TUESDAY. NIGHT. FIGHTS.

07/25/2006

Weeks ago, perennial NAPW jobber "Bad Boy" Joey Malone revealed to the world that he was, indeed, the only son of NAPW commissioner "Wahoo" Bobby Winchell. The elder Winchell, having no desire to see his son only succeed in business due to his heritage7, created the "Bad Boy" character for his son to pay. R. Joseph Winchell III needed to pay his dues.

That was then. This is now. Joseph Winchell, with the financial backing of the Charitable Trust, bought New Alberta Pro Wrestling out from under his father. Joseph named himself the new commissioner, replacing his father. His stated goal is to "give chances to the wrestlers held down under my father's regime." Joseph Winchell's NAPW is "fair" in a way he and his allies believe it never was under the elder Winchell's direction.

But fair is sometimes a subjective word. Joseph Winchell's deep-seeded hatred and jealousy towards "The Nexus One" Rex Caliber does allow Winchell to be 'fair.' He cost Rex the title to Static. He mandated that Rex Caliber can NOT touch Winchell or Static, or he will forfeit any future title shots. Period. At NAPW's outdoor supercard Get The Hell Off Our Lawn, Winchell's mad desire to screw Rex Caliber was the trigger that resulted in the Riot In Churchill Square. The combination of the heat, alcohol consumption and the bullshit ending to Rex Caliber vs Ravager proved to be deadly.

Now, Edmonton Mayor Stephen Mandel has agreed to a petition Rex Caliber brought to local businesses. Winchell-associated wrestlers in the Charitable Trust, Violence Internationl (along with Ravager & Static) will not do business with that cadre of wrestlers. In exchange, at the urging of Rex Caliber, the city of Edmonton will not press potentially crippling charges against New Alberta Pro Wrestling, Inc.

Tonight, the Polish Hall is packed to the rafters. Nearly two-thousand wrestling fans from across Alberta, British Columbia, and several from as far away as Montana, Washington and Manitoba have arrived. It's the chaos that draws them, the serious reality that the unexpected will happen in NAPW. Last week there was a riot. This week...?

Heaven knows. Black.

Underoath's track "In Regards To Myself" (listen) brutalizes the eardrums, the accompanying visuals raw, gritty and certainly bloody. D!. Static. Ravager. Rex Caliber. Evan Cartwright. Devastation. Patrick Bickle. Sexy Adorable Drunks. The New & Improved D-X. Delivery Men a-go-go. Impact. Hits. Moves. Drama. The now-classic visual of a bloody D! standing on the top of the steel cage, NAPW title belt raised high...

"WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!"

BILL HEWSON: Edmonton, Alberta! New Alberta Pro Wrestling is on the air and online, and we are LIVE! It's a nearly unbearably hot Tuesday night this July 25th, a night where three titles will be on the line! I'm Bill Hewson alongside wrestling legend Jack "Attack" Jones, and we are very fortunate to be broadcasting from Edmonton tonight.

JACK JONES: I don't know why the blame is being cast on NAPW for the riot last week, Hewson. Ravager won fair and square over Rex Caliber, and what do the locals do? They get themselves on national news for rioting... again. Some city of Champions!

BILL HEWSON: I'd hardly call the Caliber/Ravager contest 'fair and square,' Jack Attack -

JACK JONES: It was a Street Fight, Hewson, did you see the referee disqualifying Ravager when Winchell interfered?

BILL HEWSON: ... Be that as it may, tonight, as shocking as it seems: Rex Caliber will be the REFEREE for several matches. Dick Kiebiech needed some additional help this week with referee's Morgan Smythe and John Sharplin away, and he turned to the only other man in NAPW with a referee's license, and that man was The Nexus One. And unless he wants NAPW to be sued for all it's worth, Joseph Winchell is going to have to live with it. But right now, let's go to the ring for our opening contest... it's going to be Hardcore, ladies and gentlemen.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest will be contested under Hardcore Rules! The referee is Henry Andrews...

Drill 187 belts out "My Damnation" and out walks Promo. The Underground Icon, struts out and the crowd goes wild. The cult like following is saluting him as he makes his way to the ring.

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from the home of hardcore, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two hundred-fifty eight pounds: PROOOOOMMOOOOO!

BILL HEWSON: And a great reaction here for The Underground Icon. He's at home in the hardcore environment, Jack Jones.

JACK JONES: I've never seen it proven that being able to swing a chair makes somebody a better wrestler than his opponent. Promo has a lot to prove here in New Alberta Pro.

Kill Radio is played on the PA to the tune "Pull Out." Krusty Kid Paul comes out to huge amount of boo's. The incident on Churchill Square is still fresh on their minds.

FRANK WARBURTON: His opponent from Kitchener, Ontario! Weighing in at two hundred-forty pounds... One half of Sexy, Adorable Drunks: KRUSSSSTTTYY KID PAUUUUUULL!

BILL HEWSON: The riot is a black eye on the NAPW, and Krusty Kid Paul was apart of it. He helped attacked a helpless Rex Caliber.

JACK JONES: All I saw was Promo sticking his nose in Ravager's business, and anything he gets tonight is only a portion of what he truly deserves.

BILL HEWSON: You are disgusting. You almost got trampled in that riot, and Krusty Kid Paul was a responsible party.

JACK JONES: The fans didn't get rowdy till Promo and Wayne Wright came out, now did they?

Henry Andrews calls for the bell as the two brawlers go eye to eye, nose to nose. Paul launches off a right hand and Promo returns the favor. Promo lands his a little more flush, and KKP is down on the ground. Promo lays in some stiff kicks to the head of Paul. Paul grabs the boot as it comes in and trips Promo down. Paul crawls over to add some bumps to the masked head of Promo. Promo catches those punches. Paul gets up as Promo rolls to the corner. Paul sees Promo's head resting on the rope, and charges in with a running knee to the head. Promo gets hit hard. Paul celebrates.

BILL HEWSON: This match has went bare knuckle brawl. The viciousness is coming out.

JACK JONES: All week long, these men have claimed to answer to the Lord of Hardcore, and tonight they want to prove who is the most hardcore. Unfortunately for Promo, he's in the ring with a dangerous man... and I think he underestimated him.

Paul lets Promo get up, and as soon as he does.. Clothesline over the top rope. Promo hits on the concrete. Paul exits the ring to continue the assault on Promo. Promo writhing in pain is also partway under the ring. Paul tries to drag Promo out from under and....GLASS GOES EVERYWHERE.

JACK JONES: Was that? (trying to gather his thoughts)

BILL HEWSON: That Jack, was a fluorescent light bulb to the skull. Glass and blood is now covering the face of Krusty Kid Paul.

JACK JONES: Promo couldn't tell a wrist lock from a wrist watch.

BILL HEWSON: It's hardcore, Jack Jones! Didn't you ever hardcore in your legendary career?

JACK JONES: I plead the fifth.

BILL HEWSON: You can't plead the fifth, you live in Canada. Promo taking advantage here!

Paul staggers back as Promo gets up and nails a running shoulder block into Paul. Paul smacks the steel rail. Promo goes over as the crowd cheers every hit that KKP takes. Promo sets up Paul on the railing and begins to choke him. The steel railing is on the throat of Paul. The gagging sound is very loud. Promo lets up and then smashes an elbow to the head of Paul. The blood is flowing easily from the head. Promo moves away from Paul and then charges him. SPLAT! Paul catches him coming, and it's concrete on the spine via one hellacious spine buster on the floor.

BILL HEWSON: That will injure a kidney and various bones. Promo has to be hurt.

JACK JONES: Promo? Krusty Kid Paul has glass in his forehead and face. A light bulb exploded on his skull.

BILL HEWSON: Krusty Kid Paul is looking under the ring and finds a... 2x4 wrapped in barbwire.

That is indeed the weapon that Paul has and Promo is trying to get to his feet. Paul comes with it, but is back-dropped into the crowd. Paul loses the weapon and a fan hands it to Promo. Promo, walking slowly, climbs over the railing.

BILL HEWSON: Not in the crowd. We're going to get thrown out of town. I can see a riot starting.

JACK JONES: CALM DOWN! Security is surrounding them, making a circle. It's like a fight club scene.

Paul grabs a chair and Promo attempts a shot with the wood and Barbwire. His head meets STEEL! Promo staggers as Paul winds up and takes another swing. BAAAAMMM! Promo is down to one knee as the crowd cheers Promo to get up. Paul winds up and BARBWIRE MEETS CROTCH. Paul gets a shot to the nads with the 2x4, stopping the chair shot dead. The circle of violence is making its way through the crowd. Paul is trying to escape and recover. He needs to check his junk for bleeding. Promo is staggering like Tommy Deathrow at a high school party. Paul finds some more Weapons of ASS Destruction and gets ready. It happens to be a... staple gun. Promo gets close and-

JACK JONES: He just stapled him in the knee. That is not going to be easy to remove.

BILL HEWSON: He isn't done! Krusty Kid Paul just stapled Promo's mask to his forehead!

Paul, still favoring the ballshot, is near a beer vendor. He drops the staple gun and grabs a few drinks, downing them for ALCOHOL ENERGY. He then asks for the beer vendors belt. The beer vendor obliges and Promo is now getting whipped. Paul hits a few lashes and then begins to strangle Promo. Henry Andrews has followed this whole massacre and is in amazement. The concession stand is close by and Paul drags Promo by the belt, which is still around the neck, and they go to the T-shirt table. The new "Underground Icon" shirt is being sold and Paul sees it. He spits on them and then grabs one to try to strangle Promo some more. Paul doesn't get to, as a DDT hits and Paul leaves a bloody impression on the floor. Promo is helped up by some fans; he shoves them off to stand on his own strength. Paul is wearily attempting to shake off the blood, the DDT and the possible castration. He sees Promo go over the railing. But Promo doesn't see what Bill Hewson does.

BILL HEWSON: Not again... Tommy Deathrow is coming to the aid of Krusty Kid Paul! The crowd is going nuts trying to tell Promo, turn around man!

JACK JONES: And he's in pants!

Promo gets a tap on the shoulder and he turns around to a kick to the stomach -

BILL HEWSON: Good GOD! The Dominator! That was sicker than a Simmons Dominator on Jeff Hardy, and Promo could be done for. The Sexy Adorable Drunks just need to get Promo into the ring!

Paul gets over the railing and with Tommy's help, places Promo in the ring. Henry Andrews is already there. He is screaming at Tommy to leave only to receive a "(BLEEP) You... This is HARDCORE!" The cover by KKP!

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"YEAAAAAHHHHH!"

JACK JONES: How the hell did he kick out?! It's impossible!

Promo gets picked up - the Bottle Opener is called for, but Promo fights it off. Tommy brings in a chair and... EATS THE CHAIR. Promo throws Paul into Tommy! Deathrow lands on the outside of the ring. Paul turns around... cradle piledriver from Promo! Promo covers ONE! TWO! Deathrow with a last-second save! Paul was so close to losing. He has lost an atrocious amount of blood. Tommy gets some kicks in - Promo with the low blow!

JACK JONES: That was right in front of your Andrews, disqualify him!

BILL HEWSON: Like you said Jack Jones, in hardcore rules... it's not cheating! Promo is fighting a veritable handicap match, he's got to do whatever it takes to win this match.

Tommy is down. Promo hooks in the FADE OUT on Tommy. Tommy is getting choked out on the mat. Promo sinks it in, and is riding Tommy's back. Paul sees opportunity. But misses it. Elbow nails Tommy as Promo turns to his back. Promo releases Tommy and is up. He throws Paul over the top rope- WAIT! Paul's stuck in the ropes! He's hanging, his head is between the twisted top and middle ropes like a skinny Mick Foley! Promo sees the chair that Tommy brought in. Tommy is out cold and can't help. Paul is exposed to a open chair shot as he struggles to get free ---

WHAAAAMM!

BILL HEWSON: I think Promo just killed him. Pauls head squirted through the ropes like a bullet leaving a pistol.

JACK JONES: The audacity of a man taking a free, unprotected shot at another man with a steel chair.

BILL HEWSON: Do you recall any of last week?

