MONDAY. NIGHT. FIGHTS.05/08/2006
We took hundreds of rabid Edmonton-area NAPW fans and deprived them of seeing their favourite wrestling promotion LIVE for three weeks. Why did we do this? SCIENCE. But the experiment concludes right here in the NAIT gymnasium, where we're packed to the rafters with screaming, sign-waving fans giving Monday Night Fights a proper welcome home. --I WANT THIS TO EXPLODE!
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH! BILL HEWSON: It's a cool night in the City of Champions, but the temperature in this arena is RED-HOT! I'm Bill Hewson, and can you believe that it's been THREE WEEKS since we've broadcast out of our home town? JACK JONES: Yeah, go figure, I'm actually startin' to like Edmonton over some of the holes we've stopped by on the tour. BILL HEWSON: Will you STOP? JACK JONES: I've never learned HOW to stop, Hewson. Jack "Attack" Jones here, and hey, we brought at least ONE good thing wth us--check it out, front-row ringside, the lovely Paulina Gretzky! The camera quickly cuts to a gorgeous young blonde woman, looking into the camera, ceering, and pointing to her licensed D! shirt. BILL HEWSON: Hey, NAPW's starting to be the place to be for ALL types of people! JACK JONES: Even if they have poor taste in wrestlers. Wait'll you see what we have in store for you tonight! Devastation's defending his NAPW Title for the first time--but it's against "BAD BOY" JOEY MALONE! That's gonna be one HELL of a match! BILL HEWSON: Well, I'll go as far as saying that it's a match you'll want to see to believe. We've also got some tag action that's been highly anticipated--it's the Tag Team Champs, the Bi-Polar Express, teaming up with their old buddy Chris Casinoto face The Syndicate-- JACK JONES: Me, I'm telling you at home to keep your eye on the Syndicate. They're going places. BILL HEWSON: --and a "Fans Demanded It" match between The Whyte Knights, that's a team-up of D! and Ravager, against The New & Improved D-X! JACK JONES: D-X, baby! Whoo! BILL HEWSON: But now it's time for another match that people have been dying to see--it's for the Number One Contendership for the TV Title, and it's on NOW. "Supercharger Heaven!" White Zombie! LOBO. The World's Strongest Man hits the ring with a defiant look in his eye, and is flanked closely by his father, Terry Brandon, who struts out with his silver brief-case and the hard-to-beat combination of suit and turtleneck sweater. Lobo's got quite a lot of offers for high-fives from the fans, and he's taking each and every fan up on their offer. BILL HEWSON: This is a grudge match ladies and gentlemen. Lobo won the Television title battle royale, putting himself first in line for a shot at the Television title. JACK JONES: Of course he did. With a man of Terry Brandon's stature, any man he manages would be Number One Contender. Just look at the guys he’s handled–-Evan Cartwright, Chris Casino, and of course, Lobo. All three of those men have tasted gold under him. FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is for ONE FALL, and it is for the Nmbr One Contendership for the TV Title. Making his way to the ring, accompanied to the ring by the Legendary Terry Brandon, weighing in at THREE-HUNDRED, TEN POUNDS and hailing from Toronto, Ontario... he is NAPW's resident Gold Medallist and the World's Strongest Man... LLLLLLLLLLOOOOOBOOOO!!! Lobo's hit the ring and pops up on the turnbuckles to the crowd's applause. Terry Bandon looks on, proudly. The crowd's love of industrial dance music is denied, however, when White Zombie is brought down so that the nasal Depeche Mode can be brought up. To a hail of boos, Uzi steps out with a disgusted look meant only for Lobo, and Buggsey is close on his heels, with a disgusted look that's meant for the entire crowd. BILL HEWSON: I will agree that Terry Brandon has an impressive client list and an even more impressive list of titles he has led his men to. But can he lead Lobo past one of the newest sensations in NAPW: The Kosher Assassin, Uzi? JACK JONES: I like this Uzi guy. He’s all business and gets to the point. It’ll be interesting to see what goes down here tonight. I’m a betting man and I think I’ll hold off on going all in on this one Hewson. It’s just to much of a toss up. FRANK WARBURTON: And now, making his way to the ring and being accompanied by Buggsy, from JERUSALEM, weighing in at TWO HUNDRED, EIGHT-FIVE POUNDS... he is the OLD TESTAMENT TERROR, UUUUUUUUUUUZIIIIIII!!! Uzi slides into the ring and gets straight ito Lobo's face. Ring that bell! BILL HEWSON: Uzi is giving up a good four inches in height and thirty pounds – give or take – in weight. JACK JONES: But that’s why they call this man Uzi, Bill. Size doesn’t matter when you hit your opponents with as much velocity is a clip of bullets. Ra-ta-tat-tat. Lobo and Uzi stand in the center of the ring with both managers standing confident along the outside of the ring. The two men start to trash talk one another with Uzi using hand gestures to express his distaste for the number one contender. Lobo says “bring it on” and the bell rings and we’re underway. Uzi jumps right off the bat with a right hand which connects with Lobo’s cheek bone. Lobo isn’t phased though as he too comes back with a right. Uzi stumbles from the power behind the big man and Lobo capitalizes by lunging at him and kick him in the stomach. Lobo throws Uzi off the ropes, Uzi comes back, Lobo bends down and Uzi flips over him and rolls him up… 1….2.. NO! Quick count out of no where but Lobo was able to kick out. JACK JONES: Lightning in a bottle, Bill. Uzi completely surprised Lobo with that roll up pin. BILL HEWSON: Lobo wasn’t ready for that one. I think he had a back body drop in mind. Both men get back to their feet and they lock up. Lobo pushes Uzi into the corner and the ref wants a clean break. Lobo lets go but Uzi slaps him straight across the face for his honesty and then throws him into the corner. Uzi lands some hard punches and chops onto the body of Lobo. Uzi wraps his arms around the big man.. GERMAN SUPLEX out of the corner. Lobo is on his back, shaking his head – getting rid of the cob webs. Uzi goes on the attack and applies a sleeper from behind. He wrenches with the referee asking him Lobo how he’s feeling. Lobo is not about to give up so easily. The crowd seems to be getting behind the number one contender. They both get back to their feet with the headlock still intact. Lobo elbows once, no effect. He elbows twice, no effect. Lobo stumbles with Uzi inear the ropes, Lobo drops and Uzi is sent to the outside from the lack of balance. Lobo gets back to his feet and Uzi looks a little upset about the veteran move. BILL HEWSON: Lobo really does know how to get out of those holds. He isn’t a former Television champion for no reason. Lobo has a lot of experience, especially here in NAPW. Uzi and Buggsy conference on the outside and he rolls back into the ring quickly. Lobo kicks him right away and then