BLACK THURSDAY II12/14/2006
Wearing a Santa suit. It gets better. THUNDER CLAUS: Ho ho HO! AL THOES: What the hell! THUNDER CLAUS: Hello there boys. Have you been good this year? BOBBY O'BRADY: Good? We're the tag team champions! THUNDER CLAUS: Well then, here's some goodies! Thunder Claus pull a couple of boxes out of his bag, each one wrapped in plaid paper. He hands them to the Assasins. THUNDER CLAUS: HO HO HO Merrrrrrry Christmas! As Thunder Claus walks away, the Celtic Assassins give each other a slightly scared look... Thunder Claus ain't wearing pants.
And then chimey eighties synths begin... "YOU GOT THE TOUCH! YOU GOT THE POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Yes. Yes it IS... the THEME FROM OPTIMUS PRIME, Stan Bush's epic heroic anthem "THE TOUCH" --- Well, you can watch the video for it anytime thanks to YouTube! In fact it looks like NAPW has licensed the use of the original music video, replacing TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE scenes with NAPW events and superstars!
"After all is said and done Celtic Assassins raising the tag title belts over their head... Plague pinning Ravager... Bickle beating Lloyd Rees in the cage... Cartwright pinning Bickle last week...
You've got the moves Read: Chris Casino. Take the heat Simply Beautiful, baby --- and he's hot at Chris Casino! You're NOBODY'S fool! Joseph Winchell, freaking out as the MAN IN BLACK escapes once again! You're at your best when the goin' gets rough Kurt Castle laying out Chad Kurtis with TOTAL DEVASTATION ... and again! You been put to the test but it's never enough! Chad Kurtis storms the ring!
You got the touch! Cats in the Action! Battle Royale, including Brian Bruno --- Kenny Krenshov --- Royal Foundation --- Nightmare... You got the heart! Sick Billy Kryenik! You got the motion! Stone Zellor baby! He's got SKILLS. Clint & Papa Z show up too. You know that when days get too tough Bruce Richards in a suit, cane in one hand. You got the TOUCH! Kyle Roberts points to his head. SMARTER THAN YOU! You never bend Bickle falling from the top of a ladder, wrapped in barbed wire. You never break Evan Cartwright taking a horrendous bump off of a ladder in the famed Rees/Cartwright ladder match... You seem to know just what it takes A quick montage of FREEFALL, FREEFALL, FREEFALL, FREEFALL You're a FIGHTER And then a montage of TOASTY, TOASTY, TOASTYYYYYY! It's in the blood Plague. It's in the will Ravager. It's in the mighty hands of steel The bloodied face of Plague, bloody hands of Ravager. WHEN YOU'RE STANDING YOU'RE GROUND The two men standing tall, hate in their eyes.
AND YOU NEVER GIVE IN
You're at your best when the goin' gets rough The music slows down... a montage of each man in non battle royale matches tonight... Kurtis/Show, Cowboys/Celts, Casino/SB, Plague/Ravager, Cartwright/Bickle... You've got the touch... YOU'VE GOT THE POWERRRRRRRRRRRRR... YEAHHHHHHHH!
BILL HEWSON: Welcome once again to The Polish Hall for the final show of 2006! It has been one helluva year, and tonight --- NAPW presents to you BLACK THURSDAY II! I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones, and what about that triple main event tonight? Unbelieveable! JACK JONES: You better believe it, Bill Hewson. Never before in NAPW have we had three matches of such magnitude headlining ONE show! Chris Casino, Evan Cartwright, and The Plague ... BILL HEWSON: It will be the reigning "Pure" Champion Chris Casino defending his belt against the man he beat for it, a fired-up Simply Beautiful! Ravager vs The Plague II: First Blood! And of course, the huge NAPW Championship match... Patrick Bickle defends his title against the #1 contender, "Perfection" Evan Cartwright! But we are New Alberta Pro WRESTLING, not TALKING... so let's go to the ring! Frank Warburton, take it away! FRANK WARBURTON:The following contest is scheduled for one-fall, and it is for the NAPW Tag Team Championship. Introducing first... the challengers... "Bang Bang to the Rock 'N' Roll" shoots over the PA system as Clint Zellor and Stone Zellor make their way out followed by Papa Z hoisting his picket sign stating "WE GOT SKILLS". FRANK WARBURTON: At a combined weight of five-hundred and sixty-five pounds, being accompanied to the ring by Papa Z... they are Clint and Stone Zellor, the MIDNIGHT COWBOYS! BILL HEWSON: Here is a match with a lot of back story. These two gentlemen are coming into this match with no losses and have just won a huge tag team tournament to earn this shot at Black Thursday II. JACK JONES: Don't forget my favorite part of this equation. Last week on Tuesday Night Fights, Stone Zellor came out during the D-X/Celtic Assassins fight, and cost D-X their precious tag team championships! BILL HEWSON: That's right, and Stone Zellor, much to the dismay of Clint Zellor, has chosen the Midnight Cowboy's fate. Did he choose correctly in assisting the Celts to become the new Tag Team Champions, or will they be looking back at this match wishing they came in to face The New and Improved D-X? JACK JONES: One things for sure, Stone Zellor is going to shine in this match. He single handedly dismantled D-X's title reign, and now he's going to take the championships from the Celts in their very first title defense. BILL HEWSON: That remains to be seen, Jack. Both Clint and Stone get into the ring and pose for the crowd as Papa Z marches around the ring campaigning his double-sided picket sign. "The Devil In the Kitchen" sounds and the fans get to their feet for the arrival of the new champions. Papa Z stops marching and looks up the ramp, while both Stone and Clint get a little more serious in the ring. FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents, at a combined weight of five-hundred and sixty five pounds, they are the NAPW Tag Team Champions --- "The Scottish Wrecking Machine" Al Thoes and "The Irish Adonis" Bobby O'Brady, they are the Celtic Assassins! The new champions come out from the entranceway with their belts gleaming. Both slap the hands of the reaching fans on their way to the ring. The champions slide into the ring and take off their championship belts, handing them to the referee. As the referee holds up both belts, the partners from both respective teams determine who is going to start the match. BILL HEWSON: And it looks like the two biggest men will start things off! There's the bell, and this match is underway. Clint will start the match off with "The Scottish Wrecking Machine" Al Thoes. Both circle the ring sizing each other up, and both showing a little hesitance to rush in head first. Al and Clint decide to lock up, struggling in a contest of strength, and Clint is put down to one knee. Al overpowering Clint, wait no, Clint is back up on his feet and Al is the one down to a knee. Al slides on a wrenching headlock having such great leverage over Clint, but Clint pushes himself loose and Al goes into the ropes, comes back and gets a big shoulder block on his return. Clint secures the big man on the mat with an elbow drop, getting up and another elbow drop. Clint with the early pin, just barely a one count, but we can't blame him for trying. Al Thoes gets to his feet just before Clint and scoops the Cowboy up and a slam. Thoes goes off the ropes and delivers a huge leg drop on Clint. Thoes now for another early cover and he gets a one count as well. Clint and Al get to their feet at the same time, this time Al runs in for a clothesline but it gets ducked and he runs into the Cowboys corner and gets a poke to the eye by Stone! BILL HEWSON: There was no need for that! Clint and the referee didn't even see it happen! JACK JONES: Quit your crying Bill, he's just taking extra measures to secure the win. That's what this is all about, the NAPW Tag Team championship gold... and all the money, fame and women that come with those belts! BILL HEWSON: Call it what you want to call it, but it's cheating. Al cannot see a thing, Clint comes up from behind and delivers an absolutely massive belly to back suplex! Clint picks up the Celt and pushes him into the Midnight Cowboys corner, he tags in Stone to come in as the legal man. Before Clint can leave the ring, Stone is in and laying some rapid boots Thoes. The referee trying to get Stone from the corner, but instead Stone pushes himself in and begins choking the Wrecking Machine! Clint asking Stone what he thinks he is doing while the referee literally pulls Stone off of Al and gives him a stern warning. JACK JONES: Oh please, I think the last time someone lost a match for choking someone was even before my time as a wrestler. BILL HEWSON: Stone leading Al from the corner now, looking for a suplex... ...but no, Al hooks the leg and the weight is just too much for Stone to move. Al tries to go for a suplex of his own but Stone blocks that as well and - NO! Stone just kicked Thoes down low and followed with a snap suplex! The referee couldn't see it from his angle but we can see it here just fine! Stone with a cover, 1,2 - kickout thank god. Bobby O'Brady trying to enter the ring but the referee is restraining him, he must have saw that cheap shot! Stone picking up Al and pushing him into the corner, he applies a front crossface while tagging in his half brother, Clint. Clint comes in and delivers a clean kick to the solar plexus as Stone leaves the ring. Clint throws Al to the ropes and catches him with a huge Samoan drop! He makes the quick cover... 1, 2, and this time O'Brady makes the save. The referee getting O'Brady out of the ring, and Stone runs in and stomps Al Thoes right on the face! What is he trying to prove? The fans are now showing their disapproval and showering Stone with boos. Clint is looking at him wondering why he's doing all of this, and Papa Z is shouting from the outside to make the cover. Shaking his head in disgust, Clint kneels down and covers Al... 1, 2 - and no, Al kicks out. JACK JONES: Clint needs to man up! If he wants that championship, he's got to do what it takes. BILL HEWSON: I'd have to say that I, and this entire arena, disagree with you Jack. Clint getting Al to his feet and leading him into the corner to tag in Stone. "The Irish Adonis" on the ring apron is getting the fans fired up to maybe shoot some life into Al Thoes' body to get out of that corner and make the tag. Stone is pummeling away at Al Thoes' rib cage, and now he's stopping to tell the fans to shut up. His delay gives Al just enough time to recover and grab that little bastard Stone by the throat! Stone is completely shocked! Oh he's going to get it now - no! Stone kicks Al right in the shin, getting out of that choke and backhand slaps Al in the face! Al goes down to one knee from the shock and then Stone lands a dropkick to the face of the Scottish Wrecking Machine. Stone makes the tag to Clint, and the entire arena now is chanting "Bobb-y, Bobb-y, Bobb-y". They all want Bobby O'Brady, a man who has yet to see action in this ring tonight. Clint looks slightly frustrated with the fans as he picks Al up and whips him into the ropes. Al comes back and Clint ducks down for the back body drop, but no! Al stops himself and kicks Clint in the face! Clint staggers back, Al runs at Clint for a clothesline but no! Clint catches him into a wicked powerslam! You can hear the disappointment from the fans in this arena, they thought Al was on a comeback, but that powerslam drained all the life left in the Scotsman. Clint makes the cover! 1 2 --No, Bobby O'Brady makes the save at the last second. He leaves the ring before the ref can even tell him to, and now the entire arena wants Bobby in more than ever. The sound is almost deafening . Clint picks Al up and again takes him to the corner. JACK JONES: Look at this Bill, they have the art of tag team wrestling mastered. You work and work on one guy, keeping him isolated on your side of the ring until he can't take any more punishment. BILL HEWSON: I can't argue the strategy at all, but some of the things Stone Zellor has done to put them in this position is questionable. Clint with the tag and Stone comes in and, oh c'mon! He ran Al Thoes' eyes half way across the ropes, that's just wrong. The referee is reprimanding him again and Clint just looks completely disgusted. Al falls to the mat holding his eyes and Stone sits him up and applies a mean looking sleeper hold. Thoes is fighting and gasping for air --- JACK JONES: Look at him, his entire head is red. That bald guy looks like a Christmas tree ornament! BILL HEWSON: The fight is draining out of Al Thoes quickly, look at his eyes, His eyes are glazed and almost shut! He needs to make the tag now or he won't make it at all! Thoes is positioned perfectly to see his partner, but he's halfway across the ring from him. Al is reaching for a hand that he'll never be able to reach and, oh no, his hand hit the ground. Did he pass out. The referee checking to see if Al is still conscious, and there's no sign of life. Stone wrenches the sleeper a little tighter as the referee raises Al Thoes hand to the air... It drops to the mat one time! He raises it again... TWO! He's raising for a third time... JACK JONES: Yes, this is it! New Tag Team Champions! BILL HEWSON: NO! There's life in Al Thoes! This capacity crowd is feeding him energy, look at that arm shake! His eyes are open, and Al is rallying the crowd behind him! Stone can't believe it, he's wrenching even harder! Al pushes himself up to a knee but Stone stays latched on, ... Thoes is on two knees now! Bobby is leaning over the ropes as far as he can, but it's still so far away! Al pushes himself all the way up, and Stone is still latched on! Stone is on Al's back with that sleeper hold, but Al is struggling to get to his corner! He's maybe four steps away from a tag! Al makes one step, he looks like he's about to fall over, and Stone is holding that sleeper on as tight as he can. Another! He's halfway there. The noise in this arena is crazy! Three steps and no! Al falls to one knee! JACK JONES: He's not going to make it, he can't! This match should be over right now! This isn't possible! BILL HEWSON: You and Cindy Crawford, now that's impossible! This... is awesome! Al is back on both feet, but extremely wobbly, and that little bastard Stone still has that sleeper clutched on! Al falls forward and his hand connects with Bobby O'Brady! O'Brady is in, he's made the tag! Stone lets go of the sleeper and Bobby gives him a vicious clothesline! Papa Z is on the apron with his picket sign, and Bobby gives him a running forearm to the face! Papa Z is down on the outside! Even Clint runs in but gets a clothesline for his troubles! Stone is back up, Bobby unleashes a smattering of rapid knee strikes into Stone! Stone is overwhelmed in a neutral corner, Bobby sets him up on the turnbuckle! Oh MY! A HUGE SUPERPLEX! Bobby rolls right into the cover! ONE! TWO! Stone finds it within himself to kickout! JACK JONES: Phew... that was a close one. BILL HEWSON:: Bobby is still feeding off the crowds energy, he's signaling for something --- Could it be? Yes I think it is, the Tam O'Shanterslam! Bobby's got Stone in the pumphandle position, picks him up, and runs him into one corner, then another, hits him into the Celtic Assassins' corner. He turns to face Clint Zellor in the Midnight Cowboys' corner. Bobby O'Brady shakes his head, he won't be heading into that corner, and THERE IT IS! A huge Tam O'Shanterslam and Bobby goes for the cover, it's got to be over. ONE! TWO! THREE--- No! Clint makes the save at the very last second. Bobby O'Brady gets to his feet, and runs a wicked clothesline into Clint! Clint quickly back up to his feet and this time Bobby clotheslines him out of the ring! Bobby looks down at the fallen Stone, I don't think he's going anywhere. Bobby then looks over to his partner on the apron, Al Thoes looks to have recovered greatly from that assault before, and now Bobby's signaling for something. Al, grinning like a moron, is signaling for the same thing... the crowd knows what it is! They're going to hit the Celtic Crusher! Thoes gets in the ring and picks up the fallen Stone Zellor to position him while Bobby O'Brady gets on the top rope. If they hit this it is all over! O'Brady off the top, he nails Stone right in the no-no zone and Thoes drops him down into a huge vertebreaker! The Celtic Crusher! Al Thoes leaves the ring, O'Brady is still the legal man and he makes the over. BILL HEWSON: Nobody has ever kicked out from the Celtic Crusher! Here's the pin! ONE! TWO! TH--- NO! What the hell? Clint Zellor... just blasted Bobby O'Brady with a nasty chair shot! Oh my God! The referee is calling for and instant disqualification! What the hell is Clint doing! Al Thoes blindly rushes in the ring, and takes Clint down with a tackle and is beating the hell out of him. Wait a minute, Papa Z is in the ring, and he's got his picket sign cocked back. What the hell is he going to do with that? Al gets off of Clint when he notices Papa Z in the ring, and Papa Z smashes Al in the head with that picket sign! I think I just heard something crunch like steel, what the hell? Al Thoes is on the ground, and Papa Z rips off the paper from both sides of the sign, oh my --- there was solid steel between that paper! JACK JONES: Hah, genius! BILL HEWSON: That's despicable! I thought Clint Zellor was a stand-up guy --- The crowd is showing how much respect they have for Clint Zellor now! He even had me fooled! Papa Z is helping Stone up while Clint is laying the boots into Al Thoes. This is disgracefull! The Midnight Cowboys and Papa Z are all laying the boots into the fallen Celtic Assassins. The referee is calling for the bell to be rung continuously, but they won't let up their assault. You've proved the point, now leave these men alone! Now Clint signals to Papa Z to go outside the ring. Stone high-fives his big brother as Papa Z returns... with the NAPW Title belts! Oh now, what's this? Clint holds a beaten O'Brady up, both arms behind his back as Stone readies the title belt like a weapon --- Wait a minute, that's Stylin' Kyle Roberts and Bruce "The Beast" Richards! They hit the ring and the Midnight Cowboys jump out before D-X can get their hands on them. The Midnight Cowboys all retreat to the entrance way, where they're mocking D-X. BILL HEWSON: I would never expect Clint Zellor to do something so low! Oh look at this, now the whole family is embracing at the entranceway. They had us all fooled, thinking Clint was twice the man Stone and his father was! FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of this match by disqualification, and still NAPW Tag Team Champions, the Celtic Assassins! BILL HEWSON: I think I'm going to be sick. JACK JONES: Sick? You should be happy - this is a Kodak moment Bill! It figures someone like you would want dissension in a family this close to the holidays. BILL HEWSON: You know what I meant Jack. Clint Zellor got his team disqualified, but they may have gotten the last laught tonight thanks to the beating they gave the Assassins. D-X's revenge will have to wait til the New Year it seems... D-X is now helping the Celtic Assassins to their feet, at least someone in this company has dignity left. Bruce slaps O'Brady on the shoulder. He doesn't look exactly thrilled... wait a minute. Kyle Roberts just picked up one of the tag belts. He's staring it with a creepy expression on his face... Thoes asks Kyle for the belt. Kyle looks at Thoes. He's not making any movement towards him. Suddenly the crowd is aware of what is happening in the ring. Kyle lifts the belt up... what the hell is this? Thoes asking Kyle "what are ya playing at, lad?" ...and then, Roberts drops the belt on the canvas. He flips over the top rope and to the floor, leaving the Assassins in the ring. Bruce is quick to follow, a mildly quizzical expression on his face. The Assassins finally scoop up their belts, raising them high above their heads. They retained tonight, but not in the way they wanted... this isn't the end of the Midnight Cowboy's tag title ambitions. And now they're on the same page...