Paul is on the floor and Promo goes and recovers him. The blood is flowing and is covering both men. Promo seems to be bleeding under his mask as well. Promo rolls him in and picks him up... Deathrow is getting up on the outside, still reeling. A commotion is going on in the crowd. It's because Promo has placed Paul on the top rope, facing the crowd. The crowd erupts for the PROMOPLEX...

BILL HEWSON: It's RAVAGER! Oh no, chair shot to the back of Promo! And another one! Good God, where did he come from? Is it Ravager's job to mess up matches?

Krusty Kid Paul is still on the top rope, Promo sagging behind him. KKP stand up on the top and turns around... He's got Promo up now too, and... a Chris Benoit style SUPERBOMB! Alllll the way to the canvas below after those sickening chair shots by Ravager! KKP covers for ONE! TWO! THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, KRUSTY KID PAULLLL!

Promo is kicked some more by Ravager. SAD celebrates in the ring. Tommy is up and hugs KKP. They ask for a ring mic. Tommy proclaims: "Next up... TAG TEAM GOLD, baby!" SAD then pick up Promo --- Ravager! LAST RESORT! Ravager smirks down at the fallen Promo, dusting his hands free. The three then leave the half-dead Promo in the ring.

BILL HEWSON: It took three men to beat Promo, Bill Hewson. This is Winchell's new "Fair and balanced" NAPW?

JACK JONES: What are you talking about Bill? It took one SUPERBOMB!

BILL HEWSON: Either way, the winner is Krusty Kid Paul... when we come back, the former Pure Honor Champion, the reckless Patrick Bickle, will look to get back into Kiniski Cup contention when he takes on the motivated North T. Gunderson! Don't go away!

NAPW returns from some commercial for Wetaskawin cars. Cars cost less in Westaskawin!

BILL HEWSON: Jack Jones, it was one week ago that the seemingly unstoppable Patrick Bickle was dethroned as Pure Honor champion by the underdog Dextro. The question is, what's been going through Patrick Bickle's mind over the past week?

JACK JONES: I promise you that Patrick Bickle has been considering violence. Whether directed towards him or his opponent, well, that's up to YOU. The VIEWER. To decide.

BILL HEWSON: Patrick Bickle is the number two contender to the Kiniski Cup. His opponent, North T. Gunderson, is riding high after a victory against Stylin' Kyle Roberts on the last edition of Action. Neither competitor is 100% physically... but the winner will undoubtedly be #1 contender to the championship.

Warburton is in the ring. Poppy! Upbeat! UP with people! North T. Gunderson bounds out, steel chair in his hand as always (It's for sittin'.) But to the shock of many people, he is joined by the fiery red-head TEX.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following Pure Honor contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first accompanied to the ring by TEX... hailing from Denver Colorado, NORTH! T! GUNNNNNDERSONNNN!

JACK JONES: Ain't that a sight for sore eyes!

BILL HEWSON: I didn't think we'd see Tex return to NAPW rings after she broke up with Delivery Man #1. Months ago, Tex managed the tag team of Storm - the giant Tempest partnered with this man, North. But that was when he was called Thunder...

JACK JONES: The whole thing makes my head hurt.

BILL HEWSON: And now, I guess North's mentor has asked Tex to once again accompany this man, North or Thunder, to the ring. But...why?

JACK JONES: Motivation, Hewson! A beautiful woman packing heat will inspire a man to great heights!

Lights down. Pulse. DJ Shadow. "The Number Song." Patrick Bickle stalks to ringside, eyes on the ring, Mr. Maps trailing behind him distantly. Bickle steps into the ring, completely ignoring any fans, and then takes down North before the bell, before Warburton can introduce him! Henry Andrews is on top of the situation ---

FRANK WARBURTON: Patrick Bickle has been charged ONE rope break!

BILL HEWSON: What the hell has gotten into Patrick Bickle? He attacked before the bell --- he's down a rope break already!

JACK JONES: And he's in CONTROL of this match, Bill Hewson. Nobody's going to stop Patrick Bickle from getting his title back ---

Bickle is just riding North, he won't let him up, North grabs the head, tries to maneuver Bickle into a hold, but Bickle grabs the headscissors. KICK KICK KICK. Just brings the leg down across the front of Gunderson's neck, then locks on the headscissors. Tex slaps the mat, Gunderson... crawls forward, flipping around. It's enough to break the leverage, and then Gunderson rushes up and takes to the ropes! Bickle stands up, Gunderson flies out and NAILS the shining wizard in the early going! Cover gets TWO. Bickle stands up, Gunderson takes him down with a dragon screw leg whip. Into the leg lock!

BILL HEWSON: Gunderson taking control of the match now, working on Bickle's injured leg.

JACK JONES: Is there a part of Bickle that isn't injured?

BILL HEWSON: Well... good point Jones.

North changes things up, getting a chin lock on Bickle. It's doing some damage, but certainly not going to cause Bickle to tap out. North gets up, drives an elbow into Bickle's back. Another! Another! He's going CRAZY WITH ELBOWS! OLD SCHOOL STYLE! Gooooooo NORTH! Now he hits the top rope, Bickle gets to his feet --- FLYING CLOTHESLINE CONNECTS! Bickle turns inside out, and then the cover! ONE! TWO! Bickle kicks out before the three. Gunderson gets up, and heads back up top. He comes off --- DROPKICK from Bickle! Mid-air collision! Good lord, that nearly killed him! Bickle makes a quick cover, one, two, North kicks out. Bickle rolls North over, holding an arm. Half-Nelson... with the legs! Bickle's putting the stretch on North Gunderson. North gets a knee under him, begins to stand up; Bickle stiffs him in the small of the back! Half-nelson suplex --- North lands on the top of his head!

BILL HEWSON: Good God almighty, North landed badly! And his neck is already weakened after that Emerald Fusion from Roberts on Action!

JACK JONES: Action on Roberts!

BILL HEWSON: ...will you be serious?

Bickle is back up... he grabs North! Swinging neckbreaker takes him down. North is down, Bickle goes up... FROG SPLASH! ONE! TWO! North gets his foot on the bottom rope!

FRANK WARBURTON: North Gunderson has used his FIRST rope break!

Bickle, eyes blank, hits the corner. He crouches down, waiting for North to get up, waiting... SPEAR! Fear the SPEAR, boys and girls! ONE! TWO! TH--- NO! North kicks out to a huge pop! Bickle covers again, kick-out again! Bickle now gets in Andrew's face, showing a temper loss... Andrews tells Bickle to back off, Bickle shoves Andrews!

FRANK WARBURTON: For shoving the referee, Patrick Bickle has been charged a second rope break!

BILL HEWSON: Bickle needs to watch it, or he'll be out of rope breaks, and in the same scenario as when he lost the Pure title!

JACK JONES: I don't think he cares, Hewson!

Bickle nails a DDT to put North down, and he goes up top. No aiming, no finesse, just a FREEFALL! It connects right into North! Bickle is hurt too, selling it like he's ROB VAN DAM... He makes the cover! ONE! TWO! THR---- NORTH GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Patrick Bickle has used his SECOND ROPE BREAK!

BILL HEWSON: North will not go quietly! He couldn't kick out, but he had enough instinct to grab the bottom rope to break the pin!

JACK JONES: The FreeFall always ends it, Hewson, always! I can't believe it! Neither can Bickle!

Patrick Bickle is showing something he's rarely shown - emotion. He screams at Andrews, who threatens him with a rope break. Bickle blows him off and rolls to the outside. He shoves Warburton out of his chair (!) and folds it up. Into the ring, Andrews warning him... CRASH! Bickle blasts North over the head! Andrews calls for the bell as the heartless Patrick Bickle stands over North Gunderson!

FRANK WARBURTON: Your winner, via disqualification... NORTH GUNDERSON!

BILL HEWSON: North wins the match... but Patrick Bickle... that chair shot! He's going to be kicked out of the division for that! He's gone from being one spot away from a Cup shot to... being nowhere near!

JACK JONES: I think Patrick Bickle has snapped, Bill Hewson.

Bickle simply leaves the ring, a shocked/aghast/questioning Mr. Maps in his wake. Tex gets in the ring, checking on North. North allows her to help him up. He takes his feet and raises an arm high for a nice pop!

BILL HEWSON: DQ or not, North Gunderson has beat Patrick Bickle, and moves into Pure title contention! When we come back, the Provincial Title is on the line - It's a returning Nightmare challenging "The Lemondrop Kid" --- wait a minute, what's that? I'm getting word that we have a situation in the back involving Promo and Joseph Winche;l?!

Cut backstage. The masked man, Promo, is tearing apart the locker room yelling for Ravager and the Sexy Adorable Drunks. He throws a wooden chair against the wall - it shatters into splinters. "Come on out!" Suddenly security swarm the scene... and walking behind them with a displeased expression on his smug kisser? Commissioner Joseph Winchell.

Security subdues Promo, although he doesn't go down easily. Still, 8 on 1 is... 8 on one. Winchell looks at Promo...

JOSEPH WINCHELL: I won't have you tearing apart my locker room or disrupting my company! Security, escort this ... thug out of the Polish Hall, and bar him from entering again.

PROMO: Hey Winchell.

JOSEPH WINCHELL: What---*

Promo suddenly bursts free from security and POPS Winchell right in the eye! Winchell goes down in a heap, security is all over him but the damage is certainly done. Winchell gets up, holding his eye. Angrily he yells:

JOSEPH WINCHELL: That was a mistake, Promo! Get him out of here! And if you show your face in this building again --- or that mask --- I'll fire you on the spot! Get him out of here!

Security drag Promo off. Promo, beneath his mask...

Is smiling.

JACK JONES: So word to the wise, Bill Hewson - make sure the vaccuum bag is fresh.

BILL HEWSON: That poor llama. Ladies and gentlemen if you have just joined us, moments ago the Underground Icon PROMO was ejected from the Polish Hall by security! He does need hospital attention following that brutal hardcore match with Krusty Kid Paul, but come on! Promo got screwed, he doesn't deserve that!

JACK JONES: Winchell's protecting his investment. These fans want to see Dream Come True vs Evan Cartwright & Ravager... well, they want to see Perfection & Ravager at any rate. They don't want to be told 'Sorry, a lunatic in a mask took out Ravager, no match for you.'

BILL HEWSON: I suppose it's okay when said lunatic in a mask is Static - and in Winchell's ear. Nonetheless, the show must go on. After a prolonged absence, one of NAPW's superstars, Nightmare is back in Polish Hall, and he's returning next here on Tuesday Night Fights!

JACK JONES: It was almost four months ago that Lloyd Rees, along with Bayman Jakey and Ol' Salty, caused Nightmare to lose by countout. We didn't see Nightmare on a NAPW event since then, and he's finally got his chance to seek revenge, but the big galoot says he could care less about Rees and his Provincial championship. What an idiot!

BILL HEWSON: It's like we're seeing a new Nightmare here on Tuesday Night Fights.

FRANK WARBURTON: This next match is scheduled for ONE FALL and is for the NAPW PROVINCIAL CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first the challenger, from Edmonton, Alberta! Weighing in at two-hundred and eighty pounds! This is NIIIIGHTMAAAARE!

Nickelback starts up, as Nightmare walks out onto the stage, wearing his "Lloyd Rees' #1 Fan" shirt.While a majority of the crowd cheers for the hometown giant, a small chorus of boos comes from parts of the audience, as the camera cuts to a fan holding an "Edmonton IS the City of Champions!" sign. Nightmare walks down to the ring, ignoring the catcalls from the front row.

JACK JONES: Why the hell would Nightmare be so blase about this match if he's wearing that shirt? Is he TRYING to get booed?

BILL HEWSON: I can't begin to tell you what's going on in Greg Hanson's mind, Jack.

The fans want something to boo? "Fighting '59" is piped through the speakers as the place REALLY starts to boo. Lloyd Rees hits the ramp, shouting in his Newfie dialect to anyone who is in earshot.

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! He is the NAPW Provincial champion, and he weighs in at two-hundred and forty-seven pounds! From Bell Island, Newfoundland, he is the Lemondroop Kiiid! LLLOOOYYYYD RRRRREEEEEESSSSS!

BILL HEWSON: Say what you want about Nightmare, just the sheer act of aligning with the new commissioner Joseph Winchell has not done much for Rees' popularity.

