan Pibb, and the PURE HONOR division! FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen! The following PURE HONOR DIVISION match is scheduled for one fall, and is the first match in the KINISKI CUP ROUND-ROBIN. In the corner to my left, from Edmonton, Alberta! Weighing in at one-hundred and FIFTY-three pounds... DIAMONNNNNNND! BILL HEWSON: And a great reception here for the young kid, the Decapitator Diamond! Rumor has it that he is partially responsible for the creation of this division. He's been itching for the chance to showcase his lucha libre skills! FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, to my right! Weighing in at two-hundred and TWENTY-five pounds... From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania... "The Prototype"... RYAAAAAN PIIIIIIBB! The crowd showers Pibb with boos, but he just seems to enjoy them. Referee Dick Kiebiech calls both men to center ring, where they shake hands, even though Pibb doesn't seem all that enthusiastic about it. Referee John Sharplin watches from ringside. The bell rings, and both men lock up. Pibb slaps on an armbar, and Diamond, purely by instinct, goes to the ropes to break the hold. FRANK WARBURTON: Diamond has used his first rope break! JACK JONES: Already Ryan Pibb is in control of this match. I think I like this kid. BILL HEWSON: Diamond has to remember that in a Pure Honor match, you only get three rope breaks. He can't afford to put himself at a disadvantage. Kiebiech reminds Diamond of the rules. Diamond seems annoyed with himself. Pibb just smirks. They go for another lockup. This time, Diamond ducks, quickly goes behind, then dropkicks Pibb in the back. Pibb falls into the ropes, turns around, and punches Diamond in the face. Kiebiech warns Pibb about the fist. FRANK WARBURTON: Ryan Pibb has received a warning for using a closed fist. Pibb is irate, and now Diamond can look smug. They lock up. Pibb locks on a headlock. He cinches in, dragging Diamond to the mat. Pibb, using his weight advantage, tries to take the wind out of his quicker opponent early on. Diamond inches his way to the ropes, realizing that he needs to break this hold. Pibb squeezes harder, turning himself so that all his weight goes on Diamond's neck. Diamond is inches away from the ropes though. BILL HEWSON: Diamond will have to use his second rope break to get out of this! Diamond is so close, all he has to do is reach out and grab it... but instead he pulls back on Pibb, rolling him into a pin attempt! Diamond only gets a one count, but the hold is broken! Pibb quickly goes to the ropes, then comes back and hits the rising Diamond with a shining wizard! That's DIAMOND's move! Diamond knocked to the outside, where referee John Sharplin rushes over to make sure no shenanigans occur. Pibb, mindful of the count, climbs out of the ring, and tosses Diamond back in. He quickly follows. Pibb picks up Diamond and slams him to the mat. He goes to the second rope, and drops a knee across Diamond's chest. He goes for a pin, one, two ... kick out! Diamond not giving up easily. Pibb is getting frustrated. He clenches his fist, but doesn't want to lose a rope break. Instead he plants a knee to Diamond's head. Or tries. Diamond catches Pibb's leg and does a leg drag, which he follows up with a knee bar. Pibb, yelling in pain and surprise, grabs the bottom rope to break the hold! FRANK WARBURTON: Ryan Pibb has used his first rope break! BILL HEWSON: And both men are even terms now! Diamond goes back to the leg, forgoing his usual Lucha tactics. Pibb kicks Diamond off, and slowly gets to his feet, trying to shake off the damage to his leg. That's when Diamond goes for a snap neck breaker. Pibb goes down hard. Diamond then goes back to what brought him to the dance. He climbs the turnbuckle, then drops a flying elbow onto Pibb. Cover! One... Two... Pibb has his foot on the ropes! He breaks up the pin! But at what cost? FRANK WARBURTON: Ryan Pibb has used his second rope break. Diamond pulls Pibb into a sitting position, then hits the ropes, and comes back with a diving European Uppercut! He nearly took Pibb's head off, with a perfectly legal maneuver! Diamond hits the ropes again, and lands a leg drop on the prone Prototype! Pibb is in trouble! Diamond plays to the crowd, believing the end to be near. Pibb takes this moment to gather his senses. As Diamond comes back to Pibb, Pibb catches Diamond in a small package. Diamond kicks out, but is caught with a super kick. Pibb drops an elbow across Diamond's sternum, then hooks the leg for a pin. One... Two... thr-nofoot on the ropes! FRANK WARBURTON: Diamond has used his second rope break! Pibb and Diamond get to their feet, then exchange forearm shots to the head. They're both staggered, but neither man goes down! Diamond attempts a dropkick, but Pibb moves just in time. Diamond hits the mat with a thud. Pibb rests against the ropes. Diamond gets to his feet, turns around --- NO! The Final Destination! Pibb NAILS it! Diamond is down! The cover... ONE! TWO! THREE! FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the inaugural Pure Honor Match - "The Prototype" Ryan Pibb! BILL HEWSON: Both men gave their all, but Pibb was able to capitalize in the end! JACK JONES: And he goes one-and-oh in the Round Robin. I think we're looking at our first Kiniski Cup champion in Ryan Pibb! BILL HEWSON: Well, that remains to be seen. Diamond & El Mentiroso, the Mexican Sensation, will tie up next week in the next Round Robin match-up. You know Ryan Pibb will be watching Pibb offers a half-assed handshake to Diamond after the match. Diamond shakes it and then leaves, visibly disappointed with himself. Pibb goes to the turnbuckle and gives a victory pose for the crowd. Strangely, the crowd is not greatly receptive to this as NAPW Monday Night Fights goes to commercial.
JOSH REYNOLDS: I stand here tonight with two men who last week, ended the careers of not only THE DUDES, but their own mentor COACH JAGO. Some critics have been calling YOU, Stylin' Kyle Roberts, in particular out after brutally Emerald Fusing Cameron Scott and Coach Jago into the hospital. Some have gone so far as to call you The Man With The Blood On His Hands. How do you respond? STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS: Oh, I'm sure they have. The fans, the critics, there's never been a time when D-X has cared about them. Last week? Last week Josh, maybe I did CRIPPLE Coach Jago, but he left us first! YOU BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELF, COACH! And The Dudes? The NAPW is a better place without them. I only wish I'd finished the GHUHHHH--* JACK JONES: GHUHHHH? Finished the GHUHHH? WHAT? WHAT DID YOU FINISH? BILL HEWSON: IT'S THE PREDATOR! THE PREDATOR HAS RETURNED! He has, and he's SPEARED KYLE ROBERTS OUT OF HIS BOOTS! The Predator spears Kyle, crashing through the NAPW interview set. Kyle slams against the wall as well. The Beast springs into action, pounding on Predator, but Predator gives it back! Security rushes the scene trying to separate these two behemoths! Cut back to ringside. BILL HEWSON: Well... I don't know what's going on backstage. But here, we seem to have a special extra for those of you listening at home! Delivery Man #2 has just added himself to the commentary team! JACK JONES: . . . unannounced. BILL HEWSON: With Delievry Man #57 standing by with his laptop. Tell me, Two, is what we've seen on NAPW televion this weekend accurate? Are you now controlling the living weapon Stein? DELIVERY MAN #2: Hold on a frickin' second, Hewson. We're talking about a living being, not a frickin' THING. JACK JONES: Well, then maybe you should be charged with KIDNAPPING, not just THEFT. DELIVERY MAN #2: What "theft", you panty-sniffin' Frick? We were hired to bring Stein to Calgary, and we DID. We're bringin' him ALL OVER in this tour. We got a CONTRACT. JACK JONES: Come on, what you guys did was like breaking a lamp you had to deliver and you KNOW it. You're giving your own company a BLACK EYE. DELIVERY MAN #2: Oughta give YOU a frickin' black eye. Hey, Fifty-Seven, is Ninety-Nine "out of uniform"? DELIVERY MAN #57: Sure is, Two. And now it's "Science!" The crowd pops half-way for a dazed-looking... well, more "dazed-looking" than usual Stein, and then starts hatin' on the red-faced Doctor Morgoth soon afterwards. Morgoth ineffectually tries to shoo the crowd away, but then just walks Stein down to ringside. FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is a special Submission Match, and it is scheduled for ONE FALL. Making his way to the ring, accompanied by Doctor Morgoth... from Parts Unknown, weighing in at one-hunded, eighty pounds... SSSTEEEEEIIIIINNN!!! DELIVERY MAN #2: How we doin', Fifty-Seven? DELIVERY MAN #57: Everything's right as frick. JACK JONES: So anyways, it's a submission match, a stipulation both Stein and his opponent, Lobo, seem to be exceptionally well-suited for. BILL HEWSON: Indeed! Lobo is an Olympic athlete who uses the Lobo Sleeper to end a lot of his matches! Stein, on the other hand, knows the dreaded Vitiator--a hold that may be responsible, in fact, for retiring D! for life! DELIVERY MAN #2: Great move, that one. I've got a feeling Stein may be busting it out tonight. Stein has slowly made his way into the ring, and gazes at the entrance, patiently . . . "Super Charger Heaven!" WHITE ZOMBIE. EQUALS. LOBO. FRANK WARBURTON: And now, from Toronto, Ontario... being accompanied to the ring by The Legendary Terry Brandon, weighing in at three-hundred, ten pounds, NAPW's ONLY Olympic Gold Medallist AND the World's Strongest Man... THIS! IS! LOBO! Lobo's smoke machine, hard-driving music, dance-lighting entrance, and, of course, Terry Brandon, gets a sizeable reaction from the fans, even if a great deal of the crowd is still trying to boo him. Lobo slaps his father's hand and struts is way to the ring. BILL HEWSON: Okay, "Jack Attack". If