09/12/2006

BILL HEWSON: Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, and we were intending to open this show with the entrance of KING KOJI... but my God, Patrick Kidd assaulted by The Moose! Kidd & The Moose lock up next week, Kidd looking to avenge his two losses to Moose, but what about tonight? Kidd has to take on SUPERSTAR Thomas Deathrow in a Superstar Rules match!

JACK JONES: Patrick Kidd's making a lot of enemies and not a lot of friends in New Alberta Pro, Hewson. Hell, his buddy Crash Carver gave up, Dream Come True gave up... the guy seems to attract some fickle friends.

BILL HEWSON: D! thankfully coming upon the scene, we will update you on Kidd's condition as we get word. We have a huge show for you tonight, and in the double main event, it will BE that man, the One-Letter Superstar D! defending his NAPW Heavyweight Title against the #1 contender... the Provincial Champion, "The Lemondrop Kid" Lloyd Rees.

GRAPHIC: HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: D! vs LLOYD REES

JACK JONES: Just think, Hewson. Tonight Lloyd Rees has an opportunity to make yet another piece of NAPW history, when he unifies the Heavyweight and Provincial Titles!

BILL HEWSON: He has to BEAT the man first, Jones. In the other half of our double main event, a hardcore rivalry will be settled! The Hardcore Luchadore Static has dropped two straight decisions to the enigmatic Patrick Bickle. He wanted a third match so desperately he was willing to put his NAPW Career on the line! It will be a ladder match --- if Static loses, he's out of NAPW!

GRAPHIC: LADDER MATCH - STATIC'S CAREER ON THE LINE - STATIC vs PATRICK BICKLE

BILL HEWSON: The stakes are high tonight, including in our opening match! Next week, whatever the result of his match with D! tonight, The Lemondrop Kid will defend his Provincial Title against North T. Gunderson. The match is signed and sealed, but should the newcomer King Koji defeat Gunderson tonight, he will certainly be the #1 contender to the Provincial Title.

JACK JONES: Gunderson vs Rees is already signed, that can't be changed, but this is a huge opportunity for King Koji. He turned lots of heads when he defeated former NAPW Champion Devastation cleanly last week, and he's out to make another statement this week!

Pan to in-ring, where King Koji anxiously awaits his oppurtunity to show off his Samurai strength and move up the NAPW ladder against North T. Gunderson. He tests the ropes and stretches his legs, while taking some last-second advice from his always snappily-dressed manager, Mr. Hawkins. The crowd is at a low murmur. Before long, however, "Up With People" fills the Polish Hall and out bounds North T. Gunderson to a large pop from the Thunderstruck faithful. Flanked by Tex, North plays to the crowd a bit on his way to the ring, but doesn't seem to want to detract from his focus: King Koji. The two men are locked in a fierce staredown the moment North hits the ring ropes, and don't cease, even as Frank Warburton introduces them.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, wearing black trunks, he stands six-foot-six-inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and fifty-five pounds! Originally from Fujikama, Japan... Koji Kohama, KIIING! KOJI!

Introducing next, wearing khaki shorts! He stands five-foot-ten-inches tall and weighs in at an even two hundred pounds! Hailing from Denver, Colorado, he is, NORTH! T! GUUUUNDERSON!

The timekeeper's ding ding ding means that we are on our way, but King Koji and North Gunderson still ain't through with the STARE DOWN. They meet each other halfway, but the calm before the storm is quickly interrupted with a Thunderous right hand from Gunderson! Oww oww! The shot catches Koji off-guard, he's stumbling backwards to his own turnbuckle. North wastes little time and pounces on the oppurtunity, firing quick lefts and rights to the chest and skull of the big man.

JACK JONES: North Gunderson is going to have to use every chance he can get if he's going to dominate this match Koji is just that strong and powerful! And he wants the #1 contender spot!

BILL HEWSON: It could be Lloyd Rees vs King Koji in a matter of weeks, that would be a helluva match. NORTH, shutting us up with a huge kick to Koji's chest!

North uses his quickness and shooter background to get a quick edge on Koji, switching from the box 'em out strategy to repeated kicks to the chest and abdomen. While Koji originally looked thoroughly pained from the quick shots, he almost appears to be growing stronger with each shot... until he decides, enough is enough! Koji grabs North by the shoulders and tosses him into the corner that he himself was previously in, and goes to work with stiff chops to the chest! After a few of those, Koji grabs North by the arm and tosses him into the opposite corner. Koji follows up with a clothesline attempt, but North, quick on his feet, grabs the corner turnbuckle and jumps over the large man's head, sending him flying into the corner with nobody home. North takes advantage of the situation by rolling the big man up, but can only get a two from junior referee Henry Andrews. Tex looks PISSED on the get-up, she thoughts that North deserved that three count and he lets Andrews know about it! Mr. Hawkins chimes in with some words of his own, and before long, Henry Andrews looks as flustered as can be. Meanwhile, North grabs Koji by the arm and attempts an irish whip into the ropes, Koji reverses and lays North OUT with a huge clothesline that nearly flips Gunderson over! Koji with a pin attempt, only gets two! This annoys Mr. Hawkins, who's now up on the apron, yelling at Henry Andrews. Tex, of course, needs to give Andrews a piece of her mind, making for one distracted referee. Koji wastes little time on the rebound, lifting the woozy North up and again for a powerbomb attempt. North punches his way out of it, though, and bounces off the ropes, he's looking for a Shining Wizard but KOJI ducks! Koji grabs the turned-around North Gunderson by the waist and lifts him up, German Suplex time, but North falls to a sit! He fights his way out of the waistlock and dropkicks Koji's knee! Once, twice, three times to the knee of Koji, now he's taken out the tree trunks! North bounces off the ropes this time, Shining Wizard finally connects and Koji is out!

JACK JONES: Looks like North T. Gunderson has figured out the big secret: take out the legs of the big man and the rest of him will fall!

BILL HEWSON: But now he's... sliding out of the ring? North T. Gunderson has a steel chair, ladies and gentlemen! I thought North said he was back to his martial arts background, he was done with the chairs?!

JACK JONES: He said he'd use a steel chair when necessary, Bill! And hey, I'd go back on my word too if I had to face King Koji! Look, the guy is already up after that Shining Wizard!

BILL HEWSON: Meanwhile, Tex and Mr. Hawkins are STILL going at it! Henry Andrews can't stop their argument on the outside of the ring!

JACK JONES: "It's not an antonym, it's a homonym!"

North slides underneath the bottom rope, to Koji's back. He sizes the big man up for a split second before winding up and... SLAM! Huge shot right to the top of the head and... Koji's no-selling! Koji up in a flash now, staring North T. Gunderson down! "I thought you wanted a fair fight." North responds the only way a reasonable man would, winds up and CHAIRSHOTS again TOO LATE! Koji with a RIDICULOUS Burning Lariat on North Gunderson, it almost knocked him out of his boots! Koji gets up wastes little time, rolling North back and, KOJI CLUTCH! He's got it locked in, all right, but North is fighting! North may have been knocked silly by that Burning Lariat, but he doesn't know anything else but to fight! He's near the ropes now, he's to the ropes but Henry Andrews isn't there to break the hold! North Gunderson figures if he can't do it for me, I'll just have to do it myself. Before long, North's upper body strength has helped him break the hold and slide out of the ring, where he can nurse his aching neck. Koji looks like he can't believe that his hold was broken right after the Burning Lariat, but he's not about to waste much time thinking about it. Instead, he follows North to the outside, trailing North as he walks around the perimeter of the ring, making sure to sidestep the manager feud that's taking place near the announcer table. The managers, by now, have noticed that their clients are out of the ring, however, and are making an attempt to get them back in to win the match. As such, they've stopped their fight, which gives Henry Andrews time to start the ten-count.

