TUESDAY. NIGHT. FIGHTS.
01/02/2007
Fade into the ring. Frank Warburton is standing, dapper as always, microphone in hand to welcome NAPW fans into the new year.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and Gentlemen, at this time we begin playing of the Canadian national anth...
"My disposition is in a position for all to see.
Regretless for how it feels.
I got a bullet with a name on it.
Bullet with a name."
As the sound of Nonpoint's "Bullet With A Name On It" hits the p.a. system. Out from the curtain comes a new face to the NAPW crowd in Edmonton. The man is wearing a black tanktop, khaki cargo pants, and black DVS low top shoes. He makes his way down to the ring as he hops up onto the ring apron. The crowd not really giving much of a response simply confused as to what's going on. The man steps through the ropes as he walks up to Frank Warburton, and sticks his hand out as Frank hands him the microphone also looking confused.
"Cut the music!"
As the music stops playing he paces inside the ring for a moment. The music finally fades out completely as he raises the microphone to his mouth.
"My name...is Marcus Chamberlain. I came up today to sing the Canadian national anthem, but unfortunately I don't know but two words of it."
The crowd responds with a resounding boo across the arena.
"What I'm sorry? My bad. However!"
The crowd comes to a silence again.
"I have been informed that a very popular song in Canada would do just as good. So, I, Marcus Chamberlain will now sing for you a song I imagine every person here tonight will know..."
The crowd this time treats Marcus to a more friendly response, curious. Marcus smiles to the response as he brings the microphone to his mouth once more and starts belting out:
"I got my first real six-string!
Bought it at the five-and-dime!
Played 'til my fingers bled ---"
ENTIRE CROWD: IT WAS THE SUMMER OF SIXTY-NINNNNNE!
Crowd goes banana. Chamberlain smiles and continues to sing along in the ring as MxPx's punk-rock version of "Summer of '69" kicks in over the PA!
"Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit and Jody got married ---
SHOULDA KNOWN WE'D NEVER GET FAR!"
Totally awesome fade into the Tuesday Night Fights intro.
Underoath's "In Regards To Myself" blasts through the POLISH HALL, NAPW's home base in Edmonton! A decent crowd has turned up for a show only one day after the New Year, lured no doubt by the start of the Canada Cup and a big tag title rematch. 6-700 people are in the joint and it looks like they're still celebrating some New Year's rowdiness. Cut to ringside where Jack Jones & Bill Hewson are sitting in their traditional positions, at the announce desk kitty corner to ringside (Impact style.) The camera zooms in on them. Bill Hewson is dressed business-like as ever... Jack Jones? Well, powder blue went out in the seventies. Just don't tell him that.
BILL HEWSON: Welcome to 2007... and welcome to New Alberta Pro Wrestling's TUESDAY NIGHT FIGHTS! What a card we have lined up for you tonight --- the 2007 CANADA CUP TOURNAMENT begins tonight with three first-round matches! And in our main event, a huge tag team title rematch as the champion Celtic Assassins take on the #1 voted tag team in North America by the TEAM wrestling committee, The New & Improved D-X! I'm Bill Hewson alongside my broadcast partner Jack "Attack" Jones...
JACK JONES: It doesn't get any bigger than this, Hewson, not even in my pants. D-X? Best team of 2006? PFFFFT.
BILL HEWSON: So you're saying you bet on the Celts?
JACK JONES: What? As a contracted employee of NAPW, it would be unethical not to mention illegal for me to conduct in any form of "laying money on the winner." I'm appalled you would even accuse me of such a thing... hold on, I have to take this call.
BILL HEWSON: We're in the middle of a broadcast!
JACK JONES: I know, it's from my mother. Hello? Mom? I don't care if you spent twenty-seven hours in labor with me, you cover your bets or Sluggo's going to be paying you a visit!
Drowning Pool kicks in!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a quarter-final match in the 2007 CANADA CUP! Introducing first from Chicago Illinois, he is "BIG BAD" BRIANNNNN BRUUUUUUNOOOOO!
Brian hits the aisle and slaps the palms of many sweaty, likely unshowered wrestling fans. God, we love our fans. Bruno hits the ring and he looks PUMPED. Like Scott Steiner pumped. ZING.
BILL HEWSON: Big opportunity for Brian Bruno tonight, and the chance to continue an inspiring comeback story that began last year.
Music STOP. Thirty Seconds To Mars "ATTACK!" Led to the ring by Eli Potts, it's...
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent weighing in at three-hundred and sixty-eight pounds... accompanied by Eli Potts, he is "THE COLOSSAL" KENNNNY KRENNNNNSHOV!
JACK JONES: Against Krenshov, Bruno's got no chance in hell. Besides, everybody knows that "kuh" beats "buh."
BILL HEWSON: What in the hell are you talking about?
JACK JONES: Hewson, hello! "KUH-lossal" KUH-enny KUH-renshov will easily beat buh buh buh Brian Buh buh Bruno.
Krenshov stalks to the ring. Both of these men were in the final four of the Action! Battle Royale at Black Thursday II, Krenshov the second-last man in the ring before Kryenik somehow managed to eliminate him. From the look on his face, Krenshov is not in any mood to be deterred yet again. Bruno is in for the fight of his life. He steps into the ring but then, from the entrance way come three men in various dirty clothes. SUPERSTAR Thomas Deathrow, Krusty Kid Paul, and Dextro all come to the ring wielding...lawn chairs?
JACK JONES: Hey! They're not supposed be out here!
BILL HEWSON: It was at Black Thursday II that Tommy Deathrow was revealed to be the MAN IN BLACK, but KKP and Dextro also showed up dressed as the MIB! Tommy Deathrow beat the commissioner in a match after a half-dozen NAPW superstars dressed as MIB neutralized Kenny Krenshov... you know, nobody's seen Commissioner Joseph Winchell since he vanished from his Red Deer hospital room over the holidays.
JACK JONES: Haven't these three goons done enough? They can't even be bothered to wear clean pants! Krenshov doesn't need this!
BILL HEWSON: Well I'm sure our commissioner didn't need to stack the deck in his favor so much at Black Thursday...
Krenshov sees the trio of punks sit down at ringside. The bell rings.. Krenshov snarls at Deathrow, whom he is becoming perhaps too familiar with, but ignores him. "Hey Krenshov, your ex-wife says hi!" jeers Tommy. Krenshov whips around, eyes near exploding. Eli tries to calm his man down...
BILL HEWSON: Krenshov needs to turn around and face his opponent --- wait a minute! A LOW BLOW by Brian Bruno on Krenshov!
JACK JONES: Not another one!
BILL HEWSON: BRUNO ROLLS KRENSHOV UP! ONE, TWO, THREE!
JACK JONES: WHAAAAA?
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is YOUR winner, BRIAN BRUNNOOOO!
JACK JONES: What what WHAT just happened here?
Brian Bruno is OUTTA there, Krenshov standing with mouth gaping open, one hand on his far-too-targetted crotch. He blinks rapidly and furiously, in complete. And utter. Shock.
BILL HEWSON: I don't believe it! Brian Bruno with a flash pin on the monster Krenshov while he was distracted by Tommy Deathrow, and oh, I don't envy Eli Potts right now trying to calm the monster down!
JACK JONES: Deathrow is... he's laughing! This is a travesty of justice!
Deathrow & Co. are indeed busting a gut. A little payback on Krenshov for the way he beat the hell out Deathrow a few weeks ago and all the crap he's done to folks on behalf of the Commissioner... Krenshov is still stunned, Eli snapping his fingers in front of his charge's eyes. Deathrow, KKP and Dextro haul up and head to the back.
BILL HEWSON: We may have just witnessed the shortest match in NAPW history, and perhaps a weakness in the unbreakable armor of Kenny Krenshov has been exposed... Bruno got him with a flash pin, thanks to Krenshov's raging temper.