pulls him up by the head. Lobo lifts Uzi up into the air into a powerbomb position. But Buggsy grabs the leg of Lobo as the ref is on the otherside of the men so he can’t see it. Lobo drops and Uzi lands on his feet. Lobo gets back up but Uzi is stalking him from behind… chicken wing! Uzi slaps on a chicken wing and the bigman tries to grab the ropes. Uzi powers up and lifts lobo up to complete a chicken wing slam and Lobo hits hard. Uzi jumps right on top of Lobo’s back and starts pounding away at the back of the head. Terry Brandon is livid on the outside as he walks over to where Buggsy is and they exchange a few words before the referee breaks that up. Uzi has a half crab applied on Lobo in the center of the ring. JACK JONES: Uzi with the advantage now. Both of these men are battling back and forth and no one has really stood out yet. BILL HEWSON: Other than Buggsy’s cheating, the match has been pretty even. Terry and Buggsy are getting intense on the apron. Terry is smacking his hand on the ring apron, getting the crowd to clap in unicen for Lobo. Drawing from the reaction, Lobo powers out of the half crab and Uzi hits the mat. Lobo get sback to his feet, but Uzi jumps onto his back and applies a sleeper hold to the big man. Uzi is pulling on his neck with all his might. Lobo looks groggy but the ring veteran has another trick up his sleeve. He just falls back and squashes Uzi onto the mat. The crowd reacts and Buggsy is livid. Lobo rolls off of Uzi and gets back to his feet. He kicks Uzi for his troubles and then picks him up. Lobo throws Uzi off the ropes, he comes back SPINEBUSTER! Lobo nails a vicious slam and then goes for the cover... One… Two… Thrrrrrrrrrrrr NO! Uzi kicks out. BILL HEWSON: What a slam by Lobo! Uzi kicks out! Lobo can’t believe it. He gets back to his feet and pulls up Uzi who is still feeling the affects of that spinebuster. Lobo uppercuts and the impact of fist hitting jaw echo’s throughout the arena. Uzi stumbles back and Lobo clotheslines him over the top ropes and onto the arena floor. Lobo jumps out after him, staying on the offensive. Buggsy tries to distract him but Logo shoves him away for his troubles. Lobo picks up Uzi and slams him into the guardrail, head first. Uzi has a cut above his eye now. BILL HEWSON: There’s a little blood coming from the eye of Uzi now. The crowd loves it! JACK JONES: These fans have a blood lust. This is NAPW, not CZW! What ever happened to a fair fight? BILL HEWSON: You wouldn’t know a thing about a fair fight Jack! Lobo hits a few jabs and then swings Uzi into the guardrail. The ref has counted to 6 already as Lobo rolls back into the ring to break up the count. Uzi recovers and smears the blood from over his eye with his palm. Uzi rolls into the ring with Lobo coming on the offensive. But Uzi pulls the leg out from under him and Lobo hits the mat. Uzi gets on up and puts a knee into the throat of Lobo who is desperately trying to get the Kosher Assassin to release the knee. Lobo rolls left, knocking the knee off of his throat. Uzi throws a punch, Lobo blocks it with an elbow and sends it at Uzi. Uzi eats the elbow and rolls away. Lobo gets back to his feet to the appreciation of the crowd. He stomps over to Uzi and kicks him while he’s getting up. Lobo picks up Uzi and hits a back breaker and goes for the cover…One…two… t..NO! BILL HEWSON: Uzi kicks out! What a match this has turned out to be ladies and gentlemen! JACK JONES: Uzi is fighting through adversity as blood has taken over the upper part of his face! BILL HEWSON: And Buggsy is active on the outside, trying to motivate Uzi. Terry Brandon is giving orders as well. Lobo argues with the referee over the count but swallows his pride and goes back on the attack. Uzi clenches a fist and lays it into Lobo’s midsection. Uzi jumps up and does a chinbuster, bringing Lobo down to the mat. Uzi gets on top and grabs the arm. Side arm bar with lots of pressure applied. Lobo is stuck in another submission for a short stint before he reaches the ropes. Uzi lets go of the hold and gets back to his feet. Lobo rolls and gets back up. Uzi swings, Lobo ducks. Lobo swings, Uzi Ducks. Uzi jumps with a lariat, Lobo ducks it. Lobo turns around for a lariat of his own, he misses as well. Uzi bounces off the ropes, Lobo ducks it. Uzi bounces off the otherside, comes back… powerslam! Lobo bent sideways and powerslams Uzi onto the mat. The fans erupt. BILL HEWSON: So many reversals! JACK JONES: That was hard to keep up with! Lobo ROARS for the crowd--and signals for the Lobo Driver! He's picking Uzi up to his feet, waistlock--NOW WHAT? Lobo's lost his footing, and he breaks the hold--what's going on? He's turned to ringside, where Buggsey has his watch-and-chain in hand, innocently checking the time-- BILL HEWSON: Did he just use that watch-and-chain again? Is that what he did? JACK JONES: Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions, Hewson, you'll kill yourself from the strain. Well, Lobo's sure got his mind made up, and he's yelling at Buggsey, red-faced--and then falls flailing backwards as Uzi slaps on the Number of the Beast Sleeper on the unsuspecting Olympian. Lobo's thrashing--he's caught in the submission but GOOD! The ref's checking on Lobo, who's now turning purple from the hold--CLANG! BILL HEWSON: WHAT? JACK JONES: WHAT? Terry Brandon, in the ring, steps back from the tangle, holding his briefcase in both hands like a crazed madman. Lobo's sitting up, looking confused, while Uxi's lying prone on the mat, rubbing the back of his head. The ref can't move fast enough to signal the timekeeper-- FRANK WARBURTON: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, due to a DISQUALIFICATION, the winner of the match is UUUUUUUZZIIIII!!! BILL HEWSON: I'm confused--you can't lose a title on a DQ win, but can you lose a TITLE SHOT? JACK JONES: I don't know... I honestly DON'T KNOW! Brandon hops from the ring and orders his son to follow him. Buggsey rolls into the ring and starts prodding his client back to life. And Lobo, on his feet in the ring, shakes his head at the crowd's angry reaction, looks out at Brandon on his way to the back, looks back at Uzi, slowly coming to with Buggsey's help, an stands there, thinking--then SPRINGS TO ACTION. He shoves Buggsey out of the way, then hoists the Kosher Assassin all the way up to his feet, and it's THE LOBO DRIVER! Uzi crumples to the mat, Buggsey looking on in horror. Lobo playfully winks at Buggsy, mimes firing an invisible machine gun at him, and hops out of the ring as his exasperated father waits for him--the crowd chanting "Lobo!" all he while. BILL HEWSON: A measure of retribution for big Lobo, but WHAT WAS TERRY BRANDON THINKING? And what does this mean for the future of the TV Title? JACK JONES: We may not get our answers tonight, but we DO get our commercials. We've got stuff you're supposed to watch, folks, and when you come back, it's Patrick Bickle and Dez Carter. Don't go NOWHERE!