DEZ CARTER: What's wrong... ARGH! God, North, what are you doing?! THUNDER CLAUS: Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! DEZ CARTER: North. Why aren't you wearing PANTS? THUNDER CLAUS: They weren't done yet. (slipping back into character) But I have presents to deliver, and the Claus must go on, HO HO HO. I know you have both been good, so here are your presents! Thunder Claus hands them both a box, wrapped in bright silver paper, and leaves. Asuka's expression of horror at North's ghastly white legs is a sight to behold - no wonder North wears wrestling pants. DEZ CARTER: What kind of Tag Team partner have I got hooked up with?
JACK JONES: ...and that's my bullrope story! BILL HEWSON: Are you sure you don't write for South Park on the side? JACK JONES: They asked, but they're too high-brow for me. BILL HEWSON: Right. Our next match... well, it might be an understatement to call it personal. In the short time these two men have been with NAPW they have engaged in an incredibly personal feud. Kurt Castle has beaten Chad Kurtis, he's beaten his brother, he's insulted and assaulted the Kurtis family for nearly a month. He's left "The Show" Chad Kurtis laying from Total Devastation numerous times. Short form: They HATE each other. Tonight they settle their issues in an old-school, knock-down drag-out BULLROPE match! FRANK WARBURTON: This next contest is your Bullrope match! The rules are as follows. The two contestants will be attached to each other by a twelve foot long bullrope so that neither man can escape. A heavy cowbell is attached to the rope in the very center and either man can use it any way he chooses to do so. During this match there will be no disqualifications and no count outs! The only way to beat your opponent is to pin him or make him submit! "Releasing The Demons" by Godsmack punishes the Arenas PA system. FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, hailing from Rochester New York. He stands six-feet, seven inches... and weighs in at two-hundred and ninety-eight pounds! Ladies and gentlemen, this is "The Devastator" Kurt Castle!! Castle emerges from the back to a loud ovation. An ovation of boos. He ignores them all as he makes his way to the ring. He passes a fan in the crowd who is holding a sign that reads "I bought these tickets off of EBay!" FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent... The fans start to cheer even before "Cocky" by Kid Rock hits. FRANK WARBURTON: He hails from Paducah, Kentucky. He stands six-feet three inches tall and is two-hundred and thirty pounds! This... is "The Show" Chad Kurtis!! As soon as the fans see Kurtis they explode! The fan favorite quickly makes his way to the ring slaps hands along the way. As Kurtis climbs into the ring the referee is handed the bullrope and cowbell for tonight's festivities. BILL HEWSON: I think tonight we're going to see the first ever Bullrope match in NAPW history! JACK JONES: With good reason these things went out of style in the 70's. I remember that time me and "The American Dream" did one of these down in Tampa and... BILL HEWSON: Fascinating. Let's get to the match shall we? The referee walks over to the corner of "The Show" Chad Kurtis first and orders him to stick out his arm. Kurtis does so and the referee secures that end of the bullrope to the mans wrist. But before he can even turn around the referee and Kurtis both are sandwiched into the corner by a charging Kurt Castle! The referee slumps to the mat as Castle lays into Kurtis with big rights and lefts to the head and body! "The Devastator" grabs an arm of Kurtis and pulls him out of the corner and into a short arm clothesline that drops "The Show" to the mat. Kurtis rolls out of the ring with Castle hot on his heels. On the outside Castle clubs Kurtis from behind with a double ax handle blow to the head and stands over the fallen man to a shower of boos! Kurtis struggles up to his feet only to have his face raked by "The Devastator." Kurt Castle leads Kurtis to the steel ring steps and tries to ram his head into the stairs. It's blocked! Kurtis drives an elbow into the gut of Castle and bounces "The Devastator's" head of the unforgiving steel! BILL HEWSON: Talk about killing two birds with one stone! Castle just got a taste of both the ring steps and the cowbell! JACK JONES: Where did they get that cowbell anyway? BILL HEWSON: Possibly your wife. Kurtis places the cowbell on the top step of the stairs, grabs Castle by the head and smacks it against the cowbell! Castle lands in a heap and Kurtis grabs an arm and attaches the loose end of the bullrope to his opponent. Kurtis circles around the ring steps and waits for Castle to get to his feet. He watches as Kurt Castle looks down at the rope attached to his wrist in puzzlement. Kurtis pulls on the bullrope with all his might and it almost pulls Kurt Castle off of his feet as he's sent flying into the ringpost! Castle pulls away from the ringpost and tries to get the rope off of his wrist but "The Show" again pulls him head and shoulder first into the heavy post. Kurtis quickly rolls into the ring and rolls out on the same side as Castle. Chad Kurtis grabs Kurt Castle by the hair and trunks and shoves him back into the ring. The referee is just now coming to his senses and he watches as Kurtis plants a kick into the ribs of Castle. Kurtis grabs the cowbell in the middle of the rope and raises it above his head to strike Castle when he takes a low blow! JACK JONES: I bet that rang his bells! Get it bells? BILL HEWSON: No DQ's! Anything is legal in this match! Chad Kurtis drops to his knees and "The Devastator" Kurt Castle smiles as he gets to his feet. Castle takes the rope, wraps it around the neck of Kurtis and drives him to the mat with a Rude Awakening style neckbreaker. As Kurtis struggles to get the rope from around his neck, Castle takes the heavy cowbell and slams it against the head of "The Show!" Chad Kurtis tries to cover up but Castle drives the cowbell into the ribs of his opponent. Getting to his feet Kurt Castle takes the ropes and readjusts the rope around the neck of Kurtis so that it's now being pulled tightly against his eyes! The referee asks Kurtis is he wants to give it up but "The Show" screams that he's still in this! Castle releases the grip on the rope and it drops from around the eyes of Kurtis. A angry red mark covers the spot where the rope dug into the flesh. Castle grabs a handful of Chads hair and uses the other hand to once more smash the cowbell into the skull of Kurtis. Castle raises the cowbell above his head and again the boos rain down on him. JACK JONES: I love a guy with confidence! BILL HEWSON: So I've heard. JACK JONES: Huh? Laying on the mat, Kurtis quickly loops the rope around the legs of an unsuspecting Castle and yanks him off of his feet! Castle lands hard and Kurtis is quick to mount the man and pummel him with hard right hands to the head. Castle shoves his off and tries to get to his feet only to have Kurtis smash him in the side of the head with the cowbell! Kurtis hits the far ropes and nails a picture perfect flying forearm to the head of a dazed Castle bring him down to the mat. Kurtis quickly nails a corkscrew legdrop and pulls a hurting Kurt Castle to the near turnbuckle. "The Show" Chad Kurtis leaps up onto the second turnbuckle going for what looks like a BME (best moonsault ever) when Castle yanks on the rope that connects them and sends Kurtis crashing to the mat. Castle gets to his feet, loops the rope around the neck of Kurtis once more and this time sends him up and over the top rope hanging him! Already hurting from his crash landing Kurtis had no time to grab anything and now his feet are kicking away several feet above the arena floor. BILL HEWSON: The referee has to stop this match before Chad Kurtis is killed! JACK JONES: Don't be such a cry baby! As the face of Kurtis starts to turn a bright red the referee slips out of the ring and tries to ask him if he wants to stop. Instead of stopping Kurtis grabs the referee and shoves off of him so that he's able to sit on the ring apron thus taking off the pressure from the Hangman's noose. "The Devastator" storms over to Kurtis and reaches over the ring ropes in an attempt to either pull him back into the ring or to push him off the apron. We'll never know as Kurtis uses his leverage to drag the bigger man over the top and down to the floor! Kurtis gets to his feet on the ring apron and hits a seated senton onto Kurt Castle just as he gets back to his feet! Kurtis looks winded but he drives a pair of hard kicks into the chest of Castle. "The Show" Chad Kurtis grabs the bullrope and whips it across the chest of his nemesis. As Castle tries to get to his feet he takes another hard lash from the bullrope across the back leaving an ugly welt. Kurtis drops the length of bullrope, grabs the cowbell and again smacks Castle against the side of the head with it. BILL HEWSON: Good Lord I heard that all the way over here! Blood is now pouring from the left ear of "The Devastator" Kurt Castle and he staggers back as Chad Kurtis advances on him. Castle blocks another attempted shot from the cowbell and drives a knee into the ribs of Kurtis. Castle doesn't waste a second as he hoists Kurtis up and drops him chest first across the ring barrier. As Chad Kurtis lays on the floor holding his chest Castle takes the cowbell and tries to dig it into the forehead of "The Show." Castle smiles as he sees blood start to trickle from the head of Kurtis and starts to bang away at the wound with the now bloody cowbell. Castle pulls off of his man, drags him to his feet and rolls him into the ring. Castle checks his ear and looks disgusted with the amount of blood he finds on his hand. Castle climbs up to the ring apron and then pokes his head into the ring between the second and tope rope and gets caught with a boot to the face! Laying on his back, Chad Kurtis kicks again and a loud POP echoes through the arena as Castle holds his face and sags down on the second rope. JACK JONES: Hey that's a DQ right? BILL HEWSON: Ugh, once again pay attention to the rules Jones. There are NO DQ's! A bloody Chad Kurtis gets to his feet and pulls Kurt Castle further into the ring so that he's half in and half out. Kurtis springboards off of the ropes and drives a leg across the back of a prone Castle! Kurtis drags Castle into the ring and covers him for the first time in the match! Castle rolls his shoulder at the count of two and Kurtis is starting to look frustrated. He whips blood out of his eyes and uses the cowbell to once again smack Castle in the already bloodied ear. Chad Kurtis gets to his feet and brings Castle up with him. He positions him for what looks like his CK Finale (Canadian Destroyer) finisher but it's blocked - how could he possibly get it on such a big man like Castle? Kurtis again tries to hit the big man with the move but this time Castle hooks the legs of "The Show" and hoists him into the air so that he can execute a Alabama Slam! Chad Kurtis hits hard and castle basically falls on top of him for the pin attempt! One! Two! Kurtis kicks out! Now it's time for Castle to look frustrated. BILL HEWSON: Chad Kurtis is hanging tough! There is a lot of bad blood between these two rising stars and "The Show" wants to walk out of here with the win! Castle pulls the bloody Kurtis off of the mat and shoots him into the ropes catching him with a gorilla press! Before he can slam him to the mat, Kurtis wiggles out and drops down behind "The Devastator." Castle turns around and takes a superkick right on the button! Castle is amazingly still on his feet, although his legs look shaky. Kurtis hits the ropes and tries for a cross body but Castle catches him and drives him to the mat with a fallaway slam! Castle, ear dripping blood onto the mat, pulls a lifeless looking Chad Kurtis off of the mat and positions him for a pump handle slam. Castle hooks him and hoists him up onto his shoulder, but once more Kurtis slips though! He drops behind Castle and kicks him in the back of the knee bringing the bigger man down to a more manageable size. Kurtis loops the bullrope around the neck of Castle and pulls back on it with all his might! Castle tries to power out but Kurtis plants a knee in the middle of "The Devastator's" back and puts on more pressure! JACK JONES: Come on Kurt! Roll baby! Roll! BILL HEWSON: What are you even talking about? He's caught! A bloodied and beaten Chad Kurtis is standing behind a kneeling equally bloody Kurt Castle and is trying to choke him out! Castles arm is bent at an awkward angle across his face thanks to the attached bullrope but still the big man won't give in! Seconds tick by and the fans are growing impatient, some even chanting "Tap! Tap! Tap!" "The Show" Chad Kurtis is pulling for all he's worth as blood pours his forehead. Castle is holding on... holding... and at this point he is beginning to lose consciousness... The referee is calling for the bell! Kurt Castle would not tap out, but there's only so long you can go without air! FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS! JACK JONES: Noooooooo! That was a choke out referee! Come on! BILL HEWSON: Perfectly legal in this match, Chad Kurtis did what he had to do... Kurt Castle held out longer than any normal man possibly could! "The Show" collapses to the mat as does "The Devastator." The referee unhooks both men from their confines. Kurt Castle coughs, eyes opening. He looks angry. He turns to look at Kurtis and his eyes seem to burn a hole through the man. BILL HEWSON: Oh no... "The Devastator" looks ready to go a few more rounds. As Chad Kurtis slowly gets up he spies a bloody Castle. Castle shakes his head, walks over to the ring ropes and gets a microphone from the time keeper. JACK JONES: I hope we're on five second delay. "THE DEVASTATOR" KURT CASTLE: I'll make this short. Kurtis... You showed me something tonight I didn't expect. What's this? Kurt Castle is offering his hand! Chad Kurtis looks at the outstretched hand then at the fans who are yelling to him that it's just a trick! BILL HEWSON: Can you belive this? JACK JONES: Jump him Kurt! Jump him! Incredibly Chad Kurtis shakes the hand of Kurt Castle! The fans go crazy over this turn of events. Castle suddenly pulls "The Show" close to him. JACK JONES: Here we go! After an intense moment of staring each other down, Castle releases his grip and simply walks away! The referee raises the arm of "The Show" as the fans celebrate! JACK JONES: Oh what was that!? BILL HEWSON: That was a sign of respect Jack! Both of these men have a tremendous future ahead of them! What a match!