JACK JONES: But but but... BUT!
BILL HEWSON: There, there.
In the ring, Eli snaps his fingers again --- KRENSHOV GRABS HIM BY THE TIE. KRENSHOV IS STANDING UP AND HE'S GOING TO --- Eli manages to get through to the big man before he gets his own head crushed. "It's me! IT'S ELI! CALM DOWN KENNY!"
BILL HEWSON: Talk faster, Eli. Later tonight it will be the DOOMRIDER APPRECIATION MATCH, when Deathrow will take on former parter Billy Kryenik. We're going to commercial, don't go away.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this first round Canada Cup match is scheduled for one fall, and is also for the Provincial Championship! Making his way to the ring, weighing in at two hundred and forty-four pounds, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania...Accompanied by Asuka! The challenger, Dez Carter!
The crowd lets loose with cheers and applause as the building is blasted with the sounds of "Driver's High". Dez Carter makes his way down to ringside, and Asuka applauds for him as he plays to the crowd.
BILL HEWSON: Dez Carter is certainly fired up for this match! I don't know if he's more excited about the possibility of getting through to the next round or the chance at the Provincial Title!
JACK JONES: Don't be an idiot, Hewson! It's all about the belt, baby! And he's got only two things on his mind: holding that belt above his cotton-stuffed head, and stuffing his craw full of delicious cake.
Boy Hits Car blasts over the speakers, and the crowd pops for "The Outlaw"!
BILL HEWSON: Well, getting that belt isn't going to be a piece of cake for Dez Carter, because here comes the current champion!
JACK JONES: You and your puns!
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! He is the current NAPW Provincial Champion! From Patterson, New Jersey, weighing in at two-hundred forty-eight pounds: "The Outlaw", Patrick Kidd!
Confident but all business, Patrick Kidd takes the long walk to ringside, giving a few high fives but keeping his eye on his opponent, who's bobbing and weaving in the ring already. He passes his belt to referee John Sharplin, who calls for the bell and this match is ON! The two men lock up, and for a few seconds it's unclear who's going to get the upper hand. Finally, Dez Carter gets the upper hand, moving behind his opponent to deliver a Dragon Suplex! Before Kidd can shake the stars out of his eyes, the challenger lifts him up, gives him one, two, three kicks for good measure, and then flips him over with a Tiger Driver! Here's the cover, one, two, kickout! Dez Carter getting the upper hand early in this match, and he turns to the crowd, who give their loud approval. Carter turns around, only to get a face full of The Outlaw's boot! Carter staggers to the ropes, and Kidd Irish whips him into the far ropes. Kidd grabs at his opponent, who dodges out of the way and rebounds off the ropes...but he doesn't dodge the spinebuster a second time! Kidd wastes no time in jumping on the downed opponent, and sets up a vicious Cattle Mutilation! Hide your eyes cowgirls 'cause nobody needs to see this! Dez Carter, in obvious pain, reaches for the ropes, but Kidd just keeps the pressure up. Asuka is pounding the mat, giving her wrestler all the encouragement she can, and Dez Carter is desperately trying to keep eye contact as he inches towards the ropes. Sharplin's in his face, asking him if he's all right, but he shakes his head and grits his teeth, and lets out a huge yell and makes it to the ropes with a huge leap forward!
Dez Carter's in some serious pain, but he somehow makes it to his feet. Kidd locks him up in a front facelock, and then falls to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker. Dez Carter is holding his neck as he lies in the ring, and Kidd goes for yet another Cattle Mutilation, but Carter scrambles out of the way and holds himself up in the turnbuckle. The Outlaw charges at him, but Carter steps aside and Kidd crashes against the post! Carter takes advantage of the situation, turning his opponent around on the turnbuckle and firing off with a hard palm strike to the chest! Kidd's knees buckle and he holds his chest, but Carter sets him back up for another palm strike! Kidd stumbles out of the corner to the middle of the ring, and Dez Carter sets up for The Overdrive...but Kidd turns just in time with a hard right chop to Dez Carter! He chops carter again, but this time the challenger fires back with a kick to The Outlaw's stomach! Chop! Chop! Kick! It's a two-for-one sale here, folks, but can Dez Carter keep up? Two more chops and Carter finds some superhuman strength and lets fly with a drop kick, sending Kidd stumbling backwards to the ropes! Carter is holding his knees in his hands, unsteady on his feet...giving Kidd the opening for a CRIMSON TIDE! He goes in for the cover, ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and STILLLL Provincial Champion... PATRICK KIIIIIIIIID!
In the ring Kidd & Carter shake hands, both looking beat from a tough, fast-paced match. BILL HEWSON: Patrick Kidd retains his title AND moves on to the next round of the Canada Cup! He will face the winner of Kurt Castle vs Nightmare, that match taking place later tonight.
JACK JONES: So what the heck is up with Kidd? This whole tournament is FOR a title shot, any title shot! He doesn't need to put his title on the line, that's just lunacy.
BILL HEWSON: I believe that the champion refuses to let his belt consume him the way it has so many other champions. Remember that Kidd is a man who values honor and respect, and yet he felt so threatened about Dez Carter potentially getting a Provincial title shot ... back at Black Thursday... that he snapped. Tonight we had a solid match between two great competitors. Right now, we want to take a look back at the last time BILLY KRYENIK and TOMMY DEATHROW wrestled one another...
"April 24, 2006."
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen. This is the Taipei Death Match!
BILL HEWSON: My God, this match is barely five minutes old and already both men are bleeding like stuck pigs!
JACK JONES: Their hands are covered in glass! The ropes have barbed wire on them! And they're still looking for more weapons! They're insane!
JACK JONES: That was --- that was a freaking FIREBALL in Kryenik's face! Tommy Deathrow IS A SUPERSTAR, BABY!
BILL HEWSON: And Billy Kryenik, he may have second-degree, third-degree burns all over his face! And Tommy Deathrow doesn't give a DAMN.
JACK JONES: You asked what he was doing outside the ring! You asked what more Deathrow could possibly do to Billy Kryenik! YOU'VE GOT YOUR ANSWER! THOUSANDS OF THUMBACKS!
THE DRY LAKE IN THE SEA OF TACKS! Tommy Deathrow driven face first, his leg quivering. Kryenik rolls over with his last ounce of energy and drapes an arm over Deathrow. ONE! TWO! ...THREEEEEE!
BILL HEWSON: Believe it or don't, but this Vancouver crowd is on their feet, giving a standing ovation for Tommy Deathrow! He gave you his heart, he gave you his soul, he gave you everything in this match ---
JACK JONES: And he's giving you the finger, Hewson! COS HE'S THE SUPERSTAR!
Nine months ago two men engaged in a match so violent, so memorable, so brutal that is has simply come to be called "TAIPEI."
Tonight, these two men will square off for the first time since that brutal match.
January 2, 2007 is Doomrider Appreciation Night. Kryenik vs Deathrow III. Don't miss it.
NAPW returns from the commercial break... and then, "Bang Bang To The Rock 'N' Roll" by Gabin begins to play over the PA system as the crowd start a chorus of boos. Clint and Stone Zellor along with Papa Z make their way down the aisle, ignoring the jeering fans as they go. The three men climb up the ring steps and enter the ring, whereupon Clint grabs a microphone.
CLINT ZELLOR: Welcome to the 'Year Of The Midnight Cowboys'!
The crowd jeers him.
CLINT ZELLOR: You see, last year ended on a bit of a downer for us. The Celtic Assassins are still the NAPW Tag Team Champions - due in no small part to us. Stone granted them the titles and because of me, they are still holding on to them ... When I blasted Bobby O'Brady with that steel chair. But then, then disaster struck. In the shape of Stylin' Kyle and Bruce Richards!