Meanwhile, Koji has found North Gunderson. Gunderson flies at him with a clothesline, which Koji no-sells, and delivers a far more powerful version of his own. "TWO!" Koji lightly pushes Mr. Hawkins out of the way, picks up Gunderson and flings him into the security barricade. "FOUR!" Koji grabs North by the neck now and elbows it, before setting him up with a waistlock aaand... vicious German Suplex onto the floor! Gunderson is in a world of hurt! "EIGHT!" Mr. Hawkins is screaming at Koji now, shouting at him to hurry up and get back in the ring. But Koji will have none of it, now shoving Hawkins away, making room for... the announce table. "That's it, Frank, ring the bell!"

FRANK WARBURTON: This match has been ruled a double count-out!

BILL HEWSON: A disappointing finish to an intriguing match-up, but I don't think this one is quite over with, Jack! I don't think that Mr. Hawkins is going to be able to convince King Koji that this is a bad idea!

JACK JONES: You said it, Bill. And if his lustful stare is intended for this announce table instead of me... which, for once, I think is the case... then I'm gettin' the hell outta dodge!

Bill and Jack leave their posts as Koji now kicks North Gunderson in the gut. TEX charges the big man, in a show of courage, but Koji will have none of that, pushing North out of the way and big-booting the life right out of Tex! She crumples to the floor in a heap as the crowd boos heavily. Koji now, goes to pick up the pieces of North Gunderson, his neck probably looking more like t-bone steak than human neck, and pushes him up onto the apron and into the ring. As the crowd's low murmur begins to reach up into panic level, Koji himself returns to the ring, shoving Gunderson's head between his thighs. He stares off into the crowd for a second, not a cocky stare, not even defiant. More like, "My name is King Koji. Take NOTICE." With that, he lifts Gunderson up---to the total dismay of the Polish Hall crowd---and in a tremendous show of athleticism, rushes to the ropes and CAAAAARASSSHHH! POWERBOMB FROM THE RING TO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE, OFF THE APRON leaves North T. Gunderson folded up like an accordian in the middle of a hurricane! Tex crawls over to inspect her friend and client, only to get a STOMP to the head from Koji Kohama. Mr. Hawkins looks slightly perturbed, even he can't seem to make sense of it. King Koji, on the other hand, knows exactly what he's done. He stares off into the crowd, standing majestic. He roars, then briskly walks to the back, pleased with himself. True devastation, kids. Fade to commercial.

JACK JONES: And so she says to me, "Jack, you said that too fast!" To which I replied...

BILL HEWSON: Have I ever mentioned that I love the early-in-the-week show routine? Always gives me a chance to hear about Jack Jones' weekend. But enough about that, Brad Rush is in the ring waiting on his opponent!

FRANK WARBURTON: Our next contest is set for one fall! Currently in the ring, accompanied by Briana Star... hailing from Detroit Michigan... BRAD RUSH!

"Stone Cold Crazy" by Queen hits and the fans immediately start to boo. Simply Beautiful saunters down to the ring, taunting the fans as he walks. He gets to ringside and licks his lips as he gazes lewdly at Rush's girlfriend.

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Staten Island New York... standing six-foot-one and weighing two-hundred thirty-five pounds... he is SIMPLYYYYY BEAUTIFULLLLL!

BILL HEWSON: SB is such a pig. What he does is uncalled for.

JACK JONES: A man with his looks and ability can do whatever he wants. I mean look at this Brad Rush, he's a goof. He doesn't deserve a hot number like Briana Star.

BILL HEWSON: And I suppose you do... here we go! Brad Rush on the offensive at the bell!

Rush is furious and charges at SB connecting with some hard shots. A punch is blocked and SB chops Rush in the throat. Brad gasps for air as he tries to recopver. BAM! SB arogantly slaps Rush across the face, verbally taunting him as the fans boo louder. Irish whip and Rush is planted with the Spin Doctor. ONE! TWO --- Simply Beautiful pulls his man up before three.

BILL HEWSON: That's not right. SB could have won it right there.

JACK JONES: He wants to show off to all the female fans Bill. Besides, Rush deserves some more punishment.

BILL HEWSON: For what, exactly?

JACK JONES: Existing!

SB boots Rush in the head before lifting him back to his feet. He sends Rush hard into the corner, following in with a stiff elbow to the face. He catches Rush before he can fall and hits an Implant DDT.

BILL HEWSON: This is the set up for his finisher. Here it comes... New York Nightmare! My goodness!

Rush connects with the high risk move and covers Rush, not even hooking the leg. The three count is academic.

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winer... SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL!

SB walks over to Briana Star... he grabs her! The fans are horified thinking he will attack but instead SB begins to make out with her.

BILL HEWSON: That's another man's woman! What a jerk this guy is.

JACK JONES: Brad Rush got his ass kicked, AND got his woman stolen by Simply Beautiful. Hot damn!

After about a minute of this display SB pulls away and grabs the house mic. With arrogance and contempt in every word:

SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL: Cut my music! How'd ya like that NAPW fans? You Canadian idiots remember this day, you were there - IN PERSON - for the first of many, many wins for Simply Beautiful! Seriously though, is there any competition in this place? I have an open challenge for Friday Night on Action!, and so far there aren't any takers. But don't worry SB fans, I won't deprive you of the chance to see me in action yet again. I will be at Action!, kicking some chump's ass, and that's a guarantee! In fact... THAT'S NOT JUST THE COOLEST, THAT'S NOT JUST THE BEST, THAT'S SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL! Now play my music, baby!

SB struts out to his music, winking at the hot ladies and laughing at their angry boyfriends.

BILL HEWSON: A dominant win by Simply Beautiful tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, we have learned about a match for next week. North T. Gunderson & King Koji going to a double count-out of ring earlier tonight... North then powerbombed through our damn table ---

JACK JONES: We get them from IKEA, hence the sudden replacement.

BILL HEWSON: North Gunderson has been checked on in the back, he's shaken but not injured badly... but listen to this! Next week, it will be King Koji... North T. Gunderson... and "THE LEMONDROP KID" LLOYD REES... in a Triple-Threat for the Provincial Title! What gives? Koji didn't win the match tonight!

JACK JONES: But he didn't lose either. And you might say that he made his case for receiving a Provincial Title shot, or do you not remember him using Gunderson like a lawn dart?

BILL HEWSON: It's a huge match, I just don't entirely understand it. Folks when we come back! It will be the long awaited return of THE CALGARY CONNECTION, when they take on The New & Improved D-X, non-title! We'll be right back.

NAPW returns from commercial break, and suddenly "Raise A Little Hell" kicks in. Coming to the ring in wrestling gear are The Fixer, The Hatchet, The Calgary Connection. The crowd boos them... for being from CALGARY.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from CALGARY, ALBERTA... CANADA...

JACK JONES: Well no kidding, Warburton.

FRANK WARBURTON: The Fixer! The Hatchet! The returning CALGARRRRRY CONNNECTION!

BILL HEWSON: The Calgary Connection making a long over-due return to NAPW rings... and The Fixer has something to say here.

The Fixer, the serious member of the team, has the microphone in his hands, looking over the Edmonton crowd with disgust.

THE FIXER: We're from CALGARY...

Booooooo!

THE FIXER: ... DEAL WITH IT.

BILL HEWSON: The Connection has a new attitude here tonight, Jones. Will it help them in this non-title match against D-X?

"Heroes" kicks in. The crowd gets to their feet as Richards & Roberts make their entrance, preceded by the manager Bill Fleming. Tag title GOLD around each man's waist...

FRANK WARBURTON: And THEIR OPPONENTS! They are the four-time and REIGNING NAPW Tag Team Champions... led to the ring by Bill Fleming, they are Stylin' Kyle Roberts! Bruce "The Beast" Richards! The New & Improved... DEEEEEE-EXXXXXX!

BILL HEWSON: Last week it was D-X retaining their titles against The Royal Foundation, who have sworn to get another tag title shot. The Foundation has had their hands full against Kenny "The Colossal" Krenshov as of late, however... and how about last week when NAPW went off the air during that pier-six brawl?

JACK JONES: It was chaos, Hewson! Krenshov was taking out everybody that moved, including the champions here. Too bad the man doesn't have a partner, I bet our commissioner would love to set Krenshov loose on D-X.