R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: And next time GET IT RIGHT! P.A.: Yessir. As the P.A. stutters off, who walks into frame but (of course) Thunder Claus! THUNDER CLAUS: HO HO HO! R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: WHAT THE HELL! Gunderson! What are you doing dressed like that? For the love of God, where are your PANTS? THUNDER CLAUS: Ho ho ho, I'm Santa, and I'm bringing presents for all the good little girls and boys! In fact, I've got something VERY special for you. Thunder Claus' cell phone goes of, to the tune of Jingle Bells of course. THUNDER CLAUS: Hello?... Yes... Excellent! Thank you! Ho ho ho! Well Joey, that was one of my little elves, I've got to go get ready for a match! But first here's a present, special for you. Thunder Claus hands Winchell a box wrapped all in black, and leaves. Winchell opens the box, and pulls out... Wait for it. A lump of coal. R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: GUNDERSONNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! Knock, knock. R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: GUNDERSON! YOU'RE --- ...YOU. And into the scene steps Wayne Wright. R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: What the hell do you want, Wright? I'm a busy man. WAYNE WRIGHT: I have... a proposal. R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: I don't care. WAYNE WRIGHT: For your match with the Man In Black. R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: ...you've got two minutes, Wright.
JACK JONES: That's right Hewson, and not once, but twice...that no good, rotten... BILL HEWSON: And that'll do! So, who do you think is going win, Jack Attack? JACK JONES: Well, the smart money - which happens to be MY money, Hewson - has to be on Kenny Krenshov. How do you get that much man over the top rope? BILL HEWSON: I don't know, but if anyone can, it's an NAPW Superstar! Let's send it to Frank Warburton in the ring! Already standing in the ring are the Christian Soldiers, as well as the debuting Chase Cassidy and....some guy? The Soldiers seem to be praying, and Cassidy is explaining to Some Guy to stay the hell out of the way. Dextro is..chewing on the turnbuckle? Right. Kamikaze (he's ALIVE! ALIVE I TELL YOU!) looks paralyzed in fear, and Legion is pacing around like a bull. Dez Carter, Matt Kurtis, and Lyndsey are also in the ring. Rounding out the group are Dio Muerte and Wayne Wright. Warburton gets on the stick to explain the rules. FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and Gentlemen, it's now time for the Acton! Battle Royale! The winner of this match will receive a first round bye in the Canada Tournament. The rules are as follows: To be eliminated, a competitor must be thrown OVER the top rope, and BOTH feet must touch the floor! The last man remaining in the ring will be the winner! Heading down to the ring is North T. Gunderson, wearing a- JACK JONES: What the hell? BILL HEWSON: Folks, it looks like Christmas has come early - a little TOO early. Gunderson strolls down to the ring in a Santa costume. But, uh, he doesn't have any PANTS on. Just the bag o' toys, jacket, gloves, hat, and beard, and his BVDs. Following him is the Royal Foundation coming down as a unit. They sneer at the crowd, but Jeff slaps a few hands and hoists up his TV title upon entering the ring. BILL HEWSON: One can only wonder how long that relationship can last before it explodes. JACK JONES: What do you mean? They couldn't be any stronger! Jeff James is a Royal through and through, you'll see. BILL HEWSON: Regardless, here comes Nightmare, and he's staring holes through Wayne Wright and Dio Muerte! Nightmare steps over the top rope. "Outlaw" Patrick Kidd is next, and he hands hands his Provincial title to the ref before sliding into the ring - but not before giving it a strange look, like he doesn't want it out of his sight. Following them is "The Moose" Mark Millar (quick to throw some insults Kidd's way), and then "Big Bad" Brian Bruno. JACK JONES: I may not like the guy, but even I have to tip my hat to just how tough Brian Bruno is. With his injuries, it's a miracle the guy is walking, forget wrestling! But forget that, here comes MY PICK! Next out is "The Colossal" Kenny Krenshov, who looks intent on winning the whole damn thing. And who's ready to stop the monster? Maybe SBK, who gets a thunderous ovation as he heads down to the ring. BILL HEWSON: And this thing is set to go! Or is it? Out steps - Lexx Vain? His music blasts ("You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you", and he heads down to the ring, dancing all the way! JACK JONES: What the - he's in the ring? I'm going to change my pick, Lexx Vain takes the whole thing! Vain grabs the mic. LEXX VAIN: When NAPW came to me with an idea to help inflate their sagging buyrates... Well, I knew it couldn't just be anything special. Ladies and gentlemen, a future Canada Cup champion you can be PROUD OF... ME! Well, Vain is apparently in the ring. Everything is set to go, things are about to get unruly... except with Matt Kurtis. He's holding the ropes open for Lyndsey Valentine, asking her to leave the ring. Except, she's not. Matt stands up, asking what's going on? Now it's Lyndsey's turn to grab the mic. LYNDSEY VALENTINE: Sorry Matt, but I'm not standing idly at ringside in this one. If Lexx Vain is in this match... well so am I! Referee... ring that bell, sugah! BILL HEWSON: Anything can happen in the EN EHHH PEEEE DOULBE YOUUUU! The bell rings, and the action breaks out immediately. Fists and feet are flying everywhere, and it's hard to see what's going on! It looks like The Royal Foundation is avoiding Krenshov, and instead targeting Brian Bruno, another old foe! Dez Carter, North "Thunder Claus" Gunderson seem to have made an alliance with Patrick Kidd. They all slap each other five, and go to town on Chase Cassidy! Chase is yelling at Some Guy to help, but all he can do is cringe in fear - I guess it wasn't just a theory, after all! Vain is clinging to the bottom rope, in horror, and getting stomped mercilessly by Nightmare! He screams, and Wayne Wright hits a low blow on Nightmare, saving Vain's ass! The Soldiers are teaming up on Kenny, but that's just annoying the big man! BIG DOULBE CLOTHESLINE! AND BOTH SOLDIERS ARE GONZO, over the top rope! JACK JONES: Sayonara! Matt Kurtis is slamming Legion's head off of the turnbuckle, but Legion sticks him with an elbow to back him off. Bruno with a lariat takes down Prince Darko, and the Royals back off and split up. Lyndsey is holding her own, but there's a cheap shot from Wayne Wright - and a DECAPITATING CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL from Kurtis on Wayne! SBK is trying to avoid being dumped out by Gunderson and Some Guy, who looks as lost as lost could be! Some guy gets kicked in the face, and falls to the mat, and Kryenik turns the tables on Gunderson while Kidd and Carter eliminate Chase Cassidy! Some guy pops up, and gets sent out by Jeff James, right on top of his tag partner! BILL HEWSON: So much for the tag teams... JACK JONES: Like they had a chance! Outside, Cassidy is berating Some Guy, who just bows his head in shame. "You idiot, how dare you make me look bad and outlast me!" Chase kicks him in the ass, and the two head out. Back in the ring, Dextro, Wayne Wright, Kryenik, and all of the Royal Foundation are trying to eliminate Kenny, but the monster is fighting them off - and he SHOVES ALL of them to the ground, holy crap! The crowd gasps, and before anyone can blink, Lyndsey dropkicks an unsuspecting North in the back, and he flips over the ropes and gets eliminated! JACK JONES: Whoa, that chick just eliminated Gunderson! BILL HEWSON: She's a former wrestler herself, you know. And then Wayne Wright with a cheap shot on Lyndsey, and he tosses her over too! BILL HEWSON: What a coward he is! I don't like this change in attitude from Wayne Wright recently. JACK JONES: Hey, she doesn't belong in this match anyways. Who does she think she is, Chyna? BILL HEWSON: I'd sugggest that Miss Valentine is much more... feminine than she who shall not be named. Nonetheless, she put up a good fight in this one for a while. Lexx Vain finally gets up, and just about half the field turns to him...and starts to advance on him! Vain looks around, starts to beg off, and jumps over the top, eliminating himself! He runs away up the ramp, shouting that he got an elimination - what a dick! Bruno is trying to dump Legion out now, and Kenny turns his attention to Darko - LOW BLOW! Young with a low blow takes down Krenshov. JACK JONES: His only weakness! The Royals pounce on Kenny, but he hits each with a huge right, sending them across the ring. Kamikaze off the top! And he lands on his head. Kenny picks him up and - oh no. Not again!.... BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD! JACK JONES: NO WAY! THE CROWD: HOLY (BLEEP)! KENNY JUST TOSSED HIM LIKE A LAWN DART, RIGHT INTO THE FRONT ROW! HE HAS TO BE DEAD NOW! BILL HEWSON: Chris Kamikaze is dead! He has to be! Dextro tries a DexPLex on Dez, but Kidd Saves him by clubbing the Meth Orphan! On the other side of the ring, Moose is body slamming Dio Muerte. Dez pats Kidd on the back, and says that "when I win, maybe I'll challenge you for the Provincial title." Just a friendly joke - and Kidd punches him in the face! What gives? Kidd is all over Dez, and the two spill out between the ropes and to the floor! Meanwhile, here comes Dio charging SBK! Billy ducks and yanks down the ropes - Dio goes over, he's eliminated! Moose turns to Krenshov, and challenges him! Moose with a forearm to his face, but Kenny no-sells! Kenny with a chop, and down goes Millar! He gets up, and Kenny with a right hand that sends him to the turnbuckle. He stumbles out, and Krenshov grabs him by the HEAD - and TOSSES HIM OUT WITH AUTHORITY! Moose has been eliminated! Dextro and Wayne are working over Nightmare, and the big man is down in the corner. Dextro gets on the middle rope, he's gonna start raining down punches - but Wayne pushes him off, and Dextro hits the mat hard, eliminated! Elsewhere, Legion and Bruno are hammering each other with fists - and Bruno sticks a big boot to the gut - BRUNO BOMBER! Legion pops up, but it's just his body refusing to acknowledge he's out cold. Bruno clotheslines his nemesis over the top, eliminating him! JACK JONES: Now they're starting to thin out, aye Hewson? BILL HEWSON: What amazing action! Anyone in here can win this thing folks! Kidd is finally done with his vicious beat down on Dez, and tosses him back inside. A Crimson Tide on Dez Carter! SBK picks up the pieces and quickly eliminates him. Kidd gets up on the middle rope, and starts shouting at Dez "NOT MY BELT!", but he doesn't see big Matt Kurtis from behind! He pushes him off, and the Provincial Champ is gone, gone, gone! And he immediately starts to pummel Dez Carter! BIL HEWSON: What's gotten into Patrick Kidd! Somebody stop this! JACK JONES: Are you KIDDING? I love this! Hit him again, Pat! BILL HEWSON: You sad, sick man... Security and North T. Gunderson (who had been giving out some presents to fans) rush out and finally get Kidd separated from Dez, and the action continues in the ring, we've got nine men left! Wayne is still in there, and he just turned around right into Nightmare! DOUBLE GOOZLE! DREAM CATCHER! The crowd pops big, and Nightmare tosses Wayne out - VIA CHOKESLAM! OMG! BILL HEWSON: Maybe that'll set the "Wild Rose" straight. JACK JONES: Or put him in the hospital! Good grief! BILL HEWSON: And we're down the last eight! Wayne takes a few moments to get up, but when he does, someone informs him he's eliminated. And he proceeds to throw just about the girliest