you were either competitor, what would your keys to success be? JACK JONES: Well, look at who the bigger man is. It's Lobo. And as strong as Stein purportedly is, he'll be the victim of a lot of power moves, grounding attacks, maybe a decisive injury to a knee or elbow-- DELIVERY MAN #2: Holy FRICK, this is AWESOME. Keep talking! We need to KNOW this! JACK JONES: What? NO! Buzz off! I ain't doin' your homework for you! FORGET IT! Lobo hit a powerful baseball slide into the ring, then starts hitting the turnbuckles in what he probably believes is "undying adulation" from the fans. We see Morgoth hitting a few keys on his portable laptop, then givin a puzzled scowl at Stein. BILL HEWSON: Submissions only, there's only one way to end this match, and THERE'S THE BELL! Lobo grins, circling the emotionless Stein, ready to do some damage. He rushes and it's a Collar-and-Elbow Tie-up, with Stein holding steady against the monster bulk of Lobo. Not being able to push Stein back, Lobo performs a go-behind as he switches to a Rear Waist-Lock. Stein is still "gripping" the air in front of him, so Lobo wastes no time and flings Stein backwards in a picture-perfect German Suplex. DELIVERY MAN #2: FRICK! DELIVERY MAN #57: Sorry! I don't know FRICK about wrestling! DELIVERY MAN #2: NOW you frickin' tell me! DELIVERY MAN #57: Lemme, uh . . . I'm THINKING! Morgoth is sweating bullets as he starts typing ineffectually on his keyboard. Lobo, seing Stein wide-eyed but immobile on the ground, goes for the gusto and slaps on a Front Chancery, locking his forearm under Stein's chin then starts applying some big-league pressure. JACK JONES: Well, whoever's in charge, a sleeper-like maneuver's a smart way to go for an opponent like Stein who might not TAP, but very well COULD pass out! DELIVERY MAN #2: What HE said! DELIVERY MAN #57: Hang on, I think I've got it... Stein plants his hands on the canvas and pushes up, shouldering the weight of Lobo on his shoulders and worked neck as both men rise up to their knees. Stein reaches behind him... Snapmare takes Lobo up and over, breaking the hold. Lobo looks disappointed, but gets himself up and makes another go for Stein. He swerves at the last second and takes Stein's wrist, cranking it around in an Arm Wrench. This seems to disorient Stein a little, and Lobo bends the arm into a Hammerlock behind his back, then jams his thumb into his windpipe-- BILL HEWSON: Shades of Terry Gordy with the Thumb Choke Hold! JACK JONES: No doubt about, no doubt about! Lobo seems to know exactly what to do to bring his opponent down--too bad SOME fricks don't know what THEY'RE doing! DELIVERY MAN #2: Touché. DELIVERY MAN #57: This is nuts! How did Morgoth frickin' DO this? The referee sees no motion from Stein, and so raises his arm up. It falls for a "ONE" count. Morgoth screams something unprintable. BILL HEWSON: If Stein drops his arm three times, then he's "passed out"! DELIVERY MAN #2: Keep the ARM up! Keep the frickin' ARM up! Stein's arm is raised a second time, and it falls a second time. Brandon does a little dance. JACK JONES: Get ready to call it... DELIVERY MAN #57: AAAAAAAHHH!!! DELIVERY MAN #2: FRICK! Gimme the laptop here! Stein's arm is raised a third time... and it falls. And it rises. And it falls. And it rises. And it falls. It's moving lke a drinking duck, but the ref can plainly see there's "life" in Stein and it stops him from losing the match. Morgoth yowls, relieved, as Stein uses his free hand to form a fist, then, with unerring accuracy, swivels it over is shoulder and pops Lobo in the face. Lobo falls away from Stein, cursing. DELIVERY MAN #2: Okay, enough Fricking around! Stein surprises Lobo by grabbing one of his singlet straps and stunning hm with a straight pimp slap. Morgoth and Brandon are both taken aback by this, but the crowd seems to be reacting in favour of it. And the pimp-slaps keep coming, left, right, left, right, until Lobo's had enough and pulls his singlet strap out of Stein's hand! Lobo scowls, then winds up off of the ropes for a Clothesline--DUCKED--and Stein blasts him with a Half-Nelson Bulldog from behind! JACK JONES: You DO know this is a Submissions Match, don't you? DELIVERY MAN #2: Hey, it's frickin' WORKING, ain't it? Lobo goes to pick himself up, but Stein steps on his hand and blocks his momentum. Knee lift from Stein stuns the big man. Stein grabs the Strong Man by the throat--to the ref's caution--and then hoists him UP to toss him DOWN--CHOKE TOSS! And then he starts doing "The Robot." Flawlessly. DELIVERY MAN #2: Nice touch there, Fifty-Seven. Morgoth stares at Stein's dance, incredulously, and then starts scanning the arena. In the ring, Stein finishes his dance and then hoists a dazed Lobo up to his feet and then shifts his grip to lift him UP, OVER HIS HEAD-- BILL HEWSON: GOOD LORD, just how STRONG is Stein? --and then nonchalantly TOSSES him to the mat with a GORILLA PRESS. The crowd's into it, and then Stein stands astride Lobo, cocking his head-- JACK JONES: NO. Do NOT think about it. --swings his arms this way and that, running to the ropes on the left, crossing to the ropes on the right, and then coming back to Lobo to feint lifting his leg, raising his arm, and dropping-- BILL HEWSON: THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW! JACK JONES: AAAAUGH! IT'S RUINED! NAPW HAS BEEN RUINED! Not as far as the live crowd is concerned, as they've taken to their feet in appreciation, and, let's face it, confusion. Terry Brandon is simultaneously having three heart attacks, and Morgoth has finally rested his eyes to the announcer's desk. And squints. DELIVERY MAN #2: How the frick do I-- DELIVERY MAN #57: "ALT" and "V"! Stein kneels down by the twitching Lobo, and holds his hand up in the Vitiator position, studying Lobo-- DELIVERY MAN #2: Something's fricking OFF. Why's he stuck? DELIVERY MAN #57: I don't know. Try "ALT V" again. Stein's hand moves forward an inch, then withdraws two inches. It creeps forward another inch, and then falls back three. DELIVERY MAN #2: I keep pushing it! It's not frickin' WORKING! Morgoth, lap-top in hand, is now advancing towards the announcer's table-- DELIVERY MAN #57: We've been made! DELIVERY MAN #2: Frick! Gotta THINK of somethin'! --and starts SCREAMING at the Delivery Men, seeing their lap-top-- DELIVERY MAN #2: FRICK! --and Stein breaks the Vitiator claw, instead jamming his hand under Lobo's chin. BILL HEWSON: Nerve hold--THE TONGAN DEATH GRIP! AND AN OVERWHELMED LOBO IS TAPPING FROM THE PAIN! FRANK WARBURTON: Here is YOUR winner, by SUBMISSION... SSSTEEEEEIIIIINNN!!! At the announcer's table, Morgoth grabs the Delivery Men's lap-top, but #57 tugs back on it. #2 throws himself over the table and starts jabbing Morgot with right hands... and the scientist lets go of the lap-top to cover up! #2 grabs MORGOTH'S lap-top, and gets in position--CRACK! A lap-top computer shot takes out Morgoth! #57 wastes little time tapping a few keys to summon a victorious Stein from the ring. JACK JONES: I'll pretend today didn't happen if you do. BILL HEWSON: STOP being so SERIOUS! Flush with victory, the two Delivery Men escort the calm, monotone-looking Stein all the way to the back while the crowd tries to settle down. Morgoth is down for the count at ringside and Terry Brandon, confident that Lobo will recover, is screaming at the Delivery Men from the safety of the ring. BILL HEWSON: Delivery Man #2 is in action later tonight, but coming up next, we have a huge title match: LLOYD REES defends his Provincial Title --- JACK JONES: You mean REPUBLIC OF NEWFOUNDLAND TITLE! BILL HEWSON: ...in any event, it's going to be a BARN-BURNER! So don't lose us during the commercials!
BACKSTAGE! Predator is fists a flying with an enraged D-X! Kyle Roberts & The Beast are trying to contain PREDATOR, it's a wild brawl! A few security officials lay on the floor of the hallways of the Calgary venue, as it just goes for broke! D-X grabs Predator and slam him up against the wall! Then they try to slam him up against another wall, but Predator lashes out with two backfists, catching each member of D-X square in the nose. Predator rips a fire extinguisher off of the wall and sprays it on both members of D-X! Kyle Roberts stumbles out of the cloud, coughing, and Predator bashes him in the head with the extinguisher. Kyle crashes down, holding his forehead. Predator then smashes The Beast, and grabs him --- BILL HEWSON: GOOD GOD NO! DON'T DO IT --- THROUGH THE WINDOW! OH MY GOD! JACK JONES: THAT'S AGGRAVATED ASSAULT! Predator stands, grunting, staring over The Beast, who is bleeding from hundreds of glass splinters over his body after being tossed through a plate glass window to the outside of the arena. Security FINALLY arrives en masse and dogpile Predator, this time accompanied by real cops. Predator submits, but laughs, his mask shifting up-and-down heinously. Kyle Roberts is standing over The Beast, checking his pulse. The Beast is breathing, but unconscious and in clear pain. Kyle looks over at Predator... And his eyes go blank. Fade out.