And the crowd cheer and woop upon the mention of The New And Improved D-X. The three men in the ring all look uncomfortable as Papa Z waves his hands as if to say "quiet down", which they eventually do.
STONE ZELLOR: About damn time.
CLINT ZELLOR: D-X...you snuck their noses where they didn't belong! At Black Thursday II, you came to the aid of your opponents tonight. But, Stylin' Kyle Roberts, we all saw that look in your eye that night. When you held that strap in your hands ... Well I have some bad news for you. The Midnight Cowboys are the ones who are going to take the belts away from The Celts. Not you two, not The Royal Foundation, not The Playgirlz and not Next Generation. We are the next NAPW Tag Team champions and here's where it gets interesting...
He hands the microphone to his half-brother, Stone.
STONE ZELLOR: In two weeks, it's the NAPW's 100th show. We're sending out an invitation to The New And Improved D-X, if ya can dig that, playas. January 16th! Any match you like! Whaddya say?
Gabin hits again, as the Cowboys hit the turnbuckles and make the "belt" motions around their waists. "Get in the ring and I will kill you!" Clint says to one jeering fan, as Stone acts cocky. Papa Z looks on proudly, a devilish glint in his eyes.
BILL HEWSON: The challenge has been laid out for the one-hundredth show! Later tonight, it will be The New & Improved D-X challenging Celtic Assassins for the NAPW Tag team titles... Jack what happens if D-X DOES in fact win the belts tonight? Will they accept the Cowboys challenge?
JACK JONES: As far as I'm concerned it's a CONSPIRACY that the Midnight Cowboys aren't currently #1 contenders to the tag belts. If D-X win the belts, and my mother is hoping they don't or ELSE, then the Cowboys will be the NEXT tag team champions. BOOYAH!
BILL HEWSON: "Booyah?"
JACK JONES: I... heard it in a movie.
BILL HEWSON: ... when we return, for the first time ever: Two former champions collide! Patrick Bickle vs The Plague is up next, don't you DARE miss it.
JACK JONES: And that's why you'll never be Prime Minister, Bill.
BILL HEWSON: I'm quite sure you've told this story before. You're repeating yourself in your old age, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: I am not --- get off my lawn, you kids!
BILL HEWSON: Ladies and gentlemen, at our last show for 2006 a great deal happened. Of course Joseph Winchell was beaten by Tommy Deathrow, who was the Man In Black, and Winchell has not been seen since. But two men in particular made their marks. "Perfection" Evan Cartwright became the NAPW Champion by virtue of a decisive, though slightly controversial win over Patrick Bickle. In the same night, however, it was Ravager earning the #1 contender slot a title shot at the one-hundredth show... by beating The Plague. In just two weeks it will be Evan Cartwright vs Ravager II, NAPW Title on the line. Right here tonight, however, The Plague will take on the former champion, Patrick Bickle. It's sure to be a helluva match, so let's get to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from New York, New York...THHHHHHE PLAAAAAGUE!
The crowd simmers down for a moment then "Down With The Sickness" by Disturbed blasts through the speakers as The Plague makes his way through the curtains.. The crowd begins to boo loudly, swearing and throwing garbage... The Plauge simply laughs and basks in the jeers before making his way into the ring, he then places his hands on the ropes and stares menacingly at the entrance.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, also from New York, New York... PATRIIIIIICK BICKLLLLLLE!
Then before you know it the crowd begins to go wild as "Ibi Dreams Of Pavement" by Broken Social Scene begins to play... Patrick Bickle slowly comes out from the back and proceeds to make his way to the ring, his eyes meeting The Plague's. He stops abruptly right before the apron to look at the Plague who proceeds to spit on the former NAPW champion. Bickle wipes his face and climbs onto the apron, referee Henry Andrews quickly pushes The Plague into his corner to let Bickle get into the ring. Plague smirks, brushing Andrews away.
The bell sounds and it's on! Bickle stays in his corner simply keeping his eyes fixated on his opponent... The Plague begins to walk toward Patrick Bickle with a devilish grin across his face. He cracks his knuckles as he gets closer and Bickle simply chuckles...Hard right hand by The Plague! Right by Bickle! Thumb to the eye by The Plague, who grabs a handful of Bickles hair and drags him to the center of the ring before delivering a knee to the ribs of Patrick Bickle. The Plague then grabs Bickle by the throat and throws him to the other side of the ring. Bickle slowly gets to his knees and receives a stiff kick to his ribs. The Plague puts Bickle on his back...He jumps! 275 pound knee drop to Bickles ribs! Bickle yelps as The Plague drags him to the center of the ring, this time knee dropping Bickle's head. Cover! One! Two! Shoulder up! Bickle seems hurt. The Plague lifts Bickle to his knees --- Desperation elbow to the Plague's midsection! Bickle off the ropes, clothesline? The Plague doesn't go down! Bickle off the ropes again, Flying Clothesline? The Plague only stumble back a few steps. Bickle hits the ropes once again and The Plauge readies himself for a clothesline, Dropkick to the knees! The Plaguee falls forward and lands awkwardly on his face. Bickle waits a moment then takes his time to cover The Plague One! Two! Pressed off! The Plague displays his strength by literally bench pressing him off!
The Plague proceeds to get up and grab another handful of Bickle's hair. This time lifting him to his feet and... BRAINBUSTER. Patrick Bickle seems out. The Plauge opts not to go for a pin though, it's all about punishment. He lifts Bickle to his feet and irish whips him into the ropes, The Plague hits the opposite set of ropes.. He's going for a clothesline! Reversed! Bickle latches onto The Plague's arm and tries to force him down into a Fujiwara Armbar... He's succeeding... But wait, The Plauge powers out and lifts his man up. SICK inverted shoulderbreaker on Bickle's bad shoulder! He hooks the leg once more... One! Two! Thre---The Plague forces Bickle's shoulder up! He wants to keep this match going and lifts Bickle back to his feet. Another Irish Whip sends Bickle flying into the ropes... and he tumbles out! The Plague grins and climbs out of the ring, sending Bickle with a hard Irish Whip into the steel steps! Henry Andrews is yelling at them to get back in the ring and begins his count! ONE! TWO! The Plague lifts Bickle up once more.. and another Irish Whip into the stairs. THREE! FOUR! The Plague backs up for a moment as Bickle uses the ring post to help him to his feet, The Plauge charges and clothesline! Bickle ducks, and a Dropkick sends The Plague's head into the ring post! FIVE! SIX! Patrick Bickle steps onto the ring apron! He rushes The Plague as he turns around.. Crossbody --- It's caught! BICKLE IS SENT SPINE-FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST! Henry Andrews is threatening to disqualify The Plague but he doesn't seem to care. Seven! Eight! Bickle is squirming around trying to crawl away from The Plague who simply sends a boot to the back of Patricks head. He then lifts him up and rolls him into the ring... NINE!! TE... The Plauge rolls at the last second saving himself from a count-out. He then places his foot on the chest of Patrick Bickle and orders Henry Andrews to count. One! Two! Th...Bickle gets his shoulder up. Plague wants to establish his dominance of Bickle, but that arrogant cover may have been a mistake. Henry Andrew drops down to check on Patrick Bickle and The Plague quickly rushes the corner. He throws a glance over his shoulder to see Henry Andrews still paying attention to Patrick Bickle, then rips the protective padding on the turnbuckle right off and drops it outside the ring. He then nonchalantly makes his way back to Patrick Bickle as if nothing happened. Bickle is making his way back to his feet and The Plague gets him in a Double Underhook...KNEE! KNEE! KNEE! KNEE! KNEE! KNEE! KNEE! KNEE! Patrick Bickle must be out cold! The referee needs to think about stopping this match!