tantrum you ever did see. Dan the Man would weep. In the ring, Bruno is wailing on Darko, and hits him with a big Overhead Belly to Belly, sending him into the ropes! He lands on his head, but stays in the ring, barely! Jeff James squares off with Nightmare, and manages to land a thrust kick squarely in his chest, sending him to the mat. In the corner, Kenny is choking out Kurtis with his boot. Kryenik hits an Ura-Nage slam on Thomas Young, near the ropes. Billy's all fired up, and he's sizing up Young for a superkick! He kicks and nails - JEFF JAMES? RIGHT IN THE FACE, and James gets knocked over the ropes! There goes the TV Champ! BILL HEWSON: Jeff James just shoved his brother out of the way! He sacrificed himself for Young! JACK JONES: I told you, Hewson! He's a ROYAL FOUNDATION-ER ALL THE WAY! Darko applauds James - and very promptly gets the spinbuster of his life from Brian Bruno! The ring almost collapsed, and the crowd pops like crazy! Bruno picks him up, and throws him over! Darko's eliminated! BILL HEWSON: And then there were six! And Thomas Young is now all by his lonesome! Nightmare is chopping Thomas in the corner and tries to lift him out over the turnbuckles (which never, ever, ever, works, but guys always try to do it.) Darko grabs his foot from the outside! Nightmare kicks at him to get him off, but the distraction gives Young time to elbow Nightmare in the head, and he dumps him over the ropes, with help from Darko! Nightmare is finished! In another part of the ring, a three-way brawl is going on. Brian Bruno with a boot to Matthew Kurtis --- then he pivots and takes a shot at Krenshov. Kenny chops him back, but the ex-Jet fires away again! SLUGFEST! Kurtis is standing, he's ready to go --- watch out for Krenshov with a running big boot! Bruno ducks, Oh no! Kurtis gets nailed in the face... and sent over the top rope. Krenshov eliminates Matt Kurtis with an errant boot meant for Bruno. BILL HEWSON: Final Four! Who wants it the most? JACK JONES: My pick is still alive, Hewson, what did I tell you? Kenny has it in the bag! The last four men - Bruno, Kryenik, Young, and Krenshov - stand across from each other. Bruno and Billy one side, Krenshov on the other...and Young in the middle. Bruno gives a pound to Kryenik, it looks like they're working together. And Young sides with them! They're all going after Kresnshov! And the fists are a - flying! Kenny tries to fight them off, but even he can't stop three superstars of this caliber! They have him on the ropes, he's gonna go over! What the hell! Young with a cheap shot on Bruno! He eliminates him! The fans boo as Bruno lands hard on his shoulder! BILL HEWSON: Dammit! Bruno just got screwed! JACK JONES: Survival of the fittest, Hew-WHOA! Kenny just launched Kryenik across the ring, and he grabbed Young by the throat! And he presses him over his head, HOLY (BLEEP) LOOK THE THE POWER! He throws him in the air, and he lands throat first across the top rope! He bounces off, and slams hard onto the floor! Eliminated, we're down to two! JACK JONES: HOLY HELL! DID YOU SEE THAT, HEWSON? BILL HEWSON: What an incredible display of power! If Young had just helped get Krenshov over, he'd still be in it - but now we're down to two! Kryenik gets up and stares at his opponent, the unstoppable monster that just about KILLED someone for the second straight week. And the fans go wild as Kryenik charges! Forearm smash! Nip-up! LEFT HOOK, what a shot! Kenny won't go down! KICK TO THE BALLS! Kenny should've brought out the old cup again! DDT from Billy, but he can't possibly pick Krenshov up and throw him out. He begins stomping the big man, but that's not enogh to keep him on the mat. Krenshov fights to his feet, and headbutts Kryenik down to the mat! Foor on his chest, and steps over him! Billy grabs his chest in pain as Kenny grabs him around the throat and picks him up, only to throw him into the corner! AVALANCHE! WHAT POWER! Kryenik crumbles to the mat, and he's just laughing now. "You're old news, Kryenik. You thought the broken neck was bad? Let's see if you survive this!" Kenny grabs him again, and throws him across to the middle of the ring! Big elbow drop on Kryenik, he's being dismantled! BILL HEWSON: It looks like it's a matter of time now, unless Billy's got a miracle up his sleeve. JACK JONES: I'm ALWAYS right, Hewson! Krenshov picks up his prey again, and says that it's time. Billy rakes the eyes in desperation! KISS OF BABYLON! Kenny stumbles back, and here comes Kryenik - leg lariat! Kenny is STILL on his feet, HOW? Kryenik with another left hook, but Krenshov no-sells again! Knee to the gut of SBK! He doubles over, the bells are tolling for Sick Billy. Because Krenshov picks him up for the TOTAL ECLIPSE! And he wants to dump him over the top with it! He drops down... JACK JONES: HE DID IT! KRENSHOV WINS! BILL HEWSON: WAIT A MINUTE! BILLY HUNG ONTO HIS ARM, AND LANDED ON THE APRON! HE'S GOT KRENSHOV'S ARM, HE'S TRYING TO YANK HIM OVER! JACK JONES: HANG ON KENNY! SHAKE THAT BASTARD OFF! Kryenik locks his legs around Kenny's arm, and slowly works him over....Kenny teeters...he's tipping over...will he go over...........? HE DOES! But he lands on the apron, putting his free leg down on the ground to push himself back up! Kryenik sees his opportunity, and wriggles free - he climbs to the top rope - the fans go HOG WILD! BILL HEWSON: What's he gonna do here? Kenny stands up on the apron and gets MISSILE DROP KICKED BY KRENSHOV! HE FALLS OFF, AND BILLY FOLLOWS SOON AFTER! BILL HEWSON: BILLY KRYENIK WINS! HE SACRIFICED HIS BODY AND TOOK HOME THE WIN! JACK JONES: DAMMIT! KRENSHOV WAS SO CLOSE! The crowd has come UNGLUED, and Billy stands up over the fallen giant, triumphant! FRANK WARBURTON: HERE IS YOUR WINNER, SICK! BIIIIILLLLYYYY KRYYYYYEEEENIIIK! BILL HEWSON: What a huge win for Kryenik, but I think this is just the tip of the ice berg. JACK JONES: You aren't kidding! No way that Eli - OR Kenny - will take this lying down! Eli Potts is attempting to calm his man down, as Krenshov rages on the way to the back. Kryenik hits a corner and shares this victory with his fans. What an Action! Battle Royale!
JOSH REYNOLDS: Young, Darko! Can I get some thoughts on the Action --- Darko slaps Reynolds in the face. Reynolds stumbles out of the scene, but the Foundation continue to talk amongst themselves. THOMAS YOUNG: So the Foundation enters the Battle Royal and only one of us make it into the mix? What the hell is that! Prince Darko: This is bull(BLEEP)! We're the god damn Royal Foundation! We're the best in this damn business! THOMAS YOUNG: Yet every night we get screwed over! PRINCE DARKO: I can't stand this! We aren't pukes and we are definitely not lowlifes! SAKI: Chill out guys, theres a new year coming up. If there's any time you guys should make a name for yourselves its now. MR. B: New Year, New Shmear. You two will still suck. PRINCE DARKO: What makes you so sure about that B? MR. B: Because, you always say you'll do things but never follow through. THOMAS YOUNG:: You want following through Mr. B? Young punches Mr. B in the stomach! THOMAS YOUNG: We'll give you follow through. Nobody talks down to us anymore, not you, not Krenshov, not Nightmare, not ANYBODY. Let's go. The Foundation leave the scene. A gasping Mr. B tries to keep up...
JACK JONES: Sissy. BILL HEWSON: Well, if my baby peed on my face like your boy... JACK JONES: Ixnay! BILL HEWSON: Now our next match... is one that is decidely odd. It all starts months ago. A mysterious "Man In Black" was following around former tag team champions The Delivery Men. Eventually, we learned that Man In Black was Joseph Winchell, who then took control of NAPW from his father "Wahoo" Bobby Winchell. JACK JONES: And then my salary went up, up, up! BILL HEWSON: But the weird part comes later. A NEW Man In Black showed up, interfering in a D!/Ravager match, and all-around getting on Joseph Winchell's case. The Commissioner accused Krusty Kid Paul of being the MIB, but then the MIB showed up to aid KKP in a match. The commissioner then accused BOTH members of Sexy Adorable Drunks, including Thomas Deathrow, of being the MIB in turns... but the MIB STILL showed up with both SAD in the ring. JACK JONES: I was so confused. BILL HEWSON: There there. Now, tonight, Winchell has ORDERED a match. The former "Bad Boy" Joey Malone to face The Man In Black. Winchell is bent on unmasking the MIB... and as he said, if the SAD can't produce the MIB, then they will be FIRED. Tonight, will Joseph... will any of us learn who the Man In Black is? Or will he once again pull the wool over Joseph's eyes? We will find out in a few minutes. "BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS! WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?" "COPS is filmed live..." No no, it's not COPS. It's THE COMMISH. Joseph Winchell comes out to his classic "Bad Boy" theme music, but he's ditched the Kyle Roberts wannabe tights for a pair of Tajiri-like pants and cut-sleeve t-shirt. He's obviously trying hard to be taken seriously as a wrestler, but the crowd just jeers and mocks him relentlessly. He gets into the ring. FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is set for one fall! Introducing first, the owner and commissioner of New Alberta Pro Wrestling... R. Joseph Winchell... THE THIRD! BILL HEWSON: You know, even as much as I'm not a fan of some of Winchell's business practice, it's hard to forget he's only in his twenties. It was with the financial backing of Longshot's Charitable Trust that Winchell was able to buy NAPW out from his father all those months ago. JACK JONES: And look what's happened since then! Buyrates? Through the roof! Ratings? Up up up! My salary? See earlier! BILL HEWSON: Nonetheless, Winchell is not exactly impartial. He isn't fans of D-X, who refused to be his allies... and recently, he has taken away Deathrow's "Superstar Rules" stipulation and made the SAD's life hell. He doesn't look happy tonight does Winchell, this could be interesting. Winchell is in the ring, trying his level best to ignore the fans. He talks to Warburton, telling him information. FRANK WARBURTON: And now, introducing the SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE FOR THIS MATCH... BILL HEWSON: What? What special referee? FRANK WARBURTON: He is THE WILD ROSE... WAYNE WRIGHT! Wayne's music kicks up. He's thrown a referee t-shirt on over his ring gear, still angry about his elimination the Battle Royale. Wayne Wright comes to the ring, snarling at the jeers of the fans. He enters the ring, and then. The world stops. Hell freezes over. Former bitter enemies Joey Malone and Wayne Wright... SHAKE HANDS. BILL HEWSON: JACK! JACK ARE YOU ALRIGHT? JACK JONES: I... for a moment... I think I just had a heart-attack... from an unexpected shock... BILL HEWSON: I can't believe Wayne Wright and Joey Malone are shaking hands! They've hated each other since NAPW opened! JACK JONES: Oh, my heart! Winchell grabs the stick. R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: And now that a FAIR, impartial referee has been assigned... MAN IN BLACK! WHEREVER YOU ARE! WHOEVER YOU ARE! GET YOUR ASS IN THIS RING RIGHT NOW FOR A BAD BOY BEATING! BILL HEWSON: And he wonders why they make fun of him. And then... nothing but silence. The crowd looks around, wondering. Winchell is pacing like a lion, then he laughs. R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: I knew it. I knew he wouldn't show up. Well, SAD, I guess this means... YOU'RE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED--- "Uh huh, uh huh!" Suddenly the lights dim, spotlights shining around. They converge on the entrance way --- and the music kicks into full gear.
"Here come the Men In Black!