BILL HEWSON: Well, he can't be in legal trouble but one way or the other, The Beast is not in good condition after flying through that plate glass window. We have NOT seen Predator since D-X eliminated him from SOLE SURVIVOR several weeks ago, and well...it seems that Predator has been nursing a grudge. JACK JONES: You didn't see D-X committing grievous bodily harm on THE DUDES just because The Dudes eliminated them, did you? BILL HEWSON: ...YES! JUST LAST WEEK! WHEN KYLE GOT THE BLOOD ON HIS HANDS! UGH! The next match.. (Gritting teeth)... is going to be one for the ages! Here comes Lloyd Rees and the ENTIRE NFA! "Fighting 59" hits, as Lloyd Rees, Bayman Jakey, and the Celtic Assassins (curiously sans Ol' Salty) walk down to a chorus of jeers. BILL HEWSON: Even though we've never been outside of Edmonton in our half-year of operations, Calgary fans know who to boo! JACK JONES: Calgary fans know nothing, Hewson! They're booing the most dominant stable in the NAPW today! And I thought EDMONTON fans were dumb! FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the PROVINCIAL CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the CHAMPION! From Bell Island, Newfoundland, weighing in at two hundred and forty seven pounds! Representing the New Found Alliance, he is YOUR Provincial Champion! (Bayman Jakey whispers in Warburton's ear as the Celtic Assassins glare at him menacingly) I apologize. He's your REPUBLIC of NEWFOUNDLAND CHAMPION! LLLLLOOOOOYD! REEEEEEESSSS! The crowd boos. Lloyd's music cuts out. Then, as Alice in Chains plays through the auditorium, the fans get to their feet! Evan Cartwright enters through the curtain, glancing at the fans for a second before locking an even stare on the champion. He walks down the ramp slowly, not taking his eyes off Rees. FRANK WARBURTON: And the challenger! Hailing from Cairo, Illinois! Weighing in a two hundred and TWENTY TWO and one-quarter pounds! EVAAAAAN! CAAAAAAARRRRRTWRIIIIIIGHHT! BILL HEWSON: And Cartwright wants to be a two-time Provincial Champion, I'm sure, Jack! JACK JONES: Look, for ONE thing, it's the Republic of Newfoundland title! When are you going to learn that? For another, Rees is one fighting champion who won't be just handing over his title. Evan's going to have to work hard for it! Evan gets in the ring and walks up to Rees' face. Rees starts trash talking his opponent, but Cartwright softly says something to Rees. Rees looks over at the nFa at ringside, grimaces, and goes to the ropes. "Look, Jakey, b'ys, just get on the go to th' back. And stay where you're to 'til I comes where you're at. Right, b'y?" BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees just sent Bayman Jakey and the Celtic Assassins to the back, Jack! JACK JONES: Hey, HE knows that he can beat Cartwright without the help of his friends! That's why he's the champ! Referee Morgan Smythe explains the rules to both men, holds up the Republic of Newfoundland title, and hands it off to the side before calling for the bell. And Cartwright and Rees lock up! Cartwright with the headlock, but Rees powers out by pushing Evan to the ropes. Attempted clothesline by Rees, but Cartwright ducks, gets behind the champion for a belly-to-back suplex, but Lloyd counters with a leg between Evan's. Another suplex attempt by Cartwright, but once more blocked. Lloyd drops to his front, flipping Evan over his back, but Cartwright lands on his feet! Lloyd with a SIDE KICK! But Evan manages to grab Rees' leg mid-kick. They just stare at each other with held breath, frozen in this tableau as the Calgary fans are applauding both men for the first series of moves in the match. Evan lets go of Rees. They lock up again! Now Rees has the upper hand as he moves behind Cartwright, and delivers a leg sweep to knock his opponent to the floor. And Rees with the Lance Cove Leglock! A Texas Cloverleaf in the opening minutes of this match! BILL HEWSON: And Rees has scouted Cartwright well here. He knows that Evan hurt his ankle only two months ago! JACK JONES: In fact, that's how Evan lost the Provincial Title to Moose in the first place! Evan Cartwright is wincing in pain as Lloyd pulls on Evan's legs for all he's worth. Rees, close enough to the ropes, decides to use the middle rope for more leverage as Evan screams in pain. Smythe notices Rees' illegal use of the rope, and tells him to release it or lose the match. One! Two! Three! Lloyd Rees is using that rope for as long as he can legally cheat! Four! Rees lets go of the rope, as Evan falls to the ground, legs finally free of the champ's assault. Lloyd starts stomping on the weak ankle of Cartwright while Morgan Smythe tries to maintain order! BILL HEWSON: The man's a JACKAL, Jack! JACK JONES: Hey, he's only doing what needs to be done, Hewson! While Smythe pulls Rees away from Cartwright, Evan uses the ropes to get back to a standing position. And the crowd is cheering the former Provincial Champion. Rees is arguing the the ref, but that's just giving Cartwright time to heal. And Rees is threatening Smythe, but Cartwright, running, and a dropkick forces Lloyd Rees to tumble through the ropes to the outside! What's Cartwright doing now? Oh my god, he's running at the ropes and a SUICIDE DIVE to the outside! He lands on Lloyd Rees as they both hit the floor! The crowd's going nuts! Evan gets back into the ring, favouring his leg. And Rees is still laying on the mats outside the ring! Smythe starts counting Rees out! She gets to three before Evan leaves the ring to grab his opponent, because he KNOWS you can't win a title via countout! Evan rolls Rees back onto the canvas, and gets in himself. Rees is laying on his front, and Evan with a sharp elbow to Rees' back! And again! JACK JONES: What's he going, trying to insult the champ with hitting the small of his back? BILL HEWSON: What better way to win with the Cartwheel if Rees has an injured back? It's good strategy by the challenger! In fact, Cartwright's seeming to not care WHERE he injures Lloyd, as long as Rees is hurting. A Japanese armbar is WRENCHING Rees' shoulder out of its socket! And Lloyd is hollerin'! Evan's got his legs wrapped around the shoulder of Rees in the middle of the ring, and is pulling on the champion's arm. But Lloyd is trying to get out the easiest way he knows how: Punching the knee of Cartwright! Yup, that's doing it alright.Cartwright's lets go of Rees' arm, and is writhing on the mat! Rees gets up and starts stomping Evan's knee! This is just sickening, and the crowd's showing their displeasure! And now Rees with the Dragon Wrench, almost separating that leg of Cartwright's! Rees puts on the cloverleaf again, and Cartwright's screaming in pain! Cartwright's close to a rope, and it just needs to be a little...closer...inch...by...inch...grabs for the rope, but misses! It's right at his fingers! Lloyd Rees pulls Cartwright back towards the center of the ring! And Cartwright has to start over again! Pulling...Rees...closer to the ropes...almost there...Cartwright is PUNCHING the mat in frustration! Inch...and inch...and reach...Not quite. One...more...inch...AND HE'S GOT THE BOTTOM ROPE! Smythe tells Rees to break the hold, and he does so, thinking he's won the match! He didn't see Evan make it to the ropes! He's demanding Smythe raise his hand, and when she doesn't, Rees starts yelling at her! Evan gets up, limping, but punches Lloyd into the corner turnbuckle! Evan dashes to the other side, and he's going for a splash! GOD, NO! REES HAS PULLED MORGAN SMYTHE INTO THE LINE OF FIRE! Smythe's down! Evan's horrified as Rees LOW BLOWS HIM! Evan's down, Morgan's down. Rees rolls out of the ring for, what? BILL HEWSON: He's going for his Republic of Newfoundland belt! Good lord, this isn't the way to win a match! JACK JONES: By any means necessary, Hewson! As Rees brings his title into the ring, there's a commotion from the crowd! Who's wading through the Calgary fans? Is that...Don Travelli? Yes! Don Travelli hits the ring and LOW BLOWS Lloyd! Rees drops the title and is bent over as Don Travelli with A DDT ONTO THE BELT! Don Travelli has just knocked Lloyd Rees out in the center of the ring as he gets in the champion's face. "You screw me, Rees? An eye for an eye, capeesh?" Travelli kicks the belt outside of the ring and slides out, leaving through the crowd as Cartwright gets up to see a prone Lloyd Rees. Morgan Smythe is stirring as well. Cartwright, never one to question, covers Rees. Smythe counts very slowly. One! Two! Th-NOOOO! Rees has kicked out! Cartwright curses his luck, and limps to the turnbuckle. He's on the second rope, just waiting for Rees to stand up. Rees does, and it's a Jumping Tornado DDT to lay out the champion! Cartwright again with the cover! One, two, KICKOUT by the champ! Cartwright is frustrated, but still need to win the match here. He picks up Rees, but a THUMB TO THE EYE by Rees! And it's not seen by Smythe, although she does wonder why Cartwright is suddenly blinded. She confronts Rees, who pushes past her. He delivers a DDT! From The Green, even! And Cartwright's laid out! Rees taunts the crowd, knowing that this is over, but he STILL wants to dish out some punishment! He runs to the ropes! And a Fresh Water Flip onto Cartwright! BILL HEWSON: A springboard corkscrew? He's pulling out all the stops! JACK JONES: He knows Cartwright's no pushover! He's GOT to use some fancy moves to get the win here! One! Two! Th-NO! Cartwright kicks out! He's still got some life left in him! Rees, visibly upset, yells, "Okay, b'y! The gloves be off now!" He lifts Cartwright from the back and applies a Dragon Sleeper! He's setting up Cartwright for the Conception Bay Chinlock! Cartwright is fighting and wriggling, but Rees has the sleeper on him! Cartwright, with an AMAZING display of flexibility, kicks up to knock Rees in the face! The hold's broken, and the Chinlock's not applied! Lloyd Rees is reeling as Cartwright approaches. A spinning heel kick from Cartwright gets Rees to duck! Rees hits the ropes, coming back with a clothesline, which EVAN ducks! Evan Cartwright locks in a back suplex! No, a rolling German suplex! The Cartwheel! The Cartwheel! Evan's got the Boston Crab locked in! And Lloyd is reaching for them ropes, b'y! He's almost there! He's inching...his way to that...bottom rope! His fingers are touching the fibers! But Evan walks back to the center of the ring! He adds a little bit of torque, which has Lloyd Rees SCREAMING in pain! Lloyd punches the canvas! He's not going to tap! He CAN'T tap! Evan pulls in on the legs of Rees, just WRENCHING the back! Rees, frustrated, WON'T give up! He won't! NO! GOD! The CHAMPION taps! Evan Cartwright has won this match with the Cartwheel! FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match...and NEWWWWW PROVINCIAL CHAMPION... EVANNNN CARTWRIIIIIGHT! BILL HEWSON: By God he's done it! Evan Cartwright has regained the Provincial Title, he's ended the nearly TWO MONTH title reign of Lloyd Rees! What a match! What a performance by Evan Cartwright! JACK JONES: What a travesty! Evan rolls out of the ring, as Smythe hand him the Republic of Newfoundland title! Evan is now a two-belt holder! The tag team champion has regained the Provincial Title! He celebrates up the ramp, as the crowd cheers! Lloyd Rees is agog in the middle of the ring! He can't believe he lost that title after almost two months! And we go to commercial as Evan Cartwright stands at the top of the ramp, holding the NFA belt over his head!