The Plauge quickly changes moves and locks Patrick Bickle into an abdominal stretch... Bickle is limp and doesn't put up a fight to get out of the treacherous hold. Henry Andrews dons a worried look... He looks back at the timekeeper and looks at Patrick Bickle. The Plauge keeps tightening his hold, smirking as he applies pressure... Then all of a sudden Henry Andrews turns back to the bell, about to call the match off when The Plague yelps and falls to the floor. Andrews turns around, no longer calling the match quits as he sees Patrick Bickle standing over The Plauge, who is holding his lower midsection in an all too familiar way. Bickle lifts The Plauge to his feet, he is still bent over...Bickle steps back and Swinging Neckbreaker! He proceeds by quickly lifting The Plauge to his feet and administering a single arm DDT. Exhausted, Bickle still hooks The Plague's leg and Henry Andrews goes for the count. One! Two! Kick-out! Bickle may have his second wind right here, showing some fire. Plague is getting up, Bickle grabs the man and looks for ROLL CREDITS! Plague fighting it off, Bickle tries to switch it up into the cross-armbreaker --- Plague elbows the man in the head. Irish whip --- Bickle reverses! Dropkick, Plague holds the ropes! Bickle crashes into the canvas awkwardly, then pops up... BOOT TO THE GUT. BLACK DEATH II! Plague drives Bickle head-first into the canvas in hard fashion. Nobody kicks out of The Black Death and the referee slaps the mat three times.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of this match... THE PLAAAAGUE!
"Down With The Sickness" hits the speakers but The Plague does not celebrate. Instead, he stomps the chest of a downed Patrick Bickle then grabs a handful of hair to lift him up. A hard right makes a gash about Bickle's right eyebrow and The Plague then relentlessly attacks the wound with right hands...Then he stops. Bickle is dazed and begins to wobble, The Plauge delivers a swift kick to Bickle's gut, Black Death II again? Wait, he applies a standing head-scissors and then lifts Bickle high above his head. THE BLACK DEATH...ONE~! Razor's Edge connects!
JACK JONES: We haven't seen that move in over a year! Eat it, Bickle!
BILL HEWSON: This is uncalled for, you already won the match! Somebody stop this!
JACK JONES: The Plague said he was going to DESTROY Patrick Bickle tonight. And The Plague is a man of his word, Bill Hewson.
The crowd is booing and garbage begins to hit The Plague from many angles. He proceeds to get out of the ring, his vicious attack seemingly done. As he walks by the timekeeper he stops. The Plague slowly turns his head toward the frightened man and grins! He grabs the timekeeper and throws him to the floor, taking his chair and throwing it into the ring. The Plague slides back in and grabs Patrick Bickle... He hoists him up on his shoulders!
BILL HEWSON: Oh no! Not again, not on a chair! Somebody stop this! Somebody --- IT'S SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL!
CHOP BLOCK by SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL ON THE PLAGUE! The crowd goes nuts for the former Pure Honor champion! Plague drops Bickle off his shoulers as Simply Beautiful begins to pound on the Plague with forearms, elbows and fists. The Plague tries to fight back, irish whip, but SB reverses. Plague grabs the ropes, but SB rushes him with a clothesline... and that sends Plague to the outside! NOW, he then decides to make his retreat, his damage done on Patrick Bickle... Simply Beautiful yelling for The Plague to "bring it on, tough guy!" before going to check on his ally Patrick Bickle... Plague looks at his handiwork from the entranceway and flashes his ugly, trademark smirk. Cut to commercial.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is a first round Canada Cup Match, and it is scheduled for one fall.
"Releasing the Demons" hits, and out comes one pissed off, haggard-looking Kurt Castle. His hair and beard have begun to grow out wildly, and his eyes are blood-shot. He slides into the ring and stands up tall with his back to the corner.
BILL HEWSON: Look at him! Has this man even BATHED since losing the Bull Rope match to Chad Kurtis?
JACK JONES: You heard the man, Hewson. All week he's been saying that he's on a mission, that all he cares about is winning this tournament and becomind champion, and if you asked me, I'd tell you he's MY pick to make it all the way to the finals from his side of the bracket!
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Rochester, New York, and weighing in at two hundred and ninety-eight pounds, the DEVASTATOR, KUUUUUURRRTTT CAAAAAASSTLE!
Creed's "What If" hits, and the fans give a nice pop for Nightmare. He heads down to the ring, focused, and slaps five with several of the NAPW faithful before stepping into the ring.
BILL HEWSON: When you talk about Nightmare, you must point out that Nightmare has long since passed his time of popularity - he was never more popular then he was following his wars with Caliban and his incredible Sole Survivor performance, and he's looking to get on a hot streak that will bring him back to his "glory days", and perhaps bring him some NAPW championship gold.
JACK JONES: He went to hell and back with Caliban, twice, and Nightmare is as tough as they come, you better believe it. But I just think that The Devastator is too much for Gregory Hanson on this night.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, now residing in Regina, Saskatchewan, and weighing in at two hundred and eighty-five pounds, NIIIIIIIGGGHTMAAAAAAREE!
The bell rings, and we're on our way to a slugfest! Castle wastes no time, and knees Nightmare straight in the gut, doubling him over just long enough to crash his elbow down across his neck. Nightmare stays on his feet, and throws a punch from his heels, connecting with Castle's head, creating come space for a Lariat! No, Castle ducks, and rears back and connects with a BRUTAL lariat when Nightmare turns around. Castle wastes no time, and quickly mounts his opponent. Huge right hands follow, one, two, three, four, five, six, referee Morgan Smythe gets in their and breaks it up, saving Nightmare's keister. Castle glares at Smythe, and then picks Nightmare up, not expecting the uppercut that nails him in the face! Nightmare follows his dazed opponent, and hits a STEP UP ENZIGURI! HOLY CRAP, what a kick from the big man! Nightmare bounces off the ropes and jumps up high in the air, crashing down with an elbow drop on Castle's chest. Another bounce off the ropes, and another elbow drop, this one hitting his shoulder! He landed awkwardly there on that shoulder joint, it looks like Castle is hurt, but he's going to tough it out. Castle gets to his feet now, connects with a few elbow smashes on Nightmare, staggering him. CHOP! WOO! CHOP from Nightmare! WOO! Frying pan CHOP from Castle! WOOOO! And now here's a Belly to Belly from Castle! He pops up, and starts to yell at the crowd, but they quickly cheer as Nightmare rises behind him! Castle turns, and is able to duck a big boot that could've decapitated him from a charging Nightmare! Castle grabs him from behind and snaps his neck back with a sick Inverted Neckbreaker, he's going for the cover! One....two - kickout! Not that easy, says Nightmare!
Castle slaps the mat, looking at Smythe, who gives him nothing but stinkeye. Nightmare gets up, and the two behemoths lock-up, trying to get a good position on one another. Nightmare slides behind him and - OH MY! - HE'S GOT HIS ARM, and now he's on the mat! CROSSFACE! CROSSFACE! And Castle's got a hurt shoulder! The fans go wild, they want to see the arrogant Castle forced to tap! Smythe asks him, but he refuses....and reaches out....reaches...he CAN'T REACH....Nightmare yells for him to tap out, but Castle finally grabs the bottom rope, forcing the break! Castle is grabbing at that hurt shoulder, and rises to his knees. Nightmare is already up and fires a punch at him, slamming into his shoulder! Castle grabs it in pain, and Night,are with another one, really turning the pain up a notch. Castle won't stay down though, he gets up snap headbutts Nightmare, seemingly from out of nowhere, and then irish whips him into the corner, hard. AVALANCHE, and Nightmare nearly gets flattened. But Nightmare fires back with a heavy right hand to the face. Castle stumbles back a bit, and Nightmare climbs the turnbuckle! He's at the top, but Castle was playing possum, he crotches him. Top rope DDT from Castle, Orton style! That's gotta be it, he covers! Only gets two and half, how CLOSE! Castle is pissed as all hell at Smythe now, and he gets in her face before turning back around and kicking Nightmare in the head. He covers again, but Nightmare puts his foot under the ropes before the count can even start, breaking it up. Both men get on their feet, and Nightmare with a toe kick to the belly! He hoists Castle up, look at the power! SHOULDER BREAKER! And he gets right on him, going for a Chicken-Wing! Castle struggles, trying to free his arm, but Nightmare forces it down, and now is trying to slide it behind his back - no, Castle shrugs him off, and the two rise. Nightmare quickly moves behind him - School Boy!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE -KICKOUT!