The bell rings as Hatchet challenges Bruce Richards to a test of strength. Bruce is confused, but Hatchet wants this. Bruce shrugs and locks up, only to get the upper hand in this battle. "Ow! Ow! Owowowowow!" Hatchet is trying his best to break the hold, but Bruce is having none of it. Bruce tags in Kyle while still crushing a hand of Hatchet. Quick clothesline by Roberts takes Hatchet down to the mat. Kyle keeps on with the dismantling of Hatchet, throwing his knee into the back of Hatchet while pulling back on his arms. Fixer out of nowhere with a punch to the back of Roberts! The crowd boos as Morgan Smythe steers Fixer back to his corner. Fixer shouts out "We're heels! Deal with it!" Hatchet manages to drag himself to his corner and tag in his partner. Fixer comes in with a mission: destroy Kyle Roberts. Leg sweep takes Kyle down, and Fixer capitalizes by wrenching the knee in a standing leg grapevine. Kyle's in pain! Fixer transitions by turning Kyle over into a Sharpshooter! But Kyle gets the ropes! Fixer releases the hold after a four count and tags in Hatchet. Hatchet with a double axe handle to Kyle's head. Bruce is fuming in the corner. Another axe hand - no, Kyle with a punch to the gut takes the wind out of Hatchet, and Kyle tags Bruce in. Bruce with the Irish whip to the CalCon corner, and he's daring Fixer to make the tag. Fixer wants nothing to do with this, so Bruce goes with a running avalanche into Hatchet. Hatchet drops. Bruce with a cover. He gets one and a half.

BILL HEWSON: The Calgary Connection aren't showing many signs of ring-rust, Jones.

JACK JONES: I think The Beast is surprised by how fast The Hatchet kicked out. We could be looking at an upset... you know what it would mean if the Connection beats D-X here tonight? A tag title match!

BILL HEWSON: The New & Improved D-X will be looking to defend their tag titles soon, the question is certainly against whom...

Bruce picks up Hatchet, and it's a human torture rack! Hatchet screams out in pain as he's virtually pulled apart. In comes Fixer again, with a punch to Bruce's gut. Bruce drops Hatchet as the crowd once again boos. Fixer once again shouts "DEAL WITH IT!" Fixer with a boot to Bruce for good measure, as he's corralled back into his corner. Bruce tags in Kyle, and Kyle takes the fallen Hatchet to the CalCon corner and slaps Fixer in the face with Hatchet's hand. Smythe counts that as a tag. Fixer is outraged, but enters the ring to lock up with Kyle. Vertical suplex by Roberts, and he manages to hold on. Another vertical suplex!

BILL HEWSON: Kyle with a tribute to Eddie's "Three Amigos" series of vertical suplexes. He brought that out at last week's TEAM match against Frankie Scott and Joey Melton.

JACK JONES: Come ON, Fixer! Do something! You're a heel! Deal with it!

Hatchet's recovering on the ring apron as Kyle knees Fixer in the gut, runs to the opposite turnbuckle, and it's a Polarizer! He tags in Bruce, and Richards climbs to the top. Spectacular moonsault on the Fixer! Down and Dirty! Bruce Richards with the pin! One! Two! Hatchet tries to save his partner, but he's got no juice left. Three! D-X picks up an easy win over the Calgary Connection.

FRANK WARBURTON: Here are YOUR winners, the Tag Team Champion NEW & IMPROVED D-X!

The referee hands the belts to D-X, who hit the turnbuckles to pose. Kyle clearly loves the attention he's receiving from the crowd lately.

BILL HEWSON: Not quite the return The Calgary Connection hoped for, Jones, but a clear win for the tag team champions --- and it's The Royal Foundation! Thomas Young, Prince Darko & Jeff James from the crowd!

JACK JONES: You mean the NEW TV CHAMPION Jeff James! I like him because we share the same initials.

The Royal Foundation are swarming D-X, and The Calgary Connection decide to get their licks in as well. Young has Roberts up --- SHADES OF DEATH, the spinning fisherman's suplex! The Calgary Connection hoist Richards for... the Moe Green Special! BAM! Prince Darko choking out The Beast as Jeff James comes off the TOOOOOP right onto Richards! It's a gang-mugging here ---

BILL HEWSON: Come on, this is a five on two --- it's KRENSHOV! "The Colossal" Kenny Krenshov is here! And he's got a score to settle with the Royal Foundation, he's not waiting for Friday Night!

JACK JONES: He has to get by The Fixer first --- okay, well, he has to get by THE HATCHET --- hmm. RUN THOMAS RUN!

BILL HEWSON: Krenshov just took out The Calgary Connection without breaking a sweat, and he wants to get those giant hands of his on Thomas Young. The Foundation is standing --- Young just shoved Jeff James towards Krenshov! What the --- Krenshov has him up! TOTAL ECLIPSE ON THE TV CHAMPION! And Thomas Young is out of there, dragging Prince Darko with him!

JACK JONES: Of course he is. Young's job is to bodyguard the Prince of Zamunda... Jeff James, what a trooper, taking one for the team so the Prince can get out of here!

BILL HEWSON: Come off it, Young didn't want Kenny to get anywhere near him! He sacrificed his brother like a lamb to get the hell out of the ring... Kenny Krenshov has laid waste to everybody that moves! And now he's... wait a minute Jones, he's got one of the tag team titles in his hands.

JACK JONES: And he's standing over The Beast. Remember last week when those two went toe-to-toe?

Krenshov stares darkly at the tag belt, looking down at The Beast. With a grunt, he drops the belt onto The Beast's chest, turning. He walks out of the ring, muttering threats to Thomas Young.

BILL HEWSON: What's Krenshov thinking, Jones? Does he want to challenge D-X for the belts?

JACK JONES: This whole situation is getting uglier by the day. D-X already has The Royal Foundation breathing down their necks... what if Krenshov came after their belts? Wait a minute. That's a GREAT idea. Somebody needs to tell the commissioner!

BILL HEWSON: I don't like the direction you're heading in... ladies and gentlemen, the night is only half over. In our double main-event, it will be D! vs Lloyd Rees, HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE on the line. Static vs Patrick Bickle, ladder match for Static's career! But coming up next... we have been told that Patrick Kidd WILL compete tonight. Patrick Kidd takes on Thomas Deathrow ... SUPERSTAR rules! You don't want to miss it.

As we come back from commercial we see that the ring crew has set things up for the "Superstar rules" match, but it looks like they have added a little extra. Attached to only one side of the ring is a cage wall; we can also see a claw hammer tied to the top of the cage. Obviously Deathrow had this set up as a way to play mind games with Kidd. Six foot above the ring two chains criss cross with various weapons hanging from the chain.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is under "SUPERSTAR RULES." There are NO disqualifications and NO count-outs! Introducing first, from St. Paul, Minnesota... here is Superstar! Tommmmmmmmy Deathroooooooow!

"Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains starts to play and the fans boo loudly as Tommy Deathrow, dressed in sweats and a black t-shirt, makes his way to ringside carrying a chair wrapped in barbed wire. Tommy slides into the ring and props his special chair up against the corner turnbuckle and awaits his opponent. A pair of panties flies out of the crowd. Tommy catches it, leering, and sticks it down his tights with a wink and "call me" sign to the lady who threw it. He's a SUPERSTAR.

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Patterson, New Jersey... here is the Outlaw! Paaaaaatrick Kiiiiiiiidd!

"Desperado" being sung by Johnny Cash plays as we see Patrick Kidd step out into the entrance way. Red marks can still be seen on his back and throat as he walks to the ring in street clothes wearing black jeans and cowboy boots with no shirt, and dragging a trash can behind him that still has a bag of trash in it. Kidd looks up at the cage wall attached to the far side of the ring and his eyes climb it to the top and then go wide as he sees the hammer. Kidd drops the trashcan outside the ring and slides into the ring and charges Tommy Deathrow as the ref calls for the bell to start the match.