JACK JONES: Yeah, that on again off again white coat speciliast, Billy Kryenik has these guys dragging out this gigantic wheel, but just what is it for? BILL HEWSON: Well, we know it's for Tommy Deathrow. But for what? Billy said something about 16 choices... I can only imagine that Tommy has to spin the wheel. JACK JONES: I wish they'd uncover the wheel part of it. That dirty old tarp that Billy has it dressed with is starting to stink up the joint. Is that a urine stain? BILL HEWSON: Billy Kryenik is very unorthodox, but he is effective. We may not always understand him but the fans sure love him for what he does. JACK JONES: What does he do exactly? He sits there and has weird dreams about self-mutilation with a giant rabbit and then wakes up and cuddles his real one. I'm not sure if he really DOES anything. BILL HEWSON: I guess we'll just wait and see what happens. "Celestial" by Isis begins to play and the fans stand on their feet. Billy walks out in a ripped up tuxedo that looks to be a tad big. He has Giggles in his left hand and he waves at the cheering crowd. BILL HEWSON: There he is, the sick one himself! All smiles and with Giggles to boot. JACK JONES: That rabbit should be banned from coming out here. That man makes every situation hostile and that rabbit is in more danger being out here, then we he would be with Tiffany. He should have left it in D!'s car. Billy walks over to the gigantic wheel structure and grabs the tarp. He toys with the crowd by slightly yanking it with his mouth open and his eyes bright and wide. He yanks off the sheet to reveal a very crude design of red and black pie pieces, equally sized and painted with white on the black and black on the red. Frank Warburton hands him a microphone. KRYENIK: Thank you... you're all far to kind. I stand here today to reveal my work of art... Pause. KRYENIK: THE WHEEL...OF DEATH! The crowd roars at that! Kryenik grins, before putting his hand on the wheel lovingly. KRYENIK: Now some of you might already have an idea what this device is for, but in case none of you have caught on by now... each space on the wheel contains a different Death Match. The object of the Wheel is for the participant to spin the wheel and it will randomly choose which match they will have with me. The crowd cheers. KRYENIK: Would you like to know the choices!? The crowd cheers "Yeah!" KRYENIK: For your viewing pleasure I have come up with the following dances! Number One... BARBEDWIRE DEATH MATCH! Number Two... BEDS OF BARBED WIRE + BEDS OF NAILS! Number Three... A BARBEDWIRE BRA AND PANTIES MATCH! The crowd responds with a huge *pop* and laughter. Jack Jones is audibly disgusted. JACK JONES: What the hell is wrong with this guy? KRYENIK: Number Four... like Cactus & Terry, a C4 BOMB MATCH (pop!)! Number Five is the classic LIGHT TUBES AND BASEBALL BATS! Number Six, and my favorite: TAIPEI DEATH MATCH! Number Seven? KNIVES ONLY! Number Eight... FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE! Number Nine... SUBMISSION! JACK JONES: ...doesn't he mean "genital submission" or something indecent like that? BILL HEWSON: I imagine a submission match with Kryenik would be pretty hardcore, but... Who... who comes up with "genital submission?" You sick bastard, Jones! KRYENIK: Number Ten... TEXAS DEATH MATCH! Number Eleven, an old ECW favorite... FLAMING TABLES! Number Twelve... FANS BRING THE WEAPONS! (cheers!) Number Thirteen... THUMBTACKS & BEDS OF BARBED WIRE! Number Fourteen... LOSER LEAVES NAPW! Number Fifteen... STAIRWAY TO HELL LADDER MATCH! And finally... Number Sixteen... DESERT DEATH MATCH! The crowd chants "We Want Blood! We Want Blood!" KRYENIK: Blood you want? BLOOD YOU SHALL RECEIVE! All matches have barbedwire ropes... including the submission match and the falls count anywhere. Now let's bring him out... The Demented One himself... Tommy Deathrow. "Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains hits and Tommy Deathrow walks out to a chorus of boos. He sneers at the crowd and then leers at Billy & Col. Giggles. BILL HEWSON: The Calgary fans really aren't taking well to Tommy Deathrow. JACK JONES: These fans don't know who to cheer for Hewson. They're all hyped on Calgary making the playoffs. They don't know from good wrestling in Calgary. BILL HEWSON: Jack, I know you're smarter than that. The Harts! Stampede Wrestling! You have to stop letting your hatred of Kryenik impair your intelligence! JACK JONES: I'll impair whoever I want whenever I want, thankyouverymuch. KRYENIK: Tommy Deathrow... Welcome to my Wheel of Death. DEATHROW: You really think that this (BLEEP) scares me Billy? Honestly all I want is another match with you regardless of stipulation. KRYENIK: You think you can dance with the deceiver and get away with a victory, Tommy? You want to get evil? You want one more shot at taking me out? DEATHROW: If your bed-buddy D! hadn't been the referee I would have pinned you ONE, TWO, THREE. This time, you won't have D! to make the quick count. This time... finally... it's just me and you in the center of the ring. Billy gets into Tommy's face. KRYENIK: Then why don't you spin the wheel, "Doomrider," and see which torture device I get to use on that pretty skin of yours. DEATHROW: *Grunt* Get out of my way. Billy steps aside and Tommy grabs the wheel by its handle. He pulls up and then pushes down with tremendous force. It spins around and around... KRYENIK: Round and round she goes, where it stops, nobody knows? ...What's it going to be... The wheel spins, spins, will it ever stop? The crowd is chanting their favorites, but definitely people want to see Deathrow versus Kryenik ONE. MORE. TIME. Slowly, the wheel begins to slow down, clackity-clack-clack. Deathrow & Kryenik for the moment are united, watching the wheel slow...slow...slow...and...and... STOP. There is a pause. Both Kryenik & Deathrow stare at the wheel. Kryenik grins and puts the mic to his lips. KRYENIK: Tommy Deathrow, you sorry son of a bitch... next monday night, you and I are going into that ring... FOR THE TAIPEI DEATH MATCH! Your sexy ass is going down ---* JACK JONES: Oh my GOD! It's CYBORG BOB BARKER! BILL HEWSON: He is NOT a cyborg, but he IS attacking Billy Kryenik from behind! He's after Colonel Giggles! Tommy Deathrow watches, caught in a laughing fit as frikkin' BOB BARKER bashes Kryenik from behind with a steel chair. Bob Barker grabs Col. Giggles animal taxi and licks his lips...failing to notice Kryenik rising up. Billy whips Bob around --- BOOT TO THE GUT! THE DRY LAKE! THE DRY LAKE ON THE STAGE! Bob Barker is down and out! And now Billy turns to Deathrow... THEY GO AT IT! Kryenik smashes Deathrow's face into the wheel! "Sick" Billy Kryenik is A MAN ON FIRE! JACK JONES: Oh God, don't let them come over here! BILL HEWSON: Next week a TAIPEI DEATH MATCH, but they're not waiting for next week! Kryenik has Tommy, oh my god, he's going to throw him off the stage --- WAIT A MINUTE! JACK JONES: HOLY HELL! BILL HEWSON: That's...KRUSTY KID PAUL! OH MY GOD! KRUSTY KID PAUL storms through the curtain and bashes Kryenik across the back of the head with a ... shower curtain rod? Must be something harder than that, cos it drops Kryenik. Deathrow blinks and looks at KKP, who screams obscenities. "YOU LEAVE BOB ALONE, BITCH!" and other random stuff. KKP then storms back through the curtain as Kryenik is rising, but Deathrow grabs him... DEATHROW DRIVER ON THE STAGE! KKP comes back...PUSHING A DUMPSTER? OH MY GOD! Krusty Kid Paul has somehow pushed a dumpster in the building and on the stage! KKP hoists Kryenik up and puts his head on the lip. Deathrow grabs the dumpster door... SLAM! He just slammed it right on Kryenik's head! JACK JONES: Well how about that! Tommy Deathrow & Krusty Kid Paul just tossed Sick Billy Kryenik in the dumpster where he belongs! BILL HEWSON: What a sickening display, Kryenik is going to be... OH! MY! GOD! JACK JONES: HOLEEEEE HELLLLL! KKP and Deathrow look to be walking off the stage... and then they both turn around and SHOVE the dumpster with all their might, sending it careening off the stage and dropping the six feet to the concrete below, with SICK BILLY KRYENIK INSIDE OF IT! KKP grabs Bob Barker and throws him over his shoulders, walking out, as Tommy Deathrow stands at the top of the stage and does the TOMMY DREAMER crucifix pose, staring out over the booing and hateful crowd. He licks his lips, looking down at the dumpster laying on it's side as security and EMTs scramble to help Billy. Fade to a (long) commercial.