Castle gets up, and gets nailed with another toe kick! Powerbomb! What strength from Nightmare! ONE!....TWO!....THREE - NO! So close! Both men are down now, who's going to get up and capitalize? Nightmare is trying to fight his way up, and Castle is up against the ropes, trying to hoist himself up. Both men give out a great bit of effort and get to their feet simultaneously, and the first are A-FLYIN'! Their beating the hell out of each other, this thing has turned into a bar-room brawl ladies and gentlemen! These men will kill each other for that Canada Cup! Nightmare gets the upper hand, blocking a Devastator Haymaker and connecting with a haymaker of his own. TWO-HANDED GOOZLE! DREAM CATCHER TIME, THE FANS ERUPT! No, Castle with a boot to the midsection! And here it is! Gorilla Press Slam position, he's looking for a little Total Devastation! But Nightmare slides behind him! Castle turns around, and Nightmare again looks for the Dream Catcher! Elbow to the head of Nightmare breaks it up, and Nightmare decides to run the ropes. He goes for a flying forearm smash - but he's CAUGHT!
And buried with a Tombstone Piledriver.
ONE, TWO, THREEEEE.
The fans boo, but all the booing in the world won't take away the clean, hard-fought win from the hated Kurt Castle.
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, the DEVASTATOR, KUUUUUURRRTTT CAAAAAASSTLE!
BILL HEWSON: What a match! Nightmare came so close, so very close...
JACK JONES: But you're talking about Kurt Castle --- The Devastator. You've got my new odds-on favorite to win this entire damn thing, Hewson! Who's gonna stop him?
BILL HEWSON: The brackets are set - next week it WILL be "Big Bad" Brian Bruno vs "Sick" Billy Kryenik! In the other bracket, "Outlaw" Patrick Kidd, our Provincial Champion, takes on "The Devastator Kurt Castle... and what if the Provincial Title is on the line as it was this week?
JACK JONES: Then we're looking at a new Provincial Champion AND future Canada Cup winner in Kurt Castle! Booyah!
BILL HEWSON: That remains to be seen... and this crowd giving Nightmare a huge ovation for a tremendous effort!
Releasing the Demons hits once more, and the camera zooms in on Kurt Castle. "The cup is mine, get the hell outta my way", he shouts. He heads out to the back, but Nightmare is up in the ring, looking understandably disappointed. He gave it his all, and proved that Nightmare can still go with the best of them, and the fans give him a standing ovation. Nightmare is back, baby!
JACK JONES: So anyways, I'm certainly never allowed back to Cambodia.
BILL HEWSON: Monster. Welcome back fans. You saw earlier in the night the recap of last year's brutal TAIPEI Deathmatch between Billy Kryenik and Tommy Deathrow. It was the most brutal, violent, bloody, sick match-up I have ever called in my career. I don't like what they did in the ring, but I respect their guts.
JACK JONES: Guts which were spilling all over the canvas!
BILL HEWSON: They might as well have been. Tonight, it is apparently "Doomrider Appreciation Night." At Black Thursday II both Tommy Deathrow & Billy Kryenik built HUGE momentum for themselves. Tonight, for the first time since that epic TAIPEI encounter, the former Doomriders will go at in singles competition and look to keep that momentum going. Kryenik into the second round of the Canada Cup vs Brian Bruno, and Deathrow as he looks to make an IMPACT in the new year.
JACK JONES: He made an impact on my sweater backstage a few weeks ago. That stain is never coming out. STAY AWAY FROM MY STUFF, SICKO.
BILL HEWSON: ...
Enough talk. Buckethead, the man with the bucket on his head, kicks out the jams and that means only one thing. Kryenik. The man himself comes through the curtain with high energy, ready for action ---
Oh.
BILL HEWSON: Wait just a minute... Jones...Jones! Kryenik has... oh my God, he has his fists taped up and that looks like shards of broken glass all over them! Kryenik has come out... FOR TAIPEI! That's not the scheduled match, it's a regular singles contest!
JACK JONES: They can't just make up the rules as they go along! What is this, Orlando?
BILL HEWSON: This crowd however has EXPLODED, but... they can't have a TaiPei death match here, tonight... can they?
Kryenik obviously does not slap five with the fans, mostly focused as he hits the ring. He is in peak physical shape, his body very shaped like CM Punk, clean-shaven and hair mid-length. Kryenik looks like a contender in 2007 for NAPW... and his hands are very clearly covered in broken glass, from dipping his tape covered hands in glue and then rolling them in the stuff. Kryenik's music fades out, and then Dead Celebrity Status comes on. DEATHROW. And what do you know, the crowd ROARS for the man who kicked Winchell's ass a few weeks ago!
JACK JONES: Just like Kryenik to try to take an unfair advantage over another grappler, but he can do whatever he wants to that turncoat Deathrow as far as me and the COMMISH are concerned ---
BILL HEWSON: DEATHROW IS GLASSED UP TOO! THE DOOMRIDER APPRECIATION MATCH MAY HAVE BECOME... TAIPEI TWO!
Deathrow licks his lips as he comes near to the ring. He rolls in and then punches down on the canvas, doing some sloppy knuckle push-ups. The broken glass glitters in the ring lights as Deathrow gets up and stares across at Billy Kryenik. He flips Billy the bird, Billy snorts. Frank Warburton looks uneasy about being in the same ring with these two men but nonetheless soldiers on...
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall ---
"HOLD IT! HOLD IT! HOLD IT!"
JACK JONES: It's THE COMMISSIONER, back to save us all!
BILL HEWSON: No...no it's not. Why, that's HENRY ANDREWS!
JACK JONES: He's suspended!
BILL HEWSON: That's HARVEY. The Real Henry Andrews has just come out, what's he got to say?
Henry Andrews, a much more serious man than his twin brother Harvey (who masqueraded as his brother, ruining his brother's referee reputation with his shenanigans along with DAVID BANKS)... looks serious now. He holds a mic up.
HENRY ANDREWS: Now hold on here, Kryenik, Deathrow. Now with Mr. Winchell missing, it's fallen to me to book the cards for the New Year. And I thought the fans and maybe even you two would like to wrestle one more time, but this is too far. There will not be a TaiPei deathmatch tonight.
Crowd BOOS.
JACK JONES: Jackals.
Deathrow mouths various words that cannot be said on television while Kryenik says "What? What the hell?" Andrews raises his hands and continues.
HENRY ANDREWS: Now Mr. Winchell was kind enough to bring me on staff after my brother ruined my reputation as a referee. Now I want to see you wrestle, these fans want to see you wrestle, but if you have this match, the Edmonton Wrestling & Boxing commission will shut us down right now. We won't get to see you two wrestle, and these fans won't get to see the tag title match they paid to see. This match is not sanctioned and I have no say in this matter, the show WILL be shut down. So take off the glass and wrestle, or don't do it at all.