The two exchanges a few punches before Tommy grabs Kidd and whips him towards the solitary cage wall, Kidd is able to put on the breaks and stops just short of running into the cage, but as Kidd turns around Deathrow hits him with a stiff clothesline sending him back into the cage. Deathrow pulls Kidd over to the other side of the ring and starts choking him on the bottom rope with his boot on the back of his neck. Kidd tries to fight out of it and reaches back trying to get a hold of the Superstars leg. After a few moments Tommy lets up on the choke and walks over to the corner to grab the barbed wire wrapped chair as Kidd lie on the mat holding his neck gasping for air.

BILL HEWSON: This match didn't take very long to get ugly, as Tommy is already going for that barbed wire chair.

JACK JONES: I have a feeling before this night is over it's going to get a lot worse.

Deathrow takes the barbed chair and swings, but Kidd instinctively rolls out of the way. Kidd gets up to his feet and looks up to the weapons hanging from the chains above for something to counteract the chair, but the split second distraction costs him as Tommy nails him right in the head with the barbed wire chair. Kidd stumbles back and Tommy swings again - Kidd moves out of the way! He kicks the chair out of Deathrow's hand and hits him with a quick swinging neck breaker.

BILL HEWSON: Kidd with a desperation neckbreaker, maybe the tide as turned in his favor.

JACK JONES: Kidd just got lucky with that neck breaker; look! Tommy already drew first blood.

Blood starts to trickle down Kidd's face from where he was hit with the chair as he makes his way to the corner and climbs up grabbing onto the chain and working his way to the middle trying to pull down a bag that is tied to the chain. Deathrow gets to his feet and grabs Kidd's foot and Kidd tries to kick him away, but Tommy has a good grip and pulls him down. But not before Kidd gets the bag loose, but when he hits the mat the bag falls out of his hand and rolls across the mat. Tommy pulls Kidd to his feet and quickly hits him with a brain buster then he drags him over and ties him up in the ropes. Deathrow then grabs the barbed wire chair and hits Kidd across the head again busting him open even wider. Tommy is about to hit him again when he just smiles wide and drops the chair.

BILL HEWSON: Deathrow is looking towards the cage, and this can't be good for Kidd. Deathrow had the solitary cage wall added to the ring tonight to remind Kidd of an unfortunate incident from his past.

JACK JONES: Maybe next time Kidd will keep his mouth shut about his past, as it looks like we might soon be finding out how hardcore Kidd really is.

Deathrow then makes his way over to the cage wall looking back at Kidd once before turning his attention back to the cage and starts to climb. Kidd tries to get free of the ropes and finally is able to, but as Tommy gets to the top of the cage Kidd pulls the ropes back to look like he is still tangled up. Tommy starts to untie the claw hammer and as soon as he has it free he raises it in the air like he has just pulled the sword from the stone. As he raises the hammer in the air Kidd lets go of the ropes and flies across the ring grabbing the cage wall and shaking it violently causing Tommy to lose his balance and fall to the mat. Deathrow hits the mat with a thud, and the hammer slides out of his hand towards Kidd. Kidd contemplates picking it up for a second but shakes his head and kicks it out of the ring. NAPWÕs resident Outlaw then slides out of the ring and grabs the trash can and throws it into the ring. He then slides back into the ring pulling out the trash back and tossing it into the corner and waits for Tommy to get to his feet and as he does Kidd blasts him over the head with the trash can. Hitting him three times before Tommy collapses to the mat, Kidd then lifts the trash can up over his head and slams it down on Deathrow one more time before tossing it out of the ring, and screaming at Tommy, "TIME TO PAY YOUR DUES, THIS ONE'S FOR MISS AINSLEY LAKE."

Kidd walks over to the corner and rips open the trash bag and pulls out a big fluffy prissy pink dress as the crowd cheers.

BILL HEWSON: As the fans might remember Ainsley Lake beat the Superstar a couple months ago where the stipulation was that the loser had to wear a dress, Deathrow lost that match, but Ainsley requested a leave of absence before the stipulation could be carried through, it looks like Kidd is going to give the fans what they missed out on!

JACK JONES: Kidd has no right to be doing this, this is wrong on so many levels!

Deathrow seems to be completely out of it as Kidd tries to maneuver him into the dress and eventually pulls it off. Kidd then goes out side the ring and gets a soda from a fan and gets back in the ring and throws it in Tommy's face. Kidd steps back into the corner as Tommy starts to get to his feet as the fans start a PROM QUEEN chant. Tommy doesn't realize what happened until he goes to run after Kidd and trips over the dress and falls to the mat. He then looks down and spazzes ripping the dress off and as he does Kidd levels him with a clothesline. Kidd then goes to whip Deathrow into the cage, but Deathrow reverses it and Kidd crashes into the cage as Tommy cusses and rips the rest of the dress off and throws it into the corner. Tommy then grabs Kidd from behind and rakes his face back and forth over the cage.

Tommy lets go of Kidd and Kidd falls to the amt trying to rub the blood out of his eyes. Tommy walks over to the middle of the ring and picks up the bag that Kidd had retrieved from the chains above earlier. Tommy opens the bag and pours out a couple hundred thumbtacks on the mat. He then picks Kidd up for a suplex, but at the last minute turns it into a flaconÕs arrow and slams Kidd face first into the thumb tacks. Tommy quickly rolls Kidd over and goes for a pin.

One

Two

Kick out

BILL HEWSON: He kicked out! How in the world did he kick out?!

Tommy looks on in absolute shock, and then picks Kidd up in position for the Deathrow Driver onto the thumbtacks, but Kidd reverses it into a back body drop. Kidd then picks Tommy up and delivers a big bodyslam onto the thumb tacks. Kidd then quickly grabs the torn dress that Tommy had ripped off earlier and the barbed wire chair. Kidd wraps the dress around the chair and then starts rummaging through the trash bag again.

BILL HEWSON: Kidd seems to have a plan... this can't bode well for the Superstar.

JACK JONES: Kidd shouldn't be known as the Outlaw, he should be known as the mad scientist, what exactly is he concocting?

Kidd pulls out a can of hair spray and sprays the chair while Tommy gets to his feet. Tommy charges Kidd, but Kidd sprays him in the face with the hair spray and Tommy stumbles around the ring clawing at his eyes as Kidd pulls a lighter out of his pocket, and the crowd cheers as Kidd gives birth to the flaming barbed wire chair. Kidd raises the chair and swings for the fences and smashes the flaming chair into Deathrow's back. Kidd connects with another hard shot with the flaming chair and then tosses it on the mat and quickly picks Deathrow up and slams him on top of it dealing damage to the Superstar, but smothering the flames before the whole ring went up in smoke. Kidd covers Deathrow for a pin.

One

Two

Kick out

BILL HEWSON: And now Deathrow kicks out to the shock of just about everyone, that man can't be human. This match has gotten WAY out of hand!

JACK JONES: It takes just a little bit extra to be a Superstar, and Deathrow has it.

The crowd and Kidd are totally surprised as the Superstar kicks out of the bodyslam onto the flaming chair; oddly enough as Tommy sits up he has a slight smile on his face. Kidd kicks him in the face and then climbs the turn buckle and reaches up the chain pulling off a small spool of barbed wire and tossing it near the cage. As Tommy goes to get to his feet Kidd jumps off the turnbuckle and connects with a missile dropkick. Both men are down on the mat, but after a moment Kidd starts to crawl towards the solitary cage wall. Kidd grabs the small spool of barbed wire and starts to climb the cage. Once he gets to the top he sits on the top of the cage and wraps the barbed wire around his body.

BILL HEWSON: I can't believe what I'm seeing... Kidd can't actually be thinking of doing this!

JACK JONES: I told you that Kidd is psychotic! He's not a superstar, he's just... super sick!

The crowd looks on in amazement as Kidd stands up on top of the cage wrapped in barbed wire and leaps off with a moonsault connecting onto the prone Deathrow. Kidd rolls off of Tommy holding his chest as the barbs dig into his skin, and then he reaches out and drapes an arm across his bloody opponent.

One

Two

Three

FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... THE OUTLAW, PATRICK KIDD!