JACK JONES: Lloyd Rees has NEVER needed the audience's support! And tonight, he's going out without Ol' Salty!

BILL HEWSON: Rees himself asked for a stipulation banning any man from coming down to ringside! That's how cocky the champ is!

JACK JONES: Not cocky! CONFIDENT!

Rees enters the ring, and is patted down by ref Dick Kiebiech as Nightmare is watching his opponent intently. Kiebiech calls for the bell as Nightmare rushes forward to lock up with Lloyd. Nightmare, using his size advantage, promptly pushes Lloyd Rees to the mat. But the Lemondrop Kid gets right back up. Nightmare with another tie-up, and an irish whip to the ropes, which Nightmare follows up with a THUNDERING clothesline! Rees drops to the ground, trying to catch his breath, as Nightmare flips him over and locks in a crossface chicken wing. Rees is gasping in pain as Nightmare torques the neck and back of the champion. Rees starts to crawl to the ropes, Nightmare doing his best to keep Lloyd from moving by tightening up his grasp on Rees' arm. Rees flips both himself and Nightmare over and manages to catch a rope with his foot. Kiebiech calls for the break, and Nightmare reluctantly lets go. Rees is tangled in the ropes, catching his breath, as Dick Kiebiech keeps Nightmare away. Nightmare starts complaining to Kiebiech.

JACK JONES: Oh, Nightmare! Let the ref do his job already!

Rees gets up and walks up to Nightmare, slapping him in the face. Nightmare's angered by that, and lunges for Lloyd, but the Lemondrop Kid ducks under and hits a standing dropkick to the back of Nightmare! Nightmare falls, and Rees capitalizes by hitting an elbow drop on the prone giant. Rees pulls Nightmare up from behind, and locks in a reverse headlock on Hanson. DDT From the Green! Nightmare crumples as Rees jumps on him for the pin! One. Two! KICKOUT by Nightmare. And Nightmare is pissed! He gets up, grabs Rees by the throat, choking the Provincial champ! Nightmare wraps his arms around the waist of Lloyd, German suplexing him across the ring! Lloyd is DAZED and Nightmare goes for the pin. One. Two. Lloyd somehow manages to get his foot on the rope, and the pin count's stopped halfway through three. The crowd boos, other than some fans in sou'westers in the front row who are ecstatic that their man hasn't been pinned.

BILL HEWSON: Good thing this isn't a Pure Honour match! Rees would be down by two rope breaks!

JACK JONES: Lloyd Rees is a Provincial Champion for that reason! He knows EXACTLY where he is in the ring at all times.

Nightmare is frustrated here, and bends down over Lloyd to pick him back up. Rees rakes Nightmare's eyes and Greg Hanson is blinded! Nightmare's whirling around trying to get his bearings, and Rees picks him up onto his shoulders, straining with the weight of the bigger man. Gorilla press into the East End Drop! Rees covers, using the ropes for leverage. One! Two! Kiebiech notices Rees' feet on the bottom ropes and stops the count, chastising the champ for cheating in such a way. Rees waves it off, and locks in a Dragon Sleeper on the barely-recovered Nightmare. Nightmare is groggy, and the light in his eyes starts to dim. Rees flops over to his side, taking Nightmare to the ground so he can apply a leg grapevine as well. Nightmare is seriously out of it here, and Dick Kiebiech raises the hand of Nightmare, only to have it flop to the ground. Kiebiech raises the hand of Nightmare, and it falls a second time. Dick Kiebiech raises the hand of Nightmare, and it falls to the ground once- NO! Nightmare is using that hand to support himself! He's pushing himself up!

JACK JONES: Oh, god no! Nightmare was out of there! He was gone!

BILL HEWSON: Can you believe the strength and will of Gregory Hanson?? He's getting up from the Conception Bay Chinlock while Lloyd Rees is still trying to make the big man submit! Lloyd Rees is on the shoulders of Nightmare!

Nightmare is on his feet, as the crowd is cheering for a man who was ALMOST gone! Nightmare drops to his back, crushing the torso of Lloyd Rees, who lets go of the chinlock. Nightmare pulls the leg of Rees! One! TWO! NO! Rees kicks out! Nightmare gets to his feet, taking this moment to recollect himself. Lloyd Rees is dragging himself to the corner. Nightmare grabs for Rees, picks him up and starts choking the life out of him! Rees is losing air, thrashing wildly. Nightmare picks him up with both hands, still applying that chokehold! Rees is grasping for the top rope, dangling! Nightmare shouts out, and this is it! He's going for the DreamCatcher! Kiebiech walks around the two men to get a better position, but Rees kicks Nightmare! SQUAW IN THE JUNK! And Kiebiech didn't see it, as Nightmare falls to the mat and Rees drops right on top of him! Rees grabs the leg, and one! Two! Rees pulls the tights! THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and STILL Provincial Champion... "The Lemondrop Kid" Lloyd Rees!

BILL HEWSON: I can't believe that referee Dick Kiebiech was out of position to see that blatant low blow!

JACK JONES: Rees doesn't care how he wins, just so long as he does it! And that's what separates him from the rest of the pack! Well, other than Joseph Winchell's pack.

Just as Jack Jones says those words, out comes Ol' Salty to help his client get to the back as the crowd boos them both out. Joseph Winchell comes out, applauding his man "The Lemondrop Kid" (and trying to avoid holding the nice shiner developing over his eye.) A disappointed Nightmare is seen heading back up the aisle, Winchell giving him a half-assed pat on the back. Joseph gets in the ring and asks for the microphone.

JOSEPH WINCHELL: That's precisely why I recruited that man to be on the commissioner's side! Good job, Lloyd!

He pats the back of the outgoing Rees as the crowd boos the hell out of the commissioner.

JOSEPH WINCHELL: As you all know, the whole reason I'm your NAPW owner and commissioner is to give you people something new, something fresh, something besides the same old guys getting the same old chances. So that's why on August 8th, 2006, right here on Tuesday Night Fights! EVERY title will be defended! We're talking Lloyd Rees putting his Provincial Title on the line again! The Kiniski Cup will be up for grabs! Hell, let's even give the TV Titleholder a shot on the big show! Mark Cage, Mr. Slick, whoever is champion after this Friday's Action will defend their belt on August 8th! Ravager will get his title shot against either D! or Static that night! And, of course, the tag team titles will be on the line as well...

Krusty Kid Paul! Tommy Deathrow! Could you come out here, please?

Right Said Fred's "Too Sexy" starts up as the S.A.D. come out on the ramp. Deathrow is licking his lips. KKP has been stiched up from the earlier match, still in the same clothes, stained red. He looks worse for wear but has enough energy to flip the bird to the front-row fans. S.A.D. hit the ring next to Winchell.

JOSEPH WINCHELL: Now, I hear that you guys want to challenge whoever wins tonight's main event for those tag team belts. Is that correct?

TOMMY DEATHROW: (BLEEP)ing rights that's correct, Mr. Winchell!

JOSEPH WINCHELL: Well, then, it's done. On August 8th, on Tuesday Night Fights, the most DESERVING team never to be tag team champions - that's SIR Thomas Deathrow and Krusty Kid Paul for you slow types - will face off against either the Delivery Men or the New and Improved D-X for the tag team championships! After the beating you guys gave to that jerk Promo earlier, it was clear that Sexy Adorable Drunks versus, well, whoever, NEEDED to be on that card! What a show that's going to be, eh? How bout it?

Tommy and Paul shake the commissioner's hand, thanking him for the change "your (BLEEP)in' old man never (BLEEP)in gave us. (BLEEP)!" The SAD hit the corners, making the "belt" motion around their waists. Winchell motions that he has more.

BILL HEWSON: So Promo gets booted out of the building, and the guys who screwed him get a tag title shot? That's not right at all.

JACK JONES: What's not right is the fact that the SAD have never HAD a title shot before this! Now if you'll kindly shut your hole, our Commissioner has more to say.

JOSEPH WINCHELL: But that's not all! Unfortunately, next week, we won't be wrestling here at Polish Hall.

The crowd boos.

JOSEPH WINCHELL: Hey, it's summer! I think our wrestlers need to take a vacation, don't you? How many people here are going on vacation this summer? Well, if you'll look under your seats, you'll find a very special gift from the NAPW and from yours truly, R. Joseph Winchell the Third! Next week, everybody here gets tickets to join our wrestlers as they relax for a week on a cruise ship up the British Columbia coast towards Alaska! CityTV will still be showing Tuesday Night Fights next week, August 1st, but it's going to be called the Pacific Fight Night while we're on our vacation! And you'll see Static take on D! to regain that Heavyweight Championship on Pacific Fight Night! THAT'S how much Uncle Joseph loves you fans! We've got a great show on the way, so stick around, and buy some merchandise!

Joseph leaves to a chorus of boos.

JACK JONES: Why are they BOOING? The man gave them a FREE CRUISE!

BILL HEWSON: Well, that's awfully generous of our Commissioner, but I think these fans know a phony when they see one. We'll return after this commercial break!

BILL HEWSON: ... don't make me do this.

JACK JONES: Just answer the question. Is it Paul Stanley and his sensitive nature? Is it Gene Simmon's hairy-chested machismo? Ace Frehley's coarse danger? Say she HAD to choose.

BILL HEWSON: ... no.

JACK JONES: HAS to choose, Hewson. Who's she gonna pick?

BILL HEWSON: My... my mother would probably sleep with Eric Carr.

JACK JONES: Interesting choice.

BILL HEWSON: Well, what about you?

JACK JONES: What about me?

BILL HEWSON: Which member of KISS would your mom sleep with?

JACK JONES: I don't understand the question. My mother LOVED my father. Welcome back, folks, NAPW Tuesday Night Fights is back from commercial and we've got some hard-hitting action for you, only not the sweaty, greasepainted variety certain people grew up with.

BILL HEWSON: Oh, God--MOM! He TRICKED me into saying these LIES!

"We'll be SINGING! When we're WINNING! We'll be SINGING!

I GET KNOCKED DOWN--"

"--BUT I GET UP AGAIN!" the live crowd chants. Wayne Wright bursts through the curtain looking like D! doing a little pee-pee dance, flailing this way and that, working hard to look cool in a completely uncool way--the crowd, however, can't do math and therefore cheers for him. He then points back to the curtains, and two stage hands wheel out a MASSIVE dolly on which lies a MASSIVE television.

BILL HEWSON: Is that--

JACK JONES: --TVZilla?

TVZILLA: I AM TVZILLA!

And without warning, a massive computer-generated head appears on-screen, elicitng a "thumbs up" from Wayne.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by TVZILLA--

TVZILLA: I AM TVZILLA!

FRANK WARBURTON: --and representing RED DEER, ALBERTA, weighing in at TWO-HUNDRED, TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS, he is the WRIGHT PHENOM, WAAAAAAYNE... WRIIIIGHT!

JACK JONES: Every day I bet myself I won't die a little and every day I lose.

BILL HEWSON: Wayne Wright, set for one-on-one with a former NAPW Champion, in a match that some people consider to be a vendetta by Robert Joseph Winchell th Third, who Wright feuded with when he was... eh... okay, so, TVZilla's his MANAGER?

TVZILLA: I AM TVZILLA!

JACK JONES: Stop saying his name, Hewson, it gives him POWER!

TVZilla's computer-generated head sheathes momentarily with computer-generated flames, before extinguishing again as if nothing was wrong. Wright, meanwhile, climbs every tunbuckle, pausing to blow kisses to the crowd, pat his chest, and say prayers for Eddie Guerrero. All smiles, grinning like a loon, loving life, Wayne Wright.

Hit it.

"We're scrapped valentines-
We're tangerine rinds-
We're CRIMES, CRIMES, CRIMES, CRIMES, CRIMES"

The LOVE turns to HATE as the crowd rains down piss and vinegar on the Hardcore Luchadore, Static. Normally content to give the crowd a reason to complain, Static hits the stage and hawk-like gazes down to the ring and Wayne Wright.

Static shuts his eyes, squeezing his lids shut to the point of his whole face pinching.

Static opens his eyes.