Crowd is booing but the reaction is mixed. Clearly, nobody wants to see the show shut down. Tommy is laughing, but Kryenik looks out over the crowd. "WE-WANT THIS-MATCH, CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP" is the chant that rings out. Kryenik looks over the crowd and raises one glass-covered forearm up high, the crowd pops. He raises the other, the crowd pops. He looks to Warburton for the mic... Frank carefully passes it to Kryenik's deadly forearm.
BILLY KRYENIK: Let me get one thing straight here Andrews --- this isn't for you, this isn't for the commission, this is damn well not for WINCHELL. For the FANS... alright. Get some damn scissors out here, cut this shit off, but GODDAMMIT, TOMMY DEATHROW AND I ARE STILL GOING TO TEAR THIS MOTHER DOWN!
CROWD at first seems dejected, but as Kryenik's impassioned words continue they grow towards a *POP* of Hegstrand-like greatness. Deathrow says "hell no" but Kryenik says "Come on man, you don't need that to kick my ass." Deathrow grins "Hell no bitch!". Trainers come from the back with scissors to cut the tape from each man's forearms.
BILL HEWSON: It looks like we will have this match after all. We'll take a short commercial break while the trainers here get both men out of their "gauntlets." When we return, Tommy Deathrow vs Billy Kryenik III!
Back to action and Deathrow is hammering on Kryenik in the corner. Both men gauntlet free now, but that doesn't mean this contest will be gentle by any means. Deathrow grunting and throwing forearms bone-to-forehead, Kryenik reeling and sagging back. He slumps down the canvas in a seated position against the turnbuckle. Deathrow gets some distance ... and charges in with his knee and crotch to Kryenik's face, Mick Foley style! A few members of the crowd chant "E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB!" as Deathrow looks out over the crowd throughs a few middle fingers. To which the fans respond positively. Geez.
In any event, Deathrow goes to the corner and kicks Kryenik in the face. He pulls his old friend up and whips him to the ropes --- Kryenik reverses, Deathrow rebounds INTO the Kiss Of Babylon superkick! Kryenik on his feet yelling to the crowd and getting it back, before he grabs both of Tommy's legs. Looking for a Boston Crab, he can't turn his man over. Deathrow grabs the bottom rope with both hands... and Kryenik changes tactics, pulling Deathrow up by the legs! Deathrow grabs the middle and then top ropes, refusing to let go, and Kryenik lifts UP hard and legs go --- Deathrow crashes flat-back on the canvas. He has about two seconds to get his wind back before Kryenik comes CHARGING in at him with a running senton splash that connects with authority! Cover gets two, kick-out. Kryenik uses Deathrow's kick-out momentum to turn the man over, he grapevines the legs and... gets the Branch Breaker! Deathrow in a world of trouble here, could he submit? Kryenik wrenches back! Referee John Sharplin asks if he quits, Deathrow shouts "(BLEEP) no you (BLEEP)in' (BLEEP)er!" Kryenik holding on, trying to force a submission but Deathrow edges to the ropes closer, closer... he's in the ropes. Clean break by Billy. The sick one backs off and lets Deathrow up. Tommy gets up, wiping a bit of blood from his bottom lip. He locks eyes with Kryenik, he's not joking around now. Kryenik meets him. The crowd gets hot. Kryenik & Deathrow meet in the center of the ring, eye to eye, nose to nose, Deathrow jawing.
SLAP.
Deathrow open-palm slaps Kryenik across the face. Crowd oohs. Kryenik recoils, then turns his head back to face Tommy.
SLAP.
Kryenik slaps Tommy himself. Tommy responds with another loud open-hand slap to Kryenik's face. KRYENIK with another slap. DEATHROW. KRYENIK. DEATHROW. KRYENIK. DEATHROW! KRYENIK! SLAP after SLAP after SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP. Brutal, STIFF, open-hand slaps to the side of each man's head and they're still going at it! This is unbelievable! Suddenly both men stop, Deathrow screaming "YAAAAAAAA"! and spinning around for a DISCUS PUNCH to Kryenik --- Billy blocks it, grabbing the wrist and turning it around, pulling Tommy onto his shoulders for a Torture Rack... SIT-DOWN! SHOCK TREATMENT! Deathrow hits the canas as Billy sits up, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. The crowd is on their feet chanting "THIS-IS-AWESOME, THIS-IS-AWESOME!" Kryenik with a cover, kick out at... ONE. Deathrow survived a Dry Lake through a table into tacks, he isn't done by a long shot.
Kryenik pulls Deathrow up and hits a sudden quick back suplex, dumping Deathrow on his head. DEATHROW STANDS UP IMMEDIATELY AND HITS A LARIAT! Kryenik gets turned inside out, and NOW Deathrow collapses. Both men are down, reaching for the ropes to get up. They have been burning a brutal pace! They come towards each other, Tommy hits a boot to the gut --- DEATHROW DRIVER! If he hits this, it's over, but Billy is very familiar with the finisher of his old partner and counters with a back body drop. Wait, Deathrow goes for a sunset flip. Tommy Deathrow... counter-wrestler? He can't quite get Kryenik over, though --- Billy drives his fist down. Tommy slides out of the way and then turns around, bulldogging Billy face-first to the canvas. Billy is belly-down and dazed... Deathrow gets on top of Billy's head, squeezing it with his knees, and THRUSTING up and down! TOTAL NON-STOP TOMMY is underway inside the NAPW ring here tonight at the Polish Hall! Kryenik's face being mashed into the ring over and over again in a humiliating and painful fashion! And unfortunately, Tommy has the stamina of a stallion... we could be here allllll night lonnnnng.
Fortunately, Deathrow relents his sexy and awful assault. Kryenik is down, looking disgusted and in pain. Tommy takes a two-step and drives an elbow into Kryenik's cheek. Cover gets a two count. Deathrow gets up and stomps Kryenik before pulling him up, Kryenik with a shot to Deathrow's gut. That stuns STD! Kryenik fires again! Left hand! Right hand! Rapid shots to the breadbasket, and now Billy is up and grabbing the arms of the doubled-over Deathrow... DRY LAKE COMING UP --- No, Deathrow with a desperation drop-to-the-knees/low-blow combination stuns Billy. Irish whip to the turnbuckle --- that's countered! Kryenik rushes in with a lariat to Tommy in the corner. Hot Salvation, baby! Kryenik puts Deathrow on the top turnbuckle and reaches up --- Deathrow drives his forearms into Kryenik, stopping whatever Billy was attempting. Deathrow fires on Kryenik, then begins to pull his man up to the top. Deathrow stands on the top! Kryenik is standing on top, they're fighting over whatever it is! Kryenik with a SUPERPLEX --- Deathrow stops --- hammers --- Deathrow wraps his arms around Billy! What the---
SUPER POWERBOMMMMMMMB
GOOD GOD! Both men are down and out on the canvas, Kryenik from the impact and Tommy from the delivery! What a move! These two are going all out and the only thing on the line is pride... but for men like the former Doomriders, that's enough. Both men are down, the referee must make his standing ten count. He reaches six when Deathrow & Kryenik begin to get up... they both make their feet.
BILL HEWSON: We have just seen over ten minutes of amazing action, what a MATCH! And they've got more left to go, Jones, we have just watched the first part of what may be one of the best matches of 2007 already ---
Hewson is suddenly cut-off by the gasping of the fans. Deathrow & Kryenik have each gotten to their feet, Deathrow leaning against the ropes... when suddenly KENNY KRENSHOV is in the ring. The massive, towering man levels Deathrow from the ring apron and steps over the top rope. Billy sees Krenshov and immediately rushes the man like he did at Black Thursday BOOT. Big Boot sickeningly takes Billy down hard. Deathrow gets up, he fires on Krenshov --- But Krenshov is PISSED OFF, more pissed off than we have ever seen him in an NAPW ring.