The fans cheer as Kidd peels the barbed wire away from his bloody body and makes his way to the back as ring crew comes out to dismantle the hanging chains and cage wall to get ready for the next match. The crowd gives him a huge ovation before he goes through the curtain. Kidd raises a bloody arm high as trainers urge him to come in for attention.

BILL HEWSON: I think that is one of the sickest things IÕve seen in a long time. Unbelievably, Patrick Kidd has defeated Tommy Deathrow in what has to be called an upset after the beating he took from Mark Millar earlier tonight!

JACK JONES: You think that was sick, with Kidd winning... that guarantees there will be a rematch! This war isn't over, it's just beginning.

BILL HEWSON: Kidd's stipulation was to take Deathrow into the straight wrestling environment if he could the hardcore... Jones, if this is the START of the war, what's it going to take to end it? Good God!

In the ring, Deathrow, a bloody mess, has sat up amidst the tacks. He barely acknowledges the trainer checking on him. He's no longer smiling... eyes smoldering with rage...

BILL HEWSON: I don't like the look in Deathrow's eyes. Folks, we're going to commercial... when we come back, the first half of our double-main event! The NAPW Heavyweight Champion D! defends against The PROVINCIAL Champion, "The Lemondrop Kid" Lloyd Rees! Don't you DARE go away!

JACK JONES: They shouldn't sell things like that, and not have a warning label.

BILL HEWSON: Most people don't have...THAT, happen to them when their cell phone vibrates in their pocket.

JACK JONES: Do you wanna know what my Mom said? She was mortified. Sh-

BILL HEWSON: Let's go to Frank.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall, AND is for the NAPW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!

The fans stand up and await the wrestlers. This match has big time feel all over it. Harry Hibbs is in the house. Well his song, "Fighting 59", is anyway. Ol' Salty walks through the curtain and then the barrage of insults and not so kind words fly through the arena. "The East Coast Sensation" comes out and taps his gold belt. He enters the ring, totally focused. This is his night to shine, and by God he is going to give it his all.

FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challenger, he weighed in tonight at Two Hundred Forty-Six pounds. He is fighting out of Bell Island, Newfoundland... He is the three-time and current reigning NAPW Provincial Champion... he is The East-Coast Sensation... "The Lemondrop Kid"... LLOYD! REEEEEEEEEEEES!

JACK JONES: Remember that Rees' belt is not on the line.

BILL HEWSON: D! will have his hands full tonight. By hook or crook, no one can deny the success of Rees.

JACK JONES: Crook?

RIGHT.

BEFORE.

MY.

EYES.

The place explodes. One letter said REAL loud, and it is being said by every fan in the arena. None of the seats are being occupied, as they stand to salute: D!, the NAPW champ. D! comes out, carrying two gold title belts. The NAPW title around his waist, the Champions of Champions belt over his right shoulder. He slaps hands with his fans and enters the ring, extremely focused as well.

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! He weighs in at Two Hundred Eleven pounds... and is from right here in Edmonton... Alberta, Canada! He is the Three time, current reigning, and undisputed NAPW Heavyweight Champion, the reigning Champion of Champions... The Unorthodox Old Schooler... The One Letter Superstar... This! Is! DEEEEEEEEEE!!

BILL HEWSON: Goosebumps and chills are going up my neck. I've waited a long time for this match, and tonight --- TONIGHT --- Lloyd Rees takes on D!, NAPW Title on the line.

JACK JONES: The Lemondrop Kid has the opportunity to add to his list of never-before-done achievements. He is the only Three-time Provincial champ. He is the only man to make Rex Caliber tap out. He has won matches in more ways than anyone else, and tonight he unifies the two top singles titles in the NAPW. BILL HEWSON: You're forgetting about the OTHER three-time Provincial Champion, the injured "Perfection" Evan Cartwright. But there's still one man that has a say in that, and he is the best singles wrestler alive today... D!

John Sharplin calls for the bell. Lloyd Rees steps to the middle of the ring. D! follows and they are face to face. They tie up and D! has a side headlock. Rees pushes him off in to the ropes. D! comes back and ducks a clothesline. He stops, Rees turns around and D! gets in a flush stomach kick, with a DDT to boot. D! covers him early, but they don't even get a one count. They both get up and shake off the first series. D! smiles a bit and Rees doesn't seem happy. The mind games are being played. They lock up again. D! gets a side headlock again. Rees tries to push him off, but D! holds on, and cinches in. D! flips him to the ground, holding on to it. Rees is frustrated, trying to get out of this visually simple, literally challenging hold. Rees kicks his legs forward and he gets D!'s head into a head scissors, breaking the headlock. D! rolls through and is up. He backs off and lets Rees get up- and as soon as Rees is up, he is caught with a lariat. Rees is up again, and Dropkick on Rees. Rees rolls out of the ring and is calling for a time out.

D!: Come' on bitch! let's do this thing!

Sharplin begins his count.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

BILL HEWSON: Finally he gets in the ring...

JACK JONES: It's good strategy, Hewson. D!'s getting impatient, and Lloyd Rees knows it! The winner of this match will be the man who keeps his eye on the prize, and that ain't gonna be D! if he lets little things rattle him like this!

Contrary to the words of Jack Jones, D! is exuding confidence and has Rees rattled. The crowd isn't helping any. Rees is in the ring, but he refuses to come out of his corner. He begins arguing with a fan at ringside. D! is tired of waiting. He charges in with a Stinger Splash- THAT MISSES. Rees goaded him in! Rees from behind with the tights - ONE! TWO! D! kicks out. Rees drops an elbow to the back of D!. He gets behind D! and nails him with a vicious cross-face.

JACK JONES: The man with a plan, what'd I tell ya?

BILL HEWSON: Rees has D! in the middle of the ring - he is going for the Lance Cove Leg-lock! We've seen men tap out to this before!

D! kicks him away, sits up only to eat a mean dropkick to the face. D! is rocked. Rees goes for the Leg-lock again and it's applied. He leans back, and sits down. D! is screaming in pain. The crowd is cheering D! on. He is trying to get to the ropes, but can't. D! is now trying to get any limb of Rees. He can only touch the back of Rees' ankles. He pushes up, and with all his might punches the heel of Rees' right foot. Rees screams out in pain. D! does it again. Rees finally breaks the hold. D! holds his back. Rees hold his foot. Ol' Salty holds himself. Nothing like self love during a big time fight.

BILL HEWSON: D! is hurt, but used his unorthodox style to counter a debilitating move.

JACK JONES: Kind of cheap if you ask me.

BILL HEWSON: I'm glad no one asked you.

Rees hobbles, D! walks gingerly, and both lock eyes. This match is turning hot. Rees shoots for a leg, and gets a boot to the face. Rees staggers and charges into PINE ON THE SPINE! What a spine-buster. Arn Anderson would pop for that one. D! covers, ONE, TWO, THR- Rees barely gets a shoulder up. D! stands up and is setting Rees up. Rees gets up and is thrown into the ropes. D! drops down and catches Rees in Pleasant Cycling, in a Lance Storm styled roll through. He leans back. Rees is turning red. He is motioning like he is going to tap. He then brings his hand to his mouth and bites it to divert the pain. Rees is trying to crawl to the ropes. He is inching. He is almost there. D! slips a bit, trying to gain leverage and Rees gets to the ropes. Sharplin demands a break and gets it. D! kicks Rees in the back. Still favoring his own back as well. Rees is getting up and gets elbowed in the head. D! isn't backing off. Rees is in the ropes. Sharplin steps in between them, as D! is about to nail him again. D! finally backs off. Rees spits at D!, a dry spit from the dehydration. D! charges, with Sharplin still stopping him. D! finally goes to his corner and waits for Rees to get off the ropes. D! is steaming mad. The mind games have tilted to Lloyd's favor. Rees gets out of the ropes and smiles at D!. D! hotheadedly runs at Rees and gets hit with a drop toe hold. Rees follows with a knee to the back.

BILL HEWSON: The back is the target and Rees isn't letting up.