JACK JONES: Should be an good match-up. Neither of these two men has been in a Pure Honor match before, and it will be interesting to see how they react to the rules. BILL HEWSON: We have seen that some people have trouble adapting. At least nobody has gotten themselves kicked out of the division. JACK JONES: Yet. BILL HEWSON: Let's go to Frank for the introductions. FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, and is a Pure Honor match! Introducing first, the man to my left; he hails from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, DEZ... CAAAAARTER! And his opponent, in black trunks, standing five feet eleven inches tall and weighing in at one hundred and seventy five pounds... PATRICK BIIIIICKLE! The two men come into the center of the ring where John Sharplin makes sure that they both understand the rules and instructs them to shake hands. They do, and make a clean break as Sharplin calls for the bell to get this match underway. Carter begins to circle, sizing up his opponent, but Bickle doesn't give him the chance. Patrick Bickle hurls himself at Dez Carter and rings his bell with a series of forearm shivers that drive Carter back into the corner. Bickle fires off two quick back elbows then raises a closed fist to drop on Carter but remembers at the last second and delivers a stiff overhand chop instead. Patrick Bickle leans into the ropes next to the turnbuckle and drives a fierce back elbow into the side of Carter's head. Bickle runs to the opposite turnbuckle, turning and just slamming his back into it, rebounding out at the cost of his own body and flying back across the ring. Bickle leaps into the air... spinning back elbow! Patrick Bickle bounces off of Carter hard enough that he rolls for a yard before popping back up to his feet. Dez Carter stumbles out of the corner and Bickle is still moving, hitting the ropes and coming back with a swinging neckbreaker! Bickle makes the first cover of the match and Sharplin makes the count; ONE! TWO! Power out! Dez Carter might not be huge, but he was big enough to throw Patrick Bickle bodily out of that lateral press. At ringside the lovely Asuka Katsuragi cheers on Carter, staying away from the apron to avoid any accidental rules infractions. BILL HEWSON: Patrick Bickle came into this match ready to go, and it looks like he has Dez Carter off-balance here in the early going. JACK JONES: That is exactly what Bickle needs to do to win this thing, keep things going at his pace. Carter is a powerful striker, and if he won't need a closed fist to knock Bickle silly if he can get his hands on him. Bickle springs to the top rope as Carter gets back up to his feet. Carter turns around and eats a huge missile dropkick that sends him sprawling towards the ropes. Bickle bounces right back to his feet again as Carter struggles up to his hands and knees. Patrick Bickle runs across the ring and without missing a beat executes a picture perfect Oklahoma roll on Carter for another pin attempt; ONE! TWO! Carter reaches and grabs the bottom rope out of pure instinct! John Sharplin calls the break. FRANK WARBURTON: Dez Carter has used his FIRST ROPE BREAK! Patrick Bickle gets back to his feet but this time is stopped before he can get up any more steam by Dez Carter who delivers a vicious palm strike to the chest. Bickle staggers back from the blow and Carter catches his exposed right leg with a sharp kick to the outside of the knee. Bickle staggers again and Carter's left hand flashes out in another palm strike, driving him back further still. Carter continues to break down a dazed Bickle until he is pressed to the ropes and then drops him with a huge shin kick to the side of the head. Carter immediately rolls him over well within leg-reach of the ropes and presses down all of his weight in a lateral press around Bickle's chest and shoulders; ONE! TWO! Bickle gets a leg up on the ropes and almost immediately tries to pull it back but Sharplin calls for the break. FRANK WARBURTON: Patrick Bickle has used his FIRST ROPE BREAK! BILL HEWSON: A great piece of ring strategy from Dez Carter, taking advantage of Bickle's dazed state to get him to use one of his precious rope breaks, evening the two men out at two rope breaks. JACK JONES: I happen to know that Dez Carter has a nasty Stretch Plum in his arsenal, and I bet he would love to get that locked in when Bickle doesn't have any rope breaks left. Dez Carter is in control of the match now as he pulls Bickle up to his feet and chops him hard. Bickle hands go up to his stinging chest and Carter cracks him across the ribs with another stiff kick. Carter sends Bickle into the corner with an Irish Whip and Bickle hits chest first. Carter follows right behind him, crushing his smaller opponent into the corner. Bickle stumbles backwards and Dez hooks him for the Dragon Suplex! Patrick Bickle manages to get an arm free and counters with a quick snapmare takeover. There isn't quite enough room and one of Carter's legs hits the second rope. Bickle sees this and quickly locks in a sleeper hold on his opponent. Sharplin looks perplexed for a moment, but the leg is on the rope and he calls for a clean break, which Bickle gives him gladly, a little smile on his face. FRANK WARBURTON: Dez Carter has used his SECOND ROPE BREAK! BILL HEWSON: Patrick Bickle, in essence, just forced Dez Carter into using a rope break! And the crowd here does not like Bickle's strategy, if my ears are any judge. JACK JONES: Then they just don't appreciate a plan. Even I might not have thought of that! Bickle, still grinning at his own trick, kicks Carter in the back of the neck as he is getting back to his feet. Bickle steps out to the apron and grabs the top rope as Carter tries again to get back to his feet. Bickle leaps for the springboard... and Carter explodes up, nailing the man with a hard forearm shot to the chest while he is balanced on the tope rope! Bickle topples over backwards, crashing to the outside, and Morgan Smythe is there to make sure nothing illegal goes on outside of the ring either. Carter follows Bickle to the outside, grabbing the man up off the floor only to send him back down with a thrust kick to the chest. Bickle lands on the back of his neck and shoulders and flops over backwards to his stomach. Carter, taking his time to recover a little, pulls Bickle up again as Sharplin's count reaches five. Dez Carter takes Bickle back to the ring and rolls him in under the bottom rope. Carter, still moving a little slowly, climbs up onto the apron and ducks under the top rope to get into the ring... Bickle strikes like a snake, scissoring his legs up while Carter is still between the ropes and locking the man in a triangle choke! John Sharplin doesn't look happy about it, but he calls for an immediate break. It looks like that is all Patrick Bickle wanted but he doesn't have time to gloat as Carter comes into the ring enraged, blasting the rising Bickle with a clubbing forearm across the back and then a sharp kick to the chest. FRANK WARBURTON: Dez Carter has used his THIRD AND FINAL ROPE BREAK! Asuka Katsuragi tries to argue with Sharplin about the rope break calls, but is completely ignored by him. On the outside, Morgan Smythe tells her to stay away from the apron. Bickle tries to stand but Carter is all over him, a flurry of kicks and palm strikes knocking Patrick Bickle around the ring like a pinball. Bickle comes off the ropes after a nasty thrust kick and is floored by a spinning back kick that cracks into the side of his head. Carter goes for the cover; ONE! TWO! THR-Bickle gets a shoulder up off the mat but doesn't look like he has much left in him. Carter runs a hand back through