Oh yes, it IS Will Smith's "Men In Black." And from the entrance way, wearing his fedora, long black coat, mask and gloves... is THE MAN IN BLACK. And he is dancing. Yes, dancing. He thinks he's The Fresh Prince --- no, make that Lance Storm, he's doing the Cabbage Patch! The Roger Rabbit! The Coach Z! "How come you don't dance no'mo'?" Give him a chance. Give him a chance to do a hip-hop dance. The crowd is going crazy, they love it, and they particularly love the angry expression on Winchell's face. He's shocked and appalled. Meanwhile, the MIB has danced his way to the ring steps. He gets up, grabs the ring pole and... well, I didn't know you could do that on television. He steps into the ring, here comes Winchell to blindside --- The MIB knocks him down with a big punch! Winchell gets up again, OMG DDT. Wow, that was... easy. The Man In Black takes some time to take off his coat, which he rubs against his ass. Huh. Then he shoves it right in Winchell's face! The MIB's arms showing, he's wearing a no-sleeve button up Dickies shirt. JACK JONES: Stop the match! BILL HEWSON: Well, the Man In Black is certainly... unique. In the ring again, Winchell uses an eye gouge on the Man In Black. That stuns the man momentarily, and then Joey tries to rip the mask off. The Man In Black issues a scientific counter, using the Testicular Claw. Science! Joseph screams in pain as the MIB then uses his other hand to lift Joseph up and SLAM him into the canvas. He covers... Wayne Wright hits the mat and counts... Onnnnne... BILL HEWSON: Oh come on, how is the MIB supposed to win this match? Wayne Wright isn't going to count three for him! JACK JONES: He's not disqualifying the Man In Black for his... horrible, horrible moves... BILL HEWSON: He hasn't done anything illegal, just distasteful. In the ring, The MIB is advancing on Wayne Wright now. That just gives Winchell the opportunity to hit a neckbreaker. Bit of offense from Joseph Winchell there, and now he grabs the microphone again? R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: I would just... like to announce... that this is a special HANDICAP match... allow me to introduce my partner... KENNY KRENSHOV! BILL HEWSON: WHAAAAAT? And yes, out from the entrance way, it is indeed the man who fifteen minutes ago almost won the Battle Royale. And you better believe Krenshov is in a baaaaaad mood now. He storms the ring, not before the Man In Black takes Winchell down with a side russian leg sweep. He steps up and gets ready for Krenshov, suddenly acting more serious --- WAYNE FROM BEHIND. Low blow to The Man In Black, and he's easy pickings for Kenny Krenshov. Immediate. And destructive. POWERBOMB. Krenshov hurls Joseph by the scruff on top of the Man In Black, Wayne counts ONETWOTH---kickout! The Man In Black won't stay down! But it's essentially a three-on-one, what kind of chance does he have? Winchell gets up, now he's yelling at Krenshov. "DO IT! END HIM NOW!" Kenny Krenshov picks up the Man In Black... oh no! TOTAL ECLIPSE! BOOM. That should be all, but Joseph isn't pinning. OH NO. He wants to humilate the Man In Black first! The Man In Black is down, he's helpless. Joseph gets Wayne & Krenshov (not that Krenshov NEEDS help) to hold him down and starts clawing at the mask! JACK JONES: This is it, Hewson! We're finally going to learn who the Man In Black is! BILL HEWSON: I want to know, but not this way! JACK JONES: HERE IT COMES! RIIIIIIP. Winchell claws the mask off and bounds up, holding the treasure in his hand. Krenshov and Wayne let go of the MIB, who quickly rolls over, hiding his face. Winchell holds the mask up and grabs the mic. R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: Look at you, crawling on your feet like a beggar! Now GET up and show yourself to the world, you ... you... jerk! A hush comes over the crowd. The MIB, hands still up above his head, stops crawling. He gets up, arms covering his head... and finally pulls them down. JACK JONES: He's the Dread Pirate Roberts? BILL HEWSON: NO! THE MIB HAD A BANDANA AND MASK ON BENEATH HIS FIRST MASK! HIS SECRET IS SAFE! Winchell is IRATE. He is FURIOUS. No, beyond furious. He's pretty much throwing a tantrum. Wayne charges at the MIB, but he gets side-stepped and tossed over the top rope. Krenshov, you can't do that to! He comes at the MIB, getting his hands on him, but suddenly the MIB reaches into his pants... and MACES KRENSHOV IN THE EYES! WHAT THE HELL?! Krenshov roars like an injured beast, rearing back and clawing at his eyes. And then The Man In Black... STEEL CHAIR FROM WINCHELL! The MIB saw it coming and tried to get a hand up, but not enough. He goes down. Krenshov, meanwhile, his eyes are red and he's breathing hard but he's gaining some of his vision. Winchell has had it. He looks at Krenshov once again and says "ONE MORE TIME! END IT! END HIM NOW!" Krenshov, wanting a release for his incredible frustration at losing the Battle Royale, is only too happy to oblige. He lifts up the Man In Black AND THEN FROM THE CROWD. Comes... THE MAN IN BLACK??? JACK JONES: Ohhhhhhh* BILL HEWSON: Jack! Jack? Okay, you stay passed out. A SECOND MAN IN BLACK HAS HIT THE RING! AND HE JUST NAILED KRENSHOV WITH A KENDO STICK! HE'S WEARING THE BIG MAN OUT! Krenshov is only getting angrier though, he clutches this NEW MIB by the throat --- low blow. Krenshov smirks, he's wearing a cup after taking a shot in the Battle Royale (again.) The MIB squirms in Krenshov's grip... CHOKESLAM! He's down! Krenshov dusts his hands off, but then notes Winchell staring slack-jawed to his side. IT'S THE MAN IN BLACK! AND HE NAILS KRENSHOV WITH A RUNNING STO! KRENSHOV'S HEAD BOUNCES OFF THE DISCARDED STEEL CHAIR! But that's not enough, now the third MIB is staring in the direction of a baffled Joseph Winchell. Wayne Wright is in to tackle! The MIB saw it coming, he nails Wright hard and picks him up onto the top rope. What's this? The MIB cuts his throat, and then... NAILS WAYNE WITH THE MUSCLE BUSTER! Wayne Wright is down! The original Man In Black is up! The second Man in Black is up! It's a TRIO OF MEN IN BLACK! And they're all looking down Winchell as though down the barrell of a gun! But good God, Krenshov is UP. And ANGRY! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! He waylays all three Men In Black, who begin to fight! Winchell gathers his wits and once again grabs the steel chair! The third MIB is going toe to toe with Krenshov, somehow, like he has experience against monster men... Winchell rears the chair back --- GRABBED. BY ANOTHER MAN IN BLACK. Winchell falls on his ass in shock as Man In Black #4 waggles his finger at him, then taps his head as if to say "I'm smarter than you!" Joseph's jaw drops (again) and them from another corner slides into the ring a BIG MAN IN BLACK! And then...from the CROWD! TWO MORE MEN IN BLACK! One bigger, one smaller! From the aisle! TWO MORE MEN IN BLACK! THERE ARE NINE MEN IN BLACK! AND ONE MORE! TEN MEN IN BLACK! AH, AH, AH! BILL HEWSON: This... THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED! HERE COME THE MEN IN BLACK INDEED --- there are TEN OF THEM! UNBELIEVABLE! But Kenny Krenshov is still fighting, but the numbers are too much! One of the men in black from the aisle gets in the ring and lariats the hell out of Krenshov! It's a group effort, and now it's half-dozen MIB each lariating Krenshov consecutively! One of the aisle MIB then nails a HOT superkick that finally knocks Krenshov over the top rope! And with that, seven of the Men In Black leave the ring and swarm Kenny Krenshov. One produces handcuffs... Kenny FIGHTS like a mofo when he realizes what's going on, but he's on his belly with six other men holding him down. SNAP. Krenshov is FREAKING OUT, but the handcuffs hold! What's this? An MIB pulls a wheeled flat-bed cart from under the ring! They load Krenshov on it and wheel him back to the entrance way and through the curtain! Quickly all the Men In Black return to the ring, surrounding it on all sides of the ring apron. Joseph Winchell is looking from black masked face to black masked face in absolute horror. You can almost see what little remains of his sanity escaping him in the face of nearly a dozen Men In Black. And then, they begin chanting? "Bad Boy, Bad Boy, Bad Boy, Bad Boy" Joseph screams "SHUT UP!" He shrieks! He freaks out! And then he turns around --- INTO A HARD RIGHT HAND by the lone, original Man In Black in the middle of the ring. And then, the Man In Black grabs the microphone. MAN IN BLACK: It's (BLEEP)in' funny, all this time you were right on JoJo. But guess what: AND THE MAN IN BLACK RIPS OFF HIS MASK TO REVEAL--- BILL HEWSON: THE SUPERSTAR THOMAS DEATHROOOOOOOOOOOW! SUPERSTAR THOMAS DEATHROW: You still (BLEEP)in' lose, just like ya always do! And with that, Deathrow sticks a shocked Winchell head-first between his legs. DEATHROW DRIVER. Winchell is out! He's done! Deathrow drops down to cover, and then a Man In Black rushes in the ring and shakes Wayne Wright. "COUNT!" Wayne shakes his head no, but then he realizes there are eleven Men In Black ready to beat his ass until he does. Wayne slaps the mat one... hesitates on two, then the Men In Black start getting loud... TWO... Wayne grimaces, and then counts THREE! FRANK WARBURTON: Here is YOUR WINNER... THE MAN IN BLACK: TOMMMMMY DEATHROOOOOOOW! BILL HEWSON: THE SUPERSTAR WINS! Jack, wake up! The Man In Black is Tommy Deathrow! JACK JONES: What... he can't be... wait a minute. How many men in black are there? BILL HEWSON: By my count? Ten. JACK JONES: Night night. Ohhhhhh* BILL HEWSON: ...huh. And wait a minute, now what? Deathrow looks around at all the gathered Men In Black, and then grins. Suddenly they begin taking their masks off! The MIB who jumped in the ring... Krusty Kid Paul! On the ring apron... "THE NEXUS ONE" REX CALIBER --- he must have been the third Man In Black weeks ago on TNF, he used Rex's finisher then and tonight! But we also have... SICK BILLY KRYENIK! Deathrow's old Doomrider teammate! DEXTRO! And then... THE NEW & IMPROVED D-X! They'd love to stick it to Winchell! Who else is on the apron? NORTH T. GUNDERSON! He loves rilin' up ol Joseph! And then the final two... THE DUDES! MIKE JOHNSTON AND CAM SCOTT! Straight from Moose Jaw Pro Wrestling! BILL HEWSON: Oh my god! The assembled Men In Black are... wow! This is unbelievable! And now what is this? The Men In Black have gathered Winchell up on their shoulders, where are they going! The camera begins to follow the Men In Black... the wild ten wrestlers who all have beefs with Winchell! Winchell is conscious, but his eyes are blank. The shock to his system has been too much! The parade of Men In Black hoist him up onto their shoulders and they begin to walk the aisle, the camera following. Through the curtain they go, startling Eli Potts, who is trying to get the cuffs off of his man Krenshov. Krenshov screams bloody murder at the group of them going by, but Eli holds him back --- he knows a battle even his monster can't win. The MIB continue on through the halls of the Polish Hall until they are outside in the cold Edmonton winter air! What's this? What the heck? There is a waiting TAXI, and the MIB bundle Winchell into it. Rex Caliber steps forward, hands the driver four crisp hundred dollar bills, and tells the cabbie "I think you better take him to the hospital. No, the one in Red Deer. Whatever's left is yours." A fifty follows. SCREEECH! The yellow cab takes off, with Winchell a comatose passenger in the backseat! Unbelievable! The Men In Black then look at each other. Deathrow screams "TO THE NEXUS (BLEEP)IN' SPORTS CLUB, DRINKS ON SEXXY REXXY THERE!" Rex looks at Deathrow askew, but the crowd begins piling into cars and cheering. It's going to be a wild old time tonight at the Nexus One Sports club alright... wow!
BILL HEWSON: Jack... Jack, are you with us? It's over, it's all over. JACK JONES: Mommy, make the bad man go away... BILL HEWSON: Sigh. "Chris Casino"... JACK JONES: --- is the greatest pure wrestler in the world! What? Where? Casino? BILL HEWSON: Fanboy. Ladies and gentlemen, the last match... it wasn't much wrestling, but wow. What an unbelievable turn of events. Be that as it may, the show is NOT over. We now move onto our TRIPLE MAIN EVENT, and this crowd is absolutely JACKED. Here we go! FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen the following match is for the NAPW PURE HONOUR CHAMPIONSHIP! "Stone Cold Crazy" SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL emerges from the curtains looking fired up and ready to take back the Cup! The crowd goes bananas as he glad-hands his way down to the ring and slides in! FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challenger! Hailing from Staten Island, New York and weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and THIRTY FIVE pounds... SIIIIIIIMPLEEEEEY BEEEEEEEEEAUTIFULL! BILL HEWSON: And a huge ovation for Simply Beautiful, the former - nay - LAST GWF World Champion! The NAPW fans love this guy, and you can tell that they want him to win here tonight! JACK JONES: I don't know why these people still cheer for him, Bill Hewson. This is the guy who's lost two in a row to the current Pure Honour Champion... and is about to lose a third! BILL HEWSON: Don't for a second sell SB short, Jack Attack. He's a great pure wrestler, and he's hungy for vindication tonight! SB hops up to the top rope at one of the corners and soaks up that wonderful energy from the crowd! But the crowd's cheers don't last too long... because Simply Beautiful's music fades, and after a second is replaced with "Smooth". All that love, all those cheers, instantly turn hateful. CHRIS CASINO, the Pure Honour Champion resplendant with his gaudy LED bedeckled Las Vegas Pure Honor Title Belt, stands at the entrance and flashes his million dollar smile to SB in the ring. FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Raul Havok! From Las Vegas, Nevada and weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and TWENTY pounds... he IS the NAPW PURE HONOUR CHAMPION... CHRIS! CASSSSSINOOOOOOOOO! JACK JONES: I'll tell you one thing, Bill Hewson. Chris Casino always knows how to make things better. Just look at that flashy new belt! A million times better than that battered old cup! BILL HEWSON: How can you say that! To replace the Kiniski Cup was a slap in the face of the Pure Honour division, Jack Attack! Chris Casino - just like he did with the NAPW Title Belt last year - is trying to replace the past with his own tainted vision! JACK JONES: He's the future! And if you aren't careful he'll leave you behind! BILL HEWSON: Well Simply Beautiful looks ready to rumble... but Casino is taking his damn time getting to the ring with his crony, Raul. What's he doing? Signing autographs? Indeed he is, Bill Hewson! Raul Havok has passed a sharpy to Casino, who's signing every sign with his name on it on route to the ring. Now, the trick here is most of those signs say things like "Time to Beat the Casino" and "Chris Casino - Pure Honour Chump". One kid even starts crying when Chris Casino passes by and blindly signs his Simply Beautiful poster. BILL HEWSON: What a jackass! JACK JONES: What class! No wonder the fans love this guy! Chris Casino finally climbs into the ring and hands his shiny LED belt to Morgan Smythe who holds it up. She shows it to Chris Casino who smiles broadly, then to Simply Beautiful who scowls... and then spits on it! The crowd pops huge and Casino yells at them to shut the hell up... and there's the bell! Casino and SB slowly appraoch one another and some quick words are uttered back and forth. Chris Casino smiles happily... and BITCH SLAPS SB right in the mouth! Simply Beautiful spits on the ground, smirks, and immediately locks up with Chris Casino! The pair jockey for position, and what ensues is a quick exchange of holds and breaks. Casino has SB, reversed into a hold by SB on Casino, reversed into a hold by Casino, reversed, reversed, reversed... BREAK. SB glares. Casino grins. The crowd