Rees picks D! up and gets behind him. He grabs D!'s chin and falls back with his knees up: BACK-CRACKER! D! writhes in pain. Lloyd Rees is standing tall. But he is still hobbling some. His face shows pain. He picks up D! again, but D! fires a desperate closed fist. And another, then one more. Rees is down. D! gets behind Rees and when he stands up:

BILL HEWSON: NYQUIL DRIVER!! He doesn't cover though. He is still hurting bad. Rees is out, all D! needs to do is get a cover... there it is!

ONE!

TWO!

Rees kicks out! D! gets up. He is looking at the top rope with a strange expression on his face! The crowd begins to buzz. D! puts his hand out and touches the turnbuckle pad... and then climbs the top rope!

BILL HEWSON: He must be looking for the Rammer Jammer Elbow Hammer! The same move that won him the TEAM Champion of Champions title!

Suddenly, Rees has the ref over, complaining about an injury? Ol' Salty is near D! and pushes D! to the mat. Rees crawls over to the near dead D!.

BILL HEWSON: It took all he had to get up the turnbuckle, only to have that damn Salty interfere.

JACK JONES: Ol' Salty hasn't done anything wrong. D! had some dust on his trunks and he brushed it off. What a guy that Salty is.

Rees does the throat slash motion. He gets D! set up... and locks it on! CONCEPTION BAY CHIN-LOCK!! Rees wrenches as hard as he can. D! looks gone...

BILL HEWSON: NO! D! is reaching out for the ropes, but he's still a few feet away --- and from where he is, that's a LONG, long way!

JACK JONES: TAP OUT YOU FAKE CHAMPION!

D! is fading. He then hears the crowd. D!...D!...D! He kicks some and he scoots an inch. It must feel like doing nothing. He does it again. Another kick of the legs. He stops kicking. The crowd gasps. They see his hand go flat. He is contemplating tapping out.

BILL HEWSON: D! will not quit. He can't quit.

JACK JONES: Quit, pass out, die... What are his other options, Hewson?

D!...D!... Then the hand balls up. D! scoots some more. He gets another good scoot. He is near inches from the ropes. Rees is doing all he can. The hand goes flat. The crowd goes silent. He raises his hand and-

BILL HEWSON: DON'T DO IT!

The crowd starts up. "ONE MORE TRY", "ONE MORE TRY".

D! scoots one more time. He moves his feet around. He finds nothing.

"ONE MORE TRY"

His hand balls up into a fist and he scoots, half-conscious, with his right foot touching the bottom rope.

BILL HEWSON: D! made the ropes! Just barely, but it was enough! Sharplin is breaking the hold... and look out, Lloyd Rees is PISSED!

A furious Lemondrop Kid gets up and looks at the crowd like they stole from him. D! is hurt bad. Rees limps and hobbles out of the ring. He grabs the NAPW belt! Slides that into the ring and follows it. Lloyd has the belt in his hands, holding it like a weapon --- Sharplin warns him, and Rees pushes down Sharplin! D! stands up... then pops D! with the Sixteen pounds of gold. Right in front of Sharplin! D! is bleeding as Sharplin rapidly calls for the bell!

FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match, by disqualification: D!

BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees just cost himself the match... he's completely lost it! He's snapped! Lemondrop Kid has snapped here tonight, and he's taking it out on the NAPW Champion!

Rees has Ol' Salty hold up D! - He nails him again with the belt! He goes and gets his Provincial belt. Back in the ring, Lloyd lays in the right hands. Rees dabs D!'s bloody forehead and writes "Rees" on the bottom of the NAPW Title. He then locks in the Conception Bay Chin-lock again. Ol' Salty is kicking D! too. Dick.

BILL HEWSON: This is SICK... Where the hell is security, IS ANYONE WATCHING THIS...D! NEEDS HELP! C'mon Rees, get off h im!

The bell rings to no avail, DING DING DING DING DING... FINALLY. Security guards show up and pull Rees off of D!. D! is out. Rees grins evilly... security blocks him off from getting to D! again, but Rees instead stands, facing the crowd and camera, holding the Provincial Title Belt in one hand...

And the bloody NAPW Title Belt in his other hand.

BILL HEWSON: I can't believe this display we've seen here, Lloyd Rees... he's not fit to be a champion in this great promotion. Unbelievable. D! is still the NAPW champion...

JACK JONES: He doesn't look like a winner, Hewson.

BILL HEWSON: Trainers helping D! up and to the back... the show must go on, and next, the other half of our double main-event. It will be Static vs Patrick Bickle, in a ladder match... for Static's career --- get him out of here!

Fade to commercial with Rees trying to get one last swing in on D!'s head before he's essentially mugged by security.

Fade in from commercial.

"WE'RE SCRAPPED VALENTINES!
WE'RE TANGERINE RINDS!
WE'RE CRIMES, CRIMES, CRIMES, CRIMES, CRIMES!"

BILL HEWSON: This is it, Jones... it could be the final time Static walks to an NAPW ring!

JACK JONES: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

The crowd gets angry like a disturbed wasp's nest as Static comes out through the curtain. Twitch. He stares hatefully over the crowd, eyes flicking hungrily from one target of his wrath to the next. Noticely, he's wielding a steel chair with "BICKLE" spraypainted on it in his hands. He half-sprints to the ring, purposely walking underneath the ladder set up in the middle of the ring. Slide in - Static puts his arms out to say "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, MOTHER(BLEEP)ERS?" The crowd continues to boo him.

FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, and is the LADDER MATCH for Static's CAREER! Introducing first! From Windsor Ontario, he is the ONLY (heh) TRIPLE-CROWN WINNER IN NEW ALBERTA PRO HISTORY! He is the HARDCORE LUCHADORE! He is the ONE MAN CRIMES SPREE! THIS! IS! STAAAAAATIC!

Static looks high up at the briefcase containing, essentially, his pink slip. Muttering to himself, he finds a corner... the music fades out, then new music starts. DJ Shadow! The crowd stirs somewhat. A mixed reaction for the man coming through the curtain in black tights, scraggly hair down to his shoulders. Bickle walks straight to the ring, right arm noticeably limp...

FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent ---

Before Bickle can even get to the ring, Static slides out of the ring with his steel chair! He swings wildly, but Bickle - surprisingly nimble - dodges out of the way. Static crashes the chair down onto the security barrier, then whips around and swings again. Almost got a piece of Bickle but not quite - Bickle dropkicks the chair into Static's face! The Hardcore Luchadore staggers backwards against the security barrier. Meanwhile, Patrick Bickle - right arm half-dangling, he's coming into this match injured - grabs the chair. The crowd volume goes up a little? The crowd sure as hell would like to see Bickle just blast Static. But wait! Bickle drops the chair? Boos greet that. He looks up from the chair, however, and takes a step towards the ladder in the middle of the aisle. He takes another step, the crowd volume begins to rise again. Bickle puts his hands on either side of the ladder, looking up, up, up. The man appears to be entranced by the steel steps to the sky... Static from behind. Bickle was in almost a trance, but Static nails him from behind. Two lean, wiry, intense men involved in an intense, dangerous match type. Static has Bickle by the bad arm, irish whip sends Bickle into the barricade. Static picks the chair up HUCK. CHAIR HUCKING! It bashes into Bickle's face, the man leaning forward, hand on his face. Static with a headasteam dropkick! A dropkick from the One-Man Crimes Spree sends Bickle over the security barricade there!

BILL HEWSON: ...Referee for this contest is John Sharplin, charged with the difficult task of keeping these two men under control. There's no count-out, no disqualification, the match only ends when one wrestler grabs the briefcase, but well...

JACK JONES: But they have to be in the center of the ring to do that! They haven't even seen canvas so far in this match. C'mon Sharplin!

BILL HEWSON: These two men give their bodies in every match, right now Static with the advantage in the midst of the fans... Oh my Goodness!