JACK JONES: He's GOT to be kidding! BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting word that BILLY KRYENIK has beaten up the EMTs and security and... is with Josh Reynolds! Cut backstage, to the mostly-repaired NAPW interview set A visibly shaking Josh Reynolds is standing next to a bloody, bruised and garbage residue covered BILLY KRYENIK. Kryenik doesn't look too hot, but his eyes gleam with mania. JOSH REYNOLDS: Uh... I'm standing here with SICK Billy Kryenik, who just --- you just assaulted the EMTs! Are you even okay? HOW ARE YOU STANDING? Kryenik yanks the microphone out of Josh Reynolds' hand. He shoves Josh out of the way and then walks right up to the camera, his face taking up almost the entire picture frame, blooding running from a long cut above his eye. KRYENIK: Tommy Deathrow, nothing's gonna (BLEEP)in' stop me from tearing the skin from your bones next week! But now, this Thursday night, on Action!, Krusty Kid Paul! You stuck your (BLEEP)in' nose in my (BLEEP)! I was just going to beat you in the ring, but now... YOU AND ME, KKP... in a DUMPSTER MATCH! I'll (BLEEP) YOU UP, MAN! I'LL (BLEEP) YOU UP! Billy whirls around and smashes down the poor interview set. Cut back to ringside. Jack Jones & Bill Hewson are both looking awed/shocked. JACK JONES: What, has he lost his bloody mind? He's just... he can't wrestle on Thursday! He's crazy! BILL HEWSON: I don't think the devil himself could stop Billy Kryenik from getting his final revenge on Tommy Deathrow. Suddenly, Ashley MacIssac blasts through the PA, the mad-fiddler sounds of "Devil In The Kitchen." And out walk THE CELTIC ASSASINS, accompanied by the NTV Champion BAYMAN JAKEY! The crowd, still somewhat shocked by what they just witnessed, showers them with half-hearted boos. O'Brady storms into the ring, a grinning Al Thoes right behind him. O'Brady makes the "Title Belt" motion around his waist as Thoes takes the microphone out of Warburton's hand before Frank can even introduce them.. BILL HEWSON: Conspicuous by his absence, of course, is the FORMER Provincial Champion Lloyd Rees... JACK JONES: Quiet! Al is talking! TALKING! AL THOES: Earlier tonight, we witnessed a travesty. Don Travelli, you made a big mistake interfering in Lloyd's match. But we'll settle with you later 'b'y'. Evan Cartwright! You're awfully proud of being a double-champion. But it just so happens that the number one contenders to your TAG TEAM TITLES with Chris Casino...are none other than BOBBY O'BRADY and AL THOES, the CELTIC ASSASSINS. Crowd boos at Al's tone of voice. O'Brady screams at them to shut up. AL THOES: Easy, Bobby, easy, save it for our 'opposition.' So right here, right now, I'm claiming the Number One contender's rightful tag team title shot. At COMPLETE CONTROL in Seattle Washington, you can be prepared to LOSE those tag team titles to a DESERVING team. We'll see you there, and right now? Delivery Men? Bring anybody you want, because Bobby O'Brady needs some bodies on which to take out his frustration. You'll do. BILL HEWSON: The Celtic Assassins laying out the challenge to The Rat Pack! And right now the NFA looking to avenge themselves today! "Son of a Bitch To The Core" kicks it off, and here comes...well, quite the entourage. Delivery Man #1 comes out with the stunning, cowgirl bad-ass lookin' TEX at his side. They come out, Tex looking mighty pleased with herself. Delivery Man #2 then comes out with #57 and #99 AKA STEIN. #1 holds the ropes for Tex. JACK JONES: It's like two different worlds here, Hewson. #1 and #2 are barely acknowledging each other. BILL HEWSON: You might be right, Jack Attack. #1 has become a different person since that jezebel Tex came into the picture. The Delivery Men need to get it together if they have any chance against the Celts. DING DING DING! The bell rings as the Celtic Assassins charge the Delivery Men. #2 is dumped out of the ring, and #1 gets slung to the ropes! Double clothesline by the Celts ---- that's ducked by #1! He stops short of the ropes, #2 hops up on the ring apron... ROCKET LAUNCHER into the Celts! That spills them down, and now it's #1 & Bobby O'Brady tying up. The brawling Delivery Man opening up on "The Irish Adonis." #1 hoists the two-hundred seventy-five pounder up in a big show of strength... and drops him for snake eyes! Cover gets one. O'Brady shot to the ropes, reversed, #1 flies off into a WITH AUTHORITY powerslam in the middle of the ring. Tag out to Al Thoes, and this time the Celts get the double clothesline on number one. Al Thoes hits the ropes --- BILL HEWSON: What the ... ? Tex just grabbed Al Thoes by the ankle! JACK JONES: Figures The Delivery Men would CHEAT against a fine, up and coming team like the Celtic Assassins. Thoes yells down at Tex, who feigns innoence as #1 hammers him from behind. #1 hits the hammerlock and reaches for the tag to #2, who saw the whole thing. He scowls at Tex, but tags in. #1 body slams Thoes down, and #2 springboards off the rope with a somersault leg drop! ONE! TWO! O'Brady with the save. And he got a piece of #2's head right there. The Delivery Man is up first, grabs a hold of Al Thoes --- shot to the breadbasket. Al Thoes outweights #2 by over a hundred pounds, and he picks up #2 like a rag doll! POWERBOMB TO THE OUTSIDE??? NO! #2 reverses with a huracanrana that sends both men to the concrete. Bayman Jakey swoops over to take advantage as O'Brady distracts the referee ... #57 types frantically into the laptop and STEIN stands over top of #2, his lidless gaze boring into Jakey. BILL HEWSON: Bayman Jakey seems to be thinking twice about messing with STEIN. It looks like The Delivery Men may have found a way to counter the shenanigans of the NFA! JACK JONES: Dr. Claw --- er, the Director is going to have a fit when he gets a copy of the MNF tape. Stein then proceeds to animatronically roll #2 back into the ring as Jakey backs off, all smiles. Al Thoes is back in, tagging out to Bobby O'Brady. Unfortunately for #2, he's in for a world of trouble here. Al Thoes powerslams #2 into the center of the ring and the big O'Brady hits his DOUBLE STOMP right into #2's midsection, knocking the wind out of him. Head vice applied now! Bobby O'Brady trying to twist #2's head right off. Al Thoes is shouting encouragement/direction from the outside. #2 tries to fight out, back elbow! Back elbow! He hits the ropes --- and runs RIGHT into a huge lariat that almost takes his head off. Tag to Al Thoes, who comes in with bad intentions on his mind. The Scottish Wrecking Machine lines #2 up... POWER CLOTHESLINE! Cover gets two, Thoes roughly hauls #2 up, and shoots him to the corner. He charges in with a BIG POWER clothesline! #2 staggers out, which allows Al Thoes to hit the ropes and come off with ONE MORE POWER CLOTHESLINE. #2 flips inside and out, Thoes makes the cover, one, two, three--- #1 manages to break up the count. Referee Henry Andrews tells #1 to get to his corner (albeit timidly). While he does, The Celtic Assassins are busy choking #2 with the tag rope! Tag back to Bobby O'Brady, and now it's The Irish Adonis... WITH THE TORTURE RACK! JACK JONES: Stick a fork in him, he's done! BILL HEWSON: #2 has not caught a break since he came into the ring! He can't have much left right here! #1 comes in to make the save, but gets cut off by Al Thoes! #2 is going to submit --- wait a minute? TEX just jumped on the ring apron, and she's distracting Henry Andrews. Admittedly, not a difficult task. But here comes BAYMAN JAKEY into the ring while she's at it! Hang on a tick, #1 just dropped Al Thoes with a big kick! #1 clotheslines Bayman Jakey out of the ring and then breaks up the Torture Rack! HALF-NELSON SLAM TO BOBBY O'BRADY! #1 gets out of the ring, Al Thoes has rolled to his corner, and Referee Henry Andrews turns around to see both legal men down and out. He begins the standing ten count. ONE! TWO! THREE! O'Brady is moving, crawling to his corner... FOUR! FIVE! ... He tags in Thoes! Thoes comes in... #2 TAGS OUT TO #1! And Delivery Man #1 is a HOUSEAFAR! He storms the ring, dishing out lariats like skittles! Down goes Thoes! Down goes O'Brady! Both Celts back up, #1 grabs their heads...double noggin-knocker! And now #1 grabs Al Thoes, he's going to...CAN HE? THE BIG DELIVERY COMIN' UP --- Bayman Jakey is on the ring apron now, wielding his NTV Title belt! #1 sees him and breaks off to slug Jakey ... Al Thoes has grabbed Andrews by the collar, preventing him from noticing! Jakey leans back to avoid the swing then blasts #1 with the NTV Title Belt! MAKE WAY FOR NUMBER TWO! #2 BARRELS at Jakey full-speed, taking them both to the outside! Delivery Man #2 and Bayman Jakey are in a heap on the outside, #2 now punching the crap out of the NTV Champion! IN THE RING! Thoes... has #1 in position for the Vertebreaker! And Bobby O'Brady is going to the top rope! Celtic Crusher coming up, that'll be it for the Delivery Men ... wait a minute! Henry Andrews is distracted trying to get #2 back in the ring, and that leaves Tex open to shake the ropes! O'Brady crashes nut-first on the top turnbuckle, and the distraction is all #1 needs to shimmy free from his upside-down position and roll a stunned Al Thoes up! Andrews is FINALLY in position, ONE, TWO, THREE! FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners by pinfall...THE DELIVERY MEN! BILL HEWSON: The Delivery Men have just defeated The Celtic Assassins... but...what a mess! JACK JONES: They cheated to win! They cheated! I can't believe it! SEE? I told you NAPW was ruined! BILL HEWSON: The Delivery Men have the win, to the shock and dismay of the NFA... but #2 does not look that happy about it! Can we get a closer look? The NFA have left, black looks across all three faces. It's been a bad night for the NFA... In the ring, Delivery Man #2 has his hands on his hips, and he's begun to chew out Tex in the ring. #1 tries to reason with #2, getting between them. #2: "She CHEATED!" #1: "No, she HELPED us!" Tex gently pushes her boyfriend(?) to the side and... SLAPS #2 across the face! #2 looks shocked, the crowd is stunned... OH MY GOSH! Stein had slid into the ring during this. And suddenly he moves from motionless to active, lifting Tex HIGH above his head in a gorilla press! Tex SQUEALS as #1 starts yelling at Stein to put her down. #57 frantically types, yelling that "I didn't tell him to do that!" Stein slowly puts Tex down, as #1 begins yelling at #2 about bringing that "THING" to ringside. #2 shoves #1! #1 shoves #2 back! #2 glares at #1, then leaves the ring, signalling for #57 and Stein to come. #1 is in the ring, holding a petrified (or at least shocked) Tex in his arms. JACK JONES: Stein is truly a monster, he would hurt a poor defenseless beauty like Tex! BILL HEWSON: Well, he didn't hurt her... and weren't you screaming about her 'cheating' earlier on? Make up your mind! JACK JONES: Hey you know, I'm just realizing that Delivery Man #1 is the brains of the operation. #2 shouldn't get so bent out of shape. A win is a win is a WIN, no matter you get there. Of course, it's been a bad night for the NFA... and... my head hurts. BILL HEWSON: There, there. You could always transfer to one of those feds where everything is drawn in black and white. The story of Stein & The Delivery Men is probably far from over... However CHRIS CASINO vs STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS is next! You won't want to miss that one!