applauds! BILL HEWSON: Two technical wrestlers trying to out-do one another, and the crowd loves it! The pair lock back up. A quick takedown by SB grounds the high flying champion, and he tries to lock in a leglock, but Casino kicks loose, grabs the head, and tries for a headlock... but SB twists away and grabs an arm. PAINKILLER! JACK JONES: Let me tell you, Bill Hewson. The armbar may be basic, but even a basic hold can be brutally effective. Those things hurt, and a solid armbar can make even a powerhouse tap out! Thanks for the update, Jack Attack. That armbar is locked in, but Chris Casino grits his teeth and shakes his head 'no' when Smythe asks him if he submits. Casino edges towards the ropes and reaches out... but just can't reach them! The crowd is howling for him to tap, and SB just cranks back on the arm. At ringside, Raul Havok bangs on the ring apron to try and fire up Casino, but you can barely hear it over the crowd clamour. Chris Casino pulls at his hair in frustrated pain... then starts twisting... painfully... and escapes the hold! Simply Beautiful tries to grab at him, but Casino swings around with a roundhouse kick that levels the challenger! Both man crash to the ring. Chris Casino rubs his shoulder while SB kips up! The crowd cheers and SB goes after the champ... but Casino swings around and sweeps SB's feet out from under him! SB goes down again, and this time Chris Casino is poised to take advantage! He grabs a leg... locks in an INDIAN DEATHLOCK! Simply Beautiful cries out in pain, and starts working on trying to turn over and reverse the pressure! The crowd starts rallying behind him, and Chris Casino, with a smirk, tells Morgan Smythe to go and ask SB if he submits. Just as she turns her back, Casino's arms lash out and catch... Raul Havok's! BILL HEWSON: Good lord! Can't Chris Casino - for ONCE IN HIS LIFE - win a clean match! JACK JONES: He's using his smarts, Bill Hewson! A true champion needs more than brawn! BILL HEWSON: This is Pure Honour! PURE! HONOUR! Casino's really on the ball tonight. Morgan turns back around as Simply Beautiful refuses her kindly offer to submit, and the champion immediately drops Raul's hands. The manager takes a step back, brushing off his suit non-chalantly. SB growls and tries again to turn over the hold. The crowd is getting louder! A chant has broken out of "Please don't tap! Please don't tap!" Simply Beautiful is really getting into it! With a great HEAVE, he turns over! Casino flails for the ropes! FRANK WARBURTON: Chris Casino has used his FIRST rope break! BILL HEWSON: And there's the first rope break of the night! At least Casino lost it CLEANLY. JACK JONES: What are you implying? The hold is broken and both men have seperated. Simply Beautiful, the crowd firmly in his corner, and Chris Casino with... well, Raul in his corner. Chris Casino lunges toward Simply Beautiful, looking to make good on that lengthy Indian Deathlock! He grabs SB by the head... but Beautiful twists out, and grabs Casino... SPIN DOCTOR! Casino crashes to the mat, and Raul wrings his hands! SB shakes out his leg, points to the corner... BEST... MOONSAULT... EVER! And a PIN! One! Two! Foot on the ropes! FRANK WARBURTON: Chris Casino has used his SECOND rope break! BILL HEWSON: Chris Casino is cursing that! He must have used the ropes out of habit! JACK JONES: It's a bad habit to have under Pure Rules. The champ needs to get his head in the game and avoid touching those ropes again. Indeed Casino angrily rises and turns to Simply Beautiful only to get chopped - HARD - in the chest! The crowd "Wooos!" Simply Beautiful draws back... and SMACK! Again! "Whoooo!" Casino clutches at his chest howling in rage, and Simply Beautiful grabs an arm... irish whip into the corner! Casino crashes into the turnbuckles, SB charges! NO ONE HOME! Casino LEAPS to the top rope and SOMERSAULTS over SB who CRASHES into the ringpost! The fans boo... but there is a smattering of applause! JACK JONES: Wow! I've never seen anything like that! Simply Beautiful turns around clutching his shoulder and slumps into the corner, clearly in pain. Casino presses his advantage climbing up onto the turnbuckle and holding his fist high with a grin! POW! Right on the top of the head! The crowd boos... Casino holds up his fist again... and Morgan Smythe PULLS him down from the ropes! Casino 'innocently' demands to know what's up as Smythe pushes him back from SB, and she gives him his ONE warning about closed fists! These are Pure Rules damn it! Chris Casino sighs and humbly requests that she go over all the pure rules one more time for him. Which gives Raul Havok all the time he needs. Raul has pulled off one of his gold chains and scrambles up to the corner where SB is shaking out his head! In an instant, he's garrotting the challenger in the corner and the crowd is SCREAMING bloody murder! Havok alternates for a moment between choking out Simply Beautiful and elbowing him hard in that softened shoulder! Casino - who's facing the heinous attack - can't help but smile, while junior referee Smythe patiently explains the rope breaking rules! BILL HEWSON: No! Good GOD! Someone stop that man! JACK JONES: Why? Chris Casino just wants to be sure about the rules! BILL HEWSON: NOT CASINO! HAVOK! JACK JONES: You're right! There's going to be havok once Casino's refreshed on the rules! BILL HEWSON: ARGH! Smythe looks to be wrapping up her explaination, and Raul pockets the chain and shoves the brutalized Simply Beautiful down to the mat! Morgan Smythe turns just in time to see... well, nothing as is often the case. But the damage has been done! Simply Beautiful helplessly clutches at his shoulder while Chris Casino casually walks over. The champ hauls up his competition, giving a wink to Raul at ringside, who returns a thumbs up. Casino, firmly in the driver's seat, locks up the head, and HAULS up SB for the Vertical Suplex... no... BRAINBUSTER! Casino, grinning ear to ear, stands up and casually lays a foot on SB, calling for the count! It's a pin! One! TWO! THRRRRLEGONTHEROPES! FRANK WARBURTON: Simply Beautiful has used his FIRST rope break! JACK JONES: Damn! Thought he had it there. BILL HEWSON: Not quite yet! Simply Beautiful is fighting to stay in this match! Casino doesn't seem to mind. He smirks at the cheering crowd who are trying to get Simply Beautiful back into the match, and pulls the wobbly SB up to his feet. He laughs, and hooks up SB... turns him around... BANKRUPT! OH GOD! BILL HEWSON: NO! NO! Not after that attack in the corner! Not like this! SB may be KO'D! The crowd is on it's FEET! The heat in the room could MELT WAX! Casino laughs down at the beaten man like he's already won. "You dumb bastard. You just never learn. You were NEVER in Chris Casino's league." And with that, Chris Casino storms over to the corner and hops up to the TOP ROPE! Is he going for it? TOP ROPE BODY SPLASH... THE CASH OUT? BILL HEWSON: NO! NO! JACK JONES: YES! CASH OUT! CASH OUT! RIGHT INTO THE KNEES OF SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL! THE CROWD GOES BANANAS! Simply Beautiful rolls aside and lies on the mat. Chris Casino clutches at his ribs, howling, and rolls the other way. Both men lie in the ring, unable to regain their feet. Morgan Smythe starts her count! One! Two! Three! Four! Chris Casino may be starting to stir! Four! Five! Six! Simply Beautiful is showing signs of life! Seven! Both men slowly rising... Eight! And both men are on their feet... and so is this crowd! Simply Beautiful with a CHOP to Casino! "Whooo!" Casino CHOPS back! "Whooo!" Simply Beautiful! "Whooo!" Casino! "Whoo!" SB! "Whooo!" SB! "Whooo!" And an irish whip sends the champ into the ropes! SB hits the other ropes... SPRINGBOARD ELBOW! Both men crash back to ring... and SB clutches at the damaged shoulder! JACK JONES: SB is in a bad way, Bill Hewson. BILL HEWSON: But he may just be able to capitalize on this! Which is just what Simply Beautiful intends to do! Wincing, he pulls Chris Casino to his feet, hooks the head... IMPACT DDT! Casino goes LIMP in the ring, and Simply Beautiful... he points to the corner and motions that he's going upstairs! The crowd CHEERS WILDLY and Simply Beautiful rushes to the ringpost! Chris Casino - dazed - seems to notice and grabs wildly at Morgan Smythe who shouts at him to let go! SB makes it to the top... and shouts for Morgan Smythe to get out of the way... RAUL HAVOK! NO! NO! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! BILL HEWSON: HAVOK JUST PUSHED SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL OFF THE TOP ROPE! JACK JONES: AND RIGHT INTO THE GUARDRAILS! The crowd SCREAMS as Simply Beautiful hangs on that hard metal guardrail... and PAINFULLY tumbles into the crowd! Casino immediately releases Morgan Smythe and shouts at her to look! She turns, and seeing SB out of the ring begins counting him out! One! Two! BILL HEWSON: No! In a Pure Honour match the combatants have only twenty total seconds outside of the ring! Three! Simply Beautiful is being helped to his feet by two fans in the front row! He is clutching at his ribs, and gasping for air! Four! Five! Six! The challenger manages to pull himself over the guardrail, and shoots a glare at the smiling Raul Havok at ringside, who raises his hands innocently. Seven! Eight! Nine! Simply Beautiful, still holding his ribs, makes it to the apron... BASEBALL SLIDE! Chris Casino CRASHES into SB, and the challenger is HURLED backwards and BACK OVER THE GUARDRAIL! The crowd is LIVID! Morgan Smythe chides Casino... but has no choice other than to continue counting! Ten! Eleven! Twelve! Thirteen! Simply Beautiful has again retaken his feet, with the help of the guardrail! He pulls himself over it and collapses on the other side! Fourteen! Fifteen! Sixteen! He reaches the ring apron and reaches for the bottom rope... but STUMBLES! Seventeen! EIGHTEEN! He reaches back UP! NINETEEN! AND PULLS HIMSELF INTO THE RING! Smythe stops the count and Simply Beautiful struggles to regain his feet! JACK JONES: Damn! Nice work from the champion! He nearly won the whole kaboodle there! Chris Casino has had all the time in the world to recover, and Simply Beautiful... well he looks like he's been through hell. The champion charges at Simply Beautiful... who LOW BRIDGES THE ROPES! Casino FLIES overhead and the crowd is ON ITS FEET! NO! He catches the ropes and lands on the apron! Simply Beautiful turns around to shove him off, but Casino is waiting! He stuns SB with an elbow, hooks the head for a Vertical Suplex over the ropes... SB GOES UP... but he's FIGHTING FOR ALL HE'S WORTH! Casino winces... but can't hold on! SB plummets back into ring, Casino's head still grasped... STUNGUN! CHRIS CASINO TEETERS AND FALLS BACKWARDS OUT OF THE RING! ONLY TO BE CAUGHT BY RAUL! JACK JONES: Is there anything that man can't do!? BILL HEWSON: MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS!? Raul Havok is propping up a dazed Chris Casino, who's desperately trying to shake out his cobwebs. In the ring... Simply Beautiful drops to one knee, trying to recover some strength. Casino comes to, and his eyes FLASH with anger. He pulls himself back to the apron, and clutches the top ropes shouting for SB to "STAND UP!" Simply Beautiful shakes his head, and painfully retakes his feet!. Casino SPRINGS up and OFF THE TOP ROPE... SEXYYYYYKICKKKKKK! HOLY HELL! CHRIS CASINO IS OUT! SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL WITH THE PIN! ONE! TWO! THRLEGONTHEROPES! BILL HEWSON: NO! NO! DAMN YOU RAUL HAVOK! DAMN YOU TO HELL! FRANK WARBURTON: Chris Casino has used his THIRD and LAST rope break! And it was all thanks to Raul. Thanks Raul! Simply Beautiful angrily pounds the mat, then grabs the limp Casino by the arm and pulls him to the middle of the ring and pins him AGAIN. One! TWO! KICKOUT! NO, DAMN IT! NO! JACK JONES: The Champ's not out yet! That's why he's the BEST Pure Wrestler in the WORLD! BILL HEWSON: Are we WATCHING the same match!? SB smells blood. The crowd is SCREAMING for him to win this thing for them! He turns over Casino with his foot, grabs the arm... and LOCKS BACK IN THE PAINKILLER! Chris Casino has NO WHERE TO RUN! He flails with his free arm, crying out in AGONY! He looks for a moment like he may TAP! The crowd is CHANTING! "TAP! TAP! TAP!" Simply Beautiful is SCREAMING! "TAP YOU SON OF A BITCH! TAP!" Chris Casino hesitates and TRIES, DESPERATELY to get out... he raches out and catches the ropes! BUT HE HAS NO MORE ROPEBREAKS! It's MEANINGLESS! Raul Havok gets right in Chris Casino's face, holding his gaudy Las Vegas Title Belt and DEMANDS that he not tap! This is HIS belt damn it! But, even as Casino looks longingly at the belt... he may have no choice! His arm goes back up... IT HESITATES... And Raul JUMPS up to the apron and starts shouting at Morgan Smythe! She turns he attention to him and yells at him to get lost... AND CHRIS CASINO TAPS OUT! BUT THE REFEREE ISN'T WATCHING! Simply Beautiful CRANKS on the hold further! My god! He's going to BREAK CHRIS CASINO'S SHOULDER! Chris Casino TAPS WILDLY, perhaps, at this point, trying to get Morgan's attention... and his hand falls on what Raul Havok left on the ring apron. The Las Vegas Pure Honor Championship Belt. WHAP! Casino WHIPS the belt upwards and cracks SB in the face! SB releases the hold, holding his eyes in pain! Chris Casino hucks the belt out of the ring. Raul drops off the apron and Morgan Smythe turns around to see Casino grab the dazed challenger. NO! HOLY HELL! BANKRUPT! AND THE PIN! One! TWO! NO! NOT LIKE THIS! THREE! FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... and STILL the NAPW PURE HONOUR CHAMPION.... CHRIS! CASSSINOOOOOOO! The crowd hasn't stopped booing since the instant Chris Casino started tapping out. Casino, cradling his arm like a child, grins as Raul slides into the ring with the back-lit title belt. The slimy man helps his charge to his feet and holds up Casino's good arm with one hand, and the belt with the other. A water bottle bounces off of his head. Raul shouts at the crowd "Show some respect damn it! This man just won a clean match!" BILL HEWSON: I'm... I'm speechless... JACK JONES: In awe no doubt! What an amazing victory for the Pure Honour Champion! Chris Casino - clearly in pain - and Raul Havok both exit the ring and head up to the entrance as "Smooth" croons away to the angry crowd. Casino flashes one last smirk at Simply Beautiful, who has regained his senses and now sits in the ring - staring in disbelief up at the retreating duo. BILL HEWSON: You SHOULD run with your tail between your legs, you cad! What a disgrace! JACK JONES: That's it, Bill Hewson! You tell that no good Simply Beautiful what-for! BILL HEWSON: I was talking about Chris Casino! Every night he hits a new low! EVERY NIGHT! As "Smooth" stops playing and Raul and Casino disappear behind the curtains, Simply Beautiful - slowly, with the help of the ropes - rises back to his feet. And the crowd rises - as one - with him. "THANK YOU SB!" Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap "THANK YOU SB!" Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap A standing ovation. Simply Beautiful can't help but smile and tears well up in his eyes. He may have not rescued the precious Kiniski Cup... but he's a winner in the eyes of every fan in attendance tonight! He hits a corner turnbuckle and raises his arms as "Stone Cold Crazy" hits the speakers. BILL HEWSON: For the past few months Simply Beautiful has brought honour and presitge to the Pure Honour Division. I have a feeling it won't be long before he gets another shot - perhaps even at a different title! JACK JONES: I'll hand it to him. He sure gave it his all. Maybe he could get a nice run at the TV Title over on Action!? BILL HEWSON: I was talking about the Provincial Title! Or even the NAPW Championship itself! This young gun's star has risen, and tonight... no one can take that away from him! And we cut backstage one more time, while Simply Beautiful shouts "Thank You's" to the crowd.