What a shot by Static! Static dropping Bickle with a suplex on the outside, draping the man over the top of the security barrier. Static looks over at the crowd, asking "D'ya like that?" Crowd boos. "SUCK MY VOODOO MOTHER (BLEEP)ERS!" More heat for Static. He steps over the barrier, and what's this? Static... Static climbing the ladder for the first time in the match! He's nowhere NEAR the center of the ring, but he's halfway up, turning around... OFF THE LADDER! In the vein of RVD, Static comes off the ladder with a legdrop to the back and shoulders of the dangling Bickle! Static holds his own tailbone after that, but he quickly gets up, leaving Bickle in a pile of appendages in the aisle. Static pops up the ladder's bracing joints and folds it up, carrying it to ringside. Ladder slid into the ring, Static right behind it. Set up in the middle of the ring... Static looks towards the aisle-way, no doubt sneering underneath his mask. His eyes tell the story, however, when he sees Patrick Bickle standing up and stumbling towards the ring! They bug out, and Static turns to climb as fast as he can. He's getting up, Bickle rolls in the ring, Static trying to get up high, Patrick Bickle gets his hand around Static's ankle! Static trying to kick Bickle off, he catches the man in the face. Bickle staggers - lot of staggering in this match - backwards as Static tries to climb again, reaching out for the briefcase... Bickle backs into the ropes, then suddenly springs forward in a rush! He crashes shoulder first (bad shoulder first) into the ladder, and it tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiips! And Static crotches himself on the top rope from high up in the air! The crowd cheers that, then cheers some more as Patrick Bickle shoulders the ladder! Static in pain, sitting on the top rope, Bickle rushes at him CLANG.

BILL HEWSON: Good God almighty! The top of the ladder directly into Static's face! He's on the outside... Jack Jones, that's pure metal right into a man's face! How do you prevent THAT from hurting?

JACK JONES: A ladder to the face? How about... you don't? But Bickle isn't climbing! He could win the match, what's he doing?

BILL HEWSON: Your guess is as good as mine, Patrick Bickle has wedged the ladder between the second and third turnbuckles...

Static is trying to get up, yelling in pain. He kicks the concrete, trying to get up. Bickle meanwhile is satisfied with his home refurnishing. Static is up, WATCH OUT FOR BICKLE! SUICIDE DIVE! REALLY suicidal, Static side-stepped! Bickle's momentum carried him right into the security barrier, head and shoulder first. Static is leaning back against the canvas, right eye clearly purpling from that ladder shot. He shakes loose the cobwebs and then starts putting the boots to Bickle. He pulls his man up and... beales him right into the steel steps, shoulder first again! Bickle again down on the concrete in silent pain. He's rolled into the ring by Static, who climbs onto the apron and hits a classic Eddy Guerrero style pescado back into the ring. Flying jalepeno, baby. Static looks around for the ladder, quickly spying it in the corner. Static grabs Bickle's by the legs, he's going for... he's got the man in catapult position! He falls backwards, sending Bickle flying chest-first into the ladder! Static remains seated, brushing a forelock out of his face and leering at the crowd. Bickle is still down, Static gets up... he again grabs Bickle's legs, but he has the positioning different! Bickle's head is actually beneath the ladder, Static falls backwards GOOD GOD. GOOD GOD. The catapult, pulling Bickle up smashing face first into the bottom of the wedged ladder! Bickle crashes right back to the canvas, and he might just be unconscious. A horrific, brutal move by Static, using the ladder as a weapon against Bickle now. Static grabs the ladder out, sets it up in the middle of the ring... but he sees Bickle slowly crawling up. It's not enough of an advantage for Static, so he grabs the ladder and lays it flat in the ring. He picks Bickle up, and ... SUPLEX onto the ladder! Bickle is laid out on the ladder, holding his back, teeth gritted in pain. Static looks at him... what's this? STATIC RUNS THE ROPES --- ASAI MOONSAULT! ONTO BICKLE! ON THE LADDER! Static holding his gut in pain, but Bickle just rolls off the ladder. Kick kick KICK the canvas!

BILL HEWSON: Asai Moonsault onto Bickle --- ONTO THE LADDER! Static sacrificed himself, but he may have taken Patrick B ickle out of the equation with that maneuver! Bickle isn't moving!

JACK JONES: All Static needs to do is climb, Bill Hewson!

BILL HEWSON: Static's career is on the line, his PRIDE is on the line, he's obsessed, OBSESSED with beating Patrick Bickle! He put his NAPW career on the line just for one more shot at beating Patrick Bickle! And he just might do it!

Static sets the ladder up in the middle of the ring, and he climbs... Bickle isn't looking like he'll be able to stop him. Static is up, steps away, he's almost at the top, when somehow, Patrick Bickle begins to tip the ladder over! Static rapidly changes his plans, jumping off the ladder... and landing a double stomp on top of Bickle -- No Bickle rolled out of the way! Static off-balance, Bickle is suddenly up, flying head-scissors sends Static spilling out of the ring, right onto the concrete. He hits hard, and watch out for Patrick Bickle? Bickle grabs the ladder, bad arm and all, and he lays it on the top rope? He's made... he's made some kind of ramp out of the ladder! Bickle gets some speed, and then RUNS UP THE LADDER AND OUT OF THE RING! TOPE SUICIDA AT HIGH VELOCITY TAKES STATIC OUT! "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" Damn rights it's Holy Shit! Both men are down on the concrete, trying to get up, after Patrick Bickle --- somehow after all the punishment he's endured --- has swung the momentum in his favor. He's reaching under the ring...

HE'S GOT A TABLE. He sets the table up in the aisle, this looks bad for StaticCRACK. No! Static with a vile chair shot to the back of Bickle, leaving him dazed in the middle of the aisle. He gets some distance, and then steps on top of the security barricade, doing a Jeff Hardy dance... Static running the barricade! He flies off FEAR THE SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR. Patrick Bickle just speared Static out of the air like Tom Cruise shooting down a MIG-29. Patrick Bickle does not win the cold war by doing so, however, but instead stands tall, right arm hanging limply at his side, looking up into space. Suddenly! He snaps into awareness! He's in the ring, grabbing the ladder, setting it up in the middle of the ring. Bickle stands up tall, looking up high, and suddenly the volume rises again. "BICKLE, BICKLE, BICKLE." Perhaps even Bickle's stony countenance shows surprise at the crowd's ardent support of the Reckless Question. Bickle reaches out a hand... and begins to climb! Another step, one more, two, three, he's going to the top! Bickle is standing high on the ladder, but his injured right shoulder is giving him problems.

BILL HEWSON: Bickle is right there, but he can't reach out very far, his fingertips are batting the briefcase! He just needs to unhook it and he has this match won, he has the career of Static in his hands --- wait a minute! Static is climbing the otherside of the ladder!

JACK JONES: Can you believe the sheer intestinal fortitude of the Hardcore Luchadore, to still be IN this match?

BILL HEWSON: I can't believe either man is still walking! But we've got a fight on the top of the ladder, this is a dangerous, dangerous situation!

Static is gaining the upper hand, he has TWO good shoulders to Bickle's one. Bickle is holding onto the top of the ladder with his left hand, Static trying to shove him off... Bickle suddenly rears forward, bashing his head into Static's chest! And hold on a second the ladder is tiiiiiiping --- Static leaps off, landing on his feet, Bickle doesn't do so well, but he doesn't crash land completely ENZIGURI. Bickle up to one knee, Static with a Shining Wizard style Enziguri taking the man's head off! Static grabs the ladder, sets it up, he's not in the center of the ring, what's he doing here? He can't win the match here! Patrick Bickle is laying prone on the canvas as Static climbs higher, higher... good God, he's on the top of the ladder! He raises TWO HATEFUL MIDDLE FINGERS to the audience and...

MOMENT

OF

CLARITY

...

...

...

CRASH.

BILL HEWSON: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

JACK JONES: HOLEEEE HELL!

BILL HEWSON: Static --- from TWELVE DAMN FEET HIGH --- just hit the Moment of Clarity on Patrick Bickle...from the TOP OF THE LADDER...

JACK JONES: Do you hear that, Hewson?

BILL HEWSON: No, I don't...?