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, he is ONE-HALF of the NAPW Tag Team Champions! Hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada, THIS! IS! CHRIIIIIIS CASINNOOOOOO! BILL HEWSON: It looks like Chris Casino came into Calgary prepared tonight. JACK JONES: Yeah, prepared to get his ass kicked! The Rat Pack isn't going BILL HEWSON: We'll see what happens in a fair contest between the two. After what Predator did to Bruce Richards earlier tonight, I think Kyle Roberts is going to be doing this one alone. "HOLD UP!" The crowd certainly won't as Stylin' Kyle Roberts comes out to the back to "The Rooster" by Outkast, and he is indeed alone. His expression is not exactly 'pleasant.' He pauses right after coming out of the curtains though and signals for his music to be cut off. Despite the crowd and condition of his partner, Roberts has an evil smile on his face, and he holds up the index finger on each hand, calling for quiet. It eventually comes, more out of confusion than anything else. Still smiling darkly, Kyle points to the curtain and it twitches aside once more as another man walks out to join him. The crowd positively explodes in shocked hatred. BILL HEWSON: Oh my god, The Mayor! Bill Fleming is back! And unless I'm grossly mistaken, he is with the New and Improved D-X! JACK JONES: This is great! Kyle Roberts is a strategic genius! FRANK WARBURTON: And HIS OPPONENT! Being...accompanied to the ring by BILL FLEMING... from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan! One-half of the NEW & IMPROVED D-X...THIS! IS! STYLIN' KYLLLLLLE ROBERRRRRTS! Kyle Roberts signals for his music to be cued up again and starts again towards the ring, with Bill Fleming by his side. Even Chris Casino looks a little surprised by the practically violent reaction to the return of The Mayor, glancing from side to side as he backs up against the ropes and adjusts his elbow pads. Roberts is grinning like a lottery winner as he ducks between the middle and top ropes to enter the ring. That grin is wiped away as Chris Casino runs across the ring and clubs him in the back of the neck with a double sledge. Casino grabs the middle rope and jerks it up quickly, catching Roberts right in his pride. The crowd loves it, but Roberts doesn't as he rolls into the ring clutching himself and John Sharplin calls for the bell to officially begin this match. Fleming is already yapping at Sharplin for a disqualification because of that move, but Sharplin just shakes his head. BILL HEWSON: This match is officially underway, and not the most prestigious start for Kyle Roberts and his new management. JACK JONES: Because Chris Casino is a filthy cheater. I swear, every time you think he has hit rock bottom, he just finds a new way to go lower. Chris Casino hits the ropes and comes back with a head of steam to nail the rising Roberts in the side of the head with a front dropkick. Kyle Roberts falls back against the ropes, holding himself up by hooking both arms over the top rope, momentarily stunned. Casino turns his back to Roberts and reaches back to grab the ropes on either side of his opponent as well. Chris Casino tosses a wink to the crowd and then jumps backwards, backflipping right over Kyle Roberts. With his grip on the ropes, Casino comes around to nail Kyle in the back with both knees and then land cleanly on the apron. Roberts stumbles forward holding his back and Casino primes himself on the outside. The crowd is going nuts as Roberts turns around and Chris Casino launches himself to springboard off the top rope... SHOOTING STAR BODYPRESS! Roberts is down and Casino is able to make the cover, this one could be over in a hurry! Sharplin makes the count: ONE! TWO! Thr-shoulder up! Roberts able to recover at the last possible second from Casino's high flying attacks. Casino gets back up to his feet and Roberts stumbles up much less steadily after him. Casino fires off a right jab to Roberts chin, then a second and a third. Kyle Roberts is staggering and Chris Casino raises his right for a haymaker. Stylin Kyle raises his arm to block it, but Casino never follows through, instead bringing his left hand up and poking Roberts in the eyes to a round of laughter from the crowd. Sharplin warns Casino against that kind of action, but Chris Casino just shrugs. John Sharplin checks on the blinded Roberts, who reaches out and grabs the ref by the shirt while rubbing his eyes with his other hand. Chris Casino hits the ropes again, but this time The Mayor is there to hook his back leg. Casino spins around and sends a kick under the bottom rope that shoos that Mayor away, then turns and runs back at his target. That second delay is all Kyle Roberts needs to explode forward and nearly take Casino's head off with an extremely stiff clothesline. The flesh on flesh impact rings out across the arena and Casino's head snaps backwards painfully before he hits the mat. BILL HEWSON: Did you hear that? This match could be over right here, thanks to the interference from that damn Fleming! JACK JONES: I didn't hear you complaining when Chris Casino was blatantly trying to blind a man. Turn-about is fair play, Hewson! Rather than making the cover, Roberts turns Casino over and locks in a front facelock, sprawling out to put the most pressure on the back of Casino's neck while he grinds his wrist against the high flyer's face. Roberts has the move locked in perfectly, pushing down with his full weight and barring the locking arm tightly across Casino's face, while giving himself some recovery time. Sharplin checks on Casino, but Bill Fleming suddenly jumps up on the apron to yap about something. John Sharplin turns to get him down, and Roberts drops his arm down into a naked choke on Casino, wrenching the man's head to the side with the force of it. Chris Casino drums the mat with his feet as he struggles to pull in air, and John Sharplin turns back around. The senior referee sees the illegal hold immediately and calls for a clean break. ONE...TWO...THREE...FOUR... Kyle Roberts breaks the hold before five, holding both of his arms up as the crowd boos. Roberts slaps Casino across the back of the head and then turns and hooks him in a grounded side headlock. Chris Casino searches for some leverage, trying to push himself up off the mat, but the heavier Kyle Roberts keeps him down in the hold. The crowd begins a "Ca-Si-No! Ca-Si-No!" chant and Roberts shakes his head in denial as Casino begins to push himself up again, drawing strength from the crowd. JACK JONES: Why are they chanting CASIO? Calgary loves their cheap watches, I guess. BILL HEWSON: They're chanting Casino, you numbwit! Casino gets up to one knee and drives an elbow into Roberts side. This gives Casino enough freedom to get up to his feet, and swing another elbow into Roberts side. A third elbow and the hold is finally broken, and Casino turns right around and grabs Kyle Roberts in a side headlock of his own! Roberts is having none of it, and muscles Casino towards the ropes and tries to shove him off against them. Casino reacts quickly, instead of hitting the ropes with his back he jumps and climbs right up to the top rope and leaps forward, taking Kyle Roberts throat-first across the top with a bulldog headlock! It looks like Casino is going to eat the concrete outside, but a surpised Bill Fleming is there to break his fallÉ HURRICANRANA on Fleming as Casino falls! BILL HEWSON: What amazing agility from Chris Casino! I've never seen anything like what he is showing us here tonight! JACK JONES: I assume by agility you mean depravity! Attacking Bill Fleming for no reason, right after he returns from a grievous injury that has kept him away from us for so long! The move has taken its toll on Casino as well, and he is down on the outside right behind Bill Fleming. Kyle Roberts lies on his back in the middle of the ring, holding his neck and coughing as he tries to suck in some air after catching the top rope like that. Sharplin has no choice but to begin counting out Chris Casino. ONE...TWO...THREE... still very little movement from either Chris Casino on the outside or Kyle Roberts on the inside. FOUR...FIVE... Chris Casino begins to stir, turning towards the ring. SIX...SEVEN... it looks like Roberts might be seriously hurt, as he still isn't getting up. Casino is crawling towards the apron, reaching up as Sharplin nears the end of the count. EIGHT...NINE... Casino grabs the middle rope and hauls himself onto the apron, enough to break the count. He looks through dazed eyes and sees Roberts still down in the center of the ring, and that brings Chris Casino right back to life! Casino holds up one hand and the crowd roars! Chris Casino grabs the top rope, preparing to leap into the ring with god-knows-what at this point... Bill Fleming, barely conscious, still has the presence of mind to reach up and grab Casino by the boot! Casino looks down and kicks violently at Fleming, knocking him away, and then jumps for a springboard without even looking... Kyle