FRANK WARBURTON: And now, making his way to the ring, from WINDSOR, ONTARIO... weighing in at ONE HUNDRED, SEVENTY-FIVE POUNDS... he is the FIRST and ONLY NAPW TRIPLE CROWN--

BILL HEWSON: Come on, Frank, that's a LIE--

FRANK WARBURTON: --please welcome the HAAAARDCORE LUCHADOR... THIS! IS! STATIC!

Static bounds into the ring, and it's straight to BUSINESS as he unleashes a swift kick to an unsuspecting Wayne's testicles. Wayne collapses like a high-pitched sequoia as The Blood Brothers fades out. With no referee present, the timekeeper won't ring the bell, but that seems to serve Static just fine as he starts shit-kicking Wayne right were he fell. The crowd lays into Static a little bit more.

JACK JONES: Ha ha! D'you think Static's feeling a little frustrated after losing the Heavyweight Title to D!?

BILL HEWSON: Oh, for--Static's laying into Wayne Wright BEFORE the match can get underway! How can that little psychopath LIVE with himself?

JACK JONES: Is it Static's fault the referee's late?

WAYNE WRIGHT: TVZILLA! DEFEND ME!

TVZILLA: I AM TVZILLA!

JACK JONES: .. okay, now that's getting to me.

BILL HEWSON: And now he's CHOKING HIM against the ROPES! We need a ref down here, STAT, someone's gotta stop the--

"MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN, MORE SICKER THAN SICK!"

It's a TWO-HUNDRED-FORTY-FIVE POUND SHITHAMMER, and he's got STRIPES ON! The crowd comes UNGLUED as a familiar figure strides through the curtain, smiling like his birthday's come early.

FRANK WARBURTON: And INTRODUCING tonight's SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE... from PARTS UNKNOWN, NORTH CAROLINA, please welcome... RRRRRREX! CAAAAALIBER!

Static's at the ropes, caught stunned at the sight of his former tag team partner and worst enemy striding down the ramp towards him. Wayne remains crumpled in a heap elsewhere in the ring, but if he knew what was going on, he'd probably be happy.

JACK JONES: That freak has NOTHING to do here--he has to AVOID Static, he has to NEVER LAY A FINGER on him or else forfeit his Heavyweight Title opportunities for LIFE. He's just trying to screw Static over by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

BILL HEWSON: Bad blood between these two men, to be sure, but I'm going to trust Rex Caliber to do the right thing and call this match straight down the line.

JACK JONES: They guy can't even get people banned from RESTAURANTS, how's he gonna enforce a match against that cheater Wayne Wright?

BILL HEWSON: Should be easy now that Wayne's UNCONSCIOUS! Rex Caliber's slid in the ring, and the Timekeeper's struck the bell! Now let's call the ACTION!

"LET'S go REX-y! STATIC SUCKS! LET'S go REX-y! STATIC SUCKS!"

Static looks at Rex Caliber, infuriated--and Rex just blows him a kiss. Static, teeth gritted, advances on Wayne Wright just as the Wright Phenom manages to prop himself up on the ropes. Static pastes him with a clubbing forearm... clubbing forearm, clubbing forearm, Irish Whip on Wright sends him against the ropes, rebounds back to Static as he... gets distracted by Rex' snapping fingers. Rex is reading Static the riot act for striking Wright on the ropes, and how Static needs to respect the rules or get himself disqualified. Static looks like he's ready to drill The Nexus One, but Caliber simply as to tug on his black-and-white stripes to reming him who's boss. Static sneers and turns his attention back to Wayne Wright, who's literally run the ropes back-and-forth ten times now. A perfectly-timed Basement Dropkick breaks Wright down at the knee, and he hits the mat, howling stupidly. Static then proceeds to illustrate to Rex how he's "Number One", and then with a quality vertical leap, brings his fet smashing down on Wright's knee with a Double Footstomp.

BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD--! What did WRIGHT ever do to STATIC!?

JACK JONES: Make fun of him, compare him to a clown, threaten to beat him with a hammer, and generally suck.

Static's mouth is running at Rex, asking him if he wants to stop him from doing THIS--and executes another Double Footstomp on Wright's knee. Rex' jaw sets, but he just observes the fight, urging Static to focus on his opponent. Wright's lifted his knee off the canvas at this point favouring it and nearly crying in pain. Static snatches Wright's ankle out of his hands, and stretching the leg out, delivers a sturdy kick--to the thigh, a legal blow which Rex allows. Not satisfied, Static pulls Wayne by the ankle and sets it up on the bottom rope--and gives a quick Sit-Down Splash to the shin, just as Rex starts issuing a complaint. Rex warns Static to pull Wright off the ropes, but Static simply sets the leg up again--and another Sit-Down Splash connects. Rex just about flips out and seizes Wright by the shoulders, and pulls him OFF and AWAY from the ropes.

JACK JONES: WHAT?

BILL HEWSON: It's unorthodox, sure, but Static's assaulting Wright illegally and he won't respond to the ref... it's either do that or disqualify Static!

JACK JONES: He CROSSED THE LINE-- Rex Caliber is NOT a fair ref!

BILL HEWSON: You HUSH! Static was fighting dirty and the ref FIXED it! Controversy be damned, I think Rex did the right thing--NOW what is Static doing?

What he's doing, ultimately, is getting in Rex Caliber's face to LOUDLY complain about his CROOKED officiating. Rex shoots him a steely smile and holds his arms out, making his pecs dance under his tight referee's shirt. The crowd pops for that one, WAITAMINNIT, WRIGHT'S CRAWLED UP TO STATIC! SMALL PACKAGE! SMALL PACKAGE!

BILL HEWSON: WHAT?

JACK JONES: NO!

ONE!

TWO!

THR--

KICK-OUT! STATIC BURSTS OUT with a TERRIFIED look on his face! And the crowd's ERUPTED... Static's practically STUNNED, Wright's catching his breath, and at ringside...

TVZILLA: THAT WAS THREE!

Rex walks to the ropes to yell at TVZilla at ringside.

REX CALIBER: That was two!

TVZILLA: THAT WAS THREE!

REX CALIBER: I SAW two, I COUNTED two!

TVZILLA: THAT WAS THREE!

REX CALIBER: You givin' me LIP, TVZILLA?

TVZILLA: I AM TVZILLA!

REX CALIBER: That TEARS it--YOU! ARE! OUTTA HERE!

And Rex points at TVZilla with AUTHORITY! TVZilla powers down. Wright's on his feet, HORRIFIED to see his new manager ejected, but behind him is Static--who whirls him around! Boot to the gut! TORNADO DDT! And as Wayne Wright's skull gets planted into the boards, Static flashes his teeth at Rex Caliber, draws an invisible circle around his foe to demonstrate he's in the center of the ring, climbs the turnbuckle behind him to tell THE BOOING FANS, THEIR FAT GIRLFRIENDS, THEIR IDIOT CHILDREN, ALBERTANS, UNION LABOUR, REDNECK TRASH, D!, REX AND THE BABY JESUS to SUUUUUCK HIS VOOOOODOOOOO... MOMENT! OF! CLARITY! Landing SMACK-DAB on Wayne Wright, killing him DEAD. A hook of the leg and snarl to the special ref are all that's required to start a formal... and unhappy... pinfall. ONE! TWO! THREE!

FRANK WARBURTON: HERE is YOUR WINNER, by PINFALL... STAAAAAATIC!

The crowd audibly hates it, but no one can deny that Wright might as well be packed in ice in the centre of the ring. With "Crimes" annoying the bloody hell out of all things good and pure on the sound system, Static's ALL SMILES again, striding up to Rex and imitating his earlier pec show. Rex Caliber manages to shove a gritted "congratulations" through his lips, but Static's not through--

SLAP.

Rex and the crowd collectivel come to--and Rex feels his face, realizing that Static just PLANTED him one mean "Where's My Money?" backhand slap.

BILL HEWSON: That mealy little worm--that grubby bastard! He's trying to provoke Rex into striking him--

JACK JONES: --but if Rex does, he'll NEVER get another title shot as long as he lives! How perfect! HA!

BILL HEWSON: Look at Rex' face--I think he's gonna crack!

JACK JONES: Yes, Rex, throw it ALL AWAY. YES! YES! YES!!! Oh, NO! NO! NO!!!

Bursting out of the crowd--it's D! The NEW NAPW Champion--he's vaulted over the security barrier, and he's shoved his hardware to the timekeeper--Static whirls around as D! slides into the ring--they see each other and IT'S ON! D! with a RIGHT HAND, RIGHT HAND, NOW STATIC'S THROWING RIGHTS! ONCE! TWICE! THREE TIMES--NO! D!'s caught the hand and he twirls both him AND Static around--and unleashes a quick kick to the abdomen! And another! And he's SINGING!

BILL HEWSON: ROCKETTES KICK OF DOOM!

JACK JONES: I HATE IT! I HATE IT SO MUCH!

And then--Static CATCHES D!'s foot mid-kick--D! TWIRLS! DRAGON WHIP! The heel of his boot crashing solidly against Static's temple! Static staggers back, dazed... and starts motioning to the Timekeeper? D!'s belts are being thrown in--the NAPW Championship! The TEAM Championship! D!'s got them in either hand, and he's stalking Static, stalking, waiting for him to turn around--BELT CLAP! D! sandwiching Static's skull between two title belts, Static out like a light!

JACK JONES: What an ARROGANT, CHEAP, CONDESCENDING PRICK!

BILL HEWSON: Takes one to know one, Jones!

JACK JONES: HELL TO PAY, D! HELL. TO. PAY.

D! strides up to Rex, socks him playfully in the arm, and then offers him his hand. Rex, a veritable grab-bag of emotions at the moment, gives D! a cautious smile and clasps his hand, squeezing. D! raises Rex Caliber's hand up, to overwhelming crowd approval, and then pops out of the ring, holding his twin belts high as he backs up the ramp.

JACK JONES: What a TERRIBLE day for Static--HIS music should be playing, HIS arm should be raised, this should be HIS moment, and those goons D! and Rex have just RUINED it for him!

BILL HEWSON: Static won the match, but his less-than-friendly attitude cost him the celebration! Folks, we'll be heading to comercial--your reward for staying?The Pure Honor title on the line! Stick around!

JACK JONES: ... I was finding sand in the strangest places for weeks afterward.

BILL HEWSON: You disgust me. Our next match: Dez Carter's first chance at an NAPW title, when he takes on the dark horse Pure Honor Champion! Let's go to the ring.

FRANK WARBURTON: This match is a PURE HONOR match for the Kiniski Cup! Introducing first, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two-hundred and forty-four pounds! This is DEZZZZ CAAAARTERRR!

"L'arc en Ciel" hits as Dez Carter comes out to cheers from the crowd, accompanied by Asuka Katsuragi, as always, slapping the hands of his fans, hutting some ladies as Asuka frowns, and enters the ring.

BILL HEWSON: This is Dez Carter's first ever title shot, after Dextro got that shocking win over the dominant Patrick Bickle, making him drop a few places in the rankings.

JACK JONES: I'm not sure if Dez is ready for the big time yet. Granted, I didn't think I'd ever have to say "Dextro, Pure Honor champion" either.

FRANK WARBURTON: AND HIS OPPONENT! From Moolieville, Minnesota, weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-five pounds. He is the Pure Honor champion, and holder of the Kiniski Cup! This iiiis DEEEEXXXXTROOOOO!

Dextro walks out to "My Addiction" with the Cup, sets the Cup down on the top of the stage, and walks to the ring. The crowd gives a nice response to the Kiniski Cup holder!

BILL HEWSON: And the story of Dextro has been a genuine surprise in NAPW. He's kicked his addictions, and focused himself on the discipline of the Pure Honor division. And well, these fans have gotten behind Dextro.

JACK JONES: Dextro doesn't need to worry about these fans. He got himself this far, Hewson!