JACK JONES: Exactly. Static just SILENCED this crowd with the Moment of Clarity. That's it --- Patrick Bickle is done.

BILL HEWSON: Static isn't doing so hot himself, but dammit, I think you may be right... Static hurt himself on that, flying twelve feet to the canvas, but he's nowhere near as bad off as Patrick Bickle... And he's got that ladder once again.

Static sets the ladder up in the middle of the ring once again. He takes a step to climb, but a sudden buzz distracts him. He looks around him wildly, eyes bugging out of his head. The buzz grows louder. Because Patrick Bickle

Is crawling towards him.

Static screams "NOOOOO!" and lays in a heavy, vicious boot to Bickle's head. Bickle takes it, reeling, but then he slowly climbs forward. Static again lays in a sick boot right to the back of Bickle's head. He stops him, but he doesn't slow him! Another brutal boot, another reel, another crawl forward. Static whirls around, his temper getting the better of him, he loses it! The crowd is on their feet as Bickle continues to move forward. They don't know HOW he's doing it, only that he IS. Bickle probably doesn't even know how he's doing it! Static boots boots BOOTS Bickle in the back of the head again, finally kneeling down and driving fists into Bickle's face. "DIE! DIE! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?" Static picks up Patrick Bickle, snarling, and it's FUNCRUSHER TIME --- Bickle slides out and lands behind Static! BACK CRACKER! Static splays out any side, and Bickle collapses himself. Both men are down, there is a ladder in the middle of the ring, and two men are down! They're both, however, dragging themselves up!

BILL HEWSON: Static is climbing! Patrick Bickle is climbing! Both men in AGONIZING pain with every rung, and it's a race to the top of the ladder... it's a race between two broken, battered and bruised men! They're running on fumes, Jack Jones!

JACK JONES: There can't be any gas left at this point, Hewson... this is painful to watch!

BILL HEWSON: They're climbing! As God is my witness, they are still climbing! Patrick Bickle has been beaten and assaulted by Static tonight, he's been injured no doubt, and Static... his career is on the line! He's injured! He's climbing! He's --- PULLED OUT THE SCREWDRIVER!

JACK JONES: Holy CRAP!

The glint is noticeable and suddenly Static is jamming his screwdriver (named Screwy!) right towards Bickle's eyes. "I'LL TAKE YOUR EYES YOU MOTHER(BLEEP)ER! OPERATION GOUGE MOTHER(BLEEP)ERS EYES OUT!" Bickle is resisting! He's pushing the screwdriver backwards, but what's going to happen --- suddenly Bickle falls backwards, landing on his feet. Static blinks, caught off-guard, as Bickle... PUSHES THE LADDER. Static claws at air somehow trying to grab invisible rope to stop his fall, but he goes FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE

...

THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE! KA-BLAM!

BILL HEWSON: STATIC IS LYING IN SPLINTERS! MY GOD! BICKLE REPOSITIONS THE LADDER --- HE'S CLIMBING UP! SLOWLY, UP THE RUNGS... BICKLE REACHES! HE'S REACHING!

JACK JONES: Come on Static! Come on!

BILL HEWSON: And Bickle... Bickle... BICKLE HAS THE BRIEFCASE! THIS MATCH IS OVER ... Jack Jones... STATIC'S CAREER IS OVER!

FRANK WARBURTON: HERE IS YOUR WINNER... PAAAAAAAATRICK BIIIIIIIICKLLLLLLLE!

BILL HEWSON: What a match... Static... Static is FINISHED in New Alberta Pro! Patrick Bickle has ended the career of the Hardcore Luchadore! My God... somebody wake Static up and tell him!

JACK JONES: You bastard, you're enjoying this aren't you? A man's CAREER is over!

BILL HEWSON: You're damn right I'm enjoying this! Here comes Mr. Maps to check on Bickle, trainers out to tend to Static, but Static... that's the man who turned on his best friend for gold and power! That's the man who attacked Rex Caliber and D! with a damned screwdriver! The man who almost crippled his innocent manager all those months ago!

In the ring, Mr. Maps is checking on a spread-eagled and prone Bickle. The crowd is standing, applauding, sporadic chants of "THANK-YOU-BICK-LE" breaking out. And strangely, to the consternation of Mr. Maps, Bickle begins to stand up. He grabs the ropes to pull himself up. Blankly, he stands tall, right arm hanging limply, the briefcase in his left hand. He looks out, unsure as to what to do with the crowd. Possibly uncaring about the crowd. He looks for a long moment into space, then looks down the aisle at Static, who has been helped up to a sitting position. The crowd follows Bickle's gaze, and then... They start singing.

JACK JONES: Oh, no. Please not this... SHOW SOME RESPECT, this is a great man! A great wrestler!

BILL HEWSON: I think you may be the only man in the Polish Hall tonight who is disappointed in this decision. You can hear them singing from Whyte Ave I bet!

What are they singing, you ask?

"Na na na na...
Na na na na...
Hey hey hey!
Goodbyyyyyye!"

Louder!

"NA NA NA NA...!
NA NA NA NA...!
HEY HEY HEYYYYYY...!
GOOOOOOD BYYYYYYE!

And Static, he's up, and he's aware, and he's... well. Throwing a temper tantrum would be putting it mildly. Static is freaking out at the fans in the front row, screaming at them to stop singing. Bickle looks on in the ring. Static stares at him, eyes wild. The singing continues as Static rushes around the ring like an anteater on ant crack. Suddenly he grabs the microphone...

JACK JONES: Finally! This great man has something to say! It'll be poignant for sure, Hewson, and maybe these fans will respect that.

BILL HEWSON: Well, let's hear what the man has to say.

Static gets in the ring. He puts his hands up, letting Bickle know he's not going to do anything to him. His eyes... are they tearing up? The masked man holds the microphone up to his face.

STATIC: You know... I've been in NAPW since day one. I'm the only Triple Crown Winner in history, and tonight, I can't believe I lost... I can't believe it... but I want to say something. To all you fans who paid a ticket to boo me or cheer me, throughout the past ten months. I want to let you know how The Static really feels. From the bottom of my heart.

Static pauses, the air heavy with emotion. The crowd hushes, hanging on his every word.

STATIC: I just want to say... that all of you... each and every one... CAN SUCK MY MOTHER(BLEEP)ING VOODOO! (BLEEP) YOU! YOU STUPID MOTHER(BLEEP)ERS! Oh, you got a (BLEEP)ing problem with it fatty? SUCK SOME VOODOO! I HATE YOU ALL SO (BLEEP)ING MUCH! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU (BLEEP)ERS! You can't keep my AWAY! I got a new OPERATION! OPERATION: KILL STUPID EDMONTON MOTHER(BLEEP)ERS! YOU! And YOU! Definitely YOU --- Oh, I suck dick? Your mother taught me how, pal! YOU! AND YOU! AND YOU! YOU IN THE REX CALIBER T-SHIRT, YEAH, YOU CAN SUCK MY VOODOO! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU CAN SUCK! MY! MOTHER! (BLEEP)ING! VOOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOO --- what the (BLEEP) --- *

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH! A mighty cheer goes up from the crowd as Patrick Bickle tosses the briefcase right to Static, who catches it in prime position... to have it dropkicked straight into his face! Static tumbles out over the ropes and the crowd goes crazy! Static tumbles halfway down the aisle... and then stands up, agitated, manic, completely gone! He backs up the aisle, screaming at Bickle and random fans, until finally, at long last... he gives one last double-finger to the crowd before slipping through the curtain.

And like that, Static is gone from New Alberta Pro. In the ring, Patrick Bickle stands, and a thunderous ovation surrounds him. "BICK-LE, BICK-LE, BICK-LE, BICK-LE."

BILL HEWSON: Patrick Bickle has ended the career of Static... Patrick Bickle is the NEW face of Hardcore in New Alberta Pro! For Jack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying GOOD NIGHT!

How about that? Tuesday Night Fights ends by sending the crowd home happy for a change.

Why the hell not? "BICK-LE, BICK-LE, BICK-LE!"