Roberts is back on his feet! Stylin Kyle was playing possum the whole time! Roberts grabs a stunned Casino right off the top rope and delivers a thunderous Moose Jaw Driver into the center of the ring! Kyle Roberts with the cover! ONE! TWO! Threeeee-shoulder up! The crowd explodes as Stylin Kyle Roberts looks up at John Sharplin is disbelief, holding up three fingers. Roberts slaps the mat and grabs Casino by the ponytail to drag him to his feet, ignoring the objections from Sharplin. HUGE brainbuster from Roberts to the already stunned Casino! BILL HEWSON: Another pin, and this one could be it! ONE! TWO! NOOO! shoulder up again! Chris Casino is staying in this one on heart and heart alone. JACK JONES: Just stay down, Chris! JUST STAY DOWN! Kyle looks ready to snap as he stares down at Casino, but slowly the clouds clear and a smile comes to his face. Roberts pulls Casino up by the ponytail once more and sets him up for the definitive end... the Emerald Fusion! Kyle Roberts lifts Chris Casino over his shoulder and Casino suddenly comes back to life, grabbing Roberts by the back of the legs and executing a sunset flip pin! ONE...TWO... a surprised Kyle Roberts manages to kick out and roll backwards up to his feet. Roberts comes in and grabs Casino by the legs, looking for the Bear-Tamer, but Casino kicks him off into the ropes. Stylin Kyle Roberts rebounds and Chris Casino nails him with a kip-up hurricanrana! Both men up to their feet but Roberts goes right back down again on the business end of a leg lariat. Casino hits the ropes and comes back with a running shooting star press! He hooks the leg for the cover, ONE, TWO, kick out! Casino back up and nailing Roberts with a knee to the face as he pulls him to his feet. Chris Casino hooks Kyle Roberts in the front facelock and takes him to the corner for the tornado DDT. Casino leaps off the second rope and Roberts gives him a little assistance, shoving him off to land on his face. Casino rolls over to his back, dazed by the impact, and Kyle Roberts takes advantage. This time it is Roberts to the ropes for the lionsault! NO! Casino gets his knees up! BILL HEWSON: Chris Casino may have turned the tide! He needs to capitalize on Stylin' Kyle's mistake! JACK JONES: I'm...I'm in shock! I have to give credit to Chris Casino right here! What a MATCH this is, Bill Hewson! Roberts in pain as he falls back against the ropes holding his stomach. Roberts trying to get his wind back as he stumbles all over the ring, and Chris Casino is on his feet again behind Stylin Kyle! Casino hooks him for the Bankrupt, and has it set perfectly, this one is over! But Bill Fleming is up on the apron again, and he has a chair in his hands! Chris Casino releases Stylin Kyle and heads over to deal with The Mayor himself. Casino grabs the chair from Bill Fleming and tosses it backwards before grabbing the man by the shirt. Casino is between Sharplin and Fleming as he raises his right hand to knock The Mayor out of the NAPW for another few months... Fleming sprays something into Chris Casino's eyes! Sharplin didn't see it! Casino stumbles backwards, blinded and in pain and Bill Fleming grabs Sharplin by the shirt, practically hugging the man. BILL HEWSON: John Sharplin is a seasoned referee, but I don't think anyone could keep control with this kind of chaos! JACK JONES: The Mayor is just trying to get Sharplin to clarify some of the finer points of the rules of the ring. Sharplin has finally has enough and throws his hand out, ejecting Bill Fleming from ringside. What he doesn't see is that behind him Kyle Roberts has grabbed the blinded Chris Casino and has him up for the Emerald Fusion. The chair that Casino grabbed from The Mayor is still in the ring... no! EMERALD FUSION on the chair! Casino's head crashes down onto the steel chair, and he is absolutely out cold! Roberts quickly slides the chair out of the ring just before Sharplin can turn around. Bill Fleming is slowly making his way up the ramp, grinning like a madman. The pin isn't even necessary at this point, as Chris Casino is unconscious, but Roberts makes it. ONE. TWO. TH... Kyle Roberts pulls Casino's shoulders up off the mat! Roberts shakes his head and holds up one finger. BILL HEWSON: Come on now, this is just sick! JACK JONES: Casino is resilient, kicking out of the Emerald Fusion! I think Kyle Roberts is going to have to give him one more! Kyle Roberts does indeed heft the body of Chris Casino up for another Emerald Fusion, and delivers it with a smile. Even then he doesn't make then pin, instead turning Casino over and locking him in the Bear-Tamer. John Sharplin takes one look at Chris Casino and calls for the bell to end the match. Even with the bell ringing, Kyle Roberts doesn't let go of the hold or his smile until Sharplin threatens to reverse the decision. Kyle Roberts won't allow his hand to be raised until Bill Fleming makes his way back to the ring, having only gotten about halfway to the back before the end, and does the honors. Kyle Roberts and The Mayor stand tall over the body of Chris Casino. BILL HEWSON: You son of a bitch, get away! You've done enough! JACK JONES: I don't think he feels that he has, Hewson. I'm even feeling a little sorry for Chris Casino right now... BILL HEWSON: No! Not another Emerald Fusion! You can't --- IT'S EVAN CARTWRIGHT! EVAN CARTWRIGHT HAS HIT THE RING! THE PROVINCIAL CHAMPION IS SAVING HIS PARTNER! Evan hits the ring and BLASTS Kyle with his trusty KENDO STICK! Fleming rolls out of the ring and Kyle does the same, both mean leaving up the ramp as Evan points his kendo stick at them. Evan then goes down to Chris, concerned about his partner. Fleming raises Kyle's arm high in the air at the top of the ramp, pointing at his client. Kyle looks on with a sadistic grin on his face, eyes blank. Meanwhile, in the ring, Evan has helped Casino up...whoa! Casino shoves away Evan? He doesn't want any help? What's going on. Chris Casino, somehow, is standing. He looks down at the canvas, crushed? Disappointed? Evan tries to get his attention, but Casino shoves him away again, then slides out of the ring. Chris Casino walks up the ramp, not looking back as Evan Cartwright looks on saying "Come on, man, what are you doing?" Casino hits the top of the ramp and turns around, looking over the NAPW MNF crowd...as if for the last time. BILL HEWSON: I have no idea what is going through the mind of Chris Casino, but this capacity crowd in Calgary is giving him a STANDING OVATION! Chants of "Ca-SI-No! Ca-SI-No!" ring out as Chris Casino gives a flash of his trademark grin, and then sweeps through the curtain, leaving a bewildered but appreciative crowd behind, and his tag team partner Evan Cartwright in the ring confused. BILL HEWSON: We have one more commercial break to take, but when we return...it will be the main event! Don't touch that dial!
BILL HEWSON: We're sorry to join in progress, but during the break the tension between these men spilled over! THE CHARITABLE TRUST and THE CRIMES & RAVAGER have busted loose in Tulsa---er, Calgary! JACK JONES: We were minding our own business, and BAM! Rex Caliber & Devastation spilled through the entrance way! BILL HEWSON: Ravager & Static not far behind him, mixing it up with Pit Boss and his two bodyguards! The match hasn't even started yet! JACK JONES: And through it all, *sniff*, that brave soul in the wheelchair, LONGSHOT. Look at him, at ringside, trying to do what he can. In the ring, Rex Caliber --- taped ribs and all --- is mixing it up with the Vicious Phenom while on the outside Ravager & Static tear it up with Pit Boss, Stump & Bunker. Longshot has a crutch in his hand and takes swings at any opponent who comes too close. The bell rings at last as Dick Kiebiech is in the ring. The sides somehow manage to split off and take their corners. Rex Caliber comes off the ropes and gets PLANTED by Devastation with a huge sidewalk slam. Cover one, two, Caliber kicks out. Devastation tags in Pit Boss, who immediately goes to work on the injured ribs of Rex Caliber. Admoninal Stretch by Pit Boss... the vicious kind, with Pit Boss SMASHING his forearm into Rex's injured ribs! Boss grabs the top rope for leverage, caught by Kiebiech. One, two, three, four, Pit Boss releases the hold before the count hits five. Irish whip sends Rex Caliber in --- REX CALIBER EXPLODES OUT WITH A LARIAT! That takes Pit Boss out, and Caliber tags out to his long-time tag team partner Static. Pit Boss gets back to his feet --- in time to meet Static springboarding off the top rope! Tornado DDT plants Pit Boss! Static HEADS UP TOP! MOMENT! OF! CLARITY --- Devastation sends Static flying directly into a Pit Boss Spinebuster! TIE UP! CLOVERLEAF APPLIED! Look out for Ravager! FULL-NELSON applied to Pit Boss, who won't let go of the Cloverleaf! Ravager looking for the Dragon Suplex, Pit Boss not allowing it to happen. Devastation storms into the ring, double ax-handle to the back of Ravager. That breaks it free, and Devastation hoists Ravager up onto his shoulders for the BURNING HAMMER! But here comes REX CALIBER to break that up! Caliber with the RUNNING STO ON DEVASTATION! BAM! And then Rex Caliber from BEHIND ON PIT BOSS! GERMAN SUPLEX! Pit Boss flies across the ring, LITERALLY flipping in mid-air and landing on his belly! Rex Caliber is roaring, baby, and the crowd is on their feet! BILL HEWSON: Good GOD! If this is any kind of preview as to what War Games is going to be like, then it really will be WAR! There's no time to breathe! JACK JONES: This isn't even fair! It's a handicap match, Hewson! Longshot is a noble, brave soul but what can he do from a wheel chair? The ring clears again, and now Static tags out to Ravager, who comes in and IMMEDIATELY starts cross-facing Pit Boss with stiff forearms. Ravager looking for the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE, Pit Boss links his hands together to