his hair and then rolls Bickle onto his chest and double underhooks him. Dez Carter pulls Bickle up to his feet that way and goes for the Tiger Driver! Bickle somehow manages to twist his body around as he is being lifted, wrenching his own arms cruelly as he pulls them free of the underhook and looks his ankles around Carter's neck and pulls off a headscissors out of nowhere! Carter hits the mat hard and rolls to his hands and knees, trying to get back to his feet quickly though dazedly. Bickle hits the ropes, then comes back and hits the opposite side, gaining even more speed. Patrick Bickle hits the ropes a third time as Dez Carter finally stumbles to his feet and right into the path of the practically blurred Bickle- FEAR... THE... SPEAR! Bickle's feet completely leave the mat and he bulldozes the larger Dez Carter with an absolutely crushing spear! BILL HEWSON: Dez Carter outweighs Patrick Bickle by about seventy pounds, but it could have been seven hundred and not made a difference at the speed Bickle was just moving! Both men are down! JACK JONES: I don't think I have ever seen anyone with as much disregard for his own health as Patrick Bickle. It looks like he knocked himself out with that spear as well! No wonder he comes to the ring with a trained physician. Mr. Maps looks on from his seat by the timekeeper impassively, ready to go to work as soon as the match is over if Patrick Bickle needs it. John Sharplin has reached four in his count, and both men still show no signs of life. FIVE! SIX! Patrick Bickle begins to kick one leg slowly, but that isn't enough to stop the ten count. SEVEN! EIGHT! Bickle drags himself to the ropes and reaches up to grab the second one, hauling himself upwards. Carter is still unmoving, eyes staring up at the ceiling without seeing anything at all. NINE! Bickle lurches away from the ropes and manages to stay standing long enough for Sharplin to call off the ten count. Bickle stares for a long, uncomprehending moment at the still form of Carter, and then turns slowly to look at the corner. Mr. Maps rubs his eyes and brings a first aid kit out from under his chair, already knowing what his client is thinking. Bickle goes to the turnbuckle and climbs to the top, the speed of his movements showing that he is in a great deal of pain already. BILL HEWSON: Patrick Bickle is going to fly! JACK JONES: Where he lands, nobody knows! Patrick Bickle stands on the top and then leaps high into the air... FREEFALL! Bickle crashes to earth shoulder-first on Dez Carter! Bickle's momentum bounces him off of his opponent and rolls him across the ring towards the ropes. He drums the mat with his heels in pain, but crawls back over towards Dez Carter and makes the cover. Sharplin drops to the mat and counts; ONE! TWO! THREE! The bell rings. FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of this match, by pinfall, PATRIIIICK BICKLE! JACK JONES: Patrick Bickle's smash-mouth and... gotta be honest FREAKY style has served him well, Hewson. He's just proven he's a GOER in NAPW's Pure Division! BILL HEWSON: Hey, you've gotta show some appreciation for Carter, who wrestled a HECK of a match--but folks, stay tuned throughout these commercials, because we've got D-X versus the Whyte Knights, and it's NEXT. JACK JONES: That's NEXT? BILL HEWSON: That's NEXT.
Bruce Richards. Kyle Roberts. Get on your feet, crowd, and do your part to boo D-X. That's better. FRANK WARBURTON: The following TAG TEAM contest is for one fall! Making their way to the ring, weighing in at a combined weight of FIVE-HUNDRED, TWENTY-SEVEN POUNDS, representing ST. ALBERT, ALBERTA and MOOSE JAW, SASKATCHEWAN... they are THREE-TIME, FORMER TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS! STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS! THE NEEEEEEEEW! AND IMPROOOOOOOOVED! DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-ECKS! JACK JONES: Looks like Fleming and Kingston are still too shell-shocked to come out to ringside... BAH, they don't need 'em! D-X have had this match sewn up from the minute the wet ink hit the paper! BILL HEWSON: Well, to be fair, Roberts and Richards are a combined tag team unit! But Ravager and D! have proven themselves just as deadly in ANY match, ANY situation! If I was D-X, I wouldn't take this challenge lightly! JACK JONES: Pfft. Look at 'em, Hewson! They don't have a care in the world! BILL HEWSON: Sure, but their opponents-- JACK JONES: Look at 'em! BILL HEWSON: I-- JACK JONES: LOOK AT 'EM! D-X does, in fact, seem to be fairly loose in the ring, with Stylin' Kyle cracking jokes to The Beast while The Beast checks the ropes. And then the lights go down. The crowd pops for what they believe is Ravager's entrance--but different music hits. The sound of a single, distorted guitar being played skillfully. D-X paces the ring, impatient. In the crowd, a chant starts--"We want Ravager! We want D!" CHORD. CHORD. CHORD. The band's picking up, big-time, and the crowd screams in enthusiasm. CHORD. CHORD. CHORD. Stylin' Kyle smirks at The Beast. CHORD. CHORD. CHORD. The Beast rolls his eyes. The guitar line returns, and the energy builds, until it's got nowhere else to go-- "LET'S GO!" Lights on. And D! bursts from the curtain, limbs flailing, mouth running--MENTAL with energy. Ravager follows right behind him, just as charged even if he finds a different way of showing it. And Tiffany MacIntyre brings up the rear, a knowing smile on her face. The Whyte Knights have arrived, and it's to the shout-punk strains of Canadians Alexisonfire--available in music shops everywhere. FRANK WARBURTON: And introducing their opponents, at a combined weight of FOUR-HUNDRED, TWENTY-TWO POUNDS, representing BROOKLYN, NEW YORK and EDMONTON, ALBERTA... THE WHITE COLLAR ASSASSIN, RAVAGER! ONE LETER, SAID REAL LOUD, D! THE WHYYYYYYTE KNIIIIIIGHTS! D!'s run straight to the ring, and crouches before D-X in a "stalking" position, motioning them to bring it. D-X, to their credit, stays on their own side. Ravager and Tiffany get to the ring, and Ravager climbs in, scowling at his opponents. JACK JONES: You think they spent as much time training as they did putting together their ENTRANCE? BILL HEWSON: ... let's hope. Ravager gives a momentary glance to D!, and then looks back at D-X. He tells his partner he wants in, and D! nods, slaps him on the back, then gets into his corner. BILL HEWSON: Boy, check out Paulina Gretzky at ringside... you'd think she was watching her DAD play HOCKEY! JACK JONES: I've seen that look before, Hewson, and I don't think she looks at her DAD that way... Ring the bell. Ravager starts off the match with Bruce Richards taking the lead for D-X. Roberts is on the ring apron staring down D! who has started to clap to, with the fans starting to keep pace. Ravager and Richards lock up in the center of the ring. Richards gets the first headlock but pushes Richards off and he bounces off the ropes. Richards comes back and Ravager puts out his shoulder but Richards 60 plus pounds knocks Ravager to the mat. Ravager looks surprised but he gets right back up and they lock up again. Ravager gets the headlock now. Richards lifts him up to try for the reversal but Ravager applies more pressure and Richards drops him back to his feet. Richards uses his weight to back into the ropes. They bounces, Ravager runs to the other side bouncing back running full tilt at Richards. Richards ducks a clothesline, Ravager hits the otherside and jumps at him with a Bulldog that connects. The fans erupt. BILL HEWSON: Ravager gains the upper hand first with that bulldog! JACK JONES: He pulled the hair! I saw it! BILL HEWSON: He did not! Ravager tags in D! but Richards gets back