Is The Plague. BOB: Plague, in just a few moments you step into the ring for a First Blood match against a man you have feuded with for the better part of the past two months, Ravager. Your thoughts? THE PLAGUE: Ravager. This is what it indeed comes down. All your treachery. All your hypocrisy. All your lies, to yourself and to this fickle crowd... every single one will come crashing down and rest in a pool. Of your. Own. Blood. You see Ravager, tonight is the end of all of this. I've beaten you in singles competition. I've beaten you in tag team competition. And tonight, I will beat you, in something that is less than a wrestling. I will beat you within an inch of your life. I will take your blood. I will take your mind. I will take your very soul. I will take your eyes, but I will leave you your ears. To the pain, Ravager, to the pain. And as 2007 begins, the screams you hear will be the screams of children as they see your... "ravaged" form. The weeping you hear will be from the women forced to tend for your destroyed and horrific visage! And the laughter... The Plague smirks into the camera. He is SICK. HE IS A SICK BASTARD. THE PLAGUE: The laughter will be mine. And you will hear it as long as you still may live... if you could that "living." Plague stalks off, leaving behind a trembling Bob.
"WA-AH-AH-AH!" Before long, we see the lights go out completely, then red is cast going up the entrance ramp. The fans begin a chorus of lustful booing as the lights turns back on and the Plague stands defiant and condescending as always at the top of the ramp. Wearing his usual outfit of long black tights, standard black boots, and terrifying scars, he looks all the part of a traditional pro-wrestling wrecking machine. His face is noticably shinier than it usually is, however. Breaking from his folded-arms stance, the Plague confidently strolls down to the ring, taking a slight pause at one point to smirk and chuckle at the audience. FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is a FIRST BLOOD MATCH! Now making his way to the ring, he is wearing black tights with red trim... hailing from New York City, he stands six-feet, five inches tall and weighs in at two-hundred and sixty-one pounds... the very first NAPW Champion, ladies and gentlemen, I give you, THE PLAGUE! JACK JONES: Helluva contest we've got here, Bill. We all remember the chaos that was the last match of Anniversary Assault, last month: Ravager wins the House of Horrors match and gets an unwanted reunion and a beat-down from the Plague for his troubles. A few weeks later, we saw Ravager take on Evan Cartwright for the right to face Patrick Bickle tonight for the NAPW Championship. The Plague cost Ravager that match, and Ravager's been out for blood ever since. BILL HEWSON: And he did get his wish, Jack, in the form of a staple gun to the Plague's face. After that, the Plague told Ravager that the match tonight would have to be under his rules if it were to happen: no weapons. Jack, these guys aren't going to wrestle. This says "first blood match" on the card, but what we're going to see is an all-out first blood to the finish street fight. JACK JONES: That's why we see Plague wearing Vaseline on his face, Bill. Old boxer's trick, Vaseline's supposed to help prevent bleeding. I doubt that we'll see Ravager utilize the same veteran's genius, him being not much more than a woman-beatin'-amateur street fighter, but--- Lights? Out. Strobe light? On. Apocalyptica replaces Disturbed and the fans are, rather surprisingly, on their feet. FRANK WARBURTON: His opponent! Wearing plain black trunks... he stands five-feet, ten inches tall and weighs in at two-hundred and ten pounds... from Brooklyn, New York, he is the Shooter of NAPW, ladies and gentlemen, RAAAAVAGER! The bad blood is simply permeable as Ravager takes measured steps from backstage, eyes squared on one man standing about forty yards away, staring right back at him. Also wearing Vaseline and taped wrists, Ravager's walk quickly turns into a light jog as Frank Warburton high-tails it out of the ring and Ravager slides in, only to be met with forearms to the back from Plague. Ravager quickly rises from it, though, and takes down Plague at the knees. He crawls on top of the bigger man and just lets loose with cannon fire stiff shots, forearms---and Plague uses a second's pause to his advantage to flip Ravager over on his back. Plague on top now, forearms, raises his elbow high above his head and brings it down with a scream of fury---only to be met by canvas. Ravager rolls away, stands up and fades into the corner for a breather. Plague up now, charges into the corner with an elbow, Ravager ducks and Plague is met at the side with the turnbuckle post. Ravager looking to wear down the Plague, he firing away at all cylinders with shots to the gut---five, ten, fifteen, Ravager's just unleashed on the Plague's midsection, the White Collar Assassin is completely focused on wearing out the Plague. Plague slumped over in the corner now, Ravager takes a step back to assess the situation, runs towards the Plague and---STIFF knee-lift to the forehead of the Plague! Referee John Sharplin makes an effort to pull Ravager from the Plague for just a second to see if the big man has been busted open yet. When it's clear that he hasn't been, Ravager gets on top of the Plague's back and pulls him back by the neck, leaving him completely open to the elbow that Ravager quickly drops on his forehead. When Ravager goes for another, however, Plague covers up. After a few seconds struggle, Plague pulls Ravager off of him and goes for a forehead club of his own. Ravager reverses this by grabbing the Plague's arm and pulling it back, before jumping down to the mat with a DDT-like manuever that leaves the Plague in a submission hold. Plague reverses this by using his superior strength to pull his arm through the hold and into a schoolboy, but Ravager answers from that position with another stiff shot to the face, knocking the surprised Plague backwards, and right into John Sharplin! Sharplin, not expecting the impact, falls backwards and down, landing with his head on the bottom turnbuckle! BILL HEWSON: Jack, we can almost feel the aggression being let out in every single shot that Ravager lands on Plague---what he talked about feeling for all these months that Plague's been in retirement, the sting of working so hard and having Plague come out of retirement to mentor D! on his path of terror and then screw Ravager out of a championship match--- JACK JONES: Nevermind Ravager's FEELINGS, Hewson! We're seeing some interesting action here! The straight punches that were landing earlier in the match aren't connecting any more, they're being countered with good old-fashioned wrestling. You've gotta figure that this hurts Ravager, as he's more suited to this brawl than Plague is... plus, on top of that, aww, his feewings are hurt! Hewson can only sigh as Jack Jones shoots down his attempt to poeticize the chaos. But hey, when you've got the Plague proving Jones' point by blocking Ravager as he tries another takedown at the knees, who needs poetry? Not the Plague, as he lifts Ravager's neck into a reverse chinlock. Ravager tries to wiggle free, but Plague catches him in a precarious position behind him and applies an abdominal stretch. The Plague, realizing his distinct strength and size advantage, makes a point to smirk to the crowd as he locks it on tight, only drawing the ire of the fans in attendence. After a half-minute, however, Plague's losing grip. Ravager's making baby steps, he's almost got a leg free... hiptosses the Plague out of the hold, to a big pop! The Plague is surprised, but he's up in a hurry. Ravager runs at him and goes for a stiff dropkick to the face, but Plague manages to push his legs out of the way and Ravager falls to the ground. Ravager now up in a flash, but the Plague is ready: SPINEBUSTER fells Ravager. Plague looks like he's going to take his time before climbing on top of Ravager and using the chance to pummel him, but... there's that smirk. And in the ring, there's that hypocrite. The man who called for the stipulation of "no weapons allowed" in this first blood match after Ravager's staple gun attack, the man who told Ravager, "If you need a weapon to beat me, then you've already lost"... is now unraveling the padding on the turnbuckle to expose the steel behind it! The same turnbuckle that pained John Sharplin, now nursing his bump in the opposite corner! BILL HEWSON: Unbelievable! Does The Plague even listen to the crap that comes out of his mouth? He said this was to be NO WEAPONS, and here he is exposing the steel connecting joints of the steel turnbuckle! JACK JONES: No no, Hewson. Plague saw that it was loose after Andrews bumped into it, and now he's trying to fix it--- and hey, Ravager from behind! Well now it's exposed, Ravager didn't let Plague fix it! BILL HEWSON: Do YOU ever listen to the crap that spews from your mouth? Never mind. I know the answer. Ravager open-hand slaps The Plague in the ribs, stunning him. Onto the turnbuckle goes Plague... Ravager wants a muscle buster? He's going for it, but Plague is too big, far too big for Ravager to cinch in tightly. Instead Plague shoves Ravager away, then comes off the middle-turnbuckle with a high knee, Harley Race style. That knocks Ravager down as Plague pulls up Ravager. He grabs the man by the hair and charges with him towards the exposed turnbuckle, intending to bust Ravager open --- Ravager blocks, grabbing the top roeps. He elbows Plague in the face, then delivers a sudden side Russian leg sweep to take The Plague down. Ravager rolls Plague over and stands behind him. What's this? Ravager begins to deliver sick, stiff cross-face blows to the bridge of Plague's nose. He lands one, two, three, Plague suddenly with desperation begins to stand up... he's got Ravager on his shoulders? No, Ravager drops off behind! LAST RESORT --- BLOCKED! Plague spins around behind Ravager, managing to get a double-underhook. Black Death...II? No, Plague begins driving KNEES into Ravager's head! Oh good God, he's just DRIVING them in, one good shot and Ravager's nose could be busted open! Plague's lucky his wasn't busted open, but he's getting in good on Ravager. Sharplin can't do anything but watch, he can't stop the match until somebody bleeds. Ravager has to break this himself, and he fights out of it, trying to lift Plague up with his body. Plague is too big, Ravager goes down. Plague now going for... BLACK DEATH II! No! Ravager counters with a body-drop that sends Plague TO THE OUTSIDE. He was too near the ropes, and that was a hard spill to the concrete. Ravager leans on the ropes, wiping nose, there's no blood but he sure looks bruised from those knee strikes. Ravager then... backs off? JACK JONES: You see Hewson? Ravager isn't a winner, why isn't he going after The Plague? Take advantage! BILL HEWSON: You're wrong there. Plague might not be sticking to his so-called "honor", but Ravager is bent on doing what he did three weeks ago: Making Plague bleed with his bare hands. Ravager sits back, becking Plague to come into the ring. Plague looks at Ravager with hate and disgust. Then he smirks. What's this? The Plague... is he walking away? What the hell? The hell? What kind of man is he? Ravager sees that, he doesn't like it at all. He isn't going to win by default, even if Homer J. thinks they are "the two sweetest words in the English language." Ravager slides out of the ring and goes after Plague --- oh, sucker punch. Plague lured Ravager outside, and now he whips Ravager into the STEEL ring post! That could be bad --- Plague rolls Ravager into the ring and yells at the referee to "CHECK HIM." Sharplin gets a good look at Ravager, waving his hands out. No blood yet. Plague's face contorts into an expression of pure murder. He picks Ravager up. Oh my God. He sticks him between his legs, hoists him up... RAZOR'S EDGE... aka THE BLACK DEATH I. Ravager is DOWN. Ravager is DEAD. But that's not enough for THE PLAGUE! He pulls Ravager up, the beaten Ravager, and then... Hits THE BLACK DEATH II. Face-first into the canvas. BILL HEWSON: Oh my God. JACK JONES: ... Ravager better hope he's bleeding. The capacity crowd, deafening all evening, is suddenly quieted. Plague stands over Ravager's face-down body. He kicks him with his toe, Ravager barely responds. Plague looks out and raises his arms up high in a "T" from his body, slightly crucifix, tilting his head back. He basks in the uproar of the crowd screaming, chanting, hating him. Finally, The Plague rolls Ravager over with his foot. Sharplin looks. Plague looks down, sneering. The crowd stares And yet. BILL HEWSON: THERE'S NO BLOOD! RAVAGER IS STILL IN THIS THING! JACK JONES: You call that IN THIS THING? Ravager may be as dead as Chris Kamikaze! BILL HEWSON: Chris Kamikaze is NOT dead, you're spreading nasty rumours with that call~! But --- oh, this does not look good for Ravager. And The Plague... is. FURIOUS. Volcanic. He rages, punching Ravager in the forehead. Ravager somehow covers up, weakly. Plague can't believe it. He can't BELIEVE it. HOW. HOW. HOW IS THERE NO BLOOD? He stares at his hand. And then Plague gets a disturbing look on his face. He reaches for Ravager's face --- oh good God, he's not going to, not like he did in that video! HE'S GOING FOR RAVAGER'S EYE SOCKET. Ravager suddenly has both hands up, gripping Plague's hand. He's barely moving, just his arms, but Ravager knows more is on the line than simply a win. Plague adds his other hand, trying to force it... In the process he ends up on top of Ravager, and in prime position? For a big fat kick to the groin. And the crowd goes ballistic. JACK JONES: DISQUALIFY HIM, REF! COME ON! BILL HEWSON: Ravager doesn't have much left, he needs to do this NOW! JACK JONES: He doesn't have ANYTHING left! That's just the CORPSE twitching. Plague groans, but kicks Ravager in the side of the head for good measure. And then he takes Ravager and picks him up, perching him on the top turnbuckle. The exposed turnbuckle? What's this? Plague is on top --- he double underhooks the arms on TOP! BLACK DEATH II FROM THE TOP? NO! THIS'LL END IT --- RAVAGER GETS AN ARM FREE. He fires a shot into Plague's breadbasket! He gets another arm free! Rights and lefts, open hand chops! Plague falls backwards to the canvas, but lands on his feet... Ravager's eyes flash WIDE open. HE'S ALIVE. Ravager comes off the top and begins to pellet --- pummell --- well... BARRAGE Plague with open hand chops to the ribs, the gut, the neck, the face, the forehead, the thigh! Ravager is absolutely laying waste to The Plague --- and he has turned him back towards the exposed turnbuckle! "YOU WANTED THIS, PLAGUE." You can HEAR every impact of Ravager's open-hands smacking Plague's skin, he's turning red. Blood vessels have certainly begun breaking under the skin. Suddenly, Ravager hoists Plague to the top of the turnbuckle. He follows up, hooking the man's face. He looks over the crowd. THEY HAVEN'T SAT DOWN. And then.
For the first time in literally months.
Plague crumbles to the canvas, Ravager rolls off. He stands up. And then, when Plague comes up...
There is blood. Streaming from Plague's forehead.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your WINNER... RAVAGERRRRRRRRRR!
BILL HEWSON: Ravager has beaten The Plague... in one of the most barbaric matches I've ever seen! My God, he did it!
JACK JONES: He did it with the exposed turnbuckle! That's not his bare hands! He cheated!