BOOM.
BILL HEWSON: FOR THE LOVE OF --- KRENSHOV JUST LEVELLED TOMMY DEATHROW!
JACK JONES: What did you expect? Deathrow humiliated Krenshov earlier tonight! You had to expect this!
BILL HEWSON: Krenshov has Tommy Deathrow, good GOD! Short-arm lariat and that may have broken Tommy's jaw! Kryenik is up! He's firing on Krenshov, but look at the man... no! NO! CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! From the six-foot nine Krenshov, lifting Kryenik in the air like he's a child! Oh my God!
JACK JONES: This is gonna get a whole lot better before it gets worse. Unless you're me. I'm loving this!
Krenshov grabs Deathrow by a handful of hair, roughly pulling the man to his feet. Kryenik is on the canvas, trying to get up, and Krenshov... what's this? He grabs Deathrow, an evil, angry sneer on his face. DOMINATORONTOKRYENIK. KRENSHOV using one of Deathrow's own moves and DRIVING the man down across the body of Kryenik, smashing that man back into the canvas! The Doomriders had wrestled the first half, the first third of an amazing match and it's all been shot to hell! Sharplin has called for the bell, the timekeeper ringing it repeatedly but nothing is going to deter Krenshov from his revenge. What NOW --- he rams Kryenik into the corner and then pulls up Deathrow. He has Deathrow up and RAMS into Kryenik in the corner! Deathrow & Kryenik are stacked up, and Krenshov gets room. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" HE ROARS and CHARGES INTO THE CORNER, all three-hundred and sixty-eight pounds. Krenshov backs out and circles then "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" smashes back into both men again! He steps out and Deathrow collapses down to the canvas. Kryenik falls but Krenshov gets a hand under Kryenik's chin. Billy throws a few wild, delirious punches but Krenshov merely holds the man at arm's length. He hooks him up. Lifts him.
TOTAL ECLIPSE.
Billy is down, Billy is down, and now Krenshov proceeds to mount on Deathrow. He screams at Deathrow like a madman, "YOU WANT TO EMBARASS ME?!" Deathrow somehow, someway, has the energy to spit right in Krenshov's face. Ballsy move. Pisses Krenshov off more. He begins SLAMMING his fist into Deathrow's head, BRUTALLY assaulting STD while Kryenik lays prone --- and now finally security rushes out. It looks like they had to get back-up, as a half-dozen security men swarm the ring. They dogpile Krenshov --- and get sent flying by the colossal one. Another four security men jump in the ring, Eli Potts has shown up. He looks pleased but now decides to "calm his man down" as ten security men try to subdue the man.
BILL HEWSON: How can they even subdue him? My God, Kenny Krenshov has decimated both Doomriders! Kryenik, down! Deathrow, down! They were having a helluva match and now this... Can't Potts calm his man down? Somebody has to stop this!
JACK JONES: Deathrow started it! Deathrow brought this on himself! Kryenik CHEATED to beat Krenshov in the Action! Battle Royale at Black Thursday and Deathrow played with fire here tonight! You play with fire and you get burned, and that's exactly what happened to these two Doomrider punks. They got what they deserved!
BILL HEWSON: Got what they deserved? Krenshov is off the handle! Security trying to gain some order... we have to take our last commercial break, we will try to get this sorted out so that we can still HAVE our main event tonight!
Fade to commercial on both Doomriders layed out, Kryenik face down, Deathrow face-up, while ten security guards have subdued Krenshov to the canvas. Krenshov looks ready to explode at any second... Eli Potts trying to calm his man down. Yet, is that a smile playing at Eli's lips?
And we return from commercial to the sounds of "Low" over the sound system! During the commercial, STYLIN' KYLE ROBERTS and BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS, the New & Improved D-X have made their way to the ring, flanked by their manager BILL FLEMING. Bruce and Kyle look ready to rumble as they climb into the ring.
BILL HEWSON: A few weeks ago, Jack Attack, it was the Midnight Cowboys who interfered in the tag title match, and cost the New & Improved D-X the belts.
JACK JONES: Are you suggesting that the Celtic Assassins didn't win cleanly, Bill Hewson? I knew something smelled funny about those two, and it wasn't just English cooking!
BILL HEWSON: Hey, now. I'm not saying that the Assassins aren't worthy champs... I'm just saying that they might have preferred to win a clean match.
JACK JONES: Well I think that tonight we'll see final proof that the Assassins can't win on their own, especially against a team like D-X.
Fleming shouts some words of encouragement at his boys in the ring... and Kyle, smirking, taps his head and mutters something that sounds an awful lot like "Smarter than you." Bruce gives him a quizzical glance and Kyle just grins as the crowd pops.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen the following match is for the NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challengers! At a combined weight of FIVE HUNDRED and TWENTY SEVEN pounds... Stylin' Kyle Roberts... Bruce "The Beast" Richards... they are the NEWWWWWW and IMPROOOOOVED... DEEEEEEEEEE - EEEEEEEEEXXX!
"Low" quiets down... and Ashley MacIsaac heralds the coming of the NAPW Tag Team Champions! BOBBY O'BRADY and AL THOES emerge from the back, regaled in their shiny new title belts!
BILL HEWSON: For the Celtic Assassins, it's been a long road, but finally theyÕve earned their place at the top!
As the Assassins make their way to the ring, Kyle starts shouting down at them "Thanks for keeping my title belt warm!" O'Brady and Thoes slide into the ring and both stalk up to Stylin' Kyle. All three men are right in each other's faces, mouths working, while Bruce and Fleming just look on a little concerned. After a moment, Bruce grabs Kyle by the arm and pulls him away so that Warburton can continue, and the Assassins move to their corner, looking a little peeved.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! At a combined weight of FIVE HUNDRED and SIXTY FIVE pounds... "The Irish Adonis" Bobby O'Brady... "The Scottish Wrecking Machine" Al Thoes... they are the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... the CELTIIIIIC ASSSSSSASSSSSSINSSSSS!
Kyle seems to have calmed down and is assuring Bruce that he's just a little on edge. Sadly, the damage is done. O'Brady and Thoes are both looking kind of pissed off, and it's The Irish Adonis who steps into the ring to start things off, and he's ASKING for Kyle to step into the ring too. Bruce "The Beast" Richards, however, answers the call. And there's the bell!
O'Brady and The Beast lock up. O'Brady has a size advantage and drives Bruce back into a corner... where they make a clean break. The two lock up again... this time, The Beast gets some leverage and takes the Irish Adonis down with a headlock takedown! He goes to follow up with an elbow... but O'Brady rolls away and Bruce hits the mat. O'Brady retakes his feet quickly, and pulls up Bruce... snap suplex! Richards impacts with the ring, and O'Brady quickly locks in a head vice! Bruce flails and reaches out... and catches the ropes! Senior referee John Sharplin calls for the break and O'Brady releases the hold. The Irish Adonis grabs Bruce by the head and pulls him into the Assassin corner, where he tags in Al Thoes. Thoes and O'Brady hook the BeastÕs head... Double DDT! Good lord... and a pin! One! Two! Kickout at two! Bobby O'Brady climbs out of the ring while Al Thoes hauls up Bruce... POWERBOMB! The crowd is starting to get fired up! Bruce twitches in the ring, and Thoes locks in the POWER CHINLOCK! Bruce grits his teeth and reaches out, but there's nowhere to go! He's too far from the ropes! The crowd starts chanting "Please don't tap! Please don't tap!" Wait... Stylin' Kyle is CRASHING THE RING! Bobby O'Brady moves to intercept... only to be stopped by Sharplin! John Sharplin didn't see Kyle at all, and is trying to hold back the Irish Adonis, and Al Thoes gets a SOLID kick in the face! Bruce, released from the hold, rolls out of the ring, and Kyle claps his hands loudly. O'Brady angrily retreats to his corner and Sharplin turns in time to see Stylin' Kyle Roberts hit a LIONSAULT on the downed Thoes! Pinfall! One! Two! Kickout!