to his feet. D! makes a run at him, Richard catches him and slams him down with a modified version of the Bookend. Richards tags in Roberts as Richards picks up D! by the arm. D!’s rib cage is exposed and Roberts kicks him for his troubles. Roberts tosses D! into the corner and hits a right. Roberts lunges for another punch but D! moves out of the way and Roberts goes into the turn buckle. D! hits a punch square in Stylin’ Kyle’s face but as he does it Richards grabs D!’s head and jumps off the apron, doing a hang man on the top ropes. D! bounces backwards and onto the mat. Roberts takes advantage and drops a knee onto the chest of D!. Roberts quick applies a camel clutch and D! is all out of position as he is stuck in D-X’s corner. BILL HEWSON: The Whyte Knights advantage didn’t last long, Jack. JACK JONES: As soon as D! jumped in the Ring with was all D-X. Richards did his variation of the Bookend they haven’t looked back! Roberts lets go of the hold as the ref notices D!’s feet are underneath the ropes, forcing the break. Roberts arrogantly lets go of the hold and gets D! back to his feet. Roberts goes for a piledriver but D! reverses it and Roberts hits the mat. D! shakes away the pain and drops an elbow. Roberts gets back to his feet only to meet a spinning, thunderous elbow to the chops. Roberts is dazed, D! runs off the ropes he comes back, jumps and dropkicks Roberts clear out of the ring. D! tags in Ravager. Bruce Richards decides it’s a good idea to come in and he clobbers D!. Ravager jumps to the outside. Roberts has had time to recover and is playing possum. Ravager goes to grab Roberts but Roberts (from his knees) lunges at the knee of Ravager and clips him. Ravager goes down and Roberts goes to the top. D! rolls to the outside to get out of the ring... and stops dead in his tracks when he locks eyes with Paulina in the front row. JACK JONES: This isn't the CLUB, D! Get your dirty mind in the MATCH! BILL HEWSON: This is turning out to be mayhem! Richards runs off the ropes, he comes back and with all 270 pounds, does PLANCHA over the top rope and landing on all three men outside the ring. JACK JONES: Richards with a Giant Plancha! The crowd is hot, they want Ravager and D! in control, not D-X! Richards rolls back into the ring and breaks up the count. The referee is trying to regain control as Ravager and Roberts are the legal men. D! gets away from the crowd and he takes his spot back up on the apron. Roberts was squashed the most during the move as Ravager rolled out of the way before he took all of Roberts, D!s, and Richards weight from the Plancha. Ravager rolls Kyle into the ring and follows suit. He picks up Kyle and plants him back down with a DDT. Ravager tags in D! Ravager picks up Roberts and D! bicycle kicks him down to the mat but over to his corner. Richards extends the hand and gets the tag. He runs in and charges D!. D! hits another bicycle kick and Richards hits the mat and rolls off. Roberts comes back, and D does a flurry of punches and tosses him to the outside. BILL HEWSON: Whyte Knights reigning supreme! And D! points to Paulina in the crowd, and blows a kiss. Richards gets up behind D!’s back and lays in a boot to the spine. D! hunches over in pain and Richards does a Fame-ass-er, planting D!’s face into the canvas. Paulina? FREAKED. Roberts gets back up. Richards picks up D! in a powerbomb position. Roberts grabs the shoulders and they slam D! down shoulder first with the double powerbomb. Roberts gets tossed to the ring apron and Richards hits a belly to belly suplex. He goes up to the top rope and does a huge frog splash for the first cover…One… Two… NO! BILL HEWSON: D! kicks out! JACK JONES: That was a slow count! BILL HEWSON: D! kicked out, fair and square we all saw it! Richards is in disbelief. He picks up D! and throws him into the D-X corner. He closes a fist and the ref asks him to open it up. Roberts takes the free time to choke D! a little bit before letting it go when the ref looks towards him. The Boo Birds have come out to sing a song for D-X. Richards tags in Roberts. They double suplex D! and then Richards splashes D!. Richards exits the ring. Ravager wants the tag badly. Roberts lets D! crawl to the corner for a few moments before dragging him back into the center of the ring only to pick him up and suplex him two consecutive times in a row. The crowd is hot on Roberts who naturally shrugs it off only to attack even more. D! is back up in the air, he’s on Roberts shoulders. He drops back and slams D! hard onto the mat. BILL HEWSON: The New & Improved D-X have been double teaming D! and he is unable to get to his corner. JACK JONES: D-X are legendary for their teamwork in the ring. That’s how their Three Time NAPW Tag Team champions, Bill! BILL HEWSON: I’ll never take away from the skill of D-X but their tactics will never be known for their grace. Roberts tags in Richards. Richards comes in and opens up a flurry of punches on D!. D! blocks a few but gets the brunt of the load hard. Richards bends down D! he’s going for another power bomb. D! manages to wiggle his way out. D! lands on his feet. Richards turns around, D! kicks him but Richards grabs the foot… ENZIGUIRI! Richards tastes D!’s boot and D! lunges towards his corner. Roberts runs in to try to intercept the tag… HE MAKES IT! Ravager jumps in and clobbers Roberts. Richards runs at him, Ravager ducks and catches him with a Death Valley Driver! Ravager gets back up with Stylin’ Kyle jump at him.. Ravager catches him and slams him down on his back. Ravager applies a boston crab. D! has recovered on the ring apron and Ravager extends the hand. TAG! PAULINA GO BERSERK! D! gets into the ring with the Boston Crab applied on Kyle. D! runs off the ropes and dropkicks the face of Roberts. Ravager releases the hold and goes to the outside. Roberts gets back to his feet. D! starts going for his Beat-O-Barrage special on Richards. He lands a few kicks, goes for a punch but Richards ducks it and upper cuts D!. D! bounces off the ropes but comes back with a jumping elbow strike again! NO! Richards grabs D! by the throat, and choke slams him out of desperation! BILL HEWSON: Bruce Richards, Kyle Roberts and D! are all laid out on the mat! JACK JONES: Oh look Ravager is jumping into the ring, what a cheater! Ravager jumps into the ring, but Richards jumps up and tackles him, forcing both men to the outside. D! gets back to his feet, the referee is busy trying to break up the fight on the floor. D! walks over to Roberts… LOW BLOW! Roberts nails a low blow! BILL HEWSON: The referee didn’t even see it! Roberts hits… EMERALD FUSION! He goes for the cover… BILL HEWSON: Oh not like this! ONE… TWO… THREE!! BILL HEWSON: Damn that Kyle Roberts! Damn him! JACK JONES: That’s how you win a match, Hewson. Roberts knew the match was close to being over and he took advantage of the referee. Smart wrestling! FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners… THE NEEEWW AND IMPROVED DDDD-XXX!! Ravager and Richards are hammering away at each other on the outside, Tiffany ineffectually trying to break them up. Roberts is on his stomach, taunting D! about the new medical leave he's gonna need. And a certain young model slash singer slash famous person shrieking at Roberts at the top of her lungs. JACK JONES: Ahh, here comes Security! This is GOOD for Security! Otherwise they'd be fat and shiftless. BILL HEWSON: Will you STOP? How can you be so smug when D-X STOLE that win?! JACK JONES: The better team won, so really, who cares HOW? D! and Ravager are better off fighting each OTHER, in any event, and as for D-X, next stop: TAG TEAM TITLES. Think about that, folks, and we'll come right back.