BILL HEWSON: It was PLAGUE who exposed the turnbuckle, PLAGUE who tried to bust Ravager open using the ring post, PLAGUE who's own arrogance cost him dearly! And now --- Ravager's not done! I can't say I blame him after the hell he's experienced!
Ravager is on top of Plague, driving his fists into Plague's open forehead, the tape quickly staining red. The crowd cheers it on, although some folks are squeamish. John Sharplin tries to call Ravager off... Ravager ignores him completely. Sharplin then grabs Ravager around the middle and forcibly pulls him off of The Plague, taking him to the ropes. The referee holds Ravager against the ropes, Ravager looking out towards the crowd... wait a minute, The Plague is up! His face is a bloody mess and he's shaken like mad, but suddenly BLINDSIDE. He nails Ravager, knocking him to the outside. Sharplin tells him to bugger off, BAM. Plague nails the referee! BLACK DEATH II ON JOHN SHARPLIN! GOOD GOD. Plague comes outside... he rams Ravager into the steel guardrail. And now, oh no, not this. BLACK DEATH II --- ON THE OUTSIDE. And it--- RAVAGER COUNTERS! DOUBLE LEG TAKE DOWN! What's this?
Ravager ... SMIRKS at Plague.
AND THEN CATAPULTS PLAGUE HEAD FIRST INTO THE STEEL RING POST!
Plague hits and hits hard, collapsing in a heap against the corner of the ring. Ravager looks him over, looks at the body laying there, and finally claps his hands off. He takes the long walk back to the entrance way, stopping at the top. He turns around, fists at his sides... covered in blood. The Plague's blood coats Ravager's hands and chest. It's an unsettling, but iconic image.
Meanwhile, The Plague is down, face covered in red life. 1.0 Muta. But people will remember Ravager.
BILL HEWSON: ...
JACK JONES: Bill?
BILL HEWSON: I just --- don't --- know you anymore. Sigh. Moving on. It is now time for the final match of the evening, part of our huge Triple Main Event. Earlier tonight Chris Casino retained his Pure Honor title in a complete sham of a victory, but nonetheless he is still the champion. Now it's time for a man who has had a long association with Casino to take his shot at the big time, the prestigious NAPW Championship. He faces a man obsessed, even consumed by being champion. This will be one helluva match-up.
There is silence...
"HOLD ON! I'M COMING!"
Out through the curtain, carrying a white towel and chewing gum with ARROGANCE~... is the man. "Perfection" Evan Cartwright. The crowd boos. They may respect the man's ability in the ring, but they're not fans of his cockiness or some of his chosen tactics. Cartwright could care less, taking a few contemptuous looks at fans on his way to the ring but overall quite collected. He takes the steps into the ring, raising his arms and grinning at the boos he receives. Evan Cartwright is ready for this match.
JACK JONES: You know Hewson, when Evan Cartwright first came into this company, he was basically the "enforcer" of The Rat Pack. It was about Casino & D-X... and now look at the man. He is in the MAIN EVENT of the biggest card of 2006 for NAPW, challenging for the NAPW Title.
BILL HEWSON: The growth of Evan Cartwright has been nothing short of remarkeable, he is of course a three-time Provincial Champion and a former tag champion. Tonight, perhaps, for Evan Cartwright... this match represents his chance to quell any naysayers, to silence the critics who suggest he is "second-rate" compared to some of the men he has been allied with. For Evan Cartwright, tonight is the single most important match of his career. But it's not going to be easy.
With Evan testing the ropes, the music drops. Broken Social Scene shortly replaces it and the crowd turns their attention to the entrance way... stepping through the curtain, long dark hair in his face and title belt around his waist... is the champion. Patrick Bickle.
The crowd cheers for Bickle, who is hesitant to respond. Perhaps he will never get used to the applause of the crowd, but what means most to him in the world is around his waist. He walks to the ring purposefully, looking nowhere near as collected as his opponent...
JACK JONES: Now what kind of champion is this guy, I mean seriously. He's living out of his car since he won the belt! I'm pretty sure champions can afford rent, and maybe a change of clothes. And a haircut.
BILL HEWSON: Patrick Bickle may not be the "ideal" champion in the eyes of our owner, wherever he has gone, or even some of the fans. But he has fought tooth and nail to get to this spot, some would say he is even dangerously obsessed with the title belt. "MY BELT", he's called it time and again. You ask what does it take to be a champion? It takes beating that man right there, and he is not about to make it easy.
Bickle steps into the ring. He awkwardly climbs to the second turnbuckle and looks out over the crowd, who give him at least a pop for his effort if not any charisma. Bickle drops down and looks over the ring at his opponent. Frank Warburton steps into the center of the ring as the referee tries to keep his eyes on both men.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL at a sixty-minute time limit... and is for the New Alberta Pro CHAMPIONNNNNNSHIP. The referee in charge at the bell, Senior NAPW official Mr. Dick Kiebiech!
Polite applause.
FRANK WARBURTON: In the corner to my right wearing black and white, he weighed in this morning at two-hundred and twenty-two, one-quarter pounds and fights out of Cairo, Illinois. He is a former Golden Gloves champion, and in NAPW, a three-time Provincial Champion and former tag team champion. Tonight, he seeks to become a Triple Crown champion in New Alberta Pro. Ladies and gentlemen, the challenger... I give you "PERFECTION"... EVANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN... CARRRRRRRRRRTWRIIIIIIIIGHT!
Cartwright lazily tosses the towel behind him and catches it without looking, then raises his arms up high. He grins.
FRANK WARBURTON: In the corner to my left, wearing black. He weighed in this morning at one-hundred and seventy pounds and fights out of the great city of New York! Throughout his tenure in NAPW he has defied the laws of physics and defeated some of the legends of the game. Sick Billy Kryenik. Static. "The Lemondrop Kid" Lloyd Rees. Tonight, the renowned former Pure Honor champion defends his title on the final show of 2006. He is a two-time, and reigning NAPW CHAMPIONNNNNNNNN... The SUICIDAL SUBMISSION MACHINE... PATRIIIIIIIIIICK BICKLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!
Bickle doesn't move from his corner, focused on Evan Cartwright. Kiebiech checks Bickle over as he did Cartwright, both men are clean. He asks Bickle for the belt... uh oh. Bickle looks at Kiebiech, almost through him, and clearly mouths "MY BELT." Kiebiech puts his hands up, assuring Bickle that he won't do anything to the belt, but he can't allow Bickle to wrestle wearing it. Finally, Bickle reaches behind his back and undoes the belt. He gives it to Kiebiech --- momentary tug of war, but Bickle releases. Dick shows it to Bickle, who lovingly caresses it. Emotion from Pat Bickle? Across the ring now, Kiebiech shows the belt to Cartwright, who gazes it with desire. The center of the ring --- and Kiebiech holds the belt high above his head, displaying the richest prize in NAPW to the crowd. He hands it off, and calls for the bell to start this match-up!
Bickle and Cartwright meet in the center of the ring, Cartwright still chewing his gum. Bit of a show-down, then... hey, a handshake by Cartwright? He wants to do this thing the right way. Bickle doesn't respond at all, so Evan just grabs Bickle's hand and shakes it in his own. They tie-up, Cartwright with an obvious strength advantage. He maneuvers into a headlock, then into a front-face lock, trying to force Bickle to the canvas with his leverage. Bickle seems to be losing the battle... suddenly he scrambles up and around Cartwright, grabbing the man's legs and taking him down for a school-boy? Nope, only to take Cartwright down, then Bickle is suddenly grabbing for the man's arm, either Roll Credits or a cross arm-breaker, but Cartwright is struggling with that. Bickle is not a large man, but he's absolutely rabid trying to get holds on, he won't let go. Cartwright instead turns it around, trying to get something --- he's got a leg, turning Bickle over for a single leg crab. Bickle won't let it happen, he rolls onto his back, then pushes a boot into Cartwright's chest, driving "Perfection" into the ropes. Cartwright bounces back, ducks a clothesline, the tries to hit a roaring elbow, but Bickle catches him, and he hits the cross arm breaker! Cartwright is in pain, and Bickle is following up by torquing on the injured arm, trying to pull the shoulder out of it's socket! Cartwright desperately uses his free arm to elbow Bickle in the temple, until Bickle releases. Cartwright retreats to one corner, cluthcing his arm. Bickle stumbles to another, trying to regain his senses. The fans appareciate the action. They go to lock up again, Cartwright fakes Bickle and sidesteps, Bickle stumbles a bit, allowing Cartwright to punch Bickle in the back of the head. He doesn't get much on it. Bickle is unimpressed, until Cartwright nails a European Uppercut! Wow - Bickle is knocked on his ass, and Kiebiech hands out his first warning of the match! Cartwright just shrugs it off. Bickle sits up, only to be nailed by a diving European uppercut! Cartwright goes for the cover, but Bickle doesn't waste any time to kick out. Only a one count there. Both men are on their feet, Cartwright a bit the better for wear right now. Bickle decides not to fool around. He gets a boot to the gut of Cartwright, then hits an arm drag. Cartwright winces, then starts to curse as Bickle slaps on an arm bar.
BILL HEWSON: Patrick Bickle smartly working that injured arm of Evan Cartwright. Because you need two arms to suplex, or to slap on The Cartwheel.
JACK JONES: If anyone could do it one handed...
BILL HEWSON: I heard about your experience in that area.
JACK JONES: ... That's just wrong, coming from you.
Bickle is putting all the weight he can into the hold, trying to disable Cartwright. Kiebiech is looking for a submission, but Cartwright is emphatically saying NO. He smartly grabs the ropes, forcing the break, then slides out of the ring, trying to get his bearings, and some feeling back into his hands. Bickle doesn't want to wait for the ten count, and he follows the challenger to the outside. Cartwright chops Bickle and tries to run back into the ring, but Bickle drags Evan back out, and lays in a chop of his own. Then another. And another. Evan fights back with stiff chops of his own, but Bickle catches Cartwright's arm, then whips him into the ring post. Cartwright's injured arm takes the brunt of the blow, and Evan collapses in pain.
JACK JONES: Disqualify Bickle! He's trying to maim his opponent!
BILL HEWSON: Cartwright instinctively put his arm up to soften the impact, but now he's paying for it!
Bickle rolls Cartwright back into the ring. Kiebiech shecks to see if Cartwright wants to go on... yeah, no doubt about that. Cartwright spits at Bickle, who blindly charges his opponent. Cartwright gets a knee into Bickle's jaw, and drops the champ to the mat. Cartwright smirks, but his face is still wracked with pain. Bickle's eye is starting to swell up from the shots he's taken so far. But neither man backs down. Bickle takes Cartwright down with a double leg takedown. He immediately tries to get an arm wringer, but Cartwright flails until he can grab the ropes. As Kiebiech tries to separate the two men, Cartwright nails the champ with a vicious headbutt. Bickle's eye is now almost shut from swelling. Cartwright drives his good shoulder into Bickle's midsection, then uses all his will to slam him to the mat. Instead of a cover, Cartwright mounts the champ and starts to lay in some more punches on the injured eye. Kiebiech breaks it up, but the damage is done. Cartwright takes a moment to play to the crowd. They are not appreciative.
BILL HEWSON: What arrogance!
JACK JONES: What smarts! Every moment he plays to these idiots, is a moment that arm isn't being worked on. We're looking at our next NAPW champion here!
Indeed, Cartwright looks like a champion. Cocky. Confident. But that confidence is his downfall, as he turns around to get a spear from Bickle! And now it's Bickle's turn to start punching! Cartwright rolls him over, and gets his shots in, then Bickle regains the advantage. Then Cartwright. The Bickle. Finally both men break free of each other. Cartwright tries to grab on for a suplex, but Bickle counters, into a single arm DDT! The injured arm of Cartwright takes more abuse, and Bickle goes for a cover! One.. Two... Cartwright kicks out! Bickle tries to slap on Roll Credits, but Cartwright evades the hold, springs to his feet, and hits a dropkick on Bickle, who was on his knees. Bickle is flat on his back, and Cartwright drops an elbow across the champ's midsection! Bickle tries to roll away, but Cartwright drives a knee into the back of the champion, then grabs on for a bow and arrow! Cartwright putting a lot of pressure on the back of the champion, trying to weaken him for the Cartwheel. But the damage to the arm means the hold isn't as tight as it could be. Bickle manages to squirm over to the ropes, and gets the break. Evan breaks clean, ... no wait, he stomps down on Bickle's head, making that swollen eye even worse.
BILL HEWSON: Good Lord! Bickle is wrestling half blind here! But Cartwright is working with one good arm! Both men sacrificing so much to be NAPW champion!
Evan hits a sambo suplex, but not without further damaging his arm. He goes for the cover... One... Two... Bickle kicks out! Cartwright looks frustrated. he knows it will take a lot to put Bickle down. But he knows he can't do it one armed. He eyes the kendo stick in the corner. Kiebiech notices the look, and is quick to get in Cartwright's face with a warning. Bickle uses the moment to surprise Cartwright with a roll up! One... Two... Cartwright kicks out, and catches a rising Bickle with a roaring elbow! Bickle is knocked flat, and Cartwright covers! One... Two... Bickle kicks out! Cartwright drags Bickle to the corner. Cartwright to the second turnbuckle... DIAMOND DUST! Bickle crumples to the mat, and Cartwright covers again... One... Two... Bickle kicks out!
BILL HEWSON: Amazing resiliency from the champion!
JACK JONES: Sure. And Cartwright's had it easy the entire match...
Cartwright shakes his head, wondering if he'll have to kill his opponent to keep him down. He drags Bickle to his feet, then goes for another uppercut. THE PERFECT UPPERCUT. A sick smack is heard as fist meets face. Bickle... starts to breathe heavier. His eye is a nasty shade of purple, but he still stands. Cartwright with another punch. Another sick impact. But Bickle just starts to breathe heavier. Cartwright lets loose with a huge roaring elbow! Bickle's head snaps back... then snaps back forward, and he NAILS a lariat on Cartwright, who does a Curt Hennigesque flip and crashes on the mat! Bickle soaks in the roar of the crowd! ... And then he collapases.
JACK JONES: Adrenaline only works for so long, before you crash and burn!
Kiebiech starts the ten count. The crowd tries to will Bickle on, but both men are exhausted. Kiebiech gets to six before both men can even make it to their knees. On eight the |