Dextro & Carter shake hands, then the match begins. Dextro makes a quick play for Dez' waist, scrambling for a rear waistlock. Dez won't give it to him, though, and a quick jackknife-to-seating stuns the Meth Orphan with a Jaw Jammer--and then rocks back to tag Dextro's face with a sweet, sweet overhead kick. Dextro staggers back, Carter's on his feet... Japanese Arm Drag sees Dextro taken down, but Dez is holding onto the arm, Crucifix Armbar. Dez has got his legs draped across the Champion's free arm, Dextro certainly close enough to the ropes to consider making a play... he sticks his leg out... no. Dextro instead plants his feet on the mat, and scrambling, rolls himself on top of Dez' shoulders. Pincover gets a one as Dez wastes virtually no time breaking the hold to kick out. Dextro's first course of action is to sprint to the opposite ropes and come back to meet Carter with a clothesline attempt--ducked. Dez Carter then executes a dropkick to deal with the rebounding Dextro--only Dextro chose to hang onto the ropes, so Dez flops harmlessly to the ground. Dextro surges forward with an Elbow Drop, Dez Carter nimbly rolling out of the way so that Dextro hits canvas. Carter seizes the opportunity and pounces on Dextro again--he's going for the Crucifix Armbar again--but Dextro now reactively snakes his arm up and hooks the back of Dez' neck in an impromptu headlock, stopping Carter from proceeding. Carter, taking a big risk, pushes off of his feet and rolls THROUGH Dextro's incomplete headlock, landing free on the other side. The crowd shows some appreciation here for Carter's athletic display, and now Carter is putting some distance between himself and his put-upon opponent. As Dextro rises, Dez Carter charges at him with a full head of steam, forearm raised, is he looking to--BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! OVER THE TOP ROPE!

JACK JONES: NO WAY!

BILL HEWSON: At the last second, Dextro with a DEXPLEX, OVER the ropes! We've seen him do that before, but what a difference maker--Dez Carter sure took a wild ride to the outside! And Dextro may have finally earned himself a reprieve from Carter's rabid assault!

A quick poll of the crowd seems to tell us "HOLY (BLEEP)!" Carter managed to take that big fall with his back, but doesn't seem to be better for it. Asuka is there, straightaway, while Senior Referee Dick Kiebiech starts the necessary count. ONE! TWO! Asuka asks Carter if he's okay, and even while momentarily stunned, Carter manages to give her some attitude. THREE! FOUR! He DOES accept Asuka's shoulder, granted, and props himself up to standing. FIVE! SIX! Carter looks back to the ring and sees Dextro sitting on the second rope, propping the ropes open for Dez to re-enter the ring. Carter stops in his tracks, unsure. SEVEN! EIGHT!

ASUKA: Just GO, you DUMMY!

And while the crowd has a good time with this, Dez Carter steels himself and bounds for the entrance Dextro has created. The Edmonton crowd shows some love for the Pure Honour display of mutual respect, and based on that, what can our two competitors do? Pound knuckles, that's what. NOW GET YOUR TICKETS READY! Dez Carter making another play for the arm, capturing The Meth Orphan in a Wrist Lock, looking for an Arm Wring--a quick knee to Carter's gut breaks that up. Dextro snakes his arm around Dez' shoulder... Half Nelson... BACKBREAKER. Cover gets a one as Dextro went to capitalize on an effective, is early, piece of offense. Dez Carter channels some MMA and throws Neckscissors on Dextro from a seated position. Perfect in theory, but Dextro, straining, grabs onto Carter's tights and starts to straighten himself, pulling him up as he goes... straining, shaking, Dextro rights himself with Dez Carter straining to keep the neckscissors going, Dextro holding his assailant up--the crowd buzzes--POWERBOMB! Not exceptionally-elevated, but Dextro manages to slam Carter to the mat. The neckscissors are broken, needless to say, and Dextro crawls up to hook Dez Carter's leg. ONE! TWO! SHOULDER UP!

BILL HEWSON: Close call, but how long can either man keep this up? Carter seems to be doing a fine job wearing his opponent out with submission moves, but Dextro's relying on big counters to get the job done!

JACK JONES: It's harder to do all of Dez' fancy holds when your back's broken, partner, so I'm gonna have to give it to Dextro!

Dextro grabs Carter by the ankle, and drags him further away from the ropes. And from there--FOOT STOMP! FOOT STOMP! All with the sole of Dextro's feet, so Kiebiech's allowing the offense--and an ELBOW DROP! Dextro's on top of Carter, and he's scrambling to sit on top of him. With Kiebiech watching intently, Dextro raises his hand up, fist clenched, and throws it down--Kiebiech moves as if he was going to give Warburton a signal, but stops, as Dextro's hand open up mid-swing and slaps Carter in the face instead. Kiebiech, grumbling, admonishes Dextro keep his hands open. Dextro nods, then raises his fist again--STRIKES! But once again opening it up to a slap, as Dextro gives Kiebiech a crooked grin. Kiebiech looks even less pleased, and as Dextro pulls his fist back, Kiebiech goes to signal Warburton even as Dextro tags Dez' face with a palm strike.

FRANK WARBURTON: As a result of disrespecting the referee, DEXTRO has lost his FIRST! ROPE BREAK!

JACK JONES: WHAT? What gives, Kiebiech?

BILL HEWSON: You can't disrespect the ref in a Pure Honour match--

JACK JONES: --not even if it's KIEBIECH?

BILL HEWSON: NO! And there was NO reason for Dextro to threaten illegal strikes like that... I think he just LIKES pissing authority figures off.

PALM STRIKE! Dez Carter's Palm Strike! slamming into the distracted Dextro's face like a SLEDGEHAMMER shot--Dextro flies back and off the recovered Carter. Carter grits his teeth, kips up, and soccer-kicks Dextro in the ribs so that he rises off the mat. Carter's got him by the waistband, hoisting him up to his feet, then hooks him up for--VERTICAL SUPLEX! Dextro starts picking himself up, but Dez is quicker, so--VERTICAL SUPLEX! Dextro driven to the mat, and once again rising so that Dez can hook up--THE TIGER DRIVER. Dextro's shoulders are slammed to the mat and his head rebounds ferociously, with Dez Carter's holding on for the pin--

Call it a night.

ONE!

TWO!

SHOULDER UP.

The crowd shrieks--no one was expecting Dextro to come to life there. Dez Carter is certainly shocked, and as to look to Kiebiech to confirm. Kiebiech flashes him the two fingers, and prompted by Asuka's rapid-fire Japanese, he hooks the leg and rolls him up with a new cover-- ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Dextro gets out of this pinning predicament with a little more force this time, getting clear of his opponent. Before Carter can counter, Dextro scrambles on all fours to grab the bottom rope--no official rope break, and Carter can't attack him without risking a rope break of his own. Carter simply lets Dextro catch his breath, and doing so, Dextro slowly pulls himself up.

"LET'S go DEX-tro! LET'S! GO! CAR! TER! LET'S go DEX-tro! LET'S! GO! CAR! TER!"

BILL HEWSON: Going to earlier, Jones, BOTH men showing incredible RESILIENCY here. How even a match could these men have?

JACK JONES: Hey, not THAT even, Dextro's already beaten young Mr. Carter three straight. I appreciate Carter's stepped up his game since getting here but beating Dextro's just not in the cards for him.

BILL HEWSON: Well, it's time for you to switch decks, partner. Dez Carter's driven, he's impressive in the ring, he's got the background, I could easily see him as the new Pure Honour Champion!

JACK JONES: Dez Carter could have "Whipper" Billy Watson's arms welded to his sides and he STILL couldn't get the job done.

BILL HEWSON: I... uh... what?

JACK JONES: "Whipper" Billy Watson was the greatest and Dez Carter isn't! SHUT IT!

Meanwhile, back in the ring, Dextro has reared himself and both men have been circling each other, waiting for a drop in guard. Dextro sidesteps a Dez Carter kick and lays him out with a clothesline. Carter goes to stand up but a Dextro Drop Toe Hold face-plants him. Dextro snagging up Carter's knee, and a facelock makes it--makes it--YES, an STF. Carter yelps in pain, and stretching his arm out, finds that he's a few inches away from the bottom rope. Dextro pulls back on the hold, and Carter's thrashing his arm out like a drunken blind man. With each successive grasp Dez Carter gets closer to the ropes--a few inches, a few inches... ONE INCH... Dextro rears back... GOT IT!

FRANK WARBURTON: DEZ CARTER has used his FIRST! ROPE BREAK!

Dextro releases the hold and rolls off of Carter, but once again drags him by the ankle to the centre of the ring. Carter comes alive and snakes up to clutch onto Dextro--POW!

FRANK WARBURTON: Due to use of a CLOSED FIST, DEXTRO has lost his SECOND! ROPE BREAK!

JACK JONES: Temper, temper... HA HA!

BILL HEWSON: Tempers are flaring up in that ring... I was wondering how long Dextro could hold it in!

JACK JONES: Not for much longer, that punch has COLD-COCKED Dez Carter. And he's wasting NO time getting to work!

Dextro scrambles to the top turnbuckle, with Carter sprawled on the ground--the flashbulbs come out--Four--Fifty--SPLASH!! Dextro's come crashing down onto Carter's ribs, and it's the hook of the leg--

ONE!

TWO!

SHOULDER UP!

The front row gets up and cheers Carter's fighting spirit as Asuka struggles to exhale. In the ring, Kiebiech orders a frustrated Dextro off of the semi-conscious Carter, and he reluctantly climbs off of him. Dextro crouches down in the corner, waiting for Carter to get up in his own volition. Kiebiech starts another count, while Asuka shouts at her client to get up.

ONE! TWO! Dextro is glaring at Carter. THREE! FOUR! FIVE! Carter rolls to his front. SIX! SEVEN! Asuka's pounding the mat, trying to get a response from Dez. EIGHT! Dextro has enough, and walks over and roughly grabs Dez Carter, picking him up. Collar and bow lock-up on Carter, but out of nowhere, Carter hits Dextro in the face with a palm strike! Dextro reels as Carter grabs the top rope, getting his strength back. Dextro's holding his nose, which seems to be gushing blood from the offensive strike by Carter. Carter, from behind, locks his arms around the neck of Dextro, and pulls back! Dragon suplex from Carter! Dextro flies over the head of Carter, but somehow manages to land on his feet behind Dez. Dextro grabs the arms of Carter, and sets him up for --- yes, he manages to hit it! A Meth Bust! Dextro hit the Meth Bust as Carter crumples to the canvas. Dextro drapes himself on top to Dex Carter, as Kiebiech counts the pin! One! Two! THREE!

A roar comes from the crowd as Dextro's arm is raised by Dick Kiebiech.

FRANK WARBURTON: Your winner and still Pure Honor Champion! DEEEXTROOOO!

Dextro shouts for someone to give him a towel for his bleeding nose, and walks back up the ramp to collect his Kiniski Cup. Asuka's in the ring tending to Dez Carter, as Dextro lifts his cup high as the fans cheer before heading to the back.

The scene cuts to backstage. Dream Come True are WALKING - the crowd pops! Then BOOO... because there's the arrogant, gum-chewing swagger of Evan Cartwright! And then BOOO again --- Ravager stalks the hallways.

BILL HEWSON: Dream Come True will take on the superteam of Ravager & Evan Cartwright, and it's NEXT.

"Kiss me once, kiss me twice
Come on pretty baby, kiss me deadly!"

BILL HEWSON: The upstart tag team Dream Come True on their way to the ring now, to face two of the top contenders for the NAPW Title today in Evan Cartwright and Ravager. Jack "Attack" Jones, a victory over those two would be huge for Ainsley Lake and Jared Walsh. Do you think they can pull it off?

JACK JONES: We'll have to wait and see, Bill. There's no doubt about it, Cartwright and Ravager are two amazing talents. Their track records speak for themselves. Not only that, but with Cartwright being a skilled technician, and Ravager being a strong shooter, you'd think that their styles would compliment each other well. However, they haven't tagged before. Dream Come True go to together like fish in water... and they're riding a pretty high wave after Lawn.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following tag-team contest, is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, in the ring. They weigh in at a combined 382 pounds... Jared Walsh, and Ainsley Lake, collectively known as DREAM COME TRUE!

In the ring, Jared and Ainsley are being cheered heartily while pumping themselves and the crowd up. They don't carry any particularly anxious or overwhelmed expressions on their faces or in their actions. As junior referee Henry Andrews makes an attempt to tastefully pat down Ainsley Lake's ring attire to Jared's chagrin and the crowd's bemusement, "Path" kicks up.