LLOYD REES: I'm tellin' you true, me b'y, that it's too hard in this dry, dead province to get a proper QV by the bottle. But gettin' some in like this is worth every little penny wouldn't you say, me b'y? And with that, he hands one of the bottles over to the side--right into the rough hand of the smiling Bayman Jakey. BILL HEWSON: Wait a minute--Bayman Jakey's back! And he and Rees are on the same page again! JACK JONES: That means that reports of the nFa's demise have been greatly exaggerated--but we've gotta bring you back to the ring, folks. I've got something INCREDIBLE to announce--D! walked away from a beating under his OWN POWER. That's an NAPW FIRST, folks! BILL HEWSON: Well, it's more accurate to say D! refused any medical attention. Paulina Gretzky seems to have left the building, though--wait a minute, what's THIS? The docile tones of Static X's "Bled For Days" rumbles through the Nait Athletic Center. Rex and a screwdriver wielding Static make their way to the ring, both of whom are dressed in business suits. A covered item is hanging from chains and is in the middle of the ring. REX: Edmonton: The greatest wrestling city in all of Alberta. We are here to party! STATIC: No, This is business time. Tonight NAPW has directed the CRIMES..CRIMES...CRIMES to host a special ceremony. The retirement of Pit Boss. Devastation's leader... The brains behind the? REX: Pile of.. STATIC: No, Not on TV! REX: ... Rex looking pissed, unveils the hanging object. A picture of Pit Boss screaming in pain, while in the Rings of Rex. Under the picture the words "Sheepherder Pit Boss: We miss you" STATIC: I can't believe he's gone... No more bounties... REX: Testify... STATIC: No more Sheep... REX: Amen brother... STATIC: Tonight we celebrate the loss of Devastation's Title... I mean his friend's career. Or maybe both... REX: Joey Malone: Champion of NAPW!! Yeah... Baby. The glass covered picture is raised to the ceiling. STATIC: As Pit Boss is immortalized here... We have another announcement. Tonight we will be at the Nexus Sports Club. And if Joey wins tonight, open bar all night long, no cover charge if you bring your ticket stub. REX: So pretty much, it's an open bar. We're going to see Joey Malone SHOCK THE WORLD! Devastation, Your 15 minutes are up and you're going down... Watch your back tonight... You never know when a steel chair might come out of nowhere. Static licks his screwdriver. STATIC: Or some other type of object... Let's go get a ringside seat Rex. And the crowd's going mental--BUT IT'S NOT FOR THE CRIMES! Two men in ski masks have just jumped into the ring--THEY'VE GOT WEAPONS--CRASH! One of them just took Rex from behind with a steel chair! Static just barely has a chance to react to them--and gets a BASEBALL BAT to the stomach! He drops the screwdriver in shock. Rex staggers and recovers, but eats a WHOLE NEW CHAIR-SHOT! BILL HEWSON: what's going on--WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE! JACK JONES: I DON'T KNOW! The two mystery men keep whaling away with their weapons, laying the Crimes OUT with a brutal sneak-attack. They stop, satisfied, and breathe deeply, then look at each other, turn to the crowd, and raise their arms in victory. BILL HEWSON: WHAT THE HELL! THEY HAVE NO RIGHT! JACK JONES: HEWSON! EASY! SECURITY'S BACK! The herd of security does, in fact, swarm down to the ring, but the two men have them scouted and bail, both of them escaping through the crowd. The intrepid security personel try to give chase, but as a large group, are slowed down trying to move through the fans. In the ring, Static and Rex are stirring, slowly getting to their feet. JACK JONES: The Crimes might be wantin' some medical attention there, I don't know-- BILL HEWSON: It was a SNEAK ATTACK, but the Crimes aren't going to be taken out by a little HARDCORE ACTION. Still, someone just made a ame for themselves by rolling Rex and Static--but WHO? WHO ARE THEY? We've got to take a commercial break RIGHT NOW. DAMMIT! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
"STOP! STOP RUNNING!" Devastation looks off at the commotion, his interest piqued. The camera itself swings around, capturing footage of the two masked men hot-footing it through the backstage area, being followed closely by the building's security crew. The horde of pursued and pursuer gets closer to the camera, until they all storm by and past the catering table and Devastation, who flattens himself against it with an amused look on his face as the crowd runs past him. When they pass, he looks at them run off, a mixed reaction of curiousity and annoyment. The camera zooms in on him. Devastation squints. And SMILES. And with another pull on his water, he walks off in the opposite direction. JACK JONES: And that's when the C.H.U.D.S came at me.... BILL HEWSON: That story wasn't appropriate for a family show. And now it's time for Carter Owens and Mr. Slick to make his Monday Night Fights debuts! Public Enemy blares over the speakers as Mr. Slick struts to ringside to a fairly negative reaction. "A Little More" by Skillet takes over the speakers, and Carter Owens steps through the curtains. The fans give him a nice pop, but as of yet they haven't seen enough of Owens in the ring to truly judge him. BILL HEWSON: Carter Owens has gone through so much in his life... JACK JONES: Which means nothing in the ring! Your past, your present, your future, all of that is a moot point if you can't back it up in your match! FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Miami, Florida... Mr. Slick! (boos) And his opponent, from Toronto, Ontario (boos) Carter Owens! (cheers) Owens and Slick circle each other, Owens tries for a lockup, but Slick just side steps him. Owens looks puzzled for a second, but tries for another lock up. Slick again side steps. Owens is now down right confused. Slick just laughs. He pulls out some cash from his jean shorts and waves it at Owens. MR. SLICK: Hey, maybe you can buy back your wife with this, rather than get your ass beat by... And Owens NAILS Slick with a clothesline! He quickly follows up with a fisherman's buster that nearly caves in Slick's skull! BILL HEWSON: And that's why you don't make things personal in the ring! Slick crawls outside, trying to make his way to the exit. Owens, will have no part of this, as he pursues Slick out of the ring. He grabs Slick and hauls him back to the ring, tossing him under the bottom rope. But as Owens gets back in, Slick drops an elbow across Owens' neck, stunning the man long enough to get in a back breaker. Owens writhes in pain as Slick smirks. He picks up Owens again, and delivers another back breaker, only he doesn't drop the man to the mat, keeping his knee in the small of Owens' back. Owens tries to fight, but he is in an awkward position. Luckily, he can reach the ropes, and Slick is forced to break the hold. Mr. Slick keeps on the offensive, as he whips Owens into the ropes, and catches him with a back body drop. Owens hits the mat hard, as Slick goes for a cover 1...2... kick out! Still life left in Carter Owens. Slick protests, loudly, that it should have been three. Referee John Sharplin has none of it, and tells Slick to concentrate on wrestling. Slick tries to pick up Owens, but gets rolled into a small package! 1..2 Kick out by a surprised Mr.Slick! Slick, angry at almost losing goes for a clothesline, but Owens ducks and catches Slick with a kick to the gut, no he's going for a power bomb! He nails it, but he hasn't let go! He lifts him back up for a second power bomb! And a pin 1..2.. Slick grabs the ropes! Owens thought he had three ,as he celebrates, but Sharplin sets him straight. Slick uses this time to his advantage and kicks Owens in the gut! He's going for the DDT, NO! Owens powers out of it and now he's going for another power bomb? BILL HEWSON: Not a powerbomb! Owens just nailed 11:52! But Slick has other ideas. As he's lifted up, he jabs Owens in the eye, causing him to lose his grip. Slick lands on his feet, and quickly applies the Hard DDT! 1...2...3! FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... Mr. Slick! The fans boo, but Slick isn't done. He picks up Owens and delivers another Hard DDT! BILL HEWSON: Come on! The match is over! JACK JONES: But the lesson isn't! BILL HEWSON: What lesson? Carter Owens fought a fine match, and he doesn't deserve this! Mr. Slick has a huge grin on his face as he heads back to the locker room, and we go to commercial.