block. They're fighting over it, Pit Boss rolls Ravager into a pinning predicament! ONE! TWO! Ravager backs out, STILL fighting for the Crossface. Pit Boss rolls through... He's got Ravager's legs! Looking for the Cloverleaf! Ravager with an inside cradle! ONE! TWO! Pit Boss kicks out. Ravager & Pit Boss both get to their feet, locking eyes. The crowd cheers that wrestling sequence, but Pit Boss only shows his disdain for the crowd and then tags into Devastation. Devastation ties up with Ravager. He lowers the boom, driving Ravager to one knee. GOURDBUSTER! Devastation covers. That gets TWO (TWOOOOO!). Devastation argues the count with the referee... BILL HEWSON: Now COME on! Bunker & Stump don't need to get involved in this match! JACK JONES: Just think of it as Dick Kiebiech doing right by the Trust after last week's debacle. Bunker & Stump both wring Ravager's neck across the bottom rope as a smiling Longshot looks on, applauding. Static & Rex Caliber try to tell Kiebiech to turn around, but Static's temper gets the best of him and Kiebiech is busy with them. Bunker & Stump hold Ravager up as Longshot ... BRAVELY... stands up and takes a shot at Ravager with his crutch. Longshot slumps down, clearly in agony... JACK JONES: You see the drive, the wherewithal? Longshot will do everything he can to be in this match! It almost killed him, just to get one shot on Ravager. BUT BY GOD HE DID IT. BILL HEWSON: He hit the man with a crutch! I don't buy Longshot's injury. Caliber is out here, wrestling, ribs be damned! JACK JONES: Longshot doesn't want to shorten his career by rushing back from an injury, Bill Hewson. Meanwhile, Devastation has Ravager in the ring, off the ropes, TILT-A-BY-GOD-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! Ravager writhes in pain, cover, Static gets in to make the save. Devastation swats him away, but Static manages to keep his temper in check this time and wisely goes back to his corner. Devastation tags in Pit Boss! And now...oh no, what's this! Devastation puts Ravager up in a powerbomb position --- Pit Boss grabs the man's neck --- DOUBLE TEAM HANGMAN'S NECKBREAKER! Ravager is out! Pit Boss covers, ONE, TWO, Static AGAIN with the save. Pit Boss yells at Kiebiech to keep it in check. Kiebiech, for his part, admonishes Static... then turns around and tells Pit Boss to shut his damned mouth and let him do his job. Pit Boss smirks sadistically at Kiebiech and grabs Ravager... what's this? He rolls him over into a BOW-AND-ARROW LOCK! Ravager's back being broken as he's held above Pit Boss's knees. Pit Boss holds on, but his shoulders are on the canvas, prompting Kiebiech to count one, two, Boss lets go of the hold. Ravager is on his front, holding his back. Pit Boss immediately goes back to work, stepping into Ravager's kneecaps and hooking the feet around his calves. CHOP to Ravager's ribs to get him to raise his arms, with Pit Boss grabs... and it's the MEXICAN SURFBOARD STRETCH! Good lord! Ravager WRACKED in pain, Pit Boss holds the move on as long as he possibly can. He lets go, the strain finally too much, but the damage has been done. Boss hooks a leg lock to keep Ravager from moving right in his corner. Tag in to Devastation, who drops a big elbow to the back of Ravager's head! Now Devastation goes to work. He hauls Ravager up and short-arms him. CLOTHESLINE, holding on, ANOTHER ONE, holding on, THE THIRD! RAPID FIRE. Ravager in a heap, cover, one, two, three--- Ravager gets his foot on the ropes. Devastation tosses Ravager over the top rope, prompting a lecture by Kiebiech. Dev argues back, making sure to steer Kiebiech away from that part of the ring. And BAM! Bunker & Stump are all over Ravager! JACK JONES: That's what it feels like, Ravager! Poor, poor Longshot. BILL HEWSON: Oh, shut up! Ravager rolled back in, and Devastation... WHOA! Devastation just charged the face corner, blasting Rex & Static both off of the ring apron! Dev signals to Pit Boss, and the Charitable Trust, what do they have in mind here? Devastation double-underhooks Ravager's arms as Pit Boss sets up in the corner. Devastation with the double underhook powerbomb---wait a minute, no! Ravager takes Dev's legs out... and hits the CATAPULT! RIGHT INTO PIT BOSS IN THE CORNER! The Trust is down! Ravager looking to make the tag... Rex & Static are both down, but climbing up! WAIT A MINUTE! Pit Boss just grabbed Ravager by the legs, dragging him back... INSIDE CRADLE! Ravager operating on instinct, but Pit Boss is not the legal man. Ravager releases the cradle, only to get picked up by Devastation once again. Hoisted up for the shoulderbreaker, but Ravager tries to wriggle out behind Dev. Dev spins around, and Ravager's feet catch Kiebiech right in the face! Ravager is on the canvas, hits the ropes --- Longshot whacks him with the crutch on the way by! And that. Is. IT. for the CRIMES CRIMES CRIMES CRIMES. Rex Caliber & Static storm into the ring! Pit Boss catches Caliber with a belly-to-belly suplex, reversed, Rex hits one of his own! Static with a BASEBALL SLIDE into the fallen Pit Boss! Boss crashes to the outside, right at the feet of his bodyguards. Rex Caliber turns his back to the ropes, yelling "COME ON! COME ON!" STATIC gets a head of steam, Rex caliber ALLEY-OOPS Static over the top rope and right onto Bunker & Stump! STATIC WIPES OUT THE CROWD! BILL HEWSON: STATIC! THE HARDCORE LUCHADORE! And this is all --- waitaminute! Longshot just slid Devastation one of those BASEBALL bats from earlier! JACK JONES: The Crimes brought 'em to the ring, Hewson. Turnabout? Fair play. Caliber turns around. Caliber's ribs, meet Mr. Slugger. Mr. Slugger, meet Caliber's ribs. Devastation hits a home run with Caliber's mid-section. Caliber drops down, and Devastation tees up for ANOTHER sick shot. And then ANOTHER. STOMP. Caliber's ribs have not healed, and good God. Rex Caliber is bleeding from the mouth, coughing violently. Devastation may have caused permanent damage, and by God he's proud of himself. Devastation then turns his attention to Ravager --- RAVAGER. IS. A. MAN ON FIRE. Ravager just HAMMERS it to Devastation as on the outside, Static is a whirling dervish keeping people busy! OH MY GOD! STATIC CLOTHESLINES LONGSHOT IN HIS CHAIR! Longshot tips over! Pit Boss directs Bunker or Stump to get Longshot, but has to contend with a furious Static. IN THE RING. RAVAGER IS LIGHTING UP DEVASTATION. And Devastation, the massive monster, is being overwhelmed by the stiff assault of RAVAGER. Devastation swings with a dazed clothesline, which Ravager ducks beneath... and Ravager... he can't? HE DOES! DRAGON SUPLEX! DRAGON SUPLEX! Somehow Ravager was able to hit it on Devastation! Ravager looks around, sees Kiebiech beginning to rise, sees Rex Caliber coughing up blood, and makes a decision. He grabs Devastation and sends him to the corner. Gutting through, he picks Dev up and perches him on the top rope. RAVAGER is going for his superbrainbuster! Devastation will feel Instant Karma! Devastation nails Ravager in the gut. Wait a minute, what the hell is this? Devastation has Ravager on his shoulders! GOOD GOD NO. BURNING HAMMER FROM THE TOP ROPE! Ravager is a quivering mass as Devastation covers, right in front of Rex Caliber. Caliber tries to reach out to stop it, but is wracked with pain and coughs up more blood. Kiebiech counts. ONE! TWO! NOT LIKE THIS! THREE! FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners...the CHARITABLE TRUUUUUUUST! BILL HEWSON: Good God, we may have a serious situation right here. Ravager is down and out, Rex Caliber is out! Oh my God! PIT BOSS HAS THE PAY-OUT ON STATIC, on the outside! He's trying to break him in half! JACK JONES: You're looking at the future of the NAPW, Bill Hewson! In Charity We Trust! BILL HEWSON: They've won the match! They've made their damn point! Enough is enough! In the ring, Devastation kicks Rex Caliber, then hauls him up by the bald head. "One week, Caliber. Shine it up for me... ah hell. I won't make you WAIT. Devastation hauls Caliber up. Rex can barely stand, his injures have been aggravated so... Devastation calls for the Burning Hammer! NO! "RIIGHT...BEFORE...MY... EYES!" BILL HEWSON: IT'S D! D! IS HERE! JACK JONES: He's---He's not cleared to wrestle! HE CAN'T BE HERE! BILL HEWSON: D! JUST CLEARED THROUGH THE CROWD AT RINGSIDE WITH A BALL BAT OF HIS OWN! OH MY GOD! D! IS IN THE RING! THIS CROWD HAS COME UNGLUED! JACK JONES: Devastation, watch out! Devastation drops a bloody Rex Caliber and turns to face... D!. The man he eliminated at Sole Survivor. And D!'s face clearly shows that HE. HAS. NOT. FORGOTTEN! D! rushes! Devastation catches him! Devastation is getting the better of D!, irish whip, D! reverses, short-arm, PLAGUE SPINEBUSTER! Holy crap! Devastation gets up quickly, angry, but D! is ALL OVER HIM. STRIKES! KICKS! PUNCHES! CHOPS! It's... THE BEAT-O-BARRAGE --- Bunker & Stump grab Devastation by the legs and yank him out of the ring! Pit Boss has Longshot in his arms as Bunker and Stump "hold" Devastation back. D! checks on Rex Caliber, scowls, looks at Ravager, scowls further, then grabs a microphone. D!: You guys really like the numbers game, don't you? Well listen up! There's one empty spot in War Games, one more spot inside that double-steel cage. Trapped inside with you. Or maybe, you're trapped inside with RAVAGER! STATIC! REX CALIBER... and ONE LETTER! SAID REAL LOUD! And if you can't figure that one out, I'll give you a freebie: D! IS GOING TO BE IN WAR GAMES! And that's whether you LIKE IT OR NOT, "peanut!" D! slams the microphone down and dares the Trust to come back into the ring, to attack the men D! is protecting at the moment. The Trust stare them down, but nothing changes the fact that Devastation pinned Ravager. And one week before he is set to take on Rex Caliber for the NAPW Title, Devastation has possibly ended Rex Caliber's career. And the road to war continues... |