BILL HEWSON: Ravager and Evan Cartwright electing to come to the ring together tonight, Ravager trailing Evan Cartwright to the ring, and the crowd is clearly one-sided in this contest. "Sick" Billy Kryenik joining the two now, he's trailing both, wearing his halo.

JACK JONES: Ravager and Cartwright may both be singles stars, but they're going to need to be on the same page tonight, or Dream Come True can make this night a disappointment for Violence International.

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing next, making their way to the ring. They weigh in at a combined 432 and one-quarter pounds and are accompanied to the ring by "SICK" BILLY KRYENIK"... RAVAGER, and "PERFECTION" EVAN CARTWRIGHT!

The baddies, predictably, are all-business in the ring, accepting their pat-downs from Henry Andrews without incident. "Sick" Billy doesn't look to be in the mood to cause much trouble, wearing a halo and all. Ravager's staring down Jared Walsh, as per custom for him, but Walsh isn't flinching. "Perfection's" gaze is instead aimed towards Ainsley Lake, trying to get her attention with a wink and a nod. Lake ain't biting, perhaps in part thanks to Jared mouthing something about "Bonanza" in his direction. Evan seems to catch the drift and soon finds himself in a confrontation with Walsh. The two make motions to their tag partners that they'll start the match, and soon enough, we get a bell rung.

JACK JONES: This should be an interesting match up: the older, high-flying Jared Walsh against the brash Evan Cartwright.

Jared and Evan are face-to-face, chest-to-chest, jawing about the moral ramifications of killing off all sorts of women on "Bonanza." Jared seems to reach his breaking point when Evan shouts at him that he would kill the wife that gave birth to Hoss in a heartbeat, and starts off with a strong right hand. Evan retaliaties, but Jared blocks and delivers another. Another, and another, and with the crowd's support strongly behind him, Cartwright has been backed into the corner by Jared Walsh. 'Bows! Punches! Spinning wheel kick! Cartwright is in a bad way and the match has only just begun! Jared Walsh has worked up a full head of steam, lifting up Cartwright to the top rope, but he's gonna let Ainsley work her magic and save his strength. Tag in to the Lady of the Lake, who doesn't get in the ring. Rather, she trapses along the apron and ascends to the top, wrapping her legs around Evan's head and delivering a scintellating reverse hurracanrana off the top! Evan doesn't look too happy to have been between her legs that time, he's holding his neck and wondering what the hell just happened. Ainsley picks him up and delivers a few sharp 'bows to the forehead, backing Cartwright into the ropes. Ainsley with an irish whip, but her lack of strength doesn't help her as Cartwright reverses it. Ainsley off the ropes now, Cartwright catches her in stride with a Japanese arm drag. Lake up in a flash, though she's quickly felled by Evan Cartwright's Perfect Uppercut.(tm) This kills the crowd's momentum for now, as Evan looks out at them like the heathens that they are.

JACK JONES: "Perfection" may be a brash, cocky young man, but that's coming in handy right now. He's got a physical advantage over Ainsley Lake, he knows it, and he fully intends to exploit it for all that's worth. I know I'd like to exploit ---

BILL HEWSON: Cartwright wasting a lot of time showboating here... but he nails her!

JACK JONES: Exactly what I was thinking, Hewson!

BILL HEWSON: WILL you be serious?

Almost on cue, Evan Cartwright picks her up. One-armed. Dammit. That cocky jerk is talking down to her, telling her exactly that he's going to plant her in the middle of the ring with the Sambo Suplex, and it's going to hurt---then he does it. Cartwright in the middle of the ring, a downed Ainsley Lake at his feet, he's thinking about it, thinking about it---STRIKES A POSE! This earns him the ire of the crowd and Jared Walsh, who's now aching to get in the ring. Cartwright grins at Walsh before tagging out to Ravager. The Silent Assassin, the Quiet Man, his job is already halfway over and even though he probably couldn't be more pleased, you wouldn't know that by looking at him. He and his poker face sidle over to Ainsley Lake and proceed to pick her apart---knee drops and kicks to the shoulders with the intent of seperating one or both of them. "Business is business, baby!" Cartwright shouts at Walsh as Ravager picks up Lake and PLANTS her back down with a DDT. A running elbow off the ropes to the neck and shoulders soon follows, along with a camel clutch. "Tap? You gonna tap?" Andrews pleads with Lake, but she stays resiliant. Ravager's expression changes to slightly annoyed as he breaks the hold, picks her up, and flings her off the ropes. Running northern lights suplex, into a pin! Lake may be in a world of hurt, but she ain't that easy! Count only gets two, drawing Ravager's ire all the more. He seems to be nearing the end of his rope, Lake has been a tough cookie to crack thus far. He doesn't even bother lifting her up, instead FORCING her into a full nelson on the ground. He lifts her to her feet, shouting at Andrews to ask her if she wants out. Andrews obliges, Lake gives the predictable response. Ravager's growing more annoyed, forcing it on tighter. The crowd is back behind her, admiring her resiliancy. Cartwright is back, behind her, admiring her front end. Walsh is behind her, pleading with her to stay alive. Then, Ravager smiles.

JACK JONES: Ravager's finally figured it out!

With that, Ravager lifts her up---LAST RESORT from that position for Ainsley Lake---NO! Lake breaks the hold in mid-air and brings Ravager's head down for a VICIOUS stunner! Nobody in the arena saw that one coming, and Ravager is laid out along with Lake now! Henry Andrews begins his ten count, Ravager in the middle of the ring, out cold, Lake right next to him, clearly favoring her right shoulder. "TWO!" Cartwright and Kryenik are pleading with Ravager to show some sign of life, Lake has begun to crawl. "FIVE!" Ravager is now crawling, Lake is at her knees. "EIGHT!" Ravager to his knees, Lake stumbled thanks to the shoulder. "NINE!" Ravager with a quick burst of energy, crawls over to Cartwright and makes the tag! Lake DIVES for Jared Walsh and makes the tag as well!

BILL HEWSON: Jared Walsh is a---

TOGETHER: HOUSEAFAR!

Jared Walsh has been ACHING to get back to Cartwright, and he's making the most of the oppurtunity! Right hand takes out Cartwright! Ravager's up, Ravager's DOWN with a clothesline! Cartwright up once again, "STAY DOWN!" Walsh runs towards the ropes and catches a rushing Cartwright with a springboard back elbow! KRYENIK on the apron catches a ring hand and goes right back down! Ravager goes down with a right hand!

JACK JONES: Jared Walsh is killing anything that moves! Come on, Cartwright! Uppercut him straight into the pit!

Everyone's down but for Jared Walsh! He takes one quick moment to grin at his predictament before remembering the task at hand---kill Evan Cartwright dead. He notices the man down, still dazed from the springboard elbow, and watches. And waits. And quick as a cat, he picks his spot, grabs his head and ascends to the TOP! BURNING SAINTS fells Evan Cartwright! "Perfection" is down and Walsh is looking to score a big upset with a pin! Henry Andrews counts the ONE---THE TWO!---THE TH---

BILL HEWSON: Henry Andrews has been pulled out of the ring by "Sick" Billy! I thought he was hurt, he's wearing a damn halo!

JACK JONES: "Sick" Billy seems to be really devoting himself to being the manager of perfection! AINSLEY LAKE!

Ainsley Lake, injured shoulder and all, went all-out to hurt the halo-wearing "Sick" Billy but barely touched him! Instead, she nailed Henry Andrews in the head before he could figure out that he was thrown out of the ring! "Sick" Billy taking advantage, kicking Ainsley Lake while she's down, while Ravager takes advantage, and plants Walsh with a kick to the back of the head. Cartwright quickly exits the ring and grabs a chair, tossing it into the ring. Ravager picks it up as Cartwright looks on from the outside. Ravager sizing Walsh up as he rises, ready to smack him with the chair. Cartwright cheering him on from the outside---

BILL HEWSON: THE MAN IN BLACK IS BACK, JACK!

JACK JONES: THE MAN---hey, nice work!

THE MAN IN BLACK slides into the ring, rushing from the crowd, just feet from where Evan Cartwright was standing idle! Steals the chair from behind Ravager! Ravager whirls around---CLOCKED in the forehead by the chair! Ravager OUT and crawls out of the ring! Evan Cartwright slides into the ring like a whirling dervish, the Man in Black drops the chair! Cartwright's momentum gets him NOTHING but a TOMBSTONE?!

BILL HEWSON: The Man in Black just used Cartwright's speed and aggression against him, PLANTING "Perfection" with a Tombstone Piledriver on that chair!

JACK JONES: Evan Cartwright is OUT, Bill! He's unconscious!

Jared Walsh has returned to his feet. He stares for a moment, dazed, at the Man in Black, and he stares back... but just as quickly as he came, he leaves through the crowd! The Man in Black has done his work, and now he's gone, and Walsh... he's looking for Andrews... Ainsley Lake with the assist! Lake tosses in Andrews, then double clotheslines Ravager and Kryenik on the outside! Walsh: "COUNT, YOU---" Andrews obliges, in a daze---"ONE! TWO! THHHHREEEE!!!"

BILL HEWSON: Dream Come True have scored a huge upset over two of NAPW's biggest stars! What a match!

FRANK WARBURTON: Your winners, by pinfall... Jared Walsh, and Ainsley Lake... DREAM! COME! TRUE!

Dream Come True waste no time in getting out of the ring, leaving Ravager and "Sick" Billy to pick up the pieces. As Ravager and Kryenik debate over who should've done what, Cartwright is still unstirred.

BILL HEWSON: With victory at Get the Hell Off Our Lawn, victory over the Drunks and Team Man... Dream Come True definitely have the wind at their backs now. A fine showing tonight... But Jack Attack, who is the Man in Black? First, he helped D! defeat Static for the title, and now, he's taken out Ravager and Evan Cartwright... what kind of beef could he have with the loose confederation?

JACK JONES: He's clearly not in favor of the new ownership... but I think we can rule out "Wahoo" Bobby Winchell as being the Man in Black. Even on his best day, Bobby couldn't really wield a chair like that. Not against me, at least.

BILL HEWSON: I notice that your modesty has gone out the window under our new owner...

In the ring, Evan Cartwright has stirred. He can't seem to understand what just happened, only that Kryenik seems to be asking if he's alright... Ravager has long since taken off for the back.

Back to Tuesday Night Fights. The ring is cleared. Bill Hewson & Jack Jones are at the announce desk, looking into the camera.

BILL HEWSON: We are just moments away from our main event. Two weeks ago The Delivery Men defeated three-time tag team champions The New & Improved D-X to retain their belts. That should have been the end, for now... but Commissioner Winchell gave D-X a rematch immediately. D-X and Winchell, when he was known as Joey Malone, certainly spent a good deal of time together. The strange thing is, well... when Winchell offered to give D-X every advantage in the world, D-X refused him!

JACK JONES: It's a situation I'm not so sure about, Hewson. D-X have shown that they will do ANYTHING to become and remain tag team champions. They have climbed back up the tag team ladder to become #1 contenders, and... well, they lost. Thanks to STEIN and his ketchup, but... when the Commissioner comes to you and offers you his help, you take it!

BILL HEWSON: I won't even pretend that D-X is known for clean, honorable wrestling. Kyle Roberts didn't last ONE match in the Pure Honor division. But what seems to be the issue here is that D-X - while they will accept another title shot - are confident in their own abilities to win the match. In other words, they're going to cheat, but it's going to be on their own terms. Let's take a look back at D-X's three title wins, we'll show you exactly what we mean. October 31, 2005, NAPW's inaugrual Monday Night Fights. It was The Calgary Connection taking on D-X to crown the first NAPW Tag Team Champions...

Roberts in the ring with Coach Jago's...clipboard? He clocks The Hatchet from behind! And The Hatchet staggers! That's no normal clipboard! The Beast is up, Roberts ... THE THROWBACK on The Hatchet! And hold on! The Beast is going to the top as Roberts holds The Hatchet's legs! DIVING MOONSAULT! D-X has hit DOWN & DIRTY! There's the cover...Roberts baseball slides into The Fixer as The Beast covers, Coach Jago lets the ref go, one, two....THREE!

JACK JONES: Whatever happened to the Calgary Connection, anyways?