BILL HEWSON: The Syndicate not popular here tonight. JACK JONES: Well, popularity isn't the only factor in a wrestler's success. BILL HEWSON: True but... What the Hell! Evan Cartwright, that what. He doesn't even wait for any introductions, he races out and clocks the first man he sees, John Tees, with a kendo stick. "Sick Billy" Kryenik and Chris Casino are quick to follow and they start brawling with Ryan Pibb and Rick Tees, respectively. And Andrews has lost control of the match before the bell even rings. JACK JONES: Why does Andrews have a job, exactly? BILL HEWSON: Come on, he's learning. Casino and Tees brawl up the aisle, which takes them into the ring. Andrews shrugs, and calls for the bell, even though Cartwright, John Tees, Kryenik and Ryan Pibb are still brawling near the entrance. Casino whips Rick into the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Rick ducks, stops where he is, and nails Casino with a well placed kick. Casino is down, and Tees quickly goes for an arm bar. The Bi- Polar Express and the remaining Syndicate Members have been separated by security, and they are finally in their respective corners. Casino tries to fight his way out of the arm bar, but Tees has too strong a grip. The fans start to clap, willing Casino to one knee (man does it feel weird to see that). Casino gets to the ropes, and Tees releases the hold, but then delivers a stiff kick to Casino's kidneys. This brings in Cartwright and Kryenik, as well as the other Syndicate members. JACK JONES: For the love of God, get a referee who can control things! Do we even know who the legal man is? Cartwright nails John Tees with a roaring elbow, knocking him out of the ring, while Kryenik nails Pibb with a Cactus Jack style clothesline, sending them both to the floor. Casino gets to his feet, then nails Rick Tees with a drop kick. He looks to make a tag, but both his partners are busy, so he goes back to work on Rick Tees with a hurricanrana! 1..2.. only two as Tees kicks out, then jabs his thumb in Casino's eye! Tees tags in Pibb, as the teams are finally back in their corners. Pibb chop blocks Casino, knocking him to one knee, then Shining Wizard! nearly takes Casino's head off! Cover 1...2... kick out by Casino! Pibb whips Casino into his corner, then tags in John Tees. Tees chops Casino in the chest, then lifts him up, and rams him into the turnbuckles! And now he sets him up for... Tree of Woe! And Tees just strikes away at his prone opponent! This draws in Cartwright and Kryenik to help, but Andrews cuts them off! No more brawling! Except that Rick Tees and Pibb are now joining John in wailing on Casino in the corner. Andrews finally turns around, but by then the shenanigans are over. Tees goes for a cover. 1..2..Cartwright in to break up the pin! BILL HEWSON: Cartwright in to save his partner. But do you get the feeling that this match will explode at any second? JACK JONES: You mean it hasn't yet? Cartwright goes back to the corner, and yells for the tag. Tees slaps on a headlock on Casino. Casino fights to one knee, then starts laying in elbows to Tees' gut. After the third shot, Tees finally lets go. And Casino jumps to reach his corner, but is tackled before he can make it. Tees punching Casino in the back of the head, nothing fancy. Kryenik runs in and stomps on Tees, but is quickly ushered out by Andrews. This provides the opportune distraction... for Casino to low blow Tees! JACK JONES: And the fans are cheering? BILL HEWSON: Don't ask, it'll just make your head hurt. Casino desperately crawls to his corner, while Tees goes to his. John tags in Rick, but Casino has had time to tag in ... Kryenik! Hot Tag! Kryenik is going nuts! He tosses Pibb into the corner turnbuckles... and follows in with a lariat! And now it's Hot Salvation! Tees dropped on his head! Cover! 1..2.. Broken up by Pibb! He turns around and receives a sambo suplex from Cartwright! Casino and John Tees are back in the ring! Andrews finally throws up his hands and goes and sits in the corner. BILL HEWSON: Andrews looks like he's given up! He's just going to sit there until he needs to count the pin fall! JACK JONES: Smart move. Indeed. Cause Kryenik just realized. No ref. No rules. And he goes to grab a chair. As does Casino and the other Syndicate members. Cartwright has his kendo stick which he nails Rick Tees with. Tees staggers, allowing Cartwright to nail the wheelbarrow slam... Cartwheel! He's locked it on! Tees fights it! But no, he's in the center of the ring, no escape! No choice but to... TAP!!! JACK JONES: Um, who was legal? BILL HEWSON: At this point, be happy it's over. Andrews calls for the bell, but that doesn't stop the men on the outside. Casino nails Ryan Pibb with a sick chair shot. Then looks over at the announcer's table. BILL HEWSON: Maybe he's looking at something else... No. Time to move. Casino clears the table of monitors and anything else. He goes under the ring and pulls out... spray paint? What is he... he paints a bullseye on the table. And now he places the limp Ryan Pibb in the middle of it. Casino grins at Kryenik, who gets the idea. Cartwright gets the idea, as he lays into both Tees boys to keep them from interfering. The fans aren't sure what to expect, until Kryenik goes to the to rope. And jumps. ELBOW DROP! FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE ANNOUNCER'S TABLE AND RYAN PIBB'S HEART! THE TABLE IS BROKEN! RYAN PIBB IS OUT! KRYENIK IS OUT!! THE FANS ARE IN A FRENZY!! HANG ON!! IN THE RING!! THE nFa HAVE ARRIVED, AND THEY'RE DOUBLE-TEAMING--NO, QAUDRUPLE-TEAMING CARTWRIGHT WITH THE TEES!! THE TEES HAVE GOT CARTWRIGHT BY THE ARMS--JAKEY KICKS HIM IN THE GUT--PROVINCIAL TITLE TO THE FACE!!! BY REES!!! BILL HEWSON: And now Casino's in the ring--AND HE'S GOT A STEEL CHAIR! Casino swoops in like an avenging angel--CHAIR SHOT TO JON TEES! The man goes down as his partner looks at Casino in shock--CHAIR SHOT! And then Casino charges at the Newfies as they hastily beat it out of the ring. Casino straining against the ropes, looking to tear the nFa a NEW ONE as they strategically retreat, Lemondrop Kid patting his Provincial title with a mean, drunken smirk. Casino spits at them, hurls the chair at them (which falls a few feet short of the mark) and goes to check on Cartwright. With his help, Cartwright finds his feet, and Casino beams at the crowd, raising Evan's hand in victory. Outside, Billy Kryenik is still in the Pibb / table wreckage. And security and officials finally come out to check the damage, help the wrestlers, and get the announcers set up for one more segment tonight...