Kyle argues for a moment with Sharplin while Al Thoes shakes out his head. Blood seems to be trickling out of his nose! The Scottish Wrecking Machine snarls and retakes his feet, and Stylin' Kyle turns to meet him. Thoes CHARGES, but Kyle Roberts sidesteps, rebound off the ropes, and Kyle LEVELS Thoes with a clothesline! Stylin' Kyle taps his head and shouts "I'M SMARTER THAN YOU!" And the crowd goes bugnut! Al Thoes tries to roll towards his corner, where O'Brady is desperate to tag him in, but Roberts is relentless! He grabs Thoes and drags him to the middle of the ring... where he locks in the BEAR-TAMER! Again the crowd starts chanting "Please don't tap! Please don't tap!" while Kyle screams "TAP! TAP!" Thoes flails for a moment, and then shakes his head when Sharplin asks him if he submits! Instead, he lets out a MIGHTY SCOTTISH BELLOW, and BEGINS POWERING OUT! Stylin' Kyle looks amazed... and is pulled over onto his face! For a second, Thoes looks to be about to lock in a Boston Crab, then he reaches out far enough to tag in O'Brady while Kyle flails! O'Brady takes two steps into the ring... jumps... DOUBLE STOMP! RIGHT INTO KYLE'S SPINE! Thoes wipes some blood from his face and heads for his corner while O'Brady rolls Kyle over! One! Two! MOONSAULT! Bruce "The Beast" Richards broke up the pinfall... WITH HIS OWN BODY! The crowd goes BANANAS! Sharplin shouts at Bruce to get out of the ring, but Al Thoes is already CHARGING the Beast! Richards ducks backwards and low-bridges the ropes! Al Thoes FLIES over the top, and crashes into the guardrail! The Beast gets up a head of steam and runs to the ropes! HOLY HELL! NO HANDS OVER THE TOP ROPE SUICIDE PLANCHA! Al Thoes takes Bruce right in the chest and both men collapse into a heap as the crowd chants "Holy (BLEEP)! Holy (BLEEP)!"
Stylin' Kyle and Bobby O'Brady have retaken their feet. The two men begin exchanging blows! Kyle punches O'Brady! The Irish Adonis fires back on Stylin' Kyle! Kyle! Bobby! Kyle! Bobby! Kyle! Bobby! Bobby! BOBBY! BODY SLAM! Kyle spills to the ring in a heap! O'Brady pulls him up and gestures... for the TAM O'SHANTERSLAM! He sets up Kyle in the pump handle, points towards a corner, and CHARGES! The crowd goes CRAZY as he COLLIDES with the first turnbuckle, then he turns and heads for the second... where John Sharplin turns into a FACE FULL OF STYLIN' KYLE! The senior referee collapses in a heap, but O'Brady didn't notice! He keeps right on going to the third turnbuckle! Then the fourth... and SLAM! He triumphantly pins Stylin' Kyle... but there's no referee! The crowd starts chanting "One! Two! Three! Four! Five!" as the lengthy pin goes on... and slowly Bobby O'Brady realises that Sharplin is unconscious! The fans start to boo...
Outside the ring, Bruce "The Beast" and Al Thoes are busy exchanging blows, and Bill Fleming is shouting at them to stop. In the ring O'Brady rushes over to the fallen referee and tries to shake him awake --- wait! Someone's coming out of the crowd! It's CLINT and STONE ZELLOR! Stylin' Kyle Roberts is just starting to rise as they SLIDE INTO THE RING! He sees them coming and braces himself to fend them off, the Cowboys earlier tonight let it be known they wanted the CELTS to leave TNF still champions... but the Midnight Cowboys race by him! The Cowboys crash into O'Brady whose head snaps off the top turnbuckle! Clint then cinches him up around the waist! STATEN SPECIAL! NO! NO! WHAT IN GOD'S GREEN EARTH IS GOING ON HERE!? Clint rouses Sharplin and both men vacate the ring as fast as they can. They want D-X on Jan 16th! What in the --- Sharplin shakes out his head and starts to rise slowly, but too late to do anything! "The Irish Adonis" Bobby O'Brady might be DEAD! Stylin' Kyle Roberts, on the other hand, watched every single second of what just happened. He looks at the fallen O'Brady, face reflecting an internal struggle... and then he scrambles to the fallen Assassin and covers him up just as Sharplin turns around! The referee winces as he starts counting!
ONE!
So painfully SLOW!
TWO!
Al Thoes shucks off Bruce and DIVES into the ring!
TOO LATE!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are you winners... and NEWWWW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Stylin' Kyle Roberts... Bruce "The Beast" Richards... THE NEWWWW and IMPROOOOVED DEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEXXX!
The crowd hasn't made up its mind if it's HAPPY or ANGRY at what just went down! Bill Fleming and Bruce "The Beast' Richards, both ELATED, crash the ring, title belts in hand! They don't seem to have seen what went down! Bill doesn't even have time to pass one of the belts to Stylin' Kyle when Roberts SNATCHES one away and hugs it to his chest! He rises to his feet, looking... perhaps a little TOO pleased. The Midnight Cowboys are retreating slowly up the aisle, applauding sarcastically, while Al Thoes helps a stunned looking Bobby O'Brady out of the ring. Just what the HELL is going on here!? Have we stepped into Bizarro World!?
Maybe we have. "Bad Boys" blares over the speakers... and R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III, missing for three weeks, slowly walks out of the back, applauding. He looks like HELL. He hasn't shaved, or possibly even WASHED. The rings under his eyes imply he hasn't SLEPT either. He has a microphone in hand. His eyes flash wildly.
R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: Congratulations, boys. What is this? Number FIVE!? Congratu-FREAKIN'-lations. I'm sure EVERYONE is happy for you.
Pop from the crowd... sort of. There's clearly still some dissent over the fact that the world seems to have derailed somewhere along the line.
R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: WELL GUESS WHAT!? I'M NOT HAPPY FOR YOU!
BOO!
R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: I'm SICK and I'm TIRED of this BEST TAG TEAM in the WORLD B.S. of yours! SICK AND TIRED! I extended my hand... IN FRIENDSHIP... and you SNUBBED ME! NO ONE SNUBS ME! NO ONE! NO ONE!
Winchell is spitting mad! His voice is SHRILL, and his face is RED. The crowd is starting to get uncomfortably silent.
R. JOSEPH WINCHELL III: NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY! NO SIR! At Black Thursday you two were MEN IN BLACK... FIVE TIME CHAMPIONS!? BEST TAG TEAM OF 2006!? FINE! YOU TWO ARE GOING TO DEFEND THOSE TITLES ON EVERY SINGLE SHOW UNTIL YOU LOSE THEM! I'll never... NEVER give you the chance to be the BEST TEAM OF 2007! Because YOU'LL NEVER GET ANOTHER SHOT AT THOSE BELTS! YOU HEAR ME!? NEVER! When you lose them --- AND YOU WILL --- I WILL DESTROY YOU!
"Bad Boys" hits the speakers again and Winchell just starts laughing manically. In the ring, Stylin' Kyle is shouting at Winchell to "Bring them on! Bring them all on! We're the BEST! We're INVINCIBLE!" Bobby O'Brady just now seems to have realized that his team just lost... and boy does he look ANGRY. And the Midnight Cowboys stand in the aisle... looking a little pissed too... what about their challenge!? Was all this for nothing!? Has the NAPW Tag Team Division just gone as crazy as the owner!? We're out of time!