BILL HEWSON: I have no idea. *looks pointedly into the camera.* D-X held the titles until mid-December, when The Dudes would beat them for the belts. In the new year, January second, D-X were allied with Chris Casino & Terry Brandon in The Rat Pack. Their stablemates would play a role in their second title win...

He's got Brandon's briefcase! TURN AROUND, DUDES! TURN AROUND! NO! This...this black man just nailed Michael Johnston in the back of the head with Brandon's steel briefcase! Tiffany is screaming, Cameron Scott turns around AND TAKES THE BRIEFCASE TO THE FACE! Oh my GOD! / JACK JONES: That's EVAN CARTWRIGHT! / EVAN CARTWRIGHT brushes his hands off and helps Kyle to his feet. Kyle and The Beast grab Mike Johnston and send him FLYING out of the ring once again, and Evan Cartwright follows with a cold look on his face! Casino & Brandon have finally left, and Kiebich is running back to the ring. In his efforts to enforce justice he was tricked! D-X is in position...POLAR-IZER! MOONSAULT! DOWN! AND! DIRTY! The Beast covers, Kyle looks and jeers at Tiffany, ONE! TWO! THREE!

JACK JONES: Sniff. Such a collection of talent, gathered in one stable... why, Rat Pack, why?

BILL HEWSON: Chris Casino can't handle anybody taking his spotlight, Jones. D-X would lose the belts to The Crimes, and then at Joker's Wild it was the wild Triangle Ladder match between The Dudes, The Crimes, and D-X...

Joey Malone, in a D-X TEE-SHIRT, just hopped into the ring! And he just...well, low blowed the ladder! Mike Johnston leaps off and DDTs Joey, Caliber takes him out. REX CALIBER IS CLIMBING! REX CALIBER IS GOING TO WIN THIS MATCH FOR HIS TEAM! WAIT A MINUTE! THE BEAST JUST GRABBED HIS ANKLE! Stylin' Kyle is climbing the other side of the ladder! Rex kicks The Beast away, looks up...STYLIN' KYLE OFF THE TOP! SUNSET FLIP...INTO AN MDK POWERBOMB! Stylin' Kyle just jammed his OWN vertabrae, but Rex Caliber is KILLED DEAD (not literally) from that stunning sunset flip powerbomb from the top! THE BEAST CLIMBS! THE BEAST IS ON TOP OF THE LADDER! AND... HE HAS THE TAG TEAM BELTS! Cameron Scott tries to get in at the last second but NO! THE BEAST HAS THE TITLES!

BILL HEWSON: D-X would hold the titles for two months and 7 days, before losing them to The New Rat Pack, former allies Chris Casino & Evan Cartwright at Sole Survivor. It has taken them five long months to get back into serious title contention, and unfortunately tonight, they are once again squaring off against the on-fire Delivery Men!

JACK JONES: Hewson, looking at the footage, it's not as if D-X has any problems cheating to win, taking advantage of every opening. But look at it. One of those title wins, they were allied with Casino & Cartwright. Next time out, Casino & Cartwright BEAT them for the belts. They've been burned time and again by any kind of 'allies' in NAPW, everybody who's come their way promising greatness. D-X will do whatever it takes to win this contest, I guarantee you...

BILL HEWSON: They're not interested in being Winchell's sideshow, and you know what? I gotta respect that. They better bring their best against The Delivery Men tonight, Jack Jones. But I wonder... what, if anything, will Winchell do in this match up after D-X insulted him so?

We'll wait to find out, Bill Hewson. Because right now?

"MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN!"

JACK JONES: Not him AGAIN!

BILL HEWSON: This crowd once again coming unglued for REX CALIBER! And he's wearing the black and white referee stripes... We've got a referee for this contest, by God!

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is for the NAPW Tag Team Championship! Introducing the referee, he is "THE NEXUS ONE"... REX! CALIBERRRR! Introducing first, the challengers...

Music starts up, but it's certainly not "Low" by the Foo Fighters. It's... instead... a familiar tune to many...

"I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing, will drive them away
We can beat them
Just for one day
We can be heroes
Just for one day"

David BOWIE, kids. "Heroes." And to the fanfare, walk BRUCE THE BEAST RICHARDS. STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS. Bill Fleming a step behind them, a confident look on his face. The Beast and Kyle stop at the top of the aisle, on either side, and look out over the crowd. Sure, they're booing. But there is a greater-than-smattering of cheers, including a small "CHARTS!" chant from a group of Beast T-shirt-clad fans. Kyle gives his usual smug grin as The Beast zeroes in on the ring. D-X take the walk down...

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challengers! At a total combined wieght of five hundred and twenty-seven pounds, they are the three-time NAPW tag team champions! Accompanied by their manager, Bill Fleming, they are BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS! STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS! THE NEW & IMPROVED DEEEEE-EXXXXX!

BILL HEWSON: And I'm shocked, Jack Attack, this crowd is responding positively to D-X. Whether they intended it or not, their refusal of Winchell's offer seems to have earned them some respect from the NAPW faithful.

JACK JONES: Well, Bruce Richards does have the fastest-selling t-shirt in NAPW history.

BILL HEWSON: Different choice of music from D-X, it's apparent they recognize the unique position they are in tonight. But Winchell or no Winchell, Richards & Roberts can not afford to underestimate or look past the champions...

Suddenly, the soulful sounds of Elvis Costello & The Imposters come through the PA. The crowd flicks the lighters out...

BILL HEWSON: The champions are not about to be outdone! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elvis Costello!

"In a certain light he looked like Elvis
In a certain way he feels like Jesus
Everyone dreams of him just as they can
But he's only the humble Delivery Man"

And then, to a monster pop, a roar of appreciation, out walk The Delivery Men. The tag title belts are around their waist through the over-sized belt loops on their blue Edmonton Delivery Service jumpsuits. And right behind them, it's Delivery Man #100... aka Stein, his black hair standing at all angles. #1's hair is slicked back into a perfect pomp. #2's hat is sitting JUST. SO. The Delivery Men take the big walk to ringside as Furious Frank announces them!

FRANK WARBURTON: And now, THE CHAMPIONS! Being accompanied to the ring by DELIVERY MAN #100, they weigh in at a total combined weight of four-hundred and twenty nine pounds... They are the REIGNING NAPW Tag Team Champions! Delivery Man #1! Delivery Man #2! They are... THE DELIVERRRRRY MENNNNNNN!

BILL HEWSON: And this match is going to get underway in a hurry! Forget about the extracurriculars, this is a match between the two best tag teams in wrestling today!

JACK JONES: Did you see how The Delivery Men jumped D-X before the bell? Dirty pool!

BILL HEWSON: They did no such thing --- but this match has started off! Rex Caliber calls for the bell --- it's go time! Tag team titles on the line, D-X looking to become four time champions, The Delivery Men have no intention of letting them accomplish that goal!

All four men are going at it. Delivery Man #1 is paired up with Stylin' Kyle, and the size mismatch that is Delivery Man #2 and Bruce Richards is on the opposite side of the ring. Kyle takes over on #1, pounding him on the ropes. He gets a head of steam and charges, Delivery Man #1 with a baaaaack body drop sending Roberts to the floor below! Bruce Richards drops Delivery Man #2 with a clothesline, then turns his attention to Delivery Man #1 --- he knocks #1 to the floor himself. Richards turns around into a #2 dropkick to the face! Backed into the ropes is The Beast, and #2 gets some speed... Bruce with a back body drop this time, #2 lands on the ring apron! He blocks the shot from Richards and grabs the man by the head, hotshot on the top rope. Richards staggers down, #2 gets to the top rope --- jumping huracanrana! The Beast slides to the outside of the ring, running into Roberts. D-X and #1 pick themselves up, but here's #2 back to the top rope --- MOOOOONSAULT!

BILL HEWSON: Delivery Man #2 just took out everybody on the floor, even his own partner! What a move from The Delivery Man, the champions putting it all on the line early on in this contest!

JACK JONES: That's high-risk, it's not going to pay off. Why can't Rex Caliber get control of this match?

BILL HEWSON: And now Delivery Man #1 rolls The Beast into the ring. #2 takes The Beast down with a snap mare --- kick to the small of The Beast's back! #2 hits the ropes, basement dropkick into the face of Richards! Cover... that gets two, Bruce able to power out. Quick tag made to #1 in the Delivery Men corner!

#2 armBARS Bruce as #1 comes in, exposing Bruce's ribs for a big ax handle from #1. Now the power member of The Delivery Men goes to work, brawling with Richards. Richards gives back, these two big bulls going at it. Richards drives the knee into #1's midsection to gain control, he scoops him up and slams him down to the mat. Richards tags in Roberts. Kyle comes in and pulls up Delivery Man #1 by the hair --- NOT THE HAIR. #1 clips Kyle's hands off of him and straight punches him in the face! Kyle staggers back, and #1... Inverted Atomic Drop! Kyle lands on the junk and lock-knee walks a few feet... the double dip! #1 with the classic atomic drop, hitting Roberts from the other side. Kyle is on his knees, gasping, and referee Rex Caliber looks like he's trying to contain laughter. Delivery Man #1 roars to the crowd, and picks Kyle up... He's got him over his shoulders. Snake Eyes to the top turnbuckle! Roberts drops down, #1 covers, he gets two. Bill Fleming slaps the mat, telling the referee to do a 'better' job...

BILL HEWSON: Ooh, and Caliber just gave Fleming the stink eye. Quite the history between those two men. Bill Fleming at one time managed Rex Caliber & Static. My, how those relationships have changed...

JACK JONES: I don't think it ever sat right with Rex Caliber what he and Static did to Bill Fleming, putting him in the hospital when they fired him. Of course, Rex Caliber then held down Static, so maybe I don't feel sorry for Caliber!

BILL HEWSON: Rex didn't hold anybody down, Static wanted Rex to be the champ --- hold up! The Delivery Men with a DOUBLE clothesline on Kyle Roberts! Cover by #2, kick out!

Delivery Man #2 with the irish whip. Kyle counters, and tosses #2 out of the ring! Roberts turns around, tapping his head. "I'm SMARRRRRTER than you!" he tells the fans. But behind him, #2 is SKINNING THE CAT. #2 flips back up and into the ring, then spins the unsuspecting Roberts around! #2 scoop slams Roberts and quick as a cat, goes to the top rope! Wait a minute! Bruce Richards just came into the ring, Rex Caliber physically gets in his way, and that's the cue for Bill Fleming to grab #2's ankle, preventing him from leaping off the top. Kyle Roberts pops up and heads to the top with #2... superplex! #2 is down, Bruce goes back to the corner, and now Kyle picks #2 up. To the ropes, #2 caught with a sickly fast tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He roars in pain, trying to make the tag, but Roberts grabs a leg and pulls #2 back. He tags in Richards, then hits ANOTHER backbreaker on #2... but this time holds him in position? The Beast on the second turnbuckle, he comes off with the leg drop across the face of #2! Richards covers, that gets two.

BILL HEWSON: And the tide has turned in this contest, as D-X do what they do best: Cut the ring in half, isolating one member of the opposing team.

JACK JONES: You can look at the video tape, and sure, D-X may have bent the rules a bit here and there to win, but they are a TAG TEAM first and foremost. They know exactly what to do in that ring to gain the advantage. Delivery Man #2 is in big, big trouble.

BILL HEWSON: The Beast with a front suplex --- dropping #2 stomach-first across the top rope! And now The Beast getting in Rex Caliber's face, come on, Kyle Roberts just sent the big knee up into #2's face!

JACK JONES: What was Kiebiech thinking, giving a match of this important to Rex Caliber? He's not a trained referee because he got his license!

BILL HEWSON: It's a tough, thankless job, especially in a match like this. You've got four wrestlers to worry about... and then two other guys on the outside of the ring.

JACK JONES: Yeah, Caliber better keep his eye on Stein there. He's got me off ketchup, you know that?

BILL HEWSON: No, I did not. The Beast with a lariat takes #2 down, cover only gets two. Another tag to Kyle Roberts... double team here... did you see the elevation? #2 back body dropped so high into the air before crashing back down to the canvas! COVER~!