Pushing a lock of greasy hair out his face, Joey Malone struts through he curtain and smiles at his "adoring public". FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, and it is for the NAPW TITLE! (Crowd cheers.) Here comes the challenger, from LLOYDMINSTER, ALBERTA, weighing in at TWO-HUNDRED, THIRTY-ONE POUNDS, BAAAAD BOYYY... JOEY! MALOOOONE!!! BILL HEWSON: Welcome back to Monday Night Fights, everyone! It's MAIN EVENT TIME, and JOEY MALONE is out to--ohhhh, Lord. I just combined the wrong words. JACK JONES: Come on, Hewson. Get your head in the game and earn your paycheque. BILL HEWSON: I--I can't! I don't think I can DO this, partner! This is a sick joke! Some kind of sick joke! Joey Malone, challenging for the NAPW Title? No. I can't do this. JACK JONES: You HAVE to. BILL HEWSON: IT'S A SICK. JOKE. Devasation doesn't want a CHALLENGE. He just wants to be a BIG SHOT in front of everyone, and duck a REAL CHALLENGER. JACK JONES: Like WHO, pray tell? BILL HEWSON: RAVAGER. REX CALIBER. Both men have held that title and never got their proper re-matches! JACK JONES: Yeah, well, Malone held the title-- BILL HEWSON: YES. HE "HELD" THE TITLE. AS IN "PHYSICALLY CARRIED IT." HE WAS NEVER A CHAMPION! JACK JONES: First time for everything, Hewson. First time for everything. Bad Boy hits the ring a the fans start cat-calling "JOOOOOOOEY! JOOOOOOOOEY!" Malone seems quite pleased with the attention, and starts doing a Kurt Angle spin. BILL HEWSON: SOMEBODY STOP THIS! HE'S "DIFFERENT", DAMN IT, HE'S "DIFFERENT"! JACK JONES: What are you TALKING about, Hewson? BILL HEWSON: HIS SINGLET'S ON INSIDE-OUT! LOOK! SEE? THERE'S THE LAUNDRY TAG! JACK JONES: Ummm . . . that's for good luck.p> Joey's theme music fades out, and all eyes are on the entrance-- JACK JONES: Here he comes, the Gentle Giant... The Charitable One... "Path." Apocaliptica's cellos sing as someone who should NOT be coming out right now, RAVAGER, storms to he ring with a sour look on his face. JACK JONES: What? GO HOME! We already SAW you tonight and we were sick of you THEN! Ravager slides into the ring and is on Joey Malone in seconds. Malone looks to the side just as Warburton and Senior Referee Dick Kiebiech bail for their own safety, then looks back at Ravager just in time to get clubbed by a forearm. Joey clutches his nose, just as Ravager whips him off the ropes an stops him with a snap kick to the gut. Malone bends over, and from there it's a stiff DDT to the mat. The crowd's gone BANANA, and Ravager ties him up--BUTTERFLY SUPLEX. Ravager pulls his victim up by the laundry tag, and here it comes, THE LAST RESOR-- "HOLD ON A MINUTE! JUST HOLD ON A MINUTE!" It's Devastation, who's stepped out from behind the curtain, the NAPW Title in one hand, a mic in the other, and a PISSED look on his face. JACK JONES: Yes! Finally, someone who's gonna restore ORDER to this circus! DEVASTATION: RAVAGER. You can stop what you're doing. RIGHT. NOW. Ravager leaves Malone on his feet, stunned and wobbling, while he motions to the ring crew to toss him a microphone. DEVASTATION: You HYPOCRITE. You stinking HYPOCRITE. It's no secret you're upset because you're not first in line for the title, but REALLY. Do you think it's fair to cost someone ELSE a shot at glory? Ravager paces the ring, staring at the Champ with deadly intent. RAVAGER: Yeah, Devastation. Nice talk you've got there. You set yourself up a patsy to fall for you, someone to squash and make you look like a big man. Well, do you know what? I'm tired of waiting-- DEVASTATION: You could wait until you're an OLD MAN for all I care. You couldn't even beat D-X with D!'S help. What makes you think a loss tonight lets you do ANYTHING worthy of MY attention? RAVAGER: I'm not gonna waste my time fighting in everyone else's stunt-cast matches until I GET TO YOU, you overgrown COWARD. I'm gonna remind YOU, I'm gonna remind THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE, I'm gonna remind EVERYONE IN THIS BUILDING just WHO RAVAGER IS, AND WHAT RAVAGER STANDS FOR. The mic pops as it hits the ground, and then with one fluid motion, Ravager throws his arms around Joey Malone--LAST RESORT!!! Malone lies on the mat in a broken heap, and the crowd is ON THEIR FEET. The Vicious Phenom starts screaming-- DEVASTATION: YOU LITTLE SNOT! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WHO IN HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Ravager's recovered his mic, and starts snarling back-- RAVAGER: WHO I AM, DEVASTATION, IS A MAN WHO WAS NEVER BEATEN FOR THAT TITLE, AND A MAN WHO'S GOING TO AKE ITBACK BY ANY! MEANS! NECESSARY! He points to the severely beaten Malone. RAVAGER: You can't have your title defense tonight, because you have NO OPPONENT. DEVASTATION: Because you stuck your nose WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG-- RAVAGER: --and since the NAPW Championship MUST be defended in a three-week period,or you'll be STRIPPED-- The crowd cheers, big time. RAVAGER: --you're gonna have to defend that title, NEXT WEEK, ONE-ON-ONE-- "Ravager! Ravager! Ravager!" RAVAGER: --against ME. DEVASTATION: YOU LITTLE PUNK! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DEALING WITH? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO YOU IN ONE WEEK'S TIME? RAVAGER: Do whatever you feel you have to do, Big Shot, it's all fine by me. (Smiles.) Because it's strictly business. Malone starts budging his hand towards Ravager, and Ravager brings his boot down on it, hard. RAVAGER: And it's nothing personal. And like that, Ravager's music hits again, filling in the deadly staring contest between Ravager in the ring and Devastation on the stage. Ravager's gt the creepy smle going, and Devastation... Devastation's THINKING. BILL HEWSON: NEXT WEEK--a REAL title defense, and it's against RAVAGER! JACK JONES: Yeah, it's gonna be DEVASTATION / RAVAGER TWO, with all the stops pulled out, and for the ultimate prize! OH, LORD, look at that sick smile on Devastation's face! He's SMILING! Why's he SMILING? BILL HEWSON: For NAPW, this is Jack Jones and Bill Hewson... GOOD NIGHT.
|