Delivery Man #2 again kicks out at two. Roberts stomps him once for good measure, then throws some verbal taunts towards Delivery Man #1. #1 almost comes into the ring, but keeps his cool and hangs back. Roberts nods to #1, grinning, then hits #2 with a spinning belly-to-belly suplex, rolls up, and POPS #1 in the mouth. #1 loses said cool, storming into the ring --- Rex Caliber is there to block him off! #1 argues with Rex, but Rex is going to enforce the same rules for both teams... unfortunately, behind his back Kyle & The Beast exchange without a tag, choking #2 in the corner.

BILL HEWSON: Rex Caliber doing the right thing, keeping the illegal man out of the ring, but D-X is taking advantage of his distraction with the choke! And now #2 looks weary, he needs to make a tag or, well...

JACK JONES: Say it! We'll be looking at the FOUR TIME Tag Team Champions!

Roberts hoists #2 up... Moose Jaw Driver coming up! #2 wriggles out though, lands on his feet, hits the ropes... flying crucifix on Roberts! ONE! TWO! Roberts kicks out of that. #2 tries to make a tag, but he gets caught by the bulldog from Roberts. Roberts yells out, then hits the ropes... ASAI MOONSAULT CONNECTS! ONE! TWO! TH--- #1 breaks up the pin attempt! Caliber sends #1 to the back, but in the distraction, Bill Fleming pulls #2's throat down across the bottom rope. #2 is down, Kyle covers one, two, kick-out. Tag back into Bruce. D-X send #2 to the ropes, double hip-toss OVER the top rope! But wait a minute! #2 again showing his agility, he manages to twist and land on the ring apron again! He grabs the top rope, LAUNCHES himself into the ring, nailing both members of D-X with clotheslines! All three men are down, the crowd begging, desperately trying to rally #2 to make the tag! #100 slaps the mat methodically, suggesting #2 make a tag... #2 is crawling to the corner, D-X is getting up, #2 is almost there, #1 is reaching out... and Roberts grabs #2 by the ankle! #2 hopping on one foot, WAIT. OWENZIGURIIIIII! Roberts blinks once, twice, three times, and FLOPS forward! #2 leaps! MAKES IT!

BILL HEWSON: Delivery Man #1 is tagged into this match, and he's got a score to settle with D-X! Clothesline sends The Beast into the ropes! There's one for Roberts! Delivery Man #1 is tearing it up in the ring, clothesline... sends The Beast all the way to the outside! BICYCLE KICK TO ROBERTS! #1 has cleaned house! And now he's calling for #2, The Delivery Men are going to try to end it!

#2 shakes the cobwebs loose and goes to the top rope! #1 scoop slams Roberts into position, then stands in front of #2. #2 steps on his shoulders...and FLIES! ROCKET LAUNCHER CONNECTS! #1 makes the cover, one, two, th--- The Beast makes the save! But now he has to contend with both Delivery Men, who waste no time taking the piss out of him! The Beast however, is THE BEAST! He knocks #1 down, then lifts up #2 for the Chart Attack --- #1 is back up! Boots Roberts in the face, #2 hits a spinning DDT out of the position! The Delivery Men are ready to FINISH this! Delivery Man #1 gets Stylin' Kyle Roberts in the standing headscissors while #2 goes to the top rope. THE BIG DELIVERY! #1 lifts Roberts for the powerbomb, wait a minute! Bill Fleming shoves #2 off the top rope to the guardrail below, chin-first. That leaves Kyle Roberts on #1's shoulders, #1 waiting for #2 to come flying... that's not going to happen though! Wait a minute! Roberts with a sunset flip... INTO THE BEAR-TAMER! ROBERTS HAS THE BEAR-TAMER ON #1, THEY'RE THE LEGAL MEN! #1 has nowhere to go! He's holding on, biting his knuckles...

BILL HEWSON: And the eyes of Kyle Roberts have glazed over! He's gone to that place in his mind where all he knows to do is hurt people, and #1 may be seconds away from giving up --- and with that, giving up his team's titles!

JACK JONES: And #2 isn't going to be any good, The Beast is watching him like a predator, nobody can help #1!

BILL HEWSON: #1 is crawling to the ropes, the crowd cheering him on...he's almost there! He can make the ropes--- Kyle pulls him back to center, and now he's REALLY got in locked in! The knee right into #1's back and JOSEPH WINCHELL!

JACK JONES: What the hell did he just DO?

BILL HEWSON: Joseph Winchell just hit the ring and BLASTED Kyle Roberts in the back of the head! And now... now he's yelling at Rex Caliber to "do his job?" Winchell wants Rex Caliber to disqualify The Delivery Men ... because he hit Kyle? What a rip-off!

JACK JONES: Winchell told D-X there would be consequences to crossing him! He just screwed D-X out of the titles!

BILL HEWSON: The Beast is FURIOUS, he has Winchell by the throat... and Rex Caliber wants to make the announcement himself, I guess, he just grabbed Warburton's microphone.

REX CALIBER: Well, I guess I need to call a DQ. You know, being the referee and all. But seeing as I AM the referee... and I am allowed to call the matches according to my discretion... I'm going to LET THE MATCH CONTINUE! WE MUST! HAVE! A WINNER! Also, everybody please chant, "JOEY IS A LITTLE BITCH!"

BILL HEWSON: Ooooh... that's not going to go over well with the commissioner!

JACK JONES: ... WHAT? I can't hear you, 2000 people are chanting something reprehensible!

Winchell covers his ears, going ballistic as Caliber grins. Winchell tells Caliber to stop the match, Caliber thinks about it... NAH! Meanwhile, D-X & The Delivery Men are using the time to get their wits together. Both teams have come so close to ending the contest, but now... wait a minute! From the back, it's... DEVASTATION! Devastation hasn't been seen since Get The Hell Off Our Lawn! Devastation hits the ring, and... he's got Delivery Man #1! BURNING HAMMER!

BILL HEWSON: What the HELL? Devastation just attacked The Delivery Man! Why is he--- he's got Roberts! Wait a minute! Rex Caliber just nailed Devastation! And --- oh great, now what?! Here comes the SAD! I guess if Rex Caliber won't call the DQ, Winchell's going to over-run the match and make it impossible to finish!

JACK JONES: Sexy Adorable Drunks get the champions, hey, maybe they want to pick who they think are the weaker team!

BILL HEWSON: This is just disgusting!

Deathrow & Paul hit the ring, but suddenly they're faced with D-X and Delivery Man #2! Rex Caliber is taking it to Devastation --- Devastation drops him with a lariat! Winchell is gleefully directing traffic until he's SMOTHERED IN KETCHUP! STEIN FROM BEHIND ON THE COMMISSIONER, HE'S PUTTING JOSEPH OUT! Devastation comes after Stein, but suddenly he gets nailed from behind! Kyle irish whips Krusty Kid Paul right into Devastation, knocking him out of the ring! Krusty Kid stumbles back, MOOSE JAW DRIVER! The Beast hauls Deathrow up to his shoulders... CHART ATTACK! And here's Delivery Man #2 flying off the top rope with a suicidal splash to Devastation on the outside! Stein throws Winchell down, the commissioner is out! Rex Caliber, Kyle Roberts and The Beast all grab Thomas Deathrow and send him flying out of the ring... The Delivery Men have Krusty Kid Paul! THE BIG DELIVERY! KKP rolls out of the ring, and NOW. SUDDENLY. It's back to D-X and the Delivery Men!

BILL HEWSON: I don't believe I'm seeing this! D-X has rejected Winchell's help at winning, and now they and The Delivery Men teamed up to take out Winchell's army! And now...

JACK JONES: Now, Bill Hewson? Now it's ON.

The two teams look at each other, nodding, and then... GO AT IT! Caliber hangs back, staying out of the way, as they collide! Bruce sidesteps Delivery Man #2 and nails the COBRA CLUTCH...bomb. But Roberts, trying for the Emerald Fusion, can't get #1, who slips out and nails the delivery man special, the half-nelson bulldog! The Beast charges, #1 boots him in the gut! Standing headscissors, he's not going to? THE BIG DELIVERY! #1 shoves Bruce away, he's not the legal man, and goes for Kyle. BIG DELIVERY #2, Bill Fleming is on the ropes! Delivery Man #1 POPS him off the ring apron! He turns around... Roberts boots him in the gut! Roberts comes off the ropes, POLAR-IZER! The Beast has sent #2 out of the ring, he's on top! DIVING MOONSAULT!

BILL HEWSON: DOWN AND DIRTY! DOWN AND DIRTY! D-X CONNECTS! #2 tries to get in to make a save, Richards cuts him off! Roberts has the pin! ONE!

JACK JONES: TWO!

CROWD: THREEEEE!

BILL HEWSON: By God, D-X are... FOUR TIME CHAMPIONS! And they didn't CHEAT TO WIN! I can't believe it! THEY WON CLEAN! THEY WON CLEAN!

JACK JONES: Well, as clean as things get when it's DOWN and DIRTY!

In the ring, Kyle is on his knees, The Beast is exultant and roaring as The Delivery Men regroup, disappointed. Caliber hands the tag belts to Kyle & The Beast... THE CHAMPIONS!

FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... and NEWWWW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... THE NEW & IMPROVED D! EXXXXXX!

BILL HEWSON: They are the four-time tag team champions... and they did it with the commissioner against them! Of course, he isn't a fan of The Delivery Men either, but... D-X are the champions once again of NAPW!

JACK JONES: The Delivery Men want a handshake! Don't do it, D-X! It's a trick!

BILL HEWSON: Oh shut up, The Delivery Men are two of the finest men in NAPW... and they shake hands! Gracious even in defeat are The Delivery Men, Jack Jones. What a night this has been ---

Suddenly, Bill Hewson goes speechless. Because it's then that North T. Gunderson hits the ring SWINGING the steel chair! CLANG to #1! CLANG to #2! CLANG to The Beast! CLANG ... to Kyle Roberts!

JACK JONES: What the hell is going on? He's one of those Pure Honor junkies --- or is he THUNDER again?

BILL HEWSON: I have no idea! I don't believe this! Joseph Winchell was waking up on the outside to the realization that D-X are the tag team champions, but North T. Gunderson has just laid out everybody in the ring with that steel chair he's always carrying! I thought he was all about fair play! And... oh my God, North, don't do it! Fleming is trying to stop him, Gunderson just nailed him! North has Kyle up, my God!

JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!

BILL HEWSON: North Gunderson has just... Emerald Fused Stylin' Kyle Roberts onto the steel chair! An eye for an eye, I suppose... I don't believe what we're seeing!

Roberts is unconscious in the ring, The Beast gets up and swings at North, but he slips out of the ring. North doesn't look all that happy about what he's done... but one man does. Joseph Winchell, being helped up by SAD, has gone from being devastated... to being extremely. Happy. At the sight of the fallen Roberts. Bill Fleming and Bruce Richards are checking on Kyle as Stein does the same for The Delivery Men...

BILL HEWSON: I bet Winchell's real pleased, all his enemies are laid out in the middle of the ring... for Jack Attack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying good night!

Lights down...

Wait. It's dark, yes, but not television black. It's backstage. Standing in the dark... is none other than Ravager.

RAVAGER: There is so much I want to accomplish. There is so much rage inside me. So when it came time for me to choose the stipulation for my title match... I found myself at a bit of a loss. I thought it would be so easy to pick something. But then the doubts arose. A cage match. Bloody. Brutal. But so limiting. A falls count anywhere match is fun, but after the events at Get The Hell Off Our Lawn, I'd be worried about being attacked by one of our "fans". So what to do? Do I leave it to Commissioner Winchell? Do I set up a fan poll online? Or should I take a chance and leave things to ... Fate? More accurately, do I leave things to... William?

Cut to Sick Billy Kryenik. Still with the neck halo. But he has on his tattered tuxedo. And a sick grin on his face as he pulls the cover off ... The Wheel of Death. He gives it a spin.

SICK BILLY KRYENIK: Spin the wheel make the deal! The famous words of Jake Roberts WILL ring once more as the wheel goes 'Round and 'Round... The fate of the two combatants will be revealed!

Cut back to Ravager

RAVAGER: It's only fair. My career has come back full circle. Why not decide the path of my biggest match to date the same way?

The wheel slowly comes to a stop. As it reaches it's last peg...

